#im not just going ''well i was abused so i can be this way!'' lmao i am actively working on myself constantly and apologize when i mess up
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sometimes i worry myself sick over thinking i might have a victim complex because i (understandably) often struggle with being a functioning human person due to lifelong abuse, and then I come onto tumblr dot com and see the way some of the people on here act and I realize "ah. no i'm okay actually."
#especially white queer people. uhm. holy moly lol#sorry i have just seen like five well-written nuanced posts about some queer stuff in the past couple days#and in the notes there is always ppl doing the whole piss on the poor thing to make themselves the victim#or to claim OP was saying smth completely different from what they were actually saying#also obviously this is not smth that only exists on tumblr fsdjkl this is just the place /i/ exist online#if i were on twitter im sure i'd see it happening over there too. hell i see it happen in pinterest comments sometimes LMFAO#also. i do regularly check myself to make sure im not being a shithead and hypocrite and doing this stuff fdsjkl#im not just going ''well i was abused so i can be this way!'' lmao i am actively working on myself constantly and apologize when i mess up#okay enough disclaimers fdsjkl i could add like five more onto here but i shall refrain#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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Throwing in fun (not fun) facts to contribute esp bc I was tagged in the essay: (Sorry in advance this is literally my career and special interest AND I just got back from a training conference about this SO obv I am going to talk too much. Disclosure: These statistics are from peer-reviewed sources AND the National Children's Alliance. The NCA IS an American association, though, so take this all with a grain of salt bc we're applying it to someone whose bg is not American lmao. This is an essay for funsies. CW: discussion of and stats about CSA, Child Abuse) Relevant to the Jo stuff is also that victims of one/any kind of abuse are statistically much more likely to subsequently face overlapping abuse, so knowing he comes from a home where abuse and potential neglect was actively occurring sets Jo-boy up for some sad statistics. I am looking for my notes on the stats for that but it's something stupid high, I wanna say over 30 or 40%.
Additionally, 47%~ of CSA victims are revictimized. Abysmal statistic but mostly just an interesting note if this IS the case/if we choose to interpret Jo this way bc of the other things mentioned in Masu's ask, specifically if we're viewing his unhealthy and ultimately traumatic relationship with Ikumi as a potential example of that revictimization (similarly, coming from a like background, it may have been revictimizing for Ikumi if she had ever experienced something like CSA, as well. It's one of those cases where they both got hurt even if neither of them were at fault for "playing house" as Jo calls it).
Seconding/Adding on to Masu's thoughts about Jo's behavior being as self-destructive as it is because of the compounded trauma of his life, victims of adolescent abuse "engage in health-risk behaviors such as substance use, physical fighting, and risky sexual activity," in far higher numbers than non-victims. We know for facts that adolescent Jo checks at least 2 of those 3 boxes, and that he still puts himself in unnecessary danger as a full grown adult (the Heian Tower fight, and Hoshino's Office fight): An interesting and well-written cycle of trauma and abuse on RGGs part, tbh, but also so narratively telling about how he saw/sees/continues to see himself as more an object than a person. (Love your notes on that btw, it rings very true. I could write an essay on that alone tbh.)
Another weird little thing I notice from both a Doyalist AND Watsonian perspective: Jo's disclosure of his father's abuse would classify as what we call an "accidental disclosure" in the field even though it's clearly intentional that he shares it with Ichi - it's offhanded and markedly unimportant in the story he's telling. He says it passively in a literary sense, as well: "The only thing waiting for me at home was my father's fists." Like homie, that's the most roundabout way you could have said "My dad beat me." Interestingly, up to 50% of [specifically CSA] victims do not state outright that abuse occurs, but disclose it accidentally/offhandedly; and in general, accidental disclosure is more common among people who have also delayed disclosure. Up to 66% of admissions from victims of child abuse come delayed if they come at all.
I think it's a very in-character remark of him to make, but statistically, it lines up with other victims of abuse as a whole. I think it's also just cool that from the Doyalist perspective, writing his lines in this way was intentional. It's part of the whole "Everything Jo says sounds like it could mean more than one thing" thing. He speaks poetically - it's intentional not just for the character but for the writer.
Okay, I'm done for now I'm sorry I just wanted to throw some added stuff into the convo bc I love applying my everyday usage of adolescent-focused trauma care and pysch shit to blorbos and seeing what sticks. Anyway, I also have a shit ton of thoughts on Masumi Arakawa as an abuse survivor but THATS another essay I won't dig into now. If I am still in your good graces after this long ass spiel I will consider it not only amazing but perhaps even cool as hell.
[ continuity of this ask ]
#long post#cw csa#its related im keeping it LMAO#snap chats#love the implication that you'd be 'out of my good graces' for sending this LMAO NO YOURE FINE WHY WOULD I BE MAD#i wouldve chewed out masu at this point if that were the case i enjoy readin these#the thing is we just have to accept im very stupid and wont have a lot of commentary. just quiet note taking#and i very much do appreciate posts like these cause its a nice reminder for things im aware of but have become very passive to#like jo's passive exposure of his traumas is something im aware of and because of that i dont focus on it as much as i should#so thank you- to you and masu for writing as extensively as you do#again im just very dumb so i wont have anything else to add on that hasnt been already said#or it wont be anything i can just sit and write in a couple of minutes its something thatd prob take a while to write as in-depth as i want#which is why i feel bad for responding. Not At All with these types of asks LMAO CAUSE EVIDENTLY a lot of effort is done by you guys#and i appreciate it a lot so thank you again for writing in#arakawa as an abuse survivor is something i think of a lot and remembering his abuse as a child shines light on his actions and mentality#so i mean if you wanna share your thoughts on that go ahead ! just know. i prob will Also not have a lot to add on to it LMAO#LIKE THE BEST WAY I CAN INTERPRET MY LINGUISTIC INEPTITUDE IS JUST ME LISTENING my sister tells me i listen really well#and i do enjoy listening. because again im not smart enough to think of things on my own or i dont think its worth sharing some things#so always happy to read whatever you want to share
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ig my problem with the whole bullying thing is that so many of the leftists who do it self identify as communists of some type or really emphasizes community.... but clearly doesn't care about actually cultivating an environment where everyone in the community feels safe and welcome..........
#i kinda dont think you care about community at all and your only issue with america is that *you're* not in charge#i kind of think you're trying to heal your social trauma of being bullied yourself by wanting to gain control of everything and be#the queen bee clique leader this time instead. so YOU can be the one to socially shame and punish people finally#which is just... such a loser ass thing to do lmao. i promise whatever you've gone through doesnt justify inflicting it on others.#i get how you might think it will fix things- sometimes when im really angry and emotional i feel that way too- but be realistic here#you're literally doing nothing but continuing the cycle of abuse. dont you want to be the one who breaks it?#if you care about community so much why dont you know basic conflict resolution skills or how to communicate without making fun#of someone or try to be fair and unbiased or understand that punitive justice is bad or stop fucking bullying people like a fucking child#or how to be democratic or literally ANYTHING that ACTUALLY requires caring about the well being of people that would#also require you to retire being a bully and change for the better#on the note of communication- do you even *know* how to effectively communicate things? and are you sure you do?#bc i assumed i did until i went to therapy and was taught. you have to make the other person feel seen and heard#and i dont mean just *feel* it i mean you do have to actually see and hear them out if you want to come to a compromise or solution#i just really dont think a lot of yall care about community as much as you say and just want a social safety net#which is fine to want just dont then go and pretend you also care so so much about community when you're clearly fine with#dividing it all up
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can we ask about ur family's curse
according to my great grandma it was cast on her grandma by a neighbor with the evil eye - "your daughters will marry their fathers and your sons will become them"
which is really just a fancy way of describing the cycle of abuse and therefore worked very well, generally going into effect before the kid in question turned 21
so my matrilineal family tree winds up a fractured, miserable mess, lots of young marriages and parents falling apart generation after generation, serial toxic marriages with generations of kids scattered across the whole state in foster homes - very nasty stuff
until it gets to me (firstborn in my generation of cousins) and by the time im twenty one i am 1. both daughter and son and neither 2. extremely aspec and queer
which apparently this neighbor did not conceive of when casting her eye and seems to have simply error messaged the curse into oblivion. no one born after me has had this problem. all their romantic relationships are loving (though i would never claim them perfect) and their children adored. fairytale loopholed so hard the damn thing disintegrated. its the funniest magic story i have lmao
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Ok so ive had this idea stuck in my head for WEEKS at this point and i need to tell someone about it so im invading your asks
(ages for this au, id imagine Damians around like- 12 or 13 and Tim/JJ's like- 17)
What if a version of Damian (like from ine of the good happy batfam universes) was sent to to a universe with Joker Junior where the rest of the bats were killed by the Joker and JJ was never reacued and brought back to being Tim?
