#im just sitting there with them in my mind Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[gotta-winwin]

OT13 Reaction -- to winning at MAMA awards

a/n: in celebration of our boys winning both AOTY awards at MAMA last night. i am so incredibly proud i feel like i raised them or something. like guys- it is that serious they are my family and im going insane.

SCOUPS: you're the first one he's calling once he's offstage - he's dialling your number and a whole string of nonsense rattles off him the moment you pick up. he can't string together proper words as you congratulate him. tells you how fucking happy the boys are - you should've seen them, love - did you see woozi crying? and DK - he smiled so big - needs you to bring him back to earth and remind him that this is his award too. he deserves it just as much as they do.

JEONGHAN: he's literally been bored out of his mind as you guys sit at home, watching the award show live. the only times he's acc been paying full attention was whenever groups he knew personally were on screen - and even then - you know you're losing him to how tired he is. lets out the tiniest, babiest gasp when seventeen is announced as the winner. is crying but turns away so you can't call him out on it.

JOSHUA: he runs home to you right after their dinner together and collapses into your arms. he's spent from the sheer chaos and adrenaline. mumbles sweet nothings about how this award is also yours. we won, baby. we share everything - this award is because of you - all because of you.

JUN: he's hiding out in his filming trailer so he can watch the award show through your phone on facetime - it's grainy and glitchy as HELL but he does not care. there's a 3 second lag when seventeen's announced as the winner - so he can hear you screaming but he doesn't know why. his mouth drops once the wifi catches up and he's practically glowing the entire day on set.

HOSHI: comes home wasted and a bundle of pure energy. he's on a high from the win- rushes home to yell into your ear how ecstatic he is as he tackles you for a hug. tells you he's literally so down to name your firstborn child AOTY just cause.

WONWOO: he comes home rather calm despite the chaotic evening he just had. runs you through his whole day- from getting his makeup done to winning the award to having celebratory dinner. you sit and listen happily, cause this is the most yapping you've ever seen this man do and you're SO happy. finishes his yap session by telling you that you make it all worth it - you're the real award, not MAMA.

WOOZI: tells you not to watch their acceptance speech even though he knows you already did :( is uber embarrassed at how emotional his speech was. I was gonna go up and accept it like a nonchalant cool mysterious man but NO! I just had to cry. he doesn't talk about the win much to you, preferring to just enjoy a quiet night in after the crazy evening. whispers to you once you fall asleep that this is why he does music and thanks you and the boys for being his biggest fans.

THE8: sends you the badass photo of him with all their trophies, followed with a long paragraph about how grateful he is to have you next to him through it all. he's unbelievably bright and happy for the next couple weeks, resulting in you kind of missing sassy Hao and asking for him back. side eyes you when you ask and quips "you didn't win a daesang- I did." Well...he's back ig.

MINGYU: comes home and the first thing he says to you is: aren't you proud i didn't cry? pouts when you rewind the clip to point out: he did in fact cry, he was just hiding his ginormous body behind his members. vows to you he won't cry the next time they win- and yes, he promises there will be a next time. and many after that.

DK: a bundle of joy upon his arrival home. keeps telling you he doesn't know what he did to deserve all this- completely floored when you start ranting about why he deserves it all. blushes and hides his face cause the compliments have him shy.

SEUNGKWAN: comes home fully ready to unleash his bragging rights. asks you to only address him by AOTY daesang winner for the next hour, until the joke gets old and he just wants to relax with you. gets a little sappy retelling stories about their trainee days as you both walk down memory lane together.

VERNON: hands you a wad of cash the moment he enters your shared apartment. oh well. i lost the bet. he literally bet against his team winning and ofc you took him on it cause obv seventeen is gonna win?? tells you he was confident svt was going to win he just wanted an excuse to give you cash.

DINO: promises to shout you out the next time svt wins a daesang. obv you don't believe him, so he defends himself, promising that he will 100% name drop his girlfriend on global television for shits and giggles. yeah, i'll just grab the mic and say "i dedicate this award to my WIFE" and watch the internet explode. why not?

[bellbery]

— The Heart That Remained (Vander x f!Reader)

Summary: A monster, once a beloved protector, now haunts the tunnels of Zaun. The creature is revealed to be Vander, twisted by pain and rage, leaving his daughters Vi and Jinx to grapple with the truth. As a battle unfolds, past memories and present dangers clash, forcing a choice between saving Vander’s humanity or ending his torment. Love, guilt, and hope intertwine in this intense, emotional confrontation.

Word Count: 5.2k (im a jerk for angst)

Content/Warning: Angst to Fluff, less mention y/n until the ending, a bit bloody?, AND VERY ANGSTY

🖋️ Author’s Note: AS I PROMISED I WOULD MAKE A ANGSTY FIC ABOUT VANDER, and i promise you its worth the while i did my best to put into detail of the character’s personality and the places. It took me 3 days and i’m very happy how it turned out! Before yall read this maybe someone you haven’t watched S2, there will be spoilers obv— and i recommend yall listen to Dead Island Trailer Theme song while reading this cause personally it juST MATCHED THE SCENE IT- i hope yall enjoy my writing this is my 2nd fic! Please comment your feedback and simply support me by like and reblogs! Thank you very much yall!<3

After the chaos of the Piltover Council meeting, guilt gnawed at you like a relentless, suffocating force. Deep down, you knew Jinx—Vander’s daughter—was the cause of the devastation that had torn through the heart of the city. You couldn’t escape the weight of the promises you’d made long ago: to protect Vi and Powder when they were still just children. Those vows now felt like shattered glass, each piece embedded in your soul. You had failed them. And now, hidden behind the mask of an investigator, you carried your shame like a cloak. It was the only armor that allowed you to survive, to push down the searing ache that never seemed to go away. Months passed, and you thought you had found your rhythm in the cold, distant monotony of your work. Then Ambessa hired you. The aftermath of the beast’s rampage in the prison—the blood, the carnage—shattered that fragile peace. It was the most grotesque thing you’d ever seen. The nightmare still burned in your memory, its horrors etched into your mind like permanent scars. The beast, its monstrous presence a cruel reminder of the violence lurking in every shadow, had torn through the fragile walls of your life, dredging up the dangerous ties to the past you couldn’t outrun.

