#im at the point where im starting to think my partner and i wont be physically intimate anymore | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kaihuntrr · 8 months ago

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one-year anniversary!

HI. oh my goodness can you believe its been a WHOLE YEAR (and a day, im posting this a day later OOPS-) since i started working on this au? i dont think i started working on the chapters until... the -ber months? but the general brainstorming started now and oh my GOD the amount of changes that has happened while working on this au is insane! im absolutely floored with how much people enjoy this au, and while im too busy to be posting art (im doing some personal work!) i have all the time in the world to talk about how much this means to me.

i've written things in the past, but i havent for the LIFE of me worked on such a long project such as this (we're only halfway through act one of FIVE!) and learning and growing with such wonderful betas and partner (ehehe @mewhoismyself hello there) is just so wonderful <3

SO! in order to make this anniversary special, i've decided to post a little cut/practice scene from act two! this couldnt make the cut with what the plot has in mind, but i figured itd be best to have some nice moments with scott and martyn, eh?

OH! and before i go, the next chapter will be posted a day earlier! <3 im going abroad the day after the original chapter posting date, so i need to rest. i think this back half of the fic is gonna be really something <3

anyway, i wont keep you here for longer. i hope you have a fun time reading this, just as much as my partner and i had fun writing this so many months ago <33

Martyn tried to listen as Scott rambled on about what he’d been up to, how nice it had been to see his friends again. He even tried to let the small twist of jealousy at Scott being so happy over seeing someone else wrench his attention back into the moment, but it didn’t work. The face of Pearl kept flashing in the forefront of his mind, her eyes and jagged scar glowing unnaturally under the moonlight.

“Oh, and…,” Scott continued to ramble on, but Martyn still couldn’t focus. It seemed that Scott had noticed as his voice trailed off and he looked at the blonde with a tilted head. “Martyn…?”

Martyn gave a grumbled response. His mind blocked out the world around him as he pictured brief flashes of the island, the hollow and desolate stares of the people, the wicked laugh coming from Pearl….

Scott sighed. “Martyn….”

Martyn could still feel a slight buzz in his head from where he was hit. How much blood did he lose back there? He didn’t know. All he knew was that he was glad to be alive. Glad that he was here, still breathing, like everyone else. Glad that he was–

“Martyn!”

Martyn jerked as Scott’s face was suddenly inches from his own. Scott’s lips were twisted into a pout and his eyebrows were drawn into a scowl. “Huh- sorry, what?”

Scott sighed, letting his head fall forward, “So you weren’t listening to me….”

“No!” Martyn said quickly, throwing his hands up. Panic leapt in his chest, making his heart beat faster. He didn’t want Scott to think he was ignoring him…! “No, I- I’m… I’m sorry…,” he hung his head. “I’m trying to listen- I’m not meaning to ignore you, I just….” Martyn looked down at the sand beneath him. Guilt welled up in his throat. He’d been so eager to see Scott while he was away, and before he’d gotten back, and now that he was actually here… Martyn was ignoring him. He was making Scott feel ignored.

Martyn shook his head, forcing a huge smile onto his face. “So, you said you saw your friends, right? Did you have fun-? Oh, what am I saying, you just said you had fun- haha…,” Martyn scrubbed the back of his head, then straightened up, rolling to his feet. “Hey, do you wanna go see if we can find your bird friend? I bet it’s missed you too!” He pointed towards a path leading up to the forest, “Bet he lives in there somewhere…!”

“Um- Martyn…,” Scott trailed off looking after him.

Martyn took a few steps backwards, away from Scott, and spread his arms, hoping he’d follow. “Or we can go down to the beach! It’s a nice day, it’ll feel great to splash in the water a little.”

“Martyn.”

“Or- oh, we can go see the decorations they’re setting up for the festival down in the center of town. You said you were excited right, so we can-!”

“Martyn!” Scott snapped.

Martyn stopped.

Scott took the few steps to close the distance between them, laying his hand on Martyn’s arm, then sliding it down to take his hand. He tilted his head, giving Martyn big sad eyes. “Martyn, talk to me…. What’s wrong?”

It was hard for Martyn to not crack under Scott’s gaze. “It’s just…,” he trailed off, trying to put his thoughts into words. He was just engrossed in them a second ago, but now, trying to tell Scott, he couldn’t think of what to say. “I… uh….”

“You’re alright, Martyn,” Scott rubbed his thumb over Martyn’s hand in a small, circular motion. “Take your time.”

A small pause fell over him. Martyn could hear the slow ebbs of the waves before he managed to speak. “I can’t get her out of my mind,” his voice spat with venom. Pearl’s sadistic glee, her manic grin, her ever-looming presence burned in his head. Martyn’s grip unknowingly tightened around Scott until he looked the other in the eye. His grip on Scott lessened as he looked away. “What good can I be to protect you, when I can’t defend myself from one person?”

“Who said I needed protecting?” Scott raised an eyebrow, his tone still soft but with a hint of skepticism as he leaned to the side to catch Martyn’s gaze again. He let out a weak chuckle and moved his other hand to rest on Martyn’s cheek. “Besides, you can’t protect me from everything.”

Martyn leaned into the touch, not caring how warm his cheeks felt as Scott’s delicate hand pressed into his skin, lightly grazing over the scar Pearl caused. He closed his eyes as he let out a sigh and drooped his shoulders. “But I want to…,” he muttered. He looked at Scott, his face scrunched with worry. “I don’t want you getting hurt at all, Scott.”

“There’s going to be times where I get hurt, Martyn,” Scott narrowed his eyes and withdrew his hand from Martyn’s cheek. Martyn was wide-eyed, only for Scott to hold the hunter’s other hand. “When that happens, all I’d ask is for you to help me get back on my feet.”

Martyn could feel his nerves freeze up at Scott’s warm hold. His gentle stare and concern on his face nearly caused Martyn’s heart to explode. A million things swirled in his mind as the breeze wafted over. “I can’t help it,” he lowered his head, biting his lip. “You should be protected, with all the chaos going around–”

“What chaos?” Scott cracked a smile and shook his head. He shrugged, letting go of one of Martyn’s hands as he gestured around. “All there is to see is you, me, and the beach. Nothing to worry about, right?”

Nothing to worry about for now, but so many things could happen in the blink of an eye. Martyn could practically hear the sound of the sea princes’ ringing in his ears, the one from his dreams laughing as its mouth opened wide to swallow Scott as he screamed-....

No. Martyn needed to be prepared for anything, so nothing bad could ever happen to the people he cared for. Nothing. Never again.

“I still want to fight for you,” his voice was barely a whisper in the wind, cracking a bit from the emotions that crawled up the back of his throat. But seeing Scott’s attentive look, with the slight tilt of his head, Martyn knew he could hear him. “Can I at least do that?” he pleaded. He needed to-. He needed to.

“You may,” Scott nodded, giving him a small smile. Then his eyes narrowed as a smirk crept onto his lips. “So- I’d like to see how you fight.”

Martyn opened his mouth to respond- just in time for a woosh of breath to leave him as his back hit the ground. Martyn gasped, blinking for several seconds as he tried to figure out he’d gotten laid flat out on his back… with a certain ginger pinning his shoulders to the sand.

“Yikes…,” Scott teased, his eyebrows rising, complimenting the wide grin on his face.

Martyn sputtered, his face immediately flushing beat red. “I wasn’t ready! Sneak- sneak attack…!”

Scott laid one arm across his chest, propping his other elbow on top of it and laying his cheek in his hand. “Most things will take an opportunity for a sneak attack, when presented with one.” He kicked his feet in the air, as if he was lounging on a couch reading a book.

Martyn flushed all the way to his ears. “Redo!”

Scott leaned his head down, smiling at Martyn in a way that was almost sickeningly sweet. “Are you waiting for a written invitation?”

Martyn grabbed Scott by the shoulders and surged upwards, knocking the ginger off of him. Scott laughed as he slipped his grip, ducking under one of Martyn’s arms to wrap his arms around Martyn’s torso.

Before Martyn’s brain could fully process that, Scott had rolled Martyn over top of him and planted him flat on his back again.

Working on instinct more than pre-thought, Martyn wrapped his arms around Scott’s shoulders and kicked off the sand. He knocked his thigh against Scott’s hip, bumping him off balance just enough to send them rolling over again.

