#im just a bit useless at it
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Do you speak any languages other than English?
I've been known to speak nonsense
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Status update on the dark relic nsfw comic please ma'am 🙏 my family is dying
ITS DONE!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉...well, the DRAWING part is as of yesterday BAHAHA. now im just adding all the dialogue/speech bubbles/sfx, SO ITS DEFINITELY GONNA BE SOON!! DEFS BY THIS WEEKEND!! ive just been very nitpicky on the font which i cant decide on LMAO and im also nitpicky abt other final touches LOL. i didnt wanna show anymore cuz ive already shown so much but HERES THE FINAL SNEAK PEEK
and speaking of fonts, i normally use handwriting by jeremy paz!
oh man its so random, but i either use the name lumi or clora for everything whenever i play rpgs (baldurs gate 3, dragon age, you name it) and clora originated from rune factory 4 LOL. theres a character named 'clorica' and i really liked that name, it sounds so elegant and fantasy ish, so i eventually just shortened it to clora bahaha. now its my go-to. i like how simple it is but it also sounds unique and works in modern AND fantasy settings, imo
my first and ONLY playthrough was as clora! i originally did try to make myself at the start, but i have short brown hair and straight across bangs, and they didnt have a style that felt 'me', so i went with just making a ravenclaw that i liked, and then gave her my go-to name of clora HAHA. and yea, i built up her and sebs relationship in my head as i was playing, especially with all the running around the castle i did. i just liked to imagine her constantly out of breath and flushed and seb just watching like ....🧍girl chill...
AND SPEAKING OF MY DARK RELIC COMIC/SMUT, my biggest advice for writing smut id say is to have a reasoning behind it, i guess? i focus a lot on their headspace/WHY they're fucking at that moment when i write it LOL instead of just the movements/sex for the sake of sex. in your case, the sexual tension leading up to the first time gives you SO much to work with, since you can just be in his head with how much hes looking forward to it, how much hes savouring it, how he's also nervous but enjoying it and trusting the other person, etc. the thoughts are hotter than the actual deed a lot of the times (which is why when clora and seb did it for the first time it ended up being like, 15k words of just foreplay and build up from sebs perspective LMAOO) so yeah id just try to focus on their emotions and desires if you can! and a lot of the times with consent stuff it CAN feel forced, and you dont even really need your characters to talk about that stuff verbally, at least not too much. you can do it in body language, or just something as simple as 'ill stop if you want'. it doesnt have to be a long therapist-like conversation about consent, which CAN tend to sound a little awkward and unrealistic (esp in the heat of the moment), if thats the problem you're having. HOPE I COULD HELP
also i love this for you and for me. YES GO ON AND MAKE A BUNCH OF CLORA CLONES, I COMMAND IT👉👉👉
and last but not least the most important question. honestly i like plain sweets a lot with no icing/filling. im a slut for shortbread cookies and also just plain glazed donuts. and also custard/portugese/egg tarts, which i also forced clora to like in my fic HAHA. IF YOU HAVENT HAD THEM YOU HAVE TO, THEYRE SO GOOD😩😩💖💖
#ask#also the uncensored ver of the dark relic comic is gonna be on twitter but its gonna be slightly censored on poipiku#cuz of japanese laws i have to censor some parts of seb and cloras bits LMAO#though ive seen other western artists use poipiku and not bother with the censoring so maybe i wont?? idk if i wanna risk it tho LOL.#im just still confused on what parts even need censoring#the censor bar placements always just seem so useless imo LMAO#but ya ill probs censor it to be safe since i uploaded uncensored smut before on pixiv and it got taken down immediately oop#SO YEAH. FOR NO BLACK BAR CENSORED VERSION YOULL NEED TO GET A TWITTER IM SORRY
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I had to uninstall fnv and other games because my computer has a small storage space..I need the room for school..I think I'm gonna explode
#goodbye victor :(#very sad#i used to play game when i was stressed#but i have nothing else to play on#life is a bit stressful rn#cause now I'm probably going to have to work more hours to bring up my savings again#and i haven't had the passion to draw because of work and school#i feel a bit useless but ik im not#im just tired
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/b2897ac35cdb3bbc9f0d865b086bb9df/ef8605016b053e0e-fa/s540x810/b180ccde495857b6aa300f210f029007184d5e63.jpg)
:((((
#theres no way she doesnt feel at least a bit of pressure#to hold up to everyones high expectations....#prove herself that she's not useless.... that she can help ....#to be left all by herself ... and grieving the loss of everyone...#mias always watching.... does Maya ever feel life shed be disappointed in her... or am i just hungry for angst....#imagine how bad mia feels for her ...#in the past game the most use everyone had from her was when she WASNT HERSELF... when MIA replaced her ....#as if it wouldve been better if mia stayed and she didnt .... does she ever feel that way or what ....#if shed fail as a spirit medium#wiuld she feel as if she failed everyone? as if she failed mia. i wonder#pls no spoilers btw im only on pwaa justice for all as u can see#aa#maya fey#toki rambles
