#im just worried my insurance is gonna be fucked now

[enbyplant]

hhhh i got into a minor car accident this morning tbh i don't think either of us were rly at fault bc it was raining and she braked hard in front of me and i braked hard but not fast enough so i rear ended her. and her car has not a scratch but my bumber is half off now lol. anyway im just worried bc i rly don't want my insurance to go up its already so expensive :(

[transmechanicus]

It is sunday night. I remain exhausted.

[the-kestrels-feather]

Anyone else have big dreams and no idea how to realistically achieve them and a fear of inadequacy so they're worried they're going to stagnate in their current situation because they're too afraid to leave it or is that just me?

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

[heyitslapis]

its times like this when i really wish i had an SO's shoulder to cry on

Because I think i factrued/sprained my foot the other day it happened wednesday but its still pretty swollen and pops when i try to walk on it without hobbling. i know i signed up for health insurance through work. i wrote down the insurance company name as Bayside and I have my personal insurance id number but the card never came in/got lost in the mail (and i already called for one replacement that never came so idk if theyll send me a third) so i cant confirm the insurance name nor call them, but i need to because ive called/visited 5 health care facilities around me and NONE of them have even heard of Bayside. So im calling the phone number that my manager provided me with telling me that was the insurance company. I keep calling the number (and mind you ive called them before to try to get a second insurance card sent to me but that was in like April) and i get that its saturday but theres no answer and the stupid automated machine wont let me leave a voicemail. the automated answering voice on the phone also says that theyre called National Benefit Plans by SafetyNet and google says the phone number im using belongs to National Benefit Plans out in San Antonio Tx (i live no where near there). I found National Benefit Plans' website on SafetyNetPlus dot com but National Benefit Plans doesnt have their own website, just through SafetyNet, and also the SafetyNet website says on a side panel that "this is NOT insurance" and instead keeps saying "health benefits" instead so idk what the fuck ive been paying for for the last 6 months tbh and im having an emotional breakdown bc i dont want to fuck my foot up for life just cause i couldnt figure out my health insurance/benefits shit

[evie-sturns]

Intersection - Matt Sturniolo

summary: after not driving for a few months, you accidentally rear end matts car at an intersection.

contains: crying, swearing, comforting, angry!matt.

-------------└── •✧• ──┘--------------

i haven't drove in the past 6 months that i've been away in Florida, but now i'm back in Boston im slowly starting to get back into it.

8:37pm

i flick my left indicator, swinging round the corner as frank ocean blares through my small white car.

the road is slippery due to the weather recently, the small puddles on the concrete shining from the illuminating street lights above.

i hum to the song as i accelerate, pressing my foot harder on the small pedal as i keep a reasonable distance between the grey van in front.

i check my wing mirrors, there's no cars behind me so i speed up, closing the distance between me and the car ahead.

theres an upcoming intersection, the traffic light is green, i look down at my cupholder for a split second, my bottle of water splashing up out of the bottle with every rock i drive over, "shit.." i mutter, reaching a hand down and fiddling with the cap.

i gasp as i look up, the light is red and the car which is 3 feet in front of me has come to a complete halt.

my heart drops as my mind goes blank.

"oh my god." i shout as the front of my car smashes into this grey van.

i sit in silence for a few seconds, the van drives to the side of the empty road, i follow and park behind, my heart thumps as i drive in total shock,

i've never been in a car accident, not even close.

i instantly start to freak out, how could i not in this situation. i turn off my car, stepping out and wiping my face with my sleeve as i take in panicked breaths.

the door of the other car swings open, a man steps out, he's wearing cargo jeans, a grey crewneck and an assortment of jewellery.

i've definitely seen him on tiktok before..?

i walk over to him, "i'm so fucking sorry my insurance will pay for everything" i ramble, the brunette replies "i know."

his voice is stern, he's definitely mad. i bite my nails as my leg shakes on the spot.

"how the fuck do you not brake? you were a solid 5 meters behind me and yet your car rams the back of mine? are you fucking stupid?" the boy says, staring into my eyes.

"my water spilt and i thought the light was going to stay green, i'm so sorry." i say back, my voice shaking as i start to cry.

he stays silent for a few seconds, scanning my face which is now flushed everywhere with a couple of tears falling from my eyes.

"stop, just give me your insurance details and number" he sighs,

after giving him my number and insurance details i start again, "ill call you an uber, im really sorry." i say, pulling out my phone and attempting to turn it on, soon realising it ran out of battery an hour ago.

"dont worry about it, my cars driveable." he says, i nod. the whole front of my car is squashed, including the engine.

"you got a way home?" the boy asks,

"i mean uh- no but i can just walk." i say with a small sniff,

"come on, ill drive ya." the brunette says, taking my hand and walking me towards his van, the back of it has a medium sized indent, nothing too major though.

"you don't have to i swear its not a far walk" i protest, "i'm not gonna let you walk, honestly its okay." he says, climbing into the drivers side.

i get into the passengers side, he pulls out his phone "i'm gonna call someone to tow your car okay?" he says, his voice soft.

"yeah- okay." i reply.

-

i've found out this boys name is matt, i knew it was something like that, we're now pulling into my street after apologising thousands of times. aside from the whole 'ramming his car' we clicked well together.

i point out my house, matt jumps out first to let me out of his van, "are you okay now?" he asks with a small laugh, "yeah- i think." i reply with a guilty expression plastered on my face.

"can i have a smile?" he asks, i force a pathetic smile and matt nods.

"ill text you tomorrow, we should see each other sometime?" he asks nervously,

did he just ask me out?

