#i cant even get into explaining and rambling right now because i need to go soon but the symbolism!!!!!!

[cheerfullycatholic]

So just found out my baby niece or nephew might be born on the same day my grandmother died 👍 that wouldn't be bad at all but I know a couple people in my family would rather mourn death than celebrate new life and wouldn't let him or her forget it

[dangopango00]

ABYSS RAZOR CRUSH HCS BC IF I DONT GET SOME CONTENT I WILL DIE

Abyss Razor x gn reader

Prompt: yall r madly in love he has a crush on youuu (boyfail situationship hcs more like tbh)

A/N: sorry if this is rambly i cant live like this i keep rereading the same 4 or 5 posts over and over again ive been waiting for like a year and im getting teased with the tip PLEASEEE WRITE HIM 😭😭🤞 i cant ever escape the ‘nobodys fave but mine’ curse help

Ily losermen

Ily high ponytail men

Ily abyss razor

more utc

- Im gonna jump he is so kewt. Idek what to say im just ill

- You’d probably often compliment his eyes and you have this image that hes so calm and collected— which he is! But! Not with you! So every conversation with you is him just fighting for his life trying to look cool and not implode at the same time

- ^^^ THIS is one thing. But what really gets him falling for you is when you get a bit closer and have a talk with him, telling him in no uncertain terms that he’ll always have someone to return to if others are cruel because you won’t be leaving him

- Gives you things VERY often, usually little things because hed die if he had to directly give you a gift and then have to explain why, so he shows his affection in little ways like letting you have his best pencils and pens if you need it (lets you keep it too)

- oh he absolutely loses it if he sees you continue to use his pen hes so touched that you’re taking good care of what he gives you it shows that it means a lot to you and that he means a lot to you

- The only actual gift he gives you during this stage are things he has an excuse for like origami (idk why but i feel like he makes cool ass origami) he can just say he made too many so hes giving them away yet you and maybe Abel are the only ones who received some…

- He wants so badly to be useful to you he gets so flustered and happy just hearing you say thanks when he answers your question about the assignment or when he lends you his materials

- Immediately stiffens when you make any sort of contact. Dont stop though, he can count the times hes been hugged on one hand

- Speaking of his touch starvation, he’d let you play with his hair and looks forward to it tbh he’d just rather not initiate anything it’s too much for his heart

- If you have him take down his hair and play with it (like braid it or try different hairstyles) he’d feel so content; ofc he’s nervous but at the same time he just feels so at peace as if it’s only you two in the world and all the people who have ever wronged him never existed in the first place

- He’s a little bit delulu, i fear

- He gets so nervous texting and calling you bc what if you tell him ily. No that could never happen. Wait but what if it did— do you see his dilemma?

- He’s a chronic overthinker and in a way its a bit sweet because he used to worry about you randomly saying you didn’t want to be friends with him but now he wouldn’t even consider that possibility; it just no longer enters his mind

- He’d also find himself drifting off, losing himself in thought and end up daydreaming about if you two were in a relationship

- It’s very innocent, it’s just you two being cute and going places together while holding hands and such until it drifts even further to imagining you two kissing

- His face is on fire and he has to stop thinking NOW but hes in too deep hes imagining kissing ice cream off the side of your mouth and other cliches like that it’s so over

- Abel wondering wth is wrong with his right hand; all he said was that he was going to make mother happy by doing his homework today meanwhile Abyss can no longer be normal

- The kissing is just his guilty pleasure but Abyss constantly imagines holding hands with you like if you walk too close to him his hands will get clammy and his fingertips will get cold because he wants to hold your hand but is scared to initiate it

- God forbid you actually hold his hand even for a second while he’s having his entire internal monologue. He will die. You killed him. How could you?

- He won’t let go though like. Ever . Handholding is his favorite thing 5ever and as soon as he gets a taste he’s hooked

- He likes handholding so much that if you held his hand enough times then one time he’d accidentally grab your hand and initiate for once (immediately gets flustered after but it counts)

- Really really REALLY likes when u trace over his magic lines. Ruins his life everytime and he just melts in your touch; subconsciously leans in and his face softens and EVERYTHING

- Ok i wasn’t gonna say it bc itd probably involve sm sneaking but: Sleepovers. IM JUST SAYING 🤞🤞🤞 I feel like this is where most of the softer moments happen tbh like your roommate being out and you two have a sleepover

- I think this is where the playing with his hair and tracing the lines on his face would happen if not this then when you’re bored in class

- Not a fan of PDA even if ur not dating so he does play with your hair but usually during the sleepovers if you’ll allow him (not quite trying new hairstyles like you do but letting it fall through his fingers, running his hands through it or just rubbing the ends with his fingers to feel how soft it is)

- If you are bald he would slightly hold the back of your head and rub your temples with his thumb to help you relax

- Idk ik i just went on about how hes a loser but I feel like when it comes to affection relating to hair or like anything not affectionate in a cliche sense he doesn’t really pay attention and does it without thinking; only realizes its too affectionate if you point it out (please do not, he feels very comfortable right now. He will stop and never do it again if you point it out)

- You have a lot of deep talks and give him encouraging words during sleepovers tbh it just gives you both time to just… enjoy each other uninterrupted

- Sometimes instinctually distances himself from you because you make his heart do somersaults and his head feels like it’ll explode around you though he doesn’t last long, he needs you with him everyday atp 😭

- Although the above is true, sometimes he gets clingy ish (just by your side all the time) and protective over you even knowing you aren’t his

A/N: a ridonkulous amount of these r based on things ive done erm. Ok. Ig next thing i should write is him with an equally loser gf i def fit the bill LOL

[dr-spectre]

man i saw your last two posts and i wanted to tell you, you're not cringe, and you're not unlovable

i've had like, one full conversation with you going back and forth on both shared and unshared interests and it had a profound effect on me at the time

I need to unlearn shame, i need to be more open with what i fixate on and what i'm doing (and also the realization i'm definitely on some kind of spectrum), from one chat with someone *loud and proud* like you, how fucking crazy is that?

I hardly know you personally, but it's not hard to gauge how awesome you are, in face of your perceived faults, several of which i share myself, you yap so much but you're so genuine and passionate i and pretty much everyone who sticks here loves to read it, it never gets old, it never gets annoying

you put your whole pussy into innocuous little things about the subject matter, and it's a wonderful thing

you can find friends, you can find love, and you deserve both of those things

this is a little long but it's sentiments i've had for awhile now but no good opportunity to share......

I.... I..... WHA.

WHAT DO I EVEN SAY TO THIS?!?!?! YOU CAN'T DROP THIS IN MY INBOX LIKE THAT!!!

