#but i just. fucking cant and i just really hate it sometimes and im sick of feeling miserable over such stupid things

[fappellmoan]

i dont wanna be a dick and act like i have no responsibility in this but after a point dont u think if all you ever say to ur friend is Omg you never make it out why dont you ever come out with us you bail all the time youre such a flake etc. dont u think that person (me) is like. not gonna feel so inclined to. be there

[bratzboykai]

I'm certainly having one hell of a fucking week, I'm so tired...

[caruliaa]

typical late night miseries but literally so sick of feeling like this always

[very-d1pper]

inspired by a post from @jamandjazz

How Johnny Cade, Dallas Winston, and Steve Randle are affected by their parent issues.

ok so keep in mind i havent read the book since december (i dont have my own copy) so this might be a bit wrong. im using info from my mind, the movie, the musical, tiktok, and here.

Johnny Cade

so its canon that johnny wouldve ran away if it werent for the gang (starting off strong with dally-johnny parallels OUCH)

the abuse from his parents definitely gave him a fucked up sense on what it means to feel loved

which is why johnny gets along with dally so well, i'll get into that more in dally's part

he 100% thinks that the entire world hates him except for the gang

someone said that he is so sweet its sick, not true. the abuse definitely toughened him up enough that he will be mean to strangers

he canonically is somewhat responsible (going out to the store to buy supplies and giving ponyboy a note)

im saying that because im pretty sure pony says something like twobit and someone else in the gang would forget to buy something johnny remembered

johnny learned that from having to live out on the street sometimes when his parents fought or kicked him out for multiple days

he is the living definition of forgive but never forget

he just wants a home

i personally hc that the abuse started as johnny grew older, maybe when he was 6-8 years old

which is why johnny (especially in the musical) still cares about his parents

because he remembers that they WERE good people

and he hopes to bring them back eventually

Dallas Winston

oh this man...

ran away from his problems. thats canon

his mom died when she gave birth and thats why his dad is the alcoholic deadbeat abuser he is

the abuse from his parents gave him a fucked up sense on what it means to love

which is why he can talk to johnny so well because johnny is used to the type of love dally gives

he 100% hates the world except for the gang

the abuse toughened up both johnny and dally, the thing is dally grew up with it, johnny was raised with love at first

also dally's environment in ny, that place is rough in many areas

tulsa doesnt have that, at least not on the level of ny

he's rough with everyone because thats what he learned

Steve Randle

UGH THIS MAN BRO

screw u se hinton for giving us NOTHING abt him

anyways!!

the neglect sooo fucked him up

then his dad giving physical money for forgiveness?

hell nahhh

steve definitely felt like he cannot be loved without paying someone

like with real money

which made him feel unlovable because he's like broke as fuck

soda was the first person to show him what love actually is

his mom uhh eloped to wherever after steve's birth ig idfk

steve thinks everything in the world comes with a price, even an ounce of love

i literally cant think of shit for this man rn

All Three

accidentally trauma bonding

johnny mentioned something then both steve and dally said "same"

genuinely concerning from an outsider standpoint but really funny to them

if it was modern au darry or soda wouldve sent them to therapy

one time johnny got kicked out and went to the curtis house and found steve in the kitchen

j: "kicked out?"

s: "...yeah"

j: "same."

then dally walks in

d: "bottles got thrown at me in buck's place"

j: "ptsd?"

d: "no-" *remembers he's with two people who had it happen to them* "...yeah"

j and s- "its good."

johnny convinces them to do a cuddle blob thing (the gang's done them before)

darry wakes up and see them, doesnt comment but remembers for blackmail

[lokorum]

Your art so surreal, did you take inspiration from African masks it’s amazing. You have probably gotten this question before but what’s your process and how do plan these beautiful pieces out. I am a beginner artist and would like some advice on how start doing digital painting.

thank you for bringing me back from the dead with your kindness, (i was so sad today ughhhh i think watching vampire diaries starting to affect me hjkhjk), i really, really deeply thankful that you spend your time to write something so sweet (also sorry it took me literally ages to reply phphp THE USUAL)

yeah, in buryatia shamanism like the big thing, so when i went to search what's out there in the masks department - google's mess of the results for once was helpful and showed this massive collection of beautiful african masks. the one that was inspo for tiisha lived in my head rent free for weeks before the character was even born phphph now i cant even imagine her without it 

(here is little tiisha for you before i'll proceed to be not helpfull phphphph)

oof advices are not my strong side , like..........my process mostly is just sleep through the whole thing i guess..........................i very rarely do sketches, i hate study anatomy and perspective, drawing cubes makes me physically sick etc etc my approach to drawing were "fuck around and find out", always about chill and fun and barely ever about learning. imho thats why im so shitty at drawing simple things but not bad at coloring. so yeah, my biggest advice always and forever will be - be gentle to yourself, please

digital or traditional or whatever else is out there, dont forget you make it for yourself and for yourself only okay? it supposed to be fun, not sad tiring and competitive 

advices for digital specifically tho - very objective, apply with caution

learn all the keyboard shortcuts, ideally to press them without thinking 

explore more instruments than just brush. it will be tedious and sometimes feel like a chore so mb pick one victim once a month and browse youtube for a stuff like SECRET ULTIMATE TIPS ABOUT MAGIC WAND TOOL THAT WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE (they indeed will save your life) 

check if your drawing program has artboards - turning it on will give you more freedom over canvas positioning  and your refs will always be there and not in the separate window 

idk about others but using auto tone, auto contrast and auto color often gives me well needed perspective on what im doing 

in 99% cases be sure that you can reanimate even the most messiest artpiece you ever did. working in digital gives you the chance to mess with shapes, colors and perspective at any time so if you dont want to gave up on something - you absolutely didnt have to

from time to time while you are still learning - go out there in the wilds and search for the new brushes. tweak with them if you want. i have like ~500 and i use 6 max, but those 6 i found by at some point trying to draw with all of the 500

MADE. BACK UPS. and i mean not like save layers just in case before merging them (tho that's too will help) no, i mean click SAVE AS once an hour and create A NEW FILE. PLEASE. i lost so much stuff to sudden power outage. its never pretty and you loosing will to work for days

watch at least one tutorial about the whole rgb srgb and cmyk thing - i did, understood not a thing, but at least im not playing dora the explorer with my colors after the export now 

uh idk think thats it? tried to think about those that id hope i knew when i started so hopefully something will help 

have fun with your drawings!! 