“How could this beast come out of nowhere?” You whispered, the question hanging in the air like a death sentence. Ambessa’s gaze locked onto you, icy and unyielding. The weight of her authority pressed down on you, suffocating. She leaned forward, her voice low, controlled—laced with quiet menace. “You’re asking the wrong question,” she said, her words like a blade. “It doesn’t matter how it got here. What matters is that it’s here now. And we don’t have the luxury of waiting for answers. We deal with it. We don’t waste time wondering why or how—it’s already cost us too much.” She paused, her eyes narrowing, a flicker of impatience cutting through her otherwise steady demeanor. “If you want to stay in this game, you’ll find out who—or what—created this monster. And you’ll do it fast. Before it costs us more.” You nod, the weight of Ambessa’s words settling heavily in your chest. Without a second thought, you move past the cells, your gaze flicking over them with practiced detachment. You push down the swirling thoughts threatening to overwhelm you, focusing on the task at hand. But as you walk, something pulls your attention—a cell, its door locked with an unnerving sense of finality. Something about it doesn’t sit right, a tension building in your gut.

Before you can step closer to investigate, the soft, rhythmic chime of the elevator cuts through the silence. The doors slide open, and out steps Commander Caitlyn Kiramman, her posture rigid, her face set in the same steely expression you’ve come to recognize. She doesn’t glance at you immediately, but when she does, her eyes flicker with a mixture of curiosity and caution. “Commander,” you murmur, your voice steady but carrying the weight of the unspoken. You can’t help but wonder if she’s here to speak of the very thing that’s been gnawing at your thoughts—the beast, the violence, the past that refuses to stay buried. “How is your investigation?” Caitlyn’s voice was steady, her usual sternness masking the exhaustion you knew she carried. Her sharp blue eyes flicked over you, searching for any hint of progress. You hesitated, your gaze drifting back to the closed cell. “It’s… ongoing,” you replied, the words clipped, as your unease bubbled beneath the surface. She followed your line of sight, noticing your fixation. Without waiting for an invitation, Caitlyn strode past you, her footsteps purposeful, echoing in the silence as she approached the cell. “What is it about this one?” she asked, her tone even, though her curiosity was evident. You didn’t answer immediately, the heaviness in your chest growing. “It’s locked,” you said finally, the words feeling too small for the weight of your unease. “But it’s too quiet. Too… deliberate.” Caitlyn reached out, resting her hand lightly on the cold metal bars. “Let’s open it,” she said decisively, her command leaving no room for argument. The tension in her voice betrayed her own unease, though her face remained calm and unreadable.

As the cell door creaked open, the air grew heavy with an acrid, chemical tang. There, sitting upright in the dim light, was a figure that made your breath hitch—Dr. Reveck. His sunken, hollow eyes locked onto yours, recognition flashing briefly across his face. Then came the cold, calculating glare of someone who had already weighed and dismissed your worth. “You’re persistent,” he murmured, his voice low and rasping, as though it hadn’t been used in days. “But persistence doesn’t make you immune to mistakes.” His lips twitched, a ghost of a smile that never reached his eyes. “What are you here for? To make another mistake?” Before you could respond, Caitlyn’s sharp footsteps echoed through the corridor, her tone cutting the tension. “Dr. Reveck,” she began, her words laced with authority, “you’re going to answer for what you’ve done. Whatever experiments you’ve been running—whatever monsters you’ve unleashed—it ends now.” Reveck’s expression didn’t waver, though his gaze shifted to Caitlyn with a disconcerting calm. “Answers,” he said, almost mockingly. “The only people who demand them are those too weak to seek the truth themselves.” The sudden clang of metal doors opening at the end of the hall signaled Ambessa’s arrival. Her towering figure filled the space, the weight of her presence silencing any retort Caitlyn might have had. Her eyes swept the scene before resting on Reveck. “This is the man responsible?” she asked, her voice an authoritative rumble. Reveck tilted his head slightly, observing Ambessa with a detached curiosity. “And you are?” he asked, his tone clinical, as though dissecting her existence. Ambessa took a step closer, her imposing frame making the cramped cell feel even smaller. “I’m the one deciding whether you’re worth keeping alive,” she said, her voice unwavering. “And right now, you’re not making a good case.”

The tension in the room was palpable, your pulse pounding in your ears as you stood frozen, caught between these forces of will. Caitlyn glanced at you, her expression tight, as if silently willing you to act or speak. Dr. Reveck finally turned back to you, his gaze sharper now, as though seeing past your mask of authority to the pain you’d been carrying. “Tell me,” he said softly, almost conversationally, “are you here to find answers, or are you just running from your own failures?” Before you could answer Dr. Reveck’s cutting remark, the sharp clink of handcuffs broke the silence. Caitlyn had stepped forward, her features stern as she clasped the restraints over Reveck’s thin wrists. “You’ll answer for your crimes,” she said coldly. “But your cooperation might still buy you a sliver of mercy.” Reveck barely flinched, his pale eyes darting between Caitlyn and Ambessa as if calculating the odds of survival. He let out a low, humorless chuckle. “Mercy,” he echoed, his voice dripping with disdain. “A curious word coming from Piltover’s enforcers. Tell me, Commander Kiramman—how does mercy reconcile with the blood already on your hands?” Caitlyn’s jaw tightened, but before she could reply, Ambessa’s voice rumbled from behind her. “Enough.” Her tone brooked no argument as she stepped into the cell, her towering figure filling the cramped space. “Your investigation isn’t finished here,” she said, her eyes locking onto yours with a commanding weight. “You’ve uncovered the man, but not the monster.”

