#but i just have too little trust in myself to be dismissed all the time

[wiremotherofficial]

i often feel bad for like running away across the country and estranging myself from my family on purpose, but then i make the mistake of trying to be open about literally anything and am instantly reminded that i objectively cannot survive in that environment

[fastandcarlos]

Bracelet Making : ̗̀➛ Charles LeClerc

summary: to prepare for the concert you're busy making friendship bracelets to swap, only for charles to suddenly decide he wants to join you too

Your eyes widened in confusion as the puzzled expression on Charles’ face shocked you. The endless number of beads that you had was more than he could have ever imagined, unable to take it all in. There were so many different colours, designs and letters, you had plenty in front of you to keep you both entertained for hours. 

“What do you think?” You chuckled as you picked up the elastic, taking some scissors and cutting two lengths of it before tapping the space beside you on the living room floor, inviting Charles to take a seat down beside you. 

He did as you asked, his eyes still wide. “How many bracelets do people actually take to these concerts? We’re going to be here all night making bracelets for tomorrow love,” he commented. 

“But it means we can swap them with other people there.”

Charles took the elastic from you, stretching it a couple of times. He followed your lead as he watched you tie one end so that the beads couldn’t fall off when you beaded them together, getting himself into a little bit of a tangle. 

“What���s the point of making these bracelets if we’re just going to give them to other people?” Charles pondered, running his fingers through some of the beads to get a good look at them. 

When Charles told you that he had managed to get tickets to Taylor Swift you were beyond excited, and as the big fan that you were, you wanted to make the most of the experience. Charles thought you were joking when you suggested making bracelets, but now he found himself with no way back. 

“Where do I even start?” Charles questioned as he picked up one red bead and threaded it through the elastic, watching it hit the bottom where he had tied up his knot. 

“Just make it look nice, trust your instincts,” you tried your best to tell him, “It’s fun being able to swap because loads of other fans will have made bracelets too, it’s a thing to swap them to show friendships amongst all of the fans.” 

Charles nodded as he listened intently to you, “that’s quite a sweet reason. I’ve seen a couple of fans doing this at the paddocks before but I never realised that was the meaning behind it,” he then added. 

The room fell silent as Charles looked through a few of your beads and placed them onto the elastic. His eyes looked closely at what he had done, tipping some of the beads off and rearranging the pattern again so that he was happy with what he saw. 

“You seem to be taking this quite seriously,” you laughed, nudging Charles’ side. His head nodded as he picked up another bead to make sure that his pattern was still followed. 

Once it was on, his eyes turned to look at you. “If I’m giving them to other people then I’ve got to make sure that they look nice, I can’t be given people a lazy bracelet that doesn’t look nice.” 

Charles had watched you for the past couple of days as you began to make bracelets for the concerts, dismissing it pretty quickly.

However, as he saw how focused you were whilst doing it, he began to pay a bit more attention, finding himself interested. When you offered the chance for him to do it with you, he soon said no, but it didn’t take long for you to twist his arm. 

“Do I have to give all the bracelets away or do I get to keep some of them for myself?” 

“You can do whatever you want Charles.” 

Charles hummed in acknowledgement as he reached out for another few beads, threading them on with ease. “I think the first bracelet that I make I want to keep for myself, well, I think I want for the bracelet to be yours rather than anyone else’s.” 

Your eyes flickered to what Charles was doing, noticing that he’d picked up a couple of your letter beads. “What are you writing on that bracelet?” You quizzed, putting your own down for a second to concentrate on him. 

“It’s for me and you,” he proudly smiled, twirling it around so that you could get a better look. “So that anyone who looks our way tomorrow knows that you’re mine.” 

Although Charles had managed to get you into the VIP section of the stadium, he still had concerns. He’d seen the way some fans had treated you at races before, and didn’t want for the same to happen at the concert, especially when you were there to enjoy yourself too. 

He’d seen how you played with some of your bracelets before when you got nervous and knew you’d love to do the same with a bracelet that you knew was made by Charles too. 

The silence that stayed between you both had Charles worrying, concerned that he’d done the wrong thing. “If you don’t like it, I can make it to give to a fan instead, I’m sure you’ll end up with hundreds of bracelets tomorrow night anyway love.” 

Your head immediately shook as Charles spoke. “No. I’d love to wear it. I just didn’t think I’d be the first person that you’d think about when making a bracelet.” 

“You’re always the one occupying my mind,” Charles mused. 

Your eyes rolled as Charles’ attention turned back to his bracelet, determined to make it perfect for you to wear, and hopefully want to show off too. 

It was fascinating for you as you watched the concentration on Charles’ face, a look that you had only ever seen before when he was behind the wheel and fighting for that P1 position. 

After a few minutes, and a bit of a mess from Charles as he tried to tie his bracelet together, he was done. He proudly called your name, stretching the bracelet so that you could slide your hand into it, letting it sit perfectly around your wrist. 

Your smile was wide as you turned your wrist to admire what Charles had made. “This is beautiful Charles; I don’t think I’m going to need any more bracelets for tomorrow now.” 

“Don’t be silly,” he laughed, relieved to see how impressed you were by what Charles had made. “I bet there’s some awesome bracelets that you’ll be given tomorrow, I barely know what I’m doing with all of this.” 

“But none of them are made by you,” you reminded him. 

Charles leant across and pressed a kiss to your cheek, only for your head to come down and rest on his shoulder, forgetting about what you were doing for a few moments. 

“You should make some more of these, I bet they’ll be a few of your fans there tomorrow who would love to have a bracelet from the hottest F1 driver in the world,” you teased. 

Charles’ eyes widened again as you spoke, poking against your cheek. “Maybe one day when I retire I can just go into the bracelet making industry, set up a stall at the entrance to the paddock or something.” 

A chuckle came from you as you listened to Charles’ suggestion, “you’d make a fortune, I bet. I’d say that the bracelet that I’m wearing right now is probably worth a million pounds.” 

Charles’ smile turned up as he watched you fidget with the bracelet that you wore, exactly like how he expected you to. “Come on, we’ve got more bracelets to make, I want to exchange as many of these as possible tomorrow to make some people smile.” 

“How are you somehow more enthusiastic about bracelet making them I am?” 

Charles shrugged, “I’ve got the bug now, I get why you enjoy it so much.” 

“By the way, Taylor would be proud of you making all of these.” 

“I bet she doesn’t even know who I am,” Charles protested. 

“Everyone knows your handsome face, trust me.” 

˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗

[revelboo]

This isn’t an anonymous ask you need to respond to or anything: I just really wanted to say that your Armada Starscream fic is wonderful, and I’m enjoying reading it. It touched base on some things I grew up with, and I remember always imagining Starscream or any of my other favorites swooping down to save me as a teen/young adult. Thank you for writing it, my inner teen/young adult self is jumping for joy at it so far! You have amazing writing, and every story I’ve read has been great. So great that I find myself thinking about your stories often and wondering what you’ll write next.

I hope you have a great day and great week; and a wonderful holiday season (if you celebrate any!)

I try not to get into too much detail on readers with bad pasts so my writing isn’t triggering if I can help it, but I try to design readers that need something the mech can offer and that might heal them in return by giving it if that makes sense

Even If It Kills Me Pt 6

Armada Starscream x Reader

• You’re crooning to Sonar, the mini-con’s head against you. Still treating them like sparklings, despite telling you that they’re not. A human thing? Maybe just needing to take care of someone else regardless of whether they need it, but he doesn’t bother correcting you again. Not when the mini-cons seem enamored with the attention and though he’ll never admit it, there is something soothing about listening to your little voice. And it makes you smile, for some reason seeing that spreads warm through him. The bruises on your skin are slowly fading to a sickly yellow, but he knows there will still be scars on the inside that won’t ever fade away. That you can smile at all, instead of being bitter is something he can’t understand as he watches you walk your fingertips over Sonar’s arm to make the mini-con chirp.

• You don’t need to look to know he’s frowning down at you again. Not when you can feel the weight of his stare. Slowly learning that these sweet little guys are actually a weapon he wields and you can’t help but be uncomfortable with that idea. But from what you understand, they’re at war and have been for a very long time. Starscream volunteers so little, speaks rarely. Though you suspect it’s more from being used to his opinion not mattering or being dismissed outright and that’s something you can understand. Part of you wanting to let go of the past, but unable to get over the fear that this is something that will just be taken from you eventually. That you’re not allowed this. To be happy. “When you get tired of me,” you begin, avoiding looking up at the much bigger mech. “Can you carry me somewhere far from where you found me?” Anywhere but back there. So far away he’ll never find you and drag you back.

• Little head down so your hair falls forward to hide your features, his servos still on his datapad. Because the defeated way you say that reminds him of when he’d found you. Decided to take you with him because you were him, trapped and slowly being broken. You’d seen him, assumed the worst, and had just accepted it, because you’d learned to expect pain. Might even think you deserve it and that spills like an inky wave through his processor, strangling his spark. Bending to reach for you, hearing your little noise of surprise and Sonar’s chirp of protest as his servos curl around your little frame and he lifts you.

• What’s he thinking? Did you make him mad? Hands on his big servos, you tense waiting for him to lash out. Breath shuddering out of you when he leans back and cradles you against his chassis. Feeling his warmth and the faint thrum of him under you. The tip of a servo sliding so very gently over your head and then you’re trembling. Because anger, yelling you can deal with, but this achingly cautious touch? You don’t know how to deal with this, because it’s been so long since someone just held you like this, wanting nothing in return. And you don’t know if you can trust it, even as you lean into him and sink your teeth into the side of your fist to keep from crying. Needing pain to keep you from coming apart. “I’m not good at this. I don’t know how to comfort others,” he murmurs, venting to stir your hair.

• Can feel you trembling against his servos as he tips his head back against his chair. Feels the wetness on his servos and knows you’re leaking again, those eyes welling like he’s seen you do sometimes when you should be resting. And he doesn’t know how to help you when he’s as broken as you are. There’s not enough of him left to fix, but maybe he can piece you back together. Maybe he wasn’t too late for you, even though he’s certain it is for him. Venting roughly, he keeps running his servos along your spine, feeling how insubstantial you are in his grip. Not knowing if his touch soothes or just frightens you.

Previous

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[galedekarios]

minsc & gale

recently i've been doing a playthrough taking minsc along during the limited amount of time we do get to connect with his character in the game and i have to say he's growing on me in a way he didn't in previous titles.

i wanted to take the opportunity here to write a short post about his relationship with gale because that, too, is something i found myself enjoying despite the (too) few interactions that we have between them.

minsc's initial thoughts about gale

Player: How are you and Gale getting along? Minsc: I do not wish to speak of the wizard. Minsc: I could not have said it better myself. - Player Option 1: Gale's great - what's your problem with him? Minsc: He came to me one night with a little book of mischief - full of words and their meanings. Minsc: 'Posterior', he says. 'Can you say 'posterior'?' I refused! Minsc does not need to know the language of wizards. Player: 'Posterior' isn't wizard-talk - it's another word for 'butt'. Minsc: It is an inferior word. Far too long to use in a battle cry, which is where a 'butt' belongs. Minsc: Gale would do better to educate himself in the ways of sword and steel than to throw these pointy words at Minsc. Minsc: Ai, yes. Gale also owns a cat. A cat with wings! That is most unnerving for poor Boo. Player: You should give him a break - he's only trying to help. Minsc: Never! If he is not careful, Boo will shred his books and use them as bedding! - Player Option 2: Did you know that he has an explosive magical orb in his chest that could destroy a city? Minsc: WHAT? Minsc: That is a thousand times more interesting than anything that has ever been written in a book. Minsc: GALE! MY GOOD FRIEND! WHERE ARE YOU? MINSC AND BOO WOULD LIKE TO HEAR ABOUT THE EXPLODING.

they may not start off on the right foot, but with gale's genuine interest in other people's cultures as well as his perception and easy-going nature that changes:

sorcerous sundries

Minsc: Minsc has never trusted places such as this. Too much of a wizard's power can be simply packaged and picked up. devnote: Grumbling as we make our way through the shelves of Sorcerous Sundries Minsc: Well, picked up by all but Minsc. When he touches the many delicate little jars, oh how the wizards shout and stare! devnote: Revealing that his objection of Sorcerous Sundries is not in fact a deep philosophical belief that wizards have too much power - they just make him feel stupid and awkward when he pokes at their things Gale: Fear not, Minsc. You have a wizard at your side who positively encourages such curiosity. You'll fit right in. devnote: Reassuring Minsc: Obliged, wizard. Should we find our way to a weaponsmith, Minsc will rough you up a little - so that you too can fit in. devnote: Warm, comradely, would genuinely be doing Gale a favour

i feel like it truly speaks to gale's character that he doesn't dismiss minsc here - neither his feelings of inadequacy nor his innate curiosity about the things he perceives as wizardly.

