#ill never get rid of them
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I'm the king of starting plotlines to get people interested in my blog & characters and then never finishing them
#chow.txt#feels like im looking in a window of a community. watching people have fun wonderful times and yearning for that too.#an outsider observing a community i havent been actively wanted in since *before* i dated beaux#too stubborn to delete this blog but sometimes i wonder if its time to move on yet#i love my characters i love the stories i have made#ill never get rid of them#but. yknow. 10 years. maybe its time to move on ?
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I find the fact that the confrontation at the end of UTRH is often summarized as Jason asking Bruce to kill the Joker for him fascinating.
Because that's not what happened.
Jason holds a gun up to Joker's head, gives Bruce another, and tells him that if Bruce doesn't do something (shoot Jason), he will kill Joker.
Jason doesn't give the gun to Bruce so that he would shoot Joker. He isn't expecting Bruce to pull the trigger on the clown. He's asking Bruce to do nothing. To be inactive. Because that will still be a choice, and despite having done nothing, everybody clearly agrees that Bruce would still, at least in part, be responsible for Joker's death.
...And to me, this moment is a kind of- microcosm, of the rest of Jason's point. Because after being captured and carted off to Arkham, the villain will escape again, and will kill more people. The only way to truly prevent that from happening would be to kill them; Bruce refuses to do so, and I respect his right to choose such a thing for himself, but it is still a choice, and if we agree that Bruce's inaction during the confrontation would leave him at least partly responsible for the Joker's death, then we must also agree that his inaction in permanently preventing the Rogues from killing more people means he is also, partly, responsible for all of those deaths.
#my dc posting#batman#dc#bruce wayne#jason todd#joker#uhh is this like analysis or meta#anyway. to me this is the message that scene sends#if we say bruce doing nothing would mean he assisted in the murder of joker then bruce doing nothing about the villains means he is also#responsible for those deaths#ANYWAY yes b4 you come at me;;#bruce's belief in rehabilitation and that everyone can get better is central to his character#and i love it and no i dont actually think he should kill the rogues or whatever#but the question there is. Are you fine with the future victims your decisions will cause?#Are their lives worth the slim chance any of these people will get better?#batman says yes theyre worth it. red hood says no theyre not.#thats the fundamental moral difference there#its why jason challenges the batman status quo#which is why he cant be harnessed well after his initial return bc comics can never truly escape that status quo#anyway i sure am having some thoughts for someone not that smart so if you disagree please tell me!!! just be civil or ill just block you <#...anyway this is another thing BTAS succeeds in bc i always feel like yes these villains do deserve yet another chance#despite what theyve done. bruce's belief in them doesnt feel stupid and naive#its abt what you yourself can live with. bruce can live w the deaths of the ppl the criminals he doesnt get rid of kill#and jason can live with killing those criminals and preventing further victims
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Here's Compost! She's my Trubbish bag that I made cuz I love Trubbish. They aren't in the pic but she also has little feet!
Also wanted to show off the pins on the strap. I've got a ton more, but these are the ones I like to go out with. Also, I made the Gear Station icon, bug type icon, and bolt badge pins!
#crochet#trubbish#my creatures#ive dubbed that my crochet tag and have gone back and edited the tags on my old posts#shes still needs a couple teaks like shortening the strap and actually putting the lining in#but that wont show up in pics so ill share her now#actually finished her back in like july but never thought to post her here#but i might as well since ive posted some of my other projects#also not tagging everything in my pins cuz wed be here all day#ive been collecting pins since gr8 or smth ive got so many#theyre like a collection of interests past i cant get rid of them#they live on my ace flag when not otherwise being worn
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Do you think bucks loft is going to burn down in episode 5
I think the loft serves a meta purpose on Buck's journey to find home and they won't get rid of it until Buck is done figuring his place in the world out. I don't see that happening by 805. So no. I don't think they'll burn down the loft.
