#firstly all my friends are guys except me so idk that would be weird. i couldnt wear my robe around them it’s too revealing for my comfort

[stinkrascal]

all the shit i read on reddit about people living with roommates makes me so relieved that me and bf dont have any roommates because if i had to share my living space with someone who isnt my partner id actually die

[galaxythreads]

Hello! I’ve liked your fics for a long time, and was wondering if you would write something with fem- presenting Loki? There are some gender-fluid Loki fics on ao3, but I Need More To Live. I would write one, but I wouldn’t ever finish it.

I really want Loki to join the avengers in 2012 so that the other stuff doesn’t happen. sometimes I want Loki and Natasha to make fun of the rest of the avengers.

Idk I just really like the idea that Loki and Natasha would be friends. Or Loki and Wanda. (Except for all of the aforementioned characters got done so dirty by MCU. Isn’t that like a trope? Kill off the girl so the guy has a motivation to defeat the bad guy? Like from Green Lantern or something?

And Loki and Wanda got rewritten.). Whatever. I’m PERFECTLY OKAY! *eye twitches*

That kind of turned into a rant. Sorry.

Here are more of my headcanons, because I’d rather dm someone on tumblr instead of actually making a post on my blog. I’m weird.

-Loki was friends with Tchaikovsky and Mozart and Shakespeare. Maybe even Paganini, or like Ada Lovelace. Or Albert Einstein. Basically a lot of historical figures and also musicians from the 1980s.

-Loki is an honorary gay, because he’s an alien and aliens don’t have human concepts of gender and sexuality. But also you saw that 🏳️‍🌈hand flip🏳️‍🌈 he did in the 1602 episode. I mean, he was just being so gay in that 1602 episode. It was beautiful.

-Loki is a sad little boi. 🥺🥺

-Loki is a good little boi who got did dirty by MCU and Odin. (🥺🥺)

-Loki isn’t always a boy.🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️(unfortunately no gender-fluid flag emojis so 💕🤍💜🖤💙)

-Loki knows all the languages.

-Loki would watch anime and Kdramas if HE WASN’T DEAD.

-Loki is a theater kid.

-Loki is cat

-Loki knows how to play ALL the instruments. He likes cello the best though. Also he has perfect pitch.

-Loki needs therapy. Like two blue whales worth of therapy.

-If Tony and Loki ever had a long conversation, they would figure out how to solve world hunger and climate change and overpopulation AND THEIR MOTHERS. (It doesn’t make sense but just roll with it)

-Loki is a Major Fucking Nerd About Everything.

-Loki likes calculus as a hobby.

-Loki is, (un?)fortunately, a British stereotype.

-Loki ships appledash and narusasu.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk. Bye, and thanks for letting me dump headcanons on you.

Hi! Thank you so much for sharing all of these with me, it's so fun to see other people's headcanons about Loki and their excitement about his character. I love discussing this blorbo and cracking him open like an onion to peal away layers of trauma and reveal the nerd beneath.

Lol, the amount of times I've thought about doing an MCU rewrite post a1 to fix everything is insane. If I did do this, I'd actually probably start at civil war, because personally, I feel like everything was (generally) actually okay and enjoyable until infinity war. Civil war is just a good place to kick around the fix-its because everything is such a mess.

As far as your request goes, it might surprise you, but you're actually NOT the first person to approach me about a genderfluid, fem-presenting Loki. More like the....4th? or maybe 5th? Idk. I've definitely been approached by multiple people over the years about this. Firstly, thank you for trusting me with your idea and your headcanons, I'm humbled and honored that you would approach me about this because you believed I would be able to write the story in a way that you would find meaningful and enjoyable <3

Second - I really just don't know. My first inclination is to say no, not because I'm not interested or don't care, but mostly because I'm so busy right now I really don't know when I'll be able to get to the story. Plus, I'm really not sure how to go about this. I'd need to figure out what direction I wanted to take the story, because Loki being genderfluid wouldn't change that much except their outward appearance. Loki + genderfluid + Natasha friendship is an amazing concept, but it's not a...plot, if that makes sense? "Fixing" a1 could be 50,000,000 separate things, and if it goes out as a fix-it for mcu, that would be an enormous project. Easily 200k-400k+, which would take me like...uh 1-3 years to write.

Loki being genderfluid IS something I've thought about just adding to my fics in general now (i'm really not sure, because I love cis male Loki, and I know it's canon that he's genderfluid, but I kind of disregard most things from the series anyway?) but Idk?

+ and this is just a personal one for me, but I don't know how to include Loki being genderfluid as a major part of the plot/story right now. Like, for example, I've been in the process of dumping all of my religious lgbtq+ trauma on peter parker in a (massive) one-shot that revolves around Peter learning to accept himself as being gay, but the point of the story is that Peter doesn't accept himself at first and the conclusion is when he does. (I don't know if I'm ever going to share or finish that fic by the way, so don't look for it) I don't know how to take the concept of this story, turn it into a fix-it for Avengers 1 with Natasha, and have a meaningful story about being genderfluid at the same time?

Like to me there's two different ways to go about lgbtq+ stories: a story about being gay that is intended to talk about lgbtq+ experiences and focus heavily on that, vs a story where the character is lgbtq+ and it's just part of their character and not something we spend a lot of time talking about because we don't need to. The story isn't about them being lgbtq+ specifically, it's about the character. Recently, a lot more media has started doing the latter, which is really, really nice because I don't feel like being lgbtq+ has to be justified every 20 lines.

The story I'm writing about Peter Parker is the former. It's about being gay. The entire story revolves around it. What I can tell from what you're saying is that you want something where Loki just IS genderfluid, but it's not something we spend a whole lot of time discussing because the story isn't ABOUT being genderfluid, it's about fixing mcu with genderfluid Loki as the main character, if I'm understanding this correctly? Which is fine and I absolutely support it because there is nothing wrong with writing genderfluid Loki and I wholeheartedly support those authors.

So i guess to shorten this - because this isn't just like a ~5-15k one-shot (which are about the only length of requests I can successfully complete right now), as respectfully as I can, I'm going to have to lovingly turn you down. I'm not saying no, I'll never write about genderfluid Loki, because I'm like 90% sure I will eventually, but I just don't know about a fix-it for MCU from the first Avengers. One suggestion I have is maybe, if you really really need to see this come to fruition, is to just write a bunch of one-shots that are interconnected based on each of your headcanons and then publish it as an interconnected series, not so much a full length novel like I would write. I can easily see this being a really enjoyable series. Best of luck

~galaxy <3

[honklore]

Can you do headcanons for sapnap with a shy reader please?❤️💌

ALSO I LOVED LANDSLIDE IT CHANGED MY LIFE

shy!reader headcanons | sapnap

(gender neutral, non-au, this is less of a headcannon and more of a small story sorry about that)

listen to: georgia by vance joy

okay firstly to premise, i think sapnap is a pretty shy guy himself. he’s absolutely the guy who refuses to correct a waiter after they read their order back to him wrong

so he would get it. i don’t really think he would try to push you out of your comfort zone

lets say you guys met in a csgo lobby lol. sapnap was practicing before a stream, playing with strangers, and you popped up

and you didn’t speak for the first like. five rounds. you were AMAZING with last minute clutches but you never spoke so people just kind of assumed you didn’t have ur mic on

except one round, sapnap lost focus and nearly ruined the round, forgetting to call out his location for a cover

luckily you came in with the clutch and shot the enemy before they could get to sapnap, saving the round

and so while in the lobby, sapnap turns on his mic and just “[user], thanks for saving my ass out there.”

and your voice just comes through, a little clipped and very shy, “no problem,” before your mic is muted again

sapnap ends up saving ur gamer tag and inviting you whenever he needs someone to play with or fill a lobby

this turns into playing every day, and you guys become rlly good friends thru the screen. you both keep to yourselves for the most part, a strict csgo relationship if you will

and then sapnap is like. i rlly like them. i want to be their bestie.

so he asks if you want to play with him and his friends sometime, maybe in minecraft or jackbox

and you’re a little overwhelmed bc you know they have a decent online presence. but he’s nice to you and you don’t have many online friends so you say yes :)

and he’s like SO excited bc all of his friends are going to meet his new friend

only he’s been talking abt u to karl and dream and george and q for like. ages. since like. THE NIGHT he met u on csgo. (bc he’s a pisces and he gets v attached to anyone who breathes in his direction)

(i’m a pisces i can say it)

when you join the lobby (no one is streaming) he has the boys in a separate call to give him advice just in case he needs it

you don’t really speak unless spoken to, and when the boys get rlly loud they can kind of forget to include you

so sapnap always brings you back into the convo by asking you a question or making a quick joke

george in their chat: simp

you guys play jackbox, and you rlly like quiplash and survive the internet and others where you can just type

(and you’re really good at it like the boys think ur rly funny and clever)

but of course the boys want to play mad verse city, and you’re like,,, rlly nervous and don’t really want to rap,, so sapnap raps for you,, and he’s the loudest to hype you up after each of your verses

and you’d slowly get more comfortable with the boys. it’s easy to flow with them bc they’re so loud and obnoxious that you can mind your own business and still feel like part of their convos.

so anyways it’s months into your friendship, and sapnap has developed the fattest crush on you. if he’s not on call with the boys, he’s on call with you

chat knows about you bc sapnap always has you on his alt streams to talk and hang out with him. surprisingly, chat is very protective over you and cheer you on even if you’re on a different team than sap

i imagine sapnap gives you his minecraft info and lets you go around the dsmp the same way dream lets drista hang out with his info

just... a stream where he leads you around and just talks to you in vc while you share your screen with him,,, and chat is like. sapnap you are so in love.

you spend your time in the smp making a cottage and a house for yourself. you even tame a cat.

(it’s the first pet on the server that sapnap doesn’t try to kill. that’s how chat knows he’s in too deep.)

and the thing is,, he wants to ask u to be his s/o,, but you’re so shy that he has no idea how you feel about him

you’re not flirty and you’re friendly with everyone, so it’s hard to see any signs.

(sapnap is also just kinda dumb, bc he doesn’t realize that you only address him when you talk, you’re only comfortable in calls if he’s there too, you have made him a playlist called “sapnap <3”, you made him a flower garden in minecraft and literally mined netherite for him to return to when he came back on the server)

like sapnap is thinking on such a large scale that all of these little things you do don’t register as anything more than friendship

and he’s in call w the dteam one day and he’s just like “guys :/ idk if they like me :/”

dream calls him a dumbass

george hangs up

when george comes back, you join the call too, and sapnap can only assume george messaged you to join

“tell them, sapnap”

“george you’re such an idiot, y/n don’t listen to him we were just messing around.”

“okay,” you say. “but i’m here to talk if you ever need me.”

sapnap wants to burst because he likes you so much, he’s just so terrified of messing up what you guys have that he would rather stay silent

he doesn’t want to run you off, but he doesn’t want you to think he doesn’t like you either

“can i call u?” he asks “without these two nimrods to hear us?”

you agree, and you start talking as soon as you two are in a separate call. “sap? are you okay? you’ve been acting weird lately.”

“i rlly like you,” he just blurts it out, because it’s the easiest way for him. he can’t take it back, but at least you know.

“oh,” you say, voice just as timid as it was that first csgo game ages ago. “i like u too”

cue blushy sapnap

always talks about you on stream. you don’t join streams too much bc they make you nervous, but you’re always talked about lol

sapnap will bring you up literally every day on twitter or smth

when the two of you finally meet in person, you’re both so shy that dream has to start the convos for the first hour or so

but once you get comfortable it’s like two long lost souls

you guys just fit

sapnap speaks up when you’re quiet, and vice versa

you guys get ur own shared mc server and sapnap kills mods while you plant flowers

you use your twitter to show off your builds and sapnap always retweets and hypes you up

he suggests you stream your builds but it’s something you just like to do on your own, so you decline. sometimes you’ll appear on his streams and give his chat a lil tour tho :’)

sapnap is pretty protective over you. he will fight anyone for u <3 that’s just how he is lmao.

you get along with everyone pretty well though, and sapnap fits in with your friends as well

it’s still mostly a long distance relationship, but the two of you are used to it so you make it work

and sapnap will correct a waiter if they get your order wrong. so, character development.

thanks for requesting and for liking landslide !!

[codyjey]

You can’t really compare DSMP to a book or a movie, it’s like comparing apples to oranges. DSMP is a roleplay more than a clearly written story. Yeah they plan out stuff before hand, but they’re basically playing a game of D&D without a DM. A coherent plot that makes total sense isn’t going to happen. Even from the start of it, oh, C!Wilbur randomly decides to build a drug van so he can control the server, and then that turns into a nation?? Very clear and coherent but plot with good motives that make for a thrilling story right there. It was a breaking bad and Hamilton roleplay. People watch DSMP because it’s fun more than plot consistency.

Like Dream plays the villain because he didn’t want to stream and take away from other peoples success. Tommy plays The Protagonists because he was the one who streamed the most and decided to take up that role. But both of those characters are morally incorrect. C!Tommy regularly blows up, steals, and otherwise messes with peoples stuff. He also torments people. C!Dream is worse, with the active abuse and manipulation on top of destruction, but neither character is a Good Guy.

I personally think it’s fine how Eryn did his character. He comes in as c!Tommy’s childhood friend, a rowdy kinda dumb teenager, no one tells him what happened, so immediately goes to ‘prank c!Tommy’ and be a ‘dream sympathizer’. Then C!Eryn gives him a not so clear telling of the lore with a few falsehoods/personal bias thrown in. And he’s like ‘hey, maybe c!Dream is actually bad’. Because he was given context.

And MichaelMcChill was also told nothing, except that the people who ‘locked up the Tyrant’ were being rather tyrannical about it. He took a neutral stance more than a pro-Dream one (if you ignore the first stream where he was gooding off more than rping his character). But after being told more what happened he decided ‘prison bad, but c!Dream is also not to be trusted’.

Like say you joined the DSMP right now. Your character was not part of any of the past lore, so your character can’t possibly know about it. You are an outsider. No one knows or trusts you. You go up to a cagey guy who’s probably been betrayed and traumatized and ask “what happened here?” Is it realistic for them to infodump the whole history of the server to you? On the spot?

firstly I don't expect the lore to be movie or book quality at all. my point is it's obvious they can try harder and make it flow together better, but some of them just don't.

I understand none of the characters are strictly good or strictly bad, wilbur even said so himself that they are all morally grey.

with eryns lore, I really don't understand the motives behind the prank thing. he witnessed c tommy having a meltdown even at the mention of dream and still thought it would be funny? I get it his character is meant to be a dumb kid that loves playing pranks and whatever but I just think that was a strange direction to take his character, maybe that's a personal bias though.

with michaels case I actually really like what he's done so far with his character. the conspiracy theorist thing is interesting, trying to figure out stuff for himself. he sees people freaking out about c dream getting out of prison, so he's gonna think oh maybe he really is this bad guy they make him out to be.

and that's the kind of thing I'm okay with and think is relatively interesting. I'm all for the ccs taking their characters whichever direction they want, but it's a little weird to make characters with no motivation to be on the side of the clearly stated main villian on the server.

and with your last point, I understand where you are coming from. but usually the characters ask one person and go. or they don't trust that he's a bad guy even though MASS AMOUNTS of people are freaking the fuck out at the idea of him getting out of prison. would you not infer you should be afraid since they are too? Idk maybe that's just me.

overall, I understand ur points and I really do respect the story as a whole. if I didn't like it at all, I wouldn't be talking about it so much LOL. I just have my story writing gripes with it. thank u for the input!! love talking about this stuff :)

[gregorygrim]

Dragon Prince Hot Takes

!!! Full Spoiler For “The Dragon Prince” Seasons 1-3!!!

So I finally got around to watching The Dragon Prince. Timely, I know, but better late than never i guess. I’m not completely caught up yet as I only got as far as S3E7 “Hearts of Cinder” in this first sitting. Considering I haven’t binged any series in almost two years, I think that’s pretty respectable. This means I won’t discuss the last few episodes here, except for a couple of things I was unfortunately spoiled for already, hence full spoilers.

These are basically my first thoughts and opinions after the binge and a good night’s sleep. It’s gonna be a lot so if you don’t care or don’t want spoilers…

TL;DR: 7½/10. Generally enjoyable, there are some aspects I’m not exactly fan of, but no dealbreakers

Firstly to everyone who told me that this was the new ATLA: you all need to rewatch Avatar stat! Like seriously. There are definitely parallels and given the cast and crew I think that’s what they were going for too (which is why I think it’s fair to compare the two), but still, no.

Secondly I love most of the worldbuilding and love that the series at least tries to give it to us in a bit of a non-linear fashion, even if it is kind of clumsy at times. I know some people are put off by expository dialogue and flashbacks, but I’m an epic fantasy nerd, I need that sweet, sweet lore to live as much as you mortals need food.

I like that there was clearly an effort made to integrate the worldbuilding in more subtle ways. For example you may initially find it kind of weird that all these different human ethnicities are existing perfectly integrated in what looks like a medieval society, until you remember from the opening monologue that the Human Kingdoms are the result of a massive diaspora following the human exodus from Xadia, so obviously people got all mixed up everywhere. It’s representation with an excellent in-world reason and that just brings me joy.

I also love the magic system(s) even though we haven’t really gone into that just yet. it really feels like there was a genuine effort made to create underlying mechanics for the magic rather than just making each spell a vaguely elemental themed ability. I really hope we’ll dive deeper into that in coming seasons.

