#if u keep looking to find some answers i wish u good luck!!!

[twirlyleafs]

”Start of the season-drama” pt2

Max Verstappen x reader

TW: slight angst, raised voices

A/N: thank you sooo much for the support on part one!! doing a lil happy dance because of u xx

~~~~

Max had tried calling you over fifty times the past three days but you refused to answer. You didn’t know if it was because you were still upset with him or because you were just that ashamed, but you couldn’t find it in you to talk to him. You had hope that there was a reasonable explanation for the photos but no matter how hard you tried to come up with one they all ended with you heartbroken. You were terrified Max would confirm any of them.

You read his texts and listened to his voice messages, responding that you’d talk to him when he’d get back. When he threatened to take an early flight, missing the race, you told him he was being dramatic and then you wished him good luck. Max stopped trying to reach you after that.

You had called in sick to work Friday and Saturday, staying home to simultaneously write and watch the qualifying and the race. You weren’t surprised to see Max bring home another win, but you felt bad when you noticed his seemingly bad mood in the post-race interviews. You could just assume you were the reason for the constant frown on his face and the dark circles under his eyes.

Sunday afternoon rolled in and you were restless. The fact that Max would be arriving back home tomorrow was starting to freak you out and you forced yourself to keep busy at all times not to overthink everything more than you already were. Currently you were standing on your tiptoes on one of the bar chairs, dusting the top of the bookshelves that were lining one wall in the living room. It obviously hadn’t been done in years and didn’t necessarily need to be done now either, but it was something to do. You were so caught up in your work that you hadn’t noticed the sound of the front door being unlocked, the bags being dropped on the floor or someone entering the room. Max stopped on the other side of the room, brows furrowed as he took you in. You were wearing one of his shirts, by the look of it one of his oldest ones and he knew you would’ve had to dug deep in the drawers for that one. As you reached the top shelf it rode up enough for him to see that you were wearing a pair of his boxers too and for some reason he melted slightly at the fact that you were dressed all in his clothes.

“Be careful.” You flinched, a gasp leaving your lips as your head spun around to follow the sudden sound. Max eyes widened as you wobbled for a second before regaining your balance and he thanked god he didn’t cause you to fall.

“Max, you’re home already?” You were confused, trying to figure out if your calculations had been wrong. He nodded, having to stop himself from walking over to help you as you climbed down from the chair.

“I took an early flight, left right after the podium.” He paused for a second, feeling the anger he’d felt for the past few days bubbling up again. “Felt a bit stressed to get back here since my girlfriend has been refusing to talk to me.” You bit down on the inside of your cheeks, resisting the urge to roll your eyes.

“Congrats on the win, you were-“ you began, but Max cut you off. He had told himself to keep calm, talk this through, but he felt the plan collapse almost immediately. He couldn’t deny the frustration.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t want a congratulation from you y/n, I want an explanation! I want to know what the fuck happened on Thursday?” His voice was sharp, arms crossed over his chest. You looked away.

“What happened was that I wanted to come see you, but you said no.” You shrugged, the frown on your face deepening.

“I didn’t say no, I said it was unnecessary- that’s not even the issue here. The thing I’m most upset- confused over is you said I had some girl?”

“I saw the pictures Max.” You glared at him, all the hurt and confusion and anger from the past few days coming back. “I saw you with her.“

Max looked even more bewildered than a second ago, flailing his arms out in exasperation. “Who?! What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about your fucking date to the banquet!” You exclaimed, raising your voice to match his. “The girl you snuck away with when you didn’t think anyone would see!” Max just stared at you with wide eyes, lips opening and parting in confusion. You, however, took his silence as a sign of guilt. “I get that you’d want a girl who’s willing to follow you everywhere, who’s willing to give up her own life to be your trophy but fuck, Max, I thought you’d at least give me a heads up.”

”I didn’t bring a fucking date to the banquet, where are you getting this from? What fucking photos?”

Without another word you reached for your phone, searching up the tweet that started this whole mess. Zooming in on the photo where he was cupping her cheeks you handed him the phone, crossing your arms over your chest the second he grabbed it from you. Max stared down at the screen, eyebrows going up before they were pushed together. Slowly he looked up at you again.

“Baby-“ he began with a sigh, the apologetic tone of his voice had you assuming he was about to confess to cheating on you. The anger was quickly replaced with hurt and a shockwave of sadness. Suddenly your vision was watery and you took a step back, wrapping your arms tighter around yourself. Max seemed to understand, quickly shaking his head.

“It’s not what you think, not what it looks like.”

“Oh come on-“ you sniffed, but Max wouldn’t have it.

“No, I get how that sounds but just let me explain. That’s Rebecca, you’ve met her. Tommy’s daughter.” You had to rummaged through your brain for a second before you could place the name. Rebecca was the daughter of one of Redbulls mechanics. You’d met her a few times during races, she was a sweet girl. Your eyes widened slightly.

“Isn’t she like seventeen?”

“Yeah!”

You stared at him, even more chocked than a moment before. Max saw the look on your face and quickly shook his head. A shiver ran up his spine at the realization of what you were thinking.

“God no! Not like that. She was at the banquet with Tommy but something happened, I think someone tried to pressure her into drinking and stuff- I met her when I came from the restroom and she was crying so I brought her out, away from everyone.” Max looked down at the photo again, frowning. “Away from the cameras, I thought. She was hyperventilating and I all could think about is when you’re having a panic attack so I did what I do then, I held her and I forced her to breathe with me.” When he looked back up you were already staring at him, lips slightly parted in chock. Max tossed your phone into the couch, taking a careful step closer to you. “That’s it. That’s all that happened. I did what you taught me.”

“God.” You let out a shaky breath, hiding your face behind your hands. Out of all the scenarios you’d constructed over the past few days, none even came close to this. Max hadn’t cheated, he hadn’t even been close to. He’d helped an innocent girl, doing for her what he always did for you when you suffered from anxiety. The guilt was slowly settling in your stomach. Max watched you softly shake your head before you carefully glanced at him between fingers. “Max I’m so sorry.” You saw him visibly relax when he realized you accepted his explanation and a second later he sunk down in the couch, seemingly exhausted. With a deep breath he leaned back, closing his eyes.

“Fuck.” He sighed, reaching up to rub his forehead. “I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out what I did and why you were so mad and not once did it occur to me that it might’ve been this.” Things were quiet after that. You crawled up on the barstool, pulling your knee to your chest, as Max stayed half laying down in the couch. Leaning your cheek against your knee you watch his chest rise and fall slower and slower. You almost thought he’d fallen asleep when he suddenly spoke again. “Did you think I cheated on you?”

“I don’t know.” You answered honestly, making Max open his eyes to look at you. You felt your heart clench at the sad look on his face. “I love you Max, and I know you love me but-“

“But?” He asked softly, moving to sit up properly. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and watched your through thick lashes. You took a deep breath.

“But sometimes I worry I’m not what you want. I know a lot of the others wife’s and girlfriends come to every race and you know, follow you guys around the world. I would understand if you’d want that too. You’re always talking about how I should quit my job and- well I saw the pictures and I guess all my insecurities came to life and I freaked out. I’m sorry.” You reached up to swiftly wipe away a stray tear and Max frowned. He reached a hand out, waving it as to call you over. You got the hint and slid down from the chair, carefully padding across the floor to him. The second you were within reach he pulled you down in his lap and you could practically feel yourself melt into him. God you’d missed having him close.

“You are everything I want.” Max mumbled against the top of your head and you felt shivers run up your spine. You opened your mouth to answer but quickly shut it again when you felt the lump in your throat, a few tears spilling over as you blinked. Max let his arms snake even tighter around you as he heard you sniff quietly against his chest. “I love how much you value your job and I’m so proud of you for actually being able to handle both studying and working at the same time.” You felt his fingers press softly into your side as he spoke, voice hushed and gentle. “I tell the guys all the time how smart you are, how much I admire you.”

“But I’m never there for you.” You whispered and Max carefully shifted the two of you enough so that he could look down at you. His eyes flickered between yours, hand moving up to wipe your tears.

“You’re always there for me. Maybe not in person, but I always know I have you. Like you always know you have me, right?” He waited for you to nod before he continued. “I can race on my own, just like you work on your own. Whats important to me is that I get to come home to you.” He carefully picked an eyelash from your cheek as you processed his words. When he met your eyes again he offered a small smile, tilting his head slightly. “That being said, if I could I’d spend every second literally glued to your side but apparently that’s not healthy.” You laughed at that and the smile on Maxs face widened. With something between a sigh and a chuckle you dropped your forehead back against his chest.

“I’m sorry again Maxie.” You mumbled against his shirt, feeling it vibrate as he hummed.

“Don’t worry about it schatje.” He pulled you with him to lay down in the couch and it barely took a second before the two of you were comfortably entangled in each other. “Honestly, it was kind of nice seeing you that jealous. It’s an achievement from my part, without even knowing.” He joked, earning another laugh from you as you lifted your head to look at him.

“First place the first two races of the season wasn’t enough achievements for you?”

The grin almost took up Maxs whole face and you giggled at the proud twinkle in his eyes. Before he had time to say something that would have you slap him, you leaned in to press your lips against his instead.

Max was home and everything was alright.

~~~~

Tagging ppl who asked for pt2 <333

@lpab @aexitizen-ln4 @buttfug213 @sxcretricciardo @hadthemapplebottomjeans @sunny44 @phantomxoxo @sunnyfunnydemon

[urfavoriteitalian]

“someone older”

summary: in which Charles can’t satisfy your sexual needs and you and Lewis share a little secret

warning: SMUT! (mdi), age gap, unprotected sex (wrap before u tap!), cheating, oral f, fingering,slapping, p in v, dirty talk, praise, degrading, that’s all i think.. :)

note: i’m sorry that y/n will cheat on Charles, but i needed a victim 🥲

I was in the bed, the night before US GP, Charles was in the shower trying to calm down for the next day. I was scrolling through Tiktok when he came out of the bathroom. I took a look of him, wet hair, visible v-shape, towel resting on the hips. I squeezed my things together at the sight.

“Babe” I called him, he turned, after wearing his boxer, “Yeah?” he said while looking himself in the mirror, adjusting his hair, “Why don’t you come here?” I asked patting the empty space next to me on the bed.

He didn’t answer, he get on the bed, and left a quick kiss on my temple, before picking up his phone. I took his face in my hands, and lead his lips on mine. At first he followed the movement of my lips, but when I tried to deepen it, he moved away “Baby, I have the Gran Prix tomorrow, you know the rules” he told me.

The rules. In my opinion, lately, Charles has found all the excuses of this world for not touching me, and when he did, he couldn’t satisfy my needs. I took his hand on my thing “Charles please” i begged “I need you”. He scoffed, taking his hand off my thing “Stop acting like a needy teenager” he said, turning to the side.

The next day, in the Ferrari garage, Charles was talking with the engineer about the car, and I was talking with Carlos about some good place to go eat. “Hey guys, can I get in?”

I freeze, that voice, his voice. Lewis entered the garage, after Carlos told him he could, my eyes locked with his, and he wicked me, before go talking with Charles. “I just wanted to wish you a good luck for the race, since yesterday i couldn’t” he said, talking with Charles and Carlos.

They talked for a while, and it was embarrassing how i couldn’t keep my eyes off him for the whole time. “Now I really need to go, or my teammates will kill me” he said laughing. After saying goodbye to the two pilots, he come towards me. He placed his tattooed hand on my lower back and left a sweet kiss on my cheek, way to close to my mouth, but Charles didn’t notice since he was busy talking with some engineers, “I hope i see you later” he whispered in my ear, and then left the garage.