"yes! yeah i'd like that." i say,

matt leans down, giving me a hug,

"i'm sorry for making you cry."

"what? no! i'm sorry for rear-ending your car!" i reply, pulling away from the hug and giving him a warm smile.

----

[tarudce22]

I think i know what my dream job is now.....

It’s for things not to change how they currently are. Me staying a dependent under dad while i cook and clean the house for him, while get to do a garden every year, I get free time to do art and play games and explore hobbies every so often. I get to spend his days off with him. Get to be around my twin. I just get to exist........

I just want to spend my time with my family.....

[mikimyslee]

Im so anxious im gonna be sick, did i have too many energy drinks today? Did I not eat enough? Not sleep enough? What the fuck is my issue? Nothing bad happened, I think I’m supposed to get my meds refilled tomorrow so I’ll be able to get back on track with my sleep (and I won’t go through a months supply in just under two weeks again like a dumbass) I know I’m anxious about the doctors office calling me tomorrow but all they need is some insurance information so I can go to my radiology appointments on the 13th and 14th…

They’re probably not magically canceling my zolpidem script, I’ve done this kind of appointment before, it went fine so what am I worried about?? I know that the mass on my thyroid is benign, just as it was when I had that left side thyroidectomy when I was 14. Im not worried about cancer, and thyroid cancer is super rare. Chances are I might not even have to get surgery since the goiter doesn’t obstruct any of my regular body functions yet, maybe they’ll let me start thyroid meds and just keep an eye on the hormone levels and size of the mass over time. That’s reasonable isn’t it?? Who knows, maybe when I go back on Tuesday they’ll tell me at the absolute last possible second that actually my insurance didn’t clear it and send me away to get it done in another billion months from now. It’s so funny, this was supposed to be done back in like February.

There’s nothing I have to be anxious about right now, but I feel sick, I’m scared I’ll fucking die or something, that’s funny isn’t it? Im stupid, I just want to relax and stop feeling like I’m going to throw up. I can’t even distract myself with videos or drawing or games, it’s gnawing away at my stomach and brain. I don’t feel right, I just really don’t feel right, everything feels wrong, everything feels off, but nothing is happening. I feel like I’m waiting for a bomb to explode in my house that just never goes off, but there is no bomb, it’s not the end of the world, everything is literally fine. What the fuck is my issue????

I think I need to lay off the caffeine again…I need to go back to my daily walks, I need to drink more water, I need to stop feeling like I’m going to die. I feel like I’m going to die, I feel like something bad is going to happen, I don’t want anything bad to happen.

[mono-red-menace]

hi it's kinda life altering to be told straight up "your only option is surgery."

like i went to my therapist and she was like "well for my arthritis they've been giving me steroid injections and that helps so they'll probably do that to you too" and going. ok. cool. so i might go into this appointment and be told that i can just get some steroid injections and be fine. nice.

and then i go to the appointment and he's like "ok so here's what's on your MRI. your options are surgery to repair the labral tear, but your arthritis means that will probably not do much for you. you could get a total hip replacement, but you're a bit young for that. i recommend the hip preservation surgery, they try to preserve your natural hips but resurface them so they don't have the same issues anymore"

and hearing that i was like oh cool something not super invasive, still pretty bad, worse than injections, but not the worst. and then i look it up and it's like "this surgery is not recommended for patients with moderate or severe osteoarthritis" (my mri shows moderate but i have a lot of the symptoms of severe) 😑

so now i'm just like trying to come to terms extremely quickly with the fact that im probably going to need a prosthesis installed in me. maybe even two. and they're going to have to make me almost entirely incapable of taking care of myself for like 3 months. so like i want it all done at once but the more complex the procedure the scarier it is for me and im just.

i'm scared i'm so scared my entire life and all of my thoughts have been revolving around this and i just want to get it over with as fast as possible but i can't schedule it for like, tomorrow and get right into the recovery so i just have to sit in this fear and get more and more scared because ill be so much more reliant on everyone else than i already am and im scared. im so scared.

and worse i'm scared my insurance won't cover it and i'll just be unable to work because of my hips and im scared that i won't be able to get disability but also not be able to work so ill just be stuck in constant pain and have no ability to care for myself and there'll be nothing i can do about it until im "old enough" to get the surgery or whatever and idk

idk all of this is terrifying. this is all so horrifying and scary. i just want my body to work so i can take care of myself i don't want to be reliant on people to live but im going to have to become more reliant on people for a Long time before i can become self sufficient and that's honestly super scary. and also im scared im going to fuck my wound up because i have adhd and i constantly fuck things up because i forget how to do things and i forget to do things and im worried im gonna get fucking sepsis and AGGHHHH

i'm just going insane i can't stop thinking about it i can't get it out of my head im so scared. i'm so scared and im tired and i just want it done already.

[reddiesworldsblog]

daily reminder day 166: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s driving and resisting the urge to t-bone somebody because they were an ASS and not following the road safety rules. but instead he just flips them off and gives them his best bitchy face and zooms off because he’d rather not get insurance involved….anyway he’s on his way to therapy, because as you can see he’s in big need of it today.

daily reminder day 167: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now they’re just roaming around the store. it’s currently 3am, and they couldn’t sleep. so they went out for pancakes and now they’re at the 24 hour walmart, holding hands and talking about any and everything as they pass the time.

