#ill post the rest later this week probably

[love-hold]

want to relive some of the top moments of the 2024 atp season?

(all mentioned events from my atp poll)

1) daniil medvedev and melbourne

- was this the cause of danya’s 2024 season downfall? probably. he played four five setters, two of which he started two sets down. his match against emil ended at around 1 am. he beat z*erev in the funniest way possible. he earned himself a new record stat: playing the most sets ever at a slam (31) in the open era. and from two sets up once again, he lost a heartbreaking slam final. but the fact that he managed to reach the final is incredible: i really hope his sufferings get rewarded. maybe 4th times the charm?

.

2) the great bee invasion of indian wells

- i don’t know how this happened. i don’t know why this happened. why did the bees solely target carlos? why were they there in the first place? is carlos actually winnie the pooh? this event doesn’t seem real, but it sure gave us the best memes of the year. shout out to lance, the bee man.

3) indian wells quarterfinal: rune vs medvedev

- people underestimate how fucking hilarious this interaction was. holger hit a defensive body shot but danya didn’t see holger’s apology. in classic danya fashion, he 1) snake-eyes holger and 2) mocks rune’s famous short-shorts. the best part: this beef lasted approximately an hour. “if you want we can talk about this in the locker room ” “there is no reason to talk about it” oh okay then. worlds shortest tennis spat.

4) madrid 2024

- this was the atp’s cursed tournament of the year. /@/fritzes has a lovely post about this so do check that out! ill just simplify this chaos here for now. carlos lost to rublev and jannik withdrew half an hour later. jiri received a walkover to the semis after daniil retired, and then jiri gifted a walkover himself to FAA. in total, FAA received 3 walkovers on route to the final, two of which were the QF and SF. andrey ended up winning the title, uncharacteristically calm. is this a new rublev? no. he was playing with tonsillitis, antibiotics, baby food, and a dream. what an absurd two weeks.

5) holger rune versus the ATP

- holger vs jannik on monte carlo clay never fails to deliver drama. in response to his unfortunate scheduling situation—having to finish two matches in a day due to rain delay and leaving him without proper rest for his match against jannik (who later won)—holger leaves a salty reply on his twitter account. i hope he never gets a socmed manager.

6) corentin moutet

- i can’t believe this didn’t get voted more, moutet during clay season was absolutely fucking hilarious. not only was he the first victim of rg’s new umpire head camera (him being a tennisblr hit post makes this even better), but in madrid, he caused a scene with the poor umpire bcause of his dire need for coffee. i also believe this match against shang was also the match where he managed to get hit by a sprinkler on the opposite court. to top it all off, in rome during his match against djokovic, his phone alarm randomly goes off mid match. even novak was amused.

i’m not even done. this man nearly bageled the unstoppable jannik sinner in round 4 of the french open. this man reached 5-0 AD-40 but somehow, the carrot head managed to save two games, denying moutet that bagel. i’m kinda mad that jannik clutched it: that would’ve been the funniest stat of the year.

7) tomas machac and his shorts

- okay i will give credit where credit is rightfully due. machac defeated djokovic in geneva. he beat alcaraz is shanghai. he won olympic gold for czechia in mixed doubles with his….…um…….with katerina siniakova. he probably has even better accomplishments this year, i just don’t know them at the top of my head.

but he will eternally be remembered as booty shorts machac. his shorts were literally shorter than katerina’s in paris. is it a distraction tactic? gives him better speed? is it effective? who knows. he pulls it off, i guess. (honorable mention: his antics against jannik in shanghai)

(source)

8) the resurgence of stefaniil

-what a great time to be a stefaniil truther during the laver cup this year. i think pictures speak louder than words, especially in this case, so enjoy. and for the video, please play it with audio.

9) hubert hurkacz

-hubi was so unhinged this year oml. he started his year by making iga cry at the united cup after poland’s doubles loss against germany. at roland garros, he attempted the most awkward, failed attempt at a coup. the words “hey G…” will follow his career just like “small cat” follows daniil. grigor’s expression of complete bewilderment and “really man? you’re doing this?” was the cherry on top.

oh i’m not done. i truly don’t know what possessed him at wimbledon this year. after fucking up his knee during his match against fils, he goes on court after a quite lengthy MTO and decides to dive AGAIN. he promptly retires on match point. like brother what. my favorite part of this situation is wawrinka and monfils both getting caught shit-talking hubi afterwards, saying something is wrong with his head. oh hubi

he disappeared for a little bit due to that injury but at the tail end of the season, he delivers one last hilarious moment. would love a look into his brain.

10) jack draper and jannik sinner: puke besties

- oh the friendship that rocked the tennis world. this relationship is fascinating: jack is full of swag and jannik is the literal definition of swagless (it’s okay we still love him for it.) this friendship saga is a two part experience. it first began in montreal with dinner doubles…and the infamous ass slap heard around the world. jannik reveals that he and jack are “good friends” which first of all, carlos alcaraz found dead in a ditch. THEN a month later, they’re projected to play each other in the USO semis and even more details are revealed. wdym they text each other often? WHAT DO YOU MEAN JAN AND JACK COOKED PASTA TOGETHER? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON???

then the actual semi itself: horrendous. for them, not tennis wise though because those first two sets were actually pretty competitive…until jack threw up the first time, bless his heart. two historically-known sickly victorian children playing during the humid day session: that’s a recipe for disaster. at least the net hug was cute. (honorable mention: the anna & jannik bf memes that emerged)

11) taylor fritz vs arthur rinderknech

- okay this moment needs some context. flashback to roland garros, round two, 2023. taylor fritz is facing the last french man remaining in the main draw, and as per usual….the french crowd is being french (no offense), rowdy and rude. taylor keeps his cool until he wins the match and he:

hot. i mean what who said that.

honestly, this is an iconic image, biases aside. could it get better than this?

yes. yes it can

flash forward to wimbledon 2024, r2. both taylor and his french nemesis are projected to meet again, and rinderknech has a few words to say.

yeah taylor wasn’t going to take that. after taking the win against rinderknech, he came up to the net and dropped the best comeback of the year:

what a year. and there’s many more that i missed. i might make a pt. 2 but the WTA version is next.

[monards]

no way did crepe just post actual art thats insane..!!!!!!!

>> these are. not by any stretch of the word. my best works. BUT. theyre the most coherent of my 57 sketches and i think they're pretty concepts :')) sorry i like drawing pretty tea party dresses based of pretty teacup. sorry i like stealing dain's little cape inner-design. sorry.

@thespianinthebackcorner & @sleepless-rants heere are. the rhine concepts.!!!!!!!!!!!

[froody]

idk if you’ve heard the news story about the 4 month old baby that died of heat related illness after being left on a boat on a 121° Arizona day but anyway the news was treating it like a tragic unpredictable accident instead of the serious heinous case of child endangerment it was. why? probably because her fucking daddy was a cop. I think about the coverage in contrast to that of Shanesha Taylor, the Black single mother who briefly left her children in the car to attend a job interview after her child care fell through and was immediately arrested and eventually given 18 years of probation. this family essentially cooked and killed their infant and posted a GoFundMe and a week later the police are finally like “okay, we’re looking into it we guess”. rest in peace Tanna Rae Wroblewski. her death was entirely preventable at every turn.

[lopsicle]

Arcane season 2 spoilers

/////

I have been thinking A LOT about Jayce and Viktor, mainly the scene where Viktor is reborn out of his pod of Hexcore.

Mainly because it means a lot for Viktor’s character. On a fundamental level, he never seen much worth in himself, but he did see worth in inventions, the things he made, it’s how he could prove himself to the world. This is why he becomes so concerned with his illness and the legacy he’ll leave behind on the world; he needs the Hexcore to work because he doesn’t have anything else.

But now, he is literally fused with his invention, his invention that he has grown to hate because it killed one of the only people who truly saw value in Viktor, and not the things he could, partly due to his own negligence. Viktor put it best, in his pursuit of greatness, he failed to do good.

He doesn’t really know how to process what happened to him at all, he’s a smart man, he can clearly deduce that his body has undergone some cybernetic change, he can probably remember the explosion in the council room, but other then that, he’s just confused, hence why he asks Jayce, “what am I?” Viktor’s body is entirely different and unfamiliar, and taking into context that the Hexcore, his greatest invention which he tied all his worth to, has failed before this, it’s likely Viktor had lost sight of who he was, and his new body only served to further that descent.

Jayce can’t think about any of that though, he’s just happy that his partner is alive and who wouldn’t be, he’d been waiting for days, possibly weeks for him to wake. Viktor’s mortality is one of the things that Jayce has struggled with the most in the series, which is what makes his survivor’s guilt so much more pertinent. A lot of people claim that Jayce grew up rich and coddled, and I think that’s true to an extent, but they forgot his family were workers, tool smiths. Jayce seemed to grow up with the idea that he wasn’t that fortunate, that he was a working, middle class man who was going to change the world, and then he meets Viktor, a “poor cripple from the Undercity,” and then he sees what the Undercity is really like and the conditions people live in. And that’s when Jayce realises; he had it good. I believe this is what encourages part of his admiration of Viktor; he is what Jayce thought he was.

Tangent aside, I feel that their hug is a very, very important moment, mainly because of Viktor’s reaction.

He isn’t relieved or uncomfortable, it’s just…nothing. Given what Viktor says about how he doesn’t feel that it’s cold and just recognises that it is cold, I believe this is the moment where it fully sank in how much his body had changed. He couldn’t feel Jayce.

And like, first off, that is such beautiful symbolism for what he says later about how they’re relationship was only held together by affection. Viktor physically cannot feel said affection anymore and know has no reason to stick by the side of someone whose views have become so contrasted to his. But more emotionally, it’s representative of Viktor’s belief that he is unloveable, his new body is merely proof at that, he can’t touch Jayce, he couldn’t save Sky, he couldn’t make the Hexcore work properly, he couldn’t even get Jayce to destroy the Hexcore. To himself, Viktor is a failure who is unworthy of love.

But, he still huge Jayce back. Despite not being able to feel Jaycee’s warmth anymore, despite it feeling like his whole life has crumbled, Viktor wants to give Jayce one last act of service. Perhaps to prove that he still has use, or maybe this was the moment where he decided he would have to part ways with Jayce, and just wanted Jayce to remember his touch, even if Viktor couldn’t remember his.

