#im just trying to survive the day man

[via707]

i just had the most humbling college experience of my life and cannot possibly keep this to myself.

so i was walking into my second class of the day and was a little bit too early and the other class that uses the room was still in there. i waited for the majority of people to leave the room before heading to my seat. some guy was standing in the row in front of mine but i was like "i should be fine to just sit down and not have to talk to him or anything, right" wrong. i was so so wrong.

i put my bag down on the table and am about to sit down and here is the conversation (interrogation) i was subjected to:

the guy: what class is after this?

me: *who is mildly stoned and functioning at 25% capacity* um soc 300 something

the guy: oh okay, what's it about

me: *who constantly confused this class with my other sociology course* ummm social change i think *turning to the other girl who walked in with me to see if she knows or is going to bail me out of this conversation*

the guy: okay.... *getting slightly suspicious* who teaches it?

me: *ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME HOLY SHIT I DONT KNOW MY PROFESSORS NAME* ummm i think her name is (not telling yall for confidential reasons)

the guy: *definitely suspicious now* okay but isn't this the 13th week of this course?

me: *practically on the verge of tears* *JESUS FUCKING CHRIST FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO ME* yeah it is, sorry im just having an off day

the guy: oh okay *and walks away*

literally what was the reason for this?!?!?!?! i was just trying to sit down and work on my late assignment and didnt expect to be assaulted with all these questions. AND HE KEPT GOING, FOR WHATTTTTTT LIKE CLEARLY I DONT KNOW!!!!!!!!! IS IT A LITTLE WEIRD THAT IM 13 WEEKS INTO A COURSE AND STILL DONT KNOW WHAT ITS CALLED, SURE BUT FOR FUCKS SAKE MAN I JUST SIT IN THIS ROOM TWICE A WEEK AND PLAY TETRIS, ITS NOT LIKE A ACTUALLY PAY ATTENTION 😭😭

[starry-bi-sky]

mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.

now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.

He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.

(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)

The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.

The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.

And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.

(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)

The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.

anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)

[smudgyink]

sketch of Aunova and Astarion from April

[slutdge]

god idk whats wrong with my brain it doesnt matter how tired i am as soon as i lay down to try and sleep i feel like im having a heart attack and being hunted for sport

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[girlivealwaysbean]

i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point

[dimonds456]

thinking about freehoun so bad tonight oughhhhhhhhhhhh

[sidesteppostinghours]

having a normal time this fine morning <- is making up an au for an au

[imaginarianisms]

🖤 for misa about light ??

attractiveness:

repulsive / hideous / ugly / not attractive / unappealing / not unattractive / meh / no preference / ok / mildly attractive / nice looking / cute / adorable / attractive / pleasant on the eyes / good looking / hot / sexy / beautiful / gorgeous / hot damn / would tap that / perfect / godlike / holy fuck there are no words.

personality:

grating / irritating / frustrating / boring / confusing at best / awkward / unreasonable / psychotic / disturbing / interesting / engaging / affectionate / aggressive / ambitious / anxious / artistic / bad tempered / bossy / charismatic / appealing / unappealing / creative / courageous / dependable / unreliable / unpredictable / predictable / devious / dim / extroverted / introverted / egotistical / gregarious / fabulous / impulsive / intelligent / sympathetic / talkative / up beat / peaceful / calming / badass / flexible.

how likely they would have sex with them:

not if they were the last person on earth and the world was ending / fuck no! / never / no way / not likely / not sure / indifferent / I’m asexual / maybe / probably / it depends / fairly likely / likely / yeah sure / yes / would tap that / hell yes / fuck yes! / wishing that could happen right now / as many times as possible / we are already having sex.

level of friendship:

never in a million years / worst of enemies / enemies / rivals / indifferent / neutral / acquaintance / friendly toward each other / casual friends / friends / good friends / best friends / fuck buddies / bosom buddies / practically the same person / would die for them / true friends (eventually, over time) / my only friend. (eventually, over time)

first impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

current impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

send 🖤 and my character will answer about yours; specify. || ALWAYS ACCEPTING || @prodigum.