I also like the little nods to other works of fantasy: Ezran’s ability to talk with animals is a reference to Tolkien’s world where some royal bloodlines had the ability to speak with animals, specifically birds; Primal Magic and its spells being cast with Ancient Draconic runes and words might be reminiscent of the Ancient Language from the Inheritance Cycle etc.

Thirdly the main cast is great. Callum, Ezran and Rayla are all interesting and relatable characters in their own right and as a group. I’m not going into each of them individually here, but while I think the series as a whole falls short of ATLA, as protagonist parties go I dare say this one is nearly on nearly on par with the gAang.¹

And yes, I love Bait, which I really did not expect following the first few episodes. I love his weird pug-toad-chameleon design, I love that he works like a flashbang whenever somebody says a quote from Scarface (I wish they hadn’t dropped that later on) and I love how done he is with everything and everyone at all times. I’ve only had him for 25 episodes, but if anything happened to him I would kill all of my followers and then myself.

On top of that, and speaking as someone who god knows is really not into shipping, I love Rayla and Callum’s relationship. It’s believable, it’s refreshing and it brings out the best in both characters without changing basically anything about them. Just two good friends who fell in love. A++, maybe even S tier.

Unfortunately though I can’t sing the same kind of praises about the villains. None of them are terrible (as in terribly written, most of them are pretty awful people), but with one exception they just don’t stand up to the protagonists in quality.

I could simply not take Viren seriously. Even now that is probably the single most powerful magic user in the world, he just has such strong Karen energy, every time he finishes a speech I am overcome with the urge to say “Sir, this is a Wendy’s” and it does not help the mood. I’m not even sure why. It might’ve been the voice because the guy who did Viren (Jason Simpson) also does a lot of kinda slimy characters in various anime dubs, it might be that over-the-top walking stick, idk.

What I’m saying is that as a primary antagonist he simply did not work for me. Which is doubly a shame because this kind of tarnishes the real “Big Bad” of this story by proxy. Aaravos, even as an invisible ghost, with his voice coming out of a caterpillar and next to no info on his backstory, has more style and gravity than all the human antagonists combined. It helps that he is by far the best designed character and Erik Dellums has the voice of a young god, but I’d argue even without that unfair advantage he has the potential to be a top tier villain. While he is stuck as Viren’s “little bug-pal” though he is just being dragged down.

(I’m aware that as of the final episode the caterpillar familiar is undergoing metamorphosis, probably to create a new body for Aaravos’ spirit to inhabit outside of the magic mirror, so I’m definitely hyped for more of him in the coming seasons.)

As for Soren and Claudia, I’ve got mixed feelings. This was one more aspect of the show that a lot of people compared to Avatar and while I see the parallels to Zuko & Azula, they are still very different, at least where Claudia is concerned. I’d also just like to mention that a lot of people told me that they thought the direction in which their storylines went were really surprising and I can’t disagree more. I predicted that Soren would defect to the protagonists on episode 5 right after Viren told him to kill the princes and I knew Claudia was going to stick with her father from episode 12 onward. My point is, it didn’t feel like some kind of plot twist, the way some people made it out to be, and which I don’t think was the intent.

I definitely got the sense that Soren was at least a Zuko-type character, though still not a Zuko clone, and as with Zuko I was consistently able to empathise and sympathise with him and his predicaments. I also appreciated that his dilemma is the result of his convictions and not him being kind of dense, which would’ve been all to easy and probably would’ve ruined his character for me. As it stands he is extremely milktoast, but perfectly functional for his purpose in the story and I can definitely see him evolving further and getting more interesting as we go on.

Claudia is where it gets complicated. Again, I can see the Azula parallels. But unlike that character, who is her father’s animal 110%, Claudia doesn’t strike me as a victim of Viren’s manipulation the way Soren undoubtably is. The way she talks about and uses Dark Magic, how she talks down to Soren and how even Viren finds it difficult to communicate with her, tells me as an audience member that she is an independent person. Which tells me that the cruelty and enthusiasm for causing harm she regularly displays is her own will. And that was before she straight up leads Callum on to manipulate him.

On the other hand I can absolutely relate to her devotion to her family, her big sister role (even though she is younger than Soren) and the way both the separation of her parents before the story and Soren’s injury in episode 16 must’ve affected her because of this. I know that, if my brother had become paralysed from the neck down and I knew a way to heal him, I would not have hesitated to kill that fawn either. Then again her relationship with her father is very different from parental relationships I am familiar with, so I can’t really say I see why she is so devoted to him, other than she promised her mother to stay with him years ago? ¯\(o_Ō)/¯

So basically Claudia falls into an emotional grey space for me. I can’t really tell how to feel about her either way and I’ll just have to see where she goes from here, which, while fine, isn’t necessarily great for an end of season cliffhanger imo.

Seeing as I’ve already talked about some of the show’s shortcomings, I think it’s time to dive into some of the what I would consider flaws.

Firstly this show needed at least 12 episode seasons. I have never made a secret out of my dislike for the modern short seasons and while I recognise that in the current climate in the industry giving everything full 25 episode seasons isn’t really doable, the pacing of this show, especially for the first season is just outright bad at times. It works as of the second season, but the first season alternately feels like it’s either rushing through or crawling along the whole way through.

The believability of Rayla’s and the princes’ relationship really suffers from this the most. It comes a bit out of nowhere on the boat ride and is then taken for granted way to quickly. Like Callum, seriously, this girl tried to kill you and your brother not even a day ago and you are currently cut off from all allies you have ever had until now. A little skepticism isn’t misplaced here. I also wold’ve liked if we’d just gotten a bit more of a sense of movement with the characters. I get that this is not the kind of show where we can just make an entire episode about the characters travelling and camping, intercut with plots centred around a more expansive supporting cast, but still I really would’ve preferred if Xadia didn’t feel quite so around the corner.

Another issue is with setup and payoff, which I think is partially a consequence of the pacing as well. A lot of smaller plot points are set up within the same episode as the payoff just wreak havoc on the narrative structure. A good example is the episode where they ride down the river in a boat and Bait tires to go into the water, but is saved by Ezran, who then explains the story behind Glowtoads and how they are pefect bait for large water predators. Then Bait falls into the water and is attacked by a massive water monster. This happens within five minutes of one episode and never comes up again. To me that looks like sign of rushed editing, which is probably not entirely the crew’s fault, given that they are on a schedule from Netflix, but it’s still a point of critique.

It unfortunately also manifests in the occasional line of horribly forced dialogue, often for things we can literally see happening on screen. Again, this is mostly the case in the earlier episodes, but it never completely goes away.

Finally, and this is where i get into serious issues that made me want to write this, we gotta talk about representation in this show.

First: disabled representation, meaning Amaya. Why is Amaya deaf? Because it’s good to have disabled representation.

Why is Amaya deaf and a high-ranking military officer? Because they didn’t think it through.

I know this may be a contentious opinion, but it is my belief that the purpose of representation, particularly of disabilities characters may suffer from, in fiction is to, y’know, represent people as they are in life. That includes especially the struggles they face and have to overcome, sometimes their whole life. This is not just me talking out of my ass either. A couple years ago I discussed this with several people that are disabled, specifically blind or otherwise severely visually impaired, in a different context obviously, and the general consensus was that it’s better to have representation that shows their life and their abilities as they are, rather than how they might wish they could be.

A mute or deaf person cannot be a medieval fantasy army general, no matter how good they might be in melee combat or who’s sister they are, because at the end of the day, they’re not able to give commands while they are holding a sword and shield. That such a massive logical oversight, especially in comparison to the extremely well done example of representation I mentioned above, and has so little impact on the plot that it leads me to believe, this aspect of Amaya’s character was tacked on in the last minute without being given any thought for the sole reason of the story having a disabled person in it. All this does is necessitate the existence of two otherwise entirely unnecessary characters, Gren and Kazi, both of which achieve nothing, aside from sometimes being literal set dressing.

That is where representation ends and tokenism begins.

And unfortunately this generally lacklustre attitude also extends to the LGBT+ representation on the show.

As of S3E7 “Hearts of Cinder” we have had two onscreen gay couples on the show (onscreen in the sense that both partners were onscreen and they were somehow confirmed to be in a relationship on the show). One of these, the queens of Duren, literally die in the same flashback they are introduced in, which incidentally also features them invading a foreign nation to poach a rare animal and subsequently starting the conflict at the series’ core. Not a great look.

Aside from serving as a tragic backstory for their daughter, the most impact they had on my viewing experience was that they made wonder how the fuck royal succession works in Duren. (People who know me are rolling their eyes right now because I’m bringing anarchism into this Dragon Prince review, but I’m telling you, this why fantasy monarchies aren’t compatible with LGBT+ politics in the same setting. Dynastic governments are inherently bigoted, you can’t have it both ways.)

The other couple are Runaan and Ethari, Rayla’s caretakers, although if I’m being honest you wouldn’t be able tell based on Runaan’s treatment of Rayla in the first episode. By the time we actually meet Ethari and find out about their relationship with Rayla, Runaan is suffering “a fate worse than death” (direct quote from the show) trapped in a gold coin.

I mean come on. That’s about as “technically not ‘bury your gays’” as it gets.

I think I need to reiterate here that my point is not that this show or its creators are somehow malicious. As i stated in the TL;DR: I don’t think this is a dealbreaker for liking this show. But it does demonstrate that they are prone to slipping to some potentially harmful tropes and this needs to be criticised and pointed out to them.

In conclusion, I really love this show. It’s not ATLA, it never will be, nothing else will ever be ATLA no matter how badly (and terribly) Netflix tries. But it does and should not have to be.

What it has to do though is improve. A lot of the building blocks are already there, such as Aaravos or Claudia’s development, Callum’s father, the origin of Ezran’s ability, the purpose of the “Key of Aaravos”, the true fate of King Harrow (we all know his soul is in the bird, right?) etc. Some things like the treatment of Amaya’s disability unfortunately won’t be fixable as far as I can tell, but if they at least manage to fix the gay representation I can make my peace with that.

¹ I know I said I wouldn’t go into each of the characters individually, but a) you should never trust a stranger on the internet and b) I really want to talk a bit about Callum. Specifically the “mystery” of why the hell he is connected to the Sky Primal. I write “mystery” because I think it’s fairly obvious from whence this talent came: there is only one humanoid species we know of with innate access to the Sky Arcanum and one of Callum’s parent’s is unidentified, presumed dead. 2+2=4. Callum’s father was a Skywing Elf. That’s why he recognised Nyx’s boomerang weapon. He remembered one like it either from his very early childhood (remember that he has photographic memory) or Sarai kept one and he found it at some point.

On top of that the name “Callum” or at least the pronunciation is clearly derived from Latin “caelum” meaning “sky” or “weather” and I already mentioned that Ancient Draconic is just bad Latin. It’s not very subtle. Unless they pull a complete 180 concerning the lore about Primal Magic he’s definitely going to be a half-elf, which would also just so happen to make him the perfect mediator between the Human Kingdoms and Xadia. Hmm, it’s almost as if they are planning ahead.

My question: How the fuck did that happen? Or rather: how did that fuck happen? I don’t think even Harrow knew or he probably would’ve a) paid more attention when Sarai advised against poaching the Magma Titan, because obviously she’s gotten around Xadia more than him, if y’know what i’m sayin’ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) or at least b) put it in his final letter to Callum. Unfortunately we know basically nothing about Sarai except that she was a soldier alongside Amaya and already had Callum before marrying Harrow. So does Amaya know? This is probably the most interesting plot thread in the whole story and as far as my friends told me it’s not going to be touched on anymore in the last two episodes than it already has thus far, which is basically not at all.

[charmspoint]

Lucy’s official ranking of Catarina’s love interests

1. Maria 

I love them a whole lot, I love them so much. Catarina is Maria’s first friend and someone who protected her from bullies and also dragged her into her own social circle. Maria has spent her whole life being shunned and I know how much it means when someone finally lets you have that security and safety of friendship, how nice it feels to finally feel included, appreciated and loved. You can tell she’s absolutely smitten with Catarina and confessed to her two damn times (if only Catarina would listen). Idk I just really love their dynamic, Catarina makes Maria feel happy and makes her want to do the things she loves. Also I love the idea of the games protagonist and antagonist getting together, such a nice visual. I love how excited Catarina gets when she is going to see Maria and I love how gently fond Maria is of her. You can tell she cherishes her a lot, she has found the person she loves and she holds her dear to her heart. I don’t got much to say except they are very cute together and I’m very gay.

2. Mary n Sophia 

Absolutely unable to decide between these two.

 I love Mary so much she’s such a go getter lesbian. She’s like uhhh I’m in love with Catarina and we will elope and get married and live at the seaside with our vegetable garden I love her I love her I love her. Idk I just really love this characterization of a girl who obviously loves another girl and is very straightforward and determined about it, like she’s one of the most competitive suitors and is constantly thinking about her competition but it never??? Comes off as predatory or creepy?? Like there is this very bad habit in media that if a character is going to express their interest towards a same sex person they obviously need to be a creepy pervert who makes the main character uncomfortable. And Mary just isn’t that?? She’s just super open about her love for Catarina and super determined to be the one to end up with her but she’s still a normal person and never makes Catarina uncomfortable or acts predatory towards her. We love to see it.

Sophia has that goddamn soulmates, destined to be together thing going on and I just like her character a whole lot. I love girlfriends who can nerd out together and support each others interests and much like with Maria, Catarina helped Sophia feel more confident and comfortable with herself and dragged her out of her house and into the world. Also Sophia is so cute I love it how she always takes a cue from Mary when it’s time to be straightforward, come to think of it her and Mary would be a cute ship too. She is a smoft book lesbian and I love her a whole bunch. The only thing keeping her half a step behind Mary is the few times she tries to sell Catarina on Nicol like girl give it a rest.

3. Alan

Buckle up kids this is the only male love interest I actually like. Listen look at this man, look at his design, chefs kiss. He has this whole loner cool guy get up AND he wears earrings. Character designers out there if you want me to like your man make him wear earrings. And they are hangy ones too not just piercings! Love it. Yes this is objectifying men hours. Ok but in all seriousness, I love Alan. He’s just such a chill ass dude, just hanging out, having a nice time. Like he got over his complex in childhood and now? He’s just living his best life, we love to see it. He acts like a normal ass person and isn’t weirdly possessive over Catarina and yeah this is mostly because he hasn’t yet realized his feelings for her but??? He’s just so chill, it’s nice to see them when they are hanging out and he isn’t bothering anyone or getting too competitive. My man just out here chillin and being a normal, well adjusted person we love it.  

4. Nicol 

This man, uhhhh, shuffles through my notes, this man....he has no personality. No really, tell me what this mans personality is. Standing there and looking pretty isn’t a personality. I don’t, I don’t know what this man is doing here, he’s basically dissociating through the whole show, he’s supposed to be the pretty one but like Alan is right there so that doesn’t work. It got so bad I started making up a personality for him by the end. The only reason he’s no. 4 is cuz I have no negative feelings towards him but that’s mostly cuz I have no feelings towards him at all.

5. Keith n Geordo 

We hit the shit tier kids.

Listen I don’t mind Keith as a character, if he wasn’t in love with his sister, I actually like him, if he wasn’t in love with his sister, I think he’s a good addition to the cast, if he wasn’t in love with his sister. Yeah all cards on the table I’m not the fan of the incest trope, yeah I know they aren’t BlOoD ReLAated but they still grew up together being raised as brother and sister. It’s weird okay. The only reason Keith is half a step in front of Geordo is because I like his design, always a fan of floofy puppy hair on guys and he acts as a very effective cockblock to Geordo which is very appreciated and always hilarious.

Geordo....I cannot stand this man. Firstly I hate his character type right of the bat. The ‘I do whatever I want and cross your boundaries, intentionally set up sexual situations or situations where I can get you all alone and you are supposed to find this macho n swoon all over’ has always been a type I hated whichever media it appeared in but especially otome games. This man is just trash, I just hate him, he has such rancid vibes. He kissed Catarina when she was in a coma and Keith was right in front of the door and didn’t walk in and stomp him to death, Keith you had one job, you failed me. Also this is played as a gag but any man that responds to his girl saying ‘We should cancel the engagement’ with ‘lol I don’t wanna tho’ instead of sitting down and talking to her about why she feels that way and coming to a mutually beneficial decision aint shit. I hope his doom flag rises soon.

In conclusion: Catarina should elope to the seaside with her entourage of lesbians and Alan as their personal boytoy. Nicol and Keith can stay where they are and I wouldn’t mind it if Geordo would take an L and die.

[megucarecord]

Rating Genshin Impact Character Designs (Pt. 1)

Hey y’all! I’ve been thinking of doing this for a really long time and I decided to finally stop being lazy and do it. So this is going to be a review of all the playable characters in Genshin Impact from a design perspective. I don’t really have any prerequisites to make this list worth anything (unless you count one year of a fashion/sewing class in high school lol) but hey idk, seems fun?

Gonna be super long (10 characters) so putting everything under the cut.

Disclaimer: I don’t actually hate any of these designs, nor do I consider my opinions “fixing” them, this is just for fun. 

