#idk where tf this came from i had an hour to kill at work and only just finished this

[heavenbarnes]

have got it into my head older bf!simon that’s retired from active duty to become a bodyguard, specifically your bodyguard and he’s nothing if not loyal.

literally feels terror in the pit of his stomach when he doesn’t have his eyes on you. he’s made a habit of entering a room over your shoulder and now when he has a day off and has to do anything without you by his side? what’s the fucking point?

moves when you move, if you’re standing up so is he.

goes wherever you go, if you’re in the bathroom he’s outside the door (don’t ask him why his ear was pressed to it).

he’s your shadow, your bad loyal dog, your constant.

goes both ways, when he’s not around you don’t really want to think too hard about it but it’s definitely emptiness you can feel. you don’t think it can be loneliness, they’ve given you another guard, but- it’s not him.

when it is him, you don’t even have to look behind you to know he’s there. he’s quiet, he moves quietly but he’s always the presence. you can just start speaking and you know you’ll always get a response (even if it’s a grunt).

night shifts are unbearable. especially when your door is ajar and simon can see a direct line into your bedroom, the way your hand moves between your spread thighs. silent as he is, he can even hear the moans drifting off your lips.

it’s his job to keep his eyes on you, even when they’re roaming your naked body and he’s gripping his sidearm so he doesn’t grip himself through his trousers. it’s no use, his body will betray him- hands free.

he thinks of himself as some dirty old man, getting his kicks watching you like this. if his eyes weren’t between your thighs he’d know that yours were on him.

your shadow.

[itzz-phoenixxx]

Why I don't like All Might: An Analysis.

Don't get me wrong, he was a GOOD hero, but he has a FUCK ton of shortcomings and I'm sick of everyone looking over them. So I'm breaking things down in somewhat chronological order because he's the ONE character in MHA I absolutely cannot stand

His and Izuku's first meeting.

There was no way to know that he had been told to kill himself only hours earlier, but still. Jesus christ dude.

The entire interaction with the sludge villain. He didn't do ANYTHING to make sure Izuku was okay except for smack tf out of him to wake him up. I don't know how shit works in that world, but I think at the very LEAST if someone is attacked by a villain, you should notify authorities and maybe, idk, make sure the kid gets checked out by medical professionals.

He tried to push Izuku off his leg in mid-air. You could argue its for comedic relief, but if you're a pro hero in your late 50's (he's been a OFA holder for 40 years, and I'm assuming he got it when he was about as old as Izuku) you should know better.

Crushing Izuku's dream and leaving what could be a suicidal kid by himself where ANYTHING could've happened. Like what if he had done something??

OH not to mention, he's a pro hero ffs, telling him to "be more reasonable" is terrible. You could argue that Aizawa said the same, but Aizawa also guided Izuku during the first training exercise. Yeah, he told him he should never be a hero, but he also gav3 his quirk back and gave Izuku a chance to prove him wrong, and several times now Izuku has.

The passing of OFA

For One, he completely backtracked. Like he didn't even consider Izuku's feelings before tossing the "You can be hero and here's how" bomb on him. I fully believe he took advantage of Izuku's vulnerability in that moment.

It seemed like he put Izuku in a position where he couldn't say no. All Might asking Iuzku to take his quirk, would be like your favorite artist asking you to perform in a show with them because they liked your voice. You just can't pass up that apportunity.

He failed to inform Izuku about the baggage thay came with OFA. Not only the bone breakage in the first episode, but about All For One, his fated enemy. He didn't give Izuku the option to back out or change his mind, because I feel as though Izuku would've DEFINITELY reconsidered if he knew (but I'm in no way saying he wouldn't take the quirk regardless)

He took advantage of Izuku's adoration of him, as well as his dreams in order to pass along his quirk. Of course, he also saw potential in him, I won't argue about that. He wasn't wrong about the kind of person Izuku was/is, but the fact fhat he just so happened to run into his biggest fan (who was quirkless and dreamed of being a hero) you can't tell me he didn't take advantage of that.

He's a horrible teacher.

It's not only Izuku who has realized this. Most of 1A as well as the staff at UA have realized this. He had flashcards ffs. You could argue that he's brand new to teaching, but he also had time to put lessons together. Even Tsu pointed out during the first training exercise that they had no prior combat training.

He wasn't able to properly teach Izuku how to wield OFA. Everything he learned he picked up from Gran Torino, and the other staff at UA. It took him 2 seasons to regulate OFA, and an additional season to realize he had legs. The only good teaching moment he had was introducing the concept of Air Force.

His blatant and obvious favoritism of Izuku has put the other students in danger too many times.

Seriously, he puts so much faith in Izuku in crisis situations, that he doesn't even worry about the other kids who aren't as capable.

MANGA SPOILER!!! -He fully supported Izuku's vigilante era, knowing it was unsafe. He also followed the boy around and in his state could've been a liability. Even on the brink of death, AM said "here's lunch, good luck." And wasn't involved in bringing him back, even if he would've had the most influence.

That is all for now, thank you!

[koritoraa]

How the JJK boys act when they are shopping with you at the hair store w/black reader

A/n: I literally had this sitting in my notions app for a while so I was destine to be a writer. This my first piece so chill on me. I spell the word “like” as “lieek” on purpose just to let y’all know🙄

Warning: use of n word and cursing other than that we gucci

Characters: Yuji, Megumi, Gojo & Inumaki

Yuji

-he would be fascinated by awll the hair, lieek he would be examining all the different colors and styles.

-he would definitely ask a bunch of questions to either you or the people that worked there

-“y/n what is human hair? Is it real human hair orrrrr....

-“Yuji ofc it is-“

-“wait- omg- is it dead people hair, did they got killed for they hair ? I wanna leave now this is creepy. Cmon let’s go y/n.”

-“uh no boy calm tf down, if you would have let me finish then you would know that people who donate their hair will usually be people with really long hair.”

-“ohhh whew I was scared”

-After his lil freak out he would continue walking around the store (away from you) until he get lost and have to call you to see what aisle you’re in.

-If you ask him to help you pick out what hair you should get he would definitely be losing his mf mind because of all the options. But he would be good help ofc.

-Would end up buying everything you picked out tbh (as he should)

Megumi

-would just follow you and stand like 🧍🏽‍♂️the whole time

-he would actually try to help you find something you like

-“what color you think I should get Gumi ? damn I try like all of them already.....I’m guessing....”

-“um..y/n what about about this one ?.” (He’s holding up a wig with a color that you never tried before)

-“wow where tf you found that ? I thought I looked everywhere , actually imma get that one since I never tried that color yet. Thank you.”

-“no problem and I was just looking around with you and I thought you might like it.”

-He would just let you shop in peace and won’t be annoying, you and him would just be chillin the whole time.

-Once you found everything you want at checkout he would literally have his card in hand ready to pay for everything. 💳💥💳💥

-On the low he would be eyeing the mascara that be in the front of the checkout area.

Gojo

-He would be trying on the wigs himself, like he would be asking you what look good on him

-“y/n should I get this red wig or this blue one ? idk I look good in both so probably both.”

-“nigga we came here shopping for me nawt for you, you should get neither now cmon and help me pick something out.”

-“why?”

-“cuz I said so”

-“okayyyy fine, no wig for me then I guess”

-Since you demanded him to help you find sum cute you like, he would be dragging you to every wig he think you would like and tell you to try it on until you find the perfect one. This would last for hours.

-Once you finish shopping you would threaten him to buy everything even though he was gonna do it anyways. (take his money, take all that nigga moneyyyy)

Inumaki

-he would be such a big help, when you ask him what hair you should get he would already have one in his hands. It would be the one that you was looking for.

-“inumaki which hair? I’m confused I don’t know which one I should get. This purple one or this orange one .”

-“salmon.” He said while pointing at the purple one.

-“oh you right I like this one.”

-“tuna tuna.”

-“Ooooo yeah this the one I was telling you about. We finally found it.”

-“fish flakes.”

-“yeah imma just get it you right.”

-like the others he would pay for everything (In inumaki we trust)

Thank you for reading, very happy with how this came out, I will definitely write something like this but with different characters.

[antebunny]

April 30: rebirth

(Also called Bargaining–idea is taken from an old Loki fic with the same time travel premise).

When Jiang Yanli dies, Wei Wuxian goes into denial and just runs from Nightless City. He goes back to the Burial Mounds and feverishly works on a time travel array. Within the month he completes it and prepares to travel back in time, but there’s a catch. He first activates the array and then spends the next several hours going through the ritual, while outside the Siege of the Burial Mounds begins. The Wens know what Wei Wuxian is up to so they understand why he’s not bothering to protect them. He completes the ritual just as Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan burst into the cave. They’re both there, at the front, in order to protect Wei Wuxian, but by the time they arrive it’s too late: the array is fading and Wei Wuxian is already dead. He barely sees them in the entrance when he dies, which leads him to (logical) conclusion that they’re there to kill him.

Here’s the catch: Wei Wuxian gets to go back, rewrite time, and change things. He decides to go back to the day before he got kicked out of the Cloud Recesses. But when time finally arrives at the time he activates the array, everyone gets their memories back. Although a lot of people will remember dying, it’s preferable to actually dying. Then Wei Wuxian has to conduct the ritual again, to ensure that this is the future that stays, and seal the deal with his own life. Basically, in order to change the future Wei Wuxian has to die. And obviously because he's Wei Wuxian, he decides that that’s okay so long as everyone gets to live.

So Wei Wuxian comes back to life with a golden core and cries for a solid minute, scaring tf out of Jiang Cheng, before he gets a grip. Then he proceeds to yell at Jin Zixuan, not get kicked out, and live life like everything’s normal. He enjoys the next six months of peace, and then he gets to work. Once the year is over, he goes on a very long night hunting trip, kills the Xuanwu of Slaughter, and sets up the cave for use. A year later and they’re at the archery competition, where Wei Wuxian still places first, meets Wen Ning again, and doesn’t pull off Lan Zhan’s forehead ribbon.

Then Wen Ruohan is ~mysteriously~ assassinated and the Wens declare war on all the sects in revenge. When the Wens come for Lotus Pier, there’s no personal vendetta, and Wei Wuxian hides in the shadows and drowns all of them. Then he pretends that he got knocked out and was unconscious somewhere hidden from the main battle where Jiang Cheng finds him. They win the war, and Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan are still alive and bickering with each other, the Jiang sect is still strong, etc. etc. Wei Wuxian personally hunts down Wen Zhuliu early in the war, before he can cause any damage. Then he also kills Jin Guangshan, blames it on the Wens (does it make sense? No. does anyone care? No) and Jin Zixuan commits fully to the war. Jin Zixuan learns to appreciate Jiang Yanli during the war, and since they’re already engaged they get married soon afterwards. Jin Guangyao gets taken in as Jin Zixuan’s younger brother, and since Jin Zixuan is a decent person who doesn’t want him to commit crimes but also needs Help, it goes a lot better. Meanwhile Wei Wuxian finds the DafanWen and they move to the Xuanwu cave, which Wei Wuxian has prepared. Also the carcass of the tortoise should scare anyone away.

Wei Wuxian sticks around to see his sister get married, takes Lan Zhan on a tour of Lotus Pier, at the end of which Lan Zhan proposes. Wei Wuxian is confused but figures that Lan Wangji must like this version of him that hasn’t used resentful energy as far as Lan Wangji knows or recused the Wens as far as he knows, or done any of the things that Other Lan Zhan hated him for. The Wens ask him to adopt A-Yuan, which he does after talking about it with Lan Zhan and after they get married. So now Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are married and they have an adopted child. That part was all the fluff and fix-it, cue the angst. The date of Wei Wuxian’s death draws near, and Wei Wuxian starts getting moody and antsy, starts drinking. Yu Ziyuan yells at him, of course, and everyone else worries over him. It is during one of these blackout drunk sessions that Wei Wuxian tells Lan Wangji that he fully expects Lan Wangji to regret marrying him in the future. Lan Wangji swears up and down that he won’t, and Wei Wuxian kinda critiques himself and calls himself selfish, for marrying Lan Wangji and raising a kid when he knows it’s not going to last.

Basically Wei Wuxian starts getting skittish and disappears for periods of time to the Burial Mounds, where he acquires enough injuries that Lan Wangji suspects that someone is hurting him, which Wei Wuxian vehemently denies, but Lan Wangji is still Onto him. He goes to Jiang Yanli, who says that Wei Wuxian has been acting differently ever since he came back from the Cloud Recesses, seemed to know things that were going to happen before they did, disappears at odd times and incidents that occur when Wei Wuxian is missing, and they get Jiang Cheng, who recalls that one time Wei Wuxian woke up in the middle of the night and just bawled, and after that didn’t lose his temper on Jin Zixuan, pulled back on his most crazy antics.

Still, none of them suspect the exact day, so on that day, Wei Wuxian gets up, tells Lan Wangji he’s going to train the Jiang juniors, and then just…disappears. Night comes and Lan Wangji is already worried, according to the juniors he never showed. Yu Ziyuan accuses him of slacking, but then Lan Wangji barges in crying, holding a note. In it, Wei Wuxian doesn’t tell him about the time travel, but says that Wei Wuxian is going forever, and Lan Wangji will understand why tomorrow. He understands that it’s too much to wish for that Lan Wangji won’t hate him, after how selfish he’s been and what a terrible person he’s been, marrying Lan Wangji and pretending it can last, but he hopes Lan Wangji can still look back and remember him fondly in the future. He apologizes again and tells Lan Wangji again that he didn’t mean to tarnish Lan Wangji’s reputation or saddle him with a child, but A-Yuan is here now and he knows Lan Wangji loves A-Yuan. He leaves a similar cryptic note for Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, apologizing to all of them for things they don’t understand.