But Scott didn’t end up on his back underneath Martyn.

Somehow, mid flip, he’d slithered around Martyn’s torso, ducking his arm again and getting outside of his hold. Martyn ended up with his face in the sand and a knee pressed between his shoulders, shoving him down further.

Martyn was about to push himself up with his arms, using his strength advantage to throw Scott off of him, but Martyn froze when he felt something sharp curl around his throat.

He couldn’t move. He couldn’t even swallow. He could barely even breathe.

Suddenly the sharp points of crescent bladed scythes were touched against his neck so delicately. Suddenly the sharp claws of a hungry beast wrapped around his throat, pricking the skin above his jugular. One wrong move and she’d slid his throat. One wrong breath and the beast would tear him to ribbons.

A figure above him bent down to whisper in his ear.

“I win!” Scott chirped brightly. He laughed as he withdrew his fingernails from where he’d curled them around Martyn’s throat. “You really do need more practice. Though I’d be happy to oblige…,” his voice turned sing-songy as he plopped back on the sand, his arms holding him up.

Martyn slowly pushed himself upwards, staring down at the sand where his face had been in utter bafflement. Why had that felt-? Why was he-? Why was his heart beating so fast? Why… did he feel like he’d just been hunted…?

“That- that uh…,” Martyn stammered, not really sure what he wanted to say. “You’re a lot better fighter than I thought you’d be.” He turned his head to look at Scott, pushing himself up so he was sitting on his knees.

“I know,” Scott smiled widely, tipping his head back and forth, “Do I impress you, Martyn?” He smiled and hummed teasingly, his eyes narrowed in a joyful satisfaction.

“Always,” he breathed, a lot more genuine and heartfelt than he’d meant to. Scott’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. Martyn felt his face flush and he looked down at the sand. Well, he was in this far. “I think you’re amazing.”

“Thank you…,” Scott said with a shy little smile. A light hint of red dusted his cheeks. He looked… really nice like that.

Martyn shook his head, roughly clearing his throat. “Well um, as- as fun as this was… I was actually referring to- to my gun combat more than my hand-to-hand.”

“Uh huh,” Scott answered with a small smirk, not sounding like he believed him. “Well, maybe I could help you with that as well.”

“You know how to use a gun?” Martyn asked, more than a little shocked. How… how much did he really know about Scott?

Scott opened his mouth, then closed it. He looked to the side, then looked back at Martyn. “Noooo…?” he admitted, grinning sheepishly. He sighed, rolling his eyes a bit, “To be honest I thought you were still flirting, not that that was a serious question. And now, well… I’m just embarrassed.”

“Oh.” Martyn tried to hide his sigh of relief. It was one thing to just not know that Scott was a capable fighter -he was a tavern keeper who dealt with rowdy drunks all the time, Martyn honestly should have expected it- but it was another thing to not know that Scott was a trained gunman. For some reason they felt different. Martyn felt a grin split his face. “Would-... would you like me to teach you…?”

“Teach me what?” Scott’s eyebrows pinched together for a brief moment, then shot up towards his hairline, “How to use a gun?”

“Yeah,” Martyn grinned, “It’ll be like the time I was taught!”

“When were you taught?” Scott tilted his head.

“I think I was… seven? My parents knew I wanted to be a hunter, so they taught me,” Martyn hummed, looking out at the beach. He could remember the eagerness in his voice when he asked his parents to teach him. He only knew of the dangers through them and the people he lived around, but he knew his heart was calling out to the sea more than anything else. “I needed practice, like everyone else, but I’m a natural. A crack shot, they’d told me!” He laughed. Shooting a target from far away was much easier than fighting with swords or his bare hands.

Scott blinked, processing Martyn’s words. He slowly turned his head to Martyn, eyes widening in shock as all sense of his playfulness dropped. “You were a child when you learned how to use those?”

“Yeah…? I wanted to be a hunter, Scott, so I learned early.” Martyn looked at Scott and shrugged, feeling the ginger’s gaze on his skin felt… different. Martyn learned how to use guns to be a hunter, not to– oh. Was Scott thinking Martyn would…? Martyn shook his head and raised his hands up. “But I can’t shoot a person. A sea monster is easy because they’re big and stupid, but a person…?”

Scott had a judgemental look on his face as it scrunched up. He pulled his legs up and wrapped his arms around them, resting his head on it as he sighed. “Ending a person’s life is hard, and I’m happy you haven’t shot anyone, but…,” he trailed off. Martyn leaned closer to Scott as he raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you think it’s a little concerning?”

“What’s concerning?”

“You learned how to shoot things, how to kill things, as a kid,” Scott looked away, gripping his arms tighter as he watched the waves flow in and out. “Every life has a purpose; from you, to me, and even the beasts in the ocean.”

Martyn narrowed his eyes. Exactly what purpose could those monsters serve? Being ocean terrors? An effective way to kill humans and destroy ships? To bring fear in the hearts of children? To kill Ren- Jimmy? Why were there monsters in the ocean? Why should there be?

“They’re monsters, Scott.” Martyn hissed, anger rising in his voice.

“They’re animals,” Scott hissed back, his face pinching into an expression that was almost pained. “They’re just animals….”

“They’re heartless, cruel, and always starving.” Martyn huffed, pulling out his gun to examine it under the sunlight. Horrible beasts. Disgusting monsters. Murderers. “They’re such horrible, unnatural beasts that every mechanic in the world works to develop better guns and weapons to kill them all.”

He didn’t fully notice the way Scott shied away from the gun in his hand. “You’re lucky you don’t need to leave the kingdom to see those ugly things,” Martyn spat.

“Ugly…,” Scott grumbled, turning his head away, like he was offended by the notion. “Well, I’m sure most of them would think the same about you.”

Martyn blinked, giving Scott a double take. Ugly…?

Scott let out a sigh as he stretched and uncurled his legs and arms to stretch out in front of him. He picked up a small handful of sand and watched it fall through his fingers. “Every life is precious, every life is running on limited time. I’m not an idiot. I know things die. But there’s no reason to cut it shorter than it needs to be. ” He smiled wistfully, tossing the rest of the sand forward. “The sea is… scary, but maybe if you had an open mind, you’d see there’s more to it than monsters.”

Martyn followed Scott’s gaze and stared. Was there anything more to them? Surely not. The fondness in Scott’s voice was hard to believe- but the man has never even seen any beast to Martyn’s knowledge. The fond tone that Scott spoke about those- those monsters with… it honestly made Martyn angry. Those monsters took away the people he cared about. The people he loved. People he cherished. Jimmy, Ren… and so many other innocent people lost their lives to the sea, Lizzie’s parents…. The ocean took all of them, and there was nothing to blame but the monsters that infested it.

“They’re monsters, nothing more than that,” he spat, emotions in his chest wrenching into a tight knot that made it hard to breathe. He swung his arm out to the side, bringing his gun up in front of his chest as he rose to his knees, almost looming over Scott. “I know what they are, Scott, and I know I’m doing all that I can to protect you and the rest of the kingdom from the beasts that would just as quickly swallow you whole as they would crush you into pieces!”

“There’s no need for you to be so hostile about it,” Scott snapped at Martyn, his eyes narrowing into a cold glare that felt like icy daggers stabbing into Martyn’s face. Scott stood up and brushed all the sand from his clothes with a sigh. “I understand.” He walked closer to the water, just enough for the waves to lap against his shoes and tightened his fist, as if preventing to lash out.

Martyn blinked. “Was I-?” he muttered to himself.

He looked out at Scott standing in the surf. He looked… sad. The guilty feeling in his chest built up once more.

All of a sudden, Martyn remembered just how happy Scott looked with his birds fluttering around him, with the canary nuzzling his palm. Oh-. Scott was an animal lover…. No wonder he-.

Martyn was messing everything up. First he’d ignored him, and he was pushing Scott away by getting angry. Martyn quickly stood up and ran across the beach towards Scott, “Oh, Scott, I’m sorry–”

Scott turned to look at him, a flat expression on his face.

Martyn felt his heart twist, “I- I’m sorry. I- I didn’t mean to make you feel….”

“Upset?” Scott supplied.

“Yeah…,” Martyn bowed his head. His hand twitched out, reaching for Scott’s but giving up and retreating before he could take it. Martyn turned his head away and bit his lip. “I-... I made you-....”