LISTEN... ITS JUST.... I aint awesome!!! Im some 20 year old autistic dude who's too obsessed with a squid woman! How's that awesome!!?!?!? I haven't made an impact on anything... not on the community... not on inkipedia... not on anyone... I have 300 followers... that's nothing...

...or have i?!?! There's no way I could have had an impact on someone... hell even SEVERAL PEOPLE! I just overanalyse stuff that seems so cut and dry but... people are actually positive about my stuff? People say to me that I changed the way they see this important character to me.... BUT THERE'S NO WAY RIGHT?!?!? I still feel like a drop in the ocean. Just a spec of dust!!! I haven't made real change yet... OR HAVE I?! I DON'T KNOW!!! WAAAHHHH!!!

Maybe.... maybe if I have changed one person's perspective, then maybe it was worth it in the first place...

You know. I wanna say that the reason I came to tumblr was because my irl friends aren't into Splatoon and my family gives me a meh shoulder shrug to my interest. It was so difficult for me to explain Splatoon to my parents when Splatoon 3 came out and I picked up the game at launch! So I went here because I felt like it was the best place to express myself. And yeah I'm glad I stuck with it honestly.

I get why my irl friends aren't into Splatoon, they need to buy a multi hundred dollar console that's about to get replaced soon just to play 2 games. And trying to explain to them Nintendo Wii U and Switch emulation is just... I dont even wanna attempt that HAHAHAHA!!!! So I often felt lonely and it felt like I was screaming into a void when talking about Splatoon to them in a discord server. I guess that's where my sense of loneliness comes from.....

I genuinely have NO ONE in real life to talk to about my interests and have someone ACTUALLY listen. I guess that's why I feel cringe and not cool at all. My interests are so nerdy and I'm on the spectrum, my social skills are like D tier. I genuinely cannot talk about myself, i really cant. Its why i have never been in a romantic relationship before.... As a 20 year old dude, that shit fucking stings I'm not even gonna lie. I think about that shit every day. LITERALLY EVERY DAY I'M NOT LYING!!!!

But anyways, I'm getting way too personal on the internet. I don't wanna be some sad sap.

Thank you. Seriously, thank you. I'm not sure if I truly feel like I deserve love but. Thank you anyways. I guess it is a good quality to have that I can ramble and yap and become really focused on something, even if it's not adult things like... getting a job, paying taxes or whatever HAHAHAHA!

[kitty-meowskers]

scar playlist drop wooooo (will probably add more songs)

lets go through some of the songs!!!! because i am. gay and not okay.

1) Blood // Water - grandson

ok listen. i havent listen to this song in AGESSSS but i came across it again and oh. my god.

DO I EVEN NEED TO EXPLAIN??? first of all: lamb reference. not gonna lie if the vibes were good that couldve been enough for me to throw it in butttt thats not all. THE PRICE OF YOUR GREED IS YOUR SON AND YOUR DAUGHTER???? get me out of here.

scars whole thing is about how the system 'the shepard' would never free the lambs. it wouldnt bring them any peace or freedom, it wouldnt make their lives easier. the 'look me in my eyes, tell me everthings not fine' implies that he (or the black lamb in his story) knows even if the rest dont want to admit it.

lmao this is just that hes done with the shepard. hes done with the white lambs accepting it and playing along with the game. he joins the fractsidus!!!! yipeee!!!!

2) Hayloft II - Mother Mother

OHHH boy. okay, i know the og song is about two lovers doing the silly and the father of the girl killing the guy and then the girl goes after her dad but look.

lets say the lovers are the black lamb and the white lambs. yes im using his story again because theres no way in hell that story wasnt somehow related to him.

the white lambs got 'shot' aka dragged into the shepards game, slaughtered one by one. all while the black lamb (scar) got the blame. ill bet the people tried to kill him but he made it out alive and then he obviously eventually joined the fractsidus.

hayloft is the white lambs here (yes again. just bear with me). once the shepard ran out of lambs he left, on his way to find a new group excepttttt

scars had enough.

the shepard took away his family from him, his people/lambs. therefore 'eye for an eye, a leg for a leg' but it wasnt enough killing the shepard. he couldnt let something like that again (so much rage in him) so now he has this whole extreme and crazy ideology of how the world could be better, how he could make it better.

3) A Lesson In Dramatics - Jhariah

this is just scar and rover fighting in my head. may the battle scene commence.

4) Wolf in Sheep's Clothing - Set It Off

do i really need to explain this??? okay ive been sucking at words so far but here we go

man this whole thing is JUST about him and the shepherd story isnt it? im just gonna be repeating myself again lets continue-

AHHH ok lets also talk about the way this is said in the song. personally, i think this man has A LOT of 'suppressed' rage. suppressed like that is because it doesnt out as rage necessarily i dont know if i make sense but yeah. he's crazy, but angry isnt something you'll spot at the surface because he hides it away. while the lyrics convey his rage the way he sings it does not necessarily

i have so many thoughts on the other songs too but like. I CANNOT WORD THEM. THE VOICES JUST SCREAM NONSENSE IN MY HEAD AND IM LIKE. YOURE RIGHT. even though i cant explain it..... this was not proof read btw LMAO- i just rambled kind of

[desertsfic]

im probably about to get very fucking personal, and you have every right to delete this now, now, now and never think about it or me, ever again, but i needed to get it out of me or i was going to choke on it.

i recently discovered your fanfic Metempsychosis buried in the rubble of some (really good) fucking piece of fanart. it barely had a hundred likes (absolute fucking crime, gorgeous artwork) but it was enough of an anglerfish to draw me in and— I'll be blatantly honest, i have no idea how much about mental illness you have first hand experience with but i'm going to guess youre painfully familiar with it because reading it was like watching someone put the inside of my head on a platter and i finally got to point to things and go "how did you explain that"

the way you formatted the paragraphs was so well done i got beyond excited to read, for what is probably the first and only time in my life, a story that was written the way my train of thought tends to be. the cadence, the way it abruptly shifts but you can still keep track of it but when you start losing track its ok, its ok, its ok, its fine, its whatever, its just a fucking— fuck, and, fuck, and fuck— and then it switches off into the next day, the next hour, yesterday and then its 5pm forever.

you encapsulate the phenomenon of cptsd so starkly its insane, i cannot stress enough how much people rarely depict my own personal experiences with cptsd this accurately. it resonated profoundly . what's genius about the way you set this fic up is that when you meet him, its dirk, yeah, of course, its dirk, and then you get to the chapter where Diedrich meets Dirk in a dream bubble for the very first (coherent) time and you write this young dream bubble Dirk so absolutely in character that youre suddenly flooded with all the memory and weight of what young, canon dirk, is truly like and the abysmal weight (of) realization, that the "dirk" youve been reading the pov from, is so fucking isolated its suffocating.

your use of color is jarring and it fits so well with disrupting the flow of the story just enough that it clicks in the back of your head like shards of glass, but youre so invested in the story its impossible to be truly pulled out of it, because its You, Its always been You— oh god and Jade?

bark bark bark, ok! ! just nail — man you nailed EVERYONE on the head but wrote them jussstttt off enough that it unsettles you but the unsettling sensation is so small compared to everything else you cant even feel it until something happens— Dave

you wrote dave. so well.

dude, im telling you, i finished his first rambly bullshit paragraph you introduced to the fic and i teared up so hard i almost cried . i cannot explain to you how perfectly you have encapsulated his nervous energy, his endearing petulance, the soft murmurs that betray what he's thinking even when he's saying something else. you got his grin to his smile to his smirks down to a T and it makes me so emotional i want to punch a fuckin hole in my wall for being unable to capture it in my art the way you capture it in words. i dont think you truly understand your ability to express Imagery in Words.

