#if i find a second to go shopping
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day three!!!! i think i got way more sleep than the last few days, which is making me slower this morning lol
#last one before weekend break#although they may still need someone it's pretty unclear#yesterday was Hard#wailed for like forty five minutes when i finally got home#but dad and mary brought me groceries#and i had a solid nap and then fell asleep around ten i think#but yeah these three and are. not feeling sustainable#at least i figured out the cafeteria is open by the time i come in!! i can get some coffee before i head up today#really excited to sleep in tomorrow#and play w Mysh T-T#she's been in an empty house for so long and then i come home and just sleep and she doesn't get play time#or just hang out time#she's starting to feel it too i think#time like this i think too hard about kitten#WHICH WOULD BE FAR TOO MUCH ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW LMFAO#upside about spending all my time w grandma is i'm spending like NO money this month#esp w dad and mary getting me groceries#i might be able to get some nice christmas gifts for people#if i find a second to go shopping#i've also just not been journaling at all hence. massive personal post on tumblr at 5:08AM.#maybe i'll try and do a little when i get back tonight#irl#hospital mention
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chat i think im gonna be sick
(Powers of X #6)
#xmen#xmen comics#powers of x#charles xavier#snap scans#snap chats#moira stronger than me like ik why we here we're gonna die if not and so that is why she is stronger than me she is committing#i woulda kissed him in this moment too tho she and i are family on that front im afraid i do find him very cute#also. SIDE TANGENT. i loved the art before this of charles slowly processing the horrors of moiras mind ...#EXCELLENT art i must eat it at once#the most devious part of this is after i finished reading i went to go to my brother to talk about What I Read#and the second i pulled up like 'his sad eyes Brother im gonna be sick' he immediately quoted this page I HATE IT HERE#thats why they had to put that dome over charles' eyes so no one could look at his sad eyes anymore#this is in fact something i love and always love seeing but it still hurts i will not LIIIEEE#cant wait to read bout how this all goes horribly wrong ....#while my bro and i were talkin we were talkin bout other in-between stories an i wanna check those out at some point ...#maybe ill check my comic shop sometime in the future idk. for now im gonna throw up !!!!!!!!!!#i will simply spend tomorrow watching the rest of 92 im almost done with it. relatively speaking i will feel healed then probably#i got like two seasons left which is basically the same length as season 3 and then its onto 97#thats just one season for now so ... should finish that quick ..#ok bye i have Being Sick to be
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helping
#turbotax bungled my return so badly i had to find and upload everything to H&R Block so#a real person could do it for a second opinion#my unemployment per week got increased which is good but i still have not been paid :)#phil#i also have to shop for health insurance today bc i cannot#figure out Medicare/medicaid in Texas#which is complicated by the fact i do not have unemployment in texas just ma#i also need to open a local bank acct and get that shit figured out bc i have a money order in tk#desk for the wrong amt when i originally rented this place#and that could help pay rent this month#but that requires going to a bank and explaining in person i don’t have any idea what im doing#having a really terrible mental health time on top#of that#also my phone is acting up#many tribulations and woes and maladies#yeehawing; gunshots
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Fossil Friday! I want to start sharing my fossils to Tumblr, so here's a beautiful horn coral with an encrusting bryozoan. ~385 million years old
#i kind of have more fossils than i know what to do with right now lol#ive been looking in thrift stores and second hand furniture shops for a cabinet that has lots of shallow drawers so i can catalogue them#once i find one im going to organize everything by location and genus. then i'll take photos and start a fossil forum blog#im thinking about creating a side blog here on tumblr too but i dont think itll get much traction#devonian#horn coral#bryozoa#bryozoan#cnidarians#fossils#paleontology
