#i would have to even living with others but it would be easier

[help-itrappedmyself]

Dead on Main short

Look, I don't know if you can tell, but I really like soulmate AUs, okay. Also, writing something exactly 500 words is more annoying than I thought it would be, but was a fun experiment.

Lightly inspired by this post.

Danny's parents were never concerned about the words on Danny’s wrist. Given their occupation, they thought Danny would meet someone while studying, or perhaps even lecturing on ghosts, or maybe as part of some other job in the future. Jazz has always been concerned about the words on Danny’s wrist. This is probably the normal reaction, given most people do not surround themselves with the dead. 

Danny himself was concerned about it for a while. But then he died. The amount of death surrounding him at all times, what with his parents’ study of ghosts, practically tripled after that. And suddenly the words ‘Is he dead?’ were a lot less concerning. Because in his life, oftentimes the answer was yes.

Not that he was always around dead bodies or anything. But the company he kept did include a large amount of ghosts and other ectoplasmic beings, that while they were not dead, weren’t technically alive either. 

So, Danny moved on with his life as normal. He knew what his words were, but was never actively listening for them. For a few years there he was barely hanging on to sanity, battling ghosts and trying to graduate high school. 

Eventually, life calmed down. His parents, unfortunately, died in their own lab accident. Danny was in his senior year at the time, and Jazz took a semester off of college to help him graduate and get accepted at university himself. Then they shut the portal down and moved on from Amity Park.

Jazz went back to Yale. Danny, who did not make high enough grades for that, went to Gotham University. It was there that he discovered he actually really liked college. School was a lot easier when he wasn’t fighting for his life all the time, and this time he got to take classes he was actually interested in. 

By the start of his second year, his life was looking up. He was majoring in mechanical engineering, and he loved all his science classes. He had a somewhat decent apartment, and was living without much worries on the money from selling his parents’ house. Gotham is not the best area, but it can be a really cheap place to live. And he didn’t see Sam, Tuck, or Jazz as often as any of them would like, but they were all happy where they were.

Which makes the current moment much more distressing than it would have been in his teenage years. As Danny looks at the now-dead body in front of him, then turns and presses his forehead into the alley wall. He’s seconds away from banging his head against it, but that would only give him a headache and would in no way help the current situation. 

The vigilante standing across the alley, on the other side of the body, did not move for a solid minute upon rounding the corner onto the scene. Then he asks, in a voice distorted by tech, “Is he dead?”.

This is not good.

[sandraharissa]

I think one of the many things wrong with Jinx this season is how like, half of her personality was cut off and thrown out.

Like her reaction to grief. We see her suicidal after Silco’s death and she’ll be again very suicidal after Isha’s death. Makes sense. Don’t have notes on that part. However I have so much notes on her rage. In s1 we see Powder sometimes responding to bad situation by being shy and sad, but sometimes she reacts in a more adversarial way, like complaining they should try fighting Piltover or trying to stand up to Mylo. But we also get these moments like when she’s left behind and has an absolute meltdown and starts wrecking shit but more importantly her reaction to Silco. He says they’ll show them all and she throws the audience the most rage fueled look you’ve ever seen. When really pushed beyond her limits this is Powder’s emotional reaction to tragedy/being wronged. We see that all throughout acts II and III and we see it when she blows up the council after Silco dies. And that’s the problem cos that’s the part that’s missing from s2. They cut her personality in half and only kept one half. Anger as part of her personality and reaction to grief was discarded when writing her in s2. Even tho she goes through a lot of grieving in s2.

Another example is Isha. Jinx prioritizing family and just chilling? Wanting affectionate interactions with family? Having an easier relationship with a younger family member cos there aren’t any expectations or need to prove anything or gain anyone’s attention? No fear of abandonment/betrayal? She just has this kid who hero worships her and follows her around like a puppy so no stress? No notes. However I have a lot of notes about Jinx’s paranoia and how not normal and possessive and toxic she is about relationships. And I have notes on the generational trauma. Where did all that go? That’s not how ppl work. Living in a messed up society and Silco’s parenting won’t just evaporate like that cos Isha is just so overwhelmingly cute. It’s more likely that Jinx would corrupt the kid. (which you could argue on paper she does cos the kid in the end thought that suicide was dope but why did the narrative frame it as this beautiful thing lol)

And on the topic of fighting Piltover where did “we beat the enforcers with just the four of us imagine what the whole Lanes could do” go? Jinx definitely prioritized family more but she wasn’t neutral or indifferent on the Piltover matter. The enforcers wrong her/hurt her/threaten her family yet again, they kidnapped Isha, and she just acts panicked and sad, but also jokes and quips while on the mission. Where’s the rage and hatred and desire for revenge on the ppl who wronged her? Sometimes it’s just ppl around her being mean or lying or smth, anyone could be her enemy, like Sevika, Silco or Vi, but a lot of the time it’s Piltover, they killed her parents, they were her fathers’ enemies and drove them to hate each other, they chased them as kids and tried to arrest them, they kidnapped and abused Vi in prison all her adolescence, they would have killed Vi so she blew up the whole blockade, Council tried to turn Silco against her and now he’s dead so she bombs them, all her life she can see that the quality of their life is bad bcos of Piltover, she’s in Jayce’s apartment and immediately goes for the sandwich. Jinx doesn’t come off as a very politically/ideologically motivated character but what happened to all her personal beef with Piltover?

They also inexplicably just ceased to write her fucking up all the time. what about her y’know, being a jinx? In s1 even in acts II and III when she is proficient in fighting and bomb-making they still constantly show her being more of a burden and fucking up in other ways. While never explained (which was good) to me it came off as a symptom of trauma and being neurodivergent, like how ADHD kids can’t escape the allegations that they’re lazy, but on a meta level it did make it feel like she was supernaturally cursed. Part of what felt so profound and empowering about s1 finale and her embracing being jinx it that it was her embracing that she’s different (and ‘wrong’ in some ways) and can never live a happy life in the society she lives in and so she lashes out. Now she just chills and nothing ever doesn’t go her way (ig until Isha died but that wasn’t even directly her fault, Isha just acted on her own choice and agency). Suddenly her mental issues don’t exist or get in the way of her socializing and being a part of society. This bigoted, violent and unfair society.

Don’t even get me started on her mannerisms. Remember how she would bite her lip? I’m not sure if she does that even once in s2. “Sister, thought I missed her”??? let Jinx rhyme sometimes and in general say weird shit, not one-liners.

So the only way for the writers to have Jinx do nothing, heal up completely and just chill with a kid in her lair (and really everything else she does (or doesn’t do) this season) is to get rid of half of her personality, the traits that would dictate she take action and feel wrath and lash out/hurt her loved ones in the process.

All of her tragic traits from s1 that made her Jinx were just erased, not changed throughout the course of an arc, absent from the get go, so that they can have her say that Jinx is dead and have it make sense in the context of s2 cos from her very first appearance is s2 this Jinx was devoid of pretty much all of her jinx-y character traits from s1.

[starkeyslibrary]

That's So True

Inspired by That's so True by Gracie Abrams

pairing: reader x drew starkey

a/n: i just realized that i've never formally introduced myself on here! my bad, my name is rhodee, 21 years old, living in europe and currently studying law. i love writing imagines that'll hopefully make you laugh, swoon or cry (sorry not sorry) a little too hard <3

stick around if you’re into dreamy characters, plot twists, or just want to scream about Drew with me!

hope i'll get to know so many of y'all on here!! okay that's all, enjoy <3

The night Drew had left for the premiere, you told yourself it was just another event, like all the others. You even tried to convince yourself you didn't mind staying home, avoiding the chaos of the red carpet. It's his night, you thought, forcing a smile as he kissed you goodbye, his cologne lingering in the air long after the door closed.

But as the hours stretched on, the gnawing sense of isolation grew. It wasn't just tonight - it had been building for months. Drew's career was skyrocketing, and with every interview, press tour and glamorous event, it felt like he was slipping further away from you. He'd promised that things would calm down after this movie, that he'd have more time. But those promises were always vague, like a finish line that kept moving further out of reach.

The photos hit social media just before midnight. Drew, looking devastatingly handsome in his suit, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with his co-star, Odessa A’ Zion. The fan comments flooded in, gushing about how perfect they looked together, how the chemistry was undeniable.

You slammed your laptop shut. It wasn't jealousy - not exactly. You trusted him, but trust didn't erase the ache of feeling invisible.

The sound of Drew's keys jingling at the door pulled you from your spiralling thoughts. The clock on the wall read 1:47 a.m. You hadn't realized how late it had gotten. The door opened, and Drew stepped inside, his movements slow and careful, like he didn't want to disturb you. He probably thought you were asleep.

"Hey," you called out, your voice sharp in the quiet apartment. You couldn't hide the edge of frustration.

He paused, caught off guard, then gave a tired smile. "Hey, babe. Didn't think you'd still be up."

"Well, I am," you said, standing from the couch. "Thought you said you'd be home hours ago."

"The afterparty ran late," he explained, shrugging off his jacket. "I texted you."

"That's not the point, Drew," you snapped, your tone harsher than you intended. “This isn’t just about tonight. Do you even realize how little I see you anymore?”

His brows furrowed, and he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “It’s my job, you know how crazy things get during press tour. This isn’t new.”

“That doesn’t make it easier,” you shot back. “You’re always out there, Drew. With her, with them – whoever. And I’m just .... here. Alone. Waiting for whatever scraps of time you have left.”

Drew exhaled sharply, clearly tired, and not in the mood for an argument. “This again?” he muttered, his tone clipped. “I can’t keep apologizing for doing my job.”

You flinched at his words. “I’m not asking you to apologize for working. I’m asking you to make me feel like I matter.”

“You do matter,” he said, raising his voice slightly. “But you’re acting like I can just drop everything. This is how it is y/n. This is how it’s always been.”

“No, it hasn’t,” you countered. “It’s different now. You’re different. You barely talk to me anymore. Half the time, I don’t even know what’s going on in your life. But everyone else does. The fans, the press – they all get pieces of you that I don’t.”

“That’s not true,” Drew said, shaking his head. “You’re making this a bigger deal than it is.”

Your eyes burned with unshed tears. “You don’t get it, do you? You don’t see how lonely this is for me. You’re so caught up in your world that you don’t even notice.”

Drew’s frustration boiled over. “What do you want me to do, y/n? Quit? Stop taking jobs? Would that make you happy?”

His words felt like a slap, and the tears you’d been holding back finally spilled over. “I want you to fight for this – for us. But instead, you’re treating me like a burden.”

Drew froze, his anger dissipating as he saw the pain in your expression. “Y/N,” he started, his tone softer, “You’re not a burden. I love you. You know that.”

“Do I?” you whispered. “Because it doesn’t feel like it anymore.”

The silence that followed was suffocating. Drew looked at you, his face a mix of regret and helplessness. “I don’t know what to say,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Then don’t say anything,” you said, retreating to the bedroom before your emotions could completely overwhelm you.

You shut the door behind you, leaning against it as sobs wracked your body. You hated this – hated feeling like you were losing him. But you didn’t know how to bridge the growing distance between you.

Drew stood in the living room, staring at the closed door. He felt like the worst person in the world. He wanted to fix it; to make you understand how much you meant to him. But he was so tired – tired of the constant pull between his career and personal life, tired of feeling like he was failing at both.

He sat on the couch, his head in his hands. The apartment felt unbearably quiet without you. The fight replayed in his mind, your words cutting deeper with each pass. I want you to fight for this – for us.

He realized then how distant he’d been, how much he’d taken your support for granted. You’d been his anchor through everything, and he’d been too caught up in his own world to see how much you were struggling.

When you woke up, the sun was streaming through the curtains, but the weight in your chest hadn’t lifted. You found Drew in the kitchen, already dressed and nursing a cup of coffee. His face lit up when he saw you, but it quickly fell when he noticed your guarded expression.

“Morning,” he said softly, hesitant.

You nodded, not trusting your voice.

“I, uh, I thought about what you said last night,” he began, setting his coffee down. “And you’re right. I haven’t been fair to you.”

You looked at him, surprised. “Drew – “

“Let me finish,” he interrupted gently. “I’ve been so focused on my career that I forgot what matters most – you. Us. I don’t want you to feel like you’re not part of my life, because you are. You’re everything to me, Y/N. And I know I haven’t shown that enough.”

Tears filled your eyes, and this time, you didn’t fight them. “I just... I miss you, Drew. I miss us.”

He crossed the room in a few strides, pulling you into his arms. “I miss us, too,” he said, his voice breaking. “And I’m going to do better. I promise.”

For the first time in weeks, you felt a glimmer of hope. The road ahead wouldn’t be easy, but for the first time, it felt like you were on the same page.