Character: Lumine

I have a lot of conflicting feelings about this design. The hair and basic build are fine, very generic but that’s unsurprising for any character that is working at least partially as a pseudo self-insert. The color scheme is also very bland - and is one of the reasons I originally thought that Aether was automatically Geo traveler and Lumine was Anemo traveler. I think that adding more colors would’ve been a good thing, but also would’ve required a revamp of the dress itself, so maybe not the most practical thing, even if I think the dress is a bit too busy. The biggest changes I would make would be to get rid of the fancy part of her stockings as well as the extra flow/ruffled back of the skirt, which is just a bit too much considering the top layer of the skirt is already quite detailed (in a very nice way) and that could’ve just been extended. I also have to admit that though the scarf is very impractical and showy, but it reminds me of a costume from a series I like so I actually like it a lot, although you could definitely term it unnecessary.

Rating: 7/10

Character: Aether

Okay ngl this character design kinda slaps. Firstly, I love that Aether has long hair, it’s a good contrast to Lumine’s cut (and contrast should be super important with characters that are siblings/parallels of one another) and idk long braids are kinda cool. I love that the outfit has distinctive colors, which give the character personality and keeps him from being washed out. The design is much more streamlined than Lumine’s, and although I’m not a huge fan of midrifts (a theme in this post I’m sorry) there’s not actually much I’d change in this design. Except maybe make the cape a scarf to better match with Lumine. This is definitely the superior design in terms of the siblings in my opinion and I think the lack of intricacy fits the image of “traveler” better. It’s not my favorite and there isn’t anything that really stands out in the design, but it’s really solid and I like it.

Rating: 9/10

Character: Albedo

This design has a lot of potential, but I think in the end it’s just a bit too busy (which will be a theme in this game haha). I like the hair - in general I’m glad Genshin isn’t scared to try a bunch of different lengths and styles on guys because if not everything would become painfully boring. I also like the clothes for the most part. The boots are especially sleek, and I like that despite being a Geo character they gave Albedo a bluer, darker color scheme. I think it fits with his mysterious sort of quietly menacing vibe (this man is Frankensteining something I know it). But it really starts to get a bit too much with the coat. I think he needed a coat, again it fits the character, he’s in the middle of a frozen tundra and he’s also a magic scientist man, he needs some sort of coat. But I think the chain and the strap across the front is a bit too much. If I were the designers I would’ve continued with a sleeker theme, make the sleeves longer, the gloves shorter, if you wanted some ornamentation maybe a pack of vials on his belt. Overall very good design, greater color scheme, too busy. Also can we appreciate his banner art? It’s so good I love it.

Rating: 8/10

Character: Amber

Okay first I’m gonna say her card art is super cute. Love the pose, love the style. All gut. Now let me say that this outfit had potential but then it sorta... fell flat. I like the color scheme for the most part, except the white cause idk white is boring and in the game it looks kinda latexy, but I understand wanting three colors and black might be too close to brown. That being said, I hate stockings. Stockings are just the worst, they’re impractical, hard to put on, uncomfortable, should only be worn with dresses. No knight of Favonius needs stockings. Might I suggest pants or shorts? Or like cool pseudo armor plates like with Lumine. Also though I do like the jacket and the leather stomacher design, I think a bomber jacket might suit the character better, because idk they’re cool and they make me think of Amelia Earheart, although that’s such a culturally distinct thing I can’t blame them for not thinking that way. Again the jacket is still very cool, love the stomacher, and love the cuffs.. The belt is lovely and like I said love the embossed designs, but ultimately this design is too impractical, and too bland to get away with being impratical for me. So... yeah.

Rating: 5/10

Character: Barbara

Barbara! Our fav crazy nun. First I’m gonna thank her for having an attack of pure magic then I’m gonna say I hate the color white apparently because I also didn’t like it here. I’m pretty sure she’s supposed to be a novice (could be wrong), so I’d flip the colors, have the accents be white and the main color navy. But idk that’s just me. Overall I quite like her design. It’s a pretty good balance between simple and detailed. I don’t even hate the stockings. I’d say the least good part is the top, the bow and the weird collar is just... ehh? but I don’t think getting rid of the collar would help though. I’d say ditch the bow, make the dress connect to the collar, keep the off the shoulders cold sleeves. I really like the ruffled part of the top skirt. Idk it’s the best part of the design. The hat makes her look like a nurse not a nun though. maybe make the hair ties for the ponytails little veils, might fit better. Overall mostly nitpicks, it’s a strong design.

Rating: 8/10

Character: Beidou

Firstly I’d like to apologize to the Beidou I pulled before never using her (forgive me ily); next I’d like to admit I don’t love her design. I haven’t really harped on the lack of armor on these characters - because I’m not sure how I’d integrate armor into all them without making them bland af, no one wants people running around in full plate armor how tf you supposed to climb in that - but I still wouldn’t’ve put her in a leotard and boots only when she’s a canonical fighter, without even the armor accents on most of the other character. I know that traditional qipao would probably be terrible to fight in, so I’m not going to complain about them slitting it - I actually quite like it I think it’s cool and sleek and fits her vibe - but I will complain about them putting her in a leotard underneath. As someone who dances I can assure you no one in their right mind would want to fight in a leotard, which yes I know isn’t the point and I can’t blame them for not thinking that way. Anyways, I think leggings/stockings and tall boots are quite cool so that’s prolly what I’d do, streamlines the whole design too, gives it a sense of connectivity (idk I’m weird and I don’t look at this character often so yeah). I like the top of her design, although I’d prolly replace the fur on the cap with a large collar, sort of pirate-y or Navy-like. Also let me just say I love the hair and eye patch. Fits her reckless sort of character to hate her hair whipping around, and the eyepatch really sells the concept of her having fought for years. The hand guards didn’t need to be flared, but I don’t mind them being there. Especially since handling a Claymore would definitely rip up your hands if you didn’t have protection. Also the boots though impractical are very cool so... yeah.

Rating: 6/10

Character: Bennett

One of my main team and prolly the closest thing I currently have to a DPS I have conflicting opinions on Bennett’s design. I think it’s a pretty good design all things considered. His belt and all his packs would be busy if you didn’t know Bennett’s character, but considering he’s a wanna be adventurer, I think it works pretty well. Although I don’t know why his extra belt straps are so long... or even exist?? Idk kinda weird. His top is... ehh? I don’t really like it, I think partially because I don’t think Bennett would wear a midrift shirt like this (midrifts where there shouldn’t be midrifts or, as I like to call it, being MagiReco-d) and partially cause the color, though understandable in such a busy design, is kinda bland. I think that’s why the collar works instead of being too busy, we needed some color. If I had to changed the design I’d get rid of the midrift and get rid of those weird extra belt things. Also that one random dagger star thing on one side of his blue collar is just so weird and random and like why does it exist? But overall I like the design, and it doesn’t bug me when I’m playing with him. I think it’s a good example of how busyness can accurately portray a character. Well done.

Rating: 8/10

Character: Chongyun

Another character who I own but have never played, though my friend has him on their main team and they look super cool. I’m not gonna lie I love this character’s design. Firstly the color palette is so good, the white feels like it works to offset all the blue hues - which I love that even the darkest parts of his design are blue not black - so it doesn’t feel bland or irritating, especially with the gold giving it a sense of luxury. I also like the choice to have a tunic that extends to the pants, I think having only white pants would be too bland - again white it a meh color for designs - so it really gives it some necessary details and color. I also like the jacket, again it gives the design a sense of detail while being simple enough not to feel like too much. Also I have no idea what the outfit would look like without the jacket and I have a feeling that answer would be Not Good, so... yeah. Some nitpicks; the left arm band thingie golden cuff is kinda too much and seems impractical and irritating. And... that’s it. I know the slippers are impractical, but I think they work, he is an exorcist not an adventurer after all. Overall, probably second favorite design in the game. Great job

Rating: 10/10

Character: Diluc

Give Diluc a high ponytail, I’m begging you. Lol anyways personal preference aside (which is impossible this entire post is personal preference) I like this design. I think the color works and the whole outfit is a good reflection of Diluc’s character, closed off, luxurious while also a bit ragged and uncontrollable. Yeah. I like it. I do think the thing chain accessory is kinda random, and I don’t think there’s anything about the design that knocks me off my feet, but I do really love the design overall. Also the gloves, good gloves. Suggestions? High ponytailed Diluc. Nothing else. Also though he’s not in this post I like that this outfit is very streamlined and simple compared to Kaeya, it’s a good portrayal of their differing views and opinions through fashion. Because unlike with the traveller siblings I think these brothers have a dynamic where contrast is better than parallel.

Rating: 9/10

Character: Diona

Okay so though I’ve never interacted with this character I skimmed the wiki and I love her backstory it’s hilarious. Also since I never interact with her I don’t have many opinions about her design except why does she only have one sock on? Honestly relatable moments. I think the extra ponytail is kinda weird and excessive considering the hat and I’d prolly make the hair orange to match the ears but overall very cute design. What do bartenders look like? Idk. Oh and also there are a bit too many colors roaming around, but I get it. Overall fairly generic but kinda cute. I still think midrifts are bad.

Rating: 7/10

And that’s it! I hope this didn’t come off as “lol these designs are gross and I’m superior and we should fix them” because no. No one should take any of these suggestions seriously. Except maybe the ponytail one lol. Anyways I hope at least one person likes this cause this took forever and I kinda burned out after a while. Next post if I make it will be interesting cause it includes my least favorite design. May you all have lovely playing and if you love a design I don’t honestly more power to you. Bye!!

[deeisace]

????

Odd dream time

Like my last couple dreams, this one doesn't involve time travel or train journeys at all, which is weird in itself

Although for a brief moment before I woke up I was the 13th doctor, whilst hanging upside down from the stair rail, uh, which I guess maybe counts as time travel? No? Idk

Anyway so right

Firstly, I left the house (not my house, just a house that was mine), leaving not-my-mum there, and my dog who could talk doing me a favour by transcribing typing up the audio of some recording I had - not-my-mum didn't know about the dog, so he was in like a soundproof box that went around my desk (big dark-wood fancy thing, v unlike my one now which is lighter wood and also I don't have a desk chair,,, Anyway), but either him or me had left the room door open just a little, so not-my-mum walked past and saw him sat at the typewriter, and then I got home (???) to not-my-mum freaking out a little and the dog being like "yeah, what?", and it sorta dissolved into the next part

Which that someone/I was trying to burgle my/a house, while the police were there

So like some kinda video game (tho it didn't feel like that, quite), waiting for a guy in uniform to go past the kitchen so I could duck into the (what do posh people call it, like a room for the washing machine an stuff) utility room, and from there through the yard, over the wall and down the street

I didn't get whatever it was I was looking for, and cs it was somehow also my house I was in, I didn't have any shoes on

So I had to find some disguise, somehow

And I didn't really, but a very rude man gave me a tie-dye face mask, and then I tried to con these two girls out of their money, cs I only had very little change and as I say I needed shoes, but it turned out that they were cons, too, so that didn't work, and then they took me to meet all their circus-y friends up the road, aerial types y'know with the ribbons and the rings up high, idk (mild flashback to the glasto year Joe Rush's missus and her burlesque uhhh group had a pirate theme)

Then that sorta dissolved, too, and I was at my nan's house

And apparently here I was in some sorta thing to steal the access codes to something, that were on a desktop computer in the study upstairs, that for some reason my ditzy stepmum was the one who had access to said access codes (why? who would choose her?)

So, outside in the garden, camouflaged against idk like a deckchair, was my dad, waiting for the con artist guy that I was in the last part of the dream to come and give him a thumb drive with the codes downloaded on - but like, that guy's out the door and over the wall, wandering the streets shoeless, so now I have to do it

Make some excuse to get out of the get-together in the living room (where my dad also is, somehow, as well as the garden, and this version Cannot find out what's happening, and also my sister's grandad, who's making absolutely no sense whatsoever, leaving everyone quite bemused), sneak upstairs (the banisters have been put back where they go, "because we have guests" but where they go is right across the first step like one'a them barriers you get for babies, except made of wood and immovable, so I have to soundlessly vault over it), avoid my dad who's upstairs to go the loo (never mind he could never get past the banisters) by briefly pretending I'm going to my room, log on to the office desktop, then into for some reason my uni moodle account, which I/someone had previously downloaded the super secret access codes onto, for some reason, then get back downstairs into the garden safely, to give my dad-in-the-garden the thumb drive with them on, while continuing to avoid my family and go quiet and quick

But halfway through (I've logged on everything but not yet copied the codes) my dad-in-the-house comes upstairs and we have a conversation cs oh no [ditzy stepmum] has just found she's downloaded the access codes somewhere by accident! She has to use the laptop downstairs to fix it cs god knows what would happen if someone got the codes

So I'm like, what. What would happen?

And my dad does one of his blustery "well, I don't know" sentences, which amounts to "it wouldn't be good"

And then he leaves, and idk what happens but suddenly I'm Jodie Whittaker doctor, upside down on the bannister

And then I woke up to a seagull at the window, which is such a lovely way to wake up /s

[lala-pipo]

(1/18) *peeks from behind the wall* I hope I am still welcomed here hahaha cricket anon is here! <3 I am very sorry for making you worry last time O.O, for sure no matter what happens to the story, I'm going to be right there to read it! Huehuehue, I literally was not lying when I mentioned that this story is bringing me lots of joy this year :3 Cricket anon is fine now! hahaha my last work place was really bad, kind of black-company-level-bad, and it really took a toll on my mental health…

Dear cricket nony, I already answered one of your non-anonymous asks privately because I was so overwhelmed by the sheer amount of email notifications I got from tumblr and Ao3 that I had to thank you right away, but I still want to do it publically because even after days I’m still overwhelmed that you took so much time to write me a whole essay. I’m still all soft and wobbly and squishy on the inside. Your notifications really made my day, week, probably month – so thanks so much again. It really means so much T___T

(2) so, I kind of took two months? break from social media and just literally try and figure out my life lol basically quarter-life crisis also happening, but yeah slowly getting better now! I hope you are doing fine as well, sending you lots of hugs and love ~^^~ Firstly though!! I wanted to say sorry too that it took a while for me to reply hahaha… BUT!! Let me tell you omg during my rest of 8 weeks, I have managed to re-read ALL. SEVEN. CHAPTERS!! So many things to share!!

I’m so sorry to hear that your last workplace took such a toll on your mental health and I really hope that you are going to get better. I cross all my fingers for you and send you good vibes only. Please don’t feel pressured to comment at all. I mean everyone loves receiving comments, but it shouldn’t feel like a chore. So if you feel like sharing your thoughts I’m always glad to read them, but if you don’t feel like sharing them, please don’t feel bad about it. <3

(3) However, since my comments were a grand total of 4,000 words lol, I inserted them in AO3 under "cricket anon" in every chapter! :3 You might get confused as you read them because I take notes as I read the chapter lol hahaha I hope my comments might bring some joy <3 Ahh! By the way! These anon messages are partly not anon since anon asks are limited to 10 per hour? I didn’t know that! :( But since I accidentally have revealed myself to you lol I think it should be okay!

I’ll also try to answer your comments on Ao3 in the upcoming days because (if I remember correctly) you had some questions and I hope I can answer some of them. ^^ But I’m impressed that you went through all the chapters again. We’ve reached 150k now, which is quite fascinating to me because there are still quite a few chapters left. I wonder how long the story will be in the end *hides* I didn’t know that either! I’ve been on tumblr for so long and yet this 10 ask limit is new information for me, but it makes sense in some way – if I think about spam accounts or people going around spreading hate or something.

(4) Also, I think I’m going to make my snorts reactions straight onto AO3 from now on, rather than spamming your ask box with 10+ anon messages hahaha but I’ll still come here to share you my overall reactions and analyzations huehuehue and also to possibly warn you about the length of the comment lol something I noticed, from chapter 1 to chapter 7, the comment got longer lol more things to discuss about, I guess!? But yeah!! Let me reply to your reply to my previous ask here!!

LMAO I admire your dedication. Do whatever is most comfortable to you, I will be happy either way ^^ I think it makes sense that someone can comment more on later chapters because the painted picture gets fuller and fuller with details, there is more information about the different characters, the storyline is more developed and so on… ^^

(5) Is the sad scene in chapter 6, you were referring to the conversation that Jong-Taem were having, and then Jong tried to diffuse it into another lighthearted banter, and Taem is just. tired. of. Jong avoiding the conversation? and despite all that, Taem still let Jong come into his room and cuddle to sleep? idk... I find that scene really heartbreaking :( or maybe it was another scene?

