#idk maybe it's an autistic thing or a cultural thing

[tired-fandom-ndn]

There are a lot of language things that seem to get everyone else worked up but that I don't? Really understand? Like the hatred of people talking about "consuming" art.

I get why "content creator" instead of artist/writer/etc is bad, but I just don't think of consumption as a bad thing the way that everyone else seems to. I consume food, that doesn't mean that I'm ungrateful for it or unaware of the work and love that goes into it.

[skrunksthatwunk]

actually i'm still thinking about the moral orel finale.

he has a cross on his wall. do you know how much i think about that bc it's a lot.

a lot of stories ((auto)biographical or fictional) centering escape from abusive/fundamentalist christianity result in the lead characters leaving behind christianity entirely. and that makes complete sense! people often grow disillusioned with the associated systems and beliefs, and when it was something used to hurt them or something so inseparable from their abuse that they can't engage with it without hurting, it makes total sense that they would disengage entirely. and sometimes they just figure out that they don't really believe in god/a christian god/etc. a healthy deconstruction process can sometimes look like becoming an atheist or converting to another religion. it's all case by case. (note: i'm sure this happens with other religions as well, i'm just most familiar with christian versions of this phenomenon).

but in orel's case, his faith was one of the few things that actually brought him comfort and joy. he loved god, y'know? genuinely. and he felt loved by god and supported by him when he had no one else. and the abuses he faced were in how the people in his life twisted religion to control others, to run away from themselves, to shield them from others, etc. and often, orel's conflicts with how they acted out christianity come as a direct result of his purer understanding of god/jesus/whatever ("aren't we supposed to be like this/do that?" met with an adult's excuse for their own behavior or the fastest way they could think of to get orel to leave them alone (i.e. orel saying i thought we weren't supposed to lie? and clay saying uhhh it doesn't count if you're lying to yourself)). the little guy played catch with god instead of his dad, like.. his faith was real, and his love was real. and i think it's a good choice to have orel maintain something that was so important to him and such a grounding, comforting force in the midst of. All That Stuff Moralton Was Up To/Put Him Through. being all about jesus was not the problem, in orel's case.

and i know i'm mostly assuming that orel ended up in a healthier, less rigid version of christianity, but i feel like that's something that was hinted at a lot through the series, that that's the direction he'd go. when he meditates during the prayer bee and accepts stephanie's different way to communicate, incorporating elements of buddhism into his faith; when he has his I AM A CHURCH breakdown (removing himself from the institution and realizing he can be like,, the center of his own faith? taking a more individualistic approach? but Truly Going Through It at the same time), his acceptance (...sometimes) of those who are different from him and condemned by the adults of moralton (stephanie (lesbian icon stephanie my beloved), christina (who's like. just a slightly different form of fundie protestant from him), dr chosenberg (the jewish doctor from otherton in holy visage)). his track record on this isn't perfect, but it gets better as orel starts maturing and picking up on what an absolute shitfest moralton is. it's all ways of questioning the things he's been taught, and it makes sense that it would lead to a bigger questioning as he puts those pieces together more. anyway i think part of his growth is weeding out all the lost commandments of his upbringing and focusing on what faith means to him, and what he thinks it should mean. how he wants to see the world and how he wants to treat people and what he thinks is okay and right, and looking to religion for guidance in that, not as like. a way to justify hurting those he's afraid or resentful of, as his role models did.

he's coming to his own conclusions rather than obediently, unquestioningly taking in what others say. but he's still listening to pick out the parts that make sense to him. (edit/note: and it's his compassion and his faith that are the primary motivations for this questioning and revisal process, both of individual cases and, eventually, the final boss that is christianity.) it makes perfect sense as the conclusion to his character arc and it fits the overall approach of the show far better. it's good is what i'm saying.

and i think it's important to show that kind of ending, because that's a pretty common and equally valid result of deconstruction. and i think it cements the show's treatment of christianity as something that's often (and maybe even easily) exploited, but not something inherently bad. something that can be very positive, even. guys he even has a dog he's not afraid of loving anymore. he's not afraid of loving anyone more than jesus and i don't think it's because he loves this dog less than bartholomew (though he was probably far more desperate for healthy affection and companionship when he was younger). i think it's because he figures god would want him to love that dog. he's choosing to believe that god would want him to love and to be happy and to be kind. he's not afraid of loving in the wrong way do you know how cool that is he's taking back control he's taking back something he loves from his abusers im so normal

[traaanskimkitsuragi]

starting to think maybe im just too old for cartoons

[gorkaya-trava]

autistic imposter syndrome culture is adding "idk maybe it's just a common human experience and I'm just overthinking things" tag to every post about your obviously autistic experience

[hmshermitcraft]

Everyone knows you Do Not touch Grian without him being aware of your presence. And even if he is, you don't touch his wings.

Not many people know why. Well, they know why they're not to touch him. He just doesn't like it, and that's fine. But his wings are another story. Only his sisters and the other avian hermits know the real reason. And Mumbo, actually, but that's just because he looked into avian culture for reasons unknown.

See, rather unsurprisingly, it's quite an intimate thing. Grian, being autistic and chronically single, absolutely hates the idea of that happening with anyone. Until he gets with Scar, who's surprisingly ok with Grian's touch aversion, something he's not used to after having a lot of shitty partners off-server.

He slowly grows more comfortable with the idea of physical touch without warning. (Only with Scar though. He's never gonna be fully ok with it.) One night, he tells Scar about the wings thing. Scar's completely fine with it. Grian's still nervous that he suddenly wouldn't be, cz none of his previous partners have been.

Scar is firm about not changing his mind on it unless Grian does. Not until, unless. Just that one word lets Grian build up the courage to try it.

And maybe this kind of stuff isn't so bad, if he's got the right person to do it with.

- 💜 (I might've sent half of this earlier, it deleted halfway through and idk what happened to it)

Really, Scar already doesn't touch unless Grian signals it's okay. Not just for his wings, but for the rest of him as well. And Grian is able to meet him halfway, no longer panicking when Scar brushes him, or takes his hand.

