#im making fun of someone this is not how i think btw

[sanguinaryfreaks]

"If you identify as jirai please block me" 🤪🤪

[inkskinned]

we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.

"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."

i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.

you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"

i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.

what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.

i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.

"don't make a big deal about this," you said.

this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.

"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.

you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."

the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.

afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."

[keirientez]

band au rahhhhhhhhhhh

[junipernight]

Yangvik Week Day 6 - Jealousy

"Old Flame"

@yangvikweek2024

At the appointed time and place, the team discretely reconvened in a square at the south end of Caldera City. 

Even under her hat and cloak, Kavik could tell that Yangchen was tired when he spotted her across the square. He wondered if that meant the meeting with the Fire Lord Gonryu hadn’t gone well. Then again, even if Fire Lord Gonryu had agreed to the Avatar’s proposal, Kavik knew that it chafed Yangchen that the leaders of the world couldn’t simply do the right thing (or something approximating it) without being coerced, bribed, cajoled, or otherwise convinced.

Kavik swallowed the last bite of his fire bun, dusted his hands off, and casually began to meander in the same direction  she was now heading. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Tayagum and Akuudan doing the same, and Jujinta was surely nearby. 

Besides Yangchen, none of them had ever been to the fire nation capital before, and the place they were going wasn’t like Yangchen’s usual safehouses; it was the house of a friend, she’d said.

For those reasons, the five of them skipped the acrobatics today, and instead pretended to be ordinary people casually (and separately) walking home from a long day's work. Kavik followed from a distance as Yangchen turned first left, and then right, down street after street. He paused and pretended to admire a stone dragon when two turns were close together, to make sure Akuudan and Tayagum (who were following him at a distance) wouldn’t lose the trail.

Ahead, Yangchen suddenly ducked into a doorway.

Kavik strolled past, not turning his head even a little, and surreptitiously sized up the house the way he would have cased a joint when he was an errand runner in Bin Er. His first impression was that it resembled the mansions of the Shang merchants. Whoever lived here was definitely very wealthy, but the magnolia trees peaking over the wall suggested a scholar or a poet lived inside, rather than a merchant. The architecture was modern, the stone lion-dragons unweathered. Relatively new money. Whoever they were, it was odd that they had chosen to live so far from the palace and the rest of the imperial court.

Kavik walked another couple of blocks, then made a sharp turn. He took a circuitous path back towards the house Yangchen had entered, scaling the wall with a few frozen handholds (which he immediately melted and dried behind him). He shimmied across the roof on his belly, and peered down into the courtyard below. He found himself looking into a garden, filled with lush greenery and zig-zagging paths. Yangchen stood in the middle, in the shade of a weeping willow tree, alone. She had discarded the pieces of her disguise, and her billowing orange robes stood out in bright contrast to her cool surroundings, like sunrise in a mossy forest.

Kavik sidled up to one of the magnolia trees he’d spotted before, and climbed down to join her. A few minutes later, Jujinta jumped down from the roof, and Tayagum and Akuudan descended from the opposite direction soon after. Yingsu brought up the rear.

“So… who’s your friend?” Kavik asked.

There was the sound of wood tapping on flagstone, and then an old woman stepped into view. 

The woman was simply but elegantly attired in a summer tunic and pants, with her moon-white hair braided and wrapped over the crown of her head. She didn’t have the hunched over look that so many elders had, but even so, she was still incredibly short.

Yangchen squealed when she saw her. “Akemi!”

Instead of a formal greeting, the Avatar ran up to the old woman, picked her up, and spun them around.

The rest of the team stared in bewilderment. Who is this lady?, Kavik thought.

The old woman laughed and tapped her shoulder with her cane. “Cut that out, I’m too old for your antics.”

Yangchen carefully put the woman down. Side by side, Kavik thought he could detect a faint resemblance. They both had the same oval face and shrewd eyes. Maybe Yangchen had a Fire Nation grangran? It wouldn’t be that surprising if she did. Boma had given him the impression that air nomads got around.

“Everyone, this is Akemi. My wife.”

Her what? Kavik’s jaw dropped.

Out of the corner of his eye, Kavik saw the others bow, but all he could do was stare. Tayagum clapped a hand on his back and bent him into something resembling a bow.

Akemi huffed, but the soft smile didn’t leave her face. 

“Avatar Szeto and I were married for 53 years,” she explained.

“See? My wife,” Yangchen insisted.

Introductions were made, and then Akemi led the group inside.

