oldqueergrandma

[oldqueergrandma]

Seeing a lot of new people show up in my notes with like "proship dni" or whatever so RENT LOWERING GUNSHOT: IM AN ADULT WHO DOES NOT CARE IF PEOPLE HAVE PROBLEMATIC SHIPS, IM OLD AND BELIEVE TABOO FICTION IS SAFE AND HEALTHY, IM AN OLD MAN WHO THINKS IT'S FINE TO HAVE SHIPS THAT WOULD BE BAD IN REAL LIFE, I BELIEVE IN TABOO KINKS AS HEALING PLACES, I DO NOT DO SHIP DISCOURSE, I THINK IT'S OKAY TO WRITE ABOUT BAD THINGS HAPPENING TO GOOD PEOPLE WITHOUT CONDEMNING IT IN THE NARRATIVE, I THINK IT'S OKAY TO GET OFF TO MAKE BELIEVE BAD THINGS!!! THANKS

[oldqueergrandma]

Also friendly reminder that subs can hurt doms. Doms are not always the actual aggressor or the guilty party when someone gets hurt in kink.

An example I like to use is how bratting can go too far. I have seen subs/brats use it as a venue to say genuinely hurtful things to their dom, even going as far as to legitimately trigger their mental illness (OCD in that case) on purpose and call it "bratting."

The only context in which this would be ok is if the dom has explicitly given consent to be triggered, and there is an understanding between partners that this is not a form of self harm. (For example, using triggers that have been consented to as a form of exposure therapy; this was not indicated in the example I gave which is very concerning).

Doms only hold the power they are given--this does not exempt subs from having responsibility for both their own and the dom's wellbeing.

[oldqueergrandma]

Having a traumatic childhood means you cannot talk even objectively about your basic foundational experiences without it being "venting", even if you're not actually venting. You just straight up have a huge chunk of your life you can't talk about, full stop, without it being trauma dumping.

And it not being socially acceptable to talk about your own childhood is super alienating. Sometimes people want to know why, and any answer you can give them is going to be off putting.

It's to the point I get irritated when something I said is framed as venting when I'm literally just talking about my life experiences, doing my best to keep emotion out of it.

[oldqueergrandma]

so many of the transfems i know spent their time pre-transition performing a kind of lifelong exercise in self-deprivation, the goal of which was to find out exactly how little a person needed to live. they starved themselves, dressed carelessly, shunned friends, and hollowed themselves out so as not to be burdens on anyone but themselves.

i see it now, too, in the girls around me. i'll ask if they want care – a home-cooked meal, relaxed company, sex without the expectation of reciprocation – and they say no, no, thank you, i don't need it; what would you like, what do you want, because in their head they're still doing that awful calculus, still training themselves to disappear in the eyes of the people around them.

i don't think i'd have died without transition – not in the conventional sense, at least – but to take that leap, i had to stop thinking of myself as a human experiment in fuel-efficient living and start nurturing the anemic, atrophied flame of desire in my heart. i had to learn to eat well, to exercise, to style myself beautiful, but harder than that, i had to learn to ask the people around me to work on my behalf in order to enrich my life and give me the things i wanted.

and i did it; i learned. and it was agony, but courage is a muscle you can train, and every day i get better at accepting gifts with the hungry gratitude i never learned in my years and years as a sad, scared, lonely boy.

so be patient with the trans girls in your life. better than that: be proactive, attentive, generous; be forceful, if you have to, and learn to distinguish real discomfort from the terrified reflex of self-denial that so many of us once learned to rely on.

and if you are so lucky as to love a trans girl, you must insist upon her. you must insist upon her happiness, her comfort, her pleasure, and her rest, because she may still not yet know how to make those demands for herself. if you can devote any amount of energy to becoming an engine that nurtures the flame of even a single tgirl then there is a place for you in trans heaven, which as far as i'm concerned is the only one worth going to

[oldqueergrandma]

My question is, what do the weird anti-kink people do when they discover they have a kink

do they just like

pretend everyone else likes feet or hair or McDonald’s playplace mascot statues or whatever exactly as much as they do

Or is it more of a Catholic denial-of-the-self sort of thing

[oldqueergrandma]

I recently attended a queer community event and there was a group of older women who coordinated to provide hugs to any participants who needed one. I went over to tell them how cool this was and to thank them, and the lady I talked to said 'hey, so, we're all moms, but we don't have any dads with us. Want to join us as a dad?' (ADATF assigned dad at the function, woop!) (understandable because I am white-haired and butch and giant and was also wearing brown plaid flannel, plus my entire being is suffused with an epic level of dorkiness that I guess really reads as dad for some qualities of dadness) Anyway I was like Fuck Yeah Hi I'm Dad and started giving hugs as assigned, attempting to give the kind of enveloping, all-encompassing and all-accepting hugs that I thought would be most effective, but this one little masc person pulled back afterwards and said 'no offense, but that was like a mom hug. could i have a dad hug?', and I was so confused by this for a moment I said 'dad hug?' and waved my hands like patting, and they were like 'yes! like the back-slapping! like you gotta knock the gay cooties off!' so I squared up and gave them a big back-slapping hug, and, being amused, added 'you want me to call you Sport?' and they got very small in my arms and quietly said 'yeah... please', so I rocked them a little while still patting and said 'oh, it's okay, Sport, I got you. Pal. Buddy. Champ. Ace. We're gonna keep the gay cooties, yeah?' and they nodded and then snuggled in and didn't let go for some time so I guess I did okay. Anyway. Further study on gendered hugs needed, apparently.

