#im probably just rambling to no one but i just wanted to vent ~

[technicalknockout]

LITERALLY FILLED OUT 2989947986 PAPER FORMS SO I CAN SKIP SCHOOL FOR A WEEK AND GO ON A FAMILY TRIP BUT MY UTERUS SAID NO. MY RAGE IS IMMEASURABLE

[aroacesigma]

genuinely ive got to wonder what the fuck i did wrong to deserve all this why do i feel worse and worse every day meanwhile i gotta literally rawdog this shit my supposed close friends dont give a fuck i have no therapist no medication no hope for the future no partner no pet and apparently all my coping mechanisms are 'bad for me' and 'self destructive' fuck my life

[dandyshucks]

the difference btwn irl and online perspective on creativity is so funny to me and idk if I'll ever get used to the stark contrast of it all.

IRL when I mention that I draw and write, people act like I'm some super talented creative genius(???). they don't seem to understand the concept of OCs, and if I try to vaguely touch on my DL project they get visibly overwhelmed no matter how simple I make it for them, and eventually they settle on just insisting that I need to publish traditionally and monetize on it. they don't seem to have the ability to understand the concept of zines and immersive storytelling through non-traditional means.

but then i get online and I'm just another drop in the ocean and always a very mediocre drop at that LMAO, I constantly fight with myself to feel like there is any sort of value to my stories and art, and there's hundreds of people doing the sort of thing that I do but even better than I could ever dream of doing!

it's just so strange going from interacting with this online to IRL, I feel like I'm getting whiplash from being largely ignored or scoffed at online (which I'm fine with btw lol I grew up with that in my family and now I get nervous when I get too much attention) to people at the centre treating me like I'm some kind of artistic genius who cannot be understood because I'm too far above their level 😭

[eldrichfuck666]

why every time i log on tumblr i feel like everyone hates me secretly and hardly can interact because of this stupid feeling like something bad is going to happen or that i shouldn't try to interact with anyone since it's useless and everyone literally hates me with passion already and everything i do and say is wrong and bad and i shouldn't exist?... LIKE I SWEAR every time i'm online i feel just like that for no reason at all... maybe i shouldn't be here at all?.. i hate feeling this way since i barely get any hate and like.. its just the inner feeling and my brain

[thats-a-lot-of-cortisol]

My mom just sent a message to the family group chat suggesting that my siblings download the 'For the Strength of Youth' magazine on their Gospel Library app and talked about how much the youth magazines helped her testimony growing up and like, cool. Fine. Don't know why the 'sending random spiritual thoughts in the gc' thing started out of nowhere when it hadn't been a thing for a decade but this is just another one of those, and you're ofc allowed to talk about things that are significant in your life.

I don't think sending the 'What I Did When Someone Close to Me Challenged My Faith' article right afterwards was strictly necessary though 🙃

[nyupuun]

Oh I completely forgot. I did go to the Structure event !!

I ended up buying 3 and that ended up being my deck for the event... All things considered, I didn't do too bad. I lost 3 games and won 2, so nothing too amazing, but honestly I didn't care too much cause I was too excited over the fact that I can summon Red Supernova Dragon and all that (I ended up only summoning her one game... 🥲 But I did win that one!!!! The other RDA cards were so fun too, I'm a huge fan of big dragons.)

Anyways, maybe if I fix up the deck I'll take it to locals again, although I'm unsure what exactly to do against stuff like Unchained and Purrely (but I am generally a bit clueless there .. I also kinda don't care that much? I'm happy enough to play a few rounds even if I lose. But also! I did win against Unchained once so maybe I just have to overwhelm my opponent quickly. Like how the king does it!!!)

Also I had to try be normal about the Everybody's King card cause it makes me so sad 5Ds is so awful (said lovingly and full of joy)

(Another person also shared my enthusiasm for 5D's which made me really happy, although I felt a bit silly cause they would go like 'oh i liked this scene and that' and I'd say what episode it was and what i liked about that episode and i felt really insane.)

[if-loki-was-a-fox]

Hhhhhh why does it always have to take me six hours to transition into doing anything it's so frustrating I just wanna write that fanfic NOW or take the shower NOW or get out of bed NOW I don't want to spend half the day hyping myself up for it >:|

[finagled]

hey like???

why is life so difficult? why are things so asinine?

inefficient?

unethical?

why???????????????? is it like this

right now

[zepandovski]

hm.. i really want to interact with more people and make new friends.. my friend circle is really really small and i really want to expand it more... i have been thinking about joining a sonic server, or any art or fandom im into server, but i would definitly stay silent and barely talk there because of how shy i am on servers that i know no one OIJSDFGIUHDFG

is really difficult to be more social..