[sleepyhouse2art]

when i see cute little reminders on social media to "take your meds" i feel so hateful. the commodification of mental illness and its growing popularity as a sort of astrological shorthand for an actual personality by mostly healthy people is mad depressing and annoying

dont tell me to take my meds, you creepy weird motherfuckers! the only people allowed to say that shit to me are my doctor & my husband & my friends. do you think i want to be treated like a baby because i have mental illness? why do YOU seem to want to be treated like a baby? youre on paxil sharon

like my mental illness makes people watch me and check on me and not trust my perception of reality or my memory of things. sometimes i do get straight up treated like a kid by people. if i remember an event differently, i am always wrong. its really frustrating

so no, i don't find it very nice when people infantalize me and i don't like watching people needlessly infantalize themselves. it is mad creepy. it feels like observing a diaper fetishist or something. the whole thing gives me the heebie jeebies

i wonder if it is life being so hard and mean that motivates people to adopt the "sick role"? i understand wanting care but i genuinely think people are hamstringing themselves by pathologizing normal feelings and behaviors because it's making them think they're sick when they really aren't that sick. often people aren't even sick at all and instead just going through the human experience, which is fraught and difficult all on its own without any augmentation by a brain on the fritz, no mental illness needed.

nobody should want to be a patient. its nothing to aspire to. there's no joy in it. it is uncomfortable and the medicine is not safe. i have to take it but it's not like i want to and i feel sour when somebody reminds me. please don't remind me of my shit when it already dominates like my whole life

no, sharon, i do not need a bedazzled pill basket. no, sharon, i do not want "peer support", you are creepy. i hate to inform you that you are not a tubercular 18th beauty languishing in a gorgeous sickbed. you are in a fandom that prizes sickness and this is shameful to me.

your sickness makes you binge watch tv and eat bonbons and passively ideate about scratching your thigh up with a pin. i know pain is relative but like, i used to store my own blood in ziploc bags to protect my home and every painting in my house has told me to kill myself. i have not left my house in over a year. i am on three antipsychotics right now and i am still having frequent hallucinations and they scare me so bad i can't help but react sometimes and that scares my husband and makes him want me to go somewhere just like everybody else wants me to. im trying to stay OUT of the fucking hospital, not WANTING TO GO. im terrified of being raped and killed and i know it will happen to me next time i go. everyone says no, but they don't have my knowledge.

what im saying is this stuff fucks my life up. i cannot live normally. i cant even really take care of myself on my own if im telling the truth. i know im sick. i get reminded all the time. i don't need validation. i wouldn't touch a psych or a therapist or a pharmacy with a fucking ten foot pole if i had the choice. i know im kind of going off rn but who the fuck would want to be a consumer of this boring, tedious, control-abdicating, bad for your body bullshit? i do not understand people like this. i want to be free. be free, sharon!! and stop telling me to take my fucking meds!!!!

[regretevator-confessions]

*not targeting at anyone*

I hate ships in this game, full stop, end of story.

Literally like 6 work

“Hehe I like partybeatle, hammerhonk, Jeremy x Unpleasant stay mad”

OH MY GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP IF YOU READ THE WIKI OF YOUR QUOTE ON QUOTE “favorite character” YOUD STOP

IT ISNT THAT HARD TO READ DUMBASSES

PEST

• doesn’t like POOB

• thinks roaches are disgusting, but would use one to scare PartyNoob.

•sometimes scares PartyNoob to make them go away.

• goes the party’s to STEAL (GUESS WHO LIKES PARTYS?!)

Mach

• deadass straight from the wiki that she doesn’t want a relationship (if you are shipping them in like a “oh they won’t ever ask each other out way they are just in love way” then I probably actually like you and I hope your pillow is cold but I’m still watching you.)

Also a quick side note rant for Mach shippers can you guys please stop making Mach SA and GRAPE PEOPLE YOU SICK FUCKS???? 😨

Jeremy x Unpleasant

• IN THE WIKI THERES A PHOTO YEUCC DREW SAYING HOW JEREMY WOULD SMASH THE CAGE. CRUMBLE TO DUST AND BLOW AWAY.

• oh I’m so cool look at me NO. YOU GUYS ARE AS STUPID AS THE REST

• UNPLEASANT IS THE MOST HATED CHARACTER

• STOP READING SO MUCH TUMBLR BLOGS ABOUT THAT DUMBASS IT LITERALLY ATE A CAT.

WE ARE ONLY MAD BECAUSE YOUR STUPID AND CANT SEEM TO DO ANYTHING WITHOUT SUBWAY SURFERS PLAYING BESIDES IT

There’s so many more.. but taking to this community is like taking to a WALL.

NOT EVEN LIKE THE SPEEDING WALL, JUST A PLAIN WALL.

“Oh, in my headcann-“

HEADCANNONS.

You guys RIP EVERYTHING FROM THE CHARACTER.

It’s basically making a new oc with a BASE.

Listen, im not shaming headcannons, some of them are really cool

I just hate how everyone literally gives the character the fucking Lora and Krait treatment with the only thing remaining is the hat the original once wore.

It’s not the same. Sorry I’m so mad I really hate how my skin feels on me right now :(

.

[elysiae]

ON-LYNE headcanons based on concept art, songs, and the miniscule info we have on them with a little bit of self projecting and mental illness mixed in

because im techrotted brainrotting over the boys and i love them dearly and im so excited for the technocyte codas i cant take it i need to yell about them (also partially inspired by this post! go check it out its so cool, i love the theories and based a lot of the personality traits off it)

also quick note that we're going under several assumptions here: Gregory V is and has been a shit manager for a while, they know they're being replaced, they live together and are hiding in some corner of Hollvania that's uninfected, and most importantly of all that they're alive and (barely) kicking

(concept art was snatched from the warframe fandom wiki, technocyte coda page)

~5-7min read, long ass text wall warning

ZEKE

he's giving he/they bisexual

definitely has a history of dealing with peer pressure. "never set the trend, follow your own" he is sooo against that go with the crowd shit... which is really funny when you take the infestation into account

chronic depression that's been stuck with him for a while now, but it's spiraled beyond anything he can reasonably manage ("Zeke hungers to unmake himself" can be taken a plethora of ways)

wants to get an eyebrow piercing but Gregory never let him "for his image" (still soooo fucking salty about that)

^ speaking of, he's so salty actually. not to a point of being petty exactly and it's 90% directed at Gregory because he's just so sick of the guy but WOOH can he throw shade

anyway he's giving grunge fashion enjoyer

i know this is semi canon but im leaning into it HE IS 1000% AN AVID FASHIONISTA. and he has some STRONG OPINIONS on fashion trends

if he's not bedrotting, he's trying on different outfit combos. always getting the boy's opinions on them

they don't hire anybody to do their outfits for their shows because Zeke is always on it. he knows everybody's style, what they're comfortable in, and what looks good on them like the back of his hand he frankly doesn't trust anybody else cuz they always fuck it up (see "Zeke has some STRONG OPINIONS on fashion trends")

