#idk why ppl give that much of a fuck
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Observing Carlos sainz while being neutral is so interesting bc on one hand you have absolutely devoted fans that will shit on different drivers and their fans for him
And on the other there are just as passionate haters that will shit on him for anything and everything
And then there me who just watch all of the arguments from the side and mostly here to read fanfiction
#like in the end of the day he's just a man#so#idk why ppl give that much of a fuck#but his beef with oscar is funny to me#like i became carcar enjoyer#so seeing ppl be absolutely disgusted with them as a concept is hilarious#and also he's just a dude like#idk what the point of this is but thanks for coming to my tedtalk#carlos sainz#carcar
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what's fun about shipping Tim with Dick, Jason, or Damian is he has, at some point, hallucinated all of them to comfort himself. even when he doesn't like them or particularly get along with them, he has to imagine/hallucinate them just so he has the power to go on. Tim's concepts of the Robin mantle and what it should be is so fun, because he respects the others through the Robin mantle. Tim worships Dick because he was the first Robin. he wouldn't be Robin if Jason hadn't died in the mantle. and a lot of his frustration with Damian is he feels Damian isn't honoring the mantle correctly. when you ship Tim with the other Robins you can't divorce their identities as Robin from it because Tim will always see them as a Robin first and that's so fun and fucked up. like.
batman (1940) #456
Tim perceiving Dick as *Robin* cheering him on, not Nightwing, which is the version of Dick that Tim actually knows? that's just. wild of him. he will always view Dick as Robin first, his personal hero but also the original of the legacy. his love for Dick is shaped by that.
and then of course, even when he's hallucinating/imagining Jason cheering him on, it's *still* through the lense of being reminded how Jason failed? subconsciously believing that Jason got himself killed because of his actions, and that being a lesson for Tim to learn from? Jason isn't a person to Tim, he's a moral lesson about how to be Robin. any potential idolization he could have of Jason isn't because he loves Jason, it's because of the lessons Jason's death taught him.
and then, even though him hallucinating TIm is from the New-52, which makes characterization all kinds of questionable, i do think it makes sense for TIm to hallucinate/imagine Damian after Damian's death in an attempt to cope with it.
teen titans (2011) #18
to an extend, he sees Damian's death as in part his own fault. and even hating Damian, Tim needs the comfort from this to cope with Damian being gone. he's angry that Damian even was Robin, and has to learn something from Damian's death and how it impacts the Robin mantle, and teenage heroes as a whole. like, Tim can pretend he hates Damian all he wants, even getting taunted by the image of Damian, but there's still an underlying love to their relationship.
i think that's just the fun of shipping Tim with any of them. you will never divorce Tim's views of them from the Robin mantle and how fucking Unwell he is about anyone else who's been Robin before or after him, to the point he has to hallucinate them comforting him when he's at his lowest. it's always going to be a little unhealthy, a little toxic, and driven by Tim's relationship with being Robin as well. i need more Tim being weird about Robin in these ships.
#necrotic festerings#batcest#jaytim#dicktim#damitim#this post was first going to just be about tim hallucinating damian but i got carried away thinking about the identity crisis arc#have whatever this is.#idk if there's much of a thesis other than “tim's fucking weird about the robin mantle and that should extend to shipping too”#been meaning to post this for forever#finally got around to it though so yay me.#now i need to go work on my jaytim in the new-52 thoughts bc. i have a whole post planned.#a stack of comics next to me for research and everything. god help me.#ALSO while rereading to grab panels#why is it that everyone talks about how jason says “robin is magic” in an attempt to mischaracterize him as sunshine boy#and not the fact that tim *also* says robin is magic?#like it's not a jason thing. it's a robin mantle thing.#that's just what robin *is*. it doesn't say much about jason's character for him to say that when he's robin. it just means he's robin.#the robin mantle is magic. that's the point.#and you could argue that's more of a meta thing that exists on the wavelength of how children where supposed to project onto robin#moreso than an in-universe commentary on what the robin mantle is#(honestly the same argument applies to tim hallucinating here for like. meta intent vs in-universe meaning.)#i hesitate to even call it hallucination it's more like. daydreaming coping.#giving a face to his internal monologue type thing and this is just how the medium depicts it#also it was just sexy and cool for characters to hallucinate loved ones in the 90s in comics. it was a convention of the genre.#but still my point stands. tim pictures all of these ppl as robin first internally#and he self soothes using their image in his head. that's wild of him like what#tim you are weird about the robin mantle more than anyone else i give you that.