[virescent-v]

bad brain night <3

[soggiedsocks]

i know its my own fault i'm in this situation but i'd really love if people could stop reminding me of that every time i try and ask for help to get out of this situation and get better and stop it from happening again. no one wants to acknowledge that hey maybe the guy who got to such a mental low point that he attempted suicide isn't actually just magically doing okay when he's got no one IRL to support him and that frequently being reminded of the fact that he repeatedly fucked up massively and that he has been asked to move out ASAP when he is already incredibly fucking sorry and working on addressing things and doing everything he fucking can to try and move out within a month without also jeopardising his healthcare and his longer term housing options. like sorry i already know ive hurt people and i feel incredibly fucking bad about it but im doing my best to stop it from happening again and shoving all my other shit aside so that I can do all the things I need to do to move out ASAP and i do not appreciate the constant insinuation that im not doing enough, especially right after i've talked about how much i'm struggling in all of this. If it was within my power how long things take I would not still be in this house, hell if it was within my power I wouldn't have had any of this happen, but it happened and everyone is all dealing with the consequences and just because it's my fault doesn't mean I chose for this to happen or that I can't also be struggling and it sucks when the one person in all of this who will even talk to me just constantly puts me down and then tries to suggest they're being compassionate for talking to me at all when I never asked for them to be the middle man and I'd actually be doing much better and probably able to make a lot more progress if on top of all the shit I'm dealing with I didn't have them there to remind me of things I already am all too aware of.

[arolesbianism]

In the newest patch notes for the beta it says that additional lore entries were hooked up but I'm sure as hell not finding anything new. I swear if this just meant that they made the new logs that were already in game uncoverable outside of debug mode I'm going to cry, don't tease me like that klei my heart can't take it

[phagodyke]

woke up feeling ruffff but took my meds and went back to bed for a while n I feel a bit better

[strawberrus0da]

Judgement

[caruliaa]

. like having to leave and cut out people whove caused you so much pain and hurt and trauma is difficult enough even though it feels like it shouldnt be but just. having to also lose people who are important to you and that you deeply care about bc ur put in this position where you cant have them in your life if youve cut those hurting you out is just. idk its just so fucking difficult.

[nurix0]

JUST FLUFF/COMFORT SCENARIOS WITH YOUR BNHA BOYS

characters: Bakugou, Midorya, Iida, Shoto

genre: fluff, confort

warnings: none, endgame Todoroki personally ig(??)

relationship: up to your personal interpretation

-he's one with physical touch or being a listener, not very good at words

- listening>>>>>

-he would be startled at first and don't know how to act but at the end he'll be "kind" (HIS type of kind)

-not the best at conventional comforting but he's amazing at his own way of confort

"The hell you're doing in my door at this time?" the blond complained at the sight of you in front of his door at 1am, he's normally not up at this hour but some assignments kept him up

You had a shit day and couldn't sleep, the only person you thought could ease things up without asking too much questions was Bakugou since well.. he was not one who cares to ask much anyway

"Can i just come in for a bit?" you voice was off and Bakugou definitely noticed that, now looking better your everything was different,.you didn't even look him in the eye, like your confidence washed away and this was the biggest challenge you ever faced

He rubbed his temple "Ugh, sure just don't bother me too much, it's already late" opening his door a bit more so you could enter, you went straight up sitting on the floor but the blonde contested "What are you doing?" you looked confused "You said not to bother so i thought —"

"Look, you can sit on the bed or something, just don't take much space" he was annoyed from how small your figure felt, figuratively speaking, you usually get on his nerver but not like this

You followed him sitting on the bed and stayed in comfortable silence for some minutes "What's up with you anyway?" glancing his way you saw his face a bit softer but firm as always, it was his way of showing he is listening, so you rambled for hours on end with his total attention

"You had it rough, just... you don't have to go back if you don't want to" you glanced at him wondering what he meant "Look... sleep here if you feel like it, i don't care" he bumped your side a bit "But if you hog all of the blankets im kicking your ass out, got it?" his playful rough tone didn't match the sympathetic smile on his face

keep it a secret but he didn't mind you clinging to him a bit at night (if it was too much he def pushed you away)

-He's def good a comforting, maybe gets nervous of what to do at first but he'll manage

- words of affirmation kinda guy

-good at comforting but not with advice

- won't mind physical touch but normally doesn't initiate it

It was dawn after a day at UA, Midorya finally finished his workout and headed to the dorms, on his way someone sitting on the roof caught his eye

