#and then i got home yesterday totally fucking exhausted and i started reading stuff for the thesis but i was falling asleep so i laid down

[widevibratobitch]

im so fucking mad at myself at my mother at her dead husband at god fucking knows what. "concentrate on yourself" well i cant can i. now more than anything i should and i cant. losing my fucking mind istg

[ghostlycorvid]

So I have been dealing with constant exhaustion for years and years. Ever since I started college I’ve struggled to stay awake in lectures, and even after college it’s been a struggle to stay awake at work. If anything it got worse at work, especially when I got promoted to full time mid-pandemic. I started having an energy drink every school and later work day, just trying to keep myself awake.

For a while I thought “well hey, I started taking melatonin when I started college because I struggle to fall asleep, so maybe thats it”. Stopped taking it for a month, only change was that it got progressively harder to fall asleep again. :’)

Then I realized that Hey. Maybe this is an understimulation thing? Because classes were structured differently in grade school, then went much more lecture heavy in college. Which was a great hypothesis, but I continued to be on a non-stimulant treatment for adhd that still wasn’t working.

But there was also the issue that I was this exhausted even at home, in calls with friends I would be literally falling asleep while trying to hold a conversation, read a post, or watch something with them. Things that should be stimulating enough, and on my weekends when I should have enough sleep to be awake. Plus I always had headaches.

Last week after a year of being with my current psych, we finally managed to get me started on a low dose of Adderall!

Of course this meant stopping my energy drinks, so I wasn’t mixing two stimulants. I don’t need a caffeine induced anxiety attack thank you.

And I did notice an immediate change at work! Yes I was tired, yes I was headachey, but I wasn’t fighting for my life to stay awake! Even in boring 2 hour long meetings with the lights turned low for a presentation, I kept my eyes open the whole time! I was even having an easier time with starting tasks when I realized I needed to do them! (Compare to literally just that Monday where it took me an hour to get myself to go downstairs to chop some potatoes I’d already washed for cooking)

But goddamn did I feel exhausted and like total shit. It took me until day 4 to realize that my current problem and the reason I was always so exhausted on my weekends were one in the same.

This fucking idiot was going through the start of caffeine withdrawal every week when I got my two days off work and didn’t drink an energy drink. 8′)

It’s now been almost a full week since I stopped having energy drinks at work and I have never felt this awake and alert on my weekend. I ALMOST felt the need to crawl back into bed for a nap yesterday, but it passed and I did manage to get some stuff done.

For now I’ve been instructed not to take the medication on my weekends when I don’t “need to work” (lol, lmao) but at least not being in caffeine withdrawal is already doing wonders for how I feel on the weekend.

[kaistarus]

Welcome Home

Pairing: NishinoyaXReader

Words: 1.3K

Summary: Nishinoya is visiting Japan after being away for a while, but when his sister forgets to pick him up he thinks he’s stranded.

A/N: This idea has been festering for a while. I’ve been wanting to write a Nishinoya airport fic since I started writing for him so here it finally is lol

Masterlist

Nishinoya rolled his shoulder, leaning against the headrest in front of him while he gazed out the small window. The slick ground was lined with blinking red lights-the only source of guidance in the pitch-black night as the plane rolled slowly toward the loading dock. He watched crew members in neon vests chat while loading cargo into the plane in the closest gate before the pilot gave parting instructions.

The sound faded to the background with the rest of the passenger’s chatter as he tugged his duffel from the overhang. He yawned, palming an eye as he shuffled toward the jetwalk with the other exhausted travelers. His eyes landed on an elderly couple whose hands were clasped together as they sleepily moved in front of him.

A pang struck Nishinoya’s chest.

It had been a long time since Nishinoya had been back in Japan. He loved traveling-meeting new people, experiencing new cultures, eating new food-but sometimes it was hard not having a permanent place to call home. 

He ruffled through his pocket to pull his phone as the familiar scene of the airport came into view. The flow of people continued toward the baggage claim as he fished for his eldest sister’s contact.

“Hey, Yuu,” she yawned into the receiver. Nishinoya furrowed his brow and the sound of sheets ruffling.

“I just landed.”

The line was quiet for a moment. “That was today?”

His grip on the phone tightened. “What do you mean ‘that was today?’ we’ve been talking about this for months?”

Nishinoya’s shoulders stiffened when he realized a few people were glaring at him for raising his voice, including a woman bouncing a small child nobody wanted awake. He smiled warily before turning away, clenching his teeth in frustration. “We talked about it yesterday.”

“It must’ve slipped my mind,” she said nonchalantly. The amount of control it took him not to yell was painful.

“How am I supposed to get back?”

“Metro or something?”

“Metro or some-” He scoffed. “It’s a three hour fucking drive. It would be like five or six hours with how many transfers I’d have to-”

“Why don’t you call (Y/N)?” She yawned again, cutting him off and setting his blood boiling. “I’m sure they’d give you a ride.”

Nishinoya felt everything freeze and his grip on the phone tightened. “They’re busy.”

“You’re so stupid.”

“Shut up,” he growled. “You said you were coming, so that’s what-”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

“What do you mean I’ll-” The line went dead and he stared slack jaw at his phone.

What the actual fuck had just happened. He shoved his phone deep in his pocket, seething as he stomped down the staircase toward the baggage claim. He supposed he could call Asahi or Tanaka, but with how long the drive was he may as well just get himself home and not waste their time.

He didn’t even humor a cab with how expensive it would be.

Nishinoya wanted to call you. He wished for every excuse to call you, but you informed him you were too busy to see him. After over a year of not seeing each other Nishinoya had imagined you’d drop everything when he said he was coming back, but at your casual reaction he had felt his heart break. He wasn’t sure if he could even bring himself to pull up your contact.

He groaned, instead rehearsing the speech he was going to give his sister once he kicked down her door. How the hell had she forgotten? She had been the one who bought his plane ticket to Japan. She had been the one who reminded him of his flight that day. She had even nagged him about not packing last minute like he usually did.

He stomped dramatically once he got off the stairs, his eyes flickering at people meeting their loved ones who actually cared enough to pick them up. He watched family’s hug, friends poke at vending machines, some weirdo slept against a wall, people answered cheery phone calls, unlike his that had been-. Nishinoya did a double take and his steps slowed as his brain processed the sleeping weirdo.

He abruptly turned and crept over, crouching in front of the person who he did in fact know.

You were slumped beside a vending machine, your head hanging limp to the side with your sweatshirt bundled for a pathetic pillow. Your arm was slung across your stomach and in your hand was your cell phone, blinking with unread notifications. In your other hand was a small poster board that Nishinoya’s hand was levitating toward.

Your nose wrinkled and you let out a soft whine, shuffling around before your eyes slowly blinked open. Nishinoya smirked, hiding that his heart was racing a million miles a second.

“Good morning.”

Your eyes took a while to focus and he could see the cogs in your brain turning before your eyes widened. He opened his mouth to tease you, but you were diving forward and wrapping your arms around his neck before he could get a word out, knocking him flat on his butt.

“You’re here,” you laughed, pulling back and cradling his cheeks, then you pressed his cheeks firmly and furrowed your brow. “You’re here…” Panic struck your face. “You’re here.”

Nishinoya blinked at the stages of grief you’d gone through and nodded in your grasp. “I’m here.”

“Oh no,” you leaned forward and placed your head against his chest. “I fell asleep.”

“You did.” He tugged your hands off his cheeks, coaxing your head off his chest and smiling at you softly. “You’re lucky someone didn’t steal your stuff.”

“That’s not what I-” You groaned, sitting back. “I wanted to be here to see you and I made a stupid sign like your always talking about and it was going to be romantic.”

He cocked his head to the side, mulling what you said over before reaching for the poster from earlier. On the back he read your neat handwriting ‘Ride for Nishinoya Yuu’ and his chest filled with warmth. He always complained to you about everyone having a cool chauffeur when he landed places, so this was your lame attempt at giving him that.

He met your disappointed look and with an affectionate stare, pulling you back against his chest.

“I love you so much,” he confessed. Nishinoya felt you grip the front of his shirt and he pulled away and panicked when he heard a sniffle. “Are you crying?”

“No, shut up.”

“Liar,” he smirked, wiping at a stray tear trailing down your cheek. “You’re totally crying.”

“I said, shut up,” you palmed your cheeks. “I missed you, okay? Sue me.”

Nishinoya’s heart swelled at the confession and he felt like an idiot for ever thinking you would stop caring about him. He leaned his forehead against yours, rubbing his thumb along your cheek. “I missed you too.”

“Sorry, I lied,” you mumbled, lightly holding the wrist of the hand holding your face. “I wanted to surprise you, but you sounded sad and I felt terrible.”

Nishinoya leaned forward, pressing his lips against yours shortly and pulling back with a dopey smile. “I love you.”

You matched his smile, wrapping your arms around him. “I love you, too.” You nuzzled against the crook of his neck. “Welcome home.”

He let those words sink in as he wrapped his arms around you, sitting on the floor of the airport while his duffel rotating forgotten on the nearby luggage claim. He felt silly, how moments earlier he’d been thinking about how he wandered with nowhere to call home when his home was right here.

His hold around you tightened.

His home was you.

[broadwayandnetflix]

Slow Down - Bill Hader x Reader

Warnings: Language

Theme: Fluff + 1/4 of Angst

Summary:  Hi I’ve literally been binging all of your fics and I didn’t know if you were still taking requests, but I was wondering if I could request an imagine with Bill Hader where the reader is sick and passes out at SNL and Bill helps them and takes them home

Word Count: 4.1k

A/N: Ahh thank you so much for your patience @bduchrnskei​ I really hope you enjoy this fic and it met your prompt expectations. I absolutely loved writing this one amongst all of my evil schoolwork, but what can you do? 

Living in a small-sized New York City apartment was not all that it’s cracked up to be. Whether it’s the heavy traffic and clutter of construction that never halts or the extreme temperatures during any season.

In this case, in particular, winter.

Or, more specifically, in this case, your heater broke, and it had become like an iceberg within your apartment space. As stated by your landlord, the repairmen were supposed to come on Saturday night, and as of right now, it was Thursday.

So bundling up had to do, in a way, you kind of missed the heater’s incessant rattling, as it had become a sort of a white noise these last few months.

You hadn’t been in New York City for very long, a little under a year, maybe? It wasn’t like you to pack up and move randomly to the Big Apple, but after clearing a spot as a new cast member with Saturday Night Live. It was most certainly a must.

Ever since you were little, you’d always had a knack for making others laugh or just getting to see someone smile. Saturday Night Live became your goal, and to secure it was like winning a million dollars. Even if it meant having to endure New York’s extreme seasonal changes.

This week was no different in the typical workflow; you were technically a new cast member. So the number of sketches you had been in was significantly limited. Still, you loved it nonetheless, with the lack of skits that you had been in lately allowed you to get to know your cast members more.

Specifically, your other recurring cast members like Nasim Pedrad and Jenny Slate, the three of you would often meet up for coffee on Sundays. Taking the time to decompress and discuss your favorite sketches of the week. It was nice to have a group of people you could relate to and find solace in, especially when the weeks became stressful or exhausting.

And oh boy, did your week’s become exhausting, especially on Saturdays. You shuddered at the thought of dress rehearsal as it stretched late into the night; losing sleep was worth the excitement.

You looked at the clock, it was nearing close to four in the morning, and you still had been awake at this point. Maybe it was the cold or the thousands of thoughts swirling through your mind, much like the snow accumulating outside.

Work was gonna be a bitch tomorrow.

You sneezed at the thought, sighed, and made sure to set your alarm before letting sleep take over.

-

You awoke with a headache and a blaring alarm that was erupting from your phone. Groaning, you shut the phone off and tried to ignore the incessant pain protruding from your forehead.

Swallowing some painkillers, you got dressed, grabbed your keys, and headed to work. Totally not picking up a coffee and a breakfast sandwich on the way.

“Why good morning Y/N!” Jenny chirped as you walked into the room, still rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

“You sound oddly chipper, what happened?” you said as you put down your stuff, eyeing her curiously.

“She got some sleep, that’s what happened.” Nasim replied, nursing a cup of coffee in her hands, giving you a sleepy smile.

“Lucky duck,” you murmured, instinctively reaching for your coffee as well. It coated your throat nicely, you sighed in content.

Jenny only smirked before starting up another conversation with Nasim; you let your eyes wander across the room. Everyone in motion, working hard to make sure shit got done. That’s the thing about working at 30 Rock; no one ever really stopped moving.

One thing that you still had not gotten used to was Monday’s. The grueling and exhausting twenty-four hour stretch period of planning and concocting up sketches. It was a scary feeling, as if you could ever compare to everyone else.

Every now and then, a pitch you threw into the ball pit would get picked, the tiny butterflies in your stomach reminding you why you did what you did.

Your eyes landed on a particular figure as he strolled into the room. His hair beautifully tousled, eyes half-open, and shirt resting ever so comfortably upon his chest. You diverted your eyes quickly, only to feel yourself begin to sneeze.

Fuck, for the love of all that’s holy, please do not sneeze in front of Hader.... too late.

He looked up, meeting your widened eyes, and gave you a soft smile. It lingered for a bit until Andy swept up from behind and hugged him along by the arm. For a second, you could’ve sworn he was gonna look back, but Andy had appeared to say something.

“Bless you!” Nasim and Jenny said in unison.

You mouthed thanks and leaned back against the wall, replaying the scene over and over again.

“Thinking about Hader again?” Jenny asked, following your line of sight, as she nudged you in the side playfully.

“Jenny! Not too loud, he might hear you.” you frantically whispered, a stern look aglow in your eyes.

“Oh honey, it’s so obvious.” Nasim chimed in, Jenny nodding eagerly in response.

“Plus he’s too far away, you’re more than safe Y/N, I think it’s cute that you like him. All the more reason to make fun of you.” Jenny says quickly before she is shoved by Nasim.

“I’m joking! I’m joking! Okay maybe not fully joking.” Jenny yelps, giving you a wicked grin.

You groaned, rubbing your hands over your eyes in embarrassment. It was so bad, crushing on cast members, but man, was he handsome. Although you had denied it, a lot of your favorite sketches from the past weeks always seemed to involve Hader.

It was not like it was gonna go anywhere; you two barely spoke, and plus you’d probably be a mess if you did. Every now and then, though, you’d often find Hader sitting beside you at table reads. His laugh is always so goddamn infectious, and Jenny and Nasim eyeing you playfully like schoolgirls.

God, you were a mess, and it seemed like everyone knew it. Maybe even Hader knew; let’s hope he doesn’t.

“You know Y/N, I’ve never seen Hader as shy as he is when he’s around you. I mean the man literally sniffed my hair yesterday,” you quirk a brow, “But- but with you, he’s soft” Nasim’s voice crowds your thoughts, and you instantly look up to meet her in disbelief.

“Bullshit.” you retort, trying to ignore whatever attempt she was trying to make.

“Girl, you’ve kind of got a point. He’s not as jokey as he usually is whenever he’s around you Y/N.” Jenny adds, only to be interrupted by Lorne calling for a meeting.

Ah, how could you forget? Dress Rehearsal. While these days didn’t run as long as the others, they were equally draining and stressful. The three of you walked to Lorne’s office just in time as the rest of the cast stood beside you.

You felt yourself to begin to shiver unexpectedly, hugging yourself tightly. Since when was 30 Rock so cold? You felt Nasim look at you questioningly, and you shrugged her off.

Lorne had discussed the skits’ arrangements for the day, murmurs of excitement beginning to spread like wildfire around the room. Everyone just itches to get out and see if their sketch would succeed or bomb.

You took your seat in the audience as the sketches would come and go, meeting your cues whenever necessary. At the same time, your painkillers had seemed to wear off as your headache only seemed to get worse.

You made your way backstage to find the building’s first aid kit, only to brush past another coworker. That just so happened to be Bill Hader.

You opened your mouth, but nothing came out, slowly clamping it shut; his eyes met yours in slight confusion before softening slightly.

“Woah, hey Y/N, everything okay? You were in kind of a hurry there.” he asks; you could barely meet his eyes as they searched yours for any sort of response.

“Oh,” you gulped, “Yeah I just have this crazy headache, um I was just looking for the first aid kit.” you say, shifting the balance on your one foot to the other. 

His eyes widened before nodding quickly as if he was just reminded of something. The butterflies in your stomach crescendo as he quickly rested his palm upon your shoulder. You didn’t even know how to act, your body practically freezing at the contact.

“Actually to save you the trouble I have some painkillers upstairs in my dressing room. Not that I have like tons of drugs, but it’s no problem with me if that’ll help your headache.”

You quickly nod in response, trying to hide back a small smile before following him up several flights of stairs. God, you hated being so shy around Bill; it wasn’t like he was some mean old jerk; he was oh so genuine and thoughtful.

The two of you halt at a labeled Hader door; he looks back at you almost to check if you’re still there. Opening the door, he led you in, giving you a quick smirk, before crouching down and digging through the contents of his bag.

You had realized that this was the first time that you had ever been in a specific cast member’s dressing room. In particular, Hader’s room was neat and tidy, but you could see bits and pieces of his character sticking out. You couldn’t help but smile at it all, so caught up in the intricate details you didn’t even notice him get back up.

“Y/N, you good?” he asks; you focus your attention back on him quickly.

His hands outstretched, one holding a bottle of Advil and the other clamped tightly around a water bottle.

“Oh, um yeah. Thank you so much you have no idea how much I appreciate you for doing this.” you say rather quickly, but Hader doesn’t seem phased by your awkward nature.

You reach for the bottle and water, fingers gently brushing against his. The two of you looking down at the contact before parting ways.

Hader clears his throat, and you feel your stomach begin to tighten. Slipping two pills into your mouth, you unscrew the cap and down it carefully.

“You nervous about tomorrow?” he asks while placing the pill bottle back within his bag.

“A little I guess, I mean I tend to get nerves closer to the show. I’m sure at this point though, you’ve become an expert at staying calm.” you reply, his gaze falling towards the floor.

“Oh my god, I’m a wreck Y/N. This show is so stressful it eats at me every week, no matter what. I mean, clearly I’m doing something right and Lorne’s not gonna fire me, but, my anxiety gets so bad.” he says quickly. His eyes widened, and his posture became slightly tenser than before.

You couldn’t help but soften your gaze; you had no idea that he even went through this every week. Even now, with the buzzing tension in the air for tomorrow night, you couldn’t imagine what he was going through. Let alone the fact that he made the time to help you out.

“I wouldn’t have ever noticed,” he looks back up at you. “I mean, you’ve always just looked so...confident. I just can’t even begin to imagine what’s that like, every week constantly. I’m so sorry you have to go through that.” you quietly admit.

He shakes his head quickly, putting out a hand almost as if he was trying to stop you.

“No, no, it’s fine. Thank you though, it’s awfully sweet to hear that. Especially from someone like you.” Hader’s eyes filled with such warmth.

Was Hader blushing? Or were you losing it? Probably losing it.

“Oh about that headache, everything okay up in there?” he murmurs, stepping just a tad bit closer to you.

“It’s probably nothing, but I do appreciate the help.” you look back at the door, “We should probably get back? Right? Don’t wanna miss our dress.” you say quickly.

Hader nods within an instant, eyes widening at the realization of how long you two had been gone for. He led you to the door, giving you a quick smile before he ran out, murmuring something about a skit that had something to do with the guest host.

You giggle softly, heaving a contented sigh. It definitely was gonna be a long day, and you could’ve sworn that the temperature had just dropped.

Strange.

-

You couldn’t have stumbled into it until at least one in the morning, but sleep had been desperately calling your name. Oh, how you missed having a regular sleep schedule; it would make mornings less of a struggle.

Except this morning was different, or more so than you were used to. The headache that had arrived less than twenty-four hours earlier was now ten times worse. Your body ached, and you couldn’t decipher if the bed was too hot or too cold.

This was torture, and quite possibly the flu, not to mention, you had the show tonight, shit. You practically sprang upwards before feeling the instant aftermath of that decision settling in. It felt absolutely criminal to leave those sheets as you groaned and grimaced your way towards your kitchen cabinet. Eyes barely opened while you blindly searched for the thermometer you had kept.

One quick temperature check later, you were running a low-grade fever. Shit, shit, shit, shit. I mean, you couldn’t miss the show, right? It just didn’t seem plausible, or maybe it did?

You frantically wondered while your fingers grazed over the Google search bar whether going to work with a low-grade fever would be beneficial?

Every answer didn’t really seem to fit the unrealistic expectations that you had set for yourself. Still, one disgusting shot of Dayquil later, you were out the door.

The day went by in a haze, and the headache never really did seem to falter. It was almost like yesterday in a sense, but seeing Hader waltz into the room made you smile. He smiled back.