it would've been very easy for gale - the wizard prodigy, the former chosen, to archwizard - to act the part of the haughty scholar, akin to the arrogant wizards that minsc describes in this banter, looking down on him, shouting at him, but gale doesn't.

gale reassures minsc, encourages him, telling him he'll fit right in. it reminds me of the way he treats karlach and fostering her interest in books and reading. another pair of seemingly polar opposites that still find a connection. i do think gale is quite natural at this, despite his long time spent in isolation.

and minsc does appreciate it - his tone changes to one of warmth, one of camaraderie - and i think this is also when minsc's perception of gale changes: from the annoying wizard to someone he sees as a companion and friend.

rashemi traditions

Minsc: Gale. Minsc worries you might send a fireball up his butt, with all of this stringy hair in your face. Gale: Is that why you keep your head shaved? I assumed it was a custom of some sort. devnote: Curious, referring to Minsc's origins Minsc: Oh, no! Most warriors of Rashemen wear long battle-braids, weighed down with stone. Minsc can show you, when next we camp? Gale: Thank you, but I'm more wizard than warrior. I'm not sure my scalp would stand up to such a plaiting. devnote: Very politely declining

i like this banter for several reasons: i think not only does it show the progression of their relationship with minsc offering to show gale the traditions of his homeland, gale also shows the same curiosity he shows many different cultures and ways of life, same as he does with lae'zel for instance and githyanki culture.

when he declines minsc's offer, he does so politely, without insulting minsc's traditions, putting the onus on himself instead. he's the wizard, not the warrior.

house of hope

Minsc: Gale! You will perhaps able to explain where Boo has not - what exactly is the difference between a devil and a demon? Gale: A fascinating question, one that boils down to which criteria we choose to apply. Are we speaking about the physiological? Theological? Etymological? devnote: In teacher-mode - up for an in-depth, intellectual discussion Minsc: Eh. Just how-to-kill... -ical. devnote: Non-plussed, echoing Gale's ending every word with 'ical' Gale: Oh. Then for your purposes, they are exactly the same. devnote: Disappointed

this banter genuinely made me laugh. again, i like how it shows the progression of their friendship, to the point of where minsc goes from finding gale annoying to imitating his speech. and gale doesn't put it beyond minsc to have an 'in-depth, intellectual' discussion... even if he is disappointed by the end of their banter, realising that minsc's priorities are... elsewhere.

wychlaran

depending on your party composition and who you take with you, minsc can also call gale his wychlaran.

The Wychlaran, meaning "wise old women" in the ancient language of Halardrim, also known as the Witches of Rashemen outside their lands, were the spiritual leaders of Rashemen, communing with the spirits and guiding the souls of the Rashemi people.

minsc does use it, too, to describe a special bond and a sense of duty and protectiveness to the people he ascribes this title to. he did so in bg1 with dynaheir and in bg2 with aerie.

elminster

Minsc: It must be difficult for Gale to imagine great Elminster a-courting. Writing poems. Doing... certain... deeds. Gale: Long before my time, thank goodness. That's not an image I care to dwell on. Minsc: Ugh. It is difficult for Minsc to think of, too. Let us speak no more of it. Minsc: ... Minsc: Of Elminster and the sex, I mean.

another banter that did genuinely make me laugh despite the seriousness of the situation, especially given the bond that elminster and gale share as well, which speaks of paternal feelings on elminster's part that come with a certain sense of responsibility, as well as gale's admiration, but also often exasperation with his former mentor.

on a more serious note, minsc offers great insights in his interactions with gale and gale's story:

mystra and the vremyonni

The vremyonni or Old Ones were an arcane brotherhood in Rashemen. Men that were arcane spellcasters in Rashemen had two choices, exile or to join the vremyonni. Many vremyonni were kept alive for eons by longevity magic. Vremyonni were expert weaponsmiths and magic item creators. On very rare occasions, vremyonni would fight in the defense of Rashemen. Vremyonni used secrets of magic that even the Witches of Rashemen did not use, destructive spells forbidden among the wilds of Rashemen, in case such magic was needed. The Running Rocks harbored secret strongholds of the vremyonni. All vremyonni wore masks.

Minsc: Gale reminds me of the vremyonni of my homeland. The man-mages of Rashemen. Minsc: While the girl-folk go on to rule as wychlaran, Weave-touched boys were hidden away. Trained to work their craft in silence and secrecy. Minsc: It is an old custom, not well-observed. In truth I thought it born of caution, after some catastrophe wrought by wizardly men-folk of old. Minsc: Now I wonder if it was not done to hide them from Mystra, and the snares she sets for young and prideful boys, hm? Minsc: Though this suggests that Mystra has never tempted a witch into foolishness. Not that I would blaspheme by suggesting otherwise. Minsc: I forget why I began this long and winding story. Yes Boo - we have been spending too long around the wizard.

i think this is a very interesting banter, especially since it's also only marked to trigger if gale agrees to return the crown to mystra.

it's easy to dismiss this banter, laugh it off as just another instance of minsc being minsc, but i think it's important to consider it within the context of game canon and what has been shown to us.

it's a story and everything within a story is there for a reason.

another great insight from minsc comes if gale is pushed towards the crown by the player:

gale and godhood

Minsc: Who among us has not been spurned by a lover? But a word of advice, if Minsc may be so bold: Minsc: Let the wizard lick his wounds. Write some rickety rhymes, and weep most manfully into his hamster's hide. Eh - his cat's hide. Minsc: But... his boasting is unbecoming. 'Claim godhood', he says? Will this make him any less a man with a half-mended heart?

again, minsc does at times share great insight into other characters and he does so here again with gale:

will this make him any less a man with a half-mended heart?

i think it quite accurately goes straight to the crux of what makes it so very easy to push gale towards godhood: he is hurt. he feels abandoned. by his goddess. by his former lover. both as a mystran and on deeply personal level.

he is drifting, seeking something to hold his head above the water. if it's not the protag's love or friendship, it will be the crown.

anyhow, i never expected to write this when i first learned that minsc would be a companion, but i truly did enjoy him and his interactions with gale in particular.

[theweepingangelofcas]

Eat The Rich, Feed Them to the Cats - Moriarty Bros x Reader

Anyone else in the USA having a crisis? Me too! Let's all maladaptive daydream together that our sweet dear Sherlock boys are with us, on our side.

Title is inspired by a fav nonprofit cat shelter of mine, Wonky Hearts Animal Haven. Please go check them out. They have stories that are truly so heartwarming and uplifting, it's a great distraction.

(No, I do not believe all men are bad. I myself have a male fiance whom I love and trust very much. But the election has left me feeling helpless and scared, as though my rights or my body don't matter. I'm writing this to vent. I respect if your political opinions are different than me, but I ask that you do not attack me in the comments, my dm's, etc)

******************

William Moriarty

You two had been together for years now, since you two were teenagers. You've shared everything. Hopes, dreams, ideals... So when he saw someone try to harass you simply because of your gender? That won't do.

"Oi! Pretty broad!"

The random man's words did little to phase you. You didn't even speed up your footsteps. But your dear William stopped in his tracks.

Oh, yes, that's right. No one had ever been stupid enough to cat call you with him around before.

"Y/N..." his gaze had turned to the man, unblinking, "Did you not hear what that man just so crudely yelled at you?"

You shrugged, stopping in your tracks to try and let him catch up to you. He didn't dare move.

"It's nothing, William. Happens all the time to us ladies."

If you didn't know better, you'd say his eye just twitched.

"Is that so? And here I was, thinking it was mostly noblemen who were the rotten part of our society."

He smiled then. Like his mind wasn't 100% alongside you anymore.

His cane left the ground, being weilded in both hands almost like a baseball bat.

Or, more accurately, perhaps he was holding it like a mace.

It was safe to say, no man went within a few dozen meters of you for quite some time after that. After all, you always had your dear William with you now.

Louis Moriarty

Oh, did you think William would be protective?

Ha!

Louis is SO MUCH WORSE

To be completely fair, he was already practically a guard dog for both you and William. You had been engaged to him for a few months, and each passing day he just wanted to spend more time by your side.

This was how he found out how truly awful some men could be.

You two had boarded a train back to Durham, coming back from a lunch date together. You two had managed to score a semi-private spot in the lunch car, meaning that he could hold you without too much fuss from the rest of society. One hand was in yours, the other wrapped around your waist. You had both ordered drinks, his a sophisticated Earl Grey tea, yours a refreshing seltzer water. That was when your waiter came back up to you both.

"Sir, I know this is quite uncouth of me to say, but the gentleman a few seats down won't stop staring at your lady friend there." He gestured to you, specifically your chest, and you seemed to shrink into your seat instantly.

Louis scowled, "Thank you for informing me. You're dismissed, good sir."

The waiter stepped away, and Louis's grip on you got tighter.

"It's fine, darling. You mustn't fret." You tried to comfort him, but his scowl only deepened.

"I will fret." He turned his head, catching eyes with a man a few booths down. He did, indeed, seem to be staring at you. "And I'm going to teach him to respect others, or die trying."

You saw Louis stand, and approach the man in a terrifying calmness. He shook his hand, and gestured for him to follow him.

If you happened to see a person-shaped figure get thrown out of the train that day, no one has to know.

Albert Moriarty

He understands deep, seething rage. He dealt with it much when he was younger. So he understands that the best way to deal with it, is to take care of it yourself.

Normally, women weren't allowed into a prestigious college. But Albert, with his power and wealth, managed to convince the school that having one woman among its ranks wouldn't hurt. Hence, you being halfway through a science and medicine degree. Albert supported you all the way through. Your husband truly was a lovely, understanding man.

"It was fascinating, my love!" Your eyes lit up as you opened your textbook to that day's lesson, "We learned about the chambers of the heart, and all the illnesses and diseases that can correlate to it's health. Isn't that so cool!"

His smile widened at seeing you happy, "It certainly is, my dear. Do go on, teach me more about it."

You nodded, eyes bright, about to keep talking before-

"I'm sure anything is fascinating to a woman. But can she even understand it? Why, she should be at home, not trying to educate herself on something she could never possibly understand."

A man had approached you both. His smug grin was enough to dampen your joy immediately.

Albert blinked, his expression blank, before turning his head back to you, "My dear, would you like my walking stick, or do you want to use your textbook? After all, this fine gentleman seems in need of an anatomy lesson."

Your grin came back, "Your walking stick, please. I'd rather not get my favorite chapter dirty."

The man's eyes flew open as you took the wooden cane from Albert, weilding it more like a weapon than an aid.

"Now," The excitement in your expression was back, "I'll give you an anatomy lesson as I break all of your bones in alphabetical order."

