#im kinda active again
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little update on what I've been up to for the last uhhh *checks timestamps* eleven months jesus fucking christ
#escaflowne#dilandau albatou#im gonna try to make an effort to actually post with any frequency again bc ive rly fallen off of posting to tumblr#and i kinda miss being more active in fandoms
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obligatory kh1 Paopu tree scene redraw
og under cut <3
#click for better quality as always#this is so messy but it was so fun#ITS ALSO LIKE SOMEHOW THE FIRST TIME IVE PROPERLY DRAWN KAIRI <3 SORRY GIRL IDK HOW IT TOOK THIS LONG#i wanted to shift this a lil more toward my style but other than riku i got kinda lazy icl ASKDNKJASNDKJSN#yes the bg is a bunch of squiggles. no i have not drawn a bg in several years. no i do not care. dont @ me#still tryna figure out how to shade on krita#ALSO ACTIVELY SPREADING DESTINY TRIO FRECKLE PROPAGANDA !!!!!!!!!#blue eyed freaks. miss them <3#Sora's hair i hate drawing u but its so iconic#not intended sorikai but do what u want !!!#this was soooo fun to do#i should do more redraws and drawovers#drawing is so fun but beware. time will pass#it is (checks watch) 3:30am#well im gonna have a lovely sleep gn guys LMAO#i cant tell if i like the end product tbh so this either will be here tomorrow or it will disappear ig#but again it was so fun to do#OK ENOUGH TAGGS BYBYE#kingdom hearts#destiny trio#destiny islands#kh1#kh sora#beverly says stuff#kh kairi#kh riku#soriku#kairi kingdom hearts#riku kingdom hearts#sora kingdom hearts
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"why would you ship mizu and taigen together they're sooooo toxic ugh taigen is AWFUL and mizu should be with ME instead!!!"
of course they're toxic they're both deranged and terrible and that's why they're perfect for each other.
cuz like omg you think mizu would treat you well? mizu would abandon you. look at how she left ringo multiple times. ringo who treats her so well and is nothing but patient and caring and loyal. if you are insecure she will laugh at you because she has no social tact. look at how mikio said "it's a stupid dream" talking about his ambitions of regaining his honour and mizu straight up chuckles and tells him he's right because it IS a stupid dream. and at this point their relationship was cordial and she was even warming up to him!
like. arguably, taigen would be a better romantic partner (per the ideals of his time and culture of course), or at least he would be on paper. cuz i mean as a husband, as he is now, i think he'd be awful. but i'm talking about if you and him were dating or courting or just seeing each other romantically, he would be good to you. like we saw how he behaved with akemi and he was nothing but sweet and gentle. the very reason akemi wanted to marry him so bad was because she KNOWS without a doubt that he respects women and would treat her well. "oh but he cheated on her with the prostitutes while celebrating his engagement!" yeah but per the norms of the time and place, it was not considered cheating and akemi (as well as any wife or romantic partner of that period) would not have minded or even cared.
and yes taigen IS an asshole and he IS obnoxious but come on. so is mizu, if she is allowed to act like herself around you. mizu will tease you and mock you and challenge you and even poke at your insecurities (see:her goading mikio on even though he clearly did not view her teasing as light-hearted banter and took it all very personally). she would tell you to your face if she thinks you're being annoying (see:mizu rolling her eyes and telling akemi to straight up just "shut up" when she'd believed mizu had killed taigen).
mizu is not merely a hot and talented badass with a sword and the insane hyperfocus on her desire for revenge which literally drives her to withstand like, extreme amounts of damage and survive it. mizu is also flawed and the show does a good job at showcasing this, and showing us that she's not merely a victim but also a multilayered person. we see throughout that mizu is blunt and sarcastic and prideful.
oh what's that? oh right, very similar to taigen, who is also hot and talented with a sword and with insane hyperfocus on his desire to duel mizu and regain his honour. taigen who is also flawed (though, arguably, more so) as he is blunt and sarcastic and prideful.
