#my meds arent working so im a mess and i stopped taking them bc they give me nightmares but now im having withdrawal and my heart is being

[szczylpierdolony]

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[cloneslugs]

oh fuck u sent me multiple so demo/engie/medic/scout and also u can do the one i already sent

ty i love you

Demo

favorite thing about them

he’s super fun!!! but also really smart and caring and just an all around cool dude he’s like B) !

least favorite thing about them

this isnt about him personally lol but like official stuff(comics) lighten the fuck out of his skin and its like. dont

favorite line

i didnt even see this question when i first did this wtf but uh all his “i love you” esque lines are really excellent

brOTP

exclusing soldier lol!!! probably sniper or engie!!

OTP

soldier :’)

nOTP

besides scout & pyro & just like. looking at just the mercs no one really demo deserves love

random headcanon

he likes turtles a lot & just reptiles/amphibians in general just in a kinda neat/favorite animal type way nothing special, he gets around with engie and sniper and they all get drunk and they talk about cryptids, he has a super big heart he loves love, outside of the battlefield he’s pretty apprehensive and cautious moreso than lots of the others at least, he doesnt push himself to be it often just bc he doesnt like leaderly positions but he defo has one of the more valid voices of reason amongst all of them, he loves to help and just listen to people he’s always ready to offer you a drink and take a load off and just talk things out & he’s super chill and easy to talk to anyway, he comes off as really lazy but he can jump up and make do when he needs to

unpopular opinion

idk whats considered popular or not on here lol but like!! he’s not just stupid silly drunk man he’s actually got heart and is pretty intelligent & like probably one of the better off mercs if he wanted himself to be

song i associate with them (this is literally the worst question im so bad at this if i dont have lots n lots of searching time and also i forget all music ever)

cheap thrills - sia

favorite picture of them (sorry 4 bg edits im doing what i have on hand lol)

hes so fucking happy i love you!!!

Engie

favorite thing about them

he’s my fucking husband he makes my heart fucking soar!!! he’s a quiet little sweetheart and he’s just really smart and nice and has morals iusdahui

least favorite thing about them

fucking nothing you animals 

favorite line

all his fucking nerdy engineering lines are so fucking good ;____; he’s so smart and passionate god“i love engines! pinion shafts! flanges. mitigating shock loads. but most of all: i love winnin’!” “they won��t know what hit ‘em! though it’ll likely to be bullets. statistically speaking” theres more but im like ;___; just thinking about him ah

brOTP

medic babey!!!!!! i have a thing for shitty best friends that tire each other out (especially on one side) but love each other at the end of the day and are just ride or diepyro also but for completely different reasons :-)

OTP

spy is fucking excellent -.- dont @ me

nOTP

soldier lol (excluding pyro & scout)

random headcanon

i think all the mercs are autsitic but engie is one of my fucking fav ahhhhh, he and medic info dump for hours especially where their special interests overlap and it gets really boring if youre not one of them lol, he loves learning but he hated school so much ):, he has pretty bad anxiety but only under certain circumstance, he’s kinda jealous that spy gets to automatically be seen as a paternal figure bc of scout and he kinda wishes he could settle in like that but he also doesnt think he’d be very good at it for a very prolonged amount of time, he loves math!!!! he loves numbers a lot he associates it with lots of fun and colors and just !!!!! wow wow!!, he has really really really high empathy when it comes to machines and stuff, he loves dogs especially smaller ones, he really loves to fidget w/ tools and stuff bc he always has one on hand and theres lots you can do with some of them, he’s really lazy and has a hard time applying himself sometimes

unpopular opinion

the comics really brush him aside i need to see him more please for the love of god he’s just as interesting as anyone else also fat engie is the only valid engie & also soldier/engie is fucking forced and weird idk where it comes from except they wear hats lol & also people call engie short but if you dont make him 5′00 give or take 3 inches youre doing it wrong and i cant stand by it

song i associate with them

this is like. also a soldier song for me lol but Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect - the decemberists

favorite picture of them

ms pauling and medic!! his buddies :) also i just love the shadowboxers art

his fly costume makes me so ;___; i love you little man

also i hate to default to beard engie but this is literally the sexiest man alive

Medic

favorite thing about them

i have a thing for shitty men with halfway decent hearts but are trying(sometimes) okay like okay he’s so chaotic and bad but ;___; i love you

least favorite thing about them

this mostly applies to his Meet the vid but he comes off as really apathetic and cruel? i think in everything else he comes off as a bit nicer if not absentminded and not too socially aware which is :)

favorite line

bro when he warns heavy about that gun in the comix? gay rights U__U also the like “you can take the brain out of the criminal and put it in a pumpkin, but you cant take the criminal out of the brain in the pumpkin” or whatever shit sir i love you

brOTP

engie baby!!!! i also really like spy & sniper bc im weak for shitty support relationships i think med just works really good w/ everyone really in some way