Of course, Jenny and Nasim knew something was up; they always did. It wasn’t like Lorne was gonna fire you for missing one show; it was the flu. Except, you had made it this far, how bad could it possibly go?

-

The lights were too bright, far too bright for you to even think properly, and your fever was sure burning up. Or maybe it wasn’t, you always had to ask others around for that sorta assistance. Except, this was the primary night of the week and you weren’t gonna ask a cast member to feel your forehead.

Imagine if Hader did, Y/N, please stop being a dork.

You found solace in a large water bottle, but it didn’t do much to help the way your body ached miserably. You looked like a mess, you felt like a mess, but this was the big leagues.

The last time you had checked, the previous performance of the musical guest had been underway. Which meant you had survived, but the exhaustion that had been ever-growing was begging for you to lay down.

The floor looked so good right now, yeah, just for a hot second, ugh why is everything burning up?

Slowly closing your eyes, you let yourself press up against the wall, except there wasn’t a wall right there, and down you went with a thud.

-

Bill had been anxious all night, of course for the show, but for you in particular. You usually always looked so put-together, but tonight something about you was just off. It was beginning to rub him the wrong way.

“Andy, do you notice anything strange about, um, Y/N over there?” he said, trying to muffle the concerned edge that rested within his voice.

“Y/N? Oh that new cast member you like?” Andy replied without much thought, earning a stern look from Hader.

“She’ll hear you, god man you sure can be loud. Whatever, she just looks kind of off man, I’m a little nervous for her.”

Andy’s gaze softened just a tad until something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye.

“I mean normally I would say that she looks fine and you’re just crushing, but I don’t think that is normal.” Bill’s gaze instantly locked onto the same thing, which was you fainting onto the floor.

His body going rigid before ultimately bolting upright, he wasn’t gonna catch you in time. Still, he definitely was gonna help if he could. Although he most definitely wasn’t the only one, other stray coworkers who happened to be backstage stood, jaws dropped.

There you went, tumbling to the ground, and Bill couldn’t help but feel his heart drop. Maybe that headache was worse than you had let up. He felt guilty for not speaking up sooner, but there was nothing he could do now.

They called a medic on the site, trying to keep it discreet as possible. It was a live show; he didn’t think it would be professional if broadcasted that shit.

He tried to fill in all of the details of how you had been acting the past few hours. It felt like he couldn’t do much to help, but he didn’t wanna leave your sight. It was odd; something about you really drew him in, leaving him reaching for more.

Plus, at this point, the last thing he had to do was go on stage while they rolled the credits. Bill was optimistic that this would count as a good reason.

He watched anxiously while the medic’s placed you upon a stretcher, his feet following without much thought. They wheeled you out to a waiting ambulance; he gulped at the thought of you having to be taken to the hospital.

Surprisingly they allowed him inside the ambulance; he was so convinced he’d be forced to wait until god knows how long. The vehicle provided seats off the side, allowing him to catch his breath and try not to worry about his current state.

That is until he saw you looking back groggily at him; now, this was definitely normal, as the medic had explained. He just didn’t see it coming; you blinked a few times, looking around at your surroundings.

-

“Hey, saw you took a little snooze there.” he teased, his gaze never leaving yours.

The ambulance rattled slightly, and you gasped a little before focusing your attention back onto him.

“Is this an ambulance? What happened?” you sat upright, feeling ten times worse, trying to piece together precisely why you and Bill Hader, of all people, were in the ambulance?

“Y/N, you fainted. The doctor’s said you’re burning up, they’re taking you to the ER.” he explained carefully, as you groaned in frustration.

He cocked his head slightly, clearly not expecting that response.

“About that, yeah I think I have the flu, I had a low-grade fever this morning.” you admitted sheepishly, not even daring to meet his gaze.

“I’m sorry what?” he exclaimed, his eyes as wide as literal saucers. “Lemme get this straight, you went to work, with the flu?” you nodded, and he ran his hands over his face.

“Listen, I didn’t wanna disappoint Lorne. I mean it’s the night of all nights.” the words came out softer than you had intended; Hader practically melted.

“Oh, did you really think that Lorne’s gonna get pissed at you for having the flu? Oh sweetie, you know your health comes first right?” his words falling ever so sweetly off his lips.

You could barely look at the man, let alone control the multitude of butterflies that jolted in your already queasy stomach. Not to mention that he even thought to tag along, you nodded, not saying a word, focusing on his blue eyes like they were a safety net. Until you closed them, letting sleep overtake you.

-

You awoke once more to the sounds of machines beeping, people going from room to room, and an incessant tapping of one’s shoe.

This was most definitely the emergency room, your eyes scanning its surroundings until they landed on one person in particular. He looked exhausted, more so than you did, and you felt awful given the time it was at night. In fact, it was practically morning.

“You’re still here,” he sat upright, rubbing his eyes, “Thanks for sticking it out, Bill.” you tried to give him the most genuine smile you could possibly muster.

“Of course, I mean I overheard the doctor anyway. You’re cleared to go when you wake up, and definitely have to get some rest. I already spoke to Lorne.” you gaped, but he only stood up.

“Bill, what did he say?” you whisper.

“That you should listen to the doctor, and me.” you raised a brow. “Okay maybe he didn’t say me, but you get the point?” he exclaimed as he helped you get out of the bed.

The two of you walking towards the desk in which you had to sign out some papers, the pen unsteadily perched upon your fingers. Bill’s hand holding securely upon your back, in hopes you wouldn’t stumble. In reality, just being near him set your heart aflutter.

“Now I’m taking you home, but first I was thinking I could get you some soup for home. That sound good?” you could only look at the man in pure awe.

“You don’t have to do this Bill, really, I mean you’ve already done enough.” you gulped, only to see the man give you a smirk, his eyes glinting at you mischievously.

“Soup it is.” his hand clamping against yours, he led you out of the hospital and into the cold streets of New York City.

It didn’t take long for the two of you to reach the little soup shop he’d been talking about; it was cozy and apparently open twenty-four seven. Against his offer, you paid for two soups that looked the most delicious and cupped the cups while strolling back to your place.

“How do you think you got the flu?” he asked gently, looking at you with curiosity.

You had to try not to laugh; I mean, at this point, it was your fault, you subjected yourself to the tundra in your bedroom for the past few nights.

“Well, my heater has been broken for the past few nights. I assume that’s how I got it.” a smile aglow upon your face, giggling at Hader’s shocked expression.

“It better be fixed tonight when we get to your apartment complex. That’s ridiculous, Y/N.” you kept giggling, and soon he joined in with that gorgeous laugh of his.

You enjoyed your time with Hader even though internally you felt like shit; he made it so much more bearable. The air was light between the two of you, he made it easy to open up, and you wanted to know so much about him.

God, wait till you let Nasim and Jenny know about this night. They’re so gonna flip; you just knew it. Not to mention, the big looming ‘I told you so’ that was so coming your way.

“This is it.” he came to a halt, admiring the quaint little building that you happened to call home.

“You do know I’m not leaving until that heater is back on, right?” he ordered, but underneath his serious tone, you could see the concern.

“Oh come on Hader, let’s go see.”

The two of you taking the steps at a time, your body wanting to collapse, but you couldn’t let him know. He stood beside you while you inserted your keys into the lock, twisting it, before walking inside.

“What’s that rattling noise?” Hader wondered aloud.

A huge grin meeting your lips, you looked at him in pure delight, and he soon got the memo. His eyes widening before heaving a sigh of relief, only to halt.

“You call me if you need anything okay? Get some sleep, and um, stay warm. That’s an order, you hear me?” you could see his performance wavering as he tried desperately not to laugh.

“Yes, Sir.” you saluted weakly, but he only began to break instantly.

You really did love that laugh.

Thanks, Bill, for everything, really.” you said as he turned to head to the door, stepping up on your toes to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

His face instantly turned red before trying to compose himself as he walked away. You watched while he left the residence, giving you one last smile.

-

You awoke in a drowsy stupor that next morning to a text message from an unknown number.

Unknown Number: Want me to bring you some coffee and breakfast? - btw, this is Bill. Hope this l wasn’t too creepy. I ain’t no stalker.

Maybe: Bill: ps. How do you like your coffee?

Bill: ps.s yes or no?

You fell back on the bed with such a shit-eating grin, only to groan in response to the mistake you had just made.

You: Yes 

[imnotoverlyobsessive]

Looks Like Someone Picked a Whole Bushel Of Oopsie Daisies

Chapter Eleven: Making the Most of a Weekend

I knowwwww I’m the worst author ever I’m sorry blah blah blah. But! This chapter is filthy so at least it’s a fun one, right? Also, the Airbnb they’re staying at can be viewed here. Now, onto the chapter!

You’ve been gone so long, I forgot what you feel like, but I’m not gonna think about that right now. I’m gonna keep getting underneath you, I’m gonna keep getting underneath you, and all our friends want us to fall in love.- Panic! at the Disco, The Good, the Bad, and the Dirty

Being separated from one’s soulmate was both emotionally and physically exhausting. It was also really, really depressing. It was just like, why bother? Why bother getting out of bed? Why bother going to school? What was the point? Dipper wouldn’t be there, and she wouldn’t get to see him again for awhile.

Whelp. At least her parents never monitored anything but her texts. She didn’t text Dipper, so, to their knowledge, she wasn’t in contact with him.

Not that they ever got a look at her phone, anyway. She was never home enough for them to see. The longest she’d spent at home at a time was one night. She never ate with her parents, and she still hadn’t spoken to them. She wasn’t planning on it, either. She didn’t have anything to say to them, and she certainly wasn’t interested in what they had to say.

Rolling over in Kristin’s bed (Kristin’s was the previous evening’s sleepover house of choice), Mabel grabbed her phone off the nightstand.

Dipper had messaged her. He usually did when he woke up.

Are you free this weekend?

It was a three day weekend starting the day after Valentine’s Day, which meant Mabel was feeling the separation hard, and therefore had a hot date with Ben & Jerry (both of whom were currently waiting eagerly for her in Kristin’s freezer). Okay, so it was more of a cold date, but, y’know. Semantics, right? Therapy was great, but eating several pints of Chocolate Therapy was cheaper and more fun.

So… technically she was free. But why was Dipper asking?

Yeah, why?

Okay, cool. Come to this address once you’re out of school. Go around back when you get there. Okay?

He typed out an address she didn’t recognize. It wasn’t too far from Kristin’s, but why would Dipper want her to go there? Regardless, she texted back a confused okay and left it at that. Sitting up in bed, she scratched her scalp lightly and looked over at Kristin, who was sleeping with her mouth wide open.

She poked her friend’s cheek. “Hey.”

Kristin stirred but didn’t wake. Naturally, Mabel poked her again, slightly harder. “Hey!” She raised her voice a bit that time.

“What?” Kristin grumbled blearily, blinking her eyes open. Her black hair was matted, and what had once been expertly applied eyeliner and mascara was giving her the usual racoon eyes. Not that Kristin minded, of course. Yesterday’s eyeliner can be made into today’s smokey eye, after all.

“Can you drive me somewhere after school?”

Kristin propped herself up on her arms and blinked up at Mabel. “Depends on where it is, I guess. Why, where you going?”

“I dunno, some-“ Mabel’s phone chimed, signaling another message from Dipper.

Oh, and bring enough stuff to last you through Sunday.

Mabel blinked and lifted her phone up to show Kristin the message. Kristin’s eyes narrowed against the brightness of the phone screen, then widened. She sat up abruptly, then snatched the phone from Mabel’s hand. She scrolled up a bit, reading their most recent messages, and handed Mabel’s phone back to her after a moment, a knowing smirk on her face.

“He’s taking you on a sex retreat,” Kristin said matter-of-factly.

“A- a what now?”

“A sex retreat,” her friend repeated. “Y’know, it’s a three day weekend right after Valentine’s Day so he’s whisking you away somewhere to fuck your brains out.”

“That is…” Mabel was going to say it was ridiculous, but then she thought about it for a moment. Dipper had a car. Neither of their Grunkles would take issue with him coming down to visit her; it was their parents that had an issue with them being soulmates. “A very real possibility, actually,” she finished.

“Oh, it’s totally what he’s doing. So, to answer your question,” Kristin got out of bed and walked towards her bathroom. “Yes, I will absolutely drive you to go on a sex retreat with your soulbro, no matter how far away it is.”

Checking Google Maps, Mabel said, “it’s fifteen minutes from school.”

Kristin grinned. “Badass! Pack up your shit, homegirl. I ain’t driving you back here before you go.” She glanced down at Mabel’s legs. “And maybe shave again before we head out. Don’t want any stubble the first time you see him after this long, right?”

Mabel blushed. “Right, guess not.”

Kristin patted her cheek with another smile. “Cheer up, buttercup. Today’s the day your va-jay-jay is back in business.”

Mabel grinned back. “Fingers crossed!”

“Exactly, now hit the showers!”

———————————————————————

When Mabel stepped out of Kristin’s car onto the sidewalk, she didn’t know what to make of the yellow Victorian house. She sent Dipper a quick here as she went around back, as he’d had told her to that morning, only to find a small rock garden in the backyard of the house, with a… a vardo? It sure looked like a vardo. The fanciest one she’d ever seen in her life. It was red and purple with a small porch, and it appeared to be quite long, too. There was a set of slender red double doors with round stained glass windows on either side, and the whole thing looked intricately carved and painted.

After a moment, the doors opened, and out stepped Dipper. He beamed at the sight of her, and she nearly dropped the duffel bag she had hoisted over her shoulder.

Scratch that, she actually did drop it, squealing and running over to him to jump into his arms. It was a bit difficult because the wagon-house-thingy was on top of a wooden platform that she had to almost trip over before reaching him, but in the span of a few seconds, she had her arms wrapped around him again and she buried her face in his neck, breathing in his scent.

Mabel stood there for several seconds, trying to melt into his skin. A warmth had flooded her veins at the sight of him. She’d forgotten what it felt like to have him close, what he smelled like. She’d just decided she needed an oxygen tank full of Dipper-smell when he spoke, his lips against her scalp.

“I missed you.”

Mabel pulled back enough to look at him. She hadn’t stopped smiling since she’d seen him, and it was kind of hurting her face, but she didn’t care. He was looking at her adoringly, and she giggled. She was just so freakin’ happy to see him. Mabel couldn’t remember the last time she’d been that happy.

No, wait, yes she could. The last time she’d been that happy was right before her parents stormed into the hotel room like ruining everything was a contest with a billion dollar prize.

Well, whatever. They could suck it. Mabel was too busy to care about her parents and whatever lame-ass contests they’d entered.

“I missed you, too,” she finally told him. “But what’re you doing here?” She glanced around a bit. “Actually, what am I doing here?”

He leaned down to kiss her forehead. “It’s an Airbnb,” he said, taking her hand and pulling away from her. “After a fair amount of begging and no small amount of guilt tripping, Grunkle Stan agreed to pay for a three day weekend stay for us.”

He pushed open the intricate red doors and stepped inside, pulling her along after him. She followed after him, her shoes sinking into a plush rug, and her mouth dropped open.

Directly inside the doorway, there was what appeared to be a kitchen, albeit a small one; the cabinets were white with light brown countertops, a hammered copper kitchen sink, two actual stained glass windows (like, it looked like there were actual separate panes of glass for each change in color and shape), and several additional copper kitchen stuff throughout the tiny kitchen. It was more of a hallway than anything else.

Mabel rushed past Dipper excitedly, eager to see what lay beyond the kitchen-slash-hallway, and squealed again. “Eeeeeeee this place is crazy!”

“I knew you’d like it,” he laughed. “I’m gonna go grab your bag, be right back.”

“Kay!” she called over her shoulder, eager to get acquainted with her new favorite place ever.

Okay, so maybe it was her new favorite place ever primarily due to Dipper’s presence, but it was also really flippin’ cool. Directly across the narrow hallway, there was a door that, when opened, led to a very cramped bathroom. Cramped it may be, but it was also hella fancy. The walls were made of tiles fashioned from dark reflective glass, there was a tiny white sink sticking out directly below a window with a mirror fastened to the wood of the window frame, with a stained glass window directly beside the regular one. There was a toilet that had another stained glass window above it, as well as a regular window directly beside it, this one with a gold-colored curtain hanging over it. The shower had a black curtain in front of it but, when pulled aside, it revealed another stained glass window (yes, three for one tiny bathroom). The shower head was a waterfall-type situation, but it also had one of those handheld ones, which she knew from personal experience would be easier to rinse out her hair with.

“You all good in here, Mabes?” Dipper called, and she heard the thunk of her bag being dropped.

Fingers crossed her toiletries hadn’t made a mess all over her clothes.

She stuck her head out of the bathroom and looked over at him as he shut the doors behind him. “Uh, dude, I’ve only seen the kitchen and the bathroom and I’m pretty sure this whole thing is amazeballs.”

He grinned and stepped over to her. “I’m glad you like it, but was it really necessary for you to pack bricks?” He rubbed the shoulder he’d hoisted her bag over.

“Don’t be such a baby, Dippin Dots,” she said with an exaggerated eye roll and sashayed away to inspect the rest of the wagon-thingy.

Just beyond the countertops of the kitchen, there was a tall set of shelves that went to the ceiling, containing various kitchen-y items, including a microwave (which, good, because Mabel was seventeen and leftovers were her BFFs), and directly across from the shelves there was a fridge, which was also good, because as a living creature, Mabel required sustenance in order to survive.

The hallway ended, opening up into a more spacious area with a table outcropping from the wall directly beyond the set of tall kitchen shelves with two nice-looking folding chairs. There was also a set of white cabinets that started at the height of the fridge and descended almost like stairs. Against the back wall was a large wrap-around couch, and the cushions were purple (which was awesome, obvi), and there were hanging potted plants and more windows, too, including two more stained glass ones, and if she looked up…

Holy cheese puffs, was that a chandelier? Upon closer inspection, it turned out that yes, it was most definitely a chandelier, and a mighty fancy one at that, by the looks of things.

“Hoooooookay, brosephina, this is a pretty snazzy location we have found ourselves in,” Mabel said.

“Well,” Dipper began as he stepped up behind her, “I figured you deserved something nice.” He wrapped his arms around her middle and nuzzled her hair.

“Errrrr. Okay then. No issues with that here, lemme tell ya.” Then a thought occurred to her. This was a very nice house-wagon-whatsit, don’t get her wrong, but if they were gonna be there through Sunday, where were they supposed to sleep? Or… do anything else? Would he even want to do anything else? Never mind that. “Soooooo where are we supposed to, like…” she trailed off.

“Bed’s in a loft,” he said into her hair, his arms tightening around her waist. “Up those stairs.” He pointed a finger at the cabinets she’d noted earlier. Huh. So they really were stairs, then.

“Right, so, um…”

Ugh. Why was she so damn nervous? It was irritating. This was her twin, her soulmate, her boyfriend! He had literally been inside her! She had no reason to be nervous!

She was, though, and she didn’t really know how to voice what she wanted.

Kiss me. Touch me. Get your dick inside me, like, freakin’ yesterday, dude.

“W- would you like to see it?” His voice was awkward, and he sounded almost as nervous as she felt. “The bed, I mean.”

Mabel nodded and he pulled away from her, blushing furiously, and she tried not to giggle. Dipper rolled his eyes. “Shut up, just c’mon.”

“I didn’t say anything!” she insisted as he grabbed her hand.

“I could hear you thinking,” he countered, leading her up the cabinets-slash-stairs.

She was still giggling through her nervousness when they reached the top of the stairs. The bed was a mattress directly on the floor with a striped comforter.

Hesitantly, Mabel sat on the bed. Dipper knelt down in front of her. He was looking at her lips when he took her hand again.

“We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.” His voice was soft, like he was afraid he’d scare her away or something.

Mabel remembered what Kristin had said about sex retreats and being whisked away to have her brains fucked out.

And then she remembered that no, Dipper could not, in fact, read her mind.

“Why would you think I don’t wanna do anything?” Had. Had he never encountered a mirror? Seventeen years of existence and the boy had never encountered a mirror. What were the chances? He shrugged. “Have you even seen yourself, Dip?”

“Huh?”

She forced her nerves down. He wanted her. She knew he did. She just needed to reassure him that she wanted him just as much. “You’re really freakin’ sexy, bro.”

He smiled hesitantly. “So, is it okay if I…?”

“Look, man,” Mabel said, “if you try a thing and I’m not about it, I’ll let ya know, but otherwise, go for it.”

“Okay, if you’re sure.”

“Uh, I am absotively posolutely sure.”

Grinning, Dipper leaned in to kiss her, and she smiled against his lips when he did. “I missed you,” she murmured against him.

He moved closer to her, pressing his body into hers. “I missed you, too,” he told her. “Now, I gotta be honest with you here, Mabes.” He pulled back a bit to look at her very, very seriously.