Reveck’s lips curled faintly, a reaction as subtle as it was unsettling. “The beast,” he murmured, as though savoring the word. “You think you’re hunting it, but it’s already closer than you realize. Closer than any of you would dare admit.” Ambessa ignored him, her gaze still fixed on you. “Find it,” she said firmly. “Before this trail goes cold and more lives are lost.”

Reveck’s smile widened slightly, his voice taking on a cryptic edge. “And when you find it,” he said, his tone almost taunting, “you might not like what you uncover.” The weight of his words hung heavy in the air as you exchanged a brief, tense glance with Caitlyn. Without another word, Ambessa turned and walked toward the cell door, her presence commanding the attention of everyone in the room. Caitlyn followed, her hand lingering on her holstered weapon as if still on edge. You stayed behind for a moment longer, your gaze locked with Reveck’s, searching for something in his unflinching expression—a hint of truth, or maybe just an answer you weren’t ready to face.

You stepped out of the cell, the cold air biting against your skin. The echo of Ambessa’s commanding words and Reveck’s cryptic warnings swirled in your head, mixing with Caitlyn’s sharp presence. Every step away from the cell felt heavier, the pressure of what you’d just witnessed settling into the pit of your stomach. Reveck’s words wouldn’t leave you. “You think you’re hunting it, but it’s already closer than you realize.” They repeated in your mind like a haunting refrain, twisting your thoughts into knots. What did he mean? And why did it feel like there was more truth in his taunts than anyone cared to admit? The sterile prison corridor seemed darker now, its shadows crawling up the walls like something alive. A prickle of unease traced up your spine. For a moment, you paused, glancing back at the dim outline of the cell. It felt as though something—or someone—was watching. The air was too quiet, heavy with an unsaid warning. You shook your head and looked down, trying to steady your breaths, but your heart stopped cold. There, lying on the cold, stone floor just ahead of you, was a strand of blue hair. It glimmered faintly in the pale light, its color unmistakable. Powder. Your knees threatened to buckle, but you forced yourself to stay upright. A rush of memories flooded back—her laughter, her wide, curious eyes, the promises you made to her and Vi. And then the explosion, the chaos, and everything that came after. Your breathing quickened as you knelt down and gingerly picked up the strand, its texture soft but alien, almost too delicate for something so steeped in blood and tragedy. How did it get here? And why now?

The corridor seemed to stretch endlessly before you, the walls pressing in tighter. Your pulse thundered in your ears as a hundred questions screamed in your mind, all vying for answers. But one thought rose above them all, clear and sharp as a knife:

She was here.

And if she was here, then what had you missed? What was waiting just beyond the next shadow? You clutched the strand tighter, a knot of fear and determination tightening in your chest. You couldn’t let this go. Not now. Not after everything. With trembling hands and racing thoughts, you turned and walked toward the exit, but every step away from that cell felt like stepping deeper into the unknown.

You pulled your coat tighter around you, the cool night air biting at your skin. Your feet moved again, this time carrying you toward Zaun. If there was even the faintest chance she was there, you had to follow it. Whether you were ready or not, the path ahead was clear. You had to find her. And this time, you couldn’t fail. You had been at it for hours—no, days—piecing together fragments of evidence that felt more like whispers in the dark. Each lead took you deeper into Zaun’s underbelly: a blood trail smeared across cracked pavement, scorch marks that didn’t belong, and the eerie testimonies of those too afraid to say much at all. The closer you got, the more everything started pointing to one place. You’d seen the tunnel marked on old maps of Zaun—a forgotten artery deep within the district, barely mentioned anymore except in hushed tones. Something had happened there, something people were afraid to talk about. Standing at its mouth now, you could feel the weight of the place pressing on you like a physical force. The green chemfog swirled thickly, the heavy air carrying a stench of rust, decay, and something faintly metallic. It was quiet, unnervingly so, the usual hum of Zaun’s machinery conspicuously absent. You stepped forward cautiously, every instinct screaming at you to turn back. But the faintest trace of blood along the ground caught your attention, leading you further in. Whatever had been here—or was still here—wasn’t human. And yet, you couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t just a hunt for a monster. This was something personal, a shadow from your past reaching out to drag you back. As you stood at the edge of the tunnel, Dr. Reveck’s voice echoed in your mind, his words heavy with warning.

“You think you’re hunting it, but it’s already closer than you realize.”

The memory of his cold, detached tone sent a shiver down your spine. You tried to brush it off, focus on the task at hand. But it wasn’t easy. There was something about the way he’d looked at you, almost pitying, that gnawed at your resolve.

“You might not like what you uncover.”

The blood trail led further into the shadows, growing thicker, fresher. Each step you took seemed to confirm the truth of his cryptic warning. This wasn’t just a trail—it was a trap, a path carved by something that knew you’d follow. Despite yourself, fear clawed at the edges of your mind. You gripped your weapon tightly, the sound of your own breathing loud in the suffocating silence. If Dr. Reveck was right, if it was closer than you realized, then maybe—just maybe—it wasn’t the beast you were hunting anymore. Your heart pounded in your chest as you ventured deeper into the tunnel, every nerve on edge. The oppressive darkness seemed alive, pressing down on you as if the walls themselves wanted to swallow you whole. Then, breaking through the suffocating silence, you heard it—a voice. A familiar cry echoed through the hollow passage, carrying a name you hadn’t heard in years.

“Powder.”