Lan Zhan immediately begins searching for him all through the night, and then in the morning everyone blacks out and suddenly has memories of a different past couple of years, for most people starting with Wen Ruohan getting assassinated. People don’t immediately suspect the Yiling Patriarch, because they think he was simply never created in this timeline, and lives as Head Disciple Jiang and Lan Wangji’s husband, but Wei Wuxian’s family know better. They immediately rush to the Burial Mounds, and find it guarded by corpses. Inside the cave, Wei Wuxian begins conducting the ritual, also crying because he really had a happy life this time and he really really doesn’t want to go, but he can’t bear to revert to the original timeline, not when everyone is still alive here, so he continues. Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian find out about the whole yiling patriarch thing and jiang yanli is just like…i don’t care. Jin Guangshan is dead and can’t care, Jin Guangyao doesn’t have a vendetta, Jin Zixuan does what his wife says, and Jiang Yanli is alive so Jiang Cheng has no beef, plus he sees the lengths Wei Wuxian went through to save everyone. He also understands the letter now, then he and Jiang Yanli confront Lan Wangji like…do you no longer love him? Lan Wangji of course reacts poorly to this accusation and denies it. They leave A-Yuan behind and go to the Mounds with the intention of convincing Wei Wuxian that he doesn’t have to run away and they want him back.

They arrive in the cave just as Wei Wuxian is finishing with the ritual. But of course, parallels, Wei Wuxian looks up to see them standing in the entrance of the cave and thinks that they’re there to kill him, but also can see how distressed Lan Wangji looks and attempts to reassure him that he doesn’t have to kill Wei Wuxian! You know, his husband in this timeline! Because Wei Wuxian will do it himself! Wei Wuxian makes them fight some corpses while he rushes to finish the ritual, because they seem keen on stopping him (“i know you disapprove of demonic cultivation but this is the only way to save everyone”). Lan Wangji tackles him away from his ceremonial knife, and Wei Wuxian fights back (still has golden core!) they both fight desperately (“i have to do it myself Lan Zhan, otherwise I would let you do it”) over the knife. Jiang Cheng insists that there must be another solution, bc he doesn’t want Jiang Yanli to die. Then Wen Qing and Wen Ning walk into the cave, and Wen Qing like the genius she is, proposes the Alternate Solution. (What is it? Idk. just a magic solution in which Wei Wuxian doesn’t have to die). Wei Wuxian pauses in the middle of fighting Lan Wangji (“i don’t have to die?” he asks while Lan Wangji is busy shattering the knife and then he and Jiang Cheng pin him down so he can stop trying to kill himself in front of them. “Nope,” says Wen Qing, the only person with brains here). So Wei Wuxian sits on the floor of the cave, tied with deity-binding thread (Wei Wuxian: let me go Lan Wangji: not until you promise to go with wen qing’s version of the ritual Jiang Cheng: unless…do you want to leave? Wei Wuxian: no!) (What’s the solution? Maybe all of them sacrifice something important to them, maybe they just…all use their power to BS their way through a solution? Again, I don’t know).

So Lan Wangji unties Wei Wuxian and they hug and kiss and they all head back to Lotus Pier, where they eat a celebratory dinner, and reunite with A-Yuan, and Wei Wuxian celebrates the fact that he can live this happy life and not owe the world anything/need to go through the ritual.

The End!

[tellywoodtrash]

Hi TT,

I'm so glad that your lbs are back🥳🥳.

So much has happened in immj2 land after the vihaan track.Your lbs were the only source of immj2 for me..so when u stopped the lbs at the point where vihaan was revealed to be vansh only and he started playing mind games and revenge revenge with a clueless ridhima...Uske baad kya hua till the events in this lb I have no idea.So can you pls do a KAHANI AB TAK from the point where the lbs were on hold till now?

Love

Ratna.

Hi hi!!!!!!!! 💖💖💖

Oh boy, tbh, this show is bonkers crazy and I don’t know how to sensibly explain what the fuck went down, but I shall tryyyyyyy:

Ok so we left off at Vansh telling Riddhima to murder Kabir. She obviously can’t do it coz she’s a weakass bitch (warna kab ka Vansh ko hi maar deti uske anginnath chutiyaape ke liye............) Kabir gloats about it to Vansh and also lets slip that they were in a relationship before she came into V’s life, and how he’s just not fated for love, is he. Vansh gets hella mad at this and instead of going to therapy about it like a normal person, decides ki I have to get revenge from Riddhima for this. They go on some dhaarmic vacation where he abandons her and when she finally makes her way back everyone’s like “Hein tum kaun????????????/ Vansh ki biwi toh Ahaana hai.” So basically Riddhima; whose whole identity is just being Vansh’s wife; ka account deactivate ho jaata hai, like Trump’s twitter. Siya meanwhile starts yelling in her coma for Riddhima Bhaabi, so Vansh has to let R stay. There’s some stupidass competitions and shit between her and Ahaana and R is finally like ok you know what I’ve had enough of this and leaves. Siya finally wakes tf up and tells everyone the truth. V like OHNOE!!!!!!! I’M A DUMBASS!!!!!!! (yeah, we know.) and runs behind R and stops her from leaving. R usse bhi badi buddhu and actually gets back together with this fucking crazy man and his nonsense family. Ab aata hai track where Kabir starts sending Riddhima clues about her past and R finds that her parents didn’t actually abandon her at the anaath-ashram but actually died in some accident. She finds that around the saaaaaaaaame time, teenage V was in juvie. Snooping around, snooping around, as per usual she wants to know if V’s connected to her parents. Because no one taught her ki correlation =/= causation. V plans elaborate second shaadi to keep her from snooping but Riddhima apni multitasker max hai! Manages to get through 4098340239480 shaadi rituals and also do her jasoosi, finds out he was in juvie for a car accident that killed a couple. V lies to everyone that the couple he actually killed was Kabir’s dad and aunt. Yeh sunke K ki khisak jaati hai, but then he actually overhears V and Ishani talking ki that was a lie and it was Ishani who killed Riddhima’s parents and V took the blame for her. Kabir doesn’t like being taken for a fool and is like bitch imma burn this shit to the ground now and get my girl back too. Meanwhile V is having issues with his diamond smuggly business and is like “omg I have such a dangerous line of work I can never have a family of my own.” Well, yeh khayaal thoda late aaya coz guess who’s been regularlyyyyyyyy tapping it without wrapping it??????? Yeah, this dumbass who doesn’t want kids. K ka dariya dil is like “arre waah ek se saath ek muft muft muft? I want R and baby also!” V is a pissyass bitch about R getting pregnant as if she did it all on her own with no contribution from him. Anyway, thanks to his diamond smuggling fuckery someone shoots during a family event and Ishani loses her baby. Not the best time for everyone to find out R is pregnant, and people start trying to murder her and baby. Someone keeps sending her warning letters about it tho. K keeps saving her ass and V is just like meh who cares, mereko toh bas apni padi hai. AnuMom makes a comeback here and adds to the fuckery and K is like SO HELP ME GOD, DON’T YOU HURT MY GIRL AND BABY, and she’s like “hein yeh kya ho gaya, I was literally not here for a few weeks and ladka haath se nikal gaya.” Anyway, long story short, turns out it was the random uncle (Aryan’s dad who shows up only once in 6 months) who was looking out for R and baby and saving them via warning notes. For that nek kaam, AnuMom murders the fuck outta him. Tbh by this point I stopped even keeping up with the show and someall fuckery happens with the diamonds and all, but at some point V realises ki “oh mere ko bhi chahiye apna crotch-goblin” and accepts the consequences of his non-condom wearing actions. By this point Kabir is trying to get the diamonds and the girl + baby and idk man.......... Kuch ka kuch ho jaata hai and they all end up in a forest where Kabir seems to have murdered V (but he’s saved by AnuMom who’s like FRIENDSHIP ENDED WITH KABIR, NOW VANSH IS MY BEST SON) , and is all ready to marry R but V comes outta nowhere and haathapaai ensues and this leads to V/R jumping off a cliff and hiding but he gets shot and sends Riddhima off to safety.

Now we’ve moved to Voot. V wakes up 6-7 hours later in the forest to find Angre there; Angre says R is home and sent him to come get him. V comes home to find new and improved Riddhima who is veryyyyyyy horny all the time (not unheard of with pregnancy hormones.) Meanwhile entry of sasta!Vansh who R has some deal with and she keeps doing shit like steal the diamonds for him and some khaandani rifle (they keep calling it a “SNIPER RIFLE” but it legit looks like Vasco De Gama ki gun from Andaz Apna Apna.) Dadi on the other hand has turned into this major Gangster Grandma who’s ruthless as fuck and is all about the Raisinghania naam and power and mafia business or whatever and she’s like I can’t take it how V and R are fucking up the name of the fam for their do takke ka manhoos pyaar, I want them murdered, esp. R. V finds out that sasta!V’s wife (whom he claims to have murdered) looks exactly like Riddhima and is now convinced ki yeh jo mere ghar mein hai is a duplicate, and they have kidnapped my real pregnant wife. Anyway, he’s like fine Dadi, I’ll murder R for the khaandaan. Takes her to the jungle and shoots her in front of Aryan. But V is puraana paapi who is expert in making it look like he’s murdered the love interest of the season and hiding them from the whole world, so yeah............... Keeps R in some room somewhere and interrogates her every day but she’s like OMG *I’m* your wife, dumbass. Udhar Siya’s traumatised by bhaiyya’s wife-murdering ways and is now falling for sasta!Bhaiyya and gotten a makeover and discovered teenage rebellion; while Ishani’s realized how hot her husband is and is constantly wanting to sex him. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand now the non-Rrahul dude has gotten COVID irl, so I guess he’ll be off the show for a bit, and my cyuuutoooo Kabir (who’s being kept captive somewhere by Riddhima????) will finally be back? One can hope. I miss Kabir and this show is absolutely nothing without him.

[aesudan-kholin]

If Kaladin had actually given Elhokar hero lessons, how do you think those sessions would have gone?

so... i made a post recently about how i understand (i know lots of things, but not understand) literally nothing about them whatsoever. so answering this ask isnt going to keep in line with what i usually do of only saying something if im confident in it and reasonably sure it wont change later. AKA me from the future might not agree with what i think and say now. so just putting that out there.

so the thing about this is it probably never could have happened. elhokar was desperate, and in his desperation, whether this idea of kaladin teaching him was something that he had been stewing on for weeks to months, or something he thought of while drunk (i imagine it would be the former, though he probably didn't think about it in specific, accomplishable ways), he finally worked up the courage with the help of some alcohol to ask kaladin to do this completely un fleshed out plan of figuring out how to make elhokar not be a shit king. now, this was doomed to fail for a few reasons.

number one: elhokar had a very very good chance of legitimately being incapable of being a good king.

maybe he could have ended up (with some guidance) as a good leader at some smaller scale, like a small town, but even that is debatable. kaladin instinctively knows things, and while i definitely think he had a negative bias against elhokar and his King Skillz in that moment due their relationship being at a low point, his instinct saying 'yeah thats never gonna happen' was probably completely correct.

number two: kaladin probably would not agree to it.

2a. in that moment where he did ask, kaladin thought he was being weird as hell and was so fucking confused. he didn't know at all where this was coming from, because he is blind to how other people view him a lot of the time, and by extension how elhokar had been idolizing him. they probably hadn't seen much of each other ever since elhokar tried to execute him and throw him in jail. from kaladin's perspective, elhokar tried to kill him, then is coming to him like he has all the secrets to life, which is very baffling to him. unrelated sidenote i need to rewrite this stupid coppermind article on elhokar i did not write it but i want to fix some shit in here. so kaladin in that situation is like WTF????? in his head but out loud he's like 'um.. i dont know if thats possible for you' which is a rejection. i don't know if he would have said the same words if he was at a relative high point in his opinion of elhokar rather than potentially the lowest point that he got in wor that he was in that chapter (thinking about it the chapter where he was in prison might have been the lowest but this is a low point is what im saying), but thats probably an opinion he would have kept throughout the bumpy road of whatever tf their relationship is.

2b. kaladin has shit to do, man. dude was working double triple shifts in words of radiance, got into urithiru and was like the only windrunner, and was training overtime to train some windrunners to have some squires ready for the expedition to kholinar. after he got back he was made a highmarshall and we dont see too much in the ob-row timeskip but he wasnt getting much sleep either, and he probably had a lot of shit to do when he was awake, battles aside. when would he have had the time to even begin to think about lesson plans for this goal that in his head is sort of unachievable, let alone find time for actually talking to elhokar about shit.

so like even if elhokar did ask at a point where kaladin felt less like he was absolute crap and more like [??????? but more positive than the absolute crap thing], kaladin would still have been like dude what. and kaladin also would have been like dude i do not have the time. even in an elhokar lives au (because the first time kaladin would have potentially had any time whatsoever for that is post-kholinar), shallan would probably be the radiant he was interacting more due to lightweaver reasons. and elhokar has a great deal of respect for shallan as well, certainly not as much as he has for kaladin, but he does value shallan's skill and opinion, and shallan would not only be a lot more willing to give elhokar some support and advice, they would be working closer together anyway because of their shared order. he wouldn't be getting this nebulous "secret to life" stuff that he wanted to get from the guy who survived a highstorm, almost single handedly saved an army, beat shardbearers with nothing but a spear, and fell into the chasms only to crawl back out again even after a highstorm, but, and my future self might disagree on this, but he might have just been looking for advice on how to live his life.

but, all of that aside. lets say that kaladin for some reason decided that it was personally important to him to train elhokar to not be a shit leader, that he potentially thought it was not a lost cause, and if he did then he cared enough to try anyway. postponing kholinar (which he would have the power to do in this case, since elhokar would be listening to whatever he said*) might have given him more time for that after that request, or else he might have had to think about it and agree post-kholinar, which would involve an elhokar lives au, which i dont want to deal with all the implications so im going to say in this scenario he accepted after elhokar asked in wor 80, or maybe directly after urithiru was discovered (aka later that night) with a promise to start teaching him right after he got back from hearthstone. god i feel like alternate history hub. the later that night thing would have been more likely because that is after his whole 180 about elhokar. that way, the weird intense commitment to help elhokar be a better leader was baked in to all the other weird dramatic shifts about how he thought about elhokar.

what i think kaladin would do?

