#first of all it feels dismissive
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#random personal stuff#whining ahead feel free to ignore#if I had a nickel for every time someone (usually a particular person close to me whom I love) responded to#my owning up to having negative or difficult emotions about something#by saying something like 'just ask the Lord to take that away' and acting like they've magically solved my problem#I'd have a lot of nickels#and I am frustrated with this#first of all it feels dismissive#it feels like 'I don't want to deal with your Bad Emotions so go get that quickly and easily removed so you can be acceptable again'#instead of addressing the problem it's telling you to slap a spiritual bandaid on it and everything is fine#and secondly I tend to doubt that God works like that#COULD he miraculously make me not feel things? of course#has he ever done that for me though? no not that I've ever noticed#so I would have to conclude that my emotions exist for a reason and I need to learn things by actually facing up to them#and I am trying to learn how to do that#but to be open and honest about my feelings with this person who is close to me only to get the ask-the-Lord-to... brush-off -#I don't know ... it just reminds me of how I've ended up in this mess in the first place and it's frustrating#surely we could apply our faith in other ways besides using it as a veneer for repressing and bottling up emotion
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Thinking about how the Tower & the Adversary routes are connected through the Fury, and how you kind of get there by turning one into the other, and how horrified they are by what they become. Tower is about subjugation - she outright says she does not believe the two of you are on equal footing. You get the Fury from her when you assert your independence and fight back, forcing her to take you seriously as a threat and defend herself. Adversary is all about an equal fight - she prides herself on her strength, but also admires yours. You access the Fury through her by refusing to fight, watching her beat you to a pulp and become disgusted by what she does to you. IDK it is interesting how the Tower & Adversary parallel one another, and how you end up with the Fury in each route by doing what their sister route would have wanted you to do.
#i have no idea if the last sentence makes sense here lol#slay the princess#stp#the adversary#the tower#the fury#ive just been thinking about these guys a lot#in part just bc fury is a fascinating route to me (im very glad she's getting expanded upon)#& while tower's probably my least favorite route i still think about her a lot. i have a lot of thoughts about tower#but also 'sacrifice the yourself' has me thinking about how the princesses might feel about each other#& while i kinda concluded tower would dismiss all of the other vessels as 'insults' to her existence#i kind of started thinking about how much adversary (who loves an equal fight) would HATE playing the tower route lmao#idk it's a shame these guys get less attention compared to the 'nicer' princesses bc the ways they connect are really interesting#honestly im also curious about apotheosis bc id like to see her turn around how some ppl feel about tower#actually final addition to these long tags -#i think part of the tower hate comes from how frustrating it can be to play#(my first time through i was struggling to figure out what to do bc of the options being taken away)#and partially bc broken is a lot of ppl's least favorite voice#but *I* didn't mind broken. he got a few laughs out of me#my least favorite voice is cold
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i gotta admit at first i thought it was a little bit of a reach to say eddie seemed harsher in 7x04 because it’s told from buck’s perspective and he’s being self-deprecating. but now i know exactly what yall meant bc YEAH
#it’s so fascinating like.#the way eddie is shown as so soft and happy and giddy but also#just that extra layer of harsh to buck and dismissive of his feelings#which he NEVER is literally not once since the first episode#excluding maybe the grocery fight but that’s when he was actually Angry at him.#and it’s so interesting to see from how buck’s perspective he takes it extra personally and is hurt by it#when we have confirmed in the interviews that that wasn’t the reality at all and eddie was just vibing#soooooooo interesting.#many thoughts#911#buddie
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I feel like debating who Loki was talking to when he said "For You" in the last episode, is missing the point of the scene. And people referring to it as "cowardly" and a "no-homo" moment is just?? Baffling to me tbh because like;
First of all, it is obviously intended to be to both of them? If they only wanted to make it about Sylvie, Mobius wouldn't be there. If they only wanted to make it about Mobius, Sylvie wouldn't be there. If they wanted to make it about everyone they would've just framed it more equally, he does do it for all his friends ("for all of us"), but they have that scene to highlight these two specific relationships. The framing is quite clear, they have him take a last look at all of his friends before going down the stairs, but Mobius and Sylvie runs after him to have a final significant moment.
Which absolutely makes sense and is consistent with the show we have seen so far, s1 and s2 combined, which is what I love about it. And it was to be honest a surprise! Going into this season, I had little hope for Loki/Mobius interactions, just didn't want to expect too much since S1 had a lot of their connection, but that could've been it. I was shocked when s2ep1 was full to the brim with Loki and Mobius scenes? And then they kept reinforcing every week that they care about each other, is a funny duo to watch, and are important to one another.
