#idk why i’m so emotional
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idk if this is racist but i was crying cause my ankle hurt reslly bad and pain makes me delirious and emotional and i was scrolling on tiktok and saw two gorgeous black women doing a dance and i started crying because of how much i love black women amms i feel like if i don’t tell y’all thya i’m gonna go so crazy cause you deserve to know how beautiful you are and i just love u
i’m sorry i’m in an emotional state idk what i’m doing sorru if that’s racist dippr out
#what do i tag this as#accidental racism?#sorrh tell me if it is#idk why i’m so emotional#i might regret this in the morning#but i reslly needed to tell you guys this
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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sometimes i think about how sirius’ room in grimmauld place was kept, much like regulus’, basically exactly how he left it and then i just think. his brother, his mother, his father—did they think it was temporary? did they expect him to come back one day, say hello, and move in again? did they believe he ought to be left alone to come to his senses on his own? he’s no son of theirs but they kept it. he was all but dead to them and they kept it.
it’s a mausoleum without a body to bury. regulus died once, sirius died twice, and their rooms are kept how they left it. capsules of a better time. kreacher ensured regulus’ memory stayed, but why hold onto the remnants of sirius? it’s like cutting your dead horse’s tail, like keeping your dog’s lead, like saving your cat’s collar—like wearing your grandma’s necklace or your dad’s coat, your mum’s scarf or your grandpa’s wristwatch.
they kept it. his schoolbooks were still on the shelves, as if he’d just gone on holiday and was expected back at any moment. he was dead to them and they kept it, made it into a metaphorical tomb, the unchanged bedroom of a dead child.
it’s like a reminder of failure. but can it still be a shrine if there’s nothing there to worship?
#i have Emotions if you can’t tell#i know sirius may have slept there while he was at grimmauld but why would his old schoolbooks still sit in his room?#idk man#sirius black#regulus black#the noble and most ancient house of black#such a fucked up family. i’m so intrigued by them
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listen I know it’s kind of corny and inaccurate to act like every single person in the dc universe knows each other and is besties but it IS endlessly funny to me to follow the web of connections and see how many degrees removed from each other everyone is.
like look at the arrowfam okay. ollie and dinah are together, ollie is homoerotic best friends with hal, dinah is homoerotic best friends with babs. roy is dating dick, has a kid with jade, and is basically an adoptive father to both grant emerson and rose wilson. connor is dating kyle and is constantly followed around by eddie fyers. mia is friends with a lot of the second gen teen titans kids, had an on-again-off-again thing going on with steph for a while, and is currently dating sienna. emiko is besties with courtney and some of the other recent teen titans. sin has a small army of protective aunts from the birds of prey. the real question is how far does it go before ollie puts a cap on the number of people who are invited to family brunch on sundays
#arrowfam#LIKE. PLSSSS#can you imagine them all in one room.#roy: hey ollie can garth come to brunch this week.. he’s in town and i never get to see him and he really wants to try your pancakes#ollie: idk roy we’re already at max capacity..#roy: please dad🥺🥺🥺🥺#ollie: …..fine. someone will have to be uninvited then#mia: why? what’s one more person?#ollie: bc I have Very Strict Rules!!! If I don’t follow the invite limit then the whole town’ll show up every week!#connor what about axing kyle#connor: …dad. I am not disinviting my boyfriend and Only Guest to brunch bc of your arbritrary rules.#ollie: fine that’s fair. um…#mia: what about grant#ollie: for the last time mia we are not banning your nephew from family brunch because he allegedly#ate some of your bacon one time. it was not a big deal and you need to get over it#mia: UMM‼️‼️ it was a big deal TO ME🗣️🗣️and I don’t appreciate you INVALIDATING my emotions like this‼️‼️#ollie: uhhh emiko what about courtney. she comes over like every week will she be fine sitting this one out#emiko: I can’t believe this. how dare you deny my ONLY FRIEND IN THE WORLD an invitation to brunch. it’s like you hate me#ollie: EMI I KNOW YOU PATENTLY HAVE MORE FRIENDS. who have BEEN TO BRUNCH BEFORE.#emiko: YOU CAN’T TAKE COURTNEY FROM MEEEEEE#ollie: FINE ok.#roy: why don’t you just tell hal not to come all the way down here for brunch I mean he’s here every week anyway#ollie: bc it’s hal okay. mind your own business.#roy: fine. but we’re running out of people#connor: I mean………. what about eddie#ollie: ………….. yeah ok I’m sold. that works. meeting adjourned good job team#mia: why are you so worked up about keeping attendance low anyway#ollie: MY KITCHEN TABLE CAN ONLY FIT SO MANY SUPERHEROES MIA
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moving in
(a h/ualian modern au snzfic, part 3)
rating: E word count: ~6800 fandom: m/xtx t/gcf contains: (still) sneezing while fucking some mess, maybe escalating? (still attempts not to be graphic) allergic!h/ua c/heng, fet!x/ie l/ian the continuation of their sickening feelings-about-fetish banter two (2) in-text images (1 nsfw on ao3) x/ie l/ian moves in with h/ua c/heng at last, along with his cat, r/uoye, that h/ua c/heng is very allergic to. he definitely won't lose it in front of his boyfriend immediately! (he will.) everything about this is going to be fine! (it is.)