possibility 1: he would have elhokar start small. i think he would have elhokar teach a single person to do something. he would get a new recruit, and tell elhokar to teach him to be a soldier. maybe the new recruit is one of lopens cousins who saw elhokar blackout drunk and being pushed around by lopens mom to eat his food, so he's not intimidated by him. the new guy not being intimidated is key, because he can't just do what elhokar says because he's the king. after the day, kaladin talks to the new recruit then elhokar, seeing what went right and wrong, then tells elhokar what changes to make. if somehow everything went right with that, kaladin would next give him a group of 5 to lead in some way, and if that worked, a group of 50.

possibility 2: a job shadow. either kaladin job shadowing elhokar, watching all his fuck ups happen in real time, and constantly whispering advice which is offputting to the people elhokar is meeting with but its funny. the issue here comes with kaladin not knowing a lot of political theory. as good of a leader as kaladin is (which is insanely), elhokar is more well versed in political theory (as an example think of the time kaladin was like 'why is beating sadeas in a duel going to wreck him its literally just a duel' there would be a lot of situations in elhokar's work as a king that kaladin would probably be similarly confused on), even if he doesn't apply it well. either that, or elhokar job shadowing kaladin, watching kaladin train the windrunners, and breaking to explain some things to elhokar every once in a while, which elhokar would theoretically learn from. the issue here of course comes with how both of these guys both have sort of incredibly important jobs that they could probably only carve out a few hours at most for something like that. unless elhokar abdicated.

abdication.... no i shouldn't go into all of this this should be a separate 2000 word post. but abdication could come into play and is related to that *asterisk earlier.

i can not think of a third possibility, although there probably is one. i would think that possibility 1 would be more likely in my opinion.

some meme possibilities i came up with:

- kaladin lets elhokar borrow syl and elhokar wears a hat and syl is in the hat pulling bits of his hair like ratatouille and basically operating elhokar and she makes him be an ideal windrunner whenever she feels like he's fucking up

- kaladin presides over the document signing meetings and whenever elhokar is about to sign a document he thinks isn't good he slaps the pen out of his hand and has a disapproving glare. elhokar has to do the walk of shame across the room to get the pen everytime this happens

- training montage with "Gonna Fly Now" in the background where there is no dialogue and it just shows elhokar visibly failing and he tries to lift a rock with a piece of paper on it that says "kingly responsibility" and fails and kaladin shakes his head, then there's a training montage of idk him learning the spear or training other bridgemen or other kaladin-y things and wearing a bandana for no reason then by the end of the montage he successfully lifts the kingly responsibility rock

- they just completely switch jobs for a while while elhokar gets his shit together. all hail king kaladin

(+ my first thoughts)

[imma-fucking-nerd]

Goodmorning

(Connor x PlusSized!Reader)

A/N: Yes this is absolutely self-indulgent, let me live my life. Also I didnt know what to to title it so yee

——————————————

It was still dark when you came into work at the DPD that Monday morning and all you wanted to do was go back to sleep for 12 more hours. But alas, you had work. You weren't a detective or an officer or someone that went out in the field at all really.  Basically a secretary of sort, taking care of files of cases and such. How you weren't replaced by an android by now you had no idea, but you were grateful. Well, at least now you were.

You used to hate working at the DPD. Why? One reason. Gavin fucking Reed. The insufferable prick seemed to make it his goddamn life mission to make you as miserable as possible. Specifically targeting your weight. How original. It didn't really make you feel that bad, okay that was a lie. But it was more annoying than anything. You were so close to just quiting when a certain android appeared at the desk across from Hanks.

When you first saw him you were intrigued to say the least. He was.....drop dead gorgeous. And when he looked at you with those perfect brown eyes you were smitten. You were also extremely embarrassed that he had just caught you gawking at him and with a nervous laugh you waved at him before hastily getting back to work. Little did you know that Connor hadn't looked away, and was extremely confused as to why your round cheeks were rising in temperature.

Ever since then your little crush on the android detective just kept growing the more you interacted with him. In that time you also grew closer to Hank, you realized that he was actually really cool. And also definitely knew about your 'little' crush. Of course, you didn't know he knew. You thought you were being so slick, but in Hanks words you were being "really fucking obvious." Thankfully Connor didn't put the pieces together.

You knew that he'd never feel the same about you, even if he could feel that way towards anyone. Why would he pick you of all people? You weren't exactly the prettiest, or the smartest, and you couldn't kick ass to save your ass. But hey, you could dream right?

Despite that you always held a tiny piece of hope. A tiny piece that only kept growing as you noticed how he himself was slowly becoming the very thing he was meant to hunt. And when he finally became a full on deviant? You were beyond happy, and so so proud.

You smiled to yourself as you made your way over to your desk as you recalled the day he and Hank came to you with the news. It was the day after you saw your little Connor on tv leading an army of Cyberlife androids he 'woke up'. The first thing you did was bring him in for a bone-crushing hug, gushing about how proud you were. You almost kissed him right then and there but you had to force yourself away from him with a little awkward laugh.

"Good morning (Y/n)," Connor's voice tore you away from your thoughts.

"Morning Cony," you greeted him with a smile.

Glancing over to Hanks desk and, unsurprisingly, not seeing him there you chucked a bit to yourself.

"It seems that Hank couldn't be bothered to come to work on time like the rest of us. Again."

When you didn't get a response from Connor you looked back to him staring at you intently, his LED blinking yellow. You rose a brow and couldn't help but smirk slightly, knowing exactly what he was doing.

"I just got here and your already scanning me, hmm?" you asked amused.

He blinked a couple of times and his LED returned to its passive blue. The lightest shade of blue tinting his cheeks, seemingly in embarrassment.

"My apologies, (Y/n). But I noticed that your low in dopamine. Have you eaten breakfast?" He inquired, tilting his head adorably as he always did.

"Uhhh yep. Had a bowl of cereal," you lied.

You didn't really ever eat breakfast. Not because of your whole overweight thing, but because you just never really got hungry early in the morning. You could already hear Gavin's dumb voice fiegning shock. But surprise surprise, just cuz you're overweight doesn't mean you're constantly stuffing your face. You only do that at night.

Connor was just about to call you out on your obvious lie, he didn't even need a lie detector to know that since you were an awful liar, your stomach betrayed you with a low growl. He frowned slightly and you chuckled bashfully before looking down at your stomach.

"Traitor," you mumbled to yourself.

"(Y/n), you know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day for humans. You should eat something," before you could even speak he interrupts you with a playful smile, "and only having coffee doesn't count as breakfast."

"Okay okay, fine fine. You win," you sigh in defeat which earned a smile from the android.

God how you loved that awkward smile. Adorable.

"Lets hope that there's something decent in the break room," you said before turning in the direction of said room.

"Alright, I'll be out here filling out some reports if you need anything," Connor called out to you before you left.

You hoped to god that you got here before Gavin and that you wouldn't have to see his stupid-

"Well looky what we have here. Come to raid the fridge?" He asked with a smug grin, like he thought he did something.

Of course.

You didn't dignify his schoolyard taunt with a response, only rolling your eyes. However you did change your course to the coffee making instead. You could grab something when he left, not really wanting to deal with his judgment at the moment. As Hank would say, it's too early for this shit.

"Aww did I hurt little piggy's feelings?" He taunted further as he made his way over to you, pinching your cheek.

Immediately your hand came up to slap his away and you shot him a glare.

"You know pigs are actually really intelligent creatures. Shame the same can't be said about you. So thanks for the compliment jackass," you snapped before turning your attention back to the coffee maker.

Before Gavin could get out a comeback to reclaim some of his pride, Connor appeared in the doorway.

"Is there a problem here?" He directed to Gavin.

"I was just leaving," Gavin said bitterly before leaving, childishly chucking into Connor's shoulder on his way out.

Connor didn't move an inch.

You huffed as you watched him leave, subconsciously rubbing the cheek that he pinched rather hard. Connor noticed this and tilted his head slightly before making his way over to you.

"Are you alright? Did he hurt you?" His voice was concerned and he looked back to Gavin, fully prepared to beat his ass for hurting you.

"No, no I'm fine. The prick just pinched my damned cheek. Who the fuck even does that?" You sighed.

Yet despite your words he gently grabbed your chin and tilted your head slightly to make sure no damage was done. He certainly couldn't let one of his favourite humans be injured, especially not by one of his least favourite.

Connor's actions immediately started making heat rise up to your cheeks and you couldn't help but stare at his perfect face. God how you wanted him to just kiss you right then and there. As soon as those thoughts entered your mind you immediately averted your gaze from him, your cheeks becoming even more warm.

Connor tilted his head at your odd behavior and did a scan of you quickly. When he came to the conclusion that it seemed you were flustered, he had to hold back a smirk. He might have been innocent, and a bit oblivious about your feelings for him for.....well longer than he wanted to admit seeing as though he was a detective and couldn't figure out you liked him without help from Hank. More like Hank straight up saying it in frustration. But now that he knew, he couldn't help but think how adorable you were. How didn't he see it sooner? Oh how he loved being deviant.

Suddenly, an idea popped into his head and this time he made no effort to hide his smirk. When you looked up to him you were the one tilting your head in confusion. Slowly, he leaned down and you swore you felt like your heart was either going to explode, or just stop altogether. Your eyes went wide as he grew closer, and when he planted his lips ever so gently on the spot where Gavin pinched you swore you died and went to heaven.

When he pulled back you just blinked at him in disbelief. The way your heartrate went through the roof made Connor's smirk widen and he had to stop himself from chuckling at how adorable you looked.

"All better?" He asked slyly, the smooth bastard.

You couldn't even get out a word in response, only making weird noises before nodding. You were definitely feeling better now. He pulled his hand away from you and stood up straighter, his face forming an innocent smile as if nothing happened.

"Good, then I suggest you get some breakfast," with that he turned to leave the room, but not before shooting you a wink.

You stared at the door he left from as you brought up your hand to touch the place the kissed you. Now you were rubbing it for a whole new reason.

Suddenly a thought came to your mind. Why did he do that? Did he know you liked him? How did he-?

Hank.

Oh you were so going to kill him.

——————————————

A/N: Sorry the ending is kinda bad, idk where tf this went lmaoo. Was originally gunna make Connor the innocent bby he is but then he turned out to be the smooth bastard he also is woops. Anyways, hope y'all enjoyed

[shadowhuntertrash]

Hii congrats on 200 again 🥳🥳 could I request malec for the headcanons?? I already know I’m gonna love them 😻

Thank you!!! 🎉

Okay but hear me out. Magnus hates driving because why take two hours to get somewhere when you can take five minutes? Alec loves car trips but can't drive for shit so mostly they portal but occasionally Magnus will drive Alec around if he's stressed or just needs to get out for a bit.

Well we all know Magnus likes to call Alec 'Alexander' which isn't really a pet name but the way its used throughout the books is better than any other pet name I can think of. I think Alec calls Magnus 'Maggie' ironically to the point of telling people he's dating/married to Maggie and when he realizes people assume he's straight he is so horrified that he now says Magnus Bane and proceeds to inform them that he is a male.

Magnus does both. You cannot convince me that he doesn't rock out around the house in his sparkly af underwear while Alec sits there going who tf even is this idiot and then Magnus makes him join in and Alec is just like ah yes that's right, you’re my idiot.

Magnus has had all types of food and so he has one main food he likes. Alec picked up on it quite quickly and on their second date told the waiter what he wanted and then told the waiter what Magnus wanted too and Magnus was like hOw DiD yOu KnOw? And Alec is like idk I like you so I paid attention and Magnus is like *teary eyed* thank you

Alec is absolutely terrified of spiders but he won't let Magnus kill them so he has Magnus portal them or scoop them up so they aren't harmed but aren't able to attack Alec anymore.

Alec adores his sleep and damn the people that interrupt it. Magnus on the other hand hates sleeping because its pointless and so he just asks Alec questions all night when he gets bored. "But Alexander think about it. If you're born deaf what language do you think in???" "MAGNUS SHUT UP ITS FOUR AM"

We all know how they came out 😍. Alec kissed him in front of everyone which effectively outed him and Magnus was just like Y E S. Alec was scared and his parents weren't supportive but Magnus' friends were all really happy for him.

Magnus is easily bored at meetings and when Alec is in the middle of going over something important he magically whispers inappropriate things in his ear from the end of the table. Most of the time Alec can keep a straight face but there are some occasions where the meeting ends because suddenly Alec can't form a coherent thought.

Alec needs reassurance that Magnus has his back for everything, family events, institute things, he just needs reassurance most of the time in form of support. Magnus needs reassurance about Alec really loving him and not just having a little fun and testing the waters. Alec is absolutely head over hills in love with Magnus but Magnus has been through so much and knows how much people can change that he's always scared.

They both kiss desperately most of the time. Alec has spent his whole life hiding who he was and Magnus has never had anyone who cares as much as Alec so as sweet and cuddly as they can be both of them kiss quite passionately.

Alec is NEVER late. He is always on time as most things he is hosting/running himself. Magnus like to make dramatic entrances but if Alec needs help setting up he will get there early to help him. Alec ever only showed up to something late once and he showed up with his shirt inside out and bed hair but not the kind you wake up with.

Magnus loves photography. He has been into it since it started because he likes the idea of catching everyone that has ever been important to him in photographs. He keeps them in a warded box in a secret place so he can look back and remember all the friends he's lost. (He has pictures of Will, Matthew and James, almost everyone from that era.)

Alec is a tidy person and typically cleans obsessively but sometimes if he's tired from a long day at work and doesn't have the energy to clean up after the kids when he gets home Magnus will just shove him in bed, kiss him on the forehead, and then go clean it up himself before getting in bed with his husband.

Alec doesn't drink much and is a lightweight which makes Magnus laugh hysterically because after 800 (😏) years he has learned how to take his liquor. Its quickly turned into a game to see who can get Alec more smashed but every morning when he wakes up terribly hung over Magnus just laughs and magics it away.

Magnus likes to spring trips on Alec when he gets overwhelmed running the institute. Their favorite places are the Maldives, Paris, and Bora Bora because Magnus is a sucker for the beach and they both have a thing about Paris.