[eternalgirlscout]

this response gets at something that’s kind of counterintuitive about living with OCD. please don’t take this as me expressing any frustration with you specifically, btw! but more addressing a broader pattern of how people have reacted to this post and talk about OCD in general. because actually, i don't think it would be harm reduction at all

so, the thing about the O and the C in OCD is that they’re mutually reinforcing. with an obsessive thought (in this case, “i probably have rabies without knowing it”) comes the compulsion to Do Something About It (“i have to get vaccinated against rabies”). seems pretty straightforward, right?

the problem is that giving into the compulsive behavior only temporarily relieves the obsessive worry. by doing something that seems (or may not seem, depending!) like a logical way to prevent the outcome you’re scared of, you actually just lend that obsession more power and credence. the obsession comes back, because there’s no magic off switch and OCD obsessions are by definition not rational. performing the compulsion only causes you to pick holes in it once the anxiety returns: i did it wrong, it’s not enough, maybe i didn’t actually do it but i just thought i did. this is easily exemplified by the classic checking compulsion where someone is worried that they didn’t lock the front door when they left their home, so they go back to lock and re-lock it 18 times just to be sure. handwashing, another common compulsion, is also often like this.

in the case of the rabies vaccine, there are a few reasons why pre-exposure treatment is currently hard to get in the U.S. (case rates of human infection are lower than the likelihood of side effects of the vaccine, not because it’s an especially dangerous vaccine but because there are so few rabies infections annually; as a result, it’s not mass produced or approved by almost any insurance). it also doesn’t provide lifelong immunity the way some vaccines do. you have to get it every few years to maintain vaccination status. see where i’m going with this?

basically, if you gave a rabies vaccine to everyone with OCD, baby we would be lining up outside that clinic repeatedly. if i had my constant irrational fear validated externally and got a temporary maladaptive mechanism for relief handed to me for free? you’d have to kick me out of there.

this is the logic behind a standard treatment for OCD, exposure and response prevention therapy! performing compulsions makes it harder and harder to assuage the distress of an obsession when it returns. by practicing not giving into the compulsion, but instead riding out the impulse until it ebbs eventually, you’re more prepared to confront it the next time because you didn’t perform the ritual and—miracle of miracles!—nothing happened.

i already know, logically, that i’m probably not going to die of rabies. if i got vaccinated, i’d ultimately be in exactly the same place, just with an added excuse to go through it again. the point i wanted to make in the original post, which was for the sake of venting and never supposed to get notes (ain’t that just the way) is that some things in the world are easier than others to latch onto and catastrophize about while wallowing in the terror of uncertainty. but the thing about OCD is that i can catastrophize and wallow in uncertainty about anything.

it’s a cliche of the disorder to say that compulsively washing your hands over and over and over again isn’t healthy. people know this. that doesn’t mean washing your hands when appropriate is bad; it means that even good habits can become modes of doing harm to yourself. sometimes handwashing doesn’t just look like handwashing, you know?

idk if this is just me but rabies is exactly like if something was made up specifically to fuck with people with OCD. you're telling me there's a disease endemic to large portions of the world that can live in my body with no symptoms for years? once symptoms start it is 100% You Die Disease? and one of its major vectors where i live is an extremely common animal with teeth so small it's possible not to even notice it bit you? surely i can get vaccinated though--ah, no, you need a "reason" or they don't give you the shot. the standard of prevention is Vigilance, Checking, and Avoiding Certain Behaviors, things that my brain is very good at doing in a healthy way, for sure. eat my ass.

[noiriarti]

The Winner Takes it All: Anakin Skywalker x Reader (Enemies-to-Lovers Modern AU) | Chapter 7

NSFW! Minors DNI!!! Summary: The moment the thesis competition was announced, you knew your biggest threat. Anakin Skywalker, golden boy of the engineering department. He's the only other person smart enough to beat you, and the only other person insane enough to stay in the lab until midnight every night. He's also an asshole, but you're starting to think maybe he's not as bad as you thought he was... Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x Fem!Reader CW: descriptions of anxiety + guilt, piv sex WC: 7.8k AN: hello my darlings!! i am back!!! (from the dead aka first semester of my PhD) i've missed you all so much. this chapter took sooooo long to write because i wanted to get everything just right, but we have now entered phase 2 of the fic, where new shenanigans begin. stay tuned!

Ch. 1, Ch. 2, Ch. 3, Ch. 4, Ch. 5, Ch. 6, [Ch. 7], Ch. 8

Chapter 7: Burning

"Need to talk to you," Anakin blurted out loudly over the music, obviously catching you by surprise based on your empty, blinking face. The guy who was upsettingly close to you shot him a look equal parts murder and possessiveness, and Anakin's lip curled in disgust. His face looked eminently punchable, and Anakin could just imagine the satisfaction of his fist in the guy's cheekbone, or the way he would buckle after one good hit to the stomach.

Somewhere, a rational part of him reminded him that this was not caveman times, and that you had agency and were allowed to make your own choices, but Anakin silenced it. Feeling angry was easier than admitting that it felt like his organs were being torn out when he saw you flirting with anyone else. Thinking about kicking the shit out of some random guy was easier than admitting that knowing you had put this outfit on for someone else, someone other than him, was killing him.

"I--" You began, half-yelling over the noise, then your face twisted into something Anakin couldn't read. Annoyance? Hatred? Pity? "Fine. Let's talk," you finished. The man, who looked like if all the finance bros in the university were merged together into one terrible Pokémon Evolution, scoffed his annoyance, but you ignored him.

Anakin didn't even try to suppress his smugness.

You pushed past the guy, then past Anakin, all the way to the staircase tucked in the corner of the room. He was enchanted, brainless when he followed you. The air got warmer, stickier, and the number of couples making out along the walls increased dramatically. Anakin remembered when that would have been the two of you. That night at TKD. How he wished he could turn back time to that night and just live it in a loop.

Just like then, you were divine in front of him. Your legs climbing the stairs, the gentle sway of your hips that he had fantasized about. He couldn't help it. He'd be noticing these things forever.

You slipped into a bedroom, and it smelled a bit disgusting, but he couldn't care less because he was with you. Anakin closed the door with a decisive thump, then turned to look at you.

You had that look on your face, that one he hadn't puzzled out yet. Your perfect eyebrows were scrunched together, and he could see you swallow hard. He couldn't care less if you hated him. If you pitied him, wanted him gone. At least some small part of you would have still cared. He had prepared a whole speech--telling you how sorry he was. How much he wanted you. That he hadn't felt this way about anyone before, and that he wanted to make you fall for him the same way he'd fallen for you. That he wanted more than whatever the two of you had been. That he wanted to be your boyfriend. Long-term, preferably.

Anakin was ready to get on his knees if he had to.

He opened his mouth to start, but you interrupted him.

"No, I have something to say." The words came out shaky, and dread clawed in his stomach. Were you going to say you wanted him to leave your life? That you had moved on with the finance bro downstairs, who had a trust fund and probably said slurs? That you were excited to never see him again in four months, when you graduated?

Then, you sighed and said something he never would have expected.

"I'm sorry, Anakin."

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

It set in later than it should have. Much later.

All throughout finals, you were desperately trying to stop thinking about him. That horrible feeling in your stomach when his face popped into your mind. Which it did, all the time. It was a sticky, terrible pit that opened up whenever something reminded you of him. The lingering smell of him on your pillow. His hatred of orange Skittles. You'd been angry before, but this was different, worse, somehow.

But you pushed it down. Exams mattered more right now. So much more.

Sometimes, the wave of nausea hit you a little too hard, like when you thought about how badly you needed a hug, and how you didn't really want a hug from anyone but him. When it got too hard, you'd leap out of your desk and march to the corner store, just to buy a Red Bull and maybe some chips. Something crunchy, something to puncture the silence of your suddenly suffocatingly empty room.

On the walk through the biting air, you would let yourself think of him. You'd let that pain in your heart blossom, and you'd just pretend you'd said something, anything else. That either of you had made different decisions. That you'd be walking back to your room and he'd be sitting on the bed, giving you that crooked smile, ready to quiz you on fluid dynamics. It was the cold that made your eyes water, you swore.

And then you'd arrive home, and you had to get back to work. Anakin Skywalker was not an allowable topic of thought at any other times. You pulled yourself through finals like a zombie, not letting yourself think beyond the next meal or next exam.

That was not the brightest idea, it turned out, shockingly. When you left your last final, you were blank, empty. You went home and collapsed on your bed, and you finally let yourself imagine his arm wrapped around you as you drifted off.

When your alarm went off at nine PM to remind you to get to the airport, the pit was back. As you stuffed things in your suitcase, then rushed out the door, you felt like there was bile clawing up your throat.

It was a disgusting feeling. You'd been mad in your life, but this was different. It made you want to jump out of your skin just to be free of it.

Around a third of the way through the red-eye plane ride back home, everything was dark and quiet, with only the whir of the engines disturbing the cabin. You slipped out from your aisle seat, just to stretch your legs and use the bathroom, and then you passed him. Or, at least, you thought it was him. But it wasn't. The stranger sitting in 16C had Anakin's nose and curls, but his eyes were all wrong, and his hair was just a smidge too light. He didn't have those little dimples on the side of his mouth.

But just the same nose and the same curls were enough to light that painful burn in your heart. How many times had you looked at those features, traced them, even before all of this started? Why, why did your heart leap for a second, hoping that he'd followed you, like in some 90s romcom, to declare his undying, hopeless love?

That pit in your stomach you thought was bad before was swallowing you whole now. Your skin felt hot, clammy. You willed yourself to move one leg, then the other, heavy like bags of sand, just to get somewhere private before you imploded.

By the time you slid the lock closed on the bathroom door, you were bawling. Big, heaving sobs ripped from your chest, and you couldn't place the emotion. Anger, sadness, guilt--it was all mixing into a knot that kicked the breath out of you.

What had you done? What had you fucking done?

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Things got a little better at the airport, when you got to hug your family. On the drive home, they occupied you with anecdotes about the neighbors--the house across the street had apparently put up a garish snowman--and questions about your semester. And it was nice to recount some high points. A couple of times, you were tempted to tell a story that involved Anakin, but you held your tongue.

When you got home, and it was around time for bed, you tossed and turned, but all you could think about was him. That feeling in your gut was unbearable, and you were debating whether you should just go retch over a toilet to get it out of your system. You only managed to fall asleep by putting on Criminal Minds, and even then it took you two episodes.

The next night, the same thing happened.

And the next. And the next.

The next time you were in bed, you made yourself confront it. Just for a second. That feeling that came up whenever you thought of him.

For years, he was just some guy who got everything he wanted. You knew the department was stacked against you from the start--being in classes where only four people weren't men was symptomatic of the department culture. But when Anakin interacted with the professors like that, got all the internships, you wondered if you could do the same thing. If it had been you networking with the professors, would you have gotten the same reaction? And you didn't know.

Anakin was frustrating. So, so frustrating for years. Because everything just came so easily to him. It was like he waltzed in every day to your freshman lab course and made breadboard circuits that were even neater than the professor's. And when he did so well on every exam, he didn't make a secret of it. He gloated about how his projects were used as examples. Initially, that rivalry was one-sided. You'd do anything to beat him. Later on, when you'd worked on more than a couple projects together, you could see it in his eyes. He knew you were a threat, good competition.

And when he was clearly closer with the professors and got accepted to an internship you didn't get, it was whatever. It annoyed you to no end and you complained about it to your friends, but it wasn't terrible. Those were minor things. Your theses were major. This was what you'd present to employers, to the world. This was what you were going to do for the rest of your lives. And he'd gotten it from somewhere.

If even this was stacked against you, why did any of it matter?

You were still furious. You felt like you wanted to punch something or scream into your pillow at how unfair the world was, how you just wanted something to be easy for once.

But the worst part of it all was that you knew that, in his place, you would do the same exact thing. Or, at least think about it a lot. You'd feel like shit about it, granted, but you might do it. That feeling of trying and failing for months to get the perfect idea that was equally attractive to employers and the thesis committee, to get something that even worked, was probably the most frustrating cycle you'd ever experienced. If someone gave you a ticket out, what would you have done?

You probably would have taken it, if things were bad enough.

And that meant Anakin wasn't a bad person. Just a desperate one.

You knew he wasn't a bad person, though. You'd seen him smile at you with such openness, such sweetness. You'd seen him coach freshmen, including your own roommate, to become good athletes. You'd seen him get you food when you were too out of it to do it on your own. You'd felt him put his jacket around you when you fell asleep in the library.

But there was always that fear that, just maybe, your first impression had been right. That he was an asshole. That, one day, the mask would fall off, and you'd realize he was just pretending. That your relationship didn't matter to him as much as it did to you. That if you told him that you wanted more than sex, he'd laugh.

And, when you heard from Barriss of all people, that maybe he was exactly what you had thought he was, a liar, it felt like he was stabbing you in the back and twisting the knife.

Looking back at it, it still felt terrible, but you couldn't move the image of Anakin helping you, keeping you company in the library. He wasn't scheming against you when he took the idea, he was just scared and desperate.

It was the department that had pitted you against each other from the start--curves, calling out the best homework solution, TAships, and thesis competitions. None of it was made by him. He was just like you, trying his best.

You also hadn't heard all the details. The idea for the hand had been his, just the idea to scale it down had been someone else's. Just like you'd asked professors to help you choose between ideas early on in the process.

The more you thought about it, the more it felt like your heart was being carved out with a blunt spoon.

You impulsively opened your phone. The texts he had sent you.

please come back we can talk this out please give me another chance

How could you not trust him? How could you have watched him cry and just left? What kind of a person were you?

Fuck, what had you done?

You were gasping for air, the tears rolling down your face and onto your pillow. You had ruined something perfectly good. Just because you were blaming him for everything that had gone wrong.

It was too much. It was all too much. The stress climbed up your throat and choked you, and you writhed in the sheets to try to escape the feeling. To just go back to a time when things mattered less, when you were purely happy and never worrying about GPAs or rankings.

Fingers shaking, you opened Ahsoka's contact and smashed the tauntingly green 'Call' button.

She wouldn't answer you anyway, you reasoned. It was the middle of the night, after all.

The ringing was painfully loud in the empty room. The tone sounded one, two, three, four times, and you were about to give up when Ahsoka's tired voice mumbled your name.

"'Soka--I--Can I talk to you?" You managed to spit out the question despite the thick cottony feeling in your throat.

"Hey, woah, what's the matter? Are you okay?" The grogginess left her voice as she fretted on the other end of the line, and her protectiveness made you feel the tiniest bit better.

As you spilled your guts to her, she made comforting noises at the appropriate places, and grossed out noises when you described that you'd had sex with Anakin. Soon, your breathing stabilized, and she said exactly what you'd been thinking, too: you needed to apologize, stat. Preferably, in person.

