#if anyone wants to know I am getting into some shit today

[flyingfanatic]

WTF is up with the Cohort rank structure

I realise there are many other, larger issues to have WTF moments with about the Cohort, but.

How many branches of service are there? Where did the rank system come from? What military is John basing this all on? Or what fucked up info did he give to Gideon and Pyrrha?

On the Erebos we have Admiral Sarpedon, one Admiral of many fleets. Okay, NZDF only has one, but it’s a logical step if you’re gonna have a huge space navy. More brass. Sure.

But then we have first lieutenants. That’s a rank in the USAF and a few others, but not the NZDF. We also have Sergeants on the Erebos which, again, makes most sense if the system is based on the USAF: the Cohort Fleet being commanded by the “Navy”, hence Admirals; while the boots-on-the-ground section of the Cohort are closer to Marines, who can hold the rank of First Lieutenant or Sergeant.

If that’s the case... why? Why is John basing the Cohort on the USNAVY, of all his possible options? Did he just want to have a little private giggle about having Space Marines? Then why not go full hog and base the ranks on the damn space marines as well? It would fit with his whole eternal emperor spiel.

And why call them the Cohort then use modern ranks? That’s more in-keeping with his passion for Latin, although a term for a sub-unit is an odd choice, but why stop there? Why use modern terms, instead of Roman military terms? Why not Legate, Praefectus, and Pilus?

[savage-rhi]

Magenta 😥

[suncaptor]

yeah this cannot go on i need to take something like my chest is exploding i can't calm down it's 7am i feel insane insane insaneeeee

[thedappleddragon]

Hmm

[toastsnaffler]

was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

[faethfigueroth]

.

[hobisexually]

long winded rant in the tags coming that’s partly about weight but in a very unfiltered sad way so if that triggers you do Not read on

[krispiecake]

i hope that everyone is aware that i am trying SO HARD to be normal but the universe is TESTING ME.

[musical-chick-13]

.

[publicuniversalenemy]

i have obtained a SIGNIFICANT and POTENTIALLY CARCINOGENIC BIOHAZARD and im BEYOND EXCITED ABOUT THIS

[pepprs]

not doing good. at all

[milo-is-rambling]

Day whatever it is recap!

[savage-rhi]

I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.

[riverswater]

I think I'm going to complain.

[ariaste]

listen ok so i made some good jokes yesterday about Lestat having an onlyfans but i am back today with a new essay and this one is entitled

Why The Invention Of Social Media Is Going to Permanently Save Loustat's Fucking Marriage

come on this journey with me.

ok so on one hand we have Louis, who does not like to leave the house except when he absolutely fucking has to and even then he resents it. my man wants to be at home with a book 100% of the time and he's so fucking valid for that. When he leaves the house, bad things happen to him. He has learned this and honestly i can't fault his evidence. it sucks out there. it truly incredibly sucks out there.

the problem is that sometimes he is married to lestat, who starts clawing at the walls if people aren't paying attention to him for 12 consecutive seconds, and being Out Of The House is the best place for him to go foraging for People To Pay Attention To Him. my man once had a rock star career the way that some people get addicted to meth brewed in a trashcan in someone's garage. Louis, through no fault of his own, is simply not capable of filling this psychological need no matter how hard he tries, except he should not even HAVE to try like that, because no one can do it, because Lestat is fucked up and like wasn't hugged enough as a child or something

this imbalance in their relationship is the core source of all their marital problems since day 1: THIS man's idea of a good time is chilling on the sofa in silence and maybe staring contemplatively at the wall for a while, and THIS man starts self-destructing at a truly astonishing rate if no one is making eye contact with him. If you make Louis go outside and socialize with people, he's miserable and sulking and whining about "are we done can we go home". If you make Lestat sit in silence in a chair for five minutes he starts crying and claiming that No One Has Ever Loved Him, Ever, Ever, And No One Understands Him, And He Hates Everyone In This House and He Is Being Actively Neglected And Cruelly Mistreated Right Now And No One Even Bothers To Feel Sorry For Him, This Is BASICALLY Domestic Violence Against Him Personally, If Only Anyone Knew About The Quiet Hidden Tragedies Of An Unhappy Marriage, and then he breaks some furniture and a window and isn't seen again for six weeks and comes back like "you will not believe what just happened, i [checks notes] met Merlin and also a dragon who gave me three wishes, brb i'm going to write another book about it :))))"