daily reminder day 168: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s trying to get the monster richie’s drinking out of his hands but richie is two fucking quick and like twice eddie’s size. not a day goes by when eddie doesn’t have to wrestle the energy drink out of his husbands hands because richie refuses to stop drinking them. eddie, though it comes off bitchy, is always getting on richie about how bad they are for the body, only for his stupid husband to yell out “yolo” and chug the rest of the drink. or at least try to before eddie is finally able to smack it out his hands. richie only says that to tease his eddie, but he knows when to stop and comfort him instead of fucking around because he knows eddie’s disdain for energy drinks is out of worry for his health. richie is gonna stop drinking them at some point. but either way, richie is gonna get put in the hospital and it won’t be because of the monster drink if he doesn’t watch it.

daily reminder day 169: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s floating on his back in the pool, daydreaming and staring up at the pretty sky and cloud watching, when all of the sudden he hears “CANON BALL-“ followed by a big fucking splash from his fucking husband. causing eddie to yelp and startle like a cat….please excuse eddie while he go kicks his husbands ass!

daily reminder day 170: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he and richie are enjoying the sunny weather (albeit fucking hot) after a whole week of rain. and even though he loves the rain, it’s nice to feel the sun on his skin again. eddie loves a sunny day.

(as you can see i’ve been trying to update the reminders on here like really late, im sorry guys. i’ve been very busy lately and only been putting the daily reminders on twitter for the last week or so. but i finally remembered to put them here and now i’m all caught up over here as well. i’ll try my best to not have you guys waiting again 🫶🏾)

[castielsprostate]

I'm nosy af. I want to see Misha's bank statements and tax returns. I genuinely wonder (like, all the time) what decent rich people (not asshole rich people.. i know what they spend their money on) actually spend their money on. I've never had money. I spend everything i get on food and rent. I go into debt buying shampoo and deodorant. my laptop is 12 years old (and i had to get a loan to buy that and pay it off over five years.) My phone is newer (2016) but was a secondhand gift. I don't own a car. I don't have any pets. I've never in my life been on vacation. I have no insurance, I'll never be able to afford a house and I will almost certainly die tens of thousands of dollars in debt. (I looked into funeral expenses recently and thought FUCK i can't even afford to die!) I wonder what it feels like to.. not live like this? Misha was poor as a kid. I wonder if you get used to wealth if you've been dirt poor? Like i wonder if Dolly Parton is used to being rich now, decades after growing up in a shack with no electricity or running water. I can't even imagine ever getting used to not worrying about having enough food. If I was ever that rich (don't have to worry about food or rent money) I think i'd feel like the wealthiest person in the world. I legit can't even imagine it though. It would take me 20 years to earn $250,000, but Misha can do it in a weekend. Crazy world. (This is not a criticism of him. I love him. I bet he spends a lot of that money doing good things. I'd love to see his receipts, tho.)

oh anon i feel you!!!!! i grew up with literally eating 50p macaroni every day for WEEKS. in the winter we didn't have connected heating because we just couldn't pay for it so we had a diesel generator (this was in 2006). it got better, we got heating (sort of lmao) and we could afford wayyy more when my mum got a job. the little bits of money i got, i never got used to it, it always felt like this is the last im getting i need to save this and not spend that but it didn't go away but the feeling stayed. the feeling of "you're gonna lose this next month" doesn't go away. and we're talking an amount of 1k a month here lmao sjsjsjs i could NEVER imagine having to not worry about rent or food or getting clothes i need or new shampoo. right now i'm worrying about the 15€ i need for some things i genuinely need, but literally dont have the money for. the world would seem so much brighter if I wouldn't even have to look at my bank account and just put the card down yknow?

i dont think anyone that grew up poor, even misha or dolly tbh, every get used to having money :/ and as you said, he makes that in a weekend now (though he also donates a lot of money and uses it for good, a lot is going into investments, his kids' funds etc) but i still think he has that underlying worry gnawing at him that this is it and he's gonna have to do xyz and sell yzx and take up zyx job. it's a never ending pool of anxiety and stress that never ebs and it probably hits him right before going to bed

but then again, i'm just tumblr user castielsprostate what do i know

[cathalbravecog]

Do you have cathal hcs you'd like to share i am starving for anything cathal related help me

he's like an addiction to my brain, it always wants MORE

MUEUEHAHAHAHA I YOUR LOCAL CATHAL CREAUTRE 'ČISLO JEDNA' (NUMBER ONE). SHALL PROVIDE. NOW, THE THING IS, I THINK I'VE SHARED MOST OF THE THINGS I THINK HERE ALREADY....I PREFER OBSERVING AND LETTING THINGS DEVELOP AS THEY GO. THAT'S MY WEIRD THING WITH CERTAIN BLORBOS I DON'T ALWAYS ACTIVELY MAKE STUFF FOR THEM EVEN IF IM SO SOSOOSOSOS MENTALLY ILL FOR THEM. NOW. SILLY GOOGFY OVER FOR NOW. THIS IS VERY LONG. UNDER DA CUT.....................

However. That one comic writing thing I wanna make... I guess it's a mix of some HCs and observations? I'll talk about it here, without spoiling everything, but giving out he basics!! i can write properly i swear but since im infodumping im gonna be going from writing styles in and out wackily to get my thoughts out LOL It takes place when Cathal first got hired at Cogs INC - (All narrated by himself, by the way ) and what his expectations and thoughts were. What he knew and what he didn't - since Allan would share some things with him, obviously. Even way before Cathal got hired... And eventually it got to Cathal seeing Allan fall off the tower for the first time.

He doesn't think much of it now, just shrugging it off. Perhaps mild annoyance... It's just not worth the time. It's pointless... As he says himself, he finds the Toons VS Cogs thing pointless. And... he isn't too worried, since Allan always gets repaired in the end. Sometimes it's more severe repairs than other days, but, the point stands... No matter what he always gets repaired, and Allan himself also sounds more annoyed about this than anything as well

But this wasn't always the case!

