#even on Facebook though it feels somewhat less ‘on sight’ attacking

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

On tumblr when you post you’re just playing Russian roulette with your post getting attention, but it’ll probably get ignored.

On Reddit any comment you make outside of some very niche community will immediately have someone downvoting you and calling you like, three different insults. Then they will wonder why you only log in every couple months. Like, it’s a very helpful website when you have a question for another community you’re in, but you’ll also get someone being immediately hostile when you make an innocuous post on a garden subreddit 😑

At least on tumblr people have to actually seek out your random ass text posts and go out of their way to start shit, and you don’t have the up and down vote system that feels like playing with my self confidence and worth issues.

Both websites are toxic part of the time (what social media isn’t?) and both are actually more useful for weird people, but holy shit does Reddit feel more aggressive about shit. Maybe it’s just the devil you know, but at least on this mess of a website half your hate will be for the most random shit and misunderstandings that people have to seek out finding if your blog is a normal size. Reddit is either posting on a dead sub or getting immediately thrown to the, well, sharks and wolves aren’t actually super aggressive towards humans under normal circumstances, so something else that could tear you apart instantly for just existing in the same space as them.

[braindamageforbeginners]

Q: Can I pray for you?

Yes, Godsdammit, go ahead and pray for me. I get that people don’t want to be weird, and, for some inexplicable internet reason, I’m rapidly becoming some weird brain cancer idol/shrine on Facebook and Instagram (which would explain the creepy robo-prayer calls I occasionally get from :prayer centers” (I’m also old enough to remember when “prayer centers” were called “churches” and/or “temples”). So, here’s the deal: even though I consider myself resourceful, lucky (in a weird way), and cunning, there is literally no way I would know whether you’re praying for me unless you specifically ask or tell me. I appreciate consent, but, really, just go ahead and pray. Unless God is like a special delivery by UPS, and I have to be home at a certain hour to take delivery (again, theologically, that would explain an awful lot). My apologies for running roughshod over a good-hearted request and all that, but your own Holy Book* actually has something applicable: “ And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites. are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and. in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men “ One almost feels a screenwriting possibility...

 EXT. GOLGOTHA - DAY - In the background, the followers of Brian are singing an unorthodox but merry song. A crowd gathers around one of the crosses. CHRIST: Why hast thou forsaken me?! CHRISTIAN 1: We haven’t forsaken you, dude. We’re just waiting for the “Kickstarter”pledges to reach the stretch goals before we save you. You okay, Jesus? CHRIST: Oh, rather.** I was wondering, if it wouldn’t be too much to ask for some pliers and a step-stool. CHRISTIAN 1: Yes, since they haven’t been invented, yet. But you seem like you got this. CHRIST: Hang on... CHRISTIAN: See you in three days, dude

I mean, I get that the LDS got into trouble for baptizing Anne Frank, and I’m not advocating that anyone do a post-mortem baptism, unless they can rig me up like “Weekend at Bernie’s,” but, at the same time, Anne probably has bigger, more pressing issues than what is or isn’t being done in her name (especially since we’re still hostile, as a nation, toward refugees and immigrants, which is what the Frank family hoped to be... before the US denied them travel visas). i can only base that on my own experience, but I feel it’d be faster and easier to get forgiveness than permission. I could be wrong, but I’ve never heard of anyone in dire straits getting angry, post-facto, at being prayed for.

So, today marks the second-to-last infusion before, in an ideal world, the Warlocks cut me loose for observation. Again, it’s been an utterly miserable year, but, at the same time, I do feel almost as if I’ll be adrift. When you put every last scrap of energy and potential into a task like this (not dying a horrible death), suddenly having time or energy to do things like carve out a career (or at least make some sort of money on this blog)(again, you guys are only getting a thin dribble of output; there was literally a brief time in my life where had three modes: writing, sleeping, and library).. At the same time, not aggressively and preemptively treating a cancer that is infamous for coming back, is somewhat scary, although I know unending chemo will eventually kill me.