the only thing that sets mizu and taigen apart is the fact that taigen is a man and is not mixed race, which thus affects their positions in society and how people perceive them. these are external factors. taigen being a boy who is not blue-eyed allowed him to easily mingle with the other kids in the village, all of whom were similarly fed the same prejudiced values which led them to gang up against mizu and bully her.
but take all that away. strip them down to the bare essentials. suddenly it's like they are the same person copy and pasted.
and that's what makes them even more interesting. yes absolutely they would be toxic. whatever souls are made of, mizu's and taigen's are the same (derogatory). and we literally see them fight all the time!!!! but the thing is they are both deranged when it comes to this.
do you get me. they both literally get turned on by sparring. mizu's whole spar with mikio was her way of flirting. just look at how she smirked at him and said "unsheathe it" like it's clear that this is an innuendo of not just unsheathing his weapon but also what's in his pants. then during the chopsticks fight with taigen in the snow, despite mizu literally being injured and taigen trying to attack her, mizu gets attracted to him. meanwhile taigen got a boner after wrestling with her in the forge.
taigen goes around saying he wants to kill mizu to regain his honour but he still literally risks life and limb for her constantly. mizu gives ringo stomach ulcers by going around flinging herself into near-death situations 24/7. she ups and leaves her beloved swordfather with barely a goodbye twice to pursue her batshit far-fetched quest for revenge (against people she doesn't even KNOW btw because she literally starts off with practically No Leads and not even knowing the NAMES of the white men who are her maybe-fathers).
these bitches are crazy and you know what good for them. that shit needs to be contained and quarantined though and that's why in that sense they would be good together.
i want to put them both in a jar and shake it very hard and see what happens. personally i think they will argue and insult each other while working perfectly in sync with each other to break out of the jar and then proceed to kill me and make out sloppy style over my dead body while they're both covered in blood.
like that's it that's the dynamic. send post.
#this is written half in jest btw dont take it too seriously. ppl can dislike what they want and ship x reader if they like#what annoys me is just when ppl are being rude about other ppl's ships like. unprovoked. like girl....#taimizu#taigen x mizu#mizu x taigen#blue eye samurai#im active on twitter again and the algorithm keeps putting bad takes on my tl against my will !!!#also yes i am aware im saying all this while writinf a tender yearning-filled slowburn fic of them#bcs i DO want them to be gentle. definitely i do. but that comes muuuuuuch later after they both wear each other's edges down ykwim#bcs if they get together any time soon they will literally be a flaming hot mess#sexy hot mess tho#but a mess nonetheless#they have the range! love them for that#fandom.rtf#shut up haydar#wank.mp3#kinda#might delete later
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just a few javieran horse headcanons because i like them a normal amount
branwen
- tall AND fat. kieran makes sure he’s always fed (maybe even accidentally a teensy bit overfed. just because kieran can’t help but indulge him when he butts him with his head or nuzzles at his pockets when he knows there’s treats in there. but never too much because ‘obesity is a problem, even in animals !’). probably about 17hh, taller than average for a kentucky saddler but nothing too big. especially since kieran himself is quite tall
- VERY well-tempered, both naturally, as well as because kieran has literally made him bulletproof. bagged him, blanketed him, stood, jumped, backflipped onto and off of him. this kindly gentleman of a horse only spooks when he wants to be bratty specifically.
- i think he’s about 6 or so, came from the stables kieran worked at after being orphaned, he was just a colt when kieran was just a kid. kieran learned how to birth foals quickly, and branwen happened to be one of them. with the way that they fell in love with each other and the way that branwen whinnied and pranced up to the fence when kieran came back to buy him after the army didn’t work out, you’d think that horse was born just for him.
- his favourite treats, in order, are rutabaga (kieran’s secret for branwen’s glossy coat. also why he’s kinda fat.), boiled potatoes mixed into his oats, apples, and fresh greens. he’s simultaneously incredibly easy to please because of the simplicity of the latter parts of his favourites list and also very needy and complicated because kieran so loves to make his pony happy with his absolute favourite treats, so he tries his very best to get branwen’s eccentric tastes pleased once falling into the VDL’s.