[eyeslikefoxglove]

Episode 14 - WangXian are a (v soft) Battle Couple & Foxglove is hella mad

Hi! Welcome to episode 14. I should be studying. It’s day two of morning runs, so my soul has left my body already, send help. Yesterday I went to buy plants with my mum and got so excited I just whacked on a bunch of eyeshadow because I haven’t seen the outside in weeks, I’m also wearing makeup today, because I have nowhere to go, but I really need to finish this bb cream before it goes bad, so my parents are getting my full fresh faced “woke up like this and put on mascara” routine (which is a fucking lie because I’m wearing at least three blushes and two highlighters). I’m determined to get this bitch down in under five minutes so I can have another five to do eyeshadow, I have way too much eyeshadow to not wear it (I have way too much everything except maybe mascara and eyebrow stuff).

Yes, if y’all were wondering I am in fact a makeup magpie. ANYWAY BACK TO THE ACTUAL THING WE ALL CAME HERE FOR.

(Btw further down I discuss once again how shitty I think the Yunmeng sibs’ parents are if that causes an issue for you)

Ok ok ok, so I was talking with damnpoe-2187 here about how we found that sometimes WWX crossed from gremlin into asshole when he tried to get LWJ riled up. Like in the Cold Springs, putting our shippers hearts aside, that was a dick move and he should have stopped undressing the second LWJ went from annoyed to incredibly uncomfortable. I find this scene the complete opposite, a show of character development if you will. It is kind of similar in that they’re both hurt, and alone (although this time is much more serious) and there was some undressing going on; however WWX here behaves like a fool in love considerate person and knowing how uncomfortable LWJ already is tries to make it easier for him. They’re also super soft and I’m weak.

A brief interlude from my one track mind: That pond is full of corpses isn’t it? Or at least the remnants of the Murder Turtle’s meals I suppose. Damn right WWX should not have gone into the water with an open wound, but think no one should go swimming in there without a full hazmat suit tbh (I want to pump them full of antibiotics at this point ngl)

So I love this tiny montage (is it even a montage) of the, getting themselves ready to kill the Murder Turtle.

Teamwooooooork.

Listen, I have read a few fics in which their mind-meld stays in place due to reasons and I need me more of those.

Ok, turtles don’t work that way, but then again, giant murder snake-Trex-turtle so that’s low on my list of priorities. What’s not low is the fact that this guy is knee deep into pretty much a mass grave and I want to take a few showers just watching him.

Yeah, I know exactly what he’s smelling and suddenly I hope I don’t have meat for lunch today tbh.

The screaming sword has always been fucking creepy and does LWJ’s fist clench mean that he’s also hearing them?

BATTLE COUPLE! BATTLE COUPLE! BATTLE COUPLE!

So I know killing the thing took them something like six hours. And while it feels quite a long time in the show, I think that, if they cut the scene with idk, JC running towards Lotus Pier, then back to them, then back to JC, but now the sun is in a different position, back to them, but now the blood from LWJ’s hand has dripped down his arm; and so on a so forth it’d convey more clearly how long it took for the Murder Turtle to die. I know fuck all about cinematography tho so feel free to ignore all this if it is in fact an abomination.

Tiiiiiiny interlude here to say that Yiling Patriarch!WWX is probably one of my favourite character archetypes. He’s slightly creepy, slightly amoral (smiling while torturing and murdering bad guys is still amoral ok), more than a bit on the Dark Side, cocky, smirky, a bit of an asshole a BAMF, a rebel with cause and yet he will still do the right thing, not despite his nature, but because of it. He’s kind of like a Chipped Spike? But you know, he doesn’t need electroshock to behave.

I just want a fic where he’s this Dark Lord of Evil in everyone’s eyes however the ‘good guys’ take a break from trying to off him because a bigger threat just popped up and they have no choice but to ask for his help. He agrees, keeps being his charming self while also saving everyone’s asses, LWJ is smitten.

TL;DR: The Necromancer is hot. Oh and nobody dare deny LWJ has a Yiling Patriarch kink.

Oh my, this is the part when I always get teary eyed.

WUJI ON A CELLO? DO YOU WANT TO KILL ME?

“Why hasn’t Jiang Cheng shown up and rescued me yet?” THIS IS ALL THE PROOF I NEED THAT WWX IS THE BABY SIBLING.

“Lan Zhan sing me a song”

IT IS HAPPENING, STAY FUCKING CALM EVERYBODY (I’m crying)

That slideshow of their best moments set to WuJi is a masterpiece, and also, it kind of drives home the point of “how tf did we go from flirting during summer camp to this mess”?

(Btw if that’s YiBo humming he’s got one hell of a deep voice)

Ok ok ok, so this moment had me spitting up my tea the first time I watched it. Believe it or not my dumbass thought these people were actually serious with the censorship and we’d get scraps of their actual relationship. Lots of charged moments like in some other western tv shows I’ve seen when two dudes have chemistry but “they’re not gay”, no longing glances, no tender touches, no being unbelievably soft with each other; just you know, amped up, because if I’m not mistaken you can be arrested in China for “promoting the gay”. I mean, they changed the beginning when people insult MXY’s sexuality to insulting his mental health; no one would think “ah yes, the gays are good” when they hear it used as a slur, but they still erased it completely. One of the things I thought they’d fully take away was WangXian, I mean, the into/outro is named Wuji, which, you know, still a mishmash of their names, but not their ship name. It is such a significant part of the story with all the “what’s the song name? Figure it out yourself” that if something were going to give away that they’re married with a kid it would be that. I thought we’d get an artful fade to black BEFORE LWJ would say the name not after. And also, YiBo is enunciating it so clearly that, even with the sound muffled and the blurriness I, who don’t speak Chinese, can make out the two syllables. That’s deliberate, I can say “WangXian” loud and clear without moving my lips too much. At this point in time I must assume someone in charge of looking for censorship violations in the show is a fan and just ignored it.

Censorship person 1: dude, isn’t that a bit too gay, maybe you shouldn’t greenlight it.

Censorship person 2: shut the fuck up, sit here and watch.

*a full rundown of the whole of CQL later*

Censorship person 1: oh my god they’re so in love and they deserve to be happy.

Back to the commentary: I’m sorry but I have a mighty need of a WWX & Peacock friendship ok? This might be me just wanting WWX and LWJ to make other friends besides each other but I think that the Peacock is just bitchy enough to not take any of WWX’s bullshit.

And the Yunmeng bros timing for banter strikes yet again.

That’s terrible quality fake blood btw.

@ Yunmeng disciples: STOP SHOOTING FUCKING KITES PLEASE AND THANK YOU

Oooof even with a change of clothes our boy is still looking rough as hell.

MY LOVELY YUNMENG SIBS BEING SOFT AND HAPPY WITH EACH OTHER.

It hurts my soul that the second JFM starts praising WWX for surviving the Murder Turtle our boy’s knee-jerk reaction is to start praising JC in return. It is instinctive, how many times must this have happened for him to know his brother won’t even get scraps of praise? (Seriously fuck their parents)

It was going so well, I mean, JFM had a point warning him to not say things in anger. But I thought he was going to tell him that it is because sometimes he’ll hurt someone without wanting to, yet, this asshole decided to, once again, remind his kid he thinks he’s a failure.

And here comes Mme Yu who I can only assume had a servant posted at the door to warn her when WWX woke so she could throw some verbal abuse at him. I mean, she must have been missing it.

And JFM’s misogynistic bullshit strikes once again, because why defend ALL your kids when you can insult your wife.

(Every time someone berates WWX for “intervening” I want to scream. I mean, seeing this I can believe why the society as a whole thought genocide was a good idea.)

I love how they use their kids as props in their fight, I mean it’s not like they have feelings or anything. This woman is gaslight-y as hell too “you don’t love your kid because I gave birth to him”, you can’t tell me saying that in front of the son she’s supposed to love isn’t going to hurt him. And she knows it, I mean, besides the Wen attack I’ve never seen her hit the kids (although I very much doubt she hasn’t), so a good part of the abuse must be verbal. There’s no fucking way a person who regularly uses words that way won’t realise where she’s aiming those arrows. Which means to her (to both) the kids are collateral.

But FR, the barely-out-of-adolescence disaster bi necromancer PTSDing all over the place and living in a mass grave was a better parent than any of the current adults in this thing.

Which brings me to another point, Shijie is textbook “the oldest sibling is just another parent” and I’m making myself very angry.

[this is when I start frothing at the mouth and itching to write a modern-girl(and friends)-dropped-in-CQL because someone has to be a positive adult influence in these kids’ lives and it sure as shit ain’t the ones in the actual show.]

CAN WE STOP BRINGING PEOPLE’S DEAD PARENTS INTO THE FIGHT?

*deep breath*

I am going to feed JFM & Mme Yu each other’s spleens. Look, listen, look and listen, let’s first talk about how calmly they lay out the facts of their lives, one is only loved because he’s been brought up in the shadow of his dead parents, the other knows with certainty his father dislikes him and his mother uses him as leverage in marital disputes. When have these two not exploded their emotions all over the place? Fucking never. Yet here they are, talking about this bullshit like some bout of inconvenient weather. They’re used to it!

And now let’s talk about yet again siblings-are-just-extra-parents, with an added pile of WWX’s terrible self awareness that, to the man who brought him up, his worth is due to his dead parents. Again I’m extrapolating, but with the amount of times Mme Yu brings up his parents in such a negative light I refuse to believe JFM hasn’t made all the “you’re so much like your parents” comments to him every time WWX does something right. I mean, telling an orphan about their parents if they ask is a good thing, but WWX seems starved for stories about his them, which leads me to believe JFM refuses to talk about the topic except to make those little comments. What a fucking stellar way to give someone all the trauma if you ask me. May also explain a lot of WWX’s self worth issues if the biggest praise he’s ever heard is that he resembles dead people, yes, people who were loved, but they’re dead, and it doesn’t look like any adult has bothered to go and differentiate WWX from ZSSR&WCZ.

I’m just really mad, despite all the silly anecdotes I put in here my parents are fucking great at parenting, so I know what good parents should look like, and this ain’t it.

Ok, so I made myself angry and I don’t know if I should move onto the next episode now or wait till tomorrow but thanks for reading!

[alextriestowritestuff]

Elite S3 reactions (Episode by episode/overall thoughts +SPOILERSSSS)

So I know I post writing stuff but I have *EMOTIONS* about this show and no one to share them with so please ignore this post, if you don’t watch the show/don’t care. Includes spoilers so you’ve been warned.

Ok, I’m going to go episode by episode then do my overall feelings. I’d love to know anyone’s thoughts about the show so feel free to reblog! I just watched the show in 10 hours straight but alot goes on so I might not be able to remember every single conversation in a episode. Multiple characters have a lot going on at once. For reference, I don’t speak Spanish-I watch the show with English subtitles. 

-3x1: Carla

-Pretty solid start, we pick up a couple weeks after we left off. I felt so DUCKING bad for Carla the entire season and I understood why she lied in court about accusing Polo. Malick is introduced-am I the only who doesn’t like people who are persistent in asking other people out? Like my no is a no. Don’t annoy me, this is the kind shit people pull and pressure others into a relationship. It’s not endearing to me. So I automatically didn’t like him. 

-Lu gets kicked out but can someone tell me where she lives throughout the season? I figured she lived with her mom after her dad kicked her out but at the last episode, in the airport, she says both her parents have disowned her? Where has been living? Maybe she saved up money unlike Valerio idk. 

-3x2: Samuel and Guzman

-Samu is trying to get Carla back. I didn’t dislike them as a couple last season but I knew they were using each other, so I didn’t allow myself to get too close to them. But now I ship them. I wanted them together this season. Yeray is introduced-um, I still think he’s irrelevant. I did think for a moment that he was going to hold his money over Carla’s head so she’d stay with him but he didn’t even think for one second that was why Carla was trying to get with him (because her asshole dad pimped her out ugh) . He was only helpful when it came to the contract at the end.

-Deadass, I was going to exit out if Valerio had slept with Rebe’s mom. I thought that entire scene was pretty much sexual assault and it was creepy. He needs to go to rehab lmao.

-Polo trusting Guzman again was a dumb bitch move. So here’s how I feel about Polo. V unfortunately, I love him. He’s one of my fav characters. I know he’s a killer but Idk I think it’s the actor or something because he’s so pretty (the entire cast is beautiful) that I forgive everything he does?? Also I hated Marina by the end of S1 so he did me a favor. What I wanted from Polo was to embrace the fact that he was the villain. Like the times he threatened Lu by taking away the scholarship or (tried) to threaten Samu. Those scenes I was like hell fucking yes, no more wallowing. But noo this boy wanted forgiveness. Dude. You’re cute but you still killed someone, jesus. I would be so ashamed/guilty to be hanging out with the brother of the person I killed. He played himself there big time. The tweets were interesting way of revenge and ofc Caye used that to her advantage. She’s a leech but I thought she used the fact that she had the murder weapon (as leverage for Polo to stay with her) waaay more. 

3x3: Cayetana and Valerio

-Strange couple but eh, better than incest. So in this episode, Samu makes a deal with the worst detective ever (every season, she fails to solve a case lmao) and I don’t blame him. He’d do anything to get Nano back, it’s why he tried to get Polo arrested for an entire season. It’s shitty that he did that to Rebe but I understand why. Before this season, I thought Rebe was irrelevant because she wasn’t really fleshed out but after this season, I grew to like her a lot. It hurt watching her and Samu get close because everytime she said something like ‘you’re the only good thing in my life’ I was like girl, he’s the reason why you’ve lost everything ugh. It was uncomfy and sad to watch. 

-Ander and Omar. I liked them-didn’t like what Ander did last season but he did confess and was forgiven. So Omar’s whole cheating thing came out of left field and it wasn’t! Even! Properly! Confessed! to! Ander!!!! Oof. Ander SUFFERED this season. But I’m glad the writers chose cancer over HIV because there’s so much stigma attached to that disease and the LGBT community and I’m tired of that narrative. 