For me it was the shower scene tbh. I don’t know, but it always struck something inside of me (is it weird that I’m saying this although I’ve written it?) There is something very fragile about Jonghyun in that scene and Taemin does feel a little helpless and is so caught up in his own thoughts, in his own needs, what he wants (and doesn’t get from Jonghyun) and yeah – it always makes me go :( but yes, the follow up scene is sad as well because you sit there and think – you two are just so damn dumb, which is something most people, who read this story so far – seem to think constantly, because yeah, they are very dumb – each in their own way. ^^

(6) I think I mentioned in the AO3 comment somewhere that even I started to feel like Taem can just leave Jong because Jong is not trying to understand Taem, I mean, nothing to do with his mood swings or his claim that Taem will get bored of him, just that he isn't trying to see things from Taem's perspective whereas Taem is trying! so! hard! and he even tried to ignore the fact that Jong avoid the vital conversations for like the 10th time already :(

Feelings are a very difficult topic – and while chapters 1-9 are very focused on what Taemin does, thinks, wants, needs, wishes etc. the focus does shift a little over to Jonghyun starting from chapter 10. So the reader does get an inside of why Jonghyun might have acted the way he did. If his behavior makes sense is up to the reader (and Taemin as well) to decide – but I think it shines a little more light onto Jonghyun, who the reader doesn’t know much about – feeling wise –, although he’s one of the main characters of the story. ^^ It’s the onion layers that get peeled one by one. ^^

(7) Yeah, re-reading this definitely showed me muCH MORE parallelism in Jong-Key and Taem-Jong dynamics. Even with Taem's mood in a sense? Like how Jong used to be really upset when Key has a new friend, and then suddenly okay when they do sexy times. Before, I only noticed the puppy-love-ness parallel, but then there is more to it, like I said, Taem's mood affected by Jong a lot, just like Jong's by Key, and also the way Jong claims that Key doesn't understand his feelings,

(8) well, it applies to Jong not really wanting to understand Taem's feeling? by just brushing it off as Taem will get bored of him or Taem doesn't know what he is talking about. I mean as a reader, I am also not sure, if it’s either Jong doesn't care or he is scared to show himself or both or maybe there is another reason? Hahaha ^^;;

This is true and done on purpose. ^^ This knowledge doesn’t play a key (haha) part in the storyline, but it is there to show how blinded one can get by one’s own feelings. After adapting to his new life in a dorm Taemin sees through Jonghyun and Kibum’s relationship quite well, but later when it’s about his own relation to Jonghyun he’s completely blindsided and doesn’t see how unhealthy it is at first – him going back and back and back over and over again in the hope that Jonghyun’s behavior towards him might change.

(9) You mentioned that there will be more Jongtae drought, and honestly, I think they need it? I think some space for them to think about things and you know do other things and talk to other people about other things lol maybe it will clear up their heads hopefully? Ahh!! You said the beginning of chapter 5 is for your own sanity lol I totally understand ;), it was a very sweet scene, soft, and kind of endearing compared to what is coming in the next chapters TnT

It depends on how we describe the drought. The hard cut was done in chapter 8. I went in like a warrior and just cut all the strings, not showing any mercy. ^^” I don’t want to spoiler anything, but yeah – the hard drought will continue throughout chapter 9 – soft drought from chapter 10 …… till ….. *closes mouth* 6v6 

Working on chapter 8 made me write two lovey-dovey JongTae oneshots because I couldn’t stand seeing them fight in my own fanfic, in front of my salad. T_T so yeah, the beginning of chapter 5 was for my sanity. While writing chapter 8 I also realized again while I never really write angst, fights – anything dramatic really, because I’m a very chill person in real life, and I like my fanfics to be very chill as well – so writing this was completely out of my comfort zone. For others it’s writing smut for me it’s writing angst lmao. I usually want to wrap up all the characters in fluffy blankets and make them tea, and yet here I am ��� letting Taemin suffer for so many chapters. I’m a monster T_T

(10) Yeahhh, about the fact that we don't see Key so much since it is in Taemin's point of view, and also the fact that our (the audience)'s perception of Key is very much influenced by how Taem sees Key, right? I think I even mentioned somewhere in the comments, that in a way, a Rashomon effect is present as the readers read the story right, since they are all on accounts of Taem's witnessing, but then also maybe I am just reading too much into this lol

It would be the Rashomon effect if I wrote the same fic out of Jonghyun’s perspective and Minho’s as well for example. In this case Taemin is just a very unreliable narrator and we don’t (well I do :’D) but the reader doesn’t know what’s really going on, if everything Taemin is experiencing is true or if it should be taken with a grain of salt. Considering that everyone in the dorm, except for Taemin, gets along well with Kibum, we might want to believe that Kibum isn’t the bad guy Taemin wants to make him out to be. ^^

(11) Honestly, I could hear my English Lit teacher saying "maybe that is not the author's intention" hahaha xD Yes yes yes!! more chapters for Taem's development!! I am ready for it!! I mean the end of chapter 7 marked the sign of the broken vase, and paired with the JongTae drought, I am looking forward to the next part of the story!! Some character development at this point is perfect I think!! And also!! About the advices, I think I commented a few times on some of the chapters.

(12) I didn't notice that before! And after you pointed it out, I think I made some comments on Minho's, Key's, and Onew's advices to Taem and definitely, based on how the events unfolded, we could argue that the advice was bad - in a way though, I can't seem to tell (yet, maybe?) if the advice giver was genuinely trying to help or do they have ulterior motives? hmmm but either way, I like how you placed a lot of thoughts in the story, even on things such as advice.

(13) Because for sure, in reality, people tend to give bad advices, and act on bad advices. It is true that most fics tend to focus only on the good advice and then the story ends happily ever after. Real life is most definitely not like that :3 your "slice of life" tag is holding up to its name ;) Thank you so much for your hard work!! You added 10,000 words for chapter 7?? omg… huhuhu (insert a bowing LINE sticker)... yeah, for sure, the way the story unfolds in my head,

(14) probably is different to other readers, right? And for sure, very different to you, the author! There are probably a lot more instances, scenes, implications, interpretations? that we as readers are unaware of! Thank you so much for all your hard work TnT, as readers, having more context into the story does give much more clarity on the flow of the story and the feelings of the characters, etc. Thank you for all your hard work! (bow bow bow)

That was something @hwarang-number commented on as well while betaing the story. What if Minho has ulterior motives?!?!?!?!? In Minho’s case it does make sense to give out bad advice to lure in the innocent lamb haha but for example what would Jinki’s or Kibum’s ulterior motives be? Sometimes people want to give out good advice, but in the end it just turns out to be bad advice – unintentionally – humans are just humans after all – and none of us is all knowing, we all perceive things differently, and what might work for one person might not work for the other. I did add 10k to chapter 7 and 25k to chapter 8 – because chapter 8 felt like the most incomplete out of all the chapters in this story. 

I think I’ve mentioned it before but hwarang_number is super attentive while reading and figured most things out that I’ve implied – even smaller details which I thought might get lost in the chapters – which I’m still impressed by, but I also said before that everyone reads stories differently, and some aspects that might not be important to me as the author of the story might be important for the readers and the other way around. For the past chapters I just tried to fill in the gaps that might confuse readers unnecessarily. In the original draft of chapter 8 Taemin is doing the deeds with Minho far more spontaneously because he’s so frustrated with Jonghyun – it made sense like that as well – but I think his frustration got more depth through the added scenes. :)

(15) Ah!! By the way!! Please don't feel like you are forced to reply to all of my messages! Having you read them already makes me happy! I don't want to make it feel like an obligation to you because... well omg my comments like super loooooong hahaha ^^;; And yeah!! Take your time with the next chapter by the way!! I am rooting for the development of the story no matter how it will go :3 I will be waiting for the next update (though no pressure, just want to put it there haha)

Dear cricket nony, if you write me 50 message I will still try to answer all of them ㅎㅅㅎ I might just take a little longer. I hope you will like chapter 8 as well, despite the drought ^^

(16) Next time, this cricket anon will bring some more noise ~ I hope your real-life stuff works out well too :D Once again, thank you for answering all of my messages, and for writing this awesomely written fanfiction! While I wait for the next chapter, I think I'm going to re-read songs of siren hehehe :3 Please stay safe!

Please do! Song of Sirens is definitely a story I would have loved to treat like “Dorm Life” in a sense that it would have turned out better if I had worked on it longer, but I’m still a fan of the big brain energy I had running through my veins when I came up with the mythological aspect of the story…lmao So I hope you will enjoy re-reading it. ^^ Chapter 8 is longer than Song of Sirens (just as a side note haha)

(17) Ah!! I forgot to mention!! After I re-read it, my most favorite literary device that you used in this fanfiction (lol this commentary is beginning to sound like a Literature essay) is the Biblical Allusions? I am not sure if this was your intention, but the juxtapositions of Bible verses or reference to God, in Taemin’s thought reminds me heavily of Taemin’s songs, particularly Heaven? It be a sexy time song if you look at the lyrics, but the composition is that of a choir church song

(18) I find the contrast chilling, and maybe you were trying to invoke that feeling to the readers? Orrr maybe I am perhaps, indeed, reading too much into this hahaha ^^;; but really! I really enjoy reading your fanfictions and coming up with analyzations, it’s very fun, and the fact that I can discuss or ask you questions about it is just makes it even more fun – since in Literature classes we can’t actually ask the author of their true intentions right hahaha okay!! I am done :3 Thank you!! <3

It was my intention and still is, so I’m glad you picked up on that. ^^ I always wanted to write a fanfic in which Taemin’s religion plays a role – even if it’s just on the side – I always make some references to Dante’s circles of Hell (when Taemin is being dramatic again) or I also made a reference to Hieronymus Bosch’s painting The Seven Deadly Sins and the Four Last Things in chapter 8. (I’m a big fan of his work – that dude was wild – the way he painted blows my mind every time I look at one of his paintings). So yes, dramatic Taemin talking about religion and throwing around with biblical references is my brain being wild. ^^ 

I would say that ‘Dorm Life’ is not a really deep story, but I did put a lot of thought into it to not make it your regular smut/romance fanfic. I mean it took time, still does – but I’m glad when people, like you dear cricket nony, appreciate it. So thank you so much for your kind words and sending me all your thoughts and interpretations. <3 I hope you will have a lovely December – please stay healthy and please take good care of yourself. <3

[caprichans]

stray kids as your daycare teachers

note: was feeling absolutely soft last night just thinking about this so consider this done with justice 🥺🤙 

for the softs, listen to angel - chancellor, taeyeon! 

— 𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧

okay firstly, imagine the grins and the laughs he'd flash and sound to all the children once they come to school

 your first day of school teacher who would hug you the instant you were crying because you didn't want to be left by your parents, or greeting you with a bright smile whenever you'd enter the daycare with optimism

the type to sit cross-legged and sing the rubber ducky song to the children :--(( and have the children sing along with him :--(( hend selp thats the softest shit ever

i feel like he'd know how to handle the kids well, being patient with them and he'd be able to help the kids with learning shapes and making new friend

the storyteller 🥺 usually ends with morals so that the kids would learn

animated expressions and lots of shy grinning after storytelling bcs of the times where the kids giving him no reaction

overall a gentle father figure who'd make sure that the kids are taken care of and brought back home safely at the end of the day

BONUS: him actually being a father and bringing his own child home from daycare with the most pleasant of smiles over ice cream on the way home

the rest of the members under the cut!

— 𝐤𝐢𝐦 𝐰𝐨𝐨𝐣𝐢𝐧

pov: youre the single mother who brings their child to daycare and you see this man with a bunch of kids surrounding him, cheering his name, all the while he his eyes down with a grin and his hands wrapped around the children. you feeling in love yet? 

100% cuddle bot like all the kids would be telling him that he’s like a pillow and that he’s all warm and fluffy 

handles all the situations calmly, and makes sure that all the kids are well-behaved are not loitering around the place 

he would sing them to sleep with his god-like vocals within seconds. the kids are feeling fuzzy during nap time? woojin the superdad would come to the rescue and serenade the kids with a soft lullaby to put them to sleep. and probably even me, so does that make me a baby--

very good at animal impressions like omg imagine him chasing the kids around while pretending to be a bear or a tiger and all the kids are jus squealing and laughing at him good bye i love kim woojin everyone

— 𝐥𝐞𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐡𝐨

alright fellas minho may be a sarcastic diva but have u seen the way he takes care of his 3 precious cats??? pure devastation 

im talking about his gentle, soothing voice wrapping all the kids in blankies and caressing their hair to help them sleep when they’re feeling sleepy 

he’s not much of a storyteller, and neither is he an actor, but for the kids, he’ll make exceptions 

ok but hello imagine a cute lil girl waddling up to him and giving him a flower she picked up from the ground. “i picked this flower up from the ground and i wanted to give it to teacher lee because he wooks pweety!” and minho just bursting the softest smiles while telling her thank you 

does he wear it for the rest of the day? yes. does his friends comment about it when he hangs out with them after work? yes. does he take it off? no. 

oh my god guys i cried while doing minhos shit maybe im falling in love idk i should just go ot9. minho as a daycare teacher. period. PERIOD. 

— 𝐬𝐞𝐨 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐛𝐢𝐧

def one of the most hyper and giddy daycare teachers anyone has ever seen

we been knew changbins a literal babie by heart and soul, so while the kids would be afraid of him at first look bc of his resting bitch face, the moment he introduces himself to the kids his expression totally changes 

“HELLO KIDS I’M TEACHER BINNIE!” 

TEACHER BINNIE CAN YOU HEAR MY HEART BREAKING IN HALF 

would be an exceptionally whiny teacher too, probs would use whining as a discipline method so that the kid would be more aware of how they sound like when theyre whining

a weird method, i know, but if that goes too far, he wouldn’t hesitate to comfort the kid if he starts crying in guilt, and would tell them not to throw such tantrums like that next time 

wait shut up him doing his cringey aegyo to the kids to make them feel happy after they scrape their knee on the ground or when he himself scolds them for doing something wrong damn i love u binnie :--((

— 𝐡𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐧

i cant even begin to express how this man absolutely adores kids?? like he even said that he would give the kids a piggyback ride after church and that it was one of his fondest memories??? 

hold my beer and let me just cry at how much of a good daycare teacher and a father hwang fonking hyunjin would be hhHhH okok 

would even lift the children up and twirl them around like those movie scenes just so that they can make them laugh 

well he’d be the type to see the children absolutely filled with happiness and laughter so he’d do anything in his willpower to make sure that happens!!!!!

would bring some trinkets and candies to give to them for behaving well today and would say things like “what’s the magic word?” and the kids would chorus with “pwease!” and hyun would just do that lil eye smile of his while saying “very gooood!” while giving them their reward omg hyunjin can u be my daycare teacher 

let me end on a very hyunjin note: him clapping with his hands spread while he sings to them some cute nursery songs that would make the kdis sing along bye im still in love w hwang hyunjin guys its been four days

— 𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐣𝐢𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠

another charming daycare teacher with amazing vocals that can woo the kids into stopping what theyre doing or lulling them to sleep stan han jisung

That Daycare Teacher with the sunshine smiles and the honey-like voice that you’d see watching them from the playground i assure you ma’am you’re in good hands here 

maybe you’d even ask him for his number i dont know-- 

would be playing the guitar for the kids and telling them all about his bizarre and adventrous day!

all the kids would point at him and tell him that he looks like a squirrel, and when he tells them that “nooo i’m a quokka!” they’d go “wooka!!” and oof watch jisung burst into uwus i swear he’s very giddy around kids sigh im devastated yet again

— 𝐥𝐞𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐱

the kids would fall for felix at first glance excuse you they’d be all over him and screaming his name “its teacher bokkie yay!” and he’d laugh and greet the kids with that smile up there 

they’d play with his adorable frekkies (freckles)! theyd ask him why he’d cover his freckles and when he’d say that he’s “shy to show it to the people”, the kids would deny it and say that its a beautiful natural feature on him 

and wow imagine felix gaining more confidence from what they said and on some occasions he’d keep his face bare so that his freckles would be shown huhu lee felix u cutie 

is a clumsy and stuttery mess as a daycare teacher, fussing about the rowdy kids and carrying their toys while telling them to settle down 

overall felix would jus be so frantic and messy as a daycare teacher and man the way he’d exhale tiredly during lunch and all the other teachers would note how tired he is. still a cutie. 

— 𝐤𝐢𝐦 𝐬𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐦𝐢𝐧

just saying this myday fanatic would probably have day6 songs piano vers. on full play for the kids to sleep to

but otherwise i dont really see seungmin as a type to be a daycare teacher, bc i can only imagine him as that big brother you’d see waiting by the shed when he’s ready to pick his little sib up 

but if he were to be a daycare teacher, damn he’d be the most gentle one ever, low, comforting voices and little teasing remarks whenever the kid’s in a mischievous mood

tbh the type to just fondly watch over the kids during naptime. like he’s on his desk, scrolling through his phone, and he’d just glance up and smile at all the sleeping children. 

would probably take a few pics and post it on his insta or his story to rant about how his kids are just so adorable when he sleeps 

probs texts his wife “hey when are we having a child” but thats for another time 

— 𝐲𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐣𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧

the happiest babie daycare teacher to ever step foot within the daycare center

imagine the kids being used to teacher innie’s braces, so when jeongin enters one day telling the kids that he doesnt have braces, he’s all grinning and happier and all the kids are either at awe or whining at how cute he looked without braces on

would def be the type to act as a superhero and “save the kids from the perils of the villain” aka teacher binnie!!!

“oh no! binnie the t-rex is coming after us! let’s run!” and he and the kids are running and squealing while changbin rawrs and chases after them o dang i felt soft just doing this 

the kids would ask him to do aegyo and he’d deny it at first, but since it’s due to the kid’s popular demand, he does it and all the kids clap in joy for his cute charms uwu 

request some imagines! i hope you enjoyed 💖💖

[deadmomjokes]

I need "Mom" advice...I get married in a couple months and honestly I'm nervous about sex. My actual mom never talked to me about it...was taboo. I barely learned about my period, except some friends explained and helped me through it. I'm afraid I won't make my husband happy or it will hurt. I've heard varying stories of friends' first times, and I don't want things to be awkward. I don't even know how to bring it up with my fiancé.

