#jacq life

[jacqcrisis]

Call auto garage. 'Heeeeeyy. Just wanna see what's going on with my car. It got towed there almost a week ago :)'

Dude tells me they ordered parts that just came in and it'll be another day or two. 'Oh cool. Ordered part, neat. I uh- I hadn't heard anything since it got towed on Thursday so I was just seeing if the car even made it haha :)'

Dude is clearly thrown off by that. Gets asked if they can call me back later today with an estimate. I tell him absolutely, I would LOVE an estimate on how much to fix my car (that's ten years old and I haven't heard anything about for a week why did you order parts without talking to me what is happening). Dude says I'll get a call back. I say thanks.

Guess what business is closed for the night. Guess how many calls I got back :))))

[claitea]

i've had these scenarios written down since volo's debut in pokemon masters and i just really wanted to scribble them down and finally release them

[rars]

i simply MUST show you the purple women i've been creating in the Lesbian Laboratory lately

[twerg45]

thought I'd share this guide I made a friend on how to create stands for pokemon cards OUT OF pokemon cards! (credit to the video I found the idea from at the end of the post, but i did add onto it :>)

what you'll need:

one or two pokemon cards you don't care about destroying (I suggest energy cards for this)

scissors

that's it!!!!

part one step 1: fold one of the cards the short way

part one step 2: cut the card from the center to the edge of the bottom of the letter "P" (DONT CUT ALL THE WAY/PAST THE LETTER!!!!)(you may find a different angle might work better so feel free to experiment after trying this for the first time)

part one step 3: on the other edge, cut at a slight angle to the the point where you cut. pull/wiggle off if necessary to cut this wedge off

part one step 4: put the cut card upright!! now you have a functioning stand if you want to make one using only one card!! display like so:

but you can use another card for more stability!

part two step 1: cut a card in half length wise

part two step 2: somewhat centered, cut an space even to the distance between the low points of your stand from part one; you may also use the edges of the energy symbol as reference for distance and height of the cuts

part two step 3: fit the slits on this half card into the spaces of your stand from part one

you now have a more stable card stand!!! it's nothing perfect but I hope you enjoy it!!

as a bonus tip, I suggest matching the color of your energy card used for the stand to the card you want to display!! feel free to reblog with ideas to make this sturdier or better!! :)

and finally,

credit to the youtube short I found this idea from:

[bitchapalooza]

Did your school ever do class inspection where the principal would sit in one of the teacher's classes for like half of it to make sure they're doing their job and the kids are learning? Well I think Clavell would do this and things would go smoothly, things are going great. The inspections arent a suprise at all, the teachers and students have time to prepare. Except Jacq. Because he fucking forgot. So Clavell walks in on them watching Brainbop or Magic School Bus or maybe they're playing Kahoot where a kid snuck an inappropriate name in when Jacq wasnt looking and they are the top player every single game and at this point Jacq thinks everyone else is losing on purpose. Anyway, Clavell isn't surprised but wtf Jacq they're supposed to be learning according to the school's curriculum skshjsjs

[biology-with-jacq]

I love Swalot sm

Me too! :D I especially love my Swalot, hehe. He says hi! 💜

[nukenai]

Every Pokemon Masters update for the past many months has been like this for me

so I feel like it's only a matter of time before I get assassinated like I deserve

[taygra5shaon]

The last ask where Durge confided in Gortash is really cute. I could see Gortash making this dinky little mechanical cat for him. It's not much, but it acts like a basic cat. It's probably one of the only actual presents he's received from anyone who wasn't his old parents/Sceleritas.

omgomgomg, that would be so cuteeee🥰🥰!

so, imagine this:

Jacq and Gortash still don't talk about their traumatic pasts, but they are both really good at reading each other.

Gortash would see the melancholy in Jacq when he talk about his wish to study druid magic, and his hidden insecurity about killing without control because his Urges, and because of that, he made a metal cat for him, immune to the homicidal instinct Jacq have.

So, you are right, this can be the first genuine gift that Jacq could receive.

Let's just think the "gifts* he received during his life as Durge were very creepy( heads, body parts or just random things stolen ) or gift from Bhaal (still, objects used just for killing better), so, something like this was a very confusing but welcoming surprise.

and where they keep him?

the little robot would stay in Gortash's home, because is sure 100% that Sceleritas, Sarevok or Orin would totally destroy it.

[grey822aaa]

please draw more volo x jacq its consuming my life

Lobotomy

[jadeazora]

Seeing N battling Chien-Pao last night makes me wanna see how he would interact with a Pokemon that was actually given life from human evil, like, whenever the Treasures of Ruin come to Masters.

Chien-Pao isn't even the worst one imo. Given the size of the ritual vessel on Ting-Lu's head and being born from fear poured into it, I've read speculation that perhaps it was once used in human sacrifice. (Raifort did bring up sacrificing Jacq, after all, so it's potentially something that happened in the Pokemon world in ancient times.)

[jacqcrisis]

Uuuggghhhh just got out of an interview for a wfh position. Went on for 75 minutes. Feel like I just got really sweaty and talked way too fast about fucking nothing.

[blazingstar400]

Incorrect Scarlet and Violet Quotes Part 6

Just everybody’s typical school lives.

[Clavell after catching Juliana, Nemona, and Arven riding Koraidon in the school halls]

Clavell: All of you are in big trouble for not only riding Koraidon in the school’s halls, but for also having three people, a very unsafe number, for riding just one Pokémon!

Nemona: Shoot!

Arven: Wait, three?

Clavell: Yes?

Juliana: OH MY GOSH FLORIAN FELL OFF!!!!

[Florian finally shows up to class after missing a few days]

Jacq: Where have you been?

Florian: Asleep.

Jacq: For four days?

Florian: Yeah.

Clavell: Good job, Arven.

Arven: Thanks, dad.

[Everyone freezes]

Arven: Why is everyone staring at me?

Penny: You just called Director Clavell ‘Dad’. You said ‘Thanks, dad’.

Arven: What? No I didn’t!

Clavell: Do you see me as a father figure, Arven?

Arven: No! If anything I see you more as a bother figure because you’re always bothering me!

Saguaro: Hey! Show your father some respect!

Arven: He’s not my dad!

Juliana: I just find it surprising you attached on to Clavell of all people.

Arven: I didn’t! But even if I did, who else would I attach to?!? Raifort?!

Raifort, who is on the far side of the room reading a book: I really don’t appreciate being brought into this discussion.

Arven: You see?!

Juliana: Hmm.

Clavell: Alright, I believe you.

Arven: Thank you!

Clavell: …Son.

Arven:

Clavell: Do you want to talk about this… over a game of catch?

Arven:

Arven: ……I’d like that…

Juliana: Do you ever just see something that changes your life and you’re just like ‘huh’.

Kieran: I saw you.

Juliana: That’s so nice and sweet and it makes this really awkward because I was just gonna show you this drawing Drayton made of Carmine as a monkey.

[The gang about to head out on a field trip]

Cyrano: Now before we take off make sure that all small things are secure.

Drayton: *leaning over to Kieran*

Kieran: What?

