#ignored first time so i ask again
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when you’re in a group of 3+ and 2 people decide it’s the perfect time to have a private conversation i fucking hate that shit it makes the third person feel so outcasted or no good reason save that shit for when you’re alone if it’s so fuckjng private
#they will be like ‘umm idk if we should talk ab this rn’#and proceed to talk about it and even worse somwtimes in coded language#why do y’all enjoy making people feel bad ?#this is the number one deal breaker for me in friends#happened today i came back w my food and i was like what are y’all talking about#ignored first time so i ask again#ignored again#and then finally one of them goes it’s a private conversation#okay u could’ve said the first time i asked and maybe i wouldn’t have found it so rude#2nd of all you invite me to come here and then kick me out of the convo to talk ab smth i’m not invited to#you could’ve waited until the event was over or even stepped outside but nah#y’all just don’t have that experience of being constantly outcasted and it’s shows#i will stop talking to them over this idc#bc why should i be invested when u can’t even bother to consider such a simple thing#we were gonna go to a beach event saturday but nvm#if i wanna go to the beach i’ll go by myself not with disrespectful ass people#some part of me is relieved this friendship has hit a rough spot at least esrly on#met them in july so#i would rather see things i don’t like early and not waste my time#also trauma makes jt hard to trust people in the first place#so i am always lowkey relieved when smth ends and i can go back to my comfort (although lonely) zone#i know i have to keep trying but i’m burned out rn#i need a break#i got so pissed off i put my headphones in and did busy work till they left#idc if they feel bad they should#i should’ve told them right there how rude that was#i’m not good at confrontation or being open about my feelings#if i still had my therapist i would’ve handled that better#but oh well poverty will do that#🧃
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also on my hands and knees dying to know about ur divorce (and perhaps reconciliation maybe…) with sir croc
Firstly I wanna say croc is THE reason for the divorced tier I had everyone in the husband/fiance/bf (and cusp + complicated) tiers I had the list downloaded and then I looked at croc in the husband tier and I was like no. Divorced………
Anyway I think you’re a marriage of convenience at first. Crocodile needs a wife to look more like An Upstanding Citizen Ready To Settle Down for his plans in Alabasta, you need the stability and rapport for your own reasons. A deal was struck (including a nice shiny prenup and an easy way out for both of you), the wedding goes off without a hitch, and now you’re cohabitating.
You’re all but a stranger, truthfully, though he’ll admit you were one of the most beautiful brides he’s seen walking down the aisle. And he finds your presence in his home less distracting than expected—you stay out of his way mostly, though the pair of you eat meals together and sleep in the same bed and you are always expected to be on his arm for formal occasions. You’re more than decent company, slowly warming to him and growing more open; willing to give advice on occasion, even, and it’s good advice he’s prone to heeding.
Which is why he’s blindsided when you drop the papers on his desk. There’s little he can do—they were practically already signed before the wedding, and in the surprise he can’t compose himself enough to think up a proper protest. All he can do is fold his hands together as you turn to leave, clear his throat, and call out, ��Might I ask why?”
You shrug. It almost seems sad. “I want something more. You’re a very busy man, I don’t think you can give that to me.”
And those words haunt him, all the more because every trace of you is gone in the span of a few days. He lays in his bed, alone, pondering how much you truly lived in his home and how much he truly had to give you. He thought he made sure you wanted for nothing—but, clearly, that wasn’t the case. And if he’d known you’d be gone in the span of a few years…
In hindsight perhaps he’d been a bit distant. His work took up the vast majority of his time. All those meals were more often than not spent in silence, with Crocodile leaving long before you finished your food; you were often asleep before he came to bed, still slumbering when he woke; he’d arrive to those formal events with you on his arm and part ways almost immediately, drawn to meet with some politician or another and leaving you on your own.
The bed feels empty.
And then he gets a report about Nefertari Vivi. It all goes downhill from there. The empire he spent years building crumbles beneath his feet, toppled by that godforsaken princess and the upstart pirate with a straw hat. And as he’s carted off to Impel Down… he still thinks of you.
It’s perhaps a good thing that you left when you did. In a certain sense it saved you, severing ties with him when you did. But foolishly he wonders about the timing—wonders if it would have happened at all if you’d stayed. Logically he knows the rationale is anything but sound.
Instinctively… whenever he gets out, whatever he intends to do next, he thinks he needs you at his side again.
So when the break-out happens, and Crocodile is given a freedom he’d nearly given up on, the first thing he does is begin to track you down.