It's a good feeling. They're both working towards this together. That's how a relationship is supposed to be.

[drdemonprince]

Hi Devon,

this might not be a question you can answer, or maybe it is! idk. this is about covid & alike

for context on myself, i’m a white gendrfucky trans guy who’s also autistic & an immigrant (so some cultural context is probably lacking)

as we know, we’re in a 2nd highest surge & the pandemic never stopped and it increasingly dangerous and disabling to so many

i wear my kn95 everywhere i go now, and while i tried last semester, it was a lot easier to abandon masking because of

1. others’ around me negligence

2. some classrooms being IMPOSSIBLY hot and close to unbearable with a respirator on

3. attending crowded events where people needed to hear me

i’ve reevaluated and am rebuilding my practices now, but what i’m finding really difficult is to get people i have in my life to wear a mask again

i feel so lost. i share the informational posts, i talk to my people, i offer masks- what else is there to do?? i know the exhaustion i feel is absolutely incomparable to what disabled and immunocompromised people feel, especially when they’ve done the work for years!

i just don’t understand how i’m supposed to keep moving through life. i mean ofc i’ll keep doing what i’m already doing but it’s so incredibly isolating to be the only person masked in a meeting of 20,30,50 people.

i don’t know how to make people care. i don’t know how to have conversations with my friends in a way that will let our relationship evolve with this new understanding of care. i don’t know how to not polarize people into defensiveness when i talk about the powers wreaking atrocities in falasteen being the same ones shortening an isolation period to 1 day.

i don’t know how to be eloquent enough to be listened to and firm enough where people take what i say seriously. i don’t know how to not start screaming WEAR A MASK anytime it’s a crowded (or even not crowded) meeting indoors with no air filtration.

idk how people don’t realize the “cold” they’ve had for 3 weeks is either covid or direct aftermath of it. idk how they stand for seemingly the right things and then come to work sick & unmasked.

i don’t know how to engage with most people in a meaningful way & find connections because the delusion, the “it won’t happen to me”, the “i don’t care if i catch it and die”, the “this is just the way it is” seems to be a wall made of unbreakable cement and i don’t know what will melt it.

i feel insane for having compassion towards the world and seeing how it can be better. i feel insane for being angry people don’t mask & downplay this issue. i feel insane for even trying to talk sense into people.

i’ve recently been called a lying phony by an account that talks about masking bc a lot of my recent pictures show my face without a mask. i archived the posts since, apologized and reflected. but a lot of pictures i take are in my own room so i am unmasked. idk

i feel like the gap between me and most people i know is growing wider by the minute and with every reading i do about interdependent revolutionary practices, etc.

i know that when one understands something, it is their responsibility to make an impact on their bubble of the world and transform it with their knowledge. but i doubt i’m the only one doing the reading and knowing what’s going on, i just seem to be the only one masking.

i don’t know. i’m sorry it’s such a long ask & i’m sure you have your own stuff you’re dealing with. i just don’t know who else to ask that might understand. i’m sure there are people around me who might but so many are in survival mode and i currently don’t know anyone with the capacity to hold space for this.

i guess it’s bold to assume you do.

anyway, i hope your day goes alright today<3

You are placing wayyy too much responsibility upon yourself as one compassionate and informed individual here, and expecting far too much perfection of yourself in ways that do not help you and do not help the cause. You've done a lot to unpack the terrible individualism that has led to anti-mask sentiment being so rampant, but you are in a way still applying that logic to yourself and your situation by imagining that if you, one humble person with limited power were able to be adequately persuasive, you'd somehow change the actions of thousands. That is not how behavior change works.

Persuasion almost never happens logically or instantly, almost never through one person's remarks. Behavior is shaped by a vast array of economic, sociological, emotional, and ideological factors.

It's also not helpful in my opinion to worry about the opinion of someone who would shame you for not wearing a mask at home alone in your bedroom, either. Obsessing over the optics of our actions and wanting all people to morally approve of us at all times is yet another consequence of individualism and Puritanism. as you well know as someone who masks in a crowd of maskless people, sometimes we gotta do what we know is right and disregard others' opinions.

What you can do, in my opinion, is this: keep masking. Your behavior reminds people of the need for masks and models socially responsible behavior. Bring spare masks with you. Offer them to your family and friends and the people standing near you in public. If they refuse, and you have a good relationship with the person where they have shown they respect you and listen to you, then you can tell them why masking around you is important to you. You cannot change the opinion of someone who has never shown you any respect so don't expect that to ever work.

Even if you do have a good relationship with someone, persuasion is a long, hard process. Do not expect yourself to change their mind. If you can get some people to mask at least around you, that is a victory. Perfection is an unrealistic goal here to expect of yourself, and for public health in general. Any improvement you can inspire is a victory. Even if it's just making one or two friends mask more often when they are with you. That still lessens risk. That still sends a visible signal to everyone around you. You have no idea of the impact you truly have on other people in the long term. It is both more modest and far larger and longer-reaching than you as an individual will ever know.

Please be easy on yourself. You are just a person. An average person with very limited power. So is everyone else for the most part. When you stop burdening yourself with the unrealistic responsibility of changing thousands of people's behavior, you will feel less resentful toward others as well. When we resent other people it always means we are doing too much.

And when you feel less overwhelmed and overburdened, you will be more effective in the conversations you do have with people about COVID too. People do not respond well to (what they perceive to be) guilt or intensity or someone presuming to know better than them. What people do respond to well is to be asked genuine questions, listened to, validated in their feelings, given help where they are facing barriers to action, and being treated with compassionate gentleness.

But to do that you have to work on believing that people who are flawed in their response to COVID have reasons for doing so that make sense to them, and that they aren't all foolish and lacking in compassion. As my friend @kim-from-kansas says, people do not do things that do not make sense. If a person's actions do not make sense to you, it is because you are missing a piece of their context. The sad fact is people have many reasons to think that masking doesn't work or is hopeless. People have been very heavily propagandized and trauma also makes many people value life less.

