#idk what im even saying. i love them a lot so i just said a bunch of shit lol
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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Oh. Thats a friend group of mine making a whole ass new group chat without me in it. Okay cool. Love that.
#we had one but they went silent#one person said they were upset with me bc I had ‘ditched them for my new friends’#which. I don’t have any new friends. I’ve been trying to keep in contact with them but get hardly any response.#tried to apologize and say I’d ’do better’#but am still getting little to no response#and. one girl sent me a screenshot with the fb group icon in the corner#and it was everyone except me#which. lovely.#and they’re acting like my life has been amazing and wonderful#when it’s been one thing after another with the move my friend dying and a bunch of other shit#so yeah sorry I’m a bit absent a lot is going on#and I feel like they think im lying to them or making it up#like. idk what to do anymore#this isn’t about anyone here btw#btw the person who sent the screenshot didn’t send it to be mean she was showing me something she was going for#and I pretended I didn’t see it and just acted happy for her#now I’m not even gonna bring up my stuff to these people at all#idk man#this just hurts
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#personal#thinking about how the phrase treat others how you want to be treated is actually incredibly one way#unless damn near every person ive ever met wants to be treated like shit which i cant imagine is true#like idk i spent a lot of my time giving my energy to people. and ill never feel bad for putting love and kindness out into the world#but i gave some of these people everything i had. or not everything that would diminish me but everything i could spare for them at the time#i treated them attentively and considerately and tenderly and lovingly#and that kindness has not been extended back to me by most of these people#some of them have surely in their own 'love language' and im grateful for these people in my life#but most of the people ive treated with intentional care have actively and on purpose caused me a lot of emotional harm#which again. im working through and like karma will get them without me needing to be there or whatever while i do my own healing#but regardless i still think some of that shit should not have happened like it did#i dont understand how everyone can say to me treat others how youd like to be treated but not tell me the caveat#that they will not treat me the way i want to be treated even if i put in that effort for them/for our friendship or relationship or whatevr#like idk im a bitch for asking you to leave me alone when ive been vomiting for two days straight but you can straightup sexually misconduct#with my body and then when i write poetry about it and share my feelings instead of leaving and taking that information anywhere helpful#you get to decode youre traumatized actually and im still a bitch for bringing it up?#make it make sense#'treat others the way you want to be treated' so youd like it if i starved you and verbally insulted and gaslight and manipulated you? no?#then what the fuck is the point of you saying that to me???#idk im just fucking pissed rn that. idk what im pissed at. cause again i know im no contact with all of these people now and their#shitty justice will find its way to them. and i cant be mad at myself for saddling with the wrong people cause some of that was my choices#and some of it was blood i couldnt escape for a long time. and i said i dont want to regret or resent#putting love out to the world#but i am still angry that so much of me was given to the wrong people. that these people just chose to completely ignore#the level of respect and patience and kindness i showed them#idk dudes im just angry. 'treat others the way you want to be treated' fuck off thats some quiet manipulation bullshit to get me to be#nicer to you even as you abuse the self-worth outta me fuck off fuck you#i found it again. you cant bury it im too full of love to not love myself too but it hurts how hard they tried for so long#'treat others the way you want to be treated' how bout no. how bout i treat everyone with a base level of kindness#and when youve shown me that you will treat me the way i deserve to be treated then ill fucking play niceys back
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(*・ω・*)b♪
