#im just sitting there with them in my mind Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[shinningdance]

Washed clean

Trying angst for the first time, tips are very welcome!!

warnings: waterboarding, flashbacks, nudity (no one sees or does anything), let me know if i need to add more

summery: After a bad mission when the enemy took you for information, they waterboarded you which left Memorys. After your team got you back, you're still having troubles.

words: 1755

The restrainments are hurting.

You keep pulling to try away, trying to get away from the water that's being poured over your face.

Your throat hurts.

The water getting down your throat results in gagging, which hasn't stopped yet.

It feels like you're drowning.

Which isn't right, it's way too little water and you're currently dodging that.

They keep talking, they want Information. Information you're not giving them, they'd have to kill you.

Every day for the last week they have been pouring water over your face, trying to get you to break.

They keep going for what feels like hours but realistically are only a few seconds up to barely a minute. But in that very moment, it can only be described as hours.

At this point, they should just end you. It would be mercy. No. No, you can't think like that, your teams gonna get you. Safe and sound.

With too much force they throw you on that stupid chair, ropes going around your arms and legs. Your head is yanked back by your hair, a cloth over you mouth and nose.

Almost immediately they throw water over your face, making you choke on it as you somehow try to dodge it. Head going left and right as the water follows.

"Dove?"

Your eyes snap open, starring at the white door fro where the voice came from. You look back and see the safe house's bathroom.

Right.

You're safe, you've been safe for the last 3 months. They saved you 3 months ago.

Water has been a touchy subject. While they understand what happened and how it might have affected your mind, they don't actually know how to help.

"Dove..? Are you alright?" The voice, Kyle, is followed by a small knock after you don't answer, again. "I'm opening the door.." He warns and very slowly looks inside.

You're sitting on the floor again, towel around your dry body and the shower is on. He doesn't need to ask what happened, he already knows.

He sits down next to you, back pressed against the marbel tiles. His arm goes behind your back and very softly grabs your waist, pulling you towards his side.

"Another flashback?" He asks, rubbing your arm.

You hum in responds, head dropping on his shoulder.

"You don't have to shower, there are other possibilities..." Kyle offers.

"My hair stinks." You counter, pointing at your hair.

"hm.." he huffs, smiling. "Think you can put your whole head under water?"

"..." You know the answer, yet you have to try. "..Maybe."

"Maybe what?" Johnny asks, stepping into the bathroom.

"Maybe i'll finally be able to wash this bird nest." You hum, watching as he flops down onto the ground next to you, leaning against the wall.

"It's not that bad..." Kyle interjects, his hand petting your head.

You stare at him, not believing him one bit. You have seen yourself, it's bad. Yet you couldn't bring yourself to step under the shower, the water on your face only bringing up bad memory's.

"He's wrong, dinnae trust 'im." Johnny whispers into your ear, earning himself a smack to the head by the other sergeant. "'ay!" He nags, rubbing the spot on his head.

"If something goes wrong just scream, yeah?" Kyle smiles, rubbing up and down on your arm.

"We'll save you from the water monsters." Johnny claims, wrapping one arm around your shoulder to pull you to himself.

You can't help but smile, nodding along to whatever they're saying. "My knights in shinning armor, hm?" You joke, shaking your head in disbelief.

"Yup." Kyle nods, standing up to give you some privacy.

You watch him leave, only for him to re-enter 2 seconds later. "Johnny, get your ass out and give the lady some space."

It's funny watching him almost bolt out, flashing you another grin before closing the door behind him.

With shaky knees you stand up, towel still around your body from your earlier attempt. The water is still running and you carefully reach out, checking the temperature. After making it's warm, you take baby steps and get in the bathtub. Washing your body isn't a problem anymore, with some help at the very start you could take small showers again. This isn't a small shower anymore, the water would be over your head, recreating the feeling you loath.

You drop the towel after getting in, making sure it stays dry. With a shaky breath you step closer, the shower head close to your face. Closing your eyes would only make it worse so you force them to stay open, making sure no one's forcing the water over your head.

It's touching your hair, a lot of the water it. One small step back and it's touching your eyebrow. The small bit of water that streams down your face is enough for you to step back out and wrap your body in the towel. Immediately walking to the bathroom door and opening it, you're face to face with the same men from earlier. With a sheepish look on your face you mumble. "I couldn't do it..."

You don't bother to look at their faces, already imagining their disappointment.

The two men look at each other before smiling at you. "Would you like some help?"

You think you misheard, how would they help you? You lift your head, looking at their determinated faces.

"I'm scared to ask but...how?" You mumbles and watch as they both start smiling.

Kyle softly grabs your shoulders and brings you back inside the bathroom, Johnny is already starting to fill the bathtub and...taking off his shirt.

"Easy." Kyle smiles and forces you to sit down on the floor again. "One will be in the water with you and the other will be washing your hair, that sound good to you?"