You fell asleep on the line with her.

In the morning, everything felt better. Manageable. You just needed to collect yourself before you returned home, and then sit him down and talk to him--actually talk.

For the remainder of the break, you immersed yourself in the everyday. Your holiday traditions were familiar, calming. The constant clamor of your family to get this and that from the store kept you busy. You'd wake up late, eat some lunch, get some coding done, scroll Instagram, eat dinner, then pass out in front of the TV. And just like that, another day slipped by. And another. And another. And another. And then it was Christmas, and all you could think was that Anakin was opening presents right now, somewhere far away. You opened your texts again, trying to draft a message that seemed right--Hey or Merry Christmas both seemed slightly weird. But maybe hearing from you would mess up his day, or maybe he'd realized what you had, that you were in the wrong, and now wasn't interested in talking to you. As you were debating, the roiling guilt in your stomach grew, and, when your father laughed particularly loudly, you were relieved to turn off your phone and pay more attention to the breakfast table.

In the back of your mind, there was a subtle thrum of guilt that never really went away. It only got worse as the break came closer to ending, and you realized you hadn't really gotten anything done on your thesis in weeks. You set a countdown on your phone homescreen, just to keep you on your toes. All it did was make you feel worse.

On New Year's Eve, when you were watching the ball drop with your parents, your phone chimed.

It was Anakin. The world stopped, and your mouth went dry. happy new year. What could you even say to that?

Happy New Year. I miss you.

Happy New Year. I'm sorry for everything.

Happy New Year. Wish you were here

Happy New Year! How are you?

All of them felt wrong. But then one of your parents said your name, trying to get your attention, and you locked your phone.

That night, while having your nightly stew on your feelings, you resolved to talk to him in person after lecture. Otherwise, you were worried you'd never bring it up.

On the first day of classes, you were resolved to catch him before or after lecture. Any time would work, really. You'd have two chances that Monday, and then two more on Wednesday if you chickened out. The fact that you acknowledged you might chicken out was a bad sign, but you ignored it.

You got there ten minutes early, an act that was generally considered psychopathic in college, and you were ready to zone out while the professor said some things about the goals of the course for just long enough for class time to end before speaking to Anakin.

Would he say something to you? Would he try to sit next to you? Would he even notice you?

You kept your eyes firmly trained on the board, and tried not to look too desperate as you snuck glances. Then, finally, he arrived, and you tried to look as nonchalant as possible. You made a point not to think too hard about how he was more handsome than you remembered and not to wonder if he wore that shirt just for you. That wasn't your place. You needed to apologize, not ogle him. You expected him to sit down somewhere in the middle of the seats, somewhere distinctly Anakin, but he crossed the room entirely. He even sat one row in front of you. Did he not even want you in his periphery? Your heart sunk. Maybe he had a change of heart after you didn't respond to his New Year's Eve text. Maybe he was just done with you. Maybe maybe maybe, your mind chanted.

The second that the professor was done, you rushed out.

The same thing happened again in your afternoon class, and you walked home regretting every life choice that brought you to this moment.

The next day, when you got home from your class, you entered your living room to find Anakin on the couch. Immediately, that nausea that had been plaguing you punched you in the throat.

There he was. Looking so unbothered, so casual, like him being in your room didn't make him think back to the last time you had been here, entwined on the bed. Like it didn't make him think of how you'd ruined it. All you could hear was static.

The worst part was that you couldn't stop ogling him, even though you felt terrible about it. He must have been working out over the break, because his arms looked incredible in that shirt, and his jawline was etched even more strongly than usual. The haircut he'd gotten over break left his hair falling just over his forehead in those perfect waves. It caught in the light as usual, and when he turned to look at you all you could see was blue blue blue.

And then you realized he was looking at you--at you--and his eyebrows furrowed. You could see him swallow, hard, as he looked at you. Was it a glare? Was he angry? Was he about to storm out? Who knew?

But this was your opportunity. Class didn't work out--this was it. You had to talk to him now.

You opened your mouth to say something, maybe "Hey guys, can I talk to Anakin for a second?" or "Hey, can we talk?" or "I think I like you a lot," or literally anything, but nothing came out. The static in your ears got louder until it was deafening. Your stomach roiled and, for a second, you were worried you'd throw up instead of saying anything.

"Hey," you croaked out. The awkward silence sat between you three, and you didn't see his expression change. Fuck. He didn't even say "hey" back.

You had to get out of there. Had to. Right now. You bolted into your room and closed the door behind you, then dove into your bed and screamed into your pillow.

Motherfucker.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Your next attempt to apologize came at practice the next day. You hoped to catch him at the end of it, maybe pull him away and talk in some empty stairwell. You crept up to the room, but, the closer you got, the more that tidal wave of terrible feelings threatened to wash you away. Through the door to Aerobics Room 1, your eyes found him in the crowd immediately. They were practicing some kind of form (pumsae? the exact name escaped you), and Fives made some sort of comment to Anakin which sent him cackling.

He looked light, and with the afternoon sun casting its rays into the room, he almost became angelic. When he laughed, and his eyes crinkled in that way that made you soft, you lost all your nerve. He was never like this when you were in class together, or that time he was in your apartment. Whenever he saw you, he got that look on his face.

But now, he was all smiles and laughs as he playfully smacked Fives, who repeated whatever he'd said and sent a bunch more athletes into fits of laughter.

Dappled in the sunlight, his face split with an enormous smile, Anakin was so perfect in that moment. How could you ruin it by making him have a hard conversation?

At the same time, you felt the anger at yourself build up. You said all those awful things to him, and you had the nerve to delay your apology?

But you knew that, if he heard your apology and didn't forgive you, that would ruin the day for him. He was just like that. And you didn't have the heart to do that to him.

Tomorrow, you promised yourself, as you took one last look tracing the contours of his jaw and lips.

As you turned to go, you didn't notice that he'd turned to see something moving in the windowed doors to the Aerobics Room.

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Ahsoka was fucking tired. There were approximately two people she cared for most on the campus, and they were both huge dummies. They'd proven that over and over. She knew something was amiss from the day the two of you fought/broke up/ended things/whatever, when you started sulking in your room alone and consuming an upsetting amount of caffeine. She started gently probing right when the worst of finals was over. She didn't want to rush anything, but a well-placed "hey going to go get some food, want anything?" might soften either of the two of you enough to let her know what happened.

She found out when you told her on a phone call. And, yes, it wasn't great. It was, perhaps, morally dubious and a little misguided, from what she could tell, but it wasn't clear to her why this was such an issue. Wasn't taking advice from others and collaborating the whole point of academic research and theses?

But she also knew you had gotten feedback from multiple professors after you'd submitted your initial proposal, trying to pick between several approaches, before one of the faculty nudged you in the direction of 3-D printing instead of plastic molding. And, sure, Anakin was a little more than nudged, but he came up with the idea for the mechanical hand in the first place. This was just a different application, right? And yes, it wasn't super duper ethical that the idea was just given to him, but what would you do in his shoes?

Ahsoka told you exactly that, and you sounded like you were choking on the other end of the phone. You told her about how horrible you felt, and that you felt like you didn't know if he even wanted to ever see you again, and she groaned. Of course he did. He was the biggest simp she knew.

So Ahsoka did what she did best: she meddled.

It started small, with mentioning the taekwondo team in front of you once the semester had started. Sometimes an anecdote would include Anakin, and she made sure to casually drop his name, just to gauge your reaction. You didn't even flinch when she said it, which seemed like a good sign. But the pulse in the hollow of your neck jumped. When you confessed that you'd failed to talk to him in class, because it just felt too awkward in public, Ahsoka nodded sagely, like she wasn't already scheming to give you a private time to chat.

Within five minutes, she had texted Anakin to invite him over to plan the competitions they would be attending that semester. Like she hadn't already discussed it with him in December, but whatever. A meeting between the captain and the vice captain wasn't out of the ordinary. And it just so happened that her room was free. Crazy, right?

She really couldn't have made it turn out this well if she tried. When you entered, and Anakin looked like he might fall off the couch, Ahsoka had to suppress a smile. You looked like you wanted to say something, like maybe you'd built up the courage, and she was about to say that, actually, she had forgotten an incredibly important errand she had to run at a cafe for 30 to 45 minutes, but then you just said "hey" and walked into your room. Ahsoka grumbled internally. What was so hard about just apologizing?

Two days into classes, Ahsoka had not-so-subtly hinted to Cody that he should host a party, just in case her other meddling didn't work. It was her backup plan, and, apparently, she needed it. So, after giving you a pep talk that this would be the perfect time to talk to Anakin because you weren't in class or a meeting, and after digging out some dress in the back of your closet for you to throw on, the two of you were off.

Once you arrived at the party, she watched you do a sweep of the room instantly. She knew what you were looking for, and rolled her eyes. He probably hadn't arrived yet, but she texted him anyway, just to check.

In the two seconds she was looking down at her phone, she watched you talk to some sophomore from the business school. He looked douchey, but he was cute enough and said something that made you laugh. Come on, Anakin, she thought, praying he'd arrive soon before she had to watch this guy flirt with you any longer.

Again, she realized she was great at meddling when Anakin showed up and beelined to Cody. She pushed her way through some people, and came to greet him, drag him to get a drink, but he'd already taken a beer from Cody, then insisted that they go dance.

At every opportunity, Ahsoka tried to hint that maybe they should go over there? Toward the other side of the room? Get some more drinks, maybe?

It took ten minutes, but Anakin finally agreed. He didn't see it, but Ahsoka was smiling like a maniac when she saw him take you in. When he started marching over, she was practically cheering. It was show time.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

As you walked to some quiet(er) room, your heart was pounding. This was more nerve-wracking than the first time you slept together, than anything you had done together before. When he just appeared in front of you, looking so intense, it took you a minute to get yourself together enough to form words. Was he mad at you? And now the moment of truth had come.

You pushed into a room which belonged to someone who had more weed than deodorant, and was covered wall-to-wall in dingy band posters. You didn't want to even look down to see how stained the carpet was.

But none of that mattered. Because right now, he was here. And you finally had the opportunity to say what you needed to say.

Before you started, you drank him in one last time, just in case. His deep eyes, the peek of collarbone through his shirt, his broad chest. A quick mental catalogue.

And then you started speaking.

"I'm sorry, Anakin." You weren't sure what gave you the courage. Maybe it was because he approached you first, so you couldn't hide behind the excuse that he didn't want to see you anymore. Maybe it was the slightly awkward conversation with that dude downstairs who seemed to have way too many takes on types of beer. Either way, you'd finally done it. You'd said it. Just apologizing to him made you feel lighter, but that was drowned out by the anxiety of hearing his response.

You were trying to read his expression, the draw of his eyebrows, the purse of his lips. This was the weirdest angry face you'd ever seen.

"Wait--huh?" Both of you were probably wearing the same expression--sheer confusion. Wasn't he supposed to be mad at you? What? You watched his eyes trying to read what you meant, and his plush lips were the tiniest bit open.

You continued anyway. It had to be said, even if he was just going to tell you to stay away from him.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that, you didn't deserve it. Not everything was your fault, and I've been feeling so guilty over the whole break that I just--I couldn't bring myself to tell you. I chickened out every time. I wish I hadn't… ended things. Between us. I'm--I'm so sorry." Your voice came out more confident than you felt, comfortable in the words you had been rehearsing for weeks in your mind.

Once again, the room went quiet. Anakin stood, as still as a statue, clearly trying to process. Behind the pounding of your ears, you could hear the bass line downstairs and the chatter of people, and you tried to remind yourself that if this goes badly, you'll just go back home, time would pass, and you'd be able to heal your broken heart in peace.

Then, suddenly, Anakin pulled you into a crushing hug. You couldn't breathe from the weight of his head on your shoulder, and the tight squeeze of his arms around your waist. The sandalwood of his shampoo was comforting, familiar. He smelled like home as he buried his face into your neck.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry too--I wish I could take it back, that I just never entered this goddamn competition, then you never would've been mad at me and--" His voice came out broken and shaky.

"Anakin, hey," you interrupted. Had he spent the whole break feeling like this? He should be mad at you, not just upset with himself. You could talk to him about that later, but right now you could feel his desperation to just be near you again, mainly because you felt the same way. You wrapped your arms around him until your hand found his hair. Burying your fingers in it felt so good, so natural. How could you ever have ended this?

"It's okay," you said as you rubbed his back. You could feel his breaths were ragged, and he squeezed you even tighter. "I shouldn't have been that mad at you in the first place--I just got so upset that you had some sort of upper hand, and I went crazy," you continued.

"Fuck," Anakin muttered against your skin. The shift of his lips over your collarbone reminded you of the last time he'd kissed up and down your neck. You took a deep breath. Now was not the time to get horny.

Anakin pulled away, but kept his arms wrapped around your waist. Your heart clenched when you saw the mix of anguish and relief dancing across his features. His eyes were swimming, and a tear rolled down his cheek, then another, then another, until he was crying.

"Fuck," he mumbled again as he pulled one hand away from you to wipe his eyes with the back of his hand, almost as if he was embarrassed. Despite it all, you found him immeasurably cute.

"Uh, I was gonna come up here and beg you for another chance--I just couldn't watch you move on or talk to that guy downstairs, it hurts too much," he confessed. His eyes met yours and you felt that familiar jolt of joy that he brought, this time over the idea that he was jealous, possessive even, over you.

"I'm not moving on." It was a risk to say it, but you did it anyway. It was definitely true, but it came out more careful, more tentative than you wanted. Because there was a chance he didn't mean it that way, and you'd just shown your hand.

