#if you know who im talking abt. you probably do. but if you do just ignore

[seeminglydark]

what's the timeline for caros gender exploration and settling in to their identity? in some of the comics earlier I thought they mentioned wanted to be a boy pre transition, so I'm curious as to how they settled on the enby identity (did they ever play around w he/him pronouns for ex.?) and what that looked like. i absolutely LOVE their design and learning more abt them!!

hello! So first off, Caro mirrors my own gender journey growing up in the mid nineties pretty closely, just translated onto paper and at a younger point in their life and set in mid 2000's, which is why i write them the way I do, and also why i explore different stages of their journey openly. They were created to help me understand and cope with myself <3

Timeline wise, they've always known they didn't feel like a girl, living in a small town with the only queer person they know being a 15 year old gay teenage boy, they didn't have access to resources to know there was more out there, and that gender didn't exist in a binary. Of course sully explains trans to them, but he doesn't know much or totally get it either at that point. They DO experiment with he/him pronouns, because they don't know there's more options out there for them, switching over shortly after leaving home and starting work at the GasCo, so 18-to about 20, and Sully uses 'he' for them in private before that, at 16. Their he/him years are spent emulating the boys they knew and looked up too, sully and his crew mostly, so a lot of oversized clothes, black, punk things, even though that wasnt really them either. It still felt like a costume. They still didn't see themself in the mirror or hear it in peoples voices. They feel out of body, like a ghost.

They start learning more about trans things when they meet Goldie, their 'handler' and manager for their show, once they start gaining traction. I haven't fully written this part so it might change later, but I never actually use Caro's pronouns in the podcast, because I have this image in my head that when Goldie meets them for the first time, she is unsure, and defaults to 'they.' and Caro has their AHA moment. This is closely related to my AHA moment when someone who met me was unsure and defaulted to 'they.' I can't explain the euphoria of finding your moment, but if you have with ANY set of pronouns or descriptor words (for example, both Caro and I prefer masc descriptors ie: handsome), you know what I mean. Personally I burst into tears and probably terrified that poor person. I'm sure Caro did the same ahaha. Sometimes we can't know things until we try them on, sometimes that can take a few tries. Sometimes we find ourselves by complete accident somewhere along the way. And thats ok.

Slightly related: I usually default to 'they' if im talking ABOUT them, though I will use their current pronoun if I'm telling a story. I don't have an issue with people using they/them or he/him with adult Caro or she/they/he for young Caro. Their hairstyle is usually a tell for those following along, long for she, mullet for he, undercut/crop for they <3 but we don't stress about it around here.

heres a post I made actually that breaks down Caro's Gender Journey in a Sears Catalog kind of way <3 https://seeminglydark.tumblr.com/post/760091118673313793

[negrowhat]

Heyyy im the one who asked abt phayurain's dynamic AND YOU DELIVERED LIKE YOU SO QUICK WITH IT???? I LOVED IT

I need more analysis on the ep 2 bathroom scene🤤🤤🤤😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

Should i msg you directly cause i wanna keep bothering you abt them???

Welcome back Anon!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can hit me up however you like! I could talk about them all day and some people like watching me scream about them anyway! You're not bothering me at all! As long as you don't mind me spelling Payu's name without the 'H'! It's a habit at this point. Please be prepared for a long as post as we discuss the bathroom scene in detail. I'll even insert a page break here for anyone who wants to keep scrolling.

Now on my first watch of LITA I was not a huge fan of the ep 2 bathroom scene but I've grown and changed as a person and now it's one of my all time FAVES! Let's break it down shall we???

Payu went to Rain's school with a mission in mind. He was there to let that boy know that he was planning to collect in full on his debt no matter what. He showed up with the purpose of laying his groundwork to tame his bratty boy. He was definitely expecting for Rain to be on his WORST behavior and Rain did not disappoint him. Rain never disappoints Payu.