3x4: Lu

-I’ve always respected the hell out of Lu. Yes, she’s been a bitch for the past 2 seasons but she was always upfront about her actions. She didn’t like you, she let you know. This was her shining season and I loved her Valentine reversal. She looked hot, she really looked out for Nadia/Ander this episode (and the entire season). She could’ve revealed the cheating but she didn’t. I feel like S1 Lu would’ve so she’s come full circle. She said NO to Guzman which was everything. Oh speaking of which, I actually like Guzman. He’s really developed as a character in terms of temper. I like that he wanted to move on from hating Polo. But when he’s with Nadia, he irritates me. 

-I don’t have Muslim parents but I have Muslim cousins. My parents are immigrants. They’re not extreme like Nadia’s but like I feel Guzman goes out of his way to make Nadia’s home life worse. He’s knows her parents are conservative but he’s strides in the store and tells them about how their daughter can’t study. Should Nadia had said something? Yes but how could she? She has responsibilities to her parents. Her 2 other siblings have been kicked out. Nadia claims that her religion is important to her but Guzman repeatedly disrespects it. I couldn’t be with someone like that. It wasn’t cute that he offered to work so Nadia could study-which we saw him do ONCE. It’s overbearing. Also Nadia just forgives him so easily, it’s like dude, do you not care? So I like Guzman-he’s actually a good friend to Ander and formerly, Polo but my god, he’s so disrespectful when it comes to Nadia.

-Also I liked the threesome, not as good as Christian/Polo/Carla but not bad.

3x5: Ander

-Best episode this season, hands down. I loved the opening song and sequence. The scene where Polo’s parents catch him with Valerio and Caye really got my gears thinking-I was like if I were a parent (don’t want kids but ya know, if I did), how would I react to that? I’d like to think that I’d be very accepting of my kid (given they’re not hurting themselves or others) in terms of sexuality, religion, etc. But I was like hmmm, being polyamorous?? Not one I would be prepared for. But if the kid is happy, I guess. That was random but those were my thoughts. 

-Rebe finding out it was Samu who sold them out hurt like a bitch. BUT MY GOD THE BLACKLIGHT REVEAL!! Ugh the best. I had to pause, I was so shook. And Malick and Omar reveal to Nadia. Jesus. I loved her reaction but it was immediately undermined by the next episode when she forgives her brother. Like I get it, they’re siblings. But she should’ve held it against him longer. Omar got 0 consequences for cheating this season-not from Ander or Nadia. Tf.

3x6: Rebeca

-Carla is on drugs. Yikes. Again, her dad was pimping her all season so I get it girl. Also anyone else think the adults are stupid in the show?? All of their parents are business people but one bad financial move, they’re on their asses and almost bankrupt? Happened with Guzman’s dad and now Carla’s. Do they not invest in other things? Idk have a savings account?

-Also Samu and Guzman being friends. Top tier content. Chef’s kiss. Full circle and character development to the max. Ngl I felt a little bit of homoerotic tones there?? Just me?? I would ship them over any other couple if they got to together for just one night. 

-Nadia sharing the scholarship with Lu. Ugh. Everything. Loved that.

-Ander lying to Omar about having an affair. Ew. I know he was trying to push Omar away but like he was the one cheating? So either call him out on that or just break up with no reason. Don’t make yourself look bad dude. Ugh but the both of them sobbing at the end of their breakup...my heart shattered. That was GREAT acting. 

-Polo saving Carla. We all liked that. 

3x7: Nadia and Omar

-FUCK Ander’s mom for expelling them. I went to private school-there’s rules in place for parents who have money so they don’t manipulate the administration. Polo’s moms needed to let their son fight his own battles. Also Ander’s mom calling Guzman to come over to talk to Ander was really strange. She just expelled him. I know he’s Ander’s best friend but idk, she just expelled him. And they don’t even talk about it at Ander’s house. Again, this is the Guzman I like-the loyal/good friend. Loved the convo between him and Ander. 

-I liked Carla’s honesty to Yeryay and that they could possibly be friends. I always knew he idealized her for standing up for him on social media so I’m glad they acknowledged that. 

-Also Lu’s comment to Nadia that she looks like a pistachio was everything. And her ‘People are watching’ line in the previous episode is great too. 

-KEVIN FUCKING MCHALE made a cameo. Hell yes. And ofc, great speech by Nadia and Lu. Polito’s last conversations really did a lot for me to symphatize with his character (He didn’t have to do much because I still liked him despite his murdering). He got his moms to face the fact that they can’t throw money at every problem and that he is a killer. This scene and the beginning scenes of the next episode is what made me at peace with his character. I knew he was going to die but like this is what he needed for some sort of redemption. 

3x8: Polo

-Not the best ending for such a good season. But the first 15 minutes which are the convos and events that led up to Polo’s death was good. I never suspected Lu for a second, I really thought Valerio (Had some decent motive-more than Nadia, less obvious people like Samu and Guzman) had done it. But when I rewatched the trailer, you see that the writers told us it was her all along. Her line about the ELITE gang being family and that she’d protect them was a clue. She had the least interaction with Polo himself throughout the season so I never had time to even suspect her. Really brilliant. 

-Them touching the murder weapon is powerful. This was the only way to end things. I figured by episode 6ish that everyone was working together based on their answers in the flashforwards. And I half laughed because no sane police force would allow the witness/potential suspects to hang out together before interrogation. At least not without police watching them. 

-I do think it’s odd that Samu asked Rebe to ask her mom to get rid of Polo because he literally betrayed her and she talks to him (although mad) despite that. OKayyy. I really thought we were going to get the Samu and Carla get-together but guess not. I feel cheated by that because they clearly wanted each other all along. 

-The endings weren’t the best. I do appreciate that Omar made the right call in the end and I’m glad Ander is in remission. Oof my gripe though was with Nadia and Omar’s parents. So Lu goes to the airport and admits hey my parents disowned me and they’re like of course, we’ll be your family. AND I WAS LIKE ‘WHAT ABOUT OMAR??’ Y’all were so willing to kick him out and they never really made amends. So like I get that Omar’s dad is trying by acknowledge that Ander is Omar’s boyfriend but I mean during Omar’s mom’s dinner, he had no right asking him about his studies. He didn’t move out. Y’all kicked him out. How do you think he’s doing, trying to find a place to sleep? Jesus. Also the mom isn’t all good. Again, if I were a mom, I don’t understand how I could live without knowing if my kid is okay since they’re not living with me. My mom is a single mom-I know there’s no man in the world, not my dad, no one that she would chose me over. If my husband kicked my kids out, no questions, the husband is going to the curb or I’m going with my kids. Idgaf. The mom should’ve stood up. It just made me so angry that they were like poor Lu, no family but they mistreated their own child. 

OKAY so overall thoughts...I thought this was a really good season. I’d say 1st was the best, then this one, and then second (Ngl I don’t remember the 2nd one too much okay). I liked that it was more angsty and more character focused then the whodunnit? part that we’re used to. The entire cast has such strong acting and I’m going to miss whoever isn’t returning for S4. I’m going to miss Polo as well goddamn. 

Best moments of the season: Lu saying/doing ANYTHING-I have feelings, bitch. Her friendship with Nadia and other characters. Carla standing up to her pimp dad. Ander being in remission (his acting was great too). All of episode 5. Kevin McHale cameo. 

Worst moments: Polo asking Guzman if he would ever be forgiven?? And I know he did end up forgiving him but like bro, just because I don’t want to harbor hate for the rest of my life, doesn’t mean I forgive you for killing my sister whatttt. Omar never confessing to Ander about the cheating. Like no consequences and his character was just demolished this season. Still don’t know where Lu lived this entire season lmao. Anything Ander’s mom did to the students ugh.

Overall, I liked this season. It felt more mature for a high school TV show. I’m not super invested into any particular ship so I don’t feel cheated like most people. It takes me a while to get into ships but once I do, I get really invested. The only ship I was really disappointed in not seeing was Carmuel because Carla went through alot this season and Samu clearly wanted to be with her. And that’s all I had to say lmao.

[prorevenge]

Destroy my childhood, ruin my chance at college, and laugh when I said I was homeless? Lol cool, I'll ruin your life.

Long story. TL;DR at the end.

BACKSTORY: My mother was a really shitty person. I have 4 other siblings. One older sister, 3 way younger, 3 different dads. Before I was born (im a male btw), my oldest sister was taken away from my mother when she was a few months old because she tried to stab/slice the father of my sister WHILE HE WAS HOLDING HER. She lost custody and the dude left her. Older sister goes to live with her fathers family in a different city. CUE LIL OL ME COMING INTO THIS SEXY WORLD. My dad went to jail 2-3 years after I was born for a while, I rarely saw him. He's an alcoholic if that matters. She was a single mother but she made it work and she worked hard. One of the bigger problems was that she took out all her agression and hatred of my father on me as well as work stress and etc. She dealt with sexual abuse growing up which I'm sure definitely affected her relationships and how she treated me as well. Anyways...

Cue me being abused from the age of 4-5 to about 17. Every day was hell. She was extremely strict and her perspective was warped. She was also pretty big in stature and had alot of strength. Examples of her being shitty: I've gotten beaten up badly once because HER room was dirty. The dishes weren't washed and I got beaten soon as I got home, even if there werent dishes when I left to school. If i walked too loud, id get my ass beat. She broke my nose for looking at her the wrong way on my 10th birthday when she brought me a cake I was allergic too(It had peanuts, she knows im slightly allergic but feigned ignorance..) It was more or less every day or every other day. She used her fists/elbows/extension cords/hangers/chairs/canes/bats/etc. Whatever she could find I was getting beaten with. I couldn't ever escape to my room for long because she would always call me every few minutes to get her things or to yell at me. She never drank or did drugs or anything. Whenever she was upset and I happened to be in front of her she'd kick me down the stairs to make me hurry up. She's put a knife to my neck before and had to be forcibly stopped by her bf of the time. Burned my christmas presents from other people (she didnt get me anything that year) and just other really shitty things. The only thing I will say, she tried really hard to make up for it with video games and electronics and etc. It didn't make a difference to me though, it never helped.

She controlled most aspects of my life. I got by with little petty revenges. Peeing in the lipton iced tea she drank. Rubbing her forks and spoons between ny buttcheeks before i served her dinner. Ignoring her screams for help when she had kidney stones (how tf am i supposed to help anyways??) But by the time i got to highschool I turned to alcohol. I resented her and the negative atmosphere affected who I was as a person. I started to be cold and uncaring. Calculated. She started kicking me out every few months telling me to find somewhere else to live by age 15. She sent me away to a different country for a year and tried to keep my passport but I made it back to the US with the help of the embassy and my step father (she'd already left by that time and found some other dude). I came back senior year with no credits for the prior grade which ended with me getting a GED. I spent most of the time i could with my best friend and started working shitty jobs. I was terrible at saving as i had accumulated loads of shitty habits while growing up so it didnt make much difference. She eventually told me that If i went to college, I would ALWAYS have a place to live until I finished. Cue my first 2 semesters at a 2 year college, I maintained a 3.7ish gpa. My teachers loved me and it was my escape. Towards the end of my 2nd semester during finals, i came home late one night around 10pm and my mother yanks the door open screaming in my face asking when I'll move out. I'm slightly drunk and decide to completely ignore her and walk to my room. If I opened my mouth, that day would be the day I blew up and cursed her out. I've rarely ever raised my voice at her because it never ended well. Now at this point im 19 and I've been doing school full time with no savings. Im also fairly fit and could easily take my mom at this point (Never laid a hand on her or any woman, i hate violence). I get to my room, she rips my door open, and starts yelling. I say nothing and stare at her. She walks away and called the police on me saying she thought id murder her and my younger siblings. I don't know where the fuck she got that idea from as she's the one who's nearly killed me many times.

I packed everything into a duffle bag and left 5 minutes afterwards. I failed all of my finals because I couldnt make it to my school. Things kinda spiraled and the next 2-3 years were me on and off homeless. I survived the best I could in a big city with no college degree and made alot of shitty choices due to my shitty habits. Eventually i found a profitable hobby that gave me meaning and through that i started to work my way up. Got my own apartment, had a full time job, and did my hobby on the side. I hadn't kept up contact with my mother at all but my younger sister who was old enough to have a phone found me on social media so i saw photos and such, she didn't have it anywhere near as bad but she did get beaten occasionally. My mother reached out via email all smiles asking how I've been. Now guys, ive always been envious of the relationship most ppl have with their moms so I gave her a chance and gave her a call. We talked for a few minutes and everything was civil and seemed like things would go okay but then...

She asked me what I've been up to the last few years and I told her honestly, that I was homeless for a while and struggled alot after what she did to me but I worked my way out of it. SHE LITERALLY LAUGHS. She laughed for a few seconds in a very condescending kinda chuckle and then said "I never did a thing to you so you don't know what abuse is! its your own damn fault you were homeless. So how about yo-" but by that point I hung up. I was speechless and fuming. I don't know what abuse is? OKAY BITCH. IVE SPENT TOO FUCKING LONG LETTING YOU DESTROY MY SANITY. NOW IS THE TIME.

There was a few things my mother didn't know. One, I knew for a fact that current well paying job she had was gotten on lies as she never got her college degree and lied about it on her resume. Two, I had access to all of her email accounts and cloud storage accounts since I was the one that set them up when I was younger and she never changes her passwords. Lastly, she DEFINITELY wasn't aware that from 13yrs old and onto the last time she hit me I took photos of ALL my bruises/marks/wounds/bloody noses saving them to my computer and then google drive. ON TOP OF THAT, my little sister had been sending me photos via social media of the bruises she got from my mom.

