#im essentially working like 3 jobs at this point

[databent]

[pained wailing emoji]

[silbeni]

Brewing an alt timeline w Ryoma in the Rohan live action

[vampirebiter]

right now, the job i have is probably the easiest job ive had so far but i can sense on the horizon theyre going to start wanting me to start doing more shit

[serqphites]

been sick for so long and all i need is abby to take care of me like the good girlfriend that she is !!! also look at her lil smile im acc deceased nobody speak to me ever again

16+, modern!au, sfw, throwing up (r!), this is short and ass

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do not even THINK about lying to this girl about your sickness… she will not buy a single second of it.

"abby i promise you i'm-" sneeze, "fine..." is there even any point trying to defend your case any longer when abby is looking at you like an unimpressed, disappointed mother with her hands on her hips?

she's already called issac to tell him that she isn't going to be in work until you're better. he tried to refuse and order her to come in, but abby didn't back down and stood her ground until he eventually backed off because nobody is more important than her girl!!

she quite literally cannot leave you alone, always rushing whenever she has to leave your side just in case you need her (she definitely trips and eats shit on the stairs because she was trying to get back to your room a lil too fast)

laying on her chest!!! her big arms wrapped around you and holding you close, kisses being peppered atop your head whenever she enters a cutscene in whatever game she's playing because you begged her to let you watch her play. it took a little convincing because abby just wants you to sleep and get the rest you need, but the second you flashed her those sad puppy dog eyes she was handing you the controller to let you pick out a game for her to play.

this girl always has tissues on her, stuffing her pockets full of them so she's ready for whenever you need them

i can just picture you making those funny noises people do before sneezing and abby practically TELEPORTING to you and shoving a scrunched up tissue in your face. she would be so proud of herself too and just look at you like "did i help? :D" yes you did sweetie you did such a good job!!!

you can’t convince that this girl doesn’t make the best grilled cheese and homemade tomato soup known to mankind, it’s always her go to when you’re sick (not that you’re complaining because it’s INCREDIBLE)

not being able to sleep because you can’t breathe and you’re just in so much pain, so abby lays awake with you until you eventually fall asleep :( unless she knows you’re okay and asleep she physically cannot fall asleep, her mind won’t let her.

abby for sure keeps a bucket on her side of the bed for in the middle of the night (she doesn’t want you trying to reach for it and accidentally falling and hurting yourself)

abby is jolted awake almost immediately once you yourself wake up with a startle, shooting up into a sitting position as your hands fly to your mouth. she’s springing into action without even realising it, reaching down as quickly as possible to snatch the bucket and place it into your lap. “in the bucket baby, good girl there you go” she mumbles in that raspy sleep voice, one of her hands keeping a hold of the bucket in case you can’t while her free hand moves up to hold back your hair.

abby running you a bath with all of your favourite essentials lined up ready for you (need that). oh and she is 1000000% washing your hair and body for you, she can’t have her baby tiring herself out now can she?

even when you start to feel better she’s still just as attentive, you assure her that she can stop and just take a break but abby just continues whatever she was doing like she literally can’t hear you LMAO

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a/n: i’m genuinely so sorry this is so bad 😭 im still sick and barely had the energy to write this but i just wanted to post something SO bad. hope you’re all having a good day/night !! <3

[kimsmuse]

yandere dilf !!

this was written in gaps, so im not that confident about it?? but here goes nothing. also i fucking love dilfs god. get me a dilf please.

also this was inspired by this one man i saw on my way to my uni admissions and he was there for his daughter 💀 put me in jail fr

the dilf here is in 40s something and the reader in early 20s n i think she switched universities to do her master’s (if you do not like this type of thing please look away <3)

gender neutral!reader (it might be implied femal but the pronouns are they/them) 1.7k words. warnings for age gap yandere behavior, kidnapping, manipulation, obsessive behaviour? dilf is a delusional yandere fr.

yandere!dilf who is (clichè i know, please look away but this is the best thing i can think of) your father’s friend, but not best friend or anything because he lives in another city, but oh you’re moving there for uni and your parents can’t think of anybody else to contact so they call him up !!

but he’s busy when you’re moving so he can’t help :(( oh but did i tell you he was the one who chose that apartment for you to move into?? it was so close to him and his friend said to keep an eye on you so he chose the one which wasn’t even like 5 minutes away. and he wants to be of help to his friend so bad but these board meetings and stuff ://

best believe that when he’s free he’s at your apartment with a bunch of new home essentials, a few groceries that you might need, and this man is ringing up your door. now neither of you had seen each other, heard about the other from the common point that was your father, yes. but to open the door and be in the presence of a man that is that gorgeous?? and he’s just wearing sweatpants and a tshirt?? god.

not to mention a thin chain around his neck that leads to inside his shirt…. kill me really.

anyway, but he’s equally taken back because um, this was his friend’s kid. literal kid. he shouldn’t be thinking about how alluring your appearance was, get your head straight, he tells himself, as you invite him. aren’t the shorts too short….

if sexual tension could have been visible, man would your apartment be full of it.

but he’s nothing but resisting, it’s how he has been single for so long, it’s not that he doesn’t like commitment, but… he likes to tell everyone that he just hasn’t found his The One yet.

“the apartment has come together nicely,” he says as he looks around and it is, you’ve done a great job at it and it reflects the type of person that he assumes you are.

you ask him if he wants something to drink? and he politely rejects your offer, he does not want this thing to escalate because knowing his track record, he can’t stand a minute more near the kitchen island and not think about bending you over, and that was normal for him but god, snap out of it, this is half your own age, he thinks to himself.

and you want him to stay, but again, it is quite fucked up to think about being fucked by your father’s friend and someone your father’s age.

“here,” he gives you all the stuff he brought with and kept it. “that’s all, i have some work i need to do so i’ll take your leave now,” he starts to leave when he looks back again “and, um, my number,”

to which you blush, but remind yourself, it’s only like an authority figure, nothing else. and he tells you his own address, in case there’s ever an emergency.

that is how it begins, and your father leaves a message for him, “please take care of them,” and he acts like it’s a burden but he’s overjoyed inside, he has an excuse…

anyway, fast forward to you starting university, getting a social circle, and he visits you weekly, awkward and short visits but you’re just glad he can grace your apartment like that, you even light up your special candles around for him to notice, and he does, but you don’t know how hard he’s just trying so hard to not snap.

when it’s been almost an year or something, he finally thinks he should sit down or you’ll catch on to him or something (little does he know that all you though of it was the fact that men like him are always busy.)

“so you’ve settled in okay?” he asks, as if the cctv installed outside your door doesn’t already tell him that you bring a steady flow of people home, friends.. un-friends and people he was genuinely jealous of. he was jealous of your friends too, because he desperately wanted to stay platonic with you and he didn’t know how they did that.

the conversation flows from one point to other and suddenly you ask him, “are you married?” and he looks startled at the question so quickly begin to apologise, you did not mean to overstep any boundaries.

