#okay. so just setting the stage
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anyone else hate long distance relationships and lack of consistent feelings on their part
#this is gonna be long in the tags sorry#and for the record. everything im going to say in here is on Me and not on my girlfriend and i know the solution is TALK TO HER#but can i have a minute to just. say it#okay. so im long distance with my girlfriend and we've been long distance (5hrs drive) the whole time#we've been together almost 9 months and in that time we've seen each other 4 times.#once in may once for halloween once for thanksgiving and today/yesterday for NYE#the longest trip of any of these was a tuesday night- sunday morning. so like. four full days of being together#but interspersed with family bc it was thanksgiving#okay. so just setting the stage#i love hanging out. i love hanging out on the couch or doing random shit like walkin around a town or grocery shopping with her#like i love being introduced to her friends and family as her partner and doing likewise to my people#like i love hanging out with her forever#but like. UGH my issue is like. any. kind of intimacy beyond literally like cuddling and holding hands?#like lack of consistency on my part. like okay sometimes kissing is fine and we're talking like a peck on the lips and then sometimes#im like. no i dont. want to do this. and obviously im not being Forced to if i asked her to not she would respect that!!#i like the Idea of kissing and sometimes i do enjoy a little peck but sometimes im like not. into it.#and then like. we've been together for a while we've Talked about sex and stuff but we have not had it yet. haven't gotten anywhere close#to it yet#like i like the idea of having sex with her but if i was faced with the reality of that right now i would freak out like just get. really#stressed? panic??? and there's no trauma in my past. i haven't ever had any kind of sex i have no trauma associated#with anything. like i would just. freak out a little. and we wouldn't have sex and that would be fine but. idk.#i dunno if i'm like. ace or something or it's just still too New of a relationship to do that? because despite being togehter for 9 months#when you've had literally less than two weeks of full days together in that time#it feels really fuckin new#i dunno man.#i'm just afraid that im just. idk not built for a relationship.#she was drunk and wanted to snuggle when we went to sleep last night and it stressed me out because i hate not being able to move when#im asleep. i told her this she gave me my room that was fine. but like man. i am never gonna want to snuggle like that#i still dont love kissing#like. for my house. okay i have very specific ideas of what i want my space to look like and feel like
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Omg, is there any more about Odonii battlefield performance?
Faiza giving a full battlefield performance, which includes grimacing, sinister looks, letting out terrifying war cries, and banging on her shield with her dagger's pommel. She's wearing a full set of armor, which is functional but highly decorative. A squire will be present somewhere nearby to carry the rest of her weaponry.
As mentioned in the other post, Odonii generally do not actually Participate in fighting. Their perpetual armament and training to correctly Use this armament has predominantly symbolic functions, with their bodies as vessels for state and military empowerment and integrity.
Their normal role on the battlefield is:
a) Spiritual protection for their associated warriors and intimidation of enemies.
Their role is partially to be the ‘guardian lion’ figure in human form, their presence and performance in of itself is considered metaphysically protective. This guardian lion nature is played up and reinforced with their dress and behavior- they wear lion skins over their armor, paint their faces red to obscure human features, perform war cries tailored to sound inhuman (not like lions, just a very shrill and frightening sound). They perform ‘frenzied’ movements that intend to evoke an enraged animal- pacing, banging on their shields, biting their weapons/shields, baring teeth, exaggerated glances that emphasize the whites of their eyes, etc. This can be a disturbing sight- reassuring to their allies who know a frightening spiritual guardian figure is on their side, and demoralizing to an enemy (the latter especially in conjunction with common beliefs that Odonii are witches/shapeshifters)
b) A motivating factor to get the men to fight more bravely.
This is partly out of religious belief (you will probably be a little bolder if you feel reassurance that God is very much present and on your side, via Its priestesses), partly out of esteem for the order (you are highly motivated to perform for their recognition and protect them from harm). In a way, their role on the battlefield is the Least masculinized aspect of their performance- they are in part there to remind men of their mothers, wives, and daughters, who they are supposed to be the protectors of and whose benefit they are ultimately (at least deemed to be) fighting for.
