#im just so tired of everything

[therese-deluxe]

Okay i gotta vent and gotta ask:

Am i weird for thinking special days are special?

I couldnt have my party at my BIRTHDAY this year, because two good friends married the next day, and i was pissed. Like, yeah, its nice that they're getting married, but my birthday was on a friday and everybody had time and then i had to celebrate next weekend, which felt so wrong.

The Party itself was also a total bust because one of my partners had to resort to drinking and overdid it because of her crippling social anxiety, so i had to care for her, and another was sick, so we couldnt do the special thing WE planned and which i really would have liked.

We try to do that another time, another emergency, inwas too busy for that.

Then, this month, 6 year anniversary with my boyfriend i live with. I AM INCREDIBLY SICK AND WE HAD TO GIVE OUR ESCAPE ROOM TICKETS AWAY. And now on Halloween i was all alone at home, because he and his gf went to the movies.

I just ... It feels bad that all these Special Days sucked this year. And everybody is like "Yeah but we can do that another time!" BUT THATS NOT THE POINT. Its about the special day, the special date, the thing that seperates time!

You cant just redo Christmas in July because you feel like it, or am i crazy?

Special Days always were like, the one thing keeping me going from the monotony of my home life, the few days things were fine.

Thats why i want my birthday to be fun, Halloween, Christmas, anniversaries, i want those days to matter and that i remember them, and not that they just... Disappear in the flow of time like any other day...

This is just me rambling, but im having such a streak of bad luck rn, everything i looked forward to got cancelled, and now im sick on Halloween and alone and just wanna sleep

[yosh-iro]

im spiraling really bad again

[amica-rattis]

suicidal ideation gets so boring after awhile like yes i know i want to kill myself! can we please think of something else now!

[kilibaggins]

tw: vent post, depression, guilt, and more idk what else

gosh you ever just remember how stupid you were years ago and how you lied about things and you did bad things and you were just horrible and you can never make up for it because everyone who was involved is gone or just isn't in your life anymore or you shouldn't bug them or some other thing that makes it so you can't DO ANYTHING about it and every day you remember more stuff about yourself that you wish never happened and you feel so much guilt that it crushes you and you just wish you were gone because it's get rid of your pain, itd mean there was justice for the bad stuff, and nobody would have to deal with you or your mistakes again because yeah.

[hinamie]

i mean he's got all the outfits now might as well show them off

bonus:

jjk atla!au with @philosophiums

[mossy-aro]

ultimately i think my insistence on aro positivity honestly is as much a political stance as a personal one.

when i say aro positivity is crucial and that i dislike doomer-ist posts that express sentiments like 'I hate being aro so much I wish I was dead instead’ it's not because I don’t think there can and should be a space for negativity and acknowledging self-hate, or the many ways being aromantic can really suck sometimes. i find that to be very important!

that being said. there is smth here about how self-hate posts are sometimes just arophobia that we inflict on ourselves. and when we put that out into the ether it (intentionally or not) can become arophobia that we inflict on other members of the community. i think there absolutely needs to be a place for negativity and the expression of anger and frustration and self loathing even - these are all good things to talk about because these are things that we experience. that being said, it can also be genuinely upsetting and triggering to people to have what is essentially arophobia shown to them and then have that be validated by other aspec people. your personal thoughts can affect your wider community on a level you may not anticipate. and i understand it i truly do! it took me so long to be able to recover from accepting being aroace - it threw my entire world off kilter and made me question everything about my place in the world.

but my insistence on aro joy and positivity is because ultimately i do believe that building is at the core essence of it all. that ultimately discussions and the purpose of community should be about construction, not destruction. and this is both a personal and a political stance. talking about how much you hate yourself and cultivating online discussions/spaces where negativity about aspec identity is the main and only theme is destructive - if that’s where we let the conversation end. these thoughts can and should be used as a vehicle to look for a path forward!

joy and positivity create a space where the focus can become on forging a path forward, on construction, on community building instead of tearing ourselves and others down with negative thoughts. it’s not productive or healthy when it stops at a place of negativity - it becomes actively destructive to the essence of community.

and i do think that this is especially poignant considering the fact that being any kind of queer, but especially aromantic (and/or asexual) means forging a path for yourself and making your own happiness where there is no obvious way forward. our communities exist mostly online (right now, anyway), there is little recognition of our existence in the real world, the effects of amatonormativity are both pervasive and actively dehumanising, and there are legal, economic and social structures in place actively making our lives more difficult. yes that all sucks! it’s good to acknowledge that. we need to in order to change it. but more importantly, that’s not the end. we are still here and our happiness, our future is for us to determine. even if we can’t change the laws or society, loving yourself and understanding aromanticism as a political identity (as well as personal), as a radical worldview, and as a protest against amatonormativity is essential for both community and personal well being. the personal is political.

tldr. i guess my point is that as a community, we should focus on building, improving, and nurturing ourselves and each other (construction) as opposed to destruction. we should recognise aromanticism and asexuality as political identities as well as personal ones and rely on community and self-love in the absence of anything else as a form of protest and political power. destruction (the recognition of everything that is wrong) is essential as a starting point - but where do we go from there? we rebuild.

[satans-knitwear]

Topless outdoor coffee mornings anyone??

Treat me ~ Tip Me ~ More of me

[littldolli]

i just want to stay in bed all day

[xxplastic-cubexx]

what kind of underwear do you think Erik and Charles wear (i'm not asking this to see them half naked) ((please believe me)) (((PLEASE)))

My Personal Belief is charles is a briefs guy while erik's a trunks guy. trunks/briefs kinda couple because i can

and idk just a lil bonus or somethin. as i do.

[suckishima]

lmaoooo the kuroken is strong with the crunchyroll subs

[theythemmer]

phinktober day 11: ur fav AU

i dont rlly do AUs so i just drew them how i wish they would dress xo

(dan’s tats r carnations and snowdrops and phil’s r roses and honeysuckle. for no reason 🤗)

ALSO bonus version w makeup bc i couldn’t pick <3

[cavityinmybrain]

it is incredibly exhausting to go through tags for a disorder i have been diagnosed with and see almost every post say “endos dni” “i hate endos” “endos fuck off” like oh my fucking god can you not make a single post about being disordered without sticking it to the endos or whatever

like hi hello, i am both diagnosed with OSDD and i identify as an praesigenic system because i dont care why my system formed and you shouldnt care why my system formed (and also bc people were breaking their own dni by following me, an endo supporter). you are creating a hostile space and alienating parts of your community because you refuse to understand that others can have different life experiences

its also really exhuasting when im looking for posts about OSDDID and everything is either a coining post telling endos to fuck off or a post bitching about endogenic systems existing.

i am just so tired and angry about it. disordered endogenic systems exist. endogenic systems diagnosed with OSDDID exist.

[lemongogo]

they should get to kill each other at least twice .i think

[pansyfemme]

i am so tired of being the only schizospec person i know irl

[spacedlexi]

"sounds nice... having a partner"

[simandy]

Fun!! :D havin fun