#if i started caring id make myself crazy

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Girl all this fuss about Taika's marriage, wait until you people find out about Minnie Driver

[fortunately-bi]

Do the followers know I'm a metal head? Do they know that I want to be covered in tattoos with an alternative look who listens to obscure metal bands and stuff? Or do I still come off as like, the nerd in the basement lmao

[tttt06]

Thighs

IdolHongjoong x Blackreader

Friends to Lovers!

Request are open! I reply quickly. Masterlist here

Synopsis~ You and Hongjoong have been friends for a long time. You realized you started to develop feelings for him. One day, you visited his studio with lunch like any other day. Your new thigh tattoo was unknowingly setting him to his limit.

Warnings~ Mama's nickname used, tattoo's, cursing, dramatic Joong, body insecurities.

Word count~ 2.7k

Hongjoong is my closest friend. In fact, he's my best friend. I love his crazy ass to death. I love how angry he gets, how serious he is, how silly he is.

I love how he never has a filter. 

But I started to realize that I loved him more than that. 

I didn't love him as just a friend anymore. I loved him as a man. 

I wanted Hongjoong.

The day started off easy. I finished class and went to visit him at his studio. He's usually there making music for hours on end. 

I remember him, and I had a huge fight because I felt he was ignoring me. He gave me the password to his studio, and now I invite myself over whenever I want.

But before I make the trip there, I always detour. I give him similar excuses. 

'I wanted a snack, or I got hungry.' 

I really order food because I know he hyperfocuses and forgets to eat. 

When I made my way to the building, the lady in front let me in. Usually, they ask for ID, and you get a badge. I've been here so much they don't care to check. 

I typed in the code to see my best friend angrily staring at the screen. His sleeves rolled up just before his elbow, his screen protectant glasses I bought him, and dark wild hair. 

I could tell he just got up and went straight to work. Or maybe he slept here.

I don't know which is worse. 

I looked at all the remnants of me in his office. 

My Hello Kitty sticker on the back of his laptop was one. He had a cup full of pencils, emergency nail glue, and lip gloss. He still had a wrapper of my favorite butterscotch candy on the desk.

I walked next to him and slammed the bag in front of him.

He let out a girlish scream, "OH MY FUCKING GOD!" He dramatically clutched his chest in fear.

He does this every time. I came around the same time. I knew he was expecting me. 

"Joong, stop being dramatic."

I plopped on the couch, pulling my laptop from my book bag.

He spun the chair around, "Studying?" I only nodded in response as the laptop screen illuminated my face. I felt him staring at me.

When I looked up, I was right. "What?" "You cold?" 

I looked down at myself. I was wearing a really small skirt and a cute cropped T-shirt.

You could see the big tattoo that crept along my thigh.

This tattoo took around three hours of effort. Hongjoong really liked the piece. Hongjoong owns his own tattoos. I noticed how his stare would linger on my thighs often, and I liked it. 

I started wearing shorter clothes, hoping Hongjoong noticed something nice about me.

I furrowed my eyebrows, "Are you shaming me?" Joong rolled his eyes, "I was just asking a question. Quit with the dramatism."

I scoffed, "Dramatics? Bitch, you just sat here and pretended to have a heart attack because I threatened to feed you."

He laughed. His laugh was so pretty, and his smile was breathtaking. My heart stuttered as my eyes lingered on his face longer than they were supposed to. 

He quirked an eyebrow, "Stop thinking about your finals and study." I rolled my eyes. "That doesn't even make any sense."

We stayed in the studio for about an hour before I stood up for a stretch. I checked my phone. It was 11pm. My eyes shot out of my head, "Eh? It's an hour 'til midnight. I'm calling it a night." I started to gather my things, and Hongjoong glanced at me, "How are you getting home, Mama's?"

I looked at him, "I'll walk." When I said that, he saved the file and closed the laptop. "C'mon, I'm driving you. It's too dark to be walking." He snatched the heavy book bag from me and started walking. 

I slowly walked behind him. I confessed, "I want to stay at your place. I miss Wooyoung." 

He turned around, offended, "I'm sorry, you miss MY friend?" 

I laughed, "Yeah, why are you getting jealous?" He sighed, annoyed, and walked me to his car. I hopped in, and he started to pull off. 

I loved how he drove one-handed. I liked how his watch shined under the moonlight as his tight grip on the wheel maneuvered the car. I especially love how his thumb sat comfortably on the wheel. His man spread in the car as he looked both ways before merging. 

His glasses made him look so good. 

When I saw us driving toward my apartment, I started to pout, "Joong..." He looked at me, "What? Oh, we're not going to my place tonight. The boys fought, and I need them to make up." 

There he goes again. He was such a man. A good one. 

He was always taking the lead and being a role model. 

I want him to lead me to his bed and shove it ten inches deep in me-

"Tomorrow then?" "Yeah, if you're not slumped with finals." My eyes glossed over when I thought about finals. 

"Don't remind me. My finals are next week." Joong smiled, "It's a Friday! Enjoy your weekend off." 

I hate that idea if he's not there. Hongjoong parked the car, and we walked to my apartment. 

I slammed my keys on the counter, and Hongjoon inhaled. "Where's Yoshi?" I took off my shoes, "Probably in the cage." 

Yoshi was my new puppy. I potty-trained and cage-trained him. I also taught him how to play dead. 

Yoshi ran out while wagging his tail. He jumped on Hongjoong's leg and barked. Joong picked him up and started swaying them around. 

I laughed at the two of them. They were so cute together. 

I looked at the Alexa in my kitchen. The clock was at 11:42. "We should go to bed."

Hongjoomg gently put Yoshi down. I said, "Wait, look what I taught him." He looked at me with amusement as I called Yoshi over. His excited little tail wagged as he ran over. 

I made my fingers into a gun and said, "Bang!" He fell to the ground, and his tongue stuck out as he closed his eyes. I laughed as I chucked him a treat. Hongjoong laughed, "His tongue was still wagging." I shrugged, "It's still a work in progress.

Hongjoong smiled as we walked to my bedroom. We always slept in the same bed together. I manage to not make it awkward even though I'm desperately in love with him. Sometimes, Joong gives me hints back.

When he holds me at night, it doesn't feel normal. It feels like he wants to keep me safe. 

I got out of the shower and put on Hongjoong's shirt. 

Since I got this new tattoo, I've felt comfortable showing my body.

I think Joong started to notice more. He started giving more compliments.

'You look so good today' 

'that dress got your waist snatched!'

'You going out looking that fine? Do you have condoms?'

Silly shit like that. I loved it.

Joong took off his sweater. He wore a black tank top underneath. He was getting buffer these days. No more lanky Joong.

I'm a neat freak, so I sat on the edge of the bed and folded the clothes he left on the floor.

Joong said, "Your tattoo suits you well. I never noticed how plush your thighs looked until today."

My eyes shot up to his in confusion. 

"What?"

Hongjoong laughed, "You heard me. Get under the covers with me." I slid under, and he pulled me down to his big chest. "God, I can't sleep when you're not with me." 