#I'm a bit late but :)#Mmmhh lots of thoughts about this episode. Nothing really relevant though lol#I like it... Mostly. Well‚ I like Atsushi‚ and I like Atsushi screentime.#I always forget that there's actually a one week timeskip within the Guild arc#I think these chapters were generally better executed in the manga.#But even then it's just...#Why do the make the Guild / Fitzgerald so. dumb. Why do they make them act so wildly irrationally and at the protagonists' advantage#It really gives villain acting entirely mindlessly to make the plot advance and the heroes win. It's really sensless.#I mean especially when Atsushi yielded. Why didn't Fitzgerald take his offer. For real!!#For real. He had NOTHING to gain from proceeding with his plan. He already obtained for Atsushi and the ada to collaborate.#Now they are NEVER going to help him‚ and that's agreat loss for him.#And idk. i hear that little Tumblr post in my voice saying “why would you complain about characters acting irrationally!#Do people irl never act irrationally?”#And yeah I get Fitzgerald was frustrated for losing Mitchell and his fight with Hawthorne. Okay I understand.#But that's definitely too much. That's him acting downright stupid at the heroes' advantage and it's just pretty underwhelming to read?#That said. It's just general notes I'm not particularly annoyed because like. That's just b/s/d to you. Dumbing down the villains a second–#so the author can escape the trap they put themselves into. Very Marvel-esque move lol.#On that exact same note WHY WOULD LUCY HAVE THE DOLL.#The doll is the whole premise for your plan working why would you not protect it with everything 😭😭😭#I'm not getting in the Lucy / Atsushi scene itself. I love Lucy but I swear every time that scene gets played a femminist dies#(it's me. I'm the femminist dying every time.)#Mmmhh a couple more things. I dislike the ost choice in the scene where Steinbeck is torturing Q it feels so out of place#And I really don't get what's the deal with the Hawthorne / Fitzgerald convo it's so confusing to me. Like it It looks like Hawtorne is–#blaming Fitzgerald for Mitchell's condition (both in health and for her family status) but...#Objectively neither of those things are Fitzgerald's fault? Idk maybe I just have very little media comprehension for this arc because–#a lot of things just seem to happen with no sense. But it's okay#Im complaining a lot lol but its mostly irrelevant things (or like with the dumbification of villains things I've learnt to live with lmao)#But the episode was generally nice. The animation this season is consistently very pretty.#random rambles
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Ohh im obssesed
#uprooted#uprooted naomi novik#solya#marek#my main playlists dedicated to them :]#idk why they cought my attention in 2018 and since that year they have had a special place in my heart. sometimes throughout my day-#i realise im obssesed with them and they're not just some random characters i like. ive dedicated a lot of time on them#i wonder how my interest in them will be when i get older. i certainly know that i will miss them if i stop thinking about them#you could say they have seen me grow. i knew them BEFORE quarantine. they were with me DURING. and AFTER#they have been through so many phases of my life. its so strange.#they changed so much too...except Marek. he still looks the same I imagined him in 2018. solya is definitely different tho#but i do think i have a different more in depth understanding of both characters#even if the words i read in 2018 are still the same now that i look back at the book. they were so many things unsaid but if u looked-#closely you could understand them. solya and marek as individual characters have so much depth...even if its not explicitly said#or maybe its just me reading between the lines too much. i wish i just knew more about them. this is getting so long-#but I got a bit nostalgic. is crazy how i was just a child and somehow even tho solya was just the total opposite of the type of characters-#i like there was something in him. something that made me look at him. and i think thats actually so in character of him#i think that in the book even if someone didnt like him. it was still hard to look away because he stood out from the rest.#there was definitely something about him that attracted people. or else how would have he gotten so far in his schemes?#I may be overanalyzing it. but i love the Falcon so much. and i do like marek a lot as a character. i find him very interesting. i know he-#did bad. terrible. things i like him as a character. not as a person.#i wish i could have seen what was going on in that damaged mind of his...#analyzing his behavior its so entertaining to me. i love making up scenarios where he is at his worst. im not gonna lie#marek suffering and then finding comfort in not comforting things is one of my favorite headcanons.#his obssesion with his mother is also a very important part of his character (ofc) and i love imagine him doing things related to that#thinking about the ways their personalities connect and make them have a very toxic bond keeps me up at night..they made each other worst#and we actually never see that in depth in the book. everything is so subtle but my crazy brain can find the signs in any part#i will stop this rant here. i feel its so long and if i made any spelling mistake i apologise to my future self (probably my self from-#tomorrow) because i know i won't be able to fix the misspelling and that will stress me SO MUCH.#future self please dont stress about it. just be happy. and enjoy thinking about these insane characters