“uh, i don’t know, i just haven’t found someone who i would like that much, i guess,” if the tension before was a lot, this was the worst it could get.

he leaves abruptly again, and you watch from your balcony as he pulls his car out of the parking and out, wishing he stayed sometime.

what you did not know though was the fact that the yandere was fully invested in your life, your friends, your daily errands. but this was what taking care of you meant, right?

the last straw came to him when you were at a party, frustrated by the lack of response that older man was giving you, you were desperate to get laid today even if you would end up being upset over the fact that it wasn’t him. but unknown to the fact that the yandere just had this.. odd feeling today? that he has to follow you and when he got to know it was a party? parties are never good news.

and he’s almost dozing off 2 hours later in his car, parked safely at a distance when he think he hears your voice. and sure enough when he takes a peek out, across the street is you, and wait, is that a guy following you.

“i was just kidding i really don’t want to go home with anybody tonight.”

he gets out of the car silently, and the guy who is insistent on getting his dick wet by specifically you, a statement which makes his blood boil, is too busy persuading you to notice the punch that the dilf throws at him from behind. the yandere doesn’t think about what you’ll ask about how he got there and stuff, this was serious and it only reaffirms his ideals that yes, he had to make sure you were safe and he had to follow you, god knows what would have happened if he wasn’t there.

as soon as the guy is knocked out, he looks at you and you look up at him surprised, your mouth forming an ‘o’ but noticing the haze in your eyes, he can feel relief inside.

“you’re here!” you exclaim and you are drunk, he concludes as you hug him. he might actually burst but he feels euphoric right now, as if he could cry, it was like he had this actual fear, what would he do if something happened to you? it was no longer the responsibility or the feeling of being answerable to your dad.

don’t worry after that, he drives you home, but his home. he has to make sure you’re safe at all times, right? what if someone decided to rob your place? or… the guy from earlier? what if he got your address from one of your friends? he couldn’t imagine it.

so there might be a change in plans, you don’t need to tell your dad yet though, or anybody. in fact, you might not need to go out at all. he made more than enough to sustain, and keep you safe, take care of you, like your dad asked, and he is nothing but a loyal friend, isn’t he?

now let's dive into little specifics, shall we?

yandere dilf is completely smitten, he was the first moment he saw you but right now you're at his mercy, and it gave me a hysterical kind of high. 

and he is so so convinced that he's doing what he can to protect you and this is allthat can be done, there's no other way!

he brings you bits and pieces of news that are the most terrible of them all - murders, rapes, all of the worst stuff, so you realize how much of a favour the yandere is doing you by protecting you.

and your dad? as far as he's concerned, you're still going about your daily routine, there’s nothing wrong with it. he makes you call him because he doesn't want to deal with his friend, not yet.

yandere dilf is caring but he's also really short tempered, if he brings you food and you eat it silently without saying anything, he'll snap :(( because you should have said the food was good or you were happy that he brough you that, right?

but he realizes his fault quite soon, he was mature, he shouldn’t act this way with you. and he apologises, someone tell this man an apology means you would try not to do it again. because he does, he keeps on repeating the cycle.

at first you were completely opposed to whatever this weird idea was, but slowly you gave in, when you realized the heights he had thought all of this through to, all you could hope was someone to notice that this wasn't normal and help you. well, someone to notice and try to help you and not be bought off by the money that the yandere dilf gave them.

yandere dilf coddles you; at first this is how he got to break your shell, he patted your head when you did something good, something like eating, drinking water. and you loved it, as much as you hated to admit it, sometimes it felt like you put in so much efforts in your daily life to get people to love you, that it felt like a relief that here he was praising you for doing the smallest of tasks.

yandere dilf does not fuck you. he keeps himself in control, he does not even touch you if you're angry or upset at him, but he knows a few ways and he's bringing you around slowly to the idea of a you and him together creating an us.. he's getting there slowly and surely.

just… please.. don't try to escape or anything, that would really set the process back… or would it accelerate it…?

[lily-alphonse]

for the rare pairs, did you ever get one with marlon and rasmodius? i haven’t been able to stop thinking about them together 👀

Old man yaoi is such a crowd favorite fr lmao

Ok you guys aren't ready for where I'm going to take this (except Human) because I had an idea for vampire!Abigail that involves Marlon and Rasmodius getting together. Cuz you know, like, 2 dads or whatever. (Technically 3 but Pierre? Ugh. He’s wimpy comic relief in this only)

For the purposes of this fic, Abigail is the wizard's daughter and only him and Caroline know.

Anyways I'm trying to do A LOT with this one so maybe I just do bullet points this time to give you the idea

There's no farmer, instead Marlon takes Abbie under his wing as a young adventurer

Rasmodius (because he watches everyone, like a creep) sees this and is like UGH not that THAT GUY, because Marlon is essentially his annoying coworker. Marlon tries to be buddy buddy with him and Ras is not about it. Like bro do your job protecting the valley and shut up pls.

Abbie stumbles on something she shouldn't in the mines, accidentally unleashing an ancient evil vampire and getting bit. It's very important to me that she turns into a bat. It happens automatically when the sun touches her skin, as a defense mechanism. She can survive in the sun as a bat.

So shit hits the fan obviously. Caroline goes to the wizard's tower screaming and freaking out because her daughter is missing and she is certain he has something to do with it (she hadn't known about Marlon) and Rasmodius pieces together it probably has something to do with the ANCIENT EVIL now on the loose. He assures her he is going to take care of it and has no choice but to team up with (ugh) Marlon.

Marlon doesn't know about Abbie. Ras is keeping all his secrets close and being careful about which info he gives to who. They go on an adventure of bonding. Important features of which are homoerotic wound dressing, and Marlon getting serious with Ras about his past and stuff. So he sees another side to him and starts to gain respect for the man.

A lot happens next that I don't have worked out yet sue me its just a concept rn. I have a few different ideas for how Abbie's side of things can go. She could potentially get out of the mines and turn into a bat which leads to her flying to the tower bc who else would believe her? Or she could be trapped in the mines with the original vampire and be like his spawn under his control or something.

Either way, we end up at a moment of truth where Marlon realizes Abbie has turned and feels like they need to kill her or otherwise trap her for eternity or something. And Ras is like tf no Im not condemning my daughter to that and Abbie and Marlon both are just [shocked pikachu face]

BATTLE OF THE DADS. DAD DUEL. FATHER FIGHT where they are physically fighting but also arguing about who knows best for her since the wizard has literally never spoken to her in her life but is also the one trying to save her, while Marlon actually did become a strong father figure for her but wants to kill her (only to end her suffering ofc)

Imagine they are fighting and Abbie just calls over them like "Not really suffering a whole lot, to be honest!" because this is a dark comedy as well as a romance.