I love the conversation they had right when they got into the bathroom. Payu tells him he's there to collect for repairing Rain's busted up Beamer and Rain SWEARS Payu said he fixed it for free. He never said that! If you go back one ep Payu said it was going to be expensive to repair but he wasn't going to charge that boy MONEY. Even P'Aon didn't say it was free. I've been calling it 'The Payu's Boy Special.'

But of course Rain can't spot a context clue to save his life and just ASSUMED it was free. Nope Payu was seeking a lifelong commitment in exchange for his extensive work on Rain's car.

I love that Payu straight up told Rain that he didn't like foul mouth boys or liars who couldn't pay up. Let's talk about the way Payu was looking at Rain as he caged him against the restroom sink. He looked like a lion stalking its prey. Rain was cursing at him and accusing him of being a bad person and Payu just held his gaze intensely and overpowered him with his strong masculine energy. If some people hadn't come in he might have hiked that boy up onto the counter!

And like I said in your last ask, Rain did have the opportunity to flee. He chose to not only run into a stall but also take Payu with him. He could've left the bathroom or locked himself in that stall until Payu left. No he wanted to continue their conversation or whatever was happening between them.

At that point Payu was done talking to Rain. He was done warning him. Rain had cursed at him and insulted his character, all in an informal manner. He was just being outright defiant and we know Payu does not deal with disrespectful little boys. He just said it.

Fam he literally CORNERS Rain in the stall! And Rain has no one to blame but himself! WHY DIDN'T YOU RUN AWAY RAINY BOY!?

Payu really pushed up on Rain, grabbed his chest, and demanded he call him P'Payu. And not only that but Payu ordered Rain to ask to be let go politely. "P'Payu, please let Rain go. Say it." This moment is about respect for Payu. He's teaching Rain how to be respectful in a way he KNOWS Rain is going to respond to.

Anon do you understand that I was SCREAMING! It's not just the sentence but Payu telling him to use actual formal and respectful tone and language. The language is very important here because Rain has been using vulgar/informal language with Payu since the last time they met and it is extremely disrespectful.

Payu is older than Rain and he demands the respect of an elder from him. And we have to remember that Payu is 4 or 5 years older than Rain.

Of course Rain resisted. It's what Payu was expecting...probably what he was hoping for. What did he say? "That's okay." And the way he drags those syllables out? Letting that powerful aura seep out? Dominance and control just permeating from him? He knows exactly how things are about to go. And I want you to keep in mind that through this whole...experience...Payu's tone is very calm and a bit taunting. But he doesn't raise his voice not ONCE.

He really grabs that boy and pulls him closer? And when Rain starts to protest Payu silences him with a single finger to his lips! He literally shushes that boy, tsks at him.

He warns him to be careful or people will hear them in the stall. We know Payu doesn't care, he's a fucking walking GOD to the people at that school, but Rain?? He might care about being caught. This is his second time warning Rain about his tone! Again this is about respect.

We literally hear Rain GULP Anon! Why? Because he's probably thinking, 'Oh shit how did we even get here? Why am I listening to this guy?' But Rain does listen. He submits. No more pushback from Rain.

And just like that Payu has Rain behaving. Payu doesn't even do too much. His hands are gripping Rain's waist and chest and he just sort of hovers around him. He's shoving his face in his neck. He's breathing in and exhaling against his skin. And pushing up against him. You know...not too much. He's just in his space with his strong alpha presence.

AND WHEN I SAY PRESSED AGAINST RAIN! I MEAN NOT EVEN A SHEET OF PAPER CAN FIT BETWEEN THEM. I think it overwhelms Rain...maybe even drowns him a little. And Rain likes it. It's no doubt intoxicating being in such a moment like this with a man like Payu.

The tension between them is sooooooooooooo heavy in that stall. They're not even talking. Rain is just trapped in a trance! He bares his neck, closes his eyes, and he's just clutching the wall behind him. HE SAYS NOTHING! A few times Payu literally grinds up against Rain with his full body. You can see his eyebrows raise because he's literally surprised by Rain's reaction.