“Oh… kay?”

“This outfit,” he glanced down at her shorts and shirt. It was too hot for a sweater, so her top was light and breezy. It also showed off a bit of boobage, so there was that. “It’s cute, I like it and all, but I’d like it a lot more if it were on the floor.”

“Hmm…” she said thoughtfully. “On one condition.” She held up a finger.

“What’s that?”

“I’m only taking my clothes off if you take yours off, too. All’s fair in love and war, buddy-o.”

He grinned cheekily at her. “Is that right? And which is this?”

She shrugged. “Both, prolly.”

“Fair enough,” Dipper said with a chuckle before he pulled back to strip out of his clothes as fast as he possibly could. She was so busy watching him pull his shirt off that she totally forgot she was supposed to take her own clothes off, too. He paused before dropping his shirt to the floor. “Mabellllllllll,” he whined. “You said you’d take your clothes off, c’mon!”

“Right!” She started, almost surprised. “Right, right, sorry, my b.” Pulling her shirt over her head while simultaneously kicking off her sneakers at the heels, Mabel lay back on the bed, unbuttoning her shorts and lifting her butt to shimmy out of them. She wasn’t paying much attention to Dipper at that exact moment, or the way his eyes were wide and glued to her newly exposed skin, but when she finally got the shorts over her hips and down her legs, flinging them away from her with a flick of her foot, she looked up at him, and he was…

Whelp. He was totally nekkid, wasn’t he? She’d seen plenty of pictures lately (had a whole app she kept them in on her phone, even), but pictures on a phone screen ain’t got nothin’ on seeing her bro-bro in person.

“Looks like somebody’s happy to see me,” she grinned nervously at him.

“Gee, I wonder why,” he said sarcastically. “It’s almost like my soulmate is laying on a bed mostly naked right in front of me.” His eyes focused on hers for a moment before drifting back over her body again. “Which, by the way, you should be totally naked.”

“Fair enough,” she agreed, sitting up and reaching around her back to unhook her bra. He watched her, wide-eyed, as she pulled her arms out of the straps and flung the bra away. He watched, too, as she pulled her panties off the same way she had her shorts.

As it turned out, actually seeing how badly he wanted her, like, seeing legit physical evidence of it, well. It was something of a self-esteem boost.

He stared at her for several seconds. She stared back. Then he dove at her, and suddenly he was kissing her lips, her face, her neck, her breasts- it was quite a lot, really, and he seemed to be going pretty fast, too.

“Dipper,” Mabel gasped out as he attacked her nipple. There was really no other word for it. It was most certainly an attack. He was alternating between sucking it harshly and nibbling on it with his teeth, and it stung in the most delicious way.

He pulled off her breast with a pop, then trailed kisses down her chest and stomach, looking at her intently all the while.

“Wh- what’re you doing?” she questioned when he reached his presumed destination, spreading her legs to examine her body. Which, by the way, was tremendously embarrassing.

He looked back up at her. “Well, I was planning on, y’know…” he gestured to her vagina.

Mabel thought for a moment. “On one condition.”

“Another condition? Really?”

Nodding, she said, “you can eat me out, but only if I get to suck your dick after.”

He grinned up at her. “Deal.”

At that, he gave a torturously slow lick to her slit that ended just below where she really wanted it. She whimpered, which prompted him to do it again. And again. By the third incredibly slow lick, she was just about ready to scream at him before he thrust a finger into her and flicked his tongue over her clit in the same second, eliciting a gasp from her.

He thrust his finger in and out of her, slowly moving his tongue over her clit, and before long Mabel was whimpering again. “Ah- another,” she forced out. “Another finger, please.”

He complied, and when her fingers clenched the comforter, he moved a little faster inside of her, flicking his tongue in the same rhythm he was thrusting his fingers at, and she lifted her hips. He reached his other hand up to hold her down, to hold her still, and continued. “Close,” she gasped. “Don’t stop.”

Dipper hastened the flicks of his tongue, the thrusts of his fingers, and then he did something incredible. He closed his lips around her clit and started to suck gently. Mabel’s hand shot down to his hair, holding him between her legs, and her toes curled, bunching the comforter up in a tight grip beneath the pads of her feet, and she found herself instinctively fighting against the firm hand on her hip bone, trying to raise her pelvis closer to him.

“Ah- fuck, Dip, I’m gonna-“ he kept sucking her clit, only he started to flick his tongue over it at the same time, too, and Mabel shattered with a short, abrupt scream.

Her grip on his hair loosened and her hand fell to her side. Mabel’s entire body was tingling.

She’d forgotten how much stronger Dipper-assisted orgasms were than Dipper-free orgasms. She didn’t know if it was a soulmate thing, a Dipper thing, or an I’m-in-love-with-this-guy thing, and her brain was too mushy to care.

“Holy shit,” she panted, and he pulled away from her still-pulsing heat, pressing a kiss to the top of her thigh as he went. The extra tingles his lips caused traveled throughout the rest of her body.

“Sooooo… good, then?”

She glared at him. “Shut up, man, you know it was tops. Where’d you learn to do that, anyway?”

He reddened and looked away. “I maaaaay have done some online research.”

“What, like, porn?”

“Well, not for that specific purpose, no.”

“Then…?” she trailed off, looking at him expectantly.

“Okay, so I read some accounts from lesbians,” he confessed in a rush. “Mostly blogs and whatnot, and then I also talked to a few female friends I have-“

“Whoa there, pal,” she cut in. “What female friends? I dunno how I feel about you getting all the dirty deets from another girl.”

He blinked. “Oh, I talked to this lesbian friend I have, and also her girlfriend. Just… comparing notes, y’know?”

She looked at him incredulously for a few seconds, then burst out laughing. “Okay, okay, that’s fine. For a second there, I was worried you were exchanging extremely graphic details of our sex life with, like, Pacifica or something.”

Dipper blanched. “Yeah, no, not her.”

“Okay, cool.” After several more seconds, she looked him up and down.

Her bro was still sporting a big ol’ broner.

“I believe I was promised the opportunity to suck your dick in exchange for you getting the pleasure of eating me out.”

He blushed again. Holy bejeezus, he was adorable.

“You… you don’t have to, y’know,” he offered quietly.

“Well, yeah,” she agreed. “Of course I don’t have to, but it’s, like my new favorite hobby, brosephina.”

He grinned. “You’re pretty good at it, too.”

“Hmm,” she said, reaching down to grasp him. He gasped at the feel of her palm, and she motioned for him to lay down. “Maybe I’ll put that in college applications.” Once he was horizontal, Mabel leaned down and took the entire length of him in her mouth (or as much of him as she could fit, anyway) with absolutely zero warning.

Dipper groaned and leaned back against the pillow. “Fuuuuuuck.”

Humming around him, she bobbed her head, letting her lips slide over him and sucking in her cheeks. He reached down to grip one of her breasts, tweaking her nipple, and she moaned, the vibrations from the sound causing him to buck slightly into her mouth. She gagged a bit but kept going, pleased that he was enjoying himself so much.

Each time she only had the head of him in her mouth, she swirled her tongue around the top, dipping slightly into his urethra. “Holy shit, Mabes,” he groaned, fisting a hand in her hair. He didn’t push her head, though, for which she was grateful. Bobbing faster, obscene slurping sounds filled the loft, saliva dribbling down his shaft. His moans got louder, and she sped up as much as she could.

“Mabel,” he gasped. “Mabel, I’m gonna- you should move-“

She ignored him, grasping his testicles gently and taking him as deep as she could manage. She was pretty sure her nose brushed against his pubic hair on more than one occasion, actually.

He came down her throat with a shout that sounded almost pained, and she nearly choked on it all, but managed to swallow the vast majority of it. It was not pleasant-tasting, nor was the texture particularly appetizing, but when she looked up at him, he was gazing down at her like she was some kind of goddess, so it was worth it, she decided.

She pulled her mouth off of him, and when she did, a small amount of his semen dripped out of the side of her mouth. She wiped it away with the back of her hand.

“So, how was it?”

He looked at her incredulously. “You literally just swallowed my jizz and you’re asking me how it was?”

Mabel shrugged, grabbing his half-drunk water bottle that was off to the side of the bed. She sat up, taking a swig from it to wash that nasty-ass taste out of her mouth.

Eugh.

“It was awesome, Mabes,” he told her as she set the water bottle back down. She smiled happily at him, then lay down next to him and rested her head on his chest. “Downside, though, is I’ll need a bit before I can go again.”

“Eh, that’s fine.”

Turns out he only needed approximately ten minutes before he could go again.

She’d still been laying on his chest contentedly when he started running his fingertips over the side of one of her breasts, and when she looked up at him questioning it, he kissed her.

Dipper turned his body towards her, slipping his tongue into her mouth, and she felt his hardness press against her.

She pulled away with a laugh. “Already?”

“I’m seventeen, Mabel,” he pointed out.

She shrugged and went back to kissing him.

No objections from this girl, thank you.

He climbed on top of her before too much longer, his arousal pressing into her stomach, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, one of her hands at the back of his neck, her fingers threading through his hair.

He reached between them with one hand to grip one of her breasts again, squeezing it lightly. He kissed her neck, sucking a bruise into the skin, and she moaned softly. “Dip,” she murmured. “I need you.”

He reached between her legs to stroke her, finding her wet again. “I need you, too,” he groaned against her neck.

“Then take me,” she begged, lifting her hips to meet his fingers.

Positioning himself between her legs, he thrust into her with a groan, his head falling against her, his forehead resting between her breasts. “You okay?” he panted.

Nodding, Mabel wrapped her legs around the backs of his thighs. “Keep going.”

Pushing himself up onto his hands, Dipper pulled out of her almost completely, and she whimpered at the loss, gasping when he thrust back into her. He kept up his slow, gentle pace, like he was worried he’d break her, and eyes were clenched shut with the effort to restrain himself.

She reached up to stroke his cheek. “Let go, Dipper,” she said softly. “Don’t hold back. You won’t hurt me, I promise.”

When he pulled out and thrust back into her again, harder this time, like she’d wanted, she moaned and grasped his arms, her fingertips digging into his skin.

“Fuck, Mabel,” he groaned, his hips snapping against hers. “I missed this so much.”

“Me too,” she agreed, lifting her hips to meet each of his thrusts. “Please don’t stop.”

He leaned down to press his lips to hers desperately, hungrily, and she returned the kiss with just as much ferocity, her legs tightening around him.

“Harder,” she begged. She knew she was begging. She didn’t care. “Give it to me harder!”

Dipper complied, pulling back slightly to watch her breasts bounce in time with his thrusts. Mabel lifted one of her legs up to rest her ankle on his shoulder, and they both groaned at the new angle, the new depth.

“You feel so good,” he moaned, slamming into her again. “Fuck, I don’t- I don’t know how much longer I can-“

“I don’t care, I don’t care,” she gasped out. “Just fuck me, Dipper, please!”

Dipper rose up to his knees, lifting her hips to meet his and holding the leg she’d placed on his shoulder still as he pounded into her.

Clenching the fabric of the comforter in her hands so tightly her knuckles hurt, Mabel couldn’t seem to stop herself from screaming, begging him for more, not to stop.

Putting a hand on her hip to hold her pelvis against his, he gripped her hard enough to bruise, and all she could think was that she hoped it did bruise, she wanted to feel the remnants of this for weeks-

She looked up at him, his pained expression, the way he was staring between them, watching himself slide in and out of her harshly.

“Get me pregnant, Dipper,” she moaned. “I want it so badly, please, I need it-“ she cut herself off with a cry when he thrust into her again.

“I can’t,” he forced out. “You know I can’t.”

“Please,” she said again. “I need it, I need it so bad, fuck-“

He thrust again, moving his hand from her hip to her breast, pinching her nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

“Soon, Mabes, I promise,” he groaned, leaning against the leg she had on his shoulder.

“Now, dammit,” Mabel demanded. “I want you to fuck a baby into me now!”

“I want it, too,” he confessed, squeezing her breast roughly as he thrust into her. “But we can’t yet. I’ll give you one soon, I swear, just-“ he cut himself off. “Fuck, Mabel, I’m gonna- fuck-“

“Cum for me, cum inside me, Dip,” she begged, desperate for it, for him.

“I can’t,” he groaned miserably, then reached between them and rubbed her clit in quick, harsh circles.

“Ah!” Mabel cried out, her toes curling and her body freezing up as her orgasm ripped through her abruptly.

He didn’t stop pounding into her, not even for a second, only lifted his hand away from her clit to hold her hip again, his head falling back. “Mabes, I- I love you, fuck, I love you-“

She knew he was seconds away from orgasming; his thrusts were short and stunted, harsh and bruising. “Cum for me, Dipper,” she encouraged. “Fill me up.”

He groaned her name again, then, to her tremendous disappointment, yanked himself out of her abruptly, his release spurting onto her vulva. Her hips fell back onto the mattress, and he collapsed on top of her.

After several minutes, he lifted his head up to look at her. “Do you really want me to get you pregnant? Like, now?”

She thought for a moment before answering. “Yeah, I do.” He seemed startled by that. “But I also know it’s not really… feasible right now. I really, really want it, but I know it’s not a good idea.”

He nodded and leaned in to kiss her slowly, lovingly, nuzzling her nose with his when their lips disconnected. “I love you, Mabel.”

“I love you more,” she countered with a grin.

“I love you the most,” Dipper insisted.

“Oh yeah?” she challenged. “Think you got me there, don’t cha? Well guess what, buddy: I love you infinity times the most, so there.”

He blinked at her. “Uhhhh… that’s not how math works. There’s nothing more than the most.”

“I don’t give a rat tooth if it’s ‘not how math works’,” she said in her very best Dipper impression. “I dunno if you’ve met me before, but I’m Mabel Pines, and I’m redefining math.”

He snorted. “If you say so.”

“Damn right I say so!” After a moment, she noticed the stickiness between them. “Errr… can you get something for that? I’m feelin’ a bit jizztastic here, bro.”

“Right,” he agreed with a slight blush. “Lemme, uh… lemme get something for that.”

“Coolio, I’ll chill here.”

He nodded and went down the stairs.

Well, Mabel thought. This is gonna be one awesome weekend.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 202

202

Keith knew Lance was skilled in the art of cleaning, yet the shack felt like a whole other house in comparison to what it had been the previous day. Yes, dust still hung around and the floors hadn’t been vacuumed or mopped, and yes there were towels and dishcloths piled up near the front door, but unlike the previous day, Keith could now picture the house as a home. Krolia had made a discovery of a few video tapes that’d been stashed in a box in his dad’s room. Shiro would have been trying on his dad’s shirt, despite the filth if he’d been there. No memories were flowing back, yet they seemed to be rewriting the memories he’d made the day before. He really shouldn’t have lost his temper with Lance. He’d been hurt and lashed out, and couldn’t take it back.

Taking photos of the house’s interior, he was drawn to what had been his bedroom. Glow in the dark solar system stickers laying on the floor where they’d peeled off with age. Paper clung to the walls, once childhood drawings. His room not the cleanest, but very lived in. He’d totally over reacted and would take a dick punch if it meant taking his anger back. Krolia ended up taking more things than the day before, now that she could see what she was taking. Keith didn’t think old video tapes had much use, but his mother cried over them, so he’d kept his mouth shut.

With all the rotten bedding and fabric stuffs, Lance had bagged it all up near the front door. The work would have taken all night, meaning Lance understandably needed a nap after putting so much effort into things. When Keith discovered a photo of him on his dad’s shoulders, he’d hit a new low of self hating. The frame had been cleaned up. Mould in the corner meaning the photo was stuck to the glass, Lance not trying to seperate it, instead placing it on the wooden coffee table where it’d be safe... and he’d gone and blow his top at him. He was still kind of mad Lance had taken it upon himself to clean the shack alone, but his fiancé’s heart had been in the right place. He only wanted good and happy memories for Keith.

Driving them back to the hotel, Keith’s stomach knotted with anxiety as his mother parked beside the bronco. They didn’t have phone reception out at the shack, Keith checking his phone in between taking photos with the hope that miraculously he’d catch some thin sliver of signal... He didn’t... though he did finally get his coffee when his mother decided to fuel up Shiro’s car after all the driving she’d done. It tasted barely better than dishwater, lukewarm and oily, but better than nothing. Knocking back two coffees gave him a little of courage. Temper settled by his beloved caffeine and able to human that bit more.

Heading up the stairs to his and Lance’s room, Keith was prodded along by Krolia. His mother wanted to talk about what’d been in the files that Lenny had gifted them, having not read them, Keith could only shake his head at her. He’d so desperately wanted to sit down with her, but first there was the need to apologise to Lance, then the need fo shower. Alcohol sweat would forever be gross.

Letting them into the hotel room, the door unlocked, Shiro sat on his side of the bed with Lance’s head on his leg. Keith jumping to angry all over again, and probably would have yelled if Lance hadn’t been sleeping. “Awing” over the scene, Krolia’s steps were light as she moved carefully. Sitting herself down, she placed her hand on Lance’s hip, Keith wanting to tear her hand off

“How is he?”

Shiro sighed at Krolia’s question. Sighing wasn’t good

“Pretty devastated. Very apologetic. He had a panic attack in the car, so I got him on the phone to Coran who managed to get through to him. He’s been out for about an hour now”

Krolia nodded, Keith hugging himself. He’d caused Lance to panic, and made him feel unwanted. If he sniffed the air, he could detect notes of Lance’s sweetness along with something sour that seemed to also belong to the man he loved

“Did you talk to Coran?”

“I called him back once Lance was sleeping. He’s worried about him. I don’t know why, but I know he was talking to Coran about Veronica... and Nyma and Rolo”

“Veronica‘s the older sister right?”

“Yeah. And Nyma and Rolo were the pair that turned him. He was really upset that’d upset Keith”

Shiro’s gaze turned to him, Keith dropping his head in guilt

“Keith, you and he had a fight. Do you want to talk about it?”

Ugh. His family would be so disappointed if they knew... He knew and he was disappointed enough in himself for all of them

“Not really. I scared him and I didn’t mean to...”

“I don’t think it’s just you. He did say his ego was a mess and he was exhausted. He kind of stopped making sense as he started rambling”

“He does that when he’s tired”

“You’ll be happy to know you’ve got a monster cock. And that he loves your monster cock”

Keith closed his eyes as he let out a long breath. Sleepy Lance had no filter

“Should I ask why you know that?”

“Oh, apparently drunk Keith tore his shirt and bra when he was trying to clean you up. His hips are still sore from your monster cock”

Fucking drunk Keith

“He shouldn’t be sore still. He’s had a fair bit of blood”

“That’s what I thought. Coran said to keep an eye on him, and if they’re not feeling any better by the time we’re ready to leave, then to swing by VOLTRON on the way home. He had me mix some Panadol and blood for him”

“Did he say anything else?”

Shiro shook his head

“Yes and no. Just bits of pieces. Mostly he was apologising for going missing and upsetting you by cleaning the shack up. It seems he really likes the idea of coming to stay around the anniversary of your dad’s death... He wants to make good memories here for you. Then he swapped to Spanish. I don’t know much, but I did get that he wanted Miriam”

Maybe Keith had been way too aggressive. Normally their fights ended with them both realising they’d meant the same thing but were coming at it from different angles, instead he’d taken all his fear out on his fiancé who was having a hard enough time as it was

“I don’t need to come here to make happy memories. I... um... shouldn’t have started yelling. I was worried... He can’t just... He just go disappearing like that!”

Though it hasn’t come to him before, he now realised Lance very well could have been kidnapped again... Keith knew he was not mentally strong enough to ever go through that again... Absolutely anything could have gone wrong. His mate should have been by his side! Sighing, Shiro patted Lance’s hair

“He knows. He was mid-apology for the umpteenth time when he started spiralling. He’s also very sorry for worrying us after yesterday was so fun. Also, his car needs to be cleaned up. Do you want us to handle it, or do you want one of us to stay while you clean it up? I don’t mind, but I think he’d prefer you or Curtis”

Leaning down, Krolia kissed Lance’s hair affectionately. Seeing his mother so motherly tugged at his heart. He didn’t want to start yelling or making his scary face again

“Shiro, you and Keith can take care of Lance’s car. I’ll pop down to the restaurant and pick us up some food. Curtis, you stay with Lance. Given he’s so sleepy, he probably can’t control his ego very well right now. I know you’re sorry, Keith, but give him a little while to come back to himself”

Keith didn’t want to go away. He’d already been forced apart from Lance by Lance coming back to the hotel

“I’m supposed to be with him. He’s my goddamn mate...”

Shiro shook his head, his brother looked sympathetic but Keith didn’t know what that sympathy was directed at. He didn’t deserve sympathy for being a douche canoe

“Kiddo, he needs some rest. He knows you didn’t mean to fly off he handle at him...”