Which brings me to today’s topic, body horror. This is the broad trope/genre of biology horror, usually best-seen in David Croenenberg’s films. It’s not an uncommon sensation for cancer patients to have some distal clump of cells come alive and attack. For most patients, however, that story usually ends with, “And then me arse fell off, and the doctors knew what it was!”(Reminder to self: schedule colonoscopy and/or other recommended preventive/screening procedures, ASAP). For neurosurgery patients - those lucky enough to end the story with, “And then I had neurosurgery,” It’s a slightly different story. For the first few months post-surgery, your sutures hurt like hell - like any major surgery would, I’d imagine. Then comes the longer phase, when they have an odd, itching/stinging sensation. For everyone keeping track, that’s not a continuous sensation - it’ll be maybe a minute or two out of every week, and, when you reach up to scratch, the pain receptors in your scalp will slap you away. After that, you enter the body horror part of neurosurgery, the itchy phase. This is the shortest of the three, and I will admit, horrifying dander is one of the less-offputting aspects of it (you don’t know what relief is until you scratch out self-dissolving stitches). I apologize for that graphic description, but it’s important. So, on November 1 of last year - er, 2017 - I had my most recent neurosurgery (that’s #3, for those keeping track at home). And then, as expected (There’s a reason I started the blog well before any treatment), everything in my life went into hyperdrive, and I didn’t have time to keep track of my new scars (and, really, once handfuls of hair start coming out in the shower, you’re disinclined to investigate further). So, it wasn’t until very, very recently that I realized how very itchy the right side of my head is. Which bodes well for the time frame of entering the recovery period shortly.

I mentioned in a previous post that I never got a PICC or CVS - which are semi-permanent venous access devices - because I had a shunt in my skull last year (2017), and one opening for opportunistic infections every election cycle seems a more-than-generous opportunity. In a year of chemo, that’s generally seemed like the better bet (for me, anyway), even though I have a blood draw every week. Today was the one time I’ve faltered in that decision. I have mentioned that I am notoriously hard to install in IV in  - it’s a horrible feeling when you’re on a first-name basis with all the nurses in the chemo ward; it’s dwarfed when not only can you recognise everyone, but the nurse at your station not only recognizes you, she literally ducks out on-sight and calls Alex over)(the nurse on shift today gets full marks for listening to me  complain about Alex - “He’s not terribly affable or gentle, and way too fast” - and retorting, “Well, that’s men.”). My previous find-a-vein record is seven. I don’t know if that record was achieved today, I stopped counting after four  However, eventually an IV was installed and Keith Richards’ essence distilled into my circulatory system. Then, the second hour, we all waited for my heart to explode (yes, that is exactly what they do, although they have an automated blood pressure cuff to aid their measurements). Then, oddly enough, I encountered a friend from a support group, Which wouldn’t normally be worthy of comment, except she’s a fan (hey, Sarah!), and, based the latest data, the folks who actually use social media and/or social publishing to keep tabs on me/read my stuff are: 1. Close friends and family that are legally obligated to do so

2. Distant friends and family that I probably haven’t thought about in years (hey guys)(if you’re worried that you’re “distant friends and family,” I’ll pray for you)

3. Inhabitants of Narnia or the Hundred-Acre Wood (or wherever people on the Internet live

4. Racing in or out of parking lots as I am leaving

The bad news for today - hopefully - is that this infusion is going to be a bad one, based on how sore I already am, just 3 hours post-infusion. The good news is, I’ve got an Advent Calendar of assorted mostly-legal substances to help my battered psyche onward, I mean, drugs are bad, kids, unless directly monitored and prescribed by a physician.*** Anyway, next week will be the last infusion, hopefully, and, even more hopefully it’ll be followed by a long, uneventful life. That would be ideal, for me; however, since my life is run on the principle of, “What would make the most interesting narrative” I’m going with, “Even odds I’ll come down with Ebola before Monday.”