It takes you a small moment to process this words. In the tub. with you. One of them, not both. They would do that just so you can have normal hair again. With a small nod you watch as they prepare everything.

Kyle is grabbing your hair brush, Shampoo, conditioner and a leave in mask.

Johnny is putting stuff in the tub, lots of bubbles appearing within seconds, he keeps putting in his hand to make sure it's not too hot for you.

After a few minutes he gets in, shorts still on, and spreads his legs to make room for you. "I'm not peaking, swear!" he smiles puts both his hands in front of his face, Kyle is turning around, giving you a bit of privacy.

Slowly you let the towel drop and get in as well, back to Johnny's chest. You gather some of the bubbles and hide your body with it. Almost immediately you can feel his hands around your waist, holding you in place. You melt into him, head dropping to his shoulder.

"ay think I'm comfy" Johnny claims, his chest shaking slightly from his laughing.

"Very." Kyle affirms.

You might need to question how he would know that if you're leaning against him, but that's a question for later. Kyle slowly starts to brush your hair, adding a bit of water every now and then. He's careful to not get it anywhere near your face for now, you hardly notice, too busy chatting with your pillow.

"thank you..for doing this." You mumble, nose pressed against the side of his neck.

"Dinnae worry...we'll always help you out." Johnny smiles, one hand slightly squeezing your waist.

Kyle keeps working on your hair and every now and then you tense up, feeling the water close to your face. He places his hands by your Forehand, even if the water ran down the opposite side, it wouldn't get in your face.

You get a small warning from Kyle and a gentle squeeze of encouragement from Johnny before a bit of water streams down from the very top of your head to your ends. This repeats a few more times before you can only feel soft hands massaging your head. You hum and close your eyes, going very limp against Johnny

"Don't fall asleep now.." Kyle warns with a small chuckle, hands leaving your head to grab your towel and dry your hair for you.

"But it's no comfy..." You mumble, head pressing further into the side of Johnny's neck.

The water is still comfortably warm but the bubbles are slowly disappearing.

Kyle stands up and turns around but still holds the towel out for you. You turn your head, staring at the Scot who's eyes are already closed. You smile and slowly stand up, grabbing the towel and wrapping it around your body once more.

"Thank you again...means a lot." You mumble, drying yourself off while the guys avoid looking at you.

"Of course, no need to thank us." Kyle counters, lips turning into a small smile as he feels your form pressed against his.

"Ay, so i dinnae get a hug?" Johnny mumbles, standing up from the tub. He's completely wet but doesn't seem to care.

"Why are your eyes open? What if i was naked, huh?" You challenge, smiling as you clutch the towel to your body.

"Then i would have enjoyed the sight." He shrugs, smirk plastered onto his face as he grabs his own towel.

"Stop being a pervert." Kyle mumbles, already walking outside with the other man following.

You shake your head in amusement and start changing clothes, something comfortable.

After that you find the two men in the common room, watching some random movie. Without words you sit down between them, they don't seem to mind with the way they get closer to you.

"This is trash." Kyle groans crosses his legs.

"What?! Take 'at back!" Johnny shouts, fully offended his silly little drama show was insulted.

"There are so many better shows." Counters the other man

"nu uh. This is the best show." Johnny remarks, crossing his arms.

"What do you even like about this? Everything is so obviously fake."

"Fake like your personality-"

----------------------

"What am i looking at?" John mumbles, starring at the three sleeping people before him.

"No idea." Simon replies, equally as confused as his captain.

They were called because of some people fighting and cursing and what not and now they see this.

Kyle laying on his back, leaning against the couch.

You on top, back against chest.

And lastly, Johnny sleeping on his stomach and using your stomach as a pillow.

All three knocked out, hard.

...

"Tea?" offers John

"please" confirms Simon.

-----------------------

a/n: i've been sick since last week monday so you're going to take this and never talk that i didn't post this on the weekend :)) also not proofread!!!

[jeongin-lvr]

hi hru? i hope you're ok 💓

i saw that your requests were open so if its ok, id like to request a fic with husband!taehyun. the plot is up to you, cause i love your fics and how you perfectly balanced a soft smut. tysm if you read this request. and take your sweet time, no rush! (:

hi cutie pie im so okay :P and tysm ur so sweet genuinely love getting asks like this ☹️ cw. trad-leaning relationship, breeding kink.

trad husband! taehyun that begs you to carry his babies— literally begs. he practically loses his mind whenever you tell him to cum inside. everything about it is so intimate, so erotic. his favorite place to cum is right in your gushing pussy, as deep as he can go. taehyun tends to let out soft breaths and groans but when he cums inside of you is borderline pornographic breathy moans. high pitched but brief; every time he does it you savor it. cumming as he tells you how pretty you’ll look full of his babies, how you’re gonna be a perfect mama and how he’s gonna be so good to you both. you really don’t need convincing anymore, simply letting him make his claim in you whenever he got pent up. if hubby wants a baby give him a baby <3

trad husband! taehyun who lets you cock warm him as soon as he comes home from work. you’re sure he’s had a rough day from the bags under his eyes and the messiness of his usually well kept hair, so you offer him something he can’t refuse. when you sit on his lap with his cock buried to the hilt inside you, your fingers intertwine in his hair, combing the styling mousse out and kissing his jaw as he rants about a long day. being a business man has his downsides and as a good wife you’re always willing to listen!