Anywho if enough people like this dribble, I may post my take on the rest of this scene because it shattered me

[lexirosewrites]

I guess I kinda missed slick Sunday, but I suppose these are headcanons for after the heat fun? After realizing the realities of birth, anyway:

-post pardum omegas who end up very aggressive towards even their mates

-Steve who was so sure he was completely prepared for the challenges of a newborn and just falling apart when he feels anger towards his own pup

-ripping apart bedding or clothing because nothing feels right

-rejecting food or items given by Eddie or any other alpha (not because he doesn't want them but because his brain won't let him)

-feeling overwhelmed by the pup(s) but when Eddie or anyone else tries to take them for a while, Steve still gets possessive and nesty and territorial

-not connecting right away with the pup's scent and panicking about rejecting the pup

-or worse, actually experiencing some form of rejection illness BECAUSE the pup scent doesn't click right away

Sorry these were kinda out of the blue, but I figured they could be some interesting headcanons for you!

i will cry🥲

…

poor Steve would try so hard to keep it all hidden from both Eddie and the rest of his pack. feeling like he’s going crazy— or worse, like he’s a bad omega and bad mother to his pup.

and Eddie can sense there’s something off, but he doesn’t want to act paranoid. Steve’s always communicated before this when there was a problem. maybe it’s just the lack of sleep they’re both getting… maybe it’s the way their lives now revolve around a scrunkly little potato that keeps crying and going through endless diapers.

it’s probably nothing. just a transition of sorts.

but then Steve starts actually growling at Eddie when he tries to get in the nest. that turns into turning away food from his mate. not letting his alpha hold the baby, even if Steve is utterly exhausted and ready to collapse.

all the while, Steve looks miserable. his wet eyes are full of apologies as he’s hissing at Eddie for getting too close to him and the pup.

Steve’s trying to find reasons for why he’s tearing apart his own carefully built nest.

Eddie has to watch as his omega loses himself completely. has a front row seat to Steve’s mental breakdown when he finally admits “i- i’m not doing well, Eddie… i think i need a doctor.”

they’re at the hospital an hour later…

and home once more a week after, happier than can be after some medication adjustments and an intense therapy schedule for Steve.

they’re ready for it the next time and they don’t let this break them— don’t let it stop them from having the big family they always wanted.

in fact, Steve ends up heading the weekly omega postpartum survivors meetings at the local library, eager to share what he’s learned and help others too.

Eddie couldn’t be prouder of the strong omega he’s bonded to.

[whenmemorydies]

The Claw, The Scrunchie and The Prayer Card

What - or who - do the hair claw, the scrunchie and the prayer card that appear in season 3 represent? I think I know, and no its not Claire or Mikey. Join me for an unhinged trawl through all 3 seasons of The Bear (with screenshots cos you know I love me some evidence).

A few weeks ago, @vacationship posed a fascinating question about the hair claw seen in Carmy's apartment in 3x01 Tomorrow:

This question branched off into many lovely and thought-provoking discussions including this post from @thoughtfulchaos773 about the significance of hair accessories and this post from @moodyeucalyptus on Catholicism and miracles. Both posts refer to another memento that we are shown in Carmy's apartment, a scrunchie, which we see at the end of 3x09 Apologies:

A particular theory that intrigued me was that the hair claw from 3x01 morphed into the scrunchie we see at the end of 3x09, as one of the many sleights of hand/instances of legerdemain in season 3, potentially indicative of a softening of Carmy's self-loathing and/or guilt (contrasting the hardness and teeth of the hair claw with the gentle grip of the scrunchie). I think the assumption behind this theory was that the hair claw was associated with Claire (in fact we see the hair claw in 3x01 sandwiched between scenes of Claire at home looking forlorn in bed and then later at work in the hospital) and the scrunchie being associated with Sydney as she's often seen wearing scrunchies throughout the series.

I was so intrigued by the sleight of hand theory that I went on a very ill-advised search throughout all three seasons to find these hair accessories (ill advised because it took ages and it meant sitting through every Claire scene in this show lol) I did not find either the exact hair claw or scrunchie (womp) but I did find the characters who'd be most likely to wear these items. Notably, Claire never wears a hair claw or a scrunchie throughout the show.

So who does?

Hair claw: Natalie

(Note: Tiffany is seen wearing a hair claw once in 3x09 Apologies but I think this is just a coincidence. There's no reason for Tiffany's hair claw to be in Carmy's apartment so I'm going to disregard this possibility here. If anyone has a reason why I shouldn't though, let me know!)

Scrunchie: Sydney

Now Carmy's personal interior design style is probably best described as...utilitarian? If that? The man has nails in his walls that have nothing hanging on them. He's got storage boxes strewn around his living space. There's the occasional bottle of painkillers and Pepto and a bundle of hanging herbs drying in his kitchen. And of course, his chef's whites and a large pile of culinary texts and cookbooks. Oh yes and denim in his oven. Other than this, we are not shown much of anything in Carmy's apartment that could be said to be overtly personal to him. Which is why the hair claw and scrunchie stand out. We've never seen Carmy wear a hair claw or scrunchie so their presence in his apartment is significant.

Similarly, there's one more memento we are shown in Carmy's apartment that is distinct from the rest of his belongings. This is the prayer card that Carmy pulls out of his suit jacket pocket and places with the scrunchie at the end of 3x09:

In the discourse of the show, this particular prayer card is often associated with Michael, as its presumed that this is the card that was available for mourners to take at his funeral. We also see it during the show edited next to images of Michael or of his last note to Carmy, reinforcing the association.

Note: I've previously misidentified the figure on this prayer card as St John the Apostle (apologies, I saw the lamb and the staff and assumed it was St John! I'm also not a practising Christian - my knowledge of the religion has been obtained entirely passively because...well I live in the West and my history is enmeshed with the history of European Christian colonisation of the majority of the world including the part where my family's historically from. Soz.). The image on this prayer card is actually "Fresco of Jesus as Good Shepherd" by Josef Kastner.

Prayer card: Richie

BUT...after going through the last three seasons again (much easier to do this time around lol), I've come to the conclusion that the prayer card is actually Carmy's memento of Richie, not Michael. This is primarily because prior to 3x09, whenever we are shown this card in the show, it appears either with, near or when someone is talking about Richie. Lets take a look...

So we first see the card in The Beef in 1x01 before shots of Mikey's body in the morgue and of the back of his head as he's cooking: these are memories Carmy is having while Richie is telling a story to The Beef staff and as Carmy finds his prized chef's knife on the floor of the kitchen.

We see the prayer card next in 1x02 Hands during a nightmare that Carmy is having that features a voiceover from Joel McHale's psychotic Chef Fields. Notably, the sequence of images where we see the card is as follows:

The next time we see the prayer card is in 2x01 Beef to the left of Carmy's head on the wall, when Sydney is telling Carmy that Richie does not have an appropriate certification because...he's Richie.

Later in the same episode we see the card again, after Richie tapes up Michael's Fenway poster (that Sydney had previously fallen through):

The prayer card is immediately followed by a shot of Mikey's last note to Carmy:

The next time we see the prayer card is throughout 2x07 Forks, the most Richie-centric episode of the series. This is because we find out that Richie keeps a copy of the card on his bathroom mirror, so he sees it everyday:

Given the above (i.e. the strong physical and visual association between the prayer card and Richie throughout the show), I believe the card represents Richie for Carmy.

So why would Carmy have a prayer card as a memento representing Richie and not an actual personal item of his brother from another mother/"cousin", like it appears he does for Nat and Syd?

I think this is because Carmy’s connection to both Natalie and Sydney is direct. The former is his sister, the latter his soulmate (I'm not arguing re: Sydney, check my metas if you want to fight). It makes sense that the trinkets he has of them would belong directly to them.

But Carmy's connection to Richie is not direct. Richie is cousin to Carmy because he was best friend to Mikey first. Carmy’s relationship to Richie has always been mediated through his relationship with Mikey. In life, Richie would only be in Carmy's orbit because of his proximity to Carmy's brother. In death, Richie and Carmy have been thrown together because of the restaurant that Mikey left to Carmy but where Richie works. As a result of that forced employer/employee relationship, they're also forced to navigate their grief and mourning for Mikey in close proximity. In this context, it makes sense that the memento Carmy has for Richie is emblematic of Mikey, and is also representative of that shared sorrow between the two of them due to Mikey's passing.

So why does Carmy have these mementos in his apartment?

I'm not entirely sure what the answer to this question is, but my hunch is that these mementos represent the three surviving relationships in this show that are the most important to Carmy but that have all been severed to some extent by the end of season 3.

Carmy's nosedive into Michelin Mode, his psychological spiral triggered by grief, his past traumatic work experiences, his family history, his entitlement borne out of his racialisation and socialisation (among other things) all of this has coalesced into Carmy pushing away those closest to him. He's slipping into that pattern of behaviour he described at Al-Anon in 1x08 Braciole where he cut people out of his life. Carmy doesn't recognise this though because physically, these people are around him all the time. He doesn't realise that you can be physically present but emotionally and mentally AWOL. I mean, the man isn't even physically present for his sister after Natalie gives birth to her daughter, Carmy's niece. He has some explaining and making amends to do! And hopefully we see this next season.

Its likely that the framing of the hair claw and the scrunchie on the show (via suggestive editing) has been a sleight of hand/legerdemain: to get us thinking their presence only has to do with Sydcarmy/Claire. And as I've discussed, the prayer card is widely associated with Mikey. I reckon this is also a sleight of hand too, for the reasons I noted above. Storer and co got us focusing on the romance and dead brother tropes while they continue to push the theme of chosen family home. By the end of season 3, the hair claw, scrunchie and prayer card appear as reminders to Carmy (and us) that he needs to fix his relationships with Nat, Syd and Richie, and that the loss of them is haunting him as well.

And so next season, Carmy needs to move through and past this:

And fight like hell for this:

After all, this show is about love in all its forms, but above all, its about the love we fight for, the love we choose.

Alright chef,

Tagging: @vacationship @moodyeucalyptus @currymanganese @thoughtfulchaos773 @brokenwinebox @espumado @tvfantic87 in case you're interested but keen to hear from whomever wants to discuss!