Your breath hitched, and without thinking, your feet carried you toward the sound. The cry was raw, desperate, and unmistakable. It clawed at the memories you’d buried deep—days spent in the smog-filled streets of Zaun, promises whispered in the dead of night. You turned a corner, and there they were. The sight stopped you cold. Vi was locked in a brutal struggle, her movements sharp and relentless as she fought the towering monstrosity before her. Jinx—no, Powder—was nearby, her chaotic energy radiating even in the chaos, her laughter twisted with something between joy and pain. The beast, its hulking form both animal and something far worse, loomed over them. You stood frozen for a moment, unable to reconcile the scene before you. The two sisters you had sworn to protect were here, together again, fighting a nightmare brought to life. This wasn’t just a fight—it was their fight. But as the beast’s roar shook the walls of the tunnel, you knew you couldn’t just stand there. Not this time. You swung your electro-baton again, sending a crack of electricity through the beast’s thick hide. It staggered back, growling low, but you were ready to strike again. Then, a voice you hadn’t heard in what felt like ages cut through the chaos, sharp and frantic.

“Y/N?”

Your heart skipped a beat, and you turned, breath catching. There, standing in front of you with wide, shocked eyes, was Jinx. But it wasn’t just her surprise that caught your attention—it was the frantic energy radiating from her as her gaze flickered between you and the monster. Before you could even process the situation, Vi’s voice rang out, filled with desperation. “Get out of the way!” she yelled, her eyes locking onto the beast just as it made a move in your direction. The words barely registered before you heard the guttural growl of the creature, its monstrous form lunging toward you, faster than you could react. Your instincts kicked in just in time as you dove to the side, pushing Jinx out of the way and out of the path of the beast. In the chaos of the moment, you felt a sharp pang in your chest—Jinx’s face, twisted with a mixture of fear and resolve, flashed in your mind for just a second. She wasn’t ready to lose him again. But the situation was slipping further from control, and you couldn’t afford to wait any longer. Before you could strike, a hand shot out, gripping your arm with surprising strength. You whirled around, heart pounding, only to find Powder standing there. Her eyes were wide, frantic, pleading. “Stop!” she cried, her voice desperate, barely above a whisper. But it was enough to freeze you in place, your pulse hammering in your ears. The world seemed to slow as Powder’s frantic cry echoed in your mind.

“It’s Vander.”

For a moment, you couldn’t breathe. The name hung in the air, shattering everything you thought you knew. Your heart pounded against your ribs, memories of Vander flooding your mind—his hands, strong yet tender, holding you close during the darkest times. His laugh, the warmth he exuded when the world around you seemed so cold. He had been your everything. You had loved him with every fiber of your being. But this thing, this beast, it was not the man you had known. This creature, with its bloodshot eyes and twisted form, was not Vander. It couldn’t be. Your hands shook as you tightened your grip on the electro-baton, but it felt wrong—so wrong. The memories of him, so vivid and painful, clashed with the grotesque beast standing before you. You felt sick to your stomach, a wave of guilt crashing over you. You had failed him. Failed to save him. And now, you couldn’t even bring yourself to end the nightmare he had become. Your breath hitched as Powder stepped forward, desperation in her voice. “Please, Y/N, stop. I know it’s him. I can feel him in there. I won’t let you hurt him again.” Her words were a plea, a fragile hope in the storm. But your heart twisted with doubt. You could still hear the screams, the way the beast had ravaged everything in its path. And yet… something in Powder’s eyes, something in her raw desperation, made you falter.

The beast—Vander—lurched forward, its eyes locking onto you with an intensity that nearly paralyzed you. Every memory you had ever shared with him felt like it was being ripped from your chest.“Vander,” you whispered, the word slipping from your lips before you could stop it. The weight of it crushed you. You had spent so many years believing that Vander was lost, that the man you loved was gone. But here he was, in some twisted form, and it was as if everything you had been through had led you to this moment. Powder’s voice trembled as she pleaded once more. “Please, Y/N. Trust me. It’s him. Don’t hurt him. He’s still in there.” The battle inside you was unbearable. Every part of you screamed to fight, to destroy the beast before it could hurt anyone else. But Powder’s face—the vulnerability, the fear—held you in place. Your heart ached for her, for the girl who had once been Powder, the girl who had believed so deeply in the man who had been Vander. And for a long moment, you did nothing. Your body, your mind, were paralyzed by the weight of it all. You wanted to believe her, wanted to believe that Vander was still there somewhere beneath that monstrous exterior. You swallowed hard, the tears threatening to break free. Slowly, shakily, you lowered the electro-baton, letting it fall to your side. It felt like an eternity, the weight of the decision heavier than any battle you had ever fought. The beast—Vander—let out a low growl, and for a split second, it seemed to hesitate, its glowing eyes softening. And then, before you could process what was happening, it lunged. In a split-second, you shoved Vi out of the way, your body reacting faster than your mind could follow. You felt the beast’s claws rake across your shoulder, pain searing through your skin. The world blurred for a moment, your vision flickering as you stumbled backward, feeling weaker by the second.

You wanted to believe her, wanted to believe that Vander was still there somewhere beneath that monstrous exterior. You swallowed hard, the tears threatening to break free. Slowly, shakily, you lowered the electro-baton, letting it fall to your side. It felt like an eternity, the weight of the decision heavier than any battle you had ever fought. The beast—Vander—let out a low growl, and for a split second, it seemed to hesitate, its glowing eyes softening. And then, before you could process what was happening, it lunged. In a split-second, you shoved Vi out of the way, your body reacting faster than your mind could follow. You felt the beast’s claws rake across your shoulder, pain searing through your skin. The world blurred for a moment, your vision flickering as you stumbled backward, feeling weaker by the second. And then, amidst the chaos, the word tore from your chest.

“Vander…”

The sound of his name was a raw, guttural cry, one that echoed through the tunnels, through your soul. The pain hit you harder than any wound could. Vander, that name, those memories—they tore you apart. You had vowed to protect Vi and Powder, to keep them safe from the horrors of the world, yet here you stood, helpless. The love you had for him, for both of them, never faded. But now? Now you wondered if you'd failed them all. Could you ever undo the damage, or was it too late to save any of them? This couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t be this. But here he was, and you couldn’t turn away. Not now. Not after everything.