He already knows Rain is attracted to him, he's known since he first met him, so Rain's erection was expected. But I just don't think Payu was expecting for Rain to fall into submission so promptly. Rain is being so good!

And finally Rain is able to pull himself out of the trance Payu locks him in long enough to stutter out the magic words to be set free. "P'Payu, please let Rain go." In the proper tone and respectful speech he refused to use before. There's the good boy Payu wanted to see.

And Payu grins and of course he has to add on something extra for Rain to say, "I promise I won't swear at you again. Say it." Before he shoves his face back into Rain's neck! INSANITY! RAIN CAN BARELY REPEAT IT BACK HE'S SO OVERWHELMED.

And of course Payu holds him there a bit longer, pressing up against that boy, breathing against his neck, and pushing him back into the stall wall. Poor Rain can't do anything but fucking hold onto Payu's shirt, the man's energy is simply too powerful for a brat boy like him.

And then Payu has the nerve to whisper "Good job," in Rain's ear before he FINALLY releases him! Rain is just stuck there, plastered against the wall. I SWEAR when Payu whispered in Rain's ear that boy creamed his pants.

He opens the stall and just casually says something like, "Those guys are gone." Rain finally fully comes to his senses and scrambles out the stall (which is probably FILLED with steam) and the boy can't even stand up straight. His dick is hard and he's just so annoyed that he even submitted to Payu so easily.

Meanwhile Payu cooly walks out so unaffected by what just happened. He tells Rain he was there to collect on his debt and that he warned him to speak nicely to him and that he wouldn't have had to corner Rain that way if he had just been a good boy from the beginning. And then he once again tells Rain that he doesn't like disrespectful little boys who are below his standards and just leaves angry little Rain there on the floor with a hard on. HE DOESN'T EVEN LOOK BACK.

What a power play. What an experience to be had in a uni bathroom stall. He just gave Rain yet another reason to obsess over him for.

OKAY this got long as fuck but it really is a great scene to show their dynamic. It's one of my fave scenes from their storyline. I hope you don't mind me using screenshots instead of gifs lol.

[dizzybizz]

some doodles

[puppppppppy]

learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way

[themyscirah]

Complaining abt Suicide Squad yet again but the fact that they have Waller exposing the alien community to space racist attacks and talking abt how she got to her position through deceit and being a terrible person and stuff is just. Ahsfiwueh JUST SAY YOU DONT KNOW WALLER.

Anyways literally the 3rd mission of the Squad ever (and the first framed as smth Waller picked and not orders from above) was the Squad discrediting and stopping a rogue vigilante who was only arresting POC and funneling white people into white supremacy groups (of which he was the most prominent member) in SUICIDE SQUAD #4. and it's explicitly framed as this mission being personal for Waller that she's hiding from the government bc its illegal like. Guys. Please why are we having her incite (space bc comics) racist attacks now

Also the whole "Amanda got her position through deceit and being a terrible person" NO. she KEPT her position through being shitty and playing complicated political games!!! She wasn't always that way like there is a difference and it is IMPORTANT ppl PLEASEEEE. In Secret Origins #14 we learn Amanda's backstory and she used to be a normal, caring person! Like even after she entered into working in government and politics she wasn't automatically morally bankrupt like please people. She was originally given control of the Squad by Reagan (*sigh* 80s comics...) to distract and get rid of her because she was so successful at pushing progressive social policy in Congress. Acting like she's this static pillar of evil is such a waste of her character and so fucking uninteresting and disrespectful to her arc it drives me MAD.

Like I am NOT saying Waller is all sunshine and rainbows, she fucking SUCKS (said w love <3) but like there's a human being there. It's a progression, she has a character arc like please, DC, please!!! They've fucked up Waller so bad and made her so opaque and uninteresting she can't even be the protagonist of her own story for fucks sake!