[groovebunker]

i’m gonna be obnoxious about this and people are just going to have to be cool about that. yes? good.

happy birthday to what would you do (if they ever found us out) (affectionately known as wwyd)!!! a year ago today, i posted chapter one and (i’m not being dramatic here) i think it changed my life?

little backstory: i’m a dyke with eyes and a type, so when i watched fran drescher making impassioned speeches about labour rights, i was both smitten and reminded that i’d been meaning to watch the nanny. i was also (mostly unbeknownst to me) about as mentally ill as i’ve ever been in my life. i was halfway through a phd which i loved but it was making me so, so unwell. anyway, i started watching the nanny as some kind of escapism and one night, i was like…has anyone thought of fran and cc kissing on the mouth? and they had (obviously) and so i started thinking about that and how whine cellar is a deeply disappointing episode in so many ways and then i was like ‘i can fix that! with a one shot!’.

fast fwd to april 2024. i’m in my favourite city in the world. i’m posting the 11th chapter of that one shot far too late at night (sorry sara). it’s ended up about 85k words long. i’m no longer a phd candidate. i’m significantly less mentally ill. and i’ve spent the last 8 or so months being held by a group of people i would never have met if i had never started writing again.

i didn't quit my phd to write fan fiction, obviously. but writing fic helped me realise how unhappy i was because it was something that gave me joy in a time that was so fucking bleak. i don't really like thinking about it too much but it wasn't great. and then i had this lifeline. these two idiots (affectionate) falling in love with one another, not only in wwyd but all the other fics i was writing. and talking about with people who were commenting and finding me on tumblr. and then, eventually, we weren't just talking about fran and cc, we were talking about our lives! because we were friends!

people will tell you before you start a phd that it's a lonely experience. i was the only history student in my cohort. i only met one of my supervisors in person at his leaving drinks. i have two friends i met at my uni, one of whom was the first person i told that i had to quit. i had other friends and an incredible, loving, patient partner, and they were amazing. but still, it was lonely.

and then i just fucking wasn't.

january ‘24, the squad evolved from being my stupid tumblr tag to being the most chaotic group chat i have ever been part of (until nic got us nicely organised). a week or so later, i quit the phd. and i told a bunch of people i’d never met that i was dropping out of grad school and they were so fucking kind. i will never forget that. the squad, in all its iterations, will have my heart for my whole life. i will not rest until i have annoyed you all in person. my dream is winning the lottery and flying you all to a villa in spain for a week so i can cook you dinner (and cass can make bread) every night and drink wine and splash about in the sun (or in sara’s case, hide in the shade and probably yell at us to put sun screen on). when i say i love you, i mean it so wholly and truly.

anyway, back to wwyd. it’s not my first fic. i’ve been writing on and off for 15 long, long years. but i hadn't written a ton for a while (other than my aloto fic bc gretson my beloved) and i really kind of expected to get a couple of comments and a few kudos. i just had a story that wanted to get out so i published the first few chapters in really rather quick succession (i’m sorry to anyone who reads my stuff, my adhd is too bad for a posting schedule) and people…loved it? like, really loved it. which was so nice because i’m gonna be honest, there was not an adoring audience for my academic work (perils of being a genocide scholar). and i know it's become quite a few people’s comfort fic. i know people have reread it, more than once in some cases, which feels wild. people have left the most wonderful comments, said the kindest things, drawn gorgeous art, made a fanmix (which is fucking amazing), followed along on this journey which i did not expect them to do.

i don't have favourite children (b&w fans, i promise you, the next chapter is in the works) but if i did, wwyd might be one. sure, she's my difficult eldest child. but she got me into a fandom for the first time in years, she’s given me friends i know I will hold onto for the rest of my life, she reminded me how much fun writing can be. and she’s spawned so much more because she made me so much more confident as a writer.

so i don't think i’m being overdramatic when i say it changed my life. if you’d told me all of this when i hit publish on chapter one last year, i would have told you to fuck off. relatively vehemently. but i’m better now. and i’m so fucking grateful for this fic for being part of what gave me that.

anyway, thanks for letting me be a bit self indulgent - promise you don't have to sit through this ever again (maybe for won't you when i finally get it done. i’m sorry. i’m verbose). and once again, to everyone who has read wwyd, given it kudos, commented, reblogged a chapter on tumblr, all of it, my eternal thanks. i couldn't have done it without you.

finally, because i cannot say it enough, to the squad, you have my whole heart. it’s actually mad to me that this time last year, i had no idea who any of you were. your stamp on the last few chapters of wwyd is indelible. your stamp on my life is somehow more permanent than that. thank you. ilsym 🫶🏻

[sadie-bug345]

greasers when they’re sick

i myself have been deathly ill for the past week so whilst i am bedridden i’m writing this🤡🙆‍♀️🤩 ANYWAYS LETS GO

ponyboy:

hates missing school solely cause my guy despises talking to teachers abt what he missed

also cause he thinks he gets super behind when guy just skipped one day of school😭

probably holes himself up in his and sodas room and when soda comes in to check on him after work it’s like PITCH black and pony is just sitting in a pile of tissues

”what do YOU want?” says pony with a voice similar to kermit the frog cause bros nose is SO stuffed up

and soda just assumes pony is in one of his moody, poetry reciting moods again and slowly exits the room, leaving only a baloney sandwich in his wake💀🤡😭

johnny:

def the type to not accept help

like he would go to school sick and the second someone brings up how his voice is screwed up he’s like 😐”what’re you sayin bout me?”

if the gang does quarantine him to a room he’d def just be able to entertain himself and prob come up with his own secret language and fictional multiverse or smth

idk he just gives the type to be fully okay with being alone for a bit but the meds he’s on make him all wacky too so it’s an interesting mix for sure

sodapop:

i’m sorry this guy has the most nastiest cough 😭

idc if he doesn’t smoke a lot he just got those mucusy coughs

other than that everyone’s having a good time, making jokes and feeling good and then soda pauses his laughter and unleashes the most rattley cough and then everyone just goes quiet and he just looks like 😃

definitely unfazed by sickness in general

until one day my guy just has the worst time and breaks downnnn🥰

we’ve all been there too esp when you’re sick and shit just goes downhill and everything sucks and you hate everything and everyone

darry:

now johnny doesn’t accept help but that’s NOTHING compared to darry

he has peak older-sibling syndrome and is just used to only helping other people

so when those people that he takes care of flip the script, my guy is just weirded outtt

like he def appreciates two trying to make him soup but he just doesn’t know how to react

goes lowk crazy with not being able to work or straighten up the house just cause he always feels like he’s gotta do SOMETHING productive with his time

dally:

i’m sorry but guy is def the type to go to school FULLY sick and either not say a word about it or complain like a lil bitch the whole time

also he totally smokes while he has a cough like soda which is so unhealthy i can’t even😭

just overall his habits and life doesn’t get upended by “some fuckass cold” (his words, not mine)

like bro please you just gotta rest sometimes😭

the gang is able to get him to stay at the curtis’ couch one day and bro just WIPES OUT

istg he’s out for like 15 hours straight in the full daytime and everyone is scared to walk past in case they wake him up

but dally is a crazy heavy sleeper so he actually gets a lot better after calming down for once🥰

two-bit:

honestly stays home from school like a normal person

except bro gets one cold and then just doesn’t show up to school for like two weeks😭

and it’s not cause he’s a wimp it’s just cause guy finds an excuse to skip out for a so called “vacation” and he rolls with it

and then he’ll just spawn back in on campus like a month later like nothing happened and everyone just expected two to take a dare too far and end up in the hospital🤡

steve:

CANT STOP WONT STOP

bro just pushes thru the pain😭

he probably takes way too much of the recommended dose of general meds (don’t do this please🧍‍♀️)

and then goes all loopy for hours straight

and people are kinda sus about it but honestly it’s steve so who is really all that surprised

LMAO THAT SOUNDS MEAN SORRY STEVE

ANYWAYSSSS i think imma post a romantic kinda sick reader x greaser thing so that’ll hopefully come out soon while im still coughing my lungs out🫶

[dufferpuffer]

~~ Looking at Lycanthropy ~~

Part 5: Wolfsbane vs Wolf - Theories of Treatments

Looking at Lycanthropy (all parts)

Words: Approx. 4000

Potion Information Other Treatments

PRISONER OF AZKABAN

Chapter 8

pg 117 The door opened, and in came Snape. He was carrying a goblet, which was smoking faintly, and stopped at the sight of Harry, his black eyes narrowing. … … 'Fascinating,' said Snape, without looking at it. 'You should drink that directly, Lupin.'

- Wolfsbane is taken a goblet-full a day. - It should be taken directly, in one sitting. - It smokes faintly.

pg 118 'I made an entire cauldronful,' Snape continued. 'If you need more.' 'I should probably take some again tomorrow. Thanks very much, Severus.'

- Wolfsbane is made by the cauldronful. Since he is letting him know there is more – is this the first potion of the week...? - The same cauldronful can be kept for more than one days use.

'I have never been much of a potion-brewer and this one is particularly complex.' He picked up the goblet and sniffed it. 'Pity sugar makes it useless,' he added, taking a sip and shuddering. … … 'I've been feeling a bit off-colour,' he said. 'This potion is the only thing that helps. I am very lucky to be working alongside Professor Snape; there aren't many wizards who are up to making it.'- Wolfsbane is a complex potion. Not many wizards are up to making it.

- Sugar makes it useless. - It tastes awful. Love that either it has a flavor that might be palatable with some sugar – or Remus just wants to drown it in sweetness because he's that sort of guy.

Lupin drained the goblet and pulled a face.'Disgusting,' he said. 'Well, Harry, I'd better get back to work. I'll see you at the feast later.' … … The empty goblet was still smoking.

- Even empty – or with just drops left – it still smokes. Very smokey brew. Big vapours from this icky boy. Is it 'smoke', actually? Could very well just be a word to describe how it looks, when it is something entirely different. Harry should know the difference being a third year Potions student, but it could just be slang. - Gross enough to pull faces, even after taking it repeatedly. - Remus and Harry were having a chat – and as soon as the potion is done, he sends him away for the rest of the day... is it possible that it'll have side effects? Make him feel ill? Or does he want to catch up on all the 'disorganised', 'late' work Snape says exists? Chapter 11

pg 170 'I doubt,' said Dumbledore, in a cheerful but slightly raised voice, which put an end to Professor McGonagall and Professor Trelawney's conversation, 'that Professor Lupin is in any immediate danger. Severus, you've made the potion for him again?' 'Yes, Headmaster,' said Snape. 'Good,' said Dumbledore. 'Then he should be up and about in no time ... Derek, have you had any of these chipolatas? They're excellent.' The first year boy went furiously red on being addressed directly by Dumbledore, and took the platter of sausages with trembling hands.

- Wolfsbane improves recovery time post-Full Moon. (Love that's the reaction regular students have to being spoken to by Albus. They never see him outside of feasts, he doesn't go to Quidditch games, just paces his office. Same, dude – nice to the kids but avoid them 99% of the time lol)

Chapter 18

pg 258 'I was a very small boy when I received the bite. My parents tried everything, but in those days there was no cure. The Potion that Professor Snape has been making for me is a very recent discovery. It makes me safe, you see. As long as I take it in the week preceding the full moon, I keep my mind when I transform... I am able to curl up in my office, a harmless wolf, and wait for the moon to wane again.''Before the Wolfsbane Potion was discovered, however, I became a fully fledged monster once a month.It seemed impossible that I would be able to come to Hogwarts. Other parents weren't likely to want their children exposed to me.'

- Wolfsbane was invented in the last 15 years – or even more recent. - It 'makes him safe': 'keeps his mind' when he transforms, 'harmless', curls up in his office... but still transforms, still waits for the moon to wane. Without he is a 'fully fledged monster'. - Needs to take the potion 'the week' preceding the Full Moon. As in every day for a week. - There were 'other things' his parents tried – none successful.

pg 259 'My transformations in those days were - were terrible. It is very painful to turn into a werewolf. I was separated from humans to bite, so I bit and scratched myself instead. The villagers heard the noise and the screaming and thought they were hearing particularly violent spirits.'

Just reminding that this is the experience of untreated Lycanthropy.

'And they didn't desert me at all. Instead they did something for me that would make my transformations not only bearable, but the best times of my life. They became Animagi.'

