#im at the point where im starting to think my partner and i wont be physically intimate anymore

[dustox420]

,

[jeanboyjean]

you're the worst - ft jean kirstein. mdni!!

summary: you and jean are rivaling lawyers on the partner track and it’s your firm’s xmas party. what better way to prove you’re better than him than to fuck him?

content: (nsfw) f! reader, rivals to lovers, coworkers, fucking at your work christmas function … in a storage closet!! f! oral receiving. p in v. unprotected sex oops. big dick jean, light choking

a/n: inspired by (actual irl) boyfriend's beef with his coworker. she recently got a promotion over him and he wont shut up about it so i was like wait … i gotta write this down this is a great idea HOLD AWN. their xmas function is next week and theres always drama!! enemies to lovers is THE TROPE for meee so i may expand on this later on and make a long fic but for now this is it. ty to @gallliard + @cowgirlikets for beta reading bc im goofy!! tag: @poopwons

2.7k words

String lights twinkle from the ceiling as people mill around you. Music is thumping from the large speakers near the DJ stand as you make your way to the bar to get another drink. Your law firm’s annual christmas party is in full swing right now and it's around halfway through the night - about the point where everyone’s finished their dinners and washing them down with drinks. The cocktail tables you had initially stood around at the start of the night, schmoozing with partners, have been cleared to form a crowded dance floor. You carefully thread your way between your coworkers while they let their hair down after yet another busy year.

When you finally reach the bar, you flag down the bartender and order another drink. In the holiday spirit, the firm had requested custom themed drinks and he sets down a very festive vodka cranberry in front of you. You're taking a sip, turning away to lean your back against the counter when a figure next to you catches your eye.

You sigh. It’s your coworker, Jean Kirstein - a.k.a the bane of your existence.

The two of you had joined the firm at the same time as new grads and had moved up the ranks together. Now, he’s your biggest competition, the one thing standing in the way of you becoming junior partner. He’s good, you’ll give him that. You both are. The two of you are the firms biggest rising stars, pulling clients and racking up billables like it’s nothing.

Unfortunately, he’s also a bit of a dick. At first, you couldn’t tell if his cocky persona had been an act, but after working alongside him these years, you’ve just come to accept that he is naturally a loud, smug asshole. The breaking point had been when you had stayed up late one night in your third year, working on a proposal, only for Jean to rock in the next day with his own that overwrote everything you had done. You’ve never really forgiven him for stealing your thunder and have used every opportunity you can to shine over him. Since then, he’s been nothing more than your rival and enemy. This was even more so lately, what with the announcement coming up next week to reveal who would be getting a promotion.

Jean turns his head to follow the bartender and meets your eyes. You quickly turn away and sip your drink.

“Hey,” you hear him say. He’s moved across to stand next to you, leaning his side on the counter.

Inwardly, you tense a little, always on guard when he interacts with you. “Hi Kirstein,” you say stiffly. “What’s up?”

“Just thinking how good it’s going to feel when they call out my name for junior partner,” he grins smugly.

You roll your eyes at him. “Yeah, in your dreams.”

“Not my dreams if it’s a fact,” he sings and you bristle at his words. There’s no way he could know this for a fact. Everything’s been kept under wraps and you know you have just as much of a chance as him. You both went well over budget and the partners love you equally. It’s anyone’s game at this point.

He laughs. “I’m just kidding. I’m 99% sure it’s gonna be me but who knows what could happen. You might still have a shot.”

“Fuck off, Kirstein,” you snap at him, getting ready to leave.

“I’m kidding! I’m kidding!” He waves his hands. “It could be either of us. Or maybe even Reiner might pull an undercover steal and take it from us.”

You can’t help but laugh at his words. Reiner’s good but he’s far from partner material so you know Jean's taking the piss.

Jean straightens up, demeanour becoming a little more serious. “You know … I think it might actually be you this time.”

Your eyebrows raise. “Are you playing mind games with me, Kirstein?”

“Nah. I think you deserve it, that's all. You worked really hard on that last merger with the Reeves company and it paid off. All the partners are raving about it.”

His voice is sincere for once and your mouth hangs open in shock. You can’t remember the last time you had a conversation with Jean that wasn’t the two of you throwing jabs back and forth. It’s no secret to anyone that you can’t stand the other’s guts.

It's strange. For some reason, he's smiling at you and that fact that you don't feel the need to snap back at him makes you want to smack him.

The lighting at the bar brightens up his sandy brown hair like a halo around his face and his eyes glow as they stare intently at you. Fuck you Jean Kirstein and your perfect hair and your perfect face.

“You look nice today,” he admits, gaze travelling down to give you a once over. The surprises won’t stop coming.

“Yeah, you clean up well too I guess.” It's not a lie - he's definitely attractive. The problem with Jean though is he knows it. You have to be careful with what you say so as to not feed his already bloated ego.

He smirks, obviously pleased by your admission. He hums, eyes wandering around at your surrounding before landing back on you. There’s a split second where you swear they flicker down to your lips briefly. “You wanna go dance?”

Your eyes widen in surprise. “You want to dance ... with me,” you say flatly, eyebrows furrowing.

“Yeah, why not?” He gestures to his body. “You know you want to.”

You roll your eyes. “Fine, Kirstein. I’ll indulge you this one time since you so clearly want to.”

Whirling around, you down your drink then stalk away to the dance floor. You hear him snicker behind you as he follows. Once you find a free spot, you turn to face him, suddenly a little unsure. He’s got a devilish grin on his face as he steps in closer to you. His hands come to rest on your waist and your body lights up at his touch. Hesitantly, your arms come up to wrap around his neck as you let the music guide your body, alcohol pumping through your blood.

After a few minutes, his head dips down and you shiver when his nose grazes your neck. Lips at your ear, he murmurs, “I mean it by the way. You look really good.”

“Don’t tell me you have feelings for me now, Kirstein,” you say in response, trying your hardest to hide how his words rock you to your core. He doesn’t say anything and just laughs, shoulders shaking.

When you look up at him, his eyes are fixed on you, glowing molten lava. Your breath catches in your throat. It feels like the world disappears beneath your feet as you find yourself trapped in his gaze.

Wanting to break free of the moment, you spin around. His hands are still on your waist so you find yourself pressed with your back against his chest. His grip tightens, hips still rocking to the music. You let yourself be moved along too, trying your best to calm your racing heart.

The song is slow and bass heavy, soulful vocals crooning - a little sensual for a conservative law firm like this. When the last few notes trail off, his head drops again to your shoulder and you can feel more than hear him groan.

“Shit,” you hear him mutter. He goes to move away from you but it’s too late. There's an unmistakable hardness pressing firm against your ass. You still and slowly turn to face him.

He has the decency to look embarrassed now, sheepish expression on his face as he puts his hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry, I just got carried away. Please … pretend nothing happened.”

You stare at him, blood thumping in your veins. Despite everything, heat pools in your stomach while a wetness builds between your legs. You shake your head and grab your hand. “Let’s go.”

“What-”

You drag him through the crowd, turning into the corridor towards the bathrooms. With a tug, you pull him into a storage closet and shut the door behind you. He looks at you in a mix of confusion and curiosity. “What are we doing in here?”

You roll your eyes and step in towards him. “Do you want to do this or not?”

His eyes widen and they flicker from yours to your mouth and his breath catches in his throat when your tongue slides out to lick your lips.

Without a word he closes the distance between the two of you. His hands come to grip your jaw as he presses his mouth hard against yours. You share a messy kiss, your hands tangling in his hair, his sliding down your body.

He places wet kisses down your neck as one hand cups a breast, the other groping at your ass. You moan, head falling back as he sucks into your sensitive skin and pinches a nipple through your dress.

“I want to take this off,” he almost pleads, tugging at the fabric. “Can I take it off?”

You nod, letting him unzip and feeling it fall to the floor. His eyes roam your body. “Fuck. You’re so hot,” he groans.

He walks you back until your back hits the closed door behind you. Kisses trail down your body as he falls to his knees and hooks a leg up over his shoulder. He licks a wet stripe up your inner thigh, pulling your underwear to the side to reveal your glistening folds. Wasting no time, he dives forward to lick at your wet slit.

“You taste so good,” he moans into your skin. You’re breathless above him, eyes screwing shut with pleasure as he works his magic.

He takes your sensitive clit into his mouth, swirling around with his tongue and sucking. A finger dips into your folds and you clench tight at the intrusion. He curls it inside you, searching for the sensitive bundle of nerves and it’s obvious when he finds it because you jerk above him, moaning in delight. You feel his lips lift in a smirk and he’s relentless now. Another finger joins and he’s pumping, massaging your slick walls, still sucking at your clit. Your toes curl, heat building in your core.

“Come on, pretty girl. I want to feel you cum on my face,” he moans into your soaking cunt. At his words, it only takes a little more before you feel yourself let go and your orgasm takes over. Waves of pleasure rip through you as you pulse and squeeze around him. Your knees buckle and he catches you with one hand, pinning your hip against the surface behind you.