***

Tayagum nudged his husband at dinner. Akuudan looked at him questioningly. “Kavik hasn’t stopped pouting since we got here,” he whispered.

Akuudan didn’t need to glance over to see that it was true; he’d noticed earlier in the meal, but hadn’t bothered to unpack the kid’s expression because he’d been too engrossed in a story Akemi was telling about the former Avatar and four volcanoes.

“... but then Szeto bent the lava like it was water, and diverted it away from the town. He invented an entirely new technique on the fly, and saved thousands of people that day.”

“Don’t sell yourself short Keke, I may have stopped the lava, but you were the one who figured out how to appease the spirits. You’ve always been the better diplomat between us.”

Kavik scowled, and pierced a bit of spicy tofu with his chopsticks, much to Tayagum’s amusement.

‘I stopped the lava.’ Akuudan rolled Yangchen’s words around in his head. Not for the first time, he wondered about the nature of the legendary connection Avatars had to their past lives. Before knowing Yangchen, he’d assumed the rumors to be exaggerated, but Yangchen occasionally spoke as if she’d been there. As if she still had the memories of Szeto and others before him. Memories or no, however, Akuudan was sure Yangchen didn’t really think of herself as the same person as Szeto.

All dinner, she’d been hamming up her role as “loving husband” from her seat at the head of the table, singing Akemi’s praises and patting her hand and reheating her tea when it got cold.

Akemi, for her part, seemed to indulge the behavior like a doting grandmother. It seemed to be a long running joke the two of them had crafted. A very sweet one.

“... but I musn’t ramble about the past. Tell me more about your friends. Yingsu - you’re a strapping young woman. Are you and the Avatar companionable?” she waggled her eyebrows.

Kavik dropped his spoon with a loud clatter.

Tayagum choked back a laugh

Yingsu grinned. “You need to get your eyes checked, grandmother. I’m twice her age”

Akemi shrugged. “Well, the Avatar has always had certain preferences.”

The conversation moved on, and Akuudan could see that Kavik was too busy staring at the wall and ruminating to eat his food.

“Are you going to finish that?” He asked. (It was good food, and there was no sense letting it go to waste.)

Kavik frowned, and pushed his bowl across the table.

***

It was weird having a room all to himself. Kavik lay back on the bed with his arms crossed, frowning up at the ceiling.

He couldn’t decode what Akemi had been implying earlier, when she’d made her comment about preferences. It had something to do with Yingsu - but what? Yingsu was a lot of things: taller, older, a fire bender, a woman, very muscular. He was pretty sure Akemi wouldn’t know about the combustion bending, so he could rule that out. It was also more likely to be something that Yingsu and Akemi had in common, or had had in common in Akemi’s youth…

Not that any of this impacted him, directly. He was just looking out for Yangchen. He didn’t want her to get hurt by Yingsu, in either a heartbreak kind of way or an explosive fire-y way.

… they really had been quick to accept Yingsu into the fold. Were they absolutely sure they could trust her? Kavik was pretty sure he had been treated with more suspicion than either Yingsu or Jujinta had been.

A knock interrupted his musings.

He got up and padded over to the door, expecting it to be either Yangchen calling a team meeting, or Jujinta looking for his lost toothbrush again (their stuff frequently got mixed up when they had to pack in a hurry.)

Instead he discovered Akemi at his door.

“I noticed you barely touched your food. Fire nation cuisine can often upset the stomach, if one is unused to the spices. Would you like some ginger?” She asked

“Thank you for the consideration Grandmother, but my stomach is fine,” Kavik said.

“Excellent! Then you can come with me; I need a strong young waterbender to help me in the garden.” She headed down the corridor at a brisk pace, cane clicking, without waiting for a reply. Kavik stared at her retreating back in disbelief.

He raced to catch up to her.

“Do you often garden in the middle of the night?” He asked.

“Yes,” she said matter-of-factly, surprising him. “It’s too hot to do something as stupid as garden during the day.” 

A fire national who shied away from the sun? There was something altogether too suspicious about the whole thing. Kavik refused to believe for a moment that Akemi had singled him out to help with simple gardening, even if he couldn’t figure out her real motives yet. 

They emerged into a courtyard. In the center was an overgrown pond.

“I need your help with that,” said Akemi, pointing straight at the moonlit pond… and the bobbing, waving white lotus flowers within it.

Kavik’s heart sank.

“The white lotus rises out of the murky depths, and unfurls her many separate petals,” he recited hollowly.