Zeke SWOONS for Drillbit's fashion sense. when they first met, that was what grabbed his attention: he's so unapologetically himself and the expression through fashion hooked him. (take it platonically or romantically idc)

he loved loved loved being famous at first, but with everything going on he's losing that spark. and it terrifies him because this was his dream for so long

his actual problem (shit manager aside) is that he can't deal with the pressure of being the face of the band. like yeah, everybody plays their part, but he's the leader. if he wasn't the one fully in the limelight, he'd be better off, but he doesn't realise that yet <3

and he desperately needs a break

he's gonna snap soon and it isn't gonna be pretty

whether that ends up in somebody dead, himself dead, him in a mental hospital, or something less extreme, that's a future problem for a future Zeke

DRILLBIT

PUNK KING

there's a running joke he has psychic powers. it's like he just reads everybody's mind. he just KNOWS??? it creeps the other boys out sometimes

would be an awesome therapist

studied psychology in university for 2 years before dropping out because he didn't have the time needed to really dedicate to it

(plus i mean, he's already living the life as a singer, no point in getting a degree he might never use)

had really bad scoliosis as a kid, uses a brace to try fixing it

^ his posture is awful

^ ^ he hates chairs, especially ones without cushions/padding. most uncomfortable shit ever

^ ^ ^ unfortunately Gregory never fuckin listens to him so he has to suffer almost every event

shorter than Harddrive (6'1) & Zeke (5'11), but wears platforms so he looks like he's the tallest

DJ is always stealing his spiked bracelets. it used to annoy him but he gave up after figuring out they'd always magically reappear on his dresser a couple days later tops.

he's always going after Packet for his posture. "buddy you don't want to end up like me, trust"

definitely an astrology fan. not like full on believing in it, he's not an astrology girlie, but he finds it cool. has tarot card sets

i feel like he'd be interested in witchcraft too, but it's something he keeps very, very close to his chest. not even the boys know

deliberately pushes his luck with Gregory. as the 'token alt' he gets away with more, and he's trying to see how far he can go with it before Gregory shuts him down. it started after the whole Zeke eyebrow piercing shitshow.

listen, Zeke is his best friend and he's happy for him, but man, does he want to be in the spotlight. i mean, face of the band, the 'leader'. if Zeke were to step down or something happened, Drillbit would snatch the opportunity SO fast.

he knows Zeke's problems better than Zeke himself does lol, he's been trying to subtly convey that for months now. Zeke isn't the only one, though

Drillbit always had this sixth sense when it came to everybody else's feelings, he always felt them stronger than his own like the shore of the peaceful beach swept over with a tsunami.

sometimes it makes him physically ill.

empathy. but it's something more than that

right now, emotions are high, overwhelming, suffocating from all corners and he's drowning in the tides.

HARDDRIVE

this might be a little heavier sorry in advance

contrary to the implications of "he really knows how to treat a girl and make her feel like she’s the only one in the world!", he has actually never had a girlfriend last more than 3 weeks

not because of anything he's doing. he just has a knack for getting really shit partners

he's gay, but extremely in denial for the LONGEST time and trying to come to terms with it

so emotionally intelligent? if you're going to have a late night deep talks, it's going to be with him. guaranteed. he thinks a lot about things

maybe a little overprotective of the boys? just a smidge.

he's a cuddly teddybear yes, but he could still 100% kick your ass if deserved (but would feel guilty for weeks)

used to have stagefright. Zeke and Drillbit helped him come out of his shell in that regard, but he still does freeze up sometimes when he remembers he's on stage. in front of millions of eyes.

cottagecore energy. enough said.

shares rings with Drillbit all the time (insert marriage joke here)

he can carry all of the members around easy peasy and has done it to all of them at least once on camera. there's sooo many memes about it all over the internet

never escaping the perfect husband material allegations (truth)

he doesn't really mind the fame... but he's also not entirely sure about it. he preferred being a smaller band, when he didn't have to hide his face and deal with fans every time he went out.

part of him wants to leave, but he's torn between his loyalty to on-lyne, more specifically his friends and memories in it, and freedom. but with being such a well known figure, he knows it isn't that simple.

there is no freedom. he hit the scene, there's no turning back.

he'll always be Harddrive, wherever he goes.

PACKET

aroacespec. demiaroace maybe. havent quite decided

not gonna lie i do not have many ideas for him, but that is the most demiboy to ever demiboy. i mean come on, PACKET as a stage name?

im sorry the name Packet had to come from an inside joke or something

has had like 50 different hair colors over the course of his life. this is his natural hair color though because he needs to give his poor hair a break (SAME BUDDY)

inattentive ADHD. nothing else to add there

UNGODLY SLEEP SCHEDULE. stays up to stupid o' clock gaming. you need to talk at 3:08am? he's awake!

might be biased from this post but he's giving "cute unsuspecting guy knows a lot of really concerning things" (how to hide a body, all kinds of manipulation tactics, how to kill a person in various ways, how fast bodies decay, must i go on)

^ hes a writer. he writes fanfics and posts them under another name, i dont make the rules

you'll hear him cackling at 2:47AM and i can almost guarantee it's because he's laughing at terrible reader x on-lyne fanfics

sorry but my king here looks like his mom dressed him and i think Quincy would have a heart attack if he saw him. Zeke sure did when they first met (Zeke is singlehandedly carrying his fashion on live performances)

(OK THIS WAS A LITTLE MEAN BUT THERES WAYS I WOULD PERSONALLY DEFINITELY FIX IT)

Zeke probably gave him a whole ass makeover. took one look at him and was like hell No you need to learn how to style your outfits or i will die (exaggerated but as a fashion enjoyer i feel u Zeke)

he's 70% of the reason Zeke doesn't trust anybody else to do their outfits because of how awful his sensory issues are. everybody else fucks it up and he can never make the full show without a meltdown

people seem to think he's a lot younger than he is and it drives him fucking crazy because nobody listens to him (the boys do though <3).

there used to be a serious infantilizing problem in the fanbase but on lyne managed to nip it in the bud for the most part.

he has dissociating problems, running on autopilot sooo much. forgets he's a person. so easily lost in conversations. you know how it is!

listen this might just be my love for horror, inspo from this post again and (probably 80% of it) an au i've been writing recently... but he's giving uncanny valley. unintentionally freaks people out.

like he has problems. everybody has their problems but there might actually be something Severely Wrong with his mental, but whatever the hell it is, nobody really knows??

he's still an awesome guy; smart, friendly, incredible mediator, there's zero doubt in anyone's mind he loves the boys

but its not just what he knows and has researched that's strange.

it's the way he switches up so fast when somebody walks up to him. the wildly different traits he shows for different people. the way common morals dont seem to be something natural to him, but he makes an effort to look like it is even with a lack of passion. it's the fact that despite being a mediator and being so 'empathetic' with the boys, he's very... emotionally cold in other departments. his behavior like a lightswitch, two completely wildly different modes

with everything going on, i don't think they ever will really know what's up with him. just gotta hope it doesn't get worse, whatever it is, and that he's okay

"don't hate the hacker, hate the code", amiright

(as a small a/n i have actually not decided what is up with him. because in the au i wrote---and what led me to get attached to these boys---hes a fanatic cult follower who's barely clinging to the ropes of sanity because shit just got that bad. will be doing research so i dont stereotype whatever i end up attributing to him :thumbsup:)

DJ RoM

first of all.