I yawned, and tears fell out of my eyes. "Yeah, I feel the same. Why don't you move in with me?"

Hongjoong laughed, "You're insane." 

I laughed back, "I'm only kidding."

Hongjoong yawned back, "I love our half-sleep talks. When are you getting Yoshi a little brother?" "When I can afford it."

I smiled as my hand slid to the other end of his waist. I tightly squeezed, "You're a beautiful man." 

Hongjoong's breath hitched, "Thank you mamas." 

I lifted myself. When I could look into his eyes, I asked, "This might be stupid, but do you like my tattoo?" 

Joong cupped my face and swiped the loc back into my bonnet. "Yeah, it's fitting for you. It accentuates your pretty curves, too."

"My curves are... pretty?" 

Hongjoong smiled, "Yeah, why would they not be?"

I admitted, "I know I'm still skinny, but my thighs and breasts are so huge, and I feel fat." 

Hongjoong's face looked disappointed when I said that.

"Mama's. I like your curves." I sighed, "Everyone in Korea is so skinny, and here I am. I feel so out of place." 

Hongjoong's hand slid down my thigh, and he squeezed it, "You are beautiful. Sometimes, I can't keep my eyes off you. I lied earlier about never noticing your thighs. I actually like them the most about you... when you got that tattoo... I wanna say something crazy."

My eyes widened as my imagination went wild with thoughts.

Is he about to confess?

"I wanted you. Like, not in a best friend way, in a romantic way."

The closeness under the covers became noticeable. I had nothing to say. 

I mean, of course, I like him back. But a part of me isn't ready to commit to him. 

"You don't have to like me back. Feelings like this go away." 

I pressed my lips into his. I pulled away quickly and looked at him. "Joongie?" He smiled, "You liked that?" I got quiet. His eyes were reading mine.

I bit my lip and nodded, "Yes." He rubbed his thumb across my cheek and smiled. "You want another one?" I shyly nodded again. "You're so adorable." 

He kissed my nose before kissing me again. He nudged his face closer to my lips as he pressed harder into me. My hands balled up in his tank top as he pulled me onto his waist.

He slipped his tongue into my mouth. I let out a gasp. He smiled as he kissed me again. The noises of our messy kisses echoed in the room. Hongjoong's hand slipped under the shirt I was wearing. 

His fingers grazed just under the hem of my shirt as he squished my thighs. I started grinding into his boner, and Joong let out a pained groan.

"Mm, fuck. Wait, mama's." He scooted his back against the headboard. Our eyes met. I broke the eye contact and looked at his red lips. They were swollen from our kisses. 

I smiled, "This is crazy." Hongjoong's big hand patted my head. I peeked up at his veiny arm and looked back at him. His eyes were filled with emotions, ready to burst. 

"You think so? It's been a long time coming. How long have you known you've liked me?" I thought, "A couple months ago. It was when I had a breakdown over school, and you dropped everything to pick me up from classes and took me out." 

He smiled, "I don't want you to think I was doing that to get you to like me. I did that because I really care about you."

I tilted my head, "I never thought you were manipulating me. Joong, you're bad at it." He laughed, letting his hand fall to my hips. "Yeah? I think I'm a s-ranked manipulator." 

I mentioned, "Maybe to your exes. They didn't know you well enough. You have giveaways."

Joong quirked an eyebrow, "Giveaways? Like what?" I rolled my eyes, "I'm not telling you. You're going to hide them." 

He smiled, "You calmed down."

"Huh?" 

"You were getting crazy." I put my hands on his chest, "You were getting crazy! You were as hard as a rock. Your heart is still beating fast, too."

We laughed. Our eyes met again, and I asked, "You're still gonna be my best friend, right?" Hongjoong scrunched his face in disbelief, "Of course. What else could I be to you?" 

I asked reluctantly, "My boyfriend?" He smiled, "I'm so down for that, baby." Hongjoong smiled, "Good, can we take our clothes off now. I want you."

He slipped off his shirt. My breath hitched. Hongjoong has been my friend for YEARS. I've seen him shirtless more times than I've seen my mother. 

But seeing him like this in the context made me breathless. 

His chest was so large. I rubbed my fingers over his chest and abs. My fingers bumped over them like little speed bumps. Hongjoong leaned in and kissed my cheek.

"You like what you see?" I looked up at him, "I love you." My heart skipped a beat at the realization of what I said.

Hongjoong's eyes got greater, "Mm? Y-you... you just said that." I nodded, "I don't know. I started thinking about our future and knowing you can provide for me and make me happy... I know you will. I-"

That thought was ended with a desperate kiss. Hongjoong was back to his wet kisses. I felt his hips thrust into me for a quick relief. My eyes fluttered open when his lips left mine. He rolled off my shirt and said, "Let me see you."

I let him take my shirt off as he scanned over my body. Stretch marks here, moles there, dark spots everywhere. Truthfully, I was insecure about my skin. I don't have even pigmentation and perfect glass skin.

I'm just a girl...

But Hongjoong likes me...

Wait, he didn't tell me he loved me back.

Does he not love me?

I didn't want to interrupt this moment because I was really horny.

Hongjoong's hand slipped under my bra, and his fingers attached to my nipples. I moaned, instantly distracted from my thoughts.

Still sitting on his lap, I put my hand on his shoulder and ground with him.

Hongjoong's lips attached to my neck and sucked. I whined from the sensation. 

"Please, Joong." Hongjoong unzipped his pants, "Are you sure? Right now? Let me warm you up a bit." I shook my head, "Now! I want you right now!" 

He laughed at my neediness. I got on my knees and peeled off his pants. I took off my panties, and he couldn't help but stare. 

"Fuck, I can't wait to feel you on me."

His dick looked so hard in his pants. I bit my lip and carefully pulled it out from his boxers. 

It was a little tan compared to the rest of him. His tip was red, and his veiny cock was curved up. My eye twitched.

I hope this fits.

I sat on his huge dick and slowly pushed down. He stretched me out, and I listened to Hongjoong's little grunts.

"Fuck mama's. You're so tight."

He filled me to the brim. He stretched my hole so well. I felt so full and warm from his dick.

Thankfully, I'm so touch-deprived that a kiss from Hongjoong made me wet.

Hongjoong steadied my hips and thrust into my pussy. I desperately wrapped my arms around his neck as he kept the pace. My whimpers were on his rhythm. My tits jiggled against his chin, and that's when I felt his warm mouth wrap around my titties.

My pussy tightened around his dick, and he groaned. I whimpered when he started to get more aggressive.

"Fa-faster." Hongjoong quickened his pace. I dug my head into the crook of his neck and took it. "Fuck me! Oh~ YES! That feels good, Joong!~" He started to get sloppy as he fucked into me more.

His thick tip hit my G-spot, and I shuddered. A whine escaped my mouth as my grip on him got tighter. The knot in my stomach started to tighten as I felt my pussy flutter around him.

