#im so careful with what i reblog there and when i reblog there and to always have excuses ready but somehow they just keep finding things to

[genderqueerdykes]

im so tired of people acting like trans women are the only trans people who exist. anytime i see a post referring generally to trans people, all of the reblogs and comments are exclusively about trans women. like ill see a post that says something like "i love trans people" and all the comments are like "so true, trans women are so beautiful and amazing <3" and ive even seen people getting mad when anyone brings up other trans people (especially trans men). its so frustrating. it feels like so many people just dont want trans men to exist

that's what it feels like to a lot of people, you're not alone. it sucks and honestly at times i think that's what people genuinely are trying to say and it's not cool. all trans people are worth caring about and discussing. in an effort to make trans women feel uplifted, we don't have to make transmascs and trans men feel invisible

[contamination-zone]

warning im a yapper

hello ummm just wanted to say!!! i really like the dynamic you give fresh and nightmare/color with the whole “cat who goes to different houses to get fed twice” thing. nightmare and his weird cat that he has probably locked in a basement a few times. color and this guy he picked off the road because he looks weird and decided he can solve this mess. fresh does not have any strong personal feelings towards either of them.

i very much so like the comic thing where nightmare and ccino were talking about fresh and ccino thought he was a kitten cat,,, no he is not but he acts like one. “he keeps crawling on my lap” that is a grown man get him away!!!! he has a dog cage i think that he is put in sometimes for naughty behavior. he doesn’t really care because he’s allowed his gameboy though. do you think nightmare ever sprays him with water when he does something bad. and this is like a grown adult. what

maybe i just like the trope of dehumanization (bonus if with someone who’s weirdly chill with it like fresh) but whatever,,, your art!!!! it gives me life!!! i very much enjoy the pixely type style and how freak you draw fresh. he’s a fucking creature he is. something is wrong with that guy. and i love him soooo much. so creature. he’s the kind of guy to do that thing where you walk on all fours up the stairs.

AND the way you characterize him is!!!! so good!!!!!!!!! he is so fucked up and weird and terrible and manipulative!!!!!!! he takes advantage of others’ empathy and feelings because he has very little of it himself and whenever he does feel it he does not like it!!!!!!! he looks at a guy with a savior complex and goes yeah i can mentally fuck him up for the next seven months to get something cool i want. he’s just actually terrible and i love him for that.

i also!!! don’t know too much about CB but i feel that fresh’s dynamic with them (him?? i forgor) is very interesting from what i have seen!!!!!! and their shimeji is very cute i still need to download it but i like it a lot :3

OKAY UHHH BYE!!!!! I LIKE UR ART A LOT…… HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!!!! 10/10 fresh posting on your blog love him a lot he is my wife (he feels nothing towards me)

THANK YOU!!! I see you mass reblog things sometimes it makes me giggle :-]

I yammer back...

Glad you like the dynamics haha X] Fresh having very little personal feelings about people is fun and interesting to me. As someone who has trouble connecting and low empathy, its nice to depict someone like me. [Guy interacting with people who are a Lot more invested than he is ghghg]

Fresh would only accept being put in the cage because he can teleport out. Anything like that is only for the Aesthetic, which I think Nightmare would still be down for. Shove that thang into some awful little crate, as a treat. [Honestly I think Fresh would like to get in some nice dog crate with a blankie. Small hide / den thing to nap in :-]]

ALSOOOO dehumanization and freak who doesn't mind is my favorite dynamic <333. Fresh doesn't mind because... he isn't a monster? or a human? And he doesn't have a human/monster centric view of the world. Being seen as a human/monster isn't in anyway important to him, because he doesn't seen it as better/worse. He is the way he is, why does it matter?

Its like, I don't think a cat has very strong opinions on the fact it isn't a man. I also think Fresh is incredibly self-centered and when he's on a high point, sees himself as above humans/monsters. Of course he's not seen as human, he's Fresh! he's a sick-nasty parasite! way cooler. [annnddd way cooler that he gets to eat dog-treats. heck yeah!!]

Also I drew up a little thing with CB and Fresh. Its ahh, I like them a lot I just get nervous speaking about them because its suuuch a oc & canon are besttties that it makes me feel a bit cringe... I also get nervous because CB and Fresh have a very, toxic?? friendship.