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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reading springfest now after everything in nagazora is making me crave more fu hua and mei interactions. i feel like thus far in my go through, i've never actually seen them interact, but it's kinda fun that the person who made the recommended reading order put springfest after nagazora (though of course this is probably in preparation for whatevers going on with senti/fu hua rn in ch 19)
but the way that the empyrea isolates herself so she doesn't have any attachment to those who she will outlive and how she winds up becoming lonely as a result threw me back to mei isolating herself in world serpent so that she can protect kiana and just... idk..... i think the two talk about that isolation would be interesting
also. i love fu hua. she's still at the top of my list for best character so i'm just a happy little guy getting more fu hua content now in the story :> yippee fu hua
#idk who to ramble to about honkai so hi#avil plays hi3#ill probably liveblog my thoughts as i read through springfest and UH#blade of the empyrean!#but im excited :> then after that i gotta go through the 7 blades visual novel ^7^ that one has sushang!! i havent met her in the game yet#but i do have her !!!#its kinda interesting though because sushangs ultimate in hi3 is yanqing's ultimate in hsr. or i guess yanqing as a boss???#idk. so im like HMMMMMMMM WHATS UP THERE WHATS GOING ON#i wonder if theres a character sorter for hi3 actually#if i had to say who my top 5 are atm for honkai#its probably like fu hua mei kiana kevin and sakura ???#kiana is so easy. like if i loved oz vessalius how could i NOT love kiana we sure love vessel characters LJSHDFLASKDHFLAKSH#maybe its also recency effect though for mei but also. characters who isolate thinking that its the best htey could do to protect#like NO YOU IDIOT GET LOVED!!!!! GET L O V E D#they kinda get me#AND WELT I FORGOT WELT HOW COULD I DO THAT......#i feel like welt over kevin tbh#but thats super hard to say on my end alkdjfha#YOU KNOW i wouldve also said rita because i think rita is so fun#but i still dotn know enough about her#but personality wise i think shes so funny in a very stereotypical anime villain esque way LOL#also she is so catty too like what was she doing picking a fight with natasha LKAJHDLAFKJSDFH#OH I ALSO LOVE RITA AND NATASHA...#tbh i havent run into a character that i absolutely Hate in honkai yet....#at least not that i remember#if i hated them i probably forgot about them LMAOOOOO#like even durandal? i love durandal in the manga. she doesnt really stand out to me MUCH yet in the game but i loved her a lot in the manga#but for me durandal is low on the list for now. but that doesnt mean i dislike her i think shes cool but just hasnt done anything in#particular that caught my attention yet alskjdfahl#rambling WHOOPS ASLKJDFA
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i love how kh games are just sometimes psychological horrors
#like#u forget it a little bit when playing bc its like haha disney and also like#the gameplay kind of breaks what the fuckness bc u got shit to do now#at least for me im like woah thats fucked up but i cant think too hard abt it bc im trying to finish the game#but its not until you like actively sit and think abt it or like even explaining it to someone else#where youre like god damn this is a tragedy and also a horror story#like fuck castle oblivion and all the horrors of com is like???#and then the prologue for kh2 is definitely a psychological horror#i see a lot of people praise sora and go aw hes so brave and strong when sora like#actively ignores literally anything bad that happens to him#like that one scene in neverland in kh1 where sora was like LITERALLY SO SAD AND UPSET ABT KAIRI#and then immediately does a u turn and is like omg i flew wait until i tell kairi :)#and some people are like aw hes being so brave and he has faith that kairi can come back and he can save her#and that made me so upset when i first saw that scene bc to me i was like immediately oh hes just repressing#or someone was even like what a good boy about him stabbing himself in the heart to save kairi#like yeah i love a self sacrifical 14 yr old#i guess cuz like. idk most stories that are like in the same genre as kh do make shit like this like a positive thing? like dont focus on th#the bad things stay positive and all that#and it works in those stories dont get me wrong i do like them and it works in the beginning of kh but like#then you notice that sora doesnt process literally anything#in the game that tells you repressing the negativity is a bad thing#like rikus whole story line staring you in the face and youre still saying sora being positive and Not Thinking about literally anything bad#is a good thing#and like i said it worked in the beginning! it worked as intended!! then weird and upsetting things started happening to sora and that shit#piles up!!!! and you can see it happen in real time and sora was cracking HARD in kh3 i dont think ive ever seen that kid so god damn sad#idk where i was going with this#oh yeah psychological horros#the parallels between data sora and real sora and the contrasts haunt me every day#michi tag
