#idk what to do with myself at this point
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Not drawing feels like rotting but trying to draw also feels like rotting. I can’t win.
#every day I don’t create I die a bit more but every time I try and draw and it looks like shit I die a bit more#:|#and before anyone says ‘do it badly but do it’ like#I get it#thank u#really#but my brain is stupid and doesn’t accept that way of thinking#bc if I’m not perfect I am worthless bc I’ve built so much of my worth on being able to draw#bc it’s the one thing I’m good at#that if I see myself being bad at it I just start crumbling into dust#:/#idk what to do with myself at this point#I don’t want to give up art but also it just hurts#nebula rambles
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“Twist thy head and watch them fall,”
#tgaa#tgaa chronicles#tgaac#art#great ace attorney#the great ace attorney#dgs#dgs2 spoilers#dgs spoilers#dgs fanart#dgs2#tgaa2 spoilers#tgaa fanart#kazuma asogi#kazuma asougi#serpent kazuma#ok not actually but it’s my target audience#unamusedyams followed me on twt for this i literally screamed#my twt is dgstjars please follow#fanart#karuma#shoutout to my best friend for inspiring me despite having little knowledge of wtf happens in tgaa2#completely normal#what are you talking about#cw: gore#does this count as gore#he has karuma through his skull idk#congrats to that one person in a discord server that pointed out his tiddies because i ended up working overtime for those#everyone go stare at his massive honkers i drew that MYSELF and im PROUD OF MYSELF FOR DOING ANATOMY WELL!!!!!#ok not super well but decently enough !!!!
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The biggest misconception in the bsd fandom ever to me is people constantly portraying Atsushi as someone who trauma dumps excessively when he canonically barely talks about it at all.
The entire point is that Atsushi does not talk about his trauma he’s just constantly thinking about/reliving it. He can’t escape the memories of his past so he tries not to acknowledge them.
He only mentions it when asked, either directly or when someone asks him to explain himself.
Atsushi doesn’t even give a cohesive explanation for what he saw while under Dogra Magra, he just apologizes to Haruno and Naomi.
If Lucy hadn’t had her whole “you’ve never suffered the way I have” spiel then I doubt even the audience would’ve gotten to find out about his scars
If Akutagawa never asked him how it felt for the orphanage headmaster to die Atsushi would have never told him that he’s been hallucinating.
In the omake where Kyoka asks him why his hair is like that it’s clear he wouldn’t have told her that unless she had asked.
In 55 minutes Atsushi very briefly mentions sleeping on a dirty floor somewhere to Kunikida because he was trying to explain and justify his behavior.
And the thing is that there are scenes that implies that the other characters see Atsushi behaving strangely and are visibly confused because they do not understand what’s wrong with him.
Remember, we as an audience get to see things about characters that the main cast doesn’t. Just because we see into Atsushi’s mind doesn’t mean the other characters know what’s going on in there.
Also little footnote here that I think this is a reference to the moon over the mountain but I digress
#bsd#atsushi nakajima#bsd atsushi#nakajima atsushi#idk#on the floor wallowing in pain as we speak#bungou stray dogs#tagging is hard and i’m lazy#I love the Atsushi trauma dumping for no reason headcanon too#but I have to complain about it not being canon accurate#just don’t put it in fanfiction ok that’s all I ask#Guys let atsushi be painstakingly vague about his past in peace stop ruining it#atsushi#Atsushi hated pain#but pain had been an intimate- dies#anybody have fanfic recs with this concept or do I have to write them myself#idk guys you’ll just never catch me writing anything where the other characters truly understand Atsushi#sorry#Kunikida will never be written to know what the fuck is wrong with him for as long as I live#He just gives up#at some point
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You're still standing off to the side. Somehow, center stage has shifted from under your feet without you realizing, and you're standing in the wings, performing to no one.