#idk if i can make a meta on that make sense so ill never write it. but the loft is a symbol bucks quest for love while being a marker#of failing to realize what he need in them. from the fact that ali picked and decorated to the way taylor and tommy kiss him to the way#natalia runs from him to the couch of it all. they use the loft to deal with Bucks emotions and its very interesting when you look at how#the loft is an open space and buck doesn't know how to hide his feelings. everything is connected and buck himself navigates through it#while letting the edges bleed together. i think in a lot of ways buck treats the loft the same way he treats his body. just another tool#in a sense. it's something he needs. he takes care of it. hes somewhat comfortable in it but its not home. until bucks home in his body#hes not going home literally by getting rid of the loft. at least thats my opinion on it.#im not gonna write a meta she says as she writes a meta#anyway#911#i really need a tag for asks#anon 😌#911 spoilers#911 speculation
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okay like the thing is that suicide jokes and such are probably not that bad or that big of a deal if you're not really suicidal but if you're For Real suicidal or have been before and are not doing well mentally and you keep making them and start finding comfort in the thought you could kill yourself if you wanted to. be careful
#like i'm being serious rn 😭😭#it genuinely became my only source of comfort and i ended up feeling like that was the only solution#and it wasn't even necessarily bc i wanted to be dead. at least not most of the time#but it felt like the only way for things to change?#i was so stuck and in the extreme act of killing myself i could see change i could see moving forward#which like. yeah but it's obviously DANGEROUS i mean i could've died for real#sometimes i wish i had blabla but mostly i'm glad i didn't but it was still all so awful to go thru?#and idk sometimes i think if i'd not normalized the idea of suicide in my head for so long i wouldn't have gotten to that point#ik that genuinely most ppl who make suicide jokes are gonna be fine it's not gonna affect them much#but some of us are severely mentally ill 😭😭 i've been suicidal on and off since i was 13 or something#and it's just not good for me and i just want to be like. if you're also mentally ill please analyze if it's bad for you too#bc ah brains are fucked up !!!!!!! like i have a personality disorder and my brain has probably never been Not fucked up so i have to accep#that i have to be gentler towards it bc it'll start having fucked up beliefs easily lmao like the amount of things i rationally understand#but emotionally i believe and feel the opposite and it does NOT help to just rationally know !!!!! which sucks#but i'm working on it with a professional bc yeah i can't just get rid of the bad thoughts and negative shit on my own which i guess is ok?#okayyyyy.. back to football
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it’s so funny every time i start to think im doing better it gets worse
#my hands started bleeding when i wash them again :(#genuine question why is my brain wired like this#and it’s worse when i google if ill ever get rid of this but they say it’ll never really go away your symptoms will just be very manageable#but :(#mehak.exe
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I have to be so honest and vulnerable with you for a second. I keep thinking of getting another complete works of Shakespeare
#tales from diana#my riverside 1973 is still my beloved baby but she's really worse for the wear these days#i didn't start thinking about it till i got one for my friend like 6 months ago for his bday#and i kept looking at it and being like oh wow. his doesn't have all the scratches and rips mine does#mine is still BETTER obviously bc it's MINE. it's in worse condition objectively but it's MINE#making it the best copy in existence. to me#and it was my aunt's textbook at boston college. my grandmother let me have it. i think of it as a family heirloom#and the coating on the front cover side of the spine has been slowly tearing off :(#like there's one long vulnerable rip almost all the way down. idk how to prevent it from breaking further#other than just by not using it. and idk how to fix it wo making it potentially worse#i didn't know how to take care of old gigantic books when i got it at 19. i never considered it#i hadn't had one before. but now im more experienced#and im also just curious about what's inside other editions. especially newer ones#i only have 6 plays and at least 3 of them i plan to read in a copy other than the riverside#like my 23 plays and sonnets (1953) edited by t. m. parrot has 2 and another play im gonna borrow from library lending#and id definitely wanna get rid of a lottttt of books i have right now before getting a new one#im already planning on which books to donate when i declutter#and i need to declutter my books DESPERATELY. so so desperately#it'd just be nice to have another complete works in my collection. for a number of reasons.#that way i also suppose ill have two big books of shakespeare for auntie diana to pass down someday#i don't plan on getting one soon im just in the contemplative phase. but boy am i tempted
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me @ buddy daddies ep8: fellas, is it queer to have symbolism
#buddy daddies#urgh#so many gotdam thoughts#none of them coherent#never getting rid of the mentally ill allegations esp since I'm delaying taking meds to write this#djfnjkdfdf#shhhhh
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do you guys think i should make a faire (etsy for wholesale)……. wholesaling was on my goal list for the year but in a “email local businesses” way not a “put my stuff on a marketplace” way, especially since faire takes a 15% commission & has other fees…. i don’t have the kind of inventory to list a ton of stuff on there but i could start with a few things and see how it goes…. i can stop doing it if i decide it’s not worth it… it would be easier than sending a lot of emails or making a wholesale packet….
