#im barely hanging on rn | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rohansdisciple · 2 years ago

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i’m frothing from the mouth rn 😾

credit here !

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hbo--spn · 2 months ago

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ok but "lucifer," "hallucifer," helping sam solve cases is something that needed to be explored and used SO MUCH MORE

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mwagneto · 1 year ago

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sorry i can't hang out rn the two men from that 4 year old show kissed and i literally cannot think about anything else. yeah gonna be all month

#good omens #gomens #crowzira #deleted messenger haven't talked to any of my irls in a week #lowkey hate how nice it is to get a break tbh like oh my goddd im in the mental illness zone do NOT talk to meeee #it feels mean but also I've spent basically every second since September hanging out with #1 - 10 people near constantly. i need some downtime. although by downtime i did not #imagine stopping all human functions and just becoming a vessel for an engless loop of g0mens thoughts #not even true i CAN talk to ppl but only if it's someone that knows how ill i am or if it's #about g0mens. otherwise leave me alone #like i can literally only talk in terminally online tumblr terms rn i can barely remember hungarian #MY ASS LITERALLY GOT FACTORY RESET TO MY TERMINALLY ONLINE SELF😭😭#not true coz back when i used to be this online i still talked to irls. mostly to get them to watch whatever i was watching but still #im gonna hang out with some tumblr mutuals who are just as ill as me soon. so that's something #idk how the fabric of budapest can handle that much mental illness in one room but whatever #ineffable husbands #i misspelled it.

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danielnelsen · 5 months ago

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things aren’t going well with peach. while i think my dad’s very right to be concerned that she hasn’t eaten anything in nearly 60 hours (obviously i am too), im becoming increasingly concerned that she hasn’t slept at all in around 36 hours and prior to that she was under anaesthetic, which isn’t exactly restful, so it’s closer to 48 hrs

like dad took her back to the vet today and we’ve got injections for her painkillers now because she’s not eating, and also injections for fluids (because she doesn’t drink; she only gets water from her food), so the not eating is Bad but also kinda under management, but if she doesn’t sleep soon i’m extremely worried. dad was like ‘if she doesn’t eat by tomorrow afternoon we’ll take her back because the injections will run out’ but like. if she doesn’t sleep tonight we have GOT to take her back first thing in the morning so they can sedate her or something

#her pain doesn’t seem to be too bad now that she’s got pain relief so idk what’s stopping her from sleeping #she won’t even lie down unless i’m sitting next to her. she just sits there staring out the window #her pupils are also taking up her entire eyes and have been all day #that’ll be a side effect of the medication and maybe the lack of sleep? but it won’t be making her feel any better #she can probably barely see at this point #like imagine you’ve been awake for 2 days after surgery and you’re in a lot of pain and haven’t eaten since before surgery #and are also on strong painkillers. and you also have no idea what’s wrong with you or why everyone’s doing things that hurt you #bruh your brain would be COOKED. there’s no way she has any idea what’s going on rn but she’s clearly feeling terrible #personal #like i think she’ll be ok in the long-term but she’s gotta somehow get through all these immediate issues #last time something like this happened she stopped drinking and never started again #not eating or sleeping don’t have workarounds as simple as putting water in her food #it really doesn’t help that there’s so much other shit going on rn #i’m doing a whole bunch of stuff with my phone and computer that’s taking a lot of work #but also my sister’s going on a long overseas trip that she’s leaving for tomorrow #so the combo of dad and sister coming and going constantly and also like 6 random deliveries for tech stuff in the last 2 days—#has the dogs really wound up. so georgie’s been howling at absolutely everything #and it’s rainy so my clothes aren’t trying and they’re hanging on a rack hooked on the hallway door so the door can’t close #which puts one less door between my room and the dogs so they’re waking me up every time anything happens #and i sleep during the day so that’s ALL THE TIME. i’ve had like 8 hrs of sleep between the last two afternoons #my sister always has so much random life stuff she wants to talk about and was getting really annoyed that i wasn’t very receptive #like ‘im about to go away for 3 months’ sorry i know its a big thing but i can’t just reschedule peach’s medical emergency