[slothcapsule]

Kaeya's design pt.2 (updated until 5.1 because yes, more stuff gets added with updates, his design is that thought ahead)

or maybe im delusional and looking into things way too much! heyy, Me again!! this is gonna be a master post of all the things ive noticed about kaeya's design, ive made one like it before but since then there's been a bunch of new stuff so i decided to make a new post that has everything i have to note. this is complied of things i myself have noticed and things that others have. this post will not include anything about his skin other than noting a couple of significant differences since the outfit wasn't made specifically for him in the scope of the story, but i might cover it in a separate post

kaeya's design mostly consists of "two sides" in a way, his "mondstat" side and his "khaenri'ah" side.

his mondstadt side includes his vision, the full side of his cape in the back, the earring he wears and his rat tail, all this represents the freedom he has in mondstat and the person he grew to be there, a vision bearing knight of favonius.

the khaenri'ah side includes his eyepatch, the wisp of lighter hair in his bang, a clipped cape ("wing") and the majority of the fur coating. i believe this goes to represent that he's still tied to khaenri'ah despite all the time he's spent in mondstadt, and that he's quite aware of it. Also, the glove on that side has a kind of buckle that kind of reminds me of a shackle or a handcuff, as well as this thing with a bunch of eight pointed stars that are not apparent on the mondstadt

all across his design (the boots, corset belt, gloves, little things on the ends of the cape thing he has, his left sleeve) there are bunch of "eight pointed" stars we see associated with khaenri'ah, one being in his pupil which was a confirmed trait to khaenri'ahn people ever since we saw dainsleif.

id like to note that kaeya's eyepatch is stressed on a lot in game. its constantly referred back to most of the time when kaeya is brought up. he has a voiceline about it (that has been changed once in the english version to to a mistranslation i believe, ill include both versions) the first is the current version.

traveler has a voiceline about it where paimon makes fun of it but i think its notable there's a voiceline specifically about it at all.

its mentioned right when we start the world quest "Bough Keeper" where we meet dainsleif. he doesn't even have an eyepatch half of his face is just black it was a stretch in the first place.

kaeya himself dismisses it as nothing unusual.

in his story quest he says he inherited it from his grandfather, which is solid proof that they're related by blood. (his story quest has some crazy foreshadowing btw that predicted that him and the abyss twin are possibly related in some way or another by extensions but i wont get into it here)

there isnt really a solid idea attached to any of this, other than the fact that kaeya's eyepatch is stressed on as a point of intrigue, its pretty implied to be related to his origin of khaenri'ah, and we often see khaenri'hn people with their right eye covered in some way. and to those of you that think that he wears the eyepatch because diluc injured his eye during his fight, no he isnt. it might've been scarred by him yes but he isnt blind in that eye, and in the webcomic it shows kaeya wearing an eyepatch on the day crepus died, before the fight with diluc.

while we're on the subject of his eyes, he's somewhat of an abnormality amongst Khaenri'ahn people. every other khaenri'ahn person we know have teal eyes with their pupil being a bold black star outline, kaeya's on the other hand are a darker blue with a more faded filled in star. i wont include the eyes of every single character to prove my point but trust me i looked at them all. the only exception seems to be pierro but since he doesnt have an in-game model yet and he wasnt shown super clearly in the trailer im unsure what to make of it for now so i wont include it.

one of the first things generally noticed about kaeya's design once you look into it a little is that he somewhat resembles cryo abyss mages, most notably the fur coat he keeps thrown over his shoulder, the "bunny ears" in his hair (ahoge?) but most of the resemblance comes from playstyle.

in playstyle he's similar in the sense that he teleports on his fifth attack, his ult is similar to the icicles they produce after their shield is broken, he produces his own shield at c4 etc.

(EDIT: i somehow forgot including abyss heralds here, which is insane of me considering that i was always under the impression that if kaeya does turn out to be an abyss monster its definitely more likely to be a herald/lector. i dont necessarily think that he is but there are similarities!)

As for abyss heralds, he does also have a similar design element with the Frost Fall one! Despite being a minor similarity i think its worth pointing out , but they do have kind of similar lapel things, the herald has those wing like things both in the front and back , similar to kaeya's "clipped" wings, that appear under the full wing and in the front of his outfit as well

(fun fact, when i found out they're going to release a cryo abyss herald i was so excited and kept prolonging the fight with it in the quest so i can see if it has similar attack patterns to kaeya) (it does, he does a couple slash attacks that look like kaeya's normal attacks)

one crazy thing also is his cape looks a lot like the top part of the celestial nails and the bottom part of the statues of the seven, and weirdly enough parts of paimons outfits.

a lot of people theorize the log in screen is the enterance to celestia, and that the nails in dragonspine and the chasm are fallen pillars from there. for someone from a godless nation its sort of weird that he seems to have that connection to something celestial huh? this part of the design is also included in his special dish in the skewer itself. (he also marks the mushroom with an eight pointed star as opposed to the x on the regular one)

other than celestian, mondstadtian, khaenri'ahn themes in his outfit, he also has fatui ones! on the front side of the cape we can see that it attaches to a fur thing that covers kaeya's lapels. i have no idea how this attaches or if its just thrown on top, but this design choice is distinctly fatui, weirdly enough. specifically in the style of the attire of the fatui harbingers coats or official ware when they're gathered. i related it distinctly to pierro before but after getting a good look at capitano's model its more fatui, though there's some things that are similar distinctly between kaeya and pierro.

most distinctly, the fur and the lapels being in a very similar shape which is the part that's distinctly fatui, the mask/eyepatch over the right eye as well a strikingly differently colored strand of hair being distinct to pierro and kaeya.

there's a kind of gap in the middle of pierro's chest part of the outfit that somewhat resembles the one kaeya has as well. i saw someone point this out on reddit but i cant find the post because it was a while ago but regardless, they brought up the point of it being exactly in the place and shape of where abyss heralds/black serprent knights have an eight-pointed star, which could be a subtle nudge at khaenri'ah as well.

now, i have two ideas of what those similarities could be hinting at.

kaeya is actually a fatui member (which i believe has some sort of merit because of the recent appearances of capitano and some similarties between them in attire and playstyle weirdly enough, as well as a theory ive been getting behind that states that capitano could be/is related to anfortas alberich)

the fatui harbinger design choices are actually inspired by khaenri'ah, which isnt a stretch given that pierro is the founder and director of the fatui harbingers. thus making them look similar to kaeya rather than vice versa.

panning back up a little bit, regarding the silver hair in kaeya, it seems to be expanding to the rest of his hair, in his skin it goes down the length of his braid.

in the webcomic where we flash back to the past a bit, we see kaeya actually doesnt have the little strand of silver over his left ear, as well as when we return to the normal time setting of the comic, its also not included in his icy featherflight splash art (this 100% could be a stretch on my part they could've just forgot about it its a small strand) (while we're talking about stretches, my biggest one is that childe has a similar streak in his hair lol but that might be going toooo far)

last but not least, his vision, one of the most interesting things about his whole characters. a person from a nation that actively defied the gods recieving a sign of their recognition seems like kind of a threat doesnt it? and its all the more ominous that his vision casing is different from every other mondstadt casing!

this is the back of kaeya's vision next to the back of diluc's vision for comparison, the only notable things are the lack of a third wing probably signifying he's sort of out of place, and the swirl? wave? whatever you wanna call it is on the wrong side. every other character with a double sided vision has the swirl on the other side like jean, diluc, mona, eula, lisa (etc..? i havent seen anyone else with a double sided vision which is also interesting, at least from mond)

however!! weirdly enough, in the 3.8 summer event where kaeya gets his skin, his vision actually gets a different casing, as you can see he gets his full three wings, as well as an extra spike! but not really an extra spike because the vision is just on top of another thing that makes it look like it has a third spike, but the wing is actually there. the genshin fashion archive isnt updated with kaeya's skin so i cant check if there's a swirl, even though the vision isnt even double sided in the skin which is also really weird to me.

im pretty sure ive covered most things, if anyone has any additions please let me know! id love to look into them.

i think kaeya is a really interesting character who's incredibly centered around foreshadowing in the way he carries himself and his backstory, so to think that they managed to extend the foreshadowing bit into even his design is a little bit insane imo.

[sysmedsaresexist]

Hello. I know I've sent in messages before but very very rarely. But recent events have caused us to have a question. Just this week, we got officially diagnosed with D.I.D and recommended the idea of getting a psychologist for the first time in my life, besides a psychiatrist. Two of my alts say they can't be serious but the other three think they are bout the psychologist and we are nervous. I saw you talking about disorganized attachment in your latest posts and was wondering if you could tell me more bout what that is because it sounds like I may have experienced that and I'm trying to understand myself and us more from others with experience with D.I.D and similar disorders. We hope that makes sense! We are still very new to all of this. Thank you so much for your time. - Us

First, congrats!!! Try to come back and tell us what therapy and the interviews are like! I'm certain my followers would love to hear about it. It's scary, I'm so proud of you ❤️

Disorganized attachment is both very complicated, and quite easy to understand. I just reblogged a couple old posts about it, but this will be shorter :)

This is my favorite image to describe it!

Note that disorganized attachment (DA, from here on) is linked to low trust in self AND others. All of these types of attachment have shown strong links to different types of disorders, but DA is most associated with dissociative disorders.

The most important thing I've learned is

Even well-meaning, well-intentioned, loving parents can cause DA

DA can be hidden trauma, its relation to neglect is much stronger than originally thought, and neglect is a lot harder to spot and understand than straight up abuse.

A quick note here: DO NOT play trauma Olympics-- with yourselves, with others, on this post, nothing. Trauma is a personal reaction to events, abuse, or neglect and can occur in response to literally anything. When it comes to CDDs, we're looking at cumulative responses resulting in psychopathology, and you don't get to decide what was enough for other people.

It's their reactions.

Mind your own business.

So, all that said, DA is about the child being both fearful and reliant on caregivers. They want to both flee to and flee from caregivers. When a caregiver is unpredictable, the child has a difficult time establishing a consistent view of the caregiver, and of themselves. In other words, the caregiver is both needed, and someone to be avoided, and the child may not understand what makes them a “good” or “bad” child, as the caregiver’s behavior is often confusing and unpredictable.

I'm going to throw out a couple examples here:

Parent A has yelled at you, and you're scared to go to parent B and talk about it - neither parent feels safe but they're your only source of comfort

You're hungry, but parents scold you for eating too much - you're both scared to ask for your needs and yet reliant on their abilities to meet them

Sometimes parent is attentive and kind, and sometimes very dismissive - you never know what you're going to get, but when they're dismissive, it kills your drive for things you thought you enjoyed - sometimes parent puts your art on the fridge and sometimes they throw it in the trash, and maybe that particular piece was important and you'd expected better reception

Parent gets physical when they drink but at school, parent is a model citizen and teachers and other students always tell you how lucky you are

Parents are openly homophobic and you think you might be a little gay - they're good people otherwise (you think), and maybe if you just keep that part of you down...

Parent struggles with their own mental illness and you never know what kind of reaction they'll have, but you treasure the good memories and hold out hope you'll see that side of them again, despite the many letdowns

Parent doesn't let you keep anything to yourself, it's to the point you want to avoid them as much possible, only seeing them for meals

Parent is... mean. Just flat out mean, and they'll tell you no one will listen to you. There's no point is trying to find help with other caregivers-- teachers, babysitters, friends. It's just you and them, against the world.

The start of DA is typically formed in infancy when a parent doesn't respond properly to their child. Missed feedings, not enough skin time, mixing "cry it out" with giving in, ignoring cries for food or changing. These first attachments in infancy set the tone for all your attachments going forward. Meeting needs and milestones help the brain develop in a healthy way. If some of these milestones are missed or slowed, you tend to see psychopathology of some kind as a result. Various future relationships are likely to be affected, and more often than not, you respond to your own children the same way-- a type of intergenerational trauma.

And this is only the grey areas. We haven't touched full and proper abuse and how that can affect someone.

The result of DA is that a child will try to push memories and feelings about their caregivers down so that they're not bothered-- they can interact with their caregiver, whatever mood they're in or whatever happened yesterday.

If you just kill your feelings, parent's outbursts don't hurt as much. If you just don't think about what they did to you, you can put on a smile and get through dinner.

This is, in and of itself, dissociation. A rejection of feelings or memories. DA on its own isn't very likely to cause a CDD, but with additional trauma, it's... oof.

Children with DA and suffering from abuse “are likely to generate two or more dissociated self states, with contradictory working models of attachment,” in order to handle their confusing relationship with the caregiver. This can go in several directions, not necessarily a CDD, but it becomes much more likely.

So, the child needs to maintain a relationship with the caregiver– they have no one else to turn to, so the child can develop dissociation as a way to make sense of themselves, and to maintain a child-caregiver relationship. They may “forget” the abuse, or deny it. “It is an adaptive and defensive strategy that enables the child to function within the relationship, but it often leads to the development of a fragmented sense of self.” This fragmented sense of self may or may not develop into something worse– namely, BPD and DID based on severity, frequency, and whether there was any sense of reprieve (i.e. a child can avoid the worst of dissociative symptoms if one of their parents was more supportive, because it helps them build some positive attachments).

I really hope this helps!

Good luck, come back soon!

[hencheri]

wayv toxic traits?

ngl i didn't come up with all of this by myself, but i love this very much ><

18+. mdni.

warning: mention & description of toxic relationships.

