#i am so tired guys. im so tired. im so tired im so tired
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im genuinely really sorry because i dodnt know if you like? actually want their names? but heres them [ if you didnt really want to sorry for the notif! ]
these two are the same guy! his name is vincent, and hes one of my five shared ocs with an irl friend i refer to as vilan typically [they cannot spell to save their life, so its misspelled on purpose ]
here's another one of he above, named walter! the firat doodle was my vilan at 1 am, typically their drawings are higher quality haha
and jeffery, the third of the trio! the traditional drawing is by vilan as well
while all 5 belong to the same story, the other two are more seperate from this trio. their names are luca and syanide. [ again, spelled wrong on purpose. that was my bad, actually! i thought cyanide was spelled syinide and we kept it similar. ]
if you ask abt any of them ill probably ask vilan to help out!
buggycat! a slugcat oc of mine. buggycat is made by an iterator named thirteen watchers of endless night [ TWOEN ] and is from the rain world dewdrop mod im planning to make one day. the following slugcats and iterators are from that same mod.
shredder, thistle, and fraud, in that order: shredder is a slugcat from faraway lands, able to carry pearls in their stomach and review past read data for pearls in game. shredder is massive and thus forth needs much more food.
thistle has the standard diet, and is mostly your average slugcat- except with meows and spines to use for a one time huge range attack!
fraud is completely carnivorous, and eats with its superpowered mauling capabilities.
OWT, Recollections, Starburst, and TWOEN
iterator ocs. OWT and atarburst are in a different local group than recollections and TWOEN.
emerald. a REALLY old wof oc.
orbit/astro
a cat oc ive had for a long time. from a story named banjoback, and main antagonist of a game called lightfallen sun [ that im going to rename because. what. ] that i started working on around 2 years ago
also countless tired before noon characters [ ideas die in eternity ( ignitied flames/if i die, wren's hover emongst daybreak/when i die ), carrymy/to be renamed ( dreams [w]ritten emongst adolescent [m] starlight/carry my dreams, hour of paradoxical entities/carry my hope, light's everlasting grasp adorned [by the] celestials yearn/carry my legacy/to be renamed ]
some characters are like. glow. hourglass. celestia. raccoon. um. you could ask for all of these but why would you
i have some more but they arent very important [ should i add fernwehgrand. umm. ]
i wouldnt mind if you sent asks about any enotpocalypse characters either, but im still hesitant to call them ocs
#gif warning#sorry guys it was either that or another probably much heavier trigger i drew last night of him#fun fact. most recent art of jeffery's monster form is covered in blood so i had to use a drawing from about a month ago
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THE NUMBER YOU HAVE DIALED IS CURRENTLY UNAVAILABLE (LN4)
✰ lando norris x ex!reader ✰
summary → in which lando keeps dialing your number even after you've changed it.
genre → angst (im not sorry)
word count → 2.1k
author's note → remember how i broke ur hearts with carlos sainz angst for my first fic about him? YEAH HERE'S THE LANDO VERSION!!!!!!!! i know yall love it either way so, enjoy reading! very short btw, i just wanted to put something out for today
"where did we go wrong? i know we started out all right. where did we go wrong? i swear i knew we'd last this time." - lany, "13"
it takes three rings.
then he hears that stupid automated voice again, "the number you have dialed is currently unavailable or disconnected, please try—"
"for fuck's sake."
after he ends the attempted call, the furious typing is apparent in the empty, dark room. the artificial keyboard clicking fills the room as he tries his best to reach her. it's futile really, with every text he sends, the more agitated he becomes.
he knew that he shouldn't do this, that she was probably trying her best to move on, but he couldn't. he couldn't let her slip away from his grasp so easily.
"i just want you here for my races, is that so hard to ask for?" lando sounded desperate, he was desperate. he was a guy who needed his girlfriend and it didn't help that his girlfriend couldn't be there with him when he needed it the most, especially at times like these.
she was tired, he could tell, he didn't want to turn this into an argument but he was going to base it off of how she was going to respond, "lando, i can't. you know this. i have family here that i need to support, i can't just quit—"
"i'm not asking you to quit, i'm asking you to come just when you can," lando ruffled his hair so hard that it hurt, "the races are on weekends— for fuck's sake! why can't you just listen to me and actually hear what i'm saying?"