The first thing I did was compile ALL of those photos/videos into one folder. I then reached out to CPS in my city and explained that my siblings were being abused, how I was abused in the past, and that I had mountains of proof. Since ive called the cops on my mother before AND the thing that happened with my older sister, there was immediately a home visit. They arrived almost a day later with the police and coincidentally my mother was literally in the process of beating my younger sister when they were knocking. Cue an Emergency removal of all my siblings from the house and my mother getting arrested though she was released hours later. (I was getting a day to day play by play because my mothers best friend is a blabber mouth and everything my mother said she told her son who relayed it to me without either of their knowledge.) I sent CPS all the evidence and there's a legit case against my mother now. The next day I emailed and then called up her job to inform them that she had lied about having a very necessary college degree as well current events in her life which sparked a background check. She was fired days later. Say adios to 75k and a blacklist in the only industry you know how to work. I then spitefully deleted every cloud account and email address I ever made for her, which was all of them which im sure will make keeping up with alot bills and etc nearly impossible. I then anonymously reported her to the IRS because of the tax fraud she committed for years by claiming people's children that weren't hers with ALOT of detailed information since I lived with her while she did it.

So now, my mother lost all her kids and her job. Im meeting with a caseworker from CPS next week to talk more about what happens moving forward but I do know they're NOT going back. Idk how she's gonna pay her mortgage now and survive. I'm sure she's gonna get a call from the IRS who'll be looking for a few thousand dollars she owes them. She also has to go back to court in a few months, not exactly sure what she was charged with but ill update when I find out how everything turns out.

Side Note: She isn't aware im the cause of any of this. I plan on keeping tabs on her and waiting until it seems like she's close to death before I tell her it was all me and I peed in her lipton.

TL;DR - My mother abuses me badly for most of my life as well as my younger siblings. I have to drop out of college and support myself after she drove me to homelessness. She proceeds to laugh at me about me being homeless and denys abuse. So I ruined her life by getting my younger siblings removed and her arrested, making her lose her job, reported her to the IRS, and essentially set her up so that the remainder of her life is full of disaster and hardships.

(source) (story by howbout_that_lipton)

[aximili]

X, Q, E

oooo i didn’t think i had any ocs starting with x but i remembered one from ages ago actually..... i had a story called After Life abt a kid trying to redeem his soul after he gets sent to hell, it was a bit all over the place tho and i scrapped it. although recently saw there’s a netflix show of the same name w ricky gervais and still managed to be annoyed

Full Name: Xanthe (if she had a surname it’s gone from my memory omg)

Nicknames, If Any: Xan

Hogwarts House: slytherin

Gender: female

Sexuality: bi

A Song I Associate With Them: hmmmm.... That Man by caro emerald

3 Important Relationships: WELL i only remember 2 other characters she knew, tbh this world was never well-developed

-ransom, he’s her very officious & stuffy angel rival who she ends up having a weird hate-fling with

-there was the main kid whose guardian demon she is (oh yea she’s like a guardian angel but the opposite. encourages u to be bad.) but for the life of me i don’t remember his name lol. once i had developed RanXan as concepts i got distracted by their s*xy little rivalry. yes it’s all terminally het, i was like 14

2 Fears: she’s been (well, not alive, but around) for a long time so she’snot scared of much. she’s a very cocky person and embraces being the bad influence, especially to annoy ransom, bc on the surface she’s like, well this whole heaven/hell divide is bullshit, people aren’t just one thing. but i think deep down she’s afraid of the idea that she really is bad. and afraid of what happens once she fades into irrelevance in hell and stops getting assignments but still has to carry on existing

1 Element of their backstory: i think she was alive way back in Biblical Times - obv she wasn’t called xanthe then but chose her own name. she was a serial liar and said that god was talking to her in order to get things she wanted. but she died young, like everyone did

Q - oo i DO have one Q oc! he’s from adrift, my pirate novel that i will one day finish

Full Name: Queryn Smousk

Nicknames, If Any: idk if anyone calls him a nickname. they mostly just don’t refer to him. 

Hogwarts House: hufflepuff

Gender: male ? hm

Sexuality: gay

A Song I Associate With Them:  bottom of the river by delta rae

3 Important Relationships:

-rictor avis: queryn is a generic sailor on the pirate ship, rictor is the surgeon/carpenter for the crew, he’s a huge tall crow man, and is equally or perhaps more creepy than queryn. they hang around together and give everyone weird vibes. rictor is mute & queryn isn’t, but he says very little out of choice (he doesn’t speak the main language, idk common or whatever, very well) but they like to sit in the crows nest together in silence most hours of the day when theyre not working. everyone even their crewmates thinks they might be up to some weird shit. their dark secret? theyre just a cute couple.... they just like to hang out. they bonded with quiet, intense looks when queryn was first rescued dying in the swamp and brought on board and rictor mended his wounds. it was tender. absolutely nobody else knows theyre a couple even tho they don’t keep it a secret. theyre just chill

-garran korrash: garran is the bosun and is a literal/figurative grizzly old bear, and as well as being queryn’s manager he’s one of the only people who he’s really chill with. garran was the one who insisted they stop n help him out, and queryn’s been grateful ever since. he doesn’t say it bc he hardly says anything, but he shows it in hard work

-sonya perlace: like almost all of her crew, queryn would die for captain sonya. he comes from a pretty harsh society where the strong survive, and even tho he never quite fit in there, he really respects sonya’s strength & leadership.

2 Fears: even tho he’s a pirate his biggest fear is drowning since he nearly drowned before. he has a lot of nightmares about it. he’s also creeped out by elliot. cause what the fuck even IS that?

1 Element of their backstory: p much the only backstory he has is that he was part of this society of amphibian/lizard people in the deep swampy area of the continent that’s cut off from the rest. he was out hunting but got badly gored by a huge aninal (idk what, like a Bigger Lizard.. theres always a bigger lizard) and couldnt make it home. he started sinking into the bog but couldn’t pull himself free, then the area began to flood with torrential rainwater and he cried for help. luckily sonya & garran happened to be trekkin through the jungle and heard him

E - has to be elliot, the little bastard supreme. i played him as a dnd character with an altered backstory but i’ll use the adrift version

Full Name: elliot (no known surname)

Nicknames, If Any: nope

Hogwarts House: slytherin

Gender: male

Sexuality: probably bi? he only a teen though and being surrounded by furries hasn’t had much chance to develop any feelings on the matter

A Song I Associate With Them:  mariner’s revenge song by the decemberists

3 Important Relationships:

lol 2 of the 3 are fully hatred relationships because this young man has iiiiisssuuuuuues

-sonya perlace: he acts the begrudging deckhand who’s resigned himself to his life, but he is 100% devoted to eventually killing her. she killed his mama and he has been waiting for his moment ever since, he’s even had opportunities to leave the crew but has stayed so he can keep close to her. it’s fully like, would have a picture of her with daggers & darts in it, if he had such resources

-niphea perlace: niph is the captain’s daughter, the first mate, and the reason elliot’s still alive - she persuaded sonya not to throw him off the ship along with his mum. he has understandably mixed feelings abt this, and he rarely shows it, but she’s always been an advocate for him and treated him fairly so he does like niph more than anyone, despite himself. also she’s his closest in age on a ship full of adults. he.... tries not to think abt the fact he plans on killing her mother in return cause that’s a bit awkward isnt it

-aidan moss: quartermaster aidan doesn’t like things he doesn’t understand, and he doesn’t understand what elliot is, so he goes out of his way to be awful to him, tending to delegate his own jobs to elliot at every chance he can get & generally insulting him. elliot tolerates it bc he has to. but make no mistake this dude is no2 on the kill list

2 Fears: i don’t think he has a lot of fears because he’s already been through some of the worst things imaginable. i don’t even think he precisely fears drowning/dying at sea, because he’s been focused on the image of how his mother died for so long, & imagining doing the same to sonya, that it kinda no longer affects him?  but he also saw his dad die over a long period from wound infection and i think that must have made a traumatic impression on him, so i imagine he’s probably at least repulsed by decay/rot

1 Element of their backstory: so elliot is the only human character in a world of animals basically... i mean this is major novel spoilers but when tf am i ever gonna finish that.  he comes from a very remote island of remaining humans, descendants of the few who survived nuclear disaster a long time ago. when he was small he and his parents were exiled from the island for breaking its rules (yea, as tends to happen w small isolated communities, things got over the top cult-y) and sent out in a tiny boat to fend for themselves. his dad died slowly while they drifted in the ocean, and he and his mum were near death when they were picked up by sonya’s crew, who were like what the fuck are those??? they kept them in the hold to discuss what to do w them, but elliot’s mum, thalia, tried to break free, attacking niph when she came with food. as punishment sonya made her walk the plank, and that’s where it all went wrong yknow. woops this isn’t 1 element is it. oh well 

[062467]

Rammstein Tag Game!

Rules: - Tag the person who tagged you, so they know. - Put your answers under the questions. - Tag as many awesome people as you want. - Feel free to do it if you weren’t tagged! Here we go!

I don’t remember who I was tagged by, this draft post is like 3 years old i’m sorry haha

1. If you get a chance to take a photo with your favorite member, would you like them to smile, make an interesting pose, be serious or something else?

I would honestly love them to smile, there’s nothing more precious than them, six men who do pyro, sing about eating humans and generally seem badass and scary, smiling.

2. If you could choose only one of the previous live performances to go to, which one would you choose?

opening of the Mutter tour, or the one when they played Lied von der unruhevollen Jugend or Pet Sematary. honestly, i’d just blind pick one of these.

3. How old were you when Sehnsucht came out? (1997)

-3:) kill me now

4. Which era (their appearance/look) do you think was the best?

MUTTER, THE RED FLÄMIN HOT CHEETO TIPS. or just the general full-on fed hair thing. but Reise, Reise was also flaming hot.

5. What’s your desired relationship with Frau Schneider? (wife, mother, etc.)

I feel like she’d be this one annoying aunt, who you love despite them being irritating as shit. love me some Frau.

6. Which hairstyle suits each member the best in your opinion?

Paul: the long hair, doesn’t matter if blonde or brown Till: his Herzeleid hair or the silver-ish Sehnsucht Richard: spiky black, like Ich-Will-video level spiky black. but I live for richard in long-ish hair... Flake: blonde Oliver: hehe. no but seriously a full beard suits him. Schneider: I feel like now is my favorite Schneider era. that or either the Sehnsucht one.

7. Which of the members do you think you’d get along with the best and why?

either Paul, because I’m a goofy mess, but can pose as intimidating, or Richard, because I’d constantly express my admiration for him. and he’d love that. on a serious note tho, I feel like we have some problems in common, as well as the supernatural thingy would be an interesting topic to tackle. idk, I’d do my best to get along with all of them.

8. Which of the members do you think you’d get along with the least and why?

probably Flake, Oliver or Till. I heard that Flake is cranky and seems shy, same with Oli, I’m shy too, so idk if any conversation would ever take place haha. and with Till I’d simply be too damn scared to say a thing. so there’s that. basically we wouldn’t *dislike* each other, there would be barely any contact lol

9. Who of the members would you like to see singing with Till?

hell, maybe Ollie or Doom, just because I never heard them sing with him, I think.

10. Which band’s song would you wish to see as a cover by Rammstein?

idk, they always kinda surprised me with their cover choices and execution, so I wouldn’t like to change that, they’re doing a good job.

11. Who of the members would make the best dad?

something tells me that Schneider is a really caring dad.

12. If you got the chance to interview Rammstein, what would you ask them?

how do you pick you setlist? what qualifies a track to be an opener?

do you come up with stage and outfits concept yourself, or is it suggested by someone else?

what flavor of ice cream would you be?

what is your most vivid memory from your childhood?

which era is your favorite?

do you have a vision of a music video for a song that never got one? or a different vision than the music video it got?

I’d rather not write all of it here. not because they’re inappropriate or something, it’s just, I don’t even wanna start writing some of them, because I’m gonna cry lmao.

13. Would you consider of doing a nude scene in Rammstein’s music video? (just you appearing nude, nothing too nsfw)

I mean, if course I’d consider it. it would depend on my shape at the time and just on that probably. doing acts and nude scenes is, supposedly, very liberating and makes you more comfortable with yourself, so why not. and hey - I’d be in a Rammstein video haha. (I’d probably not like the way I look and hate myself a bit for doing the scene)

14. If you could remake a movie(s) so that the main role is played by one of the members, which movie(s) would you like to remake?

my favorite movies are always pretty tragic or scary as fuck for the main character, so idk if I’d like to see any of the members in such state.

15. Who of the members would make the best husband?

I will go with Flake or Ollie

16. You can put eyeliner on one of the members, who do you pick?

well, Richard, obviously, since he doesn’t seem to do it anymore (which should be considered a crime, he looks so good in eyeliner jeez).

17. Who of the members would make the creepiest uncle?

Till. all the way lmao. like, imagine him on family gatherings doing all the hips and tongue movements aaaa.

18. What do you think about the “Pussy” music video?

I love it, it’s so funny to me. when I watch it, it’s always a mixture of being a tad uncomfortable, turned on and giggly.

19. If you could travel somewhere with Rammstein and pick a destination, where would you go?

I’d go to the place where they had the whole creative process (and recording, I believe) of LIFAD or Mutter. I’d just like to kinda re-live it with them.

20. Who of the members would be the best to get drunk with?

I’d love to get hammered with Paulchen.

21. Could you sing Engel with Till in front of thousands?

hell yeah, this is one of the few songs I feel comfortable singing. I’d love to do that even more if it was done like on 2019 stadium tour, on the b-stage, only with piano and rest of the group humming. ahh.

22. With which member would you agree to swap clothes with and with which one would you definitely not?

if we’re talking personal style, Paul has some poppin outfits, from what I’ve seen, Richard and his shirts, however... I would just let him rock them:)

now if we’re talking stage outfits, I’d LOVE to switch with Richard (especially the fluffy coat), there’s not really a person I wouldn’t switch with, as long as they’re not topless haha.

23. Which of the members do you think would win in a stripping competition?

Richard.

24. Which of the following would you rather be?

- Rammstein’s manager - Rammstein’s make up artist 🙋🏻‍♀️ - Rammstein’s bodyguard

25. Which of the members would make the best best friend?

Paul.

26. Which Rammstein song do you skip on your shuffle? (There must be that one song you just don’t need at the moment)

Stirb nicht vor mir. I’m sorry but I rarely can stomach it. it’s a nice song in theory, but there’s just something about it that I can’t stand, maybe it’s the other artist’s voice, I don’t know.