- i always say “a horse’s favourite thing to do is hurt itself”, and i think this statement holds relatively true for branwen as well, though there’s a 25% chance that he’s actually hurt, a 50% chance that he’s only mildly injured or spooked and he’s playing it up to get kieran to dote on him, and a 25% chance that he will protect kieran with his life when they’re in a dire situation (see: snake on the ground or gunfire nearby. or even god forbid a spare tumbleweed find it’s way rolling nearby.) despite kieran’s last wish being his horse getting injured. branwen thinks that he’s gotta be The Man and protect his dad sometimes. it does not help in any situation ever whatsoever.
- branwen is the PERFECT companion for a trail riding date. he’s settled, calm, has a great gait, and as a gelding, truly is not worried about other horses being “faster” than him, so he never gets rowdy nor has any problems when partner riders/horses crowd him. kieran is allowed to ask for as many kisses as he pleases because branwen will never jump when javier’s gold-tipped boots poke him in the side and boaz irritatedly flicks his flank with his tail. truly a goated wingman. also never complains about long rides, and enjoys being out of camp with his rider for as much as physically possible for both of them, so he’s never barnsour in either direction.
boaz
- as an american paint, he’s naturally short and stocky. saddle ends up being a bit loose, though, as javier isn’t as dedicated to keeping him perfectly fed or groomed. he loves him, sure, but horses are somewhat of tools to him, so he kinda does slightly more than bare minimum to keep him kempt and healthy. around 14.5hh, slightly shorter than average and quite dense with muscle
- temperamentally a bit volatile. this horse has just as much drama as his rider, if not a little more. doesn’t like something ? ridden too long ? that stick looks too much like a snake ? hasn’t spent enough time with kieran that day ? he will snort and grunt and bunny hop if javi isn’t on him, and shudder hard enough the saddle shakes underneath him if he is. boaz likes to please his rider, but he also demands pleasure himself, and has no issue with “accidentally” placing a hoof on his owners nice, intentionally clean boots, and subsequently slowly leaning more and more of his weight onto it when he doesn’t immediately get what he wants. bratty pony. generally, he keeps javier safe, though, when it comes down to it.
- around 5 years old. after dutch found javier trying to steal chickens the first time they met, he soon took him back to that ranch and their first take as gang leader and member was a 1 year old grey paint colt for javi to train and subsequently ride. until he was rideable, javier rode a morgan that was formerly hosea’s, named carolina, while he lead boaz everywhere behind him.
- favourite treats, in order, are corn cobs (especially dried), prickly pear fruit AND cactus, sugar cubes, and sliced apples. will force javier to share his maiz with him. javier has always sliced his apples up since he was a colt, not only because javi simply finds comfort in toying with his knife, but also because boaz will not eat them otherwise. javi will also cut all of the spines off of the cactus before letting boaz eat them.
- in terms of injury, boaz is the most dramatic tank on the planet. this horse could arthur morgan-style run face first into a tree and then fall off a cliff and walk it off. but not before he gimps and limps and whines and teeth grinds his way into javier leading him instead of riding him for the next mile or two. once kieran started taking care of him, there is also a 25% chance of boaz faking a terribly painful injury just to get kieran to dote on him.