In some cases, this is taken to a (cultural relative) extreme wherein they will expose their breasts towards their own men as a part of battlefield performance, in the form of a supplicatory gesture (bearing the breasts and thumping on the chest with a fist). (The Odomache’s nude body should never be publicly seen under any circumstances, limited and controlled exposure by Odonii Can be appropriate). Breasts are not sexualized in this cultural sphere, but are not treated as neutral body parts either, instead having values of motherly nurturing and feminine vulnerability projected onto them. Odonii showing tits will be a DISTINCT reminder of the ‘vulnerable female’ elements that the men should be protecting, and can be highly motivating (especially in the context of a figure who is otherwise behaviorally ‘masculinized’, it’s jarring and can have useful emotional impact).
c) General spiritual leadership (in connection to a & b).
Weapons dances are an aspect of military training and the kagnoma odo dance is always performed prior to conventional battles, Odonii lead these dances. This has multifacted functions- it is believed to spiritually bless the troops, it is a means of practicing with weaponry/limbering up, it is a psychological rallying point and good for morale, and it may intimidate your enemy who can see it happening from a distance (by displaying readiness/eagerness to battle, good discipline, unity, and physical might). Odonii also perform personalized blessings of soldiers, weapons, and armor.
c) Filling gaps in the command structure or acting as commanders
Odonii are involved in strategic meetings, and ones who receive battlefield roles are very well studied in military tactics. As a matter of technicality, their commands to the body of Imperial Wardi troops do not override those of generals or other ranking soldiers (though they will often be deferred to regardless), but they can fill in gaps in the command structure in case of death of high ranking soldiers or if lines become scattered and communication breaks down.
Additionally, there are two elite warrior orders presided over by the Odonii priesthood (the rest answer directly to the Usoma's court appointed general), with senior Odonii as their commanders and the Odomache as their general. (This is one of many political tension points between the priesthood and monarchy, given that the Odonii have managed to get themselves about 200 high skill, firearm'ed warriors that are separate from the normal military structure, only as loyal to the Usoma as their current general is, and Very beloved among the public so you can't just like, outright kill or disarm this very obvious threat.)
d) A strategic flexing of eastern seaway honorable combat norms
Conventions of honorable warfare have broad commonalities across the eastern seaway peoples, one of which is that noncombatants (by default- women, girls, prepubsecent boys, unarmed elderly men) are not legitimate targets in the normal process of open war (but are fair game in contexts like sieges when a foe has refused to surrender on behalf of their population). Odonii being armed throws a wrinkle into this - they are still effectively ‘noncombatants’ by virtue of being women, but if they actually Engage in fighting they do present a threat that could be justifiably neutralized.
If they do not actually Use their arms they are not legitimate targets, and an enemy concerned with honorable combat will have to work around their presence (or risk social/retaliatory consequences if he does not). They are thus effectively human shields- at the very least introducing an additional layer of difficulties for an opponent to navigate, and sometimes actively putting their bodies between their men and their opponents.
e) as a factor of D, potential mediator figures.
When in conventional battles, Odonii on losing sides are usually expected to allow themselves to be captured without resistance. They stand a very high chance of being taken alive and remaining unharmed due to a combination of factors- baseline honorable warfare practices (which are ABSOLUTELY not always followed, but at least Influence behavior), fears of material consequences in retribution for harming the priestess, fears of spiritual consequences for harming a potentially powerful witch, knowledge that releasing an Odonii unscathed may give the captors a better negotiating position down the line, or knowledge that an Odonii is a very valuable hostage and can make for a good bargaining chip.
Because of this element, captured Odonii are expected to perform mediation roles, negotiate the release of hostages, carry messages from their captors, or bravely tolerate hostage conditions (ideally while gaining intelligence on their captors)
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Odonii very, very rarely actually participate in combat (and are in fact not Supposed To in the vast majority of circumstances).
They are, however, fairly well equipped for it. Their perpetual armament is symbolic in nature, but its intended function of empowering their bodies and the state by proxy additionally requires them to know how to Use It. They are trained and regularly drill and engage in mock battles in each of their key weapons/defensive combinations (sword, sword and shield, spear, spear and shield, longgun, handgun) and are expected to be adept at their use. Odonii who attend battlefields, while not being directly engaged, are still in very high-stress and dangerous environments and will have to learn to stay calm and collected under duress. All this doesn't mean every Odonii would be a skilled warrior in an actual combat situation (given that most will have no experience fighting someone who is actually trying to Kill Them), but it does mean they have enough technical skill and mental fortitude to stand a decent chance.