I have spent an ungodly amount of time and energy and whatever else bullshit there is to spend on observing and drinking books, arts, media, fanfic, music, theatre, anything, anything, anything at-fucking-all that involves story and prying loose from it ( every god damn thing i have ever touched) Meaning and Emotions and a god damn fucking collection of shambled personalities that mumble out half memorized lines of their source material, god— even people are experiences to me, i meet someone in the street for three seconds, have an interaction and i remember them for decades but ill forget something "important" because ?.?.fuckifiknowwhy anyways, every human person is an experience to me, and that experience, it counts as a story in my eyes, and i need you to know with my heart and soul and every fucking fiber of my *gestures to all of me* shit fuck whatever the fuck is happening right here is so unbelievably god damn fucking impressed with what you have written.

i have read, renowned authors whose stories pale in comparison to the absolute fucking gold you just puked into every crevice of the subtext

i do not know how to bind books, but if i ever get permission from you, i am binding this into a fucking book because it reached inside me and fuckinf grabbed my soul and shook it everywhere and screamed "hey! hey look! they put your experiences into Words and you can Understand them."

so thank you.

thank you for writing this. thank you for sharing this, with the world. thank you for letting it stay. i havent finished it, i just finished reading chapter 10 but it was eating me up inside. my friends express a lot that im a lot more— that i experience emotions on a level most people do not, so id very timidly like to add i do not know how this (me) is going to sound and maybe it sounds crazy but. man.

if none of this makes sense just please, please, if youre going to take anything away from this its that You Have Had An Impact In My Life. you have changed me.

and maybe you delete this, maybe you never see this, maybe this gets lost to time forever and ok, ok ok yeah yeahyeah thats cool, whatever, but.

your story did ultimately reach me in a way that stupid fucking kudos button never could express.

so thank you. and know ill never be able to write enough but that if i could id sculpt everything you put into my head.

Ft: art piece i dont think ill ever finish but that you inspired

Hi there! I've been saving this one because it's so long and so personal I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to post!

But it meant so much to me, and I wanted you to know I saw it and read it (and of course showed my closest friends as well haha hope that's okay).

It is super exciting (and flattering) that you felt like the writing style mirrored your thought process! I think second person is so personal, perhaps only second to first person (any pun not intended), and I like it because in a way it definitely lends itself to a writing style based on the narrator/pov. I don't know how well I explained or even how well I wrote that but! Yeah :) thank you!

But seriously, this ask has been sitting here for me to look at for too long, and I wanted you to know that it is perhaps one of the longest, kindest things anyone has ever said about metempsychosis, and that means so much to me!

I know you've long since posted the finished artwork, but it made me so happy the first time I saw it, practically breathless even! To see a little bit of inspiration for the world I've tried cobbling together through words.

So thank YOU, seriously, for being so willing to be open and raw with me. It has meant a lot during this quiet year, and I hope I'm not too late letting you know all this!

[dead-or-lie]

💗 Relationships / lovers

💚 Friends / family members

It's your turn to talk about the polycule, my friend.

—yes! I love these losers! Happy to answer!

“Hehe..all of them are so wonderful..s-so where should I-i even start? W-well me and Sonia have interests in common..s-so it makes her easier to talk to than I-i orionally thought..I-im glad she doesnt look at me weierdly for enjoying all the gore in the films we watch! S-she..is so kind and patient to me..I-im so thankful..”

“I-i..I kinda find Gundham difficult to talk to still because of h-his speeching style..but I-i think im slowly learning!! D-despite that..he can really be a nice person despite his act..hehe I-i wont lie his fears of horror movies i-is amusing, but ah! P-please dont tell him I said that! I-I hope we can get closer in this relationship..and heal him if he ever needs it!”

“I-I feel like a owe a lot to H-hajime for being so patient with me..I-I was so worried I was wierding him out! But he sticks with me all the same and even helps me when Im getting scared. I-I know he gets scared of my medical equipment though..s-so I try to be careful when I help him with injuries, rare as they may be. I-Im really happy with him!”

“Kazuichi..r-reminds me of myself in a way I-I cant explain..m-maybe because of how easily nervous we can get. I-i hope he isnt upset for comparing us..th-though I dont think he will be. Hehe, he rambles sometimes, but he is fun to talk to. Though..I-i do worry about all the mechanic work he does due to all the equipment he uses..h-he always comes to me if he gets hurt though which makes me feel useful and m-makes me happy!”

—---------------------------

“F-family….? Th-they..they are all just a bunch of bullies..I don’t know where they are now and I dont care….AH! S-Sorry if thats a disappointing answer!”

“Heh..I cant believe I got to have any partner..let alone four. Though..I definitely can’t complain as they all are..really important to me. Sonia seems to think that I match some sort of legendary hero in Noveselic..I-im not sure about that, but I mean..Ill try to do my best to reach that expectation? Ethier way, she is easy to talk to and really kind to boot. I hope to teach her more about Japan and learn about her country more in return.”

“Gundham certainly did take awhile to understand, but now that I do I wouldnt trade that bond we have now for anything. Im pretty glad I reached above being a mere human at least..Proud to assist him in making his soul more atrocious as his partner..and all those other things he said we were. It..feels nice to be one of his..’souls chosen companion.’”

“Mikan is..ah I got to be honest..I worry about her a lot. She is so kind and has told me enough about her that..I dont ever want her to be hurt ever again. I really hope that me and the others can continue to make her happy as she really does deserve it. Probably the kindest of all of us..even if her love for horror was somewhat shocking.”

“What is there to say about Kazuichi? He is my soul brother for a reason..and thinking back about our relationship makes me laugh as I did joke about going on a date once or twice. Guess I was right! He is a good guy and I’m always happy to help if he ever needs anything..though I gotta ask..how in the world is he strong enough to pick me up? Im..Im I really that light..? Whatever not important. I really do care about him..a lot.”