Like I don't know how many times I have to scream it until DC hears me or remembers but WALLER IS THE MAIN CHARACTER OF SUICIDE SQUAD. ITS HER BOOK. yet right now she's a cutout to be used as the villain wherever the writers please. Even in her book we get none of her perspective really displayed, no exploration of her thoughts with any kind of understanding of the role she traditionally has played and was made to play in the story.

[waywardsalt]

with my phantom hourglass replay, there are two things i noticed;

a possible theme you could glean from the game is action vs inaction, and i think it's especially prevalent before you even leave mercay the first time, with oshus frequently urging link to not go after the ghost ship, then to just wait until the broken bridge is fixed, and seems reluctant at every turn while link and ciela are more than eager to go and do something about this problem, and the people of mercay in general talking about things and their problems but never seeming to act on their fears or desires, as well as the mention that due to the ghost ship, very very few people are still sailing around, while linebeck is one of the only people we see in the game actively going after the ghost ship and still sailing around. i might make a longer post just talking more about the action vs inaction in phantom hourglass but i just noticed it a bit and thought it was a bit of an interesting sort of theme you could find in the game.

linebeck moves so fucking much. i think he moves more than any npc in the rest of the game. not just in his intro cutscene where he is very animated, just in how much he moves when just standing in his little idle post, it's damn near distracting when the camera is focused on him, he moves a lot. i don't think i've really acknowledged how much he moves, and it really gives the impression that he's antsy or eager to get going, both of which fit him pretty well with how he acts.

[kavennnn]

wtf my son is dead

[zymstarz]

yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out

[mercless]

🗡 mad cowboy disease....

[dukeofthomas]

Worst flashback/panic attack/whatever the fuck i've had in years how can i project this on jason

[hypostatic-oath]

4.2 has officially destroyed my brain in terms of lore. Farewell, everyone, I shall join my fellow mad scholars in Aaru Village, because WHAT ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH.

If you picture someone wearing a tinfoil hat screaming incoherently while wildly gesturing and waving their arms about, you can get a pretty accurate depiction of my mental state.

Featuring: me rambling in the tags. Careful for spoilers if you choose to read them - I don't go into detail but still.

[steeltwigz]

cross-posting my ii finale review from twt to here too. guys rambling on twt SUCKS >:( had to break i tup into TEN POSTS ARE YUO FOR RRAL

anyway.

WAITT im in a ranting mood ok. im actually rlly Happy NOT HAPPY uhmmm satisfied but NOT SATISFIED EITHER ughh. im. glad the choice was for mephone 4 to leave. i like that its left open, for the same reason i like why marshmallow leaving in ep 11 was written so definitively. she wanted to get away from the show. and so she Did, completely. she wasnt even in the Comics after that!! she got what she wanted, kind of, sort of. and i feel the same way abt mephone too. he NEEDED to step back from it all, for himself and the people around him, imo. i mean, like he says, he only Made the show to get one up on cobs, and now cobs is gone and mephone needs to figure out who he is Without cobs' influence anymore. i think this is ultimately good for him, the best that couldve happened. and im not upset the contestants aren't sad enough, or whatever. becuz mephones story is Explicitly one abt parental abuse, and like it or not he kind of did the same thing to the contestants that cobs did to him, just in ykno. kind of different ways. they have complicated feelings towards each other and im not surprised most of them didnt react. i doubt most of them knew What to do at all given the situation! i think it was a rlly good choice, narratively speaking. i think it represents the kind of mixed emotions that parental abuse can cause, esp when its in mephones case where it was rlly just a super unfortunate circumstance. ik mephone isnt rlly their parental figure and the crew has stated that he isnt their dad, which i agree with! i like how complex their relationships all are. they feel more real that way? i guess? idk.

