#my meds arent working so im a mess and i stopped taking them bc they give me nightmares but now im having withdrawal and my heart is being
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#im so stressed out im so tired ive done nothing and i need to start writing the essays#i have 3 to do plus there are like 6 exams most of which have a lot shit to remember plus im having a psychology short test#and the results of another short test next week and i need to start this economy assignment#and im late almost two weeks with a russian assignment and i want to cry#my meds arent working so im a mess and i stopped taking them bc they give me nightmares but now im having withdrawal and my heart is being#weird and i want to cry i need to kill myself i need to call my doctor#and maybe ask her abt that thing that makes you not have to take all your exams if youre mentally ill#but i feel bad asking for it like its not like im really sick and it feels like im just constantly lying#and she already signed the crap that makes me not have to go to pe thankfully#so i cant go and ask her abt this too like whatever worst case i fail everything and rip my guts out and die#i dont remember when i showered last time and im just so stressed out and i cant do anything productive#i havent been drawing or learning or revising or even doing my reading#speaking of which i have like 300 pages for next week maybe more and i cant take this anymore i need to die#also i think my parents would get mad at me if i said i cant wrote all my exams#bc whatever im not really sick im just lazy and annoying and a bad person and i wish i could get hit by a car so bad i need my head to be#crushed and my brain to get wplattered across the street#also im so gross and sweaty i hate myself sm and i feel so guilty over everything all the time#and them i go to therapy and i cant talk abt anything bc i hate talking abt my feelings its gross and i dont deserve it#i wish there was easy access to guns here suicide would be so easy jesus#and im having insane mood swings again i need to get off social media even tumblr it just makes me feel like shit abt myself#tw suicide mention
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oh fuck u sent me multiple so demo/engie/medic/scout and also u can do the one i already sent
ty i love you
Demo
favorite thing about them
heās super fun!!! but also really smart and caring and just an all around cool dude heās like B) !
least favorite thing about them
this isnt about him personally lol but like official stuff(comics) lighten the fuck out of his skin and its like. dont
favorite line
i didnt even see this question when i first did this wtf but uh all hisĀ āi love youā esque lines are really excellent
brOTP
exclusing soldier lol!!! probably sniper or engie!!
OTP
soldier :ā)
nOTP
besides scout & pyro & just like. looking at just the mercs no one really demo deserves love
random headcanon
he likes turtles a lot & just reptiles/amphibians in general just in a kinda neat/favorite animal type way nothing special, he gets around with engie and sniper and they all get drunk and they talk about cryptids, he has a super big heart he loves love, outside of the battlefield heās pretty apprehensive and cautious moreso than lots of the others at least, he doesnt push himself to be it often just bc he doesnt like leaderly positions but he defo has one of the more valid voices of reason amongst all of them, he loves to help and just listen to people heās always ready to offer you a drink and take a load off and just talk things out & heās super chill and easy to talk to anyway, he comes off as really lazy but he can jump up and make do when he needs to
unpopular opinion
idk whats considered popular or not on here lol but like!! heās not just stupid silly drunk man heās actually got heart and is pretty intelligent & like probably one of the better off mercs if he wanted himself to be
song i associate with them (this is literally the worst question im so bad at this if i dont have lots n lots of searching time and also i forget all music ever)
cheap thrills - sia
favorite picture of them (sorry 4 bg edits im doing what i have on hand lol)
hes so fucking happy i love you!!!