“I still need to apologise to him”

“And you will. Just let him sleep for now. We’ve got a car to clean out. He had a bit of accident during his panic attack, I’m not sure he even noticed”

Krolia sighed softly

“I remember those days. One wrong sneeze and I’d wet myself. Best we not bring it up, he’d be embarrassed. He’s already quite embarrassed over being afraid. He called me the other day, I don’t think I was much help”

“He called me too. To check in. I think I upset him”

Krolia pulled herself away from Lance. Standing to stretch herself with a smile

“That means an extra special lunch is called for. I wish I could cook something for him”

No. Nooo. That’d probably do Lance in

“He likes fruit, and maybe some pancakes... he had a craving for them the other day”

“Don’t you worry, I know what I’m doing”

Krolia thinking she knew what she was doing was what worried him. Wisely Keith kept his mouth shut about that

“I’ll take a shower and meet you at the car... I stink”

No one disagreed, Keith annoyed they hadn’t... and annoyed his family were such a bunch of weirdos... even if he loved them.

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Oh Disneyland Paris sounds fun yeah! Were you and your roommate already close then? I went to Walt Disney's world with my aunt and cousin when I was like 11 but it would've been way more fun if I could've taken my best friend with me for sure. Maybe we can go to the one in Paris now that she lives just 3h away from me! Oh I see, sounds like LA was really fun for you yeah! your roommate didn't mind third wheeling tho? Hahaha

Yeah Canada is beautiful but what I liked about it the most was the massive improvement in quality of life I had compared to where I was living before and just being able to be who I am and people accepting me for it. Not being worried about violence 24/7 felt pretty fucking great too. So yeah I highly recommend living there if you ever get a chance. But I am loving Portugal so far, people are a bit more judgemental here tho but I like that it's easier to travel to a lot of countries I've always wanted to go to. Everywhere you go there are pros and cons tho so sorting out priorities is key. But Toronto is my favourite of all the places I've been, before living there for a year I had already been two times!

Jesus 50 states, sometimes I forget how big the US is. And you can totally do it if you plan it out! After watching Bly Manor tho I really want to go to Vermont especially during autumn season looks really pretty! There's this fic I love (only the sun by prestonarchives) where Dani and Jamie go on a road trip from Vermont to Maine and I did their entire journey on Google maps street view bc I was so obsessed with this one chapter fanfic I had to immerse myself entirety in it hahaha. So now I want to go there irl. Here's the link if you haven't read it before!

https://bit.ly/3BLy4WR

Omg I totally remember reading that on CBML and being a bit confused bc I was like why would she think you can't see the moon from the great wall of China HAHAHA but I thought it was really funny and endearing yeah it's even funnier now that I know you said it irl haha.

Oh so ENFP-T means extraverted, intuitive, feeling and prospecting personality with a bit of turbulence. Which just means you're curious, perceptive, enthusiastic, an excellent communicator, festive and good-natured. On the other hand you can be disorganized, unfucosed, a people pleaser, overcommitted, too optimistic and restless.

I wonder what Jamies and Danis mbti are as well as their zodiac signs 🤔 I think Jamie might be an ISTP-A bc she's definitely an introvert, very practical, stubborn, assertive, layed back and energetic at the same time. And Dani is either an ENFP-T like you or an ESFJ-T with the whole selfless thing going on.

AE already made it canon that Jamie's an aries (and it makes sense) but I can't figure Dani out. I've thought about her being a leo ♌ bc she's generous, passionate, warm-harted and dominant in her own way and THE HAIR haha. But she's got some pisces ♓ vibes going on too...idk. aaand I'm back at it again with the astrology signs haha.

To be fair your recent drunken exp it was dark and at least you didn't think the road sign was a bear or something (don't know what kind of wild animals you've got over there) that you wrestled with and ended up in a ditch and your best friend let you believe that happened for 3 years up until recently haha. 😂 but yeah some things happen for a reason, having life threatening health issues doesn't sound great tho, but I guess it's a good thing it stops you from drinking too much and making dumb decisions. And hey maybe I secretly want that to happen again idk maybe moving countries is not exciting enough, I have to go out and make a complete drunken fool out of myself in a completely foreign place hahaha. I guess that did kinda happen last month when my best friend came to visit me from Spain and we got drunk on wine, I got lost on the way back home and it was way past curfew. 🤔 shit I'm 29 will I ever learn...

Episode 9 is 😢😍🥰😰😭🤬☠️ just the worst roller-coaster I didn't even know I was on. Haha I was more pissed off than heartbroken the first time I watched it ngl.

Well then maybe the way you do accents is friendly and funny so people can't really get mad at you haha. Like Dani! Oh so that's called a Geordie accent! I see, it's really really cool. AE said Jamie is from Lancashire but that's a whole county isn't it? Idk if there's a specific accent to this region. Knowing you speak kinda like Jamie is something else tho, I think if anyone who spoke like her ever talked to me irl I wouldn't be able to pay attention to what they were saying 😂 just the accent haha.

Oh so you already have 4k something words for it nice. I'm kinda starting to feel an obsession with this medieval AU growing in me, I made a Pinterest board just for it ngl hahaha but I'm still resisting creating anything for it, I did a face study yesterday for Dani and Jamie to see if I finally pick up the idea and just do it but my brain was still like "I don't want to do this rn" and was just being a little bitch about it so I'll just let it cook for longer see if we can reach an agreement eventually (if ever) haha.

Glad to hear you had a good weekend! Even if it left you feeling exhausted in the end. And yeah it makes sense for you to say you don't have favourites haha! Have a great week Colour, take care! 👋✨

Yeah me and my roommate have been friends since we were like 14 so when we went to Disney Land we asked if we could be roomed together because we've been best friends for that long now... been best friends since school and now we live together. She's seen me at my best, my worst, has seen me in all my stages in life and has been there for a lot of the rough stuff I've been through and I've been there for all the stuff she's been through!! Nah she didn't mind at all we had some moments where me and my ex would just go and be a couple and have dates but my ex didn't want me travelling that far alone so invited my roommate too because she didn't like the thought of me flying 11hours alone or being in airports alone so my roommate came with me and we had a great time Awwh good I'm glad it was such a nice place and that you didn't worry about violence all the time but I'm so sorry you ever had to worry about that anyway that can't be easy. I would honestly love to live in Canada I really hope I get chance one day... I'm glad you're loving Portugal but sorry people are judgemental there but I am glad it's easy for you to travel around to other places... oh yeah every place has it's pros and cons I mean England has some pros but it sure has a lot of cons too so I know all about that Yeah America is SO big but I do want to get around all 50 states at some point and I am stubborn enough and determined enough to make it happen eventually even if I don't get around them all until I'm like 70 I'll make it happen haha!! No I haven't read that fic but it sounds amazing so I'll definitely check it out thank you for sending me the link Yeah... that really happened to me and it was just a dumb moment where I had this momentary lapse of knowledge in my brain and now I look back at that question and I'm just like... "you idiot" and this is why people are shocked when I get questions in quizzes right because I have said some really dumb stuff but I'm glad people found it funny and endearing... and I'm glad it makes it better to know I really said that haha Oooo I didn't know that, I like that and I think it's definitely fitting for me!! I think from what you've said about what ENFP-T means Dani could easily be that too and I don't know anything about the other one but I will take your word for it matching Dani because you know way more about this stuff than I do. I have no idea for Jamie though. And with zodiac signs I love that Amelia looked at Jamie and thought she was an Aries, as for Dani I have NO idea what her zodiac would be... in CBML she's a Leo but in MoU with what I have planned for her birthday she'd be a virgo but I don't know anything about zodiacs... all I know is all the pieces I've ever met have been the opposite of what Dani is so maybe that has something to do with their whole charts but I know a lot of other people always make her a Pieces and I trust what other people say about zodiacs more than what I know about them because I really know NOTHING about them haha Nah I knew it was a road sign because of how heavy and hard it was- nah we have no bears where I live... I don't think we have many dangerous animals where I live... got a couple of badgers that can be pretty aggressive but that's about it we don't have much that is scary here or at least not in the little part of England I live. Having life threatening health issues has been hard and since having my spleen removed in January (that was the surgery I needed to try and fix the issue I had) things are even harder now because I have to take antibiotics for the rest of my life to stop me getting any infections because if I ever get a chest infection now or a really bad cold it can be really dangerous but I take it all in my stride and not drinking is just a way to make sure the antibiotics actually work properly and to make sure nothing happens to me... and like you said, means I don't do anything dumb too... haha drunken stories are the best I have been lost a few times when I've been drunk... and I don't think you do learn, I have siblings that are

like 40 and still do dumb shit... I know at 27 I am still doing dumb shit too I don't think I'll ever learn haha 😂 Its such an emotional roller coaster and honestly I was just devastated the first time I watched it... no TV show or movie has ever made me cry the way Bly Manor did when I first saw it and it still makes me cry now. I can cry just thinking about that last episode. I definitely mean it in a friendly way so I hope it comes across like that. Yeah the accent in Billy Elliot is a Geordie accent and its my favourite accent there are other accents around the north that are called different things. Yeah Lancashire is a county and again in Lancashire there are loads of different accents I can't really pinpoint Jamie's down to a city I just know it's Northern. I'm from Yorkshire but don't have a strong Yorkshire accent I just have a Northern accent, like people never believe I'm from the place I'm from because I don't sound like I am but you can definitely tell I'm northern... honestly there are so many accents in England... you can drive for two hours in any direction in England and the accent will change like two times at least it's insane... see a lot of people say that but I am not a HUGE fan of the northern accent and I think it's because I grew up there. I much prefer Dani's accent to Jamie's but like I said to me, Jamie just talks normal there is no accent really haha Yeah 4k words for it but it's all jumbled up it's not like a chronological story yet it's just all over the place haha but I hope I can get it all structured properly soon!! Awwh good I'm glad you're already interested in this medieval AU!! That makes sense you're resisting creating for it but I think it's so cool you did a face study for Dani and Jamie even if you didn't wanna finish it I think letting things cook for a while is always a good idea if you're not in the right headspace right away I had such a good weekend but I am so tired and today I had a busy day too celebrating my roommate's boyfriend's birthday so I've had so many days that have been so busy and right now I am just really to sleep haha!! Yeah definitely don't have favourites but I have spent more time with one of my nieces than the others simply because I always look after her if her mum and dad are working and I'm not... like until I start this new job I am looking after her for an hour every day after school while she waits for her mum and dad to finish work but I don't have favourites haha!! Thank you so much I hope you had a great weekend and that you have a great week too!!

[myhockeyworld87]

Nervous Regrets - Tyler Seguin - Part 19

Word Count: 3614

POV: Tyler

Warnings: language

Notes: Sorry this took so long, it was suppose to be posted yesterday and what can I say, things got hectic. It’s the holidays and unfortunately that happens more than I’d like. Hope you guys enjoyed your Thanksgiving holiday if you’re in the US; and that you got lots of Black Friday shopping done. As always feedback is welcomed. Peace Love and Hugs All! Also I posted this from my phone, because I still have internet problems, I’ll get the keep reading in there later when I can put it on my laptop.

TYLER’S POV

You had no idea what had gotten into you the day before, but as you drove to the airport the entire day replayed in your head. An overwhelming need to make (Y/N) yours had just overcome you. Deep down you knew she wasn’t leaving, that she would never cheat on. All you can say is that when you saw Jamie’s hands on her baby bump you lost it. Speaking of Jamie, you owed your friend an apology; so, as you boarded the plane, you took a seat beside him.

Jamie, raised his eyes at you; as you sat down. “Look man, I need to apologize for yesterday. I was a complete ass.”

“You think?” It was a deserving response. “Wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t even know where it came from, just know it wasn’t you.” You blew out a breath. If you were going to talk to someone about it; it might as well be Jamie. “I don’t like leaving her, you know?” He nodded, though said nothing. “I’ve been scared to death ever since the accident. Like I’ll just wake up one day and she won’t be there.”

“Tyler…”

You stopped him. “Let me finish. I know yesterday it was completely irrational, but when I saw you touching the baby; I just snapped. And not that you would ever take (Y/N) from me, I know you wouldn’t do that, and neither would she. It’s just someone could you know.” Jamie gave you that glare, the one that said you couldn’t be more wrong. “I know, I know. It sounds crazy.”

“Yes, it does. That woman is crazy about you Segs. She just lights up when you’re in the room.” A smile touched your lips as you thought about coming up behind (Y/N) and wrapping your arms around her. She truly did glow when that happened. “And you know I’m teasing when I say, I’m going to take her away from you.”

“I know and its fine, it truly is.”

“As long as you know I’m just kidding with you.” You did. It was other people you worried about. That she’d go back to work and some high-profile client would whisk her away; or she’d meet some guy at the damn coffee shop or something. Someone who was probably way more deserving of her, than you were.

“I was a damn wreck last night.” A quizzical look crossed Jamie’s face. “You know, when (Y/N) and I were.” You shrugged giving him that you know what I mean look.

“Woah Seggy, I don’t need to hear about yours and (Y/N)’s sex life.”

“Don’t worry I’m not giving you all the details or anything. It was just….nevermind.” Why you were even confiding in Jamie about any of this, you didn’t know.

“Just tell me Segs. You know you can tell me anything.”

You hesitated, then decided this was one of your best friends and well you needed to hash this out. “It’s a bit embarrassing.” Dropping your voice down to a whisper you said. “I cried. Like full on sobbed.” Jamie looked at you, no judgement in his eyes; just concern. “We were in the middle of…it. And I made her promise to never leave me. Then I lost it when she did.”

You could see Jamie struggling with finding the right words to say. “Look man, I’m not going to pretend to know what you’re going through, because I can’t. What I can say, is that it’s normal. Segs, you guys have been through a lot. I mean like a lot of shit. It’s not surprising that you’re feeling this way. I think things are just finally catching up with you.” When you didn’t say anything right away, Jamie continued. “You know, she’s finally going to games and doing stuff with all the girls. The two of you officially moved back in together, in a new house. It’s kind of natural that your mind would be waiting for the shoe to drop per se.”

You let Jamie’s words absorb into your brain. He was right, everything had been going so well; you just figured something bad was bound to happen. But there was something more, something that was off or missing. “Maybe you’re right; I am waiting for the something to go wrong.” Replaying the events of last night again in your mind, something stuck out; that overwhelming need for her to promise to never leave you. It hit you then, you knew exactly what both your mind and heart needed to be confident in your relationship with (Y/N).

“Oh no, I’ve seen that look before. What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking I just solved all my problems.” Jamie waited for you to continue. “I’m going to ask her to marry me. Like officially ask her, with a ring and everything.”

“Well it’s not the craziest thing you’ve ever said to me; and she did agree to the house. Which I never thought would happen. So, what’s the plan?”

“I don’t know. I just decided that was the answer.” You’d made mention of marriage before, she’d always said you needed more time; but after yesterday, you didn’t think that time was much of a factor anymore. “Well I need to get a ring first.”

“Well, that shouldn’t be hard; you’ve been looking since you met her.” It was true; there would be times a couple months after you started dating that your eye would be drawn to rings in the jewelry store. You actually had one in mind; though you didn’t know if it existed. It wouldn’t take much to contact your jeweler and see if it could be made.

“You’re right, I do know what I want. Ok, so let’s assume that part’s done. When do I do it, Thanksgiving, Christmas?” Christmas would be far off, but you could have all your family there; you knew (Y/N) would like that.

“Do you know nothing of women? For as many as you’ve dated in your life, I would think you would have somewhat of a clue.” You gave him a look, now was not the time to be talking of all the conquests you’d had in the past. Not when you planned on spending the rest of your life with the only woman that mattered, (Y/N). “You can’t ask her on a holiday. Women want it to be something special, a day that’s only for them. That they can gush to all their friends about.”

Jamie was right, you needed to make this special for (Y/N). You wanted it to be a day that you told your children about. “Ok, you’re right Chubbs.” A plan started to formulate in your mind. “I think I’ve got an idea.” The rest of the flight you and Jamie mapped out the perfect proposal. All that was left, was to set it into motion.

Conveniently you were headed to Toronto, so you were able to snag an appointment with the Jeweler when you landed. By the end of the meeting, he had the ring of your dreams down on paper. If it turned out half as well as what he drew, it would take (Y/N)’s breath away. The biggest problem now, was that it wouldn’t be done for a couple weeks. Which meant, that with your schedule; you wouldn’t be able to propose until the first week in December. While it was somewhat disappointing to wait that long; you felt a weight lifted off of you knowing that plans were set into motion.

It was hard to contain your excitement when you facetimed (Y/N) that night. “Hey baby, how was the first day back to work?”

“Exhausting. I forgot how many interruptions happen during the day at the office. I seriously got more done working at home.”

“Awww, I’m sorry hun. I’m sure everyone was just excited you were back.” She chuckled a bit at that comment. “You know I missed you when I left today. I think I got used to you being at home.”

“Honestly, I missed being there. And I miss not being there in Toronto with you and the family.” There was a frown on her face. You knew she would’ve traveled to Ontario with you, if she hadn’t been off work so much. “How is everyone? Did you tell them I missed them?”

You had told them much more than that, but (Y/N) didn’t need to know that. “They’re great. They all miss you as well. Mom went crazy and bought a bunch of baby clothes. They probably won’t all fit in my suitcase.”

“Oh my god, show me.” Switching the camera around on the phone, you took each outfit out of the bag letting (Y/N) see them. “Awww, that’s so cute…Oh I think that one’s my favorite…No, it’s definitely that one. I’m going to send her out a thank you card tomorrow for them.”

Camera facing you now, you told her, “Babe, you don’t have to do that. You know she’s in her glory buying these things. She also said she mailed you something called a Boppy. It’s some kind of pillow for you to sleep with. I told her that was totally unnecessary as you have me.”

She laughed, the sound was music to your ears; it made you long to hold her in your arms. “I totally wanted one of those.” You frowned at her words. “It’s for when I’m like super pregnant. You probably won’t want to touch me then.”

“I doubt that. I want to touch you all the time. I can only imagine how sexy you’re going to be all round with our baby inside you. I’m not going to be able to keep my hands off you.”

“Oh stop, you’re just trying to make me feel better.”

“I’m not. You have no clue how fucking much it turns me on.” You were being one hundred percent sincere with her. Even now, though her bump was small, it was a huge turn on for you. Thoughts of (Y/N) being heavily pregnant with your baby, just sort of made you want her even more. “Oh and before I get to turned on, Cass and Candance are thinking of coming down to visit in a couple weeks; if you’re ok with it.”

“You don’t need to ask me to have them come.”

“Yes, I do, it’s your house too.”

“Well our house is always open to your family. I love having them here and this time we’ll actually be able to do things; as long as work doesn’t get in the way.”

She seemed down on work today. You knew it was only her first day back; but you found yourself saying. “You know, you can always quit, if you want.” It was never a topic that you’d brought up with (Y/N); though you hoped she knew it was an option.

“You think I should quit?”

From her tone you couldn’t tell if she was upset at you for suggesting it; or totally intrigued by the idea. “Look, only if you want to. I know you like having your own money and all; I guess I’m just thinking down the road, you know when the baby is born. Are you going to want to go back to work after that?”

By the look on her face, she was truly grappling with that question. “I mean we haven’t really talked about that yet. But I would like to stay with the baby at least a little longer than the six weeks the company gives. But you could be right, I may not want to go back at all.” She was thinking some more. “I have a hard-enough time leaving the dogs with a sitter; I don’t know how I’ll be leaving the baby with someone. Oh, fuck this is a problem.”

You laughed at her. “Well you wouldn’t be leaving the baby with a sitter all the time. I’ll be there from time to time. Look babe, you don’t have to make a decision now. Just know it’s an option. You can quit whenever you want. As for the money situation, we’ll work that out. Just think about what you want to do. You’ve got options.”

“I know and thank you, for loving me and letting this be my decision. Did I tell you yet how much I love you?”

“I’m pretty sure you haven’t mentioned that just yet. But I love you as well and miss the hell outta ya.” If she quit, she could be here with you now, or at least the next trip that you’d be making here. It would now be an idea you’d push for whenever you got the chance.

“I miss you too. It’s weird being in this house alone. Especially since we only got to spend a couple nights here together.”

“Awww, is someone lonely.” She shook her head yes. “I wish I was there babe. This long road trip is killer, but I know how we could pass the time.” You wiggled your eyebrows suggestively at her through the phone.

“Tyler Seguin, you’re incorrigible.”

“And yet you still love me.” She rolled her eyes at you, but was smiling the whole time; that was until you saw her wince in pain. “Babe are you alright? Is it the baby?”

She laughed then and some of the tension you immediately felt subsided. “Only this baby.” She turned the camera at Gerry, who had evidently jumped up on the bed and was now sprawled out across her legs. Gerry looked as happy as could be. “His nail dug into me. When’s the last time you had them trimmed?”