And Damian is like- terrified because he doesnt know where he is or how to get back home and then hes found by JJ.
And like- at first JJ would probably try to leave Damian but once he gets a good look at this kid baby brother, thats his baby brother- he would realize that he recognizes this kid. So he keeps him!
The only problem with that is the Joker. Now the bats are all dead (or theres circumstances preventing them from doing anything) in this universe so theres nobody around to stop the Jokers shit. And we all know that the Joker isnt above murdering or tourturing kids. (Id imagine the JJ of this universe has done stuff like that once or twice, but he doesnt like to. He's a smaller equally manical yet WAY less bloodthirsty version of the joker)
So JJ keeps Damian hidden from his "Papa" until the bats of Damians universe are able to find a way to bring him back home. In the meantime tho, Damians under JJ's care, and its terrifying, but at least he tries!
Now in my mind Joker Jr. is kinda like Jinx from Arcane with mood swings, visual and audio halucinations, so so smart but so so crazy and confused and SCARED and oh so close to finally snapping until he actually does.
And this boy that he kiddnaped rescued confuses the fuck out of him. Because Junior recognizes him from somewhere and he doesnt know why.
(I hope this all makes sense its kinda just like a word vomit lmao my lizard brain just want crazy older brother Joker Jr. [Also there isnt enough JJ content out there and that is a crime])
(Older brother JJ content??? Fuck yeah)
TW: JJ, torture, child abuse
JJ... Recognizes those glaring emerald eyes and scowling face. He doesn't know why, but it causes reality around him to pulse with uncertainty as it teters between JJ's world and someone else's. Someone Papa doesn't like.
JJ won't talk to them. He knows he's not supposed to. Papa will become angry. So Junior tears his eyes from the bird kid baby bat and turns to leave. A tsk stops him.
Another wave of familiarity crashes over JJ, but he doesn't know that child. He doesn't. He really really doesn't know him.
So, Junior should move. Papa won't he happy if JJ can't move.
Well, unless Papa is teaching JJ a lesson.
His nerves light up at the memory of cold metal tables, electric probes, and buzzing.
JJ needs to go, but that kid. He can't leave him. He also can't take him with either. He knows what happens to the kids Joker meets.
Junior would never disobey his papa, but the ever-present buzzing noise isn't a deterrent for bad behavior. With how often he's punished, it hardly matters whether JJ is being a good child or not. He's always in trouble. Instead, that buzz is a reminder that he can't be caught.
JJ is smart. He's clever and sneaky. He's also great at lying, even to bats. While he may not know why lying to the nocturnal creatures is important, he knows it's an accomplishment he's proud of.
He can hide the child from Papa! It'll be a fun game! Junior's little surprise.
Junior isn't sure what he's winning, but he knows what will happen when he loses.
Death to the bird and punishment to JJ! A great joke!
Though Junior doesn't know why the kid is a bird.
Oh well! JJ will take great care of the little bird. All he has to do is feed him and keep him hidden! It will be like all the other things JJ hides from Papa. He'll never admit it, but Junior thinks Papa is a little dumb. As long as JJ plays pretend with the older man, he'll remain unsupervised.
Anyways, JJ has more of a demented, childish voice while Tim is more analytical and serious.
Damian, to start with, doesn't recognize Tim. JJ has green hair, bleached skin, cut cheeks, and way less muscle mass. The behavior is drastically different as well (also, we're not gonna speculate any specific mental disorders for these AUs. JJ and Tim are considered different due to their characterizstions, but I don't want to put harmful connotations out there [especially since I don't have any relevant conditions to insert accurate and mindful interpretations]).
In this AU, the Bats are all dead. JJ did kill some of them, which drastically reduced his ability to recover and remember that he's Tim.
He didn't kill Damian, though. Tim also feels extremely protective of his younger siblings (Duke included). Unfortunately, they're dead in this AU :/
JJ oscillates between being terrified, peppy, silent, crying, and content at rapid rates. It takes several days for Damian to feel out some of the triggers.
The Bats from Damian's universe are trying their damned best to get there as soon as possible. Sadly, Joker finds out about Damian before then.
JJ, by this point, has bonded with the kid. That kid is HIS. He may have some slightly fucked up notions on how to show care, but he will not let anyone harm the bird (not even Papa).
So, JJ does his best joke yet. He kills Joker.
Only after killing the Joker do the other Bats show up. They offer to take JJ with them (particularly because that's Tim!!!), but he refuses. He doesn't want to go with his family. He doesn't remember them and he killed some of them.
He can't stay with them.
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not even joking fanon sirius doesnt even make me mad anymore (that's reserved for everyone else fanon <3) but he just makes me........... so sad.......... like bro is in a straight up abusive relationship with the man he idolizes more than anything. and he is IN this abusive relationship because of his HORRIFIC home life in which his parents use illegal torture methods on him weekly/daily and he severely lacks any healthy relationships around him, he also never gets any praise (because he's stupid&horrible&bad at everything) meaning he's just going around begging for validation and love? and it's just a joke? like he is literally willing to hurt himself like omg by bby??
(that one incorrect quote where remus kisses sirius' hand because he gets a papercut and sirius asks james to punch him in the face. how is that funny. i literally was so sad. wtf guys.)
and like he gets into this rsp after going through a TON of homophobia and hes like constantly made fun of because he happens to love his bf (who HATES him). everyone (namely his brother: well talk abt him dw) is like "you can do sm better than sirius lmao" and remus is like "yeah lol" like blatantly in front of sirius and sirius is sad and its a funny haha joke like GUYS ITS HORRIBLE
and like !!!! he has no support system!!! he has no friends !!!!! no one loves him !!!!!!! fuck love no one even likes him !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hes constantly patronized and talked down to by everyone. his hobbies are taken over (pranks: remus remus remus, bikes: i dont actually know but ive seen a couple "remus on sirius' bike 💞" and sirius freaking out when like bfr guys) . his best friend. his BEST FRIEND. goes BEHIND HIS BACK. TO DATE. HIS NAZI YOUNGER BROTHER.
THE NAZI YOUNGER BROTHER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOM HE WAS CONSTANTLY COMPARED TO AND DEEMED LESS WORTHY HIS ENTIRE LIFE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO HE WA SALWAS THE SECOND OPTION TO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hes their parents favored son AND his bfs favored brother and now his BEST FRIENDS favored too???????? go away. fuck you.
and like . his younger brother whom sirius CONSTANTLY TOOK BEATINGS FOR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WITH NO REGARD FOR HIS OWN SAFETY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! nad everyones like lmfao why is he overreacting ths is why no one loves him lets ignore him 💀💀💀
and like his brother btw tf like he s always th emartyr nd sirius is indebted to him bc its only because of regulus apparentl y that siriu s was able to escape like gsgnlksfskl
and the PRNAK!!!!!!!!!! omg sirius is like gone in ths universe ok theres no way it wasnt n accident he told snape that and then remus HATES HIM for MONTHS?????? kys he tried so hard
dont even get me on post azkaban "im sorry remus ☹️" "my brothers a hero 🥺"
ugh i cant even word thngs anymore. but like have these these made me REALLY sad.
