#FUCK I FORGOT HEPHAESTUS SHIT

[dreamsy990]

finally putting together all my (relevant) god designs heres a wip before i color this/rewrite my notes to be legible

[spiralingemptyness]

Zeus is a shit parent, obviously. His brothers are better parents obviously.

Here’s the examples of the ones from blood of zeus (from the main 3 godly children that were on screen, srs the others got nothing)

Apollo - kept Zeus from getting caught by Hera, probably preventing the conflict from happening earlier, and yet no thank you or nothing, not shocking Zeus is a dick. Saved Hermes from probable death from a dangerous job and got tossed into the fucking ocean, a sun god, in water. Poseidon being the better brother, and brought him to Olympus…….. Zeus said and did nothing, probably still pissy at Hera for shanking him in the neck. Probably deals with Hera being pissy he and the others are Zeus’s bastard children

Hermes - literally delivers all of his messages and findings on top of delivering souls to Charon, again, no appreciation. Definitely deals with Hera calling him a bastard child. Agreed to spy on Hera, who probably knew that was gonna happen, and nearly got killed (probably murder attempt) by Ares for it (thank you Apollo). Immediately ran up to Olympus, after that (possible) murder attempt to save Zeus’s ass from getting killed by Hera, he definitely would’ve got stabbed again. And bc it’s Zeus, no appreciation.

Ares - the punching bag of Zeus, ‘oh Hera found smth out must be Ares, let me throw a lighting bolt at him and find out’. No you idiot, Hera found out by herself and was already aware. Always on his mothers side because 1) his old man can’t keep it in his pants and 2) (hc) he probably had to deal with the aftermath of finding out her husband is a cheating dick each time.

Now Hephaestus was barely on but he’s clearly under appreciated, that mf Zeus was destroying his robots left and fucking right as a lesson, on the other hand his owl robot (forgot the name) is so fucking cute.

This is just the examples from BOZ, I liked the show overall but making Hera the antag and a jealous bitch was a bad choice. You could’ve made her the villain because her husband, who’s also her brother, fucking assaulted her and she married him to hide that fact. Also the fact her husband can’t keep his shriveled dick in his fucking chiton. :) fuck you Zeus.

[raya-rhaenyra-ahsoka]

My thoughts on Ep.5 - A God Buys Us Cheeseburgers, A rant (Spoilers Ahead!)

First of all, the chaos with what happened in the Arch was expected, but Annabeth seeing the Fates was not expected.

Annabeth insisting that Percy is alive, and went to find him near the water.

Percy casually greeting them hi. Like he wasn’t stung by the Chimera and fell off the St. Louis Arch. This will never be not funny.

Annabeth rushing to hug Percy and didn’t even care that he was soaked.

Me, internally: PERCABETH! PERCABETH! PERCABETH! 😍🎉

Percy just now realizing that a god could not have stolen the master bolt and might have been helped by someone. Grover and Annabeth looking at him like, seriously?

This convo:

Percy: Why are you being weird with me again? I thought we’re not doing that anymore.

Annabeth: I’m not being weird.

Percy: Yes, you are. You’ve been weird since we left the Arch.

Again, that’s their relationship.

Percy assuming it’s because of the hug. And Annabeth being like, No idiot I saw the Fates! Percy, honey, you’re the one being weird about it.

At this point, Imma give Grover some popcorn while he watches them argue.

Biker Ares casually asking 3 kids if they need help. Definitely not sus.

Percy, Annabeth, and Grover hiding behind the road barrier like, uh, no, we’re good. Idk, but that’s funny to me.

Ares snorting and saying they’re behind schedule and offering to help his little cousin.

Ares immediately recognizing Annabeth as Athena’s kid. Ares being like, Omfg she sounds just like my sister. That’s definitely her kid.

So a biker offering to help 3 minors in the middle of nowhere and offering them food. In other people’s perspective, that’s definitely sus.

Ares being a Twitter Troll is something I never knew I need.

Percy and Annabeth being so unimpressed with Ares was so funny. Like, so this is the god of war? Really?

Gabe painting Percy as a fugitive, and Percy being pissed about it. Not surprised.

Ares being pumped that there’s a war coming.

Percy and Annabeth fucking ready to fight Ares, and Grover’s just there like, let’s all calm down.

You left your sheild? Like, forgot it on a merry-go-round? Girl, you’re talking to a god.

Negotiating with Ares 101:

Ares: Okay, the satyr stays here while you two get my shield.

Percy and Annabeth: No!

Grover: Okay, sure.

Percy and Annabeth: wtf

The Waterland giving off steampunk/horror movie vibes is something I’m here for.

Percy making plans to take Annabeth to see a movie in the middle of their death quest just because she admitted to never having seen one is just so sweet. PERCABETH!😍

Annabeth being fascinated by Hephaestus’ engineering.

Grover’s therapy session with Ares to get more info is also something I never knew I needed.

The f*cking Thrill Ride O’ Love! IT’S HAPPENING!

Book fans rn:

Annabeth: Don’t you even try to tell me not to be weird about this.

Percy: I didn’t say anything.

Annabeth: I can feel you thinking it.

Oh, my babies. PERCABETH! 😍

Percy calling the Thrill Ride O’ Love a ghost ride is something I agree on.

The awkward silence while they ride the rowboat though, and then suddenly you hear, WHAT IS LOVE? BABY DON’T HURT ME... That shit cracked me up.

The light projections in the tunnel telling Hephaestus’ story.

The ride turning into a horror boat ride to a whitewater rafting ride was so unexpected. I’d pay to see that kind of boat ride rather than an actual tunnel-of-love ride.

Them having to jump and Percy unknowingly pulling Annabeth to safety with his water superpowers. He’s a waterbender and he doesn’t know it. LOL

Ares, the literal god of war, just ranting off to a random satyr he found in the middle of nowhere about his overachiever sister and her feathered pet will never be not funny.

Annabeth not hesitating to sit on the chair, and Percy stopping her.

SEAWEED BRAIN! SEAWEED BRAIN! SEAWEED BRAIN! SHE SAID THE THING! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

Book fans:

[Spoiler] To non-book-readers, that's her nickname for him.

Percabeth arguing about a life/death decision. This is their relationship.

Percy giving Annabeth Riptide. He trusts her. Aww. 😍

Percy having to sit on the chair, while Annabeth gets the shield.

Annabeth nearly backing out at the last second, while Percy assures her that he’s okay while trying not to cry.

Annabeth ignoring the shield then immediately and desperately tries to free Percy.

Annabeth bargaining with Hephaestus. Maybe, I was that way once, but I don’t wanna be that way anymore. I won’t be like all of you.

Hephaestus releasing Percy was definitely his way of saying, Girl, same. You’re a good kid. Imma make sure you’re Mom knows that.

THIS PIC! THIS IS HISTORICAL RIGHT HERE! GO BACK TO THIS POST AFTER THIS SHOW HAS SEVERAL SEASONS AND MOUNT ST. HELENS ERUPTS. *wink-wink

Percy and Annabeth going back to the diner with the shield casually, and then like, we got your shield, now where tf is our ride?

Ares’ ride: The Kindness Internation truck a.k.a. illegal animals smuggling van.

Thank you for the emotional abuse and the cheeseburgers and the ride! ~ Grover Underwood. Iconic!

Grover telling Percy and Annabeth about his therapy session with Ares: I know who stole the master bolt!

Of course, it’s a cliffhanger. But nothing will beat the HoO:MoA one.