I mentioned this before, but 'best times of his life'. He went from screaming so loud the village thought he was a pack of ghosts, biting and scratching himself, feeling 'terrible'... to them being his happiest memories.

pg 260 'They couldn't keep me company as humans, so they kept me company as animals,' said Lupin. 'A werewolf is only a danger to people. They sneaked out of the castle every month under James's Invisibility Cloak. ... Under their influence, I became less dangerous. My body was still wolfish, but my mind seemed to become less so while I was with them.'

We know some of that is bullshit. He is a danger to animals as well. But James, Sirius and Peter weren't animals, really: They were people. Just like Remus is a person. They could look and smell like Beasts, but act and think like Beings. Inbetween. Just like him. His mind was less wolfish – 'he keeps his mind under their influence', just like he describes the effects of Wolfsbane. Chapter 19

pg 263 'I've just been to your office, Lupin. You forgot to take your Potion tonight, so I took a gobletful along.'

I went through this more in Part 3, what I think was happening to make Snape comfortable enough visit Lupins office after dark to serve him his potion but not bring it into the Shack. But for now I just wanna note that it wasn't too late to drink his potion as the sun set.

~~~ HALF BLOOD PRINCE

Chapter 29

pg 517 Harry looked over Hermione’s shoulder and saw an unrecognizable face lying on Bill’s pillow, so badly slashed and ripped that he looked grotesque. Madam Pomfrey was dabbing at his wounds with some harsh-smelling green ointment. Harry remembered how Snape had mended Malfoy’s Sectumsempra wounds so easily with his wand. “Can’t you fix them with a charm or something?” he asked the matron. “No charm will work on these,” said Madam Pomfrey. “I’ve tried everything I know, but there is no cure for werewolf bites.”… … “No, I don’t think that Bill will be a true werewolf,” said Lupin, “but that does not mean that there won’t be some contamination. Those are cursed wounds. They are unlikely ever to heal fully, and — and Bill might have some wolfish characteristics from now on.”

- Fresh bites are treated – dabbed at – with some sort of 'harsh-smelling green ointment'. - No charms work on werewolf bites. - Werewolf bites are 'cursed wounds'. - Werewolf bites are unlikely to ever heal fully.

pg 524 Mrs. Weasley took the nasty-smelling ointment from Madam Pomfrey and began dabbing at Bill’s wounds.

- Ointment is nasty-smelling as well as harsh.

~~~ DEATHLY HALLOWS

Chapter 4

pg 66 “Will George be okay?” All Lupin’s frustration with Harry seemed to drain away at the question. “I think so, although there’s no chance of replacing his ear, not when it’s been cursed off –”

A different curse, yes – but another example of a cursed wound being difficult to heal.

pg 68 Mrs. Weasley looked around and said, “I can’t make it grow back, not when it’s been removed by Dark Magic. But it could have been so much worse He’s alive.”

Dark Magic seems to have the effect of making things difficult to heal.

~~~ Wolfsbane

Wolfsbane is a complex potion to brew. Not many are up to the task. It is disgusting, drinkable but difficult to get used to. It might make one feel unwell after consumption. It is a modern potion – invented in the last 15 years or so. Brewed by the cauldronful for more than one day's use. It is taken, one gobletful a day, for the whole week preceding the Full Moon. It is to be had directly, in one sitting. It 'smokes' faintly – persisting even in tiny amounts. Sugar negates the effects.

When taken for the entire week before the Full Moon, it will help the Werewolf 'keep their mind' when he transforms: Not a 'fully fledged monster' but a 'harmless wolf' that can stay calm and wait for the moon to wane. Some of that may be a little hyperbolic. It also helps speed up recovery time after the transformation. (Perhaps because the werewolf is resting, rather than running around or lashing out.) … As it is: Wolfsbane is a barely functioning 'treatment'. I'd say it's almost not worth the effort. Remus goes through every painful, debilitating and humiliating symptom he normally does, takes days to recover – and it has its own down-sides to boot. He probably isn't even fully safe. It just makes him less of a danger to others, shortens recovery time to two days... and probably stops his self harming. But he is still locked away, shunned, hated, feared, humiliated... still in pain. After every Full Moon Remus still looks thinner and worse. The potion barely helps him physically. It's 'best effects' are making him calm enough to stay inside – and faster-recovering to work a job.

But it is a recent potion. Perhaps it can be improved...? + Just being easier to brew would be enough to greatly increase its usefulness: it might not be perfect, but being easy would give werewolves more agency in caring for their own condition. It'd also help if they got to go to school and study Potions – maybe a treatment or cure would have been found by now if Werewolves could learn to study themselves. + Having the dose be smaller than a gobletful for a whole week. Going through such discomfort for a treatment is crushing in its own way and makes it less likely to be taken correctly. + Ideally, being able to prevent the transformation altogether would be amazing, even if they still felt like shit. The transformation is painful and literally dehumanizing. + If it's impossible to prevent, than keeping total sobriety is good, too. A lack of bloodlust even amongst humans. Remus could catch up on reading essays and be safe – like an Animagus. Edit: This might be what Wolfsbane actually does. I don't read it like that - but that could be my bias. From what I think: I'd like it to do it better. Not feeling like he has to curl up and wait 'as a 'harmless' wolf', but be a full human mind in his wolf body - no wolfish instinct and no sedation. Regular Remus sipping tea.

'Other Things'

We are given no information on the things Remus' parents tried... but the fact 'none of them worked' is pretty harrowing. It suggests a wide array of rumours and snake-oil treatments, meaning its a condition people are especially desperate for help with – and that desperation is abused. There's the funny or scary way of imagining this, where his parents are getting him to do weird things in the vague hope of a cure – but... all in all, it's very sad. Damaging.

The constant false hope that 'maybe this one will work'. Putting money into something for it to be a dud, meticulously following a formula and yet he still transforms just as painfully.

That sort of thing hits parents hard. They're desperately trying to at least ease the suffering of their sick child and are powerless. But it hits the child harder. Because they suffer... and are watching their parents struggle to stay positive. They feel like THEY are failing them by being sick. Ask me how I know. This one little line from Remus... says a lot.

'Harsh-smelling Ointment'

Werewolf bites are 'cursed wounds' – Lycanthropy is, at least partially, a type of curse. It prevents the wound from healing fully. No charms are known to work on werewolf bites, or perhaps on any cursed wounds. Dark Magic seems to have the effect of making wounds difficult to heal. (a cursed-off ear can't be reattached or regrown.) There is a treatment for fresh werewolf bites at least: 'A harsh, nasty smelling green ointment dabbed frequently and directly on the wound.' The only effect we see it have is its non-effect: as in its hardly closing up the wound with magic. It's not described as doing anything. It works slowly, which is rare for magical remedies. Perhaps it stops bleeding? Encourages healing? Removes cursed interference of natural processes?

We are told there's no charm known to work – but we do see Severus using a charm to heal Draco after Harry's Sectumsempra. Is that a different case? Is his spell a different type of curse? Has Severus invented a healing charm that will work on Dark Magic? I wouldn't put it past him – the fucker can fly. It's unknown. I will say that, knowing Severus, if he had invented a healing charm that could work on all Dark Magic wounds, he would probably have shared it. He enjoys when people don't die – and the Dark Lord and his followers use Dark Magic. But I still wonder, if he were there, if there was anything he could do for Bill. Albus, too. Tragic.

~~~ GREYBACK VS. LUPIN

(Not to the death. But Greyback would absolutely win btw. Lupin would get caught up in his feelings, flub a spell and rattle about like the bag of bones he is while Greyback gnaws on him.)

So its pretty clear that there's some massive differences between werewolves – not just between genetics, but the way their Lycanthropy affects them... and nobody bats an eye. It's normal. Fenrir Greyback has whiskers. Sharp teeth. Hair on his face. Strong, hardy, fast, heavy – comfortable and powerful on all fours. He wasn't always this way: about 30 years ago his Lycanthropy was unknown. Most werewolves seem to be unknown-looking – they hide amongst society, if they don't leave it entirely. Remus Lupin is unknown-looking, too. He looks like a regular Wizard... a sick one. Thin – and thinner after every Full Moon. Pallid. Shadowed eyes. Ill. He can barely fight a dog, even transformed – and looks like 'one good hex could finish him off'. What is with this difference...? Remus has been a werewolf for about 30 years... that's 360+ Full Moons. Fenrir has been a werewolf at LEAST that long, but probably longer. Potentially decades longer.

Would Remus, at 360 Full Moons, be facing an inevitable future of 'becoming obvious'? He desperately wants to hide his 'shame' – but will he get hair and whiskers on his face, too? It feels a bit arbitrary: How many Full Moons do you have to be a werewolf to simply have whiskers? Somewhere over 360...?

I suppose it could be an age thing: when you become an older person your body stops being able to fully shift between two forms. An ageing werewolf doesn't just get wrinkles - they get fur and fangs. I think the more likely answer, even if age still plays a part (I am rather attached to Remus' grey hair being a sign worsened by stress) is 'engagement'.

Remus is thin, sickly, suffering... desperate to restrain that whole part of himself – his illness – and pretend it doesn't exist. Every Full Moon he gets thinner. Fenrir is strong, heavy, thriving in his older age – so accepting of his illness he indulges in the pleasures of it even outside of the Full Moon. He stays strong, perhaps gets stronger.

If Remus were to be more accepting of his illness, if he were to let himself feed on Full Moons and indulge in blood etc. even as a human... if he kept his 'wolf' fed: He would be stronger. Healthier. But he is too self-loathing for that. He can't even handle his patronus being a wolf, let alone not hating his wolfish tendencies.

If Fenrir were forced on Wolfsbane potion, unable to hunt as a wolf or as a man – he would be hit by the Full Moon's harder. He'd be more ill, like Remus is. His 'wolf' is used to being 'overfed'.

