chronically-j

[chronically-j]

shout out to dad who apparently was laying awake thinking about the PT denial and called me in just to double check im wearing compression garments and wrapping my hip, and said he was thinking about it and he wanted me to know that yes it probably felt like it at first, but it isnt the end of the world. we talked about my fears (on a scale of 1-10 ive always told myself i was a 4. i always insisted i was fine and would push through, so to be told my case was worse than we thought really scared me. i was hoping that pt would get me to a 2-3, but if im actually a 6, what if PT only gets me to 4-5?) he reassured me and reminded me that any improvement will be good, even small ones, and that a hospital may be more equipped to handle my care than an independent place. it was a really helpful conversation

[chronically-j]

shout out to the old man at the dispo who joyfully called us twins when he saw my cane! that was fun!

[chronically-j]

hey google how do you come to terms with being denied PT by my insurance because my case is “too severe” and they will only approve hospital based PT. i was excited and now i have to wait all over again

[chronically-j]

probably gonna redo my intro soon

[chronically-j]

cant explain why (beyond it being amazon) but the “amazon one medical” ads, or whatever its called, feel so sinister to me. they are off putting. idk why exactly

[chronically-j]

my xrays seem to have come back fine which im actually happy about! thats what i assumed would heppen, because i think its a strength problem more than joints right now. my knees feel very loose and i think i need to gain some leg muscle to fix that lol. ill see what my physical therapist says later!

[chronically-j]

making my room wheelchair accessible! ik hoping soon i wont need the chair but regardless itll be batter for me to have a room thats easy to get through with my cane/crutches, but its gonna be so cool! my walls are concrete so my brothers going to help me drill and mount shelves and my tv! im excited lol

[chronically-j]

tore my room apart bc i lost my wallet and couldnt remember if it was here or left at a store, but now my floor is messy as fuck so i can barely walk let alone use my chair. im gonna clean it in the morning but damn

[chronically-j]

accidentally scheduled TWO appointments tomorrow and the first is physical therapy ripppp

[chronically-j]

btw the cromolyn helping day 1 wasnt what i expected

[chronically-j]

bruh i finally eat food and now my stomach makes ominous noises? NOT fun

[chronically-j]

i was supposed to start cromolyn or however its spelled a month ago but somethjng happened so i havent been able to and im just. i was so excited bro ive been sick like this specifically since i was 18. really for longer but a covid spell (or maybe a few back to back i cant remember) made everything worse and made it not ignorable.

im just so tired guys. every day its the same shit. i dread waking up because it sucks so much to wake up immediately nauseous as fuck, hungry as hell but with no apetite + the knowledge that if you do eat youll get sick, plus the fucking headaches, and the allergies, and the fact that j can never find a comfortable position anymore. im just so damn tired of it all. fucking hell

[chronically-j]

im getting sooo fucking tired of getting sick. im considering trying an elimination diet if my dr thinks itll help, but dude this shit SUCKS

[chronically-j]

ever since i got told about my allergies, hes been buying me the ingredients to make my own stuff so i dont accidentally eat meat. sooo many things have meat/meat powder/things derived from meat, and it makes it hard sometimes seeing everyone else eating things that i cant, so its really noce to have stuff specifically for me

[chronically-j]

im frequently in denial about being sick. specifically for how long ive been sick. i like to say it all started about covid but everyone, including my family, knows thats not true. the joint problems have gone on so long i had to stop playing cello in highschool because lifting my cello was causing pain. id cry on the way to school because my legs would hurt so bad. my dad just confirmed that for basically all of my teen years, if i dont get enough sleep im sick all morning. he said its always happened without fail, the days i get less than 5-6 hours, im sick all day the next day. and the same is true now, i didnt sleep well last night at all, got 5 hours at absolute best but realistically i got less than that. and because of that, everytime i moved/didnt have my fan directly on me, i felt so sick. i sat in the dark doing nothing for 3ish hours after i woke up this morning and still havent eaten because i dont feel good. denial is a weird thing because things can go on for so long, so obviously that other people can figure out triggers before me, and yet i still sit here and tell myself that its all in my head and im making it up

[chronically-j]

ive discovered tiger balm and it feels cool, and helped enough that i was able to clean for a bit! not as long as id like but a good amount of time!

[chronically-j]

my dads been looking at wheelchairs for me (i had no clue lmao, but hes also started watching more wheelchair user accounts, like a van lifer who uses a chair!) he sent me the notawheelchair website and was so excited about it, im gonna show him the chair ive designed later, and im still hoping to get a physical therapy visit before i buy one, but!!! its so cool how much he’s embracing this. i thought he specifically would be trying to get me up and out of the chair and convincing me i dont need it longterm, but hes not! dont get me wrong he’s encouraging me to find the proper exercises to at least make it so its only needed for long outtings, but even then he fully accepts that that may only make it so im stable where im at, which would still be a great thing because i still have decent movement without aids in small lengths, and with aids i can still go for a good while so i still have a good amount of mobility in that regard i think