And despite this, I expected the rug to at some point be pulled, especially compared to Loki's relationship to Sylvie. No matter people's personal viewing on the show, she is still cited as a love interest by showrunners and is just portrayed as that by the narrative a lot of the time. Sidelining that, even in s2 when the romantic hints are more vague, she's still a very important person in Loki's life. She played a central part of the plot and Loki's own character development of understanding himself.
So to me, I was surprised seeing Mobius and Sylvie side by side in the end. Both being framed as The important people in Loki's life. Then, however you wanna see in what ways they are important is up to you, but they are the people he keeps coming back to for advice and self-reflection. You can frame it as "oh it should've been only been Mobius and they added Sylvie to downplay it", which, I just disagree with (If they wanted to go for explicitly canon Lokius they needed to set that up even more earlier in the season but that's a post for another day). Sylvie is still like, a constant in the narrative and driving force of s1, even if s2 changes things around a bit, and imo it would be inconsistent if she just vanished here. I guess I am used to media that downplays a meaningful dynamic between two dudes in more aggressive ways, which they absolutely could've done, and would've taken me out of the story to be honest... but they didn't, Mobius and Sylvie got to be side by side in the end and that imo validated the Loki/Mobius dynamic way more than downplays it.
TLDR; The "For you" was for both Mobius and Sylvie because why would you frame it that way otherwise, and having them side by side like that validates Lokius way more than downplays it in a "no-homo" way considering the full context of the show.
#marvel blogging#amanda rambles#loki#lokius#putting it in the tag in case people have other thoughts id be curious#ive been struggling with this post but needed to gET IT OUT bc it has been rattling in my brain#sorry if it ended up incoherent anyway#loki spoilers#kinda decided against putting it in the s*lki tag bc i feel like i downplay it a bit here and i know u dont want that#like i dont reALLY enjoy playing the 'my ship is VALID and sUPPORTED BY CANON' debating and i feel like i touch on it here.#but i kinda just want to like. throw my thoughts in#to why i DID feel good about this.#like whenever they do those almost looking into the camera no-homo moments it just breaks immersion COMPLETELY#if all the actors today said in interviews that it is never intended and would never be intended to be anything else that is one thing#but when a character says something like that that feels like it is ONLY to dismiss any chances in canon. even if unnatural etc. feels bad#and this wasnt IT#i know the big mcu show doesnt need me defending it but this sure reads like a defense of the show huh#tbh it started with the first paragraph bc this is also about media analsys#ALSO if u hc that it was to one of them it's like. ok. but like.#maybe not throw conspiracies out there.#also these posts AND tags are becoming longer. im losing my mind but it's fine.
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I love the rhyming on ttpd. can only think of two examples currently but I know there’s more.
#the dancing phantoms on the terrace do they get second hand embarrassed#is e v e r y t h I n g#but also I can’t stop thinking about:#you. look. like. taylor swift. in this light—we’re lovin’ it#like just the flow. the cadence. not even just the rhyme but#her ease with language and playfulness with it and all the little pockets and corners of so many songs#even ones you think you don’t like. settle in with time!#like the thing about taylor is that she is VERY much a poet#in that some of her genius/way with words is innate#and the images and stuff she uses the turns of phrase can feel so garish and embarrassing on first listen#they JAR#but honestly I think it’s because she is truly …. new? she is doing something NEW#and the shock and outrage that always goes with new things is always present with a Taylor album#and I think she’s drawing on so much from the past to write but she is so deeply rooted in the present cultural moment#so it’s so easy to dismiss her writing on first glance as like. idk a college girl’s idea of poetry#as being too Stark or Melodramatic.#she loves OBVIOUS imagery and extremely dramatic ones too#but she isn’t actually just throwing stuff at the wall#because pretty much always. it starts to land and soften and settle#and the image she’s chosen has done its job of drawing you into a world#and/or communicating an emotion#and sometimes it’s so upsetting. like. get me out of the bedroom with Matty Healy taylor!!!!!!!!!! but. the art is art-ing!#I guess is what I’m saying. she’s good at this it isn’t just hype#but some of it really is that she’s taking us places we might not want to go or are so quick to pass judgment on#as being unworthy of a song or more importantly a poem. but present art HAS to do that#and does do it!!!!!! idk I am just. musing
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If I don’t romance Minthara soon I am literally going to die
#off to make a pathetic little meow meow 🫡#wanna make the most offensive option to drow society for Minthy ❤️#and I feel like if she dates anyone thats not drow they’d just be like ‘oh shes a pervert’ and not take her seriously#so I’m gonna make a half drow (on her dad’s side) wizard#with a noble background (on her moms side) who was raised entirely by humans and has never met a female drow in her life#so she’s not different enough to be dismissed immediately#but wrong in all the worst ways to spit in the face of drow society by just existing oopsie#she has ‘I need to be a good girl so that people aren’t scared of me and think I’m one of those mean drow ladies’ syndrome#because raised by humans#but also Minthara is the first drow lady she meets and she’s gonna be like ‘ummmm 👀’#anyway I’m not doing an evil playthrough with her#but I might make some branching save files so I can get certain scenes without having to commit to committing certain acts#but I will full on evil playthrough romance Minthara at some point#BUT NOT YET
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i really need to finish this one day