He grins as he removes his fingers, sucking them clean before wiping his face with the back of his hand. He stands, pulling your face into a messy open mouthed kiss. It feels nasty, the way you're panting into his mouth as you taste yourself on his tongue.

You reach down to palm at his crotch, feeling his hard cock straining against his pants. Eagerly, you pull them down and release him, feeling him hot and heavy in your hand. With all of his arrogance, you had been sure he was overcompensating for a lack of something downstairs but now you're sorely (or maybe thankfully) mistaken. He's easily the biggest you've ever had.

“Shit, I don’t have a condom,” he says.

“Oh,” you say in response, but all you can think is, damn he's big. You shake your head. “I’m clean and on the pill so I’m fine if you are.”

Jean grins. “Sounds good to me.”

He kisses you again before spinning you around to face the door. Your hands fall in front to catch you and he presses into your back. His cock is hard against your ass and he takes a moment to grind against you slowly. He guides it with his hand to slide a few times over your slit, gathering the wetness. You hold in a whine, already a little overstimulated when he finally lines himself up and pushes in slowly. There's a little resistance but you relish in the feeling of stretching around him.

“So tight,” he moans into your hair, cock throbbing inside you.

Jean moves slowly to begin with, letting you adjust to his size but it’s not long before his pace picks up and he’s fucking you in earnest. His hips thrust against your ass, cock sliding in and out, reaching areas you didn’t think were possible. You moan as you rock back into him, desperately meeting his movements.

Your head falls back onto his shoulder and your eyes screw shut as you feel him driving in relentlessly, letting your body go limp in pleasure. One of his hands grips the door next to yours, while the other reaches up to wrap around your throat to hold you up against him. He’s only resting his hand there really, but it makes you clench around him even tighter.

At the sensation, he hisses, hips stuttering. “Oh, you like that?” His hips snap in hard. “I knew you would, you dirty girl.”

His fingers tighten around your neck, lightly cutting off your air supply. It’s enough to make your head spin, stars forming in your vision. He pants into your hair, softly muttering curses as he pounds in quicker. You’re at his mercy now, moaning freely, as your orgasm builds again.

Legs shaking in the effort to hold yourself up, you lose yourself in the moment. Electricity streaks through your body, lighting up all of your nerves. The lack of air is making your limbs tingle, heightening your senses. The hand he’s using to steady himself falls down to your hip, sliding down to your pussy. You jerk when his fingers find your clit, the pleasure almost too much to bear. With a few quick circles at your sensitive nub, you're crying out as you cum around his cock. Your walls clench tight, uncontrollably and your hands claw at the door.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he moans, hips stuttering, all finesse out the window. “You’re squeezing me so tight. I’m gonna fucking come.”

He fucks into you without abandon, using both hands to grip your hips tight enough to leave bruises. He pounds into you relentlessly, the slick sound of your skin meeting each other filling the air, before burying into you all the way as he cums. His hips falter and slow as he reaches his high, spilling deep inside you. His forehead drops onto your shoulder, as he tries to catch his breath and carefully, he pulls out, his cum leaking out of your cunt down your thigh.

You fall forward, catching yourself with your forearms against the door. You turn around to face him. His hair has fallen out of its careful styling, a few stray strands sticking on his damp forehead. He grins at you, blinking slowly, lids heavy with contentment. You’re a little surprised when he dips down to capture your mouth in another kiss. His lips are more gentle now, movements softer as his hands lightly hold your jaw. When he pulls away, you’re breathless and frazzled, completely taken aback by the entire sequence of events.

“You good?” he asks you, eyes twinkling with mirth.

You nod in response, racking your brain to think of something to say but coming up empty.

“That was so hot,” he says in your silence. “I knew all that tension between us would lead to something great.” He smirks. “Didn’t think it would be so easy to get you like putty in my hands.”

You straighten at his words, batting his hands from your warm cheeks. “Fuck off, Kirstein. It was just unexpected. You’ll see. Next time you’re the one that’s gonna be putty.”

His chest heaves with laughter as he bends down to pick up your dress and hand it to you. “Next time, huh? Good to know.”

“You're the worst,” You groan, making a face at him as you step into your dress and slide the straps back up over your shoulders. You turn around, holding your hair up with your hands to let him zip it back up.

A shiver runs down your spine when his fingers graze your bare skin. He presses a light kiss against the side of your exposed neck. “Let’s get back out there then,” he murmurs into your skin.

You pretend your legs don’t buckle a little at the feeling of his touch and shake yourself off, smoothing down your dress. You can still feel the ghost of him inside you and his sticky cum dripping down your inner thighs.

Next time, Jean Kirstein. You’ll see.

[iforgotwhaticalledthis]

Rae Morningstar and Loneliness: An Analysis

SO something that occurred to me recently is how much being alone effects. well. everyone in Fable(not like everyone everyone but like,a not insignificant amount of people.) Their society is shown to be one of few(if not the only) thriving communities, and lots of people deal with being alone either before they join the cast, or during. Take Ulysses. when he shows up in Fable, he has to grapple with the fact that he is the last of his race. Same with Ari- being one of the last of the Aether. And for characters like Icarus, Caspian, and many many others, they have to deal with being alone before they find a community of people they can be around and trust. One such case is Rae Morningstar.

At the start of the story, Rae is alone. Almost everyone has some form of connection. Icarus, Centross, and Easton have ominous bane. Momboo, Jamie, and Easton are family. Haley already knows Momboo. The only people without any connection are Athena, Will, and Rae. Will's not really around much, and well, Athena had a retconned family so it doesn't really affect his character. (Though i totally do have thoughts about this post retconned Athena and stuff but this is a Rae post). However, by the end of the series, Rae is deeply embedded in the community. He was alone once. and he tries his hardest never to be again.

Rae's lowest moments are when he's alone. In season 1, when Enderian makes him that offer, he probably wouldve taken it in a heartbeat, if not for the fact that if he did, he would be Alone. (and also that he might be used against his friends) In s2 when he finds out he and Icarus are brothers, he is so desperate to hold on to that relationship. I think its why he's so desperate to keep that connection. He doesnt want to lose his brother again. Also the beginning of S2 IS SO bad for him. All of his friends, his family all gone. he's alone yet surrounded by the people he knows. He mentions how bad it wouldve been if not for Ocie- the one person who can relate to him. Someone that stops him from being completely alone. Then theres the sculk arc, which, do I even have to explain? In s3 , Rae gets mad at Centross. A big reason is because Centross left him alone. And when Icarus starts to isolate, later on, what does Rae say, in concern "I just don't want them to be alone." Rae was alone before. so now he tries to make sure that no one else in the community is. For example, he reaches out to everyone. He's always the one people go to for help, so that when they need it they won't be alone. See where Im going with this?

Another thing. Each and every time Rae met one of his partners? Bot him and the partner have been alone. Take Caspian- I mean Cas was alone in the prison, he was isolated. And Rae had been banned from seeing Jamie and Athena was being kept away. The two people he was closest too at the time had left him- even if it wasn't their own choice. When he met Aax, everyone he knew and loved had forgotten him. And Aax had been sitting alone in a cave. Waiting for Theo to return. Even when they first met, Aax was alone, being the only one to escape from the Telchins, and Rae was trapped in a home where he had no one to turn to. When he met Fenris, ,he was alone, having run from his home to keep people safe. And Fenris was alone after being turned into a wolf who couldnt even talk to other animals. for possibly centuries.

Even in smaller things, he doesn't want to be alone, like when he learns Centross and Fenris forgave Ven. He doesn't know how to deal with that anger, now that he's alone in it. He gets tatoos so that he wont forget these people, so he'll never be alone. And at the end of hist story? He and his family turn into gods. He'll never be alone, not even in death.

Anyway i just had some thoughts. if you noticed any inaccuries/have any points to add/ disagree with any of my points please reblog! i want to see waht other people think. Also i might make a follow up on how loneliness affects other characters, this really got me thinking

[kaihuntrr]

one-year anniversary!

HI. oh my goodness can you believe its been a WHOLE YEAR (and a day, im posting this a day later OOPS-) since i started working on this au? i dont think i started working on the chapters until... the -ber months? but the general brainstorming started now and oh my GOD the amount of changes that has happened while working on this au is insane! im absolutely floored with how much people enjoy this au, and while im too busy to be posting art (im doing some personal work!) i have all the time in the world to talk about how much this means to me.

i've written things in the past, but i havent for the LIFE of me worked on such a long project such as this (we're only halfway through act one of FIVE!) and learning and growing with such wonderful betas and partner (ehehe @mewhoismyself hello there) is just so wonderful <3

SO! in order to make this anniversary special, i've decided to post a little cut/practice scene from act two! this couldnt make the cut with what the plot has in mind, but i figured itd be best to have some nice moments with scott and martyn, eh?

OH! and before i go, the next chapter will be posted a day earlier! <3 im going abroad the day after the original chapter posting date, so i need to rest. i think this back half of the fic is gonna be really something <3

anyway, i wont keep you here for longer. i hope you have a fun time reading this, just as much as my partner and i had fun writing this so many months ago <33

Martyn tried to listen as Scott rambled on about what he’d been up to, how nice it had been to see his friends again. He even tried to let the small twist of jealousy at Scott being so happy over seeing someone else wrench his attention back into the moment, but it didn’t work. The face of Pearl kept flashing in the forefront of his mind, her eyes and jagged scar glowing unnaturally under the moonlight. 