I fell apart as his hands slid to my lower back. He was hugging me closer as he fucked me until he finished. He pulled out quickly. 

His glossy cum squirted on my stomach, and I watched aroused. 

"Mm."

Hongjoong's eyes shut as his muscles twitched. He didn't breathe for a minute while he orgasmed under me.

Hongjoong leaned back, taking a deep breath.

"Baby." I looked up at Hongjoong to see the hearts in his eyes. "I love you too."

The tears streamed down my face as I threw us into a hug.

I said quietly, "Yay."

[morganafayes]

morganafayes bbc merlin fic rec list <3

hiiii here is a tiny little fic rec list i made for fun of some of my personal underrated faves in the fandom!! i've tried to avoid stuff that's already pretty well known + have a decent balance so hopefully yall might find some new stuff you haven't seen in here :)

the witch and the queen - toxic morgwen slay <3 very short!

in our quiet hour - i mean just read everything by lupinely. its all so good. its everything. they have never missed. id recommend 'castled' by them too... insane merthur fic. their dynamic is perfectly written. also their gwen character study mwah

heir - gen, arthur & merlin. genuinely have never once stopped thinking about this since i read it and it makes me sick :/

off the deep end - now THIS. this is good shit. toxic merthur modern au where they are exes and hate each other and hurt each other. finally someone who gets their specific brand of codependent toxicity. bbc merlin modern aus peaked here i dont care

swan down - nimueh ficlet about her relationship with arthur. gave me many brainworms............ please read it. its very short and it will make u crazy.

this graveyard - ok i havent finished reading this yet bc its like 10k. but its morgana/gwen and a rewrite of the whole dark tower thing which as you all know is the bane of my existence. society if the the writers had actually written that episode well etc etc.

i hear deserts heal your history - THEEEEE fic of all time. genuinely i have never stopped thinking about this fic ever. i have such complicated feelings on it. it makes me want to die and throw myself off a cliff at the same time. this is the morgana centric fic of all time genuinely she is done SUCH justice here oh my god but also. everyone is very mean to merlin. my poor guy..... :( in terms of morgana fics though. a must read <3 also great exploration of the mergana dynamic. reading this was truly where my mergana crusade started btw. also read their other morgana fic its absolutely fantastic (i havent finished it either though because im slow asf...)

living for the hope of it all - mercelot warriors come get your heartwrenching angst <3 i have more mercelot fics to rec if people want. i hate them and i love them

ouroboros - merlin/morgana. insane freaks at it again. my fave victims of lavender divorce

drawing lines - gwen character study which i <3.

the chakra of merlin - okkk this is a strange one. it feels almost semi incomplete because although it does. end. it doesnt really. its most interesting for its sci fi elements + character exploration which i find really interesting and well done. merlin is truly unhinged here in the worst ways. when is he not though

the huntress' heart - mithian/gwen slay!

tongue tied - yeah its another truth spell merthur fic... what can i say im basic. its very good though!

dragons! - morgana/gwen. super short and cute <333

[torchstelechos]

There's something really heartbreaking about the misunderstandings between Mirabelle and Siffrin, because at the start of the game Siffrin teases Mirabelle but gets real anxious and worried about upsetting her multiple times and even gets worried about Bonnie throughout the game. This being to the point that they keep the good lines in the script, even if they could feasibly stop caring about it. Then, during act 5, Mirabelle hits Siffrin with the fact that he's mean when he's teasing her but she doesn't let it get to her because she knows they mean well. Do you think about this? The thought of Siffrin being so self conscious of his own faults to the point they made sure the loops always were kind until the last one only to get slapped in the face by your families comments and hand. Like I think about this a lot. Obviously they knew they were mean but they also did everything in their ability to not hurt their family only to be told that they had multiple times and it was only because of his families trust and love that his family didn't take it to heart. Like fuck, fuck, I think id fucking go crazy. I think I'd isolate myself if that happened to me. Oh my gods. It really makes some of his next decisions really bonkers to me, but in a good way because yeah! Yeah that makes sense. Anyway post game I think Siffrin would probably not tease or poke fun at anyone for a good while in fear of hurting their families feelings.

[honeyydrunk]

NOW this is a very niche problem but i don't care!! but i am sick of these y/n rejecting the guy whenever he's like flirting or smth. ill genuinely get so annoyed whenever i see a smut post and reader y/n is like being sassy against the guy's advancement. like haechan or someone will be horrendously flirting and the reader will be like "yeah im never having sex with you," UHM¿? WHAT? I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT. tf you mean y/n? idk who this PERSON is but any neo remotely alludes to a sexual encounter and i am already on him. genuinely y/n declining is CRAZY. we have a whole tumblr acc and are searching for smut fics tf you mean the reader in the story is being oblivious and refuses him!?!?

ME? ME PERSONALLY? ! id be doing everything for those neos. id start a ridiculous self care regime just to be so hot for them . eating cranberries and pineapple, my fruits and veg NO UNHEALTHY FOOD HERE. drinking 5 liters of water a day or smth ridiculous. hitting the gym get my stamina up 💪💪😤. paying 700 or smth for laser to make that pussy HAIRLESS. ripping my whole uterus out getting rid of periods and pregnancy. making myself as available as possible. maybe even becoming an sm trainee to get their plastic surgery u know. id be improving my life becoming the best version of myself studying, getting rich, severe self care, JUST to be amazing got those neos tf?

i am NOT declining anyone's advancements i am not playfully rejecting anyone. i'm the one flirting, i'm making advancements.

those text posts where the guys are sex addicts and the readers like "bro ur an addict" MAN IF I GET A HINT HE WANTS ME, IM THERE !! im the sex addict w them atp

i want to see a reader hopelessly delulu batshit crazy for these hot talented men but bro doesn't confess bc obviously fear of rejection u know maybe just once we get mutual pining mutual downbadness

LETS REFLECT THE DEMOGRAPHIC HERE we're not rejecting anyone, we are literally actively searching for smut fics lets be ridiculously real rn !! pick it up !! (ignore these tags i'm being silly and ridiculous)

[s4pphicyearning]

Why do you like her

oh god where do i STARTTT

absolutely GORGEOUS looks aside (like fuck shes a GODDESS?) shes so so kind and open minded, i came out to her with an interest i was scared she'd judge or feel weird about but she was so casual about it i felt silly for even being nervous in the first place

shes so comforting and caring and understanding and so so easy to talk to, i could talk to her for hours about stuff that doesnt make sense and id do it over and over forever if i could. sometimes our vcs go quiet and even then its never awkward, just a comforting silence knowing shes on the other side, right there with me <3

SHE REMEMBERS LITTLE THINGS, like stuff i think she'd forget because i mention it offhandedly, NO she'll recall it like id told her 5 minutes ago and it catches me off guard all the time because WHY DO YOU REMEMBER THIS !!!! /sillypos

MY BIGGEST SUPPORTER FR, always complimenting my art, complimenting me in general and just jhhrrgh hrrrrhggh