The only times where they are SUPPOSED to actively engage is when a battle is deemed as an existential struggle and is being lost (in practice, the main context for this is a siege), or losing against a foe deemed so thoroughly depraved that they won’t even slightly follow wartime conventions. The idea in these situations is that they are most likely already doomed, and that they should die protecting their people in battle.
Wardi history is filled with stories of Odonii fighting and dying in desperate conflicts (particularly against Imperial Bur), but this is at least Partly historical revisionism (there WERE some women in proto-Odonii roles involved in these conflicts, but these retellings project the modern Odonii order onto its multiple progenitor practices).
Odonii are frequently present on battlefields, but there are only two major instances of modern era Odonii participating in battle as full combatants, both involving conflict with Finnerich
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The fully modern incarnation of the order can be defined as starting in the late period of Burri occupation, in which multiple Wardi city-states and kingdoms allied against a common foe, and the separate progenitors of the Odonii tradition began to coelesce into a single practice. These alliances were mostly dropped after Burri withdrawal, and the immediate post-withdrawal period was a chaotic scrambling to politically stabilize and assert old territorial claims- thus most Wardi states resumed hostile or indifferent relations with one another. (The one exception is that Wardin and Ephennos remained allied, which shortly would become a Big Deal). Forms of early Odonii now existed throughout most of these states, just not united under a single banner.
The city of Godsmouth was blockaded and besieged by Finnerich during this period (taking advantage of its historical rival’s weakness in the political chaos of de-occupation and hoping to capture or at least maim the city), and some of these early Odonii were involved in this conflict and are known to have engaged.
Godsmouth was a rival to its neighboring states more than anything else- there was little reason for others to send aid in the conflict, and it was left to fend for itself. It was and is a heavily fortified city, and thus the siege lasted for months, with the strategy turning to starving the population out rather than the risky maneuver of throwing troops at well-defended gates to force entry. The Finn forces never managed to breach the inner walls, but were very successful at starving the city's population, raiding its farmlands and villages, and destroying its ports and capturing or burning its ships, all with minimal casualties on their side.
The strategy of the siege finally turned to a risky push to breach and capture the city (due to Finnerich’s own dwindling resources and logistical difficulties in restocking due to storms at sea, and news that an allied Wardin and Ephennos had, in an unprecedented move, been persuaded to send reinforcements (in return for Godsmouth's sworn fealty and absorption into their alliance)), and Finn forces succeeded in breaking through the outer walls. This developed into a very dramatic standoff in which the remaining warriors and/or civilians of Godsmouth attempted to fend off the attack long enough for reinforcements to arrive (which would take days by sea).
Odonii are very famously known to have fully engaged in this stretch of the conflict on the front lines, as it represented an existential threat to the city-state (it’s a fortified settlement, if it was captured, reinforcements would not matter). Some of the recountings are distinctly fanciful (describing Odonii and noblemen leading Siege Of Helms Deep style khaitback charges into masses of enemies, or SWEARING that one of them actually did turn into a lion and ripped apart a hundred Finns before she succumbed to her wounds). An At Least Partially True Story With Exaggerated Elements of the final days of the siege describes the Odonii priestess Hibrides Odiboe rallying a group of elderly men into battle by baring her breasts and scratching deep, bleeding wounds into her chest, declaring herself as 'your mothers, your wives, your daughters, and look how I bleed while you hide behind your walls and wait to die.' While accounts have fantastical elements, it is factual that Odonii priestesses fought and died defending the city's inner walls, notably filling command positions left vacant by slain or starved leaders and rallying citizens to the front lines.
The end of the siege was ultimately a pyrrhic victory for Godsmouth- the city was never actually taken but its population was starved and riddled with disease, its farmlands were burned, and its ports were destroyed. Finnerich forces retreated before reinforcements arrived after failing to break through the inner walls in time, but had succeeded in most objectives of severely wounding their historical enemy. It has been a source of collective trauma in Godsmouth since that point (it is now out of living memory, but vivid stories remain of seeing the dead eaten by dogs and the starving eating the dogs that ate the dead, watching family members succumb to disease and starvation, all while hearing the sounds of fighting draw closer and closer with no reason to believe that any help would ever come), but ultimately recontextualized as a victory, a turning point in the arc of modern history. (The Wardin-Ephennos-Godsmouth alliance, which formed in full as a result of this conflict, would become the triple state that conquered the rest of the region and formed Imperial Wardin).