#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully#anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason#incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up#you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot#he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him#in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened.#you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from#you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help?#doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance#proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long#yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him#yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that#and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do”#“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem”#(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.)#he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway#but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again.#something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh#for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been#which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad#but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence?#she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”.#wips tag
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like i really don’t wanna go into specifics because i do enjoy this person’s friendship but. it kinda hurts when you text me about a movie you’ve just seen and i make a note to check it out (and then do). but you refuse to like, even consider the new show i suggest because it “doesn’t really seem like something you’d like” based on the four tiktok clips you’ve seen. or because you think the lead actor’s ugly. etc etc
#please tell me if i’m overreacting#i think it’s just the outright dismissal that makes me feel like you really don’t care at all about any of my interests or opinions#and like. if you had a legitimate reason for refusing to engage it would be different#triggers and such. problematic people involved. etc#or even if you watched the first twenty minutes and decided it wasn’t for you#but i literally got a text this morning that was like. i will never watch [show you like] because i saw a tiktok and that guy’s ugly#and they were being serious. i know because it’s happened before#k.txt
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Idk if it’s gonna come off as intrusive or if it’s something you don’t want to talk about, but as a huge fan of your art I wanted to ask you the reasons why you don’t draw anymore. Surely there are reasons
#someone once said 'art is all about decisonmaking'#and that is why i struggle so hard with it#plus the effort to reward ratio is abysmal#i cant believe people who like their own art actually exist#im really happy for them but like. couldnt be me#on a more serious note tho i appreciate that you cared enough to ask and that you like what ive done#its very sweet <3#so i hope i dont come off as dismissive when im going for self-loathing you feel?#answered#anon#(also. sorry if i answered this really late. i always miss asks on mobile and its first time on PC in a while)#freak speak
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Going to bed. Tomorrow's Halloween! It'd be so nice though if I could finish the outline for the book I wanted to write in November. Don't know if I said it here, but I'm doing NaNoWriMo in November but like, not officially lol. Just a writing challenge with my sisters. I want to start something new. But, so far, my outline is so-so. I do have an outline for the sequel to this other book, but I just want to work on something new. Like a very self-indulgent paranormal romance or something like that.
#I want to query the next book I write too#I'd like to try traditional publishing next#Currently I have one SciFi novel out there in the querying trenches#but sometimes I feel like it's never going to find an agent#it's a stand-alone but that guy is hefty at 109k words#for a debut author that may scare away literary agents lol#I love self-publishing because of all the freedoms it offers#but I also want the benefits of traditional publishing#like having more reach#and being recognized as a writer#as in you may not people (esp family) immediately dismissing you as an author when they hear you are indie published#I've had family members immediately ask me how much money I make when I say I'm a writer after they ask what I do#Do I ask them hey how much money do you make? if they ever mention their job? Nope. Because that's a weird and intrusive thing to ask#writing#me#I want to keep self-publishing the books I know are very unlikely to find a home in the market lol#Like the one I linked The Crystal Conjurer#That one is admittedly not very good lol#It's wordy and the first book I ever wrote in English#so it might not just be wordy but also grammatically weird Idk lol#I know for sure the pacing is kinda slow and it's because this book was just something I wrote entirely for fun#I wasn't thinking about the market or attention spans when I wrote it#Just wanted to have fun
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a guy asked me to explain why i found dinobot and depth charge’s death sad enough to cry about and i gave PARAGRAPHS ON PARAGRAPHS. this man had the audacity to say “transformers is not something to cry on lolll. It's not like a sad romance movie or something it's literally just robots that turn into cars lol”
#the tumultuous rollercoaster of dinbot's arc and tragedy of depth charge's arc...still has you thinking “robot turn to car haha”#FIRST OF ALL they turn into animals in beast wars#i even talked about how dark transmutate's episode was#couldn't even spare a thought about eugenics#tight that i wasted my time typing all that for him#why ask then?#to just dismiss me? got it. hope you feel better 🙄#transformers beast wars#maccadam#🍒⚡ watches transformers#transformers
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seetttthing scalding hot take but honestly i feel no sympathy or theoretical sadness about altea being blown to bits. the few alteans we DO know are all assholes. clearly the universe isn't missing much. in fact, if you look at the only canon universe that DOES still have altea--- they go on to be just as bad as the galran empire if not even worse.