Starring Role (Patreon)
#My art#ISaT#ISaT Spoilers#Siffrin#Loop#Technically - you know how it goes#Me when I relate to Siffrin: Oh no haha that's probably not great whoops haha#Me when I relate to Loop: Oh. Oh No.#Lenti has such a deathgrip on my ISaT opinions wtf how is she so powerful I thought my fave was Sif?? But I mean well-#Lol#Does this count as vent idk lol#It was fun to write tho :) Very easy! Done all at once!#As was drawing this! Also done all at once! And black and white is still really fun to work with hehe#I got to use some pretty cool outline/lineart tricks for this one yay :D#The original draft of the fic had a different title but ''Starring Role'' is kinda?? too perfect???#To the point where I looked around and I was like#Kinda shocked that there doesn't Seem? to be another fic with the same title?#Which is.........oddly relevantly thematic to this fic actually hahaha#Not to get too exacting about it but the whole thing of Loop feeling replaceable well#It would imply that other someones could do what they do better than them#What an odd refutation. Huh. Weird#Anyway - behind the scenes fun fact!#I actually really love the song Starring Role but I didn't think of it until after writing this#And now that I sing it to myself it's actually kinda perfect what the heck#So that's something to think about as well#Anyway if you're going to listen to it pls listen to the Axiom remix it is The version in my heart <3#The glitches and stutters are perfect.....#And the clock ticking?? Why is this song so ISaT I'm gonna think about this for a while now heck#Animatic in my head shower thought -core lol
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Man so beautiful you can never draw him the exact same way twice
#dorian storm#critical role fanart#chubs art#seriously i change him#every#single#time#I need to make myself a guide at this point idk what to do anymore ksnsls
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some fanart of THE vampire that owns the night🫰
#my art#noliaert#fanart#artists on tumblr#amc iwtv#iwtv amc#louis de pointe du lac#okay okay so- I kinda really wanted to do his glasses again! And! the E8 coat (& hair)- but what if I did it during the modern day??#incorperating a yellow-green color for the jacket (claudia + his eyes) + a white/pale fishnet shirt AKA getting his pastels back in#and ofc reincoperating the pearl pin from his neckties in S1 as an earring instead#this one's actually... sort of... part of other pieces... not directly#but in that I only meant to try make easier pieces for myself or- pieces that I didn't have to feel so perfectionist about. aka. sketchy#and it lowkey it got to me trying to make a piece based on every colour of the og pride flag#idk if I'll stick to it lol#but practicing with colours and all#so this one majorly got green and purples. though it was meant to be overhwlemingly purple but anyway#also- I'm actually pretty happy with the sketch I made with no ref but since I “finished” it I'm posting this one#ldpdl#ldpdl fanart#amc interview with the vampire#iwtv fanart
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[Billy]: Is this how Nicky died?
[Agatha pauses while having flashbacks]: I can offer only time (scenes of her spending years with Nicky). I had to do something that I did not wanna do, even though it was my job (Nicky passed away peacefully in his sleep). She is my scar (almost kiss Rio). No one in history has had special treatment like you (harsh words, sad Rio). Sometimes... boys die.
[Agatha turns around and kiss Rio]
#idk what i'm doing to myself at this point#agathario#agatha harkness#rio vidal#nicholas scratch#agatha all along
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ngl sometimes i think the inverse to the fanon inability to meaningfully interact with a character flaw that's not "my friends and family would say that my main problem is that i care too much" is the canon hyper critical you can only like a character because of all their flaws and you should never say anything nice about what you think their good points are without a million astericks about how much they really do suck, actually
#i mean. idk i like characters who i find personably likable to myself and because of their good points#and things i find nice about them. i mean i often like what i find to be their flaws too#but mmm i do think there is a tendency to need to prove you understand canon in the One True Fandom way by hyperfocusing on#all the flaws to push back against fanon's refusal to give characters negative traits#this is not going into the sex and gender dynamics there as well of which there are plenty i'm aware of male vs female treatment#that's almost a whole nother essay. all i'll say is sometimes the roles are reversed fanon v canon with female characters#and tbh this usually tends to apply moreso to male characters but not always#and i'm not criticising tbh i just think there is a general trend that i notice sometimes
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just vibin'