- kinda the worst wingman ever LMFAO easily annoyed, easily aroused, easily offended, and as a stallion, HAS to walk in front of the “herd” (his rider’s boyfriend and his horse). pins his ears back, smashes into personal space, flicks branwen with his tail (and preferably kieran, if he can reach him) even sometimes will nip at branwen if the latter tries to calmly make this date a date and not a life or death race (whoever loses, their dad is gay) and walk side-by-side to aid their riders’ hand holdings. will make executive decisions via stopping or veering off for fresh green grass beside the trail, will at points actively attempt to shudder javier out of his saddle (has succeeded once when javi was distracted by a story being excitedly told by kieran), and will also spook and take off running so fast javier thinks it must have broken his neck from the velocity. generally makes trail rides a living hell, but kieran finds it charming, and it makes for some cute shoujo-style “omg … *reaches out to help you up after your horse bucks you off because he saw a log that looked nothing at all and everything like a cougar and pink and white soft bubbles surround me* are you okay ? here, let me help.” moments. maybe some day boaz will be allowed off of the national american terrorist list written by javier “rizzless rider” escuella
ok im tired and that’s all i can think of please enjoy and feel free to contribute 👍 i love them so bad im gona cry
#i’m at the gym for the first time since my od and ouugghh i’m so emotional#it’s 2am aslo. ouu they haunt me#i love thinking about them being silly little domestic cowboys#and just going on dates and riding their little horsies#my fav horse girls !1!!11!1!1!! even tho javi isn’t a horse girl really but in my heart he is cuz kieran loves trail rides#and so javieran go on trail rides a lot as well as “’riding into town’ as an excuse to get out of camp together#javier is so good at listening he truly learned the art of shutting up when he couldn’t speak english and also was learning in america that#he really should trust sparingly because the new world was so incredibly hostile to him from the start simply for being who he was and where#he came from#so he’s such a great active listener and while it’s kinda a trauma response it also works very well for javierans relationship because kiera#has never in his life ever felt important or safe or like anything he said mattered to anyone so perfect brilliant ‘i’m listening go on’ jab#vier makes kieran feel so loved and heard in ways he’s never ever in his life experienced and javi takes them fishing and riding and to the#stables constantly because he’s LISTENED to kieran and kieran never has to ask to do something he wants to do because javi’s already HEARD h#im (and he also knows kieran would never ask for anything first ever because he never feels like he deserves anything at all. nor even feels#safe enough to dare).#and javier gets his cake and eats it too when kieran asks and asks and asks because kieran cares about EVERYTHING right from the getgo beau#se unlike javier kieran has been entirely unable to turn his heart off at all in any capacity so he loves and loves ans loves against his wi#ll so javier has been so adored from the start because kieran can’t HELP it so he gets him gifts and learns things for him and javi just as#much never has to ask for much other than courage from kieran. ever. can anyone hear me is anyone lidtening ouuu#ok enough sorry they make me so emptipnal#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#javieran#kieran duffy#javier escuella#text#hero's talking to himself again#hero’s waxing poetry again#i think that was the tag ¿#im gonna throw up i miss them so bad they’re everything to me oouuggyuuuy
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We can't hear it Spam, but it's real to you. I get auditory hallucinations a lot, and usually what helps me is a distraction. Maybe... name 5 things you can see? Or make paper airplanes with old messages, or draw some pictures. Otherwise, I'm sure someone has a crossword or story they can send you to help you out!
#thank you anonnnnn some of these are kinda hard to work with lolll#[you've got mail!]#spamton#spamton g spamton#deltarune#deltarune spamton#deltarune chapter 2#if i get a shiver of guilt when im writing it thats how i know its the one LMAOOOO#sometimes i forget i dont need dialogue. descriptions can do my job for me.#I guess im living up to the every other day schedule i said id be doing#although i wish i could do every day again LOL but its important to take my time with these ones in particular because i want them to feel#certain way while also being effective esp guilt wise. you guys caused this so you get to feel bad ab it when hes miserable. This time you#get to see the aftermath. haha. this is your fault! haha. your actions have consequences for him!#That and the active participation people seem to like lol
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Is it just me, or is that every time u draw Mk u draw her differently? 😭😭😭 (not hating)
im slowly but surely oc-fying her at this point 🙏🙏 also its bcs i try many styles i like a lot and since mk's character design is like forever dented in my brain. i draw her a lot