“Oh, and…,” Scott continued to ramble on, but Martyn still couldn’t focus. It seemed that Scott had noticed as his voice trailed off and he looked at the blonde with a tilted head. “Martyn…?”

Martyn gave a grumbled response. His mind blocked out the world around him as he pictured brief flashes of the island, the hollow and desolate stares of the people, the wicked laugh coming from Pearl….

Scott sighed. “Martyn….”

Martyn could still feel a slight buzz in his head from where he was hit. How much blood did he lose back there? He didn’t know. All he knew was that he was glad to be alive. Glad that he was here, still breathing, like everyone else. Glad that he was–

“Martyn!”

Martyn jerked as Scott’s face was suddenly inches from his own. Scott’s lips were twisted into a pout and his eyebrows were drawn into a scowl. “Huh- sorry, what?”

Scott sighed, letting his head fall forward, “So you weren’t listening to me….”

“No!” Martyn said quickly, throwing his hands up. Panic leapt in his chest, making his heart beat faster. He didn’t want Scott to think he was ignoring him…! “No, I- I’m… I’m sorry…,” he hung his head. “I’m trying to listen- I’m not meaning to ignore you, I just….” Martyn looked down at the sand beneath him. Guilt welled up in his throat. He’d been so eager to see Scott while he was away, and before he’d gotten back, and now that he was actually here… Martyn was ignoring him. He was making Scott feel ignored.

Martyn shook his head, forcing a huge smile onto his face. “So, you said you saw your friends, right? Did you have fun-? Oh, what am I saying, you just said you had fun- haha…,” Martyn scrubbed the back of his head, then straightened up, rolling to his feet. “Hey, do you wanna go see if we can find your bird friend? I bet it’s missed you too!” He pointed towards a path leading up to the forest, “Bet he lives in there somewhere…!”

“Um- Martyn…,” Scott trailed off looking after him.

Martyn took a few steps backwards, away from Scott, and spread his arms, hoping he’d follow. “Or we can go down to the beach! It’s a nice day, it’ll feel great to splash in the water a little.”

“Martyn.”

“Or- oh, we can go see the decorations they’re setting up for the festival down in the center of town. You said you were excited right, so we can-!”

“Martyn!” Scott snapped. 

Martyn stopped.

Scott took the few steps to close the distance between them, laying his hand on Martyn’s arm, then sliding it down to take his hand. He tilted his head, giving Martyn big sad eyes. “Martyn, talk to me…. What’s wrong?”

It was hard for Martyn to not crack under Scott’s gaze. “It’s just…,” he trailed off, trying to put his thoughts into words. He was just engrossed in them a second ago, but now, trying to tell Scott, he couldn’t think of what to say. “I… uh….”

“You’re alright, Martyn,” Scott rubbed his thumb over Martyn’s hand in a small, circular motion. “Take your time.”

A small pause fell over him. Martyn could hear the slow ebbs of the waves before he managed to speak. “I can’t get her out of my mind,” his voice spat with venom. Pearl’s sadistic glee, her manic grin, her ever-looming presence burned in his head. Martyn’s grip unknowingly tightened around Scott until he looked the other in the eye. His grip on Scott lessened as he looked away. “What good can I be to protect you, when I can’t defend myself from one person?”

“Who said I needed protecting?” Scott raised an eyebrow, his tone still soft but with a hint of skepticism as he leaned to the side to catch Martyn’s gaze again. He let out a weak chuckle and moved his other hand to rest on Martyn’s cheek. “Besides, you can’t protect me from everything.”

Martyn leaned into the touch, not caring how warm his cheeks felt as Scott’s delicate hand pressed into his skin, lightly grazing over the scar Pearl caused. He closed his eyes as he let out a sigh and drooped his shoulders. “But I want to…,” he muttered. He looked at Scott, his face scrunched with worry. “I don’t want you getting hurt at all, Scott.”

“There’s going to be times where I get hurt, Martyn,” Scott narrowed his eyes and withdrew his hand from Martyn’s cheek. Martyn was wide-eyed, only for Scott to hold the hunter’s other hand. “When that happens, all I’d ask is for you to help me get back on my feet.”

Martyn could feel his nerves freeze up at Scott’s warm hold. His gentle stare and concern on his face nearly caused Martyn’s heart to explode. A million things swirled in his mind as the breeze wafted over. “I can’t help it,” he lowered his head, biting his lip. “You should be protected, with all the chaos going around–”

“What chaos?” Scott cracked a smile and shook his head. He shrugged, letting go of one of Martyn’s hands as he gestured around. “All there is to see is you, me, and the beach. Nothing to worry about, right?”

Nothing to worry about for now, but so many things could happen in the blink of an eye. Martyn could practically hear the sound of the sea princes’ ringing in his ears, the one from his dreams laughing as its mouth opened wide to swallow Scott as he screamed-.... 

No. Martyn needed to be prepared for anything, so nothing bad could ever happen to the people he cared for. Nothing. Never again. 

“I still want to fight for you,” his voice was barely a whisper in the wind, cracking a bit from the emotions that crawled up the back of his throat. But seeing Scott’s attentive look, with the slight tilt of his head, Martyn knew he could hear him. “Can I at least do that?” he pleaded. He needed to-. He needed to. 

“You may,” Scott nodded, giving him a small smile. Then his eyes narrowed as a smirk crept onto his lips. “So- I’d like to see how you fight.”

Martyn opened his mouth to respond- just in time for a woosh of breath to leave him as his back hit the ground. Martyn gasped, blinking for several seconds as he tried to figure out he’d gotten laid flat out on his back… with a certain ginger pinning his shoulders to the sand.

“Yikes…,” Scott teased, his eyebrows rising, complimenting the wide grin on his face.

Martyn sputtered, his face immediately flushing beat red. “I wasn’t ready! Sneak- sneak attack…!”

Scott laid one arm across his chest, propping his other elbow on top of it and laying his cheek in his hand. “Most things will take an opportunity for a sneak attack, when presented with one.” He kicked his feet in the air, as if he was lounging on a couch reading a book. 

Martyn flushed all the way to his ears. “Redo!”

Scott leaned his head down, smiling at Martyn in a way that was almost sickeningly sweet. “Are you waiting for a written invitation?” 

Martyn grabbed Scott by the shoulders and surged upwards, knocking the ginger off of him. Scott laughed as he slipped his grip, ducking under one of Martyn’s arms to wrap his arms around Martyn’s torso. 

Before Martyn’s brain could fully process that, Scott had rolled Martyn over top of him and planted him flat on his back again. 

Working on instinct more than pre-thought, Martyn wrapped his arms around Scott’s shoulders and kicked off the sand. He knocked his thigh against Scott’s hip, bumping him off balance just enough to send them rolling over again.

But Scott didn’t end up on his back underneath Martyn. 

Somehow, mid flip, he’d slithered around Martyn’s torso, ducking his arm again and getting outside of his hold. Martyn ended up with his face in the sand and a knee pressed between his shoulders, shoving him down further.

Martyn was about to push himself up with his arms, using his strength advantage to throw Scott off of him, but Martyn froze when he felt something sharp curl around his throat. 

He couldn’t move. He couldn’t even swallow. He could barely even breathe. 

Suddenly the sharp points of crescent bladed scythes were touched against his neck so delicately. Suddenly the sharp claws of a hungry beast wrapped around his throat, pricking the skin above his jugular. One wrong move and she’d slid his throat. One wrong breath and the beast would tear him to ribbons.

A figure above him bent down to whisper in his ear. 

“I win!” Scott chirped brightly. He laughed as he withdrew his fingernails from where he’d curled them around Martyn’s throat. “You really do need more practice. Though I’d be happy to oblige…,” his voice turned sing-songy as he plopped back on the sand, his arms holding him up.

Martyn slowly pushed himself upwards, staring down at the sand where his face had been in utter bafflement. Why had that felt-? Why was he-? Why was his heart beating so fast? Why… did he feel like he’d just been hunted…?

“That- that uh…,” Martyn stammered, not really sure what he wanted to say. “You’re a lot better fighter than I thought you’d be.” He turned his head to look at Scott, pushing himself up so he was sitting on his knees.

“I know,” Scott smiled widely, tipping his head back and forth, “Do I impress you, Martyn?” He smiled and hummed teasingly, his eyes narrowed in a joyful satisfaction. 

“Always,” he breathed, a lot more genuine and heartfelt than he’d meant to. Scott’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. Martyn felt his face flush and he looked down at the sand. Well, he was in this far. “I think you’re amazing.” 

“Thank you…,” Scott said with a shy little smile. A light hint of red dusted his cheeks. He looked… really nice like that.

Martyn shook his head, roughly clearing his throat. “Well um, as- as fun as this was… I was actually referring to- to my gun combat more than my hand-to-hand.”

“Uh huh,” Scott answered with a small smirk, not sounding like he believed him. “Well, maybe I could help you with that as well.” 