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yeahh nah i just saw the eret shit today and we are so lucky dteam dont fuck with any dsmpers anymore we dodged so many bullets in hindsight
maybe dteam being content liabilities was a blessing in disguise
#cq.asks#it’s kind of true that ccs who don’t give as much of a fuck about catering to their audiences every whim tend to be wayyyy chiller#idk why i said kind of it Is true#like ppl will blame dream for dsmp creators turning out however they turn out#but the fucking. entitlement of fans is WAYYYY more to blame#which dteam were more victims of than perpetrators of
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killing people who don’t get an animals consent before touching them &/or ignore when animals are visibly uncomfortable with being touched.
#MOTHERS FRIEND DOING THIS WITH OUR CAT RN IM PISSED.#SHE DIDNT EVEN GIVE TOFU ANY TIME TO SNIFF OR ANYTHING??#Sigh.#tofu came downstairs to see what was up bc person was in the house#But person just immediately started petting her#even tho tofu was visibly uncomfortable and clearly just wanted a sniff test or sm#went to my room asap after that and tofu followed quick on my heels#obvs I let her sniff as much as she wants before petting her (if she even wants fuss) so she had a sniff and very much seemed to want fuss#so I gave her a few strokes and then sorta checked in and she swirled around and bumped her head into my hand (all the while her tail was#pointed straight up with the tip quivering a little every few moments - a sign of happiness/excitement to see a familiar person)#so we had cuddles for a bit until she hopped off my chest to go get water or sm :3#BUT I DONT GET WHY MORE PEOPLE DONT HAVE SIMPLE WHOLESOME INTERACTION WITH THEIR CAT LIKE THIS??#LIKE. CATS ARE SENTIENT. THEY SEEK AUTONOMY - ESPECIALLY BODILY AUTONOMY. WHY TF WOULD YOU NOT LET THEM GIVE/DENY CONSENT??#like. if you aren’t willing to learn enough about an animal to understand when it’s unhappy at the very least *why* would you interact with#one?? (This person literally has a cat as well.)#idk man these are the same sorts of people that’d probably do the ‘awww just give me a hug! I’m your auntie(/whatever)! why can’t i have a#hug? 🥺’ sorta thing.. like. BRO. It isn’t my/the cat ‘s fucking job to regulate/look after your own grown ass feelings.#SIGH..#just. The fact this person has like.. met tofu once. Lived in the same house as her for maybe 4/5 days one time and thinks the cat is#obligated to put up with her or whatever.#(This is how I imagine people be acting around cats when they’re like ‘idk man cats just don’t like me! Cats are just independent by nature#I’m just stood there having to listen to them shit talk a whole species bc they don’t understand consent (or at least don’t universally#value it - eg; with children; with animals) ANYWAYS. CATS ARE A SOCIAL SPECIES WHO HAVE DEVELOPED TO LIVE CLOSELY WITH AND DEPEND ON HUMANS#THEYRE OFTEN VERY AFFECTIONATE AND LOVING AND FORM LASTING RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEIR HUMANS AND WILL MOURN THEIR DEATH PROBABLY MORE THAN#HALF OF THE HUMANS WHO ATTENDED THEIR FUNERAL.)#If tofu doesn’t like you I don’t like you mate. I am wholeheartedly willing to cut people off if they act wrong with my cat - like - BRO.#IVE KNOWN HER LONGER THAN I HAVE MOST OTHER PPL IN MY LIFE. SHES GOT ME THROUGH WORSE AND IS ALWAYS HAPPY N EXCITED TO SEE ME.#That cat has done more for me than you ever have! She loves me with her whole fucking soul and I her with mine. If she picks up the wrong#vibes from you/you break any of her clearly set boundaries we are DONE.#(Obvs /nbh - nobody here. & generally lighthearted but uhh yeah needed to rant abt this bc I care strongly abt it and other ppl should too)
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#not to vague abt a particular niche of a fandom no one cares about BUT im losing my mind a bit#bc there's a ship that literally got me so invested that i read fanfiction for the 1st time. i adore them so much#i think their canon relationship is so fucking lovely and its bullshit what happened to them. if u kno u kno.#but now i go to ao3 and try to find fics and im like... yo y do these all fucking suck?#like i get it. no one has given a fuck abt this fandom since like the 2010s but i mean ive read lots of way better fics for waaaay#tinier fandoms. i guess thoses ppl just cared way more. no one gives enough of a fuck to write a good fic for these 2.#ugh. im probably just being a bitch. like is it bc its a heterosexual ship? is the bar really so low for writing straight relationships that#they have to b so fucking boring immediately???? like what the fuck is happening. i feel like im losing my mind#wheres the passion? where the dedication? wheres the willingness to die for eachother and fight side by side?