Despite being, well... Really lazy - Cathal is very caring and kind. He cares about the people around him - he politely asks if everyone's had a good lunch, and he heals them. Hell, he can even be slightly scary with this with his "You should've hit someone else that time" line. Like - he does not exactly want to pack a punch, he just sorta has to since the Toons are there... But he's capable!! Even if he doesn't see them as friends, just co-workers, he's very willing to stand up for them if they get hurt...

It's the one thing that does give him the motivation which he usually lacks... He usually just doesn't want to care because it takes too much effort, y'know? But it doesn't make him incapable of things...

So, with him established as caring for other's (that he cares about) wellbeings... Imagine the shock seeing your own dad fall off a tower, with a loud earth-quake like crash... he hasn't been joking or lying after all with all his tales of Toons pushing him off the tower. Cathal never cared for this story... Just ignored it or blocked it out of his mind as Allan's constant stories (Because come on this guy definitely loves talking about things that happened while at work or what he did with The Boys :tm: when he's with Cathal. And wise-versa. He was sooo excited to show Cathal off to the other bosses in A Meeting Of Two Minds)

But like... Those weren't like. Just some stories. Allan was always annoyed about them, but in a "Gah, those darn Toons!" kind of way. (Maybe with an occasional ramble about how that day repairs were more expensive, perhaps, as more damage was caused. Looking at you High Roller ARG. Also makes me wonder just how much money from Cogs INC does go into his repairs... But I suppose insurances for Cogs are canon, and also Sellbots are known to cut corners to save cash, so that extra stuff maybe goes to him....) But, back on track now - It's been happening for YEARS. If we go with how long Toontown has been around - it's been happening for DECADES. You start sounding a bit less serious about it...

Like... Cathal was just shocked. What was he supposed to do?! That's his dad for fuck's sake!!! He may appear unenthusiastic and bored but... It's clear these two care for each other, even if Cathal does not let it be known (With Allan being the exact opposite and he's maybe Too Vocal About It. Me too buddy, me too)

Cathal has lived a life in comfort, basically spoiled by Allan. With love, material things, him letting things be easier for Cathal... He didn't have to worry about a thing. If anything, he probably only ever struggles with his own mind - considering I do headcanon him to have some struggles with motivation and doing things and that he has Cog ADHD. Yes it's projecting. I also sit around lazily for hours but because I can't start anything no matter how much I want. Even if it's a fun activity like... Turning on a video to watch. Drawing. Hopping onto a game. Or literally just getting UP.

He's learned to just... Work with those issues. And, unlike me, he doesn't have things like school and such to worry about, so the big stress factor is gone... So even if he does struggle sometimes and does need motivators, most of the time it's impossible to tell from him just.. Struggling and him being cozy and genuinely lazy... But since he struggles less more often than not it is just laziness and "that's just hard to do" and not a mental block...

Only ever living a life in comfort-like this - Makes you worry ten times as hard when the stressful times do come. He's not equipped to handle this...

In the comic he in panic flew over to check on Allan - who in fact has fallen over and had a bunch of Cogs helping him get back up, and beginning preparations to get him fixed ASAP. It was so organized, everyone knew each other there... This basically happens all the time. They've got to be.

Allan is... Shocked, but very happy to see Cathal there. He is so very proud of his boy being there... That he cares so much about his father to go see him. Cathal does not show affection a lot - but this is the way he did. Allan knows he doesn't show it a lot, which made it ten times more special. Others who knew about Cathal through Allan were shocked, too... Cathal. The Multislacker. Stays in his video room all day, watching the cameras... He... Should be working, but that's aside the point. Despite what Allan says we all know he's a lazy slacker... He doesn't care about others. Does he?

Well... he's here, alright. Worried for his dad, who is hushing him nonchalantly, saying how this happens often. "The boys are gonna get me right back up again soon as always, son!" And how he can get right back to work soon... (And of course, some curses against the Toons.)

Cathal is just... Baffled meanwhile. He's saying the same things he always does!! Isn't he one bit worried...? Well... Like everything else, he has to let it go... And just not worry about it. Allan doesn't, so why should he...? It doesn't stop him being worried a bit longer at the time AND the next few times this happens... At that point he just knows what happens like it's rinse and repeat, like any other day

But the first time was just... Scary. Even if he most likely was caring before (again, mostly outta just... understanding. yknow? man. just wanna chill... he gets it.) - he just... Never showed it much. But after? He began appreciating others around him more. He knows Cogs always get repaired despite... Uh. (Looks at Atticus) THAT ONE TIME, so there isn't really a feel of "time is limited" feeling there... But you still don't want to see people hurt. You want to appreciate their presence. Even if they aren't friends, y'know?

He doesn't see the reason for violence, really. Okay sure, he definitely likes playful banter and messing around - but I mean like... Genuine things, y'know? I mean, as a Cog he's on the side of the Cogs, he doesn't see the motivation the Toons have, or the goal (to have to fight Allan REPEATEDLY. I mean, as an in-game thing it's for unites, but it's canon he gets fought repeatedly regardless, yknow?)

He doesn't get the scope of why Toons fight back exactly, that it's pointless. Because he doesn't have the perspective they have... He is annoyed with them, yes, they burst into his room uninvited and then demand to fight him... And they hurt his co-workers and his dad. But getting too mad is just... Man! Not worth it. Too energy consuming. Not worth getting worked up over...