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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all the shit i read on reddit about people living with roommates makes me so relieved that me and bf dont have any roommates because if i had to share my living space with someone who isnt my partner id actually die
#i just saw a reddit post where op left raw chicken in the sink for two days#because their roommates didnt do their dishes soon enough#RAW CHICKEN??? mf throw it away in the garbage#they kept saying they didnt toss it in the trash bc it would be too stinky#but apparently being exposed in the sink isnt too stinky?? girl what#theres this crazy thing called walking outside and throwing the trash in the trashcan outside#roommates sound so annoying. id have to share the living room and i wouldnt be able to freely walk around naked like tf? no#ny best friend who lives in colorado said he wants me and bf and him and our other friend to all get a house together to live in#and i love my colorado best friend but omfg i’m so not doing that#firstly all my friends are guys except me so idk that would be weird. i couldnt wear my robe around them it’s too revealing for my comfort#secondly not to be tmi but umm?? i don’t want them to hear me and my bf fuck LMAO that’s just embarrassing#thirdly im ngl me and my bf are slobs haha. not super badly but we slack on dishes a lot#i get them done before its too gross/smelly but our threshold for how cleanly the house needs to be is even#meanwhile colorado bestie is a clean freak and i just couldn’t 😭 LIKE IDK I LOVE PRIVACY#i love my friends i just can’t imagine living with people that aren’t my bf#me and bf have lived together since we were 17 so we’re very used to our schedules. having to get used to another’s just sounds bad
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the way my heart sank . lol
#tried to get on a call to study w my gf bc weve both been avoiding stuff we Have to do and its been making us anxious#but esp her bc shes been in this cycle for a while and shes struggling w it a lot . and i love her and i want the best for her#and all my friends r like u should push each other to do better even if its uncomfortable somewhat and i agree#so we were like. yh lets do stuff / get on our work tmrw even tho its anxiety-inducing etc...and then we got on a call#and this is the most like. bored/displeased ive ever heard her sound like she seemed extremely disinterested and even mildly irritated#and it honestly shocked me ??? so i ended the call bc i need to do work and it was making me sad#and im trying to listen to words more than tone but it was so extreme and such a sudden change that it literally wasnt good for me . im so#confused rn . like ik facing tasks youve been avoiding for months causes anxiety ik theres like a mental block around it that makes u not#want to deal w it or become irritated at ppl who suggest that you should#but omg?? it was so weird and like. when i said she was making me sad so i wanted to end the call she was like. ok 😐#which is a fair response ig but shes never responded to me that way b4...like what is this what is happening...#i want smn who encourages me to move forward and who appreciated that i want them to do the same#instead of staying stagnant and anxious for months. i talked abt this before on here and everyone collectively was like Be More Patient and#work through it w her etc etc (my friends said the exact opposite tho) and i have been Trying To but its making me feel actively . bad.#like. im Afraid.#to bring it up . and then when i finally did say yh lets do smth lets get thru this tgth she just shut down on me somehow#idk what else i can do#i will talk to her abt it later i just need to work rn. i had to get this out of my system first.#shes so sweet and wonderful and supportive usually. but when it comes to thsi topic. im rly shocked idk#i knew she felt bad abt it but i thought she agreed to move through it w me and i didnt expect her to direct it at me#like whatever i said shed give me the coldest ok 😐. like. again nothing inherently wrong w that but when contrasted w#the way she talks to me usually there IS smth wrong it . its jarring and uncomfortable and made me rly upset bc it felt like she was mad at#me for trying to help . idk#UGH whatever ill talk 2 her later i have to do this lecture itll help distract me
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i want to share my silly little masato and aoki drawing i made on paper but im terrified of sharing my art to strangers bcz its not that good and im afraid ill get ultimately slandered LMAO
when youre scared of being criticized for a drawing but still want to share it its best to do what i do and throw it on the internet and then dodge the website for the rest of the day :)