—-------------------------------

“..I wonder..i wonder what my parents are doing now if I can be honest..I can barely even remember what they look like. From..what I heard..Hopes Peak lied to them and told me I was dead after the Kamakura Project. Maybe I should be mad..but Im actually thankful for that one thing as we never got along. There expectations were so high for me and they always disrespected my identity and who I was..The closest family I got is Izuru..as..ugh this is annoying to admit, but I do see him as a brother. While we sometimes have conflicts..like he is persistent about keeping our hair long which is super annoying..but Im thankful to have them. Nice to have a family member..”

[hylianengineer]

Okay I'm done with the film review for my sociology class, now you can all have my rant about it, and it's LONG so it's going under a read more:

I'm watching that new Netflix documentary about dirt - Kiss The Ground. For context, I'm an undergrad researcher in biogeochemistry and I study the carbon cycle, particularly a very specific type of decomposition that occurs in waterlogged soils - methanogenesis.

I'm so thrilled that something this mainstream is talking about soil carbon, soil microbes (my beloveds), and carbon sequestration. They're talking about root exudates and mychorrizhae and agriculture as part of an ecosystem! That's exciting. There's also a really excellent dose of climate hope in this documentary - and I am really excited to see that concept getting out of niche environmental circles and into things that regular people might actually watch.

On the other hand, parts of this documentary tick me off. I do not consider Tom Brady, nor his wife, to be a reliable source about the importance of organic agriculture. I know you're trying to interest the non-science types but come on, that is a classic appeal to irrelevant authority fallacy. And they should have said the thing about how we do still have to stop using fossil fuels and reach net zero emissions IN ADDITION TO sequestering the carbon we've already emitted more than one time in the whole film, because I just know people are going to take the rest of this message and run with it in the wrong direction. And they are really hammering home the appeal to emotions in the first half, to the point where I think the core of their argument suffers for it. Are you trying to explain this thing to me or are you throwing around buzzwords and pictures of sick children in hopes I'll get distracted?

Also they keep introducing guests with credentials like "ecologist from the Rodale Institute." You know nobody knows what the fuck that is, right? (It's an NGO dedicated to organic farming, for the record, but I did have to google it, and they had multiple guest speakers from this group.) Come on, you have no credibility if I can't tell where your info's coming from, and most people are not going to do background research as they watch a documentary.

Overall, I agree with their main points but I'm annoyed with how they made them. They're right about the ability of soil to sequester carbon, they're right that it could play a big role in climate change mitigation, and they're right that helping the soil is also better for people, ecosystems, and the planet. They're right about no till farming, permaculture, and crop diversity. They're even right about the bullshit that is the US industrial agricultural system, and they dug into how it came about in the post-WWII era, which isn't something I see talked about much. Kind of baffled how they managed to talk about soil degradation in the Midwestern USA without getting into the unique ways prairie soil and roots work, and instead went down a weird rambly path about how plows are bad (true, at least here - I cant speak for ecosystems I don't know as well - but explained poorly) and cows are good because this system evolved to have bison in it (sort of true, but incomplete. Cows aren't bison and the differences do matter.)

Also, reduced meat consumption is a very common thing that a lot of experts say is needed for climate change mitigation, and don't think I didn't notice how you sidestepped the issue just to say 'cows are good actually, stop vilifying cows.' I call bullshit. Just because cows work well in some ecosystems on a certain scale does not mean that it's possible to farm meat sustainably on the scale we currently do - factory farming and feedlots (CAFOs, if you want to get technical) are what allows us to make this much meat in the first place. You just admitted we need cows spread out on a lot more land to making ranching sustainable, and then failed to address the fact that this idyllic system doesn't really mesh with a world in which everybody eats multiple servings of beef per day. I see that decision and I know why you made it, because asking people to make sacrifices for the climate tends to make them ignore you, I don't even necessarily disagree with that decision because I know you're trying to persuade normal people and not environmentalists, but don't think I didn't notice.

Okay, fine, NOW they're talking about eating less meat and how what meat people do eat needs to come from more sustainable agricultural practices. Good. Better.

Oh look at our free range eggs, they're orange and that means they have more nutrients. Do they? Please back up this claim with scientific evidence. Of course the farmer says his eggs are better, he raised them. It's plausible, but I am pedantic and a scientist and I want data. You have to prove things to me.

Overall not a horrible documentary but ticks me off in several ways and tries to cram too many different subjects into like an hour and a half. Also, visiting the film's website makes me MORE ANGRY because they say even STUPIDER things about how they think climate science works. They make it sound like carbon sequestration in soil is THE solution which is BULLSHIT. There is no THE solution, there's gotta be a bunch of em stacked on top of each other - according to basically every climate change mitigation plan I've ever heard of (Project Drawdown is a good example). There's this metaphor I like to use to explain this to people - there's no silver bullet, but there could be silver buckshot. I read that somewhere once and cannot remember where but I'll never forget it.

Anyways, if you want a good intro to soil health directed at non-scientists/environmentalists, Kiss The Ground isn't bad, but you gotta think critically about some of the claims it's making because some of them are bullshit.

[re-bee-key]

I would like to talk about Brianna Ghey, but more broadly, i just want to vent about my frustrations with how some people are treating her death.

Specifically, the people saying she wasn't killed for being trans. #Trigger warnings for transphobia, death, racism, antisemitism, and other uncomfortable topics that are important to talk about right now.

Its hard to explain to people who really don't want to listen about the accelerating slippery slope of hate that is being experienced around the world.

What happened to Brianna Ghey is tragic. Its heartbreaking. It is not, however, surprising.

Brianna Ghey lived in the UK. And if you've been paying attention to any amount of trans issues you'd be aware that trans people are struggling for their lives in the UK.

In the UK and the USA and really all over the world, politicians and extremists are pushing to ban trans existance altogether. Bills and laws against where trans people can pee, how they present, if they can get surgery or transition, and in some places laws are made that attack how anyone presents - trans or cis.

And all this hateful rhetoric and change is being pushed under the guise of protection. Protection towards woman and children and society as a whole.

Which is sick and twisted and a heartbreaking world view to have on people just wanting to live their lives how they want to live them.

But this rhetoric riles people up. It sanctifies the hatred in their hearts. And pushes them to act.

Usually in harrassment and bullying. But as the pot begins to boil and tensions get even more strained, the wire snaps and someone gets murdered.

Cause thats what all this hate ultimately leads to. Death.

Hatred and fear of Muslims leads to immigration bans and then job loss and isolation and mosque burnings. Next people begin to fear anyone middle eastern. Anyone brown.

Hatred of gays and Jews and others led to the Holocaust.

Hatred of black people led to slavery and hangings and so so many other horrible things. And even when they fought for their rights, things have only incremently gotten better. The hatred still there. Still leading to inequality and death.