It takes more than he thought it would. His web of informants isn’t half of what it once was, and his name no longer pulls as much weight, forced to remain in the shadows as he now is. You, meanwhile, catch onto the mystery person trying to keep tabs on you far too quickly for his liking—flighty thing, never quite setting down roots, quick to flee at the first sign of danger. A trait that has only seemed to worsen in his absence, it seems.
But it’s only a matter of time. He’s Sir Crocodile after all, back from banishment to the depths of the ocean, sure to see the sun again. His men close in on you within a year as he builds up his numbers again, but Crocodile ensures he’s the first to make contact.
He intends to show you immediately how things will be different this time.
You’ve made temporary home on a quaint little island, sharing a house with a little old granny who lets him in eagerly when he presents a bouquet and says it’s for you. There he waits, served tea and biscuits that he doesn’t taste.
And then the door opens. You pause when you see him, eyes wide—donning a breezy sundress you’d never have worn for him in Alabasta, your hair wind-tousled so unlike the meticulous updos he always saw you in, with a basket of produce under arm—and the sight of you has his chest unwinding. It’s like he can breathe again.
Not that he had any intentions to before, but the smell of your familiar perfume steels his resolve to never let you disappear again.
#one piece x reader#sir crocodile x reader#ask.🌧#saintshigaraki#char.🌧 sir crocodile#mine.🌧#concept heavily discussed w kae and alec on discord LOL so ty if u see this 🫶🏻#maybe tomorrow I’ll write reader’s side of the reunion but I am Eepy so I leave it there LOL#but just……. him being a bit neglectful the first go. kinda taking you for granted#and then having the shock of his life when u leave + he is taken down#and it turns into this almost psychosexual thing where u represent that success & power & being on the top#so he Needs you again and this time he will Not ignore u he will cherish you and hold you tightly and shower you w whatever you want#(unless you want a longer leash……… he will not give u that. u will be staying close)#(on his lap ideally)#anywayyyyy#did NOT proofread I am so tired LMFAOOOOOO#cw.yandere#I suppose LOL
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they cast a 28 year old for Tyson 💀
[relevant rants: here and here]
yeah, i saw - i wasn't holding onto hope of them casting a disabled actor for Tyson (still disappointed, just not surprised) but casting a 28 year old for a middle schooler is really out of left field. It's just an odd choice? Particularly given how much they've been emphasizing age-accurate casting so far.
It makes me really wonder what major rewrites they have planned for Tyson's character. Because as things stand currently there's no way to make Tyson's existing character work with this casting. Tyson is supposed to be in Percy's grade, but Daniel Diemer sticks out like a sore thumb against the child actors. Tyson being in Percy's grade is pretty important for the entire arc of Sea of Monsters with the main character arc being Percy combating internalized ableism and establishing him as a character who stands up for other marginalized kids. If they remove that, what's Percy's arc going to be for that entire season? At what point are they going to establish that about his character? Or are they just going to exposition it at us like usual with nothing backing it up and no actual character progression? And in later seasons the age gap is only going to be more prominent - like how is Tyson going to work in BoTL or TLO? Are they planning on removing his character entirely for those scenes? Are they going to remove him as a recurring character in general? It'd be really weird if they killed him off or something.
I'm also afraid for if they do try to keep Tyson's disability coding in some form - cause there's kind of no good way it can go at this point. Either they completely erase Tyson's coding because they cast an abled actor for him and that messes up the entire arc of the book and his character particularly in relation to Percy, or they have an abled actor attempt to portray a character heavily coded as having down syndrome (and i believe they're already doing similar with iirc Chiron's actor is abled but they're doubling-down in the show on Chiron being disabled) and given how they've written the neurodivergence themes (or absence there of) in the show so far there's just no way that'd end well. Like, Tyson's characterization is a little questionable to begin with in the books, but given the show's writing so far it just feels like we're very rapidly ramping up for an extremely ableist characterization of Tyson. Like i'm sure Daniel Diemer is a great actor, but... i'm just getting real tired of the show erasing the entire premise of the series :T
anyways as per my initial post about pjo tv tyson casting theories i guess it's time for me to start tearing stuff apart with my teeth ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#pjo#riordanverse#pjo tv#pjo tv crit#tyson pjo#Anonymous#ask#sorry to play debbie downer i just would really like the Disability Series to. yknow. keep the Disability part in it.#the show has kind of already had subtle problems in the casting with stuff like a lack of plus-sized actors for plus-sized characters#and again with like Chiron casting abled actors for disabled characters. im glad they did it for Hephaestus#and im VERY happy about Hephaestus' casting. but he seems to be the only time they've actually done that in the casting so far#im not even sure if any of the demigod actors are adhd/dyslexic? i havent heard anything about it#like its not uncommon so i wouldnt be surprised if they are but i would think we would have heard about that by now if so#deepest sigh. i think the most annoying part is the series has so much potential to be really good!#like most of the casting would be the best thing ever if only the script was actually decent#i mean im not surprised if disney is afraid to cast more than one disabled actor or any plus-sized actors for major roles#cause it's disney. of course they'd be like that. which just kind of continues my point of - if youre gonna adapt a franchise#you should really be aware of like. the major details about it and the characters. before you dive head first into it and go#''oh whoops! no we cant do any of that because we dont want to. guess we'll just Change Everything or blatantly ignore it.''