🏳️‍⚧️ . i know what you are DJ. they/he user spotted

does not gaf about Gregory's whole "hide all this stuff about yourself for your image" shtick, they're always making trans jokes

i know their fan site page says he's "soft spoken and quiet" but i look at them and can't help but think they'd say the most unhinged things.

and you think he's bad on camera? they're worse off camera <3 Zeke may be the one flirting with everybody but this guy? THIS GUY is a different level if you know what i mean

naturally blond but started getting grey hair from stress and just ran with it. eh they stand out more who cares

definitely has busted hearing

they have tinnitus. it drives them crazy. usually they just tune it out, but there's times where it seriously gets under their skin and you can TELL

very sound sensitive. misophonia moment

out of everybody they NEED to have a good 10 hours of sleep or they will NOT be able to function. (unfortunately i imagine considering the circumstances, he probably hasn't had enough sleep in a good few months at least)

he has so many different kinds of sunglasses. the regular ones in their art, but also heart shaped, star shaped, probably more fun shapes too

horror enjoyer, especially analogue/psychological. stuff that messes with your head.

super fast learner, especially musically

probably multilingual but as for what languages they know i'm not sure lmao

you know all that advice that's like "when somebodys making fun of you take it really well and laugh with them, and the bully will move on because youre not a fun target"? yeah this guy. living proof it works (for the record i dont actually know if it works, he just has this vibe)

i have a feeling he's gone through some really traumatic things. like, before the techrot takeover and maybe even before meeting the boys

he's seen shit and at this point it's really, really hard to make him flinch.

but theyre so chill about it that youd literally never guess

Drillbit's been trying to get them to open up and talk for years now it feels like, because he's not just seeing a mental decline, he's seeing a physical one. they all are seeing it

and it scares them

... i think thats my longest post yet lmao. anyway they're hot and they better not die in an upcoming update and we better be able to KIM message them or i'll wail. my favorite band of introverts that look like extroverts and accidentally got famous and dont know wtf to do with themselves because theyre BEYOND 6 feet deep in this shit now

k peace im going to bed... feel free to throw out thoughts on these guys bc i need more content of them (and i need more harddrive headcanons)

[nerves-nebula]

Really thinking about your owl house au stuff, because I loved how u wrote Hunter to have such a complicated relationship with Belos. Well nebulously it wasn’t anymore complicated than canon but the way your Hunter would have gone back to Belos in spite of everything is very real to me. It’s my favourite owl house au to roll around in my brain honestly, and it’s really weird to think about, because it requires the characters to be smarter if they wanted to help Hunter. It’s a Disney show, these guys aren’t built to recognize the complexity. If Hunter goes back to Belos, it would be, ‘You can’t help him if he doesn’t wanna be helped’ and ‘If he were a good person he’d make good choices’. It kind of breaks my immersion to have them be smart about it and go ‘y’all are seeing this right? It’s so fucked up actually. This is not healthy, this guy needs help immediately my God-‘. I don’t really have a point I just think about this a lot and appreciate your older art.

; _ ;

thankkksss i wrote it while moving out for collegeeee and it was fun but to be entirely honest i hate the way my fanart looks, especially of the owl house. i drew him the best i could but there's something about making fanart of characters that makes me just hate my interpretation of them. it feels so clunky and shitty compared to the way everyone else draws them. sorry for abandoning it but im glad y'all still like it.

i think Luz is a pretty smart girl tbh, she was kinda friendly with hunter and recognized him as Not a Terrible person before they were ever really like. friends or something. she was TRYING to befriend him cuz she could tell it was possible. i think if hunter went back to belos she'd feel hurt and betrayed but also sad for him, the same way she did in hunting palismen. cuz hes sad. hes a sad but bad boy who feels obligated to take care of his poor sick uncle.

but there is a sort of truth to the whole ‘You can’t help him if he doesn’t wanna be helped’ thing. i mean, they CANT. they can help him when he comes to them and begs for it, they can help him when he accepts the help, but otherwise pushing it would just further isolate him and make him feel like he cant talk about this kinda stuff to you.

i based that on advice i'd seen about how to help your friend who's being abused. if you rage that they should break up or run away every time they talk about their partner hurting them, then they're gonna stop opening up to you. it sucks but sometimes the best u can do is offer to support them and show up for them and be there if they ever need to take you up on it.

uhhhhhh. what was i saying. anyway. thanks!

[squid-socks]

Just to vent.

I hate my food intolerances why?

If people know I can’t eat that food they act like they caught me red handed lying if I eat that food. SOMETIMES I CAN CONSENT TO THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS✨

Easy meals are dead. I can’t eat pasta and bread and cheese and cream. Any wheat really. So whilst everyone can get a sandwich or a pastry on the hand when out and about I CANT. I have to cook my breakfast lunch and dinner 😭 it’s just annoying and I don’t have the energy for it. (And why are all the “easy meals” on Pinterest just fucking pasta??)

People treat me like I have a silver spoon in my mouth bccs I eat vegetable rich and protein rich clean foods. WHEN I ASSUE YOU THE STARBUCKS COFFEE AND TREATS THEY EAT IS HIGHER IN COST.

I can’t eat fast food - basically at all. So people hate eating out with me bcs if I say nothing and go to the fast food place with them and eat a bland salad they feel like I’m not participating or something. But if I say I can’t eat that - I’m being too prissy or picky! IM NOT TOO GOOD FOR FAST FOOD IT SEEMS TO BE TOO GOOD FOR ME 😭😭

Everyone has some alternative to recommend I probably can’t eat anyway. No gluten free pasta does not work for me. No lactose free dairy is not solving the issue. Oat milk makes my joints hurt. No fake cheese tastes like shit and is full of even more crap than the regular cheese.

Every food I can eat is now “wrong” in other people’s eyes. Oh if I can’t eat dairy due to inflammation I now also can’t cook with ANY oil except bla. Oh how DARE I eat cabbage - so so inflammatory!!🙄🙄

Servers will lie to your face about what’s in a food if you don’t look sick enough or don’t state “allergy”. I don’t have an allergy bcs I won’t die if I eat pasta. But I will feel like shit for a fucking week so don’t lie to my face and act like IM THE PROBLEM!