Bruh, the amount of Percabeth content in this episode is just *chef’s kiss*. It’s all coming together. I can’t even fathom how much of an emotional rollercoaster I was watching this episode. It just keeps getting better and better! 😍

[scrambledd3ggss]

Wisdom saga thoughts!! (Spoilers for the wisdom saga)

Legendary- MICO’s VOICE?? Oh my god it’s great, ALSO THE SUITORS IN THIS??? THE WHOLE SECOND PART OF THIS LEADING INTO LITTLE WOLF???? Oh my god I’m losing my mind. “Don’t you dare call my mother a tramp!” “I just did. Whatchu gonna do about it champ?” AGHHHH AYRON’S VOICE???

Little wolf- okay so I was singing to the parts I knew AND THEN ATHENA SHOWED UP?? OH IM GONE! WHAT??? EVERYONE SOUNDS SO GOOD 😭🙏 (also Telemachus’s reaction to Athena is amazing and I love it) ATHENA’S VERSE IS GIVING ME LIFE

We’ll be Fine- Oh my god I’m crying, sobbing even. Athena describing her and Ody’s relationship is simultaneously adorable and so so sad. Athena and Telemachus’s friendship is so wholesome and I love this duo. “You’re a good kid” KILL ME NOW/pos

Love in Paradise- ATHENA’S MIND DIVE IS SO COOL. ALSO SHOWING ALL THE PROGRESS IN THIS MOMENT IS SO BITTERSWEET. “Odysseus where did you go” SOBBING. Wangui’s voice is so magical, everyone in this is so talented (also her little giggle is so cute). THE ENDING OF THIS FUCKING SONG THOUGH?? KILLED ME. ODYSSEUS IS SO DEPRESSED AND ITS JUST UGHHH I WANNA BE ABLE TO HELP HIM GET HOME BUT I CANT. Also how this part just shows everything he’s been through and how it’s affecting him mentally and emotionally and he knows he can’t go home. CALYPSO CALLING HIM ODY??? Hearing all of his loved ones singing.. I’m too far gone guys. HE CALLED ON ATHENA FOR HELP

God games- APOLLO AND HEPHAESTUS VOICE REVEAL (they sound great, loved their verses so much) Aphrodite and ares are the it couple tbh, and I know I keep repeating this but EVERYONE SOUNDS SO GOOD😭😭!!! I just love Athena’s different tactics to convince them to let Ody go home. ALSO ATHENA’S LITTLE BOOGY DURING HERA’S VERSE?? ADORABLE. I forgot to mention Apollo calling Odysseus ody 😭🙏 ZEUS’S BEAST MODE THING??? OH MY GOD??????? HOW HARD ATHENA FOUGHT HIM ESPECIALLY AFTER HE TALKED SHIT ABOUT TELEMACHUS (p.s ares’ little “is she dead” got me for some reason 😭)

So in conclusion, every saga that comes out wrecks me more and more than the last one and I love it

[cosmicfan776]

after having now finished last olympian, my official sorting of the olympic gods

FUCK WITH

-poseidon (when grading on a curve, pretty good dad and he is silly and also hot)

-Dionysus (king, would have won pac man if it wasn't for pierre. also seems genuinely chill/cares about his kids

-Aphrodite (has never done anything wrong in her life absolutely did not curse any women for serving more cunt than her. only thing she did in books was be cool and ship percabeth. Queen shit.)

-Artemis (actually does shit. like she just goes out and does things and i think that's cool)

-HESTIA SWEEP

--Hephaestus

SORTA FUCK WITH

-Hermes (he was mean and lashes out at others for his own mistakes, but also hes not all bad)

NO FUCK WITH

-Apollo (continues to grumble about how i "do not fuck with apollo anymore")

-Hades (show hades is awesome, but in the books hes just an asshole, and also never figured out how prophecies work even tho its been like millenia, complete imbecile. could have taken nico/bianca out of the casino? considering zeus clearly forgot about them by the time of books/thought they were dead, so like, they were only in there so you could release them from cryofreeze in time for the prophecy.)

-Athena (cannot laugh at funny, good natured prank. so leaves her child to die for what their friend did. cringe. also did i call her a nerd yet. because she's a nerd. Absolute four-eyes athena over here.)

-Demeter (has done nothing but be an asshole and try to make people eat wheat. i don't want your fucking wheat lady.)

-Hera (asshole. they all gotta stop cursing people frankly.)

-Zeus (just kinda evil. like he took out an entire hotel to kill his targets, who were also innocent children. and then still broke the pact twice despite that. and also all the swan shit that wasn't chill.)

-Ares (ares.)

[genericpuff]

What’s your opinion on the titans designs in lo

i swear to christ i was watching attack on titan when i read this question and did a double take like holy shit am i gonna get to gush about AOT????

okay but to answer the ACTUAL question, I actually have um... some interesting takes on them.

First off, for starters. Helios. Pretty neat. I know he's just yellow Zeus but he's big and he's sassy and I wish we could see more of him.

Kronos was cool until RS turned him into an MCU villain.

Gaia I'm sort of indifferent on... she really doesn't have any sort of real role in the story beyond being some Avatar McGuffin. Her original design was badass but then ofc, as all things go in LO, RS dumbed her design down and now she looks just like another Persephone clone.

Rhea was great when she first appeared but, again, Persephone clone. I don't like the recent retcon/establishment that the fertility goddesses need to experience love to have their powers used because it casts some fucked up implications (beyond the obvious) when she begged Zeus to find Metis and "use her powers no matter the cost". If I had known at the time that was gonna turn into "Zeus had a relationship with Metis" I would have been a bit more like... yikes, Rhea.

And then there's Metis... oh boy, do I have some takes about Metis. Very personal ones.

So here's the thing. Metis is the name of the Greek god, yes. But it's... it's not what comes up when you search "Metis" on its own. Because there ALSO exists an Indigenous group of people in Canada called 'Métis'. And LO Metis' design is-

sigh yeah.

Now I know I'm gonna get people who are saying I'm "reading too much into it" but y'all. I'm Mi'kmaq. The Métis people come from the same regions my own ancestors do, my own family pretty much shares blood and land with them. I promise you, I'm not pulling any of this out of my ass, Metis' design stood out to me as soon as I saw it because her outfit really resembles the fringe that you find EVERYWHERE in Indigenous clothing, like we fucking LOVE FRINGE LOL (I've got a cape/poncho thing with loads of fringe that I whip out for special occasions) And the wings resemble a lot of the 'finger feathers' you see in Mi'kmaq, Maliseet, Cree, and yes, Métis art.

phew sorry I know Hephaestus is also drawn with a similar skin tone and Metis starts to veer off into flanderized colors with the bright orange like every other character in this comic, but it's just like... not a great combination.)

(*edit because I forgot to add: it also REALLY REALLY REALLY DOESN'T HELP that Metis is the ONLY TITAN designed with non-neon colors. Like, she's been explicitly drawn with darker orange/reddish tones that are OFTEN AFFILIATED WITH INDIGENOUS PEOPLE. THE SLUR 'REDSKIN' EXISTS FOR A REASON-

phew sorry I know Hephaestus is also drawn with a similar skin tone and Metis starts to veer off into flanderized colors with the bright orange like every other character in this comic, but it's just like... not a great combination. The more human-like skin tone is sorta just the cherry on top.)

