#im always in pain but this
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#ya know#hank green was talking about how#post op and on chemo#he was really fatigued and or depressed#and it's just kind of a difficult to parse blurb#and that's so relatable#like i'm lonely with nothing to think about except how i'm lonely#(and frankly how few people have talked to me at all since undergoing surgery lol)#but im also tired with nothing to think about except how tired i am#and i can't hardly sleep because of the pain#so i'm just#like am i depressed or do i just need to go to sleep#too bad cause i can't fix one and i can't complete the other#the pain is unique too like#im always in pain but this#this is fun new pain#i can't ignore by doing other things#it sucksssssss#and i have a lot of great people to talk to to be clear#friends i've been talking to daily#still it's like#man im out here with nothing to do and truly no one here wants to hear me complain#and i feel so guilty seeking out friends to complain to#and im borrred all the time#idk i just needed to scream this into the void i've been trying to sleep for hours
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to lose you
#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#sth#im insane im crazy i have to end it all i saw a singular dialogue in sonadow gens that made me go so fucking crazy dude im in tears#i dont subscribe to the sonic as reincarnated maria theory but how beautiful is it that shadow always had somebody in his life#that loves the earth more than anything else#somebody who wants him to see its beauty no matter what#that will never give up on him#he has never been without that#despite all his pain#sonic x shadow generations#sxs generations#shadow#sonic#sonic fanart#sonic art#sonic fandom#sonic series#shadow fanart#sonic the hedgehog fanart#art of crane
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"i have a sister now! thank you, granpa! we are going to do so much stuff together!"
(trans masc newborn shado btw. tag as ship and ill kill you)
#im so done. they deserved so much better#im getting atatched to maria now and its#its not easy. shes basicaly a pure white girl but also a completely blank canvas#yet im so. shes so.. i hc those earings are a gift from her parents they gave her jjst before she moved to the ark. she always wears them#she was a human being with her own identity but neither her granpa (the person that raised her) nor the narrative treats her as such#there had to be some fucked up shit she went through psycologicaly that not even shadow got to know#its actually painful for me to draw her not happy. its too much#also shadow is trans masc and just a few days of age thats why maria calls him “sister”#sth#sonic#sonic fanart#shadow the hedgehog#maria robotnik#nov.aart
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creation meets creator in the most terrifying way possible (you wont believe what happens next)
#rainbsart#animation#shipwrecked 64#sw64#shipwrecked spoilers#shipwrecked64#broadside beach#shipwrecked fanart#bucky beaver#rex broadside#kinda#blot the rabbit#cw flashing#ask to tag idk#i spent all day on this lol it was only supposed to be rex spawning in but i got a little silly#animating in ibis is next level pain im never doing it like this again#lmao#i always thought the way rex/blot spawns in is so cool#idk smth about it#i hope i did it justice here bc the first draft of some of it was. hoo
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happy halloween! the cast from fist of idol: togenkyo have reunited again to bring us...... a horror movie?!
#in this scenario we of course have eichi as the first victim tori as the heroine and final girl wataru as the villain#yuzuru as the last death in dramatic and painful self-sacrifice because he would. and also the chainsaw is his of course#and last but not least hokuto as the plot twist villain because (points at the title)#(in fact my thought process was ok horror movie tori has a chainsaw now what else. the 13th night would be a great title.#and from then on everything else was pretty obvious)#tori himemiya#eichi tenshouin#hokuto hidaka#wataru hibiki#yuzuru fushimi#mao isara#subaru akehoshi#makoto yuuki#enstars#ensemble stars#of course ideally the dog wouldve been king. but being realistic he's too old to act let's let him rest#and also for my personal entertainment in this movie hokuto would play toris boyfriend#because i really like when the boyfriend turns out to be evil and i get to say DUMP HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!#its always great#art tag#im technically still a bit early but i wanted to post this so bad
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You know what? You know what I think?
I think that if we lived as we were meant to, in larger intimate ("extended family") groups and with more shared labor and time to do it (UBI NOW) people like me would not feel so useless and burdensome because there would be people around to help and to do what neurodivergent people can't while making valuable space for the neurodivergent to do what they ARE good at.
The way we live right now, all right, the way we live right now forces units of two adults to be able to do EVERYTHING or PAY to have someone come do it for them. I have to do the housework. I have to do it! But I am having to do a million different things and most of them I am not good at. I suck at them.