[oldqueergrandma]

this pride month i want everyone to consider the benefits of abolishing the sex binary

[oldqueergrandma]

I was a woman with stubble and a receding hairline, alternating back and forth between different terrible haircuts before I got laser and bangs and became the woman you see before you today. And when I talk to some of these girls now who get hrt and laser IMMEDIATELY after coming out, it's got me having mixed feelings. On the one hand, I'm happy for them, it's really a testament to how much we've fought to get access to medical transition. on the other hand, they all ask me where I get my confidence from and literally it's because I used to look like a crossdressing faggot before I looked like a woman, and people still gendered me correctly about 50% of the time back then and it made me realize that nobody fucking notices little bumps in your clothes or the spot you missed shaving. An actress who forgets a line can still deliver a memorable performance.

[oldqueergrandma]

the most baffling idea that goes around these days is that masculinity is accepted and even encouraged in girls

that's the stupidest shit ever posted on the internet and i think that any trans person who grew up as a girl can agree to that, except a small minority who grew up in a privileged background

masculinity is only ever accepted in ppl perceived as women if it panders to the cishet male gaze. it's very similar to the Gone Girl "cool girl" monologue. u can like fixing cars, but u better wear a really small top and have nice tits while doing it. u can like sports and hanging out with guys, watch sci fi and be fun and messy, but u better have a full face of appropriate make up during it and be careful that u remain skinny. also if u have a traditionally considered male hobby or job, it's cool, but only as long as u are not better than the men around u. that' not masculinity being accepted, it's immature cishet men wanting a girlfriend that puts as much effort in her appearance as a girly girl without being "high maintenence"

and all that shit applies if you're gender conforming

when u start presenting in a masculine way is when shit hits the fan. i wouldn't say that u lose all privilege (if you're cis) when u go masc, but the way u are perceived is not the same. suddenly u are no longer deserving of protection, kindness or dignity. when i presented hard masc it was almost impossible to go outside without gettimg harassed at a magnitude i've never experiences before or since. ppl stopped being kind to me, i was treated like a freak show, the little queer u can show like a new purchase, ppl treated me like i was stupid to the point that it affected my school life. ppl were routinely staring at me, and in some instances even tried to touch me (my tits specifically) without consent to see if i was a girl

but that's not all

regardless of what some trans radfems like to claim, u are forced into femininity, all the time. every hair cut, every shopping trip, every year when u don't bring a boyfriend (bc transandrophobia and lesbophobia have always been cousins), every day u don't put make up on, every time u shot down a demand to perform femininity, is followed by screaming, crying and monstruous fights from family members or ppl in a position of power, during which u are repeatedly reminded that being yourself is wrong and you're an abomination

and that's why u can never ask for help, not about the fighting or the endless verbal and sexual harassement, bc u will probably be told that it's entirely your fault, and u deserved all of it

[oldqueergrandma]

Agreed.

American families are diverse and inclusive.

MAGA can't handle their happiness and joy.

[oldqueergrandma]

Knowing that trans women of color started the movement in the united states and were literally immediately erased and excluded from what they started is the most deeply jading knowledge.

It is the original sin of the so-called queer community and it damns it from the cradle.

[oldqueergrandma]

I never want to hear another cis person talk shit about trans healthcare ever fucking again.

[oldqueergrandma]

Sub-Radio, the band that did Stacy's Dad, coming out with another banger for Pride.

[oldqueergrandma]

I dont really care if you use the term bisexual or pansexual, but what i DO care about is that you understand that bisexuality at NO stage in history was EVER trans-exclusionary. Bisexuality has always included trans folks, and non-binary folks, and the entire spectrum of gender between male and female, as well as Definitively Gender and agender. It has ALWAYS meant "attraction to more than one gender." It has NEVER meant "attraction to cis men and women only."

So, pan, bi, use whichever label you will. But do NOT buy into the recent-years innacurate concept that bisexuality is attraction to cis men and women only, because thats literally never been the case.

[oldqueergrandma]

Sapphics who don't like fat girls are so weird to me. You're supposed to like girl. Why wouldn't you want more girl per girl

[oldqueergrandma]

& this is probably my favorite public statement ever released by any notable figure ever

[oldqueergrandma]

my mum just called "scrolling on Tumblr" "scrumbling"