So... yeah. Take that with what you will. I'm not necessarily accusing RS of anything (because Metis being drawn like a Métis woman is like, the least of LO's problems) but at BEST she's just got some REAL shit Googling skills or like... didn't think anyone would notice? 😂

Either way that's... that's my (*probably biased) take on Metis. At the very least it does result in her having a way more interesting design than the others (who are basically just big color-swapped versions of Hades and Persephone) but IDK if that's a good thing when that design is in the hands of RS. She ruined Metis in the most recent episodes which is kinda lowkey even more insulting LMAO

[narrators-journal]

Perharps when the sun god Tatsuya crushing on the moon god Jun when they first meet where he’s charmed by Juns sass and Jun flirts back

This one might be a lil rough, but I damn near woke up out of sleep to write it before I completely lost the eloquence lol. I hope this is a coherent read, and that you enjoy it. I took your prompt and I just fucking RAN with it, so it was a lot of fun to write. I know it’s only been a max of two asks so far, but I’m having a blast with this au lol, just like I did with the King leo au!

Also, funfact, I had to look up a lot of shit for this single scenario, like night-blooming flowers, pavilions, charcuterie, and even how to tie a tie lol. So, I REALLY hope the care shows through and this isn’t a horrible mess <3

Beneath the watchful eye of the silver moon, the air in the massive marble pavilion vibrated with conversation and power simultaneously. All thanks to the small army of gods that had gathered there for yet another party.

Dionysus poured wine from his endless goblet into Aphrodite’s mouth as they danced together to the satyr band, no care given to how the maddening beverage might stain their clothes, Artemis wrestled with her twin in the well-kept grass of the moon-drenched park, and Zeus danced and flirt with a lovely minor deity with sun-blonde hair and sky blue eyes. All while the less party-inclined gods stuck more to the edges of the pavilion. Like Hephaestus, who leaned on a sturdy cane decorated with the same intricate carvings that adorned his beloved wife’s golden armbands and pendant necklace to get the weight off of his prosthetic leg, or Hades, who stood by the long table of offered charcuterie boards and hors d’oeurvres with his lily-decorated wife. Both were dressed in elegant blacks and grays as if they wore smoke or shadows.

That was where a tall, well-tanned brunette found himself. Awkwardly leaned against one of the cold marble pillars in a deep red suit with some champagne in a dainty flute and a tie decorated with golden sun outlines draped over his shoulders while he watched his now-fellow gods socialize and celebrate all of the free time they’d been granted. Is my presence really needed here? He asked himself as he feigned a sip of his drink. This isn’t even happening during my period of time, and Apollo’s here too. I’m redundant. Even though, regardless of his complaints, the tall brunette did nothing but watch as Poseidon and Zeus boasted and showed off to try and impress that same blonde goddess from earlier.

At least, until the sudden collision of a body tore his attention away from them to meet a pair of dark eyes that stared up at him with a cute smile on the man’s lips. “Oh! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to crash into you like that, I’m so clumsy tonight.” The new man said, though his eyes danced with playful shades of purple and blue so that the new god of the sun found himself entranced by the dance of hues and twinkle of starlight. “H-huh?” He managed once he’d blinked himself free of the spell. “I was just apologizing for bumping into you, it’s no worries. What’s your name, handsome? I haven’t seen you around before.” He hummed, and the god very much heard him, because he was quickly captivated by how peaceful the ravenette’s voice was. Like a sleepy night’s breeze.

Though, if that didn’t capture the brunette’s attention, something else about his new companion was sure to. Like the silky sheen of the obsidian hair that fell over one of his eyes, barely held back at all by the silver crescent moon pin tucked into his hair, or the richly midnight, air-light fabric that drifted so scandalously around the middle of his thigh, or the nocturnally pale complexion of his porcelain smooth skin.

So, once again, all the sun god could wrangle from his scattered, hormone-infested brain to answer him was another thoughtless, “Huh?” as his mouth hung open like he forgot how to shut it. Thankfully, though, the deity seemed to be aware of exactly why the new god struggled so much because he simply giggled. “I asked what your name was, pretty boy. Surely you have at least that much in your head still, right?” He teased with a mischievous smile playing at his lips like the heat that flooded the sun god’s cheeks. Which, at that moment, he was happy was as tanned as they were. “Oh! I-I do. It’s...I-it’s Apollo.” Ah! Quit acting like a 25-year-old virgin! “Oh, no no, I meant your name, handsome. Not your occupational name.” The ravenette giggled, which did not help the brunette’s brain cells. “O-oh, um, Tatsuya? I was named Tatsuya Suou before I became a god.” “Oo, that’s a neat name! You can call me Jun, okay?” Jun chirped while the tall brunette blinked dumbly, “Okay, but what’s your- What’s your other name then?” He asked, but the god simply pat the arm he’d at some point captured with his own, “Trust me, honeysuckle, you and I aren’t going to have a professional enough relationship for you to worry about that.” He assured before he plucked the flute of champagne out of Tatsuya’s hand and sipped from it before it could hit the floor. And, just like that, the brunette felt as if he’d fallen down a flight of stairs. Each pet name, smirk, playful word, or brush from the dark-haired deity a new step to bash the flirtation into the sun god. “Oh, by the way, why is your tie undone?” Jun asked abruptly, Tatsuya’s hand swiftly lifted to the silky fabric that he’d long since given up on wearing properly. “U-um, I...I couldn’t figure out how to tie it, and my mentor refused to let me wear a clip-on. He said it would’ve been cheap.” He explained, unable to meet those beautiful eyes in a sudden wave of shame. But, the ravenette didn’t tease him for it, he simply pulled the crimson tie into its proper place beneath the collar of his button-up. “You should get someone who can do it for you then,” he suggested easily, his thick lashes fluttered sweetly up at the god as if to fan the flames in his cheeks more. “G-god you’re very...aggressive, y’know.” He chuckled, only to get gently swatted with the longer, wider part of the sun-patterned tie when Jun folded it over the other half. “You say that as if you’ve seen me be aggressive.” “I meant with the flirting.” He clarified, despite the playfully knowing glint of starlight in Jun’s eyes. Which got him an eyebrow raised instead, “Do you have an issue with my flirting?” “No!” Oh god, that was too quick. Fuck, why the fuck do I turn into a bumbling idiot in these situations? Tatsuya lamented in his head as his face surely burned enough to be visible by now. “I-I mean, not at all. You’re just very open about it, I thought flirting was more subtle, y’know?”

While he spoke, Jun tightened the fabric around his throat and smoothed his collar over it, a small smile on his lips as he hummed, “Well, considering you barely managed to tell me your name, I didn’t think subtlety was the right method for you.” “Okay, but why even bother?” Tatsuya asked, and the other god snorted, “I was kinda bored of the party, so I figured I’d come say hello to the newbie who’s gonna be balancing me out from now on.” And, before The brunette could get out another awkward question, Jun pulled his tie just a bit too tight. “Don’t worry though, honeysuckle. All you’ve gotta do is entertain me for a while longer. And, if you do a good enough job, I’ll show you how I make the sunrise.~”

Just like that, all complex thoughts shot southward in the new sun god. Any later taunts or prods from his mentor or fellow gods were a worthy price to pay at that moment. At some point, Apollo had warned him that deities who worked with the night had a tendency to be some variety of deranged or deceptive, and were usually a headache to get tangled with. Still, Tatsuya couldn’t make himself care about that fact when his eyes met those hypnotic pools once more. “Y-yeah, okay. I can do that for you.”

[pareiwheeler]

FAV MOMENTS IN EP FIVE !! also uh spoilers if that wasn’t apparent

-THE FATES?? OMG HELLO

-percy casually saying hi after the shit show on the arch

-PERCABETH HUG

-grover going “soo…” after the awkwardly long percabeth hug and percy and annabeth jolting like they forgot he was there 🙏🙏🙏

-ares pulling up and the trio looking up over the thingy just barely. was so funny. “so long” -grover underwood, 2024

-ares starting twitter fights. real

-grover immediately agreeing to stay behind even when percabeth fights it

-grover in his manipulation era. his trickster era. his silly little era.