“You know how to use a gun?” Martyn asked, more than a little shocked. How… how much did he really know about Scott?

Scott opened his mouth, then closed it. He looked to the side, then looked back at Martyn. “Noooo…?” he admitted, grinning sheepishly. He sighed, rolling his eyes a bit, “To be honest I thought you were still flirting, not that that was a serious question. And now, well… I’m just embarrassed.”

“Oh.” Martyn tried to hide his sigh of relief. It was one thing to just not know that Scott was a capable fighter -he was a tavern keeper who dealt with rowdy drunks all the time, Martyn honestly should have expected it- but it was another thing to not know that Scott was a trained gunman. For some reason they felt different. Martyn felt a grin split his face. “Would-... would you like me to teach you…?”

“Teach me what?” Scott’s eyebrows pinched together for a brief moment, then shot up towards his hairline, “How to use a gun?”

“Yeah,” Martyn grinned, “It’ll be like the time I was taught!”

“When were you taught?” Scott tilted his head.

“I think I was… seven? My parents knew I wanted to be a hunter, so they taught me,” Martyn hummed, looking out at the beach. He could remember the eagerness in his voice when he asked his parents to teach him. He only knew of the dangers through them and the people he lived around, but he knew his heart was calling out to the sea more than anything else.  “I needed practice, like everyone else, but I’m a natural. A crack shot, they’d told me!” He laughed. Shooting a target from far away was much easier than fighting with swords or his bare hands. 

Scott blinked, processing Martyn’s words. He slowly turned his head to Martyn, eyes widening in shock as all sense of his playfulness dropped. “You were a child when you learned how to use those?”

“Yeah…? I wanted to be a hunter, Scott, so I learned early.” Martyn looked at Scott and shrugged, feeling the ginger’s gaze on his skin felt… different. Martyn learned how to use guns to be a hunter, not to– oh. Was Scott thinking Martyn would…? Martyn shook his head and raised his hands up. “But I can’t shoot a person. A sea monster is easy because they’re big and stupid, but a person…?”

Scott had a judgemental look on his face as it scrunched up. He pulled his legs up and wrapped his arms around them, resting his head on it as he sighed. “Ending a person’s life is hard, and I’m happy you haven’t shot anyone, but…,” he trailed off. Martyn leaned closer to Scott as he raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you think it’s a little concerning?”

“What’s concerning?”

“You learned how to shoot things, how to kill things, as a kid,” Scott looked away, gripping his arms tighter as he watched the waves flow in and out. “Every life has a purpose; from you, to me, and even the beasts in the ocean.”

Martyn narrowed his eyes. Exactly what purpose could those monsters serve? Being ocean terrors? An effective way to kill humans and destroy ships? To bring fear in the hearts of children? To kill Ren- Jimmy? Why were there monsters in the ocean? Why should there be? 

“They’re monsters, Scott.” Martyn hissed, anger rising in his voice.

“They’re animals,” Scott hissed back, his face pinching into an expression that was almost pained. “They’re just animals….” 

“They’re heartless, cruel, and always starving.” Martyn huffed, pulling out his gun to examine it under the sunlight. Horrible beasts. Disgusting monsters. Murderers. “They’re such horrible, unnatural beasts that every mechanic in the world works to develop better guns and weapons to kill them all.” 

He didn’t fully notice the way Scott shied away from the gun in his hand. “You’re lucky you don’t need to leave the kingdom to see those ugly things,” Martyn spat.

“Ugly…,” Scott grumbled, turning his head away, like he was offended by the notion. “Well, I’m sure most of them would think the same about you.”

Martyn blinked, giving Scott a double take. Ugly…? 

Scott let out a sigh as he stretched and uncurled his legs and arms to stretch out in front of him. He picked up a small handful of sand and watched it fall through his fingers. “Every life is precious, every life is running on limited time. I’m not an idiot. I know things die. But there’s no reason to cut it shorter than it needs to be. ” He smiled wistfully, tossing the rest of the sand forward. “The sea is… scary, but maybe if you had an open mind, you’d see there’s more to it than monsters.”

Martyn followed Scott’s gaze and stared. Was there anything more to them? Surely not. The fondness in Scott’s voice was hard to believe- but the man has never even seen any beast to Martyn’s knowledge. The fond tone that Scott spoke about those- those monsters with… it honestly made Martyn angry. Those monsters took away the people he cared about. The people he loved. People he cherished. Jimmy, Ren… and so many other innocent people lost their lives to the sea, Lizzie’s parents…. The ocean took all of them, and there was nothing to blame but the monsters that infested it.

“They’re monsters, nothing more than that,” he spat, emotions in his chest wrenching into a tight knot that made it hard to breathe. He swung his arm out to the side, bringing his gun up in front of his chest as he rose to his knees, almost looming over Scott. “I know what they are, Scott, and I know I’m doing all that I can to protect you and the rest of the kingdom from the beasts that would just as quickly swallow you whole as they would crush you into pieces!”

“There’s no need for you to be so hostile about it,” Scott snapped at Martyn, his eyes narrowing into a cold glare that felt like icy daggers stabbing into Martyn’s face. Scott stood up and brushed all the sand from his clothes with a sigh. “I understand.” He walked closer to the water, just enough for the waves to lap against his shoes and tightened his fist, as if preventing to lash out.

Martyn blinked. “Was I-?” he muttered to himself. 

He looked out at Scott standing in the surf. He looked… sad. The guilty feeling in his chest built up once more. 

All of a sudden, Martyn remembered just how happy Scott looked with his birds fluttering around him, with the canary nuzzling his palm. Oh-. Scott was an animal lover…. No wonder he-.

Martyn was messing everything up. First he’d ignored him, and he was pushing Scott away by getting angry. Martyn quickly stood up and ran across the beach towards Scott, “Oh, Scott, I’m sorry–”

Scott turned to look at him, a flat expression on his face.

Martyn felt his heart twist, “I- I’m sorry. I- I didn’t mean to make you feel….”

“Upset?” Scott supplied.

“Yeah…,” Martyn bowed his head. His hand twitched out, reaching for Scott’s but giving up and retreating before he could take it. Martyn turned his head away and bit his lip. “I-... I made you-....”

Scott stepped closer and held out his hand. “No need for that, silly hunter,” he smiled sweetly. Martyn took it almost immediately, surprising them both. Scott let out a chuckle and bumped his shoulder next to Martyn’s. “I’m not mad,” Scott said softly. Martyn believed him. He looked… sad instead. 

“I don’t want you to–”

“You’re just fine.” Scott assured him with a smirk. “It takes a lot more than a simple disagreement to make me actually upset. We’re okay, right?” 

Martyn bashfully nodded, resulting in a wide smile from Scott. Was he… really okay? Or was he just hiding how he felt? For Martyn’s sake? Martyn hoped it was the former. 

Scott put a hand on his chest, giving Martyn’s hand a small squeeze. “Just… try to keep an open mind, alright? The world can be… stranger than you might think.” He smiled a little bashfully, “I might have- a surprise or two… to share, eventually.”

“Like how you can kick my butt in hand to hand?”

Scott’s face split into a wide grin, his eyes lighting up with laughter. “Just like that.”

Martyn felt himself smiling, a laugh escaping him as he squeezed Scott’s hand. Yeah, they were okay.

[baby-xemnas]

🐯🐻‍❄️ big big love (sort of a draft i want to make into a comic but itll take so long im scared)

pre rship lawbepo - the thought that the boys could suggest law gets into a relationship - ofc while joking that theyd be sad to share captains time with a woman, but it cant be helped! - bepo overhearing and getting upset....ofc law dismisses it, but it still hurts

does captain need a romantic relationship? would it make him happier, does he feel incomplete? its awfully selfish to not want it to happen then ..but where does that leave HIM - bepo chan spiraling into those thoughts... he knew that maybe one day his friendship wont be enough but he couldn't prepare for such a day to come

it would be cute if he didn't even consider himself as a viable sexual partner. they are different races, captain is not gay etc...maybe he rubbed off to a thought of what it would be like to be a cute girl being fucked by law 😳 oh bepo...his thought going there because of logic - okay im a human, and captain is a man, so he would be into a human female, what would that be like? and getting SO embarrassed so quickly because while he knows little about human romance he does know how things work (and how women act around their love interests in literature) so projecting onto that making his head explode. bepo doesnt have time to analyze how he feels he just panics, overwhelmed by the idea and after surprise subsides getting real upset that he is not in fact a human woman...

little did he know that not only its possible but law wants him BADLY. bepo darling he thinks about bending you over and spreading those furry cheeks So Much that if you'd know you would die of embarrassment.

physically it makes no sense cuz hes so big but i love light weight bepo - maybe its the lack of exposure cuz he drinks rarely. but imagine him confessing awkwardly like "haha if i was a human girl i could date captain and never let any other girls near him! 😖" much to 😦😦😦 from the other 3

penshachi: gtg bye (theyll later come back to not find neither law nor bepo cuz theyve gotten back to polar tang to make out in laws cabin. under the guise of "bepo you drank too much we have to go" and when law grabs his hand bepo cant do anything

law is so excited he can barely think straight cuz he only said he doesn't care much for women or human women, trying not to foam at the mouth at the chance with bepo that fell into his lap.

