#im going to be sick i cant stop crying

[southernreaches]

i need help with vet bills (again).

hi. for those of you who remember, earlier this year i asked for donations to help me afford toos' vet bills, who we found out through your help had kidney failure, and again with your help we got her on medication for it. unfortunately it wasn't enough, and we lost her. and then shortly after, dexter began deteriorating, which we put down to his grief of losing toos - she kept him young, he followed her everywhere, he only played because of her, he only ate when she ate, etc. without her he just stopped. and then he started to have seizures and fits daily. we got him blood tests, but he was suffering so badly. we made the decision to put him down. i didn't ask for donations this time, because i was so deeply embarrassed to ask for help again. but we are still recovering financially from that, as well as the parts of toos bills that didn't get covered from donations. my mother hasn't worked for a very long time, she's disabled and very sick, and she receives PIP from the government that only covers her monthly medications that are not covered by the NHS. my father retired early to become her full time carer, and we are living off his pension. i am too disabled to work, but because my mother already receives PIP and i live with them, the government are resistent to giving me any help - so i have zero income, and rely entirely on my parents.

this is jenny. she's a 14 year old cairn terrier, who loves when we garden because she wants to help dig holes. she helped us bury dexter and toos, digging their graves for them with my dads help. she's an angel, and loves people so much she likes to escape under the fence and join other families for awhile. one time she got into someones back garden and asked to come in as they were eating lunch. she really hates flies, and will try to bite them out of the air (she has never succeeded but i believe she will one day). she will rub her face against you until you start stroking her, and will growl and even bark if you stop! we don't have the money to take jenny to the vets, for a checkup or for anything they may want to do. this has been an ongoing issue, but toos and dexter took priority, and it hasn't been a bother to her. she existed as normal for a long time, but that's since changed.

jenny has this lump in her mouth, it is larger than the picture shows, but she is a nightmare to force open her mouth since this got so big, i think it's uncomfortable or painful for her. she can't properly close her lips now, and it has pushed all her front teeth away, misshaping her mouth, and sometimes it bleeds profusely. eating has become difficult for her, she can't eat anything hard, and currently will only eat soft human foods like rice, scrambled egg chopped up so small she doesn't have to chew, and things like soups and gravy. she's lost a lot of weight, and i'm getting frightened. to add onto it, i've found lumps like this across her body. i've done as much research as i can, and i believe it to be an oral tumor, it fits, and it looks right, and it spreading across her body is called 'full staging'. and going by all i've read - they will want to remove them in surgery. according to my research, this will cost anywhere from £585 - £4,740 for just the lump in her mouth. that's not including any checkup/test costs, or the other lumps on her body.

she hasn't been to the vet yet, i don't have any secure goal or bills to share, just my assumptions and beliefs from researching myself online. my parents refuse to take her because we can't afford it. i want to save up money, have it in my bank, and show them that we can help her now, before it gets worse, or it's too late. as i said before, i don't have any income, so the only way i can do this is with help.

here's a link to my paypal.me

the icon is a little mouse, and the @ is rivellon

i struggled so badly posting the first post like this for toos. i felt so guilty and embarrassed and ashamed. but i have no choice again, i want to help jenny. i don't want her to suffer. and selfishly, i can't handle losing another dog so soon. this year has been waking nightmare, and i need your help to stop it getting even worse.

please reblog and share, even if you can't donate.

thank you for reading.

[kil9]

everyone agrees that the patriarchy teaches men to hide their emotions, and that this is a bad thing, so why is it that when men actually show an emotion everyone jumps to call him an abuser or manipulator or whatever :\

[coridallasmultipass]

Just wanna remind everyone that it's NEVER okay to tell someone to die.

You don't know how hard they're fighting to stay alive every day. Or if they don't even want to fight for that any more.

[moonlit-orchid]

When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out

[wiseoldtree]

I'm (not) okay.

(I skipped one of my final papers because of a severe panic attack. I'll move up a grade anyway after a private exam but I feel like I made an excuse for myself. The looks of my family and peers don't help.)

[ana-rends]

i would rather live with ana for the rest of my life than binge like this ever again

[hecksupremechips]

Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of

[caruliaa]

typical late night miseries but literally so sick of feeling like this always

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[wheresmulder]

Having a.. bad time

[anervousmirrorball]

so sick of my mental health affecting my physical health. like i can deal w feeling absolutely miserable mentally but i can't deal w the exhaustion

[szczylpierdolony]

.

[thecherrygod]

i am. making a mistake

[rotturn]

every day on this trip is worse

[milo-knight]

ACCORDING TO MY FUCKING COLLEGE I NEVER ACCEPTED MY FINANCIAL AID GRANTS BUT I WAS NEVER NOTIFIED OF EVEN RECEIVING THE OFFERS AND I WAS NEVER ABLE TO ACCESS THE FUCKING PORTAL THAT WOULD ALLOW ME THE ABILITY TO ACCEPT OR DECLINE THE FUCKING GRANTS AND NOW THE WINDOW IS CLOSED (???) AND I AM 6,000 IN DEBT TO MY FUCKING SCHOOL FOR THIS SEMESTER ALONE NOW AND I HAVE BEEN SENDING THEM EMAILS ABOUT THE ISSUE AND I AM FREAKING OUT BECAUSE IT'S TOO LATE TO WITHDRAW FOR THE SCHOOL YEAR AND BECAUSE IT'S PAST THE DATE MY PAYMENT TO THE COLLEGE WAS DUE NOW I HAVE FUCKING LATE FEES TOO EVEN THOUGH I NEVER RECEIVED MY FUCKING GRANTS THAT I EMAILED THE SCHOOL ABOUT BECAUSE I KNEW I WAS ELIGIBLE FOR THOSE FUCKING GRANTS IM ACTUALLY CRYING IM SO STRESSED FUCK YOU UCSC IDC IDC FUCK YOU UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA SANTA CRUZ FUCK YOU TO HELL

[calbeloved]

changed my mind i don't want to eat whilt watching ordem anymore. dear god.