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fappellmoan · 10 months ago

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also ok maybe had a weird little freak moment yesterday :/ i was with lydia and needed to eat my godawful shitass sushi before going to the library so anyway who do i spot but the roommate with some random guy naturally and im like lydia pause i need to be a stalker but so casually for just like a sec. (this is in a downstairs like cafe/hallway/elevators area) so i stall and then we go to check for a free room to sit in and when there r ppl in it we just go back near the cafe area and theyre over in this little. alcove. of a sitting area. lounging. and im so normal and rlly naturally glanced over a couple times hoping to god the guy didnt see me cause luckily roommate was faced away. anyway. but lydias screenaging it up so im just sitting there awkwardly. and i have to walk past them at one point to get soy sauce to drown the sushi in and maybe that made me look like a weird little stalker too. well again this is if the guy even knows who i am and prob not so whatever its like fine. but like yeah and then i def saw them getting up and then on the elevator to leave so i think my skittish little creature tendencies scared off the vibe from across the room even... and i didnt just wave like a normal person bc i wasnt sure they saw me but we've spotted each other at much greater distances there's simply no way. i was treating them like what the kids call an 'opp' kinda... me when im an anxious little beast...

#and me when i type up a long paragraph abt like nothing happening! <3 #um. and i am overthinking and in my defense. ill lament one more time. HAVENT HAD MY ANXIETY MEDS IN DAYS. so plz be nice..#and lydia joked abt how i was a little weird. which i was. but now im like fuckkkkk man we're never hanging out again...#they also went back to like one of my stories theyd seen this morning so its like wowwwwww so youre literally obsessed w me..#anyway. still being so strong and leaving it to them to make a rain check plan if they wanna. and if not thats so hashtag chill #also ive barely seen sam this week which is like nice but i found out they last second saw the eclipse together #and again not that i think i would come up or w/e but i did have sam off my close friends for a while bc he was stressing me out. yk.#and im not sure if um... that would have become evident... doesnt actually matter who gaf #but yeah also naturally hes seeing one of the coolest most beautiful talented creative etc girls in the film major rn #on top of his little fuck buddy. and im not being a bitter little incel abt the fact that hes got bitches and i dont.#bc its like. whatever. too much going on rn to have bitches. tho ill stick to my guns in saying some good sex could fix me a little #yayyyy i love talking #abby talks

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orcelito · 2 months ago

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Snow is canceled forever and ever bc it's so so scary to drive in. I don't want to drive in snow ever again. It was not even an inch though. But it was still SoScary. Unfortunately I am a Hoosier, so snow driving is inevitable.

#speculation nation #me just barely starting to get comfortable with driving my beautiful Tesci then WHAM #just 2 days after buying her im hit with Snow Driving (for the first time in my life!!!!)#i went to walmart after my failed appointment to buy some shit for my car. bc i went Oh Fuck sitting in there with snow on my windshield #bc i bought this car Two Days Ago so i didnt have a fucking scraper or brush yet 😭😭😭😭#i changed that tho. also bought a winter emergency kit. complete with jumper cables flashlight and blanket. plus some other stuff #oh SHOVEL. apparently. idk how they fit it in there. i just kinda left it in my car lol i did not care to open it yet.#i also got some air freshener stuff for my car. bc it has a bit of a scent to it.#used to belong to a smoker i guess. tho it's not too bad + i actually kinda like lingering smoke smell #But Also i wanna have my car with a scent i chose. so i bought... Leather Scent (???) air freshener #'hearth. pepper. and bourbon' idk how thats Leather but it smells good. so i got it.#ALSO bought some gloves im gonna keep in my car as driving gloves. theyre kinda sleek.#and ummmmm i bought some christmas lights. ill hang them up Somewhere. no energy for that rn but they were cheap and i love string lights #so i got them anyways. i'll come up with smth to do with them eventually.#i also bought a few food things. as a way to cheer myself up. ate some cream puffs after dinner today... mmmm #and it felt rly nice to leave the store and load up a car and not have to haul all of that back by hand.#even if i was also Very Scared of going back out in the snow hfmshfmsbd #it's supposed to be a bit warmer today than it was yesterday tho (by today i mean tuesday. bc it is in that realm now)#but ahhh. i might have a presentation today. i need to rest up so i can get ready for that.#sleepy time for me time. yes