I wouldn't feel like shit, okay, if I had more than one other person around who was not a child and who could do the things I can't, like do the yard and cook and do repairs and basic maintenance; and someone else to split everything else that I like but is too much for me. It would free me to do what I am good at and enjoy. Cleaning, as in the sink and toilet, the windows, the blinds. Taking out trash. Folding, hanging, and sorting laundry.
But because all the shit I can do often relies on other shit being done first, and I can't do or have trouble doing those things, the shit I can do often can't be done. And even the shit I can do, I can't do ALL of it. So I can't keep up, and things get very bad.
We aren't meant to live like this. We are not meant to live like this.
That thought hurts so much because being able to flee the birth family is integral to survival for so many people. I'm so afraid that living in larger family groups would create more opportunities for, say, queer kids to be isolated, rejected, bullied, and abused. But if we gave people enough money to survive, and stopped considering children the property of their parents with no system in place to help them escape bad situations except a system that is often just as bad, just different.
I'm aware that communes and collectives aren't all that successful and are kind of a joke. I don't mean that. I mean a fundamental shift to multigenerational families where taking in "strays" (which my family did) is also normalized so people escaping abuse into existing households was accepted, with these families centered in maybe a couple of different larger residences so not everyone has to buy and maintain their own fucking washing machine and vacuum cleaner, and so people can benefit from large group meals that yield leftovers, and so child and elder care can also be centralized.
Then disabled people and the neurodivergent and sick and injured people, and pregnant people, and grieving people, would not have to either labor through all those stressors or consign themselves to living off an unlivable pittance or being put under legal guardianship.
I'm not saying anything new. People live like this in other parts of the world and maybe it sucks and I am wrong. But I'm just really mad right now because I can either do laundry or clean the sink but not both, and I really think we could improve society somewhat by making it so I did not have to choose one without sacrificing the other.
#im feverish feeling (not a real fever just malaise that i have no other way to describe) from the IBS (which can affect you like that#)#and i don't actually want to do ANYTHING#i would have to even living with others but it would be easier#at the very least i wouldn't have had to clean the microwave earlier which is hard because my arms are like the size of a meerkat's#and i can only reach the back with my fingertips#where is my BF in all this?#WORKING FULL TIME WITH BACK PAIN#yes i AM going to want him to have to do as little as possible when he comes home#he's neurodivergent too and struggles with the same shit#it's all a mess#we are doing way better i didn't realize how deep a drain three very sick cats were#but there's still only two of us#if you are disabled physically OR MENTALLY you should at least get in-home household help once a week or so#there's places that do that but the limitations are usually severe and always rule me out#because im not single im not an elder im not a veteran and im not physically disabled#if we have to ration that sort of thing i can see how on the whole it is more caring to allocate those resources to for example elders#but the fact that i celebrate what help there is doesn't mean i don't get mad that more people can't access it#is2g if i was functional enough snd physically sound enough i would start a charity that did intervention cleaning for people like us#who have fallen behind and can't catch up but can MAINTAIN#and who helped people clean for a few months during and after an illness pregnancy trauma major loss etc. so they could stay on their feet
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From "Unadulterated Loathing" in which Charlie chains these two idiots accidentally together by @otsmosis (who made this comment at the end of the last chapter and inspired me to do whatever this is above)
#i was forced to colour this and its always painful and out of my comfort zone hallelujah#let me just tag this real quick i have a lot to say#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#radioapple#appleradio#lucifer morningstar#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor x lucifer#okay we are back#FIRST things first#oh shit i forgot#my art#i watched silence of the lambs for the first time#and i think that hannibal lecter is just normal smart#but everyone else is really really fucking stupid#OH THE FIC I FORGOT TO SAY#i needed something uplifting and im so happy that i found it#if any of you is in need of some cheering up please give it a read#i am EXCITED for the next chapter#i just love it when charlie screams in someones face#AND THAT “ALASTOR HEAVED OUT A DISGUSTED SOUND” is absolutely me and my best friend every five minutes if we dont like something#i now use a screenshot of that sentence to express my discomfort in our chat#wow im so shit at giving compliments and i am stuck in an endless loop of “wow i loved it so much it was great”#BUT I REALLY LOVED IT
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ummm first time becoming self conscious about the way you act with your best friend because of some middle school bullies :)
#iasip#always sunny#charmac#charlie kelly#mac mcdonald#fanart#mine#i watched ‘close’ nd had some pain#but yeah ofc my brain was like 'i can make that charmac' h8 myslf#mac macdonald#im not good @ dialogue it feel ooc to me but iv ben like staring @ this for days i just need to post it#for th record i dont think mac wd giv a shit abt wat bullies think of him. bt he'd still get n his own head abt it#like hed nevr thought of their relationship tht way b4#nd th possibility alone scares him#1k
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is it worth it?