But its an uphill battle how to delicately explain to Bepo that not only Law wants him as he is (male and mink and all) he is the ONLY person he wants. imagine the pressure and fear that he simply misunderstood bepo.

imagine their walk back to the ship from the bar - bepo still tipsy but sobering up from fear because atmosphere got real weird once he said what he said ...and the boys left so they cant even get captain distracted. its just him.

bepo walks behind silent law and anxiety keeps bubbling up to the point bepo starts tearing up because hes not sober so emotions are extra hard to contain and he is so afraid that he ruined everything and what he said will break their relationship now that law knows how he feels. he made it weird and now law hates him 😭

law turning around after he hears bepo sniffle and ofc he puts two and two together

-bepo im not mad or grossed out

-whuh?? 🥺😭

-you dont need to be a girl to keep women away from me you know

-huh??? (at that point bepo is so drowned in worry he forgot what he said)

-you....[sigh] bepo calm down

-sorry...

-if you were a girl you would be my lover?

-dont say it like that captain im sorry its stupid i shouldn't have said it!! 😭😭

-but cant you do it now?

-do what?

-be that

-what, a girl??

-(law closing his eyes in frustration not wanting to call bepo stupid even tho he's being VERY stupid right now) my lover, bepo, it would make me happy if you were my lover now, as you are, you dont need to be a human woman for that

[cue bepo's whole would breaking to the point he almost faints]

[zerokissingbooth]

screwhill / bootllum sex headcanons

im a screwllum warrior first and foremost so this is like 80% driven on by my carnal want for him. also these are just edited discord messages. these are nsfw

if i see u are ageless or a minor liking or reblogging this i will block u and then delete this post. forever. i am not joking.

its screwllum who makes the first few flirtatious moves- asking boothill about his modifications, what specific functions he has that arent human, etc. hes really fascinated esp since he's had his own sort of body overhaul himself. boothill probably starts feeling for him first and makes more offers to hang around whenever they cross paths and go for drinks. at some point screwllum sees boothill struggling to do some minor self repairs and offers to help and its like lowkey edging for boothill bc hes horny due to gentleman robot not giving a fuck ab his accent his bounty or whatever but also screwllum being like a whole hand in with wires near his torso. screwllum asks if he's ever had sex as a cyborg and boothill says somewhat and screwllums like Well do you want to see how we inorganics copulate? and boothill gets so hard he audibly lets out static

sex wise it can go 50/50. theyre both switches and both okay with being the dom or sub in the bedroom. i think screwllum prefers being dom just bc he likes observing but he wont say no if boothill wants to wirebang him

boothill learns ab screwllums 'sir' kink and likewise screwllum finds out boothill Really enjoys seeing his clothes on screwllum

so they both really REALLY love wireplay. a lot. boothill especially likes making screwllum become a mess just from messing with a few exposed panels.

when boothill is topping or whatever he loves like. mean praise. like not degredation but he looooves reminding screwy that hes a genius and a leader of an entire planet and yet he loves being turned into a mushy cpu by a wanted cowoby

boothill prefers riding (he makes cowboy jokes the entire time) whenever they both use genital attachments and screwy likes missionary bc he likes watching boothills expressions

ok this is moreso a personal general robofucking hc but each conscious cyborg or robot or whatever has a bluetooth like ability where they dont need to really 'plug in' their attachments. this makes it easier for charging stuff and for less port space. however this also means for stuff like genitalia attachments if left on their partners can make it REALLY easy to edge them or even overstim them. when theyre sexting one of them (screwllum most of the time) will take advantage of this and start basically edging boothill when he's on the low somewhere. its a game of patience to see how long boothill takes until he goes hopping to the nearest shuttle to get him back (the bluetooth function also allows them not to have to 'pack' anything persay)

boothill usually takes initiative in the bedroom but when screwllum wants to tease he will be the first to do it. and everyone around them who knows theyre dating or fucking loathes it bc its so easy to instantly tell when boothill is getting flustered or aroused. when boothill is topping or in charge or whatever its a lot of fingering and rough touching

[herboretum]

big ol text abt me being aroace so🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅ow oka🍅🍅🍅🍅y i get it i know 🍅🍅🍅🍅ow I Talk so much abt being aroace🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 i prmise this is the last🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 time 🍅🍅🍅🍅DAMN okay CHILL🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅read if u wanna 🍅🍅🍅ow OW!!!!!!🍅

ough man sometimes i wish i wasnt aroacespec for the sake of my own wellbeing yanno,,,,,,

its been physically paining me (since the start of the year realistically) knowing im incapable of loving another person romantically, of being unable to feel that passion for someone the way devoted partners would for their other half

it makes (and has made) me cry knowing i wont have that connection probably ever! that i just. cant love on that level! it kills me, genuinely, just not being able to have those moments where i can lean all my trust to one person, to have moments of vulnerability with someone. to be able to have lovesick days or gaze into their eyes or be able to simply reciprocate an "i love you" that they know is more than that simple statement. it fucking kills me man it makes me sick to my stomach

i dont know why. i never chose to be like this!!!! why couldnt i just be normal man!!! theres nothing wrong with me yet theres everything that could have been better! sometimes i get so jealous of people i know who are in really loving relationships. how they can just ramble on about how they love their partner to their core, that every imperfection they see is a beauty to behold. why cant i experience that? like genuinely what the fuck happened with me??

i feel like nobody ever talks about how alienating being aroace can sometimes feel. i feel like what im experiencing should not exist. im aroace not because i chose to be, but because i simply am, and i really hate that about me. theres so many people celebrating and while i can relate sometimes, i also feel like a sack of hopeless shit too!! im like a paradox man idk its wild how actually unfathomable this situation i am in. it doesnt feel real i feel like im contradicting myself 24/7

this is what i mean when i say i live vicariously through other people and my projections onto fiction. i am just that unable to not contradict myself in real fucking life. its so stupid man i fucking hate being here

anyways i digresss:3 not really. ive just been in this weird middle state for over half a year and today just kinda felt like a snapping point for literally no reason ?!?!:; i love being aroace. i really do. but god sometimes it just hurts me knowing theres a version of me enjoying a better life than i am

and lowkey if im gonna theorize, i genuinely think my issue stems from my inability to properly socialize with other people: i am just that fucking pathetic. me being scared of interactions has led me to become avoidant of others, which in turn has probably caused me to act like this im gonna aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaago fishing

[fictionfixations]

LMAO ZEN (doesnt it happen for everyones routes though? i havent done like another story yet tho)

anyway before i get into talking about jumin (as the route im on rn) i wanted to wonder

yknow how certain things happen but only on someones route?

like zen has the echo girl thing, idk what yoosung has i forgor but i think jaehee had that one project??? that got her interested in like coffee stuff? jumin has the arranged marriage?? and seven has like. well. the hacker stuff.

but it never gets mentioned on someone elses route ? i dont think? i feel like itd be more cooler if it was all happening at once as like little references (but either something they can handle or cant handle outside of the route. just like maybe a vague mention of trouble to interest the player in that route, while still making sense from like a timeline standpoint???)

like. people doing things but its not because youre the one pushing it towards that. i like that more. and im curious how chaotic itd be

anyway

JUMIN. (disclaimer: I dont like him)

WARNING i start venting in this post. theres only one mention of a triggering thing (which is warned before the actual vent part but i dont want to put here to bring the mood down more cause in all honesty im over it. im just kind of projecting.)

i think ive said before how i can understand the liking of possessive partners

but. okay maybe its just that i dont like jumin as much as the others but. this is kinda way too much. or maybe its that i value my own independence a whole lot or maybe its because i really dont like the thing with his cat (and i LIKE cats. so giving me a character who likes cats and making me not like them??? ahgeiudhf)

like 'dont leave or ill go insane and make your face known everywhere so i can find you again' like the fuck no w h y CAN I LEAVE

I want to leave i dont care if i get the bad ending get me out of here 😭 (actually i think the bad ending mightve been if we encouraged being compared to like his cat and like. was willing to stay forever.)

e w NO like CHILL

maybe. im. being too extreme. and im just too on edge. but like. can you not. i am not your property?? i am not an object??

now LISTEN i understand marking. like like yknow biting and so and so as like a claim over your partner. and now that? thats hot and i like that. but thats ONLY for the bedroom there comes a point where too much of a thing is a bad thing

ALSO we've known each other how many days has it been. eight?? WE've known each other EIGHT days dont be horny bonk

g o o d . this is good.

STOP. dont talk like you know whats best for a person. like its some thing that'll happen, not a what if.