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i wanna do another poll cause im rlly curious ab this one
#personally im a duel monsters kinda guy#just cause its like#the og#also i rlly like egyptian mythology#but aside from that i loved vrains a LOT#nevrr finished it tho cause i got rlly attached to ai zaizen and they weren't rlly spending time on her at all#i also loved 5ds but everything after the signers arc is kinda mid for me#especially bc i fucking adore aki and they made her so fragile and weak and useless in the later seasons#its like no!!! she is a cold blooded with she's a badass!!!!#such waisted potential smh#i watched gx too but i have nothing much to say ab it#never watched arc v never watched zexal#watched a bit of sevens#it was pretty cute but nothing to rave about#anyway yeah. yugioh am i right guys#yugioh#yugioh dm#yugioh gx#yugioh5ds#yugioh zexal#yugioh arc v#yugioh vrains#yugioh sevens#yugioh go rush
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grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it
#ive made this post before i just cant find it and it’s all im feeling rn#god i miss my parents so fucking much even though they were the cause of SO MANY of my problems that idk if i’ll ever heal from#but navigating life w this grief and without their support- however little it was- feels like hell#but the abuse felt like hell too.#ive said it before but i was JUST getting to a place where i felt i could stand up for myself and knock down thwir shit a few pegs. or at#least become more resistant to it#i saw a future with them in it for the first time in my LIFE#and it was bc i’d done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK. and now i feel like it was all so fucking useless#it’d be easier if i was still in the phase of anger i was at like 19#but i’d processed that quite a bit and was trying to move on#FUCK. i had made SO much goddamn progress right before my mom got sick#then everything went down the toilet cus i cannot fucking have anything#it’s so unfair. i wish i could at least redo the last 3 years of my life#i would’ve done things so much different but i was so traumatized and still so angry and bitter and trying to preserve myself#ive come to the realization tjat the person i am today did not exist back then and therefore i shouldnt beat myself up bc it literally wasnt#available to me. i couldnt have done anythimg different bc i was in such a state of survival#and truthfully ive grown a lot since then even if im still in the trenches#the timeline of my entire life has been so fucking unfair#and i dont know how to reconcile any of it i dont know how to cope with my worst fears coming true#and i mean worst fears. even the way they passed. spot on to my worst fears#i despised what they did to me but i still didnt see life without them until i was at least 30#it was all so sudden and quick and shocking#yeah they were horrible parents but i was a horrible kid too. maybe i straight up just deserved that shit#and i’d go back to that and seeing a future with them in an instant#over this bullshit#it’s so hard. and then losing all my pets too at the SAME TIME. all my babies#everything that i loved ripped away from me in the span of MONTHS#it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm#it just hurts so bad. so fucking bad.
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i wasn't that sick but I took a couple days off and I am so frustrated with myself for doing absolutely nothing productive whenever I'm home. does that frustration lead me to change those behaviours, however? no!
#like ugh even after just two days back in the routine of lying in bed like a useless potato sack i feel awful#ashamed and frustrated and gross and unrested#still better than before bc i did spend two and a half years doing that 😄 which is awful#but man i picked out my subjects for my senior years and i know i need to make some serious improvements 😭#yet i have not studied at all. i definitely could have however the Rot#when im at home im absolutely useless just lying in bed#anyway its fine im omw to an evening shuft now so its not fully unproductive#but man yeah i get a bit overwhelmed when i have heaps of stuff on after school. but feek worse when i have nothing#the more things i do the more energy i have#i think having one free afternoon is nice. one later in the week too#but otherwise i feel like i waste those free afternoons so it's better to have work or friend plans#or yeah the library i should start going there after school#ugh. whatever it's fine just yeag#oscar.exe
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finding out someone you liked years ago liked you back might be the worst thing that has ever happened to any Me ever... i have the sudden lesbian urge to get on a plane.
#this has me thinking that maybe i AM a little bit cute and not a solid 6 on a good day#bc she was the hottest girl i have ever met irl#this might do permanent damage to my ego. and by that i mean it might inflate into some kind of grotesque monster of a being#i literally only just got over my ex#and now im spiralling over a girl i spent 2 weekends with in 2019...#i Am the lesbian stereotype in fact. useless lesbian georg#personal#sorry that this blog has becoming half me just venting abt my messy and yet somehow presently non-existent love life
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Not sure if I'm sabotaging my relationship or not but I feel like I'm in the right ? Perhaps ?