Scott stepped closer and held out his hand. “No need for that, silly hunter,” he smiled sweetly. Martyn took it almost immediately, surprising them both. Scott let out a chuckle and bumped his shoulder next to Martyn’s. “I’m not mad,” Scott said softly. Martyn believed him. He looked… sad instead.

“I don’t want you to–”

“You’re just fine.” Scott assured him with a smirk. “It takes a lot more than a simple disagreement to make me actually upset. We’re okay, right?”

Martyn bashfully nodded, resulting in a wide smile from Scott. Was he… really okay? Or was he just hiding how he felt? For Martyn’s sake? Martyn hoped it was the former.

Scott put a hand on his chest, giving Martyn’s hand a small squeeze. “Just… try to keep an open mind, alright? The world can be… stranger than you might think.” He smiled a little bashfully, “I might have- a surprise or two… to share, eventually.”

“Like how you can kick my butt in hand to hand?”

Scott’s face split into a wide grin, his eyes lighting up with laughter. “Just like that.”

Martyn felt himself smiling, a laugh escaping him as he squeezed Scott’s hand. Yeah, they were okay.

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iforgotwhaticalledthis · 4 months ago

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Rae Morningstar and Loneliness: An Analysis

SO something that occurred to me recently is how much being alone effects. well. everyone in Fable(not like everyone everyone but like,a not insignificant amount of people.) Their society is shown to be one of few(if not the only) thriving communities, and lots of people deal with being alone either before they join the cast, or during. Take Ulysses. when he shows up in Fable, he has to grapple with the fact that he is the last of his race. Same with Ari- being one of the last of the Aether. And for characters like Icarus, Caspian, and many many others, they have to deal with being alone before they find a community of people they can be around and trust. One such case is Rae Morningstar.

At the start of the story, Rae is alone. Almost everyone has some form of connection. Icarus, Centross, and Easton have ominous bane. Momboo, Jamie, and Easton are family. Haley already knows Momboo. The only people without any connection are Athena, Will, and Rae. Will's not really around much, and well, Athena had a retconned family so it doesn't really affect his character. (Though i totally do have thoughts about this post retconned Athena and stuff but this is a Rae post). However, by the end of the series, Rae is deeply embedded in the community. He was alone once. and he tries his hardest never to be again.

Rae's lowest moments are when he's alone. In season 1, when Enderian makes him that offer, he probably wouldve taken it in a heartbeat, if not for the fact that if he did, he would be Alone. (and also that he might be used against his friends) In s2 when he finds out he and Icarus are brothers, he is so desperate to hold on to that relationship. I think its why he's so desperate to keep that connection. He doesnt want to lose his brother again. Also the beginning of S2 IS SO bad for him. All of his friends, his family all gone. he's alone yet surrounded by the people he knows. He mentions how bad it wouldve been if not for Ocie- the one person who can relate to him. Someone that stops him from being completely alone. Then theres the sculk arc, which, do I even have to explain? In s3 , Rae gets mad at Centross. A big reason is because Centross left him alone. And when Icarus starts to isolate, later on, what does Rae say, in concern "I just don't want them to be alone." Rae was alone before. so now he tries to make sure that no one else in the community is. For example, he reaches out to everyone. He's always the one people go to for help, so that when they need it they won't be alone. See where Im going with this?

Another thing. Each and every time Rae met one of his partners? Bot him and the partner have been alone. Take Caspian- I mean Cas was alone in the prison, he was isolated. And Rae had been banned from seeing Jamie and Athena was being kept away. The two people he was closest too at the time had left him- even if it wasn't their own choice. When he met Aax, everyone he knew and loved had forgotten him. And Aax had been sitting alone in a cave. Waiting for Theo to return. Even when they first met, Aax was alone, being the only one to escape from the Telchins, and Rae was trapped in a home where he had no one to turn to. When he met Fenris, ,he was alone, having run from his home to keep people safe. And Fenris was alone after being turned into a wolf who couldnt even talk to other animals. for possibly centuries.

Even in smaller things, he doesn't want to be alone, like when he learns Centross and Fenris forgave Ven. He doesn't know how to deal with that anger, now that he's alone in it. He gets tatoos so that he wont forget these people, so he'll never be alone. And at the end of hist story? He and his family turn into gods. He'll never be alone, not even in death.

Anyway i just had some thoughts. if you noticed any inaccuries/have any points to add/ disagree with any of my points please reblog! i want to see waht other people think. Also i might make a follow up on how loneliness affects other characters, this really got me thinking

#fable smp #soop.txt #rae morningstar

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cosmossystem · 5 days ago

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on the topic of "sysmeds* have gotten louder recently" i just want to ramble and give my optimist perspective on it really because i dont think its the full story. (*and if you have a problem with me using that term, stick around and youll see why i use it.)

for context i formed as a fictive alter in about mid to late 2016. we were going through a lot of rapid splits and shutdowns at this time. many of the people who split would get forcibly dormant just days later, including me, and im lucky that i got out of it because i know a lot of those alters back then didnt. normally i wouldnt call all of us alters, but this was a very trauma-heavy time and we were going through heavily fragmented periods with dissociation and amnesia. we couldnt accept that we were plural.

anyway, point is that we were in plural spaces around then, and i took over as the host in december of that year as i broke up with my shitty in-system persecutor boyfriend (thats a story for a different day.)

so its 2017 and im 12, turning 13 soon, both inner and outer. we are a rapidly growing system of 13, no 20, no 41-- and then soon its back down to about 30, where it will stay for the next 8 years. but in the mean time, me and my new partner, jam, are learning to pilot a flesh-mech on the fly and letting ourselves be cringy tweenagers. we take over the tumblr blogs (most of which are anti-cgl blogs, which is very ironic considering some of our members now do that) and we start journalling. more importantly, in late 2017 i make my own blog and i start chatting. im basically the only person fronting about 70% of the time and im a huge yapper so it starts to take off.

i post art. i wont say what specifically i do or what fandom its for but the gist is that i run a requests blog. (im sure, if you were in a very specific sect of fandom around then, you could probably guess who i am and what blog i ran, but i doubt that will happen here. if it does, keep it to yourself.)

and i get really popular. im talkin hundreds, at one point thousands of followers. i wake up every day to a dozen asks and i fulfill them and i talk about my day with the people in my askbox. i tell them about my disability, about my boyfriends (later, husbands), and i tell them about my plurality. sometimes i get into the weeds of discourse, but i try not to. mind you, im about 13 or 14 and im the staunchest pro-queer, pro-endo, pro-tucute tween you would have ever met. still not quite all there on the pro-kink or pro-ship fronts, but that didnt cause me any issues at that point, and i wouldnt figure it out for another two or so years. anyway, people are usually nice to me and i am nice, if not a bit impassioned, back.

most of the people i speak to on this blog are singlets. but being that this particular fandom is mostly made of younger people like me (at this point anyway) many of them are curious about plurality or plural themselves. funny enough, while i remember discussing a lot of my plurality and explaining what it meant, i dont recall a whole lot of people arguing over it. no one ever sent me anon hate saying that i didnt exist and that didosddsdosod was the only way to be plural. i DO recall getting dogpiled on numerous occasions because this was during the height of ace discourse, mogai drama, and right at the rise of the whole "bi-lesbians-dont-exist" thing, so most of my controversy covered those.

but on several occasions i explained to singlets what a system was, and what it meant that i was "married" to my headmates, and i met so many people who said they were also plural, and i even helped a few realize they were plural. i truly look at that with a sense of pride and joy because how many people get to say they helped someone realize an important aspect of themself/ves? how many people are out there living their life as single when theyre actually more than one? how many didnt know that word existed until a stranger happily explained it to them, before realizing that word applied to them? its one thing to be gay and know youre gay, its another to go your entire life without realizing that being gay is an option until one day it dawns on you and the next youre out and proud. being plural is like that. its world-altering. most dont realize its an option until theyre told.

its not necessarily that system spaces didnt have their problems. from singlets, there was more curiosity. system spaces were still very much divided, but for the most part sysmeds stuck to their corner and mostly only argued when argued with. that word, mind you, did not exist at the time, we just called em "anti endos". i dont remember when or how that term was coined, but theres a good reason we call them that now, and its because they would say the same shit to me that transmeds would. regardless, i dont doubt that there were probably issues of them going out of their way to harass people, but i cant recall any and it never happened to us, so make of that what you will.