Engie
favorite thing about them
heās my fucking husband he makes my heart fucking soar!!! heās a quiet little sweetheart and heās just really smart and nice and has morals iusdahui
least favorite thing about them
fucking nothing you animalsĀ
favorite line
all his fucking nerdy engineering lines are so fucking good ;____; heās so smart and passionate godāi love engines! pinion shafts! flanges. mitigating shock loads. but most of all: i love winninā!ļæ½ļæ½Ā āthey wonāt know what hitĀ āem! though itāll likely to be bullets. statistically speakingā theres more but im like ;___; just thinking about him ah
brOTP
medic babey!!!!!! i have a thing for shitty best friends that tire each other out (especially on one side) but love each other at the end of the day and are just ride or diepyro also but for completely different reasons :-)
OTP
spy is fucking excellent -.- dont @ me
nOTP
soldier lol (excluding pyro & scout)
random headcanon
i think all the mercs are autsitic but engie is one of my fucking fav ahhhhh, he and medic info dump for hours especially where their special interests overlap and it gets really boring if youre not one of them lol, he loves learning but he hated school so much ):, he has pretty bad anxiety but only under certain circumstance, heās kinda jealous that spy gets to automatically be seen as a paternal figure bc of scout and he kinda wishes he could settle in like that but he also doesnt think heād be very good at it for a very prolonged amount of time, he loves math!!!! he loves numbers a lot he associates it with lots of fun and colors and just !!!!! wow wow!!, he has really really really high empathy when it comes to machines and stuff, he loves dogs especially smaller ones, he really loves to fidget w/ tools and stuff bc he always has one on hand and theres lots you can do with some of them, heās really lazy and has a hard time applying himself sometimes
unpopular opinion
the comics really brush him aside i need to see him more please for the love of god heās just as interesting as anyone else also fat engie is the only valid engie & also soldier/engie is fucking forced and weird idk where it comes from except they wear hats lol & also people call engie short but if you dont make him 5ā²00 give or take 3 inches youre doing it wrong and i cant stand by it
song i associate with them
this is like. also a soldier song for me lol but Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect - the decemberists
favorite picture of them
ms pauling and medic!! his buddies :) also i just love the shadowboxers art
his fly costume makes me so ;___; i love you little man
also i hate to default to beard engie but this is literally the sexiest man alive
Medic
favorite thing about them
i have a thing for shitty men with halfway decent hearts but are trying(sometimes) okay like okay heās so chaotic and bad but ;___; i love you
least favorite thing about them
this mostly applies to his Meet the vid but he comes off as really apathetic and cruel? i think in everything else he comes off as a bit nicer if not absentminded and not too socially aware which is :)
favorite line
bro when he warns heavy about that gun in the comix? gay rights U__U also the likeĀ āyou can take the brain out of the criminal and put it in a pumpkin, but you cant take the criminal out of the brain in the pumpkinā or whatever shit sir i love you
brOTP
engie baby!!!! i also really like spy & sniper bc im weak for shitty support relationships i think med just works really good w/ everyone really in some way
OTP
heavy baby!!!
nOTP
all of the mercs are fine (excluding the usual lol) but like cHeavymed people are freaks die
random headcanon
he has really poor eating & sleeping habits he almost relies on everyone else to keep him alive, heās autistic & heās jewish but not really practicing, he pulls & tugs on things when heās stressed, heās actually really smart medically he just doesnāt like showing it/messing w/ people (it makes some of the smarter mercs nervous lol), when he gets bored & has nothing to play with he digs for drama he loves to start unnecessary arguments that have no value whatssoever, heās scared of dogs, he only trusts sniper & maybe heavy to handle his birds if he were to die, heavy & archimedes are like mega comfort objects(?) for him !!, heās kinda really bad at showing he likes/cares for people, this goes especially hard on engie ):, he has a really big sweet tooth, he cant cook, he doesnt ever censor himself and can be pretty rude, heās an open book and has no sense of integrity, he got super attached to heavy right off the bat for seemingly no reason and it was just super awkward lol, he gets distracted really easily and drops projects too often when he gets bored/forgets, his room is a mess he doesnt know how to do chores, heās trans and hasnt done anything to medically transition but he handles everyone on team who isĀ
unpopular opinion
heās not a fucking sociopath lol like he has a heart and cares he just has a hard time differentiating right from wrong and doesnt think things out i love you