Before I started dating Charles, I had a sort of relationship with Lewis. Relationship is actually a big word. We would just hang up a couple of times, and then find ourselves rolling in the bed sheets of one of the two. More then a couple actually. But when I stared seeing Charles i completely cut off all the relationships with Lewis, and I asked him to keep this secret between us.

So every time I saw him, I tried to act my best, but Lewis didn’t help me at all. Always putting his hand on my lower back, almost kiss me on the lips, and whisper things to my ear in that strong english accent.

after the race.

Lewis and Charles has been disqualified, and for the whole trip to the hotel, Charles hasn’t said a word. When we arrived to our room, Charles quick changed and made his way towards the door. “Where are you going?” i asked him, and he stopped at my words “I just want to be alone for a bit”. I jumped off the bed and go towards him, “Stay here.” I said putting my hand on his. One thing I’ve always knew about Charles was that in situations like this he likes to be alone, but he’d much rather be in the hotel room that God knows where, so i decided to give him his space. “I can go far a walk with Heidi” I reassured him, sweetly smiling.

He just nod and go again towards the bathroom for change. I get out the room, closing the door behind me, not knowing at all where to go, until a name crossed my mind. Lewis. Ha has been disqualified too, and maybe he need someone to talk to. Just talk. I repeated to my self. Talk and nothing more. Before I could realize, I was in front of Lewis’ room, 404. I knocked, but he didn’t open the door, so I thought that maybe he wanted to be alone too. What a stupid idea.

Before I could turn my self completely and go away, I heard the door open, and my name being called. I turned again, and I find Lewis leaning on the door frame, half naked, grey pants only, braids in a little bun, but two behind his ear, and a damn smirk on his face “Need something?” ha asked

I gulped a bit, realizing in what situation i was putting my self into, “I..”, he didn’t gave me the time to talk “Come on, get in” he said moving from the door frame. It was like my brain wasn’t working and my feet was walking by themselves. I entered the room, and Lewis locked the door behind him.

“So” he started indicating me to sit on the bed, and I did, “Need something?” he asked again crossing his arms, knowing damn well he looks hot in that moment. “I just wanted to tell that i’m sorry for your disqualification” i said looking at my shoes.

“Look at me darling” he said getting close to me, and I did, “I just wanted to tell that i’m sorry for your disqualification” I said again. “Does Charles know that you’re here?” he asked and I didn’t answered. He got way more close to me, picking up my chin in his tattooed fingers

“Do you want tell me why you’re really here, or you want keep acting like the innocent girl we both know you aren’t?” ha started caress my cheek. “I told you, i just wanted to tell you that i’m sorry” I said, most like a whisper.

He get on his knees in front of me “Does he touch you like a do?” he asked caressing my knee, I gulped “Because I think that’s why you’re here” he started caressing my bare thighs. “You’re here because no boy, can touch you like a man” I sighed, and squeezed my thighs together, and he smirked “Tell me, does he make you feel the way that I did?”

I looked away from him “No..” I said, he started kiss my thigh “Look at me darling”. He put his hands around my neck and without said nothing he harshly kissed me. It wasn’t a love, sweet kiss, like the one that Charles would give to me, it was a needy, lust kiss. I gasped and he took a chance for put he tongue in my mouth. He moved the hand off my neck and put it again on my thighs, squeezing them possessively, I moan. He bite my lower lip, and moved his face between my legs. He started kiss my legs, then my thighs “Always around with this squeezy outfit” he got closer to my wet core “I bet he doesn’t even fuck you in them”

My skirt was not rolled on my hips, he smiled when he noticed how wet I was. He quickly removed my thong, and attached his lips to my wet core. I tried not to moan and I put my hand on this beautiful braids, squeezing them for pleasure. Without warning he put two fingers inside of me and I almost screamed.

“God you’re so tight, baby” his thumb stared made circular movements on my clit, the other hand put my thighs on his shoulders, while his fingers continued working inside of me. I bite my lower lip, trying not to moan, but Lewis slapped my cheek, “I want hear you”

The more Lewis’ fingers worked inside of me, the more I got louder. My legs stared shaking, and now I was practically chocking him with my legs “Lewis..” I called him between my moans. My walls started cleched around his fingers, and my mouth was spilling his name no stop. I came with a loud moan and Lewis kissed me and I savoured my taste from before.

Before I could recover from my early cum, that Lewis took my clothes off, i got closer to him, and removed his grey pants. I touched his now hard cock from the boxer, but he stopped me by kissing me again, and whispered to my ear “Get on your hands and knees”.

I did as told getting on my hands and knees and arching my back for him. He slapped my ass harsly “I bet he doesn’t know what a slut you’re”, he caressed my ass cheek and then slapped it again. I turned my head to look at him. Lewis took his boxer off, and jerked a bounce of times, that sight of him made my cunt clench around nothing. Lewis laughed at that and shook his head, “Such a slut” he said getting his cock closer to my cunt “Clenching because i’m jerking off”.

His cock was now running up and down my wet folds. I arched my back more, to get more friction “Lewis.. Please” I begged him, but it looked more like a desperate whine. Lewis chuckled, and after harsly grabbed my hips, he entered me. I grabbed the sheets of the bed and moaned loudly his name.

“Look at you” he groaned “Getting finally fuck like the whore you are”. I moaned without replying, Lewis put his hand in my hair and with a strong grip he makes my back stick to his chest. “God you’re so tight” he whispered in my ear “Needed someone older mh? Someone who knows how to fuck whores like you” he told and started leaving open mouth kiss on my neck. I clenched at his words and he groaned in response “I missed this cunt” he said, and put his hand around my neck.

At this point I was moaning mess, I put my head on his shoulder, and I almost yelled when he puts his thumb on my clint and played with it. All that came out of my mouth were moans and begs, I didn’t even know what I was begging him for, but my brain couldn’t think straight in that moment. “Tell me” Lewis slightly chocked me “Tell me how good I make you feel”

I didn’t answer, and he slapped my ass, for sure leaving a mark. I moaned again “So good” I shutter “You make me feel so good” and he groaned. The room was filled by our moans, mostly mine, and the sound of our skin meeting each other. I was getting close, I could feel by the nod in my stomach and my legs shaking “Lewis” I called him for the million time “I’m close” I said.

“Come baby” he said, while his movements were getting sloppier and he was losing his rhythm “Make a mess on my cock”. It was all I needed to cum, I repeated his name like a prayer, and i left myself lay on the bed, not able to stand alone. Lewis came right after me, filling me up with his cum. He took his cock out of me and I whined for the loss of contact.

He laid next to me, and took my hair of my face. He left a sweet kiss on my lips “Did I hurt you?” he asked worried. Sometimes, it looked like the person who fucked me, and Lewis were two different persons. I shook my hand with a smile, and I kissed him again “It was great, thank you” I put my head on his bare chest, and Lewis caressed my back.

Another secret that we would share..

note: hi!! this is my first post here, I hope that you guys liked :), I read it a couple of times, but maybe there’s still some mistakes. sorry but english isn’t my first language.

love ya,

Carla 💋

[ghostbustting]

Hey, I was wondering if you could write something about the fact that the reader has been James's partner for 5 years, and while they are at their friend's birthday party they argue over silly things but they both take it to heart, so the reader decides to make James jealous with x man (nothing too far-fetched) then James gets really upset and takes the reader to his house and they have rough sex (where James takes out his annoyance on the reader) And by the way, let it end with some good ending.

I imagined this scenario with James 1998, when he becomes beefier 🤭.

thank u anon, I shall say the word "beefier" on a daily basis now.

╰┈➤“𝑫𝑶𝑵'𝑻 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑲𝑵𝑶𝑾

𝒀𝑶𝑼'𝑹𝑬 𝑴𝑰𝑵𝑬 .ᐣ„ ๋࣭⭑

‘98!James Hetfield x Reader

Contains smut.

Hand in hand, James and I carefully step into the bar that we were told to go to by his bandmate Kirk and his wife Lani, finding all of our friends and some faces we haven’t recognized yet all gathered around the bar to celebrate the guitarist’s wife’s 27th birthday.

Smiles are on everyone’s face while I release James’ hand in order to pull Lani into a warm embrace, “Happy birthday!” I congratulate her, pecking her cheek and stepping back, watching as James congratulate her as well.

Kirk stood by her side with an even wider smile than I usually see on him daily, it warms my heart to see how many love he have as his eyes stays on Lani, seemingly mesmerized by her.

James and I stood back with the others as someone brings in Lani’s birthday cake, I feel his arm around me as he kiss my head, making me lean against him as we watch her make a wish and blow the candles.

Then, Kirk wrap his arms around her and kiss her passionately before exclaiming to the crowd, “Happy birthday to this amazing wife of mine!!” His cheeky smile spreads to Lani’s own face as everyone cheer.

I watch the look they share with each other, my eyes slowly falling to the wedding rings on their fingers.. then to my own empty finger.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot of how Kirk and Lani had only been dating each other for one year only, yet they have already gotten married not long ago in January.

I can’t help but compare the both of them and their marriage to my five year relationship with James.

We’ve been together for so long, yet only ever keeping things as boyfriend and girlfriend. Sure, maybe it means he’s extremely loyal. But is it wrong if I just want to make things even more serious with him? I only ever wanted to be tied to him by an unbreakable vow and strengthen our love.

James and I sit down with the rest, drinking. My eyes slowly gaze upon him, the smile on his face as someone make a crappy joke. I feel the need to try to talk about it to him, finding the couple in front of us as a perfect topic starter.

I wait patiently for the perfect moment, clearing my throat as he drink. “Hey, James?” I slowly call out to him. His blue eyes look over at me and he grin, “Yea, baby?” He place the glass of drink back down on the table.

Taking deep breaths, I slowly speak. “So.. Kirk and Lani make a pretty couple, right..? Can’t believe they’re already 11 months into marriage.”

“Yeah, but eh that’s love.” He answer casually.

I look down and sigh, “I um.. Well, what about us..?” I start again, he look at me with a raised eyebrow, a small hint of confusion on his face. “We’ve been dating for five years now, so I’m wondering—”

“God..” He mutter and sigh, taking another sip of his glass.

I cut myself off when I hear this, a bit surprised by his attitude. “Excuse me?” I lean back in my seat and furrow my eyebrows, “What’s with the sigh?” I ask, sounding a bit offended.

He drowned his drink and sigh as he swallow the liquid, setting the glass down. He slowly turn his gaze towards me, shrugging. “Look, I love you and you love me. Isn’t that enough luck for you?”

“Luck? That’s what you call our love? Not fate?”

He groaned and run a hand through his blond hair, “I don’t mean it like that! I’m just saying, we don’t need to concern about marriage as long as we love each other.” He rambled out, rolling his eyes.

Though his words are partially correct, it’s his attitude that bugs me. “But don’t you think we should start a family? It’s been five years, James. Five goddamn years—” But then he cut me off yet again.

“Yea you said that already. Besides, you’re already a family to me like I probably am to you.”

“But—”

“Can you just stop thinking about it? It’s a fucking birthday party, not a couple counseling.”

Feeling sick of his attitude, I sigh and stand up from my chair. “Where do you think you’re going?” James ask me, a hint of surprise in his voice. Instead, I simply shrug him off and take my glass with me as I walk away to another side of the bar.

I didn’t know why, but knowing he reject the very thought of creating an actual family, tying an ever tighter bond between us, making our love even more true, breaks my heart. I know he’s probably not ready yet. I know I’m supposed to accept his choice.

But I can’t stand the fact all of my friends had to shove their wedding rings in front of my face.

Sliding into a stool, I sigh and place my glass on the bar counter. I rest my elbow on the counter as I bury my face in my hands, rethinking the situation in my head. I find his harsh responses to be terribly unnecessary, he could’ve just responded with a softer response and try patiently to make me understand.