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#i was watching hallmark's “a mystic christmas” w my parents earlier for shits and giggles#bc it's only like a town over from where we live#and nothing made sense like. spatially.#like at one point this kid is walking to school and apparently she had to go through a shopping mall to get there??#and later the main character is at said mall and needed to go to the aquarium and her love interest is like#“take my car” like dude it's a thirty second walk across the parking lot#it'll take longer to find a parking spot this time of day#BUT ANYWAY the thing took place at the aquarium and it reminded me#of this^ argument i got in w my friend the other day#rachel rants
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live footage of me 0.3 seconds after I start to really like a new person immediately searching for stim gifs related to them so I can make an imaginary gift stimboard in my head (that will never actually exist)
#I also do this for self care kits… and just imaginary gift shopping in general#assigning Objects to People makes my brain go brrrrr in the best way oughhhghh it makes my brain happy#this is the second time in a month that I’ve started talking to someone online#and IMMEDIATELY raced to check if palm pals (my fave plushie line) has a plush of their favorite animal#(they do btw. its a barn owl.)#(also ive discovered that the only barn owl that Squishmallow makes - at least that I could find - just happens to be in his favorite color#the gift giving love language really pops out fr 😭😭#which is kinda strange bc I’ve usually thought of gift giving as my least fave love language bc it stresses the shit out of me on holidays#but apparently when it’s A) with friends and not with family and B) primarily just in my head and not on a deadline#then I’m actually kind of obsessed with it lmao#I just… I like Matching Things. I like mentally collecting Stuff That Makes Me Think Of Them#something ab making a mental list of subjects and colors they like and then hunting down little objects that are related to those things#itches my brain soooooo good#chatting tag
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Y’all are being subjected to my Sims 2 tests, so there
The other set of Vargases came over for a visit and Scriabin picked up Shmee and started talking to Scriabin through him. Very normal, very usual
I downloaded some circle-glasses recolours and hghghh they look so good! Closer every day to his final details! Getting ever closer!
Edgar too! I made him a custom hair with a lighter undercut - I’m mostly happy with it, probably could’ve shifted it a shade closer to his skintone but the texturing was weird no matter what :P And his stripey shirt! I wish Body Shop didn’t have that hands-on-hips pose lol, it looks so much better in-game, but that’s all the better :)
I got some new clothes for Todd as well! As soon as I saw this ‘fit I was like “Oh that’s 100% Todd there he is.” Scriadad hug ♥ So cute
Foot-dancing together stopp it’s so cute!!
The way he looks at them stoppp <3 <3 They kept doing this right up til they left for home haha, Todd’s giggles are the cutest
Used SimPE to save him to the Body Shop, I now have infinite copies of The Boyyyy ♪
Moved him in with his “parents” as just shadow people basically, they’re not gonna matter in a bit as long as I remember how to get the Social Worker/Adoption process to work properly. Get her Todd!!
Wanna play? :D
Menacing :(
Look, Todd, your new dads are here! Initially I wasn’t sure who I wanted to adopt him, got lots of options; the first passes, the married couple with their own Todd, Johnny?? He definitely doesn’t have the facilities for a child lol But these are the ones that showed up on their own, so the married Vargases are the winners!
Scriabin cares more about him than his actual parents ;; A stranger off the street shows him more care! Not that it’s a high watermark
Look at him being a good dad!
Weh, he just wants friends ;; Poor baby
Best timeline, thank you
While we wait for CPS, let’s get some other interactions in! Nny is mean so he tended to prank the other two with a nose flick - mostly Edgar lol ♪ Now kiss
“Oh please don’t break all my bones~ :3” I love Todd looking up at them haha <3
Pffft, I think he was talking about the other Scriabin and just how attractive he is. Classic Scriabin. Alternatively, also funny to imagine him bragging himself up about how he’s just so handsome that Edgar can’t help but love him hahaha ♪
Allow me to tickle you with my KNIFE! >:D
Get a load of this guy lol
He ended up passing out at one point - I forgot which motives make CPS show up >.> - and completely 0%’d his comfort, but for some reason stargazing increased it?? It’s the same ground wh
Is two not enough to satisfy your butterfly bloodlust child?? He ended up with three, I had him release them before he was picked up by the Social Worker - success!