#its all boring bullshit or weird self insert feeling smut. or maybe its me. maybe im the problem bc i refuse to read the fics that have#adultery and divorce in them bc im so in denial abt the ending of bleach that i cannot stand to even look at#the canon endgame ships. it makes me to angry. so yea maybe im the problem#i jus6 don't understand it. its the same for narut0 x s4suke fics. like????#did we watch the same show??? why tf r u writing them so weird and boring and wrong????#that one i them im right abt bc others have confirmed it. but idk abt these 2. my fucking original otp is cursed to toil away in bad#fanfiction. or maybe all the good fics r on ff dot net. but fuck if im gonna wade thru that hellsite#anyway. this is what u get when u get invested in terrible anime. i mean with peace and love it is my nostalgia show but like u kno#unrelated
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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
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Watched princess mononoke for the first time today. Pretty damn good movie. Honestly probably the most Up My Alley ghibli movie I've seen so far (out of like... 4 lol) on account of all the cool action and fights. I really do love some good fights in my media. But also the stuff with spirits and the forest... just my vibes in general. I rly enjoyed it!
#speculation nation#wish it expanded on a few plot elements more but u can only do so much in a movie i suppose#(part of why i dont tend to watch movies on my own)#been hanging with family tho including watching movies. since i'll watch movies if im with people.#idk just smth about the psychology to me. sitting down and watching a movie on my own is nearly unthinkable#but when im hanging out with ppl and they wanna put a movie on? yea sure let's chill#probably partly the fact that it puts pressure on me to focus on the movie. instead of pausing every other minute to fuck around on my phone#well regardless. good movie! immaculate vibes. the romance(?) development was perplexing. but oh well#didnt really get the necklace thing. his sister gave it to him and he decided to give it to san?? no explanation??#showing care for her i suppose. still felt strange to give her his sister's gift. but oh well#again it rly was such a good movie. but there r just a few things that have me like. What was going on here...#anyways its nearly 11 pm i am on barely any sleep it is time for me to pass out. ✌️ peace
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yknow i love transmasc/tboy dirk always and forever but the way some ppl treat transmascness vs transfemmeness in HS's narrative........kinda sucks. like the whole thing about how being transfeminine is a literal transient experience and lets the character in question (any character) truly escape the oppression of HS's narrative-as-a-character which is patriarchal and toxic (lord english, hussie-the-character to an extent. i guess. idk ive seen a lotta ppl lump SI-hussie in w/ this), which is great and does hold weight as an analytical lens esp with how hussie irl is nonbinary. but where does this leave transmasc characters. why are we treating (headcanoned) transfemme HS characters like this and then tbh gleefully dooming (headcanoned) transmasc characters to eternal narrative suffering brought by LE and then mocking them for being ''gross tboys'' full of ''icky testorerone'' so its their fault theyre in this perpetual torment really? because they ''''chose to be a man''''? dunno man its starting to feel bad. especially since some bnf's who are really into this fan theory do actually kinda treat the general idea of transmasculinity like somthing to hold with tongs at arms length away from them. as if its alien or infectous or something and then get really mad when equally dysphoric transmascs do the same with feminity. why are we dooming dirk strider to eternal toxic-masculine suffering and what does that say about how we treat real life transmasc folks both in and outside of the fandom