The direct participation of Odonii in this conflict is heavily played up in the narrative as the order in its purest form as sovereignty incarnate, the priestesses bravely fighting for (what would turn out to be) the beginnings of the Imperial Wardi state. The 11 Odonii who died fighting in the siege have been bestowed sainthood and are memorialized in a series of guardian lion statue-shrines overlooking Godsmouth’s ports (in which their ashes and bones are stored).
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The other instance of modern era Odonii engaging in conflict is significantly less romantic, occurring in the context of the Extremely failed second invasion of Finnerich.
During and after the rout that resulted in the Odomache's capture and killing, it became exceptionally clear to the Imperial Wardi forces that They Were Fucked. The conflict veered with REMARKABLE speed from being an attempt end the state's civil war between the Imperial Wardi-loyalist provincial puppet government and its rebelling northwest population, to a desperate struggle for Wardi forces to get out of Finnerich Alive. At this point it was assumed (fairly accurately) that any defeated party would be summarily executed, so most Odonii present ended up directly engaging in battle. Two are known to have died leading soldiers in a bid to retrieve the Odomache's body, others fought and/or died while defending the retreat.
A few Finn Odonii (women appointed as a local sect of the priesthood after the initial takeover) remained in the capital after the Wardi forces fucked off overseas, and were executed along with the rest of the installed loyalist government and priests (though it's unlikely that they were involved in any fighting, as the provincial government surrendered after the withdrawal).
Odonii veterans of the invading force have not fared well in the aftermath. Most of those who survived the ambush in which the Odomache was captured have ended up committing honorable suicide due to breaking vows in abandoning their leader in retreat, failing to retrieve her body, and/or being assaulted in capture. More have committed (ostensibly ritual, probably emotionally driven) suicide in the years that followed, with the knowledge that their leader's death and defilement and this severing of God's spirit has brought doom upon their land in the form of an unbroken drought and famine, and that they failed to prevent this. The priestess who was captured alive to witness the Odomache's death and released unharmed to report it was the first.
All this has opened some vacancies in the order's leadership, and given things a very somber tone. It is currently in debate as to whether the ones who died on Finn soil (particularly those who died attempting to retrieve their leader's body) should be canonized as saints or if it's a little too soon for all that.
#As usual this veered off but likeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee whatever. It's technically all Sort Of about Odonii battlefield performance.#Just like. Imagining if Imperial Wardin was an actual historical state whose written language was never decoded. There would be SOOOOOOOOOO#much debating on whether they actually had 'warrior women' or not. So much.#And it would probably end up wildly mischaracterized in pop history circles who base their estimates of a historical culture's#level of gender egalitarianism almost entirely upon Can Girl Fight??????? Did Girl Fight In Epic Battles Though?????????? With Sord????#Almost completely unrelated but I'm downgrading the gun tech. Kind of severely. I'm okay with a little anachronism because it doesn't#follow an earth timeline but it's Too anachronistic for the rest of the setting.#Like I need the use of firearms to be VERY limited and not widespread so they need to be in basal stages. The main reason I originally#had much more advanced firearms was due to old lore that is now obsolete anyway.#They're gonna be a lot closer to hand cannons. Like a transitional form of hand cannon closer in shape to a conventional#rifle but without a mechanical firing method.#This means a lot of things I've drawn recently are now obsolete and the joke of Couya having terrible trigger discipline doesn't work#but it has been bothering me way too much I can't do it anymore
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waiter! waiter! more polysho circus yuri please!!