-annabeth saying she’s never seen a movie and percy saying “we oughta fix that” LIKE OKAYYY

-percy thinking he is gonna die and annabeth going “hmm! interesting!” at the maybe-a-death-trap

-“why would hephaestus build an amusement park?” “maybe he thinks it’s amusing” “that’s not funny annabeth” “it’s a little funny”

-annabeth telling percy to not make “thrill ride o’love” weird and him saying “i didn’t say anything!” and her immediately saying “i could hear you thinking it” I LOVE THEM

-percy immediately getting hephaestus’ story. HE IS BEATING THE “PERCY IS STUPID” ALLEGATIONS

-percy offering annabeth riptide for the SECOND TIME IN TWO EPISODES IN BASICALLY THE SAME CONTEXT EXCEPT THIS TIME SHE LETS HIM SACRIFICE HIMSELF WILLINGLY BECAUSE SHE KNOWS ITS THE RIGHT THINK TO DO IM ILLL

-annabeth immediately telling percy to stand up as soon as the machine starts

-“im okay. im okay. im-“

-THE TEARS IN ANNABETHS EYES

-annabeths “eat or be eaten” speech

-ANNABETH HOLDING PERCYS ARM WHEN HE STANDS UP USHEJDHFUF

-the look of pure hatred on percy and especially annabeths face towards ares when they get back to him and grover

-“thanks for the emotional abuse and cheeseburgers. uh, and the ride. we’re gonna take you up on that”

-grover is so sassy i love him

-THE GROVER CLIFFHANGER?!?! SHUT THE FUCK UP

ignore how i just listed every single thing that happened in the episode hahahahahaha.

[mamawasatesttube]

Random, but I’m curious: if you had the chance to give Cassie a different type of lasso to replace the one imbued with Zeus’s lightning, what would it be?

serious answer: i think it'd be so fun to give her maybe something hephaestus-ish. magical fire and perhaps some occasional weird magical gadgetry at her fingertips. primarily fire but like... the occasional deus ex machina, as she deserves, yknow? i think like... there's something about cassie and the power of fire as both life and death but also progress. something something prometheus might even work here honestly?? open-ended but i think she deserves a lasso of sacred flame, that'd be cool.

silly answer: i've had an incredibly long day today AND forgot my meds this morning and i blame that general cocktail for this, but my brain did just see this ask and immediately jump to "REGULAR LASSO. COWBOY CASSIE? BUTCH LESBIAN COWBOY CASSIE. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. butch lesbian cowboy cassie and femme gay man cowboy kon could be SUCH a great gnc duo--" and this is really just so completely irrelevant to the question at hand but it deserves to be put out into the world i think.

[maircries]

Mair’s Episode Forty Four Relisten:

LETS FUCKING GOOOOO desperate times baby :)

Eiffel is truly the only reasonable goddamn person on this station

“He’s good at finding rat holes!” Fair enough, I’d also be super bummed if the villainous scientist among us had all the secret rooms

Here’s the episode where Minkowski started to scare me!!!

The stupid fucking bit where someone’s says good, very good, it will never not be funny

But yeah god what the fuck man Renee sounds terrifying as hell this episode

Doug is having uss horrible unending nightmare flashbacks right now tell me otherwise

This is also when I realized just how necessary Doug is, how Renee would’ve gone off the deep end without him. God bless Doug Eiffel

He’s so fucking full of shit, I can’t stand him, I want to kiss him

But dude I totally believed this was a real thing ngl

He’s the only one who makes her laugh and I’m gonna cry about it man

Team what’s wrong with handcuffs!!!!

*kills someone*

Okay shut the fuck up shut the fuck up I had to go back and listen but during his little silly speech thing where he bullshits his way into making her laugh. He. He fucking. He says her name right.

God I forgot about him making fun of her for not talking about Dominik

“I felt like I was just those mistakes” I’m fucking sob I’m not okay I love him so goddamn much

“You have nothing to apologize for” dude this is so fucking false bring up him mispronouncing your name, save each other some angst in the long run

They’re besties 😭😭😭

“We’ll do our best” god fucking damn it

Hilbert is such a tragic fucking character

ZACH VALENTI GULP

I hate it here my heart is POUNDING

I wish so deeply that I had pop culture Brainrot so I could write fic to put Eiffel through the ringer more thoroughly

Kepler is so fucking cruel

Jacobis job and room is so fucking funny

I think Kepler sounds like he’s having an aneurysm it’s so fucking funny

So obviously they all knew that this was the Hephaestus crews doing so this is likely all acting, but you know on some level that the panic from Alana and Daniel is real and the words and anger from Kepler is too

My heart is already in pain, hearing them flesh out the plan and knowing how it’s all going to go wrong

I can’t fucking stand this

It almost feels like we’re prepping for a panic attack in my chest rn

“Looks like we beat Jacobi” I am curled up wheezing trying not to sob tbh

“Because it is a plan and it is on this station” no need to add the Eiffel bit, just the plan on the station is enough to stress about

Go away Duolingo it is NOT the time

Dude just fucking blame Hilbert

It’s almost time for the line

“Let’s go be monsters”

Not fucking ready for it

FUCKING VILLAINOUS!!!! SHE TRUSTED YOU!!!!

LETS GO BE MONSTERS

GOD DAMNNTHATS THE EPISODE

[yveltalreal]

✤ - a memory that involves romance/love for maple

A memory that involved romance/love: Maple

You wipe ur face with one of the tissues your pa left in the car with you. When you pull it away a black stain is left on the paper. Fuck! Your mascara is going to be a nightmare to clean up once this is over. You can feel it on your face, having smeared and ran down your face from how much you were crying earlier. You should have worn the waterproof stuff but in your defense, you did not think your fucking fiance would have just abruptly stopped loving you and decided you did the same.

Arc, you hope your pa didn't break his fucking legs. Everyone in the chat said they heard him screaming. That's no bueno...

Something shifts in your lap. Oh right! The service pokemon they gave you that stands as a reminder of the time you fucking died! You kinda forgot she was here... You don't really feel like Hephaestus is making things worse for you. Did you cry so hard you just... forgot to be traumatized? You surprise yourself sometimes! In the front seat, Bibi keeps trying to start the car. It is a good thing your pa took the keys with him because you're pretty sure the lopunny would gladly put the pedal to the metal and turn as many people into speed bumps as possible. Finally, in the back seat is the dragalge you had rescued only a few days prior. Initially you weren't going to keep him, but you've started getting attached, so you should probably name him eventually...

Enough about that. The dragalge and Heph both stick their heads out the window. Oh fuck someone's here. You look out too. Oh shit! It's Aspen! Your fucking fiance! He's looking for something. He's also... Hold on.

"Are you wearing my fucking shirt?" you call out the window. Arc, you probably look like shit considering you were crying until not even 20 minutes ago.

Aspen looks down. Did he... did he not realize?

"I forgot to um. Change." You realize as he begins to approach the car that looks like he is about to sob. That makes two of you.

"I’m um. I’m sorry. I. Fucked up. And. I don’t want you. To stop loving me. Please don’t. If you um. Haven’t yet," he says, continuously getting closer. You don't think you can stop loving people. You still love everyone that's hurt you. You still love him. Honestly, you thought Aspen had stopped loving you.

Something in the back of your mind pushes you forward. No thinking, just doing. As soon as Aspen gets close enough, you lean out of the window, grab him, and pull him in for a kiss.

You pull away, and whisper "That's kind of gay," without thinking. Aspen rests his forehead on yours.