im in tears. i cant believe you fucks took everything away from sirius and then left him w his trauma. and the fact that this isn t evn a fraction of whats going on, like ffuck you all
#one of these hurts more than the others but im super subtle abt it dw#the last one tho bcbc hes j dyslexic and everuines so MEAN#fano remus dwpld NEVER neverp nevre elp siris thrugog dysluxai#ugh sirius toure so nice#ily#mauraders#dead gay wizards from the 70s#mauraders fan#sirius black#sirius orion black#the marauders#marauders era#marauders#the marauders era#james potter#james fleamont potter#remus x sirius#sirius and regulus#regulus a black#regulus black and sirius black#regulus and sirius#regulus black#dead gay wizards#the black brothers#anti wolfstar#anti jegulus#anti remus lupin#anti marauders fanon#anti marauders fandom#marauders fanon
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au in which nathaniel is married to riko
okay so
in this universe there's no mafia, the moriyamas are just filthy rich businessmen, but nathan still is a serial killer
things go a bit different in the sense that nathan kills mary when neil is 10 bc he loses his temper and keeps neil practically captive in that house, torturing him endlessly until nathan slips up and somehow the fbi finds the evidence they need to raid the house when neil is idk 15 ish and they end up killing nathan and neil is sent to foster care
he doesn't have as bad a time in foster care as andrew did, some parents like slapping him around, but some are genuinely nice people
ultimately tho he's not adopted by anyone by the time he turns 18 (he tells himself he doesn't mind, who would want a damaged and quiet and sketchy and flighty kid in their family anyway?)
he's left on his own, to figure out how to be a real person, an adult, with no home, no place to stay, no friends, no family, nothing but himself
he goes through a few years where he just lives on the streets, spending the little money he has left on food, going to shelters when he can, traveling through states until he gets to new york
he's attacked and harassed by some guy at some point outside a bar or something and he's so dazed he cant even fight back, but someone fights back for him
and its riko moriyama, famous fucking exy star and professional athlete
he saves neil and he takes him to his place, where he lets him stay and recover and hey, he's actually kind of sweet, and he really cares about neil, and maybe it wouldn't be so bad to stay with him? and when riko kisses him the first time maybe its not so bad? and maybe when they start dating he's incredibly loving and he gives him gifts and it's the happiest neil has been? and maybe when riko proposes neil says yes and they get married and they're happy? genuinely happy for once?
except that at some point, the love becomes anger, the sweet gestures become punches, the care becomes jealousy and control and pain, and what was the best thing in neils life becomes a nightmare once more
(and maybe he blames himself, maybe its neil thats the problem, maybe its him who brings out the worst in people, maybe he's doomed to this cycle of abuse)
its not until riko beats neil withing an inch of his life that neil runs
OH SHIT WAIT LMAO I FORGOT TO SAY
neil doesn't actually go by neil throughout all of this, he still goes by nathaniel, his legal name, nathaniel wesninski is married to riko moriyama not neil josten
so neil runs and runs and runs with what little money he could steal from riko and he adopts neil josten's identity until he physically cannot keep going
luckily for him, his collapse happens far enough, all the way in seattle in the same pharmacy that medical intern aaron minyard was buying some supplies
so yeah aaron freaks out and almost calls an ambulance but neil stops him bc he's scared bc riko might not have mafia connections in this universe but he has so much fucking money
and it takes aaron and katelyn and abby on the phone for them to fix a heavily beat up neil who should definitely go to the hospital but this is the best they can do
(aaron just assumes he's homeless, and he cant pay the hospital, and he's a fucking softie deep inside so he does everything he can to help how he can)
and maybe when kate catches neil sneaking out one night, she does everything to stop him and offers him safety and maybe the exchange some truths, maybe kate guesses that neil had someone that abused him, maybe someone he loved and neil is scared and he doesn't feel like he can trust anyone but something about kate makes him break down and tell her what he can while making sure he doesn't reveal much
and im taking too long but basically aaron and kate take neil in and they introduce him to the foxes and to the legendary kevin day and andrew minyard, professional exy players for the seattle exy team
and well it takes time and lots of trust before neil lets himself open up again
but its in the form of andrew minyard and the way they can both respect each others boundaries, and neil tells andrew about nathan, but never reveals the truth about being married or anything about riko moriyama
until andrew asks neil to marry him and well
it all goes to shit lol
neil cant bring himself to tell andrew the truth and it all becomes a mess and andrew breaks things up and neil becomes a mess as well
(bc its true, it's on him, its always on him and god he never learns, he never fucking learns, he doesn't fucking get happy endings, he doesn't fucking get good things)
and he tries to leave aaron and kate's place again, and he's successful this time and he's on his way out of seattle when he stops by a gas station to get some food and he has no idea of where he's going and he hesitates for a while, until he catches the eye of andrew on his car outside, and andrew just looks away and leaves and-
and if neil was hesitating before he's sure now and he has to leave for good and he has to leave and get away and never come back and
and he runs right into riko moriyama as he's leaving the store
to be continued maybe??
part 2
#aftg#neil josten#all for the game#aftg fic#andrew minyard#andreil#aftg au#riko moriyama#aaron minyard#katelyn mackenzie
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You’re all cute and nice but have you ever thought about how you’re gaslighting people with your blog ? Gaslighting them about feedism and about female feeders in general ? Keeping them in an endless loop of deception and hope while people like you live their life to full extent ?
Lots of people pretend to like bigger ones, but only a few have the courage of going against society.
I would encourage anyone reading your blog to start to not believe you anymore. And start to improve for themselves, because believing your words is highly delusional and will get you nowhere.
The love you have for bigger people is an addiction and like any addiction, you make an abusive use of the substance at some point. But here the substance are real people.
Let’s put an end to the cute little feeder thing, you’re perverted in one of the most bizarre ways. You’re a predator as well
i believe consenting adults are free to do as they please with their bodies + being fat does not need to mean being unhealthy.
usually i ignore these because frankly it’s not really worth my time and i will most likely go back to ignoring these afterwards bc…. come on lmao. so i’ll just start pointing people towards this response whenever.
feel free to not read this if you would rather skip serious talk
i would never encourage anyone to do anything they are not sure they themselves want, nor would i ‘gaslight’ someone into doing things they are uncomfortable with because… im human? and pretending you know how and what FFAs and feeders think or act like in their every day life based off of a KINKBLOG is weird. no one here is delusional, we are all well aware of how fat people are treated in their day to day.
is every ffa/feeder going to respect fat people outside of kink? no. is abuse possible in the feedist space? yes. does that make every feeder inherently abusive? no.
you can say that some behaviors displayed in these online spaces ARE unhealthy and could lead to eating disorders or other complications, yes. that’s why people have these extremely important conversations time and time again.
anyway im gonna go back to cuddling my fat boyfriend that is extremely happy with his weight and feels loved at every size because i make sure he knows that my attraction to him is not solely based on weight/kink because he’s a person first and foremost.
i love him loudly and proudly because i feel blessed he’s in my life. perhaps if people like you didn’t jump to call us abusive predators for liking fat people, others would do the same and feel more inclined to ‘go against society’
have the day you deserve :)
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i have less than 24 hours left before i have to go through one of the most stressful days of my life so. heres a list of my fav radiostatic fic recs in no particular order
clarification: by radiostatic i mean fics where vox is 100% not the dom in the relationship. most of these dont contain explicit sex though, and im not recommending any straight porn fics here because you can easily find those with a click and search through the bottom vox tag lmao
most of these fics are unfinished, so be warned that i will not take accountability if you get attached to these without them being finished properly. in fact ill just laugh at you because then we'll be suffering together
now, that aside- starting off strong with some of the more popular fics:
RHTVS / Radio Healed the Video Star by Aspiring_Forest_Witch
notes: LONG fucking fic. like this guys almost 700k words long fic. one of the best things ive ever read in my life though and it has a plotline thats frankly more engaging than the actual showing of hazbin on amazon. so. you know. if you have the time to read it Please do you wont regret it
Unraveling Emotions by Xaelei
notes: one of my favourite fics ever on god. started my brainrot for dad!husk, portrays one of the most scrumptious radiostatic dynamics and is generally so very well written that i might end up trying to recreate one of the scenes in comic form. genuinely in love with this fic and im so glad i can say i was the first comment on this fic because my God its such a treat to see new chapters drop for this. unfortunately i havent had the time to write out a detailed comment as of now but if someone wants to let the author know that im still in love with their fic and will continue supporting it until i drop dead go ahead for me
Safe with Me by rillyrillo
notes: the prequel and main fic of this series is human radiostatic, though the sequel is set in hell. it comes with gorgeous gorgeous art and frankly one of the most exhilirating endings ive ever had the pleasure of witnessing play out. i recommend you guys check out their other fics too, the art continues in them + their radiostatic is written wonderfully across all universes!