27. What would you do if Paul made a bad joke about you? (With good intentions but slightly rude)

I’d laugh and pretend to be offended for a quick second haha

28. Who would you give a stuffed animal and who a leather thong for their birthday? XD

I’d give the animal to Flake and the thong to Till.

29. Are you concerned about anything that has to do with Rammstein?

I’m always scared for them tbh. oftentimes I’m just petrified at the thought of stage/pyro malfunction, I mean what they’re doing is some really dangerous stuff.

besides, I’m scared when I think that they won’t be here forever, sometimes I’m scared that they won’t be there when I’ll be in my 30s, so I’m grateful for every moment I can cherish them and their craft, for every minute at the shows.

30. Would you like to get a tattoo that refers to Rammstein?

yeah, I’d like a couple.

31. Would you pet Oliver’s head?

who tf wouldn’t like to?

32. Which position in Rammstein do you find the hardest to be? (for example: the frontman, drummer, bassist etc.)

probably frontman, lots and lots of pressure, most eyes are probably on them, they have to use most dangerous props and move a lot, so it takes a physical toll as well.

33. If you could have one of the members with you in school/work to protect you from evil, who would you take?

oh damn, that’s an interesting one. Richard, Is love to have him around.

34. If you were in one of the boys position, would you feel awkward or strange when you see your face on a giant poster?

of course, I’d hate it, probably. after sometime tho, I’d get used to it.

35. Would you Flake dance with Flake on stage?

if only I could dance like him haha, but I’d love to try!

36. Do you think any of the songs are underrated or overrated and why?

obviously I think Du hast is a tad overrated, as for underrated - Nebel, Adios, Hilf mir, Dalai Lama, just off the top of my head.

37. Who of the members would make the best breakfast?

I’m gonna go with Ollie, he’s so stoic and always in great shape.

38. Would you like them to make a song in your native language? (If they haven’t already)

hm, Till made an intro to polish edition of Sehnsucht and it was very sweet to hear it, but I don’t think so, no. if it was like in Ausländer, one or two words, sure, but I never want to get over the excitement of Till speaking Polish haha.

39. Which Rammstein couple combinations do you ship?

I don’t I mean I love all the sweet moments they share, but I get a bit uncomfortable when people make it out to be a bigger thing than it is. of course I love to joke around about their bromances, but it’s as far as it gets tbh.

40. Would you join Richard in his spray tanning hour?

I mean, damn, I love being pale-ish, but we’d have to be barely clothed while in there, right...?

RIGHT...?

41. What Rammstein possession are you most fond of? (merchandise, album or other)

probably the Völkerball photo album, I love it. I particularly like to go to the index and search for pictures from Poland, it makes me very emotional.

42. Favorite song performed live?

Heirate mich or Was ich liebe.

43. Would you dare to touch Frau Schneider’s hair?

I’d beg her to allow me to.

44. Rammstein with beard? Yes/No

yes, except from Richard and Flake.

45. Which of the members would be the best for playing video games with?

Paulie or Ollie.

46. Red haired Rammstein or blonde Rammstein?

oh shit oh fuck, I’m gonna go with blonde just because red tips Rammstein>redhead Rammstein.

47. Favorite interview with one or all Rammstein members?

Viva Jam 1998, still have a copy on my computer, it’s my first and favorite interview.

48. Would you Till hammer with Till on stage?

what are these questions, of course I would.

49. Your favorite feature in each member?

Paul: smile creases Schneider: smile! Flake: I love his whole face, it’s so calming Till: eyes and lips, can’t choose Oliver: his chest and him being a friggin giant Richard: tummy and lisp (I hope it can be considered a feature)

50. If you could write a letter to Rammstein what would you write?

some cheesy shit I will not share here.

I tag @amura @gay-pengy @beauty-at-matrix @naraism @followthecreeper

[philiie]

Interactive Introverts London highlights

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD PROCEED AT YOUR OWN PERIL

This is also the most extra shit like I spent hours writing everything up lol

Go check out @danfanciesphil post here of the Brighton show which inspired me to do this :))

- When they first came it was the coolest thing ever. They were standing on the podium thing and the screen at the back lifted to reveal them in a cloud of smoke and they were silhouettes until the spotlight shined on them. Holy shit it was the best thing ever it doesn't even seem real.

- They were quite close to their apartment as well so Phil said they were considering bringing their sofa and "sitting in our browsing position".

- Dan mentioned how Phil's old videos from 2008 were very different from now (lots of audience approval) and how they were kind of really creepy and weird and honesty it probably isn't a good thing (I disagree but sure whatever). Phil talked about 'snokoplasm' and how it was literally just him rubbing slime over himself shirtless pretending to be futuristic (lots of audience approval for that lol) but he doesn't make videos like that anymore because he wants to make things that are actually entertaining and things he WANTS to make.

- Montage of everything they aren't gonna do in the show just so our expectations are levelled.

- They went backstage to get a silver box (Dan literally Naruto ran for no apparent reason) from which they were acting out the things using props from it in the centre while a voice narrated. In between each one the lights went darker so you could only see their silhouettes as they grabbed props. It was all very pantomime like which was really cool and theatrical.

- The things included: 24 hour livestream of them doing domestic home things (recording of dan on the toilet and Phil munching on crunchy nut appeared on the screen lmao), Erotic roleplay (Phil was in a policeman hat and had a baton thing while dan was in handcuffs. The recording of dan saying please be gentle, I have sensitive skin played), Stripping on stage... they started acting like they were going to actually take their tops off and they actually ripped them off to reveal an exact copy of the top underneath except Phil was now in a half sleeved shirt instead of full sleeved (I now understand Louise's joke)

- Phil stumbled and almost tripped on the step when going into the centre and was like "I almost forgot there was a step there" and was walking really strangely into the middle like elongating his legs after every time he lifted them and Dan made fun of it being like who tf walks like that. "Does anyone ever feel like Phil is actually an alien learning how humans work?" Later on in the show Phil says something about removing his lizard face and Dan says THAT would explain the weird walking. He also imitates Phil going up into the centre and says "I'm doing a Phil walk" v v cute :))

- For the Dan vs Phil segment they talked about the electric shock machines and for each round the pointer moved up one level of electric shock. The first time it moved into the yellow area and Phil said "Finger in the yellow" which elicited a massive audience reaction and dan stopped and was like oh god and Phil was giggling in his 'oops shouldn't have said that' way, somehow he made that adorable.

- The first round was seeing how well they know each other and Dan made the comment saying "don't worry guys I'm Phil trash #1 and all"

- Phil's question was: What did Dan swap alcohol with in ISG10?

Phil answered green tea correctly but the electric shock sound effect came up anyways. Dan was like no you answered that correctly it should have been a ding but the ding didn't come up anyways (lol tech crew nice one)

- Dan expressed extreme discomfort with 'x rated lester' "in any interpretation"

- Dan's bad thing was 'spoilers' and he tried to say that it's better to not be surprised. (I'm pretty sure this is the bit where he said "otherwise I'd be like 'Phil... Phil I don't feel so good'" reaching his arm out to him (infinity war reference for those who don't know,,, I could have killed him in that moment can he not) "Too soon? Yeah probably too soon."

- Phil's good thing that he had to make bad "getting unlimited money" Dan found that hilarious. His way of making it bad was that it gives you too much power- he would strap two planes together and stand on top of and ride them which would probably make them explode.

- They used the Isle of Man pic of Dan for the Dan, Phil or a rat segment (you guys know the one where he's smiling super happy) that just made me feel very warm :)

- The picture for Dan was just a really pale cream colour and Dan made the joke that it might be translucent enough to be Phil's skin but he said no I bet it's a troll and guessed rat. Turns out Dan was right and it actually was Phil's skin lmao from the picture of Phil with the silver hair dye.

- When Dan got electrocuted he fully hit his shin on one of the benches and basically died on stage. He fully snorted and turned away in shame and pain and it was the most hilarious thing ever. "Who designed this stupid set" LMAO

- Phil asks us to clap on the count of 3 after which some people immediately clap and Dan's like omg no on the count of 3. But then people start clapping for the people that clapped "are you seriously clapping for the people that just clapped" and then basically everyone started clapping and oh my gosh it was the best moment ever I've never felt more collectively part of something in that moment it was so funny and Dan looked so done with us all. A great moment.

- Someone asked in the getting deep part that there's a guy she likes but all she does is makes vine references. Phil's response to that is if he doesn't appreciate your vine references he's not worth it. Dan: "there's your dating advice from Phil"

- Phil was cleaning in 'Dan's' room (dan says "like you've ever done a chore") Phil's indignantly says he vacuums doing the hand movement. Apparently he found 'something weird' under 'Dan's' bed so he brought out a silver box that was locked saying it was heavy and handed it to Dan. [yes I'm putting that all in quotation marks fight me]

- He wanted the audience to guess what they thought was inside the box and the things that people said were: A single piece of Phil's hair, A fursuit and a Dildo(ll) rip they kept emphasising DOLL it was too funny nice one whoever that was lmao

- Phil was asking the audience if anyone had a key to open the box and Nora (what a legend) threw some plastic keys onto the stage and Phil fully tried to unlock the box using them lmao what a cutie. When Dan came back with the actual key Phil was like someone had plastic keys and dan was like wtf it was too funny.

- Do you really know Dan and Phil? 1% of people said 'who are Dan and Phil?' Lol they wouldn't stop bringing that up. 47% (?) of people said they don't really know Dan and Phil and Dan was like wow Phil why are you so shady? (He said this twice in the show when addressing the idea that their personalities are different online)

- They did a pie chart to show fave video series which apparently they were really excited about seeing as they hyped that up for a solid 2 minutes,,, "90% of the budget of the show was for this pie chart"

- Dan got sacrificed attached to the wheel of death comes out yelling with no warning so everyone is just screaming because it was so unexpected so i couldn't actually hear anything he said but the basic gist of it was fuck you all lmao.

- When Phil tried hitting him with a slinky it was a couple inches away from "the danger zone" I.e. Dan's crotch. Phil repeats the phrase danger zone two more times after that lmao.

- Dan says "almost hit my balls" w o w.

- The last time is some massive intense bazooka that Phil started stroking and then dan was like "stop stroking it- especially with those gloves on".

- Phil hits him the last time with the bazooka literally almost at his crotch and Dan screams. They say how it's all our fault and that we should feel bad. Phil is like "I don't think they feel guilty" lol I mean he's not wrong

- At the end dan was like "Phil help unstrap me" clearly looking for Phil to unstrap him around the waist but Phil went for his feet instead lmao (Dan just wanted a reaction from us Phil lmao well done). Phil finally got the memo though and helped and then dan stumbled out being like okay get away from me don't touch me and Phil just giggled.

- The white protection suit lab coat thing got stuck on dans shoe so he was hopping around and Phil was like do you need a hand there and Dan said "no Phil I don't need your help to get me undressed" and everyone screamed and Dan was like okay okay shut up (idk if that was an intentional line or not I couldn't actually tell but... nice)

- Phil's diss track happened and if you're reading this you've probably seen a transcript of it already but damn hearing him say bitch live was the best thing ever lmao. Also when he said the line about not wanting to get demonetised he did the making it rain hand gesture (thanks anon) which was hilarious

- There was a point where Dan was like no Phil you can't swear on stage and Phil was like aw why not I wanted to say "what the (fuck)" mouthing it and that's more than I could have ever hoped for

- They did the song and it was v cute and got stuck in my head. When Phil got up and sat on the piano he was swaying one leg back and forth and it was adorable.

- They ended the show bowing and went back behind the black screen that they came out from and were waving the whole way through and Phil was bending down to wave as the screen was going down and it was v lovely :))

And then I died the end.

[unknowngirl199424-blog]

Pt. 3

Now being the pretty innocent girl i was. I smoked weed very occasionally. Drank every now and then. But that was it really. I smoked cigs. Stupid choice i made at an even more stupid young age. I was 13 when i tried it. 15 when i started smoking every day. (My parents knew, they didn't care) my younger sister had been smoking for years. She partied a lot. Drank a lot. Smoked a lot. Took a lot of pills. Would steal my moms pain pills that she needed from the back surgeries. Mom would run out at the end of the month and would bawl... Literally wail in pain. And it never stopped my sister. I caught her several times. Id get pissed. Ask her wtf she was doing, or why... But she never stopped. I never told... I was drowning in depression. It started when i was 13. After my grandma passed. I changed... She was my world.

My parents partied ALOT!

Used LOTS of drugs...

Ranging from just weed, to coke, to meth...

The first half of my life... From birth till... 14? I think was when they quit all the hard shit for good. They were just... Mom and dad. I mean i loved them, i respected them, but... I didn't have anything to compare it to. It was normal for me to walk in and see light bulbs just randomly on the coffee table.

It was normal for me to wake my sis up in the morning, helping her get dressed, teeth brushed, food in her belly and out the door waiting on the bus. Every day. We lived in the country about 20 miles from town where our friends were. So all we had was each other. In the summer as soon as the sun started to show, 7:00ish. My parents would rush into our room. One would wake up me while the other would wake my sister. Rush us up and to get dressed and outside. We'd be outside alllllllllll day long in the summer in Oklahoma heat. They'd have friends over and lock the doors. We played. Sometimes the friends would bring their kids and we'd run around and play all day. I was a tom boy. I had scarred bloody knees almost daily from wrecking my bike. Would just walk around the property we lived on. Played with our dogs. Pissed off snakes that liked to live in the barn or chicken coop. I ran a lot. BUT IT WAS NORMAL TO ME. They started to quit when i was 12. Then grandma passed. They started again. Didn't stop for good until mom was hurt and dad was fired for pissing dirty for weed, coke, and meth. He was rehired 6 months later. But shit was rough at the time. So after losing my grandma. I went into myself. She loved me, took care of me. Gave me what i wanted and needed. I basically broke. I was never really an over joyous kid. I was raped and molested by my cousin. And so i always carried pain. But grandma was who made me happy. She passed. And from that point in my life from 13 to 18. I cut a lot. I was emotionless most days. But some days I'd break and cry for hours. For the longest time i thought i was depressed because of grandma. But i realized... Depression is a disease. And once you get a good dose of it, it stays. It twists and folds and wiggles its way into every fibre of your being and clings. And bad things that go on add to it and over time, you are eye level deep terrified you're gonna go under soon and no one will notice. Well over the years shit was added. Once I realised i could.... Not feel the pain and sadness... I latched on. Over time the occasional smoking weed went to every day several times a day. Drinking came up for awhile but i hated feeling like shit the next day so i quit. My ex gave me a pain pill one day.