Fresh is very possessive and strange about it, because this is his Only friend and he has very dysregulated emotions. Not being able to feel positive emotions often makes it so when he does, he gets very odd about it. So its a lot of... trying to keep CB to himself, at the detriment to CB's goals and ambitions. [CB is trying to track his family down, and Fresh uh. knows. where they are. and is not telling him :-)]

I dunno I think Fresh being genuinely friends with someone but also an awful person about it is like, sorely missing from the fandom landscape. He's a bad person but bad people can still form meaningful relationships and!!! I think that should be explored :-]

[They do eventually get somewhere more healthy. As in, Fresh's whole Thing is revealed, a lot of shinanigans happen, CB lives with his family and Fresh and CB reconnect and become friends again, just with like. Fresh trying actively to do "good person things" to make sure CB's family doesn't shoo him off [I ADOREEE good actions for morally ambiguous reasons!!!], and CB with the understanding that his best friend is Kinda a Freak.]

[nonightingalesinberkelysquare]

WARNING FOR GOOD OMENS SPOILERS!!!!

FURTHER SLIGHT SPOILER WARNING FOR THE FOLLOWING BOOKS: The Bone Clock by David Mitchell, You Only Call When You're In Trouble by Stephen Mcauley, and Bibliomaniac by Robin Ince.

So I'm sure a lot of the fandom have seen the pictures posted by a very lucky fan who saw the production of good omens happening out in Scotland today!!

However what I'm not seeing people talk about is a hidden gem in the reblogs.

SOMEONE HAD MANAGED TO GET A PICTURE OF THE BOOKS IN THE WINDOW!!!

Naturally, I had to go and do my research to see if these books give us any clues or serve any other purposes other than decorative purposes

AND LET ME TELL YOU

These are the the books visible in the window:

I'll go through them one by one

(Please bear in mind, I haven't read any of these books personally!! The only information I have on them are the little bits I found online in a very rushed attempt at research!!!)

Okay firstly

"The Bone Clocks" by David Mitchell

Now, this is the one that I struggled to make sense of the most out of the three.

The story appears to follow a runaway teenage girl who is a "lightning rod for psychic phenomena." These visions are said to reorder reality and send her into a real life nightmare.

However,

It also states that there is a boy who eventually crosses paths with her and who's story "comes together in moments of grace and extraordinary wonder"

As I said, I've never read these books and the only link I could begin to make with this is the idea of a "supernatural being meets another supernatural being and what they can do when they're together defies anyone's wildest dreams" story, similar to what we have seen and could see in GO3.

The next book is where it gets FARRRR more interesting (in my opinion)

NOW

THE TITLE? INTERESTING ASF.

IS AZIRAPHALE IN TROUBLE? OR EVEN CROWLEY?

The quotes are literally taken from the amazon listing itself, but I'll just point out the bits that stuck out to me personally.

☆ "is it ever okay to stop caring for others and start living for yourself?"

And I'm skipping a HUUUUGE chunk of the story here so apologies

☆ "Tom does what he's always done - answers the call."

☆ "Thus begins a journey that will change everyone's life and demonstrate the beauty or dysfunction (or both?) of the ties that bind families together and sometimes strangle them."

THAT LAST QUOTE REALLY STICKS OUT TO ME. Personally, I'd say that could possibly relate to the heaven and hell divides?

But furthermore, we were told prior to the whole NG situation that Aziraphale and Crowley aren't talking.. so could that mean that as soon as they begin speaking once again, they have the power to leave heaven and hell behind? Perhaps stop the divides?

And last, but certainly not least

Now, keep in mind that this particular book is nonfiction and appears to be written from the authors own point of view as he aims to visit 100 bookshops in 100 days.

This has a relatively short description from what I can see right now so I'll put it in here

"Bibliomaniac takes the reader on a journey across Britain as Robin explores his lifelong love of bookshops and books - and also tries to find out just why he can never have enough of them.

It is the story of an addiction and a romance, and also of an occasional points failure."

This one interested me SO much because it SCREAMS Aziraphale character development sort of thing? You know?

I really struggled to find any spoilers for this one whatsoever but one website did mention the author's love for vintage books, which he only ever reads as and when, as opposed to focusing on just one book.