.

kun he guilt trips you a lot. after an argument or a fight, he straight up ignores you and you start doubting yourself, if you weren't a little too harsh with him. you feel so guilty that you're the one apologizing when maybe it shouldn't be the case. he never says sorry and you don't even notice it, always feeling bad when in reality, you did nothing wrong.

ten he's very possessive and doesn't let you have any privacy. he makes you believe that his behaviour is totally normal, and when you refuse him, he makes it seem like you hate him. he also embarrasses you in front of people, pointing out insecurities or making fun of you just to humiliate you.

winwin he loves bomb you constantly. he acts like he's very into you and wants to be with you, saying what you want to hear to keep you on the hook. when you ask what you are, he immediately friend zones you and he shows no hesitance whatsoever. but as soon as he feels you going away, he acts like he loves you again in order to continue using you when he wants.

xiaojun he really has a short temper. he gets angry for the littlest things and goes off on you for stuff that doesn't make sense. he's very jealous and doesn't trust you, causing him to go through your phone without your knowledge, finding wrong in every relationship you share that doesn't involve him. a few insults are thrown at you if you dare to not agree with him.

hendery he pressures you a lot into doing things you don't necessarily want to do. primarily sexual stuff, and as someone with a lot of experience, he's not shy to initiate and take the lead, but most of the time you're not really up to it. he rarely takes no for an answer, too, taking what he wants from you because as his girlfriend he believes he has every right on you.

yangyang he thinks he's always right, never admits his wrong doings and totally dismisses them. if you try to argue, he bursts out and refuses to listen to you. he can be judgemental toward you a lot, telling you every little thing that you do incorrectly, probably also telling you how much one habit of yours annoys him, or how your way of doing this certain thing is stupid.

[liyaauhr]

ASHLER HEADCANONS

(i’m giving myself a break from my fic today so this is how I compensate)

How did they realise they caught feelings?

— I imagine these two to be veeeeery slowburn for a lot of reason, as in, they get together in their senior year of High School or even maybe after in college.

— Ashlyn is pretty out of touch with her feelings, It took her a while to differentiate between romantic and platonic sentiments towards people and even then, she sucked at handling it. I see her as the type to fall for someone without even realising and dismissing her feelings as being 'oh we're really good friends!' It took a sleepover with Taylor (who has been trying -and failing- to set her brother and Ashlyn together for a while now) to realise that she had a crush on Tyler. I think the two of them would have had a long conversation about it (I honestly see Taylor as someone who's really in tune with emotions) and even then, her realising turned out to be more of a bad thing because things became awkward and Ashlyn essentially avoided any one-on-one interaction.

— Tyler on the other hand, had known about his feelings for Ashlyn for a while now but had chosen not to do anything about it, simply pushing it aside in order to prioritise his family and focusing on staying alive in the phantom realm. Besides, there was no way Ashlyn would reciprocate when all she did nowadays was act weird with him.

What was their first date?

— Their first date was at an amusement park: I firmly believe that Tyler fell first but Ashlyn would fall harder and eventually, there would be a point where she gets fed up with the lack of confrontation and decides to actually do something about the unsolved tension.

— Taylor had gotten it into Ashlyn’s head that to confess there had to be some over-the-top, extravagant declaration of love and had been restlessly prodding Ashlyn to ask her brother out because “the idiot wasn’t going to do it himself.” The plan was for the two to hang out at the theme park all day and then finally go on a Ferris wheel ride where Ashlyn would admit her feelings and if she was lucky, Tyler would reciprocate and save her from total embarrassment and if not? Well, there goes trying to eliminate the awkwardness but at least Ashlyn tried.

The catch to this plan, you may ask?

Tyler was deathly afraid of heights. Like a cat in water afraid of heights. Will freak out afraid of heights.

It was a new fear that he had contracted after he died in the phantom realm that he had never actually gotten around to telling Taylor, mainly because she was a massive thrill-seeker and enjoyed anything height related and so he didn’t want to strip that enjoyment from her, he wanted to make her happy and experiences her joys with her, trauma be damned. Still, if he had a choice he would avoid it.

That was until his totally-not-a-crush-crush walked up to him ( looking as gorgeous as ever) and batted her pretty, little lashes, asking him out to an amusement park just the two of them and who the hell was Tyler Hernandez to say no to such a goddess? (he was such a weak, weak man for her it was disgusting) .

Besides, there was more to amusement parks than rollercoaster rides, right? And Ashlyn didn't look like the type to be chasing after the adrenaline of high rides so he would simply divert her from any high rides, that wouldn't be so hard?

— Anyway, after hours of Hell and successfully keeping Ashlyn away from every rollercoaster waiting line (“pfft, I’ve went on these rides way too many times, they’re soooo boring trust me!”) Tyler found himself enjoying the day, he got to sneak glances at Ashlyn when he thought she wasn't looking and got to spend time with his crush and maybe, just maybe he could be content with small moments like this for the rest of his life, his crush obviously wasn’t planning on fading anytime soon but now, he could admire from afar, even if she did kick his ass at shooting games.

— Unfortunately, all luck comes to end eventually she practically dragged him to the ferris wheel. He tried to get out of it by saying “it’s boring, only grannies go on those!” But for some reason she was entirely fixated on that ride and that one alone.

— A normal person, at this stage would admit to hating tall rides and save their dignity and sanity but Tyler Hernandez had a date and a reputation to maintain, so if Ashlyn Banner wanted to go on a ferris wheel, he was going on a ferris wheel.

— And that confidence lasted around two seconds because as soon as they got into the air, Tyler became eerily silent, something that confused Ashlyn because normally the boy wouldn’t shut up. She glanced down and noticed that he seemed to be digging his nails into the seat so hard Ashlyn was sure it would leave marks. There was something wrong with him, it was clear as daylight but everytime Ashlyn tried to bring it up Tyler would shrug it off dismissively and make some snarky quips to reassure her (spoiler alert: it didn’t work).

— Eventually they reach the very top, the “pinnacle of romance” (as Taylor liked to put it), this was Ashlyn’s shot; she would clear the air and get rid of the stupid bug that annoyed her every time Tyler was in her vicinity. And so, she starts talking incredibly fast in 2x speed, trying earnestly as all her pent up feelings and frustrations to the boy come spilling out infront of him.

— Unfortunately, Tyler was too busy counting sheep in his head to try and catch any of what Ashlyn was saying, never mind her incredibly fast speed. Though he did catch the last part of "-and now I think I might be in love with you" and suddenly, the air was cut off from his lungs. He paled at the realisation -and also partially because he was trying to not puke-: Ashlyn Banner, that stupid idiot, liked him back, in more than a friend way!

— For a while, the two of them just stared, Ashlyn looked like a deer caught in headlights and Tyler really wished Taylor or Aiden were here to pinch him. And then- well, he ended up wretching on the ferris wheel, the rest of the ride ended up being Tyler alternating between freaking out and becoming nauseous and Ashlyn panicking while trying to help and regretting her previous life choices.

— Afterwards, Ashlyn was pretty sure that vomiting was a clear indication of an unreciprocated crush so she honestly planned on running away and getting her parents to pick her up or something. Her plans were paused when Tyler stopped her by the wrist and pulled her towards his chest, Ashlyn could feel his hands shaking around her.

— "You're so stupid, I'm so stupid and- I think I might be in love with you too."

— And that was that.

Do they indulge in PDA?

— short answer: No.

— Both of them are the type to cringe and make fun of people who engage in excessive PDA so it’s no surprise that they’re pretty averse to it themselves. The most you’ll see these two do in public is touch shoulders or sit next to each other (or maybe if you’re lucky, you get to watch Ashlyn dragging Tyler by the arms away from a fight.)

— I think it would take at least 3 weeks for them to kiss after dating and Ashlyn would be the one to initiate.

— They’d be bickering one day and Ashlyn would just shut him up spontaneously by tugging his shirt forward and tiptoeing up for a kiss. Tyler would be surprised at first, his eyes wide open and looking down in surprise but eventually he just melts and it takes a minute for them to part.

— “Shut.” kiss “The.” kiss “Fuck.” kids “up.” would be a thing Ashlyn does everytime he pipes up a little bit too much. Whether it be over something stupid like a comic they’re both reading or something else, it would probably lead into a make out session afterwards.

— Tyler’s the type to walk up to her sometimes, play with her bangs and then lift it up for a little *smooch.* It’s mostly because he enjoys the way she goes red like a tomato every time. One time he did it in public after a baseball match or something and Ashlyn froze, she could not speak for an hour and it seemed like her face and ears were permanently coloured red. Aiden had found it funny and took a picture of it which is actually saved as her profile picture now.

— All of their intimacy is in private though, most of the time people would be surprised to find out they’re dating. The popular jock and the loner who never talks? But don’t they ever only argue?

Dates?

— I personally think their dates would mostly be stay-at-home dates.

— Ashlyn hates going out and Tyler doesn’t mind, so it works.

— Examples would be cooking dates, movie nights (that would inevitably get crashed by the others), little dinners together etc.

— They strike me to have very casual intimacy, so like grocery shopping together would also be considered a date for them.

— The mundane is openly enjoyed and celebrated!

Other random headcanons I have:

— Tyler has gradually become Ashlyn’s go-to hair stylist, especially for more formal events like ballet recitals. She was honestly shocked the first time he did her bangs and now feels entitled to getting it down whenever she pleases (compensation for all his moaning). Tyler grumbles about it and pretends to hate it but swatts his hand away every time Ashlyn tries to take over, he secretly really likes working with her hair because he’s never practiced on such long hair and so gets to experiment with more styles.

— When they become old enough to drive they’re both the drivers in the relationship. In the group and by themselves. Everytime they have to share a car they play rock, paper, scissors to avoid an argument over it.

— They have pretty similar music tastes. Idk I can feel it.

That’s all I can think of for now! If you have any other headcanon/scenario requests feel free to drop an ask!

[mj-iza-writer]

Whumptober Day 13

Team as Family - Familial Curse - Multiple Whumpees - "Death will do us part" (Set it Off, Partners in Crime.)

Leader glared at his teammates; arms folded over his chest in annoyance.

His team didn't dare look in his eyes.

Leader was ticked, and it was their fault.

Caretaker came down and sat on the couch across from them.

"How is Whumpee?", Leader turned to look at Caretaker. Their face had changed to worry.

"Upset. They don't want to come down. I'm going to take some dinner up to them in about an hour. They said they should be back to normal by then. They don't want anyone else to see them until then", Caretaker sighed, and looked at the other members, "all of you knew they had this. You all screwed up big time tonight."

"We didn't know that's what they would like though", one of them spoke up.

"Yes, and that's when you ask questions, if the mood was right, or at least not make fun of it", Leader turned and looked at them again, "this also tells me that you all don't pay attention to meetings, because I absolutely explained to all of you what happened to Whumpee and what they would like if the curse was triggered."

"You all really hurt their feelings", Caretaker frowned, "we are a family. You can't go doing that. It messes with trust. If we can't trust each other, then we as a team are screwed."

Leader sighed, "Caretaker is right. It is fine not to understand Whumpee's differences. I don't fully understand them myself. That's why we ask questions. If you don't feel comfortable asking Whumpee, then ask Caretaker. They know a lot about Whumpee and this curse thing. If it's something they can't talk about, then they won't."

"We're sorry, we screwed up. We know", another one of them spoke up.

"Yes, I appreciate that, but I am not the one to apologize to", Leader looked at Caretaker.

"They do not want any visitors. I guess you all get to live with the guilt until you can get to Whumpee", Caretaker stood, "if you'll excuse me. I'm going to go make their dinner. I'm thinking grilled cheese and tomato soup. It's one of their favorites. Something comforting since their team... their family has jokes."

"Let me know if you need anything", Leader frowned.

"Can do", Caretaker made their way out of the room.

"Just as Caretaker said. None of you bothers Whumpee until they are ready. I want you to work hard on your apologies as well. None of this half done apology crap you all pull when you screw up on missions. You're dismissed."

Leader wandered into the kitchen just in time for the blender to go off.

Caretaker looked up at them and grinned.

"Pulling out all the stops?", Leader smiled, "it's smells amazing."

"Tomato soup always tastes better when it's made fresh. I had everything I needed to make a scratch made tomato soup, so I thought Whumpee would enjoy it. A little pick me up", Caretaker watched as another member walked in.

"It smells so good. Is this what we are having for dinner?", the teammate backed away when they caught Leader's eyes.

"I'm only making enough for myself, Whumpee, and Leader, if they want some. The rest of you will fend for yourselves tonight. All of you are adults, yes", Caretaker frowned, "though after the childish behavior earlier... I'm starting to wonder."