#personal#basically we're long distance but I couldn't see him on a weekend because of unavoidable circumstance#we were going to go to his friends wedding but I couldn't make it.#but hes been sending me photos of my empty seat next to his at the venue#and telling me constantly that I would've loved it#so I took issue with it bc i wasnt enjoying that#and he's gone into panic mode and thinks I'm accusing him of being a 4D chess manipulator#and low-key he kind of is. Unconsciously I think but still manipulative.#he uses the whole 'woe is me' and 'I'm just a terrible useless creature pls pity me' bit way too often.#if we have a slightly uncomfortable conversation he will stop engaging with me and try to distract by telling me he loves me.#like literally 'so what do you think?' ... '[laughs nervously] I love you :'')...' imagine that being the only response he gives for an hour#so I've called him out on his difficulty with sincerity and he's just doubling down on the 'pls pity me' stuff and frankly...#i really don't like it#the wedding thing was kind of nothing but his reaction to it was telling#pulling out the whole 'I am horrified you'd think that' guilt-tripping nonsense#followed immediately by 'you overestimate my intelligence if you think im capable of that :'')' pity party.#just. not promising. not good vibes.#to elaborate on the wedding bit: I made the decision that I couldn't make it bc of a busy work week.#he assured me several times that it was okay if I couldn't make it but he stopped messaging for a day after I told him I couldn't#then sent me a photo of my empty seat with a crying emoji and telling me that he wishes I was there and that i would've really loved it#that's not a message sent with the intent to make me feel good is it?#idk reading this back it sounds like an overreaction from me but with the context of my experience with him this is not an isolated thing#it's kind of perpetually like this. then when called out on it he pulls out the love-bombing but doesn't address the actual issue.#idk. idk.#if anyone wants to engage with this post feel free. Any outsider perspective would be welcome.
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silly little wip of a sketch for my sandwing oc, Oryx
hopefully i’ll finish this but we’ll see lmao
#wings of fire#wof#sandwing#wof oc art#my art#sketch#wip#also the ref im using is the same oc#just from a bit ago#really just need it for the color palette#and i might change that too so yknow#kinda useless then ig
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The most annoying thing I’ve been told as neurodivergent is „you can’t do this, just because you believe you can’t. You convinced yourself you can’t do it, but it’s all in your head actually. Just try“
Fuck. You.
„You just have to trust yourself“
I WISH I COULD, BUT YN I HAVE EXPERIENCED MYSELF FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE AND WHEN I TELL YOU THAT I CANT ——— I CANT!!!
What makes you think you know me better than I do? What makes you think that when I complain, you’re entitled to throw away my words and give me your gaslighting piece of „advice“?
Im just tired
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The Herta and Tribbie's banners being so close to one another is proof that hsr hates me specifically.
#ariambles#/j but also i wanna pull for herta but I CANT ANYMORE CUZ I LOST 50/50 TO MF BAILU so now i need to save that guarantee for tribbie#cuz i know im gonna lose 50/50 on tribbie again without that guarantee but i want herta too but i cant cuz tribbie banner is NEXT VERS#i need tribbie to make sure my redhead collection is forever complete so i'll have to just skip the herta banner which hurts cuz i want#the herta too in all her magical girl energy BUT I CANT HAVE HER CUZ OF MF BAILU FUCKING BAILU I DONT EVEN USE HER I HAVE LUOCHA!!!#i wouldnt have been mad bout losing 50/50 in the herta banner if it was either himeko or geppie cuz i like those guys and i would just#be sad that i lost 50/50 to them but still feel a lil bit glad cuz i welcome their eidolons anyway but noooooo i get a mf BAILU#most useless character to me when i cherish my luocha than any other healer that i have hes practically glued to my team I DONT NEED BAILU
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i know veilgaurd is absolutely incredible for gender reasons, and that it doesnt just let me have top scars but actually lets me acknowledge im trans in conversation like with taash and then when flirting with davrin (still dont know if im gonna romance him or lucanis yes, but asaan did cockblock me?????) but i do wish i could have gotten healing spells....although thinking about it now, because i wish i could have also given my rook my chronic pain/cfs, it makes sense i wouldnt be able to take healing spells, this is my new canon....(like either i get healing spells bevause i know pain and want to limit it for myself and others OR disability is disabling and im incapable of using healing spells since just like real life nothing eases this) anyway..
I like to headcanon that my rook DOES have chronic fatigue or minor pain because im an elf, but im also a mourn watcher, and it feels weird and wrong and unnatural to me for an elf to be living in the nevarra necropolis. i really love that being a mourn watcher has made me weird in conversation and just absolutely ready to let emmerich know how i want to be treated after i die, but nevarra is so dark and dusty, i have to wonder if as an elf being so close to spirits and so far from nature would effect me? so yeah, rook is screaming at all times and loves his home in the necropolis, myrna and vorgoth, the dead and the spirits, but leaving after the war of the banners helped him feel whole once he saw the forests for the first time, connected to his elven lineage (lmfao sorry bro), then he met varric who helped him get his top surgery. but it was the spirits and their lack of genders that helped him realize he also needed to do away with gender tho. i just really love my rook and this is the first time ive played a da game and not felt like i needed to run through it a few times to get everything out of it because i had to choose between male or female. also hes freaking adorable as hell.