#isat#sif stuff#i am always thinking about how pain au chocolat looks like a little animal#im not tagging this properly because. well. i drew a hat on a pastry
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pro tip: you can always put the bugs in little outfits :thumbsup:
#rain world#five pebbles#lttm#looks to the moon#no im not procratsinating what im actully drawing to put the bugs in fun outfits what are you talking about#anyhow uh yeah man been a lil since i uploaded anything huh. that will not be changing. stay tuned for as scarce art as always. we stay thr#anyhow! you know i have done similar scehctehs alot and i always do the undershirt longshirt for them cause i feel like moon would like it#nd pebbles got it from her even if hed hate to adit it. sometimes your older sister figure has good taste (subjective) and you will never r#each her high#anyhow also i like desiging tshirt prints even if its always a pain when i need to do it#ough#anyhow i have suns also if anyone wanna see that i suppose?#otherwise hmmmm well if anyones reading this who has an opinion i wokring on a comic and concidering if i should wait with posting and do t#e whole thing once i anage to struggle through adding the text#or if i will be weak and post my fave parts beforehand for funnsies hmmmm many choises someone tell me what to do i hate making choises#uh for anyone not intrestied in my long tag rabling music rec for today is cop car by mitski!!!! and not at all because ive been watching a#disco elysium aniatic with that song on loop on youtube for days#thats not soemthing id do#anyhow anyhow!!!!#my art#see i can remmeber that tag sometimes :)#oh also an its nice to go back to drawing these guys after weeks of my own rw ocs. strange experince man#^-^
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dead boy detectives textposts as starboarded (and other) messages from the dead gay detectives server part four!!
another story told in several parts:
1, 2, 2.5, 3, 5, 9, 10, 13
6, 7, 11, 12 by @idliketobeatree
8 by @aletterinthenameofsanity
14 by @bitterdesert
#slaying and sashaying wouldve benefitted as a gif but idfk how to do that so#anw hope this isnt toooo long#dead boy detectives#dbda#edwin payne#edwin paine#charles rowland#crystal palace#niko sasaki#jenny green#jenny the butcher#monty finch#monty the crow#monty dead boy detectives#night nurse#the night nurse#the cat king#thomas the cat king#nix edits#i feel like im always changing what chara tags i use for anybody who isn't the main four#FUCK I FORGOT TO TAG KASHI#kashi dead boy detectives#kashi dbda
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sally and percy were always each other’s constants, they became a bit more distant once percy found out he was a demigod, but they were still each others firsts
then estelle was born
percy loves estelle so much, so much it physically hurts
but he sees estelle and how happy she is, how she had a mom that doesnt work the night shift nearly every night and instead is home nearly all the time, and she has a dad that’s present and there and is safe and percy is so so happy that she has what he never did
but at the same time he knows thats the exact reason why it hurts
estelle has what percys wanted his whole life
and now estelle has the only thing percy had his whole life
being his mothers first and top priority
he knows why, he understands why, estelle is a baby and needs to be cared for constantly, and percys nearly 18 and doesnt need his mom all the time anymore
but it hurts because all the food is no longer blue, it hurts because he sees estelle grow up and get help, it hurts because he sees estelle with the life he always wanted, but knows he will never had
and it hurts because hes no longer his mother’s constant.