I just thought this was SO SO SOOOOO interesting, and if anybody has any differing thoughts/interpretations or has even read the books, the comment section is a safe space to do so!!! All theories/suggestions are welcomed (any hate WILL be blocked, don't test me).

OR MAYBE THIS ALL MEANS NOTHING AND IM JUST CLOWNING FAR TOO HARD?!??!??!

[nothoughtsjustfic]

Instinctive - L.C

🐺Who: Lee Chan (Seventeen) x female reader 🐺What: Smut. Supernatural au. Neighbours au. Werewolf Chan. Friends to lovers. 🐺Word count: 3.3k 🐺Warnings: Mentions of masturbation. Is it voyeurism when they’re in their own apartments and he’s jerking it to her jerking it? Idk but that. Rut. Ovulating. Breeding kink. Unprotected sex. Copious amounts of cum. Dirty talk, including some degradation. Knot :)). Multiple orgasms. Mention of past Seokmin x reader (i did him dirty, im sorry seok). Marking. Possessive Chan. Mention of sex toys. 🐺Summary: “There’s only so long Chan can last hearing you masturbating next door with his name spilling so melodically from your lips. His rut turns out to be his breaking point.”

Minors do NOT interact, which means reblogging and/or commenting on this story. I WILL block any account that interacts without an age indicator in their bio.

Masterlist

A/N- Thank you @lovetaroandtaemin for discussing this with me when I was coming up with the idea and supporting the rut smut agenda 💗

“Fuck.”

Chan doesn’t think he can handle this; another unsatisfying orgasm to the tune of you whimpering and moaning his name from the other side of the wall in your own apartment.

It’s not the first time he’s jerked off to the sound of you jerking off to him, at least, he assumes it’s him. He’s briefly entertained the possibility that you know another Chan, but he’s never lingered on it for the sake of his own self-satisfaction. Even if you’re touching yourself to the thought of a different Chan, he’s going to keep pretending it’s him you’re thinking off when you bring yourself to another sweet-sounding climax.

Usually, just hearing you gasping out his name amongst faint, wet sounds, which he really has to try hard to hear even with his supernatural hearing, is enough to satisfy his lust for you after spilling onto his own stomach a few times.

Yet today, it’s not enough.

Even after enough orgasms that his cum is spilling over his abs and thighs onto the mattress beneath him, it’s not enough.

“Fucking rut,” Chan grunts and squeezes the base of his still hard cock in a vain attempt to stop the arousal fuelled throbbing begging him to go again, and again, and again.

Chan knows what he really needs is to bury his cock in a tight, wet hole, and preferably a fertile one to satisfy the animalistic part of him yearning to breed. Usually, Chan has a very good control of his urges even during his rut. But usually, he doesn’t wake from a midday rut nap with his cock aching and the sounds of you moaning his name behind his head.

Somehow, he had forgotten that it’s Thursday and you have Thursdays off work; something he only knows because he doesn’t see you on your usual shared wait at the bus stop to go to your separate jobs, so he had asked one day out of curiosity. And now he knows, he knows that you spend Thursdays catching up on chores and doing self-care. He just never realised that self-care meant multiple orgasms and driving him fucking insane.

Blessedly, he doesn’t hear you start up again after your last coincidentally mutual orgasm. When he hears your bed creak as you get up and pad away, he slumps into his pillows in relief and drops his hand from his cock. As much as his erection still weeps for attention, he knows he can ignore it if he doesn’t have you tempting him beyond belief.

After catching his breath a little more, Chan shimmies his boxers the rest of the way off his legs and uses the already cum stained material to wipe the mess from his skin, allowing him to climb off his bed without dripping his arousal all over the floor.

He’s made that mistake before and had to rearrange his bedroom furniture to cover the obscene rut cum stain from the carpet with his bed. He had tried his hardest to scrub the stain away but something about rut cum is extra stubborn and sticky, so he had covered his shame and hopes he remembers to replace the carpet before he moves out.

Just as Chan is leaning over the bed from one side to start removing the dirty sheets, he hears a noise from your apartment that makes him freezer in disbelief.

You’re moaning, again.

“What the fuck?” He gasps and abruptly straightens to stare at the shared wall with wide eyes. “How is she still going?”