Ras wounds Marlon badly enough (owie, it hurt his heart to do though, what is this, FEELINGS?) that he is subdued. Abbie and Ras take on the ancient vampire and nearly DIE but Marlon comes back and saves the DAAAY

He has the opportunity to also kill Abbie and doesn't, he's come around to compromise his morals for the sake of the ones he loves

Potentially even more homoerotic wound dressing and then they KISS with their old scruffy man beards and Abbie pretends to vom

The End

If you want this one to exist be sure to reblog and vote for it in the poll! This would be a hell of a fun one

Send me any Stardew Valley rarepair and I will tell you how I would make them work! (Even non-marriage npcs) If youre lucky you may get a mini fic out of it. Check the list below to see if Ive already answered yours

Rarepair Masterlist

@totallyhumanexe @chikoxiko come get ur old men

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

“That one time Barnaby broke somebody’s jaw for going a little too far w/ insulting Wally & almost got expelled <3”

Full story please? <3

WITH PLEASURE!

for those who are slightly confused, this is for 'my' modern human au! well. modern-ish!

okay so when they were in freshman year / 9th grade, Barnaby and Wally are soldily Bonded. they are a set, do not separate. they receive a lot of shit for this, because some kids are assholes and that's especially true for 14yr olds. and it's 2006. so Wally and Barnaby get teased/bullied a lot for their closeness. at this point they're kind of used to it. they met early in 7th grade and have been inseparable ever since. most of it slides off of them

but what is Barnaby was having an especially stressful week? one of those weeks were everything is going wrong, nothing is working out. so Barn is at the end of his rope, and then one of the main kids who likes to bother them insults Wally specifically, and badly. like it's some next level So Bad Its Almost Impressive shit. at present Barnaby is walking to his next class with Wally and Poppy. so Barnaby just kind of stops in place, mentally chooses violence, turns, walks up to the kid, and punches him as hard as he can. it knocked the bully out instantly and broke his jaw.

and keep in mind that at this point in time, Barnaby isn't the big strong guy he is later on. he hasn't had his main growth spurt yet. and he still packed enough of a punch to do Damage - which makes him even more intimidating when he Does hit his growth spurt and towers over practically everyone

the pros of this event: Frank and Julie were watching, and Frank respected Barnaby's response so much that he allowed Julie to bring him to hang out with the growing friend group at lunch / asshole kids were less inclined to insult Wally and Barnaby (or his friends) to their faces

cons: Eddie was also watching and was too scared of Barnaby for the rest of their school career to try and talk to him or his friends / Barnaby nearly got expelled but did get suspended, and that's a permanent mark on his record

so the kid goes down, everyone freaks out. Barnaby is still too angry to feel anything other than pissed off vindication. naturally higher Authorities (teachers) come to get the unconscious student to the (i almost said vet) nurse's office, and to bring Barnaby to the principle's office. they call Ms. Beagle and have her come pick him up. Wally has stuck like glue to Barnaby pretty much the whole time, except for when Barnaby was in the office to get chewed out / interrogated. when Ms. Beagle is done w/ her conversation with the principle, she takes Barnaby and Wally home.

there, Barnaby is still worked up, and as "punishment" Ms. Beagle has him do some menial tasks alongside his usual after school chores. Wally tags along, of course, and asks why the hell Barnaby did that. in a nicer Wally way of asking. this is what breaks the camels back. Barnaby just sits down and starts crying, to which Wally is like "oh no. oh fuck. what do i do." cue a solid minute of him just standing and staring in panic before awkwardly sitting next to Barnaby in solidarity.

when they go inside, Ms. Beagle already has Barnaby's favorite dinner whipped up and ready. She gives him a talk where she's essentially says "blah blah blah violence isn't the answer. however, good job for standing up to that kid. he's an asshole and deserved a good wallop." (listen im a firm believer in ms beagle having been a Wild Youth that would have thrown bricks at cops). Moods are lightened, they have a good dinner. The next day or so they need to go have a meeting with the Injured Kid's parents. that's when they find out Barnaby fully broke the kids jaw (he feels a little bad for that) and that the parents are pushing for his expulsion and also juvie. Ms. Beagle manages to whittle down the sentence to a long suspension and then detention for the rest of the year, as well as her paying the kid's hospital bill.

tl;dr Barnaby punches a kid for insulting Wally, gets a new friend out of it, nearly gets expelled, and gains a mostly unfounded Reputation that dissuades most from outright messing with him or his pals

[josecariohca]

personal ramble bc its too long to fit in the tags el oh el ignore pls <3

i can physically feel myself starting to hit a wall the longer i go without a break but like. idk im trying very hard to balance being excited about moving and going to a city i love and adore with my whole heart while also knowing i have so much to do to the point where i havent spoken to any of my friends in. literal months.

im packing and working on college apps and checking in on my grandparents and taking care of my aunts dog who needs physical therapy and making sure the house is kept up and making sure my paperwork is all updated and trying to figure out what to do with my stuff and trying to get last minute doctors appts done, and while i understand that all this stuff is necessary and wont take very long at the end of the day, i also miss my friends so much.

i miss being able to wake up and not have a laundry list of things i need to do. i miss sitting down and writing for fun, and while i have some stuff i want to post its not the same as actively engaging in things. with your friends. i miss downtime. i miss not feeling like i have a countdown clock over my head. i miss talking to people and not feeling like im wasting the very limited amount of time i have.

and like YES i know im so fucking lucky that i can even consider going to grad school in another country and im so lucky to have someplace to move to besides where i am. i knooooow that and i dont take it for granted, but im also so unbelievably tired. im dead on my feet and have been for months. im worried about my grandmother who isnt taking her medication, my grandfather who i can tell is using his denial and fear over the situation to resort to frustration and anger. im worried about my mother being left to live with my aunt while i go. im worried about how hard she works and how poorly she treats herself.

both my parents have told me it will likely be both my grandmothers' last christmas. i havent seen my dads mom in 3 years, and i likely wont even be able to say goodbye to her bc i know my moms mom will need me to stay with her. im staring down the next year with a high likelihood im losing both of them and that fucking terrifies me. im scared that if i get into a school and leave, i will literally never see them again. my grandfather included.

idk im trying not to let myself feel guilty over things ive missed and messages i havent been able to reply to bc i literally dont have the mental capacity to handle that on top of everything im already balancing and all the grief im experiencing while watching my grandmother degrade in real time. i know people miss me and i know people are upset that ive essentially disappeared, but i just dont have the time in the day to do it all and i hate it i hate feeling like ive let people down i hate feeling like i have people waiting on me, my own family included. i hate knowing i cant respond to everyone and i have no other excuses to give besides im just so busy and i cant.

i can only hope that once i leave this place, all the stress of moving will lessen and i can catch my breath a little before getting a job and getting thrown back into the countdown clock again. idk. idk!!!!! it would be nice if i could actually say any of this to my family, but i cant. i know i cant, and they wouldnt get it anyway, which is fine, they have their own issues and stresses and i dont really like disclosing personal stuff to them anyway bc it always bites me in the ass later. but i wish.

idk. i miss my friends. im trying not to feel guilty, but its not working out too well. im moving next week, so i may go quiet for a bit while i try and figure out how i can afford a storage locker so my aunt doesnt throw out everything i own.

hopefully i can catch a break and find some time to do things i actually enjoy, but we'll see.