sally has paul now, she has paul to help her through her issues and she has a child that doesnt get expelled from every school shes been in
and percy has his family. but its not the same. annabeth has always been there, but she doesnt understand, thalia has been through the same childhood as percy but she doesnt know what its like to watch the bad go to good in the same household, grover has always listened but he just doesnt understand
because hes happy estelle has the life he always wanted. hes glad his mother has the life she always wanted. but hes not in that life. because hes moving out soon. and hes no longer his mothers son, at least not in the way he was before
#i would apologize but im actually not sorry#he used to come home from anything and his mother would be there in an instant#checking him over and making sure hes ok#then estlelle is born#and he loves her so so much#but now when he comes home sally is on the couch holding estelle gently#and she can only pay so much attention to her son#and listen. i love sally#i really do#shes the best mom there was#however#she can no longer be that perfect safe space she once was#to other demigods? she is still that safe space#but thats all theyve known her#but percy has seen sally risk everything for percy#and while hes so happy she longer has to#theres still that empty and painful feeling#and it just gets worse when he sees estelle living the life he always dreamed of#pjo#percy jackson#sally jackson#estelle blofis#estelle and percy#jackson-blofis family#they have so much angst potential i love it#pjo angst#percy jackson angst#reef says#reef angst#percy and sally
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„as if it came out of memories of the Shire, some sunlit early morning,“
Another scene from The Two Towers!! 🍃
Watch me illustrate the entire LOTR series by accident 😭
#im drawing this 'person laying down and looking up' angle every couple of months and i can confirm its always a pain in the butt#lotr#lord of the rings#hobbits#frodo and sam#frodo baggins#samwise gamgee#the lord of the rings#frodo#middle earth#samwise the brave#the two towers#lord of the rings fanart
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Papyrus sketches from my book the other day!
I like to think papyrus is serious and can become angry when he wants to be, but he’s such a nice and genuine sweet character he wouldn’t want to show that to the character or others.
#Like he’s just so kind he wants to see the best in people always even when they’re bad and he holds back his own pain in hopes they come#thru to it. That’s how I saw it with undyne and frisk at least and how protective he became of them after you become his friend#He has the potential obviously. He gets mad at sans JDKFJr but he’s just really sweet and I love him;;;#I’m rambling sorry I love papyrus sm#he’s like the sun of undertale and IM BRAVE ENOUGH TO SAY IT#me being silly n cringe on main LMAo#art#my art#sketches#undertale#papyrus#undertale art#I almost spelled papyrus wrong and a mutt papyrus tag came OUT WTF DOES THAT MEAN#MAYBE I DONT WANNA KNOW DKDKGN
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i was tweaking the whole time drawijng these, I ROCKED THROUGH IT BRU🙏🙏🤧💔
#smiling friends#smiling friends fanart#charpim#charlie dompler#pim pimling#charlie smiling friends#adult swim#charlie#pim#[as]#as#pimlie#im in so much pain#rn#thats ok tho#drawing gay people heals me.#thugging it out#with charpim/silly#pim x charlie#charlie x pim#charlie dompler more like.#CHARGAY LOSERPLER#gay men#as always#enjoy the gays#😝😝😝#I LOVE EXPERIMENTING WITH BRUSHESFUUUUC🔥🔥
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Call me crazy for reading so much into a show like House MD but I think the main theme of House is that despite doing everything perfectly and being a good person, shit happens.
Sickness and pain will be inflicted on you and your loved ones and there's nothing you can do about it, but to persevere, to fight for your life, to keep living despite it all - to love is a part of the human condition; our capability of love is what makes life worth living, despite all the pain that you will inevitably experience.
This show exemplifies the pain of living and the needs and desires of human beings to keep going despite it all
And idk... There's something beautiful about how a show with so many stupid whimsical dumb scenes can impart something so profound in my stupid little brain
#im crying btw#ugly crying thinking about how much i love this show#shit happens and its normal and itll be okay#heph is being sappy again#this show giving house 1000 bad omens and giving him happiness only to rip it away and im just sitting here#house md#malpractice md#hatecrimes md#it is of course not the only theme of this show#but its the main one#theres also everybody lies#and theres also YOU CANT! ALWAYS GET! WHAT YOU WA AAAANT#anyways the yaoi is great but i love the interpersonal relationships between the doctors in my doctor drama show the most#its easy to obsess over hilson but like#its not just about hilson for me#heph.txt#btw im still on s4e13#im scared of the season finale everyone keeps telling me to brace myself#also even from the start this show is very much about pain (house and his physical pain and also his emotional scarring#and every season and episode we watch him cope with his pains with drugs and destroy himself and it hurts so much :[#houseypie
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