#the vibe: 25 cent temp tattoos ig??? bc thats what i think when i look at his sleeve tbh#one of these was gonna be spicy but i self checked myself#simon ghost riley#cod ghost#cod#cod modern warfare#call of duty#my art#at no point was there a thought in my head for what i was doing and it shows just chasin a then nameless vibe#sorry i just got here idk what im doin#give me a character built like that? expect me to behave??? with a face i can do w/e with? bet.#only simon for now my gaz n soap ones are still cooking#took me nearly a month to work up the courage to post rip time to bug out#mw
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another thing i feel has deepend my hatred for totk is... how quickly people jump to defending it, as soon as there is any criticism at all, no matter how little or legit, anyone that expresses disappointment, even in the most tamest way possible, the comments are filled with excuses for it like nintendo can do no wrong
(saw someone express disappointment about a concept art in the totk book that they would have liked more than what we got, and the comments were filled with people making excuses for it-)
often the process of cool concepts getting less cool over the development cycle, especially in this modern gaming industry, isnt bc it just wasnt 'possible' or not the best choice, but bc it gets filtered through many layers of corporate "mass appeal" ideals for greater profit, "mass appeal" i think is always going to give you something more generic, losing its edge, its spark, you cant make soemthing that literally appeals to everyone, thats not how it works, but they certainly try anyway bc it promises greater profit in theory
of course, that doesnt mean that has to be the reason for whatever they decide to go for in the end, but they can do wrong, very questionable, and very much bad things, they have done that and ARE doing that, and you should be able to express disappointment about that without getting swarmed by a weird nintendo defense squad, in fact, it SHOULD be criticised, sometimes that can even be fun, sometimes mroe frustrating, but it should be done regardless, does it sound fun to jsut fully accept everything they throw in front of you without question??? does that sound like you will only get better things???
i just realyl hate that weird cult following (exaggeration) the game has amassed where you either worship it or must unreasonably hate it, that you cant express any sort personal feelign towards it that isnt praise without being hit by the squad tm
its not just annoying, its weird, what are you defending them for?? why??? i had this problem a while too, but its died down sicne then, probably bc people realized im not the 'average' fandom guy but a very specific kind of fandom guy- whenever i view outside my little bubble though i see it still happen ... even for the most miniscule of criticism
(dont get me started on how i have MASSIVE gameplay and design frustrations about totk and dont really understand how so many people can say the gameplay is stellar and jsut the writing sucks .... bc its not ..)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#sorry i got annoyed again#and yes there is the chance of them trying to explain a choice rather than excuse but-#at a certain point its a little weird#post in question was about a ganondorf concept art that made him more into a big ghostly being#and one that i assume conatined the end chamber you approach him in? or the sealing one idk#which neither looked in any way impossible to do#or especialyl unfitting?#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#im a little 'sees something and has to complain about it' guy#(on my own account though ... not gonna throw myself to the wolves that are 'average zelda fans' in twitter comments)#dont think any of them could handle my opinions#... anyway- back to watching what seems to be a very good windwaker video
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Do you think Mac has jacked off while reading the Bible? Or is he too ashamed? Or does the shame just turn him on more? Are the pages of his Bible all stuck together?
Oh, I don't think; we know:
(Pages stuck together, thanks for the confirmation, Charlie)
I think the shame definitely turns him on more, considering Mac Day:
And, the connected punishment, lest we forget The Gang Goes to Hell... (and the script here... whew)
While he was repressed then, he wasn't as of Charlie's Home Alone, so I think it's clear to claim that a part of his "homosexual awakening" was connected to the fact that he was gradually getting more and more into the idea of being punished (gone sexual) for his sins, to a point where he was just genuinely jerking off to the "evils of homosexuality"
I do wanna continue here though and say Season 15 is pretty interesting because we see Mac battle between being Catholic and proudly gay. He seemingly has no issue bragging to a Priest in the middle of a church that he's into triple penetration, but it is his sex life that is the driving "reasoning" for why he thinks he should become a Catholic Priest:
He's been "S-ing&F-ing" his way though life for too long and now he thinks God has taken away one of his identities (Irish) as a result. Mac's idea of being punished by/for God continues, but it's now through the form of revocation (as opposed to shame or flagellation). I think there's a clear "connect the dots" idea that depriving himself of sex (via becoming a Priest) is an "evolved" form of allowing God to punish him for being gay.