all you fucking have to do to fix their problems is to hand Lestat a cellphone and say the words "do you know about social media? you can say whatever shit you want and there's always someone awake in some time zone to talk to you." Suddenly Lestat is now very interested in sitting quietly on the couch, Lounging Alluringly and posting thirst traps on instagram and finally getting emotional fulfillment from all the likes and comments of "omg???? omg this is the hottest man alive". he does not have to leave the house anymore to get his attention meth. His yawning abyss of neediness is being fulfilled by having parasocial relationships with millions of strangers online who all think he's sexy and don't have to experience how fucking awful he is up close. he can flirt pointlessly with 200 people at once which is FINALLY ENOUGH FLIRTATIONS FOR HIM TO SATISFACTORILY JUGGLE

Meanwhile Louis is 3 feet away, vaguely reflecting to himself that HE is feeling all emotionally fulfilled because they're spending this great Quality Time together in perfect silence while he reads his book and Lestat plays on his cellular telephone and only OCCASIONALLY giggles to himself or says "louis which of these photos do you think is sexier, the one with four buttons undone or the one with five buttons undone" Louis is feeling like his Opinion is being Valued, Louis feels like he is being Consulted on Matters that are Important To Lestat. He has opinions about the photographs. It is not that much trouble to be interrupted from staring philosophically at the wall to spend five seconds looking at a photograph and then saying "that one". Finally he is experiencing Cozy Domesticity. he is so horny about it. lestat is surprised and bewildered about the sudden sharp increase in the amount of sex he is now getting but before he can make any vaguely mean comments about it (bc he's confused and vaguely defensive and worried that it's going to stop out of nowhere and he doesn't know any other interpersonal skills for expressing a thought) his phone pings about how he's just broken 5 million followers on instagram and he totally forgets to even mention the sex thing, which means that he continues getting the sex instead of inciting an argument about the sex and going through his 800th divorce from Louis

all their friends are extremely confused when a whole month, and then six months, and then a year goes by without another Loud Divorce happening and no one crashing through their front door like "I HAVE TO SLEEP IN YOUR GUEST COFFIN FOR THE NEXT MONTH, HE IS INTOLERABLE". They are worried. they are concerned. what is going on over there. are they both dead. no, they can't both be dead, Lestat just posted another tiktok of him sucking on his own fingers, which he would not be doing if Louis were dead. there is an ecosystem collapse happening in the groupchat and it's because the main Drama Vectors have been neutralized

[dazais-crab-addiction]

Shinigami-thighs is nothing more than a miserable sack of discarded body parts that her mother sadly failed to abort. She has her own anon off and that's why her friends are getting harassed but she doesn't care, as long as she is safe from harassment that's what only matters to her meanwhile her friends are dealing from her actions and she sits there on her couch and watches her friends face drama. Calling her ignorant would be an understatement - the amount of sheer stupidity oozing from her could fill the Grand Canyon. She is a walking cheap street skank that should have never been born but it won't change who she is: a loser who couldn't even save her own mother. Shinigami-thighs should have been flushed down the toilet the moment she was born.

Um??? Who the fuck are you talking about???? Are you like, fucking stupid or soemthing??? Like not only is everything you've said make you a huge asshole I also have zero idea who the fuck that is, so your messaging random unrelated people about it. What the fuck is wrong with you???

Normally I'd just block you, delete this, and move on with my life. But I just got done having a fucking breakdown that a friend had to help me out with and I opened tumblr to relax and calm down and this is the shit I have to see??? No. Just no. Go to fucking therapy you piece of shit.