Drayton, smirking: Do you feel safe?

Kieran, through gritted teeth: Stop—!

Kieran: Despite what everyone thinks, I don’t actually hate everyone in this class.

Carmine: Are you sure about that…?

Kieran: Well actually Drayton is completely terrible.

Drayton: Ouch.

Kieran: I dislike Crispin because he’s Crispin.

Crispin: Really bro…

Kieran: Juliana was clearly cheating in the training session yesterday.

Juliana: Wha—

Lacey: Juliana winning isn’t called cheating…!

Kieran: Amarys was being particularly annoying this morning.

Amarys: I just said ‘excuse me’ because you were blocking my way…

Kieran: And Florian said ‘It’s not appropriate to yell at other students.’

Carmine: Soo you hate everyone then?

Kieran: Well maybe if all of you stopped being so irritating I might like you better.

[Geeta and Rika being called into Clavell’s office]

Clavell: Juliana got into a fight today.

Geeta: Is she okay?!

Rika: Did she win?!

Juliana: Just forget about it, no one got hurt.

Miriam: You had a concussion!

Juliana: No one got seriously hurt.

Miriam: You were in the ER for six hours!!

[Dendra when she just became a teacher at Uva/Naranja Academy]

Dendra, waking up in a panic: Shoot, I’m late to class!!!

Dendra, lying back down: Eh, but I already gratulated…

Dendra:

Dendra:

Dendra, sitting back up: Shoot, I’m the teacher!!!

Clavell: Florian, did you happen to hear my announcement?

Florian: I hanged onto every word.

Clavell: I’m going to assume that’s sarcasm.

Florian: Correct.

Clavell: So you didn’t hear my announcement?

Florian: I’m barely listening now.

[Juliana after helping Arven and Kieran study for a upcoming test]

Juliana, beaming: Alright guys, I think you’re both ready for that test!

Arven: Great, I just want to test my knowledge real quick. Give me a word.

Juliana: Oh, okay!

Juliana: Um… what’s a synonym for ‘abandonment’?

Arven: Oh, I know this one!

Arven: My childhood!

Juliana: What—?

Kieran:

Kieran: I was going to say something different but actually I second that.

Juliana:

Juliana, tearing up: Aw, you guys—

Nemona: *actually studies, gets good grades*

Juliana: *doesn’t study, still passes*

Arven: *gets Bs*

Florian: *low Cs, doesn’t care*

Penny: *cheats and gets away with it*

Drayton: *cheats, and gets caught*

Crispin: *gets a B-, and is happy*

[At lunch hour]

Juliana: Arven, we’re hungry!

Nemona: Yeah, Arven, we’re hungry!

Carmine: Hurry up, Arven!

Penny: What’s taking so long, Arven?

Florian: Arven, what’s for lunch?

Arven: *screams*

Kieran: Look, I don’t want to talk about it.

Juliana, pulling out a guitar: Would you rather sing about it?

Kieran:

Kieran: You make it so hard for me not to murder you sometimes—

Juliana: Trust fall!

Clavell, from the other side of the room: I’m not going to catch you.

Juliana: Trust. Fall.

Clavell: No.

Juliana: I’m falling!

Clavell, launching himself over the table to catch her: WAIT—!!

Drayton: What are you doing?

Crispin: Homework.

Drayton: There was school today?

Crispin: *nods*

Drayton: I thought it was a long weekend.

Crispin: It’s Thursday.

Drayton: Oh, it’s almost the weekend. No point in going now.

Jacq: Florian is late again.

Penny: I woke him up at 8 and pretended it was 11.

Nemona: I wrote a fake schedule saying we started at 9 instead of 12.

Juliana: I set his clock to PM instead of AM.

Jacq:

Jacq: You all may have overdone it.

Florian, bursting through the door panicked: WHAT YEAR IS IT?!?!

Tyme, walking into the classroom: Alright, so today— *sees ‘Turn down for —’ written on the board*

Tyme, confused: Turn down for what?

[Suddenly ‘Turn Down for What’ blasts through the speakers as the whole class gets up and begins partying]

The sv gang: TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!

Yes both Geeta and Rika grew so attached that they are practically Juliana’s adopted moms lol.

[ittybittybattyart]

Finally beat everything from Pokemon scarlet and I’m hyperfixating on it haha, I’ve always loved Pokemon and I’m so glad I got to play this, the last gen I played was 7 (moon(Guzma my beloved)

There’s a lot of characters I like from this game that I’m hoping to draw (Rika, Geeta, Jacq, Hassel, Brassius, Ryme, Carmine, Drayton, Amarys, Giacomo, Eri) but I thought I’d start with one of my absolute faves Kieran! (Tied with Arven)

I really resonated with Kieran and Arven, it’s so cool to see the improvement in the storytelling/character writing with Pokemon, I hope they keep it up and keep improving too!

Semi personal rambling of why I relate to this dude under the cut

If this game had come out when I was a tween/teen I would’ve resonated even more with Kieran than I do now, since I was dealing with a lot of similar stuff at that time.

I’ve gotten to a much better place with myself and situation in the last five or so years, most of these unless otherwise said aren’t things I really struggle with anymore but I was so reminded of my younger self while playing through Kierans story

The self esteem problems and wanting to prove others wrong about what they think of me, the passive and overt bullying from others, the need of validation from others, especially those I admired/envied. Additionally the constant setbacks in life and trying to achieve my goals despite it and the envy of other people’s lives that seemed easier than mine

… also some of the obsessive tendencies just like generally, I'm extremely monotropic so its VERY difficult to get me to focus on something I'm not fixated on already, I will talk about it without even realizing and do it for days/weeks/months its still something that really effects me, I'll fixate so hard i dont sleep much for weeks and forget to eat/drink kind of levels, I've always been like this (AuDHD)(I'm working on taking breaks and self care in this regard tho)

Therapy really helped/helps (Kieran please go to therapy lol)

[poke-imagines]

(Pokemon SV) Love Languages

Professor Sada and Turo - Gift Giving

It sure ain’t quality time- Normally the professors are too into their projects to really acknowledge anything else, but if they have time they like to give you gifts. Usually they get you stuffed animals and clothes, but occassionally they will let you foster a pokemon from a different time period. It helps keep you company while they are gone. After being together for a certain period of time, they will even give you a special device that lets you talk to an AI of them, that way you aren’t as lonely

Clavell - Words of Affirmation

Clavell is very old fashioned when it comes to love. I’m talking chocolates, candlelit dinners, all that jazz. But his absolute favorite thing to do is use his words. He loves to just tell you how much he loves you as often as possible, so that you never forget. Any little thing you do will be met with appreciation. Clavell is so used to this that he has accidentally done this while you were both working a few times (gaining a lot of hoots and hollers from students)

Jacq - Physical Touch

Jacq is a simple man, cuddling is the way to his heart. He loves nothing more than to come home from work and fall into your arms on the couch. The warmth from you is the best feeling in the world, especially during winter. The more skin touching the better in his opinion. When you can’t cuddle, he loves just doing soft PDA like holding hands and kissing your cheeks. Also, Jacq tends to sleep in a bit (not on purpose usually) and is definitely the type to hold you in bed and beg you to just stay. Just 5 more minutes!