"i am listening! you're not listening to me!" she had tears in her eyes now, he hated it. he hated when he got riled up like this. it wasn't her fault, he knew it but he wanted her around him at least every few races, he hadn't been able to see her on the paddock at all this year and it pained him.
an exasperated sigh leaves his lips and he tries calling again, he knows she's not gonna pick up. he knows that he's probably blocked everywhere, but he wants to try. he wants to talk. he just wanted to fix things.
"the number you have dialed is—"
the next thing he heard was his phone shattering against the wall after he threw it across the room.
it was only two days later when he got a new phone and tried again, it wasn't going to go through. he knew it, but he just wanted to try. he wanted to show her that he was willing to make a compromise with her, just to make sure that she was there for him.
he didn't understand why he raised his voice so easily when it came to her, maybe because emotions ran high and he didn't know what else to do to express himself. he didn't know. all he knew was that he was a selfish prick and he deserved all of this.
he tried again.
"the number you have dialed is cu—"
he wanted to smash that brand new phone into the wall like its predecessor but he held himself back, he knew that the money that was needed to buy him a new phone was priceless to him, he was a formula one driver. it was pennies to him. all that money and he couldn't keep the most priceless thing to him, her.
he didn't care how selfish it sounded, or how convoluted their issues were. he just wanted her here, to hug, to kiss, to just comfort him. he had so many things on his mind right now and it could've been solved just by a simple touch and kiss to the forehead.
he was losing his mind and he knew it.
something akin to a sob bubbles from his throat when he hears the automated voice again.
"the number you have dialed is currently unavailable or disconnected, please try again later."
he fucked up, he knows now. she didn't have to rub it in his face like this, by changing her number and disappearing off of the face of the earth.
he just wanted to be home.
gentle knocking wakes her up from her slumber, it's unusual to get guests at this hour and on top of that, she wasn't expecting anyone. a huff escapes her lips as she gently takes the covers off of her and sits up on the bed. the knocks become more persistent as she begrudgingly gets up from her comfortable bed.
at first, she contemplates whether she should open the door or not but she opens it against her better judgement, her eyes widening when she realizes who it was.
"lando, what are you doing here? aren't you supposed to be in aus—"
she gets engulfed in a hug before she could even utter another word.
inhaling her scent after so long had been a breath of a fresh air for lando, he missed her. she's confused on how lando even knows where she lived. she had moved out of her last flat to avoid him on purpose, and now he's here, when he's supposed to be all the way in australia getting ready for a race.
his hug wasn't reciprocated, unfortunately for him.
"lando—" she was cut off by her ex standing in front of her, his eyes were glassy, puffy, like he had been crying all the way from australia to here.
"i just wanted to see you, that's all."
"we broke up two months ago, you can't just show up in front of my flat like this."
"i know but—"
"there aren't any buts lando, didn't me changing my number make it clear to you?" she folded her arms in front of her chest, her hair was still a mess from sleep and she was in pajamas, but her eyes were nowhere near his, not wanting to have any type of eye contact.
lando could only look down on the ground in embarrassment, he knew it was wrong. he knew he shouldn't have asked her friends where she lived, all of them had turned down his questions, telling him that she wanted nothing to do with him anymore but it wasn't anything a little persistence couldn't solve.
"is that all? you have a race to catch," she didn't even give him the chance to speak before trying to close the door on his face, but he blocked it with his foot, he wanted to talk. to fix things. he knew that things were irreparable but he wanted to try.
lando pushes the door open, despite her insistence of not letting him in, "i want to fix things, love—"
"there's nothing to fix lando, we're done. we've been done. what part of done do you not understand?" she was on the verge of tears, she didn't want to end it with lando, no, not at all but she felt that it was best for the both of them, she couldn't provide him with what he needed and he couldn't with her either, so it was best to just separate because why be in a relationship when you don't feel the love?
her eyes were still on the floor, not even daring to look up at lando's. it hurt for her too of course, just throwing away their year-long relationship out the window when the beginning of their relationship was so lovely, but now all there was is resentment and she didn't want that in her relationship.
lando couldn't utter anything out his mouth, he was stuck in place by her words. he let himself in earlier after he pushed the door open, he gently closed the door behind him before sighing, "we didn't even talk about it, you just decided for yourself that you didn't want to be apart of this anymore, you didn't even wait until my race ended before i could respond. how can i let it go?"
she swallowed the lump in her throat as she looked out the window, still refusing to look at lando, because she knew that if she did, she would start crying, "you just do lando. sometimes break-ups aren't always mutual, sometimes it's one person who doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore. it takes two to tango."
lando tousled with his hair, what could he say to that? she wasn't wrong. she couldn't deny the hurt and sadness that was in his green eyes, she hated that she made him feel that way but they were nothing. they've been broken up. by definition, they didn't have anything to do with eachother anymore, but she still had that care inside of her heart for him. after all, it had only been two months.