As the beast—the twisted, monstrous form of Vander—pins you to the ground, his massive claw digs into your shoulder, a searing pain that nearly overwhelms you. Your body is trembling, pinned beneath his weight, but you find the strength to cry out. “Vander!” The word escapes your lips like a prayer, a cry full of pain, longing, and grief. For a fleeting moment, the ferocity in his bloodshot eyes falters. There’s a flicker of something, a split-second recognition that makes your heart ache with hope, even as your breath hitches in terror. The claws dig deeper, and for a second, you wonder if it’s all over. The beast’s heavy breaths rattle through your chest, but you can’t stop. This has to be the moment. This has to reach him. With what strength you have left, you lift your free hand and place it gently on his massive claw, the very one that could end your life. You speak the words that have haunted your thoughts, words full of both love and desperate sorrow, knowing they might be the last you ever speak to him.

“It’s me... your sunshine.”

The words hang in the air, fragile and raw, and for a heartbeat, time seems to stop. The beast’s gaze flickers—just for a moment—as if the sound of your voice stirs something deep within him. There’s a trembling hesitation in his claw, as if he’s hearing something buried beneath the rage and the pain, something that reminds him of who he was. In the chaos of your heart, you realize your words are more than a plea. They’re a lifeline thrown into a sea of darkness, hoping that some part of Vander will catch it. For a heartbeat, you feel the world shift, the crushing weight of the beast’s form loosening as something human flickers in the depths of his eyes. His growls soften, his body stills, as if struggling against the flood of memories. Then, as if through a fog, his voice—gravelly, strained, broken—rumbles from the depths of his throat, just a whisper but heavy with a history that neither of you could erase.

“Y/N…?”

The name feels like a weight lifted off your chest, like the first breath after drowning. His voice is there, faint, but real. Vander is still in there. You can feel it—the man you loved, the one who had promised to always protect you, the one who had once held you close during the darkest nights, is right here in front of you. Tears blur your vision, and your body trembles, caught between the raw pain, the disbelief, and a flood of emotions you never thought you’d face again. With a trembling breath, you whisper, “It’s me, Vander… it’s your Y/N…” In that moment, his once ferocious red eyes flicker. A slow shift begins, and your heart seizes in your chest as you see something break through the fog—a glimmer of blue and green cutting through the fire. For a single, fleeting second, you see Vander there, in his eyes. The man you loved. The protector who had once carried you through the worst storms. It’s real. He’s still in there. The grip around you tightens, not with violence, but with a deep, consuming desperation. His body trembles with something far greater than rage—something more human. His chest releases a low, guttural breath, the growl that once shook the air now softened, trembling with the weight of all that he has become, all he’s lost.

He’s no longer the man you remember, not entirely. But he’s not the beast either. No longer fully consumed by it. It’s somewhere in between, and in that space, you cling to him like you’ve never clung to anything before. You feel his hands, so monstrous and terrifying in their size, holding you close— holding you. He pulls you in with a desperation that makes your chest ache, his form trembling as if he’s afraid you might slip away again, as if this might all vanish in an instant. The sheer weight of him, the warmth of his touch, releases everything you’ve buried deep inside—the fear, the questions, the pain, the grief. Every memory of him, of what you lost, surfaces and consumes you. Your sobs come, raw and uncontrollable. The sound fills the air between you, as you let go of everything you’ve carried alone all this time. And in the grip of this agony, in the midst of your sobbing breaths, you feel Vander—the man who once loved you—is still fighting to hold onto you, still fighting to be the protector he once was. His arms, still massive, still deadly, are now filled with tenderness. He doesn’t need to speak, not yet. His embrace says everything. He’s still here, he’s still fighting, and he hasn’t forgotten you. In that moment, you realize that the beast, the rage, the monstrous form—none of it can take away who he was, who he still is to you. Tears blur your vision even more, but you no longer try to stop them. You let them fall freely, because in the midst of the devastation, the pain, and the years you spent wondering if this day would ever come, you know— he’s here. Not just in body, but in soul. And you’ll hold on to him, no matter what form he takes. You’ll fight for him, just as he fought for you.

As Vander’s gaze shifts toward Powder and Vi, his monstrous form trembles slightly, and the flicker of recognition in his eyes softens further. Despite the beast he has become, there's a tenderness in the way he moves, his massive arm opening wide, offering a place for them to find solace in his embrace. The look in their eyes is a mix of agony and hope, the weight of everything they've endured written across their faces. It’s clear they’re torn between fear of what he’s become and the desire to believe that the father they once knew is still inside.

Without a word, you reach out, your voice quiet but full of emotion.

“Go to him. He’s still your father. He’s still here with us.”

The words are simple, but they carry the weight of years of grief, the ache of a lost family and the hope of its fragile restoration. Powder’s eyes fill with tears, and Vi, standing beside her, slowly steps forward. The two of them move together, drawn toward Vander’s open arms, like a long-buried longing finally being met. They collapse into his embrace, and the world around you seems to pause. Vander, in his monstrous form, holds them close, his massive arms gentle yet desperate, as though he’s afraid they might disappear if he holds them too loosely. The pain, the fear, all of it melts away in this moment, replaced by something simple—love. He’s still their father, still the protector who had raised them. Even now, with all the darkness and the destruction surrounding them, Vander is here, alive, and for this moment, whole.

And you stand back, watching them hold each other. The tears in your own eyes sting as you witness the reunion, knowing that, despite everything, the heart of the man you loved is still present. He is their father— your Vander—and for that, you are thankful.