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. now if he was being more weird id say go home but hes. OKAY. ish. now. like hes trying. and anyway getting him to not do it takes time. and also this is a game of romance fantasies where creepy shit gets played off as kinky or something. (not a jab towards mysme its just the kind of thing its trying to do which can result in uncomfortable parts if you take off your rose-tinted glasses of wOAH ROmANCE. its expected since ppl think certain things are hot when in reality its kind of very not that great)

…CAN I GO HOME???? like BRUH im not gonna accept you just cause you do so and so

why does this feel like a 'nice guy'. maybe this is my bad because this is making me really want to leave buth gdiuhfuih

trigger warning. i vent. mention of kermit sewer slide but nothing actual.

ive been pushing the 'stay here to help jumin feel more calm' but. i do also need to prioritize my own well being and my well being is not happy here rn 😭 (on a serious note though while its important to be there for your partner, its NOT a good thing to give everything to make sure your partners okay, because y'all are equals and as you help them stand they need to help you stand too or you'll collapse under all that and it really wont be a good time. im telling you its very draining. and why i promote the idea of get your shit together before you get with someone because there comes a point where you can be too dependent on your partner which isnt good for you or for them [and they can feel hesitant to express their feelings because they dont want to hurt you, or hesitant to do anything too stressful because theyre like that support pillar for them, and they dont want to do anything that causes otherwise because they dont want their partner to get hurt. it can also mean they go along with what the other wants even if they dont really want to because they dont want to hurt them. am i projecting? ithink im projecting. cause like. ive been there. and honestly i think it kind of fucked me up cause there was like a power imbalance in that one was significantly more fragile and vulnerable then the other, which made me feel like i should be going along with it because i didnt want them to be hurt when they didnt have anyone else they could rely on but me. [i tried to get them to make more friends cause relying on a single person is very unhealthy but no dice] but that also meant that they didnt respect my boundaries or respect me when i say no and instead just gave off excuses to make me change my mind or made me feel like i had to do what they wanted or theyd deliberately hurt themself. so.. it was a lot. anyway it really fucked me up cause i felt like i was in the wrong for not going along with it. blah blah blah. we split. i genuinely have no idea if it was true or not but they'd started saying things to make me feel bad and just not a fun time at all. they were probably in a really dark time in their life but im gonna be honest. i dont know in what scenario its okay to go 'im gonna kermit sewer slide if you dont [blah blah blah]'. so yknow. and this is not really the same but it still feels the same in walking all over boundaries and lines and is especially why i do not like this character a bit. yay trauma.])

i might actually get a bad ending because i. really dont like this.

[cumulo-stratus]

hey pookie!!! I saw your requests are open and I know you’re doing flufftober but I would adore you even more (idk if that’s even possible) if you would write something about reader coming out as genderfluid to Spencer? Maybe they just got together and they are nervous about what he’ll say? Just tons of fluff!!! Love you 💋💋💋💗🫶 xoxo

Like We Always Do

(GIF NOT MINE)

Request: Yes/No

Pairing: Fiancé!Spencer x Genderfluid!reader

description: after Spencer proposes to his partner they decide they have to tell Spencer what they had been thinking about for months- and Spencer is always ready to support his partner

Warnings: fluff, possible swearing

A/N: Thank so much for the love/support ma biche!! this is such a cute idea i love it sm! just wanna let you know since on top of school and fencing im still catching on flufftober it wont be super quick, but ill try my best additionally, im going to mostly have reader be presenting/using masc/gn pronouns. Also pls let me know if there any inaccuracies since im not gender fluid myself- and I'll try to fix them right away! (Again im litteraly fucking obsessed with this idea it's so cute)

Spencer given y/n an absolutely wonderful day- they had a relaxing morning book shopping at spencers favorite local bookshop- but as the afternoon approached Spencer became more and more nervous.  he had planned every moment in his head, and had been running through them continuously. Now spencer knew y/n would probably say yes- he had the statistics to back him up but he couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming anxiety creeping through him. The train finally pulled to a stop at their station and the screeching of metal on metal and the ambient hum of people starting to shuffle off, startled spencer out of his pensive sort of trance. Knowing Y/N’s aversion to crowded spaces he took his hand and led him to another exit on the other end of the carriage- placing a small kiss on his boyfriends knuckles eliciting a small giggle from Y/n 

After they made the last leg of their journey to the beautiful park where the couple  nhad their first date- spencer led y/n a  small path in the forested area, surrounded by bright orange and yellow and red trees. The autumn colored leaves swayed softly in the gentle breeze- causing an ambient rustling. Y/ns hand still grasped tightly in spencers they started their way down the path. They walked for about 30 minutes- conversation drifting everywhere from books to politics to work, and even a little bit of work gossip from y/ns job. 

Finally they reached a spot that looked over a small pond- the sun starting to set and reflecting onto the water below. 

They came to a stop and Spencer took y/n's hands in his- looking into his eyes. When y/n noticed Spencer's intense gaze they looked at him worriedly. Spencer couldn't help himself- the combination of the weight of the ring in his pocket, and y/ns caring gaze. Before he even realized what he was doing he was down on one knee, looking up at Y/n.

This caught Y/n completely off guard and they gasped- finally understanding what spencer was doing. And tears came to y/ns eyes as spencer asked them to marry him. 

“Y/n, we’ve been together for 2 years- and it’s been some of the best 2 years of my life. Ive laughed, I’ve smiled- but most of all I’ve loved, and i want to love with you for the rest of my life…”

at this point y/n had tear tracks all over their cheeks and spencer looked up at y/n expectedly. And when y/n nodded yes excitedly spencer shot up from his kneeling position to pull Y/n into an extremely tight hug, at one point even picking them up and spinning them around. Finally spencer let go of his now fiance and looked them in the eyes, but thats when he noticed that y/ns face had fell. Spencer was immediately worried and took Y/ns hands in his again asking “love, is something wrong? are you okay?” Y/n only looked down, almost as if embarrassed or shameful. 

“spence. I- i cant…”

"You can't what? Do you not like the ring? We can get another one!"

Y/m chuckled dryly at Spencer's worried demeanor and said

i 

" No- I love the ring- I just can't accept it without telling you something..." he looked slightly relieved, but still concerned for his partner. 

“love you can tell me anything, just go ahead”

y/n shut their eyes tight, bracing themselves for what they were about to do.

“i think im genderfluid..- ive been thinking about it for months now but i didnt tel you because i was scared of what you’d say but if we’re taking the next step i need to know you’ll accept me..”

At this point y/n was rambling, still avoiding looking at spencer. His gaze softened as y/n explained their thoughts. And spencer couldn’t help but take y/ns face in his hands, forcing them to look at him. And when they made eye contact, y/n trailed off. This gave spencer his opportunity to once again pour his heart out for the person in front of him. 

“oh y/n.. i will always accept you. Regardless of your gender identity, your pronouns, how you dress, you’ll still be the same person thats gonna laugh with me, is gonna kiss me and is gonna hold e when i need it the most. Becuase that’s what you do y/n!” Spencer laughed a little when he said it, before continuing “you care for people endlessly..- and thats what makes you you. Not how you identify or what pronouns you use. So I’ll always accept you.. okay?” 

Spencer looked into Y/ns eyes intently as he asked this, making sure y/n understood that he would love them eternally. y/n just nodded, to speechless at spencers response to form words. Finally spencer took y/n in a deep, passionate and loving kiss. And when they finally pulled away for that pesky air- spencer spoke again. 

“I dont know exactly how it’s all gonna work-“ because despite spencers vast and encyclopedic knowledge, he didnt know much about being gender-fluid. “But we’ll figure it out together- like we always do.” Y/n looked up at spencer with complete love and adoration in their eyes and responded simply with 

“Like we always do..”

The end 

[my-castles-crumbling]

hii! i need some help,,,

so basically back in febuary i started dating my best friend because we both liked eachother, but recently i started losing feelings, and they didnt really show affection or act any different (it was like we were still friends but we just called eachother our boyfriends), i felt like i wasnt ready for a relationship, and i overall felt like we were better off as just best friends. so in may(ish) i told them that i didnt want to be partners and i thought we were better as best friends. i thought they took it pretty well, we didnt talk for about a month until we started texting again. it felt pretty distant, we would say goodmorning and ask how we were doing, and say goodnight. i thought that everything would be okay. we just needed some time to ourselves. but last week i found their spotify playlist that said that they felt so bad and that they couldve been a better bf in the description. (it said more but you get the point) idk how to tell them but they didnt do anything wrong, if anything its my fault for getting into a relationship and then dipping because it "didnt feel right". i feel so awful. im so guilty. i didnt mean to hurt their feelings. i love them so much and it feels like theyre all i have left. i dont know what to do without them. im scared that they dont/wont like me anymore. what do i do???

a little unrelated but my two other friends just started dating and i know its bad but i feel a little jealous. i dont have anyone and now me and my best friend are the only single ones in our friend group. i lost my chance.

sorry for the rant. i dont know where else to vent :p

Hi!

Please read this very carefully: nobody did anything wrong, here.

You did exactly the right thing by leaving a relationship that you didn't feel right in! And your friend didn't do anything wrong, either!

You were very brave by communicating your feelings and breaking up with your friend. Now you need to do that again. Sit them down and explain they did nothing wrong and you just feel like you would be better as friends, but you really want to be friends, and they mean a lot to you. Be clear on that. I know it's scary, but I think they need to hear that. Communicating your love for them will help them know that you care about the friendship.

Also, you didn't lose your chance. THings can change and you'll have many more opportunities to date, don't worry <3

naming you chance anon!