In my house - if you cook you HAVE to cook for everyone. But my family never wants to buy MY needs in grocery so I always have buy EXTRA for them bccs im not allowed to just cook my own tolerance meal. WHEN ALL THEY FUCKING EAT IS BREAD. 😭

Ok so clearly my main problem is; other people up in my fucking business. 👀👀

[triplegoths]

untagged

i cant fucking take living like this anymore

i cant do it i have to end it soon theres literally nothing for me here anymore. its too much to do. im never gonna fucking have another close in real life relationship.

i want to just like order some food at work so im not more miserable being here but i dont have the strength or stomach to eat something. ill eventually try maybe. i dont know. the drugs make me not eat like a fucking sick dog already and everything rn just says i dont deserve it

i have no motive or energy to do anything but work or somethimes playing a game but even that were usually unable bc were too tired.

whats the fucking issue with me!!!! i just dont give a shit anymore i dont want to do anything nothing makes me happy everythinf eventually juat makes me feel scared and sick and weird. every time i try to make fun or have plans it goes horrible and it just feels worse so i wont anymore ill just fucking rot alone like life wants me to

nobody here can help me and if i could i couldnt afford it so who fucking cares its cheaper to kill myself and lose the body so they dont need funeral costs. theyd misgender and shave me anyway probably

im just so fucking over it all im never gonna be happy like this. i got nothing. theres no good its just working til i fucking kill myself and putting myself through fuxking agony constantly for a life that continues to just KICK AND KICK AND KICK AND KICK me when im fucking down. i cant handle anything else happening. im trying so hard to get things done and theres just fuxking nothing. i will never ever be enough and ill never feel enough.

doesnt matter what or when or the circumstance its so depressing that its not just romantic relations too im so fuckinf scared in groups i automatically feel unwelcome and hated and like i should just go off by myself because im literally so unlikeable and everything has proved it forever. like genuinely as soon as i realized there were more than 2 people i got terrified and started questioning everythinf i did and wanted to run away bc i felt like i wasnt meant to be there and it was ovipus and i was being annoying like fucking ALWAYS GOD IM SO SICK OF BEING LIKE THIS can i just shut up forever? dirk please come back to front im tired of annoying all the people who so graciously allow me to exist around them so i dont have to be in such crushing loneliness all the time i feel like such a fucking baby and everybody probably thinks im such an annoying drug addict too can i just quit it and fucking feel and then kill myself already when i realize its worse

like im never gonna be able to afford any of the shit i need to heal and i dont even wanna try bc ill get 3 appointments in and will run out of money and continue doing that and then ill die bc i cant afford anything else. like why would i do that to myself ill just suffer like this and just do my best forever til i can only rot. id rather get it fuckinf over with and just die now. this isnt a life

i go frm one box go another. rotting. i rot at home alone or i go to work alone. i dont really go out. i dont really talk to anybody. i dont really see anybody. i have 1 irl friend who talks to me and lives in town. the other i dont see her often and honestly feel so embarassed of myself around her because of how i am that i can barely convince myself to see her sometimes even if she is in town. the other person is one of my exs and he doesnt give a shit about me he just wants sex bc thats the only thing im good for. i feel like i just annoy and make everybody uncomfortable conwtantly i dont wanna do it anymore i want to shut up

i always do it i always just talk endlessly frm the second i fucking could before most kids could talk even and i just never shut up did i? my parents were always annoyed by me talking about things that brought me joy (and they never believed me for things that were upsettinf and it was just fake and i needed to be quiet about it bc theyre not taking me to the doctor. so i stopped talking about it to my family and everybody else in my life in that era did the same. the bullies. my friends who ignored me. no matter the form it was always like that i just need to learn to keep quiet and go away and not need anything ever again. i couldnt fucking learn it every time i got a red or yellow card for talking (usually trying to ask questions bc i didnt understand or couldnt see or couldnt hear in elementary school. or to make conversation bc i was friendly and had no friends and my parent didnt play with me so i was lonely. nobody ever liked me bc i was weird. i feel like such a bitter dickhead but i get so jealous when i see that people talk to others every day. especially in person. im so fucking alone i literally get so excited when people want to call with me even if it makes me really scared (and sometimes if im not comfortable enough or feeling sad i will run a away from that too because im so scared to fuckinf annoy people and say something stupid or be boring or trying too hard or just fucking being a total downer because theres nothing good ever going on for me. i got so depressed goin on bsky today and seeing everyone playing webfishing when i cant. but even so lik.e maybe im glad i djdnt join bc one of them was in a big group with new mut and then all strangers so like. its better i wasnt able to bc i would probably jusg feel worse and run away frm everyone bc i feel inadequate snd guilty for taking up space. i always feel like im bothering everyone no matter what. fuck my exhusband in general but he also made me so much more insecure than i was already. he made me feel so annoying and he broke my communication. i was alone with him and JUST him for so long. i could only communicate in nonsense phrases sometimes (literal jibberish not memes) because thats all he would respond to or wouldnt talk to me until i did. he changed my whole pattern of speech and i still almost lapse into it sometimes. it was never any kind of real conversation about anything i felt like it withered my brain. nothing ever in depth just stupid sensless bullshit and jokes (that were often insulting me and made me feel like shit) and i was doing it for fucking nothing because everything else sucked too!!!! the only time there was ever a conversation was when i was BEGGING HIM to stop sometbing or do something for the millionth time. or him defending himself or trying to force my support and trigger my ocd (i genuinely think he was trying to make it worse he never respected it ever he mever respected a single part of me) or him fighting with me on something again (usually the thing was due to him and i just was not being forgiving and quiet and turning off my emotions enough about it. learned numb happiness)

my existence is like a plague and theres nothing here for me. theres even less left of me after he got done with me. he stripped my personality all the way down and forcef me to mirror him. everythinf will always be rotted and ill feel like a horrid shell of a person any time im near anyone. the only option is being alone. maybe this time i will learn and just fuxking stop all of this so we can stop being a curse on everybody. even if i could afford mental help theres nobody that can help me here so its all a waste. i feel like everybody will just hurt me again. doesnt even have to be a partner i feel like every single person is gnna realize sooner or later that im not worth it or they dont like me (ir even hate me) and that im just too fucking annoying to be around

i dont want to be annoying anymore. i wish it was like right after he went to prison again when i didnt have anything and was an empty shell and had nothing to say or talk about that wasnt venting. i wish i never got back some of my "sparkle" or whatever the fuck people call it. mines not a sparkle. its a noxious cloud of toxic annoyance fumes and everybody just has to keep their masks up til i vacate the area. why would i ever fucking want this to come back. i need to shut the fuck up i really do. just take our personality and every crumb of joy again im so sick of it. make it so i dont have any of those thoughts to even post. thus sparing everyone from having to be like "UGH this motherfucker AGAIN. does he ever shut the fuck up? is he ever quiet? can he just log off already? this guy definitely has no life. why does he always have to butt into everything"

that way i can just post like. the shortest most boring updates ever like "back to work! only 3 days this week for the 39 hours. more time off is always good" and then shut up for days and then "got paid nice. going to the bank and then grabbing a few groceries" like thats do much better. nobody needs to fucking know man its sad and depressing and all the same OR you are the most obnoxious prick on any site youre ever and you ruin everybodys day when theyre forced to see you in their notifs or on their timeline