A Month of Rut by Vylad
notes: this fic is very self indulgent to me. i love the way radiostatic is written in this one because theyre very soft and sweet, but others may not prefer it if theyre looking for freak4freak radiostatic. if you just want something to indulge in and relax with at the end of a heavy day though this is my #1 rec. i read this sometimes when i find myself crying at night lmao
Down, Up, and Back Down by CowboyEnthusiast
notes: made me sob like a baby. 10/10 no notes whatsoever read it for yourself because you WILL not regret it. i genuinely am always at a loss for words whenever i reread this because it is among the most gutwrenching but beautiful and poetic works that ive ever read and i think it deserves some recognition
Mind the Gap by ZLynn
notes: again, to reiterate, i do very much dislike the abusive!staticmoth portrayal i see in a lot of fics. but in this one... it's written so perfectly, i can definitely see it actually happening. i enjoy the way that val does still seem to care about vox, albeit in his own twisted way that eventually breaks and fractures their love and trust, and its just. Ugh. So fucking good
+ with the less popular but still wonderful depictions of radiostatic that i love to indulge in:
i'll give you a show (cause it helps fill the seats) by dead_and_dreaming
notes: absolutely shameless plug from me for my dear mk's work because i cant stop thinking about the way that she's portrayed al here. its actually insane how fucked up that stupid little deer is and i just. i really fucking love the way that their alastor is written, it's genuinely probably my Number One depiction of alastor ever. i demand more of this stupid little freak RIGHT NOW!!!!
Any of the fics by Rachello344 in the Hazbin Hotel Fandom Tag on their profile
notes: so remember when i told you guys i wouldnt be linking straight porn. looks away... okay in my defense though i read the smut for the characterization and their unique dynamics. its sooo interesting to see how their radiostatic is explored here and im honestly refreshed by the depiction of their relationship. im here for it !!!
The Read 'Em and Weep Series by TooManyPseudonyms
notes: so from what i was able to piece together (everything flies over my head when im reading, forgive me for my low media literacy) this is an au set before the hotel where (in the first work) al and vox are in a qpr relationship. in the second work this evolves into a romantic relationship, and the exploration of their dynamic through this is just... Yeah. please read it its 100% worth your time and so underrated it hurts my heart
Uneasy by Saezs
notes: this fic is one of the first radiostatic fics i read (the others being RHTVS and... i think i tried the 666 series, but it didnt appeal to me lol) and its actually just wonderful. i really love saezs's genderfluid vox and how supportive the other vees are of them <3 their portrayl of the characters puts a smile on my face whenever i reread their work
Heat Waves by HappyPRAWN
notes: i'll be fr dsmptsd hit me like a truck when i read the title but it is such an interesting debut! only at one chapter as of me making this post but the way the author wrote this is so engaging and it really makes me wonder what they have next in store for the fic
Do I have your attention now? by Chi_Chi25
notes: wow no way we have the same name... anyway ahem. ill be completely honest this ones a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. this fic is a bit fragmented and short, so for people who click off fics when they see imperfect grammar this one may not be for you. however if you can look past that, it has an engaging storyline and quite the juicy concept :)
Killer Ex by FanGirl48
notes: gorgeous, gorgeous little human! radiostatic oneshot. i love the relationship that vox and al have here... the reasons why they both stayed away from each other even though theyre still so very clearly down bad for each other... anyway. i think about this one a lot and i still go back to reread it sometimes lol
Negotiations by FanGirl48
notes: i didnt realize until i started making this list that this fic was also written by fangirl48.... go off queen keep feeding us (me). this one was a fic recommended to me initially by link nonny, and i can 100% vouch for how good it is. its got appletv interactions, radiostatic plus lucifer trying to navigate heaven, angels... basically everything needed for a very varied and well packed with flavour story
The diary of a Serial Killer by ShippersCave
notes: okay im running out of brain juice at this point but. yeah this fic is soooo self indulgent to me. this ones another human au, with al as a serial killer and vox as the journalist trying to conduct interviews with him. its got SUCH a good dynamic between al and vox, i encourage you guys to check it out and give it a chance even if youre not really into human aus.
My heart's been pierced by Cupid by ShippersCave
notes: pirate/siren au !!!!!!!!! RAAHH !!!!! i dont have to say anything else for this if thats not enough to get you to click then i dont know what is
System Shutdown by Swoolie
notes: i cant believe i nearly forgot about this one LMAO... vox goes onto a temporary hiatus and everyone goes crazy about it. im not really sure if this counts as radiostatic frankly because of the way its tagged but its so good i think you should give it a read anyway
Together in Radio Static by Anonymous
notes: QPR media husbands radiostatic au !!!! i love this one especially because it opens off with vox slapping alastor across the face for leaving him LMAOO (deserved)
What Has Been by Tianren
notes: another human au (YEAH YEAH I KNOW. JUST HEAR ME OUT OKAY i swear im cooking) look, as someone with religious trauma deeper than i can properly express and the worlds fifteenth worst parental issues, the depiction of vox in this fic just really hits home. i really adore the exploration of voxs past and how the themes of religious guilt and cults are woven in so far- and it blends very seamlessly with their human au, despite the characters eccentricities
you're too sweet for me by awestruck_atrophy and moonbeanies
notes: basically, vox and al make a deal where vox tries to help him out of the shackles or whatever that are bound to him because of his stupid dumbass lusting for power. its very intriguing so far and i love the setup and worldbuilding the authors have done, so you should check it out if you want a unique perspective on radiostatics relationship
candlelight by curtailed
notes: the best way i can think of to describe this one is like... fake marriage but instead of fake marriage its. fake roommates??? the author probably puts it better than me tbh. its super interesting so far, i cant wait to see where this one is headed especially with how unique its premise is!
Zero Day by Anonymous
notes: this one is like those time regression manhwas. you know, the ones where the protag goes back in time and proceeds to try and avoid everyone who made their life miserable- only to fail because for some reason now they're paying attention to them more than they would have had they stayed the same person. its certainly very promising, though! i do love indulging in time regression stories, especially when the mc is someone i love like vox. i really cant wait to see which direction this one is headed in :)
Never as Good as the First Time by IComeForFanficsNowin403
notes: okay. so, uh. um. so- this one is in spanish. HOWEVER its premise (serial killer alastor meets television star (?? i think. its not quite clear) at a party hosted by rosie, moves into his neighborhood to keep an eye on the pretty prey) is just so unique i honestly think its worth the experience to pull out google translate and try living the machine translated life. really. give it a chance. also its got beautiful art to go along with, so.. you know. thats just a bonus!
+ honorary staticmoth and one-sided/past radiostatic fic rec:
Freak-A-Zoid by Femalefonzie
notes: this fic deserves every single piece of praise its ever gotten because good lord. its SO good. i was not seeing the radiostatic twist come in, but it *is* mostly staticmoth. and also a/b/o but i mean. who *hasnt* indulged in a little bit of a/b/o before honestly
there are other fics that i personally like to indulge in, but i frankly wouldnt recommend to anyone else because they're either the kinds of fics that i myself can only bring myself to read after ive spent 8 hours at work crying into my pillow and need to look at something entertaining, or when im starved of content and cant be bothered to cook myself so i pull out the translator and start going at it. (technically i should know how to read french by now but. urgh. anywway..)