He rolled a new Want as soon as Todd was taken away - “Wants to see Ghost of Todd” Woah, dark! :0
And here he is on the married Vargases’ lot!! Success!! I did it right!! Heck yeah! :D Unfortunately they were uh, indisposed at the time. Good job guys pft
Goes right for Shmee, he really is Todd <3
#The Sims 2#My queue is too backlogged on main! And I /have/ been working on a lot of Vargas-specific Sims 2 retextures so it's fine lol#These are still tests - as said up top lol - so these events are ''non canon'' to what will eventually be my actual Vargas family#The beats will be similar tho! It's mostly just a lot of tweaking at this point to get everything just where I want before the domino falls#Edgar Nny and Todd are all so close to done - Scriabin still needs a bit more work lol of course he's the problem member ♪#It'll be worth it tho! >:3c Handsome lad <3#Did find out some interesting things with the Social Worker/Adoption process :0 Most importantly that adoption basically wipes everything#Wipes memories and family relations and changes the last name! So I'll have to go in with SimPE to change his name back once I'm there#I love SimPE haha ♪ I mean it's just an extension of how much I love TS2 but I just ughsjkhagf it's a good program!#It's extremely powerful and easy to get lost in if you don't know where to look but it's also incredibly user-friendly if you do know#Like - it's as easy as ''Open this sub-menu. Click this button. Rename this. You're all done'' it's just jdsflf Sims 2 my beloved <3 <3#I decided to cheat down the Casils' relationship with Todd before everything else - thus why his father is menacing him for the prank#I've seen Sims with not high enough friendship to not take a water balloon as a fun invitation but not between a parent and child!#It's subtle but the parent being mad and the kid cowering :( It's sadly appropriate for Todd#I stuck the Casils in a box to wait things out and they ended up glitching frozen in bed - they're effectively dead by Motive but can't move#So they can't die /or/ live - feels fitting#If you'd like to recreate CPS taking your child away without straight up torturing them! - Hunger. You just need hunger lol#Alternately you can also have them miss class if you'd prefer to feed them - both will result in being taken away after long enough#If I return to this save it's gonna be confusing since both Todds are identical and have the same names lol#I do have a bunch of new clothes! Second shopping trip :D#There's something oddly fitting for the Vargases to adopt twin/clones lol - fun shenaniganary until the Final Version comes to pass#Although now that I think of it I Could also give them a toddler!Todd hmmmmmm#It's an idea :)
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my HOUSE.png
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#oc#pink space#doodles#drinking mention#a sketchbook doodle i've expanded :33#this took me a couple days because. of the procrastination kfbghfs#i've finished it though n now? onto more things hbfsh#/i Did have trouble getting the colours i wanted though lol - i just like that subtract glitch look what can i say hfsh#//ye also i had a Really good day yesterday#like a really good day. it was awesome :D#not that anything incredible happened but it's getting cooler outside and i was running around w/ my mother doing some shopping so it was#really good imo hfshv :>>>#yeah... yea :33#//since it's getting cooler now you know what that means!! ?#i can go skatinggggggggg yippeeee :DD#since i got these new skates (they have bigger wheels than i was used to) i've realized i do Not remember how to do half of the things i#knew how to do a couple years ago but i think i'm figuring it out again loll#when we were in detroit that huge cement lot in belle isle was Really good for practicing.. we gotta find a spot like that out here#/yeah though i got bigger wheels cuz i am slow. and easily winded kfhsvg#and i like to skate with my siblings who do not light on fire after breathing heavy for a couple seconds so it does help with keeping up lo#the only thing is that i am nervous about falling everywhere#a fear that is somewhat dulled during the cold months when i can wear a heavy coat and have my little bit of protection hbfhvs#'what about pads' a good point a very good point. i do like pads a lot!!#and i have no reason for why i haven't asked for some new ones yet so i will get back to that at Some Point bhgfsh#i really wanna go skating though.. ooee....#i think skating and lake floating are my two favorite outdoor things to do. yea :3
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i love the news trying to make us learn the new futbol chant (which we did its goes selecciiooonnnn seleciiooooonnn ooooooo etc) but absolutely refusing to play it because its not as cool as our last chant from our 3rd world cup win (muchachos ahora nos volvimos a ilusionar) and keep replaying that one as bgm throughout selección coverage instead
#txt#copa america posting#i think i only saw it once these past few days#futbol fanaticism is not for the weak#i love turning on the tv and finding out more about the miami metropolitan area through a news from a completely country#than the actual country its a part of#literally this news coverage is much more informative than local news and i adore it so much#los hinchas estan enloqueciendo jajaja#btw terrible day to have a craving to go to my favourite 🇦🇷 bakery. all full. and i checked my second favourite. also completely full.#pray for me 😭😭#also terrible day to want milanesa i cant go out to the shops and pick up materials to make any today because of this 😭😭😭😭
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sometimes i really do want to study the flavor of intense misogyny from older folks, especially when it comes from older women, that assumes all women and girls are sluts and deviants because (checks notes) fashion trends, which the individual consumer has no control over, means that most people’s only options, especially in summer, are to wear somewhat revealing clothing. because it’s hot.