"just hear me out, and by the end of tonight, if you don't want to see me anymore, i'm gone. i won't try to contact you anymore," lando gave an ultimatum and she was fine with that, because she knew well that whatever he said, she would still say no.
she sat down on her couch, patting the space next to her to at least give him some sort of hospitality, wanting to hear him out even though she was steadfast in her decision.
"i won't bug you to come to my races anymore, i'll even help you with helping your family—"
"you can't throw money at this problem, lando."
"i'm not throwing money at it, i'm just saying that it's an option and you can take it if you feel like you need it," lando's voice was always pleading— begging for her to hear him out. he wasn't that type of guy, never. all of his exes got the same type of treatment, if they said that they were done, then lando wouldn't even bother.
he was a formula one driver, he didn't have the time.
but for her, he did.
she looks up, her arms still folded in front of her chest, legs curled up beneath her as she tries to find a comfortable position in an uncomfortable situation. glancing at the clock on the coffee table, it read in bright red neon numbers that it at 4:27 am, far too early or late for him to be here.
"we've had a similar conversation before, and i refused. so i'm refusing again," she sighs before meeting lando's eyes for the second time tonight, "i don't understand why you would want to keep this relationship. it doesn't benefit you for dating a poor girl."
"do you really think i care about your financial status?" lando asked, almost if it the thought of him caring about his (ex)girlfriend's financial status was ridiculous. he didn't care, it's the way she made him feel for the entirety of last year. she made him feel whole, like even if the world was against him, she would still be there.
she was used to men coming into her life who could think that they could "save" her and lando was no different to all of those other men. sure, she was definitely struggling trying to pay for her younger siblings education while working and pursuing her degree at the same time but that doesn't mean she was a damsel in distress and she expressed that to lando.
lando closed his eyes in frustration, "no, i didn't mean it like that—"
"well you sure as hell worded it like that," she looks away from him yet again, refusing to meet his eyes again until he had to leave. her eyes were glued to the window that overlooked the city, it was beautiful, calming— peaceful even, "i'm not changing my mind lando, we're worlds apart. i don't need you helping me, i can take care of myself."
with that, lando bit his lip and she ushers him out of her flat.
it had been months since lando's seen her, but he never forgot. he couldn't. the way she smelt, the way she laughed, everything still stuck in his brain as he continued his career.
the world didn't revolve around him, so the show must go on.
calling her old number had also become routine, almost an obsession. every finish, every weekend, anything that had to do with his career, lando would try and call her and tell her how his races were going, as if he wasn't talking to an automated robot on the other end of the line. the automated voice was practically his best friend because he's heard the damn voice so many times.
"the number you have dialed is currently unavailable or disconnected. please try again later."
and try again later he would.
he didn't understand himself, was it an obsession or was it the comfort that it gave him when he dialed her number? he didn't know. but sometimes he would hold up that phone to his ear and talk as if she was on the other end of the line, even though lando knew that there was no one waiting on the other line for him, not anymore.
but, the show must go on, right?
#Spotify#lando norris x reader#lando norris x you#lando norris#lando norris fanfic#lando norris fic#ln4#f1#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 x you#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#formula 1
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season 8 makes me SICK
#fym i need you?!? GREGORY I AM CRYING#tears in my hilson eyes#fuck im so done with james wilson and gregory house being my evil gay dads#i have five months to live and your making me go thru it ALONE. help.#i need you to tell me that you love me#no. im not gonna tell you that unlesss you fight#greg you sick fuck#you guys went on a date and you need him and your not married i am on the floor crying over them#what the fuck do you mean house flooded a bathroom cause he couldn't properly deal with his grief#i just will not be okay becuase what are you talking about YOU FAKED YOIR DEATH FOR HIM I CANT#when wilson said that he always lets things go and he never minds and he's tired of it i FELT THAT spiritually#james wilson#gregory house#house md#hilson#this bitch literally goes crazy and tries to kill a patient becuase he's grieving his husband#I AM SICK#they are so married i hate them#i cannot stand them#I NEED TO EAT JAMES WILSON#THES AUTISM CREATURES WILL MOT GIVE ME PEACE#i cannot be responsible for the happiness of gregory house#you are responsible#I HATE IT
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having a stressful time at work but i think it's very important to point out the other day i was asking a guy for help and he's like aight gotcha and then we go to this freezer room and he, from somewhere beyond a mound of boxes, just goes "you like anime right?"
sir this is the FIRST TIME we have spoken how did you clock that.