"You both have been really cold today", the teammate turned.

"Whumpee is currently crying. They are sprawled across their bed... crying..... because of all of you", Caretaker frowned, "the way I see it, you all could use a little coldness. You've gotten too comfortable saying things without thinking. I hope you all enjoy your dinner tonight."

After the teammate left, Leader turned to look at Caretaker. A huge grin across their face.

"I will definitely take some of that soup", Leader commented, "and a sandwich. You said Whumpee wanted grilled cheese? I can help make it."

"I appreciate that, but I'll make Whumpee's for them. They can be picky when they're upset. If you feel up to it, you can make yours and mine though", Caretaker smiled.

"I'll do that", Leader nodded.

Leader followed Caretaker up the stairs.

"Whumpee, I have grilled cheese and soup. Freshly made. Leader is here with me. Can we come in and talk with you", Caretaker leaned an ear on the door.

"Yes", a weak reply came from the room.

Caretaker opened the door and let Leader come in with the tray.

"I see some of it has died down", Caretaker commented as they studied Whumpee.

"Yes, some of it won't go away", Whumpee frowned as they looked over themself, "I'm about to take a cheese grater and scrape it off."

"No you won't. I will not let you. More work for me if you're bleeding", Caretaker sighed as they watched Leader set down the tray in front of Whumpee, "Whumpee it will go down in time. You have to let it run its course though."

"It will only come back again", Whumpee sighed, "I'm a walking freak."

"No you're not", Leader spoke up, "Whumpee, I know this is hard for you. What was said and joked about earlier was uncalled for. You're not a freak."

"Leader look at me", Whumpee bared their arms to show them off, "this doesn't happen to normal people."

"You're not normal. That's perfectly fine. I'm not normal either for different reasons", Leader sat down beside Whumpee, "I've never wanted to be normal", Leader pulled up their sleeves, "I may not have some curse handed down from generation to generation, but I come from a long line of leaders. My scars match those of my father's and grandmother's."

Whumpee looked up wide eyed after looking at the scars that lined Leader's arms.

"At the end of the day, mine will not disappear either. I wouldn't want them to. It's part of who I am. Your markings that come out every once in a while are part of you. I hope one day you might be able to at least be okay with them. You don't have to like them, but just to accept them."

Whumpee looked down and saw the markings on their arms were gone, "I'm sorry Leader... and Caretaker."

"There's nothing to be sorry about", Leader smiled, "how everyone acted earlier was uncalled for, and I will make sure they apologize properly."

Caretaker smiled as they looked at Whumpee, "I hope you know how loved you truly are amongst our team. Even if the others have a bad way of showing it. You are so important to this team."

"Thankyou", Whumpee's eyes sparkled.

"You're welcome", Caretaker sighed, "now all of that hard work to make your dinner, and it's getting cold. Which means Leader's and mine are also getting cold in the kitchen."

"Sorry", Whumpee giggled, "can I eat with you two?"

"Yes", Leader looked around for a seat.

"We can go down stairs... I feel better", Whumpee smiled.

Caretaker and Leader watched Whumpee start to eat before they, too, started their meals.

"Are you dipping your sandwich in your soup?" Leader watched Whumpee as they ate.

"Yes... You've never done that with your grilled cheese?", Whumpee looked at them worriedly.

"Leader grew up amongst soldiers... they didn't get to learn to play with food", Caretaker smiled as they dipped their sandwich, "try it Leader, you'll probably love it."

Leader looked at the sandwich they had already started to eat, then at the bowl of soup. They plungedbthe sandwiches into the soup.

Caretaker and Whumpee watched as Leader took a big bite of the soup covered sandwich and watched their face light up.

"That's incredible", Leader grinned, and went for another bite.

"Healing childhood traumas one day at a time", Caretaker grinned as they watched Leader and Whumpee eat the meal gleefully.

Leader looked up with a sparkle in their eyes, "this is amazing. Why haven't I been told this before?"

"I never thought about it. Plus, you never sit down long enough to eat", Caretaker smirked.

Leader smiled, "that might change. Especially if this is the meal."

"I finally found you're comfort meal", Caretaker watched them get the other half of the sandwich, "easy enough."

Leader nodded, "thankyou."

"Thankyou", Whumpee repeated.

"You're both welcome", Caretaker nodded, 'my little trauma holders', Caretaker frowned internally. I'll take care of you both and make sure you heal. I swear it.'

"Are you okay?", Leader looked at Caretaker worriedly now.

Caretaker realized the frown came out on their face.

"I'm fine, just had some thoughts", Caretaker smiled again, "it's alright though. Let's eat."

Leader and Whumpee nodded, and returned to happily enjoying their meals.

'I love you both.... so much', Caretaker thought to themself again, 'so much.'

Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all.

@villainsandheroes @the-beasts-have-arrived

@sacredwrath @porschethemermaid

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@notpeppermint @cyborg0109

@idontreallyexistyet @painfulplots

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@deafeninglittlecrown @jumpywhumpywriter

[oldqueergrandma]

If you are a parent, parent-figure, or grandparent, this is for you.

If your kid falls down on the playground and sprains a wrist, it isn't your fault. It's just a thing that happens. Your job, as a caregiver to that kid, is to get them to a doctor (hospital, urgent care, etc.) Your job is to find them the appropriate care, and support their emotional needs, too. Your kid is scared, hurt, embarrassed, and worried.

And any good parent is going to set aside their own feelings to be there for their kid.

With me so far? Good.

As a child myself, I was Having Problems In School. This was the end of the 70s/beginning of the 80s. Neurodivergence was mostly perceived as either "Rainman" or "Little Boy Can't Sit Still Syndrome." I have ADHD and was a weird little kid.

I had to get to 2nd grade before a teacher helped my parents figure out what to do. That teacher explained my issues to my mom. (My mom, the lifetime certified k-12 English teacher with a minor in psychology.)

My mom had an extremely common response to this: she panicked. She took it personally. She acted like this teacher was calling her out as a Terrible Parent.

My teacher held her hand, and very gently but firmly told her, "This isn't your fault. There's no one at fault. But your kid needs help, needs therapy, needs an evaluation, so that we can give that kid what they need to succeed in school." She then used the example I described above. "If your kid fell down and broke an arm, are you going to stand around beating your breast and wailing about being a bad parent while your kid suffers? Or are you going to get your kid to the hospital, and be brave while you do it?"

Now. This is good advice for many crisis situations. The responsible, adult thing to do is to not take it personally, model good crisis behaviour, and get your kid the care they need.

But this message is for all the caregivers of kids who announce that they want to transition.

Your kid is trying to be happy, to be the person they were meant to be. That they are not happy now, and the fact that they feel like they're being shoved into the wrong life is upsetting to them. They're trusting you to help them. They're asking to be given what they need to be happy and healthy. They're asking for you to trust their judgement.

What they are NOT doing is attacking you. They're not telling you that you screwed up as a parent. They're not rejecting the precious gift of a name you gave them, even though *you* have specific emotional ties to that name. That kid is trying to figure out who they are, which is all any human being does with their life. But it might feel like that's what they're doing.

I know that it hurts, feels like rejection, and it's scary. It's probably not the first time you've had to deal with those feelings, either. Adolescents and teens often say things that hurt their parents; there's a ton of books and videos and therapists out there to help you with this extremely common situation.

From your kid's perspective, they've shared a revelation with you. They trust you to give them what they need, and to accept them for who they truly are. They're terrified of rejection or being dismissed. They're anxious that you will try to shove them back into a shape that hurts and caused them grief.

So your kid does not need for you to dump your problems on them.

Do not make this about you.

See to your kid's needs.

And find a therapist to help you deal with your own reactions.

You may be feeling grief, rejection, and fear (fear for your kid, fear about what people will think, fear you can't articulate.)

You may be angry as a result of that fear. You may want to just check out because of the grief.

But any time you feel yourself emotionally reacting, ask yourself, "Would this be the right way to react to a medical crisis?"

My 2nd grade teacher saved my life. Really. She got my mom's head screwed on straight, and my mother shared this wisdom with many parents through the years as a teacher herself.

So take some profound wisdom from the woman who saved me. Process your own baggage without spilling it all over your kid. Be what your kid needs. And if this is a struggle, get yourself what you need, too. Talk to a counselor.

But above all else: this is not about you.

[leaawrites]

Packing it up

Josh Jenkinson x fem!reader

Summary: in which, he changed her perception of what love can be.

Warnings: toxic relationship (not cute Josh), slight ooc Josh (too talkative and extroverted but anyway)

Wordcount: 1.4k

I'd like to dedicate this to my fellow Josh girlies, @petalprincessxoxo and @lemosch

Masterlist

Walking down the streets of Manhattan, the streaks of tears were still clearly visible on her face. This would be the last time, she told herself. It should’ve been the last time three times prior to now.

She knew it’d always end in the same position. Inside her new favourite cafe after he already ruined the last one for her. A cup of steaming coffee sitting in front of her face as she waited for the same words to drop from his lies, her reaction was already automatic at this point.

“I’m sorry,” he’d say over and over again. “It was a mistake.” It never was. It stops being a mistake after the third time. “Please forgive me.” And although every atom of her body told her not to, she accepted the warm embrace of his arms every morning after. And she forgave him, over and over and over again.

In a few months she’d need to move to a new city after every coffee shop in New York City was haunted by his shadow lurking for her in the dark spots of her brain.

“Oh, look where you’re going,” a voice said shortly after she collided with a chest right in the middle of the street. Two hands holding her firmly to steady her body and not make her fall to the ground.

Looking up she saw the man she ran into, his eyes filled with concern as he saw her red eyes.

“Are you alright?” He asked, his voice much quieter now.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she brushed him off. “I’m sorry.”

“No need to worry.” He smiled down at her, trying to get the same reaction out of her.

“Do you wanna sit somewhere? You don’t really look well.”

“I already told you, I’m fine,” she tried to protest, but before she could bring arguments into the debate, the guy already pulled her aside into a cafe (out of all places) and sat her down at a table by the window. Still standing he made sure she was steady.

“You can sit down, alright? I won’t fall from my chair like a little child,” Y/n bit back, a bit irritated by his gentle and happy demeanour. Most people in New York would tell her to fuck off if she ran into them and walk off, not making sure if she was alright. It was part of it’s charm in some way.

“Alright, feisty,” he commented back, laughing at her glare towards him. “I’m Josh, by the way. Thought it’d be appropriate to introduce myself since we now sit here together.” He had his hands clasped together in front of his body.

“Y/n,” the girl answered, still not trusting him completely, but he seemed nice enough to not kidnap and kill her. At least, he hoped so.

“Where are you from?” Was her first question, the accent wasn’t from anywhere near and his smile looked kinder than any other in the US.

“Ireland,” he simply answered, looking at the bartender to get her attention.

“Are you all so jolly over there?”

“Are you all so dismissive over here?”

A small smile grazed her lips as he bit back quickly. The tone of his voice beginning to match more of her own.

“Pretty much, yes.”

“What can I get for you today?” The waitress asked bored with a pen and notebook in her hand, waiting for them to answer almost impatiently.

“Just a normal coffee,” the guy - Josh - answered, looking at Y/n to order her own beverage.

“I’ll have the-” New coffee shop, new person, new order, she thought. “I’ll have the Cappuccino.”

The waitress nodded, jotting their order down before turning on her heel and leaving them alone again, turning to her own life again.

“You don’t seem to already be here for long if you still have to ask if we’re all this dismissive. Mostly you can already see it in their faces when walking down the street.”

“Is one of those dismissive people the reason why you’re so upset?”

“I’m not upset,” she defended herself quickly, though the way he looked at her - with dismissive eyes and a clocked eyebrow - meant that he knew that she was lying. Lying never got her anywhere in the past. “I’m not entirely upset because of a such certain person. I’m more upset with myself.”

“Why?”

“Because I let it happen again, and I will crawl back to that person by tonight because I have no one else.”

Josh looked around the room for a second, watching the cars pass by and seemingly thinking about a solution for her problem, although she knew, there would be none. At least not one argumentative enough for her to stop.

“I have a proposition for you,” he stared talking, leaning forward in his chair and looking at her. Intrigued by his offer, she nodded her head as a sign for him to continue. “I’m in a band and if you want to, you can come to our show tonight and forget about that person for a bit, only if you’d want to of course.”