“What, is that suppose to be my job now?” In all honesty, you couldn’t remember the last time.

“No worries I have appointments for them this week, so I’ll have it done then.”

Since the opportunity presented itself, you said. “See hun, it’s a full-time job just taking care of me and the dogs.” It couldn’t hurt to plant little seeds here and there, about quitting work.

“Trust me, I know it is. But on that note, you have a game tomorrow and I still have work.” You frowned at her, it seemed like the two of you just got to talk; you weren’t ready for her to hang up just yet. “Make sure you call me tomorrow before the game.”

“You know I will babe, but do you have to hang up just yet? Can’t we just fall asleep together on the phone like old times?” When you had first started dating and would be on a road trip, it was something that happened almost every night.

She snuggled down into the covers of your new bed, then held the phone close to her face. “I think I can manage that. As soon as these three decide where they’re going to sleep.” You watched the dogs settle down, then settled yourself under the duvet.

“You’re so beautiful (Y/N).” It was true, you’d always loved seeing her like this; no makeup, hair in disarray, just lying in your bed. “I love you so much.”

“I love you more.” She blew a kiss at you through the phone, then closed her eyes. Soon the sound of her even breaths lulled you to sleep.

In the morning, when you woke, the phone was buried somewhere in the sheets and it took a minute to find it. You went to morning skate, then met up with the family for lunch; where you all mostly talked about your upcoming engagement. They wanted to know every detail, which was difficult since there was still an enormous amount of planning to do. It was your mom who pointed out one huge flaw in your plan. “Have you asked (Y/N)’s dad if you can marry her?” Your face must have given away your answer, for in her next breath she said. “Oh Tyler, how could you forget something so important?”

“It wasn’t like I forgot; I just haven’t done it yet.”

“Oh please, don’t try and fool us. You forgot, plain and simple brother.” Why did Cassidy always have to point out your mistakes?

“How am I going to ask him?”

“I would start with, ‘Can I marry your daughter?’ but that’s just me.”

“You’re such a smartass, Cass. What I meant was when am I going to get the chance? I’m on the road for the next what seven days; then her parents are on some trip that they won or something. I’m cutting it close on time.” Their blessing was important, not only to (Y/N) but to you as well. “Do you think it’s something you can ask over the phone?”

“If that’s your only option, then I think that’s what you should do; and soon darling. I’m sure you’d planned on them being there as well.”

Your mom was right, you had planned on her whole family being there; along with your friends. “Then it looks like I’ll be making a phone call later.” After the game, you found yourself pacing back and forth in your hotel room; while everyone else was out grabbing a few beers, your family included. This was the most nervous you’d been in a long time. It was kind of like being in a game seven, with a tied score and you have a penalty shot coming up. No pressure there. All sorts of thoughts ran through your head. Should you ask both her mom and her dad? What if they said no? Which would be a totally valid answer after everything the two of you had been through. There was only one way to find out.

Hitting the facetime button on your phone, you waited patiently as the call connected. “Tyler, son, how are you?” Mr. (Y/LN)’s faced popped up on the phone all cheerful, which you took as a good sign.

“I’m doing well Mr. (Y/LN) and yourself?” God you sounded so formal, but then you supposed this was a formal occasion.

“Oh I can’t complain. Great win tonight, I’m surprised you’re not out celebrating with your family.”

“Yeah, I actually wanted to speak to you and Mrs. (Y/LN) before that.” A bead of sweat ran down your face, and you swiped it away.

“Everything alright? Nothing’s wrong with (Y/N) or the baby?”

“Um, no sir. They’re fine. I just got off the phone with her actually and she said everything was great.” The conversation with (Y/N) had been short, since you claimed that you were going out with your family.

“Good. Hold on one sec.”

It took all of fifteen seconds for (Y/N)’s dad to find her mom, though a lot longer for them both to be seen on screen. “Tyler, so good to see you. How’s everything?”

“Oh it’s great Mrs. (Y/LN). How are you?” You were stalling, but then wasn’t it polite to at least make a little conversation with them first.

“We’re doing well. I talked to (Y/N) today. She said the house is simply gorgeous. We can’t wait to see it.”

“Yes, it’s really nice. You’ll have to come up soon and see it.”

“Oh we’d love that, maybe we can plan something for when we get home from this trip.” That timing would be perfect for what you had planned.

“Well speaking of that, it’s kind of the reason I’m calling. You see I wanted to do this in person and all; but given that I’m out on the road now, and you’ll be leaving soon, I didn’t know how to make that happen.” Finally, you stopped pacing and sat down on the bed. “Ummm…I don’t know how to say this. Look, I know I’m not the first choice you’d pick for your daughter, but I love her more than anything in this world. And I know I haven’t proven that in the past, but I plan on making up for that for the rest of my life.” Maybe you should’ve practiced this beforehand, because you weren’t sure you were saying all this right. “What I’m trying to ask is….Would you be willing to give me your blessing to marry your daughter? I mean I don’t even know if she’ll say yes, but nothing would make me happier than if she did. I really want us to be a family and I’m promising you now that I will do everything in my power to make her the happiest woman alive.” You realized you were babbling a bit on that last part, but you wanted them to know how important (Y/N) is in your life.

“Well, it took him longer than I expect.” Mr. (Y/LN) was looking at his wife when he spoke, but then he turned towards the phone. “You have our blessing son.”

“Welcome to the family.” Mrs. (Y/LN) added. It all went much smoother that you anticipated, especially with (Y/N)’s mom.

“Thank you, thank you so much.” You hadn’t realized that you were crying until your hand went up and swiped at a tear.

“So, do you have a date when you want to ask her?” This from her dad, as her mom was wiping away tears as well.

“Actually I do, and I’m hoping your whole family will be there.” You spent the next several minutes explaining the elaborate engagement you had planned for their daughter; and at the end of the conversation, you were ready to start the next phase of your plan in motion.

[kickstillkickin]

Klance Month 2020 Day 2 -  Coffee Shop

Keith had never been more exhausted in his life. The bar had kept him late because some asshole thought it was a splendid idea to throw up all over the bathroom and not tell any of the staff. Then Shiro had called him in a panic, because it was his and Adam's two year anniversary tomorrow and the dolt had forgotten to get a present. Cue a caffeine-fueled run to Walmart, accompanied by his dumbass brother, to purchase a photo album for all Shiro's spare copies. Upon finally arriving home, he discovered that his upstairs neighbors had been arguing themselves halfway to a divorce and seemed determined that the whole complex be made aware of it. He spent all of twenty minutes trying to fall asleep before he gave into his lesser self and took a couple doses of NyQuil. The medicine netted him a grand total of two hours of sleep. It felt more like negative twelve. He was completely awake when his alarm went off and felt like death.

The sun was too bright when he stepped outside the apartment, wearing a work shirt that had a stain and two different shoes. Keith wondered if it was because he hadn't noticed or because he hadn't cared. He pondered the answer during his commute until even rational thought proved too exhausting. Fifteen minutes later, he stepped off the bus in a daze and glared at the bright neon sign, declaring this hellhole of a location to be Beans N' Stuff, a local eclectic's personal venture into the coffee business. He didn't usually mind working there. Then again, he didn't usually show up looking paler than a ghost and more interested in digging his own grave than interacting with another human being.

A little bell rang when he opened the door. He paused a moment to glare at it, contemplating the consequences of ripping it from the door frame. Then thinking hurt too much again. He trudged into the back and collected his cap and apron. As he was signing in to the register, a familiar presence appeared over his shoulder. Ignoring it, he finished his task and moved past his coworker to the coffee machine.

Pidge didn't even have time to express their totally expected and completely warranted "you look like shit" before Keith flipped open his thermos, added no less than four shots of espresso, a 5-hour Energy that appeared out of thin air, and filled the rest with black coffee. He closed the lid and downed half the thermos in a few swallows. Pidge amended their statement. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Do not speak to me. I have seen hell and will murder anyone who speaks too loudly," he snapped.

"You know what, that's valid, but Matt isn't here and Coran says I'm not allowed to operate the register," they informed him.

Keith glared at his thermos. "If God exists, he is a cruel being. And as soon as I get some sleep, I'm gonna kick his ass."

"I'll be in the back," Pidge said diplomatically. They weren't touching anything about the situation with a ten foot pole.

Keith sipped his thermos and resigned himself to an eight-hour shift. He opened up shop, took orders, and answered customers' dumb questions like a good little employee. When his thermos was empty, he refilled the same order and chugged it again. To keep a poker face, he tried to think happy thoughts. Like murdering his brother, or maybe his neighbors. The longer he stood listening to out-dated pop songs, he added the owner of the damned shop to the list. Customers came and went in a blur. He thought he remembered Pidge asking if he needed a break, but couldn't recall his answer.

Then he walked in. The most attractive creature to ever grace the earth. A customer that was not quite a regular, but Keith had seen him more than once. He seemed to be nothing more than a harmless flirt, and someone who could only dish it out, at that. But those blue eyes were going to be the death of Keith's gay ass. Just, they were going to be the death of him tomorrow. After he died of exhaustion today.

"I'll have a salted caramel white chocolate mocha with whipped cream."

Though physically repulsed by just hearing how much sugar was in the order, he punched it into the computer and kept a straight face. "Can I get a name for the order?"

"The name's Lance," Handsome Almost-Regular said with what seemed to be a flirty undertone.

Keith nodded and typed the name in. "Your total is $5.67."

Lance paid and Keith informed him that his order would be ready momentarily. Pidge prepared it in record time, and even went so far as to nudge him rather aggressively with her elbow. Keith was both confused and offended. He took the cup to the front counter. "Lance," he called out in a dead monotone.

"You know, that's not how people usually call out my name," Lance purred as he leaned over the counter.

Keith was exhausted, barely functioning, and not paid enough to deal with things like this. He did not think about the words that came out of his mouth. "Sorry, I'll try to sound more disappointed next time."

The look on Lance's face was akin to that of the surprised pikachu meme. Pidge hung out the doorway from the back, shocked beyond belief. Unbothered, Keith handed him the coffee cup, mumbled something about having a nice day, and moved on to helping the next customer. It was not until Lance had left the coffee shop near tears, leaving behind a dumbfounded audience and an exasperated coworker, that Keith's lagging brain finally processed the whole conversation.

"Shit!"

"I think that was some kind of record. Most idiotic gay barista turns away interested party and gives him emotional trauma, all in less than five minutes," Pidge told him.

Keith had thoroughly and completely fucked up. Oh, and he needed a nap.

. . .

By the time he trudged into work the next day, Keith had come to the conclusion that God was not only real, he was also dedicated solely to fucking with him as much as possible. Despite having the night off from bartending, he'd hardly slept, too tormented by the idiocy of his own stupid actions. Pidge had texted to make fun of him no less than seven times, and had undoubtedly told their entire circle of friends about it. At the very least, Matt didn't say anything when he walked in looking like death twice over.

"You want the front or the back today?" Matt asked as Keith signed in.

What if Lance came back? Keith should be working up front so he could apologize. Then, a second, more horrifying thought occurred to him. What if Lance came back? He couldn't allow himself to be seen. Lance needed to think that he'd crawled into a hole and died, never to be seen by the general populace again. He would willingly go down in history as the world's dumbest and least functional gay if it meant never having to make meaningful contact with Hot Coffee Customer ever again.

"The back," Keith said solemnly, though it felt more like he was reading out his sentence then answering his coworker's question.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea," Matt told him, patting him on the shoulder.

Keith resigned himself to a shift with this older, subtler brand of Pidge insults. As he turned to start prepping the machines, he caught Matt whipping out his phone. His coworker typed out, "u owe me 20 bucks" and hit send with a bit too much satisfaction. So Pidge and Matt had taken bets on his answer. Smart of Matt to pick the more cowardly option, he thought to himself as he washed his hands. Dysfunctional gays tended toward dysfunction, after all. He busied himself with cleaning out the coffee pots while Matt opened up shop.

As much as Keith tried to drive the catastrophic events of yesterday from his thoughts, he still flinched every time that damned bell rang. Matt greeted customers like a goddamn proper employee. Something Keith was apparently not. No, he just insulted them and moved on. But only if they flirted with him. Everyone else just got the monotone customer service voice. Lance? Emotional trauma for him, of course. The same train of thought played in his head on a loop as he prepared orders and sent them out. He tried to ignore the handful of female customers that flirted with his coworker and grit his teeth whenever Matt flirted back. Something else he was evidently incapable of.

Just a few hours into his shift, the strangest order came in. A salted caramel white chocolate mocha with whipped cream. Why was that familiar? Had an obnoxious white girl ordered it? Keith racked his brain and found himself drawing a blank. The only thing he remembered was-

Of course! Another look at the screen told him the customer's name was Lance. How many Lance's lived in one city, went to the same coffee shop, and ordered the exact same disgusting sugar-filled drink? Keith prepped the order, determined to make amends with the world's stupidest and most inept attempt at flirting: a bad pun on the coffee cup, written over his phone number. Matt took the coffee from him and handed it to the customer. He prayed to whatever deities were willing to listen that he hadn't just made the second biggest mistake of his life.

Matt found him like that a few seconds later when he stepped into the back for a moment. "Hey Keith, I think that was the guy insulted yesterday," Matt informed him. "Pidge's description was spot on."

"Was it? I had no idea," Keith said with a shrug, preparing the next order.

Disappointed that he'd failed to get a rise out of his coworker (and probably more disappointed that he had nothing to report to his gremlin of a sibling), Matt returned to the front and left him alone for the rest of his shift.

Keith felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Even if Hot Coffee Stranger forever hated his guts for his complete social ineptitude, he'd managed to apologize. Now, of course, there was plenty of room in his chest for anxiety over Lance's response. Would he text? Would he call? Would it be right away? Would he wait? Was he going to report him to the police and get a restraining order? It was truly a coin toss. At the very least, the unsettling feeling in his chest was better than the heavy knowledge of his own stupidity.

Closing came sooner than he expected. Keith waved Matt off as he walked the short distance to the bus stop. As he settled into his seat, his phone vibrated in his pocket. It was a text message. From an unknown number. Keith couldn't help the stupid grin that was stuck on his face all the way home.

. . .

Lance let out a huge sigh of relief as he exited the coffee shop. His plan had been to look for the barista through the front window. If it was the same asshole as yesterday, he would walk right on by and mournfully purchase his morning pick-me-up from another shop. He hadn't recognized the employee working, and didn't even see so much as a mullet-shaped hair of He Who Shall Not Be Named. Then, right as he went to take a sip of his delicious, precious coffee, he saw writing. 

I regret yesterday a latte

Call me?

XXX-XXX-XXXX

It was the dumbest pickup line he'd ever heard in his life, and some of the competition were pickup lines he himself had used. But it made him laugh. And, now that he thought about it, that barista had looked a little worse for wear. He was definitely cute enough to be given another chance. Any gay idiot who wrote bad coffee puns on a coffee cup was definitely someone Lance could spend some time getting to know. The barista didn't need to know that, though. He'd probably wait a few hours before texting him. And then a few more, just to make him sweat.

Lance took a sip of his coffee, a self-satisfied smirk on his face. Maybe he'd even wait a few more after that.

[plutoandpolaris]

Fantasy AU: Letters Home

Summary: As the Black Forest reinitiates war with the mainland, Chase is torn from his family and drafted into the Vitralian army, only permitted to communicate with his wife and children back home through the occasional gift or package. Then the letters stop coming. 

Warnings: Death, disease, war draft, violence, implied torture. The Vitralian army is not a fun place 

Stacy, 

I’m sorry I haven’t had the time to write to you, they keep us on a really strict schedule. I practically had to beg one of the watchmen for a sheet of parchment, but here we are. I hope the boys are doing well, I miss them very much. 

The Capitol is a really nice place, though I wish I could be here in better times. The towers are just as beautiful as everyone says they are, they’re so tall you can see them from miles away. Still, there’s a staleness to the air. The market is nearly empty, none of the lanterns are lit, it almost looks like a ghost town. 

Most of the draftees are younger than me, I’m seeing the Staffmasters try to put crossbows into the hands of terrified teenagers. It’s horrifying. After nearly a century of peace, the Black Forest goes and declares war out of nowhere. Why? I don’t understand it, but everyone is shaken up. 

I have to get this to a courier before lights out. Write back if you can, although I don’t know if I’ll be able to read it. Tell the boys I love them, and that I’ll be home soon.

Chase W Brody. 

-

Stacy, 

I’ve been sent out to one of the fortifications up north, near the coast. I’m not a soldier, and I have a feeling they could tell. I guess that’s why I’m on lookout duty. It’s very peaceful out here though, just us and the wilderness. I can almost see out into the ocean from my perch. 

Nothing’s happened the past few weeks, but everyone’s on edge. ‘Demons never fight fair’, that’s what Fort General Mariah says. They could be on us at any moment and we wouldn’t know what hit us until they’d already stormed the fort.  

Still, the most exciting thing that’s happened so far was one of the younger lookouts falling off his perch and breaking his leg. They have him in the infirmary. He should be fine, but that’s one less set of hands around here. 

Hopefully, things stay quiet. I’ll keep you updated. 

Chase W Brody 

-

Stacy,

We were attacked yesterday, in the middle of the night. I wasn’t on night lookout, it was one of the new arrivals, but we didn’t get any warning anyway. The kid got snatched up before he could call for us. Just gone. We still don’t know where he was taken. 

It was a small group of avian demons. I’d never seen one in person, the wings are a lot bigger than you’d think they’d be. They just materialized out of nowhere, killed the night patrol, and left. They didn’t even steal anything. I still don’t know what they're trying to do, but I almost don’t want to know. I didn’t even manage to get out into the courtyard until they were already flying away. 

We’re trying to figure out where they went and track them down. Hopefully we can find them soon. 

Chase W. Brody 

-

Stacy,

We found the night watchmen yesterday, The one that disappeared. His body was dumped down in the woods a few miles east. They slashed his throat and left him to die there. He was barely 18. 

I don’t know why I’m telling you this, I just need to get it out somewhere. I feel so trapped here, the food supply hasn’t come in nearly a month now and we’re almost out of rations. Everyone’s scared out of their minds. Sometimes I swear I can see figures in the treeline but I blink and they disappear. 

I wish you were here.  

Chase W Brody 

-

Stacy,

How are the boys doing? Tyrian should be turning 3 soon, I’ll try to send him something. I’m not sure when it’ll arrive, the couriers have been pretty unreliable since the war started. 

We’re still on edge, but they haven’t attacked again. We even managed to capture one of them. Even though he wasn’t directly involved in the attack on our fort, they say he might know something. 

I watched them bring him in yesterday, it’s the first time I’ve seen a demon up close in the daylight. He looked terrified and exhausted like he hadn’t slept in weeks. I hope they don’t rough him up too badly though. He’s still a person, no matter where he comes from. 

I don’t like the way Mariah looks at him. 

Chase W. Brody 

-

Stacy,

The food delivery still hasn't come, we’re down to half a ration each for all of us. Mariah keeps saying not to eat them, that we’ll catch the Dire from the prisoner we’re keeping down in the hold, but most of us are too hungry to care. 

She’s planning on shipping him off to the castle on the prison wagon that’s supposed to come by tomorrow, but I’m not sure if they’ll come either. We haven’t seen anyone outside the fort for nearly two months.

Still, it’s been quiet. I could be in the middle of the battles along the coast, so I’m counting my blessings. 

Chase W. Brody

-

Stacy, 

Good news, we found the delivery. The bad news was that it was completely ransacked. Horses slaughtered, driver gone, almost all of the food stolen. We managed to scavenge some though, enough for a few more days. Demons did this, we’re sure of it, the whole place smelled like ash and smoke and the horses had huge gashes torn in their throats, looked thin enough to be demon claws. 

They’re trying to starve us out. At least now that we know what happened we can try to prevent it, send someone out to warn the next delivery the Capitol sends up. I’m starting to see what Mariah meant by demons never fight fair. I’ll write again as soon as I can.

Chase W. Brody 

-

Stacy,

It’s worse than we thought. They aren’t just trying to starve us out, they’re trying to infect us with the Dire and wipe us out without even having to lift a blade. That’s what that first attack was for, to infect the corpses of the night patrol with the disease. 

The stablehand who buried them died yesterday from it, we didn’t even realize he had it until he started coughing up blood. 

Two more have it now, they’re quarantined in the hold with the doctor. They’re probably going to send the healthy to other forts soon, this one’s lost. The longer we stay the worse it gets. 

Try to keep the boys inside more for a while, they might try spreading it to civilians too. I don’t want to worry you but I wouldn’t put it past them at this point. Please stay safe.