in those times, i experienced more transphobia, homophobia, and aphobia than i did anything else. when i did see sysmeds, it was in their own little bubble. i think the broader world didnt care so much about plurality and didnt know that sysmedicalism was a thing that could happen until maybe a couple of years ago now, and back then, it was treated purely with curiosity and intrigue instead of hate.

but "system spaces" have always had an anti-endo side, and i know this because i was one.

i havent said as much up until now, but in those early days of journaling, it was maybe for a year or so that we were anti-endo. couldnt tell you what changed really, but i think it was just a growing exhaustion of hearing about how terrible and awful and cruel and disgusting those evil, evil endos were. a lot of sysmeds like to proclaim their 'one true real genuine method' of being plural is the only one, and since the start we were never going to fit into that mold-- we were and are fictive heavy, in-system relationships, able to change forms in headspace, no dissociative amnesia, very little memory loss and practically no multi-consciousness, the works. but it was there and it wasnt very pretty. i am grateful i didnt internalize too much of it, didnt spread it very much, and we got out when we did because it was toxic enough back then and its worse now.

i should say that i dont think necessarily there is a rise in sysmedicalism similar to, say, the trend of label policing (a la bi lesbians) or ace discourse at its peak. while that does happen with minority labels when theyre suddenly thrust into the spotlight of the week, plurality has not had that moment yet (thank god, knock on wood it never does) and so far the only way this has happened is with a few isolated incidents that i know of, maybe im wrong. but i think its moreso that the plural community has grown to crazy heights with the rise of more people discovering it and understanding themselves, and naturally there would be a proportional rise in sysmedicalism too. the only main difference maybe is now that we have bigger platforms like tiktok and twitter, and we have prominent plural resources like pluralkit and simply plural, and with the rise in political unrest-- all of those things contribute to this rise in sysmedicalism. they have more visibility and a loud voice despite being the minority, and so they get their fifteen seconds of fame.

i guess i get it. theyre angry. theyre upset that the world is injust. they think theyre allowed-- encouraged, even, or that its their right-- to come into a community that has been building itself for the past several decades on inclusion and resource-sharing and cause a commotion. they have a disorder, they have trauma, they DESERVE to be listened to and they dont want to see their very debilitating disorder being mocked like this, or whatever it is they say. unfortunately they are the terfs of this community, and i can say that because ive been dealing with those too for the past decade also.

what im trying to get across is this: plurals have existed forever. this community has existed for decades at this point, maybe centuries. with every progressive movement there will be a counter-movement, and this one is no exception, they just happen to be particularly loud right now. as we grow in numbers, so does our visibility, and so does theirs. the plural community is fine. it continue to be fine. there is nothing happening right now to us that hasnt already happened a billion times before, and there is no sysmedicalist piece of shit on this planet that can destroy us. theyve been trying for as long as weve existed and they never succeed. keep going, keep telling people about us, keep existing and keep doing your best. be louder than them.

red

#💿 red #endo safe #pro endo #Old Plural Yells At Cloud #pluralgang #plural community #pluralpunk

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baby-xemnas · 5 months ago

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🐯🐻‍❄️ big big love (sort of a draft i want to make into a comic but itll take so long im scared)

pre rship lawbepo - the thought that the boys could suggest law gets into a relationship - ofc while joking that theyd be sad to share captains time with a woman, but it cant be helped! - bepo overhearing and getting upset....ofc law dismisses it, but it still hurts

does captain need a romantic relationship? would it make him happier, does he feel incomplete? its awfully selfish to not want it to happen then ..but where does that leave HIM - bepo chan spiraling into those thoughts... he knew that maybe one day his friendship wont be enough but he couldn't prepare for such a day to come

it would be cute if he didn't even consider himself as a viable sexual partner. they are different races, captain is not gay etc...maybe he rubbed off to a thought of what it would be like to be a cute girl being fucked by law 😳 oh bepo...his thought going there because of logic - okay im a human, and captain is a man, so he would be into a human female, what would that be like? and getting SO embarrassed so quickly because while he knows little about human romance he does know how things work (and how women act around their love interests in literature) so projecting onto that making his head explode. bepo doesnt have time to analyze how he feels he just panics, overwhelmed by the idea and after surprise subsides getting real upset that he is not in fact a human woman...

little did he know that not only its possible but law wants him BADLY. bepo darling he thinks about bending you over and spreading those furry cheeks So Much that if you'd know you would die of embarrassment.

physically it makes no sense cuz hes so big but i love light weight bepo - maybe its the lack of exposure cuz he drinks rarely. but imagine him confessing awkwardly like "haha if i was a human girl i could date captain and never let any other girls near him! 😖" much to 😦😦😦 from the other 3

penshachi: gtg bye (theyll later come back to not find neither law nor bepo cuz theyve gotten back to polar tang to make out in laws cabin. under the guise of "bepo you drank too much we have to go" and when law grabs his hand bepo cant do anything

law is so excited he can barely think straight cuz he only said he doesn't care much for women or human women, trying not to foam at the mouth at the chance with bepo that fell into his lap.

But its an uphill battle how to delicately explain to Bepo that not only Law wants him as he is (male and mink and all) he is the ONLY person he wants. imagine the pressure and fear that he simply misunderstood bepo.

imagine their walk back to the ship from the bar - bepo still tipsy but sobering up from fear because atmosphere got real weird once he said what he said ...and the boys left so they cant even get captain distracted. its just him.

bepo walks behind silent law and anxiety keeps bubbling up to the point bepo starts tearing up because hes not sober so emotions are extra hard to contain and he is so afraid that he ruined everything and what he said will break their relationship now that law knows how he feels. he made it weird and now law hates him 😭

law turning around after he hears bepo sniffle and ofc he puts two and two together

-bepo im not mad or grossed out

-whuh?? 🥺😭

-you dont need to be a girl to keep women away from me you know

-huh??? (at that point bepo is so drowned in worry he forgot what he said)

-you....[sigh] bepo calm down

-sorry...

-if you were a girl you would be my lover?

-dont say it like that captain im sorry its stupid i shouldn't have said it!! 😭😭

-but cant you do it now?

-do what?

-be that

-what, a girl??

-(law closing his eyes in frustration not wanting to call bepo stupid even tho he's being VERY stupid right now) my lover, bepo, it would make me happy if you were my lover now, as you are, you dont need to be a human woman for that

[cue bepo's whole would breaking to the point he almost faints]

#looking at my drafts idr if i posted it #sorry if i did #talk tag #lawbepo

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chenyuvale · 2 days ago

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Least favorite ships + why? Idk I like to see what people think😼

(Genshin ships btw lololol)

genshintwt hates me for this

basically every popular mlm ship ,,,

the most popular mlm ship i enjoy is cytham and compared to like. The tall man x tall man ones its not that popular!! agony!

more specifics here so be warned: if i mention a fave ship of yours here, its not a personal attack and im not gonna hold it against you for shipping differently than i do. that being said heres my take on my least fave ships

ok lets talk abt kavetham.. i think they're exes. i enjoy them as a duo but not as a romantic pair; they literally fight in every scene they're in so im convinced kaveh had a crush and they tried dating for a week or even just 5 days so not even a week and kaveh got so frustrated that he broke it off but is salty abt it and haitham only agreed bc "why not, if it works it works and if it doesnt it doesnt" he had no expectations whereas kaveh had every expectation but haitham didn't live up to that so now kavehs just constantly annoyed and angry w haitham bc he doesn't know hoe to move on

i dont like zhongchi or neuvithesley very much simply because i dont. see it. its another case of they dont really like each other? and i think its hypocritical of certain fans to go against ships like zhongxiao bc "they're father/son" when. zhongchi is so much more (by their own standards) problematic than zhongxiao.. like stay? in your lane? and neuvithesley feels to me like ppl just want an excuse to have sigewinne as thier child when. sigewinne is more like wrios mom or grandma considering her actual age ejfhehfhd hes the youngest of the three and fanon loves to ignore it! i wont tolerate that :)

i have a Very hot take on kae/luc that both the antis and the pros dont like; they're not brothers but they aren't lovers either.. i also think they're exes