>> read it on archiveofourown HERE <<
>> (post for part 1 here) << >> (post for part 2 here) <<
[ pls do not reblog to non snz/kink blogs! ]
#snz fic#snz kink#snz fet#sneeze kink#catte snz fic#catte snz art#me writing this series at the beginning like#“haha yeah i’m just writing this to get off!”#me now: ��hmm yes that line does fit the emotional patterns and themes of the pairing/books. it can stay.”#WHY AM I LIKE THIS#anyway this fought me real hard so idk i am like.#please take it off my hands so i can move on. it is as good as i can make it x'D
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Not sure how to feel about that last reblog now.
#like yeah I get why they would want him to be a ghost again#but couldn’t he at least reunite with Molly again as Todd? and Molly get closure?#with him as Todd?#I can see why they would want to have the roles switched and have Scratch be the one to bring joy to Molly like she did for him#I just don’t know about the idea of scratch becoming a ghost again so early#like I know there’s fans that perfer his ghost form more#(again this is coming from someone who was self shipping with Scratch as a ghost for about two years before the reveal)#it just feels like he finally got to live again only to get it tossed away#maybe it just affects me a little bit more since I relate to Scratch’s story of being afraid of living life for so long#and how much comfort the show and characters gave me while I was suicidal at the time#and that seeing scratch grow in the show and finally faced his fears of living just hit home to me#like he was my role model#I wanted to live again because he wanted to too#sorry for getting emotional I’m just… idk I’m very conflicted#suicide tw#suicide mentioned#suicidal tw#suicidal mentioned#added the tigger warning tags just in case#💬 chy chatter 💬
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With Quinn possibly leaving us tomorrow, here’s some random moments from feeds 🥺❤️ (on my TikTok too x)
#bb26#Quinn video edit#Quinn Martin#Quinn#Alexa play I know the end by phoebe bridgers#I’m so emotional today too idk why I do this to myself 😭
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Eddie letting you release every pent up emotion when you’re with him and he notices you’re visibly just overwhelmed as fuck because life is kicking your ass, I’m talking letting you sob into his shirt, snot and everything, squeezing his hands, encouraging you to throw shit at the wall if you need to, anything to help you release some of the tension that’s built up within you over the past few weeks and then he holds you after while you’re still crying but exhausted so he just lets you sit for as long as you need in his arms while he rubs your back and hides you in his chest away from all the bad and scary things 🥲
#vics thoughts#It’s a rough night boys#idk why I’m so fucking emotional#maybe it’s this whole full moon thing#but fuck I feel so alone even in a room full of people#and I just wish I had eddie 🥲#take me away from this god awful place you magic raccoon man#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson fluff#eddie x reader#eddie munson fic
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OKAY I have missed counseling 3 times in a row and I really need to process some stuff so this is me celebrating some TEACHING WINS as of late because things have been really hard!
—More writing is happening! More revisions of writing are happening. The gap between student writing being automatically boring, processed, disconnected from any actually thought and interesting, thoughtful writing—writing as a way OF thinking and sorting through thoughts in a logical way—is closing. Or at least narrowing.
—Classroom procedures are in place and I have to do very little to enforce them. There is (generally speaking) order in each classroom and the students’ habits, not my nagging, keep them in place.
—I am filling class time better and more effectively. There’s more variety in the structure of each class but also the time is just used better. They work bell to bell. In-between spaces are filled with review, oral work, discussions.