Chase W. Brody 

-

Stacy,

This might be my last letter for a while. I’m being relocated. They got the whereabouts of an enemy fortress farther north from us, in Elvish territory. They needed more archers so I’m being sent up there to help. 

Half of the fort is sick by now, but I’ve somehow managed to stay clean. I’m just glad I managed to get relocated before the Dire claimed us all. Hopefully the new fort is doing better than we are, though that’s not a tough competition. 

I hope Tyrian got his present too, I thought he’d like it. Tell them both I said hello. 

I don’t know if you’ve been writing back and I just haven’t been getting them, but I hope these are going through. 

I love you. 

Chase W Brody 

-

Nearly a year after Chase’s last letter was received by Stacy and his children back in Histen, the citizens had gathered in the courtyard once again, but instead of seeing the soldiers off, this time it was to find out which ones wouldn’t be coming back. 

She hasn’t brought the children, figuring that such an event was no place for them, even nearly staying home herself, preferring ignorance to the truth of why Chase hadn’t written in so long. 

A courier stood on a small wooden platform, a long sheet of parchment in his hands. She didn’t envy the job he was given. 

“Isor Priunty, aged 35 years, dead of The Dire. Survived by two brothers and a wife.” 

“Giana Malove, aged 19 years, killed in battle. Survived by her mother and two sisters.” 

“Martin Beladrien, aged 24 years, killed in battle. Survived by a wife and two daughters.” 

“Kelwa Leonar, aged 31 years, dead of the Dire, survived by a wife and son.” 

She could see the anguish on the faces of the families, could hear them cursing the King and cursing the war and begging the gods to return what they had lost, but she wasn’t listening to them. Face as white and brittle as sheet parchment, the courier continued on.

“Rachel Gonril, aged 18 years, dead of the Dire, survived by a sister.” 

“Miya Idesill, aged 21 years, killed in battle, survived by a husband and brother.” 

One after another after another, dead of Dire or killed in battle, leaving behind a generation's worth of mourning families as the Vitralian forces were crushed one by one. 

The courier had reached the last two names on his list. 

“Ciano Berus, aged 27 years, killed by The Dire, survived by a husband.” 

“Chase Brody, aged 24 years, killed in battle, survived by a wife and two sons ” 

-

I’ve had this one in the works for a while now and I've been pretty iffy on it but I figure I’ve just gotta throw it out there and hope for the best. Some notes:

It says Chase is 24 here because this takes place 4 years before the ‘present day’ of this AU. 

The reason the only two causes of death mentioned are the Dire and killed in battle is because the latter refers to a bunch of things, and is kept vague on purpose because the Vitralian government doesn’t really know all the specifics. (It can also include those who go missing in battle and are pronounced dead in absentia hinthint) 

The Dire is comparable to the plague, demons carry it and it can really fuck up humans and elves. Symptoms include weakness, nausea, coughing up blood, and eventually total organ failure. Fun stuff. 

(Taglist)

@egopocalypse @shadowsinyoursoul @epicfangirl01 @kitnkas @mijako98 @anothermarkiplierfan @sarinoxious @bunchofdoodlesinspace @spicydanhowell @ekhoecho @awkward-bullshit @amockingbirdslament @acuriousquail @hollenka99

Let me know if youd like to be added or taken off!

[bts-aesthetic-drabbles]

House Party: Part 1

Background Info: You are a foreign exchange student at Seoul University where you are studying in medical school.

Warnings: Sexual Content, Drugs, Alcohol, Swearing, Angst

I am running down the overcrowded sidewalk of my school aggressively trying to make it on time to my 8 o'clock Chemistry class, for the third day in a row. With mid terms coming up in the next few weeks, I have been desperately trying to prepare for them by staying after class for extra labs and lectures. I have lost track of how many "all nighters" I have pulled this past semester.

I have to keep my grades up in order to keep my spot in Seoul University's highly sought after medical program. I was lucky enough to get in based on my outstanding test scores, but maintaining the same standard of test scores in university is not nearly as simple as it was for me when I was in high school. 

I finally stumble into the lecture hall just in the nick of time as the professor calls my name, "-(Y/N). Huffing and puffing in exhaustion I drop down onto my seat and sling my heavy backpack on the floor as I raise my hand to make my attendance known to the professor.

I have got to start sleeping more...I can not afford a single tardy or missed class. My parents will be so unbelievably disappointed if I manage to get kicked out of this program that I’ve worked so hard to get into.

"Hey! You left this on the table yesterday on your way out of class. I tried to chase you down to return it to you but you ran off too fast for me keep up " a melodic voice chuckles from behind me as a large hand pops up next to my head.

In the hand is my cherry colored faux leather journal that is filled with very personal drawings, poetry and photos that I have taken throughout the past few years. It was been with me for quite a long time and houses some of my deepest and darkest feelings. I am mortified to think that someone might have seen what all is inside it.

I can feel my cheeks blushing like crazy as I look up any meet the gaze of the man’s shining eyes. His kind and comforting smile makes makes my heart flutter. I carefully reach out and take the small journal from his outstretched hand and look down at the desk in front of me as I grasp the framiliar book. I really hope he didn’t look at any of the things in this book...some of its contents are beyond embarrassing.

“You really should hold onto personal things like that better. There are some cruel people out there that might try to use something like that against you one day.” He says politely with a shrug as I take the book from his hand and clutch it to my chest. Ah, so he probably did at least glace over it for him to know it’s very personal. I wonder what all he saw? Was he looking for something in particular, perhaps it was just my name? I really shouldn’t always assume the worst in every situation.

None the less, he did find it and return it to me so he is owed a thank you, “ Thank you so much, I have been so scatter brained lately. I can’t seem to keep my head on straight!” I bow my head lightly to the guy and turn my attention towards the front of the class as the professor begins his lecture.

Throughout class I can’t seem to focus on anything the teacher is saying, my heart is pounding in my chest and my mind keeps on reeling. I feel like I am drowning in my own thoughts about what the guy next to me is thinking about me and what he might have seen in my notebook.

Was it something super sad and embarrassing like an emotionally charged journal entry about how lonely I am because I have no family around here and I’ve lost all my friends since moving countries. Perhaps he saw some of the (potentially creepy) polaroids I’ve taken of random groups of friends on campus that are laughing and playing games together.

Maybe be saw the sketches of random people, places and things that inspire me. The emotions, sights and experiences of everyday life that make it so beautifully fascinating.

Maybe he took the time to look at everything in the book and maybe was able to piece together how much of a depressed loner I am. Maybe he looked at the contents and connected the dots of my soul that show exactly who I am and how I feel. And maybe he showed it to all of his friends and they had a good laugh together at how much of a loser I am.

Negative thoughts continue to roll around in my brain until finally I am forced to snap back to reality as the teacher ends class and people start slamming textbooks closed all around me. I shake my head and look down at the pencil in my hand and find that I had covered my blank paper for notes in doodles of random things.

I take a deep breath and begin packing my notebook and pens back into my bag as I force my mind to refocus on reality. I can not believe that completely zoned out for this entire class, I am going to be up all night tonight trying to read what I missed. It’s not like I have any friends here that I can get the notes from. Great job (y/n), way to totally fuck yourself over yet again....

Just as I reach to tuck my red journal I nto my bag I find that there is a small folded piece of paper sticking out of the top of it. I bite my lip lightly and tuck the paper further into the pages of the book and make a mental note to check it out later as I stuff the book into my backpack and shuffle out of the nearly empty classroom.

As that was my last class for the day I decide to make my way to the large courtyard in front of the main part of campus. The courtyard is often filled with students studying and hanging out with friends at any given time of day. People like to play sports, board games, read and have meals in the lush green grass.

Most days I set up my portable hammock on a couple of trees that are off to the side of the large lawn. The spot is next to small garden that is filled with a dozen different kinds of flowers and has the best view of campus. I like to study here and people watch from my secluded little spot. It’s quiet and peaceful and helps me to get my buzzing thoughts together.

I set my hammock up and carefully lay down in it so I don’t too over, which I have done an embarrassing amount of times. I just kind of flop backwards out of the nylon swing with my limbs flailing like out of some kind of cartoon.

I pull out my journal and open it up to the page where the folded note is. With slightly shaking hands I unfold it and read what the scribbled Korean handwriting says.

Hi! I want you to let know that I tried very hard not to look at what all was in your book when I found it yesterday. I just wanted to find your name so I knew who I was returning it to but...as I flipped through your journal I fell in love with your art. Your photos and drawings had me in a trance, the way you capture the essence of such complex things like emotions and relationships is so unique and it really moved me.

One of my best friends is an art major here and I think he would die to see some of the things you’ve created.

Also, I noticed that a lot of your book was written in English, which is so cool! I’d love to hear you speak some English sometime. Maybe you can meet another one of my friends who also speaks fluent English as well!

Sorry for rambling...Anyways,

I’ve noticed that you always seem to be in such a rush...and seeing how full your book is, you don’t seem to get out very much. So, I’ve decided that you are coming to party with me this weekend. I can tell that you need to get out of your own head and have some fun for a change. I know you will probably want to say no, so here is some motivation for you to agree:

1. I am not some kind of crazy person that is trying to lure you off campus to hurt you or something. The party is at one of the frat houses just off of campus and there will be a bunch of people there so you don’t have to worry about that. You are welcome to bring a friend if you want.

2. There will be plenty of food, drinks and fun involved. I can introduce you to the friends that I mentioned earlier.

3. I will let you copy my notes from class today since you seemed to be a little spacey and in another world today.

I can’t wait to hear from you! Text me for details! (XXX-XXXX)

-Jeon Jungguk

The handwriting is rushed and a little scratchy in nature. At the bottom of the note I spot a cute drawing of a planet and some stars on it, along with a tiny smiley face.

A party? I’ve never once in my life been to a real party...what do you even wear to a party? What do you do? I can’t imagine that I would be much fun to even hang out with considering I literally bake cupcakes in my dorm room microwave on Friday nights while listening to recorded lectures as a form of ‘fun’.

But maybe it’s for that exact reason that I should try to have some real fun for once. Fun that other people my age are having.

I type Jungguks number into my phone and send him a text with a little planet emoji to let him know that it’s me. He responds almost immediately with, “Ah, so you got my note! So, what do you say? Will you be coming?”

I agree to come and he texts me the address and time for the party and tells me to be sure to pack a small bag with some essentials just incase we end up staying at the party over night. I googled it and apparently, that is a normal thing that sometimes occurs at parties...

I scuttle up and out of my hammock and fold it up and put it in my backpack along with my journal and begin making my way to my small apartment on the far end of campus. I was lucky enough to be able to afford an apartment rather than having to stay in one of the school crowded dorm rooms.

I quickly make my way down the sidewalk towards my home. After several minutes the framiliar grey and white building comes into my sight and I watch as dozens of my fellow students make their way in and out of the popular apartment complex.

The place is nothing that special but it is conveniently in the middle of campus and even pretty modern with its decorations and room accomidations, expecially considering the cheap rent.

I currently am staying in one of the one room studio styles apartments that is on the top floor of the glass building. I press the elevator button and watch as the doors immediately open and reveal an empty elevator. How fast and convenient! That never happens!

I scurry into the elevator and begin rapidly pressing the close door button before anyone can get on. I hate riding the elevator all the way to the top floor with a group of university students.

Just as the door is about to close a tan arms shoots through the narrow gap in the door and says, “hold that elevator please!” Damnit. So close.

I press the ‘door open’ button of the control panel and the door dings and reopens to reveal a very disheveled and stressed looking man.

His dark brown hair is askew and one arm is overflowing with textbooks and lose pieces of paper. He must be a science major. His aura reeks of chaos and stress, much like me.

He clamors into the elevator and flashes a dimpled smile my way as he thanks me with a small bow, “Floor 7 please. Thank you so much, I am in a huge rush. I got out of a study group late and I really need to get back to my room so I can take care of my plants! I’m already a whole hour behind schedule and I’m sure they are dying of thirst andI need to cook something for dinner and...ah sorry I’m rambling and I am sure you must think I am crazy....” He says as he runs a long hand through his messy hair and glances at the floor.

My eyes must have been wide as saucers as I tried to process the guys increasingly panicked speech, “Uh, no I don’t think you are crazy. I just think you are stressed out and in need of a break. Which I totally understand. You must be a science major like me. Hello, my name is (y/n)” I say with a friendly smile as I extend my hand towards him.

His eyes light up and he sticks his hand out towards mine and shakes it once before running his hand through his hair again, “Hi (y/n), my name is Namjoon! Actually I am an English and world studies major, but I am getting my minor is in science. What made you think I was a science major?”

Oh an English major, I bet he can speak English! I haven’t met too many English majors here in Korea. I decide to switch from Korean to English and speak the the guy to test his ability, “Ah, it was the large stack of books and the intensely stressed aura you had on you Namjoon. I think you should take some time to destress before you make yourself sick” I say in perfect English.

I watch as his eyes go wide and his mouth parts slightly as he hears me speak English yet he responds quickly and easily is English, “You speak English so well! You must not be from Korea... And yes stress is defiantly a problem. But I am trying to study as much as I can today before I spend my weekend relaxing and having fun with some friends. I advise you to do the same science major (y/n). It was nice meeting you! See you around!” He says as the elevator stops on floor 7 and the door opens allowing him to step out.

The door closes and the elevator fills with silence as I smile to myself remembered the cute dimples smile of the man I just met. The elevator ascends on more floor to my floor and I step out and make my way to my room.

I unlock the door with my keycode and push my door open and remove my shoes before stepping into the framiliar room. I flick the lights on and I can hear the faint hum of electricity as the room is illuminated. I throw my backpack down on my dining room table and sigh loudly as I throw myself face down on my nearby bed.

What a day.

[jackbabewang]

Two worlds

part three

Members: Jaehyun x Reader

Word count: 1,830

“Sometimes the greatest relationships are the ones you never expected to be in. The ones that sweep you off your feet and challenge every view you’ve ever had.”

It hurts. It hurts badly like you’re crashed to the ground and your bones break. They shattered and you’re struggling to hold the pieces together, telling yourself that it was an illusion, it wasn’t real. Yet you can’t change the truth as much as you want to deny it. Deep down you know it’s going to take a while for you to walk out from this sorrow. Having both heartbreaks coming at once were unbearable, it doubles the ache.

Letting go of Lucas was worse, but watching someone you love, love someone else. That shit is terribly painful and it’s the harshest reality ever. You couldn’t blame Jaehyun or anyone for that. What would a kiss mean? What does it even hold? The action itself is a piece of cake, anyone can do that with just the touch of two delicate skin. You’re only making a fool out of yourself for believing that there’s actually something called ‘True Love’s Kiss’. Pfft.

Over-thinking stuff is a waste of time, dwelling on fake possibilities creates more damage to your already wounded heart.

In this cold and lonely night, you wrap yourself in thick blankets and lighted your favorite scented candle. Sitting with your knees pulled up to your chest and your back resting against the headboard; trying to distract yourself from the negativity but staring into space doesn’t help at all. You want to bawl your eyes out, however you were drained from doing so for the past hours, as if there was no energy left in your body to actually produce more tears for you to shed.

You heard your name being called from downstairs, but you didn’t budge.

It went silent for a moment and there were soft knocks on your bedroom door. You tried to stay as quiet as possible, pretending you were asleep so no one would bother coming in and invade your solitude. To no avail, the knob twists as the door opens and closes.

“I know you’re still awake…” He says, under his breath. His feet pad across the hardwood floor and he boldly sits right beside you at the edge of the bed.

“How did you get in?” Your voice hoarse from excessive crying, and you hope he doesn’t catch on with your emotional state.

“Your mom lets me in…” His soft brown eyes never leaving yours the second he walks in, glistening in the flickering candlelight. He looks charming as ever. Part of you wants him to stay, wants him to lay next to you and fall asleep in his arms.

He, who had just brought you misery, yet you still want to keep him close. He’s probably going to break your heart again and you are definitely going to let him. You love him without pride. You love him in this way because you do not know any other way of loving but this.

“Seriously… You don’t look fine. Tell me what’s wrong.” His face mirroring the expression he had in the afternoon. He’s been worried to death.

“You shouldn’t be here… Go home…”

“Don’t be like this.” He begs, “Please?”

After all, he’s still the dominant one. Without yourself knowing, he’s always in control, tugging the strings to your heart like you’re a puppet of his. Maybe the first time you told him about it wasn’t enough. Maybe he needs validation, or he’s pushing your buttons, subtly forcing you to spill everything. Just maybe, he’s an addict that could only be satisfied with the words that come out from your mouth, like his favourite drug. You’re just as obsessed.

“Is it selfish to say I want you the whole fucking time? Who cares about the standards of normal people? I want you. I want you all to myself and I want you to want me too.” Your bloodshot eyes staring back at his, as you watch they dilated and wavered in such a short span of time. You must have frightened him for how desperate you are.

“Is that too much to ask? Why is it so difficult...” With your last ounce of energy, you broke down in front of him, crumbling into fragments.

“But we can’t-” The words stuck in your throat and you find it hard to breath, suffocating from this immense sadness. “Jaehyun, we can’t… This whole thing between you and me needs to stop…”

His face fell. Tears formed behind his eyes and he grabs onto your hands that were shaking violently beneath the covers. “No. W-why? We were fine today. Did I do something wrong?”

He hadn’t noticed, did he? Not even the slightest. You wish you could be ignorant about it too, but reality will just hit you like a comet. “You have a girlfriend, Jaehyun. And-”

“I like you.” He interrupts. There are no words strong or big or wide enough to fully express how he feels, that he really does have feelings for you, he wants you as much as you do. “I love you, a lot. I love you.” It’s like he’ll never get tired of saying those eight letters.

Does that help? Heck, it sure did. That was enough to suppress the pain and heal your broken heart. You felt rejuvenated. The uncomfortable thoughts of his girlfriend were pushed to the back of your mind. 

He’s here for you, in front of your very eyes, and by his own mouth they formed the words you were longing to hear. He loves you. It’s scary how he manipulated you so easily. 

They say love changes people; you must have loved him enough to become a completely different person then.

“Keep your eyes open while I’m kissing you…” he whispers, a hand holding the back of your neck while the other slips around the curve of your waist. He pulls you flush against him, leaving no gap in between your bodies and you could almost feel his heart beating frantically in his chest.

He kisses you passionately, those soft plush lips. Starting off tender, moving up intensity. His thumb pressed on the side of your cheek and your jaw relaxes instinctively, allowing his tongue to explore your wet cavern. You shudder at the gentle strokes, and the sight of him savouring every moment turns you into a puddle.

For as long as you can remember, he stays like that until he withdraws reluctantly, a string of saliva connecting your lips and his was as swollen and glistening. Jaehyun smiles to himself, knowing that he’s completely swept you off your feet. His long fingers weaving through your hair and he couldn’t help but stare at your face. Beautiful as ever in his eyes—no heavy makeup but all natural and bare; rosy cheeks from the rush of blood instead of artificial shades; soft and crimson lips. He’d kiss them for twenty-four hours.

The version of ‘you’ in his head is different from what others see, you’re bright and bubbly, sometimes childish but adorable. In the public’s eyes, you’re a tough and unbreakable woman. To him, you’re still a little girl that would cry big tears over broken toys and stolen candies; innocent and vulnerable.

The next morning you woke up exhausted and your body feels heavy, to the point that you’re lazy even to get out of bed. However there’s a voice in your head screaming that you must get up and be productive for whatever reasons they are.

By the time you’re ready to leave the house, there is a sound of keys jingling coming from outside. You pop your head out of the main door only to find Jaehyun leaning against your car, the bundle you were looking for in his hands, throwing into the air and catching it after.

“Morning!” He chirps, “You ready to leave?”

“What are you doing here?” He too, was a total different from last night. Oh, talk about last night. What happened again? 

The events from yesterday suddenly flush through your mind and you experience an unannounced feeling of intense heat that makes your face and neck feel red and hot, like a sudden rush of blood from your toes to the top of your head.

He seems to have catch on your flustered look, kind of expected, so he explains, “Uh… You passed out last night after I kis-”

That intense? Damn, he was an incredibly good kisser. Imagine the things he could do with that tongue of his. Let’s not talk about that now.

“Y-yeah. Right. I get it.” You quickly cut him off, not wanting to hear anything about it because you’re highly embarrassed.

“Let’s go. Don’t want to be late for class, do you?” As much as you enjoy the very moment of it, there’s still something that hasn’t properly solved. You can’t just get away with another kiss again.

It was like he could read your mind and he answered your question once more, “Stop thinking about it. Whatever or whoever you’re thinking of, it’s not true.”

The girl you saw was indeed his girlfriend, his ex, to be exact. Apparently she came looking for him wanting to reconcile, to restore the relationship which was broken by herself. They both knew it was impossible; she wants to try it again, he wants to draw a distinct line in between. 