She thought about it for a second, scrunching up her nose and sucking on her upper lip. “Where are you guys playing?”

“Nothing crazy, just the Pier 17 Rooftop.” He shrugged like it was nothing.

“That’s not nothing,” she corrected him. “And probably sold out.”

“I can get you in,” he said.

“Why do you want me there?”

“I think you’re pretty,” he answered, making her blush and look at the wooden table for the first time that day. “And I think whoever treated you like that, to make you so upset, doesn’t deserve you to go back to them. So come with me. Watch us play and if you think we’re worse than whoever you knew before, I’ll leave you to go back to them with another second wasted.”

“I think that’s a deal.”

“Amazing.” Josh smiled at her, his confidence fading now that he had her promise, a shy look creeping up on his face as he looked down at the table and his clasped hands. A comfortable silence settled over them, their table being one of the only one’s which was quiet now. They didn’t pick the conversation up once more when they made eye-contact, neither when their coffee was served.

“How long does the concert of yours go?” she asked, remembering what she did after meeting him once more. What she promised her friends to do.

“Well, it starts at 8, then comes the opening act and we start around 9 normally. So it shouldn’t go longer than 11. Is that a problem for you?” he asked, looking concerned that she would now leave him hanging.

Would she be able to make it? Y/n knew that she would be alright with going to bed at 12 and still wake up early to go to work and she could cancel the usual dinner she had with her friends to calm her down from what he’d done once more. But every time she had done that, she crawled back to him anyway. So would it be a bad thing for her to try a new method? Would it be a bad thing if she tried moving on for once.

“No, it shouldn’t be alright. I still have work tomorrow, but I wouldn’t go to sleep before 12 anyway, so it’s fine.” Looking at the way his eyes lit up when she told him that she would be there made her feel like this could make a new tradition happen. What if she would be able to wake up next to him every morning? Seeing his eyes and soft smile as she cuddled closer to him in the early hours. Hearing the rasp in his voice after he’d just woken up, freeing herself from everything she’d known just to find a version of herself she’d never believed to actually find someday.

“Good,” Josh audibly let out a breath he was holding for the time she was thinking. Smiling at her once more, he let out a chuckle as she smiled at him too, feeling foolish for wanting her there watching him even though he’d just met her. Faith was a ridiculous thing to her ever since she knew what it meant, something wasn’t just meant to be because some invisible string was pulling certain treads.

Still there she was, so close to packing it all up. The simple topic of love being too unbearable for her to even hear from her friends about it. Until he happened.

[dearanakin]

trust you | anakin skywalker: episode VII

Summary: After Anakin's breakdown, you're face to face again. This time, you both talk about his relationship with his former Jedi Master — something he doesn't like to reminisce.

Warnings: None, just vulgar words as always

Word count: 3.9k

Previous chapter | Read on Wattpad

----

(Y/N):

I haven't really talked or seen Anakin much after what happened at the event last week. I mean, sure he was always walking down the Temple, probably doing his job and taking care of Luke, but somehow he managed to retreat himself from interacting with other people, even the men he goes on missions with. I watched as he would always show up on the hallways, not looking at anyone either, as his face was holding a different look this time. It seemed... darker, if that's even possible.

I was having lunch with Cal and Adeline - another engineer - in the coffee room. We were trying not to gossip about things that happen around the Temple, but we would always end up going down that path. The redhead was leaning on his chair with his legs sprawled out over the table, his dirty boots almost touching the surface of it. I hate when people don't have good manners, but it's not like he has many flaws like that.

He told me Anakin dismissed him from the next two assignments without giving him a reason, which made him pretty angry at this point. Kestis already had an issue with his partner, and it seemed like the issue was getting over the limits - as he told me. I'm not sure as to why, even though I can think of one motive he would do it. And I know I said we gossip all the time, but that doesn't give me the right to say what happened to him that day.

It literally haunted me. I remember clearly how I ran after him, expecting to question him about the way he ran off like that. Only to find the Jedi Master having a really huge mental breakdown as well as a panic attack. I watched as his eyes turned to yellow in a slight second, throwing me off and catching me off guard. 

I was feeling nauseous watching Anakin almost whimper from the pain he must have been going through. When he sat down and leaned against the wall, saying he's not good for anyone around him. His eyes were carrying so much weight from the panic he just had, I don't think he even has the energy to go out there again and face everyone. His son had no idea his father was on the brink of becoming dark. 

I stood there facing the Jedi, without moving an inch of my body and I had a feeling I needed to do something but I didn't know exactly what it was. Anakin was pressing his face against both of his trembling hands, resting his elbows against his knees. His feet were tapping the floor incessantly, running his fingers through his hair every now and then. 

When I crouched down to his level and tried to gently touch his flesh hand, he flinched and pulled it to himself. He didn't look at me though. I could hear how shallow his breathing still was, how his chest was heaving fast and the way his body struggled to stay steady. This time I sat down next to him and Anakin shuffled, moving a few inches away from me. And that's when I knew I should keep my boundaries and not stay too close. 

"You're gonna be okay" My voice was barely coming out as I was feeling on edge after what I just saw "You need to fight it, Anakin"

"I'm not the Jedi I should be" He shook his head, still hanging it low on his hands. His tremulant voice made my heart flinch a little "I never will be" 

I forced myself to give him some kind of support, enough that he wouldn't feel pressed or annoyed about it. But it didn't work as it should, because he lifted up and in five seconds he was already rushing out the door, leaving me behind.

I've only heard of something like that years ago, something that Palpatine himself mentioned when he was trying to take down the Jedi Order. And then, after that, we got to know about Anakin's history behind his relationship with the Sith. He lost his wife, he lost Obi-Wan, who left him after disagreements. It only left him with his son, and I understand why he keeps his distance, why he doesn't want to let his guard down and won't let Luke make acquaintances.

"Dude just showed up to the office, told me I was dismissed and left the room" Cal explained, shrugging his shoulders. Me and Adeline nodded, exchanging glances knowing Anakin was always this obvious when it comes to his temper.

"Probably for the best, one of these days he's going to cut off your head during missions" She quipped, pulling a laugh out of us.

"I'm usually his wingman, we never really disagreed this much until that day" He didn't have to go into much detail as we recall when I was pushed against a corner and was threatened.

This is what really makes me wonder his limits, because when I saw how fragile he was, I could barely remember he was the same douchebag who cornered me. I wonder if he can actually hold himself up from doing something bad, and how much he can suppress the urge of killing someone. Although, for a few seconds I saw a glimpse of what he could've turned into. And I'm sure it wasn't going to end up well.

I've seen some pretty fucked up things before while being around duels enough to realize that was beyond anything I've come to face in this life.

"Maybe he needs to get laid" Kestis goes on, while using his force to play with a dart before shooting it at the dartboard. "Bullseye!"

He looks at us fascinated with the achievement, both me and Adeline gasping in shock as it was the first time he hit the middle of it.

"You're such a nerd" I roll my eyes in amusement, crossing my arms as we watch him stand up from his seat walking towards the board.

Cal feigns an offended look and slams his palm to his chest. "Coming from the nerd who fixes fucking computers and shit like that, you sure have the audacity!"

We all laugh about it, using the rest of our time to pester each other before going back to work.

I was leaving the room right after the two of them had already left, fishing for the keys in my bag as I closed the door behind me. I'm not usually one person that gets terrified or scared of things with ease, but I wasn't expecting to stumble across a wall of bricks without noticing. The keys drop from my hands, the sound of it echoing through the empty hallway. I grimace before even meeting eyes with the person that stands right in front of me.

And when I do, I watch as his bloodshot eyes and furrowed eyebrows inconspicuously roam across my face before I spill a rushed "I'm so sorry". Two seconds later, he was out of sight just like he pulled a lightspeed of how fast he walked out. Jesus Christ, this man sure is a fucking incognito.

-

It was late in the night when I was still working on Obi's lightsaber grip. For some reason, I thought it would be entertaining if I took some time to at least fix it and maybe give it some meaning back again. My focus was on figuring out how to attach each missing piece together without ruining the entire blade. It was very hard to find all of the components, considering it's a very one of a kind sword. It might seem useless and insignificant to other people, but I've always had feelings for this.

It's the only thing left that makes me feel somewhat closer to him. I might've not been around him much, but whenever we met it was always heartwarming. As someone who admires every Master and every fighter, I've always looked up at him as a role model.

The dim warm light from the corner of the room was bright enough for me to handle the small pieces, while the coffee machine hummed a low sound as it was still on. I didn't notice the presence shuffling through the room, walking toward the cupboard to grab a mug from the cabinet. I lifted my head up, surprised to see Anakin standing there as he was making himself a cup of tea.

He slowly pulls himself the liquid, leaning against the wooden counter fixing his gaze at some blank point, not saying anything. From his demeanor, I can tell he hasn't had a good night of sleep considering his eyes were bloodshot - as always - and his eyes had dark circles around them. I try to ignore his presence and focus on my task, carefully using the tools for each part of the lightsaber. 

I remember when Skywalker seemed stunned when he saw I was holding the grip a while ago, his face held an unreadable expression, but I know he didn't expect to see something that reminds him of his past.

Now that he is here with me, Anakin will probably face it again at some point. Unless he just decides to completely ignore me and walk back to his room without even looking at me. So I just keep myself in my little bubble and ignore him as well.

"Are- Are you okay?" I hear myself ask and roll my eyes to the back of my head. I hate myself.

He clearly doesn't answer or doesn't even mention listening to me, still sipping his tea and staring blankly ahead of him. I huff and shrug, of course he wouldn't say anything to me and it's not like we're friends anyway. He doesn't need to tell me anything either way, I'm just trying to make a small conversation, probably for no reason whatsoever.

It's been a couple of minutes since the man was standing there against the counter, slowly drinking his liquid and minding his own business. Then, I notice the sparkly jewelry around his finger and my eyes go wide. Did he ever take that ring off? Does he walk around with it even after all those years? There are so many things I can't stop wondering and I'm sure it probably doesn't help him get over his past.

This is probably why he's always acting defensive and angry. I have no idea what it's like to lose someone like he lost Padmé, and maybe I would've been in the same situation as he is now. Only I'm not a Jedi, and I'm not holding myself off to avoid getting taken by the dark side.

I hesitated for a few seconds before asking anything that would make me regret living, but I don't think there's anything better than to help the others. And I know he needs it more than anyone I've met until today.

"Can't sleep either?" I try again, not daring to look at him as I handle the tool for the blade emitter of the lightsaber.

He still doesn't answer, I can barely even hear Anakin sipping his tea at this point. I shake my head in disappointment at my decision, like he would give me answers and talk to me as if we were close enough for that.

He doesn't move his lips when he mutters a "uh-uh", his eyes still fixed to the wall across the room. This is better than no answer at all, but Skywalker doesn't feel like he wants to do anything other than just drink the tea. So, I nod and hold the saber grip up to my eye level, scanning the missing pieces.

I unintentionally look from the corner of my eye when I realize he snapped his head to where I was sitting. Anakin squints his blue eyes to adjust his sight from the lack of enough brightness in the room, his right hand almost dropping the mug on the floor when he takes in what I'm holding against the light. 

I literally have to hold my breath for a few seconds in order to disguise the shakiness that was taking over my body from his sudden action. I know this is a big deal to him, but I'm not sure how he's going to react towards it.

"What are you doing?" His raspy tone echoed through the room, his voice was deep and it had a tinge of nostalgia.

I didn't want to look back at him because I know how intimidating his eyes are. And I'm not talking about the color itself, it's more likely the way they bore into your soul and it feeds itself off your fear. I keep my gaze focused on the piece in front of me, my palms getting sweaty.

"Trying to fix the lightsaber. Maybe give it some meaning" I can't speak like I usually do when I'm around other people. This time, it seems like my vocal cords weren't even being used.

His footsteps finally approach the table I'm working on, his body language reluctantly wondering if he should come closer or just stand a few feet away from me. I look up and see how his eyes carry sorrow and pain, while he still stares at the piece being held in my hand. Anakin struggles to let the words come off of his mouth, which he keeps it shut in a thin line, repressing his feelings. I don't push him, and I don't offer any other word because it's not right to.

He slowly pushes a chair back and sits on it, his slumped shoulders seem to be rigid for whatever reason. It's like he's fighting back his own body to stand this close to me, he shifts in his seat and places his mug on the table. Both of his legs are stretched as he rests one foot above the other, crossing his arms like it's shielding him from any harm.