But even with that he wishes that this didn't have to happen, y'know? he doesn't see the point. And if nobody fights anyone - nobody is gonna bother him and his shows either...

i think i juiced out all my thoughts bc i guess the other stuff would be more cogs only or like personal interactions i imagine between frost and him and perhaps the others... i already established the gamer thing and that he messes around with pace in that regard. one of his motivations is to just be playful like that. maybe pace and him are NOT friends and they demotivate each other in work ways. but i just love the dynamic of not friends. not enemies. just tom and jerry online gaming mischief stuff. and like. gamer graham is really funny to me since hes the sport guy. but also hes jerma to me. you get me . righht. right. i love going from serious headcanon stuff to HEE HEE SILLY. but thats just who i am. thats what you get. (cannot even get too serious about graham hes just too goofy to me) (also has written gut wrenching angst about a guy named spamton g spamton) (is really normal)

anyways. thank you villain w.hos actually a really loving dad trope for being there for me. i have issues. allan plearse adopt m.e

I LAOVEE CARTHAL RA TOBRE BRAVECOOGGGGGGG. i hope any of this makes sense. its not even a headcanon its just a mess of things. but you asked for tism so you get it. this is the best i got after this i have nothing to talk about other than gushing about cathal's design and "oeoutht h the he oh he" and repeat the same points about why hes so nice and swag and cool. but. you get me right. You Get Me

[questionablepastries]

Personal life frustration ramblings (super long)

I don’t think my coworkers understand the ramifications my personality took as a result of basically 26 years of poverty with zero social life (and therefore no social skills), and never ever leaving my house. I was asked earlier by coworkers why a year into this job I haven’t put in any vacation days yet and I told them it’s because I want to save money, (my lease ends soon and moving is expensive) but really it’s because my brain is on pure survival mode 24/7 I always think the rug is gonna be pulled out from under me and I’ll go back to living with my mom and worrying about school (tests, quizzes, homework, succeeding — if I didn’t pass my classes I’d have to pay back the government aid program giving me money) and tying my success in school with my self worth & a way out of poverty/being the only hope my mom has for a comfortable retirement. We had lived off of food stamps and medicare (Medicaid?) insurance for so long I thought we were always going to be like that. In fact right now I’m making more than my mom has and I think I have more money saved than she does. What freaks me out is the realization that I never ever left my place or bought things for fun like clothes — all I ever did was thrift shop clothes, occasionally getting new things to wear but even so. I think the only thing I was allowed to splurge on was videogames and even then it wasn’t often that I got a game just like one or two every year which is what drove me to be a completionist when it came to those because I couldn’t exactly leave and go out?? My moms overprotectiveness and my own social skills led me to being a shut in for like . Well to this day I guess. I always think back to a school acquaintance coming up to me at community college and just really loudly asking “ARE YOU A SHUT IN?” Or something very similar to that I can’t remember properly it’s been almost a six years I think, at the time though I didn’t exactly have the mentality to respond to that and didn’t really give a proper response. and it was only through forcing myself to take public speaking and holding several jobs that I finally learned how to properly hold a conversation much less find a speaking voice to respond to normal things with. Took me 24 years to learn how to talk normally lol

That being said, tearing up about it as I type this isn’t solving anything but lately, um. Im realizing how shitty a majority of my life was, & that I just kinda repressed all of it severely as I focused so hard on succeeding in school that I finally now have the luxury to reflect on it now that I’m out of my survival mode mentality. I never thought to have aspirations in fact my pure motivation for succeeding at school was job security and money and that was it. I even told the guys in charge of letting students into the super competitive program at my university (we were a graduating class of 12) that the reason I pursued the program isn’t some lofty thing like saving lives or whatever. My main motivation is money, and job security, that’s it. Surprised to this day they let me into the program with that being my reasoning during the interview lmao.

My “family” is just my mom and my sister. That’s it. That’s another thing I can’t relate to anyone ever with. People talking about their aunts and uncles and cousins and nephews and grandfathers on their dad side and grandma this and family group chat that it makes me fucking sick with envy. But also hate towards people with those kind of relationships because I never had that luxury. my mom, sister and I never not once ever got this kind of familial support neither emotionally or financially. In fact, my only interactions with my family worth mentioning is the trauma I had that I carry with me to this day when a majority of my aunts called me retarded behind my back so often I still believe it to some degree to this day despite having my current job and a bachelors (a degree none of those name callers even have) . I only associate my extended family as a large group of indifferent people and they’re all essentially strangers, to be honest they make me sick and I’m glad I’m not in contact with them because from how my mom talks about them they sound toxic as hell plus a lot of my aunts that were rude to me are just married into wealth (and married into military lmaooo)

Point is, I can’t relate to conversations my coworkers have either on televisions shows that aired in the past on the cable I never had (I never pick up the references), can’t relate to them on their family plans and trips to who knows where or , I don’t even have the communication skills to keep up with them. I still stutter and slur my words from time to time (not to mention there were also these other coworkers that quit some months ago that also called me retarded behind my back but not due to anything I was doing behavior wise (I worked out those behaviors by then and I like to think I’m mostly normal passing) but mostly because I was new to the field and unfamiliar with a lot of how work .. uh..worked…) thankfully those name calls from them only stung a little and not as much as it would have in my pre teen years when I was also called that by my aunts.