miss you guys. wish me luck. ♥️

[esse-lunam]

an introduction to: my 90s fame dr!

please read this god please there's art in here also ive put 5+ months of work into this dr at this point so i swear that there's interesting shit in here yall I SWEAR I AM NICHE.

reblogs greatly appreciated! this took me forever teehee

ohhh my god this is a long time in the making, ive put this off for so, so long and i really couldn't tell you why. this can act as a script me into ur dr post if you like as well!

for starters, you can find my pinterest board for this dr here :3 just in case u want some cool visuals i guess :3

-

so lets get the basics outta the way shall we?

full name: marley jo veitch

nicknames: mar, marley barley, mars bars, tink (reserved for s/o), living poet (public figure nickname type deal? yknow how stevie nicks gets called the white witch? yeah that)

pronouns: they/she

DOB: june 1st, 1970 (which makes me a gemini btw!)

occupation: musician (piano, violin, guitar n bass, some drums, and saxophone), poet, author (fiction and nonfiction), actor on occasion, also a comedian that one time

skills: all things music + writing basically, film analysis, pop culture analysis i guess, home decor, drawing, fashion?, and being the most autistic person in the multiverse

appearance stats: 5'3", 145ish lbs, long brownish-reddish hair with some light brown highlights in there, sorta wavy but barely

body mods: COVERED in tats (theres a tattoo section on the pinterest board but i also drew some so), septum piercing, snake bites, and a fair few ear piercings. and also i have glasses but thats not a body mod thats just a thing on my body.

"workin and workin't? you have a job?" more on that later!

-

relationships and such! with photos!

s/o: robert sean leonard

"hey, do i recognise this guy?" you might! he played notable roles such as neil perry in dead poet's society, claudio in much ado about nothing, and james wilson in house md!

best friends: dylan kussman, allelon ruggiero, alexandra powers, and kimya dawson

"do i recognise more of these people?" again, probably! dylan, al, and alex were all in dead poets society, and kimya is a musician best known for her indie songs, some featured in the movie juno!

-

my career! (oh good lord)

writing based - undedicated musings

(1986-1993)

alright so this is a bit hard to explain, bear with me. undedicated musings is an anonymous newsletter-based poetry... publication? run by me, under the pen name 'chartreuse', and the whole shtick is that i write poetry, love letters, and whatever else to the person i'll end up spending my life with, but the recipient of said writings is completely unknown, even to me, so im kinda just writing to nobody. until! i actually set my eyes on someone (obviously rsl) and then the writings start to get a bit more specific and yearn-y and personal. since the recipient is anonymous, all the writings are written for a 'vermillion'. both chartreuse and vermillion's identities are revealed when we get married in 1993. and no, rsl doesn't know that i'm chartreuse, nobody does until i reveal myself. i think its kinda cool :3

film based - dead poet's society

(1988-1989)

so for starters, i was part of the crew that worked on the set of dead poets society, now all my friends (except kimya, her and i become friends in the late 90s) make sense! my actual job on set is kind of a vague be-here-and-do-a-bit-of-everything type deal, so there's no set title beyond "assistant to lead" even tho it's essentially government assigned 'friendship' LMAO. but! me and the cast get on like a house on fire, so i kinda just get to tag along on their wacky teenage-ish boy adventures. this totally does not stem from a desire to be part of a teenage boy friend group, and i am, in fact, totally cisgender. i am also lying. anyway, without going into too much detail, me and my s/o-not-yet-s/o (will be referring to him as rsl from this point on) sorta have a painstakingly long will they wont they type deal, because i guess i like torturing myself. we meet a day before all the actual film stuff starts just as a sort of preliminary get to know eachother because you'll be in close proximity VERY often for months. thats some time in march - june-ish? of 1988 (i shift to my dr the day before!) and we don't actually get together until june of 1989. so.

also! some changes to the movie because i can make those: knox overstreet is now played by matthew lillard instead of josh charles, because josh charles is a fucking zionist and i dont want to associate with him in any reality! knox also isnt a b plot to the movie at all, instead focusing on meeks and pitts because i find them much more interesting! and also knox's b plot is creepy as hell! also, the racism against natives (read this!) is completely gone! no thanks!

music based - MAURZI

(1988-2004 technically)

strap in boys because this is the main event of this dr and the lore is VAST. MAURZI (must be spelled in all caps, like MF DOOM) is a sort of musical person/character i've made to tell the story of via a series of albums. i release my first single in october of 1988 titled "lunarian", which is a fun little song about a being from the moon arriving on earth and having some inter-planetary culture shock. and thats the only song i've actually planned! i release 6 total albums that map out the MAURZI storyline kinda

- MAURZI (1989)

- GONE TO SHIT! (1991)

- Charmed (1992)

- I found Him in Santa Barbara (1995)

- Waterworks (1998)

- also bibliography (2004) but those are released as songs By Me and not MAURZI, just released under the same artist. MAURZI storyline ends with Waterworks.

now here's where you get the very extensive MAURZI lore. MAURZI is a sort of alternate-universe representation of me, where in i'm much more famous than i actually am in my dr, and i am absolutely RUINED by my fame in a fuck ton of ways. each album is a different section of her life so i'll explain it album by album. also for reference, in my dr capitalism/ currency isnt a thing, but in the MAURZI... verse? it is. because i like anti capitalist art! same goes for most other media im in/ participate in, actually. MAURZI uses she/her pronouns btw, i dont.

MAURZI - my self-titled album is about as close and personal to my life as i'll get, which an average amount because i still throw in some songs about shit that i have not at all done/ experienced. (ex. songs about cheating, toxic relationships, and things along those lines. thankfully ive had a mostly healthy relationship with relationships! except that one time!) MAURZI is new to the music scene but she's here to make some lovely tunes to help process some stuff! artists im taking inspiration from include (but are not limited to): sarah kinsley, dodie, jeff buckley, tv girl, mitski, and peach pit.

GONE TO SHIT! - MAURZI's first album blew the fuck up! now she's thrown into the midst of dealing with an incomprehensible amount of attention on her at all times, which she was absolutely not prepared for. what does she do to cope? sex drugs and rock n roll, baby! she also gets addicted to 2 outta those 3 things! can you guess which ones?? now, obviously, this album is entirely fictional and is only tangentially inspired by some life events, heavy emphasis on the tangentially. artists im taking inspiration from include (but are not limited to): the nonstick pans, panic! at the disco, forest, david bowie, chappel roan, and king gizzard & the lizard wizard.

Charmed - the love song album! this is basically comprised of songs i sorta wrote about rsl, but changed up a fuck ton because i wrote them while i was pining and did Not want him to knkw who they were about. in terms of MAURZI stuff, she meets someone just after deciding that she's gotta clean up her act if she wants to exist healthily. recovering alongside a loved one and them being a motivator for recovery! now i should specify here that MAURZI's s/o is not the same as mine, and is entirely gender neutral/ doesn't even have a canon(?) human appearance at all. they're named Vermillion because we love a callback! artists im taking inspiration from include (but are not limited to): the smiths, siouxsie and the banshees, james blake, queen, laufey, and her's.