Miriam - Words of Affirmation

Miriam is naturally pretty confident about most things, but knows how it feels to not be. Her whole ordeal with becoming a Health Teacher highlighted her troubles with it. So she loves to shower you with not only affection and appreciation, but also encouragment. Sometimes she will bring up things you’ve forgotton about. No matter what you do or pursue in life, Miriam will be behind you cheering you the whole way! 

Tyme - Quality Tyme

Pun aside, Tyme really enjoys doing different activites with you. She will often look online and ask friends about couple activities you two can do together. Some of her favorite things to do with you are cooking, yoga, and nature walks. If you have any suggestions she is ALWAYS open for new things! As long as  you are doing it together she’s fine. Also, work can get overwhelming for her so spending some quality time with you always mellows her out. She dreads leaving for work everyday, but anticipates getting home to you

Raifort - Words of Affirmation

One thing that Raifort prioritizes in life is verbal communication. Especially when it comes to your passions in life. Having someone listen to and be interested in her rants about history makes her feel on top of the world. So whenever you infodump or just get super passionate she listens intently. Raifort will always listen to you and give you advice, and of course just... well, listen! She likes to bring up your previous conversations and compliment you on how in depth you were, or how interesting you made them sound. Communication is her best way of loving you

Salvatore - Words of Affirmation

As a language teacher, he expresses everything through words. He will string together beautiful sentences just describing how much he loves you. As he tells in his class, it’s important to tell others how you feel and how you care. So he’ll always vocalize his appreciation for whatever you do! Salvatore also enjoys mixing in different languages as a special treat (especially if you love how he sounds when he does)

Dendra - Physical Touch

As both a gym teacher and a physical trainer, Dendra adores physical touch! She loves holding you and touching you and everything inbetween. Her favorite thing to do is exercise with you and do couple activities. Unlike most, her touches are more rough, but in a comforting way. You can always count on her to be sturdy and strong. No matter what happens, she will always be there to catch you or pull you up into a tight hug

Hassel - Words of Affirmation

Oh my fucking god this man won’t SHUT UP (affectionate). No matter what you do he is ready to talk your ear off. Do something well? Expect a rush of compliments and praise. Feel sad or insecure? Expect a rant about how you are as strong as a dragon and shouldn’t give up! It can be a bit... much, but it comes from a place of love and adoration. When he isn’t going on full rants, Hassel also enjoys just simply telling you he loves you. Especially when you are cuddling, he loves hitting you with those 3 words softly

Saguaro - Acts of Service

Saguaro will do pretty much anything for you. Cooking meals? Patching holes in your clothing? Doing the laundry? Giving you a deep massage? This man is on it! He even makes sure to pack you lunch every day. You may feel bad, but he assures you he is doing this of his own volition. Saguaro loves to do things for you as a way of expressing his love. All he wants is for you to be comfy, relaxed, and happy! Sometimes when you come home from a long day, you’ll see a set of fresh clothes on the bed and a bath ready for you (you could get him to join you if you convince him~)

Arven - Quality Time

After being neglected for his entire childhood, Arven really appreciates someone who will just be with him of their own will. If someone goes to his dorm/house on purpose just to spend time with him? He might cry. It is one of the main pillars in his mind for a good relationship, and extends the same priorities to you. The moment you ask him to come over he is already halfway there, sandwich in hand. Arven obviously loves to cook together (even teach you if you ask) but he also loves to read manga together. He may have his issues, but just make sure to be there for him, he will be thankful for the rest of his life

Nemona - Pokemon Battling Quality Time

We all know how clingy Nemona is, and when you start dating it just gets WORSE. She will barely leave your side and will always want to do things with you. She just loves spending time with you she loves you so much!! Spending time together is incredibly important to her, it really makes her feel like you love her. If you tell her to back off she will, but you can expect lots of pouting and lots of hugs when you see her next. And don’t get me started on Pokemon Battling...

Penny - Quality Time

Penny is very introverted and doesn’t really like most things that go into a relationship. She isn’t one for physical contact, she doesn’t like gifts, she’s socially awkward so she can’t express herself, and doing things for her don’t mean much. The one thing that she surprisingly enjoys the most is quality time. After being a recluse for so long she never thought she would want to spend time with someone else, but after meeting you it changed. Penny knows she can be a bit withdrawn, but a good way to know she cares is if she just stays in the same room as you (kind of like a cat). Playing games in comfortable silence or watching an anime together is her favorite way to spend time together (she will need to recharge afterwards, but genuinely enjoys what you do together)

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Giacomo - Words of Affirmation

Giacomo may love holding you close, but his favorite way to show his love is by showing his appreciation as often as possible. He never got much appreciation in his life, especially during his run of student council president. It felt awful, so he wants to make sure you never feel like that. He loves to have your input on his songs, and will always thank you profusely for your help, often times adding a special credit in the description. Giacomo loves to shower you in praise, but if you do the same to him? He’s putty in your hands, he will do basically anything for you

Mela - Quality Time

Mela has a hard time keeping relationships. Being bullied has made her hard and cold, but the way to melt her heart is to just... be there for her. She’ll be difficult at first, but eventually she will get emotional once she realizes how long you’ve stayed by her side. It means the world that despite her stubborness you stuck by. And this is also how she shows love to you. She doesn’t know what to do in relationships, so she likes to just spend time with you. Often times she just prefers sitting in comfortable silence watching a movie, that’s the dream. And maybe you could convince her to hold your hand every now and then

Atticus - Gifts

Even before you got together Atticus gave you tons of gifts. It’s his favorite way to show he cares, both romantically and platonically (just ask the rest of Team Star). He always listens very carefully when you talk, always taking notes when you mention something you desire. His specialty is sewing custom clothes for you, but he will also just buy small accessories he found in stores that he thought would look cute on you. If he’s feeling especially romantic, he will even write eloquent poems for you 

Ortega - Gifts

I mean... is this even a question? He’s a spoiled lil rich boy, of course he will shower you with gifts! It doesn’t even have to be a special occassion, sometimes he just surprises you with a gift randomly. It may seem like he’s just materialistic, but everything he buys you has a reason. You once broke a shoe so now he bought you 30 pairs, you like tea so he bought you a gold-plated fancy tea set, you like monkeys so he bought you a zoo. It is definitely a lot, but that’s just how Ortega shows how much he loves you. He wants to spend his money on you, in his eyes you deserve the world

Eri - Acts of Service

Eri is already well known to be a defender for her friends, but with you she is on high alert. You are so special, you can’t do anything that may hurt you! She’ll help you with whatever you are doing, sometimes doing it for you before hand. Eri doesn’t want you to burn your hand cooking so why not do it herself! She loves to do things for you, big or small, no questions asked. It’s the best way to show love in her eyes. Sometimes you may need to remind her to just relax and sit down for a few minutes, but rest assured she will be back up in no time