Thank you SO much forfeeling comfortable coming to me! I’ll try to give a basic “sex ed” lessonhere, and if you’re worried about specific things, please feel free to comeback and ask more, or PM me, or send me an ask off anon to ask about email if you’drather do it that way. Whatever’s going to be most helpful for you. I hope Ican address the concerns you listed, and possibly some that might be underlyingin general (most people have a lot of nebulous nervous feelings surroundingphysical intimacy that can be hard to put to words).

(For those uninterested or uncomfortable, a verybig TW for talking about sexual activity in a scientific sort of way, buttechnical terms and (respectful) descriptions may abound.) LOOOOOOOOONG post ahead, but hopefully comprehensive, respectful, and useful.

First Things First I Guess

Firstly, please know it’s super normal to benervous about sex. Almost everyone is, especially in family or social culturesthat don’t normalize talking about sex. We also do a crappy job in general offormal education about sex and sexuality, so too many people (especially women)aren’t given any background. If both of you are virgins, or new to sexualactivity in general, I bet he’s actually nervous too.

Second, bringing it up is going to be hard, butSO important. It might be worth sitting down and simply saying “I haveno idea how to bring this up, but here it is: I’m worried about sex.” The basis for any good sex life is communication and respect. Ifhe’s not nervous but you are, he has to respect that and be understanding ofthe time you may need to adjust. My guess is he has concerns as well, and beingable to talk about it together will bring a huge measure of relief to both ofyou. Another idea to bring it up would be to write an email or text saying thatyou’re not sure how to bring it up, but want to make sure both of you arecomfortable talking about it, so is there a time y’all could talk about it.Idk, that might be a bit formal for how you guys usually do things, but I knowsome people think better in written form. But being able to talk about your concerns, and having a shared general expectation of how things will go the first time is going to be helpful in making sure you’re not terrified of your honeymoon.

Third, and this is the big one: Almost no one’sfirst sexual encounter goes how they think it will, and that’s almost all because of unrealistic expectations. Sex is a weird concept, bodies areweird, and our cultural and social idea of sex is HIGHLY romanticizedand “sterilized” as it were. We have this Hollywood idea of what sex lookslike and is, and real sex has never been that way. It may end up being awkward physically (more later on that), but that’s okay, because that’s often just how things are, and sexual experiences tend to get better with time. Our culture has normalized the idea of “perfect sex” and promotes this big romantic “first time” narrative, but it almost never works out that way. Not to say it won’t or can’t be fun for you, just know it won’t be all fireworks and amazement right off the bat, because there’s a lot to coordinate between two people and four limbs and blankets and stuff.

Sex might be physically strange or a bit uncomfortable especially the firsttime, but if done properly it doesn’t have to hurt. By done properly, I meangiving both parties enough time to adjust, warm up, and become comfortablewith the situation. First intercourse with any partner, but especially yourfirst EVER partner should be about exploring and admiring each others’ bodies,without pressure to actually engage in classical intercourse (meaningpenetrative intercourse) if you don’t feel up to it. Being very nervous can prevent your body fromadapting in the way it needs to in order to be comfortable and pain-free duringintercourse.

The body has a complex system of reactions thatgear it up for intercourse, but here’s the basics.

How Sex Works Physically

What most people refer to as “foreplay” isgenerally not an optional thing for comfortable sex; smooching, cuddling, and a feeling of closeness are basically necessary to trigger thechemical reactions that start the physical adaptations for sex. Going from 0 (hey how’s it going) to60 (penetrative sex) instantly is going to be uncomfortable at best, but will likely hurtespecially in the beginning. Plus you won’t get anything out of it, and committed-partner sexshould be about emotional closeness as much as it is about physical sensationfor BOTH partners. So spending time cuddling and kissing is an important partof “actual sex.” The chemicals that are released during this time trigger yourbody to send increased bloodflow to the sexual organs, starting the sexual response cycle. (NOTE: Some people can begin the sexual response cycle by thinking about sex, reading or viewing erotic material, or “talking dirty,” so if y’all are really worked up and into it, much “traditional” foreplay like making out may not be necessary. This is usually what’s going on with what people refer to as a “quickie,” both parties are already physically prepared for sex because they’ve been thinking about it and that triggered the sexual response to begin.)

In female/afab bodies, the increased bloodflowresults in swelling of the labia (external parts) and a feeling of fullness,which increases physical sensation (perception of touch), which in turn triggersthe production of lubrication (some people refer to this as getting orbeing “wet” if you’ve heard that term thrown around. And don’t worry, it’s not like a ton of liquid, it won’t be like peeing everywhere or anything, it just makes sure things can move around easily, like an oil coating in a pan.) It also triggers thevagina (the internal parts) to expand, and the vaginal opening to relax and expand. Thesethree processes (lubrication, internal expansion, and external relaxation) are important in making sure sex doesn’t hurt. Like I said,with first intercourse, it may still be a bit uncomfortable because it’s a new sensation and your brain may still be on “no sex, sex is off-limits” mode, evensubconsciously. But if you experience pain–sharp or burning or stinging or stabbing pain, not just pressure (which is normal)– that’s not good, and you should back off and try again later after moresmoochy times or even a good night’s sleep.

Male/amab bodies are somewhat easier to understandbecause much of their adaptation happens externally, and also it’s much moresocially discussed. The penis has a complicated system of tissues that trapthe increased bloodflow coming in, resulting in the enlargement and hardeningof the penis (this is called “erection,” or sometimes informally “getting hard”). It also triggers a production of lubrication, but this is muchless than is produced by the vagina. The male lubrication comes from theopening in the penis, which is called the urethra. (Yes, it is technically thesame tube and opening where urine comes from, but the body totally shuts offthe valve at the bladder for intercourse, so there is no risk of cross-contamination.)During this time, the testicles (most often called the balls, of course) arepreparing semen, which contains sperm and is a thick, viscous liquid. (Theprostate also helps in producing this liquid.) During male orgasm, the semen isexpelled from the same urethral opening mentioned above.

To define, orgasm is the point at which the bodypeaks in pleasure, and is generally the result of repeated physical stimulationto erogenous zones. Erogenous zones are the parts of the body that producesexual pleasure when stimulated. (For many people, this includes not only thegenitals, but the nipples as well.) Male orgasm is easy to identify because itis almost always accompanied by ejaculation (expulsion of the semen), butfemales also orgasm. During female orgasm, the muscles of the vagina anduterus repeatedly contract, which can’t be seen of course(leading folks in the past to believe women couldn’t orgasm).

So, a quick recap: you get all smoochy, then you get all handsy, then clothes come off somewhere in the smoochy and touchy phases, and then if youwant comes penetrative sex. This is the part most people are scared of, and hasthe potential to cause pain if you’re not ready mentally or physically (as inyour sexual response hasn’t yet kicked in all over your body).

I know this is kind of squirmy to say, but itmay actually take several tries (sometimes over several days) toactually “succeed” at penetrative sex, meaning that the penis can enterthe vagina without pain to the vagina-owner. It could also be difficult to findexactly where to put the penis, because generally penis-owners don’t know muchabout what they’re looking for (especially if you’re both virgins), andvagina-owners can’t see what’s going on. So keeping a sense of humor and a lineof communication is super important. Sex is WEIRD. It’s just weird and bizarrewhen you start thinking about it (at least to me, on the asexual spectrum), andacknowledging that and realizing that it won’t be some glamorous tangle oflimbs set to romantic music like on the TV is going to go a long way toward making your experience somuch more positive, and much less awkward.

Mentioned Worries

Re:not wanting it to be awkward. Luckily, it won’t have to be emotionally awkward or embarrassing if y’all go into it with the same expectations, and those expectations are realistic. There’s physical awkwardness, like how a box that’s not heavy but is weirdly shaped is “awkward,” and that’s going to happen no matter what because you’ve never had experience with how to do this sex thing, and you’re not sure where to put your limbs or how to move around another person. But what can be avoided is FEELING awkward, emotional awkwardness, and that’s done through having realistic expectations of what sex is and how it works, and of knowing that both of you are on the same page with this, and are interested in making it work for both of you.

You also mentioned being worried you won’t make your husband happy–I want you to knowboth that this is fine and a good desire (to make him happy), but that it’s not your responsibility to sexually please your husband, and sex is something for BOTH of you. It’s not all on you, it literally takes two to make itwork. Sex isn’t all about him; if it’s something you want to share in yourrelationship, it should be something you want to make work for you, as well as for him. So he has as much responsibility to you as you do to him, to be respectful of your boundaries especially as youfirst get introduced to sex, and to “take care of you” as much as you dofor him. Sex with a new partner is going to take trial and error indiscovering what you both like and dislike, and it’s okay and necessary to be vocal andsay “Please don’t do that” if you need to. I know that you WANT to make him happy, and that’s excellent, because hopefully he wants to do that for you, too! Just know that if sex is kind of weird at first, or y’all can’t quite figure out what’s up on night one, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a partner, that you let him down, or that you won’t be able to satisfy each other in the future (even the near future). Adjust expectations so that your first experience isn’t about having the most amazing sex you’ll ever have (more on that in a bit), but about discovering this new facet of your relationship together.

You also mentioned you were afraid of ithurting, and this is the most common fear about sex. You probably heard or readstuff about “breaking the hymen” or “tearing” or something like that.While some girls will have small tears in the hymen (the flap of skin thatsometimes partially covers the vaginal opening), a lot of girls won’t, and thisskin stretches as the physical sexual response (sometimes calledsimply “arousal”) progresses. It’s also less likely to tearor “break” during sex if you’ve used tampons before, because tampons sometimesactually rupture the hymen just by their nature. (This isn’t to say you shouldstart using tampons if you’re not comfortable, of course.) If the hymen doesrupture, you might experience a bit of bleeding, but it’s nothing a pad can’thandle (much MUCH less than a period, more like getting a small cut on yourarm). Sometimes you won’t notice a rupture til after sex if you’re really intoit, but you might also feel it or feel it about to start. If that happens and it hurts, bevocal and tell your partner to stop. You don’t have to hurt during sex, youdon’t owe that to anyone. In fact, you owe it to yourself to NOT endure painjust for someone else’s pleasure. So it might be worth talking to your fiancebeforehand and having a stop-word, which can literally just be “Stop.” Butboth of you should understand going into this that either one of you has the right tosay “no more” at any point.

It may also be worth considering getting somelubricant (”lube”) if you’re really worried about pain, because most pain comesfrom insufficient biological lubrication or insufficient stretching of thevaginal opening, and lube can help with both. Many people find it super fun toapply to each other, apparently, and it can certainly be useful when you’rejust starting out and both new to this idea. (also, if using a condom, lube is important because sometimes the material can irritate the sensitive skin of the vagina and labia) But the most important things youtwo can do for each other as you embark on this adventure together are to bewilling to voice your opinions and feelings, and also to take time to get toknow each others’ bodies and preferences. That’s more or less part of what the honeymoon is for.

Also, make sure you go to the gynecologistbefore you get married. It’s might be awkward or feel a bit embarrassing, but super important in making sureyou’re healthy for sex (just know that gyns do this for a living and have literally seen it all, so your body won’t be a big deal, and they aren’t judging you). And if you happen to have a problem like vaginismus(painful spasms or contractions of the vaginal opening that prevent anythingfrom entering, including tampons or medical equipment) or an obstructive hymen,the Gyn can tell you and help you with that. You can also ask them questions you have about sex, and some Gyns have tools you can use at home to “stretch” the vaginal opening (it’s not generally necessary and is more for psychological assistance than huge physical benefit, but some people who are truly small might actually need a bit of help there, so it’s up to you). You will also probably want birthcontrol, or to discuss options about birth control unless y’all are planning ona baby right away. (Also he should go to the doc and get a checkup, too, justto be safe, and if he’s ever had other sexual partners at any time in the past, he should get checkedfor STDs.)

The Big Important Thing to Remember

Please know:Wedding night sex isn’t going to be the best sex you’ll ever have ever. Cultures inwhich waiting is the expectation or norm (Christianity is the big one for this)tend to promote this idea that your wedding night will be a big amazing reward for waiting, and isgoing to be the most important and pleasurable sex you’ll ever have in your whole entire life and if it isn’t, you’ve done something wrong. It creates a huge amount of pressure surrounding what can already be an emotionally laden experience. But studies on sexual satisfactionshow that couples who have been together for years have the greatest levels ofsatisfaction. So please don’t go into it expecting that your first intercourseis going to make it or break it. It’s more than likely going to be a bit weird even though it will hopefully also be fun and pleasurable, but you’ll have better sex as time goes on and you get to know eachother and figure out what the heck you’re doing. 

Think of it this way: say you LOVE music, and have always wanted to play a piano. You’ve never gotten to be around a real piano before, but playing the piano is a lifelong dream. Are you going to expect yourself to be able to play Mozart the first time you walk into a room with a piano? No! That doesn’t mean that the experience of sitting down at a piano for the first time won’t be euphoric and a fulfillment of a dream, but you can’t go into it thinking or expecting that you’ll be a master the first time you touch the keys. Look at little kids meeting a piano– they just smash around on the keys and it sounds awful to US as adults who know what it “should sound like” and who might even know how to read music and play a bit, but that kid is having the time of their life experiencing the magic of music and of playing the piano. First having sex is like that. It probably won’t be perfect, and you may look back on it years down the road and kind of go “wow we were goofy and weird,” but it can still be fun as long as you aren’t expecting perfection going in. So no, your wedding night isn’t going to be The Objectively Best Sex Ever, and you probably won’t be quite sure what you’re doing and might even be kind of bad at it, but that doesn’t mean it won’t also be nice and wonderful. You’re not doing something wrong if you aren’t over the moon with your first experience; it just means you have something even better to look forward to figuring out and experiencing together! Especially if both of you are virgins, you may have a bit of a time figuring out how things work, but that’s not a sign of failure. 

Plus, when you’ve been culturally surrounded by a narrative of taboo, it can feel mentally scary to suddenly engage in something that used to be off-limits in the biggest of ways. That’s why talking about it frankly is important (and why I have no problem with discussing sex in educational terms!), and why it’s important to discuss with your partner throughout y’all’s sexual life together.

Sex is messy, there’s fluids everywhere, people get sweaty, bodies are weird, and our brains are weird. But I hope knowing all this can help you feel a bit more prepared, and a bit more comfortable. I know this was long and a ton of info, but I’m super passionate about making sure people are educated thoroughly about this stuff, because I never knew any of it growing up. Our school lied to the state about sex-ed; we were supposed to have it, and they didn’t, but said they did. I never got the sex talk because I wasn’t interested in guys OR girls (I was ace and had no clue, another place education failed all of us), so my mom never told me anything about it. I learned a lot in college through classes and through academic research, and then more when I switched to health as a major (and became enraged that we don’t talk about this stuff!!). 

So I hope that despite being long-winded, it can be a useful reference, and hopefully put some worries to rest or at least take it down a notch. And do let me know if you have further questions, or if this was totally off the mark for what you were looking for!

[misscrawfords]

I can’t stop thinking about that terrible movie, The Christmas Wedding Planner. It doesn’t deserve 1/10th of the mental energy I’m giving it and yet here we are.

The main problem is that just a few tweaks could have made it a decent film and that the things that were wrong with it were just so wrong. So I’m making two lists. The first is its greatest atrocities. The second is what I’d tweak to turn it into something watchable, even good.

The premise: Kelsey is a rookie wedding planner, about to get her big break with her rich cousin Emily’s wedding to the oh so charming, Todd. Then she bumps into Connor, Emily’s ex, a private investigator mysteriously charged with investigating Todd. He wants to recruit Kelsey to help him with his investigation. She wants him to piss off. Sparks fly while my suspension of disbelief remains firmly rooted to the ground.

This post will contain spoilers. I really wouldn’t bother caring. Buckle yourself in - we’re going for a very inane ride!

Problems

The leads have no chemistry at all. This is obviously a problem. Buying a romance and attraction between them was just impossible. Their first kiss was meant to be awkward but, my god, surely not THAT awkward! 

This lack of chemistry was added to a flat script that clearly was trying to present Kelsey and Connor as a sparring love-hate dynamic who grow to appreciate each other and eventually come to realise that their connection is really deep as they share the same values. But, uh, that may have been the intention but not the story that came across on the screen. Which was just two people who irritated each other suddenly and for no reason getting upset about how the other was behaving after knowing each other for about three days and then...

THEY GOT FLIPPING MARRIED. I mean. WHAT. They’ve kissed twice. They know basically nothing about each other. Half an hour previously she thought he was a villain. This isn’t romantic, this is INSANE. I give them till the end of the honeymoon.

She’s called Kelsey. Like, that’s not a name. It’s just a random word. (This is petty as hell, but still.)

Kelsey has a “tragic backstory” where her mum died and she’s narrating her life in text messages to her mum which are text message overlays of exposition in case the viewer is finding the plot too complex to follow. I have no idea why this exists. It goes nowhere.

A romantic comedy ends with Emily, described as the most perfectly lovely and sweet person, discovering at the altar that her almost-husband was cheating on her and got a maid pregnant and then dumping him. And then she watches her wedding planner get married to her ex-boyfriend who she barely knows. I don’t particularly care about Kelsey and Connor but I’m very, very concerned about Emily! Make your beta couple happy, you cowards!

