#ignore how late my response is
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fooor the Writers Wrap ask game: 5, 6, 27?
5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? The teen wolf fandom continues to blow me away with how supportive and friendly they are! It's definitely perks of being a bigger fandom, but also an older one I'd say. People are so generous about commenting and everyone still wants to talk about fics and characters all the time. Also, there's still a ton of old gifsets from when that used to be popular on here!
The sequel chapter to Wolves in Black has weird kinks in it and understandably only resonated with a few people, so I was NOT expecting people to like the longfic so much <3 can't wait to get to the big chapters coming up!
6. Favorite title you used okay so i HATE titling things and that's why my kinktobers these days just name the character and the kink. But I still try to title my other fics I just usually ask my friends for help (hence why some of them make less sense than others)
'Like Wolves in Black' is actually a quote from a really goofy Youtuber rant my best friend loves so the title always makes me laugh when I remember that
27. What do you listen to while writing? instrumentals! or music in a language I can't understand well (this can also be english considering my shit auditory processing)
I like jazz and older synth type stuff from the 70s. I also listen to these cool channels that do live vinyl DJ sets! they tend to have a wide variety of genres from reggae to house and older j-pop and soul stuff. Basically any weird ass album youtube throws at me is an option. (i also listen to my friends goofing off on discord while I work as well)
#thanks for the ask bb!#ignore how late my response is#a03 wrapped ask meme#ask meme#ask#answered#takaraphoenix
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There are a lot of people on the internet who come specifically to rage bait simply because their own lives are pathetic, empty, and boring and this is a way they've learned to get attention. And the sooner a lot of you all realize that, the sooner you'll be able to have a measure of actual fun in this fandom.
#the elucien tag is annoying lately like why are you guys arguing with people who don't care?#why are you engaging with people intentionally trying to rile you up for discord points?#move ON#learn how to just ignore something that annoys you and engage with the things that bring you joy#unclear if people are aware that sometimes a response can be SILENT and that silence is actually SO LOUD#a lot of yall are addicted to drama and RIP i guess but you burn yourselves out and you don't last#ask me why so many fade but im still here: i know how to mind my own business
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*randomly spawns in your inbox*
Hey Rahm, if you could dress the Lion Guard up for Halloween, what would they be? Think of a human or Zootopia AU :)
*points* A Wild Nikki has appeared! :D /pos silly
HMM well I’m not the best at Halloween stuff since we don’t celebrate it here, so apologies if some of these are basic :’)
I’d probably dress Bunga as a werewolf of sorts, and Kion as a vampire to sort of match with him. As for Fuli, I feel like she’d either not wear a costume at all or wear the most intricate, well-designed and unnecessarily and overly detailed costume you’ve ever seen. I can see Ono dressing up as a robot, or a pumpkin! I would put him in a pumpkin. Beshte, meanwhile, is Cookie Monster :3
#hi everybody ignore how this is technically 2 months and also technically a year late#coughs. in my defense i am no expert on halloween#im sorry nikki 😭 i really wanted to give like some creative response :’)#ended up just answering based on Vibes like. 2 months later#also I thought of the guard as like kids while writing this#AGAIN i apologise for this weirdly time response fhdkdj /gen#asks#the lion guard#the mutuals tag#halloween
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#long talk in tags incoming i guess#i don't understand why people keep following me when everything i do is complaining lately#and not about dnp per se. but about how the work is done and how their team *coughs* martyn *coughs* is handling stuff#i'm just looking at all this mess and i can't agree with basically anything#everything goes against my beliefs when it comes to work organisation. customer focus and etc.#and i'm trying SO hard to mildly help for free. and i'm just getting ignored. but that's like.. basic fixing and shit#any decent company would do it and say thank you for noticing and letting us know#but not irl merch lmao#and it all feels and looks like a massive joke#and i'm so so tired to basically pay for existence of this mess#i'm rethinking a lot of tour related decisions i made. and i know the reason i made them was about travelling more than the show itself#so i don't completely regret it#i'm just so tired of being spat in the face (figuratively speaking) over and over again#and tired of no one taking their job seriously ffs#neither martyn nor dnp nor their fucking editors#and i'm doing all that not for attention or whatever. but because I really care for the words to be correct and for the fucking text..#.. to be in the middle. like idc about the credit or WHO i need to ask for it to be fixed. i just want it to be fixed#so it looks good and how it should look#like. it's not that hard to put a little care into the things you do and getting paid for#I don't understand how it became so normalized. how being a bad manager is okay if you work with a fanbase and you're a 'small company'#a small company who has more than enough money to hire people to check things btw. if only anyone cared#i'm just so so tired of caring. because apparently it's not something everyone else does.#and i can let it slide when it comes to dnp. they are not being literally hired to do it. but others..... yeah#today was a moment when i thought 'that's a perfect opportunity to leave. enough.'#but the tour is in 1.5 months and i have tickets so i can't leave lmao#what kind of joke that is? oh and i know i'm fully responsible for this mild breakdown#personal
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my brother/sister-in-law/nephew have been here like an hour and i already want them to leave 🫠🫠🫠🫠
#personal#they're here until sometime late tomorrow so 🫠🫠#unfortunate for me#i know this is mean i know i know#and it's not that i don't want to see family but i'm just tired to my very core 😭#and i hate 1) how they expect the world to revolve around them#2) how the second they arrive it becomes 'sarah do this sarah do that sarah come here sarah look at this sarah make this thing'#like i don't have things i need/want to do#and 3) how when they show up they just like....throw their child at someone and then expect everyone else to take care of him#while they just sit back and do whatever#hi /i/ didn't have the child. that was /your/ decision. that's /your/ kid.#you can't just sit back and ignore all responsibility for him the second someone else is in the room. that's YOUR CHILD. oh my god.