*My Holy Book is, of course,  Dolly Parton’s autobiography. **In this adaptation, Jesus is played by Hugh Laurie, circa 1993 ***Odd final thought of the day: gateway drugs are real, and they serve as the way out of some amazingly awful other drugs.

[lilparcheesie]

I got ze tagged

Last: 1. Drink: water

2. Phone call: Jacob (my coworker) needed to find his phone

3. Text message: “Your face matches Natalie’s backpack” - @reallifeshitpost​ 4. Song you listened to: Lustration//Circa Survive before this or Buried a Lie//Senses Fail during this 5. Time you cried: A yesterday!! I saw sting rays (which are super cute) and was already having a really bad day, so I just cried because Nick putting them up on the board made me so happy I cried.

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: Yes sadly

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: y e s lol its the worst 8. Been cheated on: :’)   9. Lost someone special: Too many and I’m scared of losing more.. 10. Been depressed: I don’t know… honestly, I workout so often that even if I was I would have no idea because I have so much dopamine in me that I’m always w i r e d. But if I was depressed, or had any mental illness, it would most likely be PTSD or anxiety. Probably from childhood abuse. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Never, actually.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14. Teal, Coral, Light Gray… I have so many though

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Yes! So many!! I’m so lucky!!!

16. Fallen out of love: Honestly? No. I think I never really fall out of love. I just grow negative feelings that consume those lovelier ones. Ya know?

17. Laughed until you cried: Yes! So many times! For hours!

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah, but I try to remember the times where people talk behind my back about loving me much. That’s all I care about

19. Met someone who changed you: Yes, she’s keeping me alive in my struggles. He’s making it possible for me to live comfortably. I’m lucky.

20. Found out who your friends are: I love friendship. A lot of people have negative connotations around friendships, and how fast they’ll leave or betray them. If I feel like I’m just waiting to get stabbed, abandoned, or offended, I’ll never really enjoy them. And even if I get hurt, it’s a learning process. I just like to keep people around who are enjoyable company. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: I kiss people, yeah. I love kisses. It’s one of my favorite parts of being with someone. They make me feel good. But, I don’t kiss anyone unless I am sure they have feelings for me and vice versa.

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Like.. all of them? I didn’t add any onliners, heck?

23. Do you have any pets: Yeahh! Two dogs, a boxer named Sammy and a English Silky Terrior named Binky.

24. Do you want to change your name: Legally? sometimes. Sometimes I don’t. It’s confusing sometimes.

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: It was on Thanksgiving so it was forgotten by everyone I was with, but that’s okay. Thanksgiving is important here.

26. What time did you wake up: 6:42.

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: I think I was woken up to get somebody into their room.

28. Name something you can’t wait for: The sweet release of death Transferring schools 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: In person? Almost 7 weeks ago. In photo? My friend Mick was with her yesterday.

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: That I had financial stability… Less of a crazy upbringing… Met some people earlier in my life. 31. Listening right now: Escape the Fate radio on Spotify. My students talking about robots (aka my class). 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah! Thomas works with me. I’ve met others, but that is the most recent Thomas.

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: The fact that I am not getting better as much as I’d like and my body when it’s in pain and failing i honestly hate failing

34. Most visited website: uuuuh… www.tumblr.com??? uh… www.thepunchlineismachismo.com ???

35. Mole/s: I have none. I think it’s fine.

36. Mark/s: I have some stretch marks and scarring all over my body

37. Childhood dream: Theatre star, athlete, engineer, tinkerer… I had all the dreams

38. Hair color: Brunette/Auburn

39. Long or short hair: It’s medium length now! Used to be down past my butt but all that changed when the fire nation attacked and I cut my hair super short for rowing

40. Do you have a crush on someone: I do… it’s pretty bad. I’d like to give them my heart as an offering but they like.. basically have all rights to me and I want to do everthing in my power to make them happy