Akemi squinted at him in confusion. “Yangchen didn’t tell me you liked poetry.”

That was not the answering code phrase. But more importantly, “She talked about me to you?”

Akemi’s wrinkled lips quirked. Kavik noticed the smile lines deepen around her eyes. “Maybe. Now let’s get on with it,” she gestured at the pond. “Lift the water out.”

It was Kavik’s turn to be confused. “You want me to take the water out of the pond?”

“Yes.”

“All of it??”

“Yes. My, you ask a lot of questions.”

Kavik thought about asking why, but decided he would find out soon enough. He bent his knees, circled his arms, and lifted.

The water swelled and lifted out of the pond. He kept pushing and pulling until the pond was empty, and the former pond-water was suspended in a loose orb overhead.

He looked at the old fire nation lady, wondering what she wanted him to do now, and nearly dropped the water when he saw her clamber into the empty pond.

In the center, there were three heavy stone baskets, out of which the lotus flowers grew. The plants looked strange and graceless, flopped over with no water to support them. Akemi began to pull and snip at the lotus plants that had crept outside their bounds, collecting them in a bundle. She was apparently unbothered by the mud.

Maybe it was just because they were both old women who asked Kavik to do odd chores, but Akemi reminded Kavik of Mama Ayuneraq. She may not have responded to his overt query, but that could have been a choice. It didn’t prove she wasn’t a member of the Order.

“Tell me—how is she?” Akemi asked him

Kavik chose his words carefully. “She’s better now, ever since that business in Taku ended. But she lost Nu Jian only a few months ago, and the loss has been hard on her.”

“Yes, I’d heard about Nu Jian.” Akemi rested her hands on the rim of a stone basket, and bowed her head. “Grief can be very hard on a person.”

… The difference between Akemi and Ayunerak, is that Ayunerak would have prodded the conversation toward “that business in Taku.”

“Is she eating?” Akemi asked instead.

“Mostly,” said Kavik. “We have to wave the food in front of her face to get her to remember sometimes.”

“Is she sleeping?”

“Barely. She has this terrible tea she drinks that keeps her wired at all hours of the day. I’m tempted to hide it away.”

“Then do it.”

“What?”

“Take the terrible tea away.”

“I can’t just take the Avatar’s tea away from her! She’s not a misbehaving child.”

“Then talk to her about it.”

Kavik focused on bending the pond water. It was easier to carry if he kept it moving, rather than try to hold it gathered in one place. Akemi finished the rest of her task in silence, gathered up the bundle of culled lotus plants, then walked out of the pond, her feet as sure-footed in the black slippery muck as an arctic rabbit’s on hard snow.

“The world will always have more problems than the Avatar can solve. Someone has to prioritize taking care of her.”

Akemi stomped her foot, and the mud peeled off her feet and clothes and flew back into the pond. Kavik blinked.

“You’re an earthbender,” he said.

“And you’re the boy my wife has a crush on,” said Akemi. “Mind you don’t fuck it up a second time.”

[disruptivevoib]

sometimes I do wanna just build an online horror genre taxonomy

[quietwingsinthesky]

sometimes interpreting media through a shipping lens enhances it, on occasion even beyond the author’s original intent, but sometimes, you do have to accept that your ship was not in the heads of anyone making the source material and trying to force it to fit into evidence of your ship will severely hinder your ability to discuss the actual text.

[ijomuda]

my proposal for bait and edwin’s new masks

[wyn0rrific]

Do you have any more info on Percival you would like to share?

omg hi hello percival ask moment

i do not have that much ngl BUT i will share what i have regardless for u pookie

i posted his ref sheet awhile back but here it is again (even though i plan on changing it a bit)

ngl when i originally made him i just wanted to make another self insert that looked more like my actual persona but then i started adding actual lore to him

basically mans ends up "accidentally" becoming a member of chaos after being persuaded to seek the truth by a cultist (he is very gullible and naive as similar to the knight percival who he's based on)

mans also is very... not right in the head to begin with (aka he's plural) which becomes a huge part of his corruption as he splits into multiple alters of himself (aka the chaos gods) with slaanesh being the main host (at least thats what she THINKS they all fight on it alot)