Todd was cheating with the maid. Wow, what a radical secret. And then Emily just doesn’t even talk about it. She just accepts the wedding is off and wants to plan a girls trip away instead. She was going to MARRY this guy. Doesn’t she want to IDK hear his side of the story? Why so quick to believe the worst? I mean, wow, clearly she shouldn’t be marrying this guy if she doesn’t care, but she’s meant to be intelligent as well as beautiful!

So basically none of the characterisation makes sense. In that there basically isn’t any. Just plot points that apparently have to be hit. Like, Aunt Olivia is a bitchy Rich White Woman (tm) half the time and a caring, mother-figure the other half. I was getting whiplash keeping up with her 180 degree character changes.

Connor isn’t even vaguely attractive. Physically or emotionally. That’s kind of a problem in a romance film. (I mean, YMMV with the physical aspect but, eurgh really.) He’s as charismatic as a block of wood. She’s... eh. She’s a generic Hallmark movie protagonist.

The way these characters dress and look. It’s so... 90s? I don’t mean that exactly. I mean, everyone looks the same and it’s a kind of glossy Clueless vibe. The women are all in tailored mini dresses and with long waves of hair. The men wear slacks and a shirt and have a bit of stubble. They all live in massive mansions or cute apartments that are all spotlessly clean and neat. They literally look like Barbie dolls except even my dollhouse was more realistically lived in than any of these sets. It’s such a weird aesthetic. And it makes no sense for the demographic these people supposedly belong to.

Perfect, sweet Jane Bennet Emily has three caricatured bridesmaids who are horrible. Why? Why are bridesmaids always jealous, miserable bitches? WHERE ARE HER ACTUAL FRIENDS? Speaking of, who even has weddings like this? What is the deal? Who WANTS this kind of wedding? Who behaves like this about their wedding or their child’s wedding? I’m so confused. If this is some kind of fantasy, I wonder whose it is, because everything about it is horrible. Which brings me back to this all feeling very dated in its aesthetic and early 2000s obsession with skinny women getting carried away with designer weddings in romcoms written by men. IDEK. This is 2018 and we have Set It Up and To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. This kind of film just doesn’t belong any more.

So that’s quite enough issues. Let’s try to solve a few and make this a better film.

Most of the problems could be solved by making the lead couple appealing. Cast different actors and write the script that they think they already have. If you can actually buy the narrative of two people who have more in common than they think growing closer from antagonists to partners, then the ridiculous ending where they decide to just get married could potentially work. POTENTIALLY. If they had more lingering looks that were genuinely hot, their awkward kiss melted into something real, their interactions sizzled with wit and suppressed passion then... yeah. Maybe then the spontaneous decision at the end would make you think, “Actually, yes, it’s mad but LOOK AT THOSE TWO CRAZY KIDS!”

Work on characterisation. So Kelsey’s deal is she’s concentrating on managing other people’s happiness instead of concentrating on her own because she can’t let go after her mother’s death. This is kind of heavy for a romcom. Let’s scrap the dead mother altogether. Make Emily her actual sister instead of the cousin who is like a sister and make Aunt Olivia her mum. Streamlines everything. This is better. So Emily is the perfect daughter who is beautiful and sweet and having the perfect wedding and Kelsey is the younger daughter who is determined to make her way in the world without the family money. This causes friction because she thinks her mum favours Emily and her determination leads her to believe that if she gets involved in a serious relationship which would please her mother then she is compromising her desire to be independent. Cue touching moment near the end when her mother admits she’s got it all wrong and she admires Kelsey’s entrepreneurial spirit and reveals that it’s possible to have a career AND a relationship. None of this is rocket science or even that interesting but I’m trying to make this a better Hallmark movie, not Citizen Kane.

Connor’s turn. Good grief, get a better actor for a start. And the entire plot here needs to change now. Because the PI bit is good but being hired by Aunt Olivia because Todd is cheating is just... so BORING. So before we can improve Connor we need to work on what he’s there to do.

Time to look at the actual plot. Wedding planner forced to work against her will with PI to investigate the wedding she’s planning is a genuinely cool concept. We have a bunch of tropes here: spies! we had to kiss for cover! love to hate! fake dating! All of these need to be fully exploited and above all the spying has to be funny. This needs to be the centre of the film. Not a single montage. It needs to circle through every conceivable trope to romantic and comic effect. We need to see these two bickering and flirting and denying their attraction in ridiculous undercover situations. This should be basically 90% of the film. Because that I would watch. But “Todd is cheating” is beyond boring. So what will the scenario be?

A couple of options and I’m not sure what I’d go with at present. Firstly would be sticking with the “Todd is cheating” plotline but... he isn’t. He’s a great guy! The spying is all pointless and both Kelsey and Connor realise that but... just... can’t quite bring themselves... to stop... because that’s their excuse to see each other. Todd and Emily find out in the most embarrassing way possible, and find it hilarious. Because they’re a well-adjusted couple ready to take the next step into married life. Either Aunt-now-Mum Olivia did start it and then has to eat humble pie and realise she was wrong about everything or someone else instigated it. Maybe a jealous ex? IDK. It doesn’t really matter. They’re proved totally wrong and true love triumphs!

The alternative is that Todd is really a bad egg but in that case we need to play his relationship with Emily differently so she doesn’t come out looking like a robot or an idiot. We can do a Much Ado situation where their superficial relationship - Emily desperately trying to please her mother as much as Kelsey is trying to distance herself (two sides of the same coin) - is contrasted with the real and flawed relationship that develops between Kelsey and Connor. Meanwhile, because this is a romcom, while Todd and Emily’s relationship is obviously wrong from the start, Emily builds up a cute friendship with the adorable baker making her wedding cake - who is the only appealing character in the film as it stands. Once Emily’s relationship with Todd is exploded, then give her a shoulder to cry on and the hope of something real with the lovely baker in the future.

But even if Todd is a genuinely rotter, the spying needs to be a smokescreen. If Kelsey and Connor do discover whatever is dodgy about Todd, it needs to happen accidentally and so all their spy antics need to be a complete waste of time except to lead to them falling in love. Because actually spying on people and so on is... not very nice and turns this into a spy film rather than a romcom. Even better, let Emily come to the realisation herself. When Kelsey breaks the news to her (she has to do it, not Connor for maximum emotion, and not ridiculously while she’s at the altar) then Emily has to admit she already worked it out so she can make a really informed decision.

If you’re going to have Connor propose at the end (which is stupid) then the correct response is for Kelsey to laugh hysterically and say something like, “Are you crazy? But you can take me out for a real date!” Cue kiss, applause and credits.

So Connor. Firstly, his background needs to be simplified. He shouldn’t be Emily’s ex. That’s just weird. And the whole money business is dubious and overly-complicated and doesn’t make him look great and is just shoe-horned in for ~drama. He’s just a stranger who is a PI. The end. This ought to be an easy job for him, a boring one. He didn’t count on the genuinely smart, witty wedding planner he got entangled with. Bless his snarky, so over-it cotton socks.

So, I can see you wondering, haven’t I removed all sources of tension? No issue with the ex, no money problems, Kelsey and Connor don’t even affect Emily’s relationship. What is the massive problem that will occur 4/5ths the way through and make our hero and heroine desperately miserable for five minutes before the final denouement? But, my friend, if you think this is a problem, then you’ve completely missed the central premise of this story. They think they’re just forced to work together! As spies! Undercover! But actually! They have real feelings! For each other! Isn’t that enough of a plot? When Emily and Todd’s wedding either goes ahead without problem or is broken up no thanks to the inept spy duo, they have no longer any reason to see each other! And thinking that the other one doesn’t care, they just sadly say goodbye and prepare to part for ever... BUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WILL SHOCK YOU. Look, this is all the level of conflict this film needs. Nobody is watching this because they want this part of the film to last more than a couple of minutes maximum. Just let them roll their eyes at each other like the Beatrice and Benedick dynamic they so desperately wish they had and kiss!

THE END.

[savedbyharrington]

The best photographer / Dacre Montgomery imagine

Dacre Montgomery x Reader

Summary: Your friend gets you a job where you have to photograph the one and only Dacre and it’s hard to concentrate on your job because, well...

Warnings: None, it’s pure fluff

A/N: I’d like to dedicate this to my dearest @pummelpony <3 Aaand because she asked to, there may be a smut continuation for this. I think this is a bit long for a imagine but also too short for a one shot so idk? Hahahaha sorry

Monday, 8 am. The sun invaded your room and that disturbed you a little but you could keep on sleeping with that. It was nice to work as a freelancer photographer because you don’t really have a schedule to follow, not always I mean. So this sometimes meant extra sleeping. But something else had to interrupt your dreams. It was your phone vibrating.

You grunt and without changing your position, you reach for it on your bedside table. It was your best friend Annie calling you. She was a model and you met during work, and since then you’ve been really close friends, you couldn’t just hang up on her.

“Hello?”- you could only mumble those words

“GUESS WHO GOT YOU A NEW JOB?”- a super excited Annie said on the other side of the line.

“What’s so important about a job that you have to wake me up so early on a Monday? Seriously, what’s wrong with you?”

“I’m sooo sorry, I closed the deal last night and I couldn’t wait to tell you this hahahahaha But, guess who’s in the job? Me and...”

“Please say something like Obama or else I’m hanging up right now...”

“DACRE MONTGOMERYYYY”-she was so excited you could listen to Annie just randomly jump across the line.

You were getting used to photographing famous people. Of course it was always exciting to work for celebrities, but you always acted as a good professional and kept your excitement to yourself. However, working with your celebrity crush would be something completely different. The idea of being in the same room with him... Oh gosh, your heart actually started to beat faster just at the thought of this.

Annie explained you better about the job. It was for a new jeans brand and she and Dacre would pose as a couple. You actually felt yourself getting a bit jealous at this information. Your friend, who was a model, working with him... What if he falls in love with her? No, it can’t be, you thought to yourself. She knows about the major crush you have on him, she would never betray you like this.

“Okay, so this is it! See you on Wednesday!!”-said Annie, finally hanging up so you could be with your thoughts and imagine how this work would go.

**************************************************************************

You were so filled with excitement and anxiety that you couldn’t sleep properly the night before. Your mind was full of questions about him. “Is he a nice person?” “Is he as handsome as in the pictures and movies he makes?” “What if he’s cocky and rude?”

Time to wake up. You stood up, and did your morning routine. It was nothing much, except that today you were doing it with more excitement than never. Your toast even tasted better strangely that day, it may be because of the happiness that was bursting in your chest. The day you’d meet Dacre Montgomery himself.

You arrived at the studio where the pictures would be taken. You firstly talked to the director of the project, the marketing chief of the company. He was a nice guy, but seemed a bit nervous since it was the brand’s first big project. You understood exactly what he wanted. It would be pictures of Annie and Dacre separately and then of them together.

Suddenly you feel two hot hands on your eyes, covering them and not allowing you to see what’s in front of you.

“Guess whoooo?”-a familiar voice said to you.

“A very goofy Annie, of course!”-You said, taking her hands off your face and turning around to her.

“Aw, that was too easy! Hahaha How are you?”-she said, hugging you and accompanied by a hot Dacre Montgomery- “So, this is Dacre! Dacre, (Y/N). (Y/N), Dacre!”

You opened your eyes wide because you were astonished by such beauty. Lord, he was indeed very handsome. You offered your hands to shake with his, but instead, he just got it and kissed it in a very polite and gentleman-ish act. You could feel your heart melting inside of you and your panties getting slightly wet.

“Pleasure to meet you!”-he said, winking at you- “Annie here told me you are an excellent photographer!”

“Yes...”-you coughed because your voice failed a bit-”Well, personally I think I do a good job.”

“I bet you do, yes.”

Strangely, he couldn’t take his eyes off of yours. You thought it was out of politeness, since you two were talking. It felt a bit weird, even though you loved it.

The photo shooting went amazing, especially when Dacre had to take his white T-shirt off. You still don’t know how you managed to focus on your work when you had that wonderful Australian man in front you. You were very proud of yourself for that, actually.

During a small break, while setting up your camera, you notice Dacre talking to Annie. He eventually would stare at you, and she had a huge smile on her face. What were they talking about? You for a second thought they were gossiping about you. In a fraction of second bad things crossed your mind.

Then Annie walked joyfully towards you. You noticed the enthusiasm in her looks, she used to be pretty up-mooded and stuff, but you never saw her like that.

“Soooo, what are your plans for tonight?”-she asked in a funny way

“Erm, not much. I actually thought about buying myself a bottle of wine and just watch something on netflix, why?”

“Because I just set a double-date for us. Dacre came to me and he said he was so interested on you.”-she said, winking.

“You did WHAT?”- you couldn’t help yourself and let that loud “what” out. Annie promptly covered your mouth, giggling.

“Yes, I did it. Don’t worry. It’ll be great!”

“I can’t believe you did this!”- you were still shocked about that. You dreamed a lot about dating Dacre but doing it was something completely different. What if it goes wrong and he ends up not liking you?-”By the way, if I’m dating Dacre, then who are you dating?”

“Joe Keery. He said I could pick any of his friends, so I made my choice and I know he has accepted because Dacre already texted him, so it’s all good! We’ll pick you up at 9!”

********************************************************************

“Okay, I guess I’m ready”- you said while staring at yourself on the mirror in your bedroom.

You had a nice black dress, black pumps and a red lipstick on. It was a really nice combination, despite of your low self-esteem controlling you. It’s going to be fun, you kept repeating to yourself. That’s when your phone beeped. It was a message from Annie saying you should be on the front door.

When you closed the door, a nice black Mercedes Gle Coupe showed up, parking in your driveway and a half-buttoned shirt Dacre opened the door for you, signing you to sit next to him, while a loud Annie and Joe were being total goofballs in the back seat.

“They got along really fast”-said Dacre giggling.

“Heey, babe! I was thinking about what we talked earlier today and I decided to buy some wine for us. Want some?”-Annie said slightly tipsy.

“Of course I’m not having any, since I’m driving.”-Dacre said, smirking

“No, thanks, Annie. Girl pull yourself together!”- you said, making all in the car laugh.

He had taken you to a nice fancy bar, by the beautiful beach of LA. Annie and Joe had some more drinks while you and Dacre decided not to. He, because he was a safe driver and you decided to join him in this alcohol-less night.

You talked about the photoshoot today, Stranger Things and other personal stuff. About him moving from Australia to the US to make movies and how he was dealing with all of that. He was indeed a very interesting person and you two were getting to know each other very well. He later asked about you. Your job and personal life, and he listened to it very carefully and full of attention, he was seriously interested in you.

After the nice dinner, Annie and Joe decide to get a cab and go back to his place, but Dacre had other plans for you.

“How about a walk on the beach?”-that sexy voice of his asked you while he started deep in your eyes.

You couldn’t deny it.

You kept on talking, while walking on the beach. You were holding your pumps and the cold breeze was touching your faces. Suddenly, Dacre stopped walking, turned around and pulled you close to him.

“Hey, (Y/N). I must say I’m really thankful for Annie to get you that job today. It was really nice meeting you.”

“Well, thank you.-you said, blushing, of course.

“You are so beautiful and smart and, well... There is no way to not like you. May I... Kiss you?”-the boy was so polite, there is no way to say no to him.

But instead of answering with words, you just brought your face closer to his, making you lips meet. Dacre instantaneously kissed you back. 

Your hands found a place on his neck, while his wandered around your body... Your back, then your neck and finally  to your ass, slightly grabbing it, driving you crazy.

He broke the kiss to hug you and whispered on your ear:

“I think we should repeat nights like this. What do you think?”

“I’m totally in.”- you whispered back.

[seventven]

Tony being your sugar daddy + a “boobs guy” would include:

pairing: tony x reader

warnings: oh no hide your children this is about women willingly using their bodies and benefitting from it

a/n: hello i’m back after 4 months having graduated high school and being a bigger tony slut than ever before

also this is the longest “would include” i have ever written but i’ve been getting requests for this for months and it took me forever to get around to writing so enjoy

i am a firm believer in that every person in this world is either an ass or a boobs person

and anthony stark is the latter

personally i am an advocate for women embracing their sexuality and being proud of their bodies and showing them off in whatever way they like

so like imagine

y/n is tony’s assistant

kinda like that whole situation with natasha in iron man 2

except ya know y/n is an actual assistant lmao

and she’d be v good at her job and within months she’d basically be running stark industries

lets pretend pepper doesn’t exist ok im still salty about her

and every couple of days or whatever tony would pop into the office and do a bit of paper work

like signing things or whatever i dont know what CEOs do

and he’s sitting behind the desk in his office, a bunch of papers in front of him

and he’s bored out of his mind bc this stuff is the woRST

and suddenly there’s a knock on the door

and y/n cautiously peaks her head out from behind the door to make sure she isn’t interrupting him

and when tony motions for her to come inside she steps in and shuts the door behind her

and she’s wearing a classic little black dress that reaches below her knees but which shows off a lot fair amount of her cleavage

and tony doesn’t notice at first

not until she’s standing opposite him

“i’ve more things for you to sign,” she’d say and bend over his desk to place the paper work in front of him

and that’s when tony’s eyes would register the sight in front of him

because from where he is sitting he gets the perfect view of her chest

unfortunately, this only lasts about two seconds before she straightens up, smiles at him and heads for the exit

and tony sorta just sits in his chair and stares at the door through which she had left

because holy fuck

so then after that tony would start calling her down to his office more often than necessary

and though this may seem sexist, the way he gawks at her and whatnot

it’s not like y/n doesn’t know what’s going on

and it’s not like she isn’t enjoying it

because soon enough she’d start wearing tops and dresses with even lower necklines

and bras that made her plump flesh want to explode out of her clothing

and both of them would love it

so tony would start making excuses in order to call her down

“i need you to tell me what you think of this new project”

“i need you to explain to me what this document is about”

“i need you to help me find a suitable date for this meeting”

but it wouldn’t just be tony

y/n would quickly start to find ways to make her way down to his office

“sorry for interrupting but have you signed the...”