Bill, though not a werewolf, indulges in his new taste for blood and accepts his new contamination, his new wounds, without self loathing. I'd say that's probably good for him. Like Fenrir.

~~~ MY THEORY ON: HOW BEST TO TREAT LYCANTHROPY B^)

Remus says some of his happiest memories are when he could run free on Full Moons with his friends. When he was accepted as what he was, protected, cared for. He stopped hurting himself. That is exactly the life Fenrir lives every day – and tries to make for other werewolves. He leads and cares for his fellows, he encourages Werewolves not to interact with people who would think ill of them and prioritise their own needs first. To relish in the blood they deserve.

Remus is sickly, weak and suffers because he starves his wolf. Fenrir is strong because he feeds it. I bet Remus being the only one not feeding his wolfish instincts in a werewolf commune would make him harder to trust. The only one without any fur on his face, who doesn't grow his nails out, who needs to force himself to partake in fresh hunts – and avoids violence. Hating himself is the biggest mark of 'having lived among Wizarding society'. We see a reflection of this in the Wolfsbane potion: It's difficult to make. It's arduous to stomach. It might even make you feel sick, in the short term... and for what? So you still go through a painful transformation – but are at least sober enough to miserably curl up, alone, sedated? A 'cure' my ass. It's a horrible treatment. Sedating ones wolf is painful, arduous and unhealthy. The Wolfsbane potion isn't made for Werewolves – it's made for healthy Wizards to control Werewolves with.

He would hate and be bitter, about having to spy on 'his equals' like Dumbledore wants – because it means engaging with 'his wolf' to fit in... which he finds conflicting and unsettling. Because he has had a taste of that better treatment.

“I’ve been living among my fellows, my equals,” said Lupin. “Werewolves,” he added, at Harry’s look of incomprehension. “Nearly all of them are on Voldemort’s side. Dumbledore wanted a spy and here I was... ready-made.” He sounded a little bitter, and perhaps realized it, for he smiled more warmly as he went on, “I am not complaining; it is necessary work and who can do it better than I? However, it has been difficult gaining their trust. I bear the unmistakable signs of having tried to live among wizards, you see, whereas they have shunned normal society and live on the margins, stealing — and sometimes killing — to eat.”

HBP, ch16

I believe living – and god forbid, spending Full Moons – with these Werewolves, who shun society in order to love their wolfish selves, would cause physical changes in Remus. Eventually. Starting off with growing out his nails and learning the mannerisms to fit in... but the more Full Moons spent running with a pack of human-minded animals, free and wild and indulging in joy rather than screaming in lonely pain... I think it would change him: Into a healthier man.

That's what being with Animagi mimicked. Humans are too much for his instincts to resist, and animals probably act and run in ways that are fun to chase or whatever – but a Stag with the mind of a Man does neither.

'And they didn't desert me at all. Instead they did something for me that would make my transformations not only bearable, but the best times of my life. They became Animagi.' … … 'Under their influence, I became less dangerous. My body was still wolfish, but my mind seemed to become less so while I was with them.'

POA, ch 18

The marauders plan wasn't a perfect solution. They were sneaking around, having close-calls – Remus might have more of his mind with his 'pack' but he is still a danger out in the open. What Greyback does isn't perfect, either. They starve, they struggle, they get filthy and stink and rot within dreams of changing the world through violence. Remus' 'solution' sucks. Hate himself, slash himself open all alone and try to grow accustomed to the emotional hell that is society...

...Because society thinks them dangerous. They sneak around to avoid being spotted, they make communes because they aren't welcome, Remus needs to hate himself to fit in... But accepting the Wolf actively makes it safer for everyone.

That is the BEST treatment. Not just in a 'everyone can hold hands and be happy friends' way – but in a physical safety-oriented way: The issue is inevitable – so make room for it rather than push it out.

- Supported werewolves keep sobriety. - Supported werewolves are healthier, stronger people who aren't - chronically fatigued, who can work hard enough to even please Voldemort's standards. - Werewolves are easy enough to keep 'on a leash' – with simple enclosures and the help of Animagi.

There will always be werewolves. Perhaps a total cure could be found one day, or a better Wolfsbane constructed – but in the mean time there is a better way to keep the population safe... and its infrastructure and support.

Dumbledore was on the right track with treating Remus like a person. Sticking his own neck out to create things to support him – things that meant the world to him, that made him feel loved and accepted as a worthwhile person in Albus' life. Finding the balance of keeping others safe but not shunning Remus for being sick. I'm sure he would have loved the information that Remus felt so good amongst Animagi. Instantly gotten Minerva to help ease his Full Moons.

Am I saying every werewolf needs support Animagi? Yes, basically.

Facilities to keep others safe on the Full Moon – but the ability to have packs and socialisation that isn't shameful. A monthly animal bookclub with unique employment opportunities for Animagi. An occasional night-shift for healers or aurors, maybe part of their training. “We need more people to supervise and feed the London Werewolf Facility this Full Moon. You'll be paid overtime.”

- Werewolves are better registered – being taken care of is better than trying to hide. - Their whereabouts every Full Moon are known and accounted for. Safer for everyone. - They suffer less during their transformation, have a clearer mind, easier to control. - Less sickly werewolves like Remus – strong, healthy, can work and enjoy life better. - Less anti-Wizard werewolves planning to overthrow society via a bloodbath. - More job opportunities, for all you capitalist economists out there B^) - More research opportunities for the development of treatments and/or cures.

It is a win for quite literally everyone – for a small upfront cost of Ministry spending. But I am sure having more healthy Witches and Wizards in their small, secretive community would make up for it... rather than throwing people in the bin if they get sick.

Albus would have wanted to get involved, as he has an example of this very thing working: A small cost of providing a safe place to transform, some potion and a couple of days off a month... and Hogwarts had not only a dedicated student and Prefect – but a productive teacher that left such a mark on his students hearts that they still think of him as the best teacher they have ever had.

[sourgreenlupin]

hi! sorry i took so long to post anything, been a very chaotic few weeks. no prompt here, just remus tending to sirius!

word count: 583

sirius sulked his way through the castle corridors, trying his hardest to ignore the gasps and giggles as he passed.

he continued his sulking all the way up to his room, he wasn’t exactly excited about james finding out, but he had an attack plan.

walk straight to remus’ bed, ignore james’ inevitable, incessant worrying, have remus fix everything, and the most important step, never ever bring any of this up to anyone ever again.

so he took just a minute to compose himself, deep breath, wince, twist, push, exhale.

‘pads!? what the fuck? are you okay? oh merlin, what happened? who did this? here, here, sit down, stay here, ill get you ice and- where are you going?’

sirius shot a deadly glare at james— bitchy, he knows, but the bruises and black eye fit as an excuse.

though remus has yet to show any interest in anything other than the book he was reading, sirius continued his plan.

he grabbed remus by the ear (‘SIRIUS!’), pulling him off the bed, and dragging him through the room into the bathroom.

remus complied with a muttered, ‘you could have let me mark the page, or you know, just asked,’ and a friendly wave to a still frantic james.

sirius helped lupin stand up and handed him his bag of muggle medicine.

‘i only brought you cause you’re good at healing,’ sirius defended himself; uselessly.

‘i know,’ remus has his wand and his various supplies set up before he spares a glance in sirius’ direction.

the gasp is almost guttural.

sirius’ swollen cheek, probable broken nose, lip swollen and oozing blood, red splotches scattered across most of his visible skin; sirius looked utterly beaten.

‘merlin, is it really that bad?’ sirius tried (unsuccessfully) to laugh it off, but it ended in a wheezing cough.

‘sirius, merlin. who did this to you?’ remus thumbs over the bloodied lip, more blood dripping down as he swipes over it.

sirius barely contains a shiver, with remus analyzing every inch of his face, his thumb still resting on his lip, and the hand still gripping his jaw, turning and adjusting sirius to his liking.

while remus starts on the treatment, sirius sighs out his embarrassment.

‘snape had said some nasty shit about mudbloods, as if he isn’t one himself! but he was calling some first year these awful names, and i obviously said some- ow!- thing to him, and then barty comes out of nowhere ready to fucking kill me,’ with breaks and winces, sirius mutters out his story to an attentive remus.

‘oh baby, too caring for your own good. i appreciate you standing up for that first year, but quit getting yourself involved with snape, it never ends well for anyone.’

‘i can’t just let him go around thinking he’s the shit, he’s gotta learn somehow.’

‘by having his friend beat the shit out of you? im not sure i see your plan here,’ remus is giggling and sirius is smiling despite the pain.

remus pulls sirius up by the collar of his jacket so he’s standing, dusts the jacket off, and wipes the dry blood off.

now that sirius is standing, they’re about the same height, so when remus looks up, hes only an inch away from sirius’ face.

‘well, uh, thank you remus,’ sirius stutters out his appreciation in an attempt to diffuse the tension.

‘ehh, you can thank me later,’ then he pulls sirius in, backing him up to lean against the counter.

[look-at-the-soul]

Look at the soul- Part 12

Cillian Murphy x OC

Author’s note: please please forgive me for taking so long to update this little story, hopefully I’ll get on posting more frequently ✨ I hope you still like this couple, there’s a lot in the store for them 🥰

Series Master list

Song: Alone by Heart, the Royal Philharmonic Orchest

Word count: 2,938

“That was great!” The director called enthusiastically just as Cillian finished his lecture.

An assistant emerged from the shadows in a heartbeat and asked if he wanted something to drink.

“I’m alright, thanks.” He gave her a small nod.

“Let me take this off.” A tech approached him and pointed at the microphone attached to the nape of his jacket.

“Oh, sure.” Turning around, Cillian lifted the back of his jacket so the man could undo the clip holding it together.

Someone else offered Cillian another folder with another part of the script. Something happened in that very moment, the paper felt heavy, not because it was a ton of papers, but because of the character, what this opportunity could mean.

“Are you sure you can’t push your other commitment?” The director finally reached him with a long face. “Your screen tests is fucking amazing.”

Cillian clenched his jaw for a moment. Thinking of the play, all the hard work they’ve been investing daily, the rehearsals, the way it had helped him with the pain and loss of his wife. And then, in the back of his mind, Marianne’s face appeared flashing him.

This was probably one of the greatest opportunities in his career…

****

“How’s little Miss Hanna?” Marianne asked over the phone as she finished washing the dishes.

She could feel her best friend smiling as she made a sound to her daughter.

“Getting bigger every minute.” Her friend Anna replied. “Do you wanna FaceTime?”

Marianne made an excitement sound and pressed the green button on her screen. “Oh look at you princess! You’re so pretty.”

“She was sick last week, and now I’m starting to feel ill, it sucks because I won’t be able to take any medicine.”

“Ow sweetie, try to get some rest at least.”

“The sleeping schedule it’s a mess she wakes up in the middle of the night every single day, we’ve tried soft music, dark room and now Evan is sleeping in the guest room because he needs to get up early the next day.”

“Wish I could be closer to help you during the day at least.” Marianne felt sad for the miles keeping them apart. After years of friendship seeing her best friend become a mother hit different, maternity gave her this beautiful aura and she seemed to have special super powers to balance motherhood, her business and everything around the house without breaking a sweat. It was admirable.

“I’d love that! But enough of diapers… tell me! How’s it going over there?”

Finishing with the dirty dishes, she took her phone with her to sit on the couch, pausing the movie she wasn’t even watching.

“Oh! It’s been good, lots of rainy days. I was working on an essay for a project but words won’t come out as they should, it doesn’t makes sense so I’m taking a break from it and I’ll start it over later.”