Percival ends up meeting Cain and (being the dumb lil guy he is) assumes Cain is ALSO a member of chaos due to his very violent and aggressive demeanor. they run off together with Cain leading Percival on to believe he is on his side with plans to kill him eventually but (thanks to slaanesh) end up developing into a very heavily one sided relationship (toxic yaoi part 2 LMAO)

uh yeah thats pretty much all i got so far ummm heres a wip thats meant to showcase the different alter designs (im struggling to design them which is why its so bare)

[aroanthy]

hi!! i know u talk a lot about aromanticism a lot on here, but i don’t think i’ve ever seen u talk about aromantic anthy. would u mind discussing/elaborating on it or linking to a post where u do because i’m very curious!!

i got a similar ask half a year ago or something ridiculous like that on my main blog, but i’d like to really do justice to my url right now and explain it in more concrete terms.

i will say, it’s important to bear in mind that this reading of anthy’s character is very much informed by my own experiences, and a lot of those experiences are ones im not keen to talk in depth about. but you know. let’s make some nebulous gestures towards ideas of being traumatised, being autistic, struggling to meaningfully connect with others and honestly not really wanting to do such because of how they treat you.

like ive previously said, an aromantic perspective on the world would, i think, really benefit anthy. when youve lived your whole life experiencing violence at the hands of these patriarchal structures, of which romance is absolutely one, it’s kinda like. damn. im uncomfortable buying into those ideas.

anthy also has this lovely line in ep 19 where she says to utena ‘romance either happens or it doesn’t’ and it’s just sooooooo. so very interesting to me, actually, that anthy would say something so black and white about ‘romance’, a topic that anthy knows better than a lot of rgu characters is hopelessly confused and arbitrary and often enabling violence. and utena (fellow aromantic gaybo) says 'yeah, i know, but...'. these simplifications, these elisions. what is and isn't articulated. but what? maybe things are much more complicated than we'd like to think.

anyway enough of that tangent. one thing i as a trans and aromantic person always return to when discussing trans and aromantic readings of characters/texts more broadly is that there's no singular piece of evidence that can really cement these readings as Undeniable. it's like. okay. there's a critique of romance as a patriarchal structure in revolutionary girl utena. there's an ambiguity about anthy's feelings towards characters like utena, where there is clearly a queer connection but it takes shape in unconventional and complex ways. me, i'm aromantic, i see all of these pieces and i go oh well that's because she's an aromantic lesbian. you know, there's plenty of little moments i can evidence but those moments can be used to argue for an alloromantic lesbian anthy too. romance is a very arbitrary thing and i think everyone should take their own approach to it unapologetically. of course, mine is that it's hellish and i want nothing to do with it, but im just one guy. and im okay with that. i feel strongly about this reading and it is personal, and id be dishonest to say otherwise, but i do also find that it's well-evidenced in the text. as one of my lecturers once said, don't worry about authorial intent, it isn't real <3

[autism-corner]

whateverr :3

[sieglinde-freud]

asugis honestly such a cool character locked behind 1) the most horrible plot device in any game ive ever seen in my life and 2) looking too much like a guy from the last game and it SUCKS because he was basically already given a great character concept with all the saizo stuff but then intsys was like “wait but what if was also gaius?!” which killed the appeal for most people. which i get, but hes also just… like he has some similar speech patterns but they were both brought up so differently and in wildly different contexts its like… hes really… not gaius… the most hes got is like the sweets thing but even then they both go about the candy thing pretty differently so? its just the fucking hair. which, by the way, asugi doesn’t even look good with gaius orange. like omg… idk man i think asugis a really fun guy with good supports all around and it just sucks hes brought down by the worst gimmicks of all time

[risingsunresistance]

twitter is entering their "rts > likes" phase now that likes are private after they spent years calling us ungrateful for being demotivated by ratios lmao

[bumpscosity]

you guys treat it as if the grass demon is the literal only reason fern is different from finn but tbh imo it's really only amplifying his own feelings. i just watched this essay and while it wasn't specifically about fern and was more about the finn sword it really amplified the notions i already had about him.