Convincing people to take COVID more seriously is a tall, tall order, but if you wish to do so, you will need to be more than correct. You will have to put real work into not making people feel judged, and you will have to make peace with not always (or even usually) succeeding. It sucks but that's how it is. Best of luck!!

[itsaspectrumcomic]

As a writer, what are some elements that you would want to see included in a romance between a female autistic character and a male character (who grew up with a sister who is autistic? This is also a bit of a forbidden romance and I’m trying to plan this out well to be very respectful and good representation of the autistic community (idk if that’s the write phrasing so forgive me if I’m saying it wrong). I’ve already started research, but I just need maybe a few ideas/suggestions. thanks!!!

Firstly, remember that no autistic person is the same so his sister being autistic doesn't mean he'll know everything about it or what it's like to be autistic. It would be nice to see some representation of how different autistic people can be by showing differing traits in his sister and the female love interest - eg, differences in masking, different sensory issues, different ways they stim, different ways of enjoying special interests etc.

You could show her struggling with aspects of dating culture (going out to bars which are loud and overstimulating? No thanks) and taking things literally (eg, being asked if she wants to go for coffee and saying no because she doesn't like coffee when the guy is actually trying to ask her on a date.)

Show that she is liked for her autistic traits, not despite them. Maybe he likes that she's very honest, or enjoys listening to her talk about her special interests. Let her be a fully 3-dimensional character wither her own likes, dislikes, goals and interests, and try not to fall into stereotypes.

Definitely don't treat it as if he's some kind of hero for dating an autistic person or for 'dealing' with her autistic traits! Like with any disability, that would be very disrespectful. Also I hope the forbidden romance aspect isn't because she's autistic? I'd need to know more context to know how I feel about that.

If you're not autistic yourself, please do get a sensitivity reader who is, whether that's a friend or a professional.

Speaking of good autistic representation - have you seen the show Dinosaur that came out recently? It's about an autistic woman and her relationship with her sister who's getting married, and it has a storyline where she starts dating the guy at her coffee shop. I love how she was portrayed (she stims with her hands in exactly the way I do!) and it's very funny and warmhearted, plus the lead actress is autistic herself, so if you're looking for inspiration definitely check it out. It's on Hulu and BBC iPlayer :)

[curioussubjects]

I just finished Veilguard, and...I'm really not sure how I feel about it?

All in all: good game, had fun, but still didn't quite hit some of the highs it wanted to hit and it's still not as good as DA2

(Spoilers galore below for everything)

The Good:

Pretty game is pretty;

Love the codexes, especially the ones written by companions or with their commentary;

Speaking of, the Mementos had so excellent tid bits of lore flavor to them, as well;

Regrets of the Dread Wolf was a damn good quest;

Some truly funny party banter;

I actually thought it was really easy to figure out who my Rook is as I played the game, which was much harder for me to do for my Lavellan in DAI;

And speaking of Lavellan, she was in character she WOULD say that she WOULD do that. Bless;

Everything about Nevarra and the Mourn Watch, I wish there was more content there because I was so into it;

Orb and dagger mage is really fun to play, which was VERY surprising considering I don't play close range ever;

I also really enjoyed destroying blight boils for some reason lmao;

Petting cats (they PURR WHEN YOU DO);

Assan <3;

Taash being so autistic;

Teia and Viago my beloveds;

✨Friendship✨

The Solavellan of it all;

And Solas, too. Love that sadsack disaster man;

Maybe this is super basic of me but I liked Varric's narration...idk it's comforting;

Honestly, just Varric in general was a bit safety blanket in a nice way for me because the game feels overwhelming at first;

There's no party like an all Dalish party!

Exploring -- loved finding all the fun details in each location, and I know I didn't even do enough in my playthrough;

I'm weak for stories about guilt, fear and regret. And I'm even weaker when those stories are so obviously about forgiveness and moving forward. Also love. Always love.

The Bad:

The pacing. I've said this before but DAtV could've used a more explicit arc structure or have quests note which level they're meant for or SOMETHING because some times it seemed I was doing quests too early or too late for when I was in the main story. I also thought events kept oscillating from happening too fast or too slowly, and it very much did get in the way of immersion;

The romance. Literally what are you doing Dragon Age that you fumble the romance. Granted, I only romanced Davrin so far, but I'm getting the sense from looking through the tag that maybe Lucanis' romance also feels a bit off? Honestly I have so many issues with the romance progression for Davrin that it's its own section;

I hope this is only a Veil Jumpers issue, but I thought Rook was so separate from the faction. I felt very little connection to them;

I've seen some people point out NPCs talk to Rook like they're a child, and while I don't really agree with that I do think Rook doesn't have enough opportunities to be knowledgeable in their own right. Especially annoying with a mage Veil Jumper Rook! I miss the Inquisition perk dialogue options that let my Lavellan be a smarty pants;

Holy overdesigned armors! Yikes!

Not all areas are as well developed as the others: Rivain is the most egregiously empty and underdeveloped, but I actually thought Arlathan Forest was super lifeless too. So was the Lighthouse! You get the early game discovery bit and then nothing ever again and it's like oh that was really it huh (and the stuff we did get was so good please more?);

I hate to say this but BioWare missed the mark with Rook's place in the group. The companions seemed connected to each other, yeah, but Rook was like some cross between group therapist and not-so-undercover boss. There was none of the warmth Hawke got from their companions (or the Inquisitor, for that matter!). The game really needed 1. a lighthearted party hangout cutscene and 2. companions coming together to take care of Rook (the fact this isn't even a thing in the romance is bonkers to me);

Taash's personal quest being about choosing between being Rivain and Qunari as if that's how culture works is Bad Actually;

The worst minimap I've ever seen in a game wow;

Also: give me back my beacon marker;

The gods were in a regret prison but what were their regrets exactly we just don't know.

The Bad (Romance Edition):

Again, the pacing! Incredibly slow to start (and not in a slow burn way, mind!) and then super fast in the last third of the game;

In fact, the romance seemed to be running on a completely different level than the rest of the story. The last romance scene was incredibly out of place tonally, especially.