—Day to day work with the written text is becoming more specific. Tasks have been created in connection with a work that grew organically out of my teaching of them. There are more of these as a way to keep students paying attention to the reading/note taking. But the broad strokes, the chances to pause and discuss and see the bigger picture, are still happening. I’m starting to see the way the two layers and approaches work together to lift most of the students into an understanding of the story.
—There is still room for fun. Both in the specific sense—there are a few more games, review opportunities, creative exercises and chances to explore and engage with the text in a fun, non-academic way than there where before —but also in the very specific Maria way where I let my passion and knowledge for the work really show and carry them up on a wave, so to speak. This keeps the students interested, intrigued, and anxious not to miss one of the moments of fun.
—I feel like I’m reaching a more complete approach that tackles the basic skills of all my classes—reading, interpreting, discussing, writing—more evenly. Their opportunities to do all of those things is better balanced and woven together than it has been. The opportunity to practice each thing recurs and recurs again so that their sense of how to actually DO a thing—at least by my measurement of it—is improving.
—The specific qualities that I want to bring to each class are growing more distinct. My 8th graders vocabularies are expanding as is their grammar. My sophomores are establishing surer connections with outside scholarly voices on each of the texts we read which help them jumpstart actual independent thinking and interpreting. And my seniors are given the chance to connect the readings to their own lives and most importantly current concerns more than they used to.
I think that’s it :))))
#there is some emotional thread this year that is so painful. and idk exactly what it is#but I am sad! and missing something#and that’s why I have to make myself look at what I have built#and invested a lot of energy into building#and see (objectively!) that it’s working!#but I guess I do feel in my heart of hearts that I am missing some of the magic of last year#but you know what. I said that to Nina last night and she said ‘so far. there’s not much magic so far’#and maybe she’s right. I have to wait and see if some of the things I have planted will yield results and give them time to do so#but anyway yeah. I needed to do the objective data gathering#thanks for listening! sorry it reads like a report#teaching tag#imagine if my students found this and were like ‘lol incorrect’#anyways like today was so good and I was so full of energy but now I’m so tired and just—#blegh
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my bedroom from 2017 <3
#yes this is the place i’m getting emotional over#i drew out band logos and put them on my wall because i didn’t have posters#i also had to use my grandparents printer because we didn’t have a coloured printer 😭#so i would screenshot dan and phil videos on my GRANDFATHERS computer and then print them out. put them in my binder. take them home and#then tape them to my walls#idk why i slept under a poster of shawn mendes i don’t even remember being that big of a fan 😭#i was really just a fan of posters#it’s so good tho like the wind chimes inside. slay mama#all the art and the fucking teen beat posters#powerpuff girls backpack. monster high brief case#ate down#mari.txt#nostalgia#photography#bedrooms#interior
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soooo I had a lore idea earlier that ties into the rewrite really well,,,,,,
Poor unfortunate souls am I right :)
#The plothole of the citizens questioning him about the wishes and said questions never actually getting answered by the plot drives me nuts#And I was thinking about it and this idea hit me like a truck—#1: It explains why he makes them forget about their wishes 2: it explains why there’s only one per person 3: explains the emotional drain#And 4: helps play into the dark magic/lying stuff further#Plus is just a cool idea/twist I think :3€#Literally just had the idea today tho so I’d love any ideas#I def think it’ll tie into the dark magic stuff like they give him power or something? Idk#I do know he can only do magic with his staff and not directly so maybe something to do with that ? Like the staff gets it’s magical energy#Or whatever from the energy of the souls? I’m not sure..#like I said I’d love anyone to help brainstorm further with this concept :)#rewrite the stars au#Wish au#Excuse the book looking shitty lol I didn’t feel like writing out the text myself 😭
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girl your hanahaki au is absolutely wrecking my shit i--- I don't ever read ongoing fics and this is why. I just cannot wait?!? But the waiting somehow makes it better too?!? I'm literally dead bro I can't I love it so much
hahah omg thank you !! I’m really happy to hear you took a chance on this wip and that you like it so much!
not to get on my soapbox or anything but you have given me a great corner to shout from
as a disclaimer I totally understand why people will choose not to read wips and I truly think you know your mental health and what you can stand to wonder about/think about/obsess over/NEED to know a conclusion for better than anyone else
BUT as a writer who almost exclusively posts in wips, people reading them before they’re finished is my life blood and I am so grateful and it makes the writing process so much more fun for me because I know at least someone else is invested in my brainworm of a story?? someone else is enjoying it and thinking about it and I’m putting a small amount of good into the world??