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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do you ever get worried about how loud and/or popular your male muse is bc you don't want it to lead to your female muses getting overlooked bc i have to push that down all the time, and i'd just like to say thanks rpc trauma <3
#ASDFG#i trust my mutuals and i don't feel like anyone is showing favoritism so please know this isn't bc anyone's made me feel weird#it's literally just?? a worry i have to keep pushing down bc of past experiences#like i said i got longtime mutuals and mutuals who have clearly shown interest in my other muses so i'm not seriously worried!!#it's just a kneejerk response whenever i notice how popular cyrillo is lately -- but i also talk about him a lot bc he's quite loud#so it makes sense that i'm writing him a lot rn!! i'm literally throwing him at other muses asdf#ANYWAY!! i'm rambling!! i just wanted to see if anyone else also gets this feeling and has to ignore it :' ))#back to starters!! bc i meant to be asleep way before now!!#get ready to ramble | ooc
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ive been a little upset about it all night so i need to write out all the things that happened at work today and are bugging me so i can TRY to get it out of my head and actually RELAX bc i just keep pacing in circles around it instead of just accepting it and moving on
#for context i was working frying chicken today. ok so i arrive and literally all the chicken out expires within ten minutes of each other#meanwhile to remake everything takes about an hour 20#tried my best to get everything out and replaced and make sure i have enough of everything and then take my break bc with chicken there are#few narrow windows to take your break in you have very little control over when it is#get back and while im getting ready for my next fry one of the assistant leaders comes back and passive aggressively asks 'everything ok?'#and when i say yeah shes starts saying how shes 'just checking' because apparently i didnt have enough chicken out for her liking and went#on about how we're in a chicken drive (I KNOW. I WORK CHICKEN SHE NEVER HAS.)#etc etc. i just say ok and she leaves#like 20 minutes later she comes fucking back to rag on me again about how i need to choose my break times better and i need to have more#chicken out there as back up (extremely difficult bc there is literally only so much room in the fryers. the batches i usually make already#nearly completely fill them up) blah blah and then when i try to explain how i WAS making pretty big batches people are just snatching them#up fast she keeps trying to walk out the door right away and keeps stopping and looking over her shoulder to just stare at me while i try t#finish my sentence#and she just. doesnt say anything in response when i do finish she just leaves#so clearly she didnt want a conversation she just wanted to rag on me#then later for cleanup the timing of everything just kept lining up inconveniently so i kept having to get in and out of raw cleaning gear#and slowing myself down and i end up having to stay almost 15 minutes late to finish cleaning#during cleaning i have to go grab a key to the back door to take out my trash and this one coworker i have was standing in the way of the#door. i say excuse me and she just stares at me and goes huh?#and i say i need a key and she barely moves out of the way without responding and she has a look like im bothering her#why are you acting like im being douchey. i just need a key. thats something she does a lot she acts like im inconveniencing her by asking#basic favors . ive stopped asking her to help me open the back door (sometimes needed if i also have raw garbage to take out and therefore#cant touch the key myself) for some reason she takes it upon herself to almost completely close the door after i walk out so when i come#back i have to awkwardly use my foot to reach around and pull the door open#ive asked her before not to do it and she just ignored me#GRAH GRAH. and then like i said in my last rb i realized while i was drivign home i forgot to wash a damn pan#im mostly worried about it because ive forgotten a couple times in the past too . in my defense its a pan i personally dont use but it just#gets left behind from first shift sometimes and then second shifters end up having to make sure its clean#im just irritateddd and im mad im worried about it all. its all little things piling up on each other#LOL I WROTE A LOT MORE BUT THE REST GOT CUT OUT IG I HIT A TAG LIMIT. tumblr voice ok dude quit your bitching !!