#my art#total drama#tdi 2023#td mk#total drama mk#tdi mk#tdi 2024#ñññññ since i try to add some things abt artists i like to my artstyle im kinda all over the place all the time#my annoying ass when i draw mk differently every week (it WILL happen again)#shes the only thing keeping me in the td fandom genuinely. shes my favorite character ever u guys#keeping me ACTIVE*** i've been in the fandom since 2022 i believe sooo....#i wanna try drawing other characters. maybe draw sm nj bcs i started to rlly like it#or maybe just skip that n start drawing DNDADS!! idk ehy i havent drawn the kiddads already man
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,
#sometimes i wonder if sex is a thing that's more enjoyable in my mind than irl to me#because im not a big fan of being touched at all#maybe im just telling myself this because im not having sex and that also kinda sucks cjnxnxjx#and im way too anxious to go out there and actively seek out a partner#it's also funny cause with most irl crushes i've had i would never want to have sex with them#but like..... the idea of sex is fun you know?#writing and reading and fantasizing about sex is fun#?????#i'm wondering if this is just how i work or if it's tied to shame#sexting is fun too !!!#idk about doing it irl tho jdhdjdjd#flirting is fun#flustering others is fun#and i guess touching others is a lot better than being touched#am i..... a stone top#i'm kidding....... i think#jdhdjdnxnbdnxjxjxx#then again there's also a huge sub sitting inside me so like..... even more ??????#i mean i also have HUGE trust issues so there's that too#ugh#anyway sorry for the rambles jdnxjxjx#i just felt like typing this out somewhere cause i've been thinking about it a lot#and i felt like a smut blog with 2k followers is just the right place to share deeply private thoughts about my relationship with sex jdndnx#so yea if any of you have been wondering.... this smut writer here is not getting ANY jdbdjxnx
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I have this CURSE of thinking Killer sans hot don't know if you've ever heard of it 🙄
#afterdarkbabbles#yeah yeah half the fandom does i know i know#“basic ass bitch taste” HEY! LOOK#i should probably find him LESS attractive when hes being unsettling but it kinda loops back around to being attractive again#minors dni#the activity on the account is ranking up again 😭😭😭😭😭#apologies#im being plagued by fictional characters
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i dont like spike or angel hate bc its always like ‘this one did something worse than the other’ like they were both serial killers . they both did questionable shit with and without souls. i dont uhhhhh care. im operating on fantasy supernatural show rules both of these guys would suck objectively irl but theyre not real. why are u watching the show about fucked up people who save the world and date fucked up guys (gender neutral) and complaining about the fucked up guys they date. stop putting ur fave on a pedestal by calling the other one a creep or whatever they are the Same. also they are kissing each other on the mouth.
#buffy is watching .#im a spike girlie but also an angel defender .#why is the btvs tag full of people w like 2010s level discourse brain poisoning#tbf the posts COULD be from the 2010s like who is watching that except me and the active buffy blogs i follow#but also when im tryin to look in the spangel tag could u maybe not post spike hate ?#dont like seeing angel hate in the spike tag either but i guess thats slightly more acceptable#bc its not an angel specific tag#anyways we must all ban together to hate xander#except season 7 xander kinda got ok again. my bf says he thinks joss whedon put himself more into wesley instead at that point#which. wesley did start to suck so goddamn bad#jordan talks
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Modern-day house would be even more annoying, examples:
Wilson: House, why was there an Amazon package full of dildos on my doorstep?
House: did you notice they were sparkly and half off, i saved you money!
Wilson: *heavy sigh*
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Cameron: I think the patient had someone sneak a vape in for them, their lungs show more nicotine deterioration than last scan; which was two days ago.
*Cameron, Chase, and Foreman turn to House who is currently hitting a Neon Street Ursa Pocket Vape*
House: *while blowing out vapor* why would i let them get gross patient germs on my vape? Its the best friend, grill her until she confesses then do your Jobs and treat our patient.
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Cuddy: House, care to tell me why the IT guys had to come personally tell me you bypassed the porn filter on your work computer?
House: slow day, there's only so much a guy can do before pressing urges become more important
Cuddy: if your going to masterbate during work hours use your phone not the computers please
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And other such grievances, I also think he'd run a hospital gossip instagram page like hes in middle school but only when he remembered it existed, and most of the posts would be abt Wilson one way or another. Everyone in the hospital know about it but surprisingly Nobody knows house runs it and the betting pool on who's behind the account is vast and has a very large winning sum.