#ran rambles#radiostatic fic#radiostatic#fic rec#fanfic recommendation#hazbin hotel#honestly ive probably forgotten a few bangers but my brain is melted by now#if anyone wants to add their own recs feel free. these are just my personal likes#ive read stuff by arctic and addicted ofc but those ones are basically known by everyone afaik lmao. swm is known everywhere too#but thats a bit diff because it is part of an expanding series. so#anyway i didnt like some of the more popular fics like 666 or addicted but i know many people like those#and for good reason too because theyre wonderful! just not to my personal tastes and thats fine
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Please go in depth on how you think wanderer isn't much of a red flag as he is now! I agree with you for sure, but I love hearing people's takes on him! Personally, I think scaramouche would definitely be a huge red flag, but I think as he is now, he'd definitely be really loving and caring towards his s/o
OF COURSE I CAN DO THAT!!!!
Scaramouche himself is definitely a very big red flag. From his ties with the fatui, murderous/abusive (to his subordinates) behaviour and as well as his rude manner of speech. He definitely isn’t the most pleasant person you’d want to date.
but Wanderer on the other hand is completely different. And because of this he is a much bigger green flag than Scaramouche and im genuinely so sick of people grouping them in together when he even said himself in game that he doesn’t want to be anymore.
So im gonna go over his green flags (more under the cut!)
1. Animals like him – He likes animals.
Wanderer is actually portrayed with animals in a lot of his official art (or aranaras), specifically birds and cats
His 2023 and 2024 birthday arts are literally just him chilling with animals. In 2023 he’s chilling with a bird and in 2024 he’s with a bunch of cats.
It’s not like he hates it either. sure it may seem like he does sometimes but he really doesn’t
-In his character demo he may have swatted the bird away when it came back at the end, but at the beginning he was completely fine with having it on him as he was walking. He probably only swatted it away because it was flying in his face when he was already annoyed with having to fight those fatui.
These two images are just him chilling with birds. The second one he even lets on his hand and HES SMILING he literally loves animals like they’re bffs in that picture ITS SO CUTE 😭😭
You can’t even argue that he’s only soft towards animals when he’s alone because of the scenario in his 2024 birthday art where the traveler meets him in the tree when he’s cuddling with the cats. It’s not like he’s even embarrassed or annoyed about them being there he’s just chilling with them!!!!! Sure he did tell the tabby cat off for playing with his vision BUT HE CALLED THEM FLUFFBALLS BEFOREHAND!!!! THATS A WORD THAT WOULDVE NEVER COME OUT OF SCARAMOUCHE’S MOUTH EVER!!!!! AND HE EVEN PROMISED TO PLAY WITH THE CATS LATER!!!!!! The white and grey cat also just lounging on his leg knocked out completely defenceless is also a sign. cats are usually very alert when they try and sleep unless they’re CERTAIN that they’re safe. and look me in my eyes and try to tell me that that cat isn’t feeling 100% safe sleeping on his leg.
This isn’t even his only appearance with cats minus him being portrayed as a cat. he has a chibi birthday art from 2023 that’s just him and a cat hanging out with a birthday present
The second piece of dialogue might make him look mad but the art literally proves it otherwise he’s just confused LMAO there is not a single angry wrinkle on his face nope NOTHING!!!!
2. His development with the Traveler
Wanderer’s attitude stayed around the same since he regained him memories, but it isn’t as bad as when he was Scaramouche. It’s very evident from how he talks to the Traveler before going to Irminsul and while they’re there for some time and then how he talks after regaining his memories. It’s much softer and he isn’t biting as much. Hell, he even asks the Traveler to give him a new name when he could’ve asked Nahida to or waited awhile before asking.
In his voicelines he’s still the same. Though the birthday one is something I’d like to focus on the most.
“Give me your hand. Heh, there's no need to be nervous. I'm just taking you to a vantage point.”
“How is it? The scenery here should be quite breathtaking. There's no need to thank me — I see little point in it.”
Wanderer went out of his way to do that for the Traveler on their birthday. He could’ve just barked that he doesn’t need to do anything for their birthday or that he doesn’t care or that they’re still enemies so he doesn’t need to celebrate it but he still does something nice for the Traveler regardless!!!Him initiating physical contact just to take them to a vantage point and reassuring the Traveler because they’re nervous is something he CHOOSES to do.
Now, I’ve always thought that he was flying the Traveler to the vantage point, but now that im rereading the line it literally doesn’t even mention him flying so LMAO
BUT ITS STILL SWEET IN BOTH WAYS
-He’s going out of his way to FLY the Traveler to the vantage point. And if he’d have to fly them there then obviously there’d be more physical contact than hand holding. That means he’s completely fine with having the Traveler in his personal space like that, so obviously he trusts them a lot more now to a certain degree!!!
-If he’s not flying to the vantage point, he’s still initiating physical contact with the Traveler even though he doesn’t have to.
LIKE OMG?????
In his birthday art scenarios, he’s completely fine with the Traveler hanging out with him. HE EVEN ASKS THEM TO STAY WITH HIM FOR A WHILE IN THE 2023 ONE IF THEY DONT MIND!!!!!
I feel like the 2023 one does a good job with explaining him and the Travelers enemies to friends (to lovers— GUNSHOTS) pipeline. He calls them meeting on his birthday a coincidence and gets ready to leave, but he’s completely fine with the Traveler not wanting to leave!!!! And when he asks them to stick around with him that’s clearly showing what he wanted the WHOLE GODDAMN TIME!!!!!!!
The 2024 chibi art scenario one is just them enjoying each other’s company. His regular birthday art for this year is kind of the same too. It shows how now neither of them dislike the other’s company, they’re fine with each other and they dont complain about it, no nothing!!!!!!
His Teapot lines are (OBVIOUSLY) the best examples of how he is when he fully trusts someone though.
Here’s a list of the things he does that are a complete 180 to how many people expected him to be:
-He apologises more often
-Criticises himself for criticising the empty spots in your teapot
-Perfectly fine with chatting whenever
-Despite saying to the Traveler that they should start the conversation because he has nothing fun or positive to share, he still dominates the conversation by talking about his tea preferences and how he came to like drinking tea in the first place
-Perfectly fine with sharing a meal with the Traveler that they prepared just for him
His goodnight line is really sweet too. Thanking the Traveler for looking out for him and telling them to go get rest. Like that’s so sweet 😭😭😭😭
I really do hope that he gets more plot relevancy in an event or in another archon quest because I really want to see more of his relationship with the Traveler now. They’re just so UGHHHHHH 😭😭😭😭😭😭
3. His behaviour towards other people
It’s not even just the Traveler that he’s nice to. He’s nice to other characters too!!!!
In A Parade of Providence he’s shown being nice to Layla and Tighnari
-He helps Layla by offering her advice when he overhears about her anxiety to participate in the swiftflies
-Gives the Traveler a water-skin to give to Tighnari because he fainted in the desert. Despite providing snarky comments about how fragile humans are to extreme environments he still goes out of his way to help Tighnari when he could’ve ignored what was going on to win.
I really hope we get some more interactions with Wanderer and the Sumeru cast because wtf!!!!! Why not!!!!!
In his 2024 birthday letter he mentions that his classmates surprised him for his birthday with a cake. And instead of being mostly annoyed about how they disturbed his peace and quiet, he’s more concerned about why they would even want to celebrate his birthday in the first place which is actually sad 💔
Wanderer doesn’t even seem to hate participating in events and things with other people either. In his 2023 birthday letter he mentions that he was dragged into a cooking interest group by a couple of students, and despite the fact that he could’ve just left or told them he didn’t want to participate or scared them off, he still participated in cooking with them.
As well as learning from an old merchant how to sew and stitch to recreate the tiny doll the boy from his past had made him. It specifically mentions that he went to visit Treasures Street to learn how to make toys, so this wasn’t just some run in he had, he CHOSE to learn how to make a doll so he could recreate that one. He even takes it with him while he travels and it notes how it feels like a travel companion to him 😭😭 AND THE ENDING PART OF THE TINY DOLL STORY
“"From today, you shall wander together with me."”
