#im sick of cooking and cleaning
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rewatching episode 7 cuz im in my speirton feelings
#band of brothers#ronald speirs#carwood lipton#it's the height difference for me#i wish i was a man dying in a war#give me purpose and brotherhood#im sick of cooking and cleaning#i wanna play in other men's guts and learn how to use a sniper riffle
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Frank castle finding one of your plushies left over at his place and sending u pics like this with it everywhere he goes throughout the day </3
#god#having a ‘fun day with dad’ before he brings it back im sick#worms brain worms have infiltrated me I fear#I’m going peacefully#I have so much to write sorry guys I have been on a ugly break#ie I feel ugly and so does my writing but#Frank castle save me#I was gonna ask if any of my followers know who this man is before writing about him but this is for me#and worm#and the other five people here who care#for US#all will be well again soon#I’m sure#🌑 yapping#in these hashtags my god#frank castle I can cook and clean and and and#frank castle#frank castle imagine#frank castle x reader#frank castle thoughts#frank castle fluff#🌑 thots
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When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.
Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.
TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.
If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.
If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.
If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.
If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.
If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.
If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.
If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.
If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.
If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.
If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.
If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.
If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.
If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.
I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.
If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.
If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.
If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.
These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.
And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.
If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.
Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.
#lord knows that im still trying to pull myself out of the muck and into independence and dignity#i had to set a rule for myself that i need to wear clean clothes every day. and that i need to wear pyjamas to bed#that one's been hard. sometimes I dont have the energy to do it and i just stay in the same clothes for two days at a time#or i go to sleep in what i was wearing. but when i do follow that rule my quality of life is drastically better#not feeling dirty or gross goes a long way to making you feel more like a person#i also made a rule that im not allowing myself to look frumpy outside anymore. that means clothes that look nice#no more trackies and pj pants and all that stuff. i basically lived in perpetual pyjamas for four years and im over it#i still dress comfortably but the important thing is that i dress. i look put together. i wear things that make me happy#(and i didnt need to buy anything to do so. i just needed to start taking better care of myself)#and i stopped letting perfect be the enemy of the good. i started doing things shitty rather than not doing it at all#and the more i keep pushing with my ADLs the better i feel#what helps is now i dont have to contend with stairs and that has made a dramatic change to what im able to accomplish#ive also finally built up enough strength in my body that im able to go to the shops by myself. so i can buy things to make easy meals#and mum doesnt mind if i just put some things in the oven or air fryer for us for dinner.#i still cant really cook. i felt bad about that for the longest time. i didnt even try bc i knew what id make would be disappointing#or it wouldnt be up to the standards of what everyone else was making. i was so sick of feeling like a let down all the time.#now i just make what i can and my mum doesnt complain bc shes in the same boat.#and yeah. having help would be nice. it would mean id be able to do more than what i can do by myself.#and its great to see how far ive come. but im not a burden. and when i have the accommodations i need i can do a lot more#i do something rather than nothing and my life has dramatically changed since then. ive just gotten better and better.#chronic illness#disability#chronic pain#spoonie#one things for certain and thats that im never going to let myself rely on anyone else ever again.#i never want to be on the other side of that ever again. I don't want to be anyone's burden. i dont want that hanging over me#i do things by myself or i dont do them at all. and god fucking willing i'll never go back to needing as much help as i used to#i really didnt realise just how much of an obstacle living with stairs was in my life. it was the biggest barrier against everything#stairs stopped me from being independent. if i couldnt traverse them i just didnt go anywhere. my world shrank so much#and not having the proper wheelchair shrinks my world even more. im stronger than i used to be but im still severely limited in where i go
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#i am slowly trying to reach some kind of balance for being an adult#its just taking so long#even now i just realised i need a lot more sweaters after i moved countries cause its so cold here#and i only now bought some binders cause i still dont have every i need#and i need gloves cause its freezing and thick socks#but i dont have enough money to buy it all at once#im also trying to sort out my home in a way i can try to keep it clean#but im also in a HEAVY burn out and im only doing tiny steps or none#cause sometimes i only have enough spoons to clean just to decent level after a week#i cant wait till i have all of the basic stuff i need#and have everything set up#im also getting sick#so im trying to avoid that and rest as much as i can#at least i can grab a nice sandwich to have after my shift and a pastry for later too#so that saves me some money and some cooking#also the customers tip so well i can buy myself a little treat every week or every few days#i bought a book today from tips ❤#personal
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Tip to ruin your morning: think about your father until you are nauseated with the regret of being born