You’ve stolen the largest part of him and he’s more than willing to give it away, to you. How can he look at other girls when your fingerprints are on his heart, your voice resonates down to his toes and your smile lives in his eyes.

There’s a huge relief in your chest, a tonne of weight lifted off your shoulders and you feel alive again. Maybe it wasn’t that bad at all. It’s fine to be dramatic sometimes. 

Jaehyun slips his hand into yours and intertwines your fingers while he holds the wheel with another, a smile adorned his face.

However, there’s one thing left you’re curious about. “How did do that? Barging into my room and stealing my car keys…”

He only chuckles, this wasn’t expected though. “First of all, I didn’t barge and steal. I got my permissions.” How? That’s the question. “Moms love me.”

“So you’re saying that you’ve met a lot of mothers. Whose were they, huh?” Your fingers reached over to pinch the flesh of his cheeks, something you’ve been wanting to do for quite a long time. And when you finally gotten your hands on them, you won’t stop.

Jaehyun lets out a hearty laugh. Just about the right time the car comes to a halt when the red lights start to flash. He turns to you with dreamy eyes, “I love you. I love you more than words.” 

You swear your heart skipped a beat.

“And I am a big fan of words.” 

What a nerd. You snicker inwardly.

Isn’t it amazing? That you both fell in love, despite the differences. Something rare and beautiful. Love like that only happened once. 

It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, and impossible to live without. 

Love is work, but most of all, love is realizing that every hour, every minute, and every second was worth it because you did it together.

[torn-and-frayed]

Unwanted - Send the Pain Below Timestamp

Word Count: 2812

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Warnings: Drug use, addiction, violence, stalking, PTSD, panic attacks, emotional abuse, gaslighting

A/N: This takes place within 1 week of the initial drug overdose. Beta’d by @deanssweetheart23 and @spnskinnyballs

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Anon Requested: For stpb timestamps could you maybe dive more into the readers family? Like her parents and siblings and stuff? It always kinda stuck out to me that when all of this was going on her family never really got involved. 

“Y/N, I heard you had a bit of a rough night.” You sat tucked into the corner of the couch in Dr. Katz’s office, staring at your shoes, picking your cuticles. Your knuckles still wore the bruises and blood stains from the night before. All you could do was nod, not making eye contact. “Jensen emailed me early this morning. He said you were quite intoxicated last night.”

“Yeah.”

“So you remember, then?”

“I do,” you sniffled and found another interesting spot in the carpeting to look at, not wanting to make any kind of eye contact at all.

“What happened to your knuckles? Did you fight with him?” Dr. Katz was so patient and kind with you, the sort of patience and kindness you absolutely didn’t deserve with all your relapses and fuckups. “I can’t imagine you’d get violent with him even in an altered state, and he didn’t mention -”

“No! No.” You shook your head, finally making eye contact. “The wall bore the brunt of it. Then Jensen’s boxing pads. I was already high and super drunk by the time he got home.” You hesitated, not sure if you wanted to relive yesterday or not, but you knew you had to. “Something happened and I handled it badly. Again.”

Dr. Katz furrowed his brows with concern. “With Eli and the case or -”

“No, I wish,” you laughed humorlessly.

Your scenes had finished early in the day, you’d been filming from 4am to 4pm. Jensen on the other hand had night scenes to shoot. You wanted to stay, to drive home together when he was done, but he wouldn’t hear of it. “Go back to the apartment, get some food, try to get some sleep,” he murmured from behind you, his arms wrapped around your middle, kissing right under your ear.

“Jay, I can’t sleep withou -”

“Try. For me? You didn’t sleep well last night either and I know you’re exhausted. Just...take a shower or a bath. Crawl in bed. Read. Watch TV. Listen to music. I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

You reluctantly agreed, allowing Clif to drop you off at home. You decided on a shower, some food, then you made yourself comfortable on the couch with a pile of unopened fan mail to read. It was something you always liked to do, even before all the drama in your life unfolded. But now it was even more cathartic. So many people sent well wishes, cards, gifts, or just offered up stories of their own. Taking the time to sit down and read through them all did genuinely seem to help, at least a little.

By the time you made it to the middle of the stack, you’d worked up a good rhythm. You weren’t really looking at the envelopes as you tore into them, if you had, you never would’ve opened this one.

You knew the perfectly crafted cursive as soon as you unfolded the paper, but it was too late to stop yourself from reading. “Dad…” you murmured, scanning the page.

Y/N,

A few reporters have stopped by recently wanting to know how I feel about you being attacked and your problems with drugs. I tell them they’re mistaken. I don’t have a daughter. I never did.

I can’t help but say I’m not surprised. You’ve always flaunted yourself like a slut. What happened, Y/N? A man finally took interest and you turned him down? Played hard to get and he didn’t like your games so he beat you half to death? So now you’re a drug addict to make yourself look like a victim? But that’s you isn’t it? Always a victim.

That Justin or Jason guy is only with you for a good lay and to make himself look good for his career. You know it, too. What could possibly look better than taking such good care of the fragile, broken little girl in times like these? He’ll be a hero.

I hope the next I hear about you is that you OD’d again and they’re planning your funeral. I’ll show up to that. Just to make sure.

Y/D/N

You watched as Dr. Katz read the crumpled up letter from your father. His face contorted in ways that often looked as though he may cry. “This is horrific, Y/N, there’s no denying that. I understand how it would’ve triggered you.”

You swallowed hard and nodded. “After that...it was like...I wasn’t in the driver’s seat of my own body, ya know?” Dr. Katz nodded, gesturing for you to continue. “I could see what I was doing but it was like...I wasn’t the one doing it. I lost control completely. I lost chunks of time. I don’t remember taking any kind of control back until Jensen got home and by then...I was too far gone.”

Jensen walked in quietly, not wanting to disturb you if by some miracle you had been sleeping peacefully. As soon as he walked in he knew everything was terribly wrong. From the drug residue and empty whiskey bottle next to a letter on the table, to the banging and shrieking coming from the bedroom. He ran to the note first, assuming it was from Eli, but once he read it his heart clenched in his chest.

“Jesus Christ,” he murmured to himself, running to the bedroom to find you with glassy, bloodshot eyes, completely drunk and high, a total wreck, punching the wall as hard as you could over and over with both fists. Your knuckles had already split, blood starting to trickle down your hands.

He ran to you, pulling you away from the wall to stop you from rebreaking your arm. “Stop. Y/N, look at me! Focus on me.” He spun you around in his arms and you squirmed, breaking free and slammed your fist back into the wall.

You heard him rustling around while you continued to pour out every bit of frustration onto the wall, until finally he started yelling to get your attention. “You wanna hit something, huh?” Jensen yelled. “Come on, hit me!”

You turned in shock, only to find him standing there holding up his boxing pads. “Come on, baby. Get it out!” You took a messy swing, in your state you had zero aim. He compensated for you, moving the pads up to meet your fists. You kept swinging, faster and faster, harder and harder, until you couldn’t anymore. You sank to your hands and knees, covered in sweat and tears, completely spent.

Jensen tossed the pads across the room, kneeling down on the ground in front of you, taking you in his arms and pulling you into his lap, your face resting in the crook of his neck while he held you. “You know none of what he said is true, right? I’m not here for publicity or any of that shit. I’m here because I fucking love you.”

Every fiber of your being wanted to believe him, but your father had planted seeds of doubt. Just like he’d done your entire life. All you did was let out a pathetic whimper into Jensen’s neck, letting more tears stream from your eyes, soaking his skin.  

“You wanna talk about it? I know you don’t talk about your family at all and I’m not forcing you to. Just...if you want to…” A violent head shake from you was all the answer Jensen needed to scoop you up and slide up into the bed, resting his back against the headboard and just holding you there while you cried yourself to sleep. Your warm breaths tickling his neck giving him reassurance you hadn’t overdosed, that he’d made it home in time to stop this crisis. He still couldn’t help but wonder what could’ve gone so terribly wrong in your life to make your own father treat you so badly, and if you’d ever have enough trust in him to tell him.

“Y/N, I know you don’t want to, but I think we need to discuss your family if you want to truly start healing.” Dr. Katz said and you swallowed hard, balling your hands into fists. “Now, before we do that, I want to tell you one thing. Jensen is here. He wants to be a part of this if you want him to be. If you don’t then he’ll stay in the waiting room or leave, whatever you want. It’s about you.”

“Jensen’s here?”

“He is.” Dr. Katz nodded. “He wants you to feel safe but he wants to know what happened in your life. He wants to know you better and he says you always run from the subject so if you’d rather tell him here with me then he’ll do that.”

You sat in silence for several minutes, chewing your lip and staring at the floor, picking at your cuticles. You finally got up and walked to the door. Dr. Katz didn’t make a move, waiting to see what you were about to do. “Jensen.” You said it so quietly Jensen barely heard you but turned his head in surprise. “Come on.” You invited him in, holding the door open while he walked in and took a seat. You took your usual seat and Jensen scooted closer, gauging your reaction. He moved even closer when you reached a hand out, lacing it with his and squeezing.

“My parents were...by my dad’s account...super in love,” you started, looking at the hole in your jeans, moving your free hand to play with the threads. “My mom wanted kids so badly. My dad didn’t. He said kids are burdens, leeches, all kinds of things. But for her, he’d have a kid. Me.” Jensen squeezed your hand a little tighter as you spoke, your voice breaking as you continued. “She died 3 days after I was born. Pulmonary embolism. They said it was caused from labor and delivery so...my fault. I killed her. At least that’s what I’ve been told my whole life.” A tear rolled down your cheek and Jensen wiped it away.

“You didn’t kill her, Y/N,” Dr. Katz interjected, “you do realize that, don’t you? There was nothing you could have done. Sometimes these things just happen.”

“Logically, yes. Emotionally, not always,” you sighed, letting all that weight off your chest. “My mom didn’t really have family so I got bounced around from place to place. Sometimes my dad kept me, sometimes he sent me to live in group homes or wherever. He used to throw me into homes for violent and emotionally unstable youth when I wasn’t really either one, so I used to get beat up a lot…”

“Y/N…” Jensen started and froze, swallowing thickly. “Did he ever...I don’t know how to ask you this…”

“Sell me?” You questioned and Jensen nodded. “No, shockingly he didn’t.” You heard the sigh of relief from Jensen immediately after you answered. “He said I wasn’t good enough to sell. Wouldn’t go for high enough.” Jensen tensed at that, if you’d been looking at him you could imagine his jaw clenching at your words. If he ever saw your father you were certain he’d try to kill him.

“You managed to leave.” Dr. Katz cut in. “Tell me about that.”

“I filed for emancipation at 16 and I won. I graduated early, got my passport and I came to Vancouver. Never looked back.” You finally looked up, still not making eye contact with Jensen but looking at Dr. Katz instead.

“That took strength.” Dr. Katz smiled softly. “I know you don’t think or realize that but not a lot of young people in that position could have taken those steps on their own. To get to where you are, become who you’ve become despite your circumstances, that’s no small accomplishment.”

“I - I understand,” you stuttered. You wanted nothing more than to make it through this session. You couldn’t break down in front of Jensen. Not again. You had to get through this so you could make it home to let all the tears flow like you wanted. “I normally have no contact. He doesn’t have any of my contact information. The only one he has is my fan mail address because it’s public and of course my social media accounts if he chose to use the internet. He was never too tech savvy so I doubt he does. I normally recognize his writing and throw out the letters he sends but I was in a zone and I ripped it open and I never should’ve read it and I fucked everything up -” You started to talk faster and faster, your breathing picked up speed, you were spiraling, blaming yourself. Not here, Y/N. Not now.

“Y/N. Focus.” Dr. Katz was calm, reassuring. Jensen squeezed your hand tight, an attempt to ground you to something solid and real, but he stayed silent, not wanting to interrupt your therapist. Dr. Katz watched as Jensen calmed you without a single word. A squeeze of his hand, a lingering kiss to your temple and the panic started to subside. “You handled a bad situation in an unhealthy way. That doesn’t make you a bad person. That makes you human. What I think we should do is focus on things you can do if and when situations like this arise that will help you cope.”

“Like what?” You raised an eyebrow, not able to think of anything else. Every time you got like this everything was a blank and you lost control. Turning to drugs just seemed so easy.

“Journaling, meditation, listening to music, going for a run…” Dr. Katz started listing suggestions and you let out a deep sigh.

“I do...all that. None of it works.”

“What about kickboxing?” Jensen interjected. “Bri takes a class she’d probably love to have the company.”

“Kickboxing?” You scoffed. “I mean...I’m not a boxer, J, I have fight training for the show but that’s - “

“That’s the point.” Jensen chuckled. “You get so mad you wanna hit something, like last night. Kickboxing gives you something to beat up. Plus, you’ll learn self defense so you won’t be so scared when you’re alone. You’ll be able to protect yourself.”

“I think he may be onto something.” Dr. Katz smiled. “What do you think, Y/N?”

“I think I’m gonna call Bri as soon as I get home and ask her if I can tag along one day. See if I like it.” Jensen and Dr. Katz both smiled at you, clearly happy with your decision.

“Well, I think that’s enough for today. I appreciate your honesty today, Y/N. I know how hard this was for you.” Dr. Katz stood up, embracing you in a small side hug. “I’ll see you in a few days.”

The walk to the parking lot with Jensen was silent until you got in his truck. Jensen put the key in the ignition and paused, looking at you. “You don’t need to do that with me, you know.”

“What?” You still could barely make eye contact, staring at his lips instead of his eyes.

“Hold back.” Jensen answered softly. “You’ve been about to burst since you started talking about your dad and you keep pushing it back for my sake. You don’t need to do that. Please just trust me enough to let me catch you when you fall.”

“I do trust you,” you whispered, voice breaking. “I don’t want to burden you with every problem, Jensen. It’s not fair. If I need to cry over the fact that daddy never loved me I can do it alone. I always have.”

“Not anymore. Not ever again.” The dam broke then and the tears started flowing in waves down your face.

“Why didn’t he want me?” You sobbed, your entire body convulsing. “Why didn’t anyone want me?” Jensen hurried to pull you into his chest, rubbing up and down your back, resting his chin on top of your head. “The only person who ever wanted me left me!”

“They’re all idiots.” Jensen spoke softly, rocking you back and forth. “You’re beautiful, funny, intelligent, caring, so loving. Everything I’ve ever wanted. I’m not leaving. I’m never leaving. I promise.”

It was in that moment that you finally believed him. That moment when the mess from your crying had soaked his neck and his shirt and he didn’t bat an eye. That moment when he was crying with you, letting his tears fall freely on you. That moment tangled together in the front of a truck when you realized you could put all of your trust into Jensen. That he was the one person in your life who would never ever hurt you, and you were completely and utterly devoted to spending the rest of your life with him.

Jensen Tags:

@a-girl-who-loves-disney @adaliamalfoy @adoptdontshoppets @aiaranradnay @akshi8278 @alex-zeppelin @amotleyworld @apeshit7x @ariannnawinchester @arryn-nyxx @ashhhh26 @aubreystilinski @autopistaaningunaparte @babydanixox @bakabozza @beacon-hills-chance-harbor @beckie1996 @blackcherrywhiskey @blacktithe7 @boredoutofmymindstuff @born-to-be-his-baby88 @bringmesomepie56 @calaofnoldor @capsofwinchesters @captainradicalpassion @charliebradbury1104 @chickenmcsade @cigsandpie @clarewinchester @comicnerdmia @cosicas-cuquis @deansgirl215 @deanssweetheart23 @deanswhiskeyveins @deanwinchesterisamazing @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester @docharleythegeekqueen @dorned @dragontearsandunicornfears @duckieburns @duherica @ellen-reincarnated1967 @emoryhemsworth @ericaprice2008 @escabell @evansrogerskitten @evilskank-inthemegacoven @feelmyroarrrr @flannelsandpie @flash2412 @gabavaldman @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish @growningupgeek @holyfuckloueh @horsegirly99 @impalaimagining @itseverythingilike @iwriteshortstuff @jalove-wecallhimdean @jarpadandjensenaremyheroes @jasvisha @jasvisha @jayankles @jensen-gal @jensen-jarpad @jjsoccer11 @jojo-nz @jotink78 @just-a-supernatural-sister @kalliravenne @kayteonline @keeryackles @kgbrenner @kittenofdoomage @kittycat-cas @lenaabs @like-a-bag-of-potatoes @lilydarcy @luciathewinchestergirl @manahil123universe @mayasmedberg @meeshw777 @midnightsunflower @mirandaaustin93 @mogaruke @mrspadalackles @my-supernatural-dreams @nichelle-my-belle @not-moose-one-shots @nothingeverdies @notmoose45 @outerxorbit @percussiongirl2017 @percywinchester27 @primenumberscanbeintimidating @relatableantisocialchick @rhiannonj79 @riakie @rileyloves5 @riversong-sam @rlawson418 @roseblue373 @ruined-by-destiel @ruprecht0420 @sabsi2222 @sammysflannels @sandlee44 @serienjunkiegirl @silver-and-green @sis-tafics @skybinx-blog @sleepretreat @smoothdogsgirl @soobi89 @soobi89 @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @spn-fan-girl-173 @spontaneousam @starswirlblitz @stilinski15 @stubby-the-dean @summoningsupernatural @supernatural-girl97 @supernatural-girl97 @supernatural-jackles @supernaturaldean67 @tarashari-tfp @teepartyy @the-angels-stole-the-tardis @thelastxgoodthing @thereisnolumos @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @thisismexxo @wayward-marvel-sommer1196 @waywardjoy @whit85-blog @wholelottajackles @winchestdiaries @winchester-writes @winchesterprincessbride @winchesters-favorite-girl @winchesters-italian-princess @yaya-snowflakes @yellowtheremarvelfan @yoursmilemakesmeloveyou

[rydenstories]

I found a journal in my hotel room

REDDIT

My girlfriend and I are just finishing up road tripping around the US, seeing concerts, attending festivals, visiting landmarks, etc. As you can imagine, we've seen a ton. It's been great, but by the time we started our long journey back to our home state, the trip had taken a lot out of us. Not just physical exhaustion, we'd nearly drained our savings for the trip as well. The plan had always been to drive straight through, taking turns at the wheel while the other slept. With tension rising as time passed, the plan quickly changed and we looked for the cheapest (but still nicest) hotel we could find.

Later, we found ourselves pulling up to the building directly next to the highway that would be our haven for the night; a cheap chain hotel with a bright sign that read "NIGHTLY $4O, WEEKLY $200" and a giant parking lot nearly packed full of semi-trucks. There are two more hotels on the same side of the highway underpass similar to this, two gas stations, and a fast food restaurant. The crowning feature of this small area, however, is a goliath stone cross that almost looms from the other side of the highway. It towers over everything, including the church that stands behind it and is illuminated by two bright white spotlights. To be truthful with you, this SOUNDS very odd when typed out but after weeks of driving past countless places like this, it's all just something I've come to shrug off as very mid-west.

The lobby wasn't packed like the parking lot, but there were more people wandering around the main floor than I'm used to seeing in near any hotel. Mostly gentlemen, reading books, eating cup noodle, watching the news, and chatting joyfully. It actually kind of reminded me of living in the dorms during college. Very friendly environment. I found myself surprised at how just... nice everything was for how not nice you'd expect it to be, you know? Still, we didn't really pause to reflect on that before checking in and quickly rushing to our room. My girlfriend did a quick check of her side of the bed and was asleep within minutes, but even with how tired I felt, I couldn't bring myself to go to bed so early and decided to check over the entire room.

Fairly clean. Carpet was really new, too. Not bad for the price. I sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling satisfied enough. Still, I pulled out the nightstand drawer, more-so to satisfy my curiosity about hotel bibles than anything else. Instead, there is this dark blue composition notebook. I've been reading it for a little while now.

It seems to be a journal, with many of the entries summing up the mostly uneventful days of the writer, a truck driver with a wife named Lynae. The writing itself is really messy and although I can tell that the author is deeply thought and well spoken, many of the larger words are spelled phonetically; smart, just not book smart. The journal is really full and some of the earlier entries are really interesting, detailing run-ins with hitchhikers and feuds with other drivers. The entries stop very abruptly and the last few are particularly unsettling. I can't be entirely sure, but I think those were written in this room. These are the last few entries. I've copied them down and done corrections to make it overall more legible, but otherwise I haven't changed anything.

___________________________________________

July 27th The money is in and it is good! I knew Bone would come through for me on that last haul. Now I just gotta get the rig back home! I'm glad I finally have the money to stop and rest in a real bed, too. The old cabin just ain't as comfortable as it used to be. Maybe that's what I'll be fixing next! I called Lynae and let her know I was coming home and she near squealed over the phone. I'm thinking now's the time to get her that pretty ring. Anyway, I saw Monty again today and asked if he was gonna return my MP3 player but he just kind of shrugged me off. It was pretty damn rude, actually. Knew his parents didn't teach him manners. He just got up in his truck, wasn't even gonna stick around. Weird actually, he almost always sacks up for the night, doesn't like driving after dark. Oh well, hope he enjoys a nice night drive! All over nothing!