#when i tell yall the lighting in these cards were KILLING ME.... 😭😭😭 so just ignore how bad my shading is okay#anyways i love this set and i love mr showtime (emukasa cover 🔛🔝 btw)#emu otori#otori emu#tsukasa tenma#tenma tsukasa#rui kamishiro#kamishiro rui#nene kusanagi#kusanagi nene#project sekai#wonderlands x showtime#prsk#pjsk#proseka#project sekai colorful stage#colorful stage#wondasho#wxs#my edit#black edit#emu tag
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it's me i'm that hunter. i need to constantly stare at a titan
#i think i've almost drawn all good/bad wizard sets#except good hunter their helmet looks bad imo#i would love to draw a ton of wizards...#if i can actually get their 360 degree reference#it was torture for me i just don't have the ability to properly hallucinate their design okay??#seriously wtf is that helmet#by that i mean all 6 helmets#whatever#ramble time#i dragged for so long idk why#maybe im really in my fatigue stage#yeah idk what i'll draw next#destiny 2#destiny hunter#destiny warlock#destiny titan#destiny 2 art#my art
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#okay so i should probably do something with the sharpening setting i have#unless it's not that ? i'm sick of grainy ass gifs#stray kids#skz#stray kids gifs#skz gifs#koe.gif#i have no caption i just think he looked hot this stage#flashing tw
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just curious, I haven't seen many ALNST OCs out there (at least here on Tumblr). Does anyone have an ALNST OC they'd like to maybe share about ,,,,
#or just ideas for a fun character in the alnst setting#id like to hear it!!!!! if it's okay!! alnst has so much potential for character dynamics and such#alnst#alien stage#alien stage oc
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hm hm hm i feel like this will be really interesting to read with the knowledge of korra and how that effected her instead.... because korra (from my limited knowledge so i could be talking out my ass here) knew she was the avatar at an early age and DID get that community. she had katara and her parents, she had her mentors, she was isolated from the real world during so and perfected the elements other than air (which i kinda recall her struggling with and how its the opposite element of earth so im excited to see if those kinda play out :3) and she was more eager to be the avatar and the excitement and significance it brought (which was a bit clouded by her being sheltered but also would have been expected more before the war impacted things)
i also remember matty saying kyoshi struggled with earth bending (which im super excited to get to and see/see her journey and how it will differ) but!!! i just think its really fun how theyre kinda off the bat setting up this expectation and new grounding for readers who have a past grasp of the avatar universe. even as someone who isnt super familiar with the lore, i know enough to recognize that oh! thats something new!! so just kudos to the writer(s?) for just setting this up to be something very different and in a natural way :3
#again. talking out my ass here. if im an idiot no one say anything okay? okay <3#but i think its fun to already see some parallels or ways kyoshi and korra are different or similar#and how korra got the set-up stage that was considered ideal (i think?) for these two characters#like !!! the avatar is supposed to know theyre the avatar at a young age!#and aang learning when he was 12 instead?? i think?#or being told hey man you gotta fucking get ready/do your teen duties instead of preeteen ones cause theres a war....#but no sorry my head is scattered i cant keep a line of thought but the point was i know a lot of people bash korra because shes too#‘abrasive’ or comfortable with being the avatar when?? for previous experiences that eagerness was something more expected (i think)#like its so difficult to make a solid grounding argument when im not lore caught up but korras excitement to be the avatar and that she#knows its significant and important is something that would been encouraged before the war because of that hope and belief#that the avatar will keep that balance or save the world when others cant. aang disappearing and the genocide and war#obviously effected how people will see the avatar in universe and how her teachers are more hesitant and restrictive#none of this makes sense im just thinkin to myself while half distracted lol but ! go cringegirl bosses go !!!!#RoK (ransom style)
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So I had a dream I went to see RTC live, but I only remember what Sugar Cloud was like.
More info in the tags ↓
#ride the cyclone#rtc#ride the cyclone musical#rtc musical#constance blackwood#ride the cyclone constance#rtc constance#constance rtc#constance ride the cyclone#sugar cloud#okay so it was actually a really cool dream#it was Sasha Victome's Constance#and the set was like this Candyland Charlie and the Chocolate Factory thing#i think there were rope swings?#anyway#it started with just Constance on the stage#then like halfway through the rest of the choir came on and it was the classic Sugar Cloud standing on the box choreography#it was super cool#so I had to draw it
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just watched the brazilian production of matilda the musical and to the surprise of no one i cried. to the surprise of some, 4 times.