That’s when I hear someone slipping into the stool that was placed next to the one I’m currently sitting on. My eyes slowly peek through my fingers to see the mystery person, finding a guy I have never seen before. To be fair, I don’t know most faces here.

“Hey there.” He greeted me, a charming smile on his face, his arms resting on the counter as he tilt his head and look at me with those chocolate eyes.

“Hello..” I answer hesitantly.

Eventually, I discover that he was a close friend of Lani back then. He’s actually quite a nice and charismatic man, his style is a huge contrast to James’, yet no less intriguing. His brown eyes always looking serious whenever I speak, appreciating every letter that enters his ears. But of course.. there wasn’t any real special interest I have for him.

As he speak, I glance around the bar a little, a smile on my face now as he have lifted up my mood again. It didn’t took long before I notice the cold jealous eyes from across the bar that belongs to none other than my one and only boyfriend, James Hetfield.

Usually, it was a danger to play with fire when the James you’re dealing with is this type of James. But seeing the way his eyes sends daggers into the guy in front of me, the way his fingers grip his glass tightly to the point it seems like it’s about to shatter, the look of jealousy in his face..

I can’t help but grin to myself before I turn to the guy again.

Leaning slightly closer to the guy, I start talking more with him, making sure to laugh at a shitty joke he slip in that I’d probably actually call cringe if only I wasn’t testing James.

I put on my most stupid smile an twirl a piece of hair around my index finger as I listen to this guy ramble about something I surely and never will partake any interest in. He was definitely not James. He doesn’t share the same interest as the ones that James and I would talk about nonstop almost everyday of every year.

Bored, I take my glass of drink and take a sip of it. That’s when.. I feel a hand harshly grip my arm and tug on it.

When I turn my head, I was met by a stern looking James. It’s hard to tell what emotion was exactly built up inside those icy cold blue eyes of his, whether it’s jealousy, anger, annoyance, or everything in once. Nevertheless, the way his eyes immediately stare right into my soul gave my heart a quick pang of shock.

“Wha—”

“We’re leaving.”

“But—”

“No.”

Before I can say another word, he just drag me by my arm out of my seat and out of that bar, simply yelling to his friends; “See you, man!”

I was forced to stay silent as he bring us over to our car and push me into the passenger seat before jogging to the other side of the car and get into the driver seat. I look at him cautiously as I slowly relax into the seat.

The ride to his house was filled with tension, he didn’t even spoke a word or glance a bit at me, yet he kept his hand on my thigh, gripping it tightly and even massaging the flesh every now and then, especially when he got pissed off by the other drivers on the road.

Sure, I planned for him to fully unleash his jealousy. But I never really expected him to be this.. intense.

My heart was practically jumping in and out of my chest by the time we arrive on the driveway of his house, I try to speak. “James—” Then again, my words fail to come out as he immediately exit the car and go around to my side.

He opens my passenger seat door and suddenly grab me without another word, throwing me over his shoulder while he close the door with his other hand. I gasp and squirm on his shoulder as he carry me all the way into his house.

“James- put me down..” I practically whined and grab onto his shirt, scared of falling and possibly hitting my head hard on the floor. I let out another gasp when he take his hand and land a harsh smack to my ass. I stop squirming and wince.

I could’ve sworn I heard him mutter something under his breath that I couldn’t really hear clearly while I watch as he close the front door and lock it, still holding me on his shoulder as he start to walk us upstairs.

I wasn’t quite sure what was happening. He was quiet. Way too quiet. All I could hear and feel is my own loud heartbeat while holding tightly onto his shoulder, I can smell the stinging but nice scent of his cologne filling my nostrils.

Even without being able to see his face, I can sense how he surely isn’t playing anymore.

Then before I know it, we were in his room and he kick the door shut before storming his way to the bed and technically throwing me onto it, causing a small grunt from me.

His bed has always been comfortable, the sheets has been a witness of all the love we shared in his room and on his bed. Innocently, and.. not so innocently.

His large hand slammed down on the spot next to my head, his face leaning down close to mine, just a few inches apart. “You fucking slut.” He spat, his voice deeper than I remember and his eyes colder than I ever saw. “You did that on purpose didn’t you?”

“Did what..?” I try to play dumb, though my eyes were slightly widened, intimidated by the proximity and how much tension he’s putting on tonight. I can’t help but press my thighs together, feeling an oh so familiar soaking spot on my panties.

“You know damn well what.” All of a sudden, he flip me over and push my dress over my ass, my eyes widening and I try to squirm out of my position of which is underneath him.

Denying my effort, he pull me back and keep me in place as he lift my hips up a little, pushing my head into the sheets as his hand lands harshly on my ass, leaving a red mark in the shape of his very own large hand, a loud gasp and a wince coming out of me. “Trying to make me jealous? That jerk didn’t even look half good as me.”

I can’t help but let out a small scoff at his statement, only earning another harsh spank to my ass. I wince and try to pull down my dress back, failing when his hand slapped mine away and hit again, even harsher this time.

He was mean. Always has been when he’s not in a good mood.

The worse part is I love it.

“Did you really think I’d let you go home with a dick that small? Don’t you know you’re mine?” He chuckle and pull down my panties slowly, I just knew he was smirking wide and cocky when he saw the sinful pool on my panties. “Dirty girl..” He mutter as he throw the panties away.

An even louder gasp leaves me when I feel his tongue on my cunt, his hands holding my hips tightly in his grasp. “James—” I was cut off by another spank to my ass along with a harsh suckle on my clit, I moan and whimper, hips wiggling uncontrollably as he work his tongue’s magic on me.

I can feel him spitting onto my pussy before diving back in, his groan muffled. He sucked and licked and bite and technically made out with every part of me he found down there. Every single one of those action never failed to pull out the loudest moan from me.

My visions turns blurry, the pleasure always way too much to handle every single time. I will never underestimate the power this musician holds on me. He knows way too much about my weakness. Perhaps, that’s because he’s the only man I’ll ever let discover the dirties part of me.

The moment his tongue slips through my folds, I lost it.

I was a moaning mess, gripping every part of the sheets that I could reach while he ate me out like a starving man. Yet his cock haven’t even made it out of his boxers.

“James please.. ahn.. more..”

I whined when he delivered even more rough spanks onto my ass, feeling the mark he left stinging and will surely make sitting a difficult task for me to do later on. Each time his palm meets my skin, more tears build up in my eyes.

A tight knot is felt in my stomach and the moment he gave a harsh suck on my pussy, I start to release on his tongue, moaning loudly to the point I’m sure these walls around us might betray us and spill my pleads for him to our neighbors.

I can feel him lick me clean one last time before pulling back, his hand immediately going to his belt and unbuckling it. “Who said you can cum? Hm?” He sounds breathless yet annoyed at the same time.

Hips back down on the bed, I was still recovering from my strong release, tears spilling from my eyes to the sheets underneath me, soaking it. That’s when I feel him tap his cock on my ass. “Hips. Up.”

What else can I do other than obey him and lift my hips up, though my weak state only allowed me to do lift it a little, which then James force with his hands to be up high in the air on display for him to completely ruin.

“I’ll show you what that fucking dickhead can’t give you.” He hold onto my ass before guiding his cock in with his other hand, immediately thrusting in a harsh pressure, meeting that one special spot in me right away.

I gasp and grip onto sheets, “Oh fuck!” I cry as he grab ahold of my hips and hold it still, his hips ramming back and forth into mine, his well-sized cock stretching me out and hitting all the right spots in me I’m sure he knows all too well.

His grunts along with the sounds of his balls slapping against my pussy fills my ears, yet they were no competition to my loud moans, they just keep pouring out of my mouth and might make me lose my voice later on. But I could care less. If this man stuffed inside me felt the need to take out his annoyance to me and show me who I belong to, I’m ready all night for him.

“Tell me you’re mine.” He murmured and deliver another hit to the already numb skin of my ass.

“I’m yours!” I moaned, “I’m yours I’m yours I’m yours!!”

“So you do know your place, huh?”

That’s when I feel his fingers in my hair, fisting it into a ball. I wince when he tugged on it and hold onto it as his hips move in a surreal speed, thrusting in and out of me in a speed of light. My lips were parted as I pant and whimper at the feeling, almost like a dog. It was humiliating. But at the same time arousing for him.

My eyes rolls to the back of my head, tears rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably, my hips try to move to his rhythm as well, adding to the pleasure. I slowly turn my head back towards James, finding him smirking smugly, still groaning with every thrusts. “Yea? You like that?”

He pulled me up by my hair and my back meets his chest, his arms wrap around me as he continue to thrust into me, my hands grip onto his arms as I lean my head on his shoulder. “C’mon.. answer me, baby.” He pull down the top of my dress now to pull out both of my breasts, cupping them in his hands.

“I love it!” I moaned out.

He chuckle and took ahold of my face, his lips finding mine in an instant, starting a sloppy and desperate kiss, our tongues meeting and rubbing against one another lazily. I whimper and look down when we pull away, “James.. wanna cum..” I mumble, breathless.

He bury his face in my neck and start kissing and biting there, a mark was made right below my ear. “Do it with me, baby. C’mon.”

With one last weak yet desperate thrust, we held onto each other and let out the most sinful noises ever as we release our load together. His cum shooting into me while mine came gushing out and mixing with his while he pull out his cock.

Too weak, I fall onto the bed and whine as I feel our mixed cum slowly dripping out of my swollen and used cunt.

He let out a heavy sigh as he fell onto my back, kissing from my shoulder, to my back, to the back of my neck, and to my other shoulder. I just hum tiredly, appreciating his caring gesture in a small soft smile as I turn to him.

I lift his arm up and slip right into it, “I’m sorry for—”

“No, I am.”

I look up at him with raised eyebrows, a bit taken aback by his sudden apology and refusal of my own apology.

He shook his head and look down, his hand reaching up to play with my hair, a habit he does every aftercare. “I shouldn’t have said it like that to you.. I was being a complete unreasonable jerk. I should’ve told you I’m not ready..” He sigh and kept his head low with his eyes away, as if he’s embarrassed of himself.

“James..” I sigh and reach up to cup his cheek, “Don’t be sorry, please..” I whisper and kiss his nose, smiling softly. “What happened earlier is just a silly misunderstanding, okay..? I love you and you love me, as long as we have love and each other, the world doesn’t matter.” I spoke, using his own words yet with a better arrangement. My voice gentle as I paint his face with kisses, pulling out his own smile as his blue eyes met mine again.

“God bless your mom and dad for creating you.” He mumble as he tuck a couple hair behind my ear. I laugh softly and close my eyes as I rest my head on his chest.

[tomatoart]

mwah your art is good and nice :>

can I ask for some advice? no worries if u don't want to answer.

do you have any tips on how exactly to practice art? everytime I ask for art advice everyone always says "practice" but idk what to practice first! do you have any strategies for learning how to draw something? do you do excercises? and if so how do they work?and are there any beginner mistakes I should look out for and change specifically?

thank you so much!! have a wonderful week :>

thank you so much! im ok w answering! i dont want to speak as if i am an expert on how to draw things in general as i am learning as well and definitely am not completely learned, so i might not be the best person to ask since im not very professional w my art as I do it as a hobby (and I can only speak on mostly digital cartoon matters) but i reallly hope to try and help u out even a lil ! im really happy that you’re eager to draw :] I wish you so much luck muwah muwah

i also hated when ppl told me “just practice” and i dont wanna inflict tht on u EITHER LOL but also thats just what i ended up doing for awhile but i tried to find some things to help ^_^

tips for practice: My number one rule is that practices should be challenging but still fun, I know it can get frustrating trying to redraw a pose over and over trying to get it perfect. And over time it rlly is all about muscle memory, the longer you draw the more your eyes will pick out specific shapes in everyday life and convert them into its own vision of them! or at least its good to look at life that way, try to pin point key shapes and stress less on details in practices. after you look at key points, THEN you can go over what you have and draw in and over it to make it more “complete.” To stop practices from getting too stressful I recommend starting out drawing what you want a little more simple looking than ur desired finished product. This helps eliminate the pressure of everything not looking “perfect” and keeps your art more loose and fun. Doing this a few times is gonna get ur brain to recognize patterns in art and how things look/flow in anatomy and such. dont get stuck in ur own head abt perfecting everything to the point you either 1) give up bc ur not at a level capable of it being 100% “perfect” or 2) focus so much on making it perfect that you end up saying the work looks “wonky” or stale in dynamics, So while I do think studies help, don’t get too lost in them. I always practice with media I enjoy too, whether it’s characters or fashion I enjoy.