Fortunately, he had a terrible poker face. Even streaked with tears, a little bit sweaty, and standing in a room that stank like weed, Anakin's smile burst onto his face and shone like the sun.

You'd forgotten how many butterflies that smile gave you. Tentatively, you moved your hand from his shoulder to his jaw. His eyes slid closed and he leaned into your touch, like you might disappear if he didn't keep you there.

Then, someone hollered in the hallway, something about a round of shots, and Anakin's eyes snapped open.

"Do you want to go somewhere quieter to talk more?" You asked. "We can walk back home or--" Anakin cut you off.

"Um, if you don't hate me right now, and I don't--I could never--hate you, can I just--" His hungry eyes flicked down to your lips, and you knew immediately that the answer was yes. Yes. A hundred times yes.

You didn't think too many brain cells were firing, so you just nodded. His smile widened, if that was even possible, and he pulled you into him just like he had so many times before.

As he got closer, your heart started pounding, and your palms got sweaty, like this was a first date. And, in a way, it kind of was. It was your first time kissing as more than just enemies who fucked every once in a while, but as something else, something more.

When his lips met yours, he was so heartbreakingly tender, you melted under his touch. Anakin was so warm when he held you this close, and you were half expecting him to start deepening the kiss when he pulled away so that your foreheads were touching.

"I fucking missed you so much," he whispered reverently, then immediately kissed you again, deeper this time.

His kiss was all-consuming, like a whirlpool sucking you in, until you'd forgotten everything except how he felt against you. Your kisses grew deeper, until you felt his tongue gently brush your lips, and you immediately opened them.

Everything felt new, gentle, and you relished it. One of his hands slid down to your ass, squeezing gently, and you felt yourself get wet. You'd been pent up for weeks, and the simultaneous relief of being with him again and the way he had all but told you that he had feelings for you were making you dizzy with want for him.

Your hands grasped anything they could, his shoulders, his hair, his arms, as much of him as you could reach. Did he even know what he did to you?

He broke the kiss, just for a second, and you were about to protest when he pulled the two of you back until he was sitting on the twin bed shoved into the corner of the room. You stood between his legs, his hands trailing down the backs of your thighs.

You swung one knee over his hips, lowering yourself until you were straddling him. Anakin watched you, his eyes dark and mischievous, and let out a small "fuck" when you were finally in his lap. He was a sucker for this position, you knew. This was exactly how you'd gotten together, at that stupid night of truth and dare. The memory filled your heart with warmth.

As you settled onto his legs, you felt a familiar hardness under you, and the butterflies returned. You loved doing this to him, making him care about nothing other than the moment you were sharing. You not-so-subtly shifted your hips as you kissed him again, and you were rewarded with a low moan.

His hands kept teasing you, running up and down the sides of your thighs as he captured your lower lip between his teeth gently. You groaned loudly into his mouth, and he used that moment to slide a hand up your inner thigh, until he had passed the hem of your dress.

Using all the willpower you had left, you pulled away. You were both panting, and he was a vision when you looked at him again, his pupils blown wide and his lips red and wet from your kiss.

"Anakin, are you sure this is okay?" You desperately wanted him to say yes, because it felt like you might implode if you didn't have him inside you tonight, but if he was this emotional, you had to say something. Give him an out.

Instead, Anakin looked at you like a man starved. His pupils were wide, and, even through the tears, he looked ravenously hungry for you. Like you made his world spin.

"Yes--God, I've thought of you every day, all the time. I don't want to wait any more than I have to, unless you don't want to, or if you think you'd regret it--" He was rambling. It was adorable.

"I've never regretted you," you said, cutting him off. "But are you sure you're sure?" You stared into his eyes, looking for any trace of worry, or hesitation. All you found was desire, and something softer. Affection, love, maybe.

He rolled his hips, pressing his hard cock against you.

"Can't you feel how much I want you?" Usually, a line like that would make you roll your eyes, but with the mischief in his eyes and the feeling of him hard underneath you, it only served to make you wetter.

You immediately grabbed his shirt to pull his lips to yours again, rocking your hips over and over until he matched your rhythm. The hand on your inner thigh crept upward, until it reached your clothed pussy.

You'd forgotten how well he knew your body, like he'd been made to touch you. His fingers found the perfect angle to stroke your clit, and you became a mess, your kisses sloppy.

After he'd teased you for a long enough time to make you a wreck on top of him, Anakin pulled your underwear aside. He dipped just one finger inside, and he groaned at how soaked you were.

"Can I fuck you, baby?" He asked, as if the answer would be anything but please. You nodded as hard as you could, and he started unzipping his jeans as fast as he could while keeping his eyes on you. You weren't sure he'd ever look away.

Meanwhile, you stood up off of him just enough to pull your soaked panties down your legs and kick them off. As he pulled his cock out, you vowed to give him head the next time you were together, because goddamn, you'd forgotten how nice of a sight he was like this.

He pulled a condom out of his pocket and rolled it on, still looking at you and only fumbling a couple of times in his trance.

"C'mere," he grabbed your waist and pulled until you were straddling him again, right above his cock. He grabbed your hips with one hand, and lined himself up with the other, then slowly started guiding you down onto him.

As he split you open, you forgot how to think, or talk, or do anything other than feel him inside of you. Every ridge, every inch. You let your head fall back as a keening moan erupted from your throat. He kissed everywhere he could, up and down your throat as he grunted against your skin.

You realized you couldn't even draw a steady breath, you were so overwhelmed by the feeling of being with him again.

His breath fanned your collarbone as he finally rested his forehead there and groaned your name. It was music on his lips.

The hand on your hip started guiding you to move, and you gently rocked your hips. God, had it ever felt this good before?

The feeling washed over you like honey, drenching your limbs and making your fingers tingle. Almost on their own, your hips picked up the pace, spreading the feeling everywhere in your body.

As you rode him faster, he pressed his face into your neck, letting the wetness from his crying earlier rub onto your skin. He was groaning at almost every thrust, incoherent mixtures of yes's and your name falling off his lips with every breath.

You were holding on for dear life, fingers fisted in his hair, when he grabbed under your thighs and stood up, slipping his cock out of you while you were still in his arms.

Anakin turned around and laid you down on your back as he busied himself throwing off his shirt and pants until he was bare in front of you. Within two more seconds, he was inside you again, this time thrusting into you from above.

He was holding himself up on his elbows, so his face was right above yours, eyes locked onto yours. You could see every reaction, every groan fall from his lips.

Usually, he was rough and made his hips smack yours, but, today, his thrusts were slow and languid, like he was trying to make it last as long as possible. You could live in this moment for the rest of your life. A particularly strong twitch of his cock made you whimper.

"Fuck, baby. You're so gorgeous like this," he breathed, pressing a kiss to your forehead tenderly. You locked your legs around him, holding him close, so that this wouldn't end. So that you could always stay here.

His breath hitched, and you knew he was getting close. You loved that you knew things like that about him, that only you knew that about him right now.

"Shit, fuck. Your pussy is so fucking good, like you were made for me," he groaned into your ear, speeding up until he was going faster than you thought he could. The intensity made you grasp at his back desperately, your nails catching on his skin. He hissed loudly. Anakin's cock twitched inside you, and you knew he was seconds away from his release. And you were even closer, that delicious tension building with every thrust.

His hand came between you to rub small circles on your clit, and then you were gone. Your mind went blank, and everything became just sensation. Warmth, all around you. Him, everywhere.

Somewhere far away, while you were still twitching around him, he groaned, low and loud and raw, as he came while sheathed deep in your pussy. Anakin laid his head in the crook of your neck while he recovered. His breath hitched as he took a shaky exhale, then pulled his cock out of you.

You didn't need to say any words, you both knew what you wanted. He pulled you into his arms like you were the most precious thing on the planet, then let his eyes slip closed. All the tension that had been building in your body was released, gone into the wind. All that was left was him, and the rise and fall of his chest as you lay against it.

"I missed you, too," you ventured after a few seconds of comfortable silence. He hummed, letting the hand trailing through your hair cup your jaw and pull you up for another kiss.

This one was tender, not about fucking, not about anything but his feelings for you. It was addicting, and, when it stopped, you almost pulled him in for another round. But it was midnight, and every muscle in your body was screaming.

Anakin said something about cleaning up and getting out of here, and you nodded, but you found you were having trouble with coherent thoughts at the moment. Anakin gently kissed your forehead and then rolled out of bed.

"'Kay, I'm gonna go look around for a bathroom, be back in a sec!" He called out, putting his clothes back on quickly, but not quickly enough that you didn't have time to check him out.

Even when he left the room, you were still smiling. You grabbed your phone, discarded somewhere near the bed, and sat back down. You wanted to text Ahsoka to thank her for bringing you to this party, for introducing you to Anakin, hell, for being born, when your homescreen reminded you of something.

54 Days, 18 hours, 27 seconds until Thesis Due Date

That pit opened in your stomach. You thought you had gotten rid of it, but there it was again. Everything went tight in your body, and suddenly all you could think was how could you have let yourself get this far behind? You had to get to work.

Something bumped your leg. It was Anakin's hand. You hadn't even heard him come in.

"Everything okay?" Anakin asked, with that gentle smile that hadn't really left him since you'd made up.

You looked at him, the man who you kind-of-sort-of-definitely had feelings for, and you shot him a half-assed smile as you locked your phone.

"Yeah," you said, your voice tight as you put it away. But, for the rest of the night, even when he walked you home and kissed you in front of the building--in public--it echoed in the back of your mind.

54 days.

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Tag list (lmk if you'd like to be added!):

@skywalkercinema @throughparisallthroughrome @anak1ns-wife @radiantvader @eloquenceinpurple @rosekillerdaughter @doblasftcisco @rhiannonhippiegirl @mistress-amidala @johnbassplayercutie @mortalheartache @xorilixx @sunnytotheend @olivia091108 @aniiuv @sotal3rsa @springnaiad @bettysgardenswift @ursogorgeous13 @avalovesjoe1 @anibeaar @anisluvrgirl @mcdonaldshelppage @usuck @sythethecarrot @lovrsm @ann4zw @gimmefood

[cinematics123]

I don’t think 911 writers will do this, but I think it would be very, very funny:

Eddie and Buck get together, but at first it’s because they HAVE to get together. Say, Chris comes back from Texas and Bobby finds out about the Will and Bobby advises Eddie that, especially given Chris has asked to live with his grandparents before, that the Will is probably not very water tight. And if he wants Buck to look after Chris, he would probably need to do something else (by which, as viewer, Bobby tries making it clear Eddie needs to talk to Chris and his parents about it).

Instead Eddie asks Hen out of the blue how things worked with Mara with the custody fight and Hen drops that they were registered but that it’s easier to adopt as a married couple (Hen thinks this is about her adoption process, only the viewers realize Eddie is talking about Chris).

So Eddie invites Buck out to dinner (note: without Chris) and tells him that he got some information about the Will and has been advised that it’s not very solid and it would only be solid for the person Eddie is married to (Eddie makes it sound like it was a LAWYER he talked to, not just Hen and Bobby).

Buck is still in his “I have been broken up with” mood and said that he’s old now and no one will ever marry him. So if Eddie wants, Buck will marry him officially so that the Will will be fine. Eddie (kind of saying no homo) accepts.

Buck and Eddie just go to City Hall and start signing up their marriage certificate but the judge says how cute they look and gets a photographer to take their picture and it’s clear a BUNCH of strangers in the city hall are all congratulating them. It’s the first real hint that this is not just an on paper thing.

More under the cut

Next episode? Buck’s apartment building catches fire. Guess who’s homeless and ends up at Eddie’s? Buck says he will sleep on the couch, but Eddie jokes that they’re married so he might as well just crash in the same bed. Queue pining roommates era. They all quickly cosy up - and Eddie ends up going to confession again. Only for the priest to remind Eddie that he hasn’t done anything wrong.

Buck starts by saying he’ll start looking for a new place, but quickly admits to Maddie that he hasn’t really been looking, he’s been spending too much time just hanging out with his boys. And we get a shot of all three of them passed out napping with a movie still playing on the couch.

Buck is now basically Chris’ other dad and Buck and Eddie are literally married and pining over each other - and Eddie has even confessed his feelings for Buck to the priest, but both are too scared to cross that line. They both get caught in a floor cave in and end of confessing to each other and kissing - finally crossing that (by this time very blurred) line.

So then finally their relationship ends up going public and the 118 is like “ahhh that’s so great - when did it become official?” And Buck or Eddie says “oh probably back when we got married” and the whole 118 is like 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️, “you didn’t know to make the first move, but you were secretly married, wtf”.

[hiiikiko]

hi hi hi

can you do brothers bff!ellie x reader? maybe they met as children and ellie was close with readers brother, but always saw r as a nuisance. until r went away to boarding school or something and came back a few years later, and ellie begins to develop a crush on her? idk i thinks this would be cute for her 🥰

𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖, 𝕟𝕠 𝕤𝕖𝕖

brother’s best friend!ellie x reader | tlou m.list

[a/n:] i love this trope so much, thank you for submitting this ask! also LMAO this went so off base but I like this too much to delete it and It’s too much work to copy and paste every god damn sentence bc tumblr makes that so fuckin’ hard but uh yeah thanks :P

Synopsis: Ellie and you had something goin on.. but it’s been years since the two of you have seen each other..

tw: angst

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

SUNDAY

Ellie was your childhood friend, uh, actually that’d be a lie.. she was your brother’s best friend.. but same difference.. I mean, your mom would force your darling big brother, Jesse, to take you everywhere with him.. like, come on, it was free babysitting and it was killing two birds with one stone. Not only was your mom getting free babysitting, she was also able to kick your reckless brother out for a few hours. So everyday for a few hours after school, your brother would drag you along to football games, lacrosse games, basketball games.. ugh, so many sports.. You didn’t always look forward to it, but.. there was one upside to them..