[wild-forest-bee]

I feel the need to make a vent post. idk if anyone will see it, but telling ppl in my life just feels like blaming them, so feel free to interact

I've been homeless for 4 years now. no problem there per se. but without the duties of school and work, im left to decide for myself. Im (thankfully) not american so working while being in school was not so common, but i never got a cent in allowance so it was worth it at first.

they say to properly heal from burnout you need way longer than what time you have. im still trying to stop faking it and start making it. being a 19yo burnout is all fine and edgy until youre 22 unemployed homeless and without any degree and you still feel like doing two (2) tasks a day is a lot. i feel like i got the perfect depression-adhd cocktail where if i dont do what i want all day every day i might start killing ppl, but if i do i might as well be a rotting log in the forest

i have the chance to get top surgery but i feel my depression making me fumble it. "who cares what you look like. without your tits youre just fat. no point in changing anything" I also know for a fact that it wont make me less depressed but it makes me anxious to think that, if i let it pass, ill have to jump through the hoops again to get where i am now.

im just in so much pain every day from walking, sometimes just sitting. when i lay down, its my shoulders. probably something to do with joints. i also got scabies from some irresponsible guests, so i havent touched skin in over a month now and i feel my grip on my feelings slipping. not being allowed to touch my partner is putting a strain in our relationship and general wellbeing. as a countermeasure, I also have to be very careful about textiles, wich sucks because most of my hobbies revolve around fabric.

i just feel like living death.

either no appetite or binge eating, either way tummy pain. cant deal with groups but feeling lonely. body feeling worse every day. everything around me seems to get more complicated every day. i always tried to seem open and welcoming but i feel forgotten

at least i quit smoking weed last winter. they say the best time to quit was 20 years ago and my asthma is probably happy abt it but... bye bye sleeping routine

even as i write this post i couldnt be sleeping because i have to hit the wall (/lit) every time i hear the rats biting at my caravan or else theyll get in and start eating my food and shitting on my pillow (yay skin care!!) who wants pets when you have [INTRUDER ALERT]

ill have to look at the hole in the morning, but working inside a metal box during the day in 35°+ weather is not appealing. also have to cut the bushes so i dont have to suffer a thousand nettle stings, also cook and eat something and maybe I'll have the energy to shower like i wanted to since last week

if you get down here and wonder if i have a gofundme or smth give it to a palestinian and talk with me instead

[inqilabi]

I’m kind of surprised you started dating a lot more and are open to Islam recently, you’re one of the reasons I stopped entirely, which neither is a wrong thing to do. It’s kind of hard to do it alone but I just prioritized friendships in the time I’ve been following you. Which actually is closer to 10 years now I think, definitely since way before the pandemic. Anyway it’s just been on my mind to send this ask for a while now, you seem so successful that when I get to be where you are I know I’ll be even less interested in marriage and dating, but I guess that’s also a plus for you since you said you want kids. Good luck with it all, It’s great you were able to reconcile yourself and Islam, I’ve never felt like religion could be fulfilling, especially when you have views on gender and politics that go again the core tenants of a patriarchal religion. But I can see how the immediate community has its appeal and people are judged overly harshly when they don’t conform to societal and gender expectations of be a woman/man then have a partner/kids, and it’s not like there aren’t other good things too. Anyway I’m glad I followed you when I did because I got a new perspective and it made me more of a brave, accountable person, I’m not really afraid of being lonely and I can take accountability for my wrongs too, knowing that socialization is so deep I need to think about why and what I’m doing. You a few other people impacted me so deeply when I was 16 and trying to leave my parents home

wow this is a very sweet message. But almost makes feel scared that i had an impact on impressionable young teens I dont think my views on Islam have changed, certainly not as much as my view on dating. I still have the same criticisms of sunni jurisprudence. I think i just have less of exposure to that community now as i did back in the day, and it just use to rile me up. I was just angry, justifiably so, and wanting to dismiss everything - and it showed up in the tone of my writing.

I mean i still can't go around muslim events saying the things i actually believe. Sunni jurisprudence is undeniably patriarchal. But so long as they aren't like getting very preachy, doing halaqas and sermons on how to oppress women, im okay. In my uni days, MSAs were actually doing exactly that. That's why i was so critical. But i see now this type of thing seems to be dying down, atleast in my area. i dont find religion fulfilling but i do find likeminded people fulfilling. I still associate more with like academic type folks who either research religion, anthropology, write critiques. I went to a party full of marxists the other day. I didnt agree with everyone there. But i suppose, its discussion that's fulfilling. And sometimes muslim community and gathering can be very dismissive and not receptive to discussion. Which is a shame because in the islamic golden age, that's all they were doing.

i was honestly planning to be alone, and my plan was to solo adopt a kid if i wanted a child. I felt this way all the way up until like summer of 2022. then something did change. and i didn't want to be alone. if you had asked the 2013-2022 version of me, i would have balked at the thought of me wanting a partner. I was almost proud of it. Proud of being a single unattached woman with no men in her life. I suppose the only thing I can say now is that it's very hard to predict how and what you will feel and want at some point in the future. I was certain that I wouldn't want companionship and kids. Half my blog was dedicated to it. And that is kind of scary. I actually wrote about this on my blog back in the fall of 2022. It scared me how much something had shifted so suddenly, something that was a such long held state. If that could change, what else could change?

At your age, i would say prioritize career first ofc/financial freedom etc. If you dont have that, you wont feel ready for anything else. And ofc keep expanding your friend circle and forming connections through local activities or travel.

[cowedeakamatsu]

Ahem Ahem. Welcome everyone to yet another cowede peptalk about themselves cos... lets face it i have an issue. (part final)

Now another (shorter digression) ? I have an alter ego for when im in cowede is the fucking best mood. an alter ego that ironically was inspired (and adapted to my vision) of some stuff X did. that alter ego is catichi. catichi is factually a brat, they are so adorable the universe will bend to his will and nobody could ever told him no, so pervy that he will fuck at lightspeed while making the lewdest sounds and faces ever known to man said universe while they bent. he knows it, and he LOVES it. and through him i'm loving it too. basically if i play catichi ? i'm having a total blast, buuuut i'm also probably going to stress overthinking and worry i make it a bad experience for my partner because of what X had on me. so i decide "fuck it, you know what ? this statue quo sucks, ima let out the catichi" coincidently at that time pen decided after realizing that yes, novelai cost money, thers other solution but they even require a veeeery good pc and time to learn how to do it, or have veeeery... subpar quality (or that one thing that @makoto-naegi-stud-and-friends found that i cant quite remember, i'll let you tell them you stud) so they decided to create @filthypen ! and their blog ? pretty damn great! super lewd, stll have stuff to learn but its a fun read and cool funny kinks, we also started rping and while we dont get eye to eye on writing style yet because of a core difference in our writing style, the rp is fun! + it feels like i can teach someone some stuff i learned in my relatively long career of shit smutt writing. so i decided to adopt the catichi persona with them, cos it makes me feel good. aaaand thinking that this status quo suck, i decided to also take that persona with X. trying to share positivity. result ? constant super cold response from X i try to engage in some stuff, give them stuff to say but they dont, which being in my boots is reading like "i dont care that youre having fun, stop doing that, and get back to being the one who does tremendous effort". Since they are overobssesed with cucking, probably because theyre either secretely a boy with a micro penis who needs to be validated as an alpha, or because they suck at anything socialy and wants to be glorified (which i both get and dont judge, to be clear) I decide "hey, lets do a funny thing where i act even more like a brat because catichi mode, and I say that i'm so much better (in a lewd catichi way (if u know u know)) that i'll probably make X get cucked when their thing is cucking people". and they took it bad, like emotionally bad. and at this point ? i was fucking done, I finnaly let out my frustrations in a huge message (not as huge as all those, like... 2000 characters ? around that, it all fit into 1 discord message) and i tell them i wont block them (because they already used 4 times before the "please dont leave me i have fear of abandonement" WHICH SPOILER BITCH, EVERYONE HAS) but that i'll come back when theyre an actual good person that does effort and STFU. it was followed by them writing a total of 48 messages of pure insults (some in russian) and denial that any of this was their fault because "they have dimentia" and how im a stuck up bitch that does no effort because I DARE ask them to do long response, they also go in a sideline about paranoid unrelated stuff like being watched constantly as an excuse for leaving half ass answer all the time and to be fair i just quick read through and didnt care. they also came to my dms and had a mental breakdown before finnally blocking me. And man it feels GOOD. i have just One message to say : if you have really dimentia X ? I am sorry... except i am not, wanna know why ? because youre nothing but a BITCH. a whinny, INCAPABLE, STUCK UP BITCH, that Cant do shit on their own, Will die alone, miserable in paranoia, and will have deserve every single fucking moment. You are not a good person. You are nothing, unimportant, and if what you show is what you are ? nobody will miss you. ever.