"I love you. You’re not hard to love. It’s really easy, actually. I’m sorry. Really sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry," he says. You don't like when other people are sorry. It makes you feel like you did something wrong. "No, it's okay! You didn't mean to... You didn't mean to... I love you so much, Aspen! I was so fucking afraid I did something wrong because I didn't know what was going on! But it was just a misunderstanding! You didn't mean it." Two out of three of the pokemon in the car are staring at you homophobically like that one image of the dachsbun. Ironically, the fucking dog is not one of them.

"It’s not okay," you hear him mumble, "I hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you." You swallow. Someone who doesn't want to hurt you... If only you weren't someone who exists to be hurt.

"Aspen, I've been hurt by a lot of people in a lot of ways. I don't think I know who to be if I'm not getting hurt, but I know you didn't mean to hurt me."

"Can I hug you?" he asks, and you say yes. Of course you do. You are someone who never lets others go and never stops loving.

[jeannedarkterraguard]

Day five of Jeannes Pokemon Scarlet Nuzlocke

Okay apparently Black Friday/Christmas has decided to kick my ass this year and I have to work between 12 and 15 hours a day so I only have time to play on the weekend but here is the next day of my pokemon scarlet nuzlocke

I know after the last couple of flashbacks I'm supposed to be sympathetic towards him but... his entire design just makes me angry...

I'm sorry Ortega but the game wouldn't let me choose a body type... otherwise I would look like one of the (unusually many) buff women that are all around paldea

Oh... shit... I forgot about obedience levels

Slightly under leveled and my two main pokemon didn't obey me... but I managed to beat him without any casualties

Right back at ya kid... right back at ya...

I can't imagine why... is it because of your stupid bowlcut? Your pink/white suit with blue and gold accessories? The fact that you carry around a walking stick despite not actually needing it to walk?... I could go on...

That... that doesn't sound like a bad thing

Yeah Cassiopeia... most bullies are cowards... I feel like you should have predicted that

Urgh... double battles... WHY?!?

well... let's hope I don't accidentally kill one of my own team members...

That wasn't difficult but still... fuck you!

Look... a rap battle sounds fun... but I'm a basic white girl with no sense of rhythm so let's maybe not...

Please don't be a double battle, please don't be a double battle, please don't be a double battle...

FUCK YOU!!!!

Did it... and I probably should have done it earlier... I was way overleveled

Little training Session... Hydra, Adrasteia (I accidentally deleted the screenshot of catching her) and Hestia evolved

Okay that was by far the most fun I had with any of the gym challenges so far

Ah yes episode two of “let's confuse all the straight people”

I'm gonna be honest... I didn't pay attention for a minute here so I'm not sure how this happened but Hephaestus died

Aphrodite still carried the rest of the fight though

Okay... Ages in this game confuse me... we have Arven, a grown ass man, still going to school... (and I'm pretty sure I've seen a 60 year old trainer that was also a student) and then we have a literal toddler in the Elite Four...

Exercise... not what I expected in the psychic type gym

Ahh... there it is...

Oh hey it's one of the hot teachers (seriously why is every NPC hot? Like obviously the male ones are not my type but with the exception of the toddler I haven't met a single female NPC that wasn't at least a little attractive)

Don't you specialize in fighting types? And you really thought you had a chance against the psychic gym leader? (also I think the internet has ruined me because when she said “do what the winner says” my mind went to a very different place)

Final Gym Test...

Man, that was annoying

Last gym battle. This time against a supermodel

Should have done this one before Grusha

I know I made fun of Nemona a bit but she's genuinely one of my favorite rivals in the entire franchise

So I'm fighting a wrestler now... wouldn't be the first time... I mean... Crasher Wake was literally a wrestler

You know... I have a hard time believing some of this team star story... mostly the part about them getting bullied... I mean Atticus and Ortega, absolutely... Giacomo, sure... Mela, I guess... but Eri... that woman is 6 feet tall and looks like she could break a human in half... she would not get bullied... even if she was the nicest person in the world I would be afraid that one day she would snap... then again, bullies aren’t exactly known for being smart...

Bless her... she tried so hard but her stats are so garbage...

And that's the last boss defeated

What? Nooo... I would never have guessed...

Oh right I somehow forgot to post some of the screenshots of pokemon I caught... so here they are first Ananke the Riolu

Hemera the Charcadet

Nerites the Wugtrio

Ares the Bisharp

And Apate the Zorua

That leaves only the Pokemon League (and the Arven and Cassiopeia part but I wanna do the League first) I'm worried

Okay so Lisa told me that I should have my team at around level 58-60 (she didn't tell me anything about their types or anything but when she looked at my team she said I should train because my highest level team member were Aphrodite and Hydra at level 54 followed by Gaia at level 48) so I decided to do some grinding to level up my team, evolve all of them (well almost all of them... Stupid Hydra won't evolve until level 64) and decide which Pokemon I want to take with me... so here's my final Team...

Gaia The Meowscarada lvl:60

@ Expert Belt

Ability: Overgrow

Jolly Minted

- Flower Trick

- Night Slash

- Play Rough

- U-turn

Hecate the Farigiraf lvl:59

@ Expert Belt

Ability: Armor Tail

Quiet Minted

- Hyper Voice

- Psychic

- Thunderbolt

- Shadow Ball

Ananke the Lucario lvl:58

@ Loaded Dice

Ability: Steadfast

Modest Minted

- Aura Sphere

- Steel Beam

- Vacuum Wave

- Bone Rush (why can't Lucario learn a good special Ground move via TM?)

Sana the Dachsbun lvl:60

@ Expert Belt

Ability: Well-Baked Body

Adamant Minted

- Play Rough

- Ice Fang

- Thunder Fang

- Fire Fang

Hemera the Armarouge lvl:59

@ Wise Glasses

Ability: Flash Fire

Modest Minted

- Psyshock

- Flamethrower

- Aura Sphere

- Dragon Pulse

Hydra the Zweilous lvl:60

@ Muscle Band

Ability: Hustle

Adamant Nature (didn't need a Mint for this one)

- Crunch

- Zen Headbutt

- Thunder Fang

- Tera Blast

...

And that's it time for the league... tomorrow... I'm still nervous

RIP

Hephaestus the Bronzong (lvl: 39-47)

Adrasteia the Tinkaton (lvl: 20-50)

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

what are some of mod dave's aus

uhh ok this is a fucking plethora

SO I HAVE!!

HUMANSTUCK - i just imagine this one by default,,, uhh john was definitely born in athens greece. terezis been chinese / korean this whole time idk what youre talking abou-,t-

DEMIGODSTUCK - i Know i have gone into detail about on this blog before. my favorite concepts from this one are greyro ace vitiligo aphrodite son karkat who doesnt feel like he fits in with his cabin cause they make fun of him for being “ugly” and “loveless” and then he comes around and completes a quest and becomes head counselor, and uhhh hephaestus dirk who has pyrokinesis and also loses an arm so now hes got a metal one he built himself

DONT LOOK DOWN - my greyromantic human-collegestuck 18kword banekat fic im writing which ive Also mentioned on this blog before

DEAD KIDS - this is based off a katie alender book called “the dead girls of hysteria hall” please read that book its fucking phenomenal dave is the one who inherited the asylum and all the homestuck girls are the ghosts trapped inside its made my friends cry before when i made them read it hal almost busted out his witch charm and warded me away cause of dead kids

DONT STARVE - where everyone lives in the 1920s and they get sucked into tim burton minecraft island hell and they all gotta survive there (handmaid is definitely charlie. it fucks aradia up cause she Knows. think like winona. she gets one free night without being consumed by the darkness itself cause Family Reasons)

MINECRAFT - this one is where a lot of people are like sentient humanoid half-creatures like sollux is half creeper half human and dont. uh. dont get him mad. also drowned eridan and feferi but theyre not dead or brainless they just be lookin like that. its cool !! you know !!!