41. What do you like about yourself: My open mindedness or empathetic approach towards others. Lack of subtlety. My heart (my crush says I have resilience and I think that’s good)

42. Piercings: My ears

43. Blood type: Not really sure?

44. Nickname: Jughead, Toe, Tori, Sumner

45. Relationship status: I’m not sure but I’m only emotionally and physically invested in one person

46. Zodiac: Sagittarius, watch out bitches

47. Pronouns: She/Her  

48. Favorite TV Show: Supernatural? Avatar TLAB? Too many.

49. Tattoos: Possibly sometimes

50. Right or left hand: left

51. Surgery: A bunch

52. Hair dyed in different color: Yeah

53. Sport: I played literally every sport growing up because my mom wanted me to lose weight and not be so useless

55. Dream Vacation: Somewhere with stingrays

56. Pair of trainers: Nikes atm. But I love converse

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: pussy & dick  Vegetables are nice

58. Drinking: water but if I’m spoiling myself, tea or vanilla coke

59. I’m about to: Go to lunch and refresh

61. Waiting for: the day i feel satisfied with my efforts

62. Want: All my grades to be A+, financial stability, someone to take care of me, more music, fresh fruit and veggies, a nice bath using herbal soaps and lots of bubbles. For someone to love me for who I actually am, not just some concept they made up that left out all the bad things..

63. Get married: Probably. I mean. That’s the goal.

64. Career: I wanted to be an engineer but I’m thinking about focusing more on robotics or design careers… so… robotic things seem neat.. idk…

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: Kiss me all over, please

66. Lips or eyes: Eyes… or lips… i don’t know theyre all cute

67. Shorter or taller: Taller

68. Older or younger: Not too far from my age, older though(?)

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Arms? I dunno I actually super appreciate cute arms.. but.. if a tummy is soft enough it might win me over.

71. Sensitive or loud: Definitely sensitive.. I don’t like loud things unless it’s music

72. Hook up or relationship: Relationships are always better because wow they’re so much fun

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: It’s hard to say?? Uh.. I mean I like the caution that comes with being hesitant but the daringness that comes with being a troublemaker? I’d probably stay on the safe side and be hesitant.

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: No

75. Drank hard liquor: No

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: One time I had a contact rip in four while it was in my eye… I was so sad.

77. Turned someone down: Yes

78. Sex on the first date: Nah 79. Broken someone’s heart: Not intentionally…

80. Had your heart broken: Yeah…

81. Been arrested: Nope!

82. Cried when someone died: Not really. I get sad when I find out people die, but I internalize it a lot. It’s just a natural thing. Like.. all their love.. gone… and i feel it takes love away from me.

83. Fallen for a friend: A few. One recently.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: Yes

85. Miracles: Somewhat

86. Love at first sight: Kinda

87. Santa Claus: Not anymore 88. Kiss on the first date: Sure if it goes well but I’m not going to rush things if it isn’t meant to be you know

OTHER: 90. Current best friend(s) name: Cait, Yoll, Nick, Joe (the PA), Natalie

91. Eye color: Hazel? Blue-Green? I don’t know.

92. Favorite movie: Big Fish (Tim Burton)

Tagging: anyone who wants to do this kinda thing really

[bottledsilhouettes]

A letter to myself

Neha. Happy birthday. It’s currently 10:46pm in New York City and you’ve already had calls from Shriya, Nana+Nani and Ammi+Abba. You’ve hastily said thank you, rolled your eyes at Nani when she prayed that you find a job and land a good boy soon, wished Ammi a happy birthday, and cut the call. Apart from the 1 hour call from Shriya, the other two calls must have barely lasted 3 minutes. It’s fine. The calls don’t matter much because it’s just a formality. The fact that all 3 groups call up so regularly and make that effort means more. Make sure to tell them how much it means to you some day. 