The first two romance titles for Davrin are "Thrill of the Chase" and "Hot and Bothered"...and like WHERE????

Davrin never writes about Rook as a romantic partner or as if he has any concerns with the relationship...which we later find out he has, but was news to me;

Tbh, the romance felt like an afterthought. There were cutscenes that in any other DA game there would've been flirting options, for instance, but this time there was nothing (what do you mean Rook can't make a flirty comment when Davrin is shirtless working out with Taash? It's low hanging fruit!);

Not nearly enough flirty banter between Rook and Davrin, which is nuts considering their personalities;

I'm really super disappointed with Davrin's romance, which sucks because he's actually perfect for my Rook and I really like his character. There was so much potential for a really fun romance that was both tense and sexy, but also sweet. But no. Secret good Davrin romance that exists in my head save me.

The ???:

Southern Thedas got scorched when the North didn't how?

Please tell me who was catfishing Andraste;

Making enemies super aggro on Rook unless you specifically have companions taunting was very weird.

[marcusbrutus]

I feel like I have a tumblr anon in my brain…. Like a tiny cop. But it’s an chronically online anonymous weirdo. And every thought I have, I get “anons” telling me how it’s problematic and I should kill my self LOL The other morning I saw an RFK sign and I thought doesn’t he have brain worms, someone running for president shouldn't have brain worms. maybe apply for literally any other job. and the anon was like ummm ableist much? Like WHAT. I turned off anon on tumblr a while ago, so even if I post something “risky”, someone will have to tell me what they think to my face. They can’t hide. Even posts I think are innocuous can be wildly misinterpreted, and someone will probably call me problematic. But even if no one says anything, I still hear it. In my brain. Sometimes I delete things because the thought is so strong. I’m probably not gonna make it to any heaven or enlightenment because I can’t forgive yourfaveisproblematic. In my mind, Tumblr was great before then, or at least it felt that way, and that blog sewed the seeds for cancel culture in the future. That stuff sticks to my brain, even if I don’t want it too. When you put sins like "said disabled people shouldn't be alive" on the same level as "has a tattoo in a language they don't natively speak," it is very confusing to a people-pleasing undiagnosed autistic 14 year old. I felt/feel like I can’t like anyone or anything because it’s ~problematic~ I worry it will never go away, because it affected me in my developing years, 14-19 I want to get better, but it’s hard. I wish I could run from the internet, but I can’t. It’s a part of life now. It’s how we stay connected. But it’s also like…. Idk. The internet used to be my safe space, right? Deviantart. Early tumblr. Seeing weird people like me made me feel less alone. I was a weeb surrounded by “preps” for lack of a better word, not that I didn’t have friends but NONE of them were into what I was into, you know? And no one became as obsessive about things like books and anime like I did, except online. But now it’s like, idk, corruption of the garden of Eden. But instead of me eating the fruit, the garden/internet ate the fruit. The world is too different now… I can’t keep up. And it’s not just because I’m getting older. Things happen faster now. Trends will last half a year when in the past they would have lasted a decade. I hate knowing everything all of the time. I hate that my garden is now a cesspool.

I’m just angry that people on tumblr and lefty spaces online are so blind to their own propaganda, and calling it out is “hate.” Like idk, I guess I expected better from people who are supposed to be ~intellectuals~. Well, if YouTube video essays have taught me anything, style over substance goes a LONG way. And they’re like “oh we’re so compassionate and we want a better future” but they tell everyone to kill themselves and laugh when red states get devastated by natural disasters it's not just that but it's like…. if you're not constantly aware of everything, you're ~part ofthe problem~ #wakeupamerica. silence is violence, blah blah blah. it's just hard because i grew up with a strict dad so learned to be a people pleaser. i'm extremely sensitive to guilt and shame. and all most of the internet has done since 2014 is shame everyone for everything. you're either with Us (good, pure, morally righteous) or you're with Them (problematic, evil). you don't want to be gasp problematic, do you? you don't want to have a callout post made about you and lose all your friends, right? well, keep you nose clean and reblog all the right posts so we know which side you're on an maybe, maybe we'll leave you alone. i have the stress of someone in debt to a mob boss. nah it's more like… i have the stress of everyone in the scarlet letter and im hoping everyone will keep their eyes on the Villain of the Week and leave me alone there's a decent video called "how to radicalize a normie." i say decent because it treats radicalization like a right-wing only issue and the "answer" to right wing radicalization is, of course left wing radicalization. "Even though they're on the bad, evil side, there's still hope because we can get them to our good, morally righteous side!" That kinda bs, and I say bs not in a left vs right way. According to my dad I'm a full blown communist! I'm saying it in the sense that the answer to radicalization isn't "just radicalize them to the other side." That's not at all helpful. You might as well tell an alcoholic who likes jameson to just switch to jack daniels. It's all poison, it's all harmful. ANYWAY, he talks about how most people don't set out to be radicalized, the politics comes to them. That happened to me - but on the left. And I'm sure if I left a comment on his video saying as much, he'd say it didn't happen or say it was a good thing. On tumblr, I came for anime. And for the first year, I got anime. But then I got really intense political stuff. "silence is violence." "i see you not reblogging this." "if you're not angry, you're not paying attention." I was 14-15, sheltered as fuck, I don't know anything about the world but now tumblr is convincing me that I know more about political issues than anyone. And it changed me. And it fucked me up. and I want to get unfucked. But I don't know how. I feel like an internet alcoholic. Like, even if I do stop using it, it will still be there, haunting me, forever, you know? because all my friends use it, not just you guys but irl friends. and the internet is effecting the real world. I miss the days when there was the internet, then there was reality. but now the internet is the reality. That's why I also fell so hard for the [REDACTED] stuff. Tumblr made me think everyone was [REDACTED] because like 99% of tumblr is [REDACTED], and I was worried about it because god help you if you question anything or show the slightest bit of concern. God help you if you're not full steam ahead on everything. I want to escape the matrix. I hate the hypocrisy…. And I hate even more that I’m also a hypocrite. I fall for group think and propaganda but act like I’m above it all. I hate social media but use it every day. YouTube too. I guess that’s why I get so mad when I see them act like that. It reminds me of me. People think the consequences of social media on a teenage girl are like "omg I was feeling good about myself….. but then I saw a model on Instagram… alas. I will never be her. I weep."