MEDIEVALSTUCK - terezi is an oracle of the church except not anymore shes blasphemous and gets exiled and its her and a bunch of friends who are all like “wow the kingdom thought i was weird too lets all have an adventure together”!! examples: dave cant be a knight cause his eyes are red and that means hes the devil. sollux is a mage who specializes in death-related magic so obviously he brought upon this plague. rose is a lesbian thats not allowed also shes a WITCH. kanayas a vampire. shes just a vampire. she proposes to rose with a sword

EARTH INVASION - this is a no-sburb au where the alternian empire came and took over earth as a colony, also all the trolls exist at the same time as the revolution so like the whole vantas family gets to help out, and the humans are taken as like property cause theyre Technically Lowbloods but theyre Not having it so they all escape and join the rebellion and take down the GOVERNMENT

TROLLSTUCK - daves a mutantblood (same idea where all troll generations exist at the same time) and he finds the vantas rebellion and JADE is a LIMEBLOOD and she is NOT having a good time but shshhs shh its ok shes an olive its FINE

BLOOD / KIDSWAP - kanaya is the vantas and she thinks shes so clever cause shes posing as a bronzeblood. there IS sburb in this one. also dave egbert and john harley. love those boys. jade lalonde is a terrifying concept if she ever goes grimdark run away immediately

OPPOSITESTUCK - jade is the main character and she just wants everyone to shut the fuck up. this is also a sburb au and she hates her land its Too Loud. uhh rose is a being of chaos and exists in the void outside of spacetime itself. and john is a little bastard. tavros is now The Antichad. which is a valid ancestor name actually-

CYBERSTUCK - this one is really really specific, uhh its a post-apocalyptic dystopian cyberpunk futuristic humanstuck where the city everyone lives in once flourished with the help of several versions of androids, but as they advanced they needed more and more power which became fucking nuclear and there was a fallout. so now everythings radioactive, everyones scrounging to survive, androids from “the underground” (the main core of where most of specifically the power droids were kept) are SUPER fucking valuable cause theyre able to give you power, and the radioactivity mutated a lot of people so instead of zombies there are just mutants. and roxy is one of them but theyre still sentient so they look like fucking HEINOUSTUCK roxy but theyre still like. vibing

MAFIASTUCK - where everyone does Illegal Things but mostly not like morally illegal things. just like. yknow daves a thief and. sollux is the most wanted anonymous hacker in texas,, uh. dirk commits arson sometimes,. vriska is vriska,.. jane is in on some high key white collar crimes in the crockercorp company,, and poor john is just this normal idiot surrounded by all of this at college and hes like “god. i hate you all. please be normal”

MIRACULOUS LADYBUG - uhh john has a miraculous and its firefly themed and thats his name !! “firefly”!!! his Big Power is like “typhoon” or some shit he can make a big storm Go and serenity the firefly is his little fuckin uhhh Friend. the Miraculous Animal i forgot what it was called

YOUTUBERSTUCK - this ones based off unus annus p much where like theyre all youtubers and thats how they all met like john and dahnte (banes oc, ive also talked about dahnte) are unus annus and dave and sollux are like. good mythical morning and roxy is an asmr channel and kanaya is a makeup tutorial channel and jade has a vlog with her dog and its called doggy vloggies and eridan does all these science experiments and jane has a baking channel and nepeta ,, she just like. does, what she does and people like her. she doesnt have a genre. shes just nepeta on youtube. and shes a fucking hit. also dirk and jake make music

then like i obviously have concept aus that are pretty much just designs, like gemstuck where theyre all . ,, steven universe gems, and then rwbystuck where theyre all at beacon academy and have their own semblances, and a one piece au where theyre all pirates and some of them ate the Big Shit Fruits, and my own flavor of demonstuck cause who doesnt have a demonstuck, and stardew valley stuck (which i call starstuck valley) where a couple of them are farmers on their own respective farms and they all come together amidst the idiot villagers and go “hey did that wizard make you drink that leaf juice soup too or like is that just me”, and a survivalstuck where the whole premise is like. “the forest” kinda game. oh shit your plane went down and youre stranded in the woods. find your friends and survive. maybe dont get near those eight-armed women with no heads. thats a good idea

long story short i have. uh. a plethora

[awilddreamermain]

Okay okay to those few who wanted to hear about my original book characters (@janshu @doinmybesthere @suedebunn ) I'll tell you a little bit about my favorite ones and I'm so sorry this is messy but I'm doing it while I think about it.

Lorelei

Okay so 🥺 she's actually my first character ever and I made her when I was 11. Originally this novel was gonna be a board game because I was bored and had no friends, I carried around a binder with doodles and info and POOF here she is today:

· human turned demigod, how is a secret but her "mother" or patron goddess is Freyja.

· has ungodly strength, could literally level mountains and throe her mans Halvar through a wall no sweat.

· she has this special horn that can summon bears within 15 miles of her to come to her rescue and fight with/for her

· she's the leader of the "save the worlds or die trying" group, because y'know, fictional mythological apocalypse aka Ragnarok

· She's 5'5, blonde, shit ton of freckles, a total cutie and you wouldn't know she has a temper at first glance. Say something rude to her, see what happens. Better yet, compliment her ass and get your face caved in with her fist.

· Zeus is scared of her lmao and has tried to kill her because of it

· she's Norwegian and Irish, her mom doesn't know a lick of her English. Spoiler alert: her mom dies and become a Valkyrie. It's okay, it's not much of a spoiler.

· I actually gave her one of my distant relative's last names, McGarrah.

· look up k.els.ey on Instagram, scroll until you see blonde hair and that's who I modeled her after.

· she has a mink companion 🥺

· I love her so much

Halvar

I actually have a piece of art of him made by a friend a long time ago but I sadly don't have any way to credit her so if you wanna see, dm me? I guess? He's a hottie—

· anyway, he's half human and half orc, his dad was an ugly fuck bit Hal is 😩😩

· he's 7'2, imagine the height difference between him and Lori. Did I mention he's a big beefy himbo?

· he's a literal sweetheart and mama's boy, sadly both his parents passed but uh, he killed his dad to save his mom. His dad was an abusive fuck.

· His patron god is Hephaestus, because Hal's a blacksmith for the demi gods (how he and Lori met)

· he was like a puppy following her around btw, she thought he was annoying at first but he grew on her

· literally had no idea how to talk to girls so he made the mistake of ssking Ares (yes, the god) and Ares told him to compliment what you like about them. Well, it was her ass, and he got a black eye for saying something about it.

· oh yeah he's green, with red hair and blue eyes. It used to be brown but Lori's eyes are brown and I wanted them different. Brock O'Hurn is his face claim!

Borak

Borak. He is so— ugh I LOVE him, what sucks is I can't draw and I can't decide on what he looks like. His face and voice claim is Tom Hiddleston, I don't mske the rules.

· HE CANNOT SIT IN CHAIRS FOR THE LIFE OF HIM.

· he's a dragon human hybrid, it's actually my own soecies but I low key forgot the name off the top of my head.

· poor baby was a gladiator slave 🥺 but he was freed by Ares. Yes, the god.

· he was also a bit of a sex slave for the empress of the empire he was forced to entertain. BUT Y'KNOW WHAT? HE WAS THE BEST IN THE ARENA. and he isn't a big beefy dude either, he's actually quite skinny but he's got muscle obviously. He's just really smart and fast.