#how have you gotten to this age and gone clothes shopping and not realized the landscape#like i first became aware of this problem at age 12#i didn’t want to wear short shorts and honestly COULDNT bc of school dress code. but it was hard to find another option#enter those plaid bermuda shorts#and i can only imagine it’s 100x worse now in an instagram tiktok age than it was when i was that age#bc god knows I was embarrassed to wear those. felt like they were actively trying to be as ugly as possible#but for swim suits it’s a whole other can of worms#i currently do not own one bc i don’t want to get a wedgie every 30 seconds#two piece bottoms are all advertised as Cheeky. and i already know i have more ass than expected for my waist size#and the other option is. board shorts#but you’re going to blame the 14 year old for wanting to go to the pool??#‘and then they wonder why guys keep staring at them. where are their mothers i can’t believe they’re allowed out like that’#be so for real right now. they’re kids. they should be allowed to have fun and go outside without being creeped on#i always try to meet them halfway with ‘yeah it sucks that there’s not a lot of modest styles of clothes available’ and they’re just like#‘well EYE spent $100 at a specialty online store’ but these kids are going to forever 21 with cash from babysitting or whatever. try again#your single solution does not apply to everyone#like a LOT of it feels like projection. ‘i acted out as a teen so my daughter will do the same’#just not a lot of self awareness. combined with internalized sexism they’re not willing to question#sometimes when my coworker goes on one of her rants about how she’s glad she never had daughters bc of the Way Teenaged Girls Are#i want to be like. i wasn’t like that. your granddaughter isn’t like that.#i genuinely want to study these people. how did you get to this point
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the person behind me is having a whispered conversation with someone and their desk and my brain keeps trying to go down the path “oh no it’s because they’re talking about how much they hate me!” and i keep having to drag it back to the extremely obvious and fully rational “oh they’re trying not to disrupt anyone’s work, super appreciate them for that”.
like human brains are for real the dumbest, most terrified little animals in existence. calm the fuck down my dude our colleagues aren’t going to kick us out of the cave to fend for ourselves against the cold and sabre-tooth tigers.
#i don’t usually have that brand of anxiety anymore#and i’m not even feeling anxious now#it’s just my brain’s instinctive reaction#and i’m stopping it in its tracks going ‘girl…….’#that being said i’ve never understood people’s brains concluding that people speaking in a foreign language = they’re talking about you#maybe it’s because i spent most of my childhood as an immigrant speaking a foreign language#albeit one that is well understood by much of the local population#or maybe it’s because i’ve spent many many hours in the company of family members speaking languages i don’t understand#and attending 3 hour church services held in languages i don’t understand#but yeah#i always find it more comforting than anything#comforting in the way i find hearing children playing comforting#anyway the only time i’ve actually heard people talking about me in another language#is when local dutch kids would be talking shit about me and my friends speaking english together#we were all of us bilingual so we understood them of course#and always made sure to throw something out in dutch to each other as we left#so that the shit talkers knew that we had understood them#and knew just how dumb they sounded for it#(obvsly people could have in fact been talking about me in a foreign language at other times#and not understanding that language i wouldn’t have known about it#but i know from experience of having been the foreign language speaker that the odds are simply much higher#that people are in fact talking about chores or shopping lists or cousin x’s second child’s graduation or whatever)
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was excited to finally finish sorting out my clothes to give and then a friend told me what actually happens to more than 50% of given clothes [in specific container then managed by associations / caritative companies] that are not actually given to people in need or sold in caritative second-hand shop or fiber-recyclated : they are sold to other companies and most ends up fucking up Africa / Ghana in many ways :(
and so now i'm frozen again in a "so you had planned to easily put it in a container. now what do i do"