trad husband! taehyun that buys you gifts— jewelry, lingerie, dresses, anything —just to fuck you in it. that new pearl necklace and earrings set he got? he wants to watch the precious jewel bounce as you ride his dick. that new floral patterned dress is perfect for easy access so of course he takes advantage of it; bending you over the kitchen counter mid-dinner prep and using you as he pleases. he buys you new panties and asks you to model them for him, knowing damn well it’d be much more than that. if he’s gonna spend money on you (gladly) he’s also gonna get a tiny bit of payment back. even buys new lipstick or mascara for you just to kiss it off, or make you cry on his cock.

trad husband! taehyun who never cums before you. sex feels unfinished when it’s just him cumming, so if he finds himself getting too close to the edge he’ll pull out, opting to play with your clit, teasing you by rubbing just his leaky, red tip along your folds. he doesn’t tell you he’s on the brink of explosion, too focused on dragging you along with him. it’s honestly not hard at all to get you there, though. a few whispers of praise into your ear, breathy and hot, already get you going for him. taehyun has a fetish for your pleasure; honestly, he can’t cum happily if you haven’t yet. he’s so sweet about it too, “c’mon, my pretty wife, give me what I want. you’re close aren’t you? love when you cum on my dick, baby, so give it to me.” you swear you go brain dead when he does this.

trad husband! taehyun who eats you out from behind while you talk about your day. it could be mundane as “I cleaned the house today” to random gossip about your friends or neighbors or whatever. taehyun, honestly, isn’t listening wholly. he’s too busy burying his nose against your throbbing clit and scissoring you open with his slender fingers, wedding band rubbing against your folds. he holds your hips down, enjoying the stutter in your voice when you get close to cumming even though you’re in the middle of your story. he mutters into your core “that’s nice, sweetie” and “yeah, babe.” you’re too blissed out to realize he hasn’t heard a single thing you said this whole time.

trad husband! taehyun who’s favorite version of you is when you wear his big white button ups and nothing else. draping over your smaller frame like curtains to a window; dripping just below your hips. it makes him so hard; blood rushing to his cock the moment he sees you like this. when you have no panties underneath and raise your arms, revealing the soft flesh of your ass his mind short circuits. he can’t help but want to fuck you in any and every position in his button downs.

if this is absolute garbage I’m so sorry I’m so deep into a writers block

[s0lar-ch3ri]

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO @justyouraverageleafykinnie AND @dogboyratgirl TAKE THE SILLIES

tw theyre fluffy and sweet in this so yeah (also long. also will maybe post to ao3 someday idrk)

title is "together we can figure it out!" a bears in trees lyric

this fic features lint from wonderlust as well as wonderlust ocs of my friends :3 (I AM NOT CAUGHT UP WITH WONDERLUST DO NOT EXPECT TO GET FUTURE EP REFS I DONT MIND SPOILERS IM JUST SAYING)

description: It's Aluntine's day (or their world's Valentine's day), and for strange, almost 100% homosexual reasons, Lint can't do anything but find his way back to Apple.

Lint had faced many Aluntines days inside the bakery with his mom, just making cookies. Couples came in, grabbed sweet little treats for their sweet little treats (that isn't incredible wording, maybe he hangs out by Troy too much), and left. It wasn't a lonely time, not when it made business. As he looks across the tables before opening, things feel different.

"You alright Bumblebee?"

Lint half-buzzes back a response. It's not even opening time, he needs to keep it together. Come on!

"Repeat that?"

He buzzes a bit more, less responding to the question and more mumbling to himself. Nothing else is different, nothing's too special about today, well maybe minus...

He leaves the bakery, off to find his sweet little treat.

Apple is not expecting much today. Yes, this time around, Apple could have gone with Lint somewhere nice, however he knew Lint was busy today at the bakery, so maybe he would bug him after. In the meantime, Apple was working on writing something. The plan was simple: finish this, check on the orchard, maybe visit the bakery and see that bee, all that good stuff.

Just like how he changed his life, Lint had changed his plans. With a jumpscare that made Apple fall out his chair, a special bee came buzzing in. All of Apple's panic faded into something softer seeing the culprit of the noise. He sighs a bit.

"Hello, sugarfly."

"I...I feel strange." Lint stands a bit awkwardly in the doorway. Apple repositions himself so they sit up better.

"Go on."