But it's more like: Oh my gosh, I just saw a post asking for mutual aid (aka MONEY, BABY) and I scrolled past. What if they died because they couldn’t afford food because I didn’t reblog their post? But what if I DID reblog their post, but it was a scam, and I led my followers to give money to someone who didn’t need it instead of someone who did?

I was hoping to share more examples, but I'm worried someone will misinterpret, and even though anon is off, the anon in my brain is on. always. on. i keep going back to the internet because i keep expecting it to get good again… like how it was. for some reason, i can't accept that it will no longer be my safe space. i wish i had a massive angel to keep me out, or something. like the actual garden of eden. I have to accept that it will never get better. I have not only an addiction to the internet, but to the obsessive thoughts it brings. By wishing it will get better, and continuing to use it, I am chasing a dragon. That is to say, I'm hoping for the same feelings I got from initially using the internet. No one ever catches the dragon. anyway, if you read all that... thank you so much! i'm taking a break from the internet, until mid november at least. maybe by then, it will be better. or not. we'll see.

[soundwavefucker69]

weird thing happened on tiktok earlier. i came across a tiktok where one of those "autism moms" posted a video of her toddler daughter, hidden behind a kitchen island where we couldn't see her face, having a screaming meltdown.

she must have left her echo chamber of "autism mommies" because there were a fair amount of autistic adults telling her off. i need to make it clear: it is EXTREMELY common for autism moms to post their children having meltdowns to assure other autism moms that this is normal and "educate" people about the nature of autism.

i decided to chime in and specifically said "i am so glad i was not diagnosed as a child because of moms like you. you think she's gonna thank you in ten years for this?" seriously. i often think that maybe it's a good thing i was not diagnosed, and i was extremely to have been born when i was when the internet existed on a home computer and smartphones didn't come out until i was in middle/high school.

she actually replied to me and gave me a canned response about how her daughter, who looks like she's maybe three, idk, is grateful to be diagnosed and she's being raised to be her "best autistic self". i then reminded her that she's not responding to my initial post and she should not be posting her child's meltdowns online. she went silent for several hours, and by the time she got back to me, the audio was removed. she said she removed the audio and was sorry she upset me. i told her it wasn't about my feelings. i'm an adult. i can manage my own upsets. the point was about her child and how she will be humiliated in 10, 20 years because this is a big digital footprint and she isn't even using a nickname for her daughter, she's using her actual legal first name.

the mom actually replied with a real apology and said she's listening and learning.

i just liked the comment and disengaged, but it's kind of changed my perspective on autism moms. i think our culture has heavily normalized posting everything online to be judged by the masses. i myself am a victim of this, and when it gets to parenting, a lot of parents have blind spots. i figured she's now going to take baby steps to protect her children on the internet, bc she was actually receptive to learning.

personally, i do not believe that you should post your children on the internet in any shape or form. there's a parent i actually like on tiktok that only talks about their kids when they're doing their makeup or dying their hair. (drives me nuts that they use no gloves for vivid dyes, no brush, just rawdogging it with their hands, but hey, they're an adult, and if they want stained hands, that's their business). but i have never seen a single video or picture of their children.

but, ultimately, i genuinely think you should not post your children. for a couple of reasons. we learned with family youtubers and their comment sections that pedophiles actively search out child content and sometimes, when they feel particularly bold, engage with it beyond just watching. you never know if someone is jacking off to videos of your children. pedophiles are a minority on the internet, but they actively search out child focused content and get off to it. it's a little harder on tiktok if you stick to the fyp, not the following page, because it cycles through material you might find interesting. but, they can just stick to their following page.

another reason is about child autonomy. your digital footprint is incredibly fucking important in today's culture. you should have the choice to not have a digital footprint, or have it on your own terms, when you are old enough to manage. your parents should not be making that choice for you. they should be protecting you. ofc, i enjoy watching videos of gentle parenting, which is so incredibly important for people to start engaging in, but in the past six months, i have started making the active choice to not watch videos where you can see children's faces. there's ways of showing gentle parenting in a way that still protects you r child. you don't have to post your children. you can talk about issues your children had today, using nicknames, not their legal names, and how they walked through it with your help. you don't have to actively show them to do that.

but, in the case with this mom, i thought "okay. she took a pretty big step today to listen to autistic adults about protecting her child". she should have just deleted the video, but i'm not too pressed about it, because you can't actually see her daughter's face. so, i didn't press her on the issue. baby steps are important. people typically dig in their heels if you start outright attacking them, no matter what good points you make. and she was already under a lot of fire, so i figured whatever i said at that point would go in one ear and out the other.

i think, in general, we're getting better about raising our children. but, people still have the mindset that they're children. which is true, ofc, but i think we need to start coming at it from angle of "these are future adults, and we need to treat them the way we would treat them if they were adults, within reason". i fucking despise autism moms, but i don't fully think they need to be attacked and shamed for their choices, unless it's outright malicious abuse. they'll just double down. but we do need to figure out a better culture. a lot of these autism moms genuinely think they're acting in the best interests of their child, and yes, many of them are just raging ableists, but the majority just aren't putting enough thought to their decisions. they infantilize their children, but i think today was a little victory. she started to view her child as a future adult, not a helpless autistic child who will be completely unaware of everything around her. it's a little step. hopefully, this autism mom will speak to other autism moms, and they'll start realizing that posting their children's meltdowns on the internet, no matter the intent behind it, is not okay. prioritizing another autism mom's "reassurance" over your child's autonomy is not okay. it's just most autistic moms forget their child does have autonomy.

anyways. i just wanted to talk about that. it's not that i don't think autism moms don't deserve to be shamed. it's just that if they're humiliated en masse, odds are they will simply double down. and that doesn't actually help the autistic child they're raising. in general, if we come at people who are probably not acting maliciously, just stupidly, with compassion and sternness, they're going to realize just how fucking stupid they're being. so, i guess, the next time you see an autism mom acting a fool on the internet, recenter her attention on the child's well being. don't come for her personally. prioritize the child she's harming.