But for now, this letter was begun with the aim to note down exactly what all has happened in the last year of your life, to glean some sort of insights from it, and to apply it to your next year’s aspirations. Hopefully, you’ll continue to do this next year and the year after next, and it’ll become a quiet tradition of sorts, regardless of whether or not you’re spending your birthday with people (also dependent on Tumblr being active for that long, which, let's be honest, is not going to happen). I know the little pangs of loneliness are slowly setting in. I know it sucks that you’re most likely not going to leave your room tomorrow. But let’s start your year off on on an introspective note. 

This past year, you have: 

Had your first break up. You took the courage and the massive effort of breaking things off with the person that you genuinely saw yourself getting old with (engagement, marriage, taxes, kinds, houses, dogs, plants, grand kids, everything), because that future didn’t fit in with your Jigsaw (thank you Daniel Sloss). It is possibly the hardest thing you’ve done - not just having the break up, but evolving from it - getting used to life without him, building your own self reliance back up, getting used to your own unreasonable feelings and emotions, coming to terms with the fact that he has moved on and is very happy, coming to terms with the fact that SHE is very pretty and extremely exciting and that you would have loved to be her friend, coming to terms with what you now value in a person, what you value in a friend, and what you value in a best friend, and what you value in a boyfriend. This year, you have lost not just a boyfriend but also a best friend - and I'm not going to lie, it sucks major ass. But I hope that all those stories about things being mountains at close sight, and then being tiny little ant hills from far away, are actually true. And you’ll maybe learn the lesson to not fall so hard for someone next time. Or maybe not to make them your one and only best friend. You’ll find new Level 0s. I pray.

Come to terms with what your emotions are. You have wrestled with yourself at 4am in the night. You have cried tears of pain, remorse, regret, shame, disgust, self hatred, sadness, disappointment and fear. You have cried over him. You have cried over how badly you treat your parents. You have cried over how much you miss FLAME. You have cried over how much you miss your apartment. You have cried over how much you miss your parents. You have cried over how nothing really is working out and nothing is coming through - job wise. You have cried over the fear of having to go back to India in shame because you might land no jobs at all. But you’ve made it through and you’re learning how to cope with all these new emotions that you have zero control over. And at least now, your go to move isn’t to just squash them down and think fo something else. 

Had nearly 25 interview calls (Facebook, Curology (2), Via, Sokoglam (3), Shiseido, Estee lauder (3), Amazon, UM (2). Group M, Kapitus (2), Impetus (2), Uber (2), Common Bond (2)).  You’ve nearly perfected your pitch in interviews. You've learnt exactly what stories to bring around when people ask you certain questions. You’ve learnt the nuances and implications behind specific words and questions, and have learnt how to steer clear of mistakes and put a diplomatic answer. You have learnt how to speak some what slowly (still can be improved though), gotten comfortable with silence over the phone, learned how to modulate your voice and show interest in what the interviewer is saying, and bullshit on your feet. I hope it all adds up to something. 

Gone through an emotional rollercoaster with religion. Islam has never really made sense to you and you took a break of nearly 10 months from it. The break up had you bitter with the religion as a whole, but sobbing during namaz the first day you fasted in Ramzan and getting that sense of (somewhat) quiet peace after finishing it made you think of it a little more positively. Alhamdulillah. 

Become a plant mom to 7 absolute champs. They’re growing really well, and you've managed to keep them all alive through fall, winter, spring and now summer. Let’s buy more plants when you actually land a job. 

Learned how to be a proper adult. You’ve gone grocery shopping yourself, cookies, for yourself, scrubbed every inch of your bathroom (commode included thank you very much), washed every utensil, vacuumed every inch of the carpet and recycled whatever and whenever you can. You good. 

Improved your skin. Oh yeah. You skin has gone though a lot. Cystic acne. Shitty food. Changing climate. Sudden winter. Dry skin. Peeling skin. Changing skincare routines. But now it’s good. No active pimples. And it’s been like that for the last month or two and it’s great. You’ve still got hyperpigmentation, but that’s fine. That's you. It’ll heal too. Keep using The Ordinary’s Granactive Retinoid. That seems to be the secret. And continue drinking water. 