#snap chats#over time you just. stop giving a shit and post and proceed LMAO BUT tbf ive been doing this for years so easier said than done#but i mean lifes too short to care about what other people say right#if you really wanna share something just share it#there's a thing in psychology known as the imaginary audience and it's when we're harsher on our image for no real reason#like of course we want to impress our peers and yk. be cool to them#but at the same time and as a result we heavily criticize everything we do if it's not 'perfect'#honestly a phrase that's saved me a lot is 'if theres no problem theres no worry'#like if theres nothing wrong going right now dont act as though youre in the thick of it yk#idk i cant make you post what you want but i guess over the years i get sad seeing people say they wanna share something#but ultimately get scared of doing it even though i know they can make something phenomenal#and yk. i just wanna see that and i wanna see people be enthusiastic about things they love#thats why i do art anyway- its because i get to be enthusiastic and share my passion with people#idk im rambling and this is preachy#tl;dr share it motherfucker 🔫 thats the tone we're all used to from me LMAO
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Had to say goodbye to my favourite professor yesterday, who’s retiring ;_; Tears were shed, hugs were had. And she said she’d like to keep in touch with me and now I’m freaking out because I don’t know how dfgfds
#you know how you replay conversations in your head 12353 times?#well she asked me what was next and i said 'finishing the next two weeks' and she asked me again#and i said 'might visit family in the summer. i live away from them' and i realized 10 minutes later that she was asking about school#so now i feel like i sounded lazy or directionless AAAHHHHHHH#but she knows --- we were emailing --- that my nana literally just died. so she knows i've been having trouble focusing.#but how do i stay in touch with a prof? ;_; like for a reference in the future?#i should have told her i'm considering applying for a master's of information. someday.#damn iiiiiiiiiiiit and even though everyone was crying i'm still embarrassed lol#but she liked me a lot!!! and she hugged me!!#the class group chat was gassing me tf up too like they were saying i'm one in a billion and i'm really smart and they loved my insight.#IDK HOW TO TAKE A COMPLIMENT HGFDFG LIKE THANK YOU BELOVEDS I LOVED HEARING YOUR THOUGHTS TOO#fuck im gonna miss this class..... there was nothing like it
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Horribly easily to tell if my dads drunk
#vent! annoying vent!#like. the fact that everyone’s mood is ruined being a massive flag aside#he has so many tells he thinks he’s slick lmao#voice slurs and sticks at certain points#nasally. very nasally#he talks over you and starts sentences multiple times#repeats a lot of points#it sounds like he’s constantly on the verge of a cough#and he’s just a bitch in general#the very regular tells of a drunk person but I think it’s easier for me to notice now#idk I used to think he was just tired and snappish as a kid then I discovered the concept of alcohol and ojhhh. so that’s what does that#to be fair he used to take me to alcohol warehouses. when I was not even in middle school. I shit you not#I think? I dunno starting from the point where I realized that my brother indulged in a wee bit of cocsa my memory kicks the bucket a#little bit everyday#whatever idc. I say. whatever#yea I think there were alchohol warehouses? I don’t. I can’t find any when I google them now#they don’t look like what I remember so it could just be me trying to fill in the gaps with what I have#but I know he used to take me and my sister there to get Jack Daniel’s or whatever it was#I still think about that one really bad fight we had when he was drunk#I asked him if he loves me at all etc if he cares about me beyond my grades#and he just gave me one deadpanned long look and said no#like. ok okay ig? thanks for the answer king i loved that#another fight we had. well. no it wasn’t us fighting he fought with mom#their fights r the reason im more active at night and hate sleeping tbh#anyways I ended up locking myself in the bathroom and screaming myself hoarse because I couldn’t just fathom why he seems to just. hate her#which he doesn’t. I don’t think he does. they love eachother they really do but it’s like miserable at times#esp when he’s drunk#like I had my mom asking if me and my sister would be happier if we moved away from him#I don’t remember what I told her I was honestly more worried about if she’d be happy and if she could support us#ope. tag limit. Penis penis balls cock
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we had fun tho the whole family hung out and we did some sporclee and chronophoto and then globle me n lamp nd father did globle bc mein mamma went to sleep. yay :]