#if it goes well i can just start ordering more stock from the jump when i get new things#i don’t think i’m going to put any prints on there bc my runs are too small & i struggle doing reprints as is#sorry to people waiting on reprints i will get around to it i promise. but if i list my prints on faire then i feel like ill never have them#for my store. lol#it also might help me get rid of some stuff that doesn’t do so well for me like those stupid pencils..#i’ve been thinking about it the past couple days bc i just had a conversation w my boss about ordering stickers & she was shocked how little#i order. which makes sense for my business rn but she was telling me i should wholesale#so it’s been on my mind. idk maybe i’ll make an account and list a few things today & see if anybody bites#chatpost#i already know how the website works for the most part bc we use it at work#also should i order a new koozie do you think. it’s my usual summer merch although it’s late for that#people don’t buy them much anyway which is a shame bc i like them
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yall don't know platonic yearning like I do 😤
#all i want is a friend i can build a life with#we'll sleep in separate beds but occasionally we'll both get up for a late night snack at the same time and giggle about it#we'll call each other husband or wife while also having our freedom to seek out sex or romance outside of our partnership#there will always be someone to come home to and i won't feel the stifling pressure to perform romance for them#i want my future kids to be raised in love and friendship#i want them to know that they don't have to be a certain way in order to be loved#i want someone to hold my hair when im sick and let me cry on their shoulder when things are hard and stick up for me when i need it#i may never have this and it hurts my heart#ive told myself that being a single parent would make me happy because ill be happy as long as im not in a romantic relationship#but i don't know if thats actually true#ive resigned myself to that as a possoble future for me because being a parent is improtant to me#but there's this loneliness inside of me that I don't know I'll ever be able to get rid of#i thought i had a chance at the life i want with my ex and thats why i held on so long as tried to ignore all of our incompatibilities#but at the end of the day#hes a hopeless romantic and will always want the intense romantic love i can never give him and i will always resent those expectations#i wish things were different#personal#vent#aro tag#aromantic#platonic yearning#queerplatonic relationship#feel free to ignore but if you see this and also feel this way I'd love to commiserate :')
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insane that once a month i lose my mind alongside my uterus' lining
#like i think i'm mentally ill#and then flo arrives and i'm like Oh#No#I've been totally sick not mentally ill#THIS is mentally ill#i spent a good portion of today in bed drafting my will and testament#need to talk to rika to clarify some things#perks of being friends with a deceased estates lawyer#so many fucked things to think about though#if i die my parents are my next of kin#at 25#“daughter” would be on my tombstone#my savings will go to them if I don't quietly arrange something else#more money for drungs and alcohol and junk to hoard out this house#just like my babcia#fucking hell this one is a doozy#the pain is genuinely bordering on unbearable#i kept forgetting I'd taken pain pills already today#had to write them down so i didn't forget#but i took the most I'm allowed of both and it didn't take the edge kff at all#as if any of those parts of me serve a purpose#no one's having any fun with them#and i sure as shit am never having kids#breaking cycles of abuse by never having kids#just fuxking get rid of it all#all it does is cripple me every 28 days
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so many fucking ocs running around my head WHAT ARE YALL DOING
#i make an oc and they like. never go away#idk how to describe it just feels like they’re always there no matter what#physically can’t get rid of them#i am mentally ill#krash thoughts#krash ocs
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taylor idk who chappell roan is i think that makes me disqualified from being queer forever (←sapphic girl)
She's a musical artist! She's pretty up-and-coming right now and is seen as a wlw queer icon in the music industry, but I've never been able to get into her music even though tons of other sapphics love it. I probably just haven't given it enough of a chance. Casual is a good song though!