· total flirt

· he falls in love with a nymph

· said nymph becomes his wife at some point

· he's vvvvvv protective of his student Nevin

I like to think of him with a black, tan, and brown color scheme with really cool Snake green eyes. He's got a tail, dragon feet, horns, and uh, used to have wings but they were kinda cute off my the empire. It was done when he was very young so he doesn't feel any pain.

· I actually came up with him listening to this song↓

But his theme is this:

Barrett

Charlie Hunnan (Hunnam?) Is who I think of when I picture Barrett, he's a werewolf btw. He's grumpy too so careful.

· Barrett is an acquired taste. He's brash and brutally honest, he's rude and angry and wants to constantly fight whoever pisses him off. However, he has his calm, sage moments.

· He's the son of the Beta of his pack

· His patron god is Thor, imagine how much he enjoys ale and women.

· He's introverted, prefers to be a lone wolf than be in a crowd unless he knows and trusts you.

· He taught Lori how to punch.

· Beast with an ax, he'll chop you into pieces

· He doesn't like Halvar. Maybe it's because he likes Lori 🤫

· Hr has a dog friend names Heath. They talk to each other.

[daddyjackfrost]

List the Olympians (+Hades and Hestia) in order form favorite to least favorite, and why <33

omgomgomgomgomg

okay! this actually took a little time cuz i had to really think it over. fair warning, the percy jackson fan in me is highly biased.

favourite to least favourite;

- Hades (is this obvious? yes. okay, beside being like chill and a loyal husband, he is SO cool. his power increases day by day! the increasing number of dead really does nourish his power. AND! his punishments? *solve this is puzzle* what a guy.)

- Apollo (he’s cool. LOL no okay, i know most of the myths about Apollo and yk he ain’t really a good guy, tho none of them are. everything he is the god of, are things i love and enjoy, plus he’s bi! so, respect 😌)

- Artemis (my QUEEN. she’s sexy what can i say. and i’m pretty sure she’s like the biggest lesbian every which i have to respect. i could be wrong don’t come at me she’s also this feminist icon and i love how she kinda did her own thing? and killed the men who tried to dishonour her.)

- Hestia (my soft queen. i really think that she’s just this kind goddess and from what i know, i love her. i love that her priorities were family and community and that everyone seemed to have kinda worshipped her. plus! i have this wicked idea in my head that even though she was kind, she would be the ultimate downfall of her siblings. *wink wink*)

- Dionysus (i love him. tbh, he and apollo could be tied, but i only recently started reading more about him. i have a lot to say about this guy, mainly because he was SO complex. Dionysus teaches us to become more than what we ordinarily are. He represents pure freedom, emotion, pleasures, nonconformity, and chaos. he’s also so chill?? like yeah he’s done some bad things (i found 3 major things) but he’s better than Zeus and therefor i love him)

- Hephaestus (he’s really powerful. that’s all i gotta say. he literally trapped Hera and literally blackmailed GODS. he’s an icon r u kididng me. also! tho he’s strong, he keeps a pretty low profile and apparently he’s nice and has a heart of a child. wait he also tried to rape athena— i take it back. he’s not an icon. idk man. i think he’s pretty skilled and i would love to watch him work.)

- Hermes (i would rob a bank with him, no cap. apparently he was a hoe tho. i feel like hades liked him. i like him mainly because he’s a sneaky piece of shit, and he’s considered the protector of human heralds so imma assume he’s nice. i don’t know if hermes has done anything like SUPER seriously bad, but i think he’s cool)

- Aphrodite (okay, i don’t hate aphrodite! i actually love her and her whole aura. i honestly think she needs to get over herself tho. a war? over an apple? ma’am pls. tbh, i think the goddess was bad tempered and quick to jealousy but she did protect those who worshiped her to some extent so, respect i guess. i think she could’ve kept it in her pants tho)

- Athena (NO I LOVE HER SHE SHOULD BE AT THE TOP BUT recent discoveries has bumped her down a bit. during my pjo phase, i wanted to be a daughter of athena SO bad. there can be many things said about athena, but she isn’t the goddess i thought she was. yeah, she’s super cool, and she’s good at war and giving dumb heroes courage, but eh. i think she’s hot. i just think she had a dark side and so here she is)

- Demeter (tbh i forgot her😀 so. i think she should just lay off hades and persephone. such a hover mother🙄 i think she’s pretty cool tho. very reliable and besides famine and extreme drama, i don’t think she’s ever done anything really bad? OH OH SHES A BAD BITCH THO. she’s also a pretty good mother. she loved persephone and u can see that with the way she defies zeus. zeus is a bitch for raping demeter)

-Ares (i almost forgot him omg. i think ares is under appreciated. he’s kinda only associated with war? and there aren’t many myths about him. i think he’s portrayed pretty negatively tho he did do some negative things. ares was kinda an assholw ngl. not like, SUPER bad, but i think he had daddy issues. oh oh!! i think i read somewhere that he never raped anyone and never considered women inferior to him, so, respect. i like him. i think we could be friends.)

[okay i’m ngl, these three are my least favourite. i literally like everybody above this]

- Poseidon (sigh. he’s a bitch. he’s moody and bad-tempered and so greedy. i think his powers are SO COOL THO. literally i also wanted to be a daughter of poseidon because r u dumb??? oh he’s such a misogynist tho. and a serial rapist?? keep it in your pants?? i don’t necessarily think he’s evil, mainly because our concept of good and evil don’t apply to myths and gods so. i just think poseidon is petty and i would like to give him a wedgie.)

- Hera ( a BITCH. sorry, that’s my pjo self talking. she’s so jealous and vengeful?? like sorry miss girl, ur pus*y just aint it. that’s ur fault. i really think hera and zeus should have gone to couples therapy. i think hera is petty but also rightfully so— her husband SUCKS. she killed dionysus’s while family tho😐 and did a whole shit ton of rude and bad things. i think hera should have killed zeus and retired and then lived among humans and found a nice human man who wouldn’t cheat. idk man. i’m always so conflicted with hera. do i like her? no. but do i feel bad? yeah.)

- Zeus (🙄 enough said. i don’t like zeus. at all. fuck zeus WAIT DO NOT that’s all. i think he’s a bitch and kronos should’ve just sat on him or something.)

WELL. that was... yeah. that was a mess. thank you for asking this tho! i had so much fun.

[365days365movies]

March 15, 2021: Clash of the Titans (1981) (Part Two)

I think mythology is squarely out of the equation now.

We’re gonna have to go with the Disney’s Hercules route with this movie, huh? Enjoy it for what it is, and forget the ways in which is destroys the source material. Well...if I gotta, then I guess I will. OK then, on with the show! Check out Part One for more!

Recap (2/2)

So, Pegasus has been captured by Calibos and his guys. That’s gonna be a problem, since they needed him to cut the journey to the Grey Sisters in half. Well, it doesn’t matter, and the group heads there anyway. Perseus tries to persuade Andromeda, but she rightly points out that she’s the only royalty there, and they all technically her. She girl-bosses her way out of there, and the rest follow.

In Olympus, Zeus asks Athena where her helmet is, and she replies that it’s forever lost in the swamp. Damn, Hades is gonna be piiiiiiissed. Zeus demands that she provides a replacement: her owl, Bubo. And I have a mini-stroke because he just called a GODDAMN BARN OWL BUBO. See, Bubo is the genus that contains the horned owls, including the great horned owl, snowy owl, and eagle owls. They belong to the family Strigidae. Barn owls not only belong to a different genus (Tyto), BUT A DIFFERENT FAMILY ENTIRELY (Tytonidae). So why in the FUCK did they choose a BARN OWL to play Bubo? Or, why did they name it Bubo, considering the fact that Athena’s owl is a little owl (Athene noctua). ORNITHOLOGY RAGE

...Anyway, she understandably refuses. Which is when Hephaestus (Pat Roach) steps up to make a metal replica of Athena’s companion. And yeah, Athena loves her owl almost as much as I love owls. Shae that she’s shit at naming them accurately, though.