#i wonder if i will ever be loved the way i love my parents... i wonder if i will ever be someone worth taking care of...#i am parenting my parents and they take it so for granted is kind of humiliating..#i am sick.. and my father is too... but im the one getting up at 6 to be on the market and make breakfast and clean the house ...#and hes just.. 🧍♂️ im sick i cant do shit... and i just want to cry bc i wish i had an easy childhood to be able to say#'i want to be a kid again' but tbqh i only want the childhood i was robbed of... i want to be able to feel sick and someone telling me#i can rest and theyll take care of it#i wish my dad could love me srsly... like dont just say i love you and then going away and letting someone else to take care of me... i wish#he could love me enough to learn how to cook for when i needed it and not viceversa...#i wish i was special enough to wake the paternity out of him...#im just stuck w a moody and rude teenager instead...#and its my fault too yk... i love him too much and i can only think.. oh.. is bc he had a horrible childhood.... but i dont think he even#knows the hell i grew up in even exist
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GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#sxsh generations spoilers#sonic x shadow generations spoilers#grrrr they cooked with this#GOT A CHANCE TOW ATCH IT AND OOO#THAT WAS SO SICK????W#I LOVE HOW UNCOMFORTABLE THE START IS COS IT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING ELSE AND I WAS HOLDING MY BREATH IN DOUBT#like i knew it couldnt be but was only reassured when maria showed her face#i love how the despair in her voice also heightens the tension but turns out its because shes running out of breath because of her sickness#also i love how they use colors here so much wtf#lookdev and art team fucking cooked oh my god#like when they are running at the start and everything is kinda green and cool and marias blonde hair is literally emiting a yellow aura#ALSO i LOVE how they make it clear that this isnt “what actually happened”#its still shadow's memories and they still arent reliable. its only one more reflection of his trauma that someone is trying to take#advantage of by shedding light on it again and testing how he reacts to it#so uhh black arms mind hive confirmed?#ALSO THE FACT THAT SHADOW KNOWS ARK DESTROYED ALL THE EVIDENCE RIGHT AFTER THE ARK RAID#DOES THAT MEAN THAT AFTER THEY CAPTURED HIM HE STAYED CONSCIOUS AND HAD TO WATCH THEM CLEANING ALL THE PROOF THAT THEY MURDERD EVERYONE??#WHAT THE FUCK7#but i must say im starting to wonder if they edited it out again today for some reason#there is dialogue missing that still appears in the subtitles and that was present in the first teaser#i watch with subs on and i must admit that took me out of it for a second because i knew that was supposed to be there but wasnt
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everyone pissing me off today
#so sick of my cousin and his fiance im sorry can they just go away. such tiring and draining people#always arguing and shouting i cannot take it anymore#other cousin also here and annoying as ever#everyone treating me like a slave whose only job is to cook and clean for them#theres some woman here to advise my cousin on her medical school application after her graduation.... no comment.#need to get a job. wrting my cv
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its 10pm. i can either lie in bed for 4 hours reading fanfic til i finally slip into sleep
or i can play the outer worlds until i pass out on the couch....................
#tough choices#i could also play ffxv#its just so hard to progress when i know whats gonna happen next#and when the next thing is gonna make me cry#ive been off work for 2 months i need to go back im losing it#i mean i have no money first of all and i owe so many people so much lmao#now the student loans ppl are calling me like thats new#ive had job interviews but they havent gone anywhere (yet?)#hahaaaaaaaa#stressin#i should really make a new cover letter and then apply for all those housekeeper jobs#i can cook and clean pls hire me as ur househusband#but mostly im just fucking bored and need to see people other than my siblings#i need enrichment#my sister and i were supposed to go out this weekend but she was sick#and now she doesnt wanna spend money for a bit#and im like cool but. please? pretty please?#really excited to go out with my new friend#we gonna go to a club#then hang out. 420 and anime.#not all at once probably
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It probably says something about me or my family or both that my mom making comments two mornings in a row that I should get up earlier so I can help out (aka do the ice trays because she doesn’t want to or doesn’t have time, not sure which) is enough to have me breaking down and almost in tears when I realize the ice trays aren’t frozen enough for me to do them the night before
I don’t know what it says but it says something
#the fact that i got less than six hours of sleep last night probably isn’t helping#im just. im so sick of my mom complaining that i never help#i do my own laundry. i do 90% of the dishes (rinsing loading the dishwasher emptying the dishwasher and handwashing)#i try to do ice trays every night if they’re frozen. i try to cook at least once a week. i help with the dog and i help with chores when#people (usually my mom) ask and i help clean things like toilets and counters and such about as often as anyone else (which is very rarely#in my house)#i pay rent to boot!#so iT’S NOT LIKE IM NOT FUCKING HELPING MAMA LEAVE ME AND MY SLEEP ALONE I STRUGGLE ENOUGH AS IT IS#mom problems#marijn vents#marijn talks#vent
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i think my university fucking bit me wtf
#it started last semester or maybe even last year but they infected me with an anxiety that completely rewired my brain#i have general anxiety disorder & i’ve had the occasional ‘something bad is gonna happen’ day where im anxious the whole day for no reason#but then it changed to this like. academic anxiety that got so bad i was like. nauseous all the time throwing up i had to go to a counselor#and now i’m straight up paranoid. like idk maybe i’m not using the word right but i’m convinced every day all my worst fears are gonna—#just happen one after the other. my tumblr will be revealed to my family. my toxic ex will come back into my life—#my money for school is revoked things like that.#because adult life is just so confusing and convoluted and works against people#and my anxiety just goes through this loop of ‘everyone dislikes you/hates you/thinks you’re annoying’ so -> ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’#so -> ‘your life will be irreparably damaged and/or you will die’#the ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’ bit especially gets me because it’s like bitch how!! i follow laws!! i cheat a bit less than the average—#student! any time someone has a concern with like my work performance or something they politely tell me#why do i have the anxiety of a fucking hunted animal over these things!!#i wanna be numb actually i miss that time. it still sucks but at least i don’t make myself sick#things would be so much easier if i was a house spouse who cooked & cleaned (with no kids) & didn’t have a job or go to school#ofc managing a house has its own challenges and i don’t wanna undermine that but ykwim#i want this fuckin eye of sauron off my ass already 🧍#and don’t even get me started on the ‘you have to do this little task in this specific way or else everyone you love will die’ thoughts#that’s a whole other mess#tw vent#rose.txt
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Why is there always so much to do? Why can't the chores just stop???