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curly-cottage-girl · 6 months ago

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#oooof im barely fighting off a panic attack #trying to do big things in life can be. Very Scary #I’m just hoping it won’t be too painful #I’m really scared right now #but also some of it is that I just need to go to bed #I can do this #I need to trust in God #but good GOLLY I’m hanging on to sanity by my fingernails rn

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imflyingfish · 7 months ago

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I gotta be less hard on myself. Annoyingly i know that my best work comes from when i am hard on myself. But i keep stopping myself from doing things i want to due to perfectionism. Annoying.

#atm i feel like im just chasing interest after interest after interest #ive been working on my mimecraft base a lot but i have. complex feelings about the base atm #im happy with it and its paradise.#its too paradise that it makes me unsettled #which is nonsense its my place and my build #but i feel a lot of pressure to make it perfect #even though I and vee are the only ones who go there and i dont really care about the likes on my posts anymore #it still makes me feel. odd.#i love the work though i love the style and i love using it as a means to imagine a better world #atm im really enjoying just spending time on the server hanging out with vee #but i get into my own head a lot about the base #its not even just the base im talking about everything but the base is the example #i built a bit of a weird interior today i just went crazy with the terracotta and the plants and a pool of water #and i keep thinking on if it was the 'right' thing to do #and if i will be able to complete it properly to a high enough standard #it also doesnt help that ive improved over the course of the last 2 years in building #so now my house looks off and weird and theres trees that need to be taken down and paths that are over textured #but i find the process of doing it and the feeling of completion really deep and important #i dont know. i feel like im constantly in a battle of pushing myself to be better but limiting myself at the same time by having fun or sthn #i feel like i should be making youtube videos or at least prepping to #but i havent because i cant figure out how to organise mods and its freaking me out. theres just loads of excuses stopping me #i dont know.#the annoying thing is pushing myself creatively has resulted in massive benefits for me lately creatively #partly i think why im feeling odd with the base atm is because ive suddenly gone for being barely able to play an hour a night to having all #the time in the world so its created a sudden influx in development #idk. this is rambly #fish talks #i want to download a minec@ft map and remove the suburban housing to replace with higher density properties becsuse ive been watching too #much socialist urban planning videos again and c1t1es skyl1nes just isnt cutting the cheese rn #thats the wrong saying. fandoms censored to avoid crosstagging

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maddogmp3 · 8 months ago

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i think the weirdet thing about living on my own is regularly having the thought of: i want home decor.

#me.txt #i want tapestries i want area rugs i want cool lamps and shelves and clocks #i want useful things i want pretty things i want useful things that are pretty #i want my space to feel like its MINE i want it to feel LIVED IN #even if im not sure how much longer i want to live here. i nonetheless want to live here #not just exist and get by #and rn? this apartment is giving 'existing and getting by'#all this to say i want to get a gamer light for the living room #and when my tv shows up im setting the screensaver to a slideshow of dallon weekes images and never turning it off #i DO also want like an area rug and maybe something nice to hang on the wall (a clock would bring me so much joy)#but like. there are more pertinent matters to attain to like the bare minimum of things that make life easier + better #anyway i had this thought bcuz i saw a cool tapestry that i really want

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widevibratobitch · 8 months ago

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im so fucking mad at myself at my mother at her dead husband at god fucking knows what. "concentrate on yourself" well i cant can i. now more than anything i should and i cant. losing my fucking mind istg