Ellie Williams.

Ellie was your next door neighbour. She was pretty, smart, introverted, and a troublemaker. Sure, she graduated valedictorian and was an all-star on the girl’s lacrosse and basketball and volleyball team but god, did she cause her fair share of trouble.. including, making you fall for her. Although, you were sure Ellie completely hated your guts. She always called you ‘squirt,’ given that you were much smaller than her when the two of you were kids. She would always groan when she saw you tag along with Jesse, smacking his arm and glaring back at you, silently saying ‘Why the fuck did you bring her?” To which Jesse would reply with a sly smirk and a shrug.

Now, it wasn’t your plan to fall for her.. but come on, it was inevitable. She was your brother’s best friend, that’s like the forbidden fruit in the garden of eden! How could you pass that up, hm? But, before you could ever confess to her.. you were shipped off to a catholic all girl’s school because your mom thought that these thoughts about girls weren’t very christian-like. You came back every now and then but it was easier to spend breaks at your Aunt’s house, it was closer to the school and besides, what was the point of coming back? You weren’t very popular in your hometown, you lived in your brother’s shadow. He was an all-star in practically every sport, smart, constantly made the papers for his footaball games.. so did Ellie and you never really felt like you belonged with them, or your town for that matter. In boarding school, you had no one to be compared to. You were actually quite popular, you joined quite a few clubs, even became head of the Newspaper Club and graduated valedictorian. You were doing pretty good on your own, then soon.. you were off to college.

It was the beginning of fall when you finally decided to pay your mom and brother a visit, you were on thanksgiving break.

“Alright, bye Lila! See ya, Chris!” you waved at the retreating volkswagen van belonging to your two best friends from school, rooted in the ground as you watched it disappear round a corner.

You let out a deep sigh as you tuned on your heel to face your childhood home, it felt like forever since you’d been back.. sure, you came back sometimes but.. still, it had been, like, three years. You were now a sophomore i college, you had left when you were a senior in high school.

You couldn’t help but sneak a glance at Ellie’s house, Joel’s truck was in the garage. Joel was a nice guy, he’d always fix your mom’s car for free. You and Jesse really did like him, at one point, the two of you even tried hooking your mom up with him but.. that all came crashing down when your mom found out and sentenced the two of you to yard work for the next week.

“Hey, Joel,” you say to the pair of boots under the old Chevy, drumming your fingers on the hood.

The sound of tools turning comes to a halt as the pair of boots soon slides down to reveal the person the pair of boots belonged to.. Ellie.

“Oh, sorry.. I-I thought you were Joel,” you stuttered out, Ellie’s fierce gaze piercing right through you.

“Yeah? Well, you thought wrong,” she grumbled, using her teeth to pull off her gloves and wiping some grease off her face, “Long time, no see.. what do you want?”

God, you haven’t even been home for more than five minutes and the new you was already melting away under her gaze, you felt like you were 17 again.

“Nothing, just.. wanted to say hi,” you mumble and leave her there, sitting on the sliding board.

You couldn’t see it but, you could feel her hungry gaze watching your every move as you left the driveway. You couldn’t tell if she was watching you out of curiosity or.. something else.

MONDAY

Sunday went by like a breeze, you and your mom caught up over dinner, you and Jesse caught up by not catching up.

Today, you decided to look for a part-time job. You just needed enough cash to get you a one-way ticket back outta here and you didn’t want to burden your Aunt with the costs.

After visiting a multitude of stores, you ran into Joel at the gas station. He mentioned how he was looking for a receptionist and you practically threw yourself at the opportunity.

“Alright, alright, you got the job,” he chuckled, taking a sip from his gas station coffee, letting out a satisfied hum at the taste. This man sure did love his coffee, “Can you start tomorrow?”

You beaned, “Yes, sir, I can.”

He nodded and tapped your trucks hood, “Make sure to bring this ol’ boy by, I promised your mom a free oil change in exchange for her cookin’ me a few dishes a month.”

You giggled, “Will do.”

TUESDAY

“Hey, I’m here for the job,” you said to the guy at the front desk, a older gentleman, he reeked of weed, his eyes glazed over.

“Uh, okay, let me get the other manager.”

You nodded, leaving the desk to look around the old shop, it smelled of gasoline, leaving a metallic taste in your mouth.

“You gotta be fuckin’ kidding me.”

Your blood ran cold as you realized who that low, raspy voice belonged to, “Mornin’ to you, too, Ellie.”

She rolled her eyes, leaning against the desk and tucking her pen behind her ear, “You’re the new girl?”

You nod, trying not to let your smile falter, “Yep, that’s me.”

She rolled her eyes again, “Alright, follow me.”

You jog to keep up with her while she introduces you to all the mechanics, turns out the mechanic you met earlier is named Eugene. They were all happy to see a fresh new face, some even asking if that car out front was yours and if anythin’ were to go wrong, that you knew where to find them, much to Ellie’s annoyance.

“Well, that’s all? Any questions?” and before you could say yes, she slammed her office door closed.

“Same as always, I see,” you mumbled and set yourself down at the desk, familiarizing yourself with the outdated equipment. You didn’t like how close your desk was to her office, it was suffocating.

FRIDAY

By Friday, you had completely reorganized their computer systems to be a little more efficient and their files as well. Ellie didn’t say good job or anything, she just nodded and criticized every little mistake you made. Joel, on the other had, would knock her upside the head every time he caught her saying something a little too mean, then would apologize for his daughter’s behaviour and shower you with compliments.

Besides Ellie’s annoying remarks, work was actually going pretty smoothly.

You were finishing up some paperwork when you heard the door to the garage swing open, she had on her overalls and was covered in grease and oil, just like the first day when you came back.

“Y/n, pull your truck in, Joel wants me to change the oil or whatever she grumbled, wiping her cheek, trying to rid it of the grease but actually, she just made it worse. You couldn’t stop your heart from fluttering at the sight.. there’s just something about a woman covered in car oil that does it for you..

You nod, “Alright.”

You spent the last 40 minutes talking on the phone with your old schoolmates, laughing about how they got back home.

“Sooo.. Y/n, have you heard from Abby?” your friend, Lila, giggled as she was pushed out of frame by her sister, Chris.

You groan and lean back into your chair, “God, no. I haven’t heard from her since that night,” you rub your face with your hand, trying to conceal the embarrassment.

The two girls on the other end giggled and begin to fangirl over Abby.

“Ugh, I don’t know why you don’t want her anymore!” Lila began.

“She was totally perfect, like.. you landed a lacrosse player.. that’s every girl’s dream-“ “ Not to mention how muscular she was? LIke, uh, drool??”

You rolled your eyes, “Okay, I admit she was perfect—.”

The garage door slams and in comes Ellie, looking especially pissed off, “Can you shut the fuck up? It’s hard to work when you’re being so god damn loud.”

She wandered into frame, you could practically read what Lila and Chris were thinking, their eyes screamed ‘do me.’

You rolled your eyes and hung up your phone, “Fuck, Ellie. You’re such a fuckin’ killjoy.”

Ellie laughed, walking over to your desk, spinning around your chair, putting her arms on either side of the arm rests, “You’re such a pain in the ass,” and for a split second, you could swear her eyes flickered down to your lips.

SATURDAY

Saturday night, Dina invited you out with her and Jesse to the local bar. Country music blasted through the speakers and the sound of beer bottles thinking set the tone along with the cheap cigarette smoke.

“Thank god they don’t card, huh,” Dina smirked at you, you laughed. Jesse rushed off to the bar to get the three of you some beers.

The two of them watched you slam down your first beer, a little too fast for them to know it was your first.

“What? Boarding School isn’t as strict if you know how to get around the rules and alarms,” you giggled.

You soon had enough liquid courage in you to make your way onto the dance floor, swinging your way into the arms of guys and girls, alike.

“Uh.. testing.. 1…2..3,” the crowd came to a sudden halt, you followed their gaze. You saw Ellie on stage, a young mechanic you knew, and a guy you didn’t know too well stood behind her. She held her hand up above her eyes to shield them from the harsh stage light. She looked.. well, hot.. she wore some wranglers, steel-toed cowboy boots, and a nice black long sleeve button up, her brown cowboy hat rested atop her head, bringing out the green in her eyes, “Well, tonight, we got some new songs for y’all.”

Her set was pretty amazing, the crown obviously loved her and her voice was very, very good.

“Alright, before we call it a night, we got one more song.. we’ll be covering I Wonder Do You Think of Me,” you couldn’t really tell but you were sure she was staring directly at you, but that was ridiculous, you were sure she couldn’t see anything through that blaring light.

She started, “If you drive around, back in our old hometown.. I wonder, do you think of me?” her voice sounded full of hurt, almost like it was breaking.

The dance floor was full of cowboys and cowgirls moving their bodies in since, in beautiful, melancholic slow dance.

“And remember those games, those cold football games.. I was your hero, though I seldom played, back then.. could you see, what our future would be?”

Now you were certain, she had to be singing this song for you, everything her eyes dipped back underneath her cowboy hat, you could see her emerald eyes piercing into your soul.

“Fuck this,” you grumbled and grabbed your purse, you were not going to do this again.

“I still love you, do you think of me?”

The wooden door slammed behind you and you could hear the cheers of the audience erupt.

“Y/n, wait,” a hoarse voice came bounding toward you.

“God! What? What the fuck do you want Ellie?”

You whipped around, Ellie’s face was only inches from yours.

“I-I wanted to apologize.. for, for everythin’. It wasn’t right to leave you like that.. and it wasn’t right to say all I did. “

The months leading up to your departure, you and Ellie had been sneaking around. “I love you,” she had whispered in your ear, the night of her winning the lacrosse state championship, her mouth nestled against your ear and her hands in your pants and like an idiot, you believed her. You believed her despite her not wanting to go on dates, hang out together in public school, and through the rumours of her being a player. Then, the night before you left for school, she snuck into your room and confessed; “I never loved you, Y/n.. you were just a means to an end, another girl on my roster.”

Those words were ingrained in your memory, the next day when you left for school, your eyes were puffy and that following year, you tried everything to get over her. Then that year became two years, following you into college. You drank, smoked, hooked up with random girls but none of them were her, not even Abby Anderson.

“I’m not doing this again,” you ripped your hand out from her grasp.

“Fuck, would you just listen to me?” she trapped your other hand and pulled it to her chest, “I never meant all that bullshit, don’t ya see? I’ve only ever liked you, Y/n…” her eyes looked sincere.

“Fuck you, you’re so full of yourself.”

“God, you’re sop fuckin stubborn. Don’t believe me? I sent you a letter every god damn day after you left, I had given them to your mom, it wasn’t until recently that Jesse had told me she never mailed them out.”

This whole time, you assumed that she had really meant it all and the no reaching out thing, really drove the nail deeper..

You stopped, “What?”

“You gotta believe me,” her breath smelled like whiskey and cigarettes.

You stared into her eyes, you heart melted, “F-fine..”

She smiled and pulled you even closer, her hand wrapping around your waist and she placed a soft kiss on your lips. You really were a fool, weren’t ya?”

[loveaurapearl]

First Out (Wild Life Spoilers)

Hey guys, I'm still reeling from Wild Life's first permadeath, and it had me thinking.

Mumbo wasn't supposed to be the first out. It was meant to be Scar. The winner of Secret Life was meant to be the first to die.

What lead me to think that?

First, the Secret Keeper wanted Scar to be the villain and in my head, I don't think it was because they wanted Scar to win. Sure, in the life series, it's kill or be killed, but you need alliances to make sure you don't die first. You can't fight an army alone if your name isn't Technoblade. So by making Scar the villain and trying to make everyone hate him, the Secret keeper was trying to get him killed early. Sure, they didn't want him out first since the Canary Curse was still activated, but still they wanted him out early. But that didn't happen. Scar managed to wriggle his way through the other teams so their eyes were on other people and not him.

Now why did they want Scar to be the villain? Because he was a thorn in their side since the first session. He failed his first task and then got Grian, the guy they hate and the ruler of Life series games, to make a loophole so he could get a re-roll, messing up their order of plans and accidentally giving Scar a really easy 'HARD TASK'. (Anyway, that's my headcannon on why Scar's Hard Task was so much easier than any of the other hard tasks we saw later in the season.) Scar used Mumbo's task to bribe him so he looked the other way so Scar could easily complete his task. Scar got Bdubs killed even though he was Green and he found a loophole in their task so there would be two winners in the Chicken game. He distracted the Wither for so long that it made everyone gather up and defeat it and the Warden with the only casualties being Jimmy, Mumbo, Grian trading his life for Scar's, and an accidental death of BigB on Scar's end. Grian cheated to spare Scar's life by allowing him to log off then log back in. And Lizzie managed to break the curse on Jimmy, allowing Jimmy to not go out first. So the Watchers turned their heads to Scar, the watcher's favorite, and decided that the only way to hurt Grian was to hurt Scar. And while their plans work on making Scar the villain, it worked too well. Scar wasn't just going easy and he won. Sure, Grian helped him a bit with bringing Gem and the Scotts' health low, but it was all Scar's skills that got him the title of winner.

Wild Life was meant to be the Watcher's revenge on Scar. After all, they allowed him to be paired up with Jimmy and Lizzie. Scott said it himself that their teaming up would mean they would be out of the series the fastest. And while the Watchers hate Scott, they realize he was right. So to try and restore order, they decide to let Scar have friends and then kill him so fast that he couldn't even be allowed to enjoy it. And session 3 was when the Watchers struck. They were so close to Scar losing his final life thanks to the invisible Snail trap that Martyn used. Martyn, an agent of the Watchers who they had been using for years and who was the winner of Limited Life because of their will. Sure, it meant the Canary Curse would be broken, but they didn't care. Scar would be gone and his team would be in ruins. They were so close too. The snail almost ended Scar's series. But then Grian, who had been avoiding Scar for so long and was trying to deny his feelings towards him, stopped the world and ended the Session early before Scar could die. Grian ended the game early for Scar again, and they weren't happy.