ive probably already muted me bc it didnt even take a week for me to just talk way too muxh when none of of it is important and nobody wants to hear it

even if im not allowed to talk frm my body. its already annoying enough in text and then psyically i just stutter and trip over myself or cant think or forget what i was saying

i wanna delete everything i have and crawl into the earth. i hate being alive. the one time i find something that makes me happy even the littlest bit i cant do it anymore. disallowed by the universe and painfully reminded of the fact im supposed to alone and theres actually nothing for me. it doesnt get better for me it only gets worse. and it makes me feel stupid for believing it could even though thats few and far between. theres nothing left for me i need to just get whatever drugs i decide on and have one last hoorah and take enough to kill me. which hopefully wont even be that hard because im mixing downers and uppers constantly so like its only a matter of time right. my nose hurts and i feel like crying and my body is killing me again so im taking both things again. one for pain. one for maybe like. a little bit of energy but mainly so i dont feel so absolute shit. i just want it all to stop i dont wanna get better anymore im sick of it every time i try i get fucking worse or am crushed by something else even harder than before im DONE WITH IT IM FUCKING OVER IT i just wanna end it theres nothing fucking here for me im never making it. im sick of trying. im sick of always helping even while going through the wordt shit imaginable. im not sick of it. i want to help and i love helping. but it makes me fucking SICK to think about how ive spent my whole life caring for others. have been let down or ignored or told i was lying or had them hurt me instead so many times over i just fucking wish i was important enough to have gotten help when i needed it. to be listened to enough for somebody to even acknowledge or believe there is an issue (or simply convince me im overreacting)

it was fucking stupid of me to think my last ditch effort of doing art school because every other thing i failed miserably at because im too stupid and cant do enough and dont have the support. it doesnt even fucking matter bc my body is slowly and slowly getting closer to just saying "no fuck you" to the art i NEVER HAD TIME TO MAKE TO MY FULL ABILITY IN THE FIRST PLACE. and then ill never be able to do it ever again because i cant get help

i am going to die knowing i never finished a single thing in my life and nobody will ever know what i was capable of.

i want to die in the most painful and uncomfortable way possible because its what i deserve. its the only thing i truly deserve. i need to endanger myself more than i already do obviously its not killing me fast enough if im still kicking and dragging myself across the pavement. i should be dragged along the pavement by a semitruck instead.

i wanna kill myself so bad tonight man. im gonna try not to bc my friend really needs me rn. but i really might relapse. im so fucking tired i want to just go and sleep but ill stay up just for that. i should just cut a vein already why do i care about beinf careful. there was a thing i wanted to do... cut myself with a razor right after i use it to chop **** because maybe itll make me feel good when im not or just fuck my heart enough to make me faint or do smth stupider

ive been writing this for so long im fucking done. i got 2.5 more hours here. i hope i find my mouse when i go home so i change my mind but i honestly really just want to end it right now. im at the end of the line really. im gonna work til i die and never get a break

"everyday it feels like noone sees and noone knows. every day i kinda wanna cancel the show." /lyr

please for the love of god like this if you read all of it i just spilled my whole guts and not even well

[borderline-culture-is]

suspected bpd culture is how long is it gonna take for them to reach out? have they even noticed ive blocked them? are they really that stupid? i hate them!!!! i hate them so much!!!!! and im getting better but i cant stop thinking about them and how they don't care and never will and that i dont know if i can even call them an fp or just someone i hate i dont love them anymore i know that . maybe i still would if they gave me any affection back but when i said "i love you" they'd say "i know" and they got their hands on everything that ive made a part of me and everyone likes them even though its so obvious their personality is a mix of everyone else's and of course im not mad at them for that i just find it upsetting that people will choose them over me! i find it upsetting that my old friend group never gave a fuck! i'm sick of them. they took the name of a character i like, because apparently we had the dynamic of a relationship that characters in and they also just like the character. we don't have that dynamic. they might be similar to that character perhaps uncannily so but they will never fucking be him. i hate you!!! stop using him as a reaction when i say i love you. it used to be genuine but you took me for granted now it's out of pity. and honestly? i don't pity you. i don't know why i still respond to you sometimes. i hate everyone except ive found someone who id give my life to again and ze's actually nice and ze cares and ze listens to me and ze's so so amazing and if you're reading this and know who i am i just wanna say ilysm i will never not love you i promise you that and. anyone else reading this i love you too.

-👾🍬

.

[wizisbored]

Hi Wiz :)

I wanted to know more about the netherworld in your netherborne au, like, what's the hierarchy there? Are there people in power? How about laws, rules and customs

I understand that it's not the focus of the story, but I just wonder about this kind of stuff. Especially in stories I really like, such as yours

<3

yesss i love talking about my worldbuilding lets goo. ive got shit to say im putting headings in this bitch

general (lack of) structure

so the netherworld in netherborne is what i think is called anarcho-capitalist. theres no government, no official positions of power, and no official laws, but there are very much unofficial ones. demons stick to a strict ettiquete because even demons dont want to piss off demons, and playing nice with each other is the only way to keep their society running. i kinda explain the basics of it in chapter 4 when beeltejuice and lydia are talking about why he cant take the tags out of lydias ears:

“Looks like a pain,” Beetlejuice admits. “Not my call, though.” “How is it not your call? I thought that was how this whole slavery thing worked.” “There’s certain standards, kid.” “From what authority?” “‘S just how it is.” Lydia grumbles, folding her arms. “Sick of this demon etiquette shit,” she spits. “Yeah, well, it’s etiquette or getting ripped to shreds by stronger demons. This whole place is only held together by us pretending to respect each other. Y’ don’t think I’d tell all those shitheads I hang out with that they’re shitheads if I could get away with it?” “You should. I’d love to see you get your head torn off.” “As much as I’d love that too, it’d probably come with a side of lost connections. And I hate to break it to ya, kid, but I need to stay in business to feed you. Speaking of-”

the thing to note here is that this system is fragile. the respect demons show each other is often an act, and sometimes a very thin one. they are constantly on the verge of that facade breaking.

debts

the most important aspect of the demonic social contract is debt. nothing is done for free, every favour must be repaid, and any slights must be compensated for. beetlejuice pays the guy who gave him the name of a doctor for lydia and refuses to let the maitlands take her out for a walk for free, because then he'd owe them. its agreed that ogrien owes beetlejuice for messing up lydias vaccinations and also somewhat for overvaluing her at the start. when takta punches her the argument is essentially wether lydia biting was the initial slight and the punch was repayment, or if the punch was the initial slight and takta now owes beetlejuice. that whole social group is formed of business connections who are in a constant state of owing and repaying each other, so their get togethers are partially just to ease the tension there a little. kind of a display of trust.