#it was soooo good#i love matilda so much#in all its forms#but especially the musical#i went to london when i was 13 and my parents asked me if there was anything i wanted to do and they’d see if they could fit it#and i asked to see matilda the musical in the west end#it was too expensive for the whole family to go to but my mom took me#it was amazing i’ll never forget seeing when i grow up live and just bursting into tears#and now it’s 8 years later and i took my mom (and my aunt) to watch the brazilian production and it was just as great#i cried a few minutes into miracle then in school song for some reason? and then when i grow up of course and finally at the encore#also the set design was insane#the stage was like a circle with big letters spelling matilda…#but when they brought a certain letter upfront and showed its back it made up a different setting like matilda’s room or miss honey’s house#it was so freaking cool like please search pictures#also unrelated but mrs wormwood did a silent bend and snap at some point in the beginning of the show and i laughed so hard#no one else did but it’s okay myra i saw it and i appreciate it#(myra ruiz played mrs wormwood and fabi bang ms honey)#(if these names seem familiar to you it’s cause they’re the incredibly iconic brazilian elphaba and glinda respectively)#my post#matilda#matilda the musical
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BY THE WAY I went to aespas concert and my gawd was I kicking giggling heart eyeing the entire time it was a RAVE
#the vibes in my section were SO GOOD idc if all my videos are just of us singing we were happy 😭😭😭#yall i was squealing during karinas solo oml shut up i was gonna come out as gay again right then and there#and WINTERS SOLO.... MY GIRL....... IT WAS SOOOOOOOOO YUM#i also fell in love with giselle like shes so funny AND HER VOICE....... whenever she started speaking id actually go insane#AND NINGNINGS HAS CRAZY STAGE PRESENCE???? yall i could not help but scream whenever she came on screen i was possessed#admittedly it was quite short tho but the vibes of my section made up for it also i love aespa!!!!!!#and they performed licorice + set the tone so 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#no lucid dream but its okay.. i get it its old.. 😞💔💔💔
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This year I discovered the power of print-on-demand stickers! So of course I made doofy Chinese art history ones. From left to right: a BRONZE trophy, a SONG-taur, and a KOI-tesan.
(or, to over-explain it: Zhou dynasty bronze vessels were often made to commemorate major events or given to leaders of vassal states, the Song dynasty centaur is modeled after the 五马图 painting, and the Tang dynasty court lady mermaid is modeled after 仕女图, and yes I know that koi is the Japanese term but it's hard to come up with a dumb pun guyz 😭)
I also made a bunch of GAYsian stickers (okay fine actually just queer Chinese-American stuff that is mostly for me, "Asian" is such a loaded term). One is a mooncake that I made because I was having feelings about how mooncakes often look similar on the outside but have so much diversity of filling (fewer and fewer mooncakes are properly labeled these days...) And the others are QUEERlin, because I wanted to draw qilin (mythical Chinese creatures of good luck) in pride flag colors. But yes, trying to bring more representation to work 👍
On the off chance these are stickers that you, random tumblr user, would want in physical form, them are on my storenvy at potofoup.storenvy.com .
I'm also trying to be better about late stage capitalism's consumer culture and reduce the pressure to monetize my interests, so if you want one of these for free, you could, um... send an ask???
#stickers#mine#late stage capitalism fucking sucks#i just want to make extremely niche things alright#lbr i'm proudest of the BRONZE trophy#it made me laugh so much#it has a place of honor on my laptop#no one else gets it but it's okay#ugh I had this set up as nice little rows of 3 images#and then tumblr messed it up somehow?#anyway now instead you get ... screenshots of what it looked like on tumblr post edit view...#.... wait did it happen because i was using the really old xkit feature to add tags in the laziest way possible????
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Need to do something about mindless scrolling habit but I am sooo tired and I want to keep mindlessly scrolling but also I want to throw my phone out of my window and regain my creativity and drive to do stuff when I was young and not constantly reading something or other on my phone.
#complicated world#because I genuinely Do need background noise I can not concentrate well without music#and I just really really enjoy listening to stuff my entire childhood I've been listening zo stuff I was always an audio drama kid#grew up with casettes and cds and mp3 files they are like a second family to me#i would looooove to become a voice actor someday but I have soooo terrible stage frught and do NOT know how to act#so either i try to change that and try to follow my dream or I give up and just go into set design with the knowledge that i saved myself#the inevitable disappointment#but I really would love to do that one day....#and I know it's a bit concerning whatwith with ai and all being a thing now but still#I'd like to so stuff like that#but also I don't know if todays media is enjoyable enough for me to actually really enjoy it...alas it's not like me getting into a proper#acting school is anything plausible seeing as I have the expression range of a buster keaton knockoff#i also haven't the greatest voice.... i don't really enjoy my voice ... but thts something i can get used to#it'll be okay whatever i do I'll be okay#I'll manage. i always do somehow