#my t#basically you arent more or less special or deserving of celebration or joy depending on what pronouns you use#and idk yall gender is such a personal thing and your trans experience def does colour the way you look at the world. it def does mine/ours#and i wish ppl on this site would be more honest about that cause holy hell do some of yall treat eachother like dogshit#PURELY on the basis of identity. you are no better than a TERF if you do this. you ARE a TERF if you do this#but like...........can we all at least TRY not to demonize '''the other side''' here#in quotations because theres no '''other side''' in the trans community we're all just trans in different ways#theres just like. yknow#theres a reason why so many tboys and transmasc folks identify with the striders and dirk especially#and theres a reason why *so many* transmascs felt so much joy abt tboy roxy#so many of our lives pre-transition looked and felt like roxy lalondes. so many of us legit forcefully feminized ourselves#bc the alternative was so fucking scary. as you can probably imagine regardless of what flavour of trans you are#theres also a reason why there are so many transmasc fictives named dirk and dave and idk what to tell these ppl abt that#i remember rlly clearly this affectionate joke like a literal decade ago on this site that was like#daves intro dropped and 1mil tboys named dave materialized into existence#dirks intro dropped and 1mil MORE tboys named dirk materialized into existence#i try rlly rlly hard not to get sour at wlw/nblw focused memes that are like#''i made pepsicola better!!! theyre she/theys now :)'' for example#but its getting increasingly harder to ignore when the same ppl who make these memes treat#fans who prefer m/m *bc they themselves are gay* like shit#or like enjoying m/m because theyre mlm is mysogynistic. which it isnt ffs#that shit gives i am uncomfortable when is not about me and i aint here for that#if i were like these ppl maybe id turn all their fave girls into tboys just to spite them#but it wont be just to spite them bc 1) i aint abt that actually. im too fuckin grown for it and 2)#i genuinely just enjoy exploring m/m and masculinity more because i am a trans mlm. its very simple math
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god i cannot wait to be off these steroids…
#marzi speaks#marzivents#<- it’s late n i’m kinda pent up abt this#i’m so TIRED of themmmm#i’m probs gonna be on them for the rest of the year. which SUCKSSS#i don’t like how many ppl comment on the moon face#i don’t mind it. like i look in a mirror and i’m okay.#it’s a little weird. but like. just because it’s different. like getting used to a new haircut#but every time i see someone for the first time in a bit it’s ‘woah your face got rounder’#and i have to go ‘oh yeah it’s water retention- steroids thing it’ll go away when i’m able to go off ‘em’#and they go ‘oh alright :) you still look good btw don’t worry’#and i just. i HATE how people talk about it!! like jfc. it’s so clear that they think it’s like kinda sad#my dad said he thinks it’s cute and he’s the only one i actually think is telling the truth there#my mom and i agree that it doesn’t matter. but even then she tries to tell me not to panic#like a little extra squish in my face is something to panic over#it’s so clear that so many people see it as another thing to pity#oh poor thing. has that chronic illness for the rest of her life. and the steroids made her jaw look rounder :(#like jfc i knew fatphobia was prevalent but come the fuck on. literally i’m like barely retaining water for steroids too#like. i’m still very much skinny (i JUST finished being malnourished ffs) but bc i’m retaining water in my face#now ppl feel the need to comfort me. over this tiny cosmetic thing that does not matter#like. i wouldn’t feel weird abt it if it weren’t for everyone else making it such a THING. why is everyone so weird about it#i’m not insecure about it but when ppl try to comfort me or go ‘it’s not that bad’ it makes me feel like i’m SUPPOSED to be insecure abt it#and it drives me NUTS. bc there are things about being on steroids that i would love to be comforted about#but the water retention is not one of them. i couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the water retention#y’know what i’d like to be comforted over? the mood swings. the irritability. the insomnia. the appetite fluctuation#the slow healing of skin. thinning and dryness in the skin. having to take like 3 other medications alongside the steroid#bc taking the steroid causes side effects that need to be medically treated or prevented#even outside of the steroid! i’d like some comfort about having to build back my stamina from scratch#i’d like some comfort about having the worst balance i’ve had in years#there’s. more to this. but i’m out of tags. maybe i’ll make some replies idk. i’m just. UGH
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y’all i watched the greatest rivalries dvd and BEST $10 ever spent. seriously. i want to sum up my thoughts and observations but honestly i need to watch it again to remember what i found particularly interesting and bits of information that helped clarify the unmaking of their relationship as well. it was a great interview and im so glad they were able to sit down TOGETHER and TALK. if i don’t procrastinate this, ill probably make a post about it this week if anyone’s interested.