identifiers

demons have three identifiers: name, signature, pattern. names are mostly important for deals and contracts, signatures are symbols used for signing contracts and for brabds, and patterns are for recognisability. the three may or may not relate to each other, for example beetlejuice's signiture is a beetle which relates to the pronounciation of his name, and appero's signature is a small segment of his damask pattern, but in both cases only 2 of the 3 identifiers relate to one another.

territory

most if not all demons' houses are completely isolated. this is because theyre territorial as fuck. and because of that theres a lot of money in netherworld real estate because youre pretty much in control of the territories. i dont have that much to say about this but it will be relevant later so i thought id mention it.

currency

money in the netherworld is assorted defunt living-world currency. its original value doesnt matter, just its physical properties. in coins, bronze or copper are one, silver is five, and gold is ten. for anything else id need to go and actually research some defunct currencies so thats all ive got on that for now.

wealth and power

the most physically powerful demons are often also the wealthiest, but there are also a few cases of weaker demons gaining influence through wealth. money is power and the rich are on top. shocking, i know. as a general rule wealthy demons are far from humble and tend to flaunt their money and power via the entertainment industry with big bets, gambles, and sponsorships (again this will be relevant later)

entertainment

speaking of the entertainment industry, its a big one. the two main aspects ive put thought into are racing and bullfighting, with bullfighting being the main one since it has some story significance whereas racing is more flavour. its pretty much just horse racing, except the 'horses' are predatory beasts and so it involves the occasional mauling of the breathers generally used as jockeys. bullfighting is more significant because its something charles was forced to partake in before he met emily. its more or less jusy fighting with the only weapons being along the lines of brass knuckles, and theres very few rules or regulations. various forms of magical doping are fairly common. 'bull' here is a gender-neutral term, in fact lydia herself is technically a bullcalf being the daughter of a retired bull.

ghosts

demons may be the dominant species here, but the netherworld is still the human afterlife. plenty of ghosts around. most newlydeads will find themselves talking to demons who make their money processing - basically doing their best to steer clueless new ghosts towards the services of other demons who will pay a comission, and offer loans. the number one rule of being a ghost in this netherworld is to not piss off any demons, because demons have a habit of being quick to banish any ghost that annoys them enough back to the living world. hence, the majority of ghosts that are still around have either bought into the system or hide their distaste of it.

what happens to the ghost of a living slave after death is dependant on their slavers opinion of them. best case scenario, they might be offered a paid job. worst case, theyre banished the moment they manifest.

breathers

non-netherborne humans are enslaved by demons via decieving them into signing contracts that trap them into servitude. those contracts then act as proof of ownership, and are almost always written to include the ability to transfer them to another demon so that they can be bought and sold. netherborne have no contracts and at birth belong to the birthing parent's slaver, with that slaver paying dues to the other parent's slaver, if their identity is known. when appero found out emily was pregnant he explicitly told her not to tell him to the father was, which is a pretty common way of dodging those dues.

there are also three identifiers for slaves, which are sort of an extention of demons' territorialness. brands, nametags, and ear tags, the latter of which are netherborne exclusive. brands are the signature of the demon who first trapped them, or for netherborne the demon they were born under. theyre done via magic rather than branding iorns, through skin to skin contact with a demons hand. theres no standard for placement, though the hand or arm are fairly common as a handshake after signing the contract is often taken advantage of. mediums are also given an additional brand of an eye symbol.

nametags' exact appearances vary but are always some kind of band bearing the name of the persons current slaver. for non-netherborne they are partially another expression of demons' territorialness and partially an easier item to reference than contracts, but for netherborne they are the only proof of current ownership. an untagged netherborne is technically fair game, but owners will generally still be pissed about theft. nametags also indicate a slave's status. pets wear them around the neck, personal assistants/servants or favourites wear them around the wrist, and the rest wear them around the ankle.

netherborne tags are essentially a pedigree, another expression of territorialness as well as indicating that the slave is netherborne and there's no contract. the actual piercing is above the lobe, through the cartilidge of the ear, with a thick stud that has to be cut off if its ever removed. a cord is attatched to either side of the stud to make a loop, which is what the tag hangs on. the left tag shows the birthing parents brand, and the right the other parent. if either parent was a medium the eye symbol will be put on the back of the tag. im yet to figure out the system for if either parent was netherborne themselves (second generation netherborne are uncommon but not unheard of).

one thing about live humans in the netherworld that im unsure if i have a way of including is religion. obviously most living-world religions did not predict the demonic void, so pretty much all of them have a netherworld sect

[kenlvry]

hiii, ur works are so cute, any chance we could get nsfw hc’s for stan and kyle with a shy fem reader?

thank you <333

stan and kyle nsfw hc's with a shy fem reader!

an: hello!! im pretty nervous bc its my first time doing nsfw hc, both of them are 19+ you can js imagine what they look like. also i didnt know if you wanted separate or tgt so i made separate but if you wanted to both at once feel free to send me another one!

stan marsh

you were always a shy person and stan loved your personality, it was so cute to him that you were so shy that you even cover your smile with your hand.

even when he kissed you, you forced him to close his eyes because you were too shy for him to see your goofy kissing face.

your weak spot was your nipples and whenever he sucked on them you'd always moan , you bit down on your lip suppressing them and stan stopped "cmon dont hide em, scream it out" you were a bit shocked but just looked away. he smiled and continued.

whenever he was about to give you head you were very shy about it, you were scared he didnt like the taste and even covering it sometimes because stan was staring too long at it or whatever making so many excuses. and he got annoyed tbh "i don't care, its you. youre always perfect" after that he immediately went down not caring about your protests. he was giving it kitten licks and kissing it before finally licking it. you were beyond surprised when he licked it your back arched and you wanted to hold his hair as something to hold on but were shy, he grabbed your arm and put it on his head winking to you and continued to work on your pussy.

whenever he stuck his dick in it would always start with you laying down and him putting it in, you didn't make eye contact with him. he grabbed your face with his fingers so that you were looking at him while he put it in, he grunts when the tip was in and you were moaning. he wondered what would it be like if he put it all in if you were already a mess with just the tip.

if he puts your legs on his shoulders so it can go in deeper you'd be so surprised and ask if he was okay and if it made him uncomfy having to hold your hips while thrusting into you. "fuck i dont care, all i care is that you are pleasured" with that he thrust into you and you'd cover you face to not moan, you two talked over it but he was too deep in to care.

whenever you rode him it was a complete mess, before even putting it in you made so many excuses "what if im too heavy??" "what if it doesn't make you feel good?" "what if it feels too good i cant move??" even saying your suddenly sick or smthn because youre too shy to ride him, he'd watch you the whole time and you'd get nervous "no matter what size you are i would pick you up like you are paper, it doesn't matter if it doesn't feel good, as long as my girls happy and i can see your frustrated face, if you cant move I'll do it for you. now cmon im loosing patience"

when you were riding him youd stop midway because you were too tired, and stan kept his promise! he hold your waist and helped you thrust in and out, you were a moaning mess.