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IT’S FISH DAY IT’S FISH DAY IT’S FISH DAY
#Seven.txt#fish stuff#vibrating with excitement#and also nervous energy and sleep deprivation but it’s fine cause ITS FISH DAY BABEY#i’m sitting outside waiting on them and i /had/ another package with snails coming today as well#and i was typing up a post like ‘let’s see which one gets here first. the snails or the fish?’#cause they’re coming from two different carriers y’know#but the snails literally got here while i was typing that post so uh. the snails won the race lmao#anyways i am exhausted and anxious out of my mind cause the stakes are pretty high with these fish#and i’ve averaged about 4hrs of sleep this week#and you’d know how bad that is if u knew that my depressed ass can easily sleep for 12-16 hrs if i’m allowed to#not that that’s good either but. 4hrs is NOT enough for me friends#i am. running on pure distilled nervous energy rn#but i’m still excited don’t get me wrong. i just hope everything goes well and they aren’t too stressed or beat up from the shipping#wish me well that i don’t fuck things up!!!#i have like. a number of years of experience to fall back on but i am still always learning and i’m nervous every time i get new fish#anyways. the guilt of all the messages and comments i’ve gotten lately that i haven’t replied to is eating me alive :)#and it makes me feel bad for posting things on my socials whenever i have any un-replied to messages#cause i don’t want people to think i’m ignoring them!!! i’m just so busy rn!!! and it’s less effort to type out a lil post like this#versus sitting down and thinking of the good genuine thoughtful responses that i wanna give to people#especially when i like. can’t think straight rn. about anything other than keeping these fish alive#so. that will be my full day today but once things calm down and everyone’s hopefully settled in tomorrow#i can finally start working on replying to everything#okay enough rambling. back to staring at the fields and waiting#at least the weather’s nice. and i’m sitting in the golf cart so i’m in the shade#which is good cause i’m wearing a hoodie over a shirt and long pants#and i’ve got a coffee and music playing. now if i could just chill out everything would be great#but knowing myself I Will Not
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The past year has forced me to concede that yeah guess my eating disorder hasn’t gone away like I thought.
#When I didn’t have to think about food all the time I could be pretty normal about food#But now that I live alone and am solely responsible for if I do or do not eat#And have to plan out what I’m going to eat and when#And have to go shop for my food and choose some food vs other food#And think about how and when I’m going to prepare/eat it#And how much it costs#And how much of it I have#I’ve realized I’ve got some real intense anxiety around food#And my behaviors with it are pretty weird too#Ugh#please ignore this#I’m just late night venting into the void after a stressful anxiety inducing trip to the grocery store today#I hate the grocery store so so so much#It’s where all the anxiety is concentrated lmao#Personal
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Really am my own worst enemy sometimes
#so you guys have prob kinda guessed ive been having a rough time of it lately (past twoish weeks)#cause of this big life decision ive made#and i was kinda ignoring my irl friends over it#cause i thought they'd... get mad at me? roast me over it?#sounds dumb af now but thats anxiety and stuff for you#but man i came clean to them today#and the response was just “oh damn ok man that's fair” and “ok want help with finding a new one”#and im like wow#these guys are so cool man im so lucky i have friends who like care#but also i apologized them cause what i did was shitty even if i had good reason but they just understood#they tease me a lot but they really are bros#i was deadass so nervous about telling them and they were so chill#in reality it's prob not that big a decision but it sure felt like one#this is specifically about irl friends btw just in case i hadn't said that#i wont tell em how much i appreciate them to their faces because thats just not what we do but damn i love those idiots
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A coworker just. Not really gaslighted me but. Idk. I'm not sure what happened or what she was doing.