#im slightly anmoyed at the fights#dai was much better and had better subclasses i think my party feels basically useless in these fights and i cant really control them like#the previous game#but a lot of it i can forgive if i just remember that this is set in tevinter and not ferelden#id love to see more of orlais tho#but i do miss ferelden#also i kinda like that my inquisitor is still trying to help#that boy has TRAUMA AND A MISSING LIMB HE ALSO HAS CHRONIC PAIN AND FATIGUE!!! BUT HE STILL TRYIN#i just love dragon age even if im 100% gonna have darkspawn ptsd by the time this is done#ive fought more dragons im this one game than all the others combined#fucking hate them#also the formless one....worries me........kinda hot tho#i also love taash and hardings lil love story and i loce lucanis ust being kind to bellara and neve#i can feel his guilt that i went to treviso instead of dock town#and the fucking gloom howler is so cool but its stressing me.out so bad#i need to save the griffons#im caught up on side quests tho#ive finished all of them except for the blight in the crossroads and i think the qunari grey warden in rivain#so i dont have a choice but to progress the story and its stressing me OUT. im not even halfway through but i dont want it to be over!!!!#i like to think vorgoth babysat tiny rook and had no idea what it was doing with him..just dangling the baby by the ankle stressed out af#i also love that manfred and the wisps are adorable to me and asaan is my child too#im a softie with a smart mouth and i kinda love that none of my companions know yet how stressed rook really is#i like to think im also not very physical as a mage im just determined but im not very smart either just strategic#like im adept with the dead in a more hands on way than a theoretical way like emmerich is?#i also love that i got to explain my magic as a part of me the same way my gender is to harding and taash that was dope to me#im so smitten with lucanis tho but davrin is kinda my type im so torn#ill go feral when these games finally give me a sexy male qunari or dwarf to romance tho#i was so disappointed by bull after we got to see the arishok tbh but taash is better even if theyre a bit small for a qunari#anyway i love this game and the lore of the gods is killing me slowly all of my elves are stadning around like 😬 yike
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guys can we NOT actively support artists drawing incest pretty please
#everyone's condemning incest every day but the fanart is hot so we're overlooking it ??#especially anime onlys. be careful of what you guys like if y'all care abt this issue even just a little bit#it pisses me off how popular this person is despite posting problematic stuff every other day. the anime ruined everything im so mad#it's useless to complain abt how eradicated proship is in the prri fandom if such artists are given a platform 🧍🏻♀️#(surprisingly this isn't abt czmz)#🌸 ; lyn rambles about stuff
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muahaha..... after like 3 months of running in circles i finally have (probably) every chapter of reassass figured out with a good deal of them having outlined their own synopsis..... now to just fucking write them 😭😭😭😭😭
#i say probably bcz i might end up slipping in some low stakes chapters for funsies if i have any good ideas#when i first wrote out all the chapters there were like 50 but now counting the epilogue there are just 41#a lot of the old chapters were a bit useless#of course everything still needs refining but im very happy right now#my plan now is - finish detailed outlines -> finish first 5 chapter drafts -> finish character and environment refs ->#finish the first 5 chapter scripts + make 5 more drafts -> MAKE THE GODDAMN COMIC
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coming out as someone who cant fucking stand x reader
#ive blocked and filtered every variation of the x reader tag in every fandom and characyer tag i like browsing through#and it STILL SLIPS THROUGH THE CRACKS WHY CAN NONE OF THESE MFS 1. USE A READ MORE TAG 2. CHARACTERISE THESE CHARACTERS PROPERLY MY GOD#literally the most dense concentration of He Would Not Fucking Say That i have ever seen in my life#longest posts of the most inane useless copy paste dull smut and fluff ever theres exactly three different archetypes and every character#gets devolved down into them. just for the most boring y/n ever to fuck. like if this is how people absorb media no wonder media literacy is#in the fucking trash. not every character needs to be shipped with someone let alone some washed out facsimile of YOU#sorry for ranting i just went into the top posts of a character i wanted to see meta or art of and its just a solid wall of x reader like#CAN YOU SHUT UP. FOR FIVE MINUTES. OR AT LEAST MAKE A UNIFORM TAG SO I CAN BLOCK IT ALL AT ONCE?#my tolerance for this has continued to wane i used to just feel vague exasperation now i want to beat someone against a wall#okay im done sorry for this random bit of rage posting#am i still cute#seph.txt
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