#idk who would be the most bet on#but i do know the ducklings would have at least 20 bucks each on House or Wilson#Cuddy would be hellbent on getting the account removed everytime it becomes active again#and it doesn't work#house md#gregory house#modern au#kinda#:3#yes time of post is a weed joke#i cant help it#im a silly little guy#and#im actually going insane
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What would the pjo gods/goddesses wear? (Athena, Hecate, Hestia)
Athena- Her style is very similar to Annabeths lol. it consists of a lot of whites and browns. Caps are also her go to. She is always busy so puffy gowns arent exactly convenient. She always disguises herself as a mortal girl. Also. BAGS. she cannot go anywhere without bags. she'd freak out if she doesn't have one.
Hecate- Dark edgy aesthetic queen fr, Loves black lace gowns, dark velvet satin, etc. ALSOOO jewelry of any kind. Rings, necklaces, bracelets, etc. Loves having gemstones on her dresses.
Hestia- OMGG i lovee hers. idk how to explain it but her fashion sense is kinda a mix of cottage core and soft vintage?? doesnt her clothes look like something an ancient princess would wear? its so homely and soft tbh just like her. Yellow, brown, green, white, cream are her colours
#im sorry this took so long i swear i didnt forget abt this series#ive just been so unmotivated to post lately idk why#i feel kinda burnt out of content ideas for my blog aswell. so it would take a while for me to be aggressively active like i was again#pjo#pjo fandom#percy jackson#pjo hoo#pjo series#pjo hoo toa#jason grace#annabeth chase#piper mclean#leo valdez#frank zhang#hazel levesque#hestia#greek gods#athena#hecate
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tbh i feel like the best case scenario for benrey would never include gordon stepping in as some kind of therapist or guide for him. neither of these people are good at communicating, ESPECIALLY not with each other, and realistically if that situation ever occurred they would end up exploding each other with their minds within the first week
#Which to be frank would be funny as hell . but it would not be good for them lol#i dont think anyone could be benrey's therapist (he is benrey) but like if anyone were to be of any assistance to him#it would be tommy and coomer. as the only two people who are 1. willing to put up with him#and 2. will not make him actively worse (i love bubby but Come on man. Come on man)#gordon MIGHT allow benrey to stay in his house (if only out of fear or acceptance that he just Isn't leaving)#but it would probably be a long time before he was even willing to say anything to him#and much longer before he was willing to talk about them being kinda fucked#i appreciate fix-it type stuff but like. these people are not going to be willing to communicate with each other#as soon as they meet again#Do whatever you want forever of course im just saying shit#hlvrai
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the boy-but-not-that-way-ism of riz gukgak send tweet
#not art#have been chipping away at a more... proper? so to say. piece of the kids for keepsake. and since its of them at the beach Im rotating#gender stuff in brain again. riz and gorgug ping a lot of the like funny gender stuff in my brain#very specifically adjacent to cultural understanding of it all... like I did say I do think riz has a gender and it can be#translated to ''man'' in solesian understanding but also that boy has close to no self awareness nor does he want to#he grew up as ''goblin'' before ''boy'' and it's kinda how he perceives himself. got a gender but doesn't wanna do much with it#kinda imagining him seeing his grandparents again and realizing that there's a gap there between himself and his grandpa too#and sitting with that for a bit. not for long that kid doesnt do that but for just a little bit#man I truly really do love that riz is aroace. my boy of the unquantifiable unimportant margins....#gorgug though is 100% trans lmao. there's a kinda distance to his own body in how he acts#that's kinda common in ''mad scientist'' characters? (or maybe my perspective's just skewed due to willow jenkins lmao)#kid spent the first two seasons fitting himself in places he Should be able to fit. and s3 is pretty much all about him Making New Spaces#thing is despite looking ardently for like. the reason Why he can't fit in in the first season I think gorgug really does#love his gnome parents and love being their child. and its confusing and tough to have to learn why something you love still hurts you#he wants it to not. he wants to make sense. and then it does and it changes nothing really#until he actively makes choices based on what he's learned. like. damn idk how to word it but#just like the ability to say ''actually this Is my life what are u gonna do? stop me from living it?'' is a powerful force#its rly fun to look at these two guys in these contexts thats like#they will never win the gender game just by virtue of being who they are. it's not designed for folks like them to win#but riz would simply not play and gorgug would design his Own game he's the champion of. and I think that rules