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Katy - Acts of Service

While Katy loves to give you pastries as gifts, she mostly enjoys doing things for you in general. Whenever you forget your lunch she will happily cook it for you. If you have plants she will always water them and keep them healthy. Scared of bugs and you have a giant Spidops in your house? She’ll help take it outside (while also teasing you a bit). Katy will even train your pokemon if you don’t have the time to do it yourself. Seeing your smile when you see the special macarons she put in your lunch makes her heart so full and warm

Brassius - Gifts

As an artist, Brassius shows his love thought his work. You are the perfect inspiration, the golden ratio of subjects! Everytime he looks at you he gets new ideas and inspirations for art projects. And any gifts he creates for you have special meaning behind them. Paintings of the place of your first date, a casting of your hands holding each other, even just origami of your favorite flowers. Brassius will always create things for you, purely out of love and adoration

Iono - Quality Time

Being a streamer, Iono spends a LOT of time online. It’s her job she kinda doesn’t have a choice. So when you got together she felt conflicted on what to do. Whenever she isn’t streaming she loves to just hang out with and go on dates, but what about all the other times? Well, she’ll just bring you on stream! In her mind she has the best of both worlds. She can spend her day with her beloved and still get those sweet sweet views, baby. But trust her when she says she isn’t doing it just for the clout, she just really likes you a whole lot

Kofu - Acts of Service

Even thought Kofu is pretty much every love language rolled into one, his favorite way to show love is acts of service! He loves to make you the best seafood dishes known in town, always using the best ingredients. No less for his partner! He’ll also do shopping for you every week (as long as he doesn’t forget his wallet on the way). Even little things like cleaning out the fridge he will happily do. Although he mainly does acts of service, don’t think Kofu doesn’t love all the other languages! Give him a hug god dammit!!

Larry - Physical Touch

Larry is a simple man, and is the same when it comes to love. He says he loves you and buys you flowers, but those just feel like basic requirements. Not to say he doesn’t mean well, but to him, true love comes with contact. He’s not good with words, so instead he touches you. He hugs you from behind while you work, he holds your hand constantly, places his hand on your lower back, stuff like that. He may not say it often, but when he touches you ever so gently, you know he loves you

Ryme - Words of Affirmation

Ryme is a rapper, words and speaking her mind are kind of her thing. No matter what you do, she will always make sure to properly thank you and express her gratitude. Even if you just make some scrambled eggs for her she will never forget to thank you. Ryme wants you to know that she adores everything you do, and she loves you is so many ways. When she isn’t telling you straight out that she appreciates you, Ryme will write several raps about it and perform them for you

Tulip - Quality Time

Being a makeup artist and a gym leader doesn’t give Tulip a lot of time alone, so when she manages to get some, she spends it with you! She loves to try new makeup products on you or grooming your pokemon, but honestly even just being in the same room with you is enough. There is something about just... existing with you that makes her happy. You can both work on separate projects and it will still feel special. Tulip knows she isn’t around much, that’s why quality time together means so much to her

Grusha - Physical Touch

Grusha is someone that hates the cold. And do you know what you have? HEAT. And Grusha is not ashamed to steal that heat. When he isn’t using you as a human heater, Grusha still likes to just be in contact with you. He especially loves using his hands. Holding hands, stroking your face, running his fingers through your hair, all that good stuff. Words can be confusing and misconstrued, so why not ignore all that and just kiss? 

Rika - Words of Affirmation

Rika can be a bit of a tease, as she loves to push your buttons and poke fun. But this all comes from a place of love, and she never forgets to genuinely thank you for what you do. Thanking you for last nights dinner, thanking you for the flowers you got her, etc. She also adores complimenting you. Not just because she wants you to know how awesome you are, but also to see the blush on your face. It’s so cute how quickly you become a flustered mess around her. It’s one of the greatest pleasures in her life

Geeta - Words of Affirmation

Geeta thrives off of giving affirmation. Especially to her loved ones, like you! Before you got together she already complimented you on your battling skills, but once you were a couple she shifted into complimenting and acknowledging the little things about you. Your creativity with date ideas, your fashion sense, even your choice in air fresheners. She adores making you smile and always goes out of her way to express her gratitude as often as possible so you never forget

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I thought this would be a fun first post on here, hope y’all like it!!

[antiquitiesandlabyrinths]

Kemeticism Under the Advice of Ptah-Hotep:

Maxim 5

In this maxim, Ptah-Hotep teaches about the proper behavior of a leader who respects the unending Rule; the philosophy of Ma'at.

Translation:

If you have the responsibility of leadership, are in charge of setting guidelines for a large number of subordinates, seek every opportunity to be effective so your behavior is irreproachable.

Great is the Rule – its effect on both great and small is complete and long-lasting. The Rule is illuminating and practical and has not changed since the time of Osiris.

Those who break the law must be punished – something the greedy fail to understand. Wrong-doers can achieve material gain, but evil never leads to good. It is wrong to say: 'I want only to take things to enrich myself,' rather than: 'I want my actions to benefit the position entrusted to me.'

Whenever anything reaches its due term, it is the Rule which endures. And a just man must acknowledge the domain of his spiritual father.

Breakdown:

Lesson

Jacq's Translation

Direct Translation

(Note: I will be using numbers here instead of asterisks since the number of asterisks will get confusing and distracting with the amount of author's notes I have on the terms used here.)

Be effective with your tasks and advice so that none can criticize your guidance.

“If you have the responsibility of leadership… seek every opportunity to be effective so your behavior is irreproachable.”

“If you are a leader in charge of giving guidelines to a large number (of people), seek, for yourself, every occasion to be efficient¹, so that your behavior² is irreproachable.”

Ma’at’s effect on all things big and small is whole and thorough, leading to enlightenment, knowledge of morality and its' practicality, and the universe.

“Great is the Rule… it’s effect on both great and small is complete and long-lasting. The Rule is illuminating and practical and has not changed since the time of Osiris.”

“Radiant, luminous, useful is the Rule, durable its precise efficiency³. It has not been disturbed⁴ since the time of Osiris.”

People who do not follow Ma’at must be punished. Those who are greedy will not understand why Ma’at must be upheld, or why those who do not follow it must be punished.

“Those who break the law must be punished – something the greedy fail to understand.”

“The one who transgresses the laws is punished, and that is what escapes the attention of the one with a greedy heart.”

Cruel and evil people can gain many material possessions but this evil path will never succeed; it can never fulfill its objectives.

“Wrong-doers can achieve material gain, but evil never leads to good.”

“Iniquity will get hold of quantity⁵, but evil⁶ will never succeed in bringing its moment of action safely into port.”

Taking things only for oneself is wrong and evil; it is better to think about the improvement of those around you within your life, as well as for your own needs, but not more.

“It is wrong to say: “I want only to take things to enrich myself.” rather than: “I want my actions to benefit the position entrusted to me.””

“The one who acts wrongfully says, “I acquire for myself”; he does not say: “I acquire for the benefit of my function.”

Although all things pass and die, Ma’at’s Rule remains. This makes all things temporary, except Ma'at, which is eternal.

“Whenever anything reaches its due term, it is the Rule which endures.”

“The end comes, the Rule remains.”

A good spiritual son must put to realization and acknowledgement the lessons and the work of their spiritual father.