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i can't with all these "the show is highlighting tommy's jealousy, they're planting seeds that it will cause problems" takes like bffr. he mentioned being envious over the 118's dynamic twice, sure, but in what world (literally how?) would that cause a relationship problem? do yall expect him to be in cahoots with gerrard behind their back and murder buck to take over his life or something?? like even with the hyperbole aside, i genuinely cannot see how they can turn this into relationship drama without going against everything they showed us with tommy so far
#he literally reassured buck about his relationships in that first scene he's fine with it#he asked how buck was doing about bobby because again he KNOWS (he literally has eyes & was there to witness buck save bobby from the ship)#how much bobby means to him like do yall think 6 months into their relationship he will be unable to deal with this and what? demand buck#not be so close with them?#or that he will want to be a part of that too and buck (who in turn reassured him about this in 7x04) will be like#“uhm babe you wanting to be friends with my friends is giving me the ick?”#like whats the logic here#i'll eat my words if 911 can spin this as relationship drama i will#but im also certain this is not going the way you guys think it will#if anything the most logical follow up to this is tommy connecting with these people more as he desires and it being a good thing for both#tommy's character and bucktommy's relationship#ok rant over#911#bucktommy#tevan#kinley#edit: the only think i can think of is if he feels neglected bc say buck needs to make time for someone else but even that doesn't make#sense because buck NEVER neglected his love interests and tommy is literally friends with all these ppl to a degree so he'd arguably#understand it more than any of his exes (none of whom had any problems with buck#'s relationships within the 118)#i think you're just ignoring the context of these scenes because they paint the bigger picture of tommy being fully accepting of these#relationships so unless something changes drastically (an external thing making him feel insecure about it/buck going too ooc and#neglecting his significant other entirely etc.) i dont see how this can be a problem#mimi.txt
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Got anything fun on your to-do list? (Spamton buddy)
#always always ask this question if you really want to send something but dont know what#he will GLADLY tell you his plans because he is so excited to talk to you#i should point out this is what. the second time he's said please? first time he's said it intentionally 100%#last time he was pleading. this time he just is desperate and worried youll leave if its unplugged for hours or a day (for him not you)#he is SO attached and the thought of the emails being cut off permanently makes him shudder im sure#ignore its the wrong background the lid should be closed but im only noticing as i write these#i think this is an appropriate situation exclude my “no please (etc)” rule#once again i am posting straight before i go to bed. goodnight.#[you've got mail!]#spamton#spamton g spamton#deltarune#deltarune spamton#deltarune chapter 2
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favorite psych fics??? 👀
i honestly haven't read too-too many but here's an incomplete list:
food is life, and life hates juliet. this was the first one i read and i found it through @/thespiritssaidso answering my ask about spoiler free psych fics and it's so cute aksjsjdbs. i wrote a short little continuation here but it's a spoiler free shules sickfic/whump and it's pretty short and i've read it like 3 times bc it makes my feet kick. @/thespiritssaidso (Isolation68 on ao3) writes a bunch of really cute shassie stuff too but i like juliet far too much for this not to be my favorite of their work.