I don’t feel too bad about being essentially unapproachable though, I’m still awkward and my general disposition/demeanor makes people my own age not want to interact with me, I still struggle to hold conversations I really do. but I know that this is only because I’m just behind on these social skills that I need to learn and improve on and that was rly just due to my upbringing that was somewhat out of my control, so really it’s uphill from here? I think I might be too hard on myself too. But I think this post is just my frustration that. Um. I can’t relate to people on anything. And that I have this survivalist mentality still, I don’t think that’s gonna go away soon — in fact it’s due to the mentality that I keep thinking everything I’ve obtained will be pulled out from under me and my years of only school focused mentality— I never allowed myself to have dreams or ambitions. This whole time. I just told myself I can only allow myself those things as soon as I got a bachelors and from there a job. So now that I have Both I look behind me and it’s just years of not enjoyable living that I kinda repressed super hard in order not to process so that way I could keep focusing on academics lol.

I can’t blame this all on my poverty or whatever, I keep telling myself if only I’d put a bit more care into my appearance then maybe I’d seem more approachable but at the time it genuinely didn’t matter to me or I think I was just extremely indifferent about it, again at the time only academics mattered. didn’t help that when I told my mom that I got a B on things she would ask why wasn’t it an A no matter how difficult the topic lol. Oh well. Typing this all has improved my mood somewhat

Not sure what I will accomplish by posting this but if anyone finds any part of this relatable im sorry you’re going through this. Will probably delete at some point this shits embarrassing I don’t think I’ve ever posted this much about myself bleh :/ I am not a person ~~~ woooo~~~ I am chicken icon questionablepastries who posts memessss~~~~ woooooo~~~~ lol

Wanted to add that the pulled rug from under me feeling was a result of me failing to fill out something properly on financial aid for school leading me to have a skip year of no classes, and also my THREE attempts at getting into my program at uni not happening either due to missing credits required to go into it and that happened twice (thank you school counselors for the help (super sarcasm)) like seriously every time I thought I finally had a shot of getting in it was some stupid thing holding me back. Having hope snatched like that academically when all I ever thought of WAS academics was so damaging ugh that sucked I’m so glad I’m done with school forever now

[winderlylandchime]

I’m just gonna go ahead and say sorry in advance the man lost his mind with the next ep but 3x04 1/2 ‘He would make great marketing for durex. Remember their covid ads? Funny as shit. Why is she here? Why can’t she take the kid with her to the hospital? I thought i gave Brian permission to hit this fucking kid? Yeah! Eat the chips you little bitch.‘ we got to Mel and Linds picking donors ‘FRESH SPERM?! LINDSAY HE IS 19- What are the-THEY CANT GO TO A SPERM BANK? THEYRE GONNA PICK BETWEEN THEIR FRIENDS?! Girl, what makes you think any of them want a kid at all or better yet with you? There is no way Brian would let that kid get into the ‘vette. JUSTIN! WHY ARE THEY CASUALLY SAYING HEY TO EACH OTHER? oh Justin hates this kid (Mel and Linds pick Mikey) MICHAEL?! THEY ARE PICKING MICHAEL?! MICHAEL?! MIKE? MIKEY?! Because he invited a kid to a comic book store? THAT IS LITERALLY HIS JOB! Thank god the diner doesn’t have more male waiters because she would think someone wants a kid just cause they told her the specials’ ‘WHAT IS WITH THEM MOVING IN SO FAST? I THOUGHT THAT WAS A YOU PEOPLE THING *waves at me*’. ‘Have you noticed that whenever Lindsay and Melly want something from someone they make them a meal? (mikey and Ben are taking a shower and he actually fake gagged) The only shower scenes I like are Brian and Justin’ ‘he’s going through Brian’s stuf- he has a lot of dildos, why am i acting surprised..HE STOLE HIS BRACELET! How dare you, you little shit! BRIAN HE HAS YOUR BRACELET! HE DOES NOT OWE ANY OF YOU ANYTHING ESPECIALLY NOT MONEY! I know I said hit him but this *points to the toilet scene* is WAY fucking better! Do Ethan next!’ He is once again using Shazam to make his playlist even better. ‘Usually when people start doing drugs, they become fun before they ruin their lives, this dude is just hitting the gym? Boring. Oh he’s angry and jealous of Michael isn’t he? Well that’s not healthy’ he is once again using Shazam, this is getting ridiculous. ‘OKAY BRIAN!! Oh damn, I don’t remember him being all 6 packy before. Why is a cop there?’ ‘Why is he surprised that he wont have full rights? Dude, you’re a DONOR! But don’t worry they never hold their word, they force the donors to step up one way or the other. Make sure you have life insurance. THATS WHY THERES SPERM BANKS MELANIE!’ And thee scene is coming up (my cousin thankfully reminded me to record him here bc she knew he’d lose his mind and thank fuck she did. Usually i record him for big moments but i almost forgot here) ‘HE ACCUSED HIM OF WHAT NOW?! *pauses tv* OH FUCK HIM AND FUCK WHOEVER MADE HIM! That is such a horrible and serious accusation to make cause some people, HA, some people..good one (his name), GIRLS! WOMEN! aren’t believed! And boys! Oh don’t even get me started and i know it’s ironic because im yelling at a boy BUT DIFFERENT! WE DONT EVEN GET TO COME FORWARD CAUSE WE SHOULD BE HAPPY WE GOT LAID! And if it was done by a man? Well then we are forced to be quiet because we get mocked since apparently gay is worse than rape. But Brian is gay, so of course he did that and nobody would think otherwise. Because gay means predator in their peanut shaped brain! Meanwhile PRIESTS exist! Or those weird family friends that you have to change outfits for when they come over but nobody calls that out. HOW FUCKING DARE THEY? You know what? FUCK EVERYTHING AND ESPECIALLY FUCK THAT KID! His family better know better, i have no faith in them but they owe him that! Nobody will believe this, he literally hates kids!‘ He then got up and went outside to smoke. I forgot that when the whole Florida gay ban bullshit happened, this man FLEW to florida to protest (we are nowhere near florida) so I should’ve seen this coming tbh. And when he came back inside he just went ‘I do wish they showed him being interrogated because I know for a fact my man was giving sarcasm and anger and funny insults!’ ‘Well look at that, it’s almost as if you shouldn’t move in together after like a week!’