MAKES AN EFFORT, i told her about my favourite music artists and she started listening to them like a day laterrrrr ..... auauaghgh

willing to do silly corny couple stuff with me .... thinking its cute and fun ....

i dont have to be scared to be myself around her. i dont feel like i have to put up a front, or pretend to be someone im not. i can just.. open up and be honest with myself and with her and it feels so sosososo good

treats me like a princess <3 i feel so so so very special with her its crazy she makes me so happy i love her

[sleepyhouse2art]

this is an old drawing of joey from i think 2021, the year i started seriously drawing. its the first one of him i did. before that i did some zines and posters for shows but i never drew for myself after i was 12, although before that i had really loved to draw. when i was 12 i had to go move in with my dad in seattle because after a bunch of stuff tbh i wont go into it but the precipitating incident was one august my mom socked my grandpa and went walking naked down their street. so my grandparents drove me halfway to washington, and my dad picked me up and drove the rest of the way. i hadnt seen him since i was 8 -- we got in a car accident and he never came again. when i moved in, he had a girlfriend who lived with him. and i had never even ridden a city bus before except as a very little kid in providence.

my dad signed me up that summer, because i liked to draw and i didnt have any friends and i think he didnt know what to do with me, to this fancy atelier program for kids. it was every day at this really pretty private catholic school. they used one of the buildings in the off-season. anyway, i went there and i worked hard on my little cartoons. but very quickly i found myself very embarrassed, because all the kids were leagues better than me. they could draw hyperrealistically. a pretty girl i had a crush on lent me a book on the anatomy of trees, which i studied for her but never returned. gradually i grew to hate it there, because i felt too low to belong even though the kids were nice to me. one of the grownup artists who helped out gave me her gaia online username.

the time came for the end of program show, and i lied to my dad. i told him that the show was canceled when it really wasnt, and i went by myself and skulked around. after that i didnt draw anymore, except for sometimes little punk zines and posters for shows, but never just to draw. i think i broke my own heart by not being good enough. it was really all my fault.

i was always mentally ill i guess -- ive had an ed since i was 12, and ive always had problems, like id tried to kill myself before and stuff, but when i hit 20 i started getting really sick. that was the year i first got involed. it was very, very bad. it fucked me up. my therapist told me they did things they shouldnt have done. i am super scared of hospitals because of that and some other times ive been in the hospital where really fucked up things happened to me. i have developed a crazy fear in particular of being restrained and having people sit on me. i think the next time i go they will rape me and kill me (the hospital emergency room down the street from my house has holes in the ceiling), and when my psychiatrist and my therapist tell me its time to go now, i cry a lot and beg them not to send me and that i will be raped and killed, and so they let me stay at home where my husband takes care of me. its safer for me here and nobody can do bad stuff to me. i get to be with my cats who are healers and from god. my life is pretty baller now, even if we are poor. i draw a ton because there isnt much expected of me and we dont need much. we own our house. my husband has a small job. really the only really bad thing in my life is getting sick like i do, or i guess being sick like i am. i hate my schiz, but i cant really do anything about it. also i hate sleeping, which people tell me doesnt help. i have a lot of symptoms and take a lot of pills. its ok tho.

so i draw. i write and i draw A LOT. often i sit and i draw for 14 hours straight or longer. making stuff makes me fee normal and happy and useful. i talk to my best friend all day, the one who i write the kirche street pharmacy stories with. they are the best.

anyway, thats why this drawing is a little special to me, i guess. im glad i made it. im glad i picked back up drawing. im glad you guys like my drawings sometimes!!! thank you thank you thank you. i hope you like this very old drawing of my very loud slutty one-legged son from brooklyn

[frankenfran]

Fellow mom here. I'm hoping you can give some advice? How does one deal with feelings of inadequacy? I want the best for my girls, but I can barely even take care of myself. I'm in a bad situation, can't control my own money(including accepting or giving any money online), can't drive or hold a job for health reasons, can't access HRT for safety reasons. i want to do more for my babies, but it feels like i've got one foot in the grave and the other dangling off a cliff. Like i don't even exist and never got the chance. is emotional support really all i'm capable of? is there anything else i can do for them? sorry if this feels like i'm putting you in the therapist chair, hon. I'm just not sure what more i can be than Nothing At All.

hmm... this is sort of a multi pronged response so bear with me for a moment here. i think first and most importantly you really can't discount how important emotional support is, especially for girls who might not get much of that. ive known a few biological mothers in similar positions with their own kids you know? it's certainly tempting to want to handle everything for your kids but even the best moms have things they can't do. i completely understand the feelings of inadequacy but working on trusting that you're making a positive impact and believing your kids if they say so will benefit you in the long run. i say it in most every situation but communication really is key and that never stops being true.

the other aspect of it is a little bit trickier. ive been stuck in less than fortunate life circumstances many times and i understand how hopeless that feels. sometimes you literally just can't do anything about your situation at the moment and it drives you crazy. the urge to be a caretaker makes sense because even if you can't help yourself maybe you could help other people and that might make it worth it right? the hard truth is that it's much harder to take care of other people if you can't do the same for yourself. it doesn't disqualify you from it at all but it is sort of playing on lunatic difficulty mode. you're the mother but you're also you're own kid in a way, if that makes sense. i don't know your circumstances beyond what you've told me so i won't make any sweeping generalisations or offer advice on that (though you're always welcome to reach out to me privately or otherwise if you need some more specific help!) but... you do exist and you do make a difference. im sure you've left a positive impact on the ones you care for and downplaying that doesn't do you or your kids any favours.

id start by asking your kids straight up if there's any other ways you could offer them more support. maybe they'll even tell you that your emotional support is more than enough! even more pressing id say you should take absolutely any steps you can possibly take to be secure in your own life not just because it'd mean you'd have more bandwidth for caregiver stuff but also so you can thrive and take care of yourself. i know it's never as easy as just *doing* in a lot of cases but. if i had never taken some risky jumps to get out of hopeless situations id probably be dead long ago. im here for you if you need any support and im sorry my advice had to be so vague by nature. you're very strong for hanging in there even with everything going on in your life and still feeling the urge to take care of others. i believe in you and im rooting for you dear.

[fmab]

ok sorry long vent post below i suppose

i had a really good day today and i have been doing better since January started and holding hope for the future. But i think being around so many friends who i love and care about and also thinking about how future happy and healthy relationships will go is making me reflect a lot on the 5 years that i was with [redacted] and literally just how fucked up so much shit he did was. And how hypocritical he was.

I've talked about it before but it was just nuts how genuinely cruel he could be despite being so insecure. Like if he was mad at someone/hated someone (no matter if it was for a good reason to hate them) for some reason fatphobia/ableism etc was on the table. despite acting like he was body positive he'd turn around and say this shit and even in a few instances even try to insult me for my weight too. Despite being so insecure about his intelligence (he was smart) he was so incredibly quick to call other people stupid/brainless etc. and yeah i guess even when we were fighting he would say that shit to me too and call me stupid. idk he was just so full of these contradictions like this. he was so cruel and constantly lashing out at me to make me leave. He expected everyone to leave him and when they didnt he would lash out violently to get them to leave because he believed he was a bad person and then used it as confirmation for why he should be alone forever when they left. I kept myself in that cycle for literal years, trying to prove to him that he wouldn't have to be alone, because i loved him and wanted to be proof that someone wouldn't leave because there is love and hope and good in the world. i wanted to be that so badly but he could not believe it and would never let himself have anything good. Why did i ever put up with that cycle of cruelty for so long.