mostly because thats the vibe i got when i first saw thier interactions in game, it felt similar to asra/julian from the arcana and bc i was into the arcana right before getting into genshin asrian was on my mind, i started looking into them as one does and encountered the Discourse; knowing the cn stereotype though and that it is used to hide gay relationships in cn media; i further took that as proof that they're exes (and Both are bitter about it i enjoy the dynamic a lot. and genuinely they cant live w/o each other) im not going to attack ragbros believers tho, neither am i going to attack the shippers i like the content regardless bc both sides can agree that they cant live w/o each other and it torments the both of them

i could go more in depth bc they mean a lot to me but alas i shall hold off for now

other than that theres some ships i just dont fully understand? like yantao, ittogorou, thomato and eulamber, i get the premise behind eulamber but i cant help but think amber deserves better 😔 yantao i dont? get it and i dont know that i want to at this point it's just confused me bc as soon as yanfei was released ppl jumped on the yantao trainwagon and im confused where it came from? im also a bit more of a yanfei/kuki person myself but before that i didn't have any real yanfei ship; ittogorou feels like ppl just want itto with any guy they want and it bugs me, thomato is toxic. point blank; ayato is constantly bullying thoma and thoma is not the type of guy to fight back but like irs very. family bullying and not romantic partner bullying. and ayato knows how to bully a romantic partner hes very sadistic. but thoma is vanilla as fuck he doesn't want to be bullied so give ayato to diluc who Is a masochist and will accept ayatos bullying :D in that news i also like kaeya x thoma

those are all the ones that come to mind and again if i mention a ship you like dont take it personally!! at all!! its just my view on things and im not gonna shame you for having different takes. i love others interpretations so much im incredibly open minded, id be such a hypocrite if i wasnt

#im incredibly particular abt my takes also so.. orz #nya.txt #oxianna #asks.exe #and this is shortened #i have Stories to Tell

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zerokissingbooth · 7 months ago

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screwhill / bootllum sex headcanons

im a screwllum warrior first and foremost so this is like 80% driven on by my carnal want for him. also these are just edited discord messages. these are nsfw

if i see u are ageless or a minor liking or reblogging this i will block u and then delete this post. forever. i am not joking.

its screwllum who makes the first few flirtatious moves- asking boothill about his modifications, what specific functions he has that arent human, etc. hes really fascinated esp since he's had his own sort of body overhaul himself. boothill probably starts feeling for him first and makes more offers to hang around whenever they cross paths and go for drinks. at some point screwllum sees boothill struggling to do some minor self repairs and offers to help and its like lowkey edging for boothill bc hes horny due to gentleman robot not giving a fuck ab his accent his bounty or whatever but also screwllum being like a whole hand in with wires near his torso. screwllum asks if he's ever had sex as a cyborg and boothill says somewhat and screwllums like Well do you want to see how we inorganics copulate? and boothill gets so hard he audibly lets out static

sex wise it can go 50/50. theyre both switches and both okay with being the dom or sub in the bedroom. i think screwllum prefers being dom just bc he likes observing but he wont say no if boothill wants to wirebang him

boothill learns ab screwllums 'sir' kink and likewise screwllum finds out boothill Really enjoys seeing his clothes on screwllum

so they both really REALLY love wireplay. a lot. boothill especially likes making screwllum become a mess just from messing with a few exposed panels.

when boothill is topping or whatever he loves like. mean praise. like not degredation but he looooves reminding screwy that hes a genius and a leader of an entire planet and yet he loves being turned into a mushy cpu by a wanted cowoby

boothill prefers riding (he makes cowboy jokes the entire time) whenever they both use genital attachments and screwy likes missionary bc he likes watching boothills expressions

ok this is moreso a personal general robofucking hc but each conscious cyborg or robot or whatever has a bluetooth like ability where they dont need to really 'plug in' their attachments. this makes it easier for charging stuff and for less port space. however this also means for stuff like genitalia attachments if left on their partners can make it REALLY easy to edge them or even overstim them. when theyre sexting one of them (screwllum most of the time) will take advantage of this and start basically edging boothill when he's on the low somewhere. its a game of patience to see how long boothill takes until he goes hopping to the nearest shuttle to get him back (the bluetooth function also allows them not to have to 'pack' anything persay)

boothill usually takes initiative in the bedroom but when screwllum wants to tease he will be the first to do it. and everyone around them who knows theyre dating or fucking loathes it bc its so easy to instantly tell when boothill is getting flustered or aroused. when boothill is topping or in charge or whatever its a lot of fingering and rough touching

#talking #nsf.w #gentlebot #boothill x screwllum #screwhill #im calling this one... hmmm #bellefly....#bc like southern belle and butterfly #honkai star rail #i guess

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herboretum · 4 months ago

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big ol text abt me being aroace so🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅ow oka🍅🍅🍅🍅y i get it i know 🍅🍅🍅🍅ow I Talk so much abt being aroace🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 i prmise this is the last🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 time 🍅🍅🍅🍅DAMN okay CHILL🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅read if u wanna 🍅🍅🍅ow OW!!!!!!🍅

ough man sometimes i wish i wasnt aroacespec for the sake of my own wellbeing yanno,,,,,,

its been physically paining me (since the start of the year realistically) knowing im incapable of loving another person romantically, of being unable to feel that passion for someone the way devoted partners would for their other half

it makes (and has made) me cry knowing i wont have that connection probably ever! that i just. cant love on that level! it kills me, genuinely, just not being able to have those moments where i can lean all my trust to one person, to have moments of vulnerability with someone. to be able to have lovesick days or gaze into their eyes or be able to simply reciprocate an "i love you" that they know is more than that simple statement. it fucking kills me man it makes me sick to my stomach

i dont know why. i never chose to be like this!!!! why couldnt i just be normal man!!! theres nothing wrong with me yet theres everything that could have been better! sometimes i get so jealous of people i know who are in really loving relationships. how they can just ramble on about how they love their partner to their core, that every imperfection they see is a beauty to behold. why cant i experience that? like genuinely what the fuck happened with me??

i feel like nobody ever talks about how alienating being aroace can sometimes feel. i feel like what im experiencing should not exist. im aroace not because i chose to be, but because i simply am, and i really hate that about me. theres so many people celebrating and while i can relate sometimes, i also feel like a sack of hopeless shit too!! im like a paradox man idk its wild how actually unfathomable this situation i am in. it doesnt feel real i feel like im contradicting myself 24/7

this is what i mean when i say i live vicariously through other people and my projections onto fiction. i am just that unable to not contradict myself in real fucking life. its so stupid man i fucking hate being here

anyways i digresss:3 not really. ive just been in this weird middle state for over half a year and today just kinda felt like a snapping point for literally no reason ?!?!:; i love being aroace. i really do. but god sometimes it just hurts me knowing theres a version of me enjoying a better life than i am

and lowkey if im gonna theorize, i genuinely think my issue stems from my inability to properly socialize with other people: i am just that fucking pathetic. me being scared of interactions has led me to become avoidant of others, which in turn has probably caused me to act like this im gonna aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaago fishing

#wall of text GO!!!!!!!#uhhh anyways aha yeag #thats just the aroace life for me baby!!!! cant all be unicorns and rainbows!!#specially the aegoromantic and aegosexual life. for me. ough!!!#also this has been in my drafts since june sooo happy pride to me smiles i just added that last part #also this isnt like me complaining that i dont want to be aroace. actually ok yes it is BUT specifically i dont want this to represent me #complaining about WHY being aroace sucks. being aroace is fucking goated asf i just be weird ok ❤️❤️#u cant pry me away from this label im hot glued magnetized & triple sticky tacked

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fictionfixations · 5 months ago

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LMAO ZEN (doesnt it happen for everyones routes though? i havent done like another story yet tho)

anyway before i get into talking about jumin (as the route im on rn) i wanted to wonder

yknow how certain things happen but only on someones route?

like zen has the echo girl thing, idk what yoosung has i forgor but i think jaehee had that one project??? that got her interested in like coffee stuff? jumin has the arranged marriage?? and seven has like. well. the hacker stuff.

but it never gets mentioned on someone elses route ? i dont think? i feel like itd be more cooler if it was all happening at once as like little references (but either something they can handle or cant handle outside of the route. just like maybe a vague mention of trouble to interest the player in that route, while still making sense from like a timeline standpoint???)

like. people doing things but its not because youre the one pushing it towards that. i like that more. and im curious how chaotic itd be

anyway

JUMIN. (disclaimer: I dont like him)

WARNING i start venting in this post. theres only one mention of a triggering thing (which is warned before the actual vent part but i dont want to put here to bring the mood down more cause in all honesty im over it. im just kind of projecting.)

i think ive said before how i can understand the liking of possessive partners

but. okay maybe its just that i dont like jumin as much as the others but. this is kinda way too much. or maybe its that i value my own independence a whole lot or maybe its because i really dont like the thing with his cat (and i LIKE cats. so giving me a character who likes cats and making me not like them??? ahgeiudhf)

like 'dont leave or ill go insane and make your face known everywhere so i can find you again' like the fuck no w h y CAN I LEAVE

I want to leave i dont care if i get the bad ending get me out of here 😭 (actually i think the bad ending mightve been if we encouraged being compared to like his cat and like. was willing to stay forever.)

e w NO like CHILL

maybe. im. being too extreme. and im just too on edge. but like. can you not. i am not your property?? i am not an object??

now LISTEN i understand marking. like like yknow biting and so and so as like a claim over your partner. and now that? thats hot and i like that. but thats ONLY for the bedroom there comes a point where too much of a thing is a bad thing

ALSO we've known each other how many days has it been. eight?? WE've known each other EIGHT days dont be horny bonk

g o o d . this is good.