#bret’s hair looked great during the interview too if that’s important#and they are such thotty old men like bret’s shirt being open enough to where you can see his chest#shawn’s shirt also being unbuttoned a bit and zero sleeves 😭#also i got the sense that bret makes shawn nervous#maybe its the fact that bret rarely gives a full on smile or laugh#or his presence (its a bit intense even through the tv)#or maybe bc he’s like wrestling royalty bc his dad is stu hart#idk! but shawn seemed nervous in this interview and whether i see them together i get that feeling#maybe in this interview bc shawn feels like shit for the way things went down which is completely understandable#but also shawn said he just wanted bret to like him and bret’s demeanor gives ‘i hate everybody’ so fair#this reminds me of bret’s book where he described shawn as neurotic and insecure#but i mean everybody except the kliq hated shawn and he didn’t seem to give much of a fuck at the time (from what ik so far)#so why was it so important and hard for him to accept that bret didn’t like him anymore?#ik they used to be friends but im pretty he was friends with plenty of the other ppl in the locker room so..?#i need bret to write a second book ASAP he said he was thinking abt it#i wanna know what else is tea since this 11 year old interview (WOW)#hartbreak#jan chats
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sometimes i'll think abt a Fandom and wish it were bigger, and sometimes i'll read something from a fandom.. and wish it were smaller
#ppl seeing a confident black man : FINALLY! A PERFECT ANTAGONIST FOR OUR STORY!#THE CORRUPTOR!! THE ASSHOLE! MR KNOWS ALL!#i want to be bigger into football. i rlly do#but . omg. sometimes seeing just So Much . side eye shit is . like imagine my exhaustion#and this isnt me trying to be the behavior police like let ppl write but sometimes seeing such. Fun. patterns can be like#idk man it's sad like damn thats rlly how the world is and obvs i KNOW how it can be but it's real wack#real wack being reminded even in ur supposed happy place ur supposed lighthearted little break from the world#it's still not . idk. it's just not#oh the poor pale blond qb just a little anxious baby oh and his evil zany teammates trying to corrupt him oh theyre so terrible for my angel#:/#.. that is. a Grown. Man .#it's like replaying my 2nd grade teacher ******** me bcs i was a troublesome kid and it made her feel young and alive and bad again#like wtf am i corrupting you with maam? skibbity toliet ? leave me alone !!#listen. if it were smthing like 'x rlly likes tomatoes' when he actually likes idk carrots? i would not give a fuck. infact i prefer carrots#but bad patterns have smthing more to say bcs patterns in general have a story#it's more than 'he would not fucking say that' it's 'WHY tf are YOU making HIM say THAT of ALL people & THINGS???'#like i love having asshole characters in my stories too. and they can be poc ! NO ONE is a saint!#but having one just to fuel the only one u actually care abt? having their problems solely be for plot?? & making that one#a SPECIFIC kind of person ?? is kinda giving me 'u dont view x as a human which could mean you dont view x race as humans'#WHICH IS !! IT SUCKS ! THAT SUCKS!#i know i need to just suck it up and ignore it but thats like the life quote of being poc isnt it#ugh#it sucks
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#they speak!#it's probably just the illness that's making me extra irritable but like.#roommate kept coming up to me this morning going oh did i wake you up? i'm sorry if i did. did i do that or no? i'm really sorry.#and i kept telling him to stop saying sorry because i didn't have the brain power to phrase#'you could've been more considerate of your volume but you also have the right to use the common space so it's whatever'#but he said it to me again before i went to my room just now and it's like. ok. shut up.#if you actually cared that much u would've just been quieter in the first place actually.#anyways. annoyed. there were some annoying customers in the store today but it was whatever.#i feel like my fucks to give had already worn out with all the ppl in my social circle/my parents and the recent ongoings of that#[redacted] was being passive aggressive to me in the group chat and it's like. ok! idk what u want from me.#and i'm grateful for them for coming over and helping me with cleaning last week#and it's those sorts of actions that let me know they care and want good things for me#but like. i haaaate telling them anything because even innocuous non-private things get turned into judgement with them.