#idk what it was specifically but i know im not going to be able to eat spaghetti for a while

[thescreaminghat]

just thinking about tf armada optimus after unicron is defeated (spoilers), when he's been battered by fighting and is now drifting aimlessly amidst the debris in space and comes across the matrix of leadership, the very symbol of authority and hope for the autobots---the symbol that he chose to discard before accepting a final fight with megatron---and how he resignedly says, "i dont deserve it".

like ig there's the interpretation that he somehow "stooped down" to megatron's level by engaging in the 1v1, but i dont really get that vibe, and it feels a little too simple, even for the often questionable dialogue choices for the eng dub. i dont get the impression that somehow optimus is now "bad" because he accepted megatron's challenge, because he's been fighting megatron for fucking 10 million years, and it's presented as a "necessary evil" even though the whole point with the minicons is that conflict and war and fighting is, probably, more of a harmful thing than a good one, because megatron's purpose is to control and exploit the minicons for his own ends (i.e. the series series is still a kids' show, meaning certain tropes, like "the good guys ultimately need to come out on top", are still going to be used even if moral complexities are explored).

rather, i get the sense that optimus's somewhat mournful/regretful rejection of the matrix comes from the fact that he didn't fully acknowledge all sides of him and never got the change to. despite the fact that his obsession with op clouds his judgment like 99% of the time, megs knows himself way too well---there was no way on god's green earth that he and op were going to hold hands and kumbaya and that's what he lived by his entire life. bro held onto an infatuation of the millennia but also held a level of animosity and craving that likely rivalled the level of forgiveness and generosity of primus himself. and megatron accepted this, accepted that he wanted to battle and feel in control and in the end, when the only thing he had left to prove was to his forever rival, that was all he wanted: one good fight and he would be at peace with the outcome of the entire universe (im counting what happens in tf energon as its own thing at this point, it's way too messy of a direct continuation of armada). imo megatron stayed true to his own feelings without the necessity of hamfisting a redemption arc, he went through notable growth (biggest example being his shift after starscream's death) but in the end, there were parts of him that were never going to change, so in a way, he saw his journey through to the end and made the choice to sacrifice himself for optimus because of that acceptance

in contrast, i get the sense that because optimus must constantly act as a figurehead to the autobots, he's not truly able to be 100% honest with what he wants, and who he is. not that there's any doubt that he truly believes in his mission, and that he hasn't been deceitful or dishonest, but i got the sense throughout the series that optimus keeps a lot to himself because he can't be anything less than the protector of the matrix (e.g. when starscream leaves the autobots, hotshot, furious and hurt at the betrayal, starts yelling at optimus and doubting why he made the choices that he did, op doesn't say anything. instead he just walks away, with this pained silence following him out the door, leaving scavenger to chew out hotshot for "disobeying orders"---which seemed kind of, idk, a weirdly ironfisted way (at least from the autobot side) to shut down some genuinely good and earnest questions. and that specific moment of tension never really gets resolved, because optimus sacrifices himself to, in a way, "make up" for his and starscream's mistake). why doesn't he defend himself? if he truly believed in starscream and the inherent goodness of all cybertronians then why not express that directly to hotshot with passion, with conviction, with acceptance of all aspects of his own beliefs?

ig what im trying to say is, being the bearer of the matrix seems to instil (at least to me) this sense of "purity" or "virtuous aloofness" in optimus, whether out of duty or a genuine belief in those qualities as being the ideal. so when optimus discards the matrix specifically to fight megatron, and subsequently tells himself that he "doesn't deserve" that symbol of leadership, i think what he is berating himself for is having enjoyed a fight just a little too much or at the wrong time, having chosen to do something that wouldn't have fit the mould he had held himself to. his first response to megatron's reminiscing about how their fight reminded him of the "good old days" is denial ("i can't say that i enjoyed it").

tldr my interpretation (definitely wrong) is that op has a lot of responsibility and it seems to create a kind but also distant version of him in armada; it feels like op is repressing a lot of who he is and the rejection of the matrix brings him into the daunting realization that yeah, maybe that was for the better. maybe it's ok to not deserve that honour. he'll have to accept that and live with it, but it's ok.

[riddlesmoon]

honestly i think it can go either way since we dont really have much (reliable) info on how he acted in his youth! though, there is the fact that he killed his dads family while underage. but thats also technically unreliable info so idk if you think agree with that [afaik most of fandom does... and the tom meta i read is specifically and explicitly said to be considered heretical by most of normal fandom..... so maybe i just sound insane rn........] but if we say he did kill them then that means he dared to not only do magic while underage, but also use an unforgivable, which he surely knows would get him jailtime if caught.

unless of course ☝️🤓 he was smart enough to figure out that it wouldnt be traced back to him. dumbledore pretty much says this is the case with morfin taking the fall, but he just kind of... tells harry that thats what happened, not that tom planned for it (cuz how could he, amirite, 99% of the wizarding world doesnt seem to know how the trace works either). but we know he wouldnt have done something so risky if he didnt know, so... [unless etc etc insert more headcanons here like it not actually being planned i guess]