sorry this is all becuz i saw a post that read how someone was sad mephone left his support system. but like. the contestants dont rlly Want to be that for him, and not even rlly for each other all the way either, and they dont Have to be. a lot of the cast arent friends and i like that perspective! yeah it sucks that mephone left them, but they all have rlly mixed emotions abt each other, i feel. mephone was in a position of authority that he would occasionally abuse, just out of inexperience and naivete. so the feeling left over is complicated. MUCH LIKE [insert anecdote from my childhood. waves hands nonchalantly to avoid revealing too much abt my personal life].

it resonated with me. i can see a lot of my own relationships reflected in mephone's with the contestants. so YEAH i think the ending was rlly good ^_^ it reminded me a lot of the sturggles i have both as someone with. Not Ideal but also Not Terrible parents. like cobs was inarguably awful, and i think partly mephone thought he couldnt be as bad becuz he wasnt Like That, but it made him underestimate his actions and he ended up overlooking a lot of stuff and hurting his contestants in more emotional ways. Not That I Would Know Anything About That Ha Ha. and now he feels bad. but he doesnt know how to fix it, because you Cant fix it, not without significant personal growth that he seems to recognize Isnt going to happen if he sticks around. so he leaves. for himself, but i think for the contestants also. he doesnt know how to apologize, and i think he feels really guilty too. and the contestants cant say anything becuz Its True and Hes Right, and hoenstly a few of them are probably Happy to see him go too, so they let him leave. idk. its just weird living in that middle space where someone who deeply loves you is also someone whos caused a Lot of your problems. I think part of mephones problem too is that he views them as characters on his show. not like entirely, they're People to him of course, not like how cobs treats his creations. but they also serve a purpose to mephone, to be his friends and entertain him. i do think he genuinely cares about them but i think he also probably has kind of an objectification of them in his mind? uhm. Not That I Would Kno- [gets shot]

tl;dr like. mephone didnt mean to hurt the contestants, but he did because of tragic events beyond his control. but that cant excuse his actions and its a hard situation to fix. tbh there isnt rlly a solution. so him leaving felt profound and understandable. there COULD be a reconciliation, another spin-off series to elaborate and write in a redemption arc. but for now there Isnt. and i dont think there rlly Has to be? i like the bittersweetness. idk. anyway rant over Probably Maybe Idk

[jrueships]

What are the psychosexual consequences of the twolves dominance right now

mmm.. i have been Chewing on this...

for quite some time .

so this is a thought i have always had tbh. These playoff results so far have just been bolstering my confidence in it.

Ant and Kat's love is loud love.

The Suns love is no love. Not that they dont have any love At All, because they do. But for each other? Im not so sure. The Suns is Men doing it all for the image of finally being champions so they can prove themselves to the people OUTSIDE their team.

The nuggets is domestic love. It's quiet, it's comfortable, it's won a championship, it's retired love. Retired does Not mean dead, it does not mean completely inactive, it means slower moving, at a personal pace, enjoying what you find to be the thing you wouldn't mind dying doing. Jokic and Jamal don't have to say they're in love 24/7 to let us know they're in love. Jokic doesn't have to talk about horses all the time to reporters for reporters to find out how much he actually does from him always going back to visit them. It's quiet, but it's so strong that it doesn't have to be anything but quiet to know

The mavs is a love built on respect. Wordless, they know they can depend on the other no matter what troubles the other may be dealing with or how much is happening, they Know someone will always be there to get the job done. They KNOW it's not a waste, whatever they're doing .

Kat Needs positive reinforcement, reminisces on it, dreams for it, grows restless and angered without it. Gets real self-conscious and starts faking everything to seem like he has everything so people can start treating him like he's not just some everybody in the world, but a SOMEbody in the world, someone whose opinions, thoughts, actions, and.. possibly most importantly.. WORDS will always be remembered as a meaningful contribution to the world.