Strategies learning to draw something: people get mad abt this one but I think tracing reference photos is great. its been awhile but When I tried learning to draw hands better at first I would trace them then put the traced image to the side of the canvas, then try and replicate what my mind saw as its most important angles and aspects. Same for clothing folds/hair/etc! I think it’s maybe not the best idea to trace the ref and use the tracings as is, because you learn more from tracing it then trying to replicate and simplify what u learned into the style you’re working in. Find what shapes you like from them and don’t over detail it. you may have to go by eye and think “what parts of this ref photo should i simplify to fit my style” and for me, its usually adjusting the length of the torso and then the limbs by associations. i dont recommend feeling like u need a reference for every art you make though, its ok to let ur own head try out its own sometimes too while trying to learn this, see if it remembers any call bad from the past referenced sketches! over time ull remember where everything goes more, these days i rarely kick myself to use refs but im sure they still would help to use, but figure drawing simple blobby figure in a bunch of random poses was a big thing i used to do as well to get better at full body art + overall dynamics (still does this). also paying attention to silhouettes is great 

Exercises and how they work: I WANNA HELP U SO BAD BUT to be honest, all the works on my blog ARE exercises! i rarely actually do finished pieces, if u scroll thru my posts ull notice most r sketches. i usually just fill up a page and call it “warm ups” then i get attached to some of them, take a few, and just line them up pleasingly on a smaller page, then color them in (or sometimes fix the lines to be more clean too). im not rlly a person who “exercises” to practice, it more so happens from just me drawing a lot for fun as a hobby! but i really should. i will tell u this has humbled me a lil i need to start practicing too 😭 LOL but a good exercise is to look at what ur inspirations do, and study it. Make a collage and write out what you like most abt their styles/what u want to gain from them. For ref Here’s a page I did awhile ago when someone asked me abt my insps:

i also look at fashion magazines and as well as anime figures and take insps from that sometimes with learning cool poses and compositions to convert into my own things

Beginner mistakes to look out for: its hard for me to pin point “mistakes” beginners make, as sometimes we cant avoid all of them or even notice them, progress comes from growing out of old ways. some mistakes are even the foundation of ur future amazing cool style! but i think some things to look out for could be these, from my own old art experiences

Hands were the first thing I learned bc i liked drawing them. I don’t know if that is the best way to go but I think it is smart to practice sooner than later, here is a lil guide thingggyyy wingyyy from awhle ago

i see beginners shy away from drawing signs of age in people, sometimes adding too much detail on an older person in cartoon art makes it look weird, so i try and hit the key markings on ppls faces of age.

Too thin of lines. sometimes its a stylistic choice to use thin lineart, and it can look amazing ! but sometimes it can flatten an image if ur not familiar with its flow. im not saying use thick line art, but more so to keep in mind the weight of ur strokes, adding depth with a thick thin combo of line art can do SO much for the simplest of pieces. heres a visual from a while back when i talked abt my brush + more abt lines:

but if ur desired style is thin lineart that is cool too! tbh it was just harder for me as a beginner

sometimes artists think they need to do full lineart for everything and then hate how it looks compared to the sketch, do not fear i will introduce u to my bff: painting over a sketch, extractinging the lines, then calling it line art. i only do this sometimes but its a fun exercise-ish thing to do in a pinch. example:

finding what shading fits ur art. sometimes ill see ppl starting out who have a style thats very simple, but they use a very detailed rendering process on it. this is not something id ever police of course, art is each persons own choice! And it CAN work. It can be so cute! but sometimes mixing two very contrasting mediums of art can throw off the “put together” look of it. i use to abuse the airbrush tool thinking it made my simple style look super cool and detailed, but looking back on it now those pieces looked a little off, having such a simple style have somewhat more realistic shading. dont get me wrong the ability i see ppl use rendering like that is so insanely talented! but i found cellshading to be a good match for cartoony art like my own. a tip i learned way too late abt that is rather than shading each layer by color picking a darker color, instead use a clipping mask over the entire art (above line art too as I color my lineart) and lasso tool the areas u want shaded + fill it w a saturated purple then set to multiply + lower opacity. also, sometimes coloring can come out chalky looking when u meant for it to be smooth and transitional, i think this comes from overshading and overlighting pieces without reason. pay attention to where the light source is, and focus on making the shaded and lighter areas nice shapes that cover the necessary areas, then u can add additional shading to the smaller details of what should have a casted shadow/light  

its good to spice up ur art now rather than later, focusing making ur art pop more w backgrounds will help ur coloring skills look better too! i dont mean detailed huge backgrounds, a small lil color pallet and design rather than a blank white bg. like this will make u feel better abt it or at least it helped me *sweats* yeah:

beginners tend to draw blank faces like “:)” but I think a good thing to do is try and get silly with expressions early on. It’s okay if the mouth hangs off the face cartoonishly with joy or shock, it’s ok if the eyebrows are super high in surprise.

tracing and pasting it as is (already said this but I’ve seen ppl do it a lot with hair styles and it makes it look alienated from the rest of the style) (final fantasy fans found critically injured) n if need a ref for a pose, using a real humans anatomy as-is doesn’t look quite right on a cartoonyish drawing. Shortening torso and legs usually comes out of this for me!

flip ur canvas i promise u it’ll be less embarrassing over time!

using guidelines for perspective and foreshortening is GREAT. Do it stylistically rather than realistically to add some groove to it...yay. Having silly perspective in art can make it look like a 10 so easily opposed to a normal front facing sketch. Look at cool poses from fashion magazines! Don’t be scared to draw something you don’t feel confident in conveying perfectly, this is why progress redraws exist :)

Drawing the hairline b4 u draw the hair is great, it helps u understand where their hair flows from, where it starts and stops, AND prepares u for drawing bald ppl. Also don’t make the head too big, the skull IS bigger up top, but sometimes I see an alien head affect.

Anatomy is an interesting mistake that beginners make a lot, but it’s one they find harder to notice! When I started out, all my art would be SO wonky, but I didn’t even realize it! It still happens today too! specifically though I see beginners struggle with the arms in this department. My advice is to try and measure them out and make sure they don’t go past the knees, and are the same length as each other when Unfolded. asking for criticism is hard but it helped me realize when i would make something bigger/longer than it should have been in my art, and stuck with me being able to go “oh... i see it LOL” 

clothing wrinkles- do not over do it! Too many wrinkles and shading can look unpleasant and wirey- like a plastic table cloth all bunched up which isn’t exactly what ppl wear. pay attention to gravity too

I hope this helped even a lil im sorry tht I’m not very good at explaining or didn’t have much to sayyy! If u have any troubles no guarantee I’ll have the answer, but ur always free to ask!

[h-doodles]

oh, so many ideas so little energy and time,,, so ummmmm authors feel free to take a spin if you find something u like <3!!!!

---

1.) inspired by Loving you is beautiful (darkfic) by @rippersz — wherein reader learns to enjoy Larissa's red flags rather than slowly wilt from the distinct skewed version of love :)

Excerpt:

You've been hurt by the world.

Pain is the only thing you remember, ever since you were young. Always remembered a yearning hunger deep inside your heart. Wishing to be loved, to be saved by someone.

But humans were monsters— it wasn't until you've found yourself on the gates of the so called Monsters' precious academy that you've found what seemed to be the shelter from the storm that is your life; found the answer to your prayers.

Found her.

Your savior, your goddess, your beloved.

You won't lie, trusting such a vision was a bit hard to bear, because to be so lucky was not in your nature. But oh, Larissa is so tender, is so sweet, is so caring, and is ever so patient— to stay by your side, equal parts loving and protecting you from harm. You feel a little silly now, asking all those questions then, about her kind; of how outcasts like her lived.

Isn't it such an irony, that it took you finding 'monsters', to find humanity?

Well. Well.

--and thats all ive got for it rn lol--

2.) ICE SKATER AU or wherein reader was a former ice skater but has since been retired, and is a part of their past they'd just occasionally brush off for stress relief. Can either be a new teacher for Nevermore or the new barista in town, who gets pestered to sign up by their former partner & still best friend (also a new hiree crushing majorly on one Coach Vlad :]) to a local skating contest. They didn't initially plan to, but after overhearing that a certain principal was interested in seeing the performances, well... local disaster gay brushes off the dust off their skates ;3

"You. Me. The lake, with your skates. NOW."

"Woah woah woah Y/N, hold on a moment. I thought we were going to the booth to cancel—" Elijah says, but I whap him with a rolled up newspaper.

"Well, that was BEFORE I learned SHE was looking forward to watching the event." I start. "And since we both know I am a small, disaster gay with 0 rizz and speaking skills, THIS is my chance to get her attention! It's brilliant! It's foolproof! She'll never see it coming!"

"Who'll never see it coming?" Coach Vlad pops up half dressed behind Eli, and I blink.

"Hold up, are you guys—"

"Yes." "N-Um." The two men look towards each other, before looking back at me. Eli mouths a yes.

"I cannot believe YOUR fucking luck!"

Bestie in Christ I WISH I had the luck, skills, AND charisma of THIS manwhore of a bestie-slash-longtime-skating-partner I have. Maybe then I COULD grab a whole fucking date with one Principal Larissa Weems. Is it too much to ask???