"I thought today was gonna be a normal day, but it just...doesn't. And I didn't know where to go so..."

"Of course." Apple starts cleaning up his writing supplies. He can finish it later.

"Do you uh- how do you ask this sort of thing..."

Apple bleats curiously.

"Do you want to be my Alumni? I just...I don't know. We can uh, hang out, like always, but, special? Not really? Help me out here..."

Apple giggles. "Of course darling."

He buzzes excitedly and Apple can't help but grin at him. I mean, when it's a nice day outside, pretty and basically shining, who could help themself?

"What were you thinking of?"

Lint sinks a bit into himself. Oh cog, he didn't think of something big. Or, uh, anything. What did Mars say? Deep breaths? He takes a couple, in for 7, hold for 6, release for 5. Surely Apple wouldn't mind. He hates liars anyways.

"I uh...I don't know. I just knew I had to come to you."

"That's okay! We can figure it out together!"

Cog that goat was pretty. No, Lint, focus! You have to give them the best date he's ever seen! Just how…

“Maybe a nice restaurant?”

“They may be all reserved out babydoll…”

“Oh…Does my place sound nice?”

“Always does.”

Did it feel silly to take Apple from their house to bee’s? Yes, but to be fair, there were specific things Lint needed there to make sure this was perfect. Apple deserved nothing less.

Walking in, she hears some commotion from the kitchen, mostly just grumbling and the sounds of the assembly of a gift. Looking past his neutral green walls into the kitchen with its purple walls, he sees Troy, bright red and looking just pissed. He angrily puts a ribbon around a set of orchids colored with mint and blue orchids. Despite his pissed…everything, Troy handles the flowers with much care.

“Something wrong Champion?”

“JAX.”

 “Is he-”

“THAT STUPID PRETTY BOY BASTARD ASKED ME ON A DATE BEFORE I COULD AND I NEED TO BEAT HIM WITH MY SLED. ALSO MAYBE KISS HIM.”

“You go do that love.”

Troy stomps by him, grabbing his face gently and kisses his cheek. Lint giggles, which sounds a bit like a buzz. He buzzes a lot. That wasn’t a bad thing, he hopes. Maybe he should just set up the movie.

“We uh, we’ve gotten a lot of movies. There’s Ratatoing- that’s not a good one, there’s Cloverfield, Jax may have left around his strange ‘Ratnarok’ documentaries or something- what interests you?”

“Uhhhh, all of them?”

“Love Rattually it is.”

As Apple helps with selecting the movie, he sets up the couch with its assortment of pillows and blankets. One is plain and fuzzy, a muted green, another a felt one with sunflowers on it. Lint grabs some pretzels and popcorn in the kitchen, he also prepares 2 cups of coffee, one for himself, and one for his heaven send.

Apple is still by the couch, sitting, waiting for Lint. He holds the letter he had planned to give Lint later that day, going over each carefully plucked and nurtured word. Lint had brought lights to his days that he would have known from no other being or aspect of living, the least he can do is give him something of perfection. Lint deserves nothing less.

He adds a couple details to it and carefully folds it so as to not crease it. He hopes it’s good enough. They finish the set up as footsteps come on by them behind the couch. Lint holds his arms around Apple from above as bee places in his hands a cup of coffee.

“Got you a cup! Made with love.” Lint is buzzing with joy, putting his head on Apple’s shoulder. Apple takes this as the chance to pepper him slightly with kisses, but like any well made dish, too much seasoning- well here it just made him giggle and light-heartedly protest.

“Let me put my cup down first angel!” He smiles and snickers and Apple feels his heart flutter around and he gains another reason to love him.

Lint climbs over into the blankets and snuggles up next to Apple as they play some movies, drinking coffee. At certain parts, Apple turns his gaze back to Lint and sometimes Lint’s looking at him. As eyes meet, the boys giggle as they give each other compliments and flirts and kisses. As their binging goes on, their energy simmers down with the time, fading into simple cuddling on the couch. Cups sit on the table, basically empty, with the TV’s hum as natural to the environment as Lint’s buzzing was to him. He adored this bee beyond words.

He carefully wriggles his letter out from his pocket, using the blue light to guide his reading ability.

‘’Dearest sweetest bee I’ve known, Lint

There are many things I want to tell you. I want to tell you how you are the light of my days and how no sun nor star could outshine you. I want to tell you how your voice is a gracious melody, with each note and buzz writing a harmonious tune I wish to hold forever. I want to tell you how I could count the stars that trail the sky and name all the shades of its majesty and not once could I think of a world where it’d be a more beautiful sight then the warmth of your smile. I want to tell you how you’ve taken my world and sculpted it to a more magical and wondrous one then I could have arrived too. I want to tell you how the ideas of love and friendship were carefully taught to me by the wondrous bee you are. I want to tell you how you’re the sweetest nectar I’ve tried and I’ve never felt once a need to find another.