Melanie and Lindsay’s insistence on using known sperm over donor sperm baffles me and must be because for TV reasons because it’s so bananas. LOLing at them making someone a meal… that is so true!

Ben not becoming more interesting with a drug problem IS A MOOD. And true.

His reaction to this storyline is everything. Factually, false accusations are incredibly rare and yes, it’s a double-whammy for boys. The other part of this storyline I hate? Is that Claire is right to believe her kid. So rarely do parents believe their kids and go to the police, when they should. I hate hate hate this storyline with a passion. I get why it happens (Justin still believing in Brian and doing whatever needs to be done to clear his name) but FFS CowLip why why why do you have to create a narrative around a false accusation?

YOUR BROTHER FLEW TO FL TO PROTEST? He gets all the fist-ally’s in the world! I love him.

[twstwonderlandstuff]

"D'aw, careful! I have no idea if tsum-tsum's have insurances and I don't have to money for it...!"

"Insurances? that's smancy Azul stuff! I don't know squat!"

Grim speaking is italicized while Valie speaks in bold.

Grim speaking is italicized while Valie speaks in bold. yay, tsum tsums! granted, they're not, you know, incredibly made but its cute and I like it LOL I was looking at my google docs and found that valie was supposed to have short hair because grim burnt it during their first meeting, so... I'm bringing that back! does it look more... boyish? cute? your honest opinion, please! now, the voice lines! I'm thinking of structuring them like how paimon and traveler (genshin impact) have their voice lines

Voice lines:

When Summoned:

A little me, how cute~! I wonder how they eat... hey, Grim, do you think they just consume whatever their eating? Howzzat gonna work? Fggna, what if they have a secret mouth or something?! That's so scary... ugh... you're just like Riddle. Yeah, I get ya partner. Small but SUPER scary- not like he scares me, though. Sure, Grimmy. Keep telling yourself that.

Summon Line:

The more you know, huh... First talking portraits, and now a little me and you, Grimmy. Hehe, more for me to boss around, cuz I'm their master!

Groooovy!!:

You miss Vivi, don't ya? Me too, but we'll see her soon, so cheer up. Okay, sweetheart? 'Sides, I'm here! I'm the best wizard and partner in the ENTIRE world, so don't worry, I'll definitely beat that old crow for ya!

Home: 

Welcome to Ramshackle! I wonder what your Ramshackle looks like... probs pretty small, huh? D'aw, that's pretty cute. Not! Cute! Cool! The word is COOL, henchman, get that in your head! Right, right. Ramshackle, best and coolest dorm ever in all the realms it has every existed in. No, seriously, we do have a pretty cool dorm. 10 ghosts, a human, and a monster- I'd say that's a pretty unique roommate arrangement. Ya forgot the other NRC weirdos that come and live with us. Lotsa' Pomefiore folks are comin' to stay with us. Epel's tsum's been affecting them loads, I guess. How about a check up to the guy? Let's go and see 'im! Hehe, I bet he'd look all tired and droopy.

Home Idle 1: 

My tsum keeps on layin' in the sun when I wanna practice magic with it! It's bein' a real pain! Doesn't that remind me of someone from a day ago... I wonder which magical monster said he'd do animal language BUT GUESS FUCKING WHAAT, NOOO he DIDN'T show uppp!! ...I- I forgot, and I- -Was instead sleeping in the courtyard, with Leona and Lucius. You and your tsum are exactly alike, I swear.

Home Idle 2:

Henchman, your tsum's been terrorizin' Sebek's tsum. He was yellin' at me to make you stop it. Huh, for real? Damn, okay, um. I'll head there. Wonder what it's actually doin'... [They were snuggling and pressing their noses affectionately against each other. It was very cute.]

Home Idle 3: 

I saw my tsum shedding tears while it started at Silver. I have never felt so heard in my entire life.

Home Idle - Login:

My tsum and Jack's were havin' a contest to see who's fastest, and I lost! Grr, I swear, even in tsum-form that guy's as jacked as a brick wall! Well I mean, he IS Jack, so I guess you could say he's Jack-Jacked. ...Henchman, you're humors gotten worse. PUNS, henchman? PUNS??? Blame Vivica, Trey and Jade. I swear, I thought puns were LAME but then Jade came up rollin' to me with Floyd's tsum and started telling it and I puns and it just... kept on... I ain't ever seen a sadder tsum. [sigh of dissapointment]

Home Idle - Groovy: 

Partner, how'd ya think the little tyrant's been dealin' with his tsum? Seeing the way he ran after it? I'd say they're going along swell. No clue for Leona, though. D'ya think they're both just sleeping all the time? Maybe. I heard from Ruggie that everyone in Savanaclaw thought Leona turned into a tsum, so they were cryin' their eyeballs out. That's sweet. I'm glad they're good with each other, even if they don't show it. Eww, you're being sappy right now. Gross. No, no, seriously! I'm glad they can still care for each other even after the overblot. That's like, a HUGE thing, you know? Ehh, I guess so. But the picture has me laughin'! Pfft... yeah, it is pretty funny! A bunch of buff dudes cryin' at this little thing.

Home Tap 1: 

G...Grimmy, have I ever told you how much I love you? Of course ya do! I'm the great Grim! Who doesn't love me?! No, I mean... have you seen our little tsums? I wanna see! Hehe, I bet I'm prankin' you REAL good! Try me, daelin. [Picture of them rolling around with the other first year tsums in front of Ramshackle.]