#big ol' personal opinions disclaimer down here in the tags. also lisia this is soooo unrelated to your question sorry lol#i also kind of hate a very specific subset of chapelle fans and i can't listen to her without thinking of them dkjfsdkjfnkdsf#which is a really stupid reason to not listen to her music and i know it but alas brains work in weird ways#i don't judge her by her fans! but i just have that tainted association. like how sometimes you feel ill after eating something#and even if that didn't cause you to be sick- you still refuse to eat it afterwards? it's like that#it's not her. she did literally nothing wrong. it's just an unfortunate little brain link that i can't get rid of#saw a couple of fans talking about toxic bisexuals and their 'inferiority complex' and that put me off of her music as a whole tbh#in regards to debates about her sexuality#one was talking about how bisexuals 'marry the patriarchy'.#quote-'bisexuals have freddy mercury. that alone is all you need' :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) i'm going to bite someone.#it's like these few specific fans were tailor made to put me off of her#unfortunately i have not gotten past that yet but if i ever can undo that brain association and enjoy her music i will let yall know ksdjks#unfortunately as of right now i am programmed to see her name and think of the (probably very few) jackasses in her fandom#just kinda made me feel unwelcome when i was trying out her music a bit more sadly#it was never her as an artist or a person. just a few idiots but it was enough#idk. i should try again though. chapelle fans. which songs should i try to start again with?#anyways i should probably stop swinging the bat at the biphobia nest lest it come back to bite me but dkjfdksjf yeah tldr she's a musician#a very talented one! just one that i cannot enjoy quite yet. i hope i can kinda defrost about it though
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drowley is so good because i read a fic years ago and instantly fell in love and proceeded to imagine them getting together and getting married in my imagination/daydreaming and proceeded to have them as my favorite ship for years.
#drowley#idk whst it is man but drowley...... it proceedes to have a hold on me even though i eant to get rid of it sometimes#Like NO it wouldnt realistically be rhe best ship because of all the baggage#the fics i read i should not have been reading at yhe age i was#and overall its not yhr superior ship from an objective pov.#But. i cant get rid of it.#i cant stop thinking about deans favorite thing being crowley slowly running his fingers up and down his back.#i camt get over dean loving to be laid on top of because it grounds him and crowley likes to use him as a pillow#i cant gr over late night dates to crappy bars or to the famciest restaurant to ever exist#i had years of thoughts on them to the point the thoughts will never go away and I'll always have the headcanons and ill always be stuvk#shipping them. Like other people this is destiel#right? and dont get me wrong. i also LOVE destiel but like.... the way others sre eith destiel is how i am with drowley#because i spent gears imagining them together and literally cried shile imagining them getting married YOU WILL NEVER UNDESTAMF THE EXTENT
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genuinely so angry and scared im shaking. how many other times this week this month this year have i been exposed without knowing it. do people even tell each other anymore. it’s just so grim. it’s so fucking grim
#purrs#delete later#covid19#i am fighting for my fucking life every day to stay safe and to keep the people around me some of whom are disabled / chronically ill /#immunocompromised / medically vulnerable safe. i am fucking fighting for my life. it’s already hard that i am usually one of two people in#any given room still wearing a mask let alone an n95 mask. hard and bad enough that we get looks for wearing masks and people think im crazy#for my life still being on hold and for my family still basically never going anywhere. ITS FUCKING WORSE that we are still very much in the#throes of all of it and we are in constant physical and quite frankly EXISTENTIAL danger not only of getting sick / becoming (more)#disabled / literally fucking dying but also returning to the absolute hell of lockdown which while important was psychologically damaging in#ways that are difficult to even articulate. like not only have we as a society decided to not give a shit about unpacking all of that and#healing from the trauma and assuming everyone went through the same thing when we very much did not and to just send everybody back to#school and work because 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑capitalism🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 but we have ALSO decided to pretend like the freakish unceasing danger just doesn’t exist#anymore and to get rid of every tool we had available to keep us safe or at minimum make people have to pay exorbitant amounts of money to#access them because 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑capitalism🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 !!!!!!! im TIRED. im so fucking tired of it. i am so fucking exhausted and angry and scared. and i#HAVE the luxury and privilege of being able to afford n95 masks and covid tests and to be able to work a job that i can do remotely if i#need to and to not be disabled or immunocompromised. what makes me fucking furious is we decided to throw all the people who don’t have#that access or privilege under the fucking bus and forget about them lol. but what do you expect from a country rotten to its core the way#it is lol. im fucking despondent. why are we living in an incinerator.#* the lockdown(s) werent just important they were necessary. and arguably we should have another one even though if we do i genuinely fear#for my mental health both during and afterwards and quite frankly before. im tired. i am grateful for the life i live which has resulted in#part from the different things that have happened because of the pandemic but i also so desperately wish this never happened and every day I#think about what life would be like if it hadn’t happened. the grief of it all is unspeakably big.
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In theory, painting an accent wall in my room is a great idea
In practice it means I have to dismantle my entire bookshelf and pull my various art portfolios out from under the bed and then move the bookshelf and the bed and I am Tired
#it'll be good in the longrun because theres a few books I've been meaning to get rid of#because i know ill never read them again or have outgrown them#but i have sleepy bitch disease and i don't wanna do it anymoooorrrre
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