In i am a sword you can really see that he was kinda always treated like bunk, the simple fact that he's called Finn Sword instead of Sword Finn really drives home the fact that he isn't seen as finn who happens to live in a sword but as a sword first and for most, an object. you can even see in that same episode that finn 1 and finn 2 were already not fully seeing eye-to-eye BEFORE the grass sword did anything. sure they started off the same but their differentiating experiences have branched them off into 2 different finns, both still finn, but different nonetheless.

sword finn went from being treated like an object to being treated like an abomination. it's no wonder he gets frustrated and angry and lashes out, he hasn't been given the chance to just be himself for fucking ages. and then after all that his brothers just leave him on the top of the treehouse to wither away until they need him?

dude suddenly started being treated like trash by everyone he ever cared about, it shouldn't be a surprise he latches onto the first person who treats him kindness and offers him a familial bond.

like if the grass demon did literally nothing but give sword finn a body that would just change how he processed everything, he'd still be living in finns shadow, he'd still be seen as a freak and lesser than finn, and honestly he still probably would have trouble doing anything "right" for the simple fact that him and finn have experienced such different lives post the swords creation and they're both different people now. he'd probably still get frustrated and lash out (and maybe even still hatch a plan to become the only finn considering all it took finn to heavily manipulate fp was a simple dream).

the difference lies in the fact that the emotions he would already be having were boosted, i mean you can even see the grass sword manipulate finn a couple times. fern was deemed too hard to help until they had no choice but to help him, this is why i think i could fix fern in like a rabid dog way in this essay i will-

[lesbianyosano]

you guys ever go to bsd twitter just to remember how good we have it here

[waywardsalt]

i have planned to write a pseudo-essay or some kind of detailed look at linebeck in phantom hourglass and how he can be interpreted as autistic but thats not going very well right now so here are some autistic linebeck headcanons

He has low empathy and as such has a hard time responding very well to emotional situations, but he can take advantage of his lower empathy in situations where empathy could make things harder, like tending to wounds or rationally handling emotionally-charged situations

His coat is a comfort object and he made it specifically to act as a very slight accommodation; it’s heavy and barely lets any light through it, and he can keep all kinds of little things in pockets sewn into the inner lining, but larger objects do make it more uncomfortable to wear at times. It’s mostly good to carry around things to fidget or stim with and can be helpful in trying to recover from overwhelming sensory experiences

He doesn’t usually stim in public, but taps his fingers on tables quickly and tends to rhythmically snap his fingers when excited, and on his ship is more vocal and more willing to stim, even if around others. One of his main stims that he’ll do for no particular reason is that he’ll hold his arm or back of his wrist/hand up to his nose and mouth for the smell.

He masks frequently to please people. His default mask is that arrogant and brave front he puts up for islanders and other he may come across. Usually, if that mask doesn’t work, he tends to double-down because it usually works and, in his experience, dropping the mask has usually gone badly (non masking he’s rude and blunt but more outwardly excited about adventure and his ship and all of that, i consider it where overseas in the game is when he usually isn’t masking. this shifts his arc to be about him learning to stop masking and feel comfortable being himself)

His special interests could include stuff related to treasure hunting but it could really range from stuff about adventuring or the ocean or engineering (relating to his ship) to stuff not at all touched in the game like music. He really enjoys music, listening to it, playing it, and writing it. He also enjoys and is fascinated by shellfish.

When busy or otherwise occupied, he doesn't usually notice when he's hungry. He doesn't have as much of a problem noticing thirst or exhaustion, but feeling hunger is a problem for him, and often leads to him going a long time without eating. On the other hand, he doesn't mind eating the same thing repeatedly and is perfectly fine with blander foods, so handling food supplies for when he'll be overseas for a long time is easy for him.

He knows he's autistic, he's known for a pretty long time, and he has books on it; he also knows that Link is autistic, but doesn't say anything about it and instead waits until someone else tells him. Until (and after, I suppose) Link actually learns that he's autistic Linebeck just makes sure to keep note of what accommodations he might need and if there are any textures or tastes or smells he can't stand. He doesn't have much of a problem helping out during sensory overloads, even soon after meeting him. It's more out of understanding how it feels to not have your needs met and a sort of solidarity rather than actual friendship.

[michameinmicha]

Spent some time at work trying to come up with a fun character concept for a possible rogue pc for the next campain. This is what i got so far:

A) little fancy lad who is a fallen noble (maybe gothic lolita inspired outfit?) Who is a little snob who basically still acts like a prince despite his family having lost their status

B) stereotypical edgy looking rogue dude (all black leather outfit, face hidden, looks badass and secretive) but has the personality of a puppydog and is just the sweetest ray of sunshine ever (no idea what background to chose for him tho)

C) very chill goth dude who ended up becoming a rogue mostly for the aesthetics (80s goth inspired look) backstory is a hermit because he spent some time alone to find himself, write poetry and make melancholic goth art after his first gf broke up with him

Guess ill wait and see how the other characters are and which concept might work best in the group? I think they would all be fun to play tho