There are many things I want to tell you. Maybe I can settle with a few words. I love you Lint, you are a shining star, thank you, I love you, thank you.

All the love I can give,

Apple’’

He’s still unsure if all he’s wanted to say is there, if that’s what bee would understand is true. Thoughts swarm Apple’s head, like a wasp hive, aiming for his heart. Before he gets lost in his mind, Apple hears a small faint buzz from a special someone under his head. He seemed to have fallen asleep a bit ago. The small reminder grounds Apple and his heart calms down with him. He’s got someone too close to there to be so worried. He remembers Lint’s words before, what he didn’t exactly say but was always there.

I didn't know where to go so I came to you.

Apple smiles a bit, closing his eyes and falling for the background TV ambience himself. Together they will figure it out.

[knnichs]

you were mine (but you were awful everytime.)

with kinich’s busy schedule, he somehow can’t find the time to even send you short letters on how he was doing.  or: watching your childhood friend disappear from your hands.

c. kinich & gn!reader ( platonic or romantic, not explicitly stated )

t. character(s) are childhood friends with reader, can be read as platonic or romantic, word vomit, NO BETA WE DIE LIKE .... LIKE WHO???, angst, hurt/no comfort wow i can finally use this tag, little to no dialogue, wc: 1.4k

taglist. @honeyney @pneumosia @tragedy-of-commons @gl4di0lus @ariadnehelx @azuresaqua @mikashisus -> join the taglist here!

A REQUEST FROM @ MIKASHISUS: i’m here for the valentine’s event >:3 may i req iris + evanesce + kalopsia + lacuna for kinich? 🤍 GARDENERS NOTE: RAY IM GOING TO STRANGLE YOU. THIS WAS LITERALLY SO INSANE TO WRITE heres me self projecting AGAIN!

more author notes at the end !

“You don’t think that one day we’ll be separated, right?” 

You played with the grass underneath you, plucking out one after the other and attempting to braid them together to create a makeshift crown. It doesn’t work, it unravels itself on your palm and the blades of green straighten itself back to its original shape. The sun was just setting, this was yet another boring day in the fields of Natlan. The boy beside you scoffs at your question, almost offended if you listen in real hard. 

“No. And I’ll make sure of it.” 

Kinich never liked to talk of the future. When you ask him of what he sees himself doing a few years from now–he would redirect the conversation and ask you to help him with some chores the tribe chief assigned him to do instead. He buries himself in work, even as a child, just to stop his mind from drifting to those kinds of philosophical questions. Who has the time for it anyway?

You, ever so displeased by his straightforward answer, pressed him even more. You wanted to hear more–what he thought of you, what he would do if you were ever to drift away from him, so you asked him: How?

He fell silent for a moment, looking down to his feet. Kinich fiddled with something in his hand before he turned to you, giving you a weak smile. The boy hands you a flower, white and pure, and sits right in front of you. 

“I’ll make a promise,” He raises his pinkie, tilting his head as he did–his bright eyes sure to be forever ingrained in your memory. “That I’ll promise to stand by you until we both die. Is that enough?” 

“But how will you make sure that you’ll keep that promise? Swear it.”

He reaches for your hand, trying to set up the pinkie promise ceremony to get this over with. 

“Then… I swear on my heart, I will be with you.”

You hook your finger around his tightly, as if trying not to let go of the moment. Kinich blocked the sun–but the orange glow reached the tufts of his hair and seeped through the black strands. He used his other hand to cover where the two of you linked, sealing the promise, and he let go.

“You better make sure of it–or else I’ll haunt you for the rest of your life.” You say, pointing a finger at him accusingly. He raises his hands up, surrendering to your wishes. 

Kinich has always been popular in the Scions. You remember the people who once made fun of him as a kid were now fawning over his looks now that he was older, you were really only the real person who stuck by him through the years. You were there when the other kids picked on him, and you were there even after he had gotten his vision.

But now? You could only wish to be a part of his itinerary. 

You don’t blame him, life as a saurian hunter is difficult. Yes, not many would go into that kind of profession, it’s cruel, but someone has to do it. Kinich had no issue choosing to go to that rabbit hole even when you explained to him multiple times that you were concerned about him going through all of that just for some pouches of mora. Well–the amount of mora you get per commission is indeed quite a lot, but there must’ve been some better way to earn it, right?

Day by day, you never fail to return to the same tree where the two of you had made that promise. An emptiness would fill your chest–one so painful you’re sure nothing or no one else could help fix it but him. You hold Kinich so dear to your heart that it’s difficult to imagine a world without him. What if you had never met? Would things have been different then?

The same sun would sink below the grass, the same gust of wind that greets you–brushing past your hair with the gentlest touch. The same tree would shed its leaves seasonally, and the occasional smell of nostalgia hits you hard. How you had missed lounging around here, under the leaves, with your friend. How you missed when days were boring, and your biggest worry was how you’d get home before it got dark and your parents would scold you for being out too long.