Ant is a people pleaser. But he's not the meek, 'let your favorite teacher pronounce your name wrong until the grave' people pleaser where it can be pointed out as a problem, he's a Clever one. He's the kind of people pleaser who can step into a room and spotlight the targets that need the most self-value.. all so He can assure his Own self-value, and protect it. Because, ultimately, the phrase 'everybody loves Anthony edwards' is all about Anthony Edwards, which should be obvious, right? The answer's smack dab in front of your face, but the Confidence. The charisma of it all. Covers it. Conceals it just briefly, just enough for him to get away with it. Ant always knows what to say without even thinking twice. He's such a charmer. Except he's not. He's Always thinking, always brewing up the best ways to become a spectacle. Why even video himself saying that slur shit in the first place? Why not just keep that between him and his friend in the car like probably a good chunk other basketball players do ( because let's be honest. These are probably pretty straight men. They hate people like us. )

He can't. That wouldn't give him the best results in the kind of satisfaction he craves, which is all self based, when boiled down. He HAS to not only impress his one friend in the car with his in power teasing of others who don't even have a clue, he has to try and impress Everyone that he's included in his circle, and he just accidentally included the wrong crowd in that.

Ant and kat together are just two self-conscious people who like being together so they don't feel like they're two self-conscious people who like being together. Love can come in multiple forms, but, in my opinion, love oftentimes needs multiple forms to be at its strongest. When you pour all your love into one bucket, it leaves the others hollow. Love can be quiet, and it can be loud, it can be through words, through actions, through the easy times, AND the hard times, it is love.

I like to call Kat and ant the warped jaren and ja bcs unlike jaren and ja where it can all get spoiled from jaren saying something stupid like 'i love you' when they ARE in love and are just uncomfortable saying it, kat and ant NEED to say they're in love so they can feel like they aren't in it. It being Actual love, deep love that requires more than just pretty words and over-the-top compliments and sayings and comparisons and declarations. Actual love like ant going to kat's house and bringing the rest of the team because he knows kat misses having a stable family, hates the fact that something is missing and he'll never get it back.

Actual love like being awkward with each other

Which they Hate. Terribly. The two of them.

So they'll say how much they're in love with the other, how fondly they think about their memories, how they're so close. They'll tease and laugh and try to instruct the other. And the media laps it up, of course. Especially over the quiet love. It's just so boring in comparison.

Love is thrilling, and it is also boring. Like doing menial activities together like watching the news when you two could actually be the ones on it by doing something crazy together, but you don't, and you aren't, because you both agreed it's going to be a cozy day today where you'll both just be a cute pair of couch potatoes on a sofa watching TV together.

Ant and kat CANT be boring. They CANT just sit in that silence together. They have to say something. They have to know the other doesn't consider them a waste of their time because they don't have that same assurance in themselves.

Love is being scared.

Theyre not scared.

They can't Be scared.

Being down by 2 doesn't mean anything besides we'll bounce back. We're not scared about it. I played well, the shots just weren't falling, but i did good. We are doing good. We love each other. We swear.

We're not scared .

(TV loves confidence)

(Love loves fear)

[anakinh]

been trawling through the meljay tag on ao3 because i was curious about how many fics there actually are of this pairing (very few. if you sort by kudos it's almost offensive). anyway, I noticed there's quite a lot of people who didn't like the fact that Jayce accused Mel of using him? Even though she, uh, did use him? People are allowed to have flaws.

Idk, i think that's actually the fun part of the meljay dynamic. It's very "this boy seems very manipulable. i am going to take advantage. oh no he's sweet. oh no i have feelings. fuck." it's a very popular romcom subgenre!

Similarly there's a surprising amount of commune jayvik fics that act like the commune is a good thing, which. why? Isn't the whole point of commune jayvik fics mostly 'viktor puts jayce in his commune and he thinks everything is perfect until one day he realizes he killed his soulmate' with a dash of 'angsty dub-con with captive jayce'? think about it.

also part of the reason I was kinda offended with the tag on ao3 is because most of it was actually jayvik. i brought jayvik on this post so i guess by my own rules i should be going to jail.

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

obsessed with their different reactions to being called starcrossed lovers

[indiegame]

woof woof what a week