The one guy they wanted dead was now alive all thanks to Grian. It made them extra mad because it meant Scar now had a chance to not only live but thrive. They knew that if they didn't get him with snail now, they wouldn't know when Scar would be out next. And that's what Scar did. Scar not only got back to Green by killing Etho and Grian, but he managed to help the Canary regain his lives even after Martyn accidentally killed him with Jimmy's own trap by using Grian's own trap against him. And it was all thanks to Grian.

So the Watchers were glad to hear Grian vow his revenge against Scar and Jimmy, it meant that Grian was now on their side. They were so sure the Canary Curse would continue and Scar would be dead soon. And it at first worked, Grian got Scar on Yellow due to his admin 'Watcher' powers and it seemed like things were going well. But then Scar called out Grian for cheating. For using his Admin/Watcher powers against a player and this snapped Grian out of their trance. For all of Wild life, Grian had been using his Admin/Watcher powers more and more. At first, it was harmless, he knew all the Wild Cards. It would be impossible for the game to happen if Grian did not know the Wild Cards and Grian refused to simply just watch the games like the Watchers originally planned. But then Grian began using his Admin/Watcher powers more and more. Threatening to use his powers to ban people and using his powers to have an edge over the other players. He was becoming more and more like the Watchers he hated.

But then Scar called Grian out. Scar, the only one who could get to Grian, saw what Grian was doing, saw that it was unfair to the other players, especially him, and called Grian out for cheating. And it gets to Grian. At first, Grian tries to brush it off as them just being even. After all, Scar did the first underhanded shot by shooting him off the Bridge of the Spanners' headquarters, so it was only fair that Grian got him back. But the more and more he thought about it, the more it bugged him. He tried to ignore it. Try and push it to the back of his mind, but he couldn't. And Grian realizes he made a mistake. That he abused his Watcher powers and was becoming more like them. So to try and make amends, he gives Scar the mace. But of course, it wasn't that simple. Scar didn't care that much about the mace. What he truly, truly wanted was to have Grian back. To end their fighting and to be Best Friends again. To be like Third life again.

And it brings Grian back to his humanity. It made him remember the good memories and that he doesn't have to be like the Watchers. And to hear Scar say 'What happened in Third life?', it softens Grian and they become Allies. Whether or not Scar remembers what happened in Third Life, it doesn't matter since Grian fully believes Scar doesn't remember anything about Third life except for Mr. Bubbles, Pizza and their friendship. (To be honest, I have no idea how genuine Scar was when he asked about what happened in Third Life. On one hand, he sounds like he means it. It doesn't sound like he's lying. But on the other hand, Scar is a master liar, and he remembers the Lilacs and Poppies like it was yesterday. So it's up to interpretation.)

However, Grian still wants to save Mumbo and Skizz. He still wants Jimmy dead, so there was still a chance that at least the Canary Curse could continue. Sure, Jimmy prayed to the Watchers to be spared, but the Watchers don't care, they just used his wishes to make sure Tango wasn't out first.

But... Mumbo didn't want Jimmy to die first. Mumbo wasn't a heartless fellow to a fellow struggling red life and thanks to Scar, Grian allowed Mumbo to spare his life. However, we all know what happened next. Mumbo, not checking if everything was secure, not checking if everything was safe, not seeing the warning signs that the mine was dangerous, saw Gem moving away from Jimmy and trying to get a life back activates the TNT minecart track. And... with one lever left active, Mumbo dies in a firey explosion. Grian, not looking at Mumbo, only hears an explosion as Tango's wind burst thrusting him into the air and saving his life, and is left paralyzed as he sees his friend's burnt corpse. And in the first time in forever, Grian is allowed to grieve. And the world stops and pitied Grian. Grian, who was seen as the source of all the lifer's suffering and a villain who must be slain for all of Wild Life, was pitted and was finally seen for who he was, human. Sure, Grian was close to being like the Watchers. Much closer than he ever had been before. But thanks to Grian protecting Scar in Session 3 and preventing Scar's final death, Grian was saved from himself and the Watchers. It was thanks to Scar and their friendship that saved Grian but at the cost of Mumbo's life.

Mumbo, poor Mumbo, only wanted Grian to look at him like he did to Scar. Mumbo who wanted Grian to love him like he did Scar. Mumbo who wanted Grian to save him like Scar. But it was too late. Mumbo wasn't a fighter and unfortunately, there are some things not even Watchers can protect you from. Only when it was too late, did Grian finally look at Mumbo like he did with Scar. Just like Third life...

[redrose10]

oh pleaaaase i think this would hit!

Can you pretty please do-about the prompt game-

au!12 neighbors not really neighbors (like, funnily they meet ever single time at the same local 7eleven or supermarket idk, they live on the same block, trope 9, first 49 with 66 and then 28,15 last 33 (66 and all last three nsfw) with Nam or Jin whoever you like. Could you pls add reader is like short height? THANK YOUUUUU take care xx

I hope this is what you were looking for and you like it!

< The Cookie Jar >

Warnings: Swearing, Smut

Neighbors, Stranger to Lovers

#49 “I need some assistance here.”

#66 “That’s illegal.”

#28 “We can’t do that here!”

#15 “Well fine just this once.”

#33 “Oh kitten…you’ve really never done this before?”

*******************************************************

“Eggs, flour, butter…eggs, flour, butter…eggs, flour, butter.”

You were repeating this to yourself over and over hoping that you wouldn’t forget anything. It was late and you were exhausted and just wanted to get home to have some dinner and relax, but you were required to be an adult first and get some groceries since it was your turn to bring cookies for your jobs weekly cookie jar. It was a dumb thing that management came up with to try and boost morale because that made more sense to them than just giving everyone a raise or some extra time off. Either way it was mandatory and not something you could get out of without ending up in a meeting with HR.

Normally you would just buy premade cookies but your boss informed you that it wasn’t fair to the others that actually took the time to make the cookies homemade so you had to stop.

You weren’t in any mood to play Betty Crocker so you were making a simple Snickerdoodle that only needed a few ingredients and you hoped you could just remember all of them before you walked out of the store.

Groaning when you saw the price of the butter you stared at your options hoping to find something on sale or with a coupon.

“This is a really good brand.”, a deep voice spoke slightly startling you. The man was pointing at a random box of butter.

“Is it?”, you chuckled, “I have to make cookies for work, but didn’t expect butter to cost me to promise my first born child.”

The man laughed, giving you the first glimpse of his beautiful smile with dimples included.

“Yeah I’m not much of a baker myself, but I’ve heard my mom complain quite a bit about how the prices are insane.”

“Glad I’m not the only one then.”, you laughed.

He reached down and grabbed one of the cartons of butter and handed it to you.”, She uses this one and I can confirm she makes the best cookies every time.”

You placed the carton in your cart., “I mean…I think you might be a little biased but I’ll take your word for it.” He chuckled and gave you a smile before walking away towards the registers. You spent the rest of the evening thinking about the handsome stranger whose name you didn’t even know.

“Stupid job, stupid cookies, stupid boss, stupid Hobi, stupid stupid stupid.”, you grumbled as you picked up a shopping basket. It was once again your turn to bring cookies for the dreaded cookie jar. Thanks to your coworker Hobi abruptly quitting it was also your turn a week sooner than you had planned. Luckily you had most of the ingredients from last time still sitting in your pantry. All you needed were chocolate chips and sugar.

After you grabbed your two items you decided to stop in the prepared foods section to get something for dinner to make it easier on yourself. You were so deep in thought trying to decide between the sesame noodles or the chicken teriyaki that you didn’t even notice someone standing next to you until they spoke, “Get the sesame noodles. The teriyaki tastes weird.”

You looked up to see the same guy from a few weeks ago walking past you, dimples once again on display. By the time your brain registered what happened and that you should go after him to finally get his name he was already walking out of the store. You grabbed the noodles and headed for the exit so you could finally go home to sulk while you baked some chocolate chip cookies.

You actually enjoyed baking when it was on your own terms and you didn’t have to hear the office go on and on about how amazing the cookies that Jin brought are, because his wife owns a bakery so OF COURSE they’re going to be amazing.

So when your best friend asked you make her favorite chocolate cake and come over with a tub of ice cream after her boyfriend dumped her, you didn’t even think twice.

The cake was sliding from side to side and the ice cream was already melting and you regretted grabbing those two bottles of wine because they were heavier than you thought so you were very glad that your friend lives just a three minute walk down the street from you.

You were trying to punch in the code to unlock the door when you heard a very familiar voice making your heart skip a beat.

“Looks like you’ve upgraded from cookies to cake huh?”

You were standing speechless staring at the beautiful man you somehow keep running into.

Just then your friend opened the door hearing the voices outside, “There you are! Oh hey Joonie! Hi Yoongs and Kook.”

It wasn’t until then did you realize there were two other guys standing off to the side and they were almost as handsome as “Joonie”. It made you question what they were putting in the water at this apartment complex.

“Joonie?”, you questioned with a brow raise.

He chuckled, “Yeah sorry about that. We’ve never been introduced. I’m Namjoon and those are my roommates Yoongi and Jungkook.”

You gave a small wave before turning your attention back to Namjoon so you could introduce yourself, “Y/N.”

Somehow or another you and your friend were invited over to Namjoon’s for pizza and drinks. It was all kind of a blur and you were too focused on finally getting to know the guy you’ve been crushing on for a while.

At some point the wine had become too much so you went to stand out on the balcony and get some fresh air. After a little while you started to sober up and feel much better. The door slid open and out came Namjoon. He smiled handing you a soft blanket and took a seat next to you. It seemed like he was sobering up at well.

“I’m sorry I never properly introduced myself. It was like my brain melted every time I saw you.”, he chuckled. “It’s okay. My brain didn’t seem to want to function either.”

A slight breeze moved through the air causing you to shiver. Namjoon moved a little closer wrapping his arm around you to help shield you from the wind.

You took the time to look him over but it was like he had the same idea as he was already staring at you and beginning to lean in which you reciprocated.

One kiss turned into two turned into soft moans and hands exploring each others body.

“Do you want to take this further?”, he asked pulling away.

You did. You figured you could make it to your place in less than five minutes or maybe even his room, but could hear a karaoke session going on inside so you knew everyone was still awake and would definitely know what was going on if you two walked back to his room. But it was something you were willing to deal with later.

“Yeah let’s do it.”, you nodded.

You squealed in surprise when he started unbuttoning your shirt. He struggled with the third button. “I need some assistance here.”, he laughed trying to hide his frustration.

“Namjoon, we can’t do that here!”, you exclaimed feeling your entire body flush at the thought.

He surprisingly pouted, “Why not?”

“Well for one thing, It’s illegal. We’re out in the open. People could see us.”

“It’s only illegal if we get caught and who’s gonna see? It’s like 2am. Everyone around here is already asleep or not even home.”

He had a point, but you were still unsure. The last thing you needed was a criminal charge on your record, but one look at his growing bulge had your mind going hazy with want.

“Look baby.”, he said in his deep raspy voice that wasn’t making it any easier for you to say no. He continued, “Y/N I won’t make you do anything you’re not comfortable with so we can end it here or we can go as far as you’d like but if we go in there we’ll have to walk past all of them and they’ll definitely know what we’re doing. It’s up to you.”

You loved that he was so willing to do what made you comfortable. Most guys would’ve already up and left if you hadn’t agreed immediately so the fact that he was still there and talking you through it made you want to give into him even more.

“I just…I’ve never done anything like this before…out in the open like this.”, you added the last part quickly to make sure he knew you weren’t a virgin, you just weren’t normally into public sex.

“That’s okay. Like I said whatever you want.”, he whispered giving you a comforting smile.

You swallowed thickly before nodding, “Well fine, just this once. What’s the worst that could happen?”

His lips connected back to yours as he nodded, “I can deal with that.”

Feeling suddenly brave you climbed over taking a seat on his lap. You continued your movements by placing kisses beginning at his jaw and moving down to his neck and then chest.

He finished undoing the buttons of your shirt before helping you slide the material off. Your bra followed soon after. The cold air immediately causing your nipples to pebble and Namjoon wasted no time attaching his mouth to one. The sensation causing you to moan louder than you had intended. Your hand quickly covered your mouth as Namjoon smirked still sucking at your breast. You continued to move your hips using the friction to help provide some relief.

“Y/N.”, Namjoon groaned as you hit a particularly good spot. You thought you had heard a door open causing you to freeze worried that someone had heard the two of you.

“Oh kitten…you’ve really never done this before?”, he asked after noticing your skin turn reddish and your still unsure movements.

“No.”, you shook your head feeling a little embarrassed.

“That’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with that. Want me to walk you through it? Will that help ease your nerves?”

You nodded thankful that he was willing to take charge.

“Okay.”, he kissed you, “Get down on your knees in front of me.”

You did as he said. The balcony was small with not a lot of room to navigate but thanks to your shorter height you were able to snuggle in and fit in-front of him with ease. Your hands placed on his thighs as you waited for his next instructions.

“Now undo my belt…unzip my pants.”

You did as he said hoping he couldn’t see the very slight shake into your hands.

“That’s it baby girl. Now take my cock out… nice and slow.”

The sheer girth shocked you. He was hot and heavy in your hand. Your mouth began to drool, something no other man had ever made you do in this position.

“I know…I know. But you can handle it. Now go ahead and lick.”