#anntics#she came into the room and was checking diapers and was like ''omg none of these kids have been changed for hours''#and I felt so bad I couldn't believe I had done something so genuinely terrible. diapers are supposed to be changed at LEAST every hour.#and two babies have diaper rash rn so that would have mad eit so much worse#every time she was changing a diaper she would say like ''oh my god she is so soaked her diaper is soaked''#I was MISERABLE. I genuinely wanted to quit my job and/or kill myself bc I felt so bad about it#and then when I was walking by the white board where we document diaper changes. they were all up there#none of them had on a diaper more than an hour old except for a toddler who came in late and her diaper was dry#I have felt fucking crazy all day.#why didn't she check that first and why was she so insistent about it#at first I kept trying to tell her that we had been changing the diapers but she either ignored me or rolled her eyes every time#and then she was talking about how one of the babies with diaper rash was probably in a lot of pain#and idk. I genuinely felt responsible#even though I had just changed that baby less than 30 minutes before she came in#it feels so weird. why did that happen? I legitimately forgot changing the diapers and believed that I had just sat there for hours
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i cannot stress how upset being ignored makes me feel btw, it is quite honestly one of the worst things anyone could do to me and the thing I will stay upset about the longest
#whimsy whispers#so jot that down for future reference if you somehow didn’t know already#and maybe my response to being ignored being ‘fine I’ll ignore you back’ isn’t the best especially given that if someone is ignoring me then#they’re not really going to give me the chance to ignore them#but in my head this is a full proof plan (it isn’t it never is)#it never actually works out I don’t think I’ve ever gotten to be like ‘ha how the tables have turned now i and ignoring YOU’ and i probs#never will#anyways!!!! if you ignore me I will be upset with you#I get having a reason for not responding to people but if you do then please let a bitch know otherwise I’m going to assume you ignored me#and depending on how long it’s been I will stay upset even longer#I’m case anyone is wondering what my damage is lately it’s once again that people ignore me and then I realized just how many people tend to#do that and how super upsetting and dare I say infuriating it is#you don’t owe me your time but like it’s kinda :/ sometimes
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one sec plz
#im gonna spee this out and feel better#okay so. ive Always been concerned about talking too much#and lately idk what it is but its like heightened#if theres a silence during a convo i feel like i have to fill it#if no one reacted yet to smth someone said i feel like i should do it#i do it not Just bc i dont like rhe silence and get anxious in between#but also bc i dont want anyone to feel like idk ignored ?? mayge idk#or even like. tuned out bc ik i get rlly hurt when i feel that way and i dont want someone elsr to feel that way#HOWEVER#lately ive been in this limbo syate between#'i should say smth' and 'theyre not waiting for YOU to respond'#so i sit there with an automated response or reaction like on hold#and listen i dont think its as bad as im thinking it is but!#idk! idk i just dont rlly know how to solve it#i feel bad Not saying anything bc what if they feel ignored#but i also feel bad when ive spoken bc what if someone else had smth to say and i steamrolled them#i feel. like a conversational steamroller#urgh#idk#i just feel like i gotta shut up a bit these days#its not great#idk if its my anxiety making me think im not valued#or like just a period of restless and stress making me feel too loud or too much#its been hard to get over#anyways!!#hopefully ill be free from this soon
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#every time i ask for help it ends up worse than it was#when i ask my mom she accuses me of not wanting help and not knowing what i want and how its my fault i dont want to be better#im always accused of not wanting help and not doing anything as if im not always researching and calling doctors and social workers#but thats my mom shes crazy and manipulative#but then when i take friends by their word that i can always talk to them and open up and say that i need them#i get ghosted???? 🥲#like its kinda funny at this point#and i know its a common autistic thing that people think that we dont mean what we say and play down our emotions#and that freeze and fawn trauma responses change how we show distress and sometimes makes us not show it appropriately#but every time i said#hey im feeling really bad i need you#to someone#they answer way too late and go like haha oops oh well!!!! sorry so busy!!!#as if my request had a time limit and now it didnt matter anymore#or they literally stop answering me for months#i texted my mental hospital friend in november for her birthday and she answered in january and i told her im in distress#and i havent heard from her since#every time i need someone their own life comes in the way which is fine and natural but#i really get the feeling i only matter to people#when im there for them and to help them or when im fun to be around#everyone says hey its okay and important to ask for help#people who care want you to ask for help#and i remind myself of that and try to work on my abandonment issues and all the self isolating#and then i get ignored and abandoned and i literally cant do it anymore 🥲#i know its unfair to think my friends should know that im having a stressful time so they should know better and check on me#so i dont do that and i communicate#but it doesnt do anything!!!!! literally nothing!!!#i think its even making it worse because they think theyve let me down so much i wont ask again and theyre off the hook#what else can i do????? like genuinely im so confused#and because i get hung up on those things i get borderline diagnosis that are wrong because i obsessively try to be fair and not too clingy
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found an absolutely ancient promo for ytv from before it even started airing, and one of the shows it boasted about having was the ghostbusters cartoon
except i think they got the wrong license bc what they actually got was the weird filmation one w the gorrila and not, yknow, the good one
#i love that its called the REAL ghostbusters specifically bc filmation beat them to the punch on making a cartoon#and in response they (TRGB) decided to be assholes about it and call the other guys a shitty knock-off#been thinkinh a lot about channel bumpers and idents lately#specifically how the ones for teletoon and ytv got Real Fucking Weird for a bit#the night planet bumpers during teletoons first year are burned into my brain#i wasnt supposed to be able to see them i was like. 7. but when youre at a relatives house and they have a tv in the basement#you can just ignore bedtime and turn it back on
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