#i wasted the whole fucking weekend because i *had to* come visit her and once i visited i *had to* hang out with my fucking grandfather #watching him cry about grandma and bitch about modern times and the waiter not doing his job because the café was full to bursting #and it took longer than usual to get our coffees so ofc he had to loudly insult him in third person. oh and then he had to bitch about #gay people and women who dont want children too because of he did. and i sat there and listened to it because i HAD TO #wasted four fucking hours. and then i HAD TO go to the theatre with my mom because she got us tickets because she wanted this #to be a nice day for me but i dont have fucking time to have nice days rn but in order for HER to have a nice day i need to at least pretend #i am having one. so i wasted another almost two hours on that play #which was some modern uselessly loud to the point of being physically painful bullshit bad enough that we left mid-show #and then i had to go meet with her friends so lost another two hours and by the time i got home to write that bullshit thesis it was 11pm #and i barely got anything done till 1 am because i went through another stupid little mental breakdown and then it was almost 6 am #and i had to stop because i had a train at 8 and i already only slept like 3 hours that day #and then i got home yesterday totally fucking exhausted and i started reading stuff for the thesis but i was falling asleep so i laid down #'for 10 minutes' and i woke up today at 6. not having written a word lol #and now i could just say fuck it and defend it in september and it would make my life so much easier. but my voice teacher wants me #to get accepted for the masters degree even if im already planning to get the deans leave for the first semester so like. god.#i cant do this lol #i know i should have started earlier but i was kinda busy losing my fucking mind and lying in bed staring at the ceiling for hours #and contemplating dropping out completely lol god i hate my life so much it's unreal

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jackass-jones · 9 months ago

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Fucked up how happy I get whenever I make content of Shinjiro Aragaki being actually loved and getting to heal and learning to love the little things in life and getting to express himself. What’s up with that

#persona #shinjiro aragaki #hes the only one i really respect here #its like so annoying though that i even care like whats wrong with me why does this bother me so much #just cuz i see myself in this character and also feel like shit and idk when he doesnt even get to live doesnt get to recover #and this is treated as a good game with a profound theme and this is treated as good writing #its hard not to be hurt when its like. im barely hanging on man #and youre telling me he can be saved by someone noticing him and caring about him and he can get through it and be loved and try to heal #but this is treated as some sorta disservice to the narrative and that you cant have the theme work this way #its like. but this is the only way i can even feel anything about this theme this actually makes me wanna try #seeing the character going through mental issues like mine die just like. it makes things suck idk #and its like why do i even care like this shouldnt matter but idk its like #if he can make it then why cant i #and im just really attached to this and i really really want to make my fic of him exist cuz. nothing is going good for me rn #but if i can make this one thing thats important to me where someone gets to recover then maybe ill feel less helpless #its what im trying to tell myself so i can stop feeling like im. idk cringe or something cuz im emotionally attached to a fictional #character and the wellbeing of this character feels like motivation for me #i just wish i wasnt so damn desperate about it 😩#anyway can someone please slap me with a fish so i can stop being insecure about my writing and just fucking do it