“I wish I could help you but… nope.” Anna stated firmly and then cracked a smile, she was over college papers now. “Have you been out meeting cute ginger Irish boys?”

Marianne laughed. “How do you know?” She joked, her schedule was hectic most of the time, that was the last thing on her mind.

“Ugh of course you haven’t.” Anna rolled her eyes, she knew her too well.

Suddenly Scout did a big stretch and decided to join her, demanding some petting like she did whenever he was close.

“Who’s that?” Anna asked with interest.

“Scout. Say hiya.” Marianne moved her phone closer to show her friend the black lab. “I’m puppy sitting him, it’s adorable.”

“And the owner is…?”

“He’s part of the cast of the play.” Marianne pretended to give Scout a smooch on the head, but she was able to feel her friend’s gaze on her.

“Okay… is he single?” Anna went immediately in for the important details.

“Widowed.”

Anna’s jaw dropped, she grabbed her phone excitedly while whispering because Hannah was now taking a nap on her other arm. “Spill the gossip.”

“Stop, there’s no gossip.”

“He’s widow, has a dog that clearly likes you. What else?”

“Anna relax.”

“No. Don’t tell me to relax, tell me the dirty details.”

Marianne felt mortified, in the past Anna tried to be a matchmaker, introducing her to several friends, and her husband’s friends, even a cousin, but it didn’t went further than a date.

“Look-” but her words got cut when she got a message from Cillian greeting her and to ask how Scout was behaving.

“Is that the dog’s Dad?”

“No, it’s Mum I’ll give her a call.” She felt bad for lying to her best friend, but she didn’t feel like there was something to tell. “Love you, call you later.” She rushed to hang up.

***

Cillian strolled thru the busy platform at the tube, it was starting to get packed, close to rush hour. He remembered this all so well from the years he lived in the city, eager to get a better opportunity in the industry.

He waited patiently minding his own business just like everyone else… people from different places, backgrounds and mindsets crossed before him not giving him a double look. He liked that, it was awkward to be stopped by a stranger to praise about his work, he felt extremely grateful without a doubt, but he sucked at the taking compliments part. He never knew what to say or do.

He felt thankful for the walk he was taking, he had a lot of things on his mind, he just got off the phone with one of his kids, they were just finishing their homework and decided to help grandpa set up a dvd player. Cillian strolled through the busy street now, deciding to go straight to his hotel room, he could always grab something from the mini bar to have dinner.

The beep on his phone announced a new message and it changed his whole mood.

Sleeping (he’s snoring).- Marianne wrote him and added a photo of Scout peacefully sleeping on her lap.

A stupid smile appeared on his lips, he couldn’t stop it.

Looks like you’ve got the magic touch. He wrote back, but deleted it before sending. Looks like he’s having a blast. He typed instead. Can I give you a call?

As he stepped inside his room, Cillian took off his shoes and jacket, Marianne didn’t reply but called him directly.

“Hey how’s it going?” He asked walking around the room.

“Oh my! You should’ve seen Scout, he jumped and stormed off towards the door when he heard you.” Marianne explained that she had the call on speaker.

Cillian chuckled softly. “Yeah?”

“Yes! Look I’m going to put you on video.”

Staring at his screen, he pressed the green button and soon an image of Scout wagging his tail and looking at the door filled his phone.

“Talk to him.” Marianne proposed crouching down to get closer.

“Hey buddy, over here.”

Scout turned around a started stomping his front paws.

“See? He misses you.”

Cillian saw her hand caressing Scout’s head.

“What was the other photo you sent me? Earlier.”

“Oh! That was us going for a walk.” Marianne explained going back to sit on the couch, still pointing her camera towards the black lab.

With a huff, Scout jumped on the couch before getting comfortable against Marianne once more. Arranging the base, she leaned her phone on it to have her hands free and went back to scratch Scout’s head.

“He’s having the time of his life.” Marianne stated giving the dog a glance.

A soft smile grew on his lips. “But he had something yellow on?”

“Yes! I got him a raincoat.” Marianne explained waving her hand.

“You let him on the couch, protect him from the rain… when I go back he’s going to be so spoiled.” He chuckled softly getting comfortable.

“Well he deserves spawcial treatment.” She explained running her fingernails through his back. “Righ?” She asked staring into those big brown eyes.

Envy flashed through Cillian’s mind. How lucky that bloody dog is, he thought.

“Tell me, how is London?”

“Crowded and it wasn’t raining so that’s grand.” Cillian chatted. “But they could’ve saved me the trip.”

“Why?” Marianne frowned and started fidgeting something around her neck.

Cillian let out a soft groan and looked towards the window. “From the beginning I said I couldn’t do this project, but the director insisted on the screen test.”

Marianne mouthed an explicit oh, but decided to not interrupt Cillian’s explanation. “I’ve other priorities going on at the moment.”

How could he make a decision like that? Choose between two projects, she wondered what made him say no before it could even start and how that probably affected him on future plans.

He couldn’t help but fix his eyes on her hand, twisting one of her fingers between the necklace. “I’m sorry… what’s that?”

Marianne looked down to see what he meant.

“Your pendant.” He clarified.

“My grandma gave it to me when I turned eighteen. It was given to her by her mother.” She leaned forwards to get closer to the camera and show it to him. “It’s our Lady of Guadalupe. I’ve had it for years.”

Cillian thought how he hadn’t noticed it before. Immediately it gave him an idea, it could be useful as a resource in the play, how come he didn’t think of it before?

“That’s lovely.” He hummed.

“It’s very popular over there, the fact that she chose to show up with the same skin color as our natives, the meanings behind her dress and veil… there’s actually professional studies that confirm the image isn’t a print and her eyes actually are alive.” she explained, getting lost. “Sorry, I got carried away.”

“No it’s fine… I mean I don’t, but everyone chooses what to believe in.”

He remembered seeing her making a silent prayer from time to time, or the signal of the cross subtly before a rehearsal.

Marianne thought how thoughtful it was from him to respect her beliefs. She liked the fact that he didn’t laugh or rolled his eyes by her words.

“You know… I keep you and your kids in my prayers.” She added out of the blue, not knowing if she was stepping over the line. But she did, praying was the best she could do for him.

“Thank you, that’s very kind.” He swallowed, not knowing what else to say, it was a beautiful gesture from her despite his own thoughts about religion. “I think adding a subtle touch like that to the play would be nice.”

“What? Are you going to make Adria pray at night?” She joked, making him laugh.

“No, but the necklace. That and the letters we thought about her and this secret man in her life, I just thought he could’ve given her a necklace that means so much and she keeps it.”

“I like how it sounds!”

Cillian asked her to hang on while he looked around for a pen and paper to take notes, Marianne heard him curse over what seemed to be an stuck drawer.

“It could be like a transition step,” he thought out loud, “she finds the necklace and it’s a pivotal moment for Adria, then the letters… and that’s when this man reveals himself to the audience.” He could see it all so clearly, Adria’s facial expression, her strong persona shattering by the sudden memories.

Marianne could hear Cillian talk all day long, his velvety voice was like a lullaby to her when he got lost in something, it was like she could see what he was explaining in a movie scene. The images were so vivid, like in a dream.

His critical point of view added something magical to what might sound like a regular idea. He made it stand out.

“I just think we’re going to cause Enda a heart attack with the changes we’ve suggested.” Marianne sighed and Scout mirrored her.

“Nah, he’s gonna be fine.” Cillian waved his hand to dismiss her worries. “What really matters here it’s how you feel.”

She chuckled nervously, not wanting the conversation to turn about her, deep down she still felt so nervous for the outcome of this.

He didn’t want to say he was a good actor, but he was good at reading people. For an instant, her fears flashed through her eyes. But at the same time he was having a hard time trying to find the differences between her and Adria, it was almost impossible to spot where one ended and the other started.

“What? What is it?”

“How do you do it? How can you not be scared of getting on stage?”

Cillian pouted, pondering on her question. “I guess you don’t think about it.”

“But I’m already.” She laughed.

“Then just move your attention towards something else… your next move, the next line. Try to focus on what’s going on at the moment.” He tried to give her the best advice. “Roll with it, enjoy it.”

“I’m just wondering if anyone will come and see a rookie.”

“Tickets will sold out, mark my words.” He assured her without hesitation.

“Thanks for the cheering, I really appreciate the support.” She scratched Scout absently.

“Do you want to hear the idea I’ve for the video?” Now it was Cillian’s turn to smile, he had been working on that project most of the flight, taking notes and letting his mind go as he listened to the song over and over.

“Absolutely!”

“We’ve learned to leave judgment behind us already right?” He asked holding his phone in his other hand.

“Oh God, what are you going to make me do this time around? Should I be scared?” Marianne joked.

“Just wanted to make sure.”

“I’m going to do it anyways.” She added then.

And Cillian was transported back in time, when he’d get the call from certain film director, he didn’t ask what was the part about or how big was the role involved… he always said yes.

So he went on to tell her all about the very specific idea he wanted to achieve for this video and how fitting it felt for the lyric.

He felt inspired, in his mind he could already see the images, the story telling itself, and the permission to use the locations was already on its way. Being behind the camera was one of his many passions, and getting the chance to do it once more was an opportunity he didn’t want to let go.

She noticed the excitement in his voice as he explained the different segments of the story, she could only compare it to taking a kid to Disneyland, and a couple of times, she forced herself to look somewhere because he was too distracting.

“I had a crazy moment earlier,” Marianne started to tell him as the call took another turn.

“Ya? What happened?” Cillian asked lifting his free arm to place it behind his head, involuntarily Marianne couldn’t help it but stare at his bicep.

“I started talking to Scout, as if he’d answer me.” She laughed and Cillian imitated her reaction. “Then I stopped abruptly when I realized what I was doing and started laughing while Scout barked uncontrollably, he probably thought I was crazy.”

“Oh he’s used to that, don’t worry I talk alone all the time.” Cillian offered then with a smile.

“He’s like a big teddy bear.” She gushed, swooning over the black lab keeping her company. “I’m not so sure I want to give him back.”

She added in a playful tone, but quickly rushed to explain she was just joking.

And that provoked a loud and deep laugh from him. Raisin his eyebrows he covered his mouth with his palm, the realization of how easy she made him smile or laugh made his mind go into another direction…

“Alright Scout, are you ready? We’re having a spaw night.” Marianne explained to the dog after ending the call with Cillian, she put on a fluffy robe, threw her hair up in a messy bun and invited Scout to sit on her lap, as she started to brush him he quickly started to relax, opening his legs wide and closing his eyes while she rubbed his belly.

She then put one of her hairbands just for fun and took one of his paws to added moisturize. So far he seemed to enjoy it, she always thought a dog is just like a little kid, they get excited over the simple things the things that really matter, and in the process they show us a different side of love.

“Do you like it?” She asked trying to look at Scout’s face, but he was far gone, with his tongue sticking out, showing off his teeth.

“You know, I’ve been keeping a little secret…” she whispered, struggling to find the right words. “I think I’m falling for your Dad.”

But admitting her feelings out loud didn’t make it easier, all the opposite she wondered how she’d be able to hide them while working together.

And little did she know that a few miles away, staring out of his hotel window, Cillian was looking at the sky, thinking of her and all the feelings she was making him have.

He wanted her to be part of his life, he was craving the peace and joy she brought whenever she stepped in the room. He needed to hear her laugh and see her smile every day, all the time. He just needed to find a way to her heart.

I hear the ticking of the clock

I'm lying here, the room's pitch dark

I wonder where you are tonight

'Til now I always got by on my own

I never really cared until I met you