(he claims i had the vibes of someone who liked it then i was like oh like the woman in the deli wearing a jujutsu- and before i can finish the series name he says "no not her, she just liked the shirt. she's never watched anime". . . oh. i see. you have already had this debate with her then. okay.)
#moe talks a lot#not art#also im trying to swap from pick up to stocking and specifically dairy stocking#bc they seem to always have the hardest time keeping things stocked#and all of pick up has to stop them from working to ask for things in the back which keeps things from getting stocked#and this one guy made a terrible mistake of telling me#yeah we're like the unwanted ginger stepkids of the grocery store#because my brain immediately went NO IM ADOPTING THE DAIRY DEPARTMENT AS MY BELOVED GINGER KIDS#i told my mom that comment and she immediately laughed and said welp thats your department now#before i could even tell her i mentally adopted them#anyway gotta get to bed soon bc i do actually think i was a bit sick ? im so tired despite napping earlier#and only working a partial shift (five hours instead of eight)#sooooo gotta get rested up for the next three (or more!) days#since ive been cursed with no social life and will always work saturday and sunday#so even though my current schedule ends saturday and the next week schedule will be released At Some Point for sunday onward#i have yet to have a sunday off so i am most likely working sunday again#like the job itself is rough and i dont think the pick up workers like me much but every other department seems v nice and chill#i will continue to write essays in the tags no one can stop me
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i think there is just something fundamentally wrong with my brain that makes it and school not mix
#julia.txt#like i am TRYING. i am trying really hard all the time#and its not that i dont understand or im not good at memorization bscause i AM#it just. i dont know? it doesnt work#i love what im learning i love Being At Uni#i just ???? ????????? ???????????#ever since my last year of high school ive been saying THIS is the semester where i do well and it just. Never Is#i am so tired guys. im so tired. im so tired im so tired#i am so tired of spending hours memorizing having 0 social life because i just cant afford to#because it just takes me That Much Time to get through the material#and then i get to the exam and it just Doesnt Work#i am Trying to not be pessemistic about it but its REALLY HARD when it just Never Works#honestly this is The Area where my faith falters because i have been praying so hard forever and . well. nothing changes#i dont know what im doing wrong !!! i dont !!!!#anyways. enough complaining out of me im going to go work on my lab report. i guess.#sorry i have been A Downer these past few days lol
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Hi, feel free to take my new uquiz to discover what kind of vampire you are!
#NO IM NOT TALKING ABOUT CHESS THE MUSICAL I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT IS. I AM TALKING ABOUT THE ANCIENT BOARD GAME:CHESS#uquiz#vampires#twilight#because let's be honest there are a fair few references#and maybe this is my twilight quiz which has been in my drafts for nearly a year!#and i was tired of it sitting there#maybe!#quiz#werewolves#mention#you can get human in this im really sorry#it's a bit of a mean result#oh if anyone has an actual picture of the vampire that killed dean winchester please send it along#i could not find it with a cursory google search but i rememeber he wore a clown mask#so maybe one of those guys is the guy?