#3615 my life#my problem is that i know myself : the more steps there are and the more time consuming they are#the less likely i am to do them#but when i say that it means that i have boxes from two moves ago with things that are 'to give / to find how to make the best out of it'#which means i've had those boxes taking real estate for more than three years#might go with the route 'it's not great but the less consuming time choice will give you more time and bandwidth to learn how to avoid that#in the future#because i don't want to Freeze and Wait and still live little in my place when i have all this space in waiting#the friend who told me gave me the name of another second hand shop where it's small and local so i might give the resellable piece to them#at least
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Love reading a thick book of national (urban) legends during a thunderstorm
#recently read all the Witcher books and binged Wendigoon's cryptid iceberg video's on youtube#since the Witcher was inspired by a lot of Eastern European folklore I figured I should read some Dutch stories#one of the second hand books I bought is an over 600 page long collection of Dutch folklore#doesn't go back further than late middle ages but still fun#even some local legends that finally explain names of stuff like a small shopping centre#you can also find the pdf online for free if you know Dutch and are interested#verhalen van stad en streek#sagen en legenden in Nederland#reading#readblr#books#bookblr#folklore#urban legends#cryptids#Netherlands#Dutch#kelsonius op
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I feel like I should start wearing bolder stuff. I've been interested in alternative clothes for years like lolita and goth and techwear but never dared to actually buy any. But my tattoo is boosting my confidence. I should get some platform shoes and find some work clothes to transform into techwear
#Mel rambles#however I'm forever slowed down by my rule of not buying anything I'm not sure has not been made in sweat shops#finding lolita or techwear brands that are fairtrade or made locally is basically impossible#I found some platform shoes that may make the cut tho!! one single brand but they have mutliple models and a shop 'only' one hour away#but techwear... I think customizing some second hand work clothes is my best bet#... will I actually have the motivation and time for that tho#but going to a metal festival with some techwear shorts would be so cool#and convenient too because big pockets
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Anyone else feeling the relentless march of time on this Saturday night
#sat on the bus going home from my second to last shift at this job#saw lots of people at work that used to know me for my old job that i absolutely loved and did for 6 years#and i was describing why i know all these people to my coworkers and i was like oh my god thats not me anymore#thats who i used to be what the fuck#and this is the same bus journey that ive been doing for three years#on the same bus ive taken since i started taking the bus#its the same journey but im so different#and im moving into a different phase of life again#how many times have i sat on this bus#how many times have i sat in this seat#how many times have i driven this route how many me's#I've literally moved to the big city and moved back and i am irrevocably changed and im looking at the same shops out of fo the window#everything is the same but so different#since i started taking this bus i have changed so much that i would not recognise myself in the mirror#my boss said 'dont be a stranger' sir i am a stranger to myself#how long can i not be a stranger#how long can you try and keep up with the dregs of your old life until it no longer fits#how long can you keep coming back until it becomes somewhere unrecognisable. or you become unrecognisable#how do you mourn losing something of yourself when it happens so slowly and you dont realise it until its been dead and buried for years#do you ever find yourself falling into old thought patterns and finding that you have no conviction#the you who started thinking that is gone. you dont feel this way. but you did#even just about a band you like. or a snack you always used to buy before school#one of my essays this term could have been about humes view that we dont have a concrete self#and i just thought how am i supposed to answer that#how am i supposed to say no hes right there is no continuous self. i know this because i am filled with ghosts#because i look in the mirror and part of me tries to look through the eyes of teenage me#just to wonder what they would think#and i cant do it. because we are so far apart that they are not me#i am clinging on to friends and places as though i am someone that i am not because rhe ghost of a child inside me demands it#even if the words are hollow and the feelings are long gone
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charity shop haul. no one talk to me
#i’ve been looking for a copy of dracula and i’ve been intent on getting it from an in person charity or second hand book store for some#reason and on my last day of lectures i find it#it’ll prob be one of the last times i go to these charity shops#i feel. like somethings happening#personal
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