3.) academy time! Morticia/Larissa/Reader or where before everything went downhill, three girls had a secret worth keeping. bc i need the "and they were roommates + they're galpals <3" soooo bad

4.) 5 times they kissed + the 1 time they didnt FLUFF & then major angst >:) bc i love me a relationship establishment fic and then the worst pain imaginable to man aka Wifey death /// or if more fluff, just 5 dates and 1 wedding (BUT OFC THEY HAVE MORE DATES) :)

5.) Sleepy reader being a clingy mess and touch starved Larissa sooooo torn between having to get ready for the day vs staying in bed for 5 more minutes just to savor r's presence :')

---

...and then the NSF ones

6.) Reader is being more of a brat than usual so Larissa punishes them the next day by making them wear a remote controlled toy for the WHOLE day & getting teased at the most inopportune times but they are not allowed to cum >:)))

7.) OH GOD TRADE OFF where usual brat reader has been a V good girl™ for some time and in turn Larissa allows them one (1) wish...... and R picks revenge by having mommy wear the accursed toy and being teased 👉🏻👈🏻

8.) R making Larissa jealous soooo bad they need to be taught a lesson, marked & properly bred to appease the green eyed demon in Larissa's mind :) :) :) (and it works out bc R has been. entertaining v v filthy breeding kink thoughts oop)

9.) R has quite the closet of costumes and they find a cat maid cosplay 👉🏻👈🏻 practicing their meows and nyas and being all cute not knowing Mommy's been watching from the door the moment they started meowing

10.) oblivious reader unknowingly teasing Larissa all day and the woman is abt to FUCKING burst in horny except oh no???? reader was not oblivious and this has been part 7 of the 10 step plan to get Larissa as her gf >:))))))

[causenessus]

HI NESS!! its like 3 pm rn so good afternoon 😋 i hope you're having/had(? idk when ur school day ends so like..) a good school dayyayay :)) HOPEFULLY YOUVE BEEN DRINKING WATER and ofc eating enough + taking ur meds 🙂‍↕️

when u mentioned some npc named cream cheese i started laughing like an idiot omg 💔 like picture me sitting in the living room next to my roommate bc we're watching a tv show and then i look down at my phone and start giggling out of nowhere.. cream cheese sounded like a real opp 😕🙏 i was the same but with mariokart bc rose gold peach was always hitting me w red shells fr LIKE I CRIED OVER THAT A LOT ACTUALLY (i was 7). and omg mario party!! i still play that whenever i have game nights bc i was able to buy a nintendo switch HAHAHAH and dude just dance hyperfixation goes crazy bc i got insanely good at rasputin solely because i thought i looked cool (i did not.) 😞

ALSO THE VOLLEYBALL GIRLS BEING MEAN IS SO REAL OMG.. lots of the vb girls at my middle school didn't like me for no reason it was crazy actually and that was partially why i didnt start until now LMAO theyre scary af sometimes akwkwnssj

IM GOING BACK TO SCHOOL TOMORROW and me and my friends were trying to figure out where to meet and its now coming to me that i have nothing planned whatsoever 😋 LIKE I DIDNT EVEN PLAN WHEN TO WAKE UP AND I ONLY REALIZED NOW PLS so today i have to lock in and plan an outfit hairstyle and lunch for tomorrow morning and uhhhhhh i wanted to write and post an akaashi oneshot before i went back to school bc i would probably lose the time to write frequently so... how do u balance out your time omg (DONT ACTUALLY ANSWER THIS ITS OK ITS RHETORICAL IM JUST YAPPING)

also i had no idea but like theres a district rule here that phones CANNOT be used at all in the school day unless u were explicitly allowed to.. like ive been getting intro emails from my teachers and their talking about A CELL PHONE VAULT⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ guys i just want my phone so that i can listen to music while i work on assignments please i swear im an ok kid 💔 i may just keep it in my backpack and always wear my hair down because im desperate.. i think i may have an aneurysm if i have to go the entirety of a day without music so desperate times call for desperate measures i suppose 😕

ANYWAY IM NOT GONNA REREAD THAT AND ATTEMPT TO CORRECT ANY ATROCIOUS LOOKING RUN ON SENTENCES SO I HOPE YOU CAN UNDERSTAND ME,, HOPEFULLY YOURE DOING WELL AND ARE HAVING A GOOD DAY!!

HELLO SAV!!! GOOD EVENING <3 (it's 10 pm rn oopsies) THANK U!! AND I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD DAY <3 today was okay besides the embarrassment of hearing my own playlist being played in public...yk what i'm referring to..BUT also aa yes i will take my meds thank you for the reminder!! since 10 is when i'm supposed to take them 😭 i'll take them next time i get up!! bc i'm kind of comfy rn </3

PLEASE i never actually played mario kart </33 like then the switch came out and my friend had it and i played at her house but then she'd always get mad bc i'd beat her LMAO so i've actually never owned mario kart!! like i ended up get a hand me down switch from my sister's bf's sister who didn't want it anymore but it dies like within an hour of being used so i never play it </33 and DW i didn't look cool dancing to promiscuous even if i got 5 stars on it LMAOAO

but YES idk i think middle school volleyball is definitely the worst bc that's when the toxicity started for my friend in volleyball and i think it makes sense just because of what our minds are like at the state (trying to find ur place and form groups and everything yk </3 not to be a psych nerd or anything but ykwim </3)

AND AA BEST OF LUCK TOMORROW AT SCHOOL!! I'LL PROBABLY MESSAGE U AT MIDNIGHT TO WISH U LUCK AGAIN <3 I HOPE YOU GOT YOUR OUTFIT AND EVERYTHING PLANNED OUT!! i've also been just taking it day by day 😭 like my schedule depends on the day yk so like i've just been setting alarms the night before everytime my schedule changes (IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BUT I GET U SAV I GET U) and aa!! i know your question was rhetorical but definitely don't stress about too much please <3 take your time and just do what you can manage!!

AND THAT'S CRAZY?? A PHONE VAULT??? MAN YOUR SCHOOL IS HARDCORE I'M SO SORRY 😭😭 i definitely just keep my hair down and use earbuds most of the time bc i CANNOT go without music and like it's fine!!! i have great grades tbh so no one has anything on me 😌 i remember one time i had this math final and we had to put our phones in like a shoe hanger everyday (idk what it's called) but thank goodness wireless headphones exist!! so like my phone would still be connected to my earbuds <3 and my teacher made me lift up a beanie i was wearing to cover my ears LMAO AND I HAD AN EARBUD IN BUT SHE DIDN'T SEE IT BC THEY'RE BLACK like i am not rich enough to afford airpods and i don't want them anyway 😭 they look uncomfortable and ugly and they draw so much attention bc they're bright!! offbrand earbuds all the way <3

YOU ARE BETTER THAN I AM FOR PROOFREADING YOUR MESSAGE 😭😭 I'M GOING TO SEND THIS AS IT IS AND I'M SORRY FOR ANY RUN ON SENTENCES!! I HOPE YOU HAD A LOVELY DAY SAV <33

[whumpbug]

hi hi hi I am working on your misc questions but I want to return the favor so your your BOYS i have. an interview.

For them all, what song are they listening to right now?

For Archie and Simon, what is one underrated quality they adore about the other?

For Gene and Cassidy, beyond all of their rivalry, are they worried about the other? Why?

For Archie and Cassidy, what's something about the world that gives them joy, even if it's small?

For Simon and Gene, what's something they do to make them feel like they're younger? Being a caretaker, or the adult, is hard. How do they destress?

and some lil this or thats:

For Archie, sitting under the stars or under the sun?

For Simon, date nights at home or out in the world?

For Gene, luck or fate?

For Cassidy, is the glass half full or half empty?

i hope this isn't too many but I am enthralled by your sillies and I will read anything with utter glee!!!!

seth it is never too many. if anything there aren't ENOUGH questions /hj (i don't mean to pressure u into asking more tho)

these are genuinely some of my favorite questions ive been asked UGH u know just what to ask seth these are unbelievably good. u know the drill. extremely long post incoming because these sillies are everything to me.

✮⋆˙

what song are they listening to?

ok im going to give real answers for simon and archie but since i don't really know what songs were like. around. in the 1860s, i'm going to give a song that describes gene and cassidy's Current Mental State instead and the lyric i think encapsulates it best (i'm sorry in advance)

simon: "light my fire" by the doors

archie: "good old-fashioned lover boy" by queen

gene: once more to see you by mitski

lyric: but with everybody watching us, our every move / we do have reputations / we keep it secret / won't let them have it

cassidy: "hello it's me" by todd rundgren

lyric: you know that I'd be with you if I could / i'll come around to see you once in a while / or if I ever need a reason to smile

✮⋆˙

archie and simon: what is one underrated quality they adore about the other?

archie:

archie is absolutely, positively, utterly, obsessed with simon's smile. and not the fake, practiced one he gives to strangers when making small talk or when he's trying to lighten the mood with patients. his real smile.

archie loves how slight it is, yet still somehow brightens his entire face. he loves the way it reaches his eyes with that subtle crinkle near his cheek. he loves that simon's teeth are just the smallest bit crooked, like he didn't wear his retainer as much as he should have as a kid. he loves the way it is usually accompanied with a snort-laugh. and he loves that he practically gets it all to himself.

simon:

i don't think theres a single part of archie body or personality that doesn't captivate simon in some way. if you asked him this, he would struggle to answer because how can he when everything is just so. perfect. but, his answer would ultimately be archie's eyes. they are the color of a stormy sea, yet somehow the warmest eyes simon has ever had the pleasure of looking in.

when they first met, simon would find himself staring at them far too often. he played it off like he was checking for neurological function, but i think archie knew. simon's wishes he could swim in them, they're just so lovely.

✮⋆˙

gene and cassidy: beyond all of their rivalry, are they worried about the other?

short answer: yes. very much yes.

cassidy:

cassidy had been worried for gene since they met, but the reason has long since changed.

at first, he was worried about his views. he found him to be extremely disillusioned about the world. he didn't understand how someone could be so "passive" and still claim to care about others, and this worried him because he knew gene's inaction would lead him to a tough spot one day. the worry was masked by frustration.

then, it changed. when he saw that gene actually did put in the work to help his people (e.g. working late hours to break up bar fights and get people home safely, making sure the orphanages and churches were well funded, even if it came out of his own pocket, etc.), he began to think, ironically, maybe it was too much. he worried about gene stretching himself too thin, and being used by people (haha. take a look in the mirror bud.)

gene:

god. not a day goes by that gene doesn't worry about cassidy.

gene, being the deputy, has had a few run-ins with montana, and that is enough to get a sense for the kind of man he is. he is mean, cold, and not afraid to pull all the wrong strings to get what he wants.

if it wasn't for meeting him face to face, i think gene would still have a sense of him by the the way cassidy reacts to certain things. gene notices that cassidy is jumpy, and flinches whenever he so much as raises his voice (thought he tries his hardest not to). he notices that cassidy doesn't like eating in front of others. he notices that he closes right up whenever gene asks about his past. he notices that sometimes, he keeps his head tilted down so the brim of his hat can hide the deep bruise around his eye.

he worries that cassidy will never escape that man.

✮⋆˙

archie and cassidy: what's something about the world that gives them joy, even if it's small?

archie:

archie appreciates a lot of the littler things in life. he loves when he finds a shirt or sweater that is just the right material and won't agitate his over-sensitive skin. he loves when pets look like their owners. he loves when simon falls asleep in his lap. he loves eating good food.

on a larger scale, he loved seeings acts of kindness. he loves seeing big brothers zipping up their baby brothers' coats and parents carrying their children when they get tired. its things like that that remind him why he fights as vigil-- to preserve happiness.

cassidy:

similar to archie, cassidy loves a lot of little things but specifically when he knows he had a part of it.

he loves seeing the little girls at the orphanage twirl and twirl in their new dresses after he donated a hefty sum. he loves seeing the couple that had their house destroyed in a hurricane raise their baby in the one cassidy and some boys from the gang built from the ground up.

more than anything though? he loves seeing people being kind to stray kids on the street. whether its a store clerk slipping the kid a can of beans or a lawman turning a blind eye when the kid snags a new pair of pants, it warms his heart because that was him. he would have given anything for just a fraction of that kindness.

✮⋆˙

for simon and gene: what's something they do to make them feel like they're younger?

simon:

for simon, the answer is quite simple. sleep.

something about curling up, especially in archie's lap, makes him feel safe and cozy like he's a kid again. after a long day of work, it's exactly what he needs. when archie sees that he's overwhelmed or stressed, he'll often just open his arms in an invitation, and simon will completely melt into it. he's most comfortable when archie is laying down as well, that way he can lay his head on his chest and hike up a leg to drape over archie's middle. this man attaches to archie. and then archie is just. stuck there.

gene:

for him, it is definitely when he gets to pamper calliope. something about baby-talking his horse while he brushes every inch of her coat and braids her mane and cleans her hooves thoroughly brings him right back to when he was 15 and working on his father's ranch. he coos at her and feeds her sugarcubes and lets her lay her head in his lap while they both nap under the afternoon sun. its rare that he has a day off, but he'll most likely spend it with her. he loves that damn horse so much.