You gave a few kitten licks to the tip making sure to lap up the beads of precum as they formed.

“Tha-That’s it baby. F-Fuck yeah. Go ahead and take it all in.”

He was already such a mess for you that it turned you on to a level you had never been. Your arousal was soaking through your panties to the point it was uncomfortable. You started to run your tongue from his base to tip before moving up again to suck him off like your life depended on it.

The sounds he was making increased your confidence and suddenly the prospect of getting caught didn’t seem so scary.

You focused your attention back to Namjoon giving his balls a light squeeze before swirling your tongue around his tip. You jumped a little when you felt his hand reach down and cradle one of your breast giving your nipple a light tug, “Mmmm Y/N. You’re doing so well kitten.” He leaned down and kissed your mouth savoring the taste of himself on your lips before he leaned back and you moved down to continue your bobbing up and down on his length.

Namjoon grabbed a hand full of your hair and pushed you down on his cock making you gag. His head rolled against the chair as he felt his tip hit the back of your throat.

“Is…is that okay?”, he asked through gasps. He pulled his hand away feeling guilty for not checking with your first. You didn’t want to stop so you took his hand and placed it at the back of your head giving him your silent approval to do it again. He gently, but firmly began to thrust into your mouth as you widened your jaw as much as you could allowing him to use you for his own pleasure, enjoying the way he nearly growled every time he got you to gag on him.

“I’m close Y/N. Fuck I’m close. Wh-where do you want it?”

“Tits…tits.”, you scrambled to say panting and drooling and barely able to form a coherent thought.

You moved your attention back to his length once again licking up and down before wrapping your mouth around him determined to bring him to his orgasm. He was close. You could feel his thighs tensing under your hands. A few beads of sweat were running down his forehead even though the weather was cool. His thrusts into your mouth became more and more erratic.

He said your name in a long drawn out moan before swiftly moving you off of him and rapidly jerking himself off with his right hand as his left hand came down to squeeze your breast.

“O-Okay. I’m coming.”, he gritted at his body began to shake.

You leaned closer squeezing your breasts together and watched as the the warm white liquid shot out before collecting in your cleavage.

Namjoon sat back trying to catch his breath before helping you up off of the ground.

“Y/N that was…wow that was unbelievable.”, he huffed using the blanket to help clean you up, “If you…uh if you want to lay down I’d be more than appy to return the favor.”

You smiled at the hint of shyness in his voice because where did the confident, in control man from a few minutes ago go.

“Actually…”, you shook your head, “If you want…my place is just a couple minute walk from here. We could head over there.” After that display you wanted him fully inside of you and you wanted to savor the moment and to take your time. You’re apartment was the best place for that.

His eyebrows lifted up in surprise before he laughed, “Well I wish I would have known that from the start. We could’ve just went there.” You both giggled at the realization before grabbing your things to walk over to your place completely forgetting that there were a group of people in the living room.

“Hey where are you guys going?”, your friends asked when they finally noticed the two of you heading to the door.

You panicked trying to come up with an excuse so that they wouldn’t know you two were going to have sex. Looking around the room your eyes caught sight of the half eaten cake on the counter.

“Cookies! Namjoon really wants to try some of my cookies so we’re gonna head over to my place so I can get some baked up.”

“That’s not fair. I want cookies too.”, Jungkook pouted as he waited for the next round of his game to load.

“They’re not making cookies you idiot. They’re going to have sex.”, Yoongi snorted not even looking up from his phone.

You could feel your body burn up and Namjoon didn’t seem to be fairing much better judging by his pink cheeks.

You said goodbye before quickly shuffling Namjoon out the door so they couldn’t ask any more questions.

“You know…cookies actually sound pretty good right now.”, he smiled as you were walking towards your apartment.

“Well luckily for you I have a cookie jar always stocked.”, you laughed opening your door.

He leaned down to capture you in a kiss and pushing you inside, “Is that so? Well then I’d definitely like to get a taste.”

“You’re welcome to my cookie jar any time.”

[geekgirles]

Hot Take

Season 3 should have revealed Eva is a demigoddess instead of Ruel.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm actually quite happy with season 4 focusing on her origins and Madagaskan, even if that was clearly only introduced to set up Flopin's character arc during the upcoming Waven series. But the thing I can never seem to get over is how irrelevant the Cra actually are in season 3. Their arc is literally to be rescued/to escape and to give birth (in Eva's case).

Because, let's face it, their relevance in the season hinged entirely on being Tristepin's family. Eva in particular, regardless of how cordial Echo was to her, seemed to have no value outside of being Tristepin's wife who's carrying his third child, who was later revealed to be an extremely powerful demigod.

Meanwhile, poor Flopin's kidnapping didn't even make sense because he just isn't a demigod like his siblings. Yes, he is Iop's son, but he's not an Iop, so he couldn't inherit any of his father's divine powers. As opposed to Élely and Pin, who already displayed theirs at 5 years old and before being even born, respectively. Hell, that ended up being the crux of his character in season 4! His insecurities over not being as extraordinary as his family, especially his siblings!

Yes, you could say Oropo's real plan besides killing the gods was to make Yugo's friends his, and that's why he wanted Eva and Flopin around. But considering he didn't seem all that contrite over Adamaï almost causing Iop's next reincarnation while he couldn't even bring himself to make Amalia age (even though he was not above breaking her spirit so she'd be easier to manipulate), it's fairly obvious he cared more about keeping certain members of the Brotherhood near than others. Which further proves he only kidnapped Eva and Flopin because of their connection to Pinpin.

And let's face it, between that and how out of focus they were compared to the Iops, that's just such a huge disservice to their characters. They deserve so much more than to orbit around Tristepin.

Which is why I believe Eva should have been Cra's daughter and Oropo's target instead of Ruel. Even though nothing really suggested her divine origins before, they could have always hand-waved it and have that explain her craziest feats, like how she was able to keep up with two demigods even while heavily pregnant or her formidable archery skills. Because, come on, until Madagaskan was introduced, the only relevant Cra in the show were Eva, Cleo, and Flopin. It's not like by the time season 3 dropped we'd seen any other member of their race display the same level of dexterity so as to make Eva's prowess being divine in nature not make sense.

Also, in could retroactively explain her exceptional beauty, since most Cra we've seen are actually fairly plain-looking.

Besides, you're telling me that out of the original members of the Brotherhood of the Tofu, only the boys are the ones related to gods? Come on. Is a little bit of parity that much to ask?

And let's face it, Ruel being Enutrof's son doesn't bring anything new to the table other than some shock value. Like, I get he's always been hinted to be more than meets the eye, but being a demigod doesn't really add much to his character.

Hey, maybe I just don't know much about Enutrofs since they don't give me brainrot compared to other classes, but compared to the rest of his kind, Ruel isn't all that unique either, except for how utterly greedy he is. His powers and attacks, while impressive at times, can never reach their full potential because he just doesn't pay tribute to Enutrof, so they remain relatively weak. And though being a demigod would explain how long-lived he is, that falls flat as well when Arpagone seems to be just as old as he is and his grandma's even older.

Again, longevity could be a standard Enutrof power I'm just not aware of. Still, it pretty much proves my point, doesn't it?

Not to mention, it's not like changing Ruel's status as the group's surprise demigod would really change anything from his storyline in season 3. They could have perfectly had Arpagone be the Enutrof demigoddess whose condition to play a part in Oropo's plan was to be allowed to keep her husband even as she ascended to godhood. Hence, you still get your flashback episode and an excuse to capture Ruel and have Sipho replace him to drive a wedge between Yugo and Amalia and kidnap the latter.

But no, let's go with the plot point that won't be touched upon ever again.

And speaking of things that wouldn't necessarily change just because Eva were a Cra demigoddess, you could still keep Madagaskan's role in season 4!

Maybe just make it so Eva and Cleo are actually half-sisters with the same father but a different mother (or vice versa, given the goddesses' apparent distaste for getting pregnant themselves). While I'd personally prefer it if Madagaskan simply had a tryst with Cra and then he fell in love with his late wife, if you're into drama, Eva could always be the result of an affair but his wife chose to take her in and raise her as her own, anyway. Hence, you would have another reason why Madagaskan went along with her last wish, out of love for her and to repay her kindness and forgiveness.

(Or you could enforce his love for his wife by having him be the one to accept her other child and to make sure both her and his own daughter had a better life).

And from then on, everything could play out exactly like canon.

In fact, Eva being semi-divine would also add another layer to Cleophée's inferiority complex and feelings of inequacy compared to her older sister. Much like Flopin, of course she could never catch up to Eva no matter how hard she tried, she isn't a demigoddess!

Which would make Eva's acceptance and pride over her abilities all the more meaningful too (even if by then they wouldn't know the truth).

And speaking of Flopin, his season 4 storyline would remain the same, too. After all, even if he would now be related to Cra, he'd still be a demigoddess' child first and foremost.

As @cocogum explored in one of her analyses, the children of demigods are their own can of worms. So far, we don't know anything about Kali and Poo's baby, but we do know that Goultard's children certainly didn't inherit immortality of any kind, so it wouldn't be far-fetched to assume they didn't inherit his divine powers either. In other words, Flopin could still feel left out—even with more reason, since now he would be the only "non-exceptional" member of his family—and choose to follow his grandfather in order to find his own path.

I guess what I'm trying to say with all this is that while Amalia might be my blorbo and Yumalia my OTP, I still care for all the members of the Brotherhood of the Tofu, especially Eva. And I can't really forgive that while Pinpin still had focus and issues of his own by virtue of being the reincarnated Iop god, Eva's character was ultimately reduced to being his wife and mother of his children when she's actually so much more than that.

[starvingnarcissistmusic]

Happy one year anniversary to In Stars And Time! tldr; i wrote a song about it. if you wanna skip all the gushing and just listen to it, click here. (spoilers for act 5) If not, behold this big rambly mess of a thing i wrote:

So funny story, I kind of wasn’t planning on releasing anything for the rest of the year. The album wore me out, and the only other idea I had sort of fell through, so I was content on just letting the album be the only thing of note I would make in 2024.

… and then, in September, I played a little RPG called In Stars And Time. beat the whole thing over the course of three days, then spent the next couple weeks ravenously consuming all the fan content I could get my hands on. my friends have been forced to stare at my siffrin pfp every day for two months straight at this point and frankly i think they are tired of me talking about it.

i love the art, i love the story, i love the music, i love the characters, i love the world. siffrin sort of immediately became one of my favorite protagonists like,, ever. and it definitely did not help that i am also a scrawny forgetful person who has to regularly fight off the part of my brain that convinces myself that All My Friends Secretly Hate Me.

I’ve never really been so called out by a character before. The spiraling, the deflection, and the agony of being a stranger to yourself. the yearning for something you cant even name, because how could you? you cant even find the words on your tongue. not being able to tell anyone how you feel because its just easier to live with it, easier to let it eat you from the inside out then to bother anybody else. its easier to keep the mask on, stick to your lines, let the show go on.

all that hit just a bit too close to home. so i did what I usually do When Things Hit and wrote about it.

(like i said, spoilers for Act 5; It’s pretty devoid of context but they’re spoilers nonetheless)

MAL DU PAYS (Monophobia) is a song about cyclical burnout, self-estrangement, and homesickness. It’s half about Siffrin, half about me, but mostly it’s a rumination on loneliness and the hell that is the self.

Out now wherever you listen to music.

“How can you be homesick if nowhere is home?"

[lais-a-ramos]

one thing that got my attention in the sneak peak/season 3 premiere date reveal about that scene of lottie being choked is that courtney's expression seems a bit serene, almost defiant

and, of course, it's just a frame and we can't know the entire context yet

but, based on the comment @periwinklekryptonite (thank you, chris <3) made on discord about how, if it's travis, there's a parallel with the scene of travis' death and lottie accidentaly letting him die bc she saw laura lee's ghost, i have the theory that maybe this is how the idea that you have to almost die to contact the wilderness comes from

like, maybe teen lottie is desperate to contact the wilderness again, especially after how last season ended, in which, according to director karyn kusama's interview for harpers bazaar, lottie may have realized the others will do what they feel like doing and lottie might not matter much in this scenario

so, desperate to find a purpose, maybe teen lottie realizes that she was able to have visions when she was on the brink of death -- the food court vision when she almost died of hypothermia, and also her visions of javi's death when she was literally fighting for her life after being brutally beaten down by shauna

and, so, she asks travis for help, bc maybe he might be easier to convince than the others due to feeling lost after his brother javi died

anyways, this is just a theory, and definetely not the only possible scenario

we don't even know if it's travis, and it might as well be ben!!!!

but, i think it'd be an interesting parallel with adult timeline

it would also help to explain why travis asked for lottie's help of all ppl in adult timeline

and, most of all, it would be a way to flesh lottie's character out by showing how she feels about the wilderness and her faith during a faith crisis of sorts

(disclaimer.: i don't ship travlot neither romantically or sexually, but i think their dynamic is too intriguing, especially bc lottie is one of the girls who, in courtney eaton's own words for vulture magazine post-1x09, sexually assaulted travis.

and yet he not only became one of her most loyal and enthusiastic acolytes -- he literally spilled his own blood with no hesitation after lottie asked him to, in that offering to save shauna's and the baby's lives --, but also is seemingly the only wilderness survivor who knew where lottie was before the events of adult timeline in season 2

the showrunners already confirmed during paley fest panel last year that there's no love triangle thing and there is no romance

but, that's the thing, platonic bonds are worthy of talking about as well

especially one as mysterious as this one)

[ifindus]

I didn't know norway has interacted with HRE, could you tell us more about that?👁️

Of course!! Don't mind the essay below ✨

A direct relationship between Norway and HRE is difficult to find due to many reasons. One reason is that while HRE existed (962-1806) Norway was for the most part bound to Denmark and becomes non-existent in international relations. Another reason is the way that HRE was organized made it difficult to have a linear and stable relation. We mainly see potential interactions between HRE and Norway in two different ways: the Hanseatic league, and through wars and treaties.