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Your face in profile, with a look I'd never seen
jjk atla!au with @philosophiums
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#gojo satoru#gojo#fanart#jjk fanart#jjk atla!au#atla!au: art#lmhs#every time i have to draw the veil i curse my past self fr including it#god bless the multiply layer mode but even she cant take all the pain away#i SUFFERED#the gd black fish too . die . >:(#im not convinced that this piece is as good as i Could have made it but i am so tired of looking at it#it needs to be done. i need to be done#the colours turned out rly well at least GHJHSGHSJGFD#anyway as i said this is fr all 4 of the dedicated lmhs gojo theorists smile#go nuts guys :3#i hear u ask. exasperated . 'what does it all mean hina !!!!!!!!!'#and to that i simply say#what do /YOU/ mean its just the stsg beta fish but atla flavoured :3#and that is my honest answer <3
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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really quick messy doodle bc im on a bus rn and this has been in my head all day lol
based on my own suffering and smthn i said today bc i was in pain </3
might post some more silly stuff bc im stuck here for the next?? 5 ish hours
#alex arts#tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#tmnt donnie#tmnt leo#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt leo#yes we love trans leo in this household <3#did you know turtles cycle is only once a year#god i wish#anyway i am losing my mind a little bc this bus was supposed to arrive at 215pm#then was delayed to 412pm#and only arrived at almost 9 pm#im so tired guys#but we ball#my travels#i think that was the tag i used like?? 8 years ago lmao???? when i was also travelling by bus and was drawing on it too#do kids still say yeet
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why do we continue to love bbc merlin over a decade after it's finale?
for the lovely @aemelia who made me giggle, and for @eddiediaaz, a very belated birthday gift because my writing is absolutely garbage and you deserve only the fuckin best of me. i love you, and i hope the next year of your life is nothing but beautiful and fun and everything good--you deserve the world, i'm sorry i can only give you this lil thing.
#ashley creates#merlin#bbc merlin#merlin bbc#merlinedit#merlingifs#alielook#xuserann#glitching#glitch#cw eyestrain#cw glitch#usershale#usersia#thebookluvrr1816#mialook#elenalook#i love the discord tracking tag channel bc i just scroll down it each time i need to post something i love u all#this took me a decade to make?? i am SO rusty im so sorry it took so long#im tired :)#love you guys#also sorry if it sucks#sigh bye#pandalikeelf
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PAGE VOMIT
#homestuck#god i wanna pass out but i need to. FUCKKKKKK#so much shit to do#clutches my head#who cares though. i am healing#clearly needed to get this out after whatever last week was#deep breath guys here we go#rose lalonde#dirk strider#rosebot#ultimate dirk#(‘s ass)#well. he’s there as a dragon too#i rescind tnat last that#Tag#i meant tag#not that#im so tired#also that wasnt that many to list. idk why i thought it was abotu to be a whole wall of names
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On the menu tonight:
#ninjago#ninjago fanart#fanart#lego ninjago#ninjago wu#garmadon#ninjago garmadon#ninjago spinjitzu brothers#spinjitzu brothers#art#I think about them alot#I am so tired#mannnnnnn these silly guys have a hold on my brain and im okay with that#IF lego dosent make more content of them I will#the maze of the sphinx is so good has got to be my favroite book out of them so far#me when garmadon angst krjheriugkjgdtthr5iguhvgnutuerhgnuerhntgu4ehiu
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i am a huge advocate of aziraphale being a bitch i encourage and actively support it actually
#LET HIM BE A FUCKING BITCH GUYS PLEASE#stop making him a fumbling clueless fuck i am so tired#he's passive aggressive he's snappish he's fucking bitchy and i love him more than anything#if u disagree lets fight in the comments im bored as hell#aziraphale#good omens#good omens season 2#good omens s2#ineffable husbands
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bug doodles so i can say i drew something
#oc#original character#alien oc#artists on tumblr#art#aliens#sketch#nyx#having a rough month creatively. and mentally. like a really really rough month. but i'm tired of saying that too#i made like three things this year i was excited about and that's it. where did the fun go. im supposed to enjoy it right#if i dont enjoy it then what is the point !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of anything !!!! i dont enjoy Anything anymore even !!!!!!!!!#why is it already august. almost september. i dont even remember most of 2023 let alone 2024.#i got no drive to draw let alone to push through a drawing when it gets challenging or doesn't turn out right. i barely drew this month#just kinda hated everything. nothing is fulfilling#IF IM NOT HAVING FUN !!! THEN WHAT IS THE POINT !!! WHAT AM I DOING IT FOR#more and more i consider taking a hiatus from art. but what the fuck else do i do with my time then. what if i never come back to it#i got a list of stuff i could draw but either i try and i dont like it or i sit there and wonder why even bother because i wont enjoy it#guys im tired. im so exhaustingly overwhelmingly depressingly fucking tired and i feel no joy in my art#or videogames. or anything.#i need to go to bed
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At the beginning of your relationship with Dottore, there had been numerous times when he had tried to leave you, or rather, attempt to force you to leave him in the Akademiya. Ignoring you, snapping at you... most notably literally kicking you out of the dorm (to waking up and nearly stepping on you, as you had decided to knock out right at the door.) Merely because he still had difficulty believing he was loved by you, despite having known you for years. It took much time but, eventually, your feelings finally clicked in that genius head of his.