Kinich held your hand when you walked through the streets of Natlan once the moon rose, he held your hand when talking to the vendors in the market and you had no clue how to talk to them–they were intimidating, he couldn’t blame you. It’s a shame he was forced to grow up so young. He protected you as a way to heal his inner child–to give the love he never got. 

You just had to ruin it. 

You just had to be so selfish–to ask him for more time, just a few minutes more or seconds, even. Just a little more time to spend with him, just enough to watch the sun rise or fall, just enough to have one more conversation about nothing and everything. When he does give in to your requests–the two of you end up saying nothing, the silence speaks volumes, you’ve drifted apart. There’s nothing to talk about but the past. You know almost nothing of his life now that he seems so far. 

Those were the same eyes that looked at you with such fondness it was hard to express it in words. You remember the sound of his footsteps when he’d creep up behind you to greet you, you remember the messy handwriting he had when he was just learning–the random letters he’d give you throughout the day just to show you how appreciative he was of your presence. Because you were there when others weren’t, you made him feel loved when the others didn’t think of him as someone equal simply because of his childhood.

His name has always been on the tip of your tongue, a silent prayer of wanting to see him for just a second, swinging through the trees with the boxes in hand for his delivery. The bright yellow of his saurian companion, the brightness of his eyes, the sound of his voice. You had never imagined it would end like this, with him frustrated–your tears close to spilling, under the same tree you had spent time with the most, he would tell you how much you bugged him asking for time out of his very busy life. You couldn’t say anything but recall the times of your youth. 

“No one has the right to dictate my time,” He’d glare at you, his voice laced with something unfamiliar–for the very first time he was angry. “Even you.”

“You promised… you promised you’d stick with me until death. Does that mean nothing to you, at all?”

“We were kids, I don’t believe that counts–you know what? Give me a break. I already have so much to my plate that I don’t think I have the energy to do this.”

The situation was helpless. You didn’t trust your voice enough that you would retort with some witty remark like you used to as a child–you couldn’t shout back at him for being rude to you when all you’ve ever done to him was treat him with the kindness he didn’t know existed. Each word shared between the two of you were etched deep within your mind, he was a part of your soul. You couldn’t believe he would leave you this easily.

So you whisper–because you can’t shout, you can’t speak. 

“Don’t be a stranger,”

Your vision was blurry when he finally turned his back on you. You’re not sure if that was still him, stopping in his tracks, or if it was the tree swaying from the wind– almost mocking you of what just happened, giving the illusion that he was still here, that he’d be willing to salvage whatever the two of you had.

When you call out for his name, no one appears. He wasn’t there to lend you his bandana to dry your tear stained cheeks, stop you from roughly rubbing your eyes so it wouldn’t get itchy later. 

He was truly the only person that felt like home, and on the day of love–you had never expected for him to leave so easily. 

@ knnichs 2023 ﹑ do not repost, republish, translate, feed to ai or modify any of my works. doing so can and will result into me blocking you.

reblogs with comments are INCREDIBLY appreciated! go scream go feral idc i will eat all of them up and run away with a familiarly shaped reblog in my mouth, thank you.

DAWG THE WAY THIS WAS SO SELF INDULGENT UM the prompts reminded me of something that happened way back THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING ABOUT IT SO I HOPE IT WAS SO BAD UMMMM i literally dont know how to put my feelings into words if u can tell LOL! anyway probably my first time ?? writing hurt no comfort or pure angst ... this is new TO ME !!!! i hope its ok !!

[cloverapple]

hello!! just wanna say I've discovered your blog and it's been incredibly helpful. thank you so much for all the effort you put into your posts they're very insightful :)

my 'problem' so to speak is simply belief. any ways to get around that?

no matter how much I try to change perspective/mindset, reinforce positive beliefs and/or assume, I feel like I'm gaslighting myself :') and i simply find it hard to get rid of that/not let it consume me.

some eg of my thinking:

'shifting is real' -> no you're being delusional.

'it's possible for me' -> girl it'll never happen stop lying to urself.

'i trust myself' -> ok but not with extreme things like shifting!! you're being hopeful for nothing!

'i can shift, it's natural and inherent' -> stfu assumptions never do anything. it's not. you can't. you never will.

'i believe in and accept loa/shifting as real' -> right!! you are crazy. none of your assumptions came to fruition both good nor bad.

'im going to shift' -> liarrr you would've done so by now.

'not everyone would be lying, its real' -> you've fallen for cult tactics don't believe anyone.

'let go, don't put pressure on it's -> you've done this for years, nothing will change. you'll never shift.

...I don't need to go on. it's so exhausting. constant loops of it.