hidden emotions. it's less than 1k but just really good. it's pov second person (following jules) and has spoilers for the season 3 finale, but i love it a lot. i found it from someone answering my spoiler free psych post telling me to sort by date updated on ao3- which like- i wish i could find that notification and give you a hug bc that changed my life lol. i really really loved reading like a detached 2nd person fic, it's so well written because it doesn't make you feel like juliet but it gives so much information on her thoughts and feelings which was just a really cool experience and inspired me to write this (which i swear i will update soon i have like half of the next chapter on my notes app), which slight spoilers for season 4 but it's cannon divergence. anyway i love the concept and i love the execution and i love juliet o'hara
the door before me is open just enough. it's just really cute. another shules one shot i found the same way and it really stands up to re-reading
love game. fluff and smut, shules one shot i found the same way. there are a couple sexy shules fics that i love but for some reason this is the only one i have bookmarked. it's so good and the author does a really good job of keeping the characters believable throughout. theres some shawn and gus friendship stuff and karen vick, i just like it a lot
there are a lot more but these were most if the ones i bookmarked, if you're interested there are like 60 fics when you search psych >> shules >> english >> updated between 2006-2011, they're all pretty short (6k max i think) and probably 50 of them i liked so definitely check that out lol
edit: @/attic-nights was the one who told me to sort by updated on ao3!!! you are my favorite i love you so much go send them hugs lol
#i did nothing but read shules fics for 8 hours there#time well spent tbh#tysm for the ask!#psych#psych tv#psych fics#i need a fanfic tag so bad it's not even funny#shawn spencer#juliet o'hara#shules#these are all shules im sorry#ignore my blatent self promotion in the first 2 lol#but also don't ignore them go read them#im really proud of and you'll go home alone. again.#it's only like 1k but it did take me from 12-5 am to write and edit#and i have like 2 other slightly different versions still open on my desktop note pad app cause im scared to delete them#i really need to let myself write drabble cause seriously i care way too much about that fic#shawn and juliet#ask box#anon#anons#attic-nights
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guess whos not going in at all this week, actually
#MY MANAGER EMAILED LIKE 2 HOURS B4 I HAD TO GO IN#she finally changed my schedule (1 day) to the night shift today#(i emailed her to be safe just kinda casually reaffirming im going in at the new time & then asking if any other shifts wanted 2 be changed#bcs that sounds great to me whstever option she goes with#she ignored that question & i get a new email from her asking if i completed a training. lets called it DOC#basically a long time ago she said 'i will send you DOC instructions soon' .. a few days pass and i get three 50 paged packets#one is called NAVIGATING DOC#im like oh ok cool that must be the DOC training shes talking abt bcs the other 2 packets were abt various trainings#NAH BRUH. APPARENTLY THE DAY IM SUPPOSED TO GO IN. SHE MESSAGES ME SOME ENTIRELY ALIEN PROGRAM#and is like 'u completed this right? cus if u didnt u cant come in today.'#LIKE?? MAYBE I WOULDA IF U SENT THE SHIT#but it's also like. dam i shouldve emailed prompting her to send what she said she would n clarifying BUT FUCK#WHY DO I GOTTA?? IM NOT THE MANAGER#she literally told me the name of the program rn thru email so i type it in and see like four hour long modules to complete#mind u i aint never even been informed a WHISPER abt this new program. nothings even labeled DOC TRAINING#but my struggle is. was i notified this?? and i just didnt see??? was i supposed to clarify with her what the DOC training was exactly??#the only thing ive heard abt doc training b4 this is 'i need to send u DOC training soon' in EMAIL. so i expected an alert#abt THE DOC TRAINING... in an EMAIL notification. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS#idk man#i dont even care bro like im busy as hell & the work is just to build clinic hours so i dont care abt the money factor#it's just like. can we get this first day jitters thing over with already?? im so over this bro#yaddayadda i emailed her an apology n ill be on that ASAP shit. but i did let her know i am basically justnnow seeing this site#n if there was any email or notif that couldve/tried to inform me of its existence 2 pls let me know / figure out how to find it#so the issue doesnt occur again & i dont have to keep botherinher which im so srry of bcs med is stress n shes just trying to get by#but still bro im a lil miffed bcs she probably thinks im stupid now and now im wondering if i AM#bcs WDYM ONLINE MODULES. AINT NOBODY SAID SH IT EVEN ABT THE EXISTENCE OF THEM!!! i wouldve pressed harder 4 clarification#if i knew it was an ONLINE MODULE i had to look out for on some randomass site i didnt even know the name of until now#instead of the EMAIL UVE BEEN 'COMMUNICATING' WITH ME ON#ARREGHHHHHHHH IM NOT STUPID. I SWEAR IM NOT STUPID FUCCK MY BAKA LIFE
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i always say im able-bodied bc i feel like it best describes my General Lived Experience but i do have that like. thing in my legs where if i walk briskly for some distance (like 500 meters) i get this crushing pain in my whole lower legs which gets worse and worse if i keep walking until i eventually have to sit down for a few minutes and wait for it to go away. which im still trying to get diagnosed bc so far artery scans and muscle ultrasounds render nothing. and ngl it is like, an issue often enough and is a pretty bothersome thing when it happens (like not only bc its extremely painful but also having to find some place to sit down in the middle of the street and having to stay there a while isnt awesome) so im not entirely sure "able-bodied" fully describes me but i also am not sure its a disability bc we dont know wtf it is. so i guess im kind of in a weird inbetween where i err on the side of just assuming its not a disability and its just like, an annoying body thing..