“… and a just man must acknowledge the domain of his spiritual father.”

“That is what a just man says: “Such is the domain of my spiritual father.””

(1) - Efficient; menekh, implies a work that is well-adjusted and well finished; overall well-rounded.

(2) - Behavior can also be translated as ‘your way of governing, of guiding’.

(3) - Precise efficiency is translated from seped, which means to be pointed and efficient. The Rule of Ma’at always reaches its aim and never fails when it’s guidance is heeded. Characteristics include its duration, its eternity, stability, and in alter ability; as the worst interference or misappropriation from humans cannot defile or alter it.

(4) - Disturbance here is indicated by a verb, khenen, describing serious troubles and their consequences. The sign specifying the category of idea it belongs to is the Set-animal, representing the God responsible for cosmic disturbances. Ma’at’s Rule is not harmed by these disturbances. “Being at the origin of every creation, it is neither weakened nor lessened by this creation. ‘The time of Osiris’ is that of eternity. Born within the dimension of time, our world and the human race are condemned to disappear, but Ma’at and Osiris, not subject to time, will endure.” (The Wisdom of Ptah-Hotep, Christian Jacq, p. 160)

(5) - Iniquity is translated from nedjyt, meaning baseness or villainy, whilst quantity is translated from ahat, meaning heap, piles, accumulation, or quantity. “Injustice gains unfair advantage wherever quantity is important. While the Rule of Ma’at and quality reign, baseness does not predominate; when quantity, mediocrity and injustice reign, it becomes widespread.” (The Wisdom of Ptah-Hotep, Christian Jacq, p. 160)

(6) - Evil here comes from the word djayt, formed from the root dja, meaning to transgress or oppose. One who is quarrelsome is one who transgresses and opposes, causing isfet within an environment of Ma’at.

With the length and range of this particular maxim, there are a lot of lessons that can be found within its' paragraphs. The overarching idea is concerned with Ma'at. Whilst it refers mostly to one who holds the position of a leader, Ma'at is something that all should aim to follow. It is the eternal and everlasting essence and substance of the universe – it is all things with equilibrium, balance, and harmony. It cannot be twisted or swayed by the outcome of its' own creation, nor can it even be harmed by the Gods.

I have spoken before about what Ma'at is, and who Ma'at is, in a cosmic sense. But this does not specifically describe what adhering to Ma'at means. So, Ma'at is the precision and the eternity and the essence of the universe. It is the substance. But what does it mean to follow this substance? What does it mean to adhere to equilibrium?

Often when people first begin to read about Ma'at, they read first the 42 Laws, also called the 42 Negative Confessions. They think of these laws as strict, unbending, stern, and intransigent. But harmony has nothing to do with the ideas that these words describe. Ma'at is something that is highly personalized to everyone and everything. The 42 Negative Confessions, even though seemingly a strict set of rules, was different for every person, and every time a version of this text has been found it has been different from every other version. This is because people with different lives and statuses have different vices, or sins which they are pulled to. The life of a vizier is very different from the life of a farmer, and so their vices are different. Whilst a vizier may be pulled to embezzle money, a farmer would be tempted to steal a neighbor's cow. A priest may need to ensure that he is being respectful in all holy places, while a governor may want to keep from the sin of adultery. Similarly, our good deeds will be different as well, and this is why Ma'at is so changeable. As said by Ptah-Hotep, the daily deeds of a sage are to follow the callings of his creative energy, his ka, which knows better of Ma'at than the mind, who is so easily swayed by the emotions which stem from the gut.

Whether or not we follow Ma'at, She is always there. Knowledge of Her will lead to great joy and heals the heart, whilst ignorance of Her leads only to failure and to isfet. The true freedom of human choice consists of taking part in the Great Divine Plan or departing ourselves from it; from accepting fate and entering into a state of Blessedness, or refusing and wandering in sorrow as we wonder helplessly how to control our destiny. The Gods are the ones to lead our destiny, and though humans have the capability of ignoring this and creating chaos, it is only what They ordain which comes to pass. It is our duty to trust Them and realize They know better than our transient minds do. It is hubris to believe you know better than the Gods.

In Egyptian mythology, there is little to no mention of any sort of hell. This concept comes from later cultures and was then imparted upon Kemetic thought, however in its' original form, the only thing to come after death to those who did not follow Ma'at was nonexistence. For the people of the time, this was enough punishment, as there was nothing better than life and its' continuation in the Field of Reeds, where all is peaceful and the sun shines forever. But for us, in our modern age which is steeped heavily in the idea of a monotheistic, Semitic God and the concept of Hell, the idea of nonexistence being the punishment for perpetrators of isfet seems to be somewhat lenient. However these wrong-doers were also to be punished in life. Ptah-Hotep outlines that those who are greedy, and those who do not understand what Ma'at is, will not understand why Ma'at must be followed or why they must be punished for their transgressions. In future maxims, Ptah-Hotep once again brings up this subject in reference to training a spiritual son – in our terms, a sage's apprentice. A spiritual son may act out of line or without Ma'at in mind; this does not mean you send him away immediately. Instead, he must be punished in a way that makes him understand his transgression, and if he understands, all is well. However if one repeatedly creates problems and does not listen to his ka, Ptah-Hotep advises to "... send him away. He is not your spiritual son." (Maxim 12)

The difference between the one who acts viciously and the one who acts within Ma'at is the ability to listen. If one is able to listen, they are able to understand. If they are unable to listen then their tasks in life will not succeed. "He who does not listen is prey to distractions. He who knows gets up early in the morning to worship, to maintain his balance, while an ignorant man bustles about." (Maxim 40, Epilogue 3)

It seems, in positions of power during both the past and the present, that those who are the least well-suited to be handling power are given it. As quoted above from this maxim, "Wrong-doers can achieve material gain," however, "evil never leads to good." (Maxim 5) So let us first ask, what does material gain give us? Everything material is temporary. Ptah-Hotep does not shun the importance of material goods. Food keeps us alive and nourishes us, and we require air to breathe, and water to drink, and it is good to have all these things in good quality. What he advices against is excess. When quantity of things becomes more important than the quality of these things, greed and a lack of appreciation derive. This is from an inability to see things as they truly are, and comprehend the world with no preconceived notions or feelings.

When we are able to see clearly, we appreciate every small thing, and are conscious of everything we have, and everything we are fortunate enough to not have, such as diseases or bad relations. We can see bad things which are out of our control and not react negatively to it, instead observing our emotions without reacting, and acting positively when it is possible. This perceived lack of emotion, as well as the understanding of material wealth's temporary state, does not mean we cannot enjoy good things; it actually gives us more power and awareness to enjoy and adore the good things in our life without being plagued by isfetic forces beyond our help, and without our hearts being warped by the instincts and fears of the gut. Without this clear vision, we rely on external and material things to keep us happy which are, as Ptah-Hotep says, temporary. This means our happiness would be temporary, as it is based on temporary things. "The end comes, the Rule remains." (Maxim 5) When happiness is based on the eternal, which is comprehension and realization, devotion, and perfect listening, then our happiness is eternal. Understanding and realizing this subject can be difficult. Understanding is easy enough; that appreciation leads to happiness, while the accumulation of things does not give any. But enacting it within your mind is a step of enlightenment, or realization, which does not always come easily.