“don’t mean to take up your time but do you know where that file went...”

and it would literally be never ending

and i feel like their relationship would start with one of them just not being to take any more of this god damn tension

and they’d probably fuck on his desk one time when y/n came down to ask if he had a pen on something equally stupid

and while he’s fucking her on the desk he’d probably be absolutely captivated by the view of her tits bouncing up and down

and he’d be so handsy with them

and he’d probably cover them with bite marks and hickeys

and it would be the hottest thing tbh

and then after that incident they’d get a whole lot more flirty at work

because now they both know they are into each other

and i dig the idea of tony opening up his email one morning when he gets to the office

and it’s from her

and he doesn’t think much about it, expecting it to be more boring paper work

but it’s actually a v explicit picture she had taken of herself the night before and it gives him a perfect view of her chest

and the caption is something that makes the blood rush to tony’s crotch in an instant

and he’s still staring at the picture ten minutes later when y/n and another employee walk into his office

and tony quickly logs out of his email

and the other employee gets him to sign something

and as they are leaving y/n turns back around and sends tony a cheeky wink

and within twenty minutes he is calling her down to his office and fucking her over the table again

and for a couple of months their relationship would consist of nothing other than intense sex every once in a while

of course, with the occasional going out for lunch together and talking in the office

and tony would notice that she’s a fan of victoria’s secret

so then y/n’s birthday would roll around

and the guy would go completely over the top

like imagine y/n getting to the office on her birthday morning

and no one else is there bc she had arrived early as usual

and she sets her stuff down and notices a square black box sitting on her desk

and it has a huge silk bow and looks really fucking expensive

so she looks around the office, wondering if it’s from one of her coworkers but there’s no one there

so she lifts the top of the box

and inside, sitting on a silk cushion is a victoria’s secret fantasy bra

and let me remind you that those things cost like at least a million dollars

but tony has the money

and if he has the money who’s gonna stop him

and y/n honestly cannot believe her eyes as they examine the bra

and she’s shocked by the amount of diamonds and other precious gems covering the surface

then, she notices a black card tucked into the space between the cushion and the wall of the box

and on it is a hand written note from tony

asking her to wear the bra tonight and be ready to be picked up at seven and telling her to take the day off

and as she’s making her way towards the exit of the building

the box clutched in her hands so tightly her knuckles are turning white

she runs into one of tony’s personal drivers who tells her he has been ordered to escort her to several places

and at first y/n is hesitant bc what the hell

the most she was hoping for that day was maybe a box of chocolates from one of her friends and a gift card to sephora

but here she was, clutching a two million dollar bra in her hands and being led to a sleek black vehicle by one of tony’s drivers

and the car would take her to a bunch of different places all of which would have already been paid for and ready for her arrival

because tony wanted to spoil her rotten on her birthday

the day would consist of her being driven to a spa, nail studios, and extravagant shops that mr tony stark had already paid hundreds and hundreds of dollars just for making her experience there pleasant

and by the end of the day y/n would be driven home and given some time to get ready for wherever tony was bringing her to

and obviously as asked she’d carefully put on the fantasy bra and one of the outfits she had purchased over it

and then the driver would return at exactly seven o’clock and bring her to the fucking port or something equally weird

and tony would just be chilling next to his own private yacht

and he’d take her hand and lead her onto it

and they’d probably be served dinner by some fancy ass chef he had hired just for this occasion

and y/n would be very confused by the whole day but also very thankful and by the end of dinner she’d mention the bra

bc she’d honestly feel guilty having received such an expensive present from him

but tony would just chuckle and stand up

and he’d bring his chair around the table and sit down next to her

and he’d probably lean in and kiss her bare shoulder

and then he’d hook his finger around the strap off her dress

and pull it down to reveal just a tiny bit of the bra she was wearing

and he’d whisper something like:

“it’s all yours. this, and anything else you might want. just say the word”

and idk about you but i’d be shuddering and squeezing my thighs together

bc holy shit sugar daddy tony makes me wanna sin

and they’d probably have sex again

this time in one of the luxurious bedrooms on the yacht

and in the morning tony would be missing from bed

but she’d be served breakfast in bed by one of the yacht keeping people i have no clue what they’re called

and after breakfast she’d get out of bed and find another three bags or so from victoria’s secret and chanel waiting for her on the chaise lounge

and she’d get dressed and go exploring

and find tony on the deck and they’d spend a lot of time drinking champagne and having sex

and then the trip would be over and she’d return home and go back to her life in the office

but every week she’d find different packages from tony

whether it was prada, chanel, or versace, tony would have more expensive gifts delivered to her apartment every couple of days

and with the gifts came along the great sex and getting the opportunity to attend different fancy functions and being tony’s “arm candy”

not that she’d mind

bc as she’d get used to the gifts, the vacations and the luxurious lifestyle

she’d also become a whole lot more comfortable with this sugar daddy slash sugar baby relationship

she’d be more than willing to get called various pet names during sex

and tony would live for the excitement on her face every time she’d open a new gift from him

and although the other female employees at stark industries would begin to despise her for the close relationship she had with their boss

neither y/n nor tony would be willing to end the arrangement

and then over time their feelings might become romantic

but until that time they’d both indulge in the non romantic relations they had

but once they’d start developing feelings for each other i feel like the transition from being in a sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship to an actual relationship would be very natural for them

firstly y/n would start staying the night at his place after sex instead of going home

in the office he’d start stealing innocent kisses when they’d pass each other in the hallway

and they’d start talking about serious aspects of their lives and just understand each other really well

and even after they’d officially get together, tony would still continue to spoil her

and i feel like at some point in the relationship tony would start to have doubts

bc lets be serious tony stark is too damn hard on himself

and because y/n is a lot younger than him he’d start to get a little paranoid

maybe it would begin with him noticing the way guys her age would stare at her longingly

or how the press didn’t think their relationship would last due to the age difference

but the feelings they’d have for each other would be as real as they get

and y/n would be more than willing to prove to tony how much she loves him

and at the end of the day it wouldn’t matter what way guys looked at her

or what the press had to say

or what the other employees at stark industries thought

the only thing that mattered was the fact that among the gifts and sparkly bags, the exotic vacations and expensive champagne, both of them found something they didn’t even realise they were searching for

[briteboy]

+ SOME NOT ANONS because i had so many astrology questions omg i’m just gonna put them all together ok

it’s honestly mostly astrology stuff, some other random things and of course a GoT question because it’s not a mass answer post unless i get at least one of those. and if ur the anon who sent ur theory to me yesterday, my answer is.............. quizas 🌚

aight let’s go

do you have any tips on websites i can look on for figuring out my characters zodiac signs? (moon, fire, water and those stuff). i dont know where to look and on the sites i found its so complicated :( thank u!!

welllll if you aren’t really familiar with astrology i’d say to just make up a birth time/place for your character and put it in here and then you’ll have your answer. but if you don’t think those results fit your character and you want to make it more personalized, i’d say it’s worth it to firstly research each of the 12 signs a bit so that you gather their general traits and such, and then research about the different planets and houses in your chart (sun, moon, first house which is also rising/ascendant, mars, mercury, venus, etc.) and start trying to piece together what their placements would be. i know when i do this i might research a couple different moon placements or something (i.e. literally just google like ‘aquarius moon’ ‘ cancer moon’ ‘virgo rising’ etc.) and see if it fits. if you need further help, message me off anon!

@hhoneybadgers​ said: whaaat how is there so much astrology?? everyone's sun/moon/rising/venus/mars/jupiter/freaking kepler-666/andromeda/sirius/draco malfoy and have houses, and here i am, just an ordinary lil aquarius

OMG well ur in luck because you also have kepler 666/sirius/regulus/hagrid shit too. aquarius sun is only a very small part of your birth chart, which you can look up here

(how many times will i link to this site i wonder)

@thosefuckingsims​ said: are people just sending you their birthcharts?? i'm a scorp sun cap moon n taurus rising tell me about myself pls. drag me :^)

oMGDF i already know ur chart is spicy, but scorpio/taurus is one of the most interesting sister sign combos to me. it’s one of those ones that have a real connection and usually when two different people respectively have them, they’re attracted to each other (not necessarily romantically, just they might click really well) the fact that your sun and rising oppose (but have that awesome connection) probably makes you initially come off much differently than your actual personality would suggest, and then when someone gets to know you it’s like meeting a whole different person. you probably come off very grounded but stubborn (your scorp sun also might suggest this as well because of all that aggressive mars influence), and i know for me personally i’m often intimidated by taureans so that also might apply. your cap moon probably enforces that as well (freaking earth signs, they’re always so resilient in their own way) i feel like this combo might make you seem really deadpan, maybe appreciate some black humor. and ur probably not afraid to stand up to anybody (*cowers in fear*) u wanted me to drag u but i’m sorry i’m mostly in awe

@nnicolesims said: Oooh, me next also! I'm still figuring this out honestly. Taurus sun, Capricorn moon, ascendent Scorpio!

OMG another taurus/scorp mix! wtf this is basically the same as @thosefuckingsims except your sun and rising are switched lmaoooo that’s too funny

so like honestly i feel like a lot of that ^^^ would also apply to you? taurus suns are often intimidating to me because they come off as Too Cool 4 U but really they’re usually sweet and shy on the inside. i think your scorpio rising will also amplify that cool factor just because that placement is so ~Mysterious~ and like, people look at you and are just captivated by something. almost like you have a magnetic pull. scorpio rising is the most fascinating ascendant to me, that’s the reason i gave it to ramona (her heterochromia influenced it a lot too) i feel like you might be shy but secretly passionate and willing to put a lot of effort to that passion.

PLS ME NEXT (u really don't have to I'm just curious 😂) Virgo sun, sagittarius moon and gemini rising 😃

o0o0o0o i like this combo! it reminds me of my mom heheh. she’s a virgo sun/scorp moon and i feel like she also has an air rising, maybe libra tho

virgo/sagittarius is such a good match, like it’s weird but whenever i see those two signs together, especially in the form of different people, it’s always like a lasting bond. both virgo and taurus always seem to pair well with sag. you wouldn’t expect a virgo sun to be so ardent but sagittarius has a profound influence, and it’s interesting because virgos are often always looking for answers, and i think sagittarius would only make that need for reason even more so because sags find possibility in everything, especially as a moon placement. it’s one of my favorite moon signs (and not just because i have it too lmao) gemini rising in this mix is also very interesting because sag and gem are sister signs (opposites) (so many sister signs in these questions dang) and gemini rising is almost one of the most fitting rising signs to me for some reaso, especially with a virgo sun (both virgo and gem are ruled by mercury) because that makes you even MORE inquisitive and probably very friendly. people might consider you easy to talk to, and i bet you have a lot of intriguing things to say.

sagittarius sun, aries moon, scorpio rising!!

this combo...WHEW!!! i love it tho. i feel like your sun/moon combo makes you very child-like, which can be a blessing or a curse depending on the situation. you might be very independent and full of thoughts or energy that you don’t know how to channel. i feel like especially with your rising sign, you might be very sarcastic and that might come off as a little harsh to people but you mean well. i really like this combo, lots of mars influence with that happy-go-lucky jupter nature!

Its so cool to see everyone talking about astrology and stuff ! i love it!! I'm a capricorn sun and moon and saggitarius rising :p sometimes i feel like i vibe more with pisces more ya know? but idk lol

i feel like capricorn and pisces often fit each other well, strangely enough. pisces are kind of bubbly and caps are kind of serious so they balance each other out. but anyway, onto your chart! you might be a bit introverted because of double cap but your sag rising might help mitigate that and make you a warmer person (caps are known to be a bit cold, honestly it depends tho, especially if there’s a fire influence) a lot of the time you might feel a bit to mature for your peers, but your sag rising makes you want to go back to a time when things were simpler and you could just be a kid. you probably feel like you need to prove yourself a lot too, but sometimes u just gotta give into ur sag nature and let loose a little u know

Sagittarius sun, aries moon and libra ascendant. I don't actually know what any of that means. It confuses me lol

omg hello can i set u up with the sag/aries/scorp above, you guys would be perfect for each other but maybe a little too perfect. you might get on each other’s nerves. and again with the sister signs, this time it’s aries and libra which is........honestly i can’t read this one, in the case with people, either they despise each other or they grow to love each other. (at least that’s been the case with me and libras.) so with that in mind with your moon opposing your rising, it’s very interesting. you might come off as calm, agreeable, charming because of your libra rising, only for others to find out you’re a bit more excitable and aggressive due to your moon. but aries is still charming in their own weird way, and sag too (dang fire signs) and sag + libra is like THE otp only next to aries + gemini. people probably think you’re really cool and chill. you probably get fired up easily about stuff tho

Scorpio sun - Taurus Moon - Scorpio Mercury I am a walking contradiction lol

OMG ANOTHER TAURUS/SCORP WOW third time’s the charm. can i set you guys up too?? WHAT’S UR RISING THO

basically what i said above goes for you too. people are probably in awe of you because you project, like...not necessarily a domineering nature, but more like...very self-assured and set in your ways (which might be your downfall if you aren’t careful, especially with that scorpio mercury, hoo boy) my mercury is in pisces but in the 8th house (ruled by scorpio) so i vibe with this. sometimes i say too much or go too far when i’m talking to someone and i can probably thank the scorp influence for that. i bet u love to talk about taboos and push people’s buttons in a sneaky way, not in an annoying way like an aries might

i'm kinda confused but sun - Aquarius, moon - Leo, ascendant - Gemini, i don't think its anything special but idk ;)

IT IS SPECIAL! any fire/air combo is automatically fun to pick apart. and omfg AGAIN with the sister signs!! what is this the 4th? 5th time?? i had no idea there was so much opposing influence on simblr wow. actually your sun/moon combo is the same as one of my characters, avey! if you’re like her, you might be pretty ambitious, flamboyant, but you also might go through a lot of identity crises trying to stay true to yourself. you’re the kind of person everyone can find a friend in, especially with your rising being gemini! people probably love to talk to you. leo moon is one of my favorite placements because it’s so weird, leo is ruled by the sun, so even tho leo and cancer aren’t opposites, they still kind of oppose each other. leo moons are often silly and funny, everyone finds them hilarious. i’d probably wanna know someone like you tbh

Wheres the rising part on the birth chart thingie?

i made a very official comprehensive guide to reading ur birth chart

Hey sorry to bother, but where did you say you got your star chart thing from? I tried to find where you mentioned it but couldn't.. 😩

here

oK I THINK THAT’S IT FOR THE ASTROLOGY ASKS? WHEW it’s been a long time since i’ve done this, i forgot they just come pouring in when i open the floodgates of the stars omg

I'm so so late but Santi literally breaths sweater weather to me and I'm CRYING HDISHDJSJSB THAT'S MY SONG AND MY BOY I'M SAD

OMG i haven’t heard that song in so long. i feel like this isn’t the first time someone has told me this, or maybe it was just that he reminded them of the neighbourhood in general. i can’t totally see it tho it’s okay i’ll cry with u :’{

I just found your blog and holy shit your edits are amazing! How do you edit????

like this! it’s from a while ago and i made my own psd since then but essentially it’s pretty much the same. i probably won’t update it because all of the main principles are there and if you follow that tutorial you should be putting your own spin on it anyway, not trying to replicate it exactly y’know

Do you use height mod for toddlers?

i haven’t yet because i’ve been using that fake baby, but i will probably have to bite the bullet and do it now -___- here’s a comment on one of the height mod threads that i’m essentially going to follow, confusing as it is:

How do you make the toddlers smaller? Is it editing or something else?!

i explained that here!

AHHH!!! I'm trying to catch up on your posts but I ran out of data and the pictures aren't loading now. Apparently I need to get unlimited data so I can read your beautiful wonderful story?!?!? This is torture!!

OMG NOOOO well this was from like last week so hopefully you got data and caught up since then. i’m sorry u had to go through that :{ also thank you for the compliments i’m cryin

I just spent the last 3 hours reading your story from start to finish. INCREDIBLE. AMAZING. EMOTIONAL. IM ADDICTED.

AKSDKJGFDKSLJ THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i always get so giddy when people send me messages like this, ily so much ;___; <333

Lemme just say. I'm all for them wearing stupid effing shirts.