#also. more and more i can feel how i'm drifting away from h and now with retrospect i can see how we mutually hurt each other :)#i keep coming back to this one period where i really wanted to take them to try dimsum and they kept saying they were too scared to try it#and in their new friend group they regularly go out n get dimsum together. which on the surface is like. why didn't you want to go with /me#i told you i wanted to share what i liked and i would explain what things were and i could do the talking and you still said no#but it's also very much a reflection of how i always rolled over and enabled them. i never challenged them. i was always passive.#i also feel like i'm heavily neglecting e and a recently and i can tell how the physical distance is affecting us and idk. it's weird.#anyways. another post that should've been a journal entry! lol!#when [redacted] helped with cleaning they also buried my journal under my like#300 packets of sesame candies and i can't be bothered to dig it out. also my bandaids are missing now. <3#ik this also sounds passive aggressive but genuinely appreciate the help i just kinda hate how they think hidin everything in boxes is good#'we need to get you some more storage boxes and containers!!' actually i think that will be the opposite of helpful.#i need everything visible and on open surfaces so i can 1) remember they exist for me to use and 2) not have barriers for me to get to them
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you are so fucking right about babies. baby naps are hardcore the most cutest naps ever. i love babies i feel like that’s an unpopular around here but they’re just so cute. anyway real footage of me anytime i see a baby
REALLLL ME TOOOO!!! I’m always just like. holy shit a baby. holy shit ur so small. dude I hate to alarm you but um. did u know ur so small. like. are you aware that you are in fact just a little guy. itty bitty even. and the baby’s just like: 👁👄👁
anyways this is a real image of me at work every Saturday
#mr wiggles my absolute fucking beloved. the cutest fucking little guy ever#fr tho I don’t get why so many ppl on tumblr are so fucking mean to kids like 😭😭#I get that society has made you absolutely exhausted of the way we’re all expected to have kids and treat them like miracles but also.#babies are actually cute and special unfortunately. like they actually are sick as hell if u give them a chance.#I know not everyone wants a baby but I feel like the mere concept of the way children perceive the world fits in very well with the tumblr -#- populations general philosophy of romanticism and enjoying little experiences in life#idk. maybe I think about things too much. but that’s just my thought#ask box#anyways I would kill fifty armed men in cold blood for even my least favorite kids at work and that is a promise#they may drive me crazy but I would take a bullet for them without hesitation#doodles
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#oh my goD could my mother stop stealing all my fucking stuff for even 1 fucking week jfc#im gonna scream#she thinks that bc she's the one paying the majority of the rent and is technically my caregiver bc im too disabled to do certain chores etc#that she is simoly entitled to everything in the apartment and can do whatever she wants#steals my food steals my drinks steals my products steals my laundry card etc#now she's stealing my clothes and pyjamas#the fuck dude#i have severe skin allergies and have very selective clothing i can wear w/o a painful reaction#and now she's just. taking that too#the same way she takes the select few foods that don't set off my issues or allergies and steals the drinks that keep my blood sugar up#and steals the unscented hypoallergenic products i have to use#it never fuckin ends this woman is so self-absorbed and arrogant i rly cannot handle it sometimes (most times)#the irony is that she's a teacher and regularly works with kindergarteners who can understand 'don't touch what isn't yours'#and gives regular lectures to her students of all ages about respecting other ppl's belongings and never assuming u can take something#gives a big ol spiel about attentive listening and boundaries and respect on a daily fuckin basis from 8 am to 8 pm for her 2 teaching job#then comes home and immediately disregards that to take everything that isnt hers / disrespect my belongings and space#and yell at me when i tell her not to / get mad at her for doing it#ma'am.