“He said softly, placing it in his pocket.”
LIKE THATS SO SWEET 😭😭😭😭
SO!!!! How would all of this impact him having a romantic relationship??
If you manage to become friends with him, it’s definitely going to take awhile to break down his walls. But in that time he’s definitely going to be snarky, but not outright rude to you. He’ll probably just get more annoyed if anything about being bothered a bit more frequent than he’d like, though he’d probably never say that towards you.
As you break down those walls though, he’s definitely going to soften overtime and he won’t mind your company. At some point he’ll probably be actively seeking it out.
And when you get together with him. He’s definitely gonna be loving and caring towards you!!!! Honestly I think his love languages are Physical Touch and Quality Time so he’s definitely going to seek those out from you, preferably mushing the two together.
Overall, in the beginning he’s probably going to be more tsundere-ish (ew… im never using that term again after this…) towards you but eventually with enough dedication from you he’ll break down his walls and let you in and show you his softer side.
And that’s why I think that Wanderer is more of a green flag than a red flag
Thank you for coming to my ted talk it’s 2am and I have therapy in the morning so uh whoops!!!!
If anyone wants to add anything please feel free too!!! It’s always nice hearing what other people have to say (as long as ur not rude about it)
#scaramouche#wanderer#genshin#genshin impact#genshin scaramouche#genshin wanderer#sorry if it seems choppy I did this on a whim#also I have learnt my lesson to not write everything exclusively on tumblr and then go back to look at other things because I accidentally—#deleted my progress for some of this because it didn’t save when I went to go find the images 😭😭😭😭#wanderer I love you
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Reincarnation au
Oh my, Optimus, Prowl and Starscream?! 😂
I'm imagining the constructicons pampering their leader, and, considering that there are multiple sparklings, making little jokes about the "mini-gestalt"
Starscream has a lot of emotions about this, a lot. But he has the rest of the Aerie + Windblade, Wheeljack, Bumblebee to help(they are also discreetly taking precautions after the discovery). Cybertron's News media are going crazy
IDW Optimus is... reacting as well as can be expected of him, Ironhide (who is the only one I remember) by his side and helping as best he can.
The lost light is now setting up a mini daycare, of course megatron is still deciding (and talking to rung and ravange) but the triplets + drif and ratchet sparklings are still a small team
(Which of the triplets is pink and maroon?)
Im just gonna answer these point for point. Please note, singleton pregnancies for non-seeker mecha are the norm for this AU and Rodimus having triplets is an outlier. Everyone else is only expecting one
1. The constructicons certainly try to pamper Prowl, but he is not reciprocal. He's like a feral cat: he'll accept food and attention but if you try to touch him he'll hiss and bite you
2. Starscream kept the cycle under wraps for as long as he could, and he's not at all keen on letting anyone get too close. It takes a lot of pestering (and abusing Sky's warpdrive, let's be honest here) just for his trine to get into his quarters to look after him. Thundercracker lectures him on taking it easy and not working so hard as the carrying cycle progresses, and he + Skywarp have their servos full constantly running after their workaholic trine leader trying to get him to rest lmao
3. Optimus is... God, I don't even know. How would IDW OP react? It's not like he's opposed to having a sparkling, but it just feels too soon. It wasn't planned, and he's kind of overwhelmed by....... Everything. Sparklings are a lot, being a parent is a lot, and he's still got a crazy busy schedule despite not being an active political leader atm. Ironhide threatens to sit on him if he won't allow himself time to rest lmao
4. It takes a hunch of schedule shuffling but with Ultra Magnus on the case there's quickly an airtight schedule for bitty care that guarantees they'll all be supervised by at least 2 responsible adults at all times during the work day. It's a bit of a transition after the mamas finish with maternity leave (Ratchet only takes 2 days off before he's back in the medbay with bitty strapped to his back smh), but they make it work
4.5 Megatron is still having a crisis over his impending parenthood. This can go one of two ways: he's had sparklings before and lost contact with them thanks to the shitshow of Cybertron's system and it's a repressed trauma response, or he has first-time carrier jitters combined with infinite guilt about The War and worrying his sparkling won't be able to have a good life with his name attached to them 🤭
5. Roddy's triplets are G1 ("Pinky"), TFA ("Maroon"), and Cyberverse ("Lil Red"). Mama Rodimus hasn't given them names yet (aka idk what to call them lol) so for now they're just called their colors. Kinda like Nightprowler was dubbed Lil P for the longest time
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OH about the finale at the shrine, this completely slipped my notice when we were talking about it, but Ichi says he's "reporting" Jo's verdict to both Arakawa and Masato. It's just not translated that way.
Not too big of a difference (well, it is to me, but I'm insane), but if it was highlighting anything, I'd guess it's probably Masato's change of heart. It would've been fair for Ichi to assume Masato wouldn't care and only "report" to Arakawa, but in the context of Ichi doing his damnedest to show Masato they all love him, it works in terms of, "Maybe I made him reconsider, and maybe now he would care."
Also... I'm looking at it in a "measured" way, since the chapter trophies are always just standard "Nth Chapter Cleared" messages that the localization team just spices up for us, but there's something I find really poignant about the Chapter 13 trophy being worded as "Fate of Our Fathers." The pluralization of both the noun and pronoun. Realizations that come too late.
Of course, Masato definitely didn't "know" and had no real reason to suspect it, but the Arakawas have this bizarre subconscious almost-psychic link. So even if he doesn't really think so, there's this sense that Ichi "might as well" be Arakawa's "real" son because they're so much more alike. And maaaybe he felt that way about Jo and himself at one point, because (as we've discussed) there has to be a reason Jo was Masato's "favorite."
[Follow up to this ask]
#snap chats#yeah i have no real notes sorry LMAO LIKE THIS IS GOOD ON ITS OWN YK. every base is covered#LIKE nothing i could say could really enhance anything or add much. god im so bad at words i should drop dead right now#i can reaffirm that masato definitely sees ichi as arakawass 'real' son if his whole 'you remind me of dad' bit is anything to go off of#thats a weird line/sentiment now aint it#masato didnt consider him and ichi as family and ergo he's angry at how similar ichi and arakawa are#i guess that's more of a deep-dive into that hypothetical masato essay ill probably never get to- why masato hates arakawa like he does#about 'fate of /our/ /fathers/' tho thats def an interesting point no matter how you slice it#'our fathers' could refer to arakawa and sawashiro and ichi and masato respectively#i.e. masumi- ichi's bio father and sawashiro- masato's bio father- and what happens to them by the end of the game yk#there's an alt way to see if as both arakawa and sawashiro as both ichi and masato's fathers#though im gonna chewing my cheek on that one. sure we've compared sawashiro to an abusive stepparent#idk... i think it's just cause ichi shows up well into his teens that it doesnt register in my brain that sawashiro could be a father figur#but thats MY personal dumb ass rambling im just here to vaguely try to interpret the title in multiple ways to cover everything#moving on tho... the use of 'our' prevents 'fathers' referring to only one of them . so. Aforementioned Possibilities have been listed#making it sound like i have anything else to say I DONT I ALREADY SAID EVERYTHING dummy. putting myself in the dunce corner#on that note. hopefully it finally got through to masato how much people loved him before he got ganked#i mean for sure it did but yk. still mad about y7 ending im gonna kill someone In Minecraft#'i have nothing else to say' LIAR YOU ARE A LIAR !!!!! THE FUCK ARE THESE TAGS STUPID ASS#anyway im going back to my google doc. im almost done with another cringe fic. sorry#BYE
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Delta anon here again and I am loving these most recent posts. I have many ideas now.
For one, if Color was distressed enough about not knowing how Killer is doing, I feel like Delta and Epic would let him call - under the exception that they are allowed to listen in. Color obviously protests this, but they refuse to budge. Because although they do want Color to recover from the abuse and manipulation he's going through with Killer, they also know how bad his panic attacks get when he thinks a loved one is dead. But the immediate minute Killer starts guilt tripping, one single word about it, one of them physically takes the phone away and hangs up while the other restrains Color from stopping him. No hesitation.