✮⋆˙

this or thats!

for archie, sitting under the stars or under the sun?

it has to be sun. archie adores the sunshine and the way it feels on his skin. its a pleasant warmth that never fails to ground him and leave his head feeling just a little clearer. it drives simon crazy that archie consistently forgets sunblock.

for simon, date nights at home or out in the world?

at home for sure. he is very much an introvert. plus, his work and school requires him to be around a LOT of people. he's quite burnt out when he comes home, and wants nothing more than to spend a night with the person he adores, away from everything else.

for gene, luck or fate?

fate. he believes, in some way, everything happens for a reason. even if its a reason he can't quite understand himself, and even if its a reason he despises. all he can do is hope that his own fate is kind and merciful. it's all he can do.

for cassidy, is the glass half full or half empty?

in his heart of hearts, he'd want to say half full, but he can't. he's seen and experienced so many awful things in his life, and as much as he doesn't like to admit, it takes a toll on him. he puts on this front of a sly, competent, bright fellow, but in truth, he feels hopeless a lot of the time. trapped, even.

✮⋆˙

SETH thank you so much for letting me ramble about my darlings. as always, never be afraid to ask more because i look forward to talking about these guys. these questions were AMAZING thank u so so so MUCH!!!!!!!!!

[v-anrouge]

ok!! aster ur rlly private thats y its a bit harder 2 get a read on u wit just online personas alone but bc of that i dunno if u know or even notice but ur some kind of idol or icon that a lot of ppl recognize u for. some ppl look at u for support or even maybe encouragement sometimes forgettinf the fact that ur not just some sort of model or super strong guy who can handle anything. you do have ur own insecurities and are struggling just as much as everyone.

just a guess, but maybe thats why u said u were a "jupiter kinnie" reblogging saturn's post bc it was about being put to the sidelines and watching everyone else shine but you. i was abit confused but i think i peiced it 2gether now. maybe, in relation to ur community here in tumblr, you feel a little left out. maybe its because ppl see your persona as strong and so so so confident that they think that you can never be 'left out' because you are THE star, you know? ironic to your posts about feeling like a stranger that your moots barely talk to, most moots i know actually get excited on the occasional times youre active. There r some who even get genuinely upset or overthink when u dont talk to them bc u dont initiate convo and they usually expect you to keep the connection instead bc they wouldnt wanna feel annoying or a bother to you. (which is not ur fault btw because you are a human being with his own time and his own life and know that you are not a mind reader so ppl shouldnt expect u to cater to their worries just bc ur idolized as this super confident encouraging persona and get less considered as an actual person who doesnt know everything n can also have their own moments)

Basically ppl admire you like an idol and find u so unreachable meanwhile u feel a lonely bc it feels like everyone is so great but you. Aster, youre the best guy ever and everyone likes you a lot. mayb this could also answer ur question on why some ppl r a little nervous wit giving u thoughts n asks. I could be wrong bc i dont rlly know you irl but this is just an outsiders deduction

Reminder that this is just what ive observed from tumblr and moot interactions as well as posts and also im eepy and i hope u have a good day today (its morning in brazil right?) im wishing you best of luck in ur day

(u can delete if this is too uncomfy for u or mayb jus want to only read it 4 yourself)

(i could also be super wrong in judgement since i dont know everything but :333 i did mt best)

oh my god ii donf even know what to say to this to be honest i mxomowlfley dumbfounded like i thought I was a mysterious guy.mp3 but i feel so read like this is what's actually happening do ppl genuinely see me as an idol o don't even know how to process this oh my god????

[that-one-sketch]

Monstrum Sans and how he works

Good god, this is going to be a long post. Thank you, and good luck to those who make it through all of this, brain fumble of LOOOOOORE. Also, feel free to ask me questions. I am willing answer anything y’all might be interested in.

    As this is the first post for this series. I also, don’t have a name for it quite yet. I have just been calling it ‘CAN’T BE SANS’ kinda taking in sans’ original meaning, without. So the name translating to ‘CAN’T BE WITHOUT’. aaaaaaaaand if I wasn’t calling it that it was just ‘MONSTRUM’. I would also like to throw out there.  I. AM. NOT. GOOD. AT. CONSTANT. POSTING. I AM REALLY SLOW.  That is just me. Wanted that clear, and out in the open.      Okay, so quick note, I am not the best with words writing words. My dyslexia does not help. So if you do look at the pictures, just know I may have forgotten a few words here and there. Just a heads up! 

Who or what is Monstrum?     Let's get this out of the way. He is a God in terms of the Underground. He has a, really, u n f a t h o m a b l e number of SOULS in his person. He also lives as an outsider of Frisk and Chara’s AU. As Monstrum has explained one time to Frisk and Alphys, he was formed from a collapse of a megavurse. A megavurse being the whole cannon of a singular ‘PLAYER’. How that happened, Monstrum himself is unsure. All he ever stated it on it was, “0n3 94y. 1 ju5t 507tt’4, w0k3 up.” [Translation brought to you by Frisk: One day. I just sortt’a, woke up.] He also says the numbers and letters as they are. Here is what he is saying in physically words, ‘Zero N three nine four Y. One J U five seven T T four, W zero K three U P’. So yeah no one can understand him unless you can see the text box. And in this AU, that is only the ‘PLAYER’ characters. Such as Frisk     Now, he can do just about anything he wants, but chooses to follow the rules of whatever the world he falls into. He does not wish to break anything or cause harm to any universe, no matter how destructive or horrible it maybe. He treads lightly If he follows the rule of a world, why does he do things he shouldn’t Frisk in a world that is not his?     Well, Monstrum’s original SOUL is unknown. Although, the ones around him do believe his original SOUL was a Bravery or Justice SOUL. Why they think that is, Monstrum is known to very expressive, but to be very blunt when asked things. So when Monstrum find Frisk alone, and very vulnerable. Looking for someone for comfort, and protection while trapped all alone in a geno run. He had a sort of sense of guilt if he did nothing to help, giving a form of protectiveness when he found how frail Frisk was.      Also, when Monstrum dose help and is willing to leave and watch from the shadows. Frisk keeps calling him ‘Sans’. As Monstrum may not have the overall appearance of ‘Sans’, and by no means does he count as a ‘Sans’, this sort of gives him a role to play in Frisk and Chara’s AU. Now connecting him, as Frisk wishes him to stay. So he is willing to fill a role of someone he may not like, or want to meet.  If Monstrum was ‘made outside’ of Frisk and Chara’s AU, why did he come to this abandoned AU?     When Monstrum just woke up that one day, he meet a ‘PLAYER AVATAR’/‘PLAYER INTERFACE’ named ██████. And was willing to guid the goliath monster. One of the questions being, where he was. The answer, the LOST LIMBO. As the ‘PLAYER INTERFACE’ explained, “[...] Some like to call this the VOID, but this is much more different. This is where abandoned AU’s and Megavurses go to stay in limbo.” Asking of his purpose was left with, ‘its up to you. Find your own role.’ ██████ sort of leaving him to find his own world to find. Or to remove.     He didn’t know where to go as the LOST LIMBO was absurdly large, and finding his way around or even a place took a long time. Or what felt like a time. His first world found, was the AU he ended up staying in. When he found Frisk and Chara’s world, he was asked to stay by Frisk and did. If Monstrum was to fall in love, who would he fall in love with?     Monstrum is Ace, also his attacments are that of a fatherly protection over Frisk. This also extends to Chara but, more like an uncle than a dad. Now to the other monsters, he is protective over them. But more in a friend or acquaintance thing. So, no love stories sorry. However, if you wish to ship him you are allowed. I can’t stop you. If I could ask but one thing, it would be that you make the person he is with an adult. Monstrum is protective over younger characters, he is not attracted to them.

So Monstrum is a god. What is his abilities?      Monstrum can do anything he wants. He has a stupid number of SOULs, which means he has things that are outside of just the Undertale Omegaverse. Omegaverse being fandom/true world cannon of the creative. He can travel to other places, other Omegavurses and Megavurses. Monstrum is not limited to Undertale. As his appearance may be of the format, you will still knodice, he does not act or play the part of an UT character. Once again, the others around him have made theories on this and that.

    But to drive home to the main question. I will list the ones he has shown. [Note he does not have a Gaster Blaster.]

ᐧ Form change [Even If it is rare, it did happen at least twice in the AU world]

ᐧ Summoning Giant hands. Mainly used for combat, and for long range battle.

ᐧ Character Animate [Giving one of the countless SOULS to the WORLD CODE to recreate the a character. Example, Chara was given a form from Monstrum. As this may use the CODE of the character. It is not the memory of the characters. Only their personalities. So no Trauma :) Also, their appearance is different as they are coming from Monstrum. And the appearance reflects SOUL. Some will keep their OG WORLD CODE POWER, and some (Chara) get diffe]

ᐧ A hammer with a red [X] and a green [O] on its fronts. Both sides have their own ability and symbol. What does this hammer do? Turn on and off code. Red, or [X], makes things False. While green, or [O], makes everything True.

ᐧ Another way Monstrum can battle is with is tail and horns. Monstrum is a brawler of sorts. So he will always choose to get up close and personal to fight. His tail can be extended for longer attacks.

That's all I got for now! Maybe more later! 

[writeouswriter]

hiiii sorry if this is Super weird !!! but i know some people look at their past writing n cringe a little yet also still love it a little but (n this goes out to anyone tht wants 2 answer too!) have u ever cringed at like. recent writing? bc i cannot 4 the life of me look at smth i wrote even seven months ago bc im just so embarrased..... do u or anyone else have advice on how u could overcome smth like this? i know cringe is dead be free n live ur life !!! but sometimes i cannot. help but just. Explode

Not weird at all! Though I'm not great with the advice personally, (clear and concise answers? Idk her), maybe someone else can help a little more as I have lots of lovely brilliant people following me!

But I definitely have cringed at some of my recent writing. I'm always going to cringe at some of my writing and be like what was I thinking, I can't write, while other times I'll be like, wow I actually can write. It's forever in flux. Sometimes, that's just how it is because even in the smallest intervals of time, you're constantly growing as a writer, learning new things every minute, every second, and with every new thing taken in, every new experience or reading or etc. under your belt, you see further into how the gears of writing turn, and occasionally that means you start to perceive more flaws in your own writing, whether real or imagined, because you're looking for them now, you're looking at the embroidery from behind with all the loose strings and stitches, you're looking at the clocktower from between the gears on the inside, watching them shudder and jolt a little unnaturally when most other people just see the face.

For recent writing, it's an especially tough beast because unlike writing from the further past, you're not far enough removed yet, so you still can't really look at it objectively, you're still stuck inside the clocktower, unable to see the view as an outside observer. So, maybe everything is going to look a little wonky regardless of whether it really is or not, and there's not much to do but keep learning and improving from it in the meanwhile, step back for a second, give it time and space, and be kind and patient with yourself as you take a walk around back to the front of the tower and see whether you can still see the gears and everything from there.

My analogies tend to get out of hand and may not be the most solid or helpful, so I'll drop that... but you feel me? Maybe you will still be cringing at it later, but that means you've come further as a writer and can pinpoint how to fix it/improve it or use the experience and observations for your new work, honing in on what exactly about it is making you cringe, maybe it's something with an easy workaround, or maybe with fresh eyes, you'll see it's not as bad as you thought and there's some good in there after all, maybe a mix of both.

Usually, it really is a matter of time. When I posted my first ao3 fanfic last year, I couldn't bear to look at it again, the thought of it made me sick. I had reread it multiple times at various stages to the point where I was just like if it's bad, it's bad, it's out there and there's nothing I can do now, and the thought of it haunted me, like people are gonna think the style is weird, it's ooc, it's this, it's that, etc., aah, but I reread it finally again last week and... it was fine. It was totally... fine. Meanwhile, another story I had been working on, I came back to it after a while and realized the dialogue was stilted and the prose repetitive, so I had to rework it, but that's fine too, no shame in that. It takes a while to find what works.