I realised that not only could i get away from the pain and depression, i could feel fucking amazing while doing so. So it started out ya know. Once a week. Just one. To 2 a week to 4 a week to at least 1 every day. When we went up north. Pills were every where. Drugs in general. And i wanted to experience things. We had fun. Went lots of places. Did lots of things. Parties, festivals, fairs, amusement parks, museums, art museums, craft fairs, art stores, book stores, malls, movie theaters.. Just... it was great. I met her friends. They were like her. We partied a lot. I was soley living in the moment for once instead of striving to please everyone else. It was a stupid choice. But it was my choice. Over the years. The fun with it stopped... it became a nessecity. She got shitty and mean sober and i was just as miserable. I wanted happiness not that. Her dad would give us pain pills every day and muscle relaxers. If we did literally anything for him he'd pay us in pills. My ex was also prescribed pain pills too! We'd go through them so quick and then he'd give them to us so we didn't go through withdrawal. By year 3 (2015) I'm 21. I'm working a few months here a few months there. Living the same daily cycle. My day didn't start until pills were thrown down my throat. The habit got bad. I was to a point i was taking fucking handfulls of pills. Daily. And didn't feel ok until then. The few days i didn't have them, i literally slept all day and all night. I was burying my issues with a dark coping mechanism.

I started falling out of love. I left her once last year and we got back together the next day. I told her she couldn't keep stopping me from leaving because it was making me hate her. She wouldnt let go. We stayed together for 4 months. I broke up with her and moved back to oklahoma the beginning of this year. But she was my comfort. Pills were my comfort. After being here for 4 months i let her come back. It was bad. I got back into pills again and one day i told her i didn't want to be with her anyone. She was here for a month at that point. But she wasn't trying to work. She wouldn't do anything. But look for pills. I told her i was done. She gave me some pills. I didn't know what they were but she told me they were for anxiety. And i was really upset. So i took them. We kept arguing. She kept giving me more. My parents stopped by to drop something off, i guess i was wayyyyy out of it. They leave. The fight blows up. I tell her i want her gone. She kept refusing. Idk what happened. It was like a light switch went off. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a steak knife and sliced my wrist up for the first time ever... I only cut my stomach and thighs as a teen. She came around the corner and saw what i was doing and broke a glass vase i had. She ran over and grabbed the blade. Started yanking it from me. I guess we fought over it pretty hard cuz all i remember was it flying across the room and when i got back 6 days later it was soooo bent up.

She kept going and going and i grabbed a piece of glass and cut, she got it away and i just collapsed to the floor. She tried hugging me. I screamed at her for being toxic for me. To not touch me. To just call my mom. My mom shows up. Its like 11:30 at night at this point and she freaks out. My ex starts shit with her. They argue. I scream at them that they needed to stop and mom took me to the er. I guess by that point i was in and out of consciousness. One thing i do remember was seeing an old teacher that i had from yearrrrs ago when i went to a vocational school to become a certified nurse aid. I really looked up to her at 17. Admired her. She was a Dr there in the er. It was humialting. I cried. I guess i pissed in a cup for em or something. I don't remember. But they told my mom (which i didn't find out till almost a week later) that i was overdosing. That all of what i took hadn't caught up and that's why i was talking really crazy and blacking out. I don't remember. But the next morning i wake up. There was a cop sitting next to my bed. 20 mins later im being handcuffed and put in a cruiser and drove over a hr to a phych place. Guess the dr asked me the night before what would happen if i went home and i said i didn't know. So they legally put me there for 5 days so i couldn't be any harm to myself.

5 good things about being put there.

1. I had no access to pills, alcohol, even cigarettes. So i was very very clear headed. The first time in almost 6 years. Had time to think about where tf my life has landed me.

2. I realized how fucking truly bad our relationship was. And came to the conclusion that if we stayed together. One, if not both of us was gonna end up in a casket. Whether it be from pills or not. It was gonna happen.

3. I realized that i deserved wayyyy better. Relationship wise. Life wise. I deserved someone who could push me in the healthy direction. Make positive choices. I felt like instead of maturing, i was still trapped in an 18 yr olds mentality.

4. I ended it. And that time i meant it. There's nothing she could offer me. That would make me go back. Not a million dollars, not a billion, not even all the stars in the sky. I have nothing for her.

5. I met someone who treats me amazing now. Who pushes me. Keeps me away from the shit. I've been pain pill free for 5 months and its staying that way.

And for once... I'm starting to actually feel happy. Genuinely. I was prescribed anti depressants, anti anxiety, and a sleep disorder med. I stopped taking the anti depressants because they made it worse. But im to the point where the good days finally out weigh the bad. And when the bad come, i roll with it.

For the new year. I have a few goals.

1. Continue all the hard work ive put into myself. Keep eating healthy. Keep exercising. Keep pushing myself forward. No more settling for less what what i truly want.

2. Stay tf away from pain pills. 👍 keep fighting that demon in me who whispers how good I would feel or how one wouldn't hurt...

3. Quit smoking cigs. They're killing me. My lungs hurt all the time.

4. Continue bettering my life. I got away from her for 4 months and i had my own home, vehicle, and a high paying easy job. Brought her back for a month, had a suicidal moment. But she's gone and im in a great relationship. And I'm fucking HAPPY!

5. Quit being so fucking hard on myself. I hate the way i look, i hate my body. But they can be changed. Stress over things that need it but relax more. I'm 24. I still have time.

I STILL HAVE FUCKIN TIME

[delulusuga]

THE LEGEND OF HOW I GOT RID OF A CREEP AT AN INTERNSHIP

Hello, my dudes... this is an urban legend of how I, a 15 year old, who recently attended an internship at a hospital... met a creep (and a pedo?), and how I saved myself from the situation. (THIS IS NOT A HIGHLY RECOMMENDED WAY TO GO ABOUT IT... if you’re stuck in a situation like this, you should probably escape and get the hell out of there as soon as you can) Anyway, so... at my internship, I met this really friendly doctor who’s like 44 years old... she has an amazing fashion taste and a pretty good sense of humor and stuff... now, she is pretty social and has like a lot of friends who are also her patients and stuff .. Now, one fine day this 22 year old man walks in, who also happens to be a pretty good friend of this doctor, and tells her about a wound that he got on his toe because he fell down the stairs. When he walked in, the doctor introduced me to him, by the way, by saying “she’s a student..” or something (just so patients are not creeped tf out by a random stranger watching them succumb into diseases and death lol) ... and so he kinda happens to include me in the conversation and it’s all cool and not awkward (as not-awkward as it can get for an asocial hooman like me) ... and she walks out of the room at one point to get a sick leave (cuz he has a wound in his leg) and he asks me about the internship and school and stuff and like we kinda joke and we have a similar sense of humor and it’s KIND OF weird cuz he’s so friendly but I just take it as extroverts and their weird social behaviors lmao and I’m like okay.. whatever. He leaves and then that’s it for the day. However, he COMES BACK the next day (he has to - to redress his wound) and this time, we’re left alone for a longer time in the room and we joke more cuz like idk I’m funny?? Apparently?? Or maybe not....... Anyway, so like we’re in the middle of a conversation when the doc comes in with the sick leave paper and she’s like “I have a patient waiting” and she kinda rushes us BOTH OUT AND ASKS US TO WAIT FOR HER cuz apparently she wants to talk to him about her watch that she needs to get fixed or something (he works at like an electronic repair shop or something) ... and now this is where it’s WEIRD weird because why did she just send me out as well??? Like I’m SUPPOSED to be with her????? But everything happened in a rush so I couldn’t really say ‘no’ ... Anyway, so it just so happens that he hasn’t had his lunch and so there this cafe kind of thing right next to the hospital and he takes me there (I REALLY WANNA KILL MYSELF BY NOW) and like I have to go soon cuz like we were still conversing about something and idk it just happened in such a haze I don’t even remember how we ended up there and HE KEPT ME THERE FOR LIKE AN HOUR AND A HALF straight, no joke. And I wanted to shoot myself in the head because WHY TF WAS I BEING NICE AND NOT ASKING HIM TO FUCK OFF???? I mean, he told me about like him getting bullied or whatever in school but like SO WAS I????? AND HE IS 22??? HE FAILED 12TH GRADE??? IM SURE HE COUKD HANDLE A 15 YEAR OLD ASKING HIM TO FUCK OFF??? Anyway so that happened and I finally made an excuse to like go back. Now, we obviously had to talk during this one and a half hour like we couldn’t just stare at each other’s faces, could we? So like that happens and at one point I mention wanting to download Netflix on my laptop or something and he goes “NO THAT’S SO GAY!” And I’m like ????? That’s not funny???? And like I’m pretty defensive about it and stuff and I bring it up twice in the conversation telling him that that isn’t appropriate or like acceptable and he goes like “Are you...” and he doesn’t complete the sentence ( of course he doesn’t) and I say “I support them...let anyone love anybody..” and stuff because I don’t wanna open up to HIM about like my sexuality or whatever right... Also, he asks me my number as well but I refuse and give him my Instagram instead... Oh and, he gives me his Netflix username and password... and he says stupid things that’s like indirectly dropping hints and I’m like NO PLS THIS IS VV UNCOMFORTABLE. Anyway so after I escape from that situation, I have to deal with him on text when I get back home right... And by now I’m pretty stressed about this because I still have to see him FOR 3 MORE DAYS CUZ HE HAS TO COME FOR REDRESSING HIS WOUND and stuff so like fml... and like I start kinda getting anxiety when he says “2019 has already started on such a good note, I hope the rest of the year goes like this” on text and I LIKE PANIC AND TELL ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS WHO IS NOT EVEN IN THE SAME COUNTRY AS ME... And now she gets really concerned about my safety and so she asks me to tell the doctor the next day when I go back to the internship (which I was obviously going to do anyway) and then she asks me for his Instagram ID ... and I give it to her. These are the events that follow: 1) She changes her username and her profile picture.. goes fully undercover. She changes her name, even. 2) She TEXTS him saying “hey” and now, we wait. (She sends me screenshots of the chat) 3) He replies a few minutes later with “Hello” 4) She says that I told her about my internship and she heard about him through me. 5) and he is like “ah okay...” 6) and now I ask her to say “YOURE 22????!!!!!!” Lmao , which she does... just to get the message across #nomercy 7) and then she says , “I’m her girlfriend, by the way” And this is very very believable as well because remember how I was so defensive about the gay thing and I brought I up twice and he was like ???? So... yes.... they had a passive-aggressive conversation which at one point just got kinda disgusting because he went like “I don’t get why you texted me... are you jealous?” LIKE FIRST OF ALL, WHAT THE FUCK. SECONDLY, WHAT THE FUCK. And she is obviously like “ why do I have to be jealous of you?” And stuff and there are various instances where she rubs it in that HE IS FUCKING 22... she also indirectly calls him a pedo at one point ( I was behind the scenes, controlling the conversation as well) And then he texts me saying “are you bi? Because apparently your alleged gf is chatting with me right now” and like I did with his previous messages, I ignore this one as well... however, I realize that if I ignored this particular one, when I see him the next day, I will have to answer or at least, hear him SPEAK to me ... if I just confirmed it, he wouldn’t talk to me (hopefully) ... and so I said “yes... I have a girlfriend” and THEN LOGGED TF OUT JUST IN CASE HE WAS ONLINE LOL Then, skip to next day... I manage to escape to another doctor’s cabin like 5 minutes before he comes in... so I don’t have to see him. Now, on that day I even told the doctor about it ( I told her about what my friend and I ended up doing as well ... she was laughing her ass off cuz SAME) and she was like “it’s partly my fault” and stuff and she was nice about it and was like I’m not going to leave you guys alone, don’t worry .. and stuff... and like when we he came to visit her ( I wasn’t there) ... he went like “did you know she is bi?????” Doc (who obviously knows what actually happened... but is also very cool about gays and stuff .. very open-minded) - “So what?” creep - “SHE IS BI!!!!!!” Doc - “so what??? Why you even mentioning it?? How does that make a difference?” Creep- *falls silent and is embarrassed* Doc - “it’s not like she likes me, does she?” (This is why I love her) And yeah so I was saved on that day... However, the next day... and the last day I have to see his face, he doesn’t come in, and we do meet ... but only for like 5 minutes and again, we’re not left alone this time... and yeah ... Now I just ignore his texts straight up and he asked my friend at one point (who also ignored his texts after that one conversation) - “ hey can I take your word for it? Like are you actually her gf?” AND MAN THAT IS SO FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE JESUS She replies with “yes” and I ask her to block him.. which she does He then says “hey why are you acting so distant?” to me on text LIKE YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY YOU IDIOT... So yeah, that’s it... that’s how I got rid of a creepy desperate idiot... All I’m saying is, there were a lot of instances I could’ve bailed out in this situation, but I decided to be nice/not make a big deal out of it which I SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE. If something seems weird to you, then it IS WEIRD. Do not try to justify the opposite person and put your life in danger. Another important thing is that it’s hard to say no to people like him cuz he is good natured and also, he is much older than I am... that means he is also capable of a lot of things... specifically because we were pretty much alone at that point... so it’s not the same as an asshole in your grade who you can ask to fuck off, for instance... just make sure you’re safe... make sure you are AWARE of what you’re getting yourself into... you don’t have to go out of your way to please someone or to be nice if they make you uncomfortable. You’re not obligated to do that. Your only obligation is towards yourself - save yourself before you fend for someone else.