And if he sneaks out? Oh, buddy. You have an engineer for a friend. You bet your ASS that Delta somehow managed to put a location chip on him somehow - phone, hoodie, pocket, you name it. He managed to put it in - and incredibly well hidden. So if Color sneaks out? Once they wake up and realize he's gone, they follow Delta's tracker straight to him.
Obviously once they get Color back (and once Delta and Beta are allowed their time of beating the shit out of Killer and probably psychologically fucking him over a bit, too), they first check to make sure he's ok. Then they launch straight into scolding him for it. Because really, what the fuck? We understand that you're worried for him and that you miss him, but that wasn't ok. You need to be ok with not being able to peek over Killer's shoulder (hypervigilance) 24/7 to make sure he isn't doing anything wrong. You can live without him and he can live without you.
Now this is probably about when Color starts trying to defend Killer, or get out of it somehow. They shut that bullshit down instantly.
Delta calls it as it is. It's abusive, toxic and manipulative. And although Color hates it - deep down, he knows they're right. He won't ever admit it to himself, but he knows that if Delta or Epic were somehow in this situation, he would call it what it is, too.
Epic takes a gentler approach, knowing Delta can definitely speak for the both of them, so he focuses more on making sure Color is ok at the moment and isn't getting too upset. He steps in when needed, but let's Delta do the most of the talking. Because Beta is telling him exactly what to say and how it's abusive. Because unfortunately, poor Beta knows what an abusive relationship is like.
Color, of course, would probably try to flip it - he'd try to play therapist again, asking how Delta/Beta knew about abuse, why did they? Yeah, that wouldn't fly either. That also gets shut down very quickly.
The road trip would last a very long time. The bigger a fight Color puts up, the longer it lasts. And then some on the way back. Because like hell are they gonna be letting Killer near right now. They love Color way too much to just sit on the sidelines and watch him be abused and manipulated by a mass murderer.
Oh hello again delta anon so happy to see you!! /gen
Also may i propose some bits of Ekko vs Jinx for either Cross vs Killer or Delta vs Killer.
cuz like. the exhausted walk, the death glare and sneer, the unhinged giggle, and “ooohhh..look who it is! the boy SAVIOR!” either that or ekko can be murder/dust protecting color & delta all the possibilities. or just good old delta protecting color & epic.
(But for my own sanity im gonna say it doesnt manage to ever come to this type of confrontation. please i cant take it i need them to go back to being themselves!! 😭) (thats a lie i love the drama of it all lmao)
and of course delta put a tracker on color lmao. get chipped idiot.
and like..imagine that color has a hard time putting seeing himself as completely blameless simply because killer made him into a forced perpetrator. and hes like i said that or i did that and i hurt him and delta & beta have to remind him of not only the context surrounding all of it—how killer pushed and pushed and manipulated—but also point out that killer and chara and nightmare had this exact same shit going on.
if color can claim killer wasnt to blame for what chara and nightmare made him do, then how can he be to blame for what killer made him do. breaking that cycle baby hell yeah.
oh i wonder how itll all end. Will it keep escalating, will it just be a period of enforced no contact between color and killer until killers able to get it together. or will color and killer run off eventually.
aw god imagine colors interactions with stage 1. id imagine he didnt have a clue what’s going on really—what would he ever think this was okay? where did the logic come from?—and also id imagine hed have missing gaps between the memories of color comforting him and the memories of color punishing him—why? what happened? whywhy? this cant be real what did he do?
because through it all stage 1 would immediately jump to the conclusion that he did something. he cant say why—he doesnt understand, what was he thinking? he cant connect with his other stage’s logic—and yet theres also this sense of..fear. around color.
which is thinks is fucking stupid hes the reason it even happened at all. and the whole thing sets stage 1 back entire leaps and bounds in his process and he keeps his mouth fucking shut and tries force himself to deal with the guilt and shame and misguided fear and ooh all the drama.
hmm does anyone have any ideas for what happens with stage 1 or what just happens next 🤔
#howlsasks#cw toxic relationship#cw abuse#color spectrum duo#epic sanses#epic sans#epic!sans#delta sans#delta!sans#utmv headcanons#utmv#killer sans#sans au#sans aus#killer!sans#killertale#color sans#colour sans#color!sans#othertale#othertale sans#ultratale beta#ultratale#epictale#epictale sans#something new sans#killertale sans#undertale something new#undertalesomethingnew#something new
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what's your separated au about? :0
WHERE WE WENT WRONG ASK SPOTTED [LOCKS IN]
okay essentially without going into spoiler territory (it all seems kind of typical but there's a lot of twists and turns i have planned!!! trust me)
VERY basic premise, with leo/donnie with draxum and raph/mikey with splinter. i'm going to keep leo and donnie's names as they are for simplicity's sake and say that at one point they just decided to use the names their bio father gave them when they asked draxum for like... Actual names, they were probably just numbered before. they both have kind of messy complicated relationships with him
^^^ draxum is a pretty shit parent but im not going to make him super abusive (its fine when people do, im just going for the more nuanced approach!!). he's very goal-oriented and for a long time he's struggled to see the weapons he created as people, although he never outright Abused them. he was pretty emotionally neglectful and hard on them when it came to training/pushing them into their roles, and over the course of the story he's going to grapple both with humanizing them and also descending into a spiral of paranoia as things go on (all im gonna say about what's going on with him right now)
personality alterations are more subtle in some places and more obvious in others. raph is a lot more serious and overprotective, mikey's very similar to his canon characterization but he's a lot more rebellious and determined to prove his own independence, and donnie's actually very blunt and deadpan to counteract leo being UHHHHHHHHHH. hmmmmm. an insane person!! (lmao raph/mikey are dog-coded in the way that mikey is an excitable puppy and raph is an old sad sheepdog, and leo/donnie are cat-coded in the way that donnie is a cat that stays in high up places and glares at you, and leo is the type of cat that rolls on its back and looks cute and then ATTACKS when you try to pet it. thats the best way i can summarize them)
donnie was very much the family stickler on his side of the equation and leo was unruly and untameable, but that kind of... switches after some things happen. leo becomes complacent out of fear (he is so complicated and fucked up god bless) and donnie changes his priorities after he meets mikey.
because essentially the core of the story is that donnie and mikey being the youngest of their families, with overprotective older brothers who are actually kind of more reliant on them than the other way around, want to connect and actually be a family (as well as stop the conflict going on) but raph and leo REALLY DO NOT WANT THEM TO.
and i mean REALLY. really really. raph distrusts donnie and hates leo and leo DESPISES both raph and mikey (disaster twins are really codependent and its gonna shine through), so there's really just opposition on every side of the equation. things turn out alright in the end, but it's.... a long, long process. there's a point in the story where they have to do the unlocking ninpo thing and it takes so much longer and it is so much worse and its such a fucking mess LMAO
wow i love my sep au (one man's junk but with more crying and blood in it)
if things go according to plan it'll start after i finish canary continuity, i already have it all outlined. its just beginning stories that is kind of a struggle for me so the first few chapters are gonna be hard. even though i KNOW what im doing bleckgh.