STOP. dont talk like you know whats best for a person. like its some thing that'll happen, not a what if.

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. now if he was being more weird id say go home but hes. OKAY. ish. now. like hes trying. and anyway getting him to not do it takes time. and also this is a game of romance fantasies where creepy shit gets played off as kinky or something. (not a jab towards mysme its just the kind of thing its trying to do which can result in uncomfortable parts if you take off your rose-tinted glasses of wOAH ROmANCE. its expected since ppl think certain things are hot when in reality its kind of very not that great)

…CAN I GO HOME???? like BRUH im not gonna accept you just cause you do so and so

why does this feel like a 'nice guy'. maybe this is my bad because this is making me really want to leave buth gdiuhfuih

trigger warning. i vent. mention of kermit sewer slide but nothing actual.

ive been pushing the 'stay here to help jumin feel more calm' but. i do also need to prioritize my own well being and my well being is not happy here rn 😭 (on a serious note though while its important to be there for your partner, its NOT a good thing to give everything to make sure your partners okay, because y'all are equals and as you help them stand they need to help you stand too or you'll collapse under all that and it really wont be a good time. im telling you its very draining. and why i promote the idea of get your shit together before you get with someone because there comes a point where you can be too dependent on your partner which isnt good for you or for them [and they can feel hesitant to express their feelings because they dont want to hurt you, or hesitant to do anything too stressful because theyre like that support pillar for them, and they dont want to do anything that causes otherwise because they dont want their partner to get hurt. it can also mean they go along with what the other wants even if they dont really want to because they dont want to hurt them. am i projecting? ithink im projecting. cause like. ive been there. and honestly i think it kind of fucked me up cause there was like a power imbalance in that one was significantly more fragile and vulnerable then the other, which made me feel like i should be going along with it because i didnt want them to be hurt when they didnt have anyone else they could rely on but me. [i tried to get them to make more friends cause relying on a single person is very unhealthy but no dice] but that also meant that they didnt respect my boundaries or respect me when i say no and instead just gave off excuses to make me change my mind or made me feel like i had to do what they wanted or theyd deliberately hurt themself. so.. it was a lot. anyway it really fucked me up cause i felt like i was in the wrong for not going along with it. blah blah blah. we split. i genuinely have no idea if it was true or not but they'd started saying things to make me feel bad and just not a fun time at all. they were probably in a really dark time in their life but im gonna be honest. i dont know in what scenario its okay to go 'im gonna kermit sewer slide if you dont [blah blah blah]'. so yknow. and this is not really the same but it still feels the same in walking all over boundaries and lines and is especially why i do not like this character a bit. yay trauma.])

i might actually get a bad ending because i. really dont like this.

#mysme #mystic messenger #thoughts #vent tw #cw vent #personal vent #i kind of got off topic #haha oops #mysme jumin

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cumulo-stratus · 1 year ago

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hey pookie!!! I saw your requests are open and I know you’re doing flufftober but I would adore you even more (idk if that’s even possible) if you would write something about reader coming out as genderfluid to Spencer? Maybe they just got together and they are nervous about what he’ll say? Just tons of fluff!!! Love you 💋💋💋💗🫶 xoxo

Like We Always Do

(GIF NOT MINE)

Request: Yes/No

Pairing: Fiancé!Spencer x Genderfluid!reader

description: after Spencer proposes to his partner they decide they have to tell Spencer what they had been thinking about for months- and Spencer is always ready to support his partner

Warnings: fluff, possible swearing

A/N: Thank so much for the love/support ma biche!! this is such a cute idea i love it sm! just wanna let you know since on top of school and fencing im still catching on flufftober it wont be super quick, but ill try my best additionally, im going to mostly have reader be presenting/using masc/gn pronouns. Also pls let me know if there any inaccuracies since im not gender fluid myself- and I'll try to fix them right away! (Again im litteraly fucking obsessed with this idea it's so cute)

Spencer given y/n an absolutely wonderful day- they had a relaxing morning book shopping at spencers favorite local bookshop- but as the afternoon approached Spencer became more and more nervous. he had planned every moment in his head, and had been running through them continuously. Now spencer knew y/n would probably say yes- he had the statistics to back him up but he couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming anxiety creeping through him. The train finally pulled to a stop at their station and the screeching of metal on metal and the ambient hum of people starting to shuffle off, startled spencer out of his pensive sort of trance. Knowing Y/N’s aversion to crowded spaces he took his hand and led him to another exit on the other end of the carriage- placing a small kiss on his boyfriends knuckles eliciting a small giggle from Y/n

After they made the last leg of their journey to the beautiful park where the couple nhad their first date- spencer led y/n a small path in the forested area, surrounded by bright orange and yellow and red trees. The autumn colored leaves swayed softly in the gentle breeze- causing an ambient rustling. Y/ns hand still grasped tightly in spencers they started their way down the path. They walked for about 30 minutes- conversation drifting everywhere from books to politics to work, and even a little bit of work gossip from y/ns job.

Finally they reached a spot that looked over a small pond- the sun starting to set and reflecting onto the water below.

They came to a stop and Spencer took y/n's hands in his- looking into his eyes. When y/n noticed Spencer's intense gaze they looked at him worriedly. Spencer couldn't help himself- the combination of the weight of the ring in his pocket, and y/ns caring gaze. Before he even realized what he was doing he was down on one knee, looking up at Y/n.

This caught Y/n completely off guard and they gasped- finally understanding what spencer was doing. And tears came to y/ns eyes as spencer asked them to marry him.

“Y/n, we’ve been together for 2 years- and it’s been some of the best 2 years of my life. Ive laughed, I’ve smiled- but most of all I’ve loved, and i want to love with you for the rest of my life…”

at this point y/n had tear tracks all over their cheeks and spencer looked up at y/n expectedly. And when y/n nodded yes excitedly spencer shot up from his kneeling position to pull Y/n into an extremely tight hug, at one point even picking them up and spinning them around. Finally spencer let go of his now fiance and looked them in the eyes, but thats when he noticed that y/ns face had fell. Spencer was immediately worried and took Y/ns hands in his again asking “love, is something wrong? are you okay?” Y/n only looked down, almost as if embarrassed or shameful.

“spence. I- i cant…”

"You can't what? Do you not like the ring? We can get another one!"

Y/m chuckled dryly at Spencer's worried demeanor and said

" No- I love the ring- I just can't accept it without telling you something..." he looked slightly relieved, but still concerned for his partner.

“love you can tell me anything, just go ahead”

y/n shut their eyes tight, bracing themselves for what they were about to do.

“i think im genderfluid..- ive been thinking about it for months now but i didnt tel you because i was scared of what you’d say but if we’re taking the next step i need to know you’ll accept me..”

At this point y/n was rambling, still avoiding looking at spencer. His gaze softened as y/n explained their thoughts. And spencer couldn’t help but take y/ns face in his hands, forcing them to look at him. And when they made eye contact, y/n trailed off. This gave spencer his opportunity to once again pour his heart out for the person in front of him.