I hope you understand how exhausting it is and how strongly I want to overcome this 😭 I tell myself it's ok, this can't stop me but alas they continue and become overbearing so I end up ultimately succumbing into believing them. and every time I sit down and shift, I basically don't believe I will.

any advice? I'd be so so grateful for any help and thank you for your time <3

Stop ❌ crossing the bridge of despair and hop onto the carousel of reason 🎠

'shifting is real' -> no you're being delusional. -> "My doubts don’t erase reality. If I can question it, I can also prove it to myself. And I will."

'it's possible for me' -> girl it'll never happen stop lying to urself. -> "Just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it won’t. The possibility exists, and I am aligning with it."

'i trust myself' -> ok but not with extreme things like shifting!! you're being hopeful for nothing! -> "I’ve trusted myself in things I once thought were impossible before. Shifting is no different. I am capable, even if my doubts try to convince me otherwise."

'i can shift, it's natural and inherent' -> stfu assumptions never do anything. it's not. you can't. you never will. -> "Doubts are just old conditioning. My body and mind already know how to shift. I don’t have to force what’s already natural."

'i believe in and accept loa/shifting as real' -> right!! you are crazy. none of your assumptions came to fruition both good nor bad. -> "Skepticism is normal, but so is change. Just because I haven’t seen every result yet doesn’t mean my assumptions hold no power."

'im going to shift' -> liarrr you would've done so by now. -> "Progress isn’t measured by how fast it happens. I am shifting at my own pace."

'not everyone would be lying, its real' -> you've fallen for cult tactics don't believe anyone. -> "Reality shifting has existed for thousands of years across different cultures. If generations of people have explored states of consciousness, why would I be the exception? It’s real, and I am capable of experiencing it just like they did."

'let go, don't put pressure on it's -> you've done this for years, nothing will change. you'll never shift. -> "My past doesn’t dictate my future."

I know it’s repetitive to hear, but persist, persist, persist. Any time these thoughts pop up, say “not today satan” and immediately combat it with different affirmations. Do this until the natural occurence to these unavory assumptions you have about yourself are the positive ones.

★ They don’t even have to be the ones I came up with here. Find ones that your mind immediately absorbs and accepts easily.

[hrrtshape]

i think one thing that scares me is that im afraid of what happens after you get everything u ever wanted. Like, your better cr was your dream for so long, and now its there - you HAVE it, its not foreign to you. Doesn't it get.. boring? thats what im scared of. you have everything you wanted now; the journey is over. the school you dreamt of for so long gets mundane, the nyc balcony is no longer new and exciting, hell, even the guy you LOST your mind over gets a little less special (sorry coryo </3). Does it get boring for you?

NO !!!!!!! it does not get boring. what do you think this is, a netflix show? you think there's a season finale and then the credits roll and you just sit in your little nyc balcony like a victorian ghost!?!?!?? please.

you are a human being. not a plotline, not a character arc, not some tragic hero who got what they wanted and now must suffer the burden of having it all. you are alive. and life moves. it shifts. it twists itself into new shapes, even when you have everything you ever wanted. do you know how many books i have read? how many movies i have watched? how many croissants i have eaten and thought, god, this is the best thing i have ever put in my mouth? and yet, i still read, i still watch, i still eat. because joy is not a one-time event. it is a muscle. you stretch it. you work it. for things to stay the same they have to change again.

your nyc balcony, yea, okay, maybe it won’t feel like a dream forever. but one day it’s gonna rain, and you’re gonna sit out there with a coffee, and it’s gonna be the best damn thing in the world. the person you lost your mind over....... maybe they become familiar. but then they’ll say something so stupidly them, so devastatingly perfect, that you’ll want to bite their arm off. and your school....well..... it might get routine, sure. but one day you’ll overhear a conversation so absurd, or have a moment so weirdly beautiful, that it will feel new again.

so no. life does not get boring. unless you do. and you are not boring. you are a living, shifting, hungry, insatiable thing. so stay that way. keep wanting. keep noticing. and if all else fails, get a croissant. always works for me.

[shocked-collar]

We’ve got Ren, we’ve got Law… Now could we get advice for writing Strade? Thank you in advance!!! Love your writing so much!!! :33 <3

YOU GUYS ARE LITERALLY GONNA MAKE ME EXPLODE.

erm. cough. ung.

im actually not that. happy or confident in the way i write strade. idk what it is, so,,,, take this one with,, a LOT more than a grain of salt.

AGAIN, OBVIOUS DISCLAIMER, I'm not Gato and only she truly knows her characters and I am just throwing out my personal interpretation.

Strade, unlike Ren and Lawrence doesn't have many rules at all. In fact, he only has three, MAYBE four when I write him.

First one being that he's impulsive and does what he wants when he wants. It really is just that simple for him. He has preferences though, so that means he's predictable if you know him and therefore less terrifying. He can also be easily swayed into a different direction, but his mind can change just as quickly.