#97#i guess if it happened every single day or something i would probably feel more confident identifying it as like....#idk some type of disability or at least something worth integrating into my definition of my general health#and ensuing relationship to my body to the medical system etc etc#but bc it only happens when i walk briskly for a bit and i dont even go out for a walk every day it doesnt feel worth mentioning#anyway ive had this since 2019 or 2018 lol but the first round of attempted diagnosing i gave up early#and for a few years i just ignored it which is easier when i dont get out a lot anyway#but im currently in the process of attempting to figure out what it is again..#by september ill know if its compartment syndrome which has been brought up but is apparently unlikely#thats the last exam were doing so. if its not that then ngl idk what the next options are#bc this was everything my doctor could think of to explain it#another thing abt it not being diagnosed and not clearly being a disability is i dont dare ask for a seat in public when i need one lol#which has been an issue a few times where every seat is taken but i REALLY need to sit to stop the pain#if i could say 'excuse me i have (x thing) i really need a seat' id maybe dare to ask#but i dont manage to just be like 'hey could i get a seat my legs hurt' lol
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anyway in an absolutely wild turn of events I think I’m free of my hideous job and like. substantially richer for it??? lmao 2023 you really owed me
#ok so this a lot of personal shit but I’m just gonna incredulously vent into the tags#like I don’t even know how to describe what 2023 in this job has been like lol#since April they’ve been insulting and scrutinising and scapegoating me over absolutely everything#they were really angling for just firing me outright for never measuring up to their constantly shifting and increasingly bizarre goalposts#and it got so personal man they kept insisting that it wasn’t but my god#then my dad gets sick and it suddenly becomes awkward for them to keep insulting and overworking me#so they switch to just ignoring me entirely so they don’t have to reckon w what me and my family are going through#like they never ask how he is or how things are going just every Friday they say hey do you reckon you can take more work on again?#and THEN I get a gut infection and suddenly im being guilt tripped for taking sick leave and pestered for evidence#it was giving like ‘we had to give you time off for your dad but now you’re taking the piss’#to the point I DID reach out to a third party at the company and was like ‘I’m sorry but why the fuck are they treating me like this’#and she was like ‘confidentially this is disgusting and I advise you to report it’#WHEN SUDDENLY I get back from sick leave and it’s like ‘the business is falling short so we have to make some redundancies….’#and now they’ve had to pay me a SUBSTANTIAL sum to fuck off!!! I think I win???#like I was so close to quitting but thank god I didn’t because now I’m getting a sweet deal to fuck off with no notice lmao#i leave end of the month#at first I was shocked like y’all really doing this now??? but suddenly I’m like. this is the best possible thing that could’ve happened#I spoke to that third party again and she was like ‘I am so happy for you’ like omfg it was a curveball but we’ll take it!!!#I’m fucking outta here and in due course I WILL be writing on glassdoor how fucked they are
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y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'
#like maybe a tiny bit of media literacy... might save you#and if you think i'm being mean like. its okay if you don't get it at first. it's okay if you don't understand the themes. but maybe#instead of stamping your feet and saying this makes no sense and i hate what they're doing and and and#maybe you could try listening to other people's interpretations of things and you'll find that what the show is trying to tell you becomes#more clear! would you look at that. wild how that happens#like im sorry you're entitled to your opinions but calling things bad writing just because you don't quite get it or it doesn't resonate#with you personally... i don't think you should just say this was shitty and worthless#the examples im using are because both resonate with me btw. 73 yards was existential horror it was hill house and bly manor#(im going to write about this in another post btw bc it compels me so)#it was about the way fear of abandonment can haunt you how mental illness can haunt you how you feel like you can drive people away#just by being yourself (the Woman was Herself what caused ruby to be abandoned was Her it's about her feeling as though she was the cause#of everyone who left her even as a baby even the people who loved her most could decide to not love her at the drop of a hat)#colin bridgerton is masking and faking a personality because it has been proven that time and time again#being Himself is Wrong that he annoys people he makes himself into what people expect of him because he's tired of being abandoned too#his family ignores and does not reply to his letters this season PEN stopped replying to his letters#his brother was cruel to him for being a romantic his friends LAUGHED AT HIM for saying sex is meaningful to him and don't they feel lonely#his Fake Rake persona makes viewers cringe because! its!! fake!!! he's faking it! HE GETS CALLED OUT ON IT TWICE IN EP ONE#if you don't understand he's faking it then that's on you at that point! i don't know! maybe take a minute to sit in the discomfort and ask#why did this show make me react this way and do you think maybe it was on purpose#''73 yards was confusing'' do you think confusion may be one of the ways ruby feels about her abandonment?