At first, the news that you apparently have a never-ending libido sends his own singing and his cock dripping where it hangs hard and heavy between his thighs, but then the frustration of being unable to work through his rut with minimal effort like usual gets to him and his blood burns with more than just pure arousal.

Without a single thought in his mind, other than the instinctive part of him repeatedly imagining burying his cock into your dripping pussy to fill and breed, Chan grabs a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt from the basket of clean laundry he hasn’t yet put away, to pull on as he rushes through his apartment.

He’s still pulling his t-shirt down over his torso when he yanks the front door open and stalks outside to approach your door and harshly knock the door.

While he impatiently waits, he at least has the presence of mind to adjust his erection to tuck into the elastic of his sweatpants uncomfortably so it’s not obscenely tenting his sweatpants. He doesn’t want to mentally scar any of your shared neighbours, or risk getting arrested for public indecency. He’s horny, not stupid.

The first attempt of knocking your door is fruitless, you don’t answer even if he gives you more than enough time to get to the door knowing that you’re not exactly in a decent position to answer.

Yet you don’t come, to the door at least, and he huffs an annoyed breath before knocking again, even harsher this time, hoping to get the urgency across.

It works, and he hears footsteps in your apartment, along with your laboured breathing.

“O-one sec!” You call breathlessly.

Chan grips the doorframe on either side of the door as he hears you take a moment to calm your breathing while his own grows harsher now that he can start to smell your arousal thanks to the slight gap at the bottom of these shitty doors the landlord is too cheap to replace.

He hears the slight drag of the metal cover over the peephole move, then your tiny yelp as you no doubt realise that the man you’ve been fucking yourself to the thought of is standing on the other side of your door.

After you take another few deep breaths, the lock disengages and the door opens enough that your blown pupils can peer around the security chain, the edge of pink stained cheeks taunting him with the wonder of what you must look like without the door in the way.

“Ch-Chan,” you greet. “You didn’t go to work today?”

“No,” he answers through clenched teeth and focuses on the tiny gap of entrance mat for your apartment that he can see with the door open this far, just so he doesn’t have to see how aroused you are right now, smelling it is bad enough.

His fingers curl harder into the doorframe, and he feels it threaten to give under his touch, but he doesn’t care, he’ll replace your door himself if he must, he just needs to keep his hands busy, so he doesn’t rip that fucking chain off the door to get to you and shove his cock into your needy pussy.

Fuck, he knows it’s needy, he can smell how much it wants to be bred right now.

As if it wasn’t bad enough knowing that you’ve been masturbating with him on your mind, he now knows that you’re fucking ovulating, fertile.

“Oh,” your scent shifts, concern beginning to overpower the arousal, allowing his shoulders to relax and give his mind the chance to clear ever so slightly. “Are you ill?” You worry, shifting enough that he sees the teasing glimpse of a mostly bare thigh peek into view around the door and he tenses back up. “I’ve got medicine, let me remove the chain and you can come in and-” Chan’s left hand darting out to grip the edge of the door before you can close it and remove the chain, cuts you off with a soft yelp of surprise. “Chan?”

“Don’t.”

“What?”

“Don’t remove that chain, baby, because if you do, I’m going to lose control and I’m trying so fucking hard to not rip the chain away myself so I can get to you and take advantage of how fucking fertile you smell right now,” he warns lowly, eyes still glued to the door, though the second all concern leaves your scent and your arousal returns tenfold, his head snaps up to land his dark gaze on you, only the slightest ring of bright red circling his dilated pupils and for the first time, giving you solid proof that your neighbour is a werewolf.

“A-are you i-in rut?” You whisper, slightly trembling fingers curling around the edge of the door just below his hand. Before your skin can touch his, he rips his hand away and grabs the doorframe again.

“Yeah, and hearing you moan my name like a bitch in heat isn’t fucking helping, sweetheart. So do me a favour and stop playing with your pussy for a few days until I can handle hearing it without wanting to break your fucking door down and breed you round with my pups, alright?”

Chan doesn’t give you a chance to respond, he grabs the doorhandle and pulls it closed slowly, to give your fingers chance to move. Once it clicks shut, he takes a few steadying breaths before forcing himself to let go and back up.

Just as he starts to turn to return to his own apartment, he hears the rattle of the security chain on your door, and he freezes in place.

Without a word, you open the door wide enough to let a person through, a silent invitation as you stare shyly down at the floor between you.