"How do you know how to manage it?" I hear him ask, voice low but still carrying a bit of roughness, like he doesn't want to give in to talking.

.... It's my job? I try not to answer the question with sarcasm, because I don't think he knows everything I work with. But I ignore that thought and give him a polite explanation. I don't want him going full dark side mode on me again.

"Well, there's a lot of things I do that people don't know about" I give him a light chuckle to lighten the mood. "I've learned that with a former Master from the Temple. She thought it would be a nicety to have a different skill"

He nodded, hanging his head low as his chin touched his chest.

"I think he would've loved to see this was fixed. He would never let go of it" I hold the grip tightly, spinning it around my fingers.

There wasn't a straight response to that and I feel like he would agree with my statement. Kenobi never really had an intention of leaving his weapon behind him.

"Yeah, of course" Anakin spat sternly and bitterly. "If he wasn't such a fucking stupid son of a bitch"

I recognize the hurt in his voice. He feels like he was left behind when he decided that he wanted to kill Palpatine. We all heard about it back then, but no one would ever bring it up in a conversation with him. I keep my hands busy, but my body is rigid from his comment.

"The amazing Obi-Wan Kenobi would just love to have his piece of shit of lightsaber after being gone for six fucking years" I watch him as he huffed a sarcastic laugh. "God, you have no idea who he is, do you?"

Anakin shot a hard glance at me, his brows were knitted together and his lips were pouty with anger. He literally could've been compared to a child with the pissed look. I immediately tense and avert my eyes back to the grip, now it seemed pointless talking about the piece with him.

"He fucking left me. After all I've been through all those years, after I've lost everything he decided that the best option was to give up on me and turn his back on me. He didn't want me to be his friend anymore" Anakin started to raise his voice, his body was still in a defensive position while his hands gripped his arms with violence.

"I'm sorry, Anakin. But I think he just didn't want to see you get hurt" Saying it out loud makes me feel like my throat is getting dry and at this point I'm just fiddling with the lightsaber piece.

"No. No, he just thought that leaving me behind would get the weight off his shoulders. He is literally the most selfish asshole I've ever met" I can hear him breathing through his nose, his fingers digging deep into his tunic.

With a sudden motion, I feel his robotic hand reach out to mine and quickly remove the lightsaber handle from me. I gasp at the reaction, watching as Skywalker holds it to his eye level and spins it around.

"You know..." He speaks up again, eyes roaming through the piece. "This used to be something I would kill to have. A lightsaber owned by the one and only would've made me feel like I was worth it"

There's something about the deepness of his voice and the way his eyes wouldn't tear away from the grip that made my stomach drop. I could hear my heart beating too fast in my ears and my hands were shaking so bad that I didn't know how to stop it.

"Anakin, he-"

He let out a breathy laugh, his chest was vibrating and his shoulders were shaking from the laughter. The kind of laugh only an unhinged person would have when they were in their worst state of mine.

"He will never fucking come back, (Y/L/N). And you know why?" He stood from his chair, facing me with his pupils now too dilated for a normal person. This is the first time he mentions my last name when talking to me. "Because he doesn't give a fuck about anyone anymore. He is the one who gave up on us! And what the fuck is this?"

Anakin extended his hand still gripping the weapon, forcing me to look at the piece. I shifted my eyes back to him and watched as he was still frowning. God, don't let this be another breakdown please.

"This is what he fucking left! It wasn't a fucking letter, no. He didn't leave anything remotely close enough made by him. This piece of shit doesn't mean anything!"

He brings the robotic arm back to him again, looking down at it for a few seconds. I can see him panting heavily as his chest raises rapidly from the moment of anger. And then again, he laughs audibly. Anakin starts pacing back and forth, still a few feet away from me. The amount of cursing made my head hurt because it wasn't something I was used to hearing coming from him.

"He made it clear what he wanted when he left me. He said I was his brother, that he loved me. He said it in the past because he'd made up his mind pretty quickly. I was nothing to him anymore!"

I didn't know if I should offer a hug or even sit down with him and just talk him out of his nervousness. But I know better than to actually get in the way of that, when he clearly seems too deep into his thoughts.

"And now what? While you fix this-" He holds the grip up at me "Which isn't even your fucking issue, he is out there doing God-knows-what. Because let me tell you, he doesn't give a shit about you- about us"

"I'm sure he would come back if he could, Anakin. He was too careful enough to look out for all of us, there must be something else-" He didn't let me finish as he took a few steps closer to me.

"Mhmm, yeah. Sure. God, of course!" He says sternly, faking another laugh "Almighty Obi-Wan is so sweet he would never do shit like that, right?"

He was still looking down at me like he needed an answer, his metal hand was gripping the lightsaber grip so tight that it could easily break into pieces. "I asked you a question", Anakin raised his voice.

"I- I don't thin-"

Next thing I knew, he threw the object over the wall with no remorse. It broke into pieces I might never be able to fix, and I gasped from the sudden reaction. I should've seen it coming. Anakin didn't move his body when he did that, only then slightly turning his head to look at me again. On instinct, I stepped backwards from him trying to avoid another fight.

"You should've known by now that he won't ever come back. Stop playing nice to someone who doesn't give a fuck about you. And if you ever even try to get that shit fixed, you'll regret it" He whispered, leaving me dumbfounded from what just happened.

"What the hell was that for?" I throw my arms up and raise my voice at him. That was completely and utterly unnecessary.

"That thing-" He pointed at the broken lightsaber grip before continuing "Isn't your concern anymore!"

I furrow my brows in annoyance and roll my eyes. "And who are you to say what is and isn't my concern? You don't dictate rules here, and especially not at me!"

Anakin straightened his back and balled his hands into fists, inching closer to me, almost bumping his nose into mine. "You are gonna regret touching that thing"

I know I shouldn't gaslight him, but he always strikes a nerve when he starts to act all cocky. "Maybe that's why Obi-Wan left you behind after all"

His expression hardened in a matter of seconds and his eyes darkened, his pupils hiding his blue eyes. "What the fuck did you just say?"

He was fuming with anger, and I'm sure his eyes would become yellow again. I decided to shrug and not give him the answer he expected. Anakin was still panting, still facing me as I tried to avoid eye contact for too long. For a moment, I thought he was going to choke me like he did the last time he was this angry, but he motioned his hands and just stepped away from me.

"You have no idea what you're dealing with, I hope you know that" Anakin muttered before turning on his back and leaving the coffee room, vanishing through the door.

Why do I always open my damn mouth?

I drop to my knees, picking up the broken pieces of the sword with my hands still trembling. Most of it was too shattered to even get fixed, and even if I really wanted to try again, it would take me too long. Long enough for me to give up on the idea, and I was trying to avoid getting killed by Anakin either way.

Taking a sharp breath, I gather the objects in my hands and bring them to the box. "I'm so sorry, Obi-Wan" My voice wavered as I put it in the box.

I don't know what it was, but I suddenly felt an odd sensation close to my body. But when I snapped my head back and looked around myself, I saw nothing.

@jackie-on-the-loose @adorbzliz @himesuedi @kingdomhate @himesuedi @cl0esblogg @littlecoffeeadict @readingthingsonhere

[silverhalla]

Seleny Merlot, 8:92 Blessed

Teia had looked far too pleased when she asked him to dinner. That should have been the first clue.

Viago didn’t trust restaurants. In all honesty, he detested them. He could only test for so many poisons at once, and had only developed his immunity to a few dozen. A restaurant was danger. It was his life, in the hands of an unknown chef, in the hands of many unknown persons with many untold reasons to perhaps want him dead. As a rule, he avoided them, but Teia was... insistent. She owned the little bistro, though, and had personally vetted anyone with access to his food for the evening. It was a touching gesture, truly, to make him feel more comfortable in a place he felt deeply, uniquely exposed.

It should have been his second clue.

(also on [ao3]!!)

The establishment was irritatingly nice. Candles flickered on every table, although theirs was the only one taken. If he’d been on edge before, his concern was certainly peaking now.

"You're planning something," he groused after the waiter walked away, pulling out Teia's chair for her. She sat delicately, looking up at him through her lashes as he sat down across the table.

"I am not," she insisted, sounding far too smug.

Viago sighed. "It's bad, isn't it?"

"Oh, hush. Drink some wine." She reached for the menu, smiling at him in a way that reminded him far too much of a satisfied cat. "Try to enjoy yourself for once."

"I'm enjoying myself," he huffed, not enjoying himself at all. "Hand me the wine list."

“Of course,” she said, taking a quick glance at it before passing it over. "Seleny Merlot, 8:92 Blessed. Isn’t that Rook’s favorite?”

Viago squinted at her, unamused. “Why do you know that?”

“Oh, it just came to mind.” She waved a hand dismissively, returning to her study of the menu. “It came up recently in conversation.”

That was news. “You saw Rook?”

“No,” Teia purred, batting her dark, pretty eyes at him. “I saw Lucanis.”

Viago’s voice went deadly serious. “Andarateia.”

“He was thinking of buying a bottle or two,” she hinted, “or so I heard.” She leaned forward, barely hiding a smirk, and he could feel a vein at his temple begin to throb.

"Why is a Dellamorte..." - he hissed the name through his teeth - "...buying expensive wine for my protege?"

Teia fluttered a hand, looking nonchalant. “Oh, I’m sure there was a reason. Perhaps her nameday?”

“Half a year ago,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “You planned her trip to the coast.”

“Did I? I must have forgotten.” Teia bridged her fingers and rested her chin upon them, blinking up at the man innocently. “Well, friends buy friends gifts. Like the dagger she got for him, or so the vendor mentioned.”

It was a trap, he knew, and he walked into it anyways. “When?”

“A few months, give or take.”

That was a horrifying concept – how long he’d gone without spotting it. "Months!?"

“Oh, don’t be so glum,” Teia teased, “I’m sure it's nothing. She would’ve said something. To one of us, at least.”

There was a beat, where Teia smiled serenely and his fury simmered.

"Did she say something to you?" he asked tersely, already regretting the question.

"Nothing comes to mind." She pretended to think about it carefully, her brow furrowed. "I suppose she hasn't had much time lately. The last time I saw her was..."

"When you were planning Caterina's funeral," Viago finished, wheels turning in his head. "...and he brought her with him."

"For moral support, wasn't it? He needed her close by, just in case." She paused, tilting her chin thoughtfully. "Now that I think about it, there was a comment..."

"Teia...," he groaned, his eyes pleading.

She waved a hand dismissively. "I had complimented her. And insulted you in the process, of course."

"Of course," he said, sarcastic as ever.

"And Lucanis got a little..." Teia paused, considering her words carefully. "...defensive."

Vi's eyes narrowed. "How so?"

"He told me not to flirt with her." That, at least, seemed like a decent idea.

"For once, something he and I agree on," he said, casting her a scathing look.

She ignored him, continuing. "And he looked absolutely pitiful about it," Teia added, "...and he called her his colleague."

There was another shoe that had to drop, surely, but he had to know. “Is that it?”

"Oh, but he almost didn't. 'Teia, don't flirt with my... colleague'!" she mimicked, affecting his slightly posher accent, "Like that."

"Like he wanted to call her something else." Viago frowned, brooding. "Did she seem surprised?"

Teia's grin only grew. "She blushed. To the tips of her ears."

Viago cursed, leaning back in his chair. It was a bigger problem than he'd thought. If Lucanis was smitten, he'd kill him. If Rook was smitten, he could give her a strong talking-to and make thinly-veiled threats. Of course the fool had to fall for a Dellamorte, of all people. It was irritating how easily she shaped up plans to ruin her own life. If it were a one-sided crush, yes, he could deal with that. Find a way to dissuade her, or to threaten him. But if that interest was mutual... Mierda.

“Maybe we’re reading too much into it,” he said hopelessly, desperate for another explanation. "Plenty of Crows send out gifts for well-struck contracts. Maybe a gift for a job well done?"

“Perhaps,” Teia conceded, going back to perusing the drink menu. Her eyes kept flickering back up to him, though, a mischievous look on her face, which he ignored for as long as he could manage.

Finally, after a minute of terse silence and furtive looks, he sighed. “What?”

“Nothing! I’m just thinking about that wine,” Teia hinted, “It must be good.”

He considered deeply whether he’d done something stupid recently. Stupid enough, at least, that she’d poison him for it. It wouldn’t be anything he hadn’t built up a tolerance for, but it would certainly make for an unpleasant evening.