#there is a theme in all of her episodes so far is it ''badly written'' unclear to you or do you just refuse to think critically about it#txtly#and im sorry for tagging this its just for my blog i kinda wish they still didnt show up in tags if i tag them all the way at the bottom#[old lady ruby voice] ''i used to be able to tag things just for myself once upon a time''#bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers#doctor who#doctor who spoilers
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even if it’s not what i think it’ll be i’d love to hear your yan jing yuan thoughts 🙏
Okay in essence I think,,,,,,,, the impulse is there and he actively shoves it down 🫣
Like it’s there!!! He sees you smiling at someone and there’s a tugging feeling in his gut and he knows he could drag you away and lock you up for millennia without lifting a finger, and he really does consider it; imagines being the only one who can see you, imagines you with nothing to do but be pampered by him all day, always in his bed or his garden, never having to find you laughing and spending time with anyone else. Nothing to do with yourself but accept his adoration. How much has he given to his people, to the Luofu? Surely he deserves to be selfish with this one thing.
He could collar you without batting an eye. All his, for the rest of your nigh-infinite lives. He likes the thought, he really does.
But that only lasts a millisecond. Because above all else the Arbiter-General Jing Yuan is clever, and he knows the consequences of that line of thought—not that he’d be stopped, not at all, but that you would never truly love him if he went through with it. Sure he’d wear you down eventually but that would never be the same, and he would lose any chance of his genuine affection being returned. And his pride might never recover from that wound.
Sure, he could make you his pet, and he’d find some satisfaction in that. But it would be fleeting. He holds you too highly to want to break you; yes, he deserves to be greedy with you, and that means he doesn’t just want you in his arms. He wants your love, your life, and he wants to earn it honorably. You’re a discerning little thing, giving him a run for his money, but he’d be lying if he said he hated the chase. It’ll make it all the sweeter to win properly.
He needs you to choose him, freely, of your own accord. He needs you to want him even a fraction of how much he wants you, and he needs that desire to be your own.
#ask.🌧#saintshigaraki#pluvi’s pals#char.🌧 jing yuan#yandere.cw#he just like has the impulse and then goes no wait that’s horrible#I don’t want another pet I have too many responsibilities anyway r u kidding KDNFKNRKRN#okay that last bit is more comedic but n e way#u get what I mean. the instinct is there but he ignores it#and sometimes it’s HARD to ignore#the first time u fall into his bed… he wakes up before u and just. stares. ur so pretty and peaceful and he could just lock the door……………..#but then you stir and make the cutest little noise and lean into him and he Knows it’ll be so much more satisfying to#coax you back into his bed again instead#he might not outright do anything that forces you to not have any other options but he damn well makes his interest clear and who would ever#try to compete with him for anything let alone your hand#might as well be staking his claim#there u go. local man fights w his own instincts to not just fuck you up entirely#he likes the chase!!! it’s in his nature to want to win it!!!
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#random personal stuff#whining ahead feel free to ignore#if I had a nickel for every time someone (usually a particular person close to me whom I love) responded to#my owning up to having negative or difficult emotions about something#by saying something like 'just ask the Lord to take that away' and acting like they've magically solved my problem#I'd have a lot of nickels#and I am frustrated with this#first of all it feels dismissive#it feels like 'I don't want to deal with your Bad Emotions so go get that quickly and easily removed so you can be acceptable again'#instead of addressing the problem it's telling you to slap a spiritual bandaid on it and everything is fine#and secondly I tend to doubt that God works like that#COULD he miraculously make me not feel things? of course#has he ever done that for me though? no not that I've ever noticed#so I would have to conclude that my emotions exist for a reason and I need to learn things by actually facing up to them#and I am trying to learn how to do that#but to be open and honest about my feelings with this person who is close to me only to get the ask-the-Lord-to... brush-off -#I don't know ... it just reminds me of how I've ended up in this mess in the first place and it's frustrating#surely we could apply our faith in other ways besides using it as a veneer for repressing and bottling up emotion
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On tumblr when you post you’re just playing Russian roulette with your post getting attention, but it’ll probably get ignored.