I found Him in Santa Barbara - yknow how when a banana ripens too much and it starts to tuen brown? yeah imagine that logic but applied to recovery, i guess. NOW IS A GOOD TIME TO REITERATE THAT MAURZI AND I ARE TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND MAURZI IS JUST A CHARACTER. essentially MAURZI had a spiritual awakening and "found god." but what that ACTUALLY means is that she started viewing vermillion as a sort of god? but she's keeping it on the down low (making an album about it) because she doesn't want vermillion to thing she's CRINGE. themes of loving a god, being IN love with a god, being in lust with a god, temporarily thinking youre a god? stuff along those lines. its a bit intense, VERY experimental and.. heavy? both in themes and in musical style for some portions. this is my fav album out of all of them if you couldnt tell. artists im taking inspiration from include (but are not limited to): sleep token, WILLOW, type o negative, slipknot, lemon demon (specifically songs off spirit phone), hozier, violent vira, pierce the veil, gorillaz kinda, bjork, kate bush, deftones, destroy boys, and rammstein probably.

Waterworks - so yknow how MAURZI was having a whole trouble with god moment? yeah well thats gone now, no i haven't figured out how that'll work narratively, thats for me to figure out in like 10 years from now (now being 1988, naturally.) we've returned to our self-titled roots in terms of musical style! now we've just got some fun themes of trauma and such! and then that's the and of MAURZI as a character story wise, as i said earlier the album after this one is just a Me album. same artist inspo as self titled!

and guess what! music lore isnt even fuckin done! my music in this dr is a multiverse in itself goddamn. so basically the album covers for each album tell a completely seperate story about a completely seperate alter ego/ character/ whatever named Moonzi. name given by my audience (which is my excuse for coming up with such a shitty name and then keeping it.) the story of moonzi, without going into too much detail because i dont wanna type it all out, is a sci-fi type story about a being from the moon (lunarian callback!) on a quest to bring this space artifact back to its original place, basically. a bit more on it later, emphasis on a bit. also! each album cover is drawn by a different artist, and each album artist animates one official music video off their respective album, just cuz i like art and stuff! those music videos kinda follow the moonzi storyline loosely, but incorporate MAURZI elements. is this confusing? hope not. drawings!

writing based - novels

can you believe im still not done? like not even close? certified yapper. anyway! my 3 fiction novels (Manchester, NH - 1991, Curator Rye, 1997, Sand Dollars + Pearls - 2008) are about my ocs basically! thats it really, i dont feel the need to share the plots of those tbh.

writing based - autobiographies

two? yep! one is a fictional autobiography about MAURZI (MAURZI - 1999) and one is a non fictional autobiography about me (Radio Free Marley - 2012.) take a shot every time i say MAURZI and you will need to get your stomach pumped. she just. she means a lot to me :3

film based - doctor who

(1994-1999)*

*these dates are when im on the show btw, not its total runtime, same applies to other cr existing shows.

big disclaimer: never seen doctor who. dont know the plot, dont know which doctor i'm gonna be, i just wanna be in it.

so! my version of the doctor is kinda weird. its one doctor, but played by two people, but theyre one person. we're both the doctor. and by we i mean both me and rsl, obviously. the viewer sees the doctor as two different people, but NOBODY ELSE IN THE DAMN SHOW besides our little companion buddy guy (played by my cr friend fish!) SEES, ACKNOWLEDGES, OR IS ABLE TO VIEW THE DOCTOR AS TWO PEOPLE. its really complicated and i really did not have to make it that way, but its cool to me so i really dont care. also we're breakjng the doctor who cycle of boring suit and tie (this is NOT about you 15 <3) and going steampunk-esque. again, cuz i wanna.

film based - house md

(2005 - 2010)

marley veitch be in a show without rsl challenge (failed.) i play a character i made up named Nanette Amesbury who is essentially wilson's first ex wife. does he have a canon first ex wife? think so (i actually havent finished house oops.) do i care? you can take a guess. nanette (nicknamed ninny - which im well aware means dumb) is the director of the pediatrics department at princeton plainsboro and she kinda has a fwb type deal with wilson before figuring out shes a lesbian, having a crush on cuddy, being besties with kutner, then leaving the show in season 6. (zeth if ur reading this yes i made her show up for more than 2 seconds she just. means so much to me. also i want cudbury content.) im also a writer for the show so im there for its entire run time :3 i really like this show :3

film based - moonzi

(2016)

YEAHHHHH BABY SHES BACK!!! moonzi's storyline gets adapted into an adult swim animated tv show! i do screenwriting, stiryboarding, and voice acting! style wise, think teen titans mixed with bojack horseman mixed with archer. sick space visuals also!

comedy based - dying art

(2020)

idk i wanted to do a standup special! dunno what it's about. ill leave that up to future me to decide because this isn't happening for 32 damn years and i really just dont wanna come up with a standup special rn.

film based - radio free marley

(whenever)

i wanted a biopic, but i wanted it to be both about me and MAURZI, and how points in my life influenced or inspire songwriting. so the episode structure is like

ep 1: about me, point in my life

ep 2: about MAURZI, point in her life thats sorta related but not entirely to the events in ep 1

ep 3: about me, point in my life

ep 4: about MAURZI, point in her life thats sorta related but not entirely to the events in ep 3

ep 5: you get the idea

and then this goes on for 12 episodes and ends with the MAURZI story wrapping up and with me sorta retiring kinda. dont know when it'll be made, probably at some point in my 60s or whatever. im permashifting if you couldnt tell btw.

and thats it! after all this im just kinda existing and living life and whatever else. so with that outta the way i'll list some fun facts and i'll FINALLY BE DONE JESUS CHRIST IVE BEEN WRITING THIS FOR LIKE 3 HOURS.

- i live in new york city! manhattan to be specific

- i also have a lake house in new hampshire because i Need to be in a rural area at some points

- my house's interior design is very 70s themed and its WHIMSICAL AND FUN! maximalism, whimsigoth, nooks and crannys to be in, fun and varied seating options, conversation pit, loft bedroom, whole 9 yards. ive also got a gazebo on my roof!

- i have 2 siblings in my dr (not here im an only child in my cr womp womp) named lia and monty, theyre my best friends in my cr!

- ive also got a cat! she's a ragdoll kitty named yvonne, shes a sweetheart!

- i scripted out light pollution so the sky is all pretty at night, highly recommend you do the same

- im in STOMP at one point, dont know or care when, i just wanna be in it

- robin williams........... he is a father figure to me................ sniff sob

- yes i scripted out his death i simply cannot deal with that

- PUBLIC TRANSPORT AND WALKABLE SOCIETY!!!!! NO MORE CAR BASED US SOCIEY WOOOO!!!