Second one is that he's very, very smart, but not intelligent. He's so incredibly egotistical and prideful that thinking of flaws in his system isn't even an idea to him. He would know this structure is flawless! He built it! Additionally, Strade's often too caught up in the moment to actually check on your restraints, but it's not exactly hard to miss them either. It's up to fate, essentially. This goes for your wounds as well! Good luck!

Third rule is dedicated to Strade's ego. He values his sense of self above all else. He'll do anything to anyone and will try pretty much anything once, unless it puts him in a submissive or small position. Embarrassment is a feeling that man can NOT stomach. It makes him flee as soon as he possibly can- though embarrassing him is not easy to do as his pride is stronger than a steel wall.

And I said MAYBE four rules because this one can be included in the first one, but- Strade acts on impulse. Whatever he wants he gets, and that is sometimes something kind. He can be kind. Absolutely not in large amounts and it's not common, but it can happen! Sometimes he gets fuzzy and feels his sad little captive needs a shower, or perhaps a sweet treat to raise those spirits. Aside from treating his captives, he's also a pretty sweet guy when out and about. Does favors for his neighbors because he has the skills and likes the validation. He also gets off on being a good person in the eyes of strangers because he knows that they don't know what happens at home.

It's all about moods. Strade doesn't have some secret dark-side, it's all the same dude. Like when I sit down to draw vs sit down to write, I'm still me, I'm just writing or drawing. This is his ideology. That being said, Strade likes to live as one whole unit when he has a captive unless he's in a specific mood to be a big bad guy. He'll come down and ask how you're feeling sometimes. He'll bring a plate just to sit with you and complain about his day, or fucking Janice from the store, thinking she gets ALL the baby-pink yarn. He doesn't even knit, he just knew she was hogging it all so he took a skein. You wanna skein of baby-pink yarn??? Boom, you have one now. I'd say he's a pretty decent guy when you don't have his target on your back, which makes it all so much sadder.

Furthermore, he almost never feels bad about his actions, but there is a single night perhaps once every year where he'll stare at his ceiling wondering if he can be fixed. It is very quickly snuffed out by his fucking NEED to defend himself TO himself, but the seed is planted there nonetheless. What's the point of living if you're not enjoying the gift of life? It's not a privilege, it's a right, and if you wasted yours by finding yourself in his basement, oh-fucking-well. That's on you.

[petrichxriii]

Terminally insane abt a couple and no one can understand. Misery

[cheaploafs]

no fights are ever won without sacrifice

[silverislander]

i'm thiiiiis close to just blocking the whole j/v tag and/or the individual tags for both characters :)))

[seaweedstarshine]

You know that time in the comics when the Doctor is so depressed, he shuts off the lights, turns on an interrogation spotlight, locks himself in the console room, and argues with a bunch of judgmental shadow-figures resembling his past incarnations?

And all the TARDIS' lights go out and her interior becomes a maze to keep his companions out of the console room, all from her psychic connection with the Doctor (“moodbleed”)?

And his companions are left wandering in circles for two days as the air goes “stale,” not knowing where he is but thinking the worst, while he hallucinates in a dark room?

...because I'm thinking again about the times this definitely happened when he was with the Ponds.

[lunar-wandering]

head hurty

[orcelito]

Wild that anytime I post an update a lot of people read it and are even excited about it and have their own thoughts and reactions to it that I'll never know.

Comments are only the very tip of the iceberg with it. And I am Very grateful to commenters for letting me in on it. But in the same way that I'll be excited with my friends when a fic we love updates, it's likely that Other people enthuse with Their friends when my fic updates. And it's just so strange. An experience I'll never have access to.

Everyone's relationship with my fic is unique. So many different people with so many different circumstances and preferences... and the number of people that have told me that my fic is one of their favorites, some even saying it's their Favorite favorite... every single one of them have their own relationship with my writing.

It's just interesting to me. I think and think and think on my writing. I have my plans for basically the entire fic, the way I want it to end already thought out, all the major plot beats and the relationship progressions, All of that thought out. I love my writing so very much, but I'm on the inside looking out. This is my mechanical horse, and I'm in here laying out the groundwork and pulling levers and constructing limbs, puttering away making the horse move. Forever and always, my relationship with it will be more intimate than anyone's, and yet more clinical. Because I know it better than the back of my own hand, but I'll never have the experience of reading it fresh. Of reading it without knowing everything that's going to happen from now to the end and beyond. I won't have the thrill of the plot twists I have planned, the delight at seeing things progress, the horror at seeing things go wrong...

This is my mechanical horse, and I'm making it move.

I just always wonder what it must be like to see it from the outside. I hope to others that it's a pretty horse.

[pikachu-deluxe]

really sucks when you can't enjoy things you like bc doing them makes you feel guilty and like you're a piece of shit

[ratatatastic]

no im still on maffhew calling the forsymaffhew lovechild a missile

[widevibratobitch]

7 minutes of a phonecall with my mother is enough for me to start being a bitch lol