so yeah. maybe zarkon did the universe a small favor before he went truly off the deep end.
edit; just found out alteans destroyed Diabaazal long before zarkon destroyed altea. nothing ANYONE says can convince me alteans are anything *but* the real villain of the show. they got what they deserved.
#calling coran an asshole only bc he's... well. kind of an asshole.#and honestly speciesist.#the first episode always makes me seeth mad over that one line 'look at your synapses firing away in their primitive brain cage!' bc#apparently only alteans can make observations and only alteans have 'evolved' brains#what pidge said wasnt even that ground breeaking of an observation. anyone who wasnt actually blind would be able to see the lions together#that one line was the perfect glimpse into how alteans ACTUALLY behaved and how they ACTUALLY viewed all the planets they colonized.#bc i do not believe for a second that they were actually a 'diplomatic race'.#that's just sparkly language for space colonizers.#and all the times he rambles on about altea while the paladins are stressed. he doesn't even consider their feelings or notice.#their constant dismissal and even insulting of the humans' biological needs and social behaviors. aint no fucking way a diplomatic species#that has traveled the universe and seen and allied with billions of species would behave like that. and it isn't just allura. it's coran to#they constantly compare everything the humans do to what the alteans COULD do. again; first episode allura gets mad at these teenage kids#for not being able to fiht a gladiator 'fit for an altean child'. she gets mad at them for laughing and bonding (the ENOUGH! scene at dinne#allura is self explanatory.#honerva is self explanatory (she was a major asshole long before she became haggar)#lotor is self explanatory#i havent watched past se 6 bc i refuse to but the small bit i have seen from romelle? also an asshole.#and again. alllllll of the comet au alteans.#even alfor is kind of douchey at times. i mean clearly he raised his daughter to do nothing other than kiss his ass.#vld#anti allura
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Something in the back of my mind has been bothering me for a long while, and I figured out what it was. I have this tendency of censoring myself when I speak? I dance around a subject, which I keep hinting at, but never explicitly say what I want to say, and when someone doesn’t pick up on that, I get disappointed when they don’t help me open up to the topic.
#the disappointment deepens and I guess the fear of truly opening up of showing my self flaws and all is scary#in short I’m scared to have an opinion!!!#also when people ask me what I’m into reading to watching oh man I feel the pressure to pitch it and possibly defend it#and instead I just vaguely share what it’s about for the sake of not spoiling the experience#then the envy I feel when other ppl share wholeheartedly what they love and take their time with it explaining#and they explain it so clearly and I wish I could do that#click clack#the problem was so vague it’s taken me awhile to discern#I’m guessing this all stems from being made fun of or dismissed for my interests 😔#a long time ago but the effects still linger#the fear of being perceived is all wrapped in me#I do the same thing here. it bleeds to all the ways of socializing this day and age#I wish I were one of those ppl who have a more lively social life online and talking to ppl regularly#but my first instinct to a message is to close the notification and leave it for later because it’s so intimidating!!!#it feels like I have to perform an image that’s guaranteed to be liked rather than just be me authentically#ok I got to the crux phewwww uhhh lol got all my vulnerabilities out in the middle of the night
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late Carlo and Moretti (during vinci-moretti war) are like Luca and Clemente to me. Moretti will never raise his hand on Carlo but! will he drive him into guilt in ways that are not direct? insult him in passing? convince Carlo that he's doing everything wrong, when in fact it's the opposite? of course such a painful kick to Carlo's ego, it's unfair, he doesn't deserve it. and it's not a father-son relationship, it's a professional relationship and he can't say anything back & defense himself in any way maybe Moretti's more favorable to Eddie in this period because he's more blindly loyal and Carlo feels he's about to explode