Graduated college. Not just any college but Columbia. Not just any course, but a course that is rooted in the ONE subject that you cried over in FLAME and vowed to never touch with a ten fool pole. Congrats. Not only have you managed to somehow fool everyone into thinking that you know something about Marketing, but you know how to use R and Python into helping your skills. Amazing. Honestly, 2017 Neha wouldn’t have believed this was possible at all. It’s crazy. 

Survived panic attacks. The Amazon call. The laptop crashes. The break up. You breathed. You got through it. 

Helped a friend possibly avoid suicide. Okay, maybe that’s a little too much - we don’t know if she would have. But she was showing the signs of depression and actually cutting herself. You picked up on it and did something about it. And now she’s back home, and hopefully in a better place. You should tell Shriya thank you for training you in this, because if it wasn't for her, you wouldn’t have ever realized. 

Hosted 6 people in your city. Paloma, Diksha, Somani, Ammi, Abba, June. As in NYC is your own city. Isn’t that crazy?

Went road tripping with Diksha. Almost got killed - Diksha drove for a solid 5 minutes in the night before realizing her head lights weren’t on. You could have possibly been road kill. Almost got pulled over. By a white ass cop with a hill billy accent who still had braces on. Pulled through. Lived above two hippy grandparents. Survived her friends. Wow. 

Travelled with a group of people you had absolutely ZERO mutual interests and knowledge of, and still managed to survive a week with them and made some good friends! You saw the world’s legit best companies and talked to people and tried making connections. You didn’t do the best job in the world in sustaining those connections, but you did your best. 

Did a solo trip in SF. You were scared. You lived in the worst place in SF - Tenderloin. But you goddamn walked everywhere. You got lost. You were sure you'd get murdered. Or stabbed. But you made it through and made a good friend from Korea. You stayed in a hostel. You ate clam chowder and walked across Seattle. You’re an independent traveller!

Interviewed at goddamn Facebook, Shiseido, Amazon, Estee Lauder, Uber. You wouldn’t have gotten these opportunities to even talk to a person from there. You’re very very lucky. 

Come clean to Ammi and Abba about drinking and smoking. Come clean to them about N. It was a pleasant surprise that they didn't freak out. You felt a LOT of regret that you broke up with N because you villainized them so much. But at least there are lesser secrets between you and them now. 

Did your own taxes. 

Earned your own money by TA-ing for a class.

Made friends with quite possibly the most multi cultural group you’ve met in years. Joanna, Hari, Gary, Joe, Anastasia, Charlie, Fabienne, Vinay. 

Still kept in good good touch with Paloma. Also caught up with Katya and Janith and Nidhi. Good on you for keeping in touch!

Improved your make up game. Not just make up but also skincare. But honestly, your contour and lip sticks are so much better now. Thank you Ipsy and Colour Pop. 

Volunteered at AdWeek. All by yourself. Made friends there. 

Went to a concert by Alessia Cara. For free!

Had an amazingly horrible hangover in NY, by puking 12 times into the dustbin next to your bed. Still managed to not puke outside your apartment. 

Took care of your very very drunk friend. Prioritized her and taking care of her, over talking to N, even though you thought that it was possibly the day you two would get back together. That was the day you were the most excited about in a very long time. I think you were less excited during graduation. Oh well. Next relationship. 

Denied a present from Abba. This isn't really big to others, but I think it’s good that I really mean that I will buy my own self a phone with my own pay check. Maybe not an iPhone. They're getting expensive. Maybe a OnePlus. 

Cut down your plastic use. You’re still using plastic. You haven't hit zero. But you’re making mindful efforts to use steel straws, use handmade shopping bags instead of plastic bags for groceries, reuse containers, and recycle your cosmetics with Terracycle. 

Seen a guy pull out a real life gun in front of you. Thought on your feet and picked the safest option. Life changing. 