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I fully admit that this one is petty but rtd era tardises were so ugly and i’m not looking forward to that regression lol
#dw shit#i'm also not looking forward to seeing dt in 13's tardis#and that's me being nice assuming they wouldn't drop the new set on him when he's not the one who is gonna be#there long term#and it really IS me being nice considering the disrespect#already leveled at gatwa around all this#i am Still appalled that the white blonde girl got an on stage intro and he got a footnote#that was overshadowed 7 days later by the white guy who just can't leave#to the point a bunch of people are unaware he is actually the proper next one#so me assuming they will give dt 13's tardis is me being nice okay.#they do not deserve the benefit of the doubt and yet here i am#(but also that they didn't let mandip and jodie loot the set tells me it would still be in use afterward)
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#showaddywaddy#sweet little rock n roller#oh#my#go d#oh my GOD#OKAY LOOK MY FAVORITE VIDEOS OF BANDS EVER ARE USUALLY THE ONES WHERE THEY'RE IN THE STUDIO AND I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT IT JUST MAKES ME FEEL#VERY COZY AND WARM AND LIKE THAT'S PART OF THEIR NORMAL LIVES GOING TO THE STUDIO TO RECORD MUSIC WITHOUT PUTTING ON A SHOW#NOT LIKE STAGE SHOWS ANYWAY AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH AND PLUS LOOK AT MALCOLM WITH HIS TATTOO ARM IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA FOR ONCE AND HIS HAT#(WHICH WILL BE SHOWN IN OTHER SETS I GUESS DON'T MIND ME I'M JUST EXCITED)#(THE TATTOO I MEAN)#AND NO SUNGLASSES AND EVERYBODY IS SO CUTE LOOK AT THEM I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THIS VIDEO IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME I'M GOING TO LOSEMY WHOLE MIND#HEEEEEYYYYY THE PEOPLE THAT DID THE REAL SAX AND THINGS#I'M SO HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY#showaddywaddy gifs
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#i’m kind of really heartbroken right now#so i had tickets to the hot freaks concert and went tonight—which i don’t mind posting on here because i live several hours away#so basically i drove to the venue for several hours and stopped like once for food#it was my understanding that windsor was opening and then the hot freaks and then the happy fits i guess but i didn’t know the exact times#we were running a bit late bc of the road trip and walked in at 7:25 (the show started at 7) and i got to see the tail end of ‘boyfriend’#& i was like ‘oh okay i just missed their first song’ but then they walked off stage and my heart dropped. i missed everything#and yeah it’s on me because i must have had a misunderstanding about how the show worked#i’d never even heard of a show where an act performs for 20-25 minutes unless it’s like a variety show or something#i did cry about it already and just tried to have a good rest of the night since we’d already driven for hours#i got to meet the band at the merch table which was really cool and they gave me a free signed CD & sticker & friendship bracelet because—#they felt bad for me. which was very sweet (i also bought a shirt)#i know i should be grateful i was even able to go to the concert. and i still had fun but part of me will always be heartbroken#because financially/geographically it’s not smart to go to another show even further away just to see a 25 minute set when i’ve already got#the merch & all. plus i can listen to them on Spotify#i can only hope they come to a location closer to where i live#but there’s no guarantee because they’re so underground. they only resurfaced because of stupid tiktok & they’re only popular enough to be—#half of an opening act. so they could potentially never go on tour again#if i had more of a platform i would boost their music more but i don’t#i know it’ll be okay. it’s just a lot of things have been going shitty lately and i thought this would make me feel better and it just—#went to shit#tw vent#rose.txt
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Honestly if I ever need any proof to myself that I'm ace it's the fact that I've always thought of sex as a concept rather than an actual act people do. Like to me, yeah, that's a way of showing physical closeness between two people or otherwise some sort of relationship. I never mentally make that connection that oh right, people actually do this for pleasure. Because it is, but I never consider that because I've never seen the enjoyment in it. This is something people find fun. I forgot that.
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#asexual#acespec#deadass i often forget that oh right. sex is a real thing#babies just pop into existence okay dont ask me about shit#a bit embarrassing luv#we're not even sex repulsed its just that the wires in our brain connecting the idea that sex is something fun were never installed#and so that part of our mental hard drive just doesn't exist!#and so we often remember when seeing or hearing people talk or when reading or watching tv or whatnot that#right. this is something thats enjoyable to people its not just something that shows level of depth to interpersonal relationships#does any of that make sense? please tell me it makes sense#plum rambles#tw for implied sa and a bit of a vent for the next bit but. even with those of us who get comp allo and even those with hypersexuality its#never been about actual enjoyment. its been us seeing sex literally as a performance and about performing and giving ourself away for the#satisfaction of others who express desire over our body. literally something to be put on like a play and a set of stage directions to do#it just doesn't compute
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