#nd i think tmrw or something like that me n my mom will finish off 13s run in de#which im excited for bc im rly excited to get to 15 bc my mom loves it and im excited to be caught up so we cn talk abt everything#i am a bit bummed i ws rly hoping 2 like 13s seasons better this time around.. but i didnt :[ just the writing didnt come together 4 me and#i feel like the companions weren't developed much at all#and im famously a timeless child hater like i think its stupid for the dr to be the timeless child. like if there hss to be a timeless child#Fine ig its a fine origin story its kind of a like. answering a question nobody asked thing#where like. yk. i was fine with the tjme lords judt having regeneration#but mein mamma told me that they like drop all that and it is Nottt mentioned again eith the new writers which is so funny#the blessing and the curse new writers. bc the blessing is if there was a writing decision i dont like The new writers will completely#abandon it and go do their own shit. the downside is they do the same for things i do like#missy what happeneddd like where. UGH we cant even get into it i miss my princess so badly it hurts#ik we like. saw her die im just like. bc this master was not at all like.. it just doesnt feel like a continuation at all#my moms theory is he might actually be an earlier incarnation of the master since they never actually specify. nd then i was checking the#wiki and rheres some weird stuff like. missy forcing all of her Good parts to regenerate into some other lady and then like.#idk it just said that. so idk if that implies the bad parts regenerated into like. evil master... i dont know. but wtvr. im excited#and a little birdie told me donnaaaaa will be baaaaaaaaackkkkkk which is the best thing that could ever happen to me im SO excited. my#friend donna#i like that like. i like getting new companions inlike when companions dont overstay their welcome cough cough. clara. but i do love seeing#companions come back like sry it does get me everytime im always like My friend my friend my friend. yk. i just love to seeing them again...#oh i got distracted. i was gonna say i rly dislike the dr being the timeless child bc i rly like when the dr is judt like. a guy. gender#neutral my mom laughed at me bc i said rhat earlier and went That sounded like im complaining abt hrr being a woman. im noy#THATS WHY I WANTED 2 LIKE HER LIKE. im so bummed that the first female dr is the one with In my opinion the weakest writing. like fml. tho i#havent seen any of the older stuff so idk... just from 9 onwards is what iiiiive got going.#but ya. i ws so worried voicing my criticisms to my mom bc i ws worried i ws just being a hater or nitpicky#but my mom agreed with me on a lot and ya. i rly like discussing stuff w my mom even tho im almodt positive i annoy her sometimes bc i get#too busy discussing my theories and being like And what about this and i get distracted from the show where theyrelike#explainjng somrthing jm asking abt. JFBFJFNT#i judt love discussion. and its tly fun to talk abt it with my mom :] yay#like ikit snnoys ppl when someone talks while watching smth or theorizes while watching smth lr asks questions that will be answered#but lke its my fav part of watching things w ppl 😭😭😭 im fr the yapperrr
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ok so how are we…
If this is about the new Taylor album...
The feelings are complex and they are not good. I don't want to upset anyone though because I know that a lot of people are enjoying the album and I love that for them!
I will just say I was personally really disappointed by it, and I was going into listening to it thinking this was going to rekindle my love for her, instead it was kind of the opposite. I've been a fan of hers since the debut album, but started to distance myself when all the really intense craziness happened last year. I was so excited to be blown away by the album and just... wasn't which then led to this whole identity crisis because liking Taylor was always "my thing" the number of texts I got today from people I don't talk to regularly or haven't talked to in a while was actually insane, everyone was like "are you so excited!!" and "don't you love it!!" while my close friends were like "I'm sorry." I feel so dramatic and parasocial saying that though.
I saw a review on Stereogum that I think did a good job putting a lot of the same thoughts I had into more concise words. Maybe it will grow on me, but every time I try to do another listen I end up skipping to the next song halfway through.
Sorry for bringing the mood down! I hope you're doing well and had a great Friday! I appreciate you checking in and hope you have a lovely weekend!
❤️Ally
#allylikethecat#ask ally#anon ask#keep it kind#tw taylor swift#this is just my opinion!!#i dont mean to upset anyone and i dont mean any harm#i was just disappointed because like i feel like the album could have been so much better#and felt very let down#also not gonna lie i did feel for matty but im glad his people said hes doing well#also i hope joes mental health is getting better#what makes me REALLY MAD though is that i even kinda felt bad for Travis? like i cant stand him but wow id feel weird if my gf#released an entire album about being obsessed with her ex like she put out that tweet saying she was much happier and the past was the past#but like still this was like a lot#not even just one album but TWO ALBUMS#idk i just im sad im disappointed and i wish i could go back this time last year and how excited i was about her music#i have tickets to see her in august and i dont even know if i should go anymore#like im feeling so weird about it all im like should i sell them so someone who loves her like i used to can go?#idk
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