[ndcultureis]

Self diagnosed but currently being diagnosed audhd + dyscalculia, anxiety and depression and maybe other stuff culture is feeling anxious about wether or not you wilp even get a diagnosis because this makes sense but what if you dont actually habe it and you're just Like That and your parents have now played thousands of dollars to get you diagnosed and it comes back with nothing or like only one thing "wrong with you" and AAAAAA

Like I know im autistic and i know I have adhd (and with depression and anxiety and dyscalculia I KNOWWW i have those and the doctor lady pressty much already diagnosed me with dyscalculia in the sessions) but still like

What if I dont

And I've been appropriating it this whole time.

Or what if I was masking during the appointment too much???

Idk. Sorry.

.

[vanana-r0tat3]

some pre-game batim headcanons :>

Henry: - all he does is eat hot chip be bisexual and lie /j - has a preference for women so i think him realizing hes not straight is like hey wait a minute hey wait wait - joey was his gay awakening,,, real -gets burnout super easy, it probably frustrates him a lot when he cant draw - drawing is a big comfort for him - has pretty bad social anxiety, but has become pretty good at dealing with it!

Joey: - gay. this man is not into women at all sorry 💀 "i just dont have time for girls" yeah sure fruitcake - watch me project once again and give this man bpd. like im sorry his whole thing with henry?? im not even explaining it but if you get it you get it yea - also definitely has adhd - wheelchair user !! he is able to walk, but he still needs the wheelchair when flare ups get real bad. he is stubborn though and refuses to use it at work or when hes out of the house

more under the cut !!

Wally: - he has adhd, obviously - transgender !! i feel like hes a gnc binary trans man - hes straight to me, but his gf/wife is also trans >:D t4t win - i feel like he likes to gossip. the thought of him, norman, shawn, maybe even jack whispering to eachother in a corner about some random secrets theyve overheard is super funny to me

Sammy: - AUTISM... hes autistic - gets overwhelmed and overstimulated super easily, hence why hes always so irritable - yknow what im giving him bipolar. hes my comfort character and i get to project my mental illness !! - hes gay and demiromantic - honestly? transfem i see it. bc like im thinking about how he talks about susies singing like. i know what you are - bad with boundaries.. he is so bad at them and reading social cues - hates being touched, probably is only comfortable with jack for the most part - watch him crush on like half the men mentioned in this post at least once

Norman: - hes also autistic. his sense of humor is so??? 😭 - HES ALSO DEFINITELY AN OLDER GAY GUY. he just has that energy yknow like if you agree - probably would be agender too - him and sammy are that incompatible type of autism havers does this make sense?? like some autistic people i just cant stand because of my autism, our places on the spectrum make it so hard to like them yk? thats norman and sammy - this man definitely has insomnia

Susie: - lesbian. she doesnt know it yet but she is - her calling sammy handsome isnt her being attracted to him its just gender envy 😁 - shes just a feminine transmasc 👍 - rejection sensitive dysphoria out the ASS my poor girl - very insecure deep down, so she overcompensates for it by trying to be a people pleaser n stuff

Allison: - shes bisexual !! has a strong preference for women - shes a trans woman idc idc i love her - AUTISTIC AS HELL - i imagine she had a sibling like relationship with joey - probably one of the few people that could tell him off without like. getting fired lol

Buddy: - adhd and autism,, special intrest in art/drawing - AROACE. the stuff he says about his friendship with dot?? "i didnt know we could just be friends" and him not being too into his first assumption when she pulls him away to show him the bendyland model?? yea - honestly i think he has social anxiety hes doing his best - hes very sensitive over people bringing up him being jewish, he seems so ready to be made fun of or scorned for it :( - definitely some cultural detachment because of it (im projecting again) - i think dot would wanna learn about about it, buddy should teach her stuff!! like traditions and whatnot

Tom: - asexual 👍 - TRANSGENDER. probably would be nonbinary, heavily masc leaning though - he smokes a lot have you heard this man good lord. i dont think allison is a fan of it - anger issues,, mostly caused by stress and a lack of sleep, hes trying his best :( - he has arthritis. hes not old but god do his joints fee like it. he has crutches !! like joey though he only really uses em at home 💀

Jack: - wheelchair user jack my BELOVED idk where the hc came from but im all for it - he cant walk, but is able to get around just fine! watch him try and do wheelies to impress sammy only to almost fall over - 100% autistic as well. him and sammy are able to be autism together - unlabeled aromantic - hes such a loser /loving

Grant: - poor guy gets chronic headaches someone give him some painkillers - hes got generalized anxiety disorder this man cannot get a break - demisexual and demiromantic,, mans is double demi

Shawn: - adhdtism 😭 - LOVES to talk, he could go on for hours dude - i feel like he knows a lot of ridiculously obscure knowledge. for why? dont worry about it - he gives me genderfluid vibes - literally just some guy

[plegg-culture-is]

Fannish plegg carton culture, specifically protogenic-endogenic plegg culture that later finds itself to be full of permanent resident soulbonds is —

In very very early childhood:

*Projections literally playing H.O.R.S.E or whatever that basketball game is. Of course the main fronter never played, because they are too short.*

"Huh!! Well I mean those barbecue sauce was spicy before but it's 0.05 seconds later and I feel completely different as a person and also this barbecue sauce is no longer spicy. Oh well. The teacher called me a liar over barbecue sauce so I'm gonna be a shithead to them and have a meltdown"

In middle school:

"What would Gohan do if he was in this world???"

"What would Jayfeather do if he were in this world??"