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I’ve been really thinking of reopening my art shop soon… I’ve been taking some practice doodles (hence all the posting lately) while I shake off my rust and I’m finding things I enjoy working on again. I miss trying my hand at more dragons/OCs and colors. my shop’s so broken rn lmao but that’s a problem for a later date it’s just nice getting back into art
#my mental health is starting to improve a bit#took a couple years but I found some meds that finally work better for me#ofc things aren’t 100% but I was really in a pit for a while#like ‘did not leave my house in months and slept 14 hours a day’ kind of pit#so. any improvement is better lol. but nah I’ve been making real improvement and im doing better. a lil shaky sometimes but that’s expected#diagnosed with chronic fatigue too. which is unfortunate but not unexpected. i am indeed god’s sleepiest soldier#i feel like a raisin slowly rehydrating but considering i was in a desert before any hydration is welcome#just learning how to enjoy things again overall#one thing I just couldn’t get myself to do (and enjoy) was art. doodles here and there but nothing to post#and it’s kind of funny because I feel like that downtime actually gave me a chance to think about what I wanted to work on#even when I wasn’t actively practicing#just paying attention to things I guess. enjoying art styles#i genuinely think my experimenting with stained is helping me learn colors#i spend hours in the scryshop im glad it’s paying off lmao#i want to tackle bigger things but i just gotta ease myself into the hang of things again#for now im having fun and that’s coooool. thank you all for your nice comments#i read all tags while kicking my feet and giggling. thank u all#that’s the update on Me tho. more to come hopefully#starting next month/julyish I will have a significant amount of time to dedicate to drawing which i intend on doing#so who knooowwwsss#rambles#funny enough coloring has become my favorite part of the process now. it used to be lineart. now lineart annoys me LOL#i also feel like i kinda lost my ability to write which has been frustrating but im focusing on art first#anyways that’s a whole different tangent rant over
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spending more than a few days around your family and no one else truly does cause a certain type of madness. and baby they call me the joker
#ughhhh#travelling with other people after travelling solo is exhausting#wdym i cant just go do my own thing#what do you mean i have to spend this entire time doing shit other people want to do while i just kinda stand around awkwardly bc i dont#have anyone to talk to#what do you meani constantly have to mask more than i ususally do bc i cant look at all neurodivergent or queer or. unhappy. or bored.#or tired#im so tired.#ive got a couple of days in london alone thank fuck#but ugh idk#its just constant 'you should appreciate this!! not many people get to do this!!#cant have a real conversation. treated like a child the whole time. cant even swear.#misgendered and deadnamed the entire time but whats new there#constantly surrounded by people#constantly have to be performing happiness because otherwise youre called rude and told to snap out of it#cant talk to people because everyone interrupts or talks over you or doesnt hear you#cant go on your phone at all if theres anyone around. and theres always people around#constantly on the border of being overloaded at all times but you still have to talk to people !!!#its not even my family this sucksss#'come to england so you can sit in a pub for 3 hours while everyone drinks beer and talks to each other you cant join in on any conversatio#you cant do anything else and if you dont look happy to just be sitting there doing nothing then you get yelled at!! and maybe this is a lit#paid for my own tickets) but#im not. this isnt *fun*. im sitting around surrounded by someone elses family who dont know me and i dont know them#doing shit i actively hate all day#and i constantly have to be performing and acting like im habing a great time the entire time or im spoilt#even thouhg i. i paid for my own ticket here#man i couldve gone to japan again#'isnt england amazing!!" yeah idk it seems like it is!! too bad weve spent this entire goddamn time in some tiny village in the middle of#fuck ass nowhere going on walks that are identical to the ones at home#love to actually go experience it outside of the. one full day. i get in london
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steel ball run focused blogs/fans/frequent posters.. please interact with this post, i need more sbr mutuals 🧡 especially if you’re an artist or writer or creator in general!!!
#steel ball run#my dash is kinda dead bc i went through my following recently 😭#i prefer a slow dash so i can’t promise to follow everyone but i want more sbr pals on here#esp since im trying to be more active on here again and putting less of my focus on discord
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