It was always a constant uphill battle. Yeah he was recovering from trauma and deeply affected by it but the way he threw people under the bus who were also suffering and recovering from trauma is crazy. I will never forget how when we met he was very scared/wary/mistrustful of people with dissociative disorders to the point where he literally asked our friends who had did not to talk about it/their alters not to talk to him because he'd been abused by someone who had allegedly faked did. Like we literally had to hide that part of ourselves from him. And at the time, i was going through a psychotic break and deeply unstable and dealing with my own dissociative disorder's symptoms and trying to figure out what was going on. But because I was in that vulnerable position I internalized that so much that i literally became incapable of talking about my more troubling dissociative disorder symptoms with almost anyone. instead of trying to unpack those things i squished them down. And cut to a couple years later and he was literally diagnosed with DID :| All that and i still couldn't make myself take that barrier down and talk to him about that part of my mental health despite him trying to let me know i could now bc he was experiencing that shit himself. That shit has still stayed with me and permeated other parts of my life and mental health struggles even now. I still dont know how to talk about my various disorders without assuming ill make someone uncomfortable/think im faking/think im fucking crazy. idk how to talk abt my dissociative disorder shit with anyone and feel like I can only talk about my bpd with my friend of 12 years who also has bpd. and i dont even know where to begin with my psychosis.

idk i have so many good friends now and im not isolated and i feel so much genuine love and care but i feel like i was emotionally stunted after 5 years of being with that guy. For the first entire year and a half after breaking it off with him i couldn't even be there for my other friends who were suffering. id spent my every ounce of energy on him that my friends suffering just made me sad and scared like i needed to flee. i think one of the most traumatizing experiences (that happened multiple times) was when he would literally drink entire bottles of wine and be so drunk that he could not even talk, and i had to sit on the phone with him because i was absolutely terrified that he was going to die from alcohol poisoning or throw up and choke in his sleep. And i would just have to sit on the phone and listen to him scream incoherently and break things and throw up and cry harder than i have ever heard anyone cry before, because i was terrified he would die or try to kill himself and i wouldn't know. Trying to make yourself care about your friends who are suffering when the last time you invested everything you could into a relationship and it ended Like That was . incredibly hard. That recovery took so long and im finally better in that aspect, but for ages it made me feel like i had been turned into a husk of a person who was unable to help or care. I have better boundaries and i know my limits and how to help without extending myself to the point where ill be in that position. Sometimes i still do feel like a major part of me died when i left him, simply because it took So Much from me. i poured everything into that relationship. im so glad its over and id never go back but so much of me was dedicated to him that there was a huge void where it was before. there was a part of myself that was solely dedicated to trying to help him.

im not as sad as i was but its horrifying that i spent so many years with him and putting up with the horrific ways he acted and i should have cut it off sooner

[lenores-2nd-wife]

DRAMA POST!!

Only read if you want to see my side of my grooming allegations (that are false), take care of yourself.

TW: Sexual Language & Mentions of Grooming, and Death & Dox Threats (Long Post Warning)

“Hello everyone.”

Sorry I’ll be serious. 

This is a response addressing a post calling me out that I have reposted on my blog. Please check theirs out for reference if you want a peek at all the lies they’re spreading about me/want the context of what I’m talking about. I want to make sure you see their (Albeit misinformed) side before you see mine to be as transparent as possible.

I honestly never thought I’d have to make one of these things but let’s get this over with. 

To start off, I would like to say that this is NOT an apology as I have no one to apologize to and nothing to apologize for. This is me debunking every single lie that person put in their post. With screenshots of course.

With that being said, I’m very sorry to ABBY AND ABBY ALONE for being dragged into this and whoever made that callout is horrible for what they’ve done. (And to rnf & their mods as they seem to be the main target of that callout even though I’m the one being labeled as a groomer.)

[I will be giving the poster the benefit of the doubt as it seems they got all of their information from a separate party. I truly want to believe they just want to do the right thing and the person giving them the information is the malicious one. I understand trying to protect minors as you seem to be one as well (I was checking in on their account and their bio said 14 at one point? I don’t think it’s still there), but I promise it wouldn’t kill you to send me a DM to see if your information was correct.]

As for a warning of sorts, I will say that the messages between me and Abby were very sexual and I’m not exactly censoring myself going forward. So TW for sexual language/and mentions of grooming again. The only reason I’m not marking this post as explicit is because I want to make sure some people see it as I have literal grooming allegations against me, if it was anything less serious I would have.

Now let’s start with the elephant in the room. 

ME AND ABBY ARE BOTH CONSENTING ADULTS.

She is 19-years-old, born in 2005. Refer to the screenshots above. She even sent me her ID to get into the NSFW part of my server.  Meaning she is not only an adult, but came to me with full interest in talking about sexual topics. (As she is very much so allowed to do as an adult, I just want to get that out of the way before the poster possibly pulls out a “well you were probably making her uncomfortable” accusation out of their ass. If Abby was ever uncomfortable she would have told me and I would have listened. Boundaries are something I take very seriously.)

Speaking of the NSFW side of my server, the poster claims that I was saying sexual things in front of the other minors in the server when everything, and I mean everything, was in the adult section of my server that requires ID verification to get into. I’m in fact very strict with sexual content on my server and IN THE CALLOUT POST they literally show me handling a member who posted a screenshot that contained a friend of theirs saying “I want ___ to eat my ass”. 

(This was an easy mistake mind you and they didn’t have sexual intentions, they were just trying to be funny and share something crazy that their friend said. This is in no way trying to call that minor in my server out, don’t try to find them and leave my server members out of this. I just want to provide context as the member had their message deleted.)

As for their claims of me being racist. I am not. Simply put, I am not, they have provided no screenshots of me saying anything racist and I will not even entertain this statement any longer as it is baseless and downright ridiculous. Don’t include claims if you don’t have evidence to back them up PLEASEE.

Also, the document at the end with all of my shittily made drabbles is VERY misleading. “Dub-Con” WHAT? I promise you that just because Annabel is tied up does not mean she is not consenting. I can maybe see how it can be taken that way but my horny brain at the time wasn’t thinking “Oh and then I’ll make it dub-con!” DO NOT PUT THAT SHIT ON ME. 😭🙏

I am genuinely between being really angry about you posting my embarrassing as hell drabbles and fucking laughing. The “TW Cheating” TAG YOU ADDED IS SENDING ME. ITS OC X CANON I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU EXPECTED, IM SORRY? I wasn’t aware that was a cancelable offense since Monty was mentioned one time I’m losing it.