#ask#where we went wrong#rottmnt#a lot of sep aus up donnie's general manic insanity which is BASED and i love that shit#but i am going to make him so dry he is a constant dgaf kind of person#he says the most insane shit straight-faced#it also means he's kind of accidentally rude. type of person to walk away in the middle of you trying to talk to him#its a really fun balance with leo who is getting all the manic insanity instead... you know how he turns his obnoxious bullshit up when hes#-just upset and coping? imagine that but constant. and worse#i want to bounce him like basketball he sucks so bad#he also takes the longest to turn around on the whole becoming a family thing#for a lot of reasons#also i havent mentioned april but shes very much a character here too!! dw#cassandra and karai both also get a lot to do in the plot (big mama too kinda) ... i love women#also if you wanna ask more questions im open to it!! i just have to be vague about some of the big stuff teehee
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this might be a kinda niche observation but i have noticed women who are venusian plus saturnian are Not very nice 😭 i know two women who's entire chart is basically 50/50 venusian naks and saturn naks and one thing i've noticed they both do is try to remix traditional gender roles into some sort of female empowerment thing
for example, one of them is constantly going on dates with older rich men which by itself is like fine whatever but she tries to act like she's this genius feminist for doing it. like no babe.... you're still conforming to gender roles by essentially selling yourself to rich men to eventually become their spoiled housewife, if anything she's putting a capitalistic spin on it. i think this is because of the saturnian urge to conform to traditions meshing with the venusian urge to date lots and surround yourself with money and beauty
the second girl is obsessed with traditional beauty standards for im assuming the same reason. she literally often says things like "i love entering a room and knowing i'm the prettiest one there" and "walking down the street watching people gawk because i'm the most beautiful one here". it's so cringe and low vibrational, not to mention misogynistic yet just like the other girl she tries to put a feminist spin on it. she has a whole twitter account dedicated to unlocking your "divine feminine", which is a real thing but she does it in such an incorrect way like telling people what plastic surgery they need to be "perfect" and of course, how to attract a rich man. it's a combo of venusian vanity and saturnian rule following (the beauty standards being the rules)
also, they both HATE eachother 😭
that sounds about right ngl
I feel like Venusian women who are not drawn to the arts and are somehow unable to channel their creativity make it their sole purpose in life to pursue romance and 😬it kind of messes them up?? My grandma is Purvaphalguni Moon and she was a very talented singer back in the day and wanted to study Music in college but her family was against it and made her study to be a teacher and then she ended up marrying my grandad and also cheating on him and ngl it ruined her life,,, anywayyss I feel like Venusians were meant to pursue all of the themes of Venus, ESPECIALLY its creativity because art will fulfil you in ways no man or relationship can and in the absence of it, all this excessive materialistic pursuit of relationships brings out the corrosiveness of Venus.
Venus is capable of immense devotional spirituality, its not a shallow planet or influence by any means but to get to the spirituality (of any planet tbh) one has to transcend its more superficial material manifestations. I think Venusian fixation on romance, relationships etc can be very damning. I know a Purvaphalguni Moon girl who cannot be single for even a second and she said she can't get married because she will cheat on him 😭
I know several Venusians who are like you mentioned but damn that Venus and Saturn combination you talked about is lethal,, they can lead themselves to such a shallow hollow and empty life. Ngl I feel like all those "dating coaches" online who talk about "10 ways to marry a rich man" are all Venusian/Saturnian women and sorry to break it but I promise it never works out. If a man knows that you're with him for his money, I promise you no amount of money he throws at you will be worth the mind games and psychological abuse that will ensue.
I have a friend, Bharani stellium who is from a well to do family but she dreams of marrying someone filthy rich and being a housewife. She's also Saturnian lmao but I feel like her idealized visions of being someone's trophy wife will lead to some bitter experiences. Bc first of all Indian men are trash, second of all, rich people are trash and a rich Indian man and his family are probably capable of god knows what insanity. I think about that video of Shah Rukh Khan, aka the biggest actor the country has ever seen at Isha Ambani's (billionaire's daughter) twins birthday party where they'd brought out snakes??? (rich ppl things bc who tf would bring snakes to a toddler's bday party??) and Isha's brother picks up a snake and puts it on SRK's shoulder from behind, catching him off guard. Like ik its obviously not poisonous but like ??? thats so rude??? imagine just putting a snake on someone without their consent??? its that asshole's entitlement that makes him believe he can get away with anything. any video of the Ambani kids is a testament to them being rich assholes but anyways point is, rich people are fucked up and its insane to me that women want to sign away their autonomy by marrying into these families??? like are they dumb??? how naive do you have to be to believe that they'll be rich AND nice to you?? lol?? and you cannot raise a finger against them bc money will silence everyone, even the courts. look at what happened to amber heard and what's happening to angelina jolie. these are powerful, influential women, not housewives to rich douchebags but even then, they suffer. now what would happen to a regular woman???
anybody who dreams of being a trophy wife feels absolutely delusional to me. its so important to maintain your independence. like by all means i want to marry rich but i dont ever want to be in a position where im financially dependent on a man. THATS DANGEROUS. quite literally.
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Sorry if this is completely wrong igore if it is LMAO but I noticed you seem to have different hcs for how mind lost his eye!!! Like in Seattles Going Under it was lost in a vague fight or something, but in art w/ the resonance cascade he lost it prolly during the ambush? I was wondering if you had info to share on it/infodump abt or if its just whatever makes the art more fun!
hehe youre observant and actually right on the money. yup! so essentially i just have different eye trauma head canons for whichever version of freemind im drawing; since he doesnt actually lose his eye in canon, its up to everyone to fil in the blanks if they wanna use the popular headcanon. i wrote . a good chunk of stuff . so i put it under the cut . but heres a picture to be like a . tldr
I sorta like his eye already being gone before the resonance cascade (in a non-freemanverse scenario). he does verbally say something like "my eyes" in the series, indicating he has two, BUT . well. its a headcanon. so we can have fun with it . my eye loss pre-rescas freemind stems from my original freemind design (before i ever started posting half-life on the internet) where he had short hair, but i needed a way to distinguish him from og gordon, so I used thr popular one eye headcanon. then I realized him losing his eye bc of the military goes perfectly with martini losing an arm. that bothered me for a while until i realized i could just have multiple freemind designs + headcanons. if theres different variations of Gordon and martini, why can't there be some of Freemind as well? grins grins
i left it open ended in my SGU because people have their own headcanons and I thought anyone could just fill in their own. if I did every make a canon eyeloss event prequel thing, he would've lost his eye during college in some sort of either freak accident (like tripping on something and injuring himself bad; I like this one because he'll lie and say he was in a fight) or, like u said, a fight . for SGU, college was a low point in his life of him struggling with freedom from his parents for the firsr time, but them and their ideals still holding him hostage. he is simultaneously more repressed and more emotionally volatile than present!gordon. then, when his parents die, hes just given a clusterfuck of emotions. so why dont we add physical trauma? whatever the sgu canon event eye loss was, it was definitely related to substance abuse issues. whether that be he was high/drunk and got into an accident, or fought someone... not sure! yet. the only thing that i can say was that no fire or chemicals were involved, since his tearduct is (unfortunately for him) wholly in tact!
but for freemanverse!freemind, he should lose his eye during the rescas since its like thematic and stuff if (almost) every Gordon Loses Something. also, angst. whenever I draw freemanverse (even in a domestic setting) in my head, i always think of them surviving the rescas together! i have. convoluted freemanverse headcanons. the eye loss is an important freemanverae event because, like martini, it gives him a valid reason to REALLY dislike benrey (but in my au, benrey isnt the big bad, so he "redeems" himself kinda sorta) . and then it ALSO opens up freemind to be upset and vulnerable, which allows him to bond with his fellow freemen.
...
also I want barmey to tend to his wounds and call his scar(s) badass. im not immune to buttermind and i never was.
honorable mention: sims freemind, who has both eyes physically but only can see from one. this is due to me unable to properly texture a glasses + eyepatch combo, that and i have no experience with 3d modelling (I did try!).
i hope this is a satisfying enough infodump!! I'm sorry if it's a bit vague; a lot of my ideas tend to be fluid. i also like taking inspiration from what other people think! some of you guys are way super smart and have awesome ideas. i am not immune to well articulated essays and thought out headcanons
#also fun fact! my og freemind design had short hair BECAUSE i was going to use his hair growth to indicate time passing#going from the rescas to a more domestic and “calmer” setting with his new friends#and the hair growth is supposed to represent lije... self acceptance almsot#and like a slightly healtheir view of himself (dont worry hes still an asshole)#and thats also why COLLEGE FREEMIND (who i never draw) has short hair also!#yay! emotional growth represented by the literal growth of hair!#freeman's mind#freemind#mindverse#gordonverse#gordon freemind#freemanverse#asks#half life
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