On Reddit any comment you make outside of some very niche community will immediately have someone downvoting you and calling you like, three different insults. Then they will wonder why you only log in every couple months. Like, it’s a very helpful website when you have a question for another community you’re in, but you’ll also get someone being immediately hostile when you make an innocuous post on a garden subreddit 😑
At least on tumblr people have to actually seek out your random ass text posts and go out of their way to start shit, and you don’t have the up and down vote system that feels like playing with my self confidence and worth issues.
Both websites are toxic part of the time (what social media isn’t?) and both are actually more useful for weird people, but holy shit does Reddit feel more aggressive about shit. Maybe it’s just the devil you know, but at least on this mess of a website half your hate will be for the most random shit and misunderstandings that people have to seek out finding if your blog is a normal size. Reddit is either posting on a dead sub or getting immediately thrown to the, well, sharks and wolves aren’t actually super aggressive towards humans under normal circumstances, so something else that could tear you apart instantly for just existing in the same space as them.
#emma posts#there’s a reason i stopped spending as much time on that site#multiple actually. but one of them is that website is like ‘rsd trigger simulator’#and tumblr is like ‘how dare you say we piss on the poor’#everyone is an idiot in both places. but one is instantly more volatile#it’s preactically on sight#other social media is mostly being used by me to post my art or talk to irl friends and family#some of those sites are wild. but not in such an instant way#provided you aren’t huge or have some internet hate stalker#my first deviantart account was wild like that. you phrase something awkwardly at the age of 13 and you suddenly have one or two 16ish year#olds stalking you and telling you to Kys and threatening your family#but that was in the old days. haven’t run into that in years#but seriously. whoever those people were. I hope you feel like shit about those past actions#especially because that 13 year old had made art and posts about her depression 😑#and irl bullying#I hope you got better. sincerely. but if not? die#jk. but still#actually. no. if you’re still telling people that sort of thing try it on yourself#i don’t have a twitter. I don’t plan on getting one. but I’ve heard that’s toxic too. but for the brief time I did try it years ago I was#just ignored by most people#I also like websites where you can share other posts with followers but that might be because one of my first socials was facebook#Facebook is still useful for local stuff. but it’s not as anonymous I guess#even on Facebook though it feels somewhat less ‘on sight’ attacking#but gods. the ‘piss poor reading comprehension’ website is so much more comfortable than the ‘dog piled for asking about a plant’ website#and the ‘just block them’ culture is so useful#i make a post on Reddit like ‘anyone know of houseplants that are like this?’ and have some dude downvote me and respond like#‘are we supposed to be your servants’ like dude. just ignore the post if you don’t want to answer the question#and I’m not touching anime subs with a 10ft pole#looked at one once and went ‘never touching that again’
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I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.