Fucked up a barely 1 year old laptop. By dropping coffee on it. How fucking ridiculous. Good going, klutz. 

Learnt how to cut back a bit and not be such a control freak in projects. 

Let Ammi and Abba a little bit more into your lives. You’ve come clean, yes. But you've also called them up more when you're upset and have told them what you're worried about. You've called up Abba for advice and have fought with him and have sent him logical letters explaining your stance. You didn't do that before.

Gotten closer with Amina. You’ve listened to her stories about that fuck all ass wipe Nathan. You’ve given her advice and explained what not to do. You’ve helped her with her own college decision troubles and advised her on which path to take. 

Started doing Yoga. Somewhat. Can be improved though. Maybe mix in some exercise in between?

Gotten used to your own company. You still cry every so often when you feel lonely. This year has been especially lonely - possibly at par with 5/6th grade when you were at your being-bullied-peak. But still. You’re surviving and that’s a plus. 

Gotten the worst grade of your life. Multivariate Statistics. HP-. Despite working very hard. And you were absolutely okay with it. 

Brough random people happiness. Irshad Daftari. Reshmi. Ashna. Shimul. Ashvita. Saumya. Joanna.

Started wearing heels! You never thought you’d be a heel person - much less a regular heel person. Your black boots! They look great and make you feel great too. 

Started wearing a handbag. And your hand bag taste is pretty great, if I saw so myself.

Gotten yelled at by a delivery man for being too stingy with a tip. Apologized profusely to him. Then got angry later because he expected a $5 tip on a $13 meal?????????????? Bro???? Who do you think I am??????

Gotten cat called. A lot. Walked right on by. 

Gotten hit on. Gotten grinded (ground?) upon. Remember how much you hated it and how much you loathed yourself and how much you missed N? You also pulled away from a guy who was about to kiss you. Oh well. Maybe your soul mate will grind on you randomly one day and you’ll be like woah, grinding is amazing. 

Tried Baileys and Barefoot Moscato! Yum. Go-to drinks now. 

Tried meditating. Honestly tried it. Found out that it wasn’t really for you, but it’s okay. 

Started painting again. You've lost touch and are a bit rusty. But it’s fine. You like painting water and plants. Tomorrow, paint some more stuff. 

Almost fell for and signed up for a Victoria’s Secret credit card. My god, thank  god you didn't. Then, you also helped Abba not fall for a TJ Maxx credit card. These things are tricky. But you’re learning from your mistakes. Good. 

Gotten mistaken for being Spanish. Gotten mistaken for being Mexican. Gotten mistaken for being Middle Eastern. Gotten mistaken for being Bangaladeshi. Still managed to find a way to help all those people go in the right direction though. 

There are a lot more and maybe I’ll remember more and add more in the day. But you’ve done so many things this past year that you never thought you would have. I’m very proud of what you’ve learnt and how much you’ve grown. Next year, let’s hope my letter is filled with complaints about how intense my job is and how I’m making so much money, I don’t know what to do with it all. And maybe a cat. And finally returning to being sustainably happy being by yourself. 

[lauraramargosian]

Reader question: What if you could have interviewed Mac Miller?

What if you could have interviewed Mac Miller?

RIP Mac Miller January 19, 1992 to  September 7, 2018,

Reader question: What if you could have interviewed Mac Miller?

Positive Celebrity has always talked about Mac Miller’s legacy. In fact, in past blogs we covered his impact in the world.

Recently, Positive Celebrity spoke with a fan who had one question for us. The topic arises after speaking of his inspiration and our stories.

What would you have asked Mac Miller if you had the chance to interview him?

Quite the question for one to ponder but the truth is, more often than not we always share that his was taken far too young. And we will never be able to meet him, share stories with him, most importantly, connect as humans not animals.

It would have been 100% real talk.

So, what would I have set up in the sense that an interview with Mac Miller would have been an honor?

Firstly, asking talent how they are should always be number one. It’s not as though they aren’t like you and I, establishing comfort and laughing about whatever positive subject may arise from our conversation. Then, we would dive in our interview.