All of this to say, the progressive push against Trans people has reached exactly where it was going to reach with all this horrible shit going on.

I mean, fuck. Just the new stupid Hogwarts game coming out has increased anti trans hostility tenfold.

Trans people are at the forefront of any mention of Harry Potter and its making people mad. Those bubbling tensions are reaching the boiling point, and crazy awful people are taking action.

Brianna Ghey was a semi popular tiktoker and was open about her identity. She was bullied and harrassed on tiktok and at school. And its beyond frustrating that the police are denying this was a hate crime.

She was 16! In a park! Having a nice day and she was stabbed to death. Why would anyone do that? If not for the fanned flames of hate in their heart.

How can anyone deny what is happening?

How can people not care?

Trans lives are at risk. And honestly so is every minority at this point.

You have to push against hate for it to die. You have to keep speaking up. Keep standing side by side people who are different than you but need your support.

You cant just sit back in complacency and let bad things happen and pass you by because they dont affect you.

You gotta fuckin care about other people. This shouldn't be so hard!

Ive got a lot more i want to say but this is already so long and rambly. I just... Im so upset.

The world could be so different. We could all live alongside each other, different but embracing our differences. Sharing and exchanging culture. Progressing the arts and sciences and fixing the planet and pushing what it means to be human and our place in the world.

But instead, we are here. Sliding down the slippery slope. And its gonna take every single person who has the capacity for empathy and good to link arms and together pull ourselves back up to the top.

[acewitch-writes]

i dont think remus can be solely blamed for not believing in sirius blindly tho. that doesnt mean that sirius cant be angry, but like, the entirety of the wizarding world was convinced sirius did it both because there were witnesses that heard peter scream how sirius was to blame for james and lily's death, then saw him sirius "kill him", and sirius was driven mad with grief and practically confessing when they arrested him. that doesnt mean it wouldnt be interesting to explore that while recognizing remus' flaws (there's a lot of fics doing that), but like. it's not so black and white. was remus supposed to suspect peter, his other bff and the new martyr? and given that sirius also suspected him, so we can probably infer there was even more going on that we dont know about. idk i think it's more interesting when both characters are both right and wrong at the same time (while holding both accountable AND giving them their rightful moments of anger, ofc, i hate one-sided shit lmao)

I agree! I will defend Remus to my dying breath. There's definitely a LOT more nuance than "Remus should have trusted Sirius."

Remus never had malicious intentions with anything he ever did. When he distanced himself from the Marauders during the war, he had orders from Dumbledore to stay quiet about his secret missions. And I know we all hate Dumbles around here, but Remus respected and revered him and was terrified of disappointing him. So obviously he went along with it.

So now Sirius is starting to suspect him because Remus can never explain his whereabouts. They're fresh out of school, living in a world that hates werewolves and Remus is already struggling enough that James has to support him financially. There's so much story to explore during this short period of time, themes of prejudice and class divisions and discrimination. It makes sense that Sirius would consider the possibility that Remus could be lead astray when the "bad guys" were promising to make life better for werewolves while Remus was fighting for the "good" side that made no such promises.

So no, we can't place all the blame on Remus. He was a kid, too, thrown into a war immediately after school. He knew that he was the only werewolf on the Order's side, and the weight of that must have been overwhelming for REMUS, the coward with a predisposition for running away from his problems (a trait of his that Sirius was probably well aware of, further cementing his belief that Remus could be the traitor).

Remus believing that Sirius could have betrayed James is one thing I really struggle to get my mind around. I like to imagine that some part of him doubted his guilt, but as a werewolf living alone in a society that hates werewolves, recently bereaved of every person he had ever loved, I don't think there was anything Remus could have done even if he was in the right state of mind to do it. Especially not when Dumbledore, the man Remus looked up to the most and the one he would be most likely to address these doubts with, also seemed convinced of Sirius' guilt.

The way the fandom tries to blame one or the other (these days, usually Sirius) for what happened to James and Lily is frustrating. They are both very flawed characters, and they both have things they need to answer for.

I hope this is coherent. I feel like I just rambled in circles.

[rouge-the-bat]

I kinda want to start readingn yu yu hakusho (manga first bc thats how i roll) sooo would u be interested in pitching the plot and whatnot for me? I know this is smth I could just google buuut, Id like to get some info straight from the best source :3 (a nd fan whos likes to ramble)

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 OKAY SO idk what all the differences are between the manga and the anime (havent read the manga yet but i want to eventually) but yu yu hakusho starts off with, from the very get-go, the protagonist dying! yup, main character just dead right at the start, and the next part is a plot for him going through a test from the spirit world to get his life back! its actually pretty emotional, because yusuke (the protag) didnt want to come back until he realize how much the people hes closed to cared about him, but throughout the show he makes more friends and realizes more of what he wants to live for (while theyre all constantly risking their lives in battles jfkdjfj) and becomes way more well off by the end of the show.

a lot of the show is yusuke taking various cases from spirit world as their designated spirit detective, fighting demons and sometimes humans to protect the world through the use of his spirit gun power! theres a whole lot of excellent humor along with intense moments, and i cant pinpoint exactly how they do it but even the funny stuff happening during serious moments dont really retract from each other, unlike how some other series it can feel like awkward tone shifts.

yusuke is a snarky son of a bitch, absolute delinquent that loves to kick ass. hes defintely not the brightest, but he makes up for that in sheer willpower (and luck lol). hes not a pure goody boy protag, hes a lovable asshole!

kuwabara is similar to yusuke in being a delinquent that loves to fight, but he has much more of an honor code and actually tries to be polite and really sweet sometimes (especially to his big crush in the show) despite his usual brash loudness lol. hes the himbo of the group! he also has a kitten he loves :3

kurama is one of my top favorite characters ever (and my kin) because hes just so??? interesting??? hes literally the best character in the show to put in a situation. any of them. so none of this is spoilers bc this is all shit he straight up tells as soon as he shows up in like, episode 7 or something: hes a fox demon thief that almost was killed, but he managed to transfer his spirit into an unborn human child and was raised by his human mother, whos kindness ended up changing him from cruel and ruthless, to a much kinder person. hes a interesting mix of characteristics, where he can equally be the kindest of the group, but he can also still be the most ruthless. plus they really play up the pretty boy factor and his main weapon is a rose whip hes fucking great. also despite him being a lot kinder now hes still defintely an asshole sometimes and loves messing with people bc hes still a fox at heart.