However, uncharacteristically enough, there was one time you debated on whether you should leave Zandik. Only one time. And he had found out. If only you had been more careful.
It happened during the later stage of your illness when your ability to do many basic tasks had been stripped from you, leaving you reliant on Zandik for many things. You felt very guilty, for making him so do much work for both himself and you, but there wasn't much you could do about it, being the way you were now. Did you tell your lover about this? No, of course not.
But today, today would just be another regular day of what you had accepted to be your new life. However, you had noticed in the morning he seemed rather irritated, but you had no chance to ask him about it since he had to leave for class. You wondered what that was all about. (You, somewhere in the depths of your mind thought. You were continuously being a burden on the knowledge-driven scholar, no wonder he'd be irritated.)
When he returned to the dorm, you could tell that the foul mood still remained. Though, you could not understand what had caused it. He was perfectly fine last night, something must have happened after you fell asleep... As you watched him, the words "welcome home" could not seem to come out as they usually did, especially when he had not even acknowledged you yet, only emptying his bag with all of his books and other tools. You swallowed nervously, wondering how you were going to go about this when he spoke.
"Where?"
"Huh?"
"Where do you plan to go?" You were understandably confused by this seemingly random question.
"Um... nowhere?" A nervous smile made its way to your face, as Zandik only gave you a blank look, before carefully unfolding a piece of paper, and reading it over once more, no emotion on his face. Which, was already quite alarming for you, because Zandik was the kind of person who always had a hint of annoyance written on his face. He then turned the paper to face you and you squinted, reading the contents.
Oh. You instantly recognized what it was. It was a form that one had to fill out if they wanted to move out of the Akademiya's dorms.
When you said you felt guilty for everything, you meant it. Meant it to the point you worried if you were still good enough for him, if you had become annoying, a bumbling nuisance that had become more of a chore rather than a partner. It worried you, and you couldn't help but think about it. What if you were right? What if he did feel all of those things? Then maybe, maybe you should relieve him of this burden. You. Then, he could continue to pursue his goals, without the added hindrance of taking care of you.
It wasn't something you were set on yet, more like something you mulled over in your head. But you had filled out the potential moving out form tentatively just in case you decided to go through with it. Ah, you probably had shoved it in your bag along with your many missing assignments, and Zandik must have found it after trying to check your homework... But now, your lover was staring holes into you, expecting an answer.
"Well, I- I didn't mean it. It was... just in case," you were just spewing words at this point because you really had no defense. After all, how do you explain to your roommate of many years that you were going to move out and disappear without telling him?
"Just in case," the scholar repeats. "Just in case..." And then Zandik laughs. At what? You're not sure, because you've only seen him laugh at other people's foolishness, or in scorn and bitterness. It's a bit unsettling, seeing him act this way, but you have no time to think about it before the paper is torn right in half twice and then abandoned in the trash bin.
"No." Well... alright then.
"Za-"
"No, no no no. How utterly absurd. Ridiculous. You are not going anywhere." The way he says it simultaneously sounds like an order to you yet also an attempt to reassure himself of your impossible departure. You wondered if he interpreted your reason for leaving as something more... drastic.
"Hey-" You stand up, hoping an embrace would calm his nerves, but he begins to pace around. Now, this wouldn't be unusual, he tends to do this while he's ranting or deeply thinking about his research but obviously, it's different this time.
"Leave? No," Zandik scoffs to himself, "the possibility is nigh on impossible. There is no need to plan for such lengths, I shall make sure it doesn't come to that." When he finished mumbling to himself, you tried to interject before his gaze snapped back to you.
"And you. You, how dare you go behind my back and do such a thing? Do you think me incompetent? Do you think me a senseless fool that I would allow you to do this?"
"..."
"I find this quite tasteless, especially after how much you parroted about 'always being by my side' or 'never leaving'. Or have you finally shown your true colors? Leaving me after-" Zandik cut himself off because the words he was going to say next shouldn't be said out loud. Leaving him after he's already obsessed with you, when he's already in love with you and would go mad without your presence. But then all he could feel was your arms around him and your face buried in his chest.