Now that you’re not hiding behind the door, Chan can see that you’re wearing an oversized t-shirt and nothing on your legs. He has no idea if you’re wearing underwear or not, part of him really fucking hopes not, as your t-shirt stops at the top of your thighs but it’s not long enough to hide the shine of arousal smeared on your inner thighs.

He growls your name softly, in warning, making you lift your head just enough to peer at him through your eyelashes. “You don’t know what you’re asking,” he mutters out through tightly gritted teeth, hands balled into fists at his sides tight enough that he can feel his short nails digging into his palms and threatening to break skin.

“Y-you want to breed me, right?” You reply and he nods jerkily in confirmation. “Well, come on then.”

It’s all Chan needs to surge forward and wrap his arms around your waist to hoist you up onto his hips while his lips hungrily claim yours. The way you immediately whine and press your hips forward against his t-shirt, dampening the material, while you kiss him back just as enthusiastically makes Chan’s cock throb almost violently with need.

“Gonna fill you so good, baby,” he promises as he shuts the front door to all but slam you against it, hands groping your ass and groaning finding a distinct lack of underwear. “Dirty girl, answering the door with no panties.”

“I-I was busy,” you reason as his fingers tease over your pussy. “Chan, come on, no teasing, ju-just give me your cock.”

“Ask nicely,” he smirks against your cheek before nipping at your skin, making you whimper and grind against him. “Desperate for this cock, baby?”

“Yes! Wanted it since we met. Please give it to me, come on, Channie, give me your cock and fill me with your cum until I can’t take anymore, and then keep going.”

“Fuck,” he whispers against your throat and hikes you a little higher with one arm so he can reach the front of his sweatpants with his free hand and shove them down enough to free his cock. “Gonna fuck you so much you’ll never stop smelling of my cum.”

“G-good,” you gasp as he presses the head of his cock against your hole.

Although you both clearly want nothing more than for Chan to pound you into the door until it cracks under the strength of his thrusts, he eases into you slowly, eyes closed and mouth open in awed pleasure as your slick walls hug his length so perfectly that he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to fuck anyone else. At least, he’ll think that later, all he can think now is warm, wet, tight, warm, wet, mine.

If he wasn’t deep into his rut, Chan would be embarrassed that as soon as he’s buried to the hilt, he cums and floods you with his sticky release.

“D-did you just cum?” You baulk in surprise and unintentionally clamp down around him, making him groan against your skin.

“I can go again, don’t worry,” he assures a moment later and proves his point by pulling his hips back and immediately starts fucking into you in earnest, skin slapping up against yours and cock hitting so deep inside that you’re already clawing at the back of his neck and tipping your head back as moans stream from your open mouth. “That’s it, that’s my girl, let the neighbours know whose cock makes you moan like a whore,” he pants out and removes one hand from your ass to reach up and grab your jaw. He watches your expression intently as he turns your head to the side so the edge of your face is pressed to the cool wood of the door. “Go on, tell them who’s breeding this greedy little pussy.”

“Chan!” You shriek obligingly and don’t stop, practically wailing his name every handful of thrusts as tears slip down your cheeks from the almost overwhelming pleasure. “D-don’t stop! P-please don’t stop,” you beg as you feel yourself getting close to what you know will be the most satisfying orgasm you’ve had all day, if not months.

“Not until you’re so full th-there’s no room left,” he promises and turns your head with his hand still on your jaw so that he can lean in and lick into your mouth.

It’s not even a kiss, Chan’s letting his instincts lead him and they’re telling him to taste you however he can and cover you in his own scent so that everyone knows that it’s not just your pussy that belongs to him.

Something about the action sends you hurtling over into an orgasm powerful enough that your entire body tenses, and although your mouth is wide open, not a sound comes out.

Chan leans back to look at you in concern, hips pressed up tight to your body as your pulsating walls milk another orgasm from him that makes him tremble. But he’s too worried by the fact he’s very sure you’re not breathing to focus on his cum filling you again.

Luckily, it’s only a second or two before you gasp and come back, chest heaving and a string of filthy moans leaving your lips. Chan lets out a relieved breath and leans back in to cover your exposed throat in kisses and soft bites. He wants to mark you, but he knows you work a very public facing job and the lovebites would likely get you fired.