Anyway, seems time to hit the hay! I'll be headed out tomorrow morning and I'll hopefully be home for supper!

July 28th Woke up this morning with the worst kind of headache. You know the kind that stings behind the eyes, burns your nose? Awful. Soon as I got out of the bed, the nausea hits. Damn it! Happens after every long haul; I get some bug off some dirty oldie who ain't never heard of antibacterial soap and I have to sleep it off in some crummy hotel. Fucking figures. Anyway. Seems like this place is much less crowded than last night and near all of the fellas that are here are total strangers to me. I wandered around a little bit, went to the lobby and grabbed some good stuff from the snack machines. Hung out for a few minutes, too, but instead of the normal circulation of news and talk TV, the counter girl was watching some weird black and white film. I ended up just going back to my room, throwing up a little, and getting some sleep. I napped until now, which it's pretty late. I'm getting 1 AM on my room's alarm clock.

I went downstairs to grab some clean clothes from my rig and smoke a cigarette but the front and side doors of the building were locked. I didn't see any employees around though, so I figure they're on their late night break. I hung out down there for a while and waited for someone to come open it but gave up eventually. If I'm being honest, I was feeling a little uncomfortable. It was too damn quiet. Plus, that church changed the lights shining on that giant cross. They're red. What a weird color for a church to pick. I don't know, maybe the fever is just making me loopy and paranoid. I better try to get some more sleep.

July 29th When I woke up this morning, the alarm clock said it was already well past noon. I thought it couldn't have been right because it was still pitch black in my room, no light shining through the open curtains at all. I got up and sure enough, it was still pitch black outside. So I figured my clock was broken. I guess the fever's got me feeling more and more irritable since I got here, otherwise I don't think I would've even brought it up let alone complained, but I yanked the cord from the wall and left my room.

The lobby was still empty, door still locked, and no employees in sight. I rang the little bell on the counter but nobody came. Hell, I waited in that lobby for a damn hour and nobody came! I'm starting to feel worse, too. My head is pounding so hard and I can't get any damn medicine since I've searched high and low for an unlocked exit and found not a single one. I don't really have any choice except to lay down and rest. Tried to watch TV, but all it's pulling is the weather channel and black & white movies, so I guess I've been watching the weather channel for a couple hours now. I'm going to try to rest more.

Oh. By the time I turned on the weather channel, it was saying it was 2 PM. The clock for sure was not wrong, but I have yet to see any sign of the sun.

August 2nd It's still dark outside and according to the weather channel's date, I'm missing some days. My head is so foggy that if I didn't remember at least a little from the other day, I don't think I'd question the initial notion that I just... slept through it from being so damn sick! I'm not sure that's what this is anymore. I'm not sure what this is at all anymore and frankly, I'm scared as shit.

The bit I can remember is only a small sliver of time. I got up and near shit my pants when I saw that not only was the alarm clock plugged back in, the damn thing was set again. I remember checking the door to find that the privacy lock was sure enough in place. Unlocked it and I swung open the door but then it all goes blank after that. Now I'm here and it's more than a day later and there's some kind of music coming from somewhere. Searched for it but found nothing.

As for the cross, they turned the lights off all together. I went up to the fourth floor to get a good look outside. Seems like everyone just left... All the haulers.... Gas station attendants.... Highway drivers.... Everyone. My rig is the only one in the parking lot. I'm beyond scared... I could break out but I'm so weak.

Aug 3rd My door was open when I woke up. All the doors to all the rooms are open. People's things are sitting around but there are no people. I've stopped pretending that this is normal. Something is so fucking wrong here and I can't even find a single clue as to what's happening or why it's just me. I've slammed my whole body weight into doors, searched high and low for keys or any damn thing that might help me get out of here. Nothing. It doesn't even seem like there's a world out there anymore. Like something just picked the hotel up, emptied all the people out besides me, and let darkness swallow the rest of it up. I can't see anything beyond the parking lot. Somewhere out in the vastness, though, I can hear that music from yesterday. It's something low, with a lady's voice singing over a very slow and out of key piano. She sounds sad but I can't make out what she's actually saying. I think I would be more concerned if the noise itself didn't make my headache so much worse. Instead, I just feel angry.

[[The entries no longer have dates after this and I can only assume they are each separated by at least a day just due to the previous writing pattern, but who knows.]]

xxxx I've spent a lot of time wandering around the hotel. At first, I tried closing all the tenant doors again. It made me uncomfortable to see them that way, but as soon as I'd hear the latch and I'd turn away, they'd loudly swing open again. Scared me shitless, as you can imagine. Then, after a couple more times, pissed me off. Even despite my fucking throbbing headache, all of the rage within my chest spilled out of my throat in a torrent of screams. As you probably could guess. My screams haven't received a response beyond that same sad song that only gets closer. Or louder. I don't know.

I've started searching through the rooms. Going through people's things. I wonder where they are. Did they get to leave? Or did they go somewhere else? I'm still not sure. Does it even matter? Things are getting worse for me regardless what happened to them. 

xxxxx The parking lot is gone. It seems like the closer the darkness creeps towards this place, the worse my headaches get. I've tried to move to a higher room to get away from the darkness, but then I wake up back in my original room again. The weather doesn't play anymore, but the black and white film channel does. I've tried to sit down and watch it, but after a couple minutes, it ends up being far too painful. I can't... describe the pain. It's everywhere. It's in everything, god damn it.

xxxxxx First floor is gone. The cross is back though. It's illuminated in that same strange red light, taunting me from out in the darkness.

I've been through every inch of this damn place, trying to find some kind of haven away from this madness. I tried to go downstairs at one point. Into the darkness. My ears are bleeding now but I made it back to my room in one piece. 

xxxxxxx Oh god. Dear Jesus Christ. Her singing is now screaming. The piano is grating. I wanna go home.

xxxxxxxxx I think this very well might be it. If you'd believe it, the higher floors went before this one, making it damn clear that this has always been coming down to me. It's been coming for me since I got here. I think even Monty could sense it.

Despite having every light in the room on, as well as every single one I could steal from this floor, it just keeps on growing dimmer. The girl. She's not screaming anymore. She doesn't need to scream. She knows I hear her. It's like she's right over my fucking shoulder, whispering right in my ear. And just like that, someone is knocking on the door. Darkness is seeping underneath like black smoke and I know I don't need to answer. It's creeping over the pages, up my arms, shoulders, face, and into my mouth.

Lynae, I'll miss you. ___________________________________________

I'm really.... shocked. It could easily be.... anything..... but something between the too comfortable vibe in the lobby, the handwriting, and the overall feeling I've had since picking the journal up absolutely tells me that there's something to this. Now that I've got it all copied down, I'm getting my girlfriend up. We're taking this journal down to the front desk. God fucking willing, we're leaving as soon as we can.

[saras-almanac]

So I finally watched yesterday’s episode in full and boy is it annoying. This week literally gave my whiplash with Robert and Aaron and in a way that didn’t really work or make that much sense. Now I had a hell of a day yesterday and still dealing with that, but I have a lot of thoughts about this episode of Emmerdale. I know there’s a bunch of opinions and I’m just whispering into the void at this point, but I don’t care. 

Those choose to read, read at your own risk folks. 

First of all, I do totally understand that what’s happening with Robert and Aaron is a writing issue. I fully believe that because they feel very stilted and it doesn’t feel like “them” right now. That being said, this is still what we have to work with. And I just do not understand Aaron right now. And I’m getting really annoyed that he’s taking the moral high ground and dictating everything while Robert has to keep asking for forgiveness. 

Remember back when they had that fight when Liv was in prison? She gave him some home truths about how he makes everything about himself and that people don’t feel like they can tell him stuff because he might not be able to handle it? And then they went home and Aaron lashed out at Robert over it. Robert said then, “We can’t keep using the past as a weapon. And we’re meant to be different now.” 

I just don’t feel like Aaron’s really gotten that yet. Yes, he’s completely accepted Seb and loves him, but he’s still ready to blame Robert for everything and not talk about his feelings. It’s annoying. It’s annoying that for years we’ve had Robert constantly apologizing and working at evolving, but it just doesn’t ever feel like it’s enough. This idea that they keep throwing at Robert lately about how he’s just wanting to play God again and that he’s just interested in the win is just... not fucking true? Yes, he’s being manipulative and scamming Graham--but honestly, does anybody care about him at all?--but it’s not to play God. It’s all literally for Aaron, for their family. 

The Billy situation. Maybe I’m being too understanding because I too can be manipulative and controlling, but literally all Robert did was lie to Ellis. Everything that happened was because of the build up of tension between Billy and Ellis--and honestly, Robert did Ellis a favor. He can get out of Marlon’s house and away from his mother who has finally done what he always expected her to, choose Billy. (Side bar: I love Ellis and I wish him every happiness) And all that lying was done for Aaron. Because Aaron didn’t want to leave the house and wasn’t talking about what he was feeling or what he wanted. All we’ve seen him say was that he wanted Robert to come up with some way to get rid of Billy and then that he doesn’t really want to risk running into Billy. Every time Robert tried to talk to him more about it, Aaron shut down. 

Again, that’s Aaron’s choice, but it’s not a healthy coping mechanism. And it literally goes away everything they promised each other when they got back together--they keep talking about everything and work through things together. If it’s an issue of Aaron wanting to feel strong enough to do it himself, that’s great. But we haven’t seen that--we’ve really seen next-to-nothing about Aaron’s POV in all of this so we can’t do much more than infer and everyone’s interpretation is going to be different here. 

So Aaron got more angry at Robert that he lied to Ellis than when he “attacked” Billy. (Sorry, it’s just too hilarious to think about. I have to believe it was someone else or that Robert hired someone because... I just can’t.) Seriously. Again, Aaron’s allowed to be upset and frustrated, but like... his response is to tell his husband to literally butt out. That’s... that’s not how you’re supposed to do relationships? Yes, you’re allowed to want alone time and not have to do everything with your partner, but you also can’t really shut them out like that. Especially since Aaron keeps giving Robert a hard time about how he hasn’t changed--Aaron hasn’t either in this regard and I really want the show to start addressing it. 

Which brings me to today’s/yesterday’s episode. I’m just so tired. I was tired of this fucking dynamic back in 2016. And guess what? I’m still fucking tired of it. Especially because this specific situation is vastly different from every other one. 

Namely... Aaron knew about it the whole fucking time? So I don’t understand where he’s getting off now being angry that Robert’s scheming. Robert literally told him, if at any point you’re not comfortable or don’t want me to do this I’ll stop. Robert literally gave Aaron all the power here and kept him up-to-date with everything. This was a plan to get back what was theirs--and don’t get me started and that bullshit that was Aaron being angry that Robert sold his business shares to save Aaron’s fucking life because that is an insult I cannot let go of. Again, Robert did all of this for Aaron and with Aaron’s consent and approval. 

And maybe this is just the writing of the issue. The way that Robert was like this was all for you because I know how badly you wanted a baby was uncomfortable. I mean, it’s true based on canon, but like I wished it hadn’t been written that way. But since we have to take it at face value, I guess this really was just so Aaron could have a baby. 

I am just... exhausted of this dynamic of Aaron wanting something done and then getting angry at the way Robert goes about doing something and then Robert has to apologize and then rinse and repeat. Just once I want Robert to be able to voice something in response and not just passively take the reprimand. Or at least, in these currently situations, point out the fact that Aaron’s not talking to him or sharing anything him. I just want it to feel balanced like it was early last year and I just don’t want this to become the new normal. 

I wish this wasn’t so negative towards Aaron but I am just so frustrated with the canon right now. I know that Robert’s done some shady shit, but like... this is literally peanuts in comparison to the shit he’s done in the past. And again, it was all for Aaron and Aaron knew about the biggest thing. I don’t appreciate the way Aaron threw back at Robert the line about how all Robert cared about was the win and that Robert wasn’t even given the courtesy of a chance to response. Like if Aaron wanted to be angry and yell at Robert because he’s hurt or scared or heartbroken, I totally get that and that’s his right to feel whatever he’s feeling. But then allow Robert a chance to respond. Not to bring up the fight they had while Liv was in prison, but after Aaron called Seb a stupid mistake and how Robert’s always making them, Robert said, “I can’t believe you just said that.” 

Even something as simple as that line balanced the dynamic a bit. And that’s what these outbursts lack:  balance. It’s upsetting and annoying and lazy writing. 

[imagining-supernatural]

I’m Totally Into Anatomy

Chapter 1 of Life Changes (Hopefully For The Better)

Summary: I mean, this chapter starts with Bucky Barnes waking up still handcuffed to my bed, so if that’s not an attention grabbing way to start off a story, I don’t know what is (And if my 8th grade English teacher is reading this, first: kindly fuck off, perv. Second: My friends and I totally didn’t TP your house after you failed me on that creative writing piece. That was definitely someone else).

Warnings: Think about the phrase “still handcuffed to my bed” for a second. (For all you innocents out there, I’m talking about sex stuff. So don’t read if you don’t wanna read conversations about that shit.) Also, my 8th grade English teacher would warn you about bad writing, but he’s a crusty old man so...

Word Count: 1602

Human bodies have bones, few people would argue that. But when I woke up that morning? Well, it sure felt like my bones had liquified and settled into piles of well-satiated sludge. My room was lit up with a soft glow from the string of white lights I hung up, meaning I hadn’t gotten around to unplugging them last night. It definitely hadn’t been a top priority, and the bare chest I was laying on reminded me of the reason why.

Waking up next to Bucky was becoming familiar and expected. However, what was not familiar was the absence of his arm that was usually curled around me, since he was an extreme cuddler. I’m talking gold medalist cuddler, if that was an Olympic sport.

It took a moment of silent pep talks to convince myself to finally open my eyes, and even longer to convince my eyes to stay open for more than a few seconds. Of course, that was nothing compared to the effort it took to convince my neck to move enough to look up and see where his arm was. The effort was well rewarded and I couldn’t help the giggles at the sight that greeted me. My laughter, combined with my vain attempt to control myself in the form of pressing my forehead to Bucky’s chest woke him up

“Wha’s goin’ on?” He mumbled, trying to shift. My laughter only grew when he froze, realizing that he couldn’t move his right arm more than a few inches, courtesy of the handcuff still anchoring his right write to my headboard. “Fucking shit.”

“Hold on, Bucky,” I somehow managed to wheeze out. “I’ll find the key.”

The small grin toying with his lips was at odds with his groan of frustration. It took a few more giggles and some more mental pep talks before I managed to shift enough to start the journey of reaching over his body to the side table where the key was. God, moving had been a mistake. After everything we did yesterday, my muscles aggressively did not want to move and were screaming at me to stop. Bucky’s left arm tightened around my shoulders when I grunted and I could see concern written in his eyes.

“So fucking sore,” I reassured him with a smile to let him know that he hadn’t hurt me or anything. I finally managed to move until I was on top of him, far enough to reach the table and the key.

My words had that self-assured smirk growing on his face and he relaxed back onto the pillows. “Too sore to move, still cuffed… Damn, I’m good at this.”

“Careful, Barnes. I might just not let you out of those cuffs if you keep being a cocky bastard.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing, doll.” The mischievous gleam in his eyes didn’t give me enough time to prepare for the cool metal of his prosthetic arm sneaking under the covers to pinch my ass, and the squeak that escaped my lips and jump of my muscles in response just fed the fire of his smirk. “I wouldn’t say no to you keeping me here all day.”

“Well, my body is saying no. I need a breather.”

As a testament to my words, I kept fumbling with the key in my attempt to free Bucky from the cuffs. Man, I was worn out. The simple task of unlocking some handcuffs was almost too much, and Bucky’s eyes stayed locked on my face. Each second that passed made his smile grow.

“Shut up,” I mumbled. “This is your fault, you know. You’re the one who asked me to call in sick to work and didn’t give me a moment’s rest for the rest of the day.”

“And I’m the one who gave you, how many orgasms was it again?”

“Shut up.” The handcuffs finally fell away and he stretched out his arm in relief before wrapping it around me and rolling over until I was firmly tucked into his side. When we started fucking a few months ago, I hadn’t expected him to stay the whole night, much less cuddle all night long. Who knew that Bucky Barnes, the badass, cocky, war-hardened son of a bitch was the cuddliest little fucker I’d ever met?

Speaking of the sides of him people rarely saw… I pressed closer to him and spoke up a few minutes later. “What happened yesterday?”

His chest under my head rose and fell with his deep sigh. “Just… I don’t know. It was just shitty.”

Someone braver than I might have pressed the issue. But what Bucky and I had was… complicated. But simple. Simply complicated.

It started out simple. See, I had this roommate my freshman year of college, Natasha. I was halfway in love with her. Massive crush. Too shy and cowardly to do anything about it, though. And a few months later, she got a boyfriend, Steve. So, there went my chances.

Then she dragged me to a party and I met Steve’s roommate, Bucky. It didn’t take too long for me to realize that he was crushing on Nat too. Honestly though, who wouldn’t crush on her?

It wasn’t until I found my own place, a cheap studio apartment, and Natasha still dragged me to a party that I was just tipsy enough that when I caught Bucky checking out Nat’s ass, I made an offhanded joke about the two of us fucking around with each other to get our minds off of the unavailable redhead. He laughed it off, but a week later he called and I woke up with him in my bed the next morning.

That was six months ago. When watching his roommate and Nat around his apartment got to be too much, he would find his way into my bed with our clothes thrown all about my apartment. Then he would call when he had a bad day, even if it wasn’t related to Nat. It was always just sex, but somehow, the arrangement worked.

See, I usually couldn’t do casual sex. I was too shy to initiate that kind of conversation, usually. And I needed something more. I needed some sort of connection. I suppose Bucky’s penchant for cuddling made up for any emotional connection I usually needed. Sex with him was fun. Still is. Usually alcohol-fueled conversations ended with regret, but that conversation that started this whole thing was something that I definitely did not regret.

This no-strings-attached thing was pretty great. And a month ago, I would have said that I was sticking to the no-emotions part of it too. He’s a friend. Nothing more.

Well, he is still a friend.

Nothing more.

But there are definitely some emotions sneaking in. And I’m pretty good at ignoring them, for the most part. Every once in a while, though, they slipped through like they did that morning and I’d ask him a personal question, like what shitty thing prompted him to slip between my sheets. Though the fact that he came to me when he was having a shitty day had to mean something, right? I’m the one he came to for comfort.

That meant something.

Still, though, we rarely talked about anything deeper than philosophical discussions on why the Chinese place on Eighth had better eggrolls than the takeout across town.

What a long-winded way to say that it wasn’t a surprise that he didn’t answer my question.

“You coming to Steve’s party tonight?” He asked after a few more minutes of comfortable silence.

“I doubt I’ll be able to walk by then, so no.”

He chuckled. “You’re welcome for that, by the way. But seriously, you coming?”

“Probably not.” Parties weren’t my cup of tea. That’s why I only ever went when one of my friends dragged me to them. If I was going to be around a crowd of strangers, there better be live music and a hell of a light show.

“Hey, if I have to watch Nat and Steve sucking face all night long, then you—”

“That’s not it,” I cut him off. “I… well I’m pretty sure I’m over her. I just don’t feel like being around people today.”

“Or you just don’t feel like losing beer pong to me again.”

“That game was fucking rigged.”

“You were just drunk.”

“Fucking. Rigged.”

“Sore loser.”

“Just plain sore.”

The tightening of his muscles was all the warning I had before he had me flat on my back, his face barely a few inches above mine with a devilish grin on his face. “You know, the best cure for sore muscles is to use them again.”

“Bucky,” I warned weakly, but dammit, I couldn’t resist that damn grin and sparkle in his eyes.

Then he had to go and lower his grin to my neck, peppering kisses along my bare shoulder and down my chest, stopping at my stomach to look up at me. “How about a wager, doll?��

“For what?”

“The party tonight. If I can make you come in less than five minutes right now, you have to come to the party tonight.”

Don’t get me wrong, Bucky’s mouth was a thing of wonder. But I’d barely woken up after hours of fucking him yesterday and I was exhausted. Even he couldn’t be that talented. “And when you can’t, I get to stay home and you have to buy me pizza before you leave.”

“I’ll buy you pizza on the way to the party tonight, doll,” he said with a wink just before disappearing under the sheets.

Did Bucky with that bet with his magical mouth? Do I have to go to the party with him later that night? Find out here in the next chapter: 

Sometimes You Gotta Make A Bet To Get Drunk. You Just Gotta.

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