“oh y/n.. i will always accept you. Regardless of your gender identity, your pronouns, how you dress, you’ll still be the same person thats gonna laugh with me, is gonna kiss me and is gonna hold e when i need it the most. Becuase that’s what you do y/n!” Spencer laughed a little when he said it, before continuing “you care for people endlessly..- and thats what makes you you. Not how you identify or what pronouns you use. So I’ll always accept you.. okay?”

Spencer looked into Y/ns eyes intently as he asked this, making sure y/n understood that he would love them eternally. y/n just nodded, to speechless at spencers response to form words. Finally spencer took y/n in a deep, passionate and loving kiss. And when they finally pulled away for that pesky air- spencer spoke again.

“I dont know exactly how it’s all gonna work-“ because despite spencers vast and encyclopedic knowledge, he didnt know much about being gender-fluid. “But we’ll figure it out together- like we always do.” Y/n looked up at spencer with complete love and adoration in their eyes and responded simply with

“Like we always do..”

The end

#bau #criminal minds #bau team #spencer reid #fluff #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x genderfluid! reader #ask #ask cumulus #request

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my-castles-crumbling · 5 months ago

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hii! i need some help,,,

so basically back in febuary i started dating my best friend because we both liked eachother, but recently i started losing feelings, and they didnt really show affection or act any different (it was like we were still friends but we just called eachother our boyfriends), i felt like i wasnt ready for a relationship, and i overall felt like we were better off as just best friends. so in may(ish) i told them that i didnt want to be partners and i thought we were better as best friends. i thought they took it pretty well, we didnt talk for about a month until we started texting again. it felt pretty distant, we would say goodmorning and ask how we were doing, and say goodnight. i thought that everything would be okay. we just needed some time to ourselves. but last week i found their spotify playlist that said that they felt so bad and that they couldve been a better bf in the description. (it said more but you get the point) idk how to tell them but they didnt do anything wrong, if anything its my fault for getting into a relationship and then dipping because it "didnt feel right". i feel so awful. im so guilty. i didnt mean to hurt their feelings. i love them so much and it feels like theyre all i have left. i dont know what to do without them. im scared that they dont/wont like me anymore. what do i do???

a little unrelated but my two other friends just started dating and i know its bad but i feel a little jealous. i dont have anyone and now me and my best friend are the only single ones in our friend group. i lost my chance.

sorry for the rant. i dont know where else to vent :p

Hi!

Please read this very carefully: nobody did anything wrong, here.

You did exactly the right thing by leaving a relationship that you didn't feel right in! And your friend didn't do anything wrong, either!

You were very brave by communicating your feelings and breaking up with your friend. Now you need to do that again. Sit them down and explain they did nothing wrong and you just feel like you would be better as friends, but you really want to be friends, and they mean a lot to you. Be clear on that. I know it's scary, but I think they need to hear that. Communicating your love for them will help them know that you care about the friendship.

Also, you didn't lose your chance. THings can change and you'll have many more opportunities to date, don't worry <3

naming you chance anon!

#ask #asks #ask cas #chance anon

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flowersandbirdsflyingfree · 17 days ago

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ZEROING IN ON POSTAL DUDE MATCHUPS AND SENDING ONE AT 5AM BEFORE I FORGET-- I am 23yo genderfluid whos 5'0" and pansexual-- Afab but I genuinly don't care what others view me as. Straight, chest length brown hair that tends to be in my face a lot- bright green eyes with rlly noticable bags underneath. I wear baggy grungy/goth clothes that hide my figure most of the time but rare occassions where I'll wear more form revealing stuff- I've got the absolutely worst sleep schedule and tend to talk in my sleep too (either random convos or just creepy shit like "watch out for the man in the corner.") I set pretty high expectations for myself and get frustrated if they don't turn out perfect but I never have those expectations for others- I do a lot of art projects and crafts (usually horror related). I tend to be pretty spaced out and quiet around people I dont know/like but once I'm with people I'm comfortable with then I go absolutely fucking insane (positive). I'd need someone who won't get upset or annoyed when I'm in a depressive or manic mood- and someone who'd be cool with me bringing home weird shit from time to time (antique items, weird stuffed animals. Bones for taxidermy--) in a relationship I get nervous with PDA but wont outright reject it- and I just ger nervous and flustered at any sort of romantic interest/intent since I'm not used to it IWNSJSNDJ (im so excited i havent gotten a matchup in SO LONG and they're so fun and hehehehe)

IM SO EXCITED TOO!!! Matchups are fun to do and fun to make!!

Your Postal Dude is:

Postal 3 Dude

Okay here me out he is actually a great partner/bf/husband

How you may ask? Well, he’s an admirable jerk who’s not afraid to love on you at any given chance. I feel like he would also try to kiss you at bad timing, accidentally kissing your eye. THE EMBODIMENT OF THE “He a little confused but he got the spirit” FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR GIF. He’ll listen to you if you’re uncomfy with PDA but let him know. Otherwise he has a static cling-kind of public show off to his amazing sweetheart of a partner

Definitely loves your horror artwork. He can help give ideas of crazy horror creatures/concepts to draw if the artist block kicks up. It’s actually impressively eerie. I know this is P3, but he would think up of monsters like the ones in the Asylum level of Brain Damaged.

Taxidermy/antiques aren’t too weird to things he’s brought home himself. Sometimes he comes home with a bunch of weird Krotchy themed trinkets, sometimes it’s vintage jewelry. And sometimes, he comes home with possum hanging by the jaw on his arm. Get him checked for rabies.

Oh, and don’t even get me started on eBay shit. A big chunk of income is eBay selling. Dude once sold a potato chip shaped like George Carlin for $5000. Someone actually bought it too. He may occasionally surprised you with macabre gifts as a token of his love.

He is your hype man. Your cheerleader. Dude has an effect where when he gets more energetic in wrecking mayhem to the point anyone surrounding him looses control too. Two souls become one chaos tornado. But it’s sweet because he’s never been happier

Dude can brush off a bad reaction. He definitely has his fair share. Nevertheless, this guy can be surprisingly solid out of the blue. Especially when it comes to perfectionism. “Honey, my whole life is a testimony of imperfections. You’re already pretty damn great just as you are. And if anyone’s got a problem with that? Fuck ‘em.”

#postal dude #postal 3 #postal 3 dude #postal matchups #postal matchup #postal dude x reader

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wild-forest-bee · 5 months ago

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I feel the need to make a vent post. idk if anyone will see it, but telling ppl in my life just feels like blaming them, so feel free to interact

I've been homeless for 4 years now. no problem there per se. but without the duties of school and work, im left to decide for myself. Im (thankfully) not american so working while being in school was not so common, but i never got a cent in allowance so it was worth it at first.

they say to properly heal from burnout you need way longer than what time you have. im still trying to stop faking it and start making it. being a 19yo burnout is all fine and edgy until youre 22 unemployed homeless and without any degree and you still feel like doing two (2) tasks a day is a lot. i feel like i got the perfect depression-adhd cocktail where if i dont do what i want all day every day i might start killing ppl, but if i do i might as well be a rotting log in the forest

i have the chance to get top surgery but i feel my depression making me fumble it. "who cares what you look like. without your tits youre just fat. no point in changing anything" I also know for a fact that it wont make me less depressed but it makes me anxious to think that, if i let it pass, ill have to jump through the hoops again to get where i am now.

im just in so much pain every day from walking, sometimes just sitting. when i lay down, its my shoulders. probably something to do with joints. i also got scabies from some irresponsible guests, so i havent touched skin in over a month now and i feel my grip on my feelings slipping. not being allowed to touch my partner is putting a strain in our relationship and general wellbeing. as a countermeasure, I also have to be very careful about textiles, wich sucks because most of my hobbies revolve around fabric.

i just feel like living death.

either no appetite or binge eating, either way tummy pain. cant deal with groups but feeling lonely. body feeling worse every day. everything around me seems to get more complicated every day. i always tried to seem open and welcoming but i feel forgotten

at least i quit smoking weed last winter. they say the best time to quit was 20 years ago and my asthma is probably happy abt it but... bye bye sleeping routine

even as i write this post i couldnt be sleeping because i have to hit the wall (/lit) every time i hear the rats biting at my caravan or else theyll get in and start eating my food and shitting on my pillow (yay skin care!!) who wants pets when you have [INTRUDER ALERT]

ill have to look at the hole in the morning, but working inside a metal box during the day in 35°+ weather is not appealing. also have to cut the bushes so i dont have to suffer a thousand nettle stings, also cook and eat something and maybe I'll have the energy to shower like i wanted to since last week

if you get down here and wonder if i have a gofundme or smth give it to a palestinian and talk with me instead