THEN HIEI. HIEI HIEI HIEI HIEI I LOVE HIM SO SO SO SOSOOOOOO MUCH. him and kurama are partners (demon partners but gay partners too bc i say so, and also theres no one else hiei compliments so much like he does with kurama and theyre like 90% of the time together and kurama teases hiei SO MUCH and theyre just adorable okay,) hes my hearthrob trope of angsty edgy guy whos so tsundere about actually caring about people but hes actually SO soft deep down and just needs more love in his life. and is super hot. literally anytime this dude gets into battle he often either rips his shirt off or his shirt rips itself off by the sheer power of his fucking energy i love him. hes such a badass. and he has nice tits. and hes soooo soso sososososoososo cute he has the most adorable surprised faces and hfjjjdjfk OKAY ill try to hold off the gay a little bit to actually explain his character. hes such a rude little asshole and is often the quiet one at the edge of the room thatll snark you if he catches you being dumb. hes such a tsundere about having friends and caring about them but even yusuke can see through his shit and calls him out on it and says hiei will be there when they need him. short angry man gets friends who he cares for and who cares for him.

BTW THO there is some Iffy Moments in the show id recommend checking out the doesthedogdie site for various trigger stuff if u think ud need it !!! and unfortunately the anime often has a LOT of flashing lights so if that would affect you then you may have to stick to the manga, or maybe theres someone whos edited the show to be safe for photosensitive folks?? do ppl do that? idk. but still despite some flaws in the series, the characters are just so !!!!!! [SQUEEZES THEM LIKE A SQUISHY TOY] im literally so obsessed with them theyre just a fun cast with the best interactions aaa theyre like family to me (bc im kurama kinnie)

ALSO !!! IF U DO CHECK IT OUT FEEL FREE TO YELL AT ME ABOUT STUFF !!!!!!

[chaoticfandomthot]

Started watching Mouse and at first I wasn't going to talk about it on tumblr to avoid getting spoiled but i have sooo many thoughts so i'll ramble under the cut ignore me

DO NOT SPOIL ME

Okay so i just finished episode 7 which ends with the mouse and the vague flashes of memory, right?

And i've always found it weird that Yohan would have been abandonned to a family and then picked back up by his mom, like that didn't make sense to me

I was led astray by the mom choking him reveal but like why would she even be there? Was she the wife and she remarried? No we would've heard of the other guy and having 2 other kids? She wouldn't risk it i think

So! Here are my theories as of now and a short explaination for each:

1- yohan's mom did a switcharoo somehow

->supporting evidence : the genetic papers yohan hid (i think it was proof he's not the killer's kid), the mom's weird looks at Bareum (could be just like 'damn my kid almost killed that guy but i doubt), the weird flashes of the mouse thing

I think the mom heard about the mouse thing and freaked, tried to kill him but couldnt and decided fuck it im exchanging my child or putting him up for adoption and picking up a new one. Sadly she has terrible luck

2- Bareum has not been switched, is the kid of the other mom (actually shown in the picture) and just repressed his memories of the mouse incident, nothing else weird happened to him and the genetic thing is a different thing altogether

->the most logical but i think they're putting too many pieces down for it to be so easy? Idk might be overthinking this show (def am)

3- a little out there tbh but my first one was a switcharoo so i think its too late to try to appear logical; bareum is actually responsible for his parent's death and in the process of whatever happened he lost his memories and his murderous tendencies got repressed with them

-> idk i just thought about that and why the hell not at this point

Random thoughts; the kid pf the mouse incident seemed to really enjoy it while the kid of the fish, dog and siblings seemed to do it more out of revenge/duty/lack of giving any fucks. To me that makes it clear it's not the same person, but it could also just be the development of being abused following the first incident.. i still think if the mouse kid was the siblings kid he would've looked to be enjoying the deaths more? Idk this post is a hellish mess and i cant wait to laugh at myself once im further along

Development theories that are just about future things i think will happen;

- while investigating i think bareum will get more and more into the mind of the killer until he can't repress his own urges or gets too curious and tries it himself

If above happens; might eventually get a hannibal type situation of helping investigate his own crimes and enjoying either figuring it out so easily or leading other people in circles

This is all because i need traces of my theory for how much i figured out / was wrong about once im further along

[littleonekitten]

does anyone else’s depression hit at night time? I can be fine… all day, until after midnight and then for some reason just.. all of the sad comes out. I don’t know what it’s from, or why, but it’s just tears flowing and that achy feeling in your heart and then the pit in your stomach and the shake and pain in your head from anxiety.

Why is it that woman have to always overcompensate in relationships- let me explain before I get canceled. Females, have you ever noticed the moment a man takes interest in you, or your talking/ flirting, and you go out a few times and you genuinely have a great time and you think you like him then BAM. A red flag, it’s something small but it bothers you… but you just push it away because “well there’s other green flags, and he seems nice” and all of this other stuff.. TO MAKE HIM LIKE YOU. I’ll share this story, it was the first few dates with my ex and it was great, he was nice, and polite and drove safe and all of that.. until he made a sexist joke, a border line woman hating joke.. and I say there and looked at him and I laughed. I CANT BELIVE I LAUGHED. Did I think it was funny? No. Did I agree with it? Absolutely not and I wanted to punch him after it. But it was fine right? It was only one joke. Then it became a few more.. my laughs decreased and I told him I don’t think they are funny- “but it’s just a joke” when it’s not, there’s an underlying misogynistic truth and some CLEAR toxic masculinity. He stopped doing it around me.. until we were with his best friend, and they would constantly still make those jokes.. and you know what I would do? Laugh. Because I wanted him to like me and I wanted to be polite even though he knew how I felt about it. So why do we do that? Why do we have to make men like us all of the time? Is it because we like the attention or feeling of validation? We tie into knots for no reason, and for some reason if there’s ever a red flag small enough we ignore it… and we continue our relationship with that person. Why is it in a relationship our standards start out so high, then begin to lower? But when we keep those standards then it’s “unrealistic” I’m feeling really defeated about that, yes.. my ex had some great qualities- but looking back on it there were so many things I literally ignored because my standards then came a little above bare minimum while also having my own wants and needs- while also THE BARE MINIMUM was so hard to accommodate or meet because that requires putting in the work. Why is it when it comes to relationships in my luck it’s always wanting to work for each other and save the relationship it’s always my partner just can’t do because “it’s not them, or who they are”. If it’s something small, even if you don’t understand why and can create a happier relationship and I’m bringing that energy to that conversation as well why not?- anyways, that turned into a ramble, but basically why is it that our standards lower and we hold ourselves fs less accountable while in a relationship then as soon as we get out it’s so easy to get over someone. As soon as you think of one red flag thing it just gives the ick and validates your self worth.