"OMG. WHAT WOULD. IZAYA ORIHARA DO IF HE WAS IN THIS SITUATION JIST SOME MIDDLE SCHOOLER NOW"

*Has full-ass slow changing "see through my eyes" quasi-ceremonies based solely on vibes since we didn't have innerworld completely built yet*

*Chasing each other in hallways and all people saw was a small autistic child running for no reason lol*

"Why the fuck can I never feel my face when something horrible happens to us me? Also I relate too much to Silver from Pokémon HeartGold/SoulSilver"

In high school:

"Yep just Gon and Killua from Hunter×Hunter chillin' over there. Nobody can see 'em and these feel pretty distinct from hallucinations considering I can't literally see them. Eh. Maybe just imagination."

*Checking out a pro-endogenic blog in 2015* "Yup I am just a curious singlet"

*Still chasing ourselves through hallways just less or more hidden because people are stupid.* Why the fuck am I so angry all of the time. Why the fuck do I feel like there should be more to all of this.

"Hhhh Illumi Zoldyck from Hunter×Hunter patting my head is completely normal. So is pretending I am Ethan from Pokémon HeartGold/SoulSilver I'M NOT PRETENDING ThOUGH??? I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO CALL THIS all I know is I am definitely Ethan, , not Ethan? And Illumi Zoldyck is petting my head and we are working at a McDonald's right now. What the fuck is happening" *Proceeds to ignore this and never tell anyone until we are today years old*

"My vitriol for Hisoka Morrow of Hunter×Hunter has three sides to it. I hate him and his canon. I have no clue how to explain the other two sides to this and I cannot stand my friend obsessing over this character" *Proceeds to also ignore this one too, and never tell anyone until we are today years old*

In university:

"Hey 30 year old Gladion idk if you're actually a figment of my imagination anymore but yeah sure your sister Lily and her daughter Mei can chill in here in this brain for awhile. Does this mean I'm genderfluid lol?" (Narrator: this is, in fact, NOT what genderfluidity is supposed to feel like.)

"Oh well I guess Itonai from Assassination Classroom is just decided to sleep in the bed tonight. Get the fuck off of my bed ya lazy bum. Noooo it's just wei — get back in our head you freak (//lovingly, platonic)"

*Just feeling fucking uncomfortable around sysmedicalists but especially the sysmedicalists who were anti-endogenic as well (yes there are pro-endogenic sysmeds!! Uhm but definitely not plural, nope)*

"I am now talking to these projections while brushing my teeth. Lucifer from The Devil Is A Part-Timer has literally crash-landed into our brain along with Emilia Justina. Wtf?"

*Discovers the word endogenic yet again and gets the weird euphoria again*

*Maybe our late second year at university, at fucking 11PM, after anime club finishes — Kusuo Saki just fucking chilling on top of the table via projection* "Heeey so remember that one time in high school where you had weird daydreams about that pink-haired psychic boy and the blonde with drills? Welp, Mami Tomoe picked me up on the way here —" *Queue freakout of the main fronter at this point*

-----------

SO ANYWAYS that is. Uh. Some Stuff(tm) yaaay, anyways the good thing about this is we don't think our queer shit would ever, ever be as fucking weird as our plurality shit in the context of the societal context and chronological context we, Rusanya, live in, so figuring out we're aceplex (since we found the plurality first and asexuality is more of a veil) was mostly just an "AHA okay then lol" and we just kind of slap every label on the planet onto us that we like that we think applies, both on an individual and collective level. :D

.

[syscultureis]

CW: Vent; Note that this may not apply to programmed and/or RAMCOA systems

System culture is being uncomfortable about the pressure in some of the OSDDID community to be adamantly against having more alters, going to the point of not interacting with media you enjoy/would enjoy, stopping roleplaying even if it was fun and cathartic for you, not writing either with a particular OC or at all anymore, etc. to avoid having more. Avoiding healthy coping mechanisms like these can lead to a situation where the only thing left is self-destructive or externally destructive coping mechanisms, all in the name of avoiding the core identifying symptom of these disorders.

Generally, new alters are made to help a system and are here for a purpose, even if that purpose isn't known to the system. Sure, they may take time to get used to the idea of being a part of a system and may be resistant or put extra strain on everyone while they process everything, but in the end they are usually helpful. Even persecutors *can* usually be taught through care and respect to heal from their destructive means of coping and become helpful or at least neutral.

It almost feels a bit like internalized ableism in our opinion to be so adamantly against having new alters. If an autistic person says they do everything in their power not to stim even though it helps them, they're generally told that that is unhealthy and rooted in internalized ableism and forced behavior "training" during childhood. Almost every other disorder making progress towards destigmatization includes learning to unmask and accept your brain for how it works as a major step in that process. I don't see why it's any different for systems.

Of course, everyone's system is different and should do what works best for them, but that's kind of my point. It shouldn't be assumed that you're anti-recovery or unhealed just bc you don't avoid having new alters aside from (ofc) avoiding new trauma as much as possible, because for many systems new alters can be a major relief.

Idk maybe this is just bc we used to have around 120 at our maximum and now have less than 10, but I just don't see why it's unhealthy to be okay with more alters showing up. At times, it's helpful for us at least to seek out a new alter if no one is capable of handling a recurrent stressor. We spent too long without help handling everything to not accept or even ask for it from the only place we know we can trust to try and help.

.