OTP

heavy baby!!!

nOTP

all of the mercs are fine (excluding the usual lol) but like cHeavymed people are freaks die

random headcanon

he has really poor eating & sleeping habits he almost relies on everyone else to keep him alive, he’s autistic & he’s jewish but not really practicing, he pulls & tugs on things when he’s stressed, he’s actually really smart medically he just doesn’t like showing it/messing w/ people (it makes some of the smarter mercs nervous lol), when he gets bored & has nothing to play with he digs for drama he loves to start unnecessary arguments that have no value whatssoever, he’s scared of dogs, he only trusts sniper & maybe heavy to handle his birds if he were to die, heavy & archimedes are like mega comfort objects(?) for him !!, he’s kinda really bad at showing he likes/cares for people, this goes especially hard on engie ):, he has a really big sweet tooth, he cant cook, he doesnt ever censor himself and can be pretty rude, he’s an open book and has no sense of integrity, he got super attached to heavy right off the bat for seemingly no reason and it was just super awkward lol, he gets distracted really easily and drops projects too often when he gets bored/forgets, his room is a mess he doesnt know how to do chores, he’s trans and hasnt done anything to medically transition but he handles everyone on team who is 

unpopular opinion

he’s not a fucking sociopath lol like he has a heart and cares he just has a hard time differentiating right from wrong and doesnt think things out i love you

song i associate with them

this is my emo music time i keep changing this but im gonna go It Was A Swift Not A Swallow - Crywank

favorite picture of them

i cant pick between these two he’s saving his fucking boyfriends life & also the 2nd he just looks so peaceful and :)

Scout

favorite thing about them

he’s a sweet boy!!! he just wants friends and he’s stuck with a bunch of middle aged men we have to love his endurance also he’s a little baby faced menace i love you

least favorite thing about them

in the canon i ignore lol.. too straight we cant have that

favorite line

all his lines talking about how the group of them are all best friends and stuff??? i love that

brOTP

sniper !!!! also spy also everyone

OTP

no one really lol pyro is like. the only one im comfy w/

nOTP

sniper lol if we’re talking popular things & all the rest of the mercs really

random headcanon

he’s a super sweet boy who loves everyone on the team, he warmed up the fastest out of all of them and became super attached!!, he really wants a base dog, he really likes to spend time with everyone and listen to them talk like he loves sitting with engie and having him explain nerdy engineering nonsense that he’ll never get but he tries to but its just fun seeing how excited the other person is!!!, he became super close to sniper right off the bat for some reason which is weird bc scout can talk forever and sniper doesn’t know how to hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes but they like hanging out even if it gets tiring, he lives off of sugary drinks medic keeps telling him to stop, he loves to hang out w/ spy and they get on each others nerves but really enjoy it at the end of the day, he has little to no sense of boundaries, he loves to give hugs!!, he really tries to engage with everyone’s interests like i said he just loves making/seeing other people happy, he loves being part of big groups it always just feels like a big family to him

unpopular opinion

he gay :)

song i associate with them

the calculation - regina spektor

favorite picture of them

trans rights!!!

Soldier

favorite thing about them

he is a sweetheart he is my big stupid husband and we both love raccoons =.=

least favorite thing about them

the patriotism……  we arent having that

favorite line

he’s literally so fucking funny especially all his things w/ merasmus and just. everything

brOTP

excluding demo uh !!! SPY!!!! :D

OTP

demo :)

nOTP

engie x.x

random headcanon

he’s super sweet !!! he loves his friends so much, he loves to show off his raccoons to everyone :), he bonds w/ sniper over wildlife(raccoons), everyone has a lot of patience w/ him bc he struggles to communicate things a lot and kinda needs his time to get points across, he’s actually really observant and it would be really good if he just didnt jump to wild conclusions based off of it all the time, he’s really conscious of his actions and how they affect others like he’s kinda violent impulsively but hes taken note of who is and isnt okay with it or who’s okay w/ him saying what in front of them, he’s really protective of his friends!!! he knows theyre capable but he loves looking out for them, he loves to drag them off on fitness expeditions/training but he tires out before a good number of them/gets bored, he wakes up the earlies he loves the mornings, he can cook but nobody knows it, like scout he loves to indulge in what other people like but he’s more handson he loves to screw in screws for engie or hand medic tools or read out loud to spy or heavy or show sniper things he catches/turn over rocks with him, he loves medics birds but doc wont let him touch them ):, he wants to get a base dog too, he has no volume or tone control, probably the best hugger, he’s kinda shy about personal things like himself in general or being trans & liking guys he’s actually pretty decent at keeping personal things to himself not that he wouldnt share it just feels weird, 

unpopular opinion

he’s not just like shouty mean stupid man,,, he’s actually really sweet 

song i associate with them

rejoice- AJJ 

favorite picture of them

i have worse naked honey pics but this is fucking it lads gay rights

[lovelyladylavie]

Salty with a gallon of Anxiety

I have a lot of feelings that have been boiling inside me for a month and im gonna let them out now.