(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)
#been feeling anxious af ever since bc it's the first time I've been this firm in a reply and idk how they'll take it#there's underlying issues in inter-departmental communication that need fixing that cause these issues to happen again and again#but my boss is on parental leave and his substitute is sick not that she cares or is up for doing her job where communication is concerned#so there's no real sense in addressing that rn esp by me who's only been there since June. but it does frustrate me a lot#anyway. I'm sure I'll get over this too. but yeah.. ppl not thinking things through for the two mins it takes to create an account#or the twenty seconds it takes to check if one already exists before creating a new one#or the minute it takes to check if folks still have an active contract past their time working in your department before deleting an accoun#just jfc. put in a smidge of effort and five mins total and save the rest of us from spending half a day to fix your mistake#oh well. if I get a pissy response I'll just blame it on being new as an intern and being too motivated and idealistic I guess#god forbid I expect people to do their jobs thoroughly or with at least a singular thought..#anyway. I feel like I'm allowed to be grumpy abt this since we are the folks who end up having to fix this shit#and by we I mean pretty much mostly me at this point bc one colleague is sick atm. my boss barely has time for this and is on leave#and my other colleague only works half time so I'm the one who's been handling most of these over the past month or so#which.. is still insane considering how I'm a goddamn intern who shouldn't even have admin rights tbh#but without them I couldn't do anything at all lol so here I am. nice that they trust and believe in me I suppose#that's why I try to do my best. (who am I kidding that's always the case anyway)#but yeah. definitely a 50% staff support job and only 50% of the other important things that need doing rn it's more like 90/10#and it's funny how I still dread my two hours of hotline. but every time the line is too busy I still jump in#we are also only 6 people atm out of 10 and three of us are still in training. and one of the trained folks had to come back in mid time of#next week we'll likely be 4#depending on if our substitute boss lady is back.. not that I'd look forward to it. she's a mess and she's been horrible to deal with latel#sure. she's stressed. but she's either snapping at me when I ask abt shit I can't know yet or she's ignoring me. great basis for team work.#so honestly I'd rather she not return on Monday. esp not if she's gonna spread her germs everywhere#but now sleep. sorry for the rant. it's certainly been quite the month since I returned from my own wisdom tooth rated sick leave..#gotta be up again in 6.5 hrs so I can be at work at 6 to let the electrician in. I'm gonna sleep so hard over the weekend I stg#a day in the life of..
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Just days away from my HOPEFULLY last fall semester in college
Gonna make this year fucking count
#speculation nation#IM NERVOUSSSSSSS IM SO SCARED!!!!!!!!#im also planning the exact day i wash my hair prior (tomorrow) and the day i paint my nails (Sunday)#so that i can look my best on the first day. gonna try to look cool. like an unapproachable emo and/or punk#if i scare them away and/or just fade to the background then i dont have to worry about strangers talking to me#my tried and true method of antisocialization. yes i have very few friends in person why do you ask#anyways i bought a planner and everything. im gonna try to manage my time well#gonna be. uh. responsible. yeah sure#most importantly im going to pass all my classes bc i do NOT want to worry about taking any of them later.#i have 4 classes left for the fall and 3 classes left for the spring and then i'll finally graduate.#and i can be free from this fucking dump. a whole decade later.#rattling the bars of my cage violently. GET ME OUTTA HEEEEEERE!!!!!!!!!#like fuck dude even if i dont end up with a swanky tech job starting out at least i could be a store manager and not in school#tho of course i do want to have my swanky tech job. or even just a normal tech job. so that i can have. money :]#my 15 year plan for Get Rich (eventually) coming to fruition this fall by yours truly#and by that i mean. im going to fucking graduate college even if it kills me#hyping myself up. i can totally do this. ignore the fact that ive been putting off doing my dishes all week again.#face. in my hands. im not looking forward to this.
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one of these days ill probably write some little fic thing abt some scene from linebecks childhood esp since ive been thinking abt it and havent really touched up my ideas for it in a while, but besides one about linebeck and damien initially meeting and bonding over linebeck cutting damien’s hair short for him, i think i want to do one more abt linebeck first meeting the two pirates that teach him about sailing and halfway raise him, though it’s less a formal meeting and more linebeck just wandering onto their ship as a kid and dodging the attempts of the crew to catch him while he pokes around
#salty talks#anyways last night early in the morning my cat decided for the first time in. ages. to open his little mouth and howl at my door.#howl. he kinda just meows loudly and persistently and hes got a bit if a high pitched baby meow. anyways he wakes me up by screaming#and i figure fuck it im going to ignore him. and he keeps screaming but goes quiet after i havent moved in a while#but i get uncomfortable and move so he starts meowing again bc he KNOWS im awake so i got up and opened the door and he came in for pets#he just wanted some attention followed me around for a bit before i left him by his food and w/ the other cat and just went back to bed#ofc then had two seperate dreams or smth one was. proof i likely still have arachnophobia. the other was tf2 flavored#i thinm it was the first tf2 dream ive had. i liked it i like having weirdass complicated dreams#anyways would you believe i actually wantes to talk abt linebeck backstory stuff here. just wanted to share the kitty event#anywas. linebeck meeting those pirates. hes oike 8 or smth and they dock at his home island so he checks it out and runs into the piratez#theyred the captain and the first mate. and when he asks abt it they get a lil caught up in explaining it so he just walks past them and#onto the ship and fucks around bc hes bored and doesnt really have anything better to do that specific day#im just losing it with my tagging system here. do i want to tag this as linebeck?#post-ph#that works for now
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