- i cant fucking believe i havent mentioned this yet but im scottish?? im not scottish in my cr i was just thinking about david tennant when i was forming the dr idea back in january and it stuck. MAURZI is american tho

- hilson is canon in my dr LMAOAOOA

- thats all i got

sweet lord in heaven above if you've read this whole thing im giving u a big kiss. this is so long and i really dont wanna proofread it so im not gonna, excuse any spelling or grammar mistakes.

[what-thisiscrazzzy]

Okay I just wrote and essay on soap operas and while doing this is read Glen Creeber’s ‘serial television’ where he discussed the hybridisation of the soap opera and its characteristic of the ‘flexi- narrative’ and I want to talk about how this applies to 911 on ABC especially with the season 6 ending and the season 8 renewal 3 episodes into its new season.

Disclaimer: I don’t want to write a whole essay on this and i dont fully have an idea where im going with this. this is just me rambling.

Firstly Creeber defines the soap opera as: A continuous, never-ending drama series usually set around the domestic and intimate lives of a small community that explicitly resists narrative closure.

The 'flexi-narrative' is the characteristic of soap operas where there are multiple narratives running separately and with different tones. not all of these narratives will reach a complete conclusion, some trailing off and some left open for further exploration. This creates a sense of realism as real life continues on and doesnt have a conclusion.

Additionally, Christine Geraghty explains that realism in soaps is also built by the way that the narrative continues without the viewer creating the sense that they live a day to day life beyon what the viewer can observe.

A quick explanation of hybridisation is that elements such as the flexinarrative and the focus on close interpersonal relationships rather than larger overarching plotlines and politics. Within the text that I'm referring to there is a discussion of how shows based on work places become less about the jobs and more about these relationships.

John Wilsher (who is quoted in this book) states that essentially all drama is becoming a soap opera with these more personal stories, this is stated like a negative by him but I personally find these narrative more interesting as they become more psychological and allow for a discussion of more personal topics and political implications.

But basically what is being said is the drama now is a sort of hybrid with soap operas and has adapted to include the flexi-narrative and a focus on more personal narrastives.

This is where my thoughts come to 911 and its move to ABC. The previous season of 911's ending was created with the knowledge that the show would most likely be cancelled (i don't know at what point the writers where aware of this but i think it can be assumed that the season didn't start with this confirmed and/or known) this meant that everything had to be wrapped up, every story line must come to a form of conclusion. I think it can be easily said that most viewers and fans found the conclusion as unsatisfying due to the choices made by writers. However, I think to an extent no conclusion would be satisfying as 911 is a show that benefits and thrives on the flexi-narrative. In a sense it is a hybrid of the soap opera similar to most modern procedurals and within this is the expectation that it will feature continuous plot lines and refer back to its past stories. This can be seen in the various 'Buck' iterations, the acknowledgement of Buck's character progression. A large part of 911 is the personal development of characters like Buck but also Bobby and his alcoholism, Hen's family and its occasional issues and celebrations, Chim and his journey with relationships and Maddie with overcoming abuse and developing a healthy family. Any final conclusion to 911 will feel unsatisfying as the show has built on the sense of realism, these characters have been shown to experience life beyond the plot and to write it to a close feels unnatural.

I also believe the way they chose to conclude specifically Bucks story did feel rush, if anything if they didn't have time to give him a fully developed love interest then they should have returned to a previous iteration of the couch metaphor and had him happy single or continue looking for love with a healthier mind set. To give him a concrete close without the time to set up a fulfilling future feels odd even if you have no investment in Buddie or if you did have investment in his relationship with Natalia. The narrative structure of 911 creates the pattern that there is no happy ending, they just continued development. The ending of season 6 didn't create a sense that Buck will develop more, his new relationship felt almost closed. I think a comparison to this is Eddie's ending which did feel like a closing but instead like a slightly new beginning (I don't personally like Marisol but this isnt about opinions of the love interest but instead how she is introduced) as it was an opening to Eddie developing past... well his past.

Anyway this is all to say that the renewal of 911 after 3 episodes of season 7 does sit well with this comparison to soap operas in terms of its benefits. 911 works better when the writers can write these flexi-narratives that are continuous and could last not just for a season but beyond that. I think that's sort of where 911 has suffered as it sometimes tries to close narratives that don't require closure or are ended too early. Such as the Buckley parents, that's a narrative that could have been taken through multiple seasons and even with forgiveness it could be something that could be further discussed. But season 8 being renewed allows the writers the safety to write continuous stories that don't need to be concluded by the end of the season. I think in general 911 thrives when it doesn't try to close things and instead continues on. A wedding isn't the ending of the dating era but a new beginning, a death isn't the end but a way to explore its ramifications, etc.

This was all just me rambling bc i had to read a bunch of stuff for uni and 911 was on my brain but ultimately what i want to get at is procedural shows such as 911 benefit more from being treated as soap operas or at least using the characteristics they have inherited to its advantage and if they are given the freedom to create long running and never ending personal narratives they can develop a more satisfying story.

This all made more sense in my head sorry

[whompbiscuits]

EMERGENCY COMMISSSIONS bc we are poor and have overdue bills to pay

did not want to make this post but here we are. my wife and I moved to Augusta 3 months ago hoping to find better work opportunities, and it's not going great. we have friends who have given us housing, but our personal bills have gone unpaid for over a month now, and despite finding a job I just do not make enough to pay them. we're working with our bank to get our payments lowered (my credit is now officially shot) but we still owe over $800 in back payments.

I'm not asking for donations (though they are appreciated I won't lie); instead im opening my crochet comms.

i make lace shawls; pics below

they're big; I have 26" wide shoulders and these fall to at least my elbow if not lower. they're made of a cotton/acrylic blend that is easy to care for (machine washable if run on a delicate cycle w cold water in a garment bag; hang or lay flat to dry) and can come in essentially any color variation.

you can choose what colors you want and whether you want the gradient to flow from one point asymmetrically to the opposite edge (the first pic) or evenly out from the center (pics 2 and 3). the actual lace pattern is up to me, because while my lace is simple it is freeform, and I don't follow any specific pattern for my shawls. as a result they're all different and unique, this is part of the charm!

I'm asking $150 per piece; this covers both materials and my time and labor.

i also have to order the yarn I'd need; this yarn isn't the cheapest so I don't have a stash of it at the moment. the shops I order from are very prompt, however, so this won't take too much extra time.

overall turnaround time is 4 weeks from the time I receive the yarn, but it rarely takes me that long.

I'm opening 6 slots

if they all go that'll be enough to get my bills right, which is all I need right now. payment is required before I can order the yarn, but I'll send whatever updates you ask for as I work on your project. if this goes off I'll keep track of my progress on a given project in my pinned post.

if anyone is interested, please dm me and we can go over all the details.