[brain-stuck]

what up welcome to brainstuck

were called that because we . Because we are Stuck in th

were a massively introject heavy system of like 27 or some shit and we made this blog to. idk reblog system shit and maybe you guys can interact with us or smth . this blog was the result of a democratic vote so here it is 💯

COLLECTIVE INFO

bodily 23

trans dude, default to he / him

overall aroace. headmate identities heavily impact the Flavoring so were loveless, lovequeer, nonamorous and partnering all at the same time

refer to us as a whole as brainstuck or perhaps bingus. i am serious we will respond to bingus

not endogenic or traumagenic but a secret third thing (nunyagenic) (nunya business)

DISCLAIMER some of us arent white in brain but we are bodily white . we dont claim those identities but we do like learning about those cultures so if you got any cool facts hit us up

the resident shawties

COHOSTS: kyle (irl), xingqiu (discord), dave (tungle)

FREQUENT FRONTERS: tao, shinobu, yoimiya, layla / samira, lynette, kaveh

OTHER SHAWTIES: bo, john, rose, jade, jane, dirk, jake, lark, aradia, sollux, karkat, feferi, lumine, barbara, keqing, xinyan, kokomi, bronya

LITTLE BITCHES: dimple (<- what we named our intrusive thoughts demon)

click the read more for more info on us individually OK EPIC BYEEEE

KYLE 💤 - Our core Guy. The OG. He / him, trans, aroace. Handles IRL stuff. Professional Sleeper. We are all facets of this guy including This Guy

DAVE 🎧 - @aroacedavestrider and @incorrect-hs-quotes (mod dave). he / him aroace homestuck gang. yallready know whats goin on. cohost

QIU 🌊 - @alegendofsword and @blueboy-mlm. He / him, gay ace, trans. Genshin Gang. Cohost. Name is pronounced “CHYO”. Writer and reader.

KAVEH 🏛️ - @kavehshahrewar. He / him Genshin gang uh. Horrendously gay. I am suddenly the tallest bitch in this house and I don’t know how this happened. Slay

BO 📺 - @nosignal-standby. he / it. aroace. nonhuman static entity. voidsona. shoutout to deltaverse. probably a trauma holder.

JADE 🌱 - @gardeniagnostic. she / they demigirl! polyam pan, homestuck gang :) talk to me about hawai’ian culture and green magic!!!

LAYLA / SAMIRA 🌟 - @fantastical-eveningstar. she / her for both of us, two-person subsystem. demiaroace and maybe bi about it ?? genshin gang. astrology nerd

JOHN 👻 - he / him, biro ace, homestuck gang. resident Dissociator™. i’m learning spanish and greek! june egberts can interact if comfortable. :)

ROSE 🐙 - She / It. Demi, sapphic. Bi lesbian, don’t care to figure out which I am specifically. Homestuck gang. Talk to me about crystal magic.

JANE 🎂 - She / He? Bi, some kind of gender going on. Homestuck gang. Not frequently near pilot. Sorry :B

DIRK 🔥 - He / him. Gay, aro, left arm amputee in headspace. Rewatching MLP. Rarity is funnier than I remember. Homestuck Gang.

JAKE 💀 - He / they demiboy quoi-aro and bi! Homestuck gang. Absolutely talk to me about crazy ancient relics and sites. Australian not british!

LARK 🐦‍⬛ - he / him and bi. kind of a fucked up human bird davesprite thing. not crow strider. used to go by luke. part time protector

ARADIA ♈️ - she / they n0nbinary thang. ar0ace. autistic 0n the beat ab0ut cryptids and urban legends 0u0. h0mestuck gang. name is pr0n0unced “uh-RAY-dee-uh”

SOLLUX ♊️ - he / hiim, biiro ace. iidk much el2e ii ju2t work here. ii play a lot of miinecraft. home2tuck gang

KARKAT ♋️ - HE / HIM, GREY-ARO, PAN AND ACE. VITILIGO NATION RISE UP. FREQUENT FRONTER. HOMESTUCK GANG.

FEFERI ♓️ - S)(e / )(er and pan! Name is pronounced “F-EF-furry”. )(omestuck Gang 38) !! I’m a trauma )(older, actually!

LUMINE ✨ - She / her, lesbian. Genshin Gang, kind of a… splice between Traveler and Abyss Lumine? I was both. I am both. Where is Aether

BARBARA 🎶 - she / her and bi ^^ genshin gang. i love to sing and make playlists for my headmates! kind of a… religious trauma processor??

XINYAN 🎸 - she / they ace lesbian and im the proud token punk rock headmate WOOO!!! genshin gang. send me cool music!! names pronounced “SHIN-yan”

TAO ⚰️ - she / they aroace :) genshin gang ! i collect books full of ghost stories so tell me some if you dare~

KEQING 💫 - She / her, lesbian. Genshin gang. Name is pronounced “KUH-ching”, but I also go by Kit. Let’s call me the… “manifestation of productivity”.

SHINOBU 🗡️ - she / he. not picky. aroace, genshin gang. i also go by “shoby”. protector.

KOKOMI 🐟 - She / her lesbian and Genshin Gang! Qiu and I read a lot of books together and I would be very happy to hear recommendations :)

YOIMIYA 🎆 - she / her demi lesbian genshin gaaaang nice to meet you!!! i’m a… motivator?? lmao?? yeah!!

LYNETTE 🎩 - She / her aroace. Genshin Gang. Call me Nette please. Not much of a talker

BRONYA 🐰 - She / her unsure of what the Bronya is. Bronya likes Seele. The Bronya is a newer member of system and does not know what she likes yet. Only Honkai subject as far as the Bronya knows.

DIMPLE - this is our resident “and a half”. hes like our intrusive thoughts brain demon and we all hate him so we made him look like dimple mp100 and we call him shit like “scringle” and “bunkle” and “grinkle”. hes not allowed to talk cause he sucks but if he was wed make him use this 👹 ok epic

THANKS FOR READING THAT WAS MAD LONG ok. 👍

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

My sister doesn’t like, really celebrate Christmas but she does culturally if only for extended family so she usually gets presents and sometimes gives presents in December or so. And I’ve gotten her a few things in the past, last year something I hand embroidered for her. And this year recently she mentioned how she wanted a candle holder, right, like one for like simple unscented dipped candlesticks. and she did buy one of those like funky cheap minimalist colored glass ones she can put like a simple candlestick on. But I was considering maybe like idk going on Etsy or smth and buying her like, one of those fancy vintage chambersticks. She’s pretty minimalist in her decor but she also has really loved historical shows/movies and such so I feel like she may enjoy it, especially one with the basin or w/e to catch dripping wax. But I’m also like. Autistically terrible with knowing what people like so I’m worried to actually get her one bcuz what if she doesn’t like it??