The second question to ask when analyzing the phrase, 'wrong-doers can achieve material gain, but evil never leads to good,' is why is it possible for wrong-doers to achieve material gain?

Those who do not listen, the followers of isfet, who pay more heed to their gut than their heart, have their place in this world. Their evil ways are centered on getting their material gain no matter the cost to their soul or to the people around them. Their means are cruel and their behavior is to be despised. Temporary, material pleasures have more worth to them than the infinity of their souls, or the connection between humans. They do not see value in these things; they do not listen, and only see the value in material gains, but cannot see far enough to realize that these benefits will never last, and can be taken away in a second. Wrong-doers achieve material gain because they are set on it in their mind. It is the only thing important to them. The Gods always punish them with their fate, but this punishment is not visual to us.

This lesson bleeds into the next phrase, which says it is better to earn and achieve things for the benefit of your function, but not to yearn ceaselessly for more quantity. When one understands the quality of the goods we consume they do not yearn for quantity. They appreciate what they have in the moment and let it pass on like a pleasant dream. Peace follows and Ma'at is adhered to.

The lesson of Ma'at's eternity is one that I have repeated many times. Ma'at is enduring and beautiful, and She cannot be changed; however, Her presence can be diminished as more and more people forgo the Rule. That's why it is of paramount importance to listen to the sages who dedicate their lives to the understanding of Ma'at, whether from Egyptian culture or otherwise, as Ma'at is a universal subject found in many cultures. A 'spiritual father' is one who is a teacher. To us, we would call him a spiritual master, and his 'spiritual son' a disciple. The line of knowledge is not always genetic, and often we are able to choose our teachers and the style of knowledge we acquire. If the teachings are good, then the learning is good, and the learning is passed on, even over the millennia.

[d1xonss]

Desert Rose

Chapter 8 ~ Panic Room

✧ Pairing : Daryl Dixon x Rose

✧ Era : Season 1

✧ Word Count : 4.2k

In this chapter ~ When the group pushed even harder for answers about the outbreak as a whole, Jenner gives them the harsh and ugly truth. One that they clearly weren't expecting to hear. But the man didn't stop there as they were all suddenly locked inside the large building, the entire thing going into self-destruct mode. It left all of them terrified, wondering if there was any way out of the danger they seemed to walk right into.

"Give me a playback of TS-19." Jenner commanded out loud as he walked into the large room.

Our footsteps echoed around the space, filled with lines and lines of computers and a giant screen in the middle of the wall on full display. Everything in here looked expensive and new, like there were many doctors and geniuses in here at one point trying to do everything they could when the outbreak hit. I didn't miss the mess that lingered in different areas of the room when people obviously began to panic, not knowing how the hell to stop this or what exactly it was. But after Jenner had stayed here for months, alone with his work, he had to have some sort of answer.

Suddenly, seconds after the man spoke, there was video feedback of different 3-D views of a human skull on the screen right in front of us.

"Is that a brain?" Carl asked from beside his mother.

Jenner nodded, "An extraordinary one. Take us in for E.I.V."

The screen then showed the brain having all of these different little blue lights, glowing and flickering in every direction. The stemmed from the front and all the way around to the back, the mind itself looking alive right before our eyes. Jenner began to explain to all of us that the lights we see are a person's life, all of their experiences, basically all of the different things that make you unique. But I didn't miss his change in tone when he informed us that the person we were seeing had been bitten, and agreed to have all of this recorded and watched by others for learning purposes.

My eyes stayed firmly on the projected scene as the man rambled on and on it seemed like, nearly tuning him out as I watched all the once bright blue lights, slowly dim with each passing moment. Though it only continued on faster once Jenner commanded the computer to fast forward through the footage, watching as the person slowly lost their life as the light dwindled down to nothing. The brain then became completely dark as the person stopped moving, fast forwarding even further when something unexpected happened.

Once the person essentially came back to life, red beams suddenly appeared in only a certain part of the mind now. Showing all of us what happens to you after you turn is far worse than what we could even imagine.

"It restarts the brain?" Lori asked.

"You tell me." he replied as he gestured to the screen, watching us take it all in like he had probably done many times in the past, studying over every movement time and time again.

"It's not like before, most of that brain is dark." Rick states.

Jenner then says, "Dark, lifeless, dead. The frontal lobe, the neocortex, the human part, that doesn't come back. The you part. Just a shell driven by mindless instinct."

The screen then previewed something suddenly hitting the brain straight down the middle, before it all went black again and the person stopped moving completely.

"God. What was that?" Carol asked in shock.

My eyes scanned the person's entire head, looking at the object that was now lodged in the center, "He shot his patient in the head." I assumed, "Didn't you?"

He didn't answer me as he powered down the screen with the press of a button, clearly not wanting to relive the moment. There was something suddenly suspicious about the things he was dancing around, almost purposefully not answering.

"You have no idea what this is do you?" Andrea asked.

Jenner sighed, "It could be microbial, vial, parasitic, fungal."

"Or the wrath of God." Jacqui said under her breath.

"There is that." Jenner said before proceeding to tell us that he truly didn't have the answers we were looking for. He was almost just as clueless about this as any of us were, not having near as many answers as he wished. That only made me wonder what the hell he was doing these past few months if he truly didn't have a clue in the world. Was he just sitting on his ass in his fancy building, waiting for someone to come knocking and save him? I truly wanted to know.

"Man, I wanna get shitfaced drunk after this." Daryl muttered close to me.

I just nodded my head in response, not taking my eyes off the man as he continued talking, though I couldn't bring myself to pay attention. Coming here only seemed absolutely hopeless now knowing everything. We couldn't save Jim, and we would never know what all of this is, what it means, what it would all lead to in the future. The lack of information he gave us was practically useless.

"Jenner, I know this has been taxing you and I hate to ask one more question, but that clock, it's counting down. What happens at zero?" Dale suddenly asked, bringing all of our attention to the big red numbers ticking to our left.

The man grew silent for a moment, shifting from side to side as he visibly grew uncomfortable, "The...basement generators run out of fuel...the power runs out." he eventually explained vaguely.

"And then?" I asked.

He ignored me yet again. Dick. Before his pace quickened to walk straight out of the room as if the conversation was anywhere near over.

"VI, what happens when the power runs out?" Rick asked the computer.

"When the power runs out, facility–wide decontamination will occur." VI responded, a robotic voice coming through the speakers.

We all looked around at each other in slight confusion, not really knowing what that meant and Jenner was already too far gone to explain any of it. Almost as if he didn't want us to know. That alone caught the attention of a few of the guys as they began to quickly leave the room to figure out what the hell was going on, down towards the basement like Jenner mentioned. Daryl was about to leave my side to follow them out, but quickly turned back to me almost as if he forgot something.

"Grab yer stuff, get ready to leave." he told me urgently.