**if you want something bigger, like a poncho or a cape, I can do that! but it'll cost more.**

if you don't want or can't afford a $150 shawl I absolutely understand, reblogs are much appreciated 💜

[some-greatreward]

it's sunday evening here so i get to go on a deranged little marrissey rant as a treat.

anyway i was just thinking like i genuinely don't know what the most devastating "last smiths song" is.

like y'all well aware that IWSY is my top played song of all time, and the last track of the last smiths studio album ending with "i'll see you somewhere, i'll see you sometime, darling..." is a REAL gutpinch, like it fucking hurts. moreso in hindsight when we know that the smiths never did end up reforming, so this mythical "somewhere, sometime" is just that - an abstract, mythical idea to hold onto. and not to mention this is a track that even in the studio raised a few eyebrows around johnny's then-recent collaborations with other artists.

the other two, i keep mine hidden/work is a four-letter word, are pretty goofy when you first listen to them ngl. they don't really sound like smiths tunes (obviously one of them is a cover), they feel brighter, more upbeat than you'd expect, but BOY oh boy is that deceptive.

i've found I Keep Mine Hidden absolutely devastating ever since it suddenly clicked for me a couple months ago. And I think, if I actually tried to pull it apart, it's because it's a song about someone who KNOWS they're a lot to deal with, but can't really do anything about it because that's who they are. it's a very defeated, resigned song set to a cheerful beat. it's moz saying "i know im not easy to be around, but it's hard for me too, bc that's who i am." Knowing what we do about their relationship at that stage, you can pretty much see where this is going, especially paired with the other song:

"work is a four-letter word" featuring the very on-the-nose lyrics of "if you stay / i'll stay right beside you / and my love might help to remind you / to forget that work is a four-letter word". Like let's not kid ourselves. Being in a band is a job. It certainly started to feel like an unpleasant job for johnny at that point, and moz would've been the most sensitive to that. so you can kind of see through these 3 songs that there's an overall message here. he's saying, essentially, "i get that im not easy to deal with. I get that you don't enjoy being in the band anymore. But i want you to stay, for me, and i'll make it good for you again."

so we have to assume that johnny either didn't get the message (hah), or that he understood but wasn't able to follow through with what moz wanted. either way, it does hurt a little when you think that they attribute the cilla black cover as what broke the smiths up, when it is so obviously a sentiment wrapped in a little musical box.

[tsuyonpuu]

And another question - how long do you draw? What drawing programs do you use and how to achieve the same drawing skill as you do?

Hii!! Here too a big sorry for not answering this ask earlier I simply had no idea it existed haha I'll answer regardless!! I've been drawing more or less seriously since 2012! Which is when I got my very first drawing tablet too hehe ever since then I've been in love with digital art!! I used to draw most with my PC desk setup and Painttool SAI (the first version) with my Intuos Pro M that is also 10 years old by now and i never got a different tables for my desk setup hahaha For the past couple of 2-3 i switched to the Ipad with Procreate! I love how convenient it is and I really fell in love with procreate as a software!

Regarding skill or something like that, I personally don't consider myself a good artist because I lack technical skills tbh! I think i am like average at best lol I lack fundamentals and I never do real studies- I do like to think that I'm pretty good with picking colours!! I like to watch YT videos on other people doing studies or techniques and trying to keep an open mind and eye on other media or styles- I love graphic design, I love video editing, I love concept art, I love brand design and other layout stuff and i think looking outside your own field in art helps you to expand on style and visual understanding. Sometimes i make sketches, sometimes i do lineart, sometimes i skip all steps and just start painting, i think its important to not limit yourself in how you work or what you do! Art is just about having fun!! Which is probably always my main advice for drawing or art. If you have fun, if you love what you make and if you keep an open mind and are willing to expand your horizon, then everything else will just come from alone!! Like I genuinely love what im doing and I love my own art and i think that's more important to me than technical skill :) (and i just want to point out that this is my personal opinion and I do acknowledge that technical skill is not just important but also beautiful to look at and essential at many jobs in the art field, I just personally don't like studying hahahah)

[moroser]

Human AU question:

How did the first meeting between baby Hunter and his aunt Eda go?

I feel like Lilith wouldn't trust her sister to hold the baby. Idk why

Love your art btw <3

okay, cracks knuckles cause im about to type a bunch about this.

for the start of hunter's life (before he's born and while he's little) eda lives out west in oregon, near gwen and dell (but not with) and she lives similarly to how she lives in canon owl house. her house isn't grand, she lives 'paycheck to paycheck' which in most cases is not from real work. lilith even sends her money at times to help her out, especially once she acquires king. the two of them are crusty livin' and scraping by but eda always makes life fun.

eda is a carefree mom. she's a functioning alcoholic and she doesn't have much of her life together from the outside looking in. but, she manages and her and king are happy campers most of the time. eda is a big stress and negativity swallower, keeping it inside and when she does need money, she won't even directly ask lilith most of the time but lilith can tell and she'll send it anyways. and usually, eda won't send it back because she Does need it.

lilith's emotional neglect from gwen and dell, growing up, comes from the fact that eda was a very sick child (from about 8-14) and most of their attention went into eda and her medical journey. while lilith understood that eda was sick, bitterness did grow. resentment to her parents grew. despite, she did not hate eda and usually worried for her but after a point, sealed herself off and essentially isolated herself into her schooling. for college, she applied to college in massachusett's, was accepted, and left. from there, she never went back to oregon and established a life for herself in mass, basically from scratch because lilith is resourceful and capable like that.

while living away, she keeps in touch with eda much more than gwen and dell, really only sending them cards on holidays that matter and visiting once a year, if her schedule permitted.

eda is the first person she tells about hunter. so eda is there for her and helps her through all of her anxiety about things and they face time about it until he's born. eda makes fun of her and lilith has hung up on her before. but, the whole time before he's born, they don't tell gwen and dell cause eda is a good secret keeper. and lilith doesn't even tell her parents about hunter until he's like 3 months old, screams. but lilith flies eda and king out to visit her and see the baby (i should mention king is 3 when hunter's born), and they get to meet him. lilith doesn't like anyone holding him because she worked hard making him and she's protective and in eda's case, the two of them live very differently. but she calms herself enough to let her. she makes her sit down and a certain way and coaches her through it. there are rules.

when eda holds him and all his tinyness she is a little smitten and there's a softness about it and she looks at lilith, who's staring at her with worry about her holding him and that eda is about to tease her, but eda says she can't believe she did this and has a son. then she tells her she thinks she did a good job and it makes lilith blush and really awkward. she's taken aback? the praise and acknowledgement from someone (even if it's eda) feels nice but overwhelming. and she'd tell her, ''thank you, edalyn." then eda would smile and there is their soft moment before she says, '' can't believe you were storked up,'' which kind of shatters it and makes lilith huffy and eda laugh really ugly.

eda would ask lilith if king can hold hunter too and with a lot of hesitancy she'd say okay but only if she could help, so lilith sits with king and helps that small boy hold the even smaller boy. there's a lot of anxiety sharing her life with others in intimate settings. she has a lot of trouble with that and internal hang ups but she would cherish this time, ultimately.