Now that I have addressed all the claims they have stated. It is now time for me to prove that every single one of their screenshots involving sex and things of that nature are in fact Abby. Warning once again that these screenshots get sexual as both of us were in what we assumed was a safe space to share down bad thoughts and fantasies involving the Nevermore characters and Abby’s OCs.

I will be posting each one of their screenshots in order (I'll try as much as I can running on 2 hours of sleep anyway), and I will explain the context for them of to be as transparent as possible:

Just sexual OC x Canon shipping. You will be seeing a lot of that as we were having fun with Abby's super cool OCs and we talked about them very often.

Joking around about one of the roleplays we were doing & more context for me sharing my splatoon fic with her..

OC x Canon shipping.

Embarrassing, but talking about kinks...

OC x Canon shipping.

Jokes about how calm Ada's relationship was (With an OC!) vs Lenore x Annabel's. (Previously mentioned that Lenore was being dragged into the closet by the ankles) & More OC x Canon.

More jokes about how much we want to smash Lenore & Annabel (Sue me), and me asking sexual questions about her OC.

I’m a person that wants to enjoy Nevermore media in peace with other adults with similar interests in role playing, not a stain on the human race, the only truthful thing you said in your post about me is that I'm a bit of a freak.

I will admit, in a lot of those screenshots I was very out there and really oversexulizing the characters and I can totally see why someone could be made uncomfortable if they saw it. In fact the poster included some of the tamer messages between me and Abby. However I was doing it in a safe manner, in a place people gain access to with the intention of being sexual. So I wasn’t just shouting out every little idea I had to everyone in my server, no one was being forced to look at what I was talking about.

Unlike Crimson, who you are clearly trying to group me with, I’m a normal fucking person who happens to lust after the characters. I’ve posted smut on my Ao3 often and even advertised some of it (With the proper explicit tags) on my blog. It is no secret that I am attracted to the characters, and I honestly don’t feel like I have to repent for that. 

My only bad intentions were my sexual ones with the characters who are proven to be 18+, whether you agree with the kinks shown in the screenshots or what I’m into in general does not matter (Not that any of my kinks are problematic as far as I’m aware? But I am very willing to learn if they are).

I did not deserve to be labeled a groomer. 

Abby did not deserve to have her business outed to the public eye.

I hope, REALLY HOPE, that this was posted with good intentions, but seeing how it was handled and what your page is dedicated to my interests on the side seem to just be a  pawn of yours to get at rnf & the mods to incriminate them for not “handling me” when there is nothing to be handled. Speaking of the mods, now I’ll most likely have to explain and let them know I'm not a pedophile. Thank you SOOO much for that btw.

Leave me, and other bystanders in the fandom minding their own business out of this. 

One more thing, though more so directed to the fandom, you guys can leave my inbox now? At this point I know it's not the same person and I need you guys to calm down. I genuinely had a few people ask me if I was lying about the death threats and I cannot make this shit up.

Your desperation for more drama and what you’re willing to do to make an already bad situation worse disgusts me beyond words and I’m actually really worried about drama pages now because this is not the first time blatant and dangerous misinformation has been spread in this fandom. Of course, that’s just me being emotional and making a whole lot of assumptions about your morals, so don’t quote me on that. Besides, the post didn’t get a whole lot of attention so I’m probably REALLY overreacting.

In conclusion-

(Also as horrible as this is I find it funny that in all the screenshots I have that same Annabel Lee pfp on with the tiny bow. 😭😭)

[songmingisthighs]

WHAT DA FLIP SMT!!! MDT!MINGI IS A GOD TOO? AND HE WHAT HER PARENTS???? and when i chuck my phone to the wall or floor? WHAT THEN? i cannot believe i MISSED OUT ON THIS!!! I REEAAALLLLLYYYYY HATE THIS APP NOW. also, i dont like mdt!joong for this. where’s the reaper for when a reaper d!es? bc imma send him to the afterlife.

PLEASEEEEEEEEE mdt!jongho loveeeees yn! he basically told her he’s her male protagonist. he may not have the protagonist’s car, but he has the spirit. i am so here for whipped mdt!jongho. he’s too cute frs.

am i the only one who thought that yn and mdt!mingi had been best friends since they were kids? did i misread a chapter or something?😭

wait a min, since when has yn been advancing at mdt!jongho? am i missing more chapters????

san is me having a stroke after finding out everything.😭

byeeeeee why do men assume women want their firstborn? i don’t want kids (rn) to begin with. (jk, if any of ateez grants me their firstborn, id take it without hesitation)

byeeeeeee. why is mdt!jongho literally bribing yn to stay in his house? then acting like he hates it. BABES PLS JUST ADMIT YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER.😵‍💫 aaaaaaaand he’s out here touching her? HE GIVES ME VICTORIAN MAN SEEING ANKLES FOR THE FIRST TIME BUT HE IS OUT HERE RUBBING HER KNEE AND SQUEEZING IT?!?! what da flip mdt!jongho. you are not the person i thought you were.

you think yn would actually be assigned to mdt!hj when she passes?😭 how crazy would that be bc technically she was already assigned to him when the accident happened.

after reading ch. lv im so proud of myself. but what does mdt!hj mean by who he assigned her with? excuse moi??

WAIT A MINUTE!!! I THOUGHT THIS WAS ABOUT TO BE THE KISSING SCENE!!! DO YOU HATE US SMT?!?! WHY WOULD YOU MAKE IT SO VANILLA??? A KISS ON THE CHEEK?!?! THEN A KISS ON THE BACK OF HER HAND?!?! WHERE IS THE KISS ON THE LIPS?!!!! I (kindly) DEMAND A KISS ON THE LIPS!!!

byeee yn knoooows she’d marry mdt!jongho out of love. she don’t want his money.🤣

NO WAY! NO WAY MDT!JONGHO ACTUALLY SAID THAT! KEEP HIM AWAY FROM MDT!YUNHO AT ALL COSTS. I PRACTICALLY LAUGHED UP BOTH MY LUNGS. i cant afford to lose another organ. also, yn so understands me. jongho (real jongho) in a suit with his fancy watch. PHEWWWWWW pour me some of thAt tall glass of water. i’m trying to get a load of this guy fr.

“i care about you. deeply.” i’m sat. house cleaned. dinner served. kids? you say the number.

ohhhh they are sooo married coded. i live for this. my toes have curled (in a good way).

wait, theory: mdt!wonyoung is out here saying she remembers that symbol. what if she’s really mdt!jongho’s first love? i would cry.

STOP IT WITH THE TEASING SMT!! MAKE YN GET IN THAT SHOWER WITH HIM RN. let them kiss alreadyyyy.