Though, it suddenly occurs to him that he makes more than enough to support you both, and he doesn’t want you to work when your body needs all the energy to grow healthy pups, so, fuck your job.

As soon as Chan’s mouth suctions to your neck, you slide one hand into his shaggy hair and hold him closer, encouraging him to suck mark after mark into your skin as his hips grind up into you, a new desperation under his skin as he feels his cock flaring in a way he didn’t expect to experience yet, if at all.

Chan whines against your neck as his knot grows and grows, forcing your dripping pussy to mould around it while you writhe at the extra pressure and stimulation you’ve not felt before.

“Th-that’s it, baby, t-take my kn-not,” Chan encourages breathlessly, fingers digging into your ass hard enough you know you’re going to bruise; marks you’ll wear with pride.

“S’good,” you slur, grinding down against him and tightening your thighs around his waist, making Chan moan appreciatively against your throat before his shoulders tense and nails dig into your flesh as a final, mind shattering orgasm rips through his body once his knot is as big as possible and locking your bodies together to keep his thick, sticky cum from seeping out.

Slowly, the tension in Chan’s shoulders seeps away and he melts against you, fingers loosening against your skin before smoothing soothingly over the indents he can feel decorating your asscheeks. “Sorry,” he mumbles apologetically, finally feeling his libido rest and his rut to end now that he’s given his animal side exactly what it wanted so desperately.

“I liked it,” you assure softly, fingers running through his hair soothingly. He hadn’t even noticed you’re doing it until now and lifts his head to look at you. You smile at him, looking sleepy and utterly sated. Beautiful.

“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” he breathes out in awe before he can even register what intends to spill from his lips. He flushes a little, making his already exertion-red features darken further.

You giggle and cup his cheeks before tilting your head forward to press a soft kiss to his lips that makes butterflies erupt in his stomach. “So are you. We’ll have beautiful babies, huh?”

“O-oh,” he swallows thickly, eyes widening slightly. “You-you weren’t just indulging my rut?”

“I was horny, not stupid. I’m not going to indulge a breeding kink without precaution in place for just anyone, you know.”

“So you will keep it, if I really have put a baby in you?”

“What happened to saying pup?” You frown confusedly.

Chan smiles embarrassedly. “Sorry, that’s the wolf side of me, it only comes out during rut.”

“Oh, so your rut is over?” He nods and watches puzzled as your lips protrude a little.

“Are you sulking?”

“No.”

“You’re pouting.”

“It was hot, okay,” you huff, cheeks tickling pink. “Nobody’s fucked me like that before and I’ve been with a werewolf before, but he was…boring.”

Chan snorts a laugh. “I’m telling Seokmin you called him boring,” he teases, making you look at him with wide eyes. “Did you forget that he’s my friend? I literally introduced you two.”

“Shit, please forget I said anything.”

“Can’t believe you just told me my friend is bad at sex.”

“It was good! He wasn’t bad, like he made me cum multiple times without fail every time, but he was just…too sweet and…vanilla…” you trail off when you notice the slightly darkened, determined expression on Chan’s face. “Uhm, are you okay?”

“I can make you cum again.”

“What?” You laugh. “That wasn’t a jab at you!”

“I can do it!” He assures, slipping a hand between your bodies to locate your clit and start working his fingers over it, making your eyes widen in surprise. “Gonna make you cum so much you won’t be able to remember anyone’s touch but mine.”

“Good,” you agree and tug him in to kiss the pleased smirk off his face.

As it turns out, Chan is a man of his word; he sends you into a sharp orgasm against the door before carrying you to your bedroom where he lays you out and makes use of the vibrator abandoned on your still damp sheets to work another two orgasms out of you before his knot goes down. Then he fucks you until you’re sure neither of you will be getting up for at least an hour.

While he’s laid tracing mindless patterns on your bare, sticky back while you’re sprawled half on top of him even though you’re both covered in sweat and cum to the point it should be disgusting, but it just makes him weirdly proud, Chan finds that for the first time in his life, he’s glad that his rut makes him react so animalistically; he doubts he would’ve gained the courage to claim you for himself otherwise.

Thank fuck for instincts.