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kuiinncedes · 1 year ago

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fngfdjngjdfkng

#bro fucking stupid like why did i just not look at applying to masters until now #i'm so dumb like ig it was bc i ws just like i'm not gonna do masters im just gonna try to get a job #which like how the fuck am i supposed to do that lmao but #now i dont think i can even apply for masters at my school at least #bc i need fucking letters of rec and the deadline is the 15th #and i Barely have 2 ppl i would ask for letter of rec idek if the second one counts lmfao if she's not at my school #jfc im so why do i have to think about the future :c i just wanna do glowstick club things that's why i haven't been thinkign abt this lmfa #yeah so now i dont think i can do masters here :c which also means i dont have that as a reason to hang around and stay in glowstick clublo #i could still do that but #ugh whatever im trying to write a fucking cover letter rn for a job i hate this already i've barely done anything lmfao #i dont super understand the job description which is maybe a sign i shouldnt apply lmfao but it's like #data science w my year and i feel like i meet some of the qualifications so #just gotta somehow bullshit another paragraph of this cover letter together #i also dont even know if i actualy wanna fucking do a data analyst job like #i kinda wanna work for like a non profit or smaller org kinda thing all this shit sounds hella boring that i keep seeing for bigger #companies lmao which im not saying would no be the case for smaller but #idk i jsigsdfhjlbgpidwurhgbipwdhgfudjshlk why did i start this so late LMAO #i had a job opening that i was gonna apply for that looked pretty good and i felt pretty qualified for just based on the listing #and the deadline was the 15th but it fucking disappeared the job isnt there anymore ig im so sad lmfao #as;lkfngbjifbgqipurgipqhrgfipuaf i hate this :DDDDDD #jeanne talks

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wonwoonlight · 2 years ago

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Good time to remind the loml Jeon Wonwoo, Sir, that you get cold easily and you're a polite, well manered member of the society so please never upload a topless picture please and thank you🙏🏻

#i will personally hunt mingyu down if he pulls this with wonwoo #need my sanity intact #im barely hanging in there rn??????????#im actually dizzy and it has Nothing to do w my cold #khione.log

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youvegotmailpdf · 1 year ago

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its unreal how much time i spend on storygraph. adding books to my to read pile. looking at other peoples reviews + to read piles for inspiration. never picking up a fucking book and instead switching to the ao3 tab to refresh the rory gilmore slash jess mariano page. i am my own biggest enemy

#currently reading wuthering heights for a class + bought NW by zadie smith + need to pass by the library to borrow jane eyre + anything by #george eliot also for a class. im being so so ambitious rn!!!!#nw i probably wont get to i havent had time for non class reading in. ages. and when i do it will be for the yearly secret history read #missing my little academic freaks rn. particularly henry and richard this time around #cant wait to dive back in + reading tsh always gets me going writingwise. ugh so much to look forward to #(im literally so barely hanging on but well. call me sisyphus)

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muffinrag · 5 days ago

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I wish weed didn't give me anxiety attacks. I could really use a high right now

#if you do the work and nothing helps. what then #im doing so fantastically bad rn #it sucks bc like. im fine. except #... i dont even know #im exhausted. my body hurts. my mind is tired. im barely managing to hold my life together #i keep telling myself i just have to make it to the 30th for my adhd eval #its taking so long #my cat wont spend time with me. he's only hanging out on my roommate's bed #and im pretty sure he's reaching the end of his lifespan #and im not ready for that #you know... i never had to deal with grief as a kid #nobody i was close to died. my parents never got us pets...#i dont have any precedent for dealing with a pet dying #maybe thats why im doing so bad #barking

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jankwritten · 1 month ago

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something about the holidays imbues everyone in the world with the kind of idiocy that razes civilizations. why are we ALL on our phones talking to people in the middle of meijer. why are we all bringing full carts up to the 5 items or less checkout. why are we ignoring stop signs while there are pedestrians in the crosswalk. why are pedestrians not looking before walking in front of moving cars. Why are people going 30 in the 55. do all of you want to die, because i will do it. i'll kill all of us, god dammit.

#i hate people. i hate people so much #i can't wait for the holidays to be over so people can fucking go back to normal #really wish i didn't have to spend the next two days around people but here we fucking go #im gonig to have a mental break i'm not even joking anymore #i've been so depressed for 2 months now and every second of alone time is either guilty because someone asked to hang out and i refused #(my mom keeps asking if I want to come over for dinner and I feel bad because her dad is in the hospital getting chemo rn but i just. can't #or feeling guilty because I ''should'' be doing something else.#i haven't been able to drag myself to the gym all month. i have to think about everything i eat because i have such awful cholesterol #im barely sleeping nd getting out of bed takes an hour on its own #i just. i need everyone to shut up and everything to stop. for a week. please.

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