#^ i wrote it before that hounds thing but its about all this anger was once love etc#carlo who is a capo who has done so many terrible things for this place watching how eddie gets bonus points for blind loyalty: 😐#and it's not even that he's a capo it's that carlo says the right things but moretti dismisses him every time#also ok😬😬😬my truth! is that eddie really was against killing moretti at first#and when he finally decides to support carlo well. is it just a change of master? (yes)#m2#moretti family#and!#as far as i understand Moretti's murder took place just a few days before his victory? fucked up thing#i mean. it just makes Carlo an even shitty man. he chose himself over the majority#(i can't think about any war theme on a physical level at this point so. i have only abstract thoughts on this)#but objectively: moretti family may have gained control of the vinci family's territory of influence etc#instead they got a young crazy don. and everyone was alright w it (?!makes me think for what reason)#which is why i think there's been something wrong with Moretti in his last yrs. he looks much older thank frank n leo#for now he's just an old man stubbornly clinging to power to me. but not to say that i worked on his character much#i think he became weaker hypochondriacal and paranoid towards the end. “i saw his hands trembling” carlo bout moretti etc#“akela missed his kill!” and the young wolves tore him apart#ewwwwwwwwwww no Carlo who sees Moretti growing weaker and instinctively his teeth are bared more and more ewww#kill the weak and old so the young can survive😬😬 (fucked up thing is that they aren't animals they would survive w moretti in charge)#spoiled hounds parallel makes things so much complicated tbh. but it feels right
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The way some people are reacting to the Oscar nominations, specifically in regards towards Barbie, and many other things surrounding it holds certain undertones, especially when they then start to go and deny America Ferrera's talent among other things, that are very concerning. Like let's not do that. Especially if you're writing an article for a newspaper (LA Times) that makes digs towards the other films and their nominees, mainly who were women, and say that that proves the point of Barbie. Even though the point of the film was that women have to work harder than men just to get their foot in the door, not about shaming other women, but I digress.
#oscars#barbie (2023)#barbie movie#america ferrera#like from the way some people are talking you would think that the film didn't get nominated for anything#don't even get me started on that la times article that was dismissing the themes of killers of the flower moon either#that was not just some murder plot it was a genocide#but i also can't expect these certain types of people to get that when they act like their fave not getting nominated is an act against#feminism even though many other women (woc mainly) were nominated#but adding to the fact that women and young girls in palestine congo & sudan ate facing many forms of violence & discrimination#and yet said people haven't been up in arms about that (and you know why)#if this doesn't apply to you than it doesn't but if it does dni if you can't be calm about in this discussion#you can wish that greta & margo got nominations all you want#but pls don't get upset when others (especially poc) talk about how concerning some of the rhetoric around this conversation is concerning#also congrats to america ferra (and coleman domingo) for their nominations!#and to lily gladstone for being the first native person of native descent in the us to be nominated#as well as to all the people of color who were nominated bc often times fields like these don't give you (us) a chance to be recognized#like how are you going to watch barbie and then make digs towards other films (one with a woc who talked about the many complex feelings#derived from/during the film and the other created by a woman that was snubbed by her own gov bc they didn't like how she called them out)#and say that you understood the message behind the film? that is not-#also didn't margo help produce barbie? and isn't nominated for best picture? so she is being acknowledged not forgotten#(also bc tumblr won't let me correct my tags without deleting them completely when referring to palestine and etc#i meant to say are and not ate but my fingers were moving too fast so sorry for that and just want to clear that up)
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If there's one thing I'm gonna come away from this Passover with it's a new and enduring love for the wicked son
#jumblr#by coincidence I ended up reading the paragraph for the wicked son for both Seders this year#and it just got me thinking. like#I know there's already been a lot of discussion and interpretation on this topic#but god the way the wicked son is treated is breaking my heart#first of all he's referred to as a ''rasha''#that's a STRONG word in Jewish tradition - ''evildoer'' is a decent translation but it doesn't quite cut it#it's not something thrown around lightly#and he's a KID. even my brother admitted that a KID can't actually be a rasha#second of all he just asks a QUESTION. THAT'S ALL.#and yeah the language he uses excludes himself but?? the wise son uses the exact same language and is praised???#why the distinction? why is the wise son assumed to be a Good Kid but the wicked son is assumed to be rebellious and dismissive#WHEN THEY USE THE SAME PHRASING#(''what is this to you'' not ''to me'' or ''to us'')#and also did anyone ask the wicked son why he excludes himself?#was he ever made to feel excluded?#why do you jump to ''well you wouldn't have been redeemed if it had been you in Egypt''#(INSANE thing to say to a child btw what the HELL)#instead of trying to see where he's coming from? trying to get on his level?#anyhow yeah I think I'm projecting a little but. @wicked son I love you
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