Don’t forget to reblog if you liked to help spread the story and let others read it too! And don't be shy to leave comments or send an ask so I can see your thoughts 🥺 💖

Permanent taglist: @okiedokrie, @tusswrites, @svtiddiess

[ezrasxfics]

i might be the brain of evil.

-

abstragedy

-

gangle pov

i sit alone in my red, white and black themed room, drawing, trying to avoid my mind being infested with thoughts of what happened that day. the spudsy’s adventure. you see, i’ve not been able to get it out of my head. no matter what i do, and how much people insist i’m forgiven, i can’t seem to forgive myself, to convince myself it’s all okay.

putting down my black mechanical pencil, i take a deep breath in, just the way ragatha had taught me to. i hold it in for a few seconds, counting down from 5 before i let it go, a small exhaling noise leaving my mouth. it doesn’t really solve the problem, but i suppose it’s a good short-term coping strategy. that, and drowning the thoughts out with the loud music blasting in my ears. or.. where my ears would be. it seemed to work when i put headphones over them, so i suppose it doesn’t matter what they’re called.

when zooble walked into my room, i didn’t even notice at first, listening to some old vocaloid song: ‘world is mine’. i had it turned all the way up, to the point it was almost painful. that way i didn’t have to think.

“uh.. hey, gangle?” zooble says, tapping me on the shoulder, making me jump and squeal in surprise, practically throwing my headphones off.

“oh-!! hi, zooble..! sorry.. i was just- just.. drawing!! yeah, that’s what i was doing!!” i ramble, and internally facepalm. zooble was so cool.. i couldn’t help but be nervous around them!! and, being nervous just lead to me acting like a total fool.

“..yeah, you were pretty distracted there. you okay?”

that single question - those two words - that was enough for tears to threaten to fall from my eyes, all the feelings i tried to push away all flooding back to the forefront of my mind, impossible to avoid.

“..yeah..! im- i’m finE-!” my voice cracks a little, a tell-tale sign. that, along with the relentless trembled in my body, slumped over due to my complete lack of energy.

“you’re a terrible liar. come on, what’s on your mind?” they reply, eyes narrowing a little in concern. despite all the clear signs they cared, that little voice was telling me otherwise. why would they care about someone like me..? someone so.. evil..?

“zooble.. do you think i’m a horrible person?” i ask before i can stop myself, and immediately regret it. they probably think i’m needy, that i don’t trust them, that i’m clingy, that—

“no, why would i think that? you’ve proved you’re a good person. is this about spudsys?”

“yes-“ i squeak, nodding at this.

“look, gangle, you f**ked up. that doesn’t make you a bad person. the fact that you feel like this on its own proves that you have good intentions. you’re taking accountability, sh*tty people don’t do that. everyone’s done things they regret. i know i have, more times than i can count. let me put it into perspective for you. say i did what you did, all the same. and afterwards, i hated myself for it, saw myself as an awful person and started isolating myself from everyone. would you see me as a bad person?” they look me in the eyes, waiting for a response, a glimmer of concern in their eyes.

“..no, of course not-!!” i begin, before getting interrupted.

“exactly. let yourself be happy, forgive yourself. you’ll never be happy if you keep beating yourself up like this.”

“..i love you—“

-

and that’s where i’m gonna end the fic becauseee im an asshole!!

reblogs are appreciated, and i take requests!!

[wiremotherofficial]

i often feel bad for like running away across the country and estranging myself from my family on purpose, but then i make the mistake of trying to be open about literally anything and am instantly reminded that i objectively cannot survive in that environment

[ilovedthestars]

i understand and appreciate the sentiment behind them but god, as someone in the process of getting an art degree and intending to pursue a career in art, those "don't get a job doing what you love because you'll start to hate it" posts are depressing

[edge-oftheworld]

I don’t really talk about it much on here because I’m extremely lucky to be able to understand exactly what’s going on in my body, but it’s scary to live for years as someone who Gets Things Done in a way your peers don’t really understand, be putting effort into so many things you care about, and then suddenly lose the ability to do not only that but also basic tasks overnight after a deadline, and bit by bit after many. it’s scary getting really irritable sometimes to the point of violence, just when you were meant to be celebrating the rewards from your hard work, the only impact of the work you did that you can see is that you overdrafted your ability to do anything. including have a basic conversation without getting grumpy or crying. and your body is going to make you pay it back with interest, you already know that, but you don’t know how to start filling yourself back up. you’ve only ever enjoyed being on the grind, hard at work on exciting things.