[nmakii]

omg bachira, isagi, tetchou and dazai with an autistic s/o PLEASE

if you will , make them headcanons ^^ hope you have a wonderhoy day !!

hello, my alien. we’re each other’s mystery

— bachira + isagi + tetchou + dazai x autistic!s/o

so basically all of them x me i see.. i feel like i fucked up on isagi i cant pinpoint his personality ugh. debut into bllk omg im shy hi reentry into bsd too haha if u guys were active in 2022 i think i am familiar. WAIT NOTE AB THE TITLE… LISTEN TO FRIENDS BY BTS IM NOT ABLEIST ITS SUPPOSED TO BE CUTE :(

— bachira meguru

lets be honest he is also a bit autistic…

very hard to be around when you’re overstimmed ngl… he tries to tone it down when he knows you cant handle too much at the moment. but it’s hard for him to just dial the craziness to 50 😞

oh, very good though at getting you out of social situations. he can slip the two of you out of a party like it’s nobody’s business, cause it is nobody’s business :x

hes also a bit of a wild card too if you’re obsessive about having a routine. he’s a free spirit, so having to do things the same way is a bit of a chore.

when you go non-verbal, he brings out a notebook that you two write your conversations on. he doesn’t actually have to write it down. he can communicate just fine, but he likes to write them down as a memento of your relationship.

he alsoooo likes listening to you yap about your special interest! very attentive, you’d think that you’re a professor and he’s your student at how the flow of your conversation is going

“huh— where did bachira and s/o go..?” isagi asked. he turned around, looking for the two of you after the sudden realization that he was abandoned in the middle of the buffet line…

bachira pulled you out, and in an abandoned hall. he noticed you suddenly started plugging your ears.

‘you ok sunshine? :( is the music too loud?’

‘a little bit… i just wanna get away for like 5 min..’

‘hehe, dont worry. ill stay with you （╹◡╹） <3’

‘ty meg :) <3’

bachira smiled as he saw your hand-drawn emoticon. the two of you doodled all over the notebook while he hummed until you were ready to return.

isagi groaned as he saw the two of you reenter. “you guys..! you should’ve told me if you were gonna sneak away!” bachira stuck out his tongue, making a silly expression. “oops! it just slipped my mind!” he snickered.

— isagi yoichi

with the geniuses he has to keep up with, you’re a total walk in the park for him ;p

mega caretaker, he’s super good at protecting you in uncomfortable environments. i feel like he has a weighted blanket somewhere in his room to cover you with, cause he knows it makes you feel safe.

he lowk overprotective sometimes though. he knows his friends like bachira and raichi are a bit more on the raucous side, so he doesn’t hang out with them when he’s with you until like… 2 years into your relationship (they lowk didnt even know he had a partner). in those two years, he only introduced you to his peaceful friends like nagi, hiori, iemon, and kuon

he doesn’t fight you too much about if you have a routine. he has a luck routine and his spacial awareness makes him really meticulous about how things happen, so he’s gets your struggle :x

he tried learning sign language. he really tried… but there was so much signs; for an entire month, his search history was ‘how do i say [thing] in sign language’

he ended up only learning the alphabet, numbers, and basic words like please and hungry. now when you go non-verbal, he simply just opens his notes app for you to type ;p

he, like bachira, loves your yap. its like his personal podcast fr. he likes to let you sit on the kitchen counter and yap, while he washes dishes. he also likes putting on wireless headsets and listen to your voice messages while he practices, or works out at the gym.

“are you absolutely sure you wanna meet them?” isagi asks. “babe, theyre my friends, but theyre also kind of annoying.” he warns you. of course he meant it lovingly… you nod. “yup! they’re your friends, yoi. i wanna meet them..!”

he sighs and nods. “fine… don’t say i didn’t warn you…” he opens the door. you recognize kunigami, he’s talking with chigiri. “isagi! there you areee~!” a boy with a bob-cut hums. “ah, bachira… this is s/o.” isagi points to you. “ooh~! nice to meet you! im bachira meguru. so you’re the one isagi’s been hiding?”

“don’t overwhelm them too much…” isagi sighs, he pulls you away carefully, bringing you in kunigami’s direction. if you settled in with people you were already acquainted with, then you should probably adjust better. that was isagi’s conclusion. “if any of them pester you, just tell me, okay?”

you nod, a bit saddened at your’s and bachira’s conversation’s sudden end. “im not a kid, yoi. you don’t have to worry over me or anything.” isagi frowns. “hnn… i just don’t want my friends overstimulating you. they might be too much for you, babe.” he explains. at that moment, igaguri suddenly yelled out at gagamaru for taking one of his gyozas, making you instinctively cover your ears.

“seeee?” he points out. “okay… point taken… but, i can still deal with it. if im uncomfortable, ill just tell you, okay?” you offer, trying to compromise. isagi looks around, weighing the possibilities before nodding. “finee…”

that day actually went quite well, you were able to keep up with all of them without getting overstimulated. that night, isagi had his face in his pillow, his face being that of death and grief. ‘they dont need me anymore… theyre gonna end up hanging out with my friends more than me…’ he mumbles.

— tetchou suehiro

another lowk might be autistic (but in a diff way)

he isnt too sure about what to do when you’re overstimmed. so, he usually just takes you to a quiet place and sits down with you until you’re calmer.

hes hella conflicted on whether or not he should introduce you to the hunting dogs. his line of work is pretty dangerous after all, and his co-workers aren’t exactly… pacifists 💀

he ends up deciding not to though. worst comes to worst, he just introduces you 5 years in to your relationship— thats what he thinks.

he doesnt mind your routine. he, himself, is pretty eccentric, so you two are just okay with each other’s quirks :x

tetchou doesnt care when you go non-verbal. lol. okay joke, its more like, he’s also very quiet, he doesn’t even actually notice that you two havent talked to each other for 14 hours.

but when the two of you are talking, he is still as quiet as ever. it’s usually you yapping and tetchou asking questions once in a while. never though, does he ever interrupt you when you talk; always waits for you to finish what you’re saying so you dont lose your train of thought 🫡

tetchou spreads some spicy ranch on his pancakes. it was a pretty good combo. he sat at the dining table, as he heard your alarm clock ring.

first thing you do when you wake up, stretch then use the bathroom. tetchou has your routine memorized by now. second, have cereal for breakfast. third, get dressed. fourth, check if your bag has everything you need. he continues his own routine, and you complete yours, until it’s time to head to work.

you’re double, triple, quadruple checking your bag, making sure you didn’t leave anything. tetchou finished lacing up the strings of his boots before he rises back. “ready for work?” he asks, taking his own little peek into your bag.