Obviously Mac learns he was lied to, as he actually is Irish, so his "journey" here is a bit of a wash, but the fact that his rationale jumped to God punishing him for having gay sex still stands. As he grows to accept himself, he's still looking for ways to feel shame (which, as we've seen, gets him off)...
But is the constant seeking for some form of punishment still there? We didn't see much of his Catholicism in Season 16 (I think the only mention of God from Mac was in The Gang Gets Cursed), but we did continue to see his sex life and—well, that was pretty heavy on Mac, openly gay dating, somehow managing to be neglected and deprived of actual gay sex, wasn't it?
#by the golden god no less..#mac mcdonald#iasip#main tagging it why not this is analysis to me#mac meta#ask#also i rewatching sinks in a bog while answering this and#damn the little 'thats what he said' jokes between mac and gus were cute... give him a boyfriend RCG meahesrshhhh#only for an episode tho so dennis can get jealous#ah im seeing myself in my own shitpost#thanks for the ask i doubt this went the way you thought but oh well lol#also.. idk how much of mac's gayness is like. rob avoiding being gay on screen tbh#but this is simply analysis of the character and my interpretation#idk if this is rob's actual intent.#but i like to think he does care about mac's struggle between enjoying being gay while feeling like he HAS to be punished for being gay#ok deep in the tags now cos i cant stfu#hohc kinda hurts this idea that mac gets off to being called a fag lol#but i do have to wonder if there was a point where he did#like prior to his actual gay acceptance and awakening#idk.. lol whatever.. interesting interesting
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if im honest, im trying very hard to not publicly be upset about how the internet censorship has ruined so much for me and every other adult creator's income out there where i feel like the moment i cant post nsfw on patreon, i feel like that's it for me. i don't have anything else outside of what i do now and i'm just, tired.
#i still do commissions#i still have an etsy#but with etsy it's expensive to get shit made#and with commissions ive been slow on them too and i hate being slow but i am#like everything is just#make money make money make money#and it's upsetting and draining#like it's why i dont even want to monetize my webcomics on tapas or even put them on webtoon#cuz my webcomics are the only things i do not want to monetize lest i get burnt out on that too#burnt out more than i already am#at this point i just hope i can just keel over and die idk#awful thing to say and think but idk what to do anymore for myself#ive practically given up on everything and thats not good#sorry for the vent uh#yeah.
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Also hey I wanna say too that pretty much every single headcanon ever is valid. Even if they aren’t popular, even if they go against canon, even if they change on the regular and make for a throughly transformative work.
I think fandom is supposed to be fun and honestly it just acts like a toybox of sorts? With all these malleable characters as action figures that you play with as you like. If you wanna make them bigger or smaller or change their species or what they present as or how they sound or even act - you can! You can and you should!
Have fun, because you’ll inevitably find others who like what you do too. And even if you don’t, as long as you like it, then that’s what matters.
#this is something I’m saying partially to myself too#personally I have a huge problem of wanting to ��justify’ my headcanons#where I do my damndest to ‘prove’ that what I headcanon is possible in canon#because it personally makes me feel much better and less anxious#but it’s something I gotta move past because sometimes rule of fun is better than canon justification#I still personally prefer to keep close to canon or within the realm of canon for my works#but I think I’ll stop trying to justify every little thing and just have a little more fun with it#but yeah saying right now that even if it’s not my personal cup of tea or something I headcanon myself#I will still fight for people’s right to have fun with these toy box action figures#is there an argument to be made of ‘at some point these characters just become OCs’? yeah but…who cares?#idk this was mostly something for myself to keep in mind but in light of recent events#I think I’ll post it too#also wanna say - don’t attack others for their headcanons#if you don’t like it then block them#remember that there are real people here that you could hurt okay?#the way they connect with a character will inevitably be different than you
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I keep seeing fanarts of ppl's OC's being on the ship, so do you think that if there was 6st crewmember (specifically, another woman) Anya would've been more safe? Like, someone to actually call Jimmy's begaviour out, someone Anya might wanna trust? Is there a possibility something might have changed (even if a little) or it would not have mattered at all?
