#im being a downer i know

[dollgutted]

tumblr is just gonna become my thought dump now that i can't use quotev to update everyone abt my interests and how i'm doing: and can i just say, i'm not doing well. i'm gonna throw a FIT actually. my doctor's appointment went pretty poorly, and i'm not really on the road to recovery at all, i'm still at the beginning basically.

crohns fucking sucks and i'm angry about it. it actively effects my daily life and i'm just sick and tired constantly. i want to feel better for once. i swear to fucking god, crohns is making my MDD worse. and to top it off, on these antibiotics i'm taking for my current crohns related inflammation problem, i can't take my antidepressants. so like, i can't even begin to manage my depression alongside managing my physical symptoms. and of course, the steroids they have me on to manage the physical symptoms? yeah that causes insomnia. which also worsens the depression. because i sit up all night thinking about any and everything when i should be sleeping. which in turn worsens my already existing daily fatigue that just comes with the territory of being disabled.

it is pure misery right now boys and there is no sun on the horizon. my doctor basically said there's nothing she can do to help me at the current moment because my insurance won't cover the tests i need, and i can't afford that shit out of pocket either, so it's just a waiting game. waiting until i get so bad i have to go back to the ER and they HAVE to take care of me out of necessity OR waiting for this new insurance to accept me and help me cover the tests. whichever comes first. sigh.

[rosykims]

can i say something. can i be mean.

they did not need to hire matt fucking mercer to play manfred lol

[frobby]

i love madoka magica however i dont think we as a fandom talk enough about how tragic madoka herself is. probably because the narrative itself steers you away from thinking about her personally. shes not a character shes a desire that homura has, shes a force of good, shes homura's foil. but those are all madoka's narrative roles but madoka herself as a person is not really looked at because we are viewing this world from an unreliable narrator(homura) who only sees madoka as those things. The best thing homura could have done for madoka was give up on her, to let her go. because every time we go back in time the image of madoka is distorted, she loses more of herself every regression of homura's as she tries harder and harder to save her. We don't even know what madoka originally wished for to become a magical girl in the original timeline. and she actually acts quite differently than the madoka we meet. shes a lot more honest and caring and bold. by the time homura's has reached the actual anime madoka has been reduced by the sands of time to a figment of herself. she has no wants or desires of her own beyond wanting to do good and help her friends and when all her humanity is stripped away is when she finally acends to godhood because thats all thats left of her. an ideal and a faith in her. madoka kaname died a long time ago and all that is left is her ghost.

[cheerfullycatholic]

So just found out my baby niece or nephew might be born on the same day my grandmother died 👍 that wouldn't be bad at all but I know a couple people in my family would rather mourn death than celebrate new life and wouldn't let him or her forget it

[zawehzawah]

As things get worse, i feel like i need to be clearer with my gratitude in case i dont get the chance to later but

Everyone who has ever donated to us, but especially to Plaid, Mark, and Halisa: thank you. Thank you for so much support and care. You three have been the most consistent and generous people over the years, and i cannot ever express the depths of my gratitude to you.

I can't repay you even tho I wish I couls, but know that you have kept us housed, clothed, and fed. We would have been made homeless a dozen times over without you.

I honestly dont know how much my long covid has effected my survival odds, but i dont ever ever ever want there to be a chance that any of you think i've taken your kindness and support for granted in any capacity, so im saying it now while i still can.

I wish i could find a way to thank you properly, but for now this is all i can offer. I love you, please take care of yourselves, and be safe.

[liuisi]

i think there is just something fundamentally wrong with my brain that makes it and school not mix

[the-depression-gremlin]

theres been severe thunder storms recently in my area today and theres been several tornados and in that time ive realized its very possible i could die.

[oasisofgalaxies]

.

[jackross-v]

Serious post for once;

I've genuinely never cared about anything /this/ much before and I know it's kind of silly but please, if at all possible, spare a thought for my cat. He's gonna have to undergo brain surgery tomorrow and as he's already pretty old the chances of him making it out of it are not great to say the least.

I love that cat more than I've ever loved anything or anyone and I've seen how hard he's been fighting for months against all he's been going through. He doesn't want to leave and we don't want him to go, not like this. So please, root for him, even though I know it's silly to think that'll do anything.

[bananastarion]

*quietly deletes my art post and sulks*

[thediktatortot]

.

[axemetaphor]

had a work call for my internship earlier w the lead animator of the project (I say that as if the whole team rn isnt like... the writer the 3d modeler her and me lmao) and the first thing she said was "pardon me if this is a bit inappropriate but it sounds like your voice has gotten deeper since the last time we spoke" and I just. well I love working with other trans people I think we tend to notice and be complimentary of these things more often ♡

[dragonji]

its time for yet another brain game of am i like fully neurotic or was this genuinely not a cool situation . prize is jack shite and yet im playing anyways👍

[woolydemon]

i struggle as a fn@f hater who cannot ignore how Sc0tt c@wth0n still profits off the franchise when so many of my friends have fn@f-tism oTL