the best analogy I’ve been able to come up with is like:
when you read a finished fic you’re eating a whole meal and that’s great that’s so amazing (especially if you tell the cook you liked it after you’re done). and you’re literally always welcome to eat that meal whenever you want. finished fics are like standing dinner invitations: I am always happy to have you and I mean that very genuinely
but if you read a wip, you’re keeping me company in the kitchen while I cook. and that’s sort of priceless. in some instances, you can even tell me the food needs more spice and I’ll think about it and listen!!! you’re sitting on my kitchen counter as I bustle around my space and we’re talking about what I’m doing and also how I’m feeling and maybe how you’re feeling and it just feels like community more than anything else I’ve experienced in any fandom. like you’re with me in my space as I’m creating food I hope you like. we’re both invested and it’s amazing
and I think in general that’s why wips are a lot of fun and also maybe why the waiting between chapters is fun for you - you’ve suggested that I add paprika to the pot and you’re waiting and wondering if I will, and I’m laughing and hoping you like the soup either way but also wondering if paprika will work with the recipe, and if I can add a bit to it just for you while staying true to the dish I envisioned at the get go.
#asks#(stepping off my soapbox) very sorry for that I didn’t know I cared so much#but the truth is I want everyone to read wips all the time and I DO get why people don’t#because a story that remains unfinished haunts you sometimes and people enjoy that on different scales#but wips are amazing#as an author with many#but also as an author with more completed stories than wips but who also is apparently#known for having wips which like make it make sense I guess whatever#wips are amazing because my#favorite part of stories is talking with you about them#I cut out answering ao3 comments a few years ago so I could focus on writing stories#but I always try to answer asks on tumblr#about a chapter before I post the next one#I love it it’s my conversation space where I feel most comfortable#comfortable *#and I’m so sorry#this ask answer has ballooned way past what your very kind ask warranted#I just have emotions about this lately#waiting can mAke it better I promise - you make a potato salad and you don’t immediately eat it. you put it in the fridge#so the flavors meld#sometimes fics are the same way tbh if you can experience them like#that.#sometimes you read a wip and you’re like wow that could be a motif and then you watch I#that motif develop over a year and you get this satisfaction of being right and also being proud of the writer??#idk I could be talknin#out of my ass but I just. love Wips. all the time and always
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Dead dashboard confessional parasocial hours: it’s been so nice to see Taylor kind of reclaim her place in the world and work out in real time what does or doesn’t feel good in terms of being out there, and she’s clearly flourishing on a personal level by taking in all these experiences! And idk if it’s just the late hour or the post-livestream hangover or what, but it just kinda feels like something shifted yet again last week — like she and Travis did their goofy little skit because Theatre Kids and it was fun and felt good and she’s like “YES more of that please!”
And I’m not saying that as in “omg she’s going to publish her entire life online now” at all, but more in like, it’s kind of endearing to see her try these new things and figure out her boundaries and be like “yes this sparks joy and I want more of it in my life” (or on the flip side, cutting out the things that don’t and protecting her peace). I know that ET article earlier today was just a fluff piece to keep stoking the fires until they can actually Say It, but there’s something about Tree’s the quote saying they had fun coming up with it and were glad they got to share that moment together and want to keep having fun like that was just really sweet. And again, I don’t think it means they’re going to publicize their lives regularly by any means, I really do feel like it was like, “hey you know what would be funny?” And they took it from there — almost like that skit was for them and we were lucky to be bystanders to the bit lol. They just have so much fun together and it shows. I don’t think they’re trying to capitalize off their relationship, I think it’s just the pop star on a global stage equivalent of that one couple you have in your friend group that always goes all out for Halloween with the elaborate couple costume and commits to the bit every year.
It just seems like they’re really settling into things and figuring out as they go along how they can do the things they want to do within the parameters of what feels safe and joyful and is less scary than it once was. Taylor got to take part in her own way in something meaningful to Travis (e.g. the Super Bowl) and he’s gotten to take part in something meaningful to her (the show) and it’s just really sweet how they embrace each other’s worlds. And maybe it was “new and defining” because Taylor’s never been that overt before on stage on a tour of this scale, and not only did the world not cave in, she had a blast and got to have a chuckle. For someone who said she always wished she had someone by her side to share her successes with and never did even in her longest relationship previously, it’s got to be wild to literally have her partner on stage with her on her record-breaking tour.