It was you, that decided after a bad training to stay in your "safe spot" for some time to clear your head up "What are you doing here Y/n?" a concerned voice spoke, looking behind you saw Midorya with his soft eyes filled with worry "Oh, it's you. I'm just resting for a bit, nothing much don't worry"

The boy sat by your side "Anyone would worry about someone being alone at the edge of a rooftop" he gave a bitter laugh and hesitatingly touched your shoulder in an attempt of comfort "You can trust me to vent, I'm here for you"

That was when you lost it, looking down you started to cry your eyes out from all the stress and opened up about everything that was bothering you, Midorya looked nervous for a bit, like he was the one to make you cry, retracting his hand to himself on instinct

Almost instantly you rested your head on his shoulder, after saying everything his shirt was soaking wet from all the tears but he didn't mind "Thank you, you're the best, Midorya" the boy, unnoticed by you, blushed bashfully "Anytime, you're important to me after all" it was his turn to put his head against yours, hugging you for extra comfort

-What can i say? This man it's probably terrible at comforting, good with advice but definitely not comforting

-Def gives you some stiff hugs if, and only if, you ask

-acts of service>>>>

- Tries to stay more with you after the situation to help with anything (quality time and acts of service)

You didn't come to class for the day and as the class president it was Iida's duty to give you notes, the only thing is that you didn't answer the door or texted anyone, even your friends so everyone was worried

He was at your door "Hey, Y/n can you please open up? We're all concerned with your well-being and i need to hand you today's notes" softly knocking, again and again, but to no avail

He was getting frustrated "Look, im going to keep knocking until you open up. I need to give you these notes, it's my duty as a president to deliver them to you!" the door opened and your miserable self was right behind it, the boy was concerned right away about your well being

"What's going on with you? Are you sick? Do tou need me to talk to—" you cut him off "Look, Iida, i appreciate the notes, I'm not so good but I'll handle this with mr.Aizawa" you were about to close the door when the boy's foot got in the way

"You're not going to lock yourself in your room alone! You need assistance!" you denied his advances but he continued "Let me in, please... i want to help you" his tender voice made you feel safe so you let him in, physically and emotionally

Your dorm was a mess and you felt embarrassed to let someone tidy as Iida in at this state "Sorry, I didn't want anyone to see this mess, i cleaned up my desk today but I don't have any energy left to —"

"You sure look tired, get some rest while i clean this" Iida wasn't expecting to see this, he never even imagined you would let this happen, that's why he wanted to help, he knew you weren't in the right state of mind and that's okay, you contested but he insisted, and like that tou rested while he cleaned you room, you made sure to thank him later

The day after you went to him and thanked him, you even got a hug back huh

-I don't really think he even knows how to comfort someone

-Maybe he'll do something for you??

-It would be kinda awkward ngl

-He would try his best fr

-Says the most on point shit without thinking it means much

It's been a week that your quirk hasn't been useful for the type of training you're doing in class and that's been upsetting you deeply, either way, you couldn't dare to tell anyone, they seemed to go so smoothly that was embarrassing you were struggling

Today was another day like those and you were so tired of not being a "real hero", when you saw your score being the last one you couldn't help to excuse yourself to the change room the fake attitude of not carrying wouldn't last longer than this, but it was enough so that nobody noticed something was wrong

Except that Todoroki did notice, how could he not? You were strange all week but at the same time didn't look like it to the untrained eye at least, he could see past that facade easily, so he went after you

You were miserable sitting on the corner of the changing room, not crying or panicking, jsut wondering was this hero life really for you? "Why did you leave the training grounds like that?" looking to the side you saw Shoto, this unsettled you, nobody could know "Training was just intense, you know? Just tired" getting up you smiled at him

"I'm not one to pry but you know that holding everything in doesn't help, right?" those words hit you like a truck, how could he be so on point without knowing anything? "What?... Ha, there's nothing—" you looked at him as he stared blankly at your trembling figure "Seriously! I—" the stuttering didn't got you anywhere, it just confirmed what the boy needed to know

Realizing there's no turn backs form this you just let yourself be and opened up to him, Todoroki heard every bit and tried his best at comforting you, reassuring your quirk was good like any other, by the end of it he was glad he picked up on the hints, he knew how bottling up emotions affected someone, imagine from how long you would've kept this if nobody noticed

You whipped a tear or two that escaped "Thank you for listening, Todoroki, i appreciate it" now everything felt lighter but there was one feeling... "Hey, just don't see me as weak after all of this, kay?... " the boy looked at you softly

"Never thought of it, besides, opening up is a sign of strength", now completely relieved you and Todoroki walked out of the room right in time for the next class, it was nice having someone that knew you struggled and was there for you after all