I nodded absentmindedly as my eyes lingered on him, watching him leave to follow the small group out the door, before rushing in the other direction to the elevator to take down to the main level. The door practically flew open with the amount of force I used, not wasting anymore time as I gathered the rest of my things, the books that I had picked out, along with a few bottles of water that were scattered around the space. I fucking knew that something bad was going to happen, I should've bet on it. Something had been off since the beginning, and I hardly said a damn word about it to anyone. How could I have let this just fly over my head like that without taking it more seriously?

My movements suddenly halted mid step as the lights went out through the building, leaving me in the dark, and I didn't hesitate then to pick up my pace. I blindly hauled the rest of my stuff over my shoulders and managed to snatch Daryl's bag along with his crossbow before quickly taking the few flights of stairs back up to where I last saw everyone else.

By the time I rushed back into the giant room, everyone had come back and started hounding Jenner with question after question, all of them he seemed to be avoiding. I fully walked into the area hesitantly upon watching the scene, my eyes catching sight of Daryl from across the way as his brows were furrowed in concern.

He didn't stall before rushing over to me rather quickly, "What the hell took ya so long?" he asked, his tone blunt and angry.

I stood there for a second before handing him his things, "Sorry?" I asked in disbelief.

It hit him then what he sounded like, and he quickly shook his head, "I-...sorry, m' just..." he trailed off, not knowing how to describe the obvious fear he was feeling.

But I understood what he was saying without even needing to hear it, nodding to him as he didn't need to finish his thought for me to know. I myself was feeling the exact same way as I tried to calm my growing nerves, disregarding all the many things that could go wrong in here even though they were far from unrealistic.

For every question that Jenner was avoiding, the harder it was for me to remain calm. The conversation happening just in front of Daryl and I, he seemed to be listening intently to, but I wasn't. I couldn't. My main concern was focusing on my breathing, my heartbeat growing loud in my ears as I was trying to not completely freak out. Panic attacks weren't a new thing to me, but I definitely would rather die than have one in front of a crowd of people.

Rick then suddenly snapped when he realized there was no point in fighting it anymore, wanting to just leave before things got worse. "Everyone grab your things, we're getting out of here now!" 

He didn't have to tell me twice. I instantly started to follow behind everyone else as we headed toward the exit, but a sudden alarm began blaring loudly the second we moved, and the door slammed shut right in front of my face. Locking us in. Okay if I thought I was panicking before, then what the hell was I feeling now?

"Did you just lock us in? Guys he just locked us in!" Glenn shouted in fear.

"Yeah, no shit." I muttered in disbelief, my eyes wide as I scanned the thick metal door in front of me.

My breathing started to grow heavier after Glenn's frantic words, making the situation only realer and far worse, and Daryl seemed to quickly take notice. He suddenly whipped around to the man responsible and ran up to him in a split second, "You son of a bitch! You locked us in here!" he yelled.

He tried to tackle the man in anger but Rick and Shane were quick to stop him by pulling his arms back harshly. I dropped my backpack to the ground absentmindedly, starting to walk back and forth in the giant room that only seemed to be getting smaller, trying to steady my racing heart but nothing seemed to be working. We were really trapped in here, with a timer counting down the minutes to God only knows what.

I was so lost in my own mind that I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt someone pull my arm to get me to stop pacing, seeing Glenn's concern before he guided me into him in attempts to calm me down. But really it seemed to make things worse, feeling his arms shaking around me only proving just how scared he was too. How nervous we all seemed to be of the unknown.

It was then Jenner started to yell, having been fed up with the many voices demanding him for answers and the people beginning to attack him every few seconds. The serious man finally reached his breaking point just as he pushed us to ours.

"Do you know what this place is?!" he snapped, "We protected the public from very nasty stuff! Weaponized smallpox! Ebola strains that could wipe out half the country! Stuff you don't want getting out! Ever!"

We were all left to a stunned silence at his outburst, watching as he took a breath and sat back down in his chair, leaving the painful silence all around us. Daryl's eye seemed to catch with mine from across the room and gave me a look I had never seen from him before whilst I was still frozen in place, hating the idea of being trapped.

Jenner then continued, "In the event of a catastrophic power failure in a terrorist attack, for example, H.I.T.S are deployed to prevent any organisms from getting out."

"H.I.T.S?" Rick questioned.

Jenner glanced at him, "VI, define." he commanded.

"H.I.T.S- High-impulse thermobaric fuel-air explosives consist of a two stage aerosol ignition that produces a blast heat wave of significantly greater power and duration than any other known explosive."

I froze. All I could hear in that moment was Glenn's quickened heartbeat, Carol and Sophia holding each other sobbing, and the rest of the men getting very angry as if it was the only emotion they knew how to feel at a stressful time like this. Not only were we left trapped in here, but we were going to die. We were all going to die without even having really lived, and he just seemed to brush past it without a care in the world. Not even considering to bring it to any of our attention before this, and I couldn't have been angrier.

Before I knew what was happening Daryl and Shane brushed past us in a hurry, trying to break the door open by hitting it repeatedly with axes they had somehow found along the way. I slightly pushed myself away from Glenn to walk over towards Jenner to try and hear anything other than ringing in my ears. But I didn't get very far as I felt someone suddenly hug me from around my waist and I looked down to see Carl holding onto me tightly. He was still crying profusely, and I quickly got down on my knees to hug him in return, trying to offer him some type of support as his fear must've been petrifying.

This isn't the way it should go. I felt utterly hopeless. I knew we wouldn't be getting out of here unless Jenner decided so, and by the looks of it he wasn't budging. Even with Rick trying to convince him with every passing second.

"Can't make a dent." Shane said breathlessly to all of us as he took a break from trying to tear down the door.

"Those doors are designed to withstand a rocket launcher." Jenner informed.

"Well, yer head ain't!" Daryl yelled while coming at Jenner with the axe in his hands, Shane and Rick having to step in once more to stop him again from doing anything rash.

If we weren't about to die, I probably would've laughed at his witty comeback, but Carl's quiet sobs reminded me of the state of the situation and now was not the time. I continued to rub his back reassuringly to try and calm him somehow as I watched the scene unfold in front of me over his shoulders.

Jenner kept trying to persuade all of us that this was for the best, and there would be no pain when we all passed peacefully in here together. But the truth was I didn't want to die, not now, nor did I want anyone else in here to have the same exact fate. And clearly we all were in firm agreement with how much everyone was losing their shit. Reacting in different ways to Jenner's psychotic behavior. Anger, sadness, and panic, yet it was all completely the same. Fear. It always seemed to come back full circle, didn't it?

Lori eventually came up to me to take Carl back into her arms and just held him for our last few moments while she finally let her own tears fall, realizing it was all hopeless. But Rick clearly wasn't ready to give up. I watched him pick apart the man, digging down as deep as he could to try and convince him to just let us make our own decision on this. That we all deserved a right to choose what we wanted our fate to be instead of it being forced upon us. That maybe there was still some kind of hope out there for us to find.

And then suddenly, he broke. The man didn't say a word, not a single word as he silently walked over to a control panel, typing in a few numbers that sent the metal door flying open. Daryl, who was still trying to break through, nearly ate shit when it opened so suddenly as he still attempted to pry it open with the weapon in his grasp. But he recovered fast as he whipped around to grab his stuff from off the ground.