No wonder she’s probably gagged at all this. The universe really did shift and it was all for them etc.
#idk why I’m getting so emotional about this lol#like the et article is clearly just another placeholder until they can reveal the [redacted]#but i think the contrast of that with the sweet nothing/hoax mashup tonight#and how she spent SO LONG begging to be a footnote in someone’s life#and even in a relationship she thought was forever didn’t have anyone who fully appreciated the magnitude of her work#or how much it filled her cup#compared to her ‘yes and’ partner now who is like ‘ok how can we make this EVEN MORE fun?’ at every turn#I’m very very glad she’s no longer in the ‘hoax’ place#it’s just really sweet to see#i mean i don’t think they’re turning into sonny and cher lmao#but i do think they’re going to be cheering each other on and involved in each other’s work one way or the other as supportive partners#like it must be a mindfuck because if you had told Taylor two years ago when she was in the middle of planning the tour#that one day her partner would join her on stage just for a laugh#she’d probably tell you to fuck off lol#and now her partner’s probably getting measured for a muppet coat for karma idk#writing letters addressed to the fire
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five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety
#walk with me#this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere#the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad#count on the person**#i immediately knew it’s from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them#in the sense that it’s very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other#it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time#idk why i think this whole year i’ve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too#so we’ve been more properly friends lately#and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and i’m not used to#gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it#and everyone asked about them and it’s EMBARRASSING to get that much attention#(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: can’t stand to be the center of attention)#anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didn’t reply to their texts all#weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone#so they didn’t talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever#and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc it’s the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more#and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didn’t say a single word to each other today we just texted#they told me they sent them and that ‘they forgot’ what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture#and that bc they wanted to ‘surprise’ me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek#i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on#bc now i’m second guessing everything they’re saying bc i thought we were friends and there’s no reason why friends can’t send each other#flowers or whatever but they’ve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc#i’m never outright romantic with anyone?? plus we’re FRIENDS i should have no reason to think that’s changed#but they’re being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i don’t NEED flowers#and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and they’re like no it’s serious bro what’s serious??????#your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up???#if they don’t reply straight up in their next texts i’m gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right???#so yeah i’m overthink getting flowers bc what’s the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend#delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think they’re from a partner or something
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:(
#i literally feel VIOLENTLY ill at the fact the hospital handled my mum’s passing so badly that her funeral is exactly ONE MONTH after it#i’ll forever be furious and angry and hurt and traumatised by the way they handled it#like A MONTH#it should not be happening this long after#and it’s her birthday on sunday so maybe i’m just feeling ten times worse because of that#but it’s not fair#it’s never gonna be fair#why the FUCK did she get taken from me like this#and then having to be the only one who knew about her funeral plans bc she only told me#and then everybody including my dad tells me how strong i am#IM NOT STRONG!!?!!?!??!?#i’m a girl who needs her mama. i’m just a girl who is so lost and confused and needs her mama#i literally want 2 die#tw death#i turned my tv off and immediately started crying bc i felt like the worst person in the world#did i not love her enough#should i have been better to get#*her#idk i just want her to know i adored her#and i need to hear her voice and get a hug#one of the last things she said to me was ‘i love you more’ well i love you most so how about that#tw grief#i am never getting over losing her#please . feel free to let me rant i just feel like i can’t talk to my dad or family bc like idk .#i always talked to my mum about my emotions and well! that can’t happen anymore lmfao 😭#i just need a place to vent the HELL out of my feelings bc i am not going back to therapy
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paul isn’t percy’s step father he’s the father that stepped up
#hello hello! is this thing on?#writings and musings#okay rant time#sometimes when i feel strongly about something the words get very jumbled and hard to read#like w the annie and finnick fic and lucy gray fic#i think this one is more simple in terms of sentence structure (maybe? idk) but the emotion is lacking#like not in a bad way bc i’m so used to writing very emotional characters bur since percy is chill as fuck i had to tone it down#it’s just the type of fic where u go fuck it we ball and press post#maybe i should tag the pjo fandom#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson#sally jackson#paul blofis#while i have the pjo fandom here pls just keep in mind i haven’t done a reread in ages 😔#that’s why the timeline is so vague lol#moral of the story call me beep me if u wanna reach me about any sally and percy and gabe and paul thoughts if u wanna share em
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