The Hanseatic league.

The ­Hanseatic League was a guild of German tradesmen founded in the early 1100s, growing into a large organization for all German tradesmen by 1282. The guild was a result of common interests in trade and a need to protection; a network of alliances. They were essentially tradesmen based in the German area (HRE at the time) who banded together to make more profit in other cities and nations. Some foreign cities even getting their own areas where the German tradesmen lived and functioned as they would have under German rule. Bergen is a great example of this, and was the only Norwegian city included in the Hanseatic League trading network with an office, where still today there are areas referred to as the German dock. The League had their own laws and rules their members had to align with and had its high point from the 1300s to the middle of the 1400s.

The Hanseatic League founded the German office in Bergen at a time the Norwegian nation was weakened by the Black Plague. The access to grain from the Baltics was important for Norwegians and in Bergen the Germans got access to dried fish that came south from Northern Norway as well as fish oil, beer, iron, and certain fabrics. From around 1560, however, the Hanseatic League’s power in Bergen diminished as the Norwegian townspeople got a stronger trading position. Still, the Hanseatic League dominated the trade in Bergen until the middle of the 1700s. The Hanseatic office in Bergen was one of the last sold in 1754. The German population living in Bergen interacted with the locals through cooperation, competition, and conflict and had a great influence on the city.

The Hanseatic League was a major force in Northern Europe during the middle ages and more or less controlled all trade in the North, stretching from the Baltics to England. Middle Low German dominated the trading sphere and such has had a great influence of the Norwegian language and terms connected to trade. The Hanseatic League also made it easier for Norwegians to get access to continental goods and a more steady access to grain.

Wars and Treaties.

Firstly, there’s the German-Danish War of 974, where Norway fought along side Denmark against HRE. This is perhaps the only time we see a direct interaction between the nation Norway and HRE. HRE wanted to crush the Danish rebellion and prevent Viking raids further south. Denmark and Norway moved into German territory to ransack, and the first battle ended with a surprising Danish victory. After this battle, Norway returned home. A year later, HRE attacked again and this time they were successful, bringing the war into Denmark and even claiming Danish territory. The wat was a Danish loss.

Then we have the Treaty of Speyer in 1544 where the HRE Emperor recognised Christian III as the rightful king of Denmark and Norway and fully supported him against his rivals (just so far as to not aid them). In return Denmark-Norway would become pro-Hapsburg and respect the rights of the Teutonic Order, as they had had some disagreements over land previously.

Then there was the Danish-Norwegian involvement in the Thrity Years’ War (1618-1648) started in 1625. The war was in large related to a religious conflict within the borders of the HRE, and a want for European dominance between the Hapsburgs (Spain and Austria) and the House of Bourbon (France). The possibility to gain territories and seeing the war as a threat towards protestantism was what prompted Denmark-Norway to enter the war. Denmark was already present in German area due to trade and control of rivers leading into the sea around Denmark. The Danish intervention was financed by the Dutch and the English against HRE. The following battles were a massive failure for Denmark.

The Danish-Norwegian participation in the Thirty Years’ War ended with the treaty of Lübeck, signed in 1629, between HRE and Denmark-Norway. After the treaty, Denmark-Norway contributed to the war on HRE’s side and had to relinquish some territories. HRE and Denmark-Norway also ended up on the same side in the Franco-Dutch War (1672-1678), fighting against France, though they were both occupied in different areas of the war and never fought together.

HRE and Denmark-Norway were on opposing side in the Napoleonic Wars (1803-1814), which led to the dissolution of HRE in 1806) and a cede of Norway to Sweden in 1814, but never engaged in any battles against each other.

Summary.

The most extensive and influential interaction between Norway and HRE was within trade and contact through the Hanseatic League, with extensive cultural exchanges affecting language and norms and even local Norwegian politics.

They rarely dealt with each other directly in wars and treaties as the treaties were mainly organized by Denmark and to avoid fighting each other in the wars. The one time Norway as an independent nation fought against HRE in battle, Norway won. And Denmark lost.

[mvrdermeharder]

I’m still very much fucked up over ch 284… in a good way and in a bad way. I have a lot of contradictory feelings and thoughts regarding Isagi x Kaiser.

Bc on one hand: I’ve always wanted to see a team-up between them. It has been teased for a looong time, them being extremely similar to one another has been stated by multiple characters, and it has been the focal point of the NEL arc in general. And we KNOW just how well Isagi can work with someone who thinks in a similar way and who gets his plans (Isagi x Rin in U20, Isagi x Hiori in Ubers, Isagi x Noa in Manshine).

So we could only imagine how well someone who is a perfect mirror to Isagi (regarding playmaking, positioning, play style, comprehension of the field, psychological skills, … ) would play together with him. I think what a good Kaisagi team-up would look like is a continuous “no-look-chemical-reaction” as we’d seen with Isagi x Hiori. (But the requirements of a chemical reaction are not met just yet… and i’ll get back to this)

Both Kaiser and Isagi had learned to understand each others’ abilities and mirrored their own evolution off of them (Isagi with metavision + throwing his pride away for the sake of winning, Kaiser learning not to settle + offering up everything to improve) so now they are even more similar thanks to observing each other…

And in previous games there had been problems bc of the similarities: how they were always at the same place at the same time, resulting in dire mistakes by getting in each other’s way intentionally or unintentionally. But now, as they actually respect each other, they can use one another as “an additional me” on the field.

They understand themselves just as well as they understand each other bc of their similarities, so they could (hypothetically) visualize a play constructed around this. They could rely on each others abilities, thought processes and playmaking because they’re both capable of visualizing the same thing.

What i’m trying to get at is this: nobody knows your thoughts better than yourself. But now, there are 2 Isagis or 2 Kaisers on the field, for them to use as objects for their plans, relying on shared image and understanding, leaving no room for mistakes.

However. A chemical reaction requires their protagonistic goals to align. And there is no way in hell that either of them would give up their desire to score… that would be horrible writing for Kaiser at least, as he’s just found his true originality (to score for love), so he can’t compromise this development that quick… it doesn’t make sense narratively.

And regarding Isagi’s “new discovery” abt how he wants to just… win. We could interpret it as he wants to win no matter what he has to sacrifice, but I think he’d still want to be the one scoring at the end.

So, with the next ch name “Contract” it’s possible that it will be about Kaiser and Isagi establishing a contract that benefits them both: they will work together to get to the penalty area/get through the defense, and from then on they’ll both try to position themselves to score without the other interfering (or something like this… still competing in their own way to score, but helping each other until the last steps). This would make a “temporary-goal-in-common”, which could suffice the basis of a chemical reaction.

But…

On the other hand… it would be sooooooo good to see Kaiser reject Isagi’s offer. And not just bc “woo plottwist!!”, but because it would actually make sense for Kaiser to do that. Right now he is dead set on “living in restriction” so i don’t know if he’d be willing to team-up with Isagi to make things easier for himself.

And also, based on his reactions (or lack there of) this chapter, it’s clear that he wasn’t considering a team-up until Isagi had requested it. He looks surprised by it, in fact.

Additionally, his reaction to being used by Noa was to rebel against it: he does not want to stay in BM to dethrone Noa, he wants to forge his own path instead. And in this chapter, we could see that his reaction to Isagi saying he “exploited” or “used” Kaiser to his plans… well, he certainly isn’t thrilled by this either imo. To my understanding, he’s always been in a “use and/or be used” situation: with his father, Ray Dark, Ness, Noa… So it would make total sense for him to reject Isagi’s offer to team-up and use each other, as he’s quite possibly sick and tired of this.

So well… i don’t know. I REALLY, TRULY, GENUINELY want to see Isagi and Kaiser team-up.

Eventually.

But I feel like right now is just not the perfect time for it (mainly bc of Isagi’s weird character writing tbh).

But since this is the last match they’re playing on the same team… I doubt that we’d get a Football Club arc before the World cup, so even if they sign with the same club, it’s unlikely that we’d see them play together after the NEL… bc cmon, there are already 284 chapters, there is no way Kaneshiro would stretch the story out even more. The World cup arc’ll be long enough anyways.

So yeah. It’s basically now or never for a Kaisagi team-up.

Which is kinda unfortunate.

And while I’m hyped for it bc i LOVE THEM, the circumstances are unsatisfying, which is the thing that annoys me lol

Jfc this got so long

[teecupangel]

Hate to be that person crouding your asks but... you know the thing girls say to their boyfriends?

'would you still love me if i was a worm?' ...that but with Desmond actually turning in to one

As long as you don’t mind how long it takes me to answer asks or reply to you guys, cloud away XD

We have a Worm!Desmond idea before but the caveat for that one is that Worm!Desmond has the ability to actually turn into a big worm.

In this one, Desmond has no special power.

He’s absolutely just a normal worm.

But to give him a ‘helping hand’, we’ll make his life a bit easier by having a ‘fated meeting’ with his human ‘partner’ (there is no way in hell that Desmond would let anyone call them his master, even if he is, for all intent and purposes, absolutely the pet in this situation.

For Altaïr, he actually meets worm!Desmond while he was hiding to stop other people from seeing him cry over the death of his father. He takes Desmond in and actually hides him in their room, slowly building a habitat for him while he’s training. By the time Altaïr is an Assassin, Desmond already taken an entire wall for his ‘room’ and is living the best worm life XD

For Ezio, we’re going for a more angst-y version. He’s actually Petruccio’s pet that Petruccio was nurtured. When they were attacked, Desmond’s ‘home’ was destroyed and Ezio actually found him when he came back to get Giovanni’s robes. Desmond had been crawling towards him and Ezio almost stepped on him before taking him in.

For Ratonhnhaké:ton, we’ll spice things up and make him connected to Shay. Specifically, Shay and Liam are actually the ones taking care of him, giving him a home in the homestead. When Shay defected and killed Liam, Achilles didn’t have the heart to kill the worm and just gave it food and left it alone in the office. Ratonhnhaké:ton started taking care of him afterwards and would sometimes talk to him, mostly to complain about Achilles and to tell him what has happened in the homestead.

Edward, Arno and the Frye twins have similar setups.

For Edward, he already had a home in the captain’s quarters in the Jackdaw and Edward just continued to feed him. Desmond actually didn’t know Edward was a Kenway until much later. He just thought Edward was some pirate dude that didn’t mind feeding some random worm.

In Arno’s case, Desmond’s home is right next to the chest that held the cafe’s profit and Arno learned the tradition of leaving Desmond food whenever anyone put or took money from the chest. He would learn later on that the one who started that tradition was Bellec who saved Desmond from being used as fish bait. (Bellec was absolutely plastered when he announced that he was keeping Desmond as a pet and is too proud to go against his drunk self’s proclamation)

The Frye twins have no idea where Desmond came from. He was already in a very nice home (kinda like a repurposed aquarium) and no one felt the need to be a dick and kill him so he just eats and watches the drama unfolding between the Frye twins in the comforts of his home in the train the twins hijacked.

Kassandra’s of a similar ‘boat’. Desmond was already part of the Adrestia’s décor and no one really bothered to tell her if Desmond was meant to be there or not. Everyone just feeds him and keeps him safe in a little home inside.

Bayek, on the other hand, travels with Desmond because… he really has no idea why. The worm had been Khemu’s and Desmond just tried to follow him even after Bayek tried to give him to a friend he knew would take care of him. No, Desmond will not become any kind of Hidden One symbol. He’s so small, barely no one notices that Bayek carries him around XD

Okay, so I’m fusing Eivor’s and Basim’s idea because they’re connected. Basim actually keeps Desmond for one single purpose. After Enkidu refuses to come near him, Enkidu visited him once and left a worm by his feet before flying off. Desmond is actually the last ‘gift’ Basim got and he named Desmond ‘Gilgamesh’. Did his Loki senses ping anything about Desmond? Who knows XD What matters is, after Basim gets suckered into Yggdrasil, Eivor took Desmond off Basim’s clothes and gave him to Hytham. She knew that Basim cared for the worm (most of the time, talking to the worm as if the worm could understand him) and it felt right for the worm to be given to Hytham. … Desmond is just reeling from the fact that he spent years accompanying some kind of human being possessed by an Isu or something (he doesn’t know that was a thing XD)

[sankta-wraith]

I am happy to announce that I finished Doctor Who season two!

Actually scratch that. I’m not happy. I’m fucking devastated. There was a moment there when I really did think that everything was going to be ok, but as soon as Rose grabbed the lever I knew it was over. Not that it made it any easier. The Doctor’s face when she let go absolutely destroyed me. He looked agonized. And the way he screamed? If I hadn’t been crying already I would have started then. Don’t even get me started on the parallel of them both leaning against the same wall in different universe. And as though that wasn’t enough, they had to have that last goodbye. There’s much to unpack in that scene, from Bad Wolf Bay to “I’m burning up a sun just to say goodbye,” but the thing that hurt me the most was that they couldn’t touch. Rose and the Doctor are constantly touching, whether it’s hugging or playfully shoving each other, but the last time they meet they can’t touch. And of course there’s the end. Rose’s confession of love, and the Doctor’s cut off reciprocation. The painful thing about this isn’t that she won’t know he loves her, they both know. What hurts is the knowledge that they will both spend the rest of their lives wishing they had talked just a little bit faster so he could have finally said it aloud. The shot of the Doctor crying after the connection breaks is just icing on the cake. This episode seems like it was specifically designed to hurt me in the worst places (and bring back some of my Good Omens season 2 trauma.)

If anyone needs me I’ll be in an asylum somewhere.