Anyway, I'm starting to ramble and repeat myself, and my keyboard keys are all sticking because I spilt milk on it the other day, rip, so yeah! That's all I can tell you personally, but if anyone wants to jump on and add something else, feel free! And I wish you all the luck in your writing quest! Take care.

[monratarot]

#chatwithyourreader

hi firstly thank you for answering my ask means alotttttttttt to me, and for calling me 'sweety' that was so cute :>. i would like to request some clarification on some things i couldnt understand.

so some things resonated like stop taking steps like them, stop listening to so many advices and take steps that make u diff from them i guess i m working on these things a little bit i m not doing as much as she was but despite my physical health being a constraint i m trying my best. but things that confused me are '' The battle with your person won't take place, this thing won't be necessary even though the person you are dealing with can be a little difficult or sharp-tongued.'' as my ask was about a topper of my exam. so i cant understand how its connected to that as i m not trying to compete with her rather aiming for the same level of success as i feel like i have time so why not aim big and work hard. also u mentioned ''Right now you are refusing to commit to an important decision(making a choice that can hurt) but only finding a middle path or a third option will help you succeed'' may i get insight into wht is this decision because from my pov everything is going good but i still asked because as i said dont want to leave any stone unturned and in the past whenever i worked hard i felt contended that i m doing as much as i can but this time its not that feeling. this exam means so much to me that i cant explain and i can give up and go to any ethical extent to top it. so pls clarify this and again tysm for helping me and others i needed this insight and guidance and then u came at right time.

god bless u

lots of love dear Moni

☁️⭐️☆☁️⭐️☆☁️CHAT WITH YOUR READER☁️⭐️☆☁️⭐️☆☁️

Hello, sweety @kalki-maya! First I want to thank you for taking part in this game and coming again for guidance! ˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱ What I wanted to say is that even though you are aiming for the same level as her you need to be careful as there can be some blockages over there(can be even from your person) that won't allow some things to evolve as you wish. Yes, right now the situation might look good, it can have a good evolution but if you get as close as her level you can see that some weird things are happening. When this happens you will see that you will need to rethink the way you have been doing things. This will lead to finding a different way of creating things and this will lead you to success and even make any negative influence from others disappear. So in conclusion, from the outside, all this situation is seen as a conflict even though one or you need to be seeing it as one. That can be why you are having difficulties in feeling like everything you do is fine or enough. The guidance is to find your way of doing things when it comes to your exam. It is important to have someone like a mentor but all this situation wants to force you to find your way of doing things, only then you will find the success you deserve. This will make all the confusion disappear and you can even get a higher level than her. So keep that in mind dear. I wish you only the best and good luck in everything you want to realize until the end of the year!🍀 Moni🧚‍♀️

[kizukiti]

HI!! FIRST OFF I WANTED TO TELL U THAT I RLLY LIKE HOW YOUR BLOG LOOKS, LIKE THE COLOR OF THE BG AND THE FONTS COMPLIMENTS SO WELL!!

SECOND! YOUR DRAWINGS R CUTEE!!, I WANted to ask what gadget do you use, I've been drawing traditionally but I want to make money and enhance my skill more, I've been inspired by your art to keep working on my passion :D

If u want, may I also have some tips in drawing digitally? Like do u have to settle with one brush, or if u have to use pressure to control the value or the thickness of the lines?

I hope this isn't overwhelming!! I hope u have a very gud year!!

HEYY!!! HELLO!!! THANK YOU SOSOSOOO MUCH!! 💕💕 to answer your question, I use the Huion Camvas Pro 16 and Clip Studio Paint! I've only had my Huion for a few months, but I love it and definitely recommend it! before that, I used an (embarrassingly old) IPad and Procreate!

Aaaand you definitely don't have to just use one brush! I switch mine up a lot, and it's good to experiment and find out which types of brushes you like!! But of course it's also okay to stick with one if you really like it :) Pressure sensitivity is very very useful! However, it's not necessary, and you can still make great art without it!! I use it a lot in my line work to give it some depth, but this can be achieved by just going over parts you want thicker/thinner again. Other than that, I say just experiment a ton until you find what you're comfortable with, and it's okay if something doesn't look good the first time! A lot of the time, artists have an expectation that they have to put their all into every work, but it's not true! It's okay to play around with your art, it doesn't have to be perfect! And it's good to take inspiration from other artstyles, and put different pieces together until you find what suits you!

Once again, thank you so so much, and I wish you the best of luck with your art!! 💗

[astralscrivener]

For the Ao3 Year In Review Ask Meme: #13, #19, and #22 <333 I'm really curious about the theme one and I wanna give you the chance to hype yourself up ^u^ <3333 Love you!

WAH my #1 hypeperson...i love you too !!!!!!!!!!!!

13. what's a fic you think should have gotten more attention?

everybody (on twt, at least) is always so excited about my vague tweets about my "the blades ruined keith's mental health" fics, but then i do not get that same engagement on the fic!!! anyway

bad luck charm (twist the knife again)

and also at skyfall. always at skyfall. you guys want protective lance? you guys want empathy link jewelry? you guys want shiro and keith having the worst times of their lives? you want adam in space????

please. please. on my hands and knees begging pathetically

19. any new themes popping up in your work? or are there old themes resurfacing?

it took me this long to realize just how deeply lonely keith is and just how much his galra side effects him. i have also renewed my focus on his inner anger and rage and how much that side of himself scares him (versus how necessary it is on the front lines of a war, if he wants to keep his loved ones safe), but the loneliness that comes with that is something i haven't explored since like...2018 maybe? 2019? my fic output went down since 2019 so that could be one reason why i haven't explored as much of it but also just. i think with the distance from the show between 2019 and now i lost sight of some of the characters a little bit, and i feel like i'm finally finding my footing again

also renewing my focus on survival. how far are you willing to go to survive? to keep your loved ones safe? how do you grapple with the price of that, knowing your actions to save one person may hurt countless others? or, how do you look your loved one in the eye and tell them that one life does not outweigh infinite others, even if it is their life, specifically? wough. i missed this a lot

22. share a deleted scene, if you have one

i have so many deleted scenes all the time always. anyway i've tried and failed to rewrite the next chapter of stealing our own place in the sun so many times. vague spoilers ahead but a dozen different versions of this got scrapped:

Shiro wished he had a hangover. He woke to the sound of clapping and groaned, squinting against a bright light. Everything ached, but especially his head and his arms. When he tried to move them, he realized that his hands were bound behind him, and everything jerked into sharper focus as instinct kicked in. “Oh, good, you’re awake! No need to panic!” Shiro whipped his head around, ignoring the pain in his neck and shoulders. He was bound to a chair in what could only be called a dressing room—there was a lighted mirror behind him. In another corner, there was a chair where his suitcase had been tossed haphazardly, Paladin armor spilling over the sides of it. Beside him stood a random alien wearing a headset, who looked more than a little terrified at whatever expression Shiro wore. Then, in front of him, a small green alien in a trenchcoat who was smiling far too broadly for the situation. “Hi, Shiro!” said the alien, whose name Shiro didn’t know. Shiro blinked and bit down on every question that bubbled up inside of him. He knew better than to just give information away. Then again, biting his tongue in the bar had done him no good, because the grifter alien was really a bounty hunter who knew exactly what and who he was. Or something like that. This alien didn’t look the part of a bounty hunter, but really, Shiro had no idea at this point. “Oh,” the alien said when Shiro didn’t answer. He cocked his head. “We didn’t mess you up too badly with that stun gun, did we?” Before Shiro could react, the alien raised one of his four arms and slapped Shiro across the face.

ao3 year in review!

[sweatersstyles]

HIIII happy (late) 4th of july!!

you are literally the sweet person to ever exist i can’t believe its been like 2 years since we last spoke. its crazy how time flies

oh noooo im sorry that happened to you :(( im glad ur doing better and taking good care of yourself 💓💓 wishing u a speedy recovery!

alsoooo good luck with house hunting! that must be so exciting!!looking for a new place to call home and making new memories in it! i just know youll find the most beautiful homey and perfect place!! im manifesting for u

im doing well!! not much happened except for school stuff but i just went to my first ever pit concert a few months ago! i saw the driver era (only because i thought ross lynch was hot lol) i didnt know what to expect for pit but i didn’t expect to stand for 8 hours straight 😭😭 AHHHH ALSO im seeing taylor swift in a few weeks and i literally cannot wait!!!!

im always thinking about u! talk to u soon!! good luck 🍀 love youuuuuuu!!! 💗💓💓💞💕

-🧸

happy late 4th of july to you too bestie!! I hope you had a great day!!

I'm sorry for the delay in answering this btw it's been storming here so my wi-fi has been in and out all day!

omg stop you're so kind to me I genuinely love talking to everyone and I consider you and many others here my friends so y'all make it easy to just repay the love I've been given!!

it's actually only been a year bub! I only know because I looked it up to refresh my memory about what we talked about before cause like I said a lot had happened and I couldn't remember if we'd talked since my accident. it was last year after my birthday and after harry's house came out. but really it's alright I don't want you to feel bad!

thank you so much for the well wishes ❤ I realized after that I left some detail out of what happened to me and didn't explain it very well, but if I ramble on too much just feel free to skip over it! basically not only was I kicked but I went flying about 8 feet across my yard too, which caused me to have a compression fracture on T11 of my spine. I also had a contusion on my right hip (which is just a really, really deep and bad bruise), which is where the point of impact was. I will (hopefully) continue to improve, but having arthritis still causes me to have a ton of pain if I do too much physical activity. that part of my spine is also partly collapsed and always will be, but my neurosurgeon said that as long as my arms and legs are still okay that I should just slowly start to get back to "normal" life and listen to my body as I go along! I asked if I needed to keep up with x-rays or anything over the years but he said my symptoms would get much, much worse if the collapse got any worse and I would know I need to come back to see him. he also said IF I would've had to have surgery that it would take like 12 pins and a huge rod to correct things so I'm so SO lucky that things weren't any worse!

thank you so much for helping us manifest!!! it means more than you'll ever know because it hasn't been easy so far trying to find a place 😔 we live in such a rural area in GA and we originally wanted to stay in the same town because I was supposed to start a new job in january and we wanted to be close to my work. I probably won't get to take that job now (which is a whole other long story), and since there are very limited options we're probably gonna have to broaden our search to surrounding towns that are slightly bigger! we ultimately want a house together, but I think we're gonna have to settle for an apartment for now until we can find the perfect place for us. anything would be better than here rn though!!!

idk if I've ever talked much about my dad to you but we have as no contact of a relationship as possible even though we live in the same house. he's the reason for my accident and so the day it happened and we were waiting for the ambulance to come my mom told him that we wouldn't be coming back to this house. but then we had no choice we didn't have the money or resources needed to go elsewhere. I was worried as I got better she would forget about that and slip out of that mindset, but thankfully she hasn't! she just told me tonight we'd probably go look at apartments next week and that she can't wait to get out of here. I could truly cry at the thought of having a safe, clean, and comfortable space away from him. it's what my mom, my siblings, and our dogs all deserve!

how is school going? how much longer do you have to go? and oohh I'm so happy you got to experience a concert in pit!! it's amazing but it is soooo exhausting I hope you got lots of rest afterward 😊 when I saw harry I wore my ankle support thing to my pit concert to because I knew my feet would be swollen the next day probably. and taylor swift that's so cool!! I'm very excited for you!! I hope you have the best time!!! where are your seats for that show?