SO if he did do it, then i would like to think that it was because he figured out how the trace works. i just reblogged this post which i think covers it very very well, but basically it posits that the trace is cast over all of britain rather than on an individual person. it detects when magic is done in an area, and the ministry just cross references that with their records of where muggleborns live, etc. so if somehow tom figures this out (if hes planning to kill his dad im sure he wouldve researched this. even disregarding the murder part i dont think its impossible for him to have heard about pureblood kids being able to use magic during summer without getting expelled, and then tried to figure it out so he could do the same) (SUCKS IN A BREATH)

SO. if he figured out how the trace works then im sure he could practice magic whenever he pleased as long as it was away from the orphanage. and if the orphans had to move somewhere else for shelter during the war and the ministry doesnt gaf because theyre idk dealing with grindelwald, the address change wouldnt be noted and he could just practice wherever they were staying. or if they did note the change in address he probably couldve just gone somewhere else i think hes capable enough. am i overpowering him OKAY im getting off topic trying to cover all bases but basically the point is he would be aware he can use magic while underage as long as hes not near the orphanage.

SO BACK TO WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT what were we talking about. right so he wouldnt actually need to rely on muggle methods that much... and the moment he turns 17 he can just use magic whenever. any muggle skills could fall into disuse. but like you said, this depends on how much you wanna weigh his arrogance vs pragmatism. i dont think itd be a big priority, im sure he can do pretty good wandless magic so theres never really a possibility he'll be magicless. he has everything he needs in him. but its definitely a fun idea and i do love fics that incorporate it!!! because it shows him as a cut above the purebloods who presumably wouldnt know those methods + calls back to his muggleborn-raised roots. god hes so[car runs over me]

I like to think that Voldemort knew how to kill with anything, like space and daggers, with his bare hands and even with weapons like pistols and rifles. In short, he knew every way to kill.

[artsy-1diot]

drawing kudos managers as I beat them part 7 (+satellite investors)

IM FINALLY FREE FROM THIS DRAWING OH MY GOD i had to learn how to draw skelecogs just for this drawing and it took like four days to make.

also fun fact one of my besties is named nix :3

[solarpunkani]

Do I have the balls to go to a DSA general meeting vote now on your phones

[multifandomhoodies]

anyone else hate long distance relationships and lack of consistent feelings on their part

[dailykugisaki]

Day 130 | id in alt

I have no idea how Fushiguro dosent stumble over himself and so I made him do it.

Also Kugisaki I saw her run fast as hell girl was basically skipping.

[lemongogo]

[nightfall-1409]

Im mentally chewing on the fact it's now Commander Scorch on his own working for Hemlock.

Like it'd be really fucked up if the reason he stayed and the others either didn't (as in they took a path similar to the books and got out altogether, they're some of the first clones eligible for retirement after all given their service records) is Sev and having to leave him behind. Or maybe the other's have since died. and he's the only one left to keep going. hooooo

[zymstarz]

yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out

[jacqcrisis]

Not me sitting at work after a night of pretty gnarly food poisoning trying to just make it to ten so I can throw in the towel

[whoa-where-did-the-pancakes-go]

I'd love to interact with the ethel cain fandom on here a little more but im lowkey kind of worried about my reception from certain groups of people bc im like. a guy.

[jackass-jones]

Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩

[feline-evil]

Now we're nearing the end of my move (fucking finally) i can safely say that if i had not had the Song of Salvation on repeat for large stretches of time during this i do not think i would've made it through as well as i have

[skrunksthatwunk]

"i'm not disabled" followed immediately by "i've got bad knees and a bad back" is certainly something to read 🤨 you know it doesn't have to be cripling for it to count, right...? it's not normal to be in pain after 15 minutes of standing. ableds can stand for, like, an hour at a time before they need to sit.

i know! i appreciate the concern, but i uh. dunno lol. genuinely i don't know. but i included the afaik ("i'm not disabled afaik" was the original phrase, though i'm not like mad at you for excluding it or anything) because i'm well aware that it's a possibility. it's hard to explain but there's a lot of little things that don't add up to much but are like. noticeable. like i would prefer to do most things sitting, if i could, as a matter of comfort. it would be easier for me. and walking isn't as bad as just standing. i've never been great at taking care of my body, and this has only gotten worse with time. it's hard for me to know what i should read as necessity and what i should read as preference, and how much weight to put on said preferences. like you said, i know it doesn't need to be "if i don't sit down i'm going to collapse" or anything, but where to draw that line between Definitely A Medical Thing That Affects Me More Than Other People and.. not that, i'm not sure. i kinda just thought i was a persistently slightly tired and low energy person, but it doesn't seem bad enough to be chronic fatigue, so...? is it related to the half-diagnosed. idk it's complicated depression (and yes in hindsight i probably should've counted that as disabling but whatever)? idk it's not a rabbit hole i've explored much at all is my point. but i know it's there and uh i guess this was sort of validating in a way anon so.. yeah? yeah👍

[obnoxiousarcade]

I have a longing to be understood more than anything else i think

[pepprs]

it’s yom kippur now and im not supposed to eat anything until sunset tomorrow but ive had a headache all day and rn its fucking SPLITTING but im 5 hours into the fast and i don’t know what to do. eating something would probably make me feel better but it’s yom kippur and i don’t have a longstanding ailment that would prohibit me from fasting or whatever it’s just i woke up with a headache that has gotten worse throughout the day and now the fast has started but it’s the worst it’s been all day. idk what to do. i need to eat something but i can’t