The mechanical owl is sent to meet up with the group, as they ride through the desert. And, uh...this clockwork owl is cool, but also goofy as fuck. Also, looks nothing like a barn owl, but whatever. The mechanical owl, also named Bubo, speaks in clicks and whirs, which Perseus can somehow understand. He leads them to the shrine of the Greae.

As they head through the mountains, I think this is a good time to remind myself that this movie came out in 1981. Because I gotta tell ya, this movie feels way WAY OLDER than that. It’s weird, but it really feels completely out of its actual time. It seems like it should’ve come, like 10 or 15 years earlier, at the very least. It’s a little bit of the Harryhausen thing, sure, but it’s also the overall tone and feel of the film. It’s hard to explain, but it feels...old. TOO old.

Anyway, the group makes it to the mountains where the sisters live, and leave Ammon and Andromeda at the base, leaving just Perseus, Thallo, and the soldiers. Bubo’s coming along as well, and...yeah, the owl throws shit off. Especially as we meet the surprisingly accurate Greae (Flora Robson, Anna Manahan, and Freda Jackson).

The Greae, or Grey Sisters, or Stygian Witches as they’re called in the film, are three blind sisters who share a mystical eye, in the form of an orb. They’re pretty goddamn great, honestly. Perseus uses Bubo to steal the eye, in order to give Perseus leverage and get the answer he seeks.

His question is, in this case, how a mortal man can defeat the Kraken. They tell him that he can do so by optaining the head of Medusa, the Gorgon, whose gaze yaddayaddayadda. Additionally, her blood is deadly poisonous. Perseus gives back the eye, and they head back down to Ammon and Andromeda. At a fire, Ammon tells the myth of Medusa. Here, though, she was a priestess of Aphrodite instead of Athena, and was...seduced...by Poseidon. Whoof. To be fair, the whole “raped by Poseidon” thing is a relatively recent revelation in scholarly circles, and to be even more fair...they probably couldn’t mention that shit in a movie for all audiences, especially in 1981.

Andromeda’s put off by the story of the dangerous Medusa, and worries greatly for Perseus. He tells her to stay behind, but she continues to insist on going with him. She goes to sleep, and wakes up to only Ammon, as Perseus has left her behind for her own safety.

Perseus and the soldiers make it to the shore, where Medusa’s lair lies on the “Isle of the Dead”. Said island is in...the River Styx...and to get there, you have to pay the ferryman...CharonOK LOOK.

MEDUSA DOES NOT LIVE IN THE UNDERWORLD, OK? She lived on an island either off of the Aegean Coast, or in Libya, for god’s sakes. She was NOT dead, she was cursed. And Charon WOULD NOT BE THERE, because the River Styx in in the GODDAMN UNDERWORLD. This is wrong on...so many goddamn levels. What’s next, is Cerberus gonna be here for some goddamn reason? Yeah, right.

Well, Perseus and the men, with the aid of Charon, make it across, and onto the Island of the dead. They see many statues here, and Perseus tells them to use the mirrored sides of their shield if they are to encounter Medusa. However, they encounter...Cerberus’ brother.

...Huh. I mean, at least it isn’t Cerberus. No, this is Orthrus, an actual mythological two-headed dog, and actually Cerberus’ brother. Orthrus manages to take out one of the soldiers, leaving Perseus and two guys for backup. Perseus kills him, and they head into Medusa’s temple to take her out.

The atmosphere in the temple is admittedly eerie, as the group does their best to make it through alive and undetected. One guy goes down by arrow shot, though, and soon after that, we see where the arrow came from. And unfortunately for him, so does the other soldier, first hand.

Perseus uses the mirrored shield to distract Medusa, who actually does look pretty great. This is, by the way, the one thing from the reboot film that I think they did pretty well, honestly. And I see that they got many of Medusa’s flourishes specifically from this film. Neat! Anyway, Perseus bides his time, but he gets her. He slices of Medusa’s head, killing the snakewoman outright. He collects the head, but leaves the shield LIKE A DUMBASS. Said shield is dissolved by Medusa’s blood, and Perseus leaves the temple.

On the other shore, Perseus reconvenes with the men and Bubo, and puts the head in a bag. There, of course, Calibos arrives, even though Bubo is SUPPOSED to be the LOOKOUT, goddamn it. Calibos knocks the useless Bubo into the water, and goes to work. He stabs the head, causing it to leak blood droplets that turn into three gigantic scorpions. Um...sure. The scorpions kill the other soldiers, Thallo included. Well, damn. However, Perseus is now PISSED, and kills both the scorpions AND Calibos in revenge.

Afterwards, Perseus drinks from the river, injured and weak. Finally, Bubo climbs out, deciding to be of some use for once. Perseus tells him to find Pegasus, who’s still being held captive by Calibos’ men and the giant vulture. Bubo agrees, and flies off to their camp, where he chases off the men and vulture. Yeah. A tiny golden owl who was defeated by WATER just fought off 5 guys and a giant vulture. AND set the camp on fire, AND released Pegasus. Geez, Bubo, way to wait until the last goddamn second to be useful.

Meanwhile, in Joppa...well, thinks aren’t amazing in Joppa at the moment. Time’s up, and Andromeda’s death date is here. Perseus, head in tow and...no sword. He forgot it with Calibos, didn’t he? DAMMIT PERSEUS PICK UP YOUR SHIT. Anyway, he stumbles back to the amphitheatre in Joppa, where he collapses. In Olympus, Zeus observes all of this, and Thetis tells him that it’s time to kill Andromeda with the Kraken. He’s been surprisingly cool with all of this for...some reason, and tells Poseidon to release the Kraken to kill Andromeda. But he also revitalizes Perseus in the process.

Off the coast of Joppa, Poseidon watches as the Kraken is released. And, uh...I think the time has come. See, the Kraken is the film’s version of the monster Cetus, who I always saw as a monstrous sea serpent. The film however...

...He looks goofy. Sorry, I AM SORRY, but he looks silly to me. It’s not helped by his noodle arms and weird fish body, I guess, but dude looks silly to me. I’ll give the 2010 movie credit, that Kraken actually did look pretty goddamn terrifying.

Well, as planned, Perseus makes his way there on Pegasus (it’s weirdly drawn out, though), and with Bubo assisting him, whips out his secret weapon: the head of Medusa.

And bing bang boom, before you know it, the Kraken’s a stone statue, and falls apart into the sea. Andromeda’s saved, the Kraken is dead, and Joppa cheers! Perseus decides to lose yet one more weapon, and tosses Medusa’s head into the sea. He frees Andromeda, and the two finally get married after all of that.

In Olympus, Zeus triumphs, having won over with his nepotistic bullshit. The other gods fear what would happen if other heroes like Perseus were to appear, and if humans could one day learn to have imagination and tenacity like him. But Zeus brushes it off, and forbids the gods from ever going after Perseus again. He gives Perseus, Andromeda, Pegasus, and Cassiopeia (for some reason) constellations. Because, yeah, that’s the kind of thing Zeus does.

Because, even if mankind abandons the gods, stars will last forever, and the stories of Perseus will last until the end of time.

And that’s Clash of the Titans! I have thoughts! I have thoughts. See you in the Review.