The waiter, seeming to sense his acquiescence, materialized at the table. “Signora?”

“A glass of Antivan White,” Teia said sweetly, flashing the boy a dazzling smile that had him stammering as he turned to take the other assassin's order.

“And… and for you?”

“I’ll try the 8:92,” Viago sighed, annoyed that he had to take the bait, “…a glass, but only if you have a fresh bottle. We’ll uncork it here.” The odds of getting poisoned at one of the Cantori’s restaurants were low, but never zero. He untucked the tester kit from his sleeve regardless.

“Of course, signore. If you enjoy the vintage - well, it should be much easier to come by in these next few months.”

“Is that so?” Teia chimed, flashing the boy one of her dazzling smiles, one she'd used on Viago on plenty of occasions. It politely demanded conversation.

“Yes. The winery is under new ownership, you see. And under strict orders for restaurants to keep a reserve.” He returned the Seventh Talon’s smile, every bit as starstruck and moony-eyed as would’ve been expected, faced with Teia’s interest. The comment did not go unnoticed.

Viago recovered as best as he could, already on edge. “What do you mean?”

The boy launched into a long demonstration that he didn’t comment on simply because he was fuming, and feeling utterly foolish, and because language seemed to escape him. The Dellamortes hadn’t just bought the wine, the sommelier had explained cheerfully. They’d bought the whole vineyard.

Teia smirked, and Viago nursed a headache that began forming almost immediately. Somewhere, he was sure, he had a poison that could end this misery.

“On second thought,” he grumbled, “…I will take the whole bottle.”

[nightlyrequiem]

Be Still My Heart

Chapter 5- Interference

Masterlist AO3 Next Previous

New Chapter Every Saturday

You're the best in the meth industry but a new product suddenly pops up. You and your boss, Valeria, must figure out who is making it so you can take back the market. All the while tension is building between the two of you.

A/N: I hate this chapter lol. Might release the next one early as an apology for this pitiful excuse for literature. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. I've been hating Everything recently...

Tags/Warnings: Illegal Substances, Boss Employee Relationship, Angst, Some Hurt/Comfort, Violence, Manipulation, Suggestive Themes, Smut (But Only in CH20.), Dual POV

Corra stands in front of Valeria, face carefully blank as Valeria speaks to her. 

"El Sin Nombre wants you to check out the Texan border." Valeria orders. Beneath her calm, almost bored exterior, Valeria is seething. Blood boiling inside of her veins at the very sight of Corra. With her cute little curls and glossed lips. Who is she trying to impress? You, probably.

"Sure, but why?" She asks. Her question makes Valeria bristle. 

"Because he said so." Valeria says, barely concealing her animosity. "You aren't questioning El Sin Nombre, are you?"

Corra shifts uncomfortably. "No."

Valeria is still somewhat convinced, in her deluded mind, that Corra's intentions with you are of an ill nature. She has no proof to think this way, but Valeria has always trusted her gut. It kept her alive in the army and it kept her alive in the cartel. And it's going to keep you with her.

"Good." She nods. "Take Sanchez, Dominic, and Maria with you." 

There isn't anything at the Texan border. It's a giant waste of time but it will keep Corra away from you long enough for Valeria to fix things.

Corra shifts again.

"How long does he want us to be gone for?" She asks. "I just have this thing on Friday..."

Thing. Is she embarrassed to call it a date? Valeria was right. Corra can't be trusted. She'll take your fragile little heart and crush it in her soft, moisturized palms.

"... Five days." Valeria says. Corra frowns.

"Oh. Could someone else go in my place then?"

Valeria frowns. Irritated that Corra thinks she has the right to ask for a switch. 

"No." Valeria denies coldly. "Whatever it is you have on Friday, cancel it."

Corra frowns as well. Clearly unhappy with her orders but she knows better than to voice her displeasure. "Alright, understood."

"Good. Dismissed."

Before she leaves Valeria tells her to find you and bring you to her office.

Valeria contemplates simply killing Corra to get her out of the way. It's the simplest solution. It would be so unnecessary though, and Corra, Valeria begrudgingly admits, is a useful member of the cartel. No matter. by the time Corra returns you won't want anything to do with her. You shouldn't have wanted anything to do with her in the first place. Valeria had assumed you felt something for her too. At times she even thought you may have been flirting, with your wide stare and dry remarks. When you'd wear a low-cut shirt and lean down ever so slightly. Were you not trying to show off your cleavage? Valeria can feel a headache coming on.

She lights up a cigarette and takes a relieving inhale. Letting the smoke travel down into her lungs. She really needs to quit. The scent of her bad habit trails after like a storm cloud. She had the opportunity to quit when she was in prison for a few months. For whatever reason getting cigarettes was harder than coke. She felt like she was losing her mind when she didn't have access to a smoke, yet the junkies were able to shoot up in the corner. Who smuggles in heroin but not fucking cigarettes? Valeria blows out a gray ring. she regrets that first smoke she had when she got out. Valeria knows you aren't the biggest fan of smokers. Your nose is overly sensitive, and you've given her shit for smoking near you a few times. Sometimes, Valeria will purposefully light one up near you just to see that little disgusted sneer. 

Valeria wonders if the smell has seeped into her skin. If you were to bury your nose into the crook of her neck, would you smell her or smoke? Her contemplations are cut short as you knock. She waits for you to enter like you normally do but you just stand there expectantly.

"... Come in." She says. You finally stride in, eyes darting disapprovingly to the smoke held between her fingers. Before Valeria can speak, you open your mouth.

"Why are you sending Corra to the border?" You ask. Not sounding angry but certainly not pleased. Valeria leans back. Annoyed that you want to talk about Corra. Corra, Corra, Corra. There is nothing special about Corra.

"There's been some issues I want checked out, why?" She asks calmly.

"I was just wondering." You say. Not wanting to reveal she's who you're going out with. Too bad Valeria already knows.

Valeria stubs out her cigarette despite it not even being half finished.

"I sent Sanchez, Dominic, and Maria with her." Valeria tells you. "Why, worried she'll make the bet without you?"

You furrow your brows. "What bet?"

"She's supposed to ask someone out and stand them up." Valeria shrugs. "I'm not sure nor do I care. Diego is the one who told me."

"What do you mean?" You ask, voice unnaturally flat. "We're not teenagers, nobody here would ask out someone else as a joke."

Valeria worries you won't buy it. It's a very juvenile explanation but it's the first one she thought of and she's short on time. Really, she's counting on the fact that you were probably picked on in school and asked out as a joke. She knows you probably were since the people she asked out as jokes were similar to you. Minus the charm and intrigue.

Valeria shrugs.

"The ones making the bet are younger." She says. "Corra is what, twenty-three? Sanchez is only nineteen."

"Diego is pushing forty." You mutter indignantly.

"Diego is an idiot."

You pause and chew on the inside of your cheek. "Corra is who I'm going out with on Friday." You admit. Valeria pretends to be surprised.

"Oh, I see." She hums without much sympathy. "How childish."

You seem incredibly bothered at the idea of being the recipient of something so immature. Like you can't believe the grown adults you work with have the same mentality of children. You're upset. Valeria takes the opportunity to touch you, laying her hand on yours.

To Valeria's displeasure you retract your hand. Valeria straightens and shoves away the embarrassment she feels at your rejection.

"We have more important things to talk about." She says, voice considerably less warm. "I discussed the next course of action with Diego."

"Mhm."

"He wants to check out Pajaro Azul-"

"It's not from Pajaro Azul."

Valeria frowns at the interruption, feeling a spike of annoyance. "We can't rule out that possibility." She speaks. "I'm going to wait to see how your sugar recipe sells. If it starts selling as good or better than the yellow stuff, then we'll focus our energy on that before we crack down on it."

You nod but Valeria can tell meth is low on the list of things you care about at the moment.

You're so... downtrodden. A lot more affected by the news than Valeria thought you'd be. It's a good thing Valeria stopped this date from happening. You haven't even had any time to bond with the girl and you're already heartbroken. What a sad, fragile thing you are. Corra would have absolutely destroyed you. Valeria is doing this for your own good. Better to be sad before any real attachments are formed.

"Well, I guess I'm free on Friday now." You sigh, rubbing the bridge of your nose. Valeria knows you do that when you have a headache coming on. Does Corra know that? She thinks not. "If you were still wanting to sit in on the process."

Valeria wishes you were a little happier at the prospect of spending time with her. 

"Yeah." Valeria nods. Feeling much less stressed now that Corra is out of the way. She knows you'll go out of your way to avoid her now. Either from anger or embarrassment. Her pleasure at her successful game of emotional manipulation fades a little. A small part of her does feel bad for how hurt you seem, but it's for the best. You and Valeria work well together, you have good chemistry. Corra would disrupt all of that and Valeria doesn't do well with change. It doesn't help that the thought of anyone else between your legs makes her feel sick.

[nukaberries]

howdy! if this blog is still active, could you do new vegas companions react to courier six being a synth? idk how they'd find out, prolly either six telling them or a close call with a courser. it's up to you!

This puts anything I've ever requested on Tumblr to shame because this is such a cool idea?? I'm obsessed with crossing over the Fallout games - which is probably why MacCready's my favourite companion - so I find stuff like this so fun to write. I also just love requests like this because it gives me the chance to challenge myself, I feel like I write the Fallout 4 companions better (I definitely have more hours in 4 than any game), so I love getting the opportunity to write for New Vegas companions too!

//

Companions Reacting to the Courier Being a Synth (Includes: Arcade, Boone, Cass, Lily, Raul and Veronica)

Arcade Gannon When the courier reveals the truth to him, he's more embarrassed than anything that he didn't figure it out himself. He's never seen a robot look so unmistakably humanlike before, leaving him with a lot of questions for the Courier. After all, he's seen them eat, drink, sleep and bleed like any normal, breathing human would - can he even be sure this is the same courier that he first met in Freeside? For a while, Arcade will keep a wary eye on the courier, unsure what to believe, whether he can trust the courier, whether he's been able to trust them at all. Eventually, he comes back around, which is arguably worse for the courier, as they spend most of their time answering questions like "do you have an off switch?"

Craig Boone He doesn't think much of the strange man who'd just tried to ambush the courier, even in spite of the odd outfit that was surely far too warm for someone to be wearing in the middle of the desert. It's only when the courier appears shaken up and Boone finds some kind of component when looting the man that he thinks to question anything. The courier is dismissive at first and says that they simply just got caught off guard by the assailant, of course, Boone doesn't believe them but he doesn't see the point in pushing. When the courier inevitably tells him, it doesn't change much for him, he'll naturally be curious at to how the courier's existence is even possible, but as long as they're still willing to take the Legion down with him, he doesn't care what they are.

Cass Similarly to Boone, the revelation of the courier not being as human as they seem doesn't particularly bother her. She'll probably make a couple of jokes here and there, usually ones that the courier has heard a million times before. It doesn't make any difference to Cass though, sure, it's a little weird but she'd seen weirder just by minding her own business at the Mojave Outpost.

Lily Bowen She's fully aware that she's in no place to judge the courier for what they are and she makes that clear the moment that her companion reveals they're a synth. It doesn't necessarily change anything about the courier for her and if anything, she encourages them to talk about what they went through at the Institute, so long as they feel comfortable telling her. She'll remind them that she's still their grandma and she loves them no matter what.

Raul Tejada When you're around for long enough, you hear a lot, specifically whispers of robots posing as humans in the East, spying for their masters and replacing innocent people. Of course, none of that ever sounds like more than old myth to Raul. That is until a run in with what the courier later explains is a courser leaves Raul to deal with a revelation about his new friend. Admittedly, it's a lot for him to take in, especially after hearing so many bad things about synths for so long, but eventually, he figures nobody would want to make a synth replacement of him and if he's been able to trust the courier for this long, then surely he still can.

Veronica Santangelo Being a Brotherhood Scribe, Veronica knows quite a bit about the Institute already, but since hardly any of her fellow comrades have actually gone to the Commonwealth, her knowledge is limited. Still, it causes some uncertainty when the courier tells her the truth about their identity. She's only ever heard bad things about synths and this does seem like the definition of technology gone out of hand. It takes Veronica a while to warm up to the idea that her friend isn't going to bring her or anyone else any harm, but it'll take a bit longer that it would the others to earn back her trust.