[theonlyadawong]

my understanding of val and sheila - a chorus line

(warning! this post is super long. also, im not a writer. so.)

in val's monologue she talks about how she was a better dancer than the people that got cast, it was just that she wasn't as conventionally attractive as the other women, so she didn't get cast. val then says, "but after a while i caught on. i mean, i saw what they were hiring," and then she looks to sheila, who has a knowing, proud look on her face. the immediate reaction to this is that sheila is getting cast because of her fuller figure, which is not untrue, but it is also val calling out sheila for relying on looks and being an inadequate dancer. remember, this is the sheila who stops dancing upon getting placed upstage, the sheila who always has a snarky remark about thr audition ready to go, the sheila who by the end, admits that maybe this is the end for her broadway career. sheila represents the women who val was losing jobs to, the ones she was better than, the ones who relied solely on their figure to get jobs, which is why val so blatantly calls sheila out in the middle of the audition. when you remember that val was losing jobs because of women like sheila (or more specifically because of the system which values conventionally attractive people more than those deemed "ugly." that being said, val doesn't take her anger out on the system, she takes her anger out on sheila) suddenly, sheilas jokes about only knowing choreography when she was in the front are not funny anymore, they're infuriating.

on the flipside of this, sheila is a woman who has been working for years, and she's tired now, and despite not being that old (she's only 30) she knows the business will not accept her as she ages. this is something val proves to her when she announces she got plastic surgery, and it did, in fact, change her life for the better. in fact, val's exact words are, "keep the best of you, do the rest of you." while this isn't directed at sheila at all, it is a sentiment that im sure strikes her in her heart, because it's something she's been thinking about herself (before "what i did for love" she has the line, "hell im 30. i mean, how many years do i have left to be a chorus cutie? 3? 4. if i get my eyes done.") also, when val is asked her age she says, "old. no- 25," which must be yet another blow to sheila, as she's the oldest woman on the line, and to hear the person who upstaged you call themselves old when they're only 5 years younger than you must burn.

(also note that sheila and val have similar introductions

SHEILA: I'm Sheila Bryant. Really Sarah Rosemary Bryant, which I really hate. I was born in Colorado Springs, Colorado. And I'm gonna be 30 real soon, and I'm real glad.

VAL: Well, as far as I'm concerned, I'm Valerie Clark, but my parents think I'm Margaret Mary Houlihan. Couldn't you just die? I was born in the middle of nowhere, a little town called Arlington, Vermont. Bye-bye

ZACK: How old are you?

VAL: Old. No- 25

both women hate their birth names, and you easily could make the point that sheila associates her birth name with her home life, specifically her parents, which she states she tried to avoid, meaning they have the same reason for taking up stage names. then they both say where they're from and then they state their age. sheila states hers with faux confidence, as she knows she will soon be aged out of the business, while zack has to force val to share her age, she even prefaces it by saying she's old, despite the fact that she's not, because she too is feeling the years creep up on her. (again, she's not old, nor do i think either of these women are old, but show business is loaded with misogyny).

it is also important to note that both women express the desire to move out of dancing. val says she's gotten into acting, and sheila admits that she might consider teaching. the difference, however, is that in leaving to teach, sheila would essentially be giving up her career (see cassie's line in her monologue, "and what i really don't want to do is to teach other people what i should be doing myself." this line is cassie stating that being a dance teacher would be a miserable last resort for her), while val would still be in the business, just a different part of the business. but still, both have realized dancing is not for them.

sheila also has the line, "and then your 25, and then you say 'just a couple of years more.' hell im 30..." and then she continues on about not having left to be in the chorus. while this line is about herself, this is also something that im sure resonates with val, as she is 25, and here she is auditioning for the chorus, and here's sheila telling her what her future will look like. this fear that sheila has, it's in val too, which is why shes forced herself into acting, it gives her another avenue to perform, but it is not a guaranteed path to success, it's just something to keep her in the game a little longer.

at the end of the day, sheila and val are the same person just at different times in their life, and im sure in five years, val will be someone's sheila, and a younger woman will be her val, and the cycle will continue.

and in the end, both of these women's feelings toward each other and themselves are validated when val gets cast and sheila doesn't.

[orchidyoonkook]

personal

Hi, need to scream. Tumblr seems to listen best. can and please feel free to ignore.

okay so essentially my job has removed all of the things I use and need in order to be able to do my job with my mental disorder. my mental DISABILTY. that i was honest with them and told them about at my freaking trial shift. that i told them i needed certain things in order to do well. nothing drastic. but things that helped me significantly with my performace.

SOOOOOOOOO i am now severely struggling at my job because they've taken those away cuz they were 'annoying' or 'in the way' or 'clutter'. like. im not even leaving shit every where. It's like, maybe at most 3 sticky notes? (for example) and they're written just for me, like just so i can have a list of things i can do and know to go back and look on when i need a task because ive finished the one i was doing. but then my boss reads them and critiques them as if they're for everyone. or says 'okay yeah but we do that every day so i dont see why you have to write it down. you should know to do it by now' LIKE BRO. I forget to put deodorant on some days because of said mental disability. it's something i do and have done every day since i was 12 or 13. thats 12 years. and i still forget some days just cuz my brain wasn't working properly.

AND now due to this they have put me, one of the staff currently with more seniority than 3 other staff, down to one shift a week, while every one else is full time or heavily part time.

In march i was full time and kicking ass, I was the fastest employee on my tasks, i was doing great, the customers loved me and now that all of my things that i need in order to function have been removed for everyone else's aesthetic preferences, I'm suffering, and most likely being silently fired.

like... what do i do with that. I can do my job, with my accomadations - that arent that many btw - i dont expect them to move mountains for me. But dude. I hate this feeling so much because i'm capable, theyve seen me be capable. i was for 1.5 years. like i want to be good at my job. I like and enjoy being good at my job. i've told them that. I want to do good but my ability to be good is being derailed, and i just get told to try harder, just work harder, impress your boss with how hard you work -> for minimum wage, i might add.

and everyone is like "just get a new job, just apply for more jobs you're not applying for enough, literally just apply for everything, even if youre not qualified" and i cant just do that, due to said disability. there are jobs i am unable to do. so i have to be a lil picky otherwise i'll be right back where i am now. and ive been looking for months and applying for months with no luck - no one ever responds. why list jobs if you dont respond?????

it's getting to the point where im debating opening up drawing commissions or writing commissions, or something that i can make to earn a little extra cash here and there while i get over this transition period. And that's a big deal for me because i don't do commissions. I do my art for myself or for when i want to share something i've made already, like the UTWT books. Hell, I did a tattoo design for a friend on here that i put easily 40 hours into, and i felt guilty that they wanted to pay me for it because i'd asked them for the idea. Like, i don't do commissions. so for me to be considering it is really telling for me.

anyways. this is a bajillion words long now, but i already feel better. and I'm posting it in the middle of the night in hopes that the void just consumes it and never lets it see the light of day.

If you read this, thanks and sorry for the bummer of a post. This isnt a pity party or a poor yoon thing. I'm not looking for comfort or any of that. this is a 'i don't have a therapist and my friends and partner and family are sick of hearing me bitch, when i havent been able to fix it in months despite trying my best too' thing. so yeah..

i hope the new year brings me something good.