#vent post #tw vent #moots pls #cry for help #this i cannot be more literal #actually disabled #actually autistic #trans ftm #yeah im ftm #transgender #artists on tumblr #fiber art

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inqilabi · 9 months ago

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I’m kind of surprised you started dating a lot more and are open to Islam recently, you’re one of the reasons I stopped entirely, which neither is a wrong thing to do. It’s kind of hard to do it alone but I just prioritized friendships in the time I’ve been following you. Which actually is closer to 10 years now I think, definitely since way before the pandemic. Anyway it’s just been on my mind to send this ask for a while now, you seem so successful that when I get to be where you are I know I’ll be even less interested in marriage and dating, but I guess that’s also a plus for you since you said you want kids. Good luck with it all, It’s great you were able to reconcile yourself and Islam, I’ve never felt like religion could be fulfilling, especially when you have views on gender and politics that go again the core tenants of a patriarchal religion. But I can see how the immediate community has its appeal and people are judged overly harshly when they don’t conform to societal and gender expectations of be a woman/man then have a partner/kids, and it’s not like there aren’t other good things too. Anyway I’m glad I followed you when I did because I got a new perspective and it made me more of a brave, accountable person, I’m not really afraid of being lonely and I can take accountability for my wrongs too, knowing that socialization is so deep I need to think about why and what I’m doing. You a few other people impacted me so deeply when I was 16 and trying to leave my parents home

wow this is a very sweet message. But almost makes feel scared that i had an impact on impressionable young teens I dont think my views on Islam have changed, certainly not as much as my view on dating. I still have the same criticisms of sunni jurisprudence. I think i just have less of exposure to that community now as i did back in the day, and it just use to rile me up. I was just angry, justifiably so, and wanting to dismiss everything - and it showed up in the tone of my writing.

I mean i still can't go around muslim events saying the things i actually believe. Sunni jurisprudence is undeniably patriarchal. But so long as they aren't like getting very preachy, doing halaqas and sermons on how to oppress women, im okay. In my uni days, MSAs were actually doing exactly that. That's why i was so critical. But i see now this type of thing seems to be dying down, atleast in my area. i dont find religion fulfilling but i do find likeminded people fulfilling. I still associate more with like academic type folks who either research religion, anthropology, write critiques. I went to a party full of marxists the other day. I didnt agree with everyone there. But i suppose, its discussion that's fulfilling. And sometimes muslim community and gathering can be very dismissive and not receptive to discussion. Which is a shame because in the islamic golden age, that's all they were doing.

i was honestly planning to be alone, and my plan was to solo adopt a kid if i wanted a child. I felt this way all the way up until like summer of 2022. then something did change. and i didn't want to be alone. if you had asked the 2013-2022 version of me, i would have balked at the thought of me wanting a partner. I was almost proud of it. Proud of being a single unattached woman with no men in her life. I suppose the only thing I can say now is that it's very hard to predict how and what you will feel and want at some point in the future. I was certain that I wouldn't want companionship and kids. Half my blog was dedicated to it. And that is kind of scary. I actually wrote about this on my blog back in the fall of 2022. It scared me how much something had shifted so suddenly, something that was a such long held state. If that could change, what else could change?

At your age, i would say prioritize career first ofc/financial freedom etc. If you dont have that, you wont feel ready for anything else. And ofc keep expanding your friend circle and forming connections through local activities or travel.

#asks #love mail

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courtofmatchups · 24 days ago

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Hii english is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes. Can i get a matchup for Tokyo Debunker and Twisted Wonderland? Im not sure if you do two fandoms in a matchup if you dont please do only Tokyo Debunker.

Appearance: Im 5'4 INFJ 4w6 with short wavy bkack hair, brown eyes, and have glasses. Outfit wise i tend to wear something comfortabke and casual most of the time but im branching out to streetwear and both dark and light academia.

Personality: I tend to be quiet most of the time so i may come across shy or even intimidating. But once you start to talk to me im rather easy going and as friendship progresses i get more loud and witty with the ppl i like and show my affection through tough love. Although i am easy going but i dont take nonsense. But i dont like confrontations and arguments so if the time calls for it i will remain calm and wont let things escalate, for the most part.

Likes and hobbies: I like playing mobile games, watching anime, drawing, writing and reading. I am pursuing literature in academics so im always curious about history, philosphies and stories even though exams make me regret it. I also like cheese dishes, cute stuff and animals especially cats, and sleeping (its just nice feeling comfy).

Dislikes: I dont like loud noises, sudden happenings, and forced formalities between people which is the reason why i have a small group of friends but we are all very close. I also dont like reptiles and amphibians they make my skin itch.

Some other facts: Im a bit meticulous as in i keep my home organized and clean. Its to the point where i have specific clothes for wearing outside and inside and specific furniture i would sit on with outside clothes on. So im probably a lil ocd. Im also dealing with depression so im currently really trying to get back to all my hobbies and stop doing nothing productive as it makes me feel bad.

What i look for in a partner: I have severe trust issues so the first thing is if i can somewhat trust my partner to be comfortable around him to show my true nature. I would also prefer someone who is not overly loud. Because of my trust issues im a bit insecure so i would be constantly quietly analyzing my partner for any slip ups or lies so it would be nice to have someone transparent or someone who is similar to me. I also enjoy talking about deep topics so it would be nice to have someone who can also share their own thoughts and insights. I definately would like me and my partner to before starting a relationship lay down in front of each other what we want in our relationship so communication is very crucial to me. I dont show publicly much physical affection, i only do that privately so i would like a guy who respects that.

I think that's all and its hopefully enough information. Thank you so much for your work <3

It seems to me, you've captured the heart of...

Jin Kamurai!

Let's be real, this relationship will be a hella slow burn, but I assure you, it will be worth it. You did not appreciate being used as a servant, and that kind of surprised him. He may have been slightly annoyed at first, but still intrigued. Jin will have to set aside his pride to get to know you better, and you would need to let your guard down a bit. And when you do, he will so down bad for you. He wouldn't know when it happened, but it happened. And who could blame him?

Your quiet nature is definitely a step up from the yappers he would overhear in Frostheim when he'd deign to exit his chambers. He also appreciates how well read you are, so he'd love to have deep conversations with you. He's also pretty well-read on a lot of art as someone who comes from money, so he'd be more than happy to share insights on whatever you like.

Though it may not seem like it at first glance, he's quite emotionally vulnerable, so your empathy and tough love would really benefit him. Of course, that's not to say you'd be a therapist (he can pay for one), more so a part of his much-needed support system. A friend in need is a friend indeed. He would also be there for you if you're struggling with your mental health. He'd help you find a therapist while being your rock as well.

Jin would respect your boundaries, seeing as you like a clean space, so he'd ask Tohma to clean up after him. He also understands you like to give and receive affection in private. He does as well, so any cuddles, kisses, whatever will happen in the confines of his chambers.

So if you give this relationship time to marinate, this can bloom into something beautiful

........................................................

You have also captured the heart of...

Azul Ashengrotto!

Hear me out: even if he is cunning, he does have a level of integrity he must uphold as a business owner. That aside, he greatly values trust and loyalty in close relationships, so once he's seen you're trustworthy and he can be vulnerable around you, he would be a devoted partner.

Azul is highly intelligent and well-read, which makes him a great conversationalist for discussing history, philosophy, or stories. He’d love to share ideas with you.

While he can be a bit dramatic in business scenarios, Azul is not overly loud in personal settings and respects boundaries, making him compatible with your preference for calmness and respect for physical affection. And he'd appreciate how meticulous you are and your eye for detail, as he likes structure and order also.

Azul knows all too well about mental struggles, so when you feel comfortable enough in your relationship, he'd do anything to help ease that. He can set aside some money for a therapist but he'll still be your rock. And since you're so empathetic, he'll appreciate you being there for him.

This relationship is gonna take some patience for it to bloom into something beautiful, and when it does, it will be totally worth it.

#court of matchups #otome #matchups #tokyo debunker #twisted wonderland matchups #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #tokyo debunker matchups #jin kamurai #azul ashengrotto

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