And now it chills me to the bone

How do I get you alone?

You don't know how long I have wanted

To touch your lips and hold you tight

You don't know how long I have waited

And I was going to tell you tonight

But the secret is still my own

And my love for you is still unknown, alone

'Til now I always got by on my own

I never really cared until I met you

And now it chills me to the bone

How do I get you alone? How do I get you alone?

Black lab Inspiration: Elvis batz the lab

Our Lady of Guadalupe

Tag list: @lyarr24 @garrison-girl-08 @cillmequick @zablife @prettylittlehoneyeyesxoxo

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@onlydeadcells @babaohhhriley @lonelyweeb0044 @lovemissyhoneybee @ange-thoughts

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@kmc1989 @lau219

[littleleelee]

Drabbles-?

uhm so.. first post ig-? These are just things i personally love in fics so imma just- put this here bc it'll most likely contain a ieawhat kinds of fics ill post xd

anyway,, GN reader bc yaahhh

For now im only doing one piece bc its my current hyperfixation x-x

i love reversal comfort fics, especially when its for naturally grump af characters like Law and Mihawk for examples, however i usually keep the opinion to myself because.. i always HC the grumpy characters to be so overly clingy when their with that One person they trust... like cuddly, lovey, messes.

like here me out rq

Mihawk just came back from doing fuck all nothing, for like 3 weeks. Hes Tired and annoyed af. Like even PERONA, aint bugging him bc she can tell hes just PISSED. His posture is fuck all off, like hes slump walking thro the castle. He stumbles his lank self into the bedroom you and him would share, that inconviently does NOT, have you.

~ so, He grumply groans around the castle trynna find you. He ends up finding you in the libery doing one of your hobbies, like reading or writing, whatever you can imagin, just chillin on a lounge sofa in there.

~ This 44 yr old man is puffing out his cheeks with a pout, taking whatever is in your hands and tossing it to the floor, IGNOREING, ALL protests, an plopping RIGHT on you. whether its your chest, lap, back, whatever he lands on is where hes staying.

~ "M-Mihawk?! dearest-" is all you can honestly say- your emotions are everywhere.

~ Eventually you just take it, not questioning him at all. Letting him rest.

~ You ARE, 10000%, teasting him later about it.

Law, is a tad bit different. Hes a touch starved workaholic of all things, pushing himself and isolating 100% of the time. So i do believe you'd have to be the one to break him open, and when you do he is just a babbling gloop.

~ Hes been in his office for however much hours again, for the umpthten time. You've had, frankly enough. Your not really his lover yet, but you are a decent-mounts close to him. So surely you can ineed, get something out of him right?

~ After storming in his office, you can see him with his head in his hands at his desk, as he slowly meets your gaze, he just melts into his desk. You walk over and speak like prolly 5 words, somth like

~ "is everything alright, law, youve been-" is probably all you get out before your shambled into some form of bedroom, and law just putting all his weight into you.

~this weight tumbles you both into the bed behind you. He aint even hugging you hes just, SINKING into you with his weight.

~Your 100% falling asleep like this, and law isnt letting you believe it happened.

probably gonna.. make a rule/masterlist post eventually. idk when, 4 now just comment smth or any reqs ya got! thanks for reading ~

[ohbo-ohno]

Reader finally saying I love you. Like a raw no rubber I love you ☹️ how would they react?

there are a ton of ways i could see the first ily going and im going to give you multiple because this is a tumblr blog and not a posted fic lol

you say it during sex: something really slow and soft, and it just comes out. it's when simon's fucking you from the back, you laying on top of johnny's chest, and because all three of your heads are right on top of each other they both hear it. it's a little thing, comes out along with your orgasm and triggers simon instantly. an easy "i love you" when you're feeling vulnerable and cracked open. you're asleep before they can confront you about it

or maybe you say it during a round of particularly rough sex - they literally fuck it out of you. johnny pounding your cunt while simon jacks off in front of your face with a hand on your cheeks, both of them merciless in their treatment of you. it comes out of nowhere, a shrieked "i love it, i love you!" when johnny makes you tell him how it feels. you're too lost in them to realize wat you've said, don't even remember you had said it when they sort of poke at you about it after

you say it when tired/sick: you're vulnerable, but in a different way, when you're sick. it's not like you're seriously ill, probably just a bad cold that's made you miserable and a little sad, but they've been doting on you anyway. trying a million home remedies at giving you anything you want. hushed voices, footrubs, hot baths where you soak in the steam, slow rolling orgasms after what must be hours of eating you out, warm soup spoon-fed to you. softness and care. and you can't help it, you say "thank you, i love you" when simon holds a handkerchief for you to blow your nose in. you both freeze, and you go red. his face is a picture of surprise but he softens when he sees your expression, pets you a little bit and holds the tissue a little closer. "it's ok, love. just blow your nose." johnny spends days trying to get you to say it to him too, is softer to you than he's ever been before, but you've got your walls back up. you finally whisper it to him in bed one night, curled up and tucked safely in his neck.

you say it as a revelation: this would come after a punishment, or an argument, or something like that. one of the times where johnny is nearly screaming in your face, just begging you to give in to them, to let them love you, care for you, to love them back, to let yourself be happy. you'd scream "i already do love you!" back at him, having been agonizing over the thought for days or weeks already. and all the fight would leave you both simultaneously. he'd slouch towards you, your foreheads resting together and his palm on the nape of your neck. and he'd just beg, beg, you to stop fighting. you wouldn't say anything. simon would join you two a moment later, scoop you both in his arms and you would all hold each other until you fell asleep

[ichigoromi]

𝐒𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐬𝐚 𝐊𝐢𝐲𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐢 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐭 | 𝐋𝐞𝐭’𝐬 𝐌𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐀𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐈𝐧 𝐎𝐮𝐫 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞

It's been a long time since I've written a Sakusa piece, and I kind of got a little crazy with it.

Judging by the title, it's not your usual fluff.

Pairing: Sakusa Kiyoomi (timeskip) x fem reader! (she/her)

Genre(s): tragedy, angst

Warning(s): terminal illness, reader's death, lots of sad stuff.

Please proceed with caution.

Sakusa Kiyoomi

“Kiyoomi, let’s break up.”

On the seventh anniversary of our relationship, I decided to break it off with the man that I once decided that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I knew he would propose to me in that fancy restaurant that would have taken months to get a reservation to go in. I even know that he got my dream ring because he hid it in the drawer of his socks compartment.

I broke it off with him because I want him to resent me.

I want him to resent me to the point that he does not want to remember me or forgets all about me.

Why?

He deserves someone better than me because I am a bad person.

After the dinner date, I successfully stopped the proposal and ditched him there and spend the night at a cheap motel. No matter how many times he called or messaged, I ignore all of it. I deleted all the photos we shared together in my phone, so that I will not regret what I am going to do for the next few months.

This was killing me on the inside but I have to do this.

On the first day of post breakup, I packed up all my stuff and send it back to my childhood home back in Okinawa. I wanted to throw all of our pictures hanging around our home, but I want to give him the honours of destroying our happy memories.

I quit my job in Osaka and left for Okinawa. On the same day, the news article of our breakup was released. I felt some weight lifted from my heart. At least he accepted it.

During my first week back, it finally hit me. I broke up with the love of my life. I cried every night to sleep. It was painful, harsh and torture to sleep by myself but it was all of a choice made by myself.

As I was not working anymore, I had more time to spend with my family and helped out with the family small yet bustling inn that was filled with tourist.

Weeks turned into months and it was time for my family to know the truth. It was the first time I saw my tough bear papa bawled like a baby that day. I felt bad but the truth was going to come out sooner or later.

Every evening, either my mother or father would bring me to the beachside for a light walk. They say it was for my own good, but I know they are just worried about me. I guess I should not let them worry more.

Instead of going out for one of my usual night walks, I asked them to give me some privacy.

I prepared three envelopes and begin writing.

Oh, it’s not some love letters. It was my will. One for my parents, another for…him and another one for our baby girl. I used to be a lawyer, so this was a piece of cake for me. Who am I kidding? It’s never easy. I’ve tried written my wills a thousand times but I could not do it.

It kind of seals the deal that I am going to die.

When I received my diagnosis, it was a nightmare in disguise. I was 18 weeks along and…I have cancer. A terminal one at that. Life sure loves me…huh. I have already started on chemo, since I have passed the danger zone but I have lost all my hair.

I hope my baby girl gets her daddy’s luscious dark curls. How do I know if it’s a girl? I just know in my gut feeling that it will be a girl.

Besides, I hope my baby girl looks like him, I don’t want to leave another piece of me behind for him.

This is torture.

Why is life so unfair? I just wanted to be a good lawyer, get married to the love of my life and have children with him. Is it so difficult for me to live a normal life?

But I am glad to see him moving on. I recently read on an article that he was spotted on a date with one of the famous actresses that my mother probably watches.

I am happy for him. Truly, I hope he lives his life for himself and not for me.

My doctors told me that I will be able to carry my baby to full term and that was all I need. I hate chemo but I needed to do it for my baby girl.

There could be a change of events cause Mama’s body is very sick, so I am going to name you Miyuu.

I am going to add in the will in case someone objects to your name.

When my friends flew into Okinawa to see me, they all broke down and bawled like babies. Do I look that terrible? Guess I don’t have the pregnancy glow that most pregnant ladies have.

And yes, I am having a baby girl. My chemo treatment has stopped as we have about eight more weeks to my delivery date.

Everyone was updating on how their life has gone and then they told me about him too.

I am glad that he is moving on well with his life.

That is all that matter, his happiness.

As long he is happy, I can leave this world happily.

I hear the beeping of the machine and my shallow breathing in the oxygen mask that helps to breathe better. I felt my bump weakly and relaxed when I heard the strong heart beating of my baby girl.

Miyuu, darling, I’m sorry that mummy got sick before you came out to this beautiful world.

I hope you are as healthy as your father, but not the anal person like him. Be more like mummy and make more friends.

But don’t lie to your loved ones like mummy. Always be truthful.

I know you will grow up and be loved by everyone.

Mummy is going to take a rest now, my sweet darling, be safe and healthy.

“Code blue!”

The flatline, the dreaded beep sounds, the anxiety and helpless of not being able to do anything. The doctors tried their best to stabilise the mother but it was no use. She was gone at the age of 28, and now they have to save the baby in her too.

They promised the young lady that they would save this baby of hers no matter what.

“Call the OBGYN, Paediatric surgeons and book the operation theatre. We have to deliver this baby now. I will inform the family.”

It was all too soon for the family but time was of the essence.

After losing his only daughter, now they have to pray for their granddaughter.

With shaky hands, he signed the form. The form to save his granddaughter but nothing could bring back his daughter. His precious girl that he raised for 28 years old, passed before him.

“Please…please tell me I’m not too late. No…Wait, what is going on?”

Kiyoomi lets out a shaky breath as he slowly approaches the glass window, and saw it all. Your lifeless body lying in there, while the doctors were prepping to go in for an urgent surgery. The baby bump broke him.

Your father wrapped his arms around the tall volleyball player and no words were needed.

He did not even say his last words or even spend your last moments together.