I THINK THIS WAS FROM WHEN ROONEY WENT INTO LABOR? with the cactus shirt and santi’s wild ride of an outfit? if so i agree

Can you link me to the beginning of your story?

here

(I'm the anon with an aunt who had kidney failure) it turned out alright in the end. We managed to get ahold of her ex-husband bc we knew he was a match, and he so very graciously agreed to donate 😭 I'm so thankful for him at the moment; even though he wasn't a very good husband

yay thank goodness!!! i’m so glad it all worked out, bless her ex-husband wow that was a really great thing of him to do (aside from being a shitty husband lmao.) i hope all is well in your family now and that your aunt has a successful and quick recovery! <3

So I saw that you've never watched supernatural and honestly, it's actually better than a lot of ppl say it is. It's definitely not the best show out there, but a lot of people give it shit just because of the fact that it's on the CW. Another thing people complain about is the queerbaiting but I don't think it's that bad tbh

i honestly don’t know anything about it lmao, i watched the first episode yeeeeears ago and wasn’t really hooked in so i was just like “eh it’s not for me”. i know some people who liked the earlier seasons so i bet they are good. i know @wanderlustonline likes it! it’s just never really interested me, and also YEAH LMAO i remember all the queerbaiting. i literally thought there was a character named destiel. just like i also thought there was a member of 1D named larry

people keep saying emilia (daenerys) can't act but the way she acts in GOT is literally how they want her to... i don't get how people don't understand that :/ look at her background, how she was raised. her character mostly ignores or hides her true emotions. to stay strong as a leader. in the last ep of S7 you can see the writers chose to let her character finally "break" and show her emotions. so i'm pretty sure you don't like dany's character writing, not the acting :P

the whole time reading this i was like “but that’s totally not how her character is?” but then i realized that’s probably how it is in the show. from what you’ve said, she honestly sounds so different from the books lol, and that’s just my main gripe: is that it doesn’t follow the story it was meant to. it’s diverged too much. so i guess you are right, but it’s kind of like comparing apples to oranges at this point when the show is so different. and i’ve only seen one season of this show, the most recent one because i wanted to witness the trainwreck of everything lmao. but i’ve heard a lot of people complain about her acting, which i’m sure is largely the writers’ and directors’ faults of course. but you can’t deny the girl moves her eyebrows too much and relies on that to convey her emotions omg. (she literally didn’t move them at all this season which makes me think they specifically told her not to so ppl would stop making memes of her ridiculous Acting faces)

anyway yeah i hate the writing most of all and i feel bad that the actors have to just deal with it at this point. especially nikolaj coster-waldau who basically shares the same relationship with GoT that robert pattinson did with twilight at this point. it’s so funny

[humerusimagines]

of grocery happenings and broken glass - sans x reader/self insert

HEY! Since it’s fanfic friday, can you do one with UT Sans and the “enemies to lovers” trope? it can just be a few scenes where the relationship changes. u dont have to ofc but idk i really like those kinds of stories :‘0c

Summary: You’re an enigma wrapped in a mystery, and he’ll do anything literally) to get you to solve yourself. (Or the obligatory fic wherein sans goes from wanting to dunk you to wanting to kiss you)

Notes: AAAAAAAA?????? AAAAAA. Mcfrickin. Love this trope. Bless u. blessed prompt. i had too much fun writing this help.

Writer: Mod Chrissu

The first time he meets you, it’s weird as hell to him.

Firstly, you are probably the best looking human he’s ever laid eyes on. Your hands are balled up and pushing into your hips, your head craned to look up with a sneer at somebody much taller than you.

When he sees who it is, the attraction that he felt immediately was replaced with intense anger.

His brother is holding a grocery basket, one that he knows isn’t his because it’s completely barren of any type of pasta or sauce. His grin is a little shaky, as if he’s apologetic, but also scared. There’s a few food items on the floor that are lying abandoned, so he assumes that the basket must have overturned in some way and Papyrus went to help you. So why did your expression hold so much fury?

He mosies on over, hands stuffed in his pockets. He’s gonna start out calm and cordial, and hopefully this human won’t give him a reason to dunk them into next Saturday. “hiya. what’s up?” He greets, keeping his tone relaxed and chipper, hoping that this goes well.

“SANS!” The way his brother says his name, almost in relief, makes his opinion of the human drop even further. “HELLO, BROTHER!”

You turn to face Sans, your face portraying annoyance. If it wasn’t for the fact that you looked like you had a problem with his bro, Sans might have considered using a sly pickup line. But no, you open your mouth and erase that possibility. “Oh, he’s with you?” You imply, pointing to the taller skeleton, who’s fidgeting nervously.

His grin turns a little steely. He doesn’t like to see Paps so scared. “yeah. s’there a problem with that?”

“Maybe. Anyways, listen here, dudebro.” Attention aimed at Papyrus again, mouth twisting into a scowl. “I got this. I don’t need somebody swooping in and saving me.” You rip the basket away from Papyrus and bend down to pick up the food on the floor, eyes widening when you see the damage done. “Damn it, the cans are dented!”

“listen buddy, i’m sure you’re just misunderstanding–” His patience is wearing very thin but an agitated sigh cuts him off.

“Look, buddy, I already had to walk all the way here because my piece of shit car broke down, I don’t need some random guy telling me off.” Your body language radiates don’t fuck with me today, and he doesn’t really understand why. “I’m sorry, but I’m not in the mood.” Food retrieved from the ground and in the basket, you straighten up and give both he and Papyrus a pointed glare. “Now if you’ll excuse me, which I don’t really care if you do or don’t, I have to replace these cans.”

Without letting him speak, you turn on a heel and stomp out of the aisle, leaving him in dumbfounded silence. What the hell was your problem?

—

The next time he sees you, it’s without you knowing.

It’s been a few days since what happened in the grocery store, and frankly he’d be fine with never seeing your face again. Somebody so filled with negativity and hatred for others for no reason…He doesn’t like people like that. He’s glad he’ll never see you again.

(Except he does.)

He hears a scream before he sees the blur of a person being tossed out onto the sidewalk a few houses down from where he’s standing. He almost runs over to help until another human shows up. They step out onto the steps angrily, if their rigid posture and antagonistic stance is any factor.

“Get the fuck out, you waste of space. Don’t even know why I bothered with you. You’re nothing but shit.” They spit out.

“Nonono, no please, I’ll be better, don’t do this please–” The voice is so full of fear and regret, and it’s so familiar. He knows that voice. It stirs a forgotten anger in his chest, and finally he registers that it’s you, the human from the grocery store.

Your clothes are ripped in places, there’s bruises all over your arms, the shirt you have on is riding up and showing off even more bruises on your back and sides. Your knees are scuffed from your fall, and you’re barely keeping your torso up off the ground. Your form is shaking, soft sobs emitting from your mouth. What a moment to be observing you. To avoid being seen, he ducks behind a nearby trashcan.

“You were lucky, you had me to love you! I’m probably the only person on this Earth left that actually gives a fuck about you! None of your friends or your family actually care, they’re faking it!” The human on the steps barks, and he notices a glint from their hand. They throw it in your direction, and the bottle shatters on the ground a few feet away from you, pieces scattering all over the pavement. “Get the hell out of here, you damn slut!”

The human on the steps goes back into the house and throws out a bag of clothes before slamming the door. Sans turns away from the scene, expression a mixture of shock and confusion. He has no idea what to think. Obviously, the dude that just kicked you out is an asshat, but did you deserve it? He’s not the kind of guy to wish pain or suffering on anybody else, so no, he supposes you don’t. He goes to pick himself up off the ground.

Except you pass by. You notice him there. It’s silent for one scarily long moment.

“How much of that did you see?” You inquire roughly, voice cracked from crying. A pang of pity ripples through his SOUL.

“…all of it.”

Your face is unreadable, you just grip the bag you have a little harder. It’s plastic, so your fingers sink into the material like clay. “…Fuck off.”

He looks up at you in surprise. “what?”

“I said fuck off.” You hiss, your glare piercing. “Want to know why I got kicked out? One of the cans I brought home from the store, that your idiot brother made me drop? It was dented. So fuck you, fuck your brother, fuck everything.” You grit your teeth and march off, pulling the bag over your shoulder.

He scrambles up and after you, though a tiny inner voice questions his motives. What is he gonna do? You obviously don’t want to see him, your little proclamation proved so, so why is he chasing you? He squashes down the thought, unsure if he wants to know why.

“look, kid, i’m sorry.” He skids in front of them, chest heaving with the extra effort he put into catching up with them. “i don’t understand your attitude, or why you act the way you do, but acting that way isn’t going to change anything.”

“You know nothing about me, why the hell are you trying to do here?” You snap, dropping your bag. Despite being bloody and scratched and obviously injured, you still stand as if you’re super girl about to face off with her greatest enemy yet. 

“i have no idea. i don’t really know.” He almost whispers it, because he doesn’t really know what he’s doing, or why. “but i don’t want to be the reason you hate the world so much. at least let me help you find a place to stay for a bit.”

Your mouth twists, and a range of emotions flip through your face: confusion, anger, sorrow, and finally it stops on that flat mask you had on. “..Okay, fine.”

He breathes out a sigh of relief.

—

He finds you a hotel to stay in, and while he wouldn’t usually pay for a stranger’s stay, he does for you. Seeing the person you had to deal with, the way they treated you…Something told him that wasn’t the only time they treated you badly. That’s a scary situation to think about, so of course you would be bitter and angry. He pays for a week, hoping it’s enough time for you to figure out what you need to do or for you to get a job.

He escorts you to your room, and it’s quiet but it isn’t uncomfortable. You’ve been through a lot, he guesses, so talking about it right now would be a little much. Instead, as you both reach your room, he asks to come in for a moment.

Puzzled, you agree, and let him in. It’s a small room, with a dresser pushed against the wall adjacent to the doorway, a lamp in the corner, and a bed opposite the dresser. Another door is in the far corner, which Sans assumes is the bathroom. There’s a table beside the bed, and on it is a pad with paper and a pen.

He picks them both off and scrawls his name and number on it, ripping off the page and giving it to you. “the dude that kicked you out looks like another bad time waiting to happen, so if he shows up here, don’t be afraid to call me, ok?” 

The hand that takes the paper is a little shaky. Your eyes skim over the words written, and the corner of your mouth quirks. “’Sans’? Like the font?”

He shrugs. “i get that a lot. anyways, i need to get back, paps is worried probably.” He points to the paper in your hand, shooting you a reassuring smile. “remember, dude’s a bad time. call me if he comes back. or call if you need help in general. seeya.”

With a blip, he’s gone, and you stare at the space (now replaced with air) he was just in. The most dumbfounded look creases your brow.

“…What the fuck did he just do?!”

—

Funnily enough, after the incident, he cannot stop thinking about you. He passes the place you used to live every day, and when he does he wonders if you’re okay. He’d check on you, but he did say that if you had a problem to call him. So he leaves the situation be, letting it be in your ballpark. If you need him there, you’ll call.

It’s been a long day, so he decides to go to Grillby’s for some ketchup and conversation. It’s been a while, and he hasn’t visited the surface expansion of Grillby’s very much, so he should fix that.

He teleports just outside the entrance and strolls in to a chorus of greeting from the regulars. Doggo, Greater Dog, and Lesser Dog are wrapped up in a game of poker, with Dogamy and Dogaressa watching on the side and holding each other. There’s a couple humans hanging around, along with a few monsters that didn’t usually frequent the establishment underground milling about. He waddles to the bar and hops into a bar stool, leaning on the counter and sighing, eyes shut.

���heya grillbz, what’s cookin’ good lookin’?”

A snort is his answer, but it sounds nothing like his favorite fire elemental.

He opens up an eye to see you, clad in a button up dress shirt with black slacks, an apron tied around your neck and waist. You look nothing like you did that night, which relieves him so much. There’s a hit of yellow and purple on your hands from the bruises you sustained, he notices, as you clean out a glass with a towel. Your nose is scrunched up from the bad joke he made, a small smile lighting up your face and causing a soft hue of blue to blossom on his face. 

“kid? that’s you?” He asks, opening his eyes fully, now very alert. 

“’Kid’ is not my name, but yeah, it’s me.” You also throw in your name, since you’ve neglected to tell him. Wow, your demeanor has changed completely since the grocery store fiasco, and it’s such a breath of fresh air. It’s nice to see you smile, even if it is a smug smirk.

“well damn, you clean up nice. how ya been doin’? i’m assumin’ the guy hasn’t been bothering you?” At the mention of him you tense, which leads him to backpedal, “wait, shit, sorry–”

“It’s fine! It’s fine.” You cut him off, the smirk having been wiped off your face and replaced with a small frown. “They uh, haven’t been bothering me. Haven’t heard a word from them since what happened.”

He relaxes at this. “good, good.” He breathes, slumping against the counter again. 

“…What can I get ya, Sans?” You ask, setting down the glass you were cleaning and propping your arm against the bar, quirking a brow at him. It’s sassy as hell and it isn’t helping that you’re gorgeous.

“your number.” He realizes what he said in the middle of saying it and slams his face into his palm as you laugh. “…i am so sorry. i’m used to crackin’ jokes like this with grillby.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. What do you really want, though?”

Bless you and your nerves of steel. “uh, bottle of ketchup.”

An incredulous look crosses your face, but you grab one and slide it to him anyways. He twists off the cap and tips it back, almost spitting it out with laughter when you choke.

“Sans, the fuck?!” You stammer, and he wishes he could take a picture of your face because it’s so priceless. Maybe your nerves aren’t as solid as he thought.

—

If somebody told him six months ago that he’d fall head over heels in love with a human, and a human that initially hated his innocent soul of a brother no less, he’d laugh and call them crazy.

Thinking about it now, it’s not as crazy as it seemed. 

Because with every laugh and smile he gets from you, his SOUL thuds a little more forcefully in his chest, his face a touch blue-r, and he finds himself trying so hard to get them out of you that he doesn’t notice how deep he’s getting into this.

He doesn’t notice until his brother does.

“goin’ to grillby’s, want me to bring you back somethin’ paps?” He asks, sticking his head into the kitchen. Papyrus isn’t as oblivious as everyone believes him to be, and he proves it now as he smiles knowingly at his older brother, which only causes said brother to raise a brow bone in silent question.

“BROTHER, YOU SEEM TO BE GOING TO GRILLBY’S A LOT IN THESE PAST FEW MONTHS.” Papyrus stops stirring the pot of noodles he’s attending to on the stove to look at his brother. He notices, but it’s not like Sans makes an effort to hide it. He can see it in the way that he smiles sometimes when he gets a text from you, or how excited he is when he knows he’s about to see you.

He know what Sans looks like when he’s obsessed about something, or worried, or determined. Papyrus thought he’d seen it all. You’ve brought out a different side of him that Papyrus loves to see, because he look so happy nowadays.

“yeah, so? i used to go everyday when we were underground.”

“SANS, DEAR BROTHER, NOTHING EVADES THE WATCHFUL EYE OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS!” He exclaims triumphantly, pulling out his best smile. “…I am happy for you, Sans. I hope you bring them by soon to introduce them to me, because I would like to thank the person who has given you so much joy.”

It’s a rarity when Papyrus speaks in a regular volume of voice, and it shocks Sans to his core. “whaddya mean, pap?”

Papyrus laughs, turning back to his pot. “OH BROTHER, DON’T TELL ME YOU HAVEN’T NOTICED!”

“im-pasta-ble, i notice everything.” Sans’ smile turns wicked as Papyrus screeches out a warning to him and then he blips out of the way of the taller’s wooden ladle being thrown at him.

—

It’s become a habit, for him to watch you as you work. The way you move around the tables at the restaurant, the polite smile you give to the customers and the drastically different smirk you send him when he tosses out a pun, the lingering touch between you two when you give him a ketchup bottle. 

It kills him, in a way, because he knows what he’s feeling. He knows very well what this feeling is. His love life isn’t a very active one, but he does remember a few years back when he used to have a crush on Toriel, and this feels like that except new. It’s no longer a nice thought, but a fire that consumes his thoughts whenever he sees you. It’s not the heat of the blush on his face, it’s the ghostly imprint that your fingers leave on his. His SOUL doesn’t flutter, it beats purposefully. He knows what this is.

However, it’s not him that says or does anything about it.

As your shift comes to a close and he prepares to leave, you stop him. The place is almost empty, just a couple people wrapping up their meals or nursing their last drink. You look nervous, teeth gnawing on your bottom lip.

“what’s up?” He asks, and he almost jumps when you set a hand on ones of his, the one still on the counter top.

“Uh…There uh– There must be something wrong with my eyes, be-because uh–” You clear your throat, and he’s never seen your face go so red, wow. “Because I can’t take them off you?…”

He pauses for a moment before the statement processes through his head and his face goes full cerulean. “uuuuuuhh….”

“What…What I’m trying to say– Is it hot in here? Jeeze.” You tug at your collar, smiling sheepishly. “But uh. I was wondering if maybe you’d like to, I dunno, go see a movie? Or go somewhere for coffee? I’m sorry, I just really, really like you and I couldn’t be quiet about it anymore–”

You stop when you notice his expression. The poor skeleton’s face is completely blue, and his pupils have morphed into tiny hearts. He grabs your hand gently, and before he can chicken out he sputters out a reply.

“yes, hell yes. i’ll uh, i’ll text you later?”

It’s take a moment to sink in but when it does you smile so wide that it triggers his own. “Yeah! That’s cool! I’ll uh, be waiting? Yeah.”

Reluctantly he lets go of your hand and waves with his other, before disappearing and reappearing at the entrance of the inside of his home. 

You asked him out. You asked him out. He’s so giddy, he struts farther into the house and laughs, and it’s such a happy sound. He’s never heard such a sound come out of his body.

“YOU SOUND PLEASED.” Papyrus notes from his spot on the couch in the living room, wherein he’s doing some sort of human exercise program. Sans just beams in reply, hopping up the stairs two at a time to get to his room. “WHAT’S HAPPENED?”

Papyrus knows. He just wants to hear Sans say it.

“bringing them over later this week. you’ll see.”