“uhuh” you nod. tetchou hums, noticing the charger you left on the counter, and slipping it into your bag. “now you are…”. you gasp, “so that’s what i forgot… thank you, chou..” you say. his deep voice vibrates in his throat as he leans in and kisses you, “stay safe. call me if you need anything.” you wrap your arms around his neck.

last part of your routine, hug and kiss tetchou before leaving for work.

— osamu dazai

he lowk adhd u feel?

when youre overstimmed, he lets you lay on his shoulder while he pats your back and brushes your hair. times like this are his personal favorites, it’s when the world is quiet and no one but you and him exists.

defdefdef introduces you to the ADA members. he finds you similar to kyoka, and always encourages you to hang out with her.

adding on that, he sort of sees akutagawa in you… is akutagawa also autistic? hmm… either way, hes a criminal! he cant let his partner interact with a criminal! — the criminal says after diner dashing again.

the routine thing doesnt really work for dazai either… it’s either you break up with him or let him wake up at 4:00 to eat noodles and rearrange the layout of his dorm, bestie… (just leaves his pot in the sink btw, he a bum like that)

actually knows sign language! dont ask me why he knows, bc i dunno either. he just does :x

he also loves to listen to your yap. actual yapper x yapper. you two’s conversations are lowk exhausting though. you both interrupt each other and talk until you’re both breathless. HAHAHAAH

sluuuuuuurp!

you’re waken up by the loud, really gross, squelching sounds of dazai’s saucy noodles as he slurps them up. the sound is uncomfortable— really uncomfortable.

“s—samu… dont… too loud…” you groan, trying to cover your ears. dazai perks up, “ah, did i wake you..? awh, im sorry, dear..!” he apologizes. even though dazai truly meant it, for some reason it just sounded like sarcasm. “uhuh… j…just dont do it again… trying to sleep…” you hum. “got it… go back to sleep, sweets”

for the rest of the night, you sleep well. dazai makes sure to remain veeeery quiet, taking bites of his noodles rather than slurping, carrying his feet, and using all of his hidden muscles to carry his bookshelf. maybe if he keeps doing this, he wont look so lanky anymore.

at around 6:30, you finally wake up again, your surroundings completely different, and you start to panic. “wh—h..huh..?” you look around. dazai’s in the closet, rolling all of his empty beer bottles into it. “hi, baby! just decided to tidy up a bit. you like?” he asks

tidy up? “tidy up, my ass..! all of your stuff is in different places..! i have to relearn my way around your dorm all over again..!” you complain. “hehe… it was for a good cause! you have your own space now in here!” he grins, opening the second to the bottom drawer in his dresser. it was tidied up, and empty.

“for me?” you ask. “mmhm.” he confirms with a hum. even though dazai was quite lazy, stubborn, and annoying, he really put effort into making you happy. just you.

[rotshi]

sonadow brainrot yappings

Sonadow Twitter/Tiktok Takover:

I asked some questions to test my luck but ah well. at least i dont have to look both ways ten times the next time i cross the street. BUT oml what the hell was their problem? The amount of times my jaw dropped ??? Like Ayooo? "Go off king"???? Are you his queen???? "run laps around you"??? You keep it 'clean cut' to woo him????? "shopping partner"?????? You mean a fucking date???? Drawing each other unprompted????? Are you fucking kidding me?????? What the hell am i listening to? These fuckers got me exhausted. Like I woke up, listened to just 3 answers and was ready for a nap. Coffee flavored Ice cream MY HEARTTT!!!!!! (i wonder if i can get some coffee ice cream too) Sonic being like 'of course' when there's a mention of Shadow's caffeine addiction like he doesnt have a chilidog problem. They really are perfect for each other. Im surprised Shadow didn't say anything about it. Nah they did all this fruity shit on their OWN ACCORD! THEY DID IT THEMSELVES they did it themselves they did it themselves. Them influencing each other to the point where their opinions change on a FUCKING DIME: sonic: I dont have an opinion on orbot shadow: he sucks sonic: he sucks shadow: hes the best sonic: hes the best They really are so obsessed with each other it's concerning. If it were up to them they would spend their whole lives 'competing'. And these 'Competitions' 'Races' or whatever feel a lot like excuses to just be around each other. Oooooooooh their endless excuses. what is sonic's problem too? shadow opens up a smidge and the little blue bitch giggles. but i understand things had to be kept light for what theyre doing... i dont think sonic means to be... a little blue bitch. If they were alone i'd like to think sonic would be much more understanding and hear him out. But with possible kiddos listening in they couldn't get too deep into things. If it wasn't a 'Q&A Twitter/Tiktok' thing, and it was just them, I feel like they would talk all day and night. But they were getting to know each other and ahhh if was amazing. Hearing Shadow talk about himself and Sonic wanting to get to know him is the best and sweetest thing and all I was REALLY hoping for. Them just actually just sitting down and talking.

Deep thoughts:

Though I have been wondering what Shadow's beef with Sonic really boils down to. I highly doubt it but maybe Sonic reminds him more of Maria than he even wants to believe? Maybe at times he even sounds like her? Idk ??? How carefree and enthusiastic she was, helping shadow come out of his shell. IDK im a sonic noob !! He probably feels like this about a lot of people!