-💀
I feel like the game would make it part of the commentary on where she would believe and help Anya but still be sort of dismissive? Like the whole “don’t waste time crying and being scared keep going and move on, don’t let him win”. It’s supposed to be positive and reinforcing but sometimes it does more damage in those times of mourning and grief, it feels patronizing, like you don’t understand what you’re going through but they do. Even if they did call out his behavior it’s still on Curly to act and while another voice would help, it’s still 4 against 2 on guys that don’t get it until they have to vs women who always have to.
I don’t mind mouthwashing OCs but I do get a bit bored as they tend to be borderline saviors or like Jimmy aligned. They are either more complicit than Curly or just Jimmy haters for no reason, outside of what the creators know about what he did to Anya. I am never irked by OCs but in a story like mouthwashing you really need to think about what your character adds to the commentary, especially if they are there during the crash. It’s nice to have like characters on Anya’s side more whole heartedly and interesting to see characters who placate Jimmy but sometimes it’s one note.
I can’t and don’t want to police peoples OCs it’s never my intention when I comment on trends I notice, but I do feel like the way people make their OCs interact with these two characters and especially Curly, really show a grave misunderstanding of the narrative and these characters as people vs roles in the story. Still, I know people just make up characters for fun and that’s fine. Great even, but I guys I’m focusing more on OCs that are supposed to have those serious dynamics. My favs tend to be pretty-Tulpar or post-Tulpar au OCs.
The inevitably of the crash is on Jimmy. He did that not because he wasn’t stopped but because all his means to kill Anya were taken. The gun, the axe. Even if Curly did strip him of his co-pilot privileges and try to keep him contained there’s only so many people. An extra body helps but they have jobs they have to do, he’s the only one steering the whole ship and Jimmy would likely have an out: food, bathroom, etc. He’s not new and if he couldn’t crash the ship directly, who’s to say he wouldn’t sabotage something else? A clunker like the Tulpar wouldn’t take much. An extra person helps but it’s just another thing that prolongs what a person like Jimmy is willing to do to shirk responsibility.
It’s more than just needing someone to stand up to him and think that’s what is missing when it comes to inserting a character into the mouthwashing setting.
#like again most people treat Jimmy like a misanthrope and he’s not and the way he’s just evil/rude to everyone all the time just isn’t real#like he’s snarky and rude but it can’t be 100% of the time like hes not going out his way to instigate#he’s the type to say shit and hope it stirs the pot like Daisuke likes him at first#thinks he’s a bit of a jerk but he likes him like unless you specifically make a character he’s dislike he’s not just gonna be#readily antagonistic to strangers or at the get go#not to mention it’s not just about Anya needing a friend but someone with the power to do something#a point in why she confides in Curly is he’s the captain she’s not just gonna tell the only other woman just because it’s still personal#not every girl tells their friend or another woman especially if they are new and they don’t know how they react not all girls are#girls girls some can be just as toxic as the men they are being confided in about#the nuance of the situation is not solved by having more people who actively hate jimmmy if anything it would make him escalate further as#clearly has issues with how people perceive him and being liked like another woman who hates him that’s gonna do something crazy in his mind#I think it’s interesting when OCs explore another side of the pre established dynamics as Jimmy uses each remaining crew member to fill a#something Curly provided for him and represent his dynamic with Anya and being an abuser I just feel like a lot is being missed out on#and it’s mainly cause people don’t want to make OCs that aren’t great people like it’s okay to have a grey mediocre OCs in situations like#this its realistic and helps you write more grounded characters like idk i like the ocs but eh im not like a super fan#I really should make an analysis on Jimmy cause people hate discussing him and his character is being really misunderstood#like not saying she’s innocent or an excuse but just not getting how he is supposed to work like he’s no dick fucking dasteredly#he’s a shitty guy who gets shittier like he ain’t start out an avengers level threat#mouthwashing#💀 anon#mouthwashing game#ask#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing oc#now I gotta make an oc just to prove myself but I can’t draw#so maybe not cuz what’s the point if I can’t explain the fly drip
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okay so like. lab rats: bionic island is not real, season 4 is the worst one, it's very disorganized, etc etc yes BUT. i think the angst potential of the bionic soldiers was very interesting and so under-explored.