I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW SHE WAS THE PAST LOVER OH MY FUCK. NO SMT PLS NO. MY HEART IS TOO WEAK TO HANDLE THIS. IM JUMPING OFF MY BED TONIGHT I SWEAR.

i’m crying. i feel so bad that mdt!jongho had to go through that. netflix, where are yall with the contract bc ts is too good to pass on. i know you be having boring shows on your platform, time to add this. please, i beg!

wait, that’s it? i caught up? i don’t get to see how they solve this little problem they have going on now? uhm what da flip. you got me hooked all over again. ahhh it’s so good to be back.🥲

i kept rereading this bc this is so funny and also bc this is a recap of mdt that i needed bc i legit forgot what i wrote and i was like OH YEAH THIS HAPPENED so thank you for the recap 🫶🫶

MOREOVER i'm super duper glad you've caught up, tumblr is ass for not giving you notifs of my update bc on one side that's so fucking rude of tumblr but on the other side i'm also having a crazy time bc i started a new work, not just job, but an actual work and it's been HECTIC bc i'm working freelance now with foreign clients (i'm not a hooker dw) and my church has been quite busy so my head is like all over the place and i barely have time for myself :/

BUT NOW THAT YOU'RE BACK we're onto our scheduled craziness >:)) be ~ prepared ~

[btheleaf]

What’s pemova?!

Okay, this fic specifically is not shipping Pema and Nova. Sometimes, I just shorten fic names for myself to get the point across. Pema and Nova are the main characters at the start, and it's an AU that I don't remember why the hell I made it except to physically torture pema and psychologically torture tenzin. I think it was another plot bunny from @lis-muerta and I's insane ramblings 😂

I'm going to share a portion of the middle of it because the beginning isn't solidified yet. Content warning for implied torture and kidnapping. It's about 500 words.

Lin

Someone knocked on her office door, and with a motion of her hand, she swung it open to reveal Saikhan.

“What? What was all the commotion? I told you to keep the crazy ones in the hold.”

Saikhan stepped in and closed the door. “Chief…”

Lin waited for him to continue and finally looked up from her desk when he said nothing more. He looked like he had seen a ghost. “What?” she asked again, this time a little softer.

“You know some of the UF ships are docked right now, right? Well one of the master healers has been running a free clinic of sorts and he brought one of the patients here.”

“And?”

Saikhan held up his note pad and cleared his throat before reading from it. “Female. Approximately 25 years of age. Brown hair. Green eyes. Has recently given birth.”

Lin stood from her chair. “Is it her?”

“We- we don’t know. You knew her better- or saw her more. I can’t say for sure. We need someone to ID her.”

“What room?” Lin asked on her way out the door. Saikhan followed.

“Interrogation room B.”

“Why is she in there?”

“She wouldn’t stop fighting people. The healer’s in there with her.”

Lin marched to the room and opened the door. Her stomach dropped. She was going to be sick right there.

“Pema?”

Haunted deep green eyes slowly turned to meet her.

“Oh good, you two know each other,” Nova said as they stood from the squatted position they were holding to be at eye level with Pema as she sat on the floor in the corner of the room.

“Pema.” Lin stepped into the room. “Where is the baby?”

Tears filled her eyes and she buried her face in her knees where they were curled up to her chest.

“I’ve been asking the same question,” Nova said. “She won’t answer.”

Lin looked at Pema’s small, shaking frame. “She should go to the hospital.”

“Yes, she should. And I need to make my statement and leave.”

“You’re staying right here for now.” Lin turned and left the room without letting the healer argue. She went back to her office. Her vision tunneled on the way there and she realized she wasn’t even breathing. She slammed the door shut and picked up her phone to call the island. It took a while to connect.

Air Temple Island, one of the acolytes said through the line.

“It’s Chief Beifong. I need to speak with Master Tenzin.”

Master Tenzin is indisposed at the moment, the woman said hesitantly.

“Look, I don’t care what he’s doing. Get him on the phone now.”

Uhm—Yes ma’am.

Lin was getting sick of hearing her own foot tapping anxiously on the floor while she waited for him. Almost ten minutes went by.

What?

She could tell he was drunk again. And angry. She couldn’t blame him. “Stop hitting the soju. I need you in the city in the morning.”

You don’t—you don’t need to see me. Fuck off, I’m going to keep drinking.

At least he was being honest with how he felt. “I need you to act like a man and not a depressed skunk rat for a day, okay? Sober the fuck up and get your ass to my office first thing in the morning.”

Fuck you.

“Feeling’s mutual. Are you going to remember this conversation?”

The line clicked closed.

[transparentlyfallingasleep]

7. How do you choose which POV to write from? (Especially for starbucks)

25. What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

26. Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

39. Share a snippet from a WIP

aw wow! People never ask me questions on here.

let’s see number 7. Honestly I tried to come up with a better answer than this but it’s just the vibe of the thing. The first story was really just a response to “Clint Barton shows up 15 minutes late with Starbucks” insert Troy with the pizza meme that was out in the ether post his absence in Winter Soldier. I decided to try making myself write from Natasha’s perspective after the Clint heaviness in marketplace etc but in the Starbucks sequel I just wanted to imagine/ write down the Robert Downey jr voice in my head reacting to spy kid 3D. And then they all joined in. Clint’s voice is my most comfortable place to be Natasha, Cap, Maria, Jarvis the least but I think that’s because being that fucking competent seems heptapod level alien.

25: I wish people read unfinished business more… it was my first story in the marvel space and my second fanfic ever. And I still kinda like imagining it’s running in the background of the avengers… and it could have too if not for that pesky Joss Whedon. I also I’m proud of my Game of thrones fic. It was an attempt to self sooth and I think it turned out rather well all things considered.

26. I’m not sure I do wild rides I’m definitely not much of a plot writer. I tend to focus on small intimate character moments. Probably because I suck even more at the other stuff, possibly because being a speech pathologist I’m better at getting voices of characters ‘right’ than I am at making things happen. But I am proud at how I salvaged age of ultron for the rewriting in Market Place and how much I was able to reuse, reduce, recycle might be surprising to readers.

39. So my clinic shut down suddenly in September. If you are Australian I will just say this about it. The NDIS and in particular the Government have been making it harder and harder to work as a paediatric disability clinician and hell bent on telling our clients that it’s because we are rorting the system. I didn’t want my clients to loose their therapeutic alliance and a speechie that has known them most of their lives so I started my own sole trading. It’s long hours, crazy stress and I don’t even know if I will be able to afford the audit come 2025 but for now my kiddos are safe and getting therapy. All the govt has managed to do is privatise the old block grant system and lie about choice and control and that’s all I have to say about that. As a result I’ve got no real WIPs but I have this… you can see that I write dialogue first.

If you’ve come to tell me I’ve besmirched my honour, that the castle is in an uproar… I care not. 

Your grace. 

Ser Davos I am no princess. 

The laws of the realm say

So Tyrion Lannister crowns my brother and frees the north for my sister and now I am smothered by titles? I knew I should have killed that-

Id never really thought about it like that Milady. Allow an old man a small courtesy? I accepted my title for services to Stannis Baratheon. Plenty of times I thought better of it but I did it for those who came after me. Lord Gendry well he doesn’t say, quiet sort that he is -

Surly 

As you say, but i think I’m right in saying he had similar thoughts. I don’t think either of us thought that there might be others on the other side of it. Born to the titles and the power and wanting none of it, wanting to be rid of it. 

