#im being a downer i know

[dollgutted]

tumblr is just gonna become my thought dump now that i can't use quotev to update everyone abt my interests and how i'm doing: and can i just say, i'm not doing well. i'm gonna throw a FIT actually. my doctor's appointment went pretty poorly, and i'm not really on the road to recovery at all, i'm still at the beginning basically.

crohns fucking sucks and i'm angry about it. it actively effects my daily life and i'm just sick and tired constantly. i want to feel better for once. i swear to fucking god, crohns is making my MDD worse. and to top it off, on these antibiotics i'm taking for my current crohns related inflammation problem, i can't take my antidepressants. so like, i can't even begin to manage my depression alongside managing my physical symptoms. and of course, the steroids they have me on to manage the physical symptoms? yeah that causes insomnia. which also worsens the depression. because i sit up all night thinking about any and everything when i should be sleeping. which in turn worsens my already existing daily fatigue that just comes with the territory of being disabled.

it is pure misery right now boys and there is no sun on the horizon. my doctor basically said there's nothing she can do to help me at the current moment because my insurance won't cover the tests i need, and i can't afford that shit out of pocket either, so it's just a waiting game. waiting until i get so bad i have to go back to the ER and they HAVE to take care of me out of necessity OR waiting for this new insurance to accept me and help me cover the tests. whichever comes first. sigh.

[lavellane]

can i say something. can i be mean.

they did not need to hire matt fucking mercer to play manfred lol

[eddiegettingshot]

it’s been like 12 hours and i am still genuinely happy about bi buck but like. him getting physically aggressive with eddie actually ruined the entire execution for me and is making me feel slightly sick about buck. if this isn’t addressed thoroughly it’s going to be incredibly fucked up. i don’t know why i am supposed to not care about it

[cheerfullycatholic]

So just found out my baby niece or nephew might be born on the same day my grandmother died 👍 that wouldn't be bad at all but I know a couple people in my family would rather mourn death than celebrate new life and wouldn't let him or her forget it

[iiusia]

i think there is just something fundamentally wrong with my brain that makes it and school not mix

[nights-nonsensical-ramblings]

I'm really nervous for the third sonic movie. not for anything about the movie itself but for the fact that every single Scu thing (with the exception of drone home maybe?) Has been shortly preceded and/or followed by some kind of personal social tragedy.

And it's really weird cuz it started me writing and without that I wouldn't have met most of my current friends. But at the same time im associating it with the loss of multiple relationships.

Am I an overly anxious person that catastrophises every little thing? Yes. Am I superstitious? not really. But the fact that this keeps happening, And i keep ending up upset near an scu release due to social issues is getting really really freaky and almost makes it seem like there is something weird going on. The storyteller in me wants to call it like a deal, it got me into the sonic franchise and so many good things, but the trade off is ill feel hurt and loose something each time something in that universe comes out.

[piplupod]

really want to blow this account up and start fresh but ... i like having the archive of things... i have a very shoddy memory so its nice to have access to a memory-keeping space.... i just feel so unhappy with and embarrassed by the people I've been (though im grateful they got us through all that shit, even though we're not really anywhere good still)

i just. head in my hands. i feel so embarrassed by everything I've ever been and I wish I could hide it all away so people don't see that and carry it with them in their idea of me.

....I think maybe my loneliness is starting to get to me! I am wanting to show people my Best self, but that is not my true self. i just want so badly to be likeable and to have friends 😭

[aceyanaheim]

The "I'm an optimist that's why I'm like this" tags were influenced by a lot of things but also

When I was still teaching there was this Republican teacher who taught with me and hearing her say while she thought my headphones were on that "ppl like me" were weak and I

You ever feel over 2 decades of anger over abuse slam into you at once?

[the-depression-gremlin]

theres been severe thunder storms recently in my area today and theres been several tornados and in that time ive realized its very possible i could die.

[oasisofgalaxies]

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[frobby]

i love madoka magica however i dont think we as a fandom talk enough about how tragic madoka herself is. probably because the narrative itself steers you away from thinking about her personally. shes not a character shes a desire that homura has, shes a force of good, shes homura's foil. but those are all madoka's narrative roles but madoka herself as a person is not really looked at because we are viewing this world from an unreliable narrator(homura) who only sees madoka as those things. The best thing homura could have done for madoka was give up on her, to let her go. because every time we go back in time the image of madoka is distorted, she loses more of herself every regression of homura's as she tries harder and harder to save her. We don't even know what madoka originally wished for to become a magical girl in the original timeline. and she actually acts quite differently than the madoka we meet. shes a lot more honest and caring and bold. by the time homura's has reached the actual anime madoka has been reduced by the sands of time to a figment of herself. she has no wants or desires of her own beyond wanting to do good and help her friends and when all her humanity is stripped away is when she finally acends to godhood because thats all thats left of her. an ideal and a faith in her. madoka kaname died a long time ago and all that is left is her ghost.

[ozymoron]

i cant fucking stand people who act like theyre seeing the world more realistically by being so negative all the time like youre not seeing shit realistically youre making everyone around you uncomfortable and miserable and you should go get councilling or somwthing

[obnoxiousarcade]

I have a longing to be understood more than anything else i think

[jackross-v]

Serious post for once;

I've genuinely never cared about anything /this/ much before and I know it's kind of silly but please, if at all possible, spare a thought for my cat. He's gonna have to undergo brain surgery tomorrow and as he's already pretty old the chances of him making it out of it are not great to say the least.

I love that cat more than I've ever loved anything or anyone and I've seen how hard he's been fighting for months against all he's been going through. He doesn't want to leave and we don't want him to go, not like this. So please, root for him, even though I know it's silly to think that'll do anything.

[bananastarion]

*quietly deletes my art post and sulks*

[thediktatortot]

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