song i associate with them
this is my emo music time i keep changing this but im gonna go It Was A Swift Not A Swallow - Crywank
favorite picture of them
i cant pick between these two heās saving his fucking boyfriends life & also the 2nd he just looks so peaceful and :)
Scout
favorite thing about them
heās a sweet boy!!! he just wants friends and heās stuck with a bunch of middle aged men we have to love his endurance also heās a little baby faced menace i love you
least favorite thing about them
in the canon i ignore lol.. too straight we cant have that
favorite line
all his lines talking about how the group of them are all best friends and stuff??? i love that
brOTP
sniper !!!! also spy also everyone
OTP
no one really lol pyro is like. the only one im comfy w/
nOTP
sniper lol if weāre talking popular things & all the rest of the mercs really
random headcanon
heās a super sweet boy who loves everyone on the team, he warmed up the fastest out of all of them and became super attached!!, he really wants a base dog, he really likes to spend time with everyone and listen to them talk like he loves sitting with engie and having him explain nerdy engineering nonsense that heāll never get but he tries to but its just fun seeing how excited the other person is!!!, he became super close to sniper right off the bat for some reason which is weird bc scout can talk forever and sniper doesnāt know how to hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes but they like hanging out even if it gets tiring, he lives off of sugary drinks medic keeps telling him to stop, he loves to hang out w/ spy and they get on each others nerves but really enjoy it at the end of the day, he has little to no sense of boundaries, he loves to give hugs!!, he really tries to engage with everyoneās interests like i said he just loves making/seeing other people happy, he loves being part of big groups it always just feels like a big family to him
unpopular opinion
he gay :)
song i associate with them
the calculation - regina spektor
favorite picture of them
trans rights!!!
Soldier
favorite thing about them
he is a sweetheart he is my big stupid husband and we both love raccoons =.=
least favorite thing about them
the patriotismā¦ā¦Ā we arent having that
favorite line
heās literally so fucking funny especially all his things w/ merasmus and just. everything
brOTP
excluding demo uh !!! SPY!!!! :D
OTP
demo :)
nOTP
engie x.x
random headcanon
heās super sweet !!! he loves his friends so much, he loves to show off his raccoons to everyone :), he bonds w/ sniper over wildlife(raccoons), everyone has a lot of patience w/ him bc he struggles to communicate things a lot and kinda needs his time to get points across, heās actually really observant and it would be really good if he just didnt jump to wild conclusions based off of it all the time, heās really conscious of his actions and how they affect others like heās kinda violent impulsively but hes taken note of who is and isnt okay with it or whoās okay w/ him saying what in front of them, heās really protective of his friends!!! he knows theyre capable but he loves looking out for them, he loves to drag them off on fitness expeditions/training but he tires out before a good number of them/gets bored, he wakes up the earlies he loves the mornings, he can cook but nobody knows it, like scout he loves to indulge in what other people like but heās more handson he loves to screw in screws for engie or hand medic tools or read out loud to spy or heavy or show sniper things he catches/turn over rocks with him, he loves medics birds but doc wont let him touch them ):, he wants to get a base dog too, he has no volume or tone control, probably the best hugger, heās kinda shy about personal things like himself in general or being trans & liking guys heās actually pretty decent at keeping personal things to himself not that he wouldnt share it just feels weird,Ā
unpopular opinion
heās not just like shouty mean stupid man,,, heās actually really sweetĀ
song i associate with them
rejoice- AJJĀ
favorite picture of them
i have worse naked honey pics but this is fucking it lads gay rights
#im like. digging thru my tee eff 2 playlist on spotify this is hell#asks#tf text#sorry this is long lol i feel like im leaving out so much#also shout out to cecil youre the only valid person out here#triplecrossed#if i missed anything kick me#these make me so happy to do i love talking and talking and talking about my interests
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Salty with a gallon of Anxiety
I have a lot of feelings that have been boiling inside me for a month and im gonna let them out now.
āme @ me Hey when you see a relatable post about depression/anxiety, Maybe don't absorb that/or integrate that into your thought process/ personality in an effort to be socially compatible with others of your kind? Just nod, abstain, and emphatically go 'thats awful for that person' and move on.