He is a good lad lady Arya. Give him longer. He can’t stay this angry for long. 

I can’t stay ser Davos

Forgive me but I’ve lived longer on decking than I have on dry land or had till your brother made me hand. The tides they come again. Like circles they are. Why not tarry even if he’s determined to make himself unpleasant. 

He doesn’t have to put effort into that. He’s had it mastered for years. You are married Ser, children? 

Aye My Lady

[fucksurass]

DEAD? Park!

Pt.3

Stan: Kenny...? You um-

Stan: Yesterday you were all... Weird? Now youre um.... Not..

Kyle: What hes trying to say is, What the hell happened after school yesterday because you actually look... Okay.

Stan: Yeah you dont look like a mess like after Pocket got here. You left insane and came back chillin. What happened?

Kenny: You mean apart from fucking Cartmans mom?

Cartman: WHAT KENNY- YOU- I HOPE YOU FALL ON YOUR POOR UGLY ASS-

Kenny: Im kidding! I read porn and imagined fucking her!

Cartman: THAT DOESNT MAKE IT ANY BETTER YOU DIRTY-

Kenny: And I said to myself, Im going crazy! No one died! Im just a little messed up right now because of stress! So I whipped out my weiner and started jacking it.

Cartman: Dear god, can Kenny please fall off his chair and bust his ass.

Kyle: Awe Kenny come on!!

Stan: Not what I wanted to hear today.

Kenny: What? At least im not acting crazy anymore. Id say this is normal.

Stan: ....

Cartman: ....

Kyle: ....

Kyle Cartman and Stan: Yeah hes got a point. Id believe it. Regular Kenny.

Kenny: Oh and those books arent gonna help you at all Stany boi. I suggest giving it up.

Stan: Come on dude... Let a man dream...

Kenny: Wendys probably a lesbian dude.

Kyle: Yeah she probably totally definitely is.

Stan: What...?

Kyle: Yeah... You should go for someone el-

Cartman: Faggot.

Kyle: Shut the fuck up Cartman!

Stan: Yeah! Wendys not a faggot! Im sure she'll come back. She always does...

Cartman: That went over your whole head, Stan.

Stan: What went over my head?

Kyle and Cartman: *face palm*

Mr. Garrison: Okay class.... Sadly and Unfortunately for me... Theres another.. New student-

Kenny: WAH thud! OW!!

Cartman: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA THANK YOU GOD

Ze Mole: Fuck god!

Kenny: Stop laug- ....Mole..?

Garrison: You know him?

Stan: All four of us do! Hey man!

Garrison: Thats cool. Anyway say hello to Christofeet- Chris- Christophne something or other or- Just call him Ze Mole.

Ze Mole: I have returned on behalf of Gregory. I wanted to ask if La Resistance lived on after I- er left... For.. War?

Pip: Hello Mole!

Ze Mole: Ah... You are here..

Cartman: Yeah we all hate Pip too dont worry.

Ze Mole: Sure.

Stan: Kenny? Oh not again... I swear..

Kyle: What- Oh...

Mr. Garrison: Can we please sit down? Im still teaching. Who else in here is gay?

Cartman: STAN AND KAH- OW KAHL WHAT THE FUCK

Ze Mole: ...Why are you looking at me like zat Kenny? Stop.

Pip: In a matter of seconds, dear Mole, Kenny well have assumed your death.

Ze Mole: How-

Kenny: Okay I am seriously fucking positive we WATCHED that guy die!

Stan: Come on Kenny! You were doing great!

Kyle: You almost had it then you blew it!

Kenny: We watched it happen guys! Cartman didnt turn off the alarm and he got attacked by guard dogs-

Ze Mole: I hate guard dogs... What a terrible way to die! Do not wish zat on me!!

*CLANG*

Cartman: Haha! Sick!

Stan: Oh my god! Ze Mole killed Kenny!

Kyle: You french bastard!

Mr. Garrison: Please be careful with that thi-

Ze Mole: Was my mozer careful when she shot me in my leg while I vas still in ze womb?!

Mr. Garrison: ...I guess not.

Craig: Dude sit down! You killed Kenny!

Red: Whos Kenny-

Ze Mole: Do not worry.

Ze Mole: Though he dies, La Resistance lives on.

Cartman: Nobody gives a crap about Las resilience! Lets all just wait for the rats to consume Kennys body so we can continue naming all the fags in the classroom.

Mr. Garrison: Lets all listen to the fat kid.

Clyde: Guys im not a faggot...

Pt. 2

Pt. 4

[dausy]

Hello 2025. Ive taken a break since the change over to the new year. Not even sure where I left off. I did finish my Daily Drawing Challenge and then just bounced. I had plans for the end of this year. Its a good time for vlog videos. I had plans to do like, another, Christmas artist wish list guide, or favorite art supplies, or year-of-art round up. I wanted to put my daily drawings into book format and possibly print it out for me.

and I just can't seem to get art motivated at the moment. We have been in our townhome for almost 2 months now. I'm halfway through my orientation for my new unit. Normally, Id want to complain about having to work but I had that nice long sabbatical last year. Feel like I gotta work a while before I start complaining I'm tired again. My current job is in a very niche nursing environment thats hard to get into. Since covid, I told myself Id never work full time again for a hospital but this field is so unique, I thought it'd be worth the experience. So I'm pretending its more like school than anything else. I have a couple pretend semesters and I'm done. But it is full time and theres on call requirements. Its 4x10s. Which Ive done before but the hours arent great. 730a-6p. It makes it feel like they're 4, 12 hour shifts and not 10s. So I'm exhausted. When I did 10s years ago it was 5a-330p and sometimes I'd get off early around 130 or 230 and theres a ton of afternoon left to do things. Now, I go to work, come home, fall asleep. Also, its complicated further in that, I may be a little pregnant. I have felt sick this entire time. I feel better now than I did in November. I think the second semester is kicking in but it feels like you're on deaths door all the time.

so in about 6 months, Ill have a nice little mini vacation from work again. I don't qualify for any form of fmla and I'm trying to bank $$ and PTO as best I can until then. I'm hoping I can get a short term disability. I dont know about my ability to bounce back that quick. My husband and I are still talking about our different options on what to do for child care at that point.

but another thing I finished were my 2, 5 year journals. I really wanted to go out and get maybe a single year journal. The 5 year was a huge pain to fill out. Its got some cool stuff in it, I guess, if you consider the world events that have happened in the past 5 years. But filling it out was an ordeal. I kind of wanted to do a single year journal and maybe fill it out in english, spanish and french..and I wanted to pick up an art journal to just do silly waste-paint-no-stress doodles. But lord knows, journals cost a crazy amount these days. I chickened out.

anyway, my husbands birthday is soon. Valentines day is soon. Its a snow-pocalypse right now outside. I'm waiting for warm weather and then maybe we can do some cute pregnant girl site seeing shit.