I don’t know how many of you have been through the kind of burnout that’s years of needing 12hrs of sleep a night but with terrible insomnia, waking up to what feels like a hangover for weeks on end with little relief then rinse and repeat without having a single drink, feeling too sick to eat and needing to exercise to emotionally regulate but being unable to, anxiety that doesn’t come from worry but you’ll pick that up too at some point, dissociating every time you try to do mentally taxing tasks that you’re PAID for so it takes an hour of grounding yourself just to get five minutes worth of productive concentration, falling asleep the minute you feel a little safe by being in the presence of loved ones. but I suspect I’m not the only one.

I’ve had songs for the energetic and angsty times leading up to this. for the exasperated times and the brain fog and the times where all my limited energy is tied up in feeling things. that I need to, need to acknowledge, but it’s overwhelming and I live in a haze for weeks as a result of. songs telling of the kind of youth I wish I had, even when I was sold something else. songs for the months spent as a teenager trying to be there for my friends, worrying for them, distracting me from worrying for myself, trying to cling on to positivity and hope amongst it when I had to choose to make a discipline of always seeing that. I’ve had songs for healing and when healing is harder than expected and songs that have the right level of musical complexity to capture the layers of everything that’s happening in my head, making it sound good, telling me it’s gonna be okay.

I don’t know how I could ever say thank you for this. but I do know that I see parts of myself in the people behind these songs, of course I do, and I worry for them as a result and ache for them because it’s hard enough to feel this way when no one knows me or feels the need to control me or mould me into what they think I should be. I’d do anything to keep them all healthy and happy and all of their loved ones too and I don’t think it’s strange as a fan to take that seriously. I hope we can understand the need to treat them gently, and to while not questioning their privacy and the fact that they’re never going to tell us everything they go through, listen to our intuition when we catch something we relate to and treat what they’ve shared with us or hinted at with the dignity we would if someone we love told us something vulnerable. be kind in our expectations and be intentional in the fan culture we create because it does make its way back to them.

and the same goes with all of you. we’re bonding over the same things. I know a lot of this fandom is in the stage where interpersonal relationships are hard. we don’t mean to be grumpy of frustrated but we are. and I’m sending love to all of you. we can get through this together. it’s what they’ve always longed for isn’t it?

[oozeandgoo-art]

had an odd dream that i was reading a comic book. sketched a couple of the pages i could remember.

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

i love my friends so much. i feel like yesterday i had a lot of shit going on in my head and i woke up to my friend explaining things in a way that put my mind at ease. i dont feel as anxious anymore because i know i was overthinking. i think my dad said it best when he told me that he thought my wonderful brain of mine just wants to think problems are bigger than they actually are. he is right! im just inexperienced in life and half of the time im scared im doing something wrong but- HEY. i need to be more confident in making mistakes. making mistakes doesn't define me as a person!! i need to stop worrying about doing life right and just live for the sake of living and doing what makes me happy!!!!!!!

[risingsunresistance]

twitter is entering their "rts > likes" phase now that likes are private after they spent years calling us ungrateful for being demotivated by ratios lmao

[satoriberry]

tha terf paradox of promoting acceptance of oneself's biological nature and not changing it for societal ideologies but then turning around and criticizing any person that has a different perception of their biological nature that doesn't immediately enter the "male or female" binary hmmm,,,,

[br1ghtestlight]

i always think it's a little bit funny when someone has me blocked on twitter AND tumblr like this wasn't being passively annoyed by me one time they have Active beef w/ me. they searched me out just to block me. i dont really mind but im always curious when its someone who i don't even recognize

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

[ozymoron]

reading posts that come across my dash and sitting for a minute to debate with my mental disorder if not reblogging this will mean a hell portal will open beneath my feet and i will suffer for eternity for my lack of action or if its all good and i can just scroll on by (its usually the hell portal thing)

[gobstoppr]

and btw im in my hater arc rn. as time goes on the more i find a lot of 'fandom' stuff insufferable (i like art n stuff. just the way that fandom refits every media to fit a single mold and set of boring archetypes is exhausting.)

i just get really easily annoyed lately. and have been unfollowing people on a whim a lot. its not personal i promise