#ur 5 yr olds understand this. so do ur 8 yr olds. u r 60 MF YEARS OLD WHY CAN U NOT COMPREHEND THIS#nah actually the worst part is that she *does* understand it. she simply doesn't care#she would never do this to anyone else just me. bc im disabled and a burden and she hates having me depend on her for things.#idk if its vindictive or bc she feels like i owe her for basic care and decency or if she just enjoys lashing out like a petty bitch#i stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago#all i'm fucking asking is for her to STOP STEALING MY SHIT#is that so much to beg for. is it#ugHdjddjsk#someone find me a wall i need to bash my head against it#(or maybe hers. that might be better)#ask to tag#negative
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love how there are pretentious video essays that just repeat the book and meander and ramble about house of leaves. it's what zampanó would have wanted. it is not, however, what I want
#anyway i finished the main portion of the book#all i have left is the poems and a few other small things i think? ive read pelafinas letters#im thinking of getting the full book of her letters#but also they severely messed with my head so we'll see#i will say. i do get why ppl say the book is pretentious and frustrating#there was a lot of stuff where i couldnt tell if it was supposed to be satire or if it was genuinely just that dense and pretentious#and a lot of the codes were rly obtuse imo?#like... idk. some of them were super obvious like the sos stuff or pelafina outright saying what to do#but others like. man how am i supposed to know johnny waxing poetic about pussy was coded#i mean that one is also pointed out though much later but i know i missed a lot just like it that werent pointed out#and ive heard theres a lot of shit where the message you get is just danielewski????? which gonna be real. kinda dumb.#but i did also really enjoy the book#there was a lot of stuff in it that was just so compelling or poignant or whatever other word#the minotaur stuff is good (ofc id say that though i love me some minotaur themes)#also a lot of the scenes with johnny just...... christ#idk how ppl say to skip them hes so fascinating#yeah i could do with him talking about his possibly hallucinated sex life a bit less but also his story is just plain interesting#i still think about the part where the girl he was talking to runs over a dog they had picked up........ it was fucking chilling#and his hallucinations of dying are so descriptive in just the right way to get under my skin#the uncertainty with him and his family..... did pelafina try to kill him? did his father just send her away for being a bit too overbearin#over an accident? was there something else? what was the deal with his foster family? with lude? gdansk man and kyrie?#how did it get published? who are the editors? why did the band know of the book before it should have been published?#why does his journal section end with a story from a man he admits to making up completely? the doctor from seattle doesnt exist#the chronological end is more hopeful with him saying things will be okay but then he puts a previous entry after that?#i think the burning of the book parallels the story nicely#johnny said his piece; he nurtured the book as much as he could; but it was hurting him and he had to give up on it#idk!#this book does make me feel a lil dumb ngl
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everyone keeps making fun of star wars outlaws but i've been having a blast with it. maybe it's bc i don't play a lot of games in the genre so i don't have much of a frame of reference but it's been super fun and there's a ton of stuff to do
#the way i'm on good terms with every syndicate except the pykes#im doing it on purpose btw the game keeps giving me options to up my rep with them but im not taking any of them#it helps that nd-5 is really hot. i know there aren't any romance options but i can dream i need him so bad#sassy speaks#idk how some ppl are getting so many glitches i've gotten a few things clipping weird but some ppls games are borderline broken#one thing i do agree with is that the driver ai is fucking terrible lol why do they just crash into everything 💀#i mean i do to i'm awful at driving in non-racing games but they're not people they're programmed to do it#also i love the locksmith so much she's so cute. aki? ank? hold on i gotta look it up#ANK I WAS RIGHT she's so cute and funny i love her. grumpy old bat lady
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