[flyingspicerack]

YOUKAI AU LORE!!!!!

literally just copy pasted what i told ghost in dms no beta we die like men

ok so my youkai au... SO I started thinking about it first when I saw Evan post about theirs, and I saw they they said theirs was more of an isekai style? So like, kinda Inuyasha vibes?? Also mine isn't like... TOO tied into the real hesowar au, bc i dont really know all the canon information so its all just... headcanons and my own worldbuilding (which i love to do i love worldbuilding its what i did for my thesis in art school ANYWAYYYY)) So my thoughts are kinda that theres this youkai world and each of the boys are originally human brothers that were all possessed by the youkai like hundreds of years ago and are now all these 6 powerful youkai that rule over 6 different domains. I think that in each domain, or maybe where all 6 of them converge theres a portal to the human world that opens up? Maybe both.... 7 portals, the strongest one thats always open is in the middle of the domains, each has their own, and their own unique connection to the human realm. I think Ichi, because he's a 9 tailed kitsune, he's connected to like, a specific Inari shrine I think each of the boys excepts for one or two, have like... at least harems or a partner or something at this point? It's later in their lives, idk theyre still young looking WHATEVER IDK, but Ichimatsu hasn't really... expressed any interest in anyone in the realm, yet complains to like, jyushi specifically that he feels particularly lonely. Like none of the people who come to worship him in the realm do it for him, theyre boring, whatever, idk, no connections. And since he's a trickster, the brothers are like "ohhh youre kiniving and play pranks and tricks, why dont you just like, trick a human to to be your mate/bride/spouse, humans are so interesting and quirky" and at first hes like 'no thats fucked up i wouldnt do that' but the he thinks about it ...

SO MEANWHILE, in the human world, this version of Mao, i think, is just in some like... job to pass the time, but they're incredibly lonely, theyre bad at making connections at work, theyre a bit burnt out, just things arent going their way. So, one day on the way home they're just tired, and maybe the route they walk on to and from work is like closed so they take a different route and on their way home they come upon an entrance to a shrine, maybe its a little overgrown, but... somethng calls them in, and they walk up the little stairs and are kinda drawn up to the big donation box. And they kinda just throw a couple coins in and pray and think 'im really lonely, i want companionship but im not sure what to do anymore, maybe i should change careers or just ... change myself completeley ... i need guidance' And theres this voice in the back of their head thats just like 'what if that could come true' and 'give yourself to me' and 'make me more offerings and ill give you a deal you wont refuse' and mao thinks theyre hallucinating from stress but they just empty their coin purse bc theyre kinda compelled to And they realize when they blink a couple times, that THAT was all the money they had on them and still need to buy dinner, so they try to reach down into the donation box to maybe snag back a 500 yen coin but then they fall into the box, and the descent down is a LOT longer than they would have assumed it was, and they land down in there with a thud and look up and around them and now have to figure out how to climb out, and eventually, once they do, and climb up and out of the hole or whatever, they are NOT in that shrine anymore, but somehow in the middle of the forest

SO THEYRE LIKE 'uuhhhh ... what the fuck? Did i hit my head??' and are like 'haha probably hit my head and this is a dream or something' and they dust themself off and start making their way down a path in a random direction to maybe figure out what theyre dreaming about, and theyre walking walking, and SHWOOM, right in front of them flies an arrow and they like, jolt back cause it almost hit them, and theres like ... some kind of lower level like ... imps or goblins or like ... SOMETHING and start fucking chasing mao, because this is some like... you know... uhhh idk if it feudal era? i think thats the term. ANYWAY they have pink hair and are like 'woah this person must have insane magical powers we must kill them and take their magics' and so mao gets chased in the woods all the way to like, a cliffside, and are then cornered, and are like ??????? So since they think its a dream they think if they try hard enough maybe dream logic will work so they maybe jump? immediatley fall and stars screaming, but whats this, something catches them midair and they look up and see theyre in the arms of a man with big ears and pretty red makeup who then like, with the wave of a hand wipes out the imps and lands on the ground with mao in his arms and he finally looks down at them and they share like, locked eye contact for a few moments before hes like 'kind of dumb of you to jump off that cliff considering humans cant fly' AND I HAVE LIKE, some other story beats, but the like... summarized story is that ichi starts to feel guilty for kind of coercing mao to come here so they go on like, a journey together, him protecting them, but teaching them to fight and things, while they travel toward where the domains are converged to get mao into the portal back home, but along the way they both genuinely start to fall for one another and mao eventully gives themself to ichi as his devoted bride/partner/mate and gets like... some minor powers and stuff i thinks... and yeah... hehe..

... heheh yeah... i might wanna draw story beats... i have MORE ideas, like... beats and things that happen on the journey if people wanna hear about those too....

ALSO SOMETHING I NEED TO CLARIFY!! when i say the other boys have partners, its not like... its moreso meant to be like, OTHER PEOPLE who self ship with the other boys, have already claimed them, like... how do i make this make sense.... like ... timeline wise, if like

HYPOTHETICLLY, if you wanted to insert your s/i into MY version of this au specifically, your and the matsu's story would have happened BEFORE mao enters the picture if that makes sense... bc i like the idea of ichi being the last of the brothers to make a connection, only realizing once his brothers have found love, that he wants it too ... haha hehehehehehhehehehe the end

[tamorisana]

thank @mylarena ty for making me have gay about vampires thoughts.

okay. so we where talking the other day (literally 10 minutes ago as i write) and she said "having your blood drinken, giving a right to drink your blood is homoerotic" (not literal quote). AND I AGREE.

now come closer and listen. ill take alerudy because im starting for them and it will not cause much problems for most of people and make them see my point but i see rudy as a vampire who was raised in a foster human family. where he was dismissed for his needs (literally why adopt vampire.) and he just grew up like so, always hungry, smaller from not having a constant flow of blood in his body which causes health problems

and he meets alejandro

now, rudy is about 10 and ale is about 12 and the first one has like no friends except for his brother and brothers friends, who to their credit really did try to include him in almost all activities they had despite the age gap or he would sit with them listening while they talked about a game or smt and feel nice bc they let him enjoy the company, and ale is a type of kid to know everyone but having just a couple of kids who are considered friends.

and they meet and they don't hit it off immediately. alejandro is terrified of vampire because of stories about them as well as thinks the younger just wants his blood and rudy hates it. he hates being seen as nothing but a blood sucking monster so he just turns around, leaves angry ale to stand silent and shocked. its a way he solves this problem. very effective one, most are just too stunned to continue speaking. at this point you look at me up and down and think "fucking idiot! what are you doing?? what are you doing!?! how will they be with together if you refuse to make them friends??" yes they aren't friends right away.

but such reaction sparkes something. ale expected the boy to scream at him, be angry and jump on him, bite him. but he didn't. he looked more upset than disappointed and he just turned away and left. he may have left physically but still present in the back of his head.

and its a start, he looks out to him every time he can to ask why? if alejandro intrigued he will get and know anything he wants. the next time its cloudy he searches narrowly for rodolfo (pretty name. he had an uncle with same name and he was the best) and finds him quickly. he apologizes, gives rudy a candy his Abuela bought for him and a little cartoon of coconut milk.

and thats a start to them.

in a few weeks they are inseparable. in years basically glued to eachother. there are no alejandro without rodolfo and there is not rodolfo with out alejandro. they are 15 and 17 when rudy runs out of coconut milk and is about to close himself in basement until his parents finally buy some when his partner in crime says:

"why dont you drink from me?"

and is met with absolute no. he wont do that. he wont use him for blood. ale is a brother a friend, a dearest one and he does no such thing only of hunger. warm hands grab his shoulders to bring back to earth.

"rudy. look at me, i asked only because i trust you and with your control. idiot. i offer because i want you nicely fed and shit"

and they make an agreement. rudy gets his blood when absolutely needed and alejandro gets the language and math homeworks and help if he needs one. this goes on for years. even when they join the military.

i got distracted and lost the thought. ill continue this one day with these characters or other ones. i also have many siren!rudy and human or werewolf!ale if anyone wants them

[the-wild-wolves-around-you]

lolololol of course my dogs get outta bed at 3am and start SCREAMING to the point that my partner and i wake up out of a dead sleep. my partner leaps out of bed and runs to the kitchen where they’re barking and then i hear him say “HOLY SHIT”

so now my adrenaline is PUMPING and im like “oh this is the night i get axe murdered in my own home”

but nope, it was just a huge ten point buck sitting on our back porch 🙃

we all try to go back to bed except my oldest dog grim wont get in bed, he just keeps pacing up and down the hall

my partner says he’ll come back to bed eventually and then promptly falls back asleep

but i lie away for like TWO HOURS listening to grim’s nails clacking up and down the hall, and every time i try to go get him he runs back to sit on the living room couch. im thinking he either wants to protect us from the deer or he has to pee, but usually he whines if the latter

finally at 4:45 im like FUCK IT if i get killed by a deer so be it

go peek out the sliding door and see the buck has moved to my neighbors’ yard, so i slap a leash on grim and take him out so he can have the LONGEST piss of his life while its 50 deg out and im in my pjs

he finally finishes and promptly trots his happy ass back to bed and lays down with my partner and other dog

but now ive been awake for at least 2hrs and i cant go back to sleep so 🙃🙃🙃 guess im just gonna start work now 👍🏼