Home Tap 2: 

The ghosts are being MEAN, Valie! What'd they do, Grimmy? They're calling me tsum-tsum AND ME CUTE! We're NOT cute! We're COOL! I'll tell them off for ya, relax. Yes! Thanks, henchman! [proceeds to egg the ghosts on]

Home Tap 3:

I passed by Jack's tsum, and guess what? It ran for Epel's tsum, so I followed it. Then, my tsum joined 'em, and they were all runnin' around in the courtyard! I think Sebek's tsum joined us for a spell. Man, the look on Sebek AND Jack's face is just... immaculate. It wouldn't kill to see them chill out, you know? I mean, the tsums seem to be pretty fast friends. I'm gonna end up punting on of 'em, you just watch! Sure, Grimmy... sure. Wait, actually, how does a tsum-tsum hangout sound? We can hang with them AND take care of our tsums! 2 in 1! Not... not bad! For once, your brains actually useful, henchman! Rude~

Duo: [Grim]: Get your bat ready partner, 'cuz my flames are coming in HOT!

[Valencia]: I'm ALWAYS at the ready!

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

The Whisperer: Part 6 (Wally Clark Fic)

A/N: The scene previous is going to be implied (so I guess really this can be considered non smut part five) though not explicitly stated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ve decided that whoever made school start before 8 am deserved a special place in hell. Actually I could probably ask Dawn, find the ghost, find out who was responsible for his after life and then insure that the rest of it was hell for him. Because unfortunately I did not gain the ability to just banish people to hell or send them to heaven or wherever the hell it is spirits that are at peace go.

“Well someone had a busy night last night.” I rolled my eyes and ignored Rhonda’s playful smirk remembering what she had said in seventh period before I went home. She wasn’t wrong that was exactly what I had thought about but it wasn’t like everyone else needed to know that. RHONDA herself didn’t need to know that. Not that I think she would tell anyone, Dawn probably but I’ve just convinced myself that Dawn magically knows everything and plays dumb.

“Ohhh does Morgie have a boyfriend? Or Girlfriend. I’m gay and it is the 21st century so who am I to assume anything?” Charly casually threw his arm over my shoulder like he was waiting for me to tell him I was pregnant with a billionaires baby while also trying to act like he wasn’t that interested in the possibility. I tried to ignore the fact that Wally hung back from the group a little bit when Charly said that and also tried to ignore Rhonda’s very pointed look.

“Yes it’s name is organic chemistry and is currently fucking me in the ass without lube.” Apparently no one was expecting that because Charly simply dropped his arm, Wally spit his water everywhere and Rhonda choked on her lollipop. Actually Dawn was the one who acted like the adult in the situation surprisingly enough.

“Mori you’re gonna make them all die a second time if you keep being so blunt.” She didn’t even seem that disturbed just watched everyone casually choking to death without attempting to help. Then again they are ghosts so can they die a second time?

“I’m sorry guys I didn’t sleep well last night and im just grouchy right now, and the little demon is giving me a hard time about something we talked about yesterday.” I closed my locker and headed to first period knowing fully well my adopted group of ghosties were trialing close behind me.

“What did you and Mori talk about?” Charly fake whispered to Rhonda and I made sure to hit both of them in the face with the door when I opened it.

“Sex dreams.”

And once again everyone just about fucking died, myself included but mine would have been from embarrassment. I shuffled to my seat and crossed my arms over my face hiding my blushing cheeks. I felt a piece of paper poking trying to slide under my arms. This was so not the time what I wanted to have a conversation with them after that comment.

/They’re gone, you can come out now. -Dawn/ Oh thank Jesus. I slowly raised my head and saw that it was just Dawn sitting there giving me a smile with her head off to the side like she as a cocker spaniel. There’s no way she has more than 6 brain cells working at the same time. /Wally and Charly followed Rhonda out asking her what the hell she was talking about. Don’t worry though Rhonda likes you and even if she didn’t she wouldn’t talk about that./

Well that was a relief, and I was glad that it was Dawn that has stayed behind to check on me. Anyone really as long as it wasn’t Wally. I needed to get laid, that’s all it was everyone at my old school thought I was bat shit insane and I had been left hanging too many times. Or I just needed a battery operated boyfriend since I’ve spoken to exactly zero humans at the school. ~I know she wouldn’t I just wasn’t expecting her to say that~

/I don’t think she was either, she had an oh shit look on her face when she did and then she ran out./

So there were a couple plus sides to this, Rhonda felt bad that she almost hinted at the fact that I hinted at the fact that I had inappropriate thoughts about Wally, Wally and Charly had no idea what she was talking about and lastly Wally hasn’t touched me today.

/Do you want to talk about it?/

~Rhonda basically told me yesterday that she noticed Wally gave me goosebumps and she knew I was turned on~

/Oh, and she told Wally?/

~NO! but that’s what she was talking about sex dreams and it’s not like I want Wally and Charly to know~

Dawn quickly reached over and ripped the note away from me before shoving it in her mouth. I was about to say something before I looked up to see the three of them had returned.

“Jesus Dawn why did you eat the damn paper?” Wally sat backwards on the chair and Charly perched himself on my desk while Rhonda hovered near me.

“It was a super secret note.”

“Well what were you talking about?” Why is Wally the only one doing all the talking is God trying to punish me? Because apparently not only does Wally’s touch give me goosebumps so does his voice.

“Sex dreams.”

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.” Well… there goes Wally and the chair that he just launched across the room.