when you were about to cum you'd tell him and tbh he could tell he just wanted to hear it. he'd go faster just so you can have the best orgasm. he always came on your stomach and you cover it sometimes because your shy about it but he moved away your hands and took in to enjoy the view

all in all sex with stan is the best, he always puts you first <33

kyle broflovski

with your shy personality it was hard to have sex, you'd cover your pussy and tits even though at the end hes still gonna see it. he thought it was really cute though. it was like you were a virgin even though you fucked other people before.

kyle knew all your weak spots and would always hit them, you tried not to make a face but you were a moaning mess he'd hit it over and over and it just felt too good!

kyle lovessssss hearing you moan, and he hates it when you hide it from him. if you hid it with biting your hand he'd take your hands and pin it next to your head with his hands, he basically trapped you, both of your hands being tied down with his own so all you could do was moan loudly, he loved it<33

he likes it when he puts your legs over his shoulder, it gives him a much more deeper position and he can see your face better, you'd be squirming while he was thrusting in and out of you, hiding your face and such but kyle didn't stop because it was so cute.

after care with him is really an argue battle, even though he has gave you head and fucked you, you're still shy about him looking at your pussy so if he tried to clean it you'd immediately get up trying to wash it by yourself, kyle would pull you back to the bed "shhh let me handle it, ive seen it a thousand times, it still looks like the pretty pussy as always" you ended up sleeping and letting him do it

sex with him is the best because he knew all your weak spots and always tries to make you have a fun time!

[zyafics]

https://www.tumblr.com/zyafics/768091627760795648/i-genuinely-feel-sick-at-the-thought-of-her

idk why but i feel like they are missing a big part of it all. is it just me?

no hate to that person i see where they’re coming from but its not ‘sick’ nor does it make her a horrible person, especially when we dont know the whole context of everything, and with ward and cutting him off— she wants him to be happy and have a future buttt getting rid of a baby is never easy even if you swear you didnt want it, its a horrible feeling to know you had something growing inside you, something thats yours and nobody can take away is being taken away— especially because by her reaction im guessing she did want it? and then again rafe seems to be okay with dropping everything and just focusing on her and their baby which is cute don’t get me wrong but she knows how much he wants this future he envisioned for himself, if he knew she had the baby he would never give them up and get his dream. ward also played a huge part in it with manipulating her into thinking rafe was gonna resent her in the future? of course she was scared. she didn’t just wake up one day and say ‘oh nah i’ma keep his child from him cause i randomly feel like it’ no !! ward drove her into that conclusion of ‘if i don’t rafe wont be happy’ she loved him so much that lying and keeping this from him even if it also hurt her too just to see him be happy and achieve what she knows he wants seemed easy even if in the end it wasnt, she did it for him. however he was so willing to give it all up for her and the baby is growing and missing some time w rafe but they have its whole life to make up for it— its only just begun but i do get that these are moments missed and moments be will never get back but you cant really dwell on that— i’m sure once he finds out he’ll be upset and he should be, he has every right— she kept his own child from him but i also think he’ll maybe be a little happy and relieved? but i certainly don’t think he should ‘sue her’ like hoe is you falalala? sorry but thats crazyy !! thats actually insane !! she did what she thought was right and had good intentions even if it was the wrong way of going about it. she just wanted him to be happy and that doesnt make her a horrible person it just shows how in love she was if anything— ‘cause in the end she had hope he was gonna achieve his dreams even if she wasn’t there with him to celebrate it.

honestly i understand both side of the arguments. which is what makes it so compelling because, in that scenario, BOTH of them fucked up to their own extent. and sometimes fucking up means harsh consequences.

but i get what u mean. and i love that you're advocating for reader, especially because she is only just trying to do what's right for everyone involved.

[wiihtigo]

i sent an ask sayinh "NELL DIED????" but then tumblr gavev me a scary error message so maybe it ate it... sorry if it didnt but NELL DIED?

SOB...YES.....I DIDNT WANT IT TO HAPPEN..!!! i encourage you to go knock down the door of @megamind2010 for more in depth answers about nell lore if youre a ladybughead.

but the basic deal is that this happens...later...sometime later. in their lives. ladybug following the proud blue beetle line of being exploded in action (i drew smthn inspired by the despair i feel when i think about this ^_^)

this affects casey really badly. ARE YOU SURPRISED..? DID YOU THINK SHE WAS HEARTLESS? so did I. mm basically she goes like catatonic immediately after (even through the funeral which michelle has to guide her to like she could float away at any second)

michelle is a supportive presence for her during this because shes like jeez idk she might kill herself im worried. and shes ALSO fucked up about nell dying bcuz she was involved in the same event ladybug was killed in (goldstars very first crisis event we;re so proud of her) and you know. shes never experienced the classic superhero experience of one of your hero peers dying horribly tragically. so her looking after casey is probably also her way of coping, like a way of keeping her hands busy because shes realizing hero work is actually kind of scary

shes only broken out of her 0__0 state by ..um. BOOSTER GOLD COMING OVER BECAUSE HE WAS LIKE MAN..SHOULD I SAY SOMETHING? (hes genuinely a little worried) (BUT NO DONT)

ive posted these before without context but this was the context LOL

seeing booster breaks the dam in her heart and all her feelings coming flooding out in form of crazy migraine inducing rage (im getting deja vu) and she throws shit at him screaming at him to GTFO and hes like crawling away with a broken nose OK good talk and ted and michelle are like WHY TF DID YOU DO THAT?and after that casey goes into the worst state of depression shes ever experienced in her life...ive mentioned in an ask before i think that she doesnt really get sad? when bad things happen to her she just gets angry. she never cries genuine tears. so the state she gets into here is really scarily jarring because its so fucking WEEEIRDLY OUT OF CHARACTER. she spends all day crying and whenever michelle comes over now she feels sick looking at her and she cries and cries and cries and whines that she doesnt want to see her she wants nell and she stays holed up in their apartment until shes kicked out because no ones paying rent and shes moves cities without saying a word to anyone. she only realized after she died that she actually did love (EW. sorry) nell and now she doesnt even have any way of knowing if they couldve done anythng with that. she hates booster more than ever she hates ted she cant talk to michelle anymore she hates gotham she hates her life she hates everything, eventually she does get a job in the film industry as like a screenwriter/editor but she hates that its not exactly what she wanted that shes just barely almost there and she should be excited to be so close to her goals but shes not so shes just this grouchy miserable (but good at her job!) woman that no one wants to talk to and then she dies. the end.

(but look-- here they are reunited in hell..!)

wehwwww SORRY FOR JUST COVERING CASEYS SIDE OF THINGS AND NOT NELLS....i figure youd get more juicy details if you ask marty :)