✋me @ me Hey when you see a relatable post about depression/anxiety, Maybe don't absorb that/or integrate that into your thought process/ personality in an effort to be socially compatible with others of your kind? Just nod, abstain, and emphatically go 'thats awful for that person' and move on.

💢 90% sure i didnt have anxiety before this hellsite taught me how. I used to be so brave and outgoing, but now i overthink things and my brain is quivering mass of fear and moaning. The thought of actually driving a car used to light me up inside, but i got nothing but anxiety now. I wanna drive so bad bc it would make things easier for everyone around me, but i had an anxiety attack because my grampa who nice enough to take me out to practice, WOULD NOT be quiet, even though i asked multiple times and i panicked and jacknifed into a McDonalds parking lot. And the longer i wait to go drive again, the worse the anxiety is going to get. But no one has time for it. Teaching me is just not applicable right now bc we have a shortage of working cars and we cant risk it. So its the bus for me! Still! After 5 years since moving up here!! 😤 This is fine!

I hate this. I hate it so much.

I woke up this morning out of fear bc i forgot to take my diabetes meds last night. My blood sugar was fine but still. I'm so fucking tired of being anxious about this. I'm scared im gonna die in my sleep or pass out at the bus station because i dont know the limits of my meds or how to manage my blood sugar yet.

I'm supposed to be losing weight to reverse this disease, but its so hard. I lost 7 pounds, but i gained it back. I worked so hard and it was back over the course a week.

🍗Thanksgiving is coming up and we're having a ton of people over. The last time it happened, i had an anxiety attack bc my aunt (whom i love and adore) couldnt stop henpecking me about the order i was cooking things in. It wasnt meant to hurt me, because she thinks out loud and its just her way. There was so much activity and it seemed like the world was spinning.

With the onset of having 17+ people coming, i feel like im getting anxious again because people i dont know will be judging my turkey craft and juggling skills as i cook/manage a lot of this myself. I have my sisters and my other aunt to help but i can't help being nervous. Debilitatingly nervous. I need to get organized, get my supplies and food together and make sure we have an ironclad plan because SOMEONE is messing with business and our usual plan, and changed the baking day from Wednesday to Monday, when I'll be tired already from work. You know, without consulting us, because it works better for their schedule. Cause baking stuff only takes HALF a day, right? Rolls dont need several hours to rise, right? Oh we can just stay up and finish them if its not done, RIIGHHHHT? Not like i have work tomorrow, RIGHHHTTTTT?

So I'm a bit salty today. People have been shitting on my favorite holiday left and right all month long for no reason but that its origins are lies, its a hassle, and that there arent any gifts involved! WELL WHAT THE FUCK! I LIKE SEEING MY FAMILY AND COOKING A GORGEOUS MEAL AND BEING THANKFUL FOR ALL I HAVE. ITS NICE TO TAKE A TIME OUT AND GET TOGETHER TO SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME WITH PEOPLE I DONT GET TO SEE EVERYDAY WITH FOOD I CANT AFFORD EVERYDAY AND MAKE THEM HAPPY. WE CAN SIT AROUND, SING AND FART IF LIKE IT BECAUSE WE'RE THAT COMFORTABLE WITH EACHOTHER. IT MAKES ME HAPPY AND ALL Y'ALL JUST NEEDED TO TAKE THE WIND OUT OF MY SAILS WHEN I GUSH OVER IT BECAUSE YOOOOU DONT LIKE IT??? HOW FUCKING RUDE?? But hey im too nice to tell them to stfu and let me be happy.

(Wow, that is an extremely accurate gif. I cant believe i found that. I'm thankful for that gif)

So anyway. I have a lot of feelings i haven't been able to get out.

All of this has been bubbling inside me like a pot with a wobbling lid and every once in a while it spills out and i cry or worse, i complain to people at work. And worse yet, my manager says my work has been shitty lately and people are complaining. Heck, even i noticed it.

And I'm sick of this bubbling kettle situation, so im dumping it back into the hellsite that either caused my anxiety in the first place or at the very least, made me worse off than i was.

So clean slate today. I'm going to be better.