I can understand that there's more parallels with Maria and Amy than with Sonic and Amy. Putting myself in Shadow's shoes; I have a sister, I love like Shadow loves Maria. We are the best fucking friends. I can talk to her about ANYTHING. We're a team. But when it comes to finding a romantic partner, I dont want to look at my partner and just think of my sister lmao. But I would like a similar feeling. Comfortable, understanding, to have that team work, and able to talk about anything to them. And I think Sonic and Shadow have that if things were different I guess. Although Sonic doesn't always talk Shadow down from a decision, it does seem like they both can come to an agreement. "Two sides of the same coin". Like yeah, Sonic might've not been able to change Shadow's mind on going back to the Ark BUT I feel like Sonic probably wouldn't even try. I feel like he would probably even offer to join him for back up. IDK IDK IDK !!!! IM NEW TO SONIC STILL and all i've really seen of the two is some Game clips, some IDW stuff, and of course Sonic X and Sonic Prime. And some of the things my sister has told me. I got most of my IDW knowledge from her and pintrest ghhghg LiSTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN I know sonadow will never be canon, I KNOW !!!! i accept that. Sonamy runs this bitch and Im not even mad and I dont even care. honest to god i do not care. I just like Sonadow and will die on this stupid hill SO HAPPILY. But also it would be so funny if they were to be canon one day. I would lose my fucking mind and throw up. so for my own sanity and health, im glad that theyre never gonna be a thing. im sorry, but im already half way to calling my doctor. i dont think i can handle an official kiss. It's just pure brainrot thinking about how their complicated relationship would work. Love isn't just as simple as 1+1 , this shit has the whole alphabet and the whole fuckin pi in there and it could all add up to 0. I'm solving a math problem for fun BECAUSE IM STUPID AND LIKE TO SUFFER ‼‼‼‼‼‼ But they said the same thing about Bubbline and Korra/Asami and look how that turned out. It would be funny but at the same time reality would probably shatter and sonadow would have to save it again- like my profile says, Im gay and like gay things. let me perish.

I'm honestly the biggest yapper. I go quiet, think about shit, and open up like a shaken up soda can.

TLDR; sonadow takeover made me explode

[petrichxriii]

Terminally insane abt a couple and no one can understand. Misery

[pinacoladamatata]

"Change, change will preserve us. It will move mountains...it will mount movements"

I don't know about y'all, everything uncle sheo said made perfect sense to me. Oblivion was a love story.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

you know i was able to hold myself down quite calmly until you reminded me the website is updating, and now i'm struggling with myself it feels like i put myself in a straight jacket of sorts. BWAH

(i say thing jokingly, BUT I AM THERE WITH YOU I FEEL PHYSICALLY ILL FROM THE EXCITEMENT IM JUST. AUGH) god save us all for when it drops

im so normal.... im so sane.... auahhhhhahh

we're going to collectively lose our absolute marbles ouagh. actual image of us all rn:

[lunar-wandering]

head hurty

[orcelito]

Wild that anytime I post an update a lot of people read it and are even excited about it and have their own thoughts and reactions to it that I'll never know.

Comments are only the very tip of the iceberg with it. And I am Very grateful to commenters for letting me in on it. But in the same way that I'll be excited with my friends when a fic we love updates, it's likely that Other people enthuse with Their friends when my fic updates. And it's just so strange. An experience I'll never have access to.

Everyone's relationship with my fic is unique. So many different people with so many different circumstances and preferences... and the number of people that have told me that my fic is one of their favorites, some even saying it's their Favorite favorite... every single one of them have their own relationship with my writing.

It's just interesting to me. I think and think and think on my writing. I have my plans for basically the entire fic, the way I want it to end already thought out, all the major plot beats and the relationship progressions, All of that thought out. I love my writing so very much, but I'm on the inside looking out. This is my mechanical horse, and I'm in here laying out the groundwork and pulling levers and constructing limbs, puttering away making the horse move. Forever and always, my relationship with it will be more intimate than anyone's, and yet more clinical. Because I know it better than the back of my own hand, but I'll never have the experience of reading it fresh. Of reading it without knowing everything that's going to happen from now to the end and beyond. I won't have the thrill of the plot twists I have planned, the delight at seeing things progress, the horror at seeing things go wrong...

This is my mechanical horse, and I'm making it move.

I just always wonder what it must be like to see it from the outside. I hope to others that it's a pretty horse.

[seaweedstarshine]

You know that time in the comics when the Doctor is so depressed, he shuts off the lights, turns on an interrogation spotlight, locks himself in the console room, and argues with a bunch of judgmental shadow-figures resembling his past incarnations?

And all the TARDIS' lights go out and her interior becomes a maze to keep his companions out of the console room, all from her psychic connection with the Doctor (“moodbleed”)?

And his companions are left wandering in circles for two days as the air goes “stale,” not knowing where he is but thinking the worst, while he hallucinates in a dark room?

...because I'm thinking again about the times this definitely happened when he was with the Ponds.

[pikachu-deluxe]

really sucks when you can't enjoy things you like bc doing them makes you feel guilty and like you're a piece of shit

[widevibratobitch]

7 minutes of a phonecall with my mother is enough for me to start being a bitch lol

[phagodyke]

everyone say thank u to my roommate for going to visit her parents this weekend so I can jack it loud and nasty 🙏

[hella1975]

i really need to take my acrylics off today but at the same time i can think of literally nothing worse

[ban-joey]

sending laser beams to my professor with my mind. kenneth you said midterm grades would b up by this afternoon. it is officially TONIGHT and guess what? kenneth i would love to not be clenching my teeth in my sleep tonight. kenneth i will be sending you a bill in the mail. yes i know its probably a TAs responsibility but i blame you personally. i hate school

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

head in hands . things need 2 stophappening i need a break