[buggbuzz]

semi-heavy adhd vent tw 🫢🫢

personally of the opinion that the worst thing about adhd is the subtlety. we joke abt how obvious and silly it is but its barely visible 95% of the time.

& u spend your whole life not knowing if the mental struggle you have doing basic shit is what everyone deals with or if something's wrong. even when you KNOW you have adhd and even have it TREATED you STILL don't know if you're having a normal amount of obstacles.

i've been on meds for two years now and i just spent a whole fucking summer semester not sure if i was having adhd burnout or if my meds weren't working or if i was actually just being lazy. i think its all three, but who knows! and now i have a final tomorrow that i have to pass and i dont know if i can because i could barely fucking do any work all semester.

this happens like every year/semester but this one particularly stings cause it was supposed to be really good this time!! lots of free time, one class to worry about, the best nd-friendly note-taking system i've ever used, lots of flexibility, and friends to spend time with. it was even a science class!! chem, not bio, but better than non-science, right? but apparently, the only way i can ever stay motivated and on the ball is if im chained to a super-stressful and merciless schedule. so i have to choose between my long-term success and my mental health!!

i don't envy neurotypicals for the weird fucking ways they operate sometimes but good lord fucking jesus it sounds nice to be able to do things. i feel like a loaded gun with a busted trigger; i have all these amazing ideas and well-thought-out schedules and all the passion and desperation to follow through, but my brain and body just. won't. do it.

[tshifty]

this is going to be a hot take but the worst managers ive had have all been millennials. like don't get me wrong, gen x and boomer managers can also be wild. but the most notably terrible managers? millennials. lmao

[bluemoontarot]

Just thinking out loud, but I see a lot of older generations (not even boomers, as young as Milennials) criticizing Gen Z for bringing up the sake shit they did.

"Well it's never gonna change! You think I had motivation to work?? You suck it up!" Well...it won't change with that attitude. And further more, aren't you pissed the cycle didn't end with you?? Isn't that what you fought for? And here we are worse off?

It's like they HAVE to be the winner of "who had it worse". There is no gold medalist in the Trauma Olympics, just a team of broken individuals.

Of course Boomers worked hard, they had their own issues.

Gen X worked hard, and lost their retirements twice and some may never retire

Milennials have lost their 401k once already and many don't own houses while others spent years overseas in a war we couldn't win.

Gen Z has never had a 401k, most will likely not ever own a home, we're at the front lines of a lot of mininum wage jobs and blamed for not spending money we don't have.

Gen Alpha is gonna worse off than us if we don't stop pointing fingers.

No one should have to struggle this much. So when we come out saying "we have no motivation to do anything bc nothing is getting better and politics are actively working to destroy workers rights" That's not us saying older ppl didn't have it hard! But it sure is a cry for fucking help.

Why are younger folks so angry? Bc when we ask for help from our elders we get told to fuck ourselves and suck it up. Why would we respect that??? Of course we're going to get angry! How would you feel if you asked for help and your kid said "fuck you." You'd be pissed!

Let's all be pissed at the real villains here...corporations, government, and 1% bastards. Government works for the people, and if we don't like how it's working? We have the right to demand and push for change. No more trauma Olympics. Walk out of the arena, stop playing the game. We're all tired and burnt out and angry and we have every right to be. Let's take back control for what future we have left.

[pepprs]

last few hours in boston :(

[sinnamonstache]

Just lost my job.. so I wanna try to get back into drawing.

However I’m.. not exactly comfortable picking up where I left off? I’ve changed a bit, mentally, and like. My interests aren’t very different, but…. I don’t think I can stomach making the same content I did before. I don’t know that I want it to attached to whatever I do going forward, either. I want to get more into OCs and stuff, if possible.

That said.. I know some of y’all really wanted that old art back. So I’m weighing my options…

I’ve considered making some kind of archive, but idk how to.. twitter frustrates me and feels far too public, given the subject-matter 😔 I may use it going forward but it doesn’t feel like the right place for my old works

I may just re-start with a new username and let this one lie...?

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

Local girl has to. Go to school. And can only be comfy again at 4pm. Millions injured thousands dead

[monsterbisexual]

bday tomorrow huh