My healing process has been weirdly okay. Like I’m okay, I’m not sad, angry or disappointed. I don’t want him in my life. I’m content with that. I’m finding new ways to heal and keep myself busy while also taking care of myself. The thought of him or being with him gives me so much anxiety that it can send me into like a pre panic attack state. So now it’s how to get rid of the thoughts of him. I’ve done a lot of work on that but he will still pop in my head a few times a day. I don’t know why I’m as okay as I am. I loved him, I thought I was gonna marry him, but for some reason it’s like my walls go back up and I’m going to have some more relationship tramua and trust issues for the next partner. Which I’m not looking forward to having that conversation. I think part of me is sad that I’m okay. I don’t think I ever give myself to grieve. If I do, I know I will fall down a hole, and not take care of myself, if I don’t let me grieve then I don’t have to deal with it. If I give myself fake confidence and “badass bitch” energy I don’t have to worry about it. I feel like it can be such a toxic thing but it’s the only tool I have.

[buttsay]

Just a small post (lol) to explain my love for JSHK because I’m obsessed with this manga since 3 years and I have to ramble about this wherever and whenever I can.

Also I’m French so my English is probably bad but at this point I don’t care about it.

Back then in March 2020 I wanted to watch a short shojo-like anime. I was depressed af, made attempts and felt unloved, unlikable, and unable to like anything since I had watched some animes and I always ended up disappointed for some reason.

I felt unworthy of love so I just needed to have a good time by watching two idiots in love (that’s what I thought about shojos and it’s a part of the truth). The op of JSHK just popped in my YouTube recommendations, I didn’t understand anything but I saw it was classified as romance, supernatural, school-life comedy with only 8 episodes (I discovered it before the end of the season) and I thought "great, I’ll have a good time not to think about my messy life, I’ll forget quickly about this — it happened the day before an exam so I had to be focused on the exam *cough* — and everything will be fine !"

Oh God.

When I watched 5 episodes many thoughts came to my mind like… I thought at first I’ll get to hate Nene and Kou because of how annoying they were, and I stopped trusting Hanako when he said not everyone could summon him THIS SENTENCE WAS A HUGE REDFLAG FOR ME! Also I recognized myself a lot in him and it didn’t make me feel very good, but I enjoyed it anyways, I was genuinely surprised to like this cutie show!

But I also felt something was wrong. Like. It can’t be THAT cute. I had a bad feeling, I couldn’t identify it I just felt scared for the main cast for some reason.

Then we got a bit of Amane’s backstory and it crashed my soul. I thought "oh ok it will be THAT angsty sometimes but… it won’t be often right?" I was soooo shocked I shut down for almost an hour after the episode.

Then there’s Mitsuba and Kou and THAT moment made me cry. I was afraid Mitsuba’s case would be solved by some power of friendship mess and I did NOT wanted that in this cute-but-angsty series. I absolutely despise power of friendship almost everytime I see it in a manga.

Tsukasa broke my heart in a million of pieces, I felt betrayed because I just wanted to have a good moment with cute characters and HERE I AM CRYING FOR THE DEATH OF AN ALREADY DEAD PERSON EVEN THOUGH I CANT REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I CRIED BECAUSE OF AN ANIME OH MY GOOD THIS IS SOO GOOD.

I wanted to know the end of the story because I thought it would be a short one. I live in France and the manga wasn’t published yet, there were no scans so I looked for the English scans, there were 65 of them at this moment.

I’ve read everything in a single night. Before my exam. I didn’t sleep well though.

This was such a new feeling for me. To finally discover a story that matched my tastes so much, that made me go through so much emotions I can’t even describe. I fell in love with JSHK and I was so happy. Because I saw some foreshadowings that worried me (Nene’s charadesign especially) and the manga told me HELL YEAH YOU HAVE EVERY REASON TO BE WORRIED ABOUT THEM AND ILL GIVE YOU MUCH MORE REASONS TO WORRY FOR THEM.

Picture Perfect Arc especially was a masterpiece to me at this point (it was 3: AM I felt still tired). I loved every moment, every character development… I thought "will the next chapters be as good as those? I don’t know how".

Then chapter 71 crashed my heart again. I cried again, for almost an hour which never happened in my life before.

Still the manga gives me everything that I need. I wanted so badly to see a character development such as Nene’s and Kou’s, to read such a wonderful story that will gives me the inspiration to theorize on it, to admire an art style so unique and distinct from everything else… but the more I read it the more I realized I needed to go on therapy because i recognized myself a lot only in ghosts. Even now I still kin Hanako, Mitsuba and Shijima (less than it was lol). Also I discovered the feeling of kinning a character, it never happened to me before I read JSHK.

The more I think about it, the more I fall in love with it, the more I’m worried because the manga matches my tastes so much and I’m a sadistic person especially with fictional persons so I’m awfully scared, but UGHHHHH THIS IS SUCH A GREAT FEELING!

Anyways, I’m just some random young adult rambling about the manga that made me realize I have great tastes, that’s why I’m a picky eater. Thank you AidaIro for making me laugh and cry a lot.

[eatinurgutz]

hello my dear, im back from my task. my first thought after was, “did my lovely boy message me back?” and i see that you did. 🤍 the idea of you thinking about me drives me absolutely mad. god you are truly addicting. i just can’t help but want a taste.. 🤍🤍

alright, if you’d like me to be possessive, then i will. but be careful what you wish for. ill keep you forever if i can. never let you leave me.. you would look absolutely ravishing pinned on a cross for me to lovingly worship for all time. 🤍

of course you are my home. i absolutely adore when i can talk to you or loving stalk you :3 you are amazing.. your writing is always lovely. i find myself amazed at all times. also… your coco. your coco. yours yours yours yours…. oh my goodness i might explode…

I honestly don’t mind at all. as long as you pay even the slightest bit of attention to me, i will be ok. i really don’t believe you will… i won’t say much, but i don’t think you would be interested in me anymore if you knew who i was. part of me thinks you could never see me that way if you knew. i won’t give you too much my dear.. but i will say, we met on love letter, and have talked there at least a few times. i won’t say if we are friends or strangers.. i cannot give too much away.

i apologize. i wouldn’t want to worry you with my clumsiness. im so glad i can make you smile and giggle.. it warms my heart so deeply.

don’t worry about any of that my dear. im just glad i can bring you joy. im not going anywhere any time soon 🤍 i cant even imagine that. im so enamored with you, where would i go? i dont think i could live without my daily dose of you. 🤍🤍🤍

oh my dear.. i will overwork myself as much as possibly needed. you are worth it. you are worth everything, anything. i truly would do anything for you.. cook, clean, crawl on my hands and knees and kiss the ground you walk on.. i am yours. i might start to ramble a little because once i get started, its hard to stop. i want you, i need you. the idea of you going anywhere is sickening. i won’t let you go, ill never let you go. my precious deity, you are everything i hope and dream for. i can’t explain how far my obsession goes.. im not lying when i say id do anything. anything you ask. say the word, its done. 🤍

ill try to take care of myself.. for your sake. i have a few questions.

what is your ideal person?

what is your love language?