First question

Mac, we know you love your mom, after all, you have a song called “I’ll Be There.”

Our favorite lyric is If you have your moms, you better treat her right/ Call her up, say “wassup” before you sleep tonight/ Tell her you love her and thank her for what she did.”

That’ shows so much love man, what’s your favorite memory with your mom?

Questions like those can turn the interview in many different ways, so, staying on the script is important, this piece is all about “what if?”

Next, we would love to tackle a question that family, friends and fans would love to learn or hear as advice.

What would you tell anyone who is looking to make it in the industry?

Sharing how he didn’t sign with a label for quite some time, there’s always a “right time,” to do things in life.

Honestly, I bet he would have had the best advice there, going from being somewhat known to recognized world wild is huge. And being able to hear about the experience is just another level of inspiration.

Then there’s the cliche if he felt comfortable answering, when did you realize how in love you were with Ariana Grande?

The news loves to create hateful headlines and to anyone who thinks that it’s her fault should check themselves in the mirror first.

For example, you break up with your boyfriend in high school and whatever reason, maybe that could be home troubles you don’t know about because our personal lives are between us and those we trust.

The truth about this matter is, we don’t know what happened between them for sure, nobody does but them and that’s it.

Why make such negative assumptions?

Assumptions has never proved to come out positive. There is always somebody who is hurt and even you can be the victim at times. It’s a cycle, assumption, statement, if you’re wrong, you are hurt and the other person. Further if you are right, then you’ve again hurt the other person, who will react and in turn it will hurt you again.

There is no winning with assumptions and there was no reason for the Ariana Grande attacks and even attacks at Mac Miller to this very day.

Man, Miller was always open about his struggle with drugs. We are certain he wouldn’t mind speaking up to those who also have and face that struggle.

What would you tell those who relate with your music 100% and are facing some of the demons you rap about in your albums?

There’s no doubt, not one, that he would not explore that advice because of how hard he has always tried to be sober, he’s rapped about it. He always told people if they truly wanted to know him, to listen to his music.

And that has been 100% true, even presently. In fact, did you know those who have never heard of him, have gained major respect for his music. The group on Reddit often welcomes new members.

The group is always positive.

Positive Celebrity would then take a look at that group and ask Mac if he was willing to answer one of those questions on r/MacMiller on Reddit.

I’m certain it would have been a great question from someone who truly loves and misses him dearly.

Reddit community carries on Mac Miller’s legacy.

Miller isn’t just a “celebrity,” he’s a person, one like you, one just like each of us in one way or another, money doesn’t make them zoo animals or “a sight to see.” Meeting any celebrity should always be focused on memory.

Telling them what they meant to you, allowing them to learn about you, leaving them something they won’t forget because let’s face it, how many selfies do they take a day?

We would love to know if Mac Miller would have loved to just chill with his fans and take a lot less selfies by going back in time to the 90s (lol).

Honestly, positive celebrity gossip and entertainment news wants to bring out the best in all of those we interview.

So, if we had ever been able to interview Miller, we would have had a honorable interview that would literally help and inspire all readers.

I guess, to answer our readers question, that is how we would love to go about interviewing Mac Miller.

Thank you for your questions and feel free to send us more! You can contact us via Facebook or stay up-to-date by subscribing to our positive celebrity Newsletter.

Lastly, if you would like to help and keep Mac Miller’s legacy alive, please visit “The Mac Miller Fund.”

Mac Miller inspired and that’s when this was born.

“In honor of Malcolm’s commitment to the arts, The Mac Miller Fund will provide programming, resources, and opportunities to youth from underserved communities, helping them recognize their full potential through exploration in the arts and community building.”

Amazing right? Sound off in the comments and let positive celebrity know how Mac Miller inspired you or send us a question!

Blessed be!

The post Reader question: What if you could have interviewed Mac Miller? appeared first on Positive Celebrity News and Gossip.

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