"Come on!" he yelled to the rest of us.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding once it hit me that it was real. He was letting us go. My legs had never moved so fast as I sprinted towards the door, grabbing my things along the way and making sure everyone else made it through the door before me as I pushed them through to the other side.

But I quickly noticed as I looked back that Jaqui and Andrea were staying behind with Jenner, leaving Dale shocked beyond repair. He wanted to save her, I could see in his eyes how much he cared, but he knew there was nothing he could do to convince her, so he stayed too. The sight alone caused my mouth to drop at how many people we seemed to be losing, one after another. Each of them fell just like dominos.

My eyes couldn't pull away from them, wanting nothing more but for them to save themselves and come with us, but just like Dale, I knew there was nothing I could do to change their minds. After all, what could I say? They thought their chance of surviving out there was slim, and they were terrified of the unavoidable death the rest of us seemed to be gravitating towards. That's not how they wanted to go. And as much as it might've pained me, I could also understand that too.

Heavy footsteps from behind me were slapping loudly on the ground below, approaching me in record speed but I ignored it for a moment, wanting to get one last look at their faces before I made my decision too.

"Hey, come on, let's go." Daryl said from right behind my head while grabbing my sleeve to pull me along.

I looked at him with a twinge of sadness in my eyes, but managed a nod and followed him out the door towards the main entrance, not looking back.

The two of us flew towards the front doors where everyone else was waiting, watching from a distance as some of the guys were trying to break the windows with axes and any other type of weapon they could find. I recalled Jenner saying something about not being able to open the front doors again, as the place was on complete lockdown, but it's not like any of us minded that. Where there's a will, there's a way.

Though nothing was working as they continued to struggle, the glass being too thick to cut through easily, that is until Carol approached Rick as she dug through her bag, "I think I have something that'll help." she said.

"Carol, I don't think a nail file's gonna do it." Shane said in frustration.

I blinked. Really?

She ignored him, "Back at camp when I was washing your clothes, I found this in your pocket." she said as she pulled out a grenade with shaking hands.

My eyes widened at the random object. Yeah, I think that'll do it.

Rick then took it from her and told everyone to get down once he placed it by the window. I ducked and covered the back of my neck with my hands when, at the last minute, I felt another body covering mine. Once the window shattered, I looked up to see it was Daryl and he quickly grabbed my hand and practically dragged me out the window as fast as possible with everyone following close behind.

We all took down as many walkers as we could as we made our way back to the cars quickly, breathing heavily with adrenaline coursing through our bodies. I got into the passenger side of the truck with a slam of the door, Daryl's movements only mirroring mine as he didn't waste a single second before getting inside. I found myself looking back at the building once more, just in time to see Andrea and Dale making it out of the window at the last minute and diving to take cover right before the explosion.

I ducked down in anticipation to shield myself once again, only seconds away from the ignited fire before it rang out loudly in my ears. I felt the heat of the explosion blow in our direction along with the smoke that came after that, perishing whatever was left inside. Daryl sat up after a few seconds of silence had passed, hesitantly following his actions in time to see Andrea and Dale quickly making their way into the RV, with the building burning just behind them.

I sat there oddly still in disbelief, trying to process everything that went down in the last thirty minutes. It all seemed to happen so fast.

"Hey, ya okay?" Daryl asked once he collected his own thoughts.

I didn't look back at him, but I nodded my head to show that I heard him, even if my answer was far from the truth. But then I felt his hand, slowly and hesitantly falling on my shoulder as if he was scared to touch me.

"Look at me." he said in a soft voice.

My eyes moved over to him slowly to make sure I wasn't just imagining things. Seeing him worried and speaking in such a gentle tone was a weird new thing to experience, almost weirder than what we just went through seconds ago. He was being so genuine it seemed unnatural...but not in a bad way.

"I'm okay." I finally muttered.

I didn't think he believed me, not for one second, but before he could protest more the cars in front of us started to move, leaving him not much of a choice as he quickly started up the vehicle to follow. I sat completely still while we drove in silence, just thinking. I didn't want Jacqui to stay, leaving someone behind for dead was something I never thought we'd do. But I tried to tell myself that she was at peace, and wouldn't suffer in this cruel world anymore.

We had been driving for hours and I could tell that the sun would start setting soon enough, leaving us to find somewhere to stay for the night. It frustrated me slightly that we had to start all over with finding a safe place to hunker down, although I didn't have a lot of faith in the CDC, it could've been a nice safety blanket for a while. Better than mindlessly wandering place after place only to be left with nothing we could rely on.

"Did ya wanna stay?" Daryl suddenly asked.

Although I barely heard the question fall from his lips because it was more of a whisper, yet I was still taken off guard at his words. Was that what he thought I wanted? I didn't want anyone to be under the impression that I wanted to take the easy way out, all because I stopped for a moment to look at the others. I wanted to save them, but I didn't want to join them.

I quickly answered him, "God, no..." I breathed shakily, "No...I didn't."

He looked over at me, as if to try and see if I was lying, "Then why did I have to pull ya outta there?"

"You didn't have to pull me out of there, I just-," I stopped myself, trying to figure out how to phrase what I wanted to say. "I...I just wanted to take one last look at the others. It was the last time we were ever going to see Jacqui...you know?" 

He remained silent for a while after that. I began to think that my explanation was just stupid to him since he didn't utter another word, but it was true. I didn't want to just forget about her or forget her face, so I stayed for a few seconds longer because it was somewhat important to me.

"Don't do that shit." he suddenly spoke in the midst of awkward silence.

I turned to him in confusion, "Do what shit?" I asked.

"Don't scare me like that" he responded.

My eyebrows raised in slight shock. Scare him? The man that wasn't afraid of anything, willing to tear someone's head off or take out an army of walkers before him. But I scared him? I almost didn't think I heard him right. "Sorry." I said simply, a smile creeping to my face.

He returned the small smile with a shake of his head, "S' fine." he muttered.

"Why do you care?" I found myself asking.

He only looked at me with a blank expression, so I clarified, "I mean, you hardly know me all that well...why does it matter to you if I wanted to stay or not?"

His eyes focused back on the road, and he started to chew on his bottom lip slightly while his mind was elsewhere. It didn't seem like that deep of a question, but he sure as hell was taking his time thinking about it.

"Well, if yer part of the group now...means I gotta watch yer ass just like everyone else." he said with annoyance clear in his voice.

My heart sank a little at his response, but what did I expect? He wasn't the caring or comforting type of man, bottling up his feeling to no end from what I've seen. I guess I was just a little flattered when he said that I had scared him a bit, and maybe there was a part of me that thought about what it would be like if I was a little more important to him. I'm not a saint, okay? It crossed my mind. But clearly that wasn't the case.

I didn't utter another word because I truly didn't know what else to say, only moving to press play on the Metallica cd that we listened to yesterday and began to stare out the window, trying to think about something else. I wanted the CDC to be a distant memory and nothing more, but the questioned remained as I watched the city get smaller and smaller. Where the hell do we go from here?

~ Thanks for reading!