I'm always thinking about you too!! seriously sometimes I'll just think about you or how you're doing so just know you're always getting any spare good vibes I have sent your way ✨ thank you thank you for the good luck!!! love you moreeeee 🤍

I was gonna tell you about getting to see stevie nicks and my road trip to see my little brother but I talked so much this time we'll save those stories for next time if you wanna hear about them!!

[pathetic-dumpling]

heyya! I'm reading through your posts and I'm growing more and more confused about c!dream (like trying to put a puzzle together without knowing what it looks like at the end). Basically, I get that he built the prison for himself and had c!punz throw him in, but why would he do that? /gen

well!! to be honest, we don't know for sure bc c!dream is a bitch and rarely states his true intentions (or "reserved" as cc!dream likes to put it). it's all pretty theoretical at this point.

/rp

but!! we do know the end goal of dream's plan. his motives. he wants the server to be back to like what it was before (pointedly before tommy/wilbur/l'manburg arrived), without factions, war, etc. his way of getting there seems to be, so far, making himself public enemy #1 so the server will come together (as a community, as a "big happy family") and take him down. he's the self-sacrificing type, even if it doesn't seem like it, because all the distancing he's done and the actions he's taken leave him out of the family he's hoping to make.

he probably thought people were going to want him dead at the climax of the disc finally, hence the prison (think back to all of dream's comments on "It’s just an option because if you can’t kill somebody, you might need to lock them up.” (thank you @call-me-apple's lore doc which may help you do some digging of your own)). he wants to see his plan though, so he's not going to let himself die, but people also need to feel like they won, y'know?

as for punz. it wasn't specifically punz that put dream in the prison, but punz did lead the server to dream and has a pretty public "betrayal" so i get what you're saying. that! was to protect punz ("you should, but you should act like you’re not on my side. because if you’re on my side then you’ll be in danger..."). dream cares very deeply about his allies and he protects them. you can see that with punz, techno, etc. he feels solely responsible for the server so he's not gonna be sacrificing his only allies left and right, y'know? he thinks a LOT about what they're doing and how he's going to use them. he's very mindful with his friends, even to an unhealthy level.

so.... long story short, nobody knows what's really going on besides dream, punz, ew!ranboo, and maybe techno. all we know is its a part of The Plan(tm) as remarked by punz after meeting up with dream. it might've been to keep him from being killed so he could see out the end of his plan, preparation time (such as other theories suggest), or whatever the hell dream has cooked up in his incredibly unstable tunnel vision. it wasn't supposed to go the way it did but uh. it was Supposed To Happen, so that's something i guess.

uh anyone is free to add to this post we need to hold hands like little kids in this dark abyss

[ay4kshalatus]

UNTIL I FOUND YOU [CHAPTER ONE]

—"WHERE OUR FATE IS ALIGNED."

m.list . chapter two

kazuha is well aware that his life will be much heavier to burden. where he’s forced to grow up so fast on his age.

the kaedehara clan was once a surviving clans of the raiden gokaden, five bladesmithing  schools in inazuma. each of the families specializing their own unique forging art and the kaedehara clan carry the isshin art’s practice up until the case of the eccentric. his clan and the yashiro commission were tasked to track the fleeting swordsmiths for they failed to meet the deadline on forging an important goshintou. but they were unable to prevent them from escaping. hence, his clan severely punished and gradually fell into ill. the kaedehara clan disbanded the practice for unknown reason and trying to keep up living. kazuha tried to help his father to carry the clan but doesn’t allowed him. with that, he helplessly watch his father suffered until he grow up as he tried to live his life like other children would and his freedom that his father wished for him. 

in the time since the kaedehara clan disbanded by him and start his journey, kazuha have traveled across islands on inazuma. unlike those hardships through his journey, he find it endearing to be surrounded with nature. it brings peace to his weighing heart.

looking through the silhouette of the tenshikaku with some structures surrounded, he sighed. “you know, they say that visions represents the archons’ gaze.”

his friend beside him, tomo seemingly disapprove. “but is being an archon’s gaze really a blessing?” 

“I don’t know... maybe?” kazuha expressing a doubt to his statement. he’s never bothered listening to something related to the divine until he started to travel. then, he, tomo suddenly chuckled. 

“coincidence, you’re the second person to question that to me.”

the maple boy raises his brows in question. “…who’s the first?”

. . .

“yeah i’m carrying the goods from liyue. glaze lilies and other medic plants.” tapping on the table impatiently, waiting for the inspector to get their approval. you just arrived at inazuma with beidou dropping you off for a week or two. business blooming at liyue when inazuma is desperate for herbs and that’s the problem. you're part of the crux and your job is to take whatever the adventurer’s guild commission you. you’re ok with it of course unless it’s coming from inazuma. solemnly sweared to yourself to not rather get involved or acquainted anyone from this pensive city but you’re out of luck. countless of boxes surrounded your form which made the inspector sweatdropped, didn’t want to pry you any further.

“u-uhh… yes. your papers are all in order. only these are needed of signatures. welcome to ritou. the kanjou commission will be here shortly to receive the goods.” the inspector struggled to put up their professionalism. even the soldiers guarding the boarders didn’t dared to seize your dendro vision.

“yeah no shit. the strict assessments must be the reason why no one from liyue never dared to answer your pathetic commissions because of these “everyday sign-in” papers. archons…” you rolled your eyes and start scribbling on the said documents. while you’re busy signing, you can hear the gossips from citizens on the corners.

“she have a vision…”

“why does the guards doesn’t bother to get her vision?”

“wait- is she one of the fugitives who got reported to the officials a lot?”

“she might be the one… still none of the guards move an inch.”

ahh. here they go, you thought. you got used with listening to those gossips and you treat it like a passing wind. they never bothered you but the last part is an exemption... once you’re done, you slam the papers on the table and leans dangerously on the poor inspector.

“now listen here you asshat, a little birdie told me that you’re the one who repeatedly reported me for having a vision. seems you don’t remembered where I belonged and my business here in inazuma and I will make you remember.”

your eyes pinned on their shivering figure and grabs their colar so thightly that they got chocked. “i’m someone who works under the qixing’s orders. someone who will take your commissions on liyue so if you’re planning to contact the commissions, you’ll be the first one i will kill to your sleep.”

letting go of his colar, the whole crowd watches the girl took an action so bravely against someone from kanjou commission. they're all in awe. “as the mighty shougun once said that “he or she who is useful to the decree will be seen as exceptions.” am i right? inspector."

it is true that someone told you the culprit. you're thankful for your commissioner to dismiss you from those reports. but your vigilance must still remain.

the inspector bowed in fear of breaking the contract you both made. you are known of someone who lived in liyue after all. "i-i sincerely apologize for my recklessness!"

'unbelievable.' you huffed. grabbing the signed papers again and throw at his way. such power you hold, a commission made them neal for you. who are you? and what title you hold?

but you're just y/n. y/n from liyue. y/n from the crux. y/n who fought with the mighty beidou against the haishan. your deeds was mentioned some corners of teyvat.

or so they thought.

"hmm... have you heard the passing family of tachibana clan?" kazuha's eyes went wide in surprise.

. . .

the tachibana clan is a part of the raiden gokaden, carrying the practice of the hyakume art. one of the most difficult practices to learn, only few who mastered the art. but alas, the clan have met also their downfall. during the case of essentric, those few were found dead. only your father remains. unfortunately, the shogunate began suspecting his clan because they also have some of those swordsmiths are from the family of tachibana. in fear of getting killed for he hold the responsibility for the failures, he fled with his family.

"ohh! those lavender melons looks fresh." maybe you don't mind staying on inazuma for a while.

now you're here. still fresh and alive. your identity changed into somethign else but carrying the tachibana name.

no one remembers that family anymore but entitled as "criminals". they were considered as "dead".

“by the order of the vision hunt decree, hand over your vision now!”

yeahhh you changed your mind and you’re fucked.

before it all happened, it's been two weeks has passed and you're finished running errands of delivering the goods across the island. to the kujou clanhouse at kannazuka island and way ahead to the watatsumi island. no one knows your relations with the divine priestess of the watatsumi island because you visit them in secret. then here you're back at narukami.

you were simply exploring the mt. yougou just ahead of the kontante village, awaiting the crux fleet's arrival to get you out of this predicament. staying here any longer would will add another red flags. you may seem immune to the kanjou commission's orders but the shogunates you encountered were from the tenryou commission. question is, where the fuck did they come from in the middle of the forest?

still, you're really fucked.

“ahhh… no thanks. bye.”

panic rushed through your veins as you leap off from their grasp.

. . .

running circles in between the mt. yougou and chinjou forest for time period and yet, the shogunate's stamina are far from drained than yours. or just they forced themselves to chase over your tail. their perseverance are to be feared and it's true. their forces are stronger than you thought.

the guards found their way to surround you. "hand over your vision, now!" yeahhh no.

you pull out your weapon and aim it to the guards. your dendro vision lighten up too while you attack. the power of nature made them flew out of the window. you brutally killed some soldiers on your way when you attempted to escape.

taking some few more laps, you're almost reached out to your limit. luckily that they reached theirs before you do. hidding admidst the shadows, the tenryou commission come into hault and searches any h/c they see. you take this chance to distract the shogunates by throwing a rock on the opposite direction where there's a hillichurl camp located.

"yargh!!" the hillichurls got alarmed of the sudden danger. they began to attack whatever living they see, waving their weapons at the soldiers.

"sir! it looks like we scare them out! there's still monsters up ahead and we have already lost her. we have to retreat!" one of the soldiers screamed. the shogunates struggled to fight off the hillichurls and they keep adding if they kill one. they have no other choice but to scram.

when the occurance happened, you already fleed out of the forest and making your way to the cliffs of the auraumi. that was a hellish experience you admit. you're panthing like heck. the sweats crazily runs down to your neck. "running.. for hours... from the shogunate..circling around narukami..never... reccomended...." you mumbles in between your breaths. but you being a risktaker, enjoy all those chase. it is fortunate that the ruin machiens are far from you so you sat down under the tree, leaning against it to take some rests.

hours had passed and you didn't noticed a man approching your sleeping form carefully to not startle you awake in which he failed.

you slowly open your eyes from your wake. the sun have already set down with it's own half are under horizon. the visible half reflected on the ocean. the dusk with the breeze from north are present, it lulls you back to sleep. but you heard the leaves rustling beside you, alarming you there's another presence nearby.

"who's there!" your eyes shoot up direcly to the sign of danger, but only to find a mysterious man with whites and reds are designed around him. yet, you find yourself mesmerize under those ruby eyes with his ash blonde hair displayed nicely. the male looks like on the same position as yours, currently gazing to those e/c locks. oh damn, you look so 'breath taking/pretty'. both of your thought at the same time.

then, the male's expression changes to perplexed ones. he surely found you familiar. but he can't click his tongue for it.

feeling like eternity, the tension between you are getting noticeable as you're the first one to broke the contact. "shogunate!!" you suddenly shouted.

the man is astounded at your unexpected reaction. "i... beg you pardon?"

you shook your head with a panic of your voice."no i ain't getting fooled with that pretty face of yours! nuh-uh!!"

"uhh- no! wait! miss! i'm just a..." before he could finish, you already start running away incredibly fast.

"wanderer..." he mumbled as he watches your silhouette getting smaller from the distance.

there's another man behind him that you didn't noticed, is amused of the scene especially to you. he chuckles and nibbles on a wheat. "well, that was sooner than i expected."

taglist: @kazucafe​ , @slvdsjjk  [please feel free to send an ask to be added to the taglist or wish to be removed.]

goshintou - sword

haishan - the sea monster beidou fought

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