š¢ 90% sure i didnt have anxiety before this hellsite taught me how. I used to be so brave and outgoing, but now i overthink things and my brain is quivering mass of fear and moaning. The thought of actually driving a car used to light me up inside, but i got nothing but anxiety now. I wanna drive so bad bc it would make things easier for everyone around me, but i had an anxiety attack because my grampa who nice enough to take me out to practice, WOULD NOT be quiet, even though i asked multiple times and i panicked and jacknifed into a McDonalds parking lot. And the longer i wait to go drive again, the worse the anxiety is going to get. But no one has time for it. Teaching me is just not applicable right now bc we have a shortage of working cars and we cant risk it. So its the bus for me! Still! After 5 years since moving up here!! š¤ This is fine!
I hate this. I hate it so much.
I woke up this morning out of fear bc i forgot to take my diabetes meds last night. My blood sugar was fine but still. I'm so fucking tired of being anxious about this. I'm scared im gonna die in my sleep or pass out at the bus station because i dont know the limits of my meds or how to manage my blood sugar yet.
I'm supposed to be losing weight to reverse this disease, but its so hard. I lost 7 pounds, but i gained it back. I worked so hard and it was back over the course a week.
šThanksgiving is coming up and we're having a ton of people over. The last time it happened, i had an anxiety attack bc my aunt (whom i love and adore) couldnt stop henpecking me about the order i was cooking things in. It wasnt meant to hurt me, because she thinks out loud and its just her way. There was so much activity and it seemed like the world was spinning.
With the onset of having 17+ people coming, i feel like im getting anxious again because people i dont know will be judging my turkey craft and juggling skills as i cook/manage a lot of this myself. I have my sisters and my other aunt to help but i can't help being nervous. Debilitatingly nervous. I need to get organized, get my supplies and food together and make sure we have an ironclad plan because SOMEONE is messing with business and our usual plan, and changed the baking day from Wednesday to Monday, when I'll be tired already from work. You know, without consulting us, because it works better for their schedule. Cause baking stuff only takes HALF a day, right? Rolls dont need several hours to rise, right? Oh we can just stay up and finish them if its not done, RIIGHHHHT? Not like i have work tomorrow, RIGHHHTTTTT?
So I'm a bit salty today. People have been shitting on my favorite holiday left and right all month long for no reason but that its origins are lies, its a hassle, and that there arent any gifts involved! WELL WHAT THE FUCK! I LIKE SEEING MY FAMILY AND COOKING A GORGEOUS MEAL AND BEING THANKFUL FOR ALL I HAVE. ITS NICE TO TAKE A TIME OUT AND GET TOGETHER TO SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME WITH PEOPLE I DONT GET TO SEE EVERYDAY WITH FOOD I CANT AFFORD EVERYDAY AND MAKE THEM HAPPY. WE CAN SIT AROUND, SING AND FART IF LIKE IT BECAUSE WE'RE THAT COMFORTABLE WITH EACHOTHER. IT MAKES ME HAPPY AND ALL Y'ALL JUST NEEDED TO TAKE THE WIND OUT OF MY SAILS WHEN I GUSH OVER IT BECAUSE YOOOOU DONT LIKE IT??? HOW FUCKING RUDE?? But hey im too nice to tell them to stfu and let me be happy.
(Wow, that is an extremely accurate gif. I cant believe i found that. I'm thankful for that gif)
So anyway. I have a lot of feelings i haven't been able to get out.
All of this has been bubbling inside me like a pot with a wobbling lid and every once in a while it spills out and i cry or worse, i complain to people at work. And worse yet, my manager says my work has been shitty lately and people are complaining. Heck, even i noticed it.
And I'm sick of this bubbling kettle situation, so im dumping it back into the hellsite that either caused my anxiety in the first place or at the very least, made me worse off than i was.
So clean slate today. I'm going to be better.
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