i will be good, my love.. i will be so good. all for you. only for you…. 🤍 ask me anything you’d like. i don’t mind. i might not give too much info.. i truly worry what you might think of me knowing who i am.

your coco ☕️

HI!! I'm glad you're back, dear. I've been thinking about you all day. . . I dont know if i would taste good :") but okay, silly. Heeheehhehe, okay okay. . . As much as that sounds like it would hurt, that's fine with me, dear coco. Make sure the cross is pink though. ^_^ hh i love getting to talk to you too, love. Yes, yes. . . You're MY coco. 🤍 mine, mine mine, mine. . . And please don't explode, I'll cry and explode too. T_T I'll try to give you as much attention as i can, okay love? Sometimes i do get busy, but I'll try my hardest, for you. :) Well I'm sorry you feel and think that way. I'm sure whoever you are, when you reveal yourself, i won't love you any less. Ouh. . . Okay! That's all i really needed to know. :) and i kinda think clumsiness is cute. . . Only on you though. I'm glad you make me smile and giggle too, Because alot of people do the opposite. :) I do hope you never leave. . . Or else I'd have to kidnap you and lock you away. Butttt. . . For now I'll try not to over think on those type of things. All i need to think about right now is my dear coco. . . Aaaa, as much as i appreciate you saying those things, i would feel terribly bad for making you over work for me. :( But thank you, my sweet coco, and thats fine with me i don't mind hearing you ramble. . . Infact, ill encourage it. <3 but yes, please take care of yourself, dear. I want you to be as healthy as possible! Mentally and physically. :3 my ideal person. . . someone who i can trust, who won't lie to me. Who will tell the truth, no matter how embarassing it is. . . someone who won't judge me and will let me by myself. I also like when people get jealous. :3 like if they see someone flirting with me, they'll be over protective. . . I don't know- things like jealousy make me feel actually wanted. . . And i like people who know how to give me space, but also are still clingy with me! ^_^ i also have a things for poets. . . And gingers. ^^" i prefer more quiet and not very social people - they tend to be more lonely and that means i get them all to myself. x3 Not sure what else to add hhh. . . And for my love language. . . I like affection, gift giving, and words of affirmation, also quality time! Idk if this counts. . . But pda too. :3

Hmm, i do have a few questions. . . Feel free to answer the ones you want. Or are comfortable with sharing.

1. Age or age range?

2. Preferred pronouns and terms?

3. favorite color?

4. favorite song?

5. Song that reminds you of me? (mwhehehe. . .)

6. Do you like pickles? >:D

7. favorite artist? Genre?

8. Any character ships that remind you of us?? :33

[ughgoaway]

Hi ace feel free to completely ignore this ask if its too much, take care of yourself first 🫶

Im having such a difficult time just living, im failing at every subject in college, i feel empty even when i have the best friend anyone can ask for, and just, everything its too much.

Ive been depressed for 9 years now and i dont see any light at the end, im seriously so so sad, i cant really have conversations with my friends, i keep getting high just so i forget everything that is going on and i just dont know what to do

Sorry for venting on you, i just cant anymore

hi lovely, don't worry, it's not too much at all. I've been exactly where you are, and if I'm honest I'm kind of there right now too.

(long ramble about mental health below the cut)

tw for depression and discussion surrounding it.

I think people underestimate how hard just existing is, and having something as stressful as college on top of that can't be easy. I would remind you to be kind to yourself, it might not feel like it but you're achieving a lot right now by just keeping alive, I'm proud of you for it because I know it can feel impossible.

is there any way you can reach out to your college for some support right now? maybe take a small break if you're allowed? or even just tell them you're struggling, you'd be surprised how much people want to help you. more people care about you than you know, I promise.

feeling empty even when you have a support network is so hard because it can feel like you're betraying them. but you're allowed to still feel shit even when you know you have someone with you. feeling like this isn't your fault, your brain is working against itself constantly, and that can just feel impossible.

as far as the empty feeling, I know it all too well. i don't quite know how to get over it yet, if I ever do I'll let you know, but I always try and get a small routine down and try and spend just 1 hour a day doing something I love. the routine can be something as small as brushing your teeth 2 times a day, or going on a 5 minute walk, or even just standing outside for 5 minutes.

and the thing you love doesn't have to be a big thing, you can just let yourself rewatch your favourite show and eat some food you love. maybe spend time with friends if you're up to it, but if you're not, that's okay too. your friend sounds like they understand you, and they love you. They'll be wanting to give you all the support you need when you're ready.

this might be a silly question, but have you ever reached out for professional help? I know lots of us have, and it's been ineffective, but when you find that right professional, it can really help. I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It might be so small that you can't see it right now, but it's there. it just needs some time to grow.

keeping up with friends is something I struggle with too, even if the messages are lovely, it can feel daunting. Next time you have even a tiny bit of energy, I urge you to tell your friends that. explain that you love them, but it all feels like too much right now. they love and care about you, they will support you in any way you need, im sure of it.

as for the getting high, I'm sorry I don't have any advice there, I personally don't use any drugs, but I completely understand the urge to use them as a coping mechanism. and I think weed, for example, can be helpful when used appropriately, but it's hard to even consider that when you feel so low. if you feel able, it's always best to try and talk to someone who understands what you're going through and why the drugs help. They will be able to help you the best. I'm sorry I don't have better advice for this, though. I wish I did.

I'm sorry I don't have better advice for you overall, but just know that there are millions of people who are like you right now and millions who have felt like you, and got better. the phrase "it will get better eventually" is cheesy and feels meaningless in moments like this, but it comes from people who have done this, from people who did see it get better. It did for them, and it will for you too.

my dms are always open for a chat, deep and philosophical one or a distraction chat about random things. my ask box is too, I'm here whenever, my love.

I urge you to keep trying and keep pushing even when you feel so weak you don't want to. you are so loved and so valued in this world, even if you can't see it yet <3

[hungbytheirhalosx]

For the first time in somewhat of a long time i thought about cutting again. Like not exactly like a deep thought about it but a “omg i wanna s**t my wrists” but tuen in my mind i saw the image, like the image of my hands holding a blade over my wrists and going through with the action and i just had to stop and sit for a moment and i was just I’m a kind of shock i guess because i haven’t had that kind of though with that much seriousness behind it before. Ive had the not serious “uhg imma s**t my wrists” because i don’t wanna do the thing i have to do but not for a while have i had the though and had actual almost intention behind it. I could feel the tears like forming behind my eyes and just complete like i don’t even know how to explain the feeling. And this isn’t something i talk about with anyone. Theres only one person who wasn’t family that actually acknowledged it and said “no more of this” and that person right now feels like the only one i would be comfortable telling this experience to but i haven’t talked to them in like 2 years i think so i cant tell them. Im rambling because i need to get it all out but wow this was an unexpected turn i didn’t foresee at all.