bc like. what the hell happened with all these kids? krane basically just kidnapped them, wiped their memories, and implanted them with bionics, right? and then controlled all of them with the triton app. that's just crazy to me. bc it's like. none of these kids are like adam, bree, and chase at all when it comes down to it. they had actual families. they were not MADE to be bionic. there's a line that i keep thinking about from bob that's like "i keep asking them where they grew up, but they all just say, 'i don't know, i don't remember'!". that's so sad to me. they had families and lives that they just may never find their way back to.
and this all makes it even more depressing that they consider krane their father in bionic rebellion (sebastian especially). these are just random fucking kids. who maybe just got unlucky and were randomly picked by krane to be part of his army, or maybe were chosen for some particular reason (which is honestly kind of worse bc if any of them realized there was actually a reason, that just makes it feel more like it was somehow their fault even though it wasn't). but in the end none of these kids are related to each other, at all. they consider themselves to kind of be one big group of siblings now, but that's only because they were all put through the same trauma. and also. if they were chosen by krane for a reason. then what the fuck happened with characters like spin? or bob? they're both so young. why would krane have picked them? it gets more disturbing the more you think about it. they also are all probably not going by the names their parents gave them either. because they all got renamed to designations (S1, S2) and then renamed again when krane stopped controlling them.
and finally on the note of them not being made to be bionic the way adam, bree, and chase were: that is its own angst potential. i think the showrunners kind of forgot that they established that about the chips, that adam bree and chase can't even switch chips for a day without messing things up because they aren't built to handle each others chips. if that's really the case, then some random teenagers probably also can't handle being implanted with bionic chips? they should all be experiencing a lot more difficulties due to that. it would be fun for the difference between all of them and abc to be highlighted in a way that is not just "abc are old models" anyway. because given the actual lore of the show, no, they're probably NOT old, they're the only ones whose chips WORK PROPERLY ALL THE TIME. krane got his technology from douglas. he doesn't know how to do bionics himself, and he would not be able to make it work correctly with kids he pulled off the streets once douglas left. there's just no way.
okay thanks bionic soldiers rant over.
#these poor children. is the point#like idk. do you think spin is OKAY? whatever he's annoying so like i guess it's fine#but he's also really little like objectively#damn why am i starting to feel bad for spin now. why do i do this to myself#what if your name was your function and not the one your parents gave you...#lab rats#chase davenport#adam davenport#bree davenport#douglas davenport#victor krane#bob krane#spin krane#THAT'S ANOTHER THING. THEIR LAST NAMES BEING KRANE. LIKE OKAY EVEN THE FANDOM DECIDED HE'S THEIR DAD#sebastian krane#lab rats: bionic island#lab rats disney xd#lab rats season 4#lab rats s4#aylo talks#mine
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every time i see "Ed asks Lucius to write down his lyrics" used as an argument for claiming that Ed can't write i just want to. you know. point out that Stede has Lucius write down everything he says?? and does?? all the time?? and when he can't find Lucius he asks Frenchie (who actually cannot write) to do it instead of just writing it himself. and we know Stede can write. it's got nothing to do with ability to write, just that the captains don't seem to want to write stuff themselves when they have an employee whose job is to do that exact thing for them
#this is not with any specific post in mind but i think this every time that point is brought up#like idk if ed can write (i think he can based on the scrolls and books in his room and he can definitely read)#and he is a genius no matter what#but i just think it's ~funny~ how 'ed asks lucius to write sth down instead of writing it himself' is used to argue that ed CAN'T do it#when stede does it ALL THE TIME. FROM THE VERY BEGINNING#it's just fancy captain behavior and having lucius do his job (his actual job and not whatever izzy seems to think lucius' job is lmao)#ok now i got it out thanks this keeps bothering me#ofmd#our flag means death#ofmd meta#i guess#also it's hard to write while eating jam AND staring dramatically at a candle i totally get it#like if i had a scribey person in my employ i would also choose to dictate to them instead of writing myself lmao especially with quills
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