Without a care in the world, he cried in your father’s arms. He was too late, to hold you in his arms, to say I love you for the last time.

At least you did fulfil one of the promises that you make together, half of it, was to build a family with him.

Every second was agonising as they waited outside the operation theatre. Kiyoomi refused to rest until he knows his baby girl was out safe and he just wanted to hold your hand for the last time.

All this time, you were suffering and he was oblivious to it.

“Babe, it’s so painful. Why didn’t you tell me that you were suffering? Just how much pain were you in? I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…”

His siblings who flew down with him, could only wrapped their arms around him and comfort him.

[Two months later…]

After putting Miyuu to sleep, Kiyoomi went into your study room. He took a deep breath as he sat down in front of your table. The graduation photo that you took together was still on the table.

And the three envelopes.

He traced your handwriting on the envelope fondly and opened the content.

It was a letter.

Hi babe, can I still call you that after our breakup?

I know what I did was brutal because I want you to resent me. Resent me to the point that you hate seeing my name or remembering me. Forget me all…but I guess you couldn’t since you opened this letter. I wrote my name especially big on this envelope because I hope my name repels you but if you’re here, I’m glad.

My diagnosis was not in our plans at all and I was pregnant. I knew if I told you, you will drop everything and spend your time with me. I am going to die. I don’t want you doing that and regretting it. That’s why I planned the breakup and hiding from you.

When I saw your news of you dating again, I thought, I’m happy that he’s moving on.

But I’m not. I miss you so much. I want to hug and kiss you or get my daily cuddles. There is a lot more that I want to do with you Mimi but I don’t have the time. I hate it so much but I regret this. I love you so much, never once did I forget about our time together.

Please don’t forget about me. I really love you so much that I don’t want you to know that I die, but you were there? Weren’t you?

I’m sorry babe that you have to experience this.

Kiyoomi, take care of our baby girl, Miyuu. I gave her that name because you’re horrible with names! I love you so much.

With lots of love,

Your First and Last  Love of Your Life.

P.s – Check the second drawer for a usb drive.

He wipes his tears and looked for the usb that you have left for him. It was his usb that you ‘borrowed’ from him during your second year of university and never gave it back.

It was videos.

But there was one that you titled it as ‘WATCH THIS FIRST’.

He clicked on it and it was you before you started on your chemo treatment.

“Erm…Hi Mimi. This is a little awkward but I wanted to film this before I start my treatment…so before I turned ugly. I’m sorry for everything, from hiding this and our baby.”

Kiyoomi’s eyes became teary as he watches you wiped your tears away.

“I don’t want to die but I guess it’s inevitable? I love you so much that even words can’t express how much I love you. Since I’m dying soon, I love you more, ‘kay? Please take care of my parents after I’m gone. I have kept my recipe books at the highest shelf where I keep my secret stash of chocolate, so cook those for our daughter.

I didn’t throw out any of our memories. It’s at Mika’s house. I couldn’t do it, so go and take it back.

Our little girl here, I hope that she looks like you but you probably wish that she looks like me, right?

Babe, I wished I had a time machine and went back to the time where I took my health seriously but I guess this is fate too.

Sakusa Kiyoomi, it was an honour to be loved by you in this life. If you don’t mind, can we meet again in our next life? In our next life, please marry me.

I love you so much and I’m sorry.”

And the video ends.

“In the next life, I will make sure we meet again, fall in love and get married and do all the things that we missed in this life. Why are you always right, she does looks like you. Our baby girl, she’s like you. I love you so much, so please let me come to you in the next life.”

For the first time after the birth of his daughter, he smiled for the first time.

This was written after the movie, More Than Blue. I got lots of inspiration from it and I hope you guys enjoyed it.

Stay safe and healthy,

With love,

Rosalie🍓

©️ ICHIGOROMI — Please do not plagiarise my work or re-edit and repost as your own.

Reblogs are appreciated!

[okifyouinsist]

tagged by @killerandhealerqueen (i just keep forgetting abt this one SIGH but i have free time rn and im committed)

1. why did you choose your url?

growing up, i just wasn't a social media girl purely bc of the fact that my parents were super strict and I assumed they wouldn't allow me to have it and I just never really saw the appeal anyways. Then later a few friends basically forced me to make my first account and because i wasn't very creative and thought i was the funniest bitch ever i made my first user 'ifyouinsist' and it just kinda stuck ig

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

nope. i fear if i had a sideblog id end up neglecting it and forget abt it or make it my new main blog and neglect this blog and this blog is literally my baby

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

well i've had an account since like end of 2019, beginning of 2020???? (im pretty sure) i didnt like use my account tho i just had it to look at other ppls blogs not my own, i only acc recently made up my blog up properly and started posting this year when it was like 2 am and i was on holiday to visit my home country and my mum and my aunts were gossiping and i was like whatever who tf cares how late i am to a fandom and the rest was history

4. do you have a queue tag?

nope, my drafts are a terrifying place and if they ever saw light id die

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

to reblog pretty art and to compliment writers on ao3 AND on tumblr bc they deserve everything and more

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

logan sargeant. need i say any more???? hes my bsf in spirit

7. why did you choose your header?

loscar. LOSCAR. loscar. i am very much totally normal abt them i swear (lying through my teeth rn). they're just my everything unfortunately and sometimes i like to say the fist bump is their version of intertwining their fingers together

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

ik this bc it was the first i myself made and it was abt loscar obviously and i thought i was SO funny (im not) and its lowk still such a flop post but its MY flop post so here it is :)

9. how many mutuals do you have?

idk man im shy (scared of rejection) so i dont have a lot, like genuinely let me go see acc, oh ig its me and my 14 moots against the world i love you guys fr

10. how many followers do you have?

BYE my 26 followers are my 4 lifers fr (im such a flop this is hilarious)

11. how many people do you follow?

37 (sigh need to follow more ppl RN)

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

im gonna be so real idk what defines as a shit post but most probably yeah

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

idk im acc really inconsistent like ill be MIA for 2 whole days and the next week ill be on tumblr like for most of my day when i can its very confusing like today ive not been on it a lot im academically locking in and all that

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

ummm no. like. if i see someone i follow getting hate ill send them a supportive ask and then at the end of it be like anon ur such a loser get a life but other than that. nope.

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

im very much neutral abt them, like idc if i need to reblog it yk if i want to i will if i dont then i wont

16. do you like tag games?

YES (said in a very normal voice)

17. do you like ask games

YES. i love getting asks id cry if someone sent an ask (i have one rotting away from a moot rn i WILL answer it i swear)

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

can i say all my moots. i wanna say all my moots they're all famous in my eyes guys, i start tagging its gonna end with all my moots being tagged but like @killerandhealerqueen and @dwarvenchords were the first 2 ppl to come to my mind theyre both just the coolest fr

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

nah. i have FRIEND crushes on literally all of them tho. wanna be their friends SO bad

20. what is the last song you listened to?

Mamichula- Bizarrap

21. what are you currently watching?

in my docuseries era rn watching breakpoint (STILL)(i only have time on the weekends rn SIGH)

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy?

sweet. im such a 'lets skip the dinner and just get dessert' kinda girl

23. what is your current relationship status?

this is SUCH a complicated question to answer but heavily leaning more towards single

24. what is your current obsession?

sports. like just sports in general. like ive always been a casual fan of sports but i never used to take a deep dive into it but this year i decided to dive, and i dived VERY deep, so like motorsports, tennis, football, cricket, trying to get into hocky rn im collecting them atp. also. documentaries. like when i get time ill be binge watching like 5 documentaries i just love them sm

25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?

wish i could tell you fr, i mean, rn im re listening to SOUR by Olivia Rodriguez AGAIN bc thats the way my life is going SIGH, Olivia is my favourite basic artist fr, nothing compares to listening to SOUR for the first time in 2021

ANYWAYS, thanks again for the tag i really appreciate it, im gonna tag @ezisregrettinglifedecisions @fabeong @whatssthepooiintt

[ceratosaurtalks]

While I'm working on my Honduran Milks bioactive, I did wanna take the time to talk about Links Bioactive. Link is my overweight[He's working on it! <3] Male Emergency re-home Ball Python. I typically avoid this species, but he's been a fantastic little Unicorn for me. So lets talk about Link's enclosure and how it works! Link is in a 4ft x 2ft x 2ft PVC Enclosure- this is the *minimum* size this species requires to thrive. His substrate is made up of a layer of perlite sitting at the bottom of his enclosure, this layer of perlite acts as a drainage layer. This drainage layer, which catches excess water that seeps through the substrate. It also helps with catching potentially bad bacteria, and helps with your plants roots! The rest of the substrate sitting ontop of that layer of perlite is a mix of Ecogro organic topsoil, Coco fiber, and Sphagnum moss. I cannot stress this enough, but if you choose to do a bio-active enclosure PLEASE be sure to choose a organic substrate!! Fertilized substrate can be toxic to your animal, this includes manure-based fertilizers. To promote healthy growth, I choose to use Coco fiber and Sphagnum Moss. The Coco fibe[Coco peat] Is a safer way to promote healthy soil for both your plant, and your animals, while the Sphagnum Moss is fantastic at holding water and Nutrients for your plants. The arguably biggest and most important part of this enclosure is the cleanup crew. Your cleanup crew will break down decaying plant matter and your animals feces and return it to the soil, as well as cleaning bacteria growth. Bio-actives cannot function in the long-run without a cleanup crew. The cleanup crew I chose consist of Dairy Cow isopods[Porcellio laevis], and Temperate Springtails[Collembola sp.]. You can Mix-and match your Isopods and Springtails as long as its a species that can tolerate the humidity and temps your animal requires, HOWEVER! Its important to note your Isopod species. I chose not to mix Isopods in this enclosure as Dairy cows are kinda known for being aggressive. For plants, ball Pythons are incredibly Bulldozery animals and will trample much of your flora. Needing hardy plants that could survive being trampled and occasionally uprooted was a must for him, and after thought and research, I ended up settling on these: Golden Pothos, Snake plants, and Jade Pothos. Some just overall incredibly hardy plants that, since having them, I've found fantastic success with surviving Links night-time pathing and assaults. I also have a Philodendron [Monstera adansonii,] in there, providing cover and clutter around and over his hot hide. I'm proud of this plant surviving so far, to say I added it with a specific reason would be a goddamn lie lmao I just loved how cool it looked. The fact it's survived and adapted for as long as it has is a miracle in of itself, and I wish great health amongst this trooper of a plant. I deep water once a week to keep my plants healthy and the soil moist enough for my isopods to thrive, with occasional spraying staggered through the week. Overall, this is how Links Bioactive tank is settup! Is this the only way to set up a Bioactive tank? Certainly not! There's plenty of ways you can setup a Bioactive. Does your animal absolutely NEED a bioactive enclosure? For a lot of animals that answers going to be no! It doesn't. Bio-active vs Non-bio-actives have their pros and cons that, maybe Ill ramble about in a later post. And probably talk on what a Bioactive even is and go into much more detail than I did here about how it works. But I chose Bioactive personally because the long-term upkeep is less costly and labor-inducing, and I just love the looks of them. AndICanHaveAsManyGoddamnIsopodsAsIWant<3