#so tired of tending to all these critters and plants#and cleaning up constant dirt and dustbunnies#plus taking care of disabled parent and doing all the cooking#just so much on the plate and its not exactly all my doing#theres only so much downsizing i can do#ny says#im so sick of doing dishes and there being a sink constantly full of dishes. HOW ARE THERE SO MANY DISHES.
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#I'm tired as hell of being sick#the magnitude of the boredom that comes with being sick with a chronic illness is crazy#i have between 0.5-6 hours out of bed per day. usually around 3 or 4. i spend almost that whole time cooking and shopping and cleaning#and taking care of what needs to be done before time is up and i need to lay down again#when I'm in bed i don't have the energy for anything except watching easy to digest shows or youtube videos or scrolling on tumblr#maybe some writing or drawing if the brain fog isn't too bad#my life is just a haze of one million meds and supplements and doctors visit after doctors visit#and smoking weed so I'm not debilitated by nausea 24/7 and sleeping. so much sleeping. I'm so bored. I'm so desperately bored.#i miss having a shitty retail job and going out with my friends after work and going to events#and being able to go anywhere more than 20 minutes from my apartment#:( :( :(#im just so bored and tired on such a deep and painful level and i want to be well enough to feel like a real person again
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luv mascara so much but hate the trail she leaves
#i looked sooooo cute the other day and the mascara i used like. i love her we love her. but my eyes still look dark under girl it’s been#3 days 😭😭😭#tbf i’ve beeb sleeping kinda funky but still!!!!! she should be kinder about it i think#friend sent me a message saying she wantedto ask abt something and then didnt say what she needed to ask for like two hours and still hasnt#so im jittery and gonna end up oversharing on here but its better than being jittery and holding overthoughts and nowhere to put them prob#also ive been violently flipflopping between feeling sooo pretty sooo beautiful sooo everyone is so beautiful and like. abyssal dread.#brain wheres the christmas cheer …#cooked dinner for everyone today and i couldnt do every part bc i felt sick n it wasnt perfect n im gonna be dwelling on it til i pass out#in any case jitters. jittery. not going away#i feel like maybe a warm bath could help but also my hairs so long now that itd end up staying wet for long n then it might turn into#shivery jitters and then thats just insurmountable yk. so. but#in any case. i wish i could clean my room properly feel like id be less jittery n also i miss my cousins n nieces n family LMFADHDJDJD#mano.mindtalk#neg
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Whoa I'm really sad!!
#im really really sad :) help#my better coping mechanisms have been inaccessible (sex exercise and home cooked food)#im MEGA touch starved and my BPD is convincing me that my regular fwb is Done With Me#were more of a situationship that may be a dead end but we love each other type thing. idk#it was all peaches and cream until winter hit. it wad like this when we were dating too. he shut tf down.#he got super distant and i got super needy and we imploded. its happening again except we arent in an actual relationship#so im not saying anything and neither is he. and thats that.#im supposed to be moving out. lmfao.#the apartment complex is taking its sweet fucking time.#reviewing my application. I shouldve called them today im just sick of my calls going nowhere.#there is no serotonin in my brain. i feel like a loser and i dont like myself.#no one has checked in on me. i feel alone in the world.#i just hope i can go to sleep soon. buy some gifts. clean my room tomorrow.
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its like as soon as you reach a certain age your family becomes determined to drive you to the end of your rope as quickly as possible until you move out
#i speak#getting a puppy we do not have space or time for. buying a bunch of junk the moment the house is clean-ish (for the first time in my life)#somehow damaging anything i leave outside of my room including my piano i got 6 months ago. Six Months!!!#and now theres a dent in it.#never having the leftovers of the meals i cook in the messy-ass kitchen that gets cluttered within a week of me cleaning it#im sick of it!!#and yet moving out is such a logistical and financial nightmare that somehow this is the better option
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always trust jjk twt 🙏🏻
#they got my delusional ass frrrr#they the real ones❗#(me when im trying to cope with the new leaks)#they need to justify this istg I can't study precal with this news drop on me#jjk spoilers#gege i can cook and clean omfg i can do anything ANYTHING for gojo IDC please#i need reassurance so bad#crying until my eyeballs fall off on my to do list for tonight#this is so sick and twisted#this is make me SICK in the stomach#I can't handle this#GEGE WHEN I CATCH YOU#WHEN I SEE YOU#rosie talks
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