"Zandik please, I'm sorry," your voice was but a whisper. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything like that." Zandik's hands itched to hold you back, but he restrained himself, needing to hear your reasoning.
"I don't want to leave you, I really don't. I love you! So... that's why I filled that form out. Because I... am scared of burdening you too much. I know how you are. I know you want someone who is useful, w-who can be of assistance in all kinds of ways, not someone who is dead weight. So I... I don't want you to force yourself to- ow!" Your increasingly pitiful dialogue was interrupted by a flick to your forehead and the clicking of a tongue.
"Fool..." he moved his hand to rest on the top of your head. "You can be quite intelligent, but the reasons for your stupidity can be headache-inducing sometimes. Now that you've said all of that, has it clicked how idiotic it sounds?" Though your partner's words sounded harsh, his tone was noticeably softer. You could only cast your gaze downward as he sighed.
"I too wonder why you do not take your own advice. Were you not the one who said to... 'talk things out', before jumping to conclusions? So why have I not heard of this?" (The phrase feels out of place and rather disgusting on the man who normally refuses to hold a conversation on anything other than research, but he forces it out for your sake. Unfortunately, he can also hear your sing-song voice in his head as he replays the words.)
"Because... it's dumb, like you said. I shouldn't waste your time anymore..."
"I usually do not entertain dumb inquiries but... you are an exception. My assistant's questions must always be clarified." And as his lover, your troubles must always be assuaged, but that part was left unsaid, although you knew what he meant. "Yes, your usefulness was a great help, but I couldn't care less about that right now. I care about you, and if taking on extra responsibilities happens to fall under that feeling, then so be it. I don't care," Zandik said bluntly. Was it elegant? No. Was it truthful? Yes. It made your cheeks warm a bit.
"Well... thank you for the honor," you couldn't help but crack a tiny smile as Zandik only mumbled something incoherent before pushing you back to bed. Ah, you were feeling a little drained from all of that.
"Now that all that is sorted out, and that hopefully every inch of that nonsense has left you, I suggest you go to sleep quickly, unless you want to be kept awake by the sounds of my latest experiment." You only giggled at your boyfriend. He's unkind... in a kind way if that made sense. But before you could be whisked away to the land of dreams, Zandik spoke once more.
"[Name]."
"Mhm?"
"...Do not try to leave me ever again."
"...I know, Zandik."
#smooches talks#fragile reader <3#dottore love notes <3#divider by cafekitsune#another idea i came up with at 1 am (that seems to be the time my mind wont stop working unfortunately)#u dont understand im SO delusional abt them... sorry guys... f-fragile reader#im literally so tired rn ughhh... wah i just want dottore to cuddle me!! (i need to fix my sleep schedule)#but wow this is pretty indulgent huh!#dottore x reader#idk if i should put this in the tags but im feeling bold
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Thinking about Peter's absolute cry of anguish after the final boss battle when he finds Harry unresponsive. Thinking about how all he can say is I'm sorry. Thinking about the fact that in Peter's head it was him at May's side sobbing I'm sorry. Thinking about how "with great power comes great responsibility" can never be separated from the guilt Peter feels. Thinking about how that guilt extends to May. How it extends to Ben. How it cripples Peter so much that he tells Miles that he can't do this again. Thinking about Peter's voice as he'd begged Harry to fight - pleaded with him to not make him do this. Thinking about how when consumed with the symbiote Peter had screeched out I'm the hero, I don't get saved! Thinking about how that's not just pride, how that's not just responsibility, how it's guilt. How it's always been Peter and the weight of the world, the life of his loved ones, and their blood on his hands. And now it's Harry's and Peter just breaks. Always the hero, he's done the right thing, but this time it's the last straw. His best friend. The last sacrifice Peter Parker can take...
...and it's then... that Miles saves him.
#peter parker#miles morales#marvel's spider man#harry osborn#insomniac spider man#spider man 2 ps5#guys the ending blew me away it was so good#I am so tired and overworked but i want to write for this game so badly holy fuck#I just cANNOT get over Yuri's voice acting in that final cutscene is fucking 'harry im sorry' and then his absolute y e l l of pain#aND i DIDNT GET SPOILED THIS TIME SO I WAS LIKE Oh fuck Dont do this to him#like Miles is fucking incredible idgaf#Miles did what Spider-man could never do: Save Peter#spider man 2 spoilers#spider man 2 ps5 spoilers#i just keep thinking about and watching the ending im forever changed
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