#idk ive been in such a shitty mood lately
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incohorace · 1 year ago
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4 weeks in this school and i'm already feeling all of my faith in humanity be sapped and replaced with just like. rage
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skyeateyourdonuts · 1 year ago
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weeoo
#this is gonna be me talking in tags today#ive been rather sleep deprived lately trying to keep up with everything around me#and its been taking a toll on my health like#if i go too long like this i tend to feel more lethargic and my allergies kick in#i got a sore throat bc my room has been Freezing and then i get headaches way way easier#often times my face will flush but its just my nose and idk why#well anyways lmao i just aint feelin great due to lack of sleep#so i emailed my teachers and stayed home and others might say this wasnt it#but i can barely get to sleep at all these days and just bed ridding myself#seemed like the only way for my body to be like#'fine 🙄 u can sleep' lmao#thats actually one of the worst symptoms is im restless i just Cant grt to sleep no matter how hard i try#ive had a couple days where i was running on 2-3 hours bc i spent even longer Laying there#anyways i hope this makes a difference im tired of feeling tired and shitty#luckily my mood has weirdly been high#its just my sleep and health that are low#i think when the sleepiest soldiers are unable to get sleep thats when u know smths wrong#i think also so much is happening and me trying to keep up is taking more outta me than i expected#im a gal who gets overwhelmed easily even if im happy w whats happening lmao#tho im not Happy im more In a Good Mood lmao#side tangent but i HATE being an adult who doesnt have like idk Help lmao#like my dad was so nice to me sometimes and helped me sometimes#i could go a whole day sleeping bc id be fucking exhausted#and hed qake me up and ask me when i last ate and if i couldnt decide but itd been too long#hed make smth for the both pf us or hed make it For me and id just be able to like recover lmao#ah adulthood is hard lmao#alright im done#gata#no need to read <3 yall
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 2 years ago
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Kinda lost my ability to uh. What's the word... Care
#out of fucks to give lately#just fresh out#you may say its depression. i say it's convenience#actually. im caring about the important things#i bought a new pair of shoes today. they have kinda gay vibes#i care about that a lot#i dont care about how much work ive been missing tho#i called out a few days ago cuz of the weather#then i was on vacation (my familys house for Christmas)#tomorrow im supposed to go back but i dont want to#so im gonna call and tell him my car broke down so i cant get back in time for my shift#i dont care. whats hd gonna do. fire me?#this is my last week at this job#i dont care about my future. im still living in the shittiest apartment ever#and i dont care enough to leave#i dont care enough to leave my entire shitty workplace. i dont care enough to set boundaries with my parents#i dont care enough to take care of myself#no one will be surprised to learn that ive been bad at taking my meds lately#i havent picked up my anxiety meds in weeks. i dont care. ive been skipping my mood stabilizers. so what#depression? no. idk what this is but it's freeing#why care. why give a shit about anything#why care about my coworkers. or my job that i hate. or my mental health#i wasnt supposed to be alive this long. i was supposed to kill myself before i graduated high school#now im just flying along. doing my best. but idk what im doing#i didnt plan for this. for having a job. a car. an apartment. a lifs#and now i don't know what to do with it#sometimes i wish i hadnt made it past high school because life is fucking hard man#i have to do 60-80 more years of this bullshit? fuck that#(im not planning on killing myself i promise. im just not feeling too well rn)
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demisexual-in-distress · 6 months ago
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Any *SHNIFFFFF* helluva and/or hazbin headcanons??? o-o
*AHEHEHEHEM* I CAN RANT YES UR SUMMONING MY INNER NERD (LONG) (SORRY THIS HAS BEEN ROTTING IN MY ASK BOX IVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR A WHILE NOW)
pls dont flop i spent way too many hours on this lol only doing 6 (six) from the main casts!!! And, sadly, no, Fizzarolli is not included, though I do love him dearly.
Helluva Headcanons:
Blitz:
frickin loves spirit
(saw this somewhere else not sure where) huge-ass horns scratch up his couch, hence the shitty tears
Makes sure to cherish Loona as much as possible on her bday bc of trauma from his childhood
Wants to be the parent possible to her also due to trauma (daddy issues :\)
Insecure about his scars :(
Lost Verosika because he adopted Loona in a last-ditch effort to save their relationship, but refused to get rid of her when V wasn't a fan
Eats anything and everything Brandon Rogers does (canon??) (such as cheese and hotsauce)
Told Barbie about his crush on Fizz before trying to tell Fizz himself
never grew out of bands he liked as a teen
Undiagnosed learning disabilites (dyslexia? he tries his best)
Poor education
(TW, S.A.) Stolas:
WATCHES EVERY TELENOVELA IN THE GODDAMN BOOK
Also enjoys musicals and constantly sings soundtracks while alone (projecting a bit)
Genuinely wants Via and Loona to hang out; wants some sort of father-daughter bond? with Loona, but isn't sure how to approach her
was verbally, physically, and sexually abused by Stella in their "relationship"
GREY'S ANATOMY
I think we all know this by now... Eyeliner.
Black sheep (canon?)
plays some sort of classical instrument idk (piano?)
PAINTS (happy little trees)
Big fan of Cruel Prince series yk
Big fan of fantasy in general
Nerds abt astronomy to Via
Adelle. No other words.
Wattpad user u can't convince me otherwise
Definitely neurodivergent
Millie:
Dyed Sallie Mae's hair when she transitioned, was a makeshift hairdresser for a little while (till Sal figured out how to do it herself)
Had a lot of pets as a child
Tries to stay in contact with all her siblings. Emphasis on tries.
Used to get homesick A LOT
Homeschooled
Ik it's a common one now, but babysat Loona while Blitz was in prison, leading to her and Moxxie meeting
THIS GURL CAN HANDLE HER DAMN DRINKS ‼️
Best homemade recipes by far
Has and will not hesitate to eat a bug once more
Very organized
Moxxie:
Likes to write
MUSICALS (canon) he loves phantom, les mis, and a gentleman's guide to love and murder (ahahhaem Bryce pinkham)
Has many hyperfixations! AUDHD
Loves kids, but gets overstimulated/overwhelmed when taking care of them
In severe need of validation due to trauma
Cat person
Out on a limb here but likes pottery
Bouncy leg stim yk
Panic! At the Disco led to his bi realization
Violinist just trust me
Loves mice for some odd reason
Gullible? Is that canon?
Can sketch pretty good!
Overwhelmed by loud noises and crowded spaces
Loona:
ACE SPECTRUM!!!!
Watches movies with blitz late at night as a tradition
Taught Blitz makeup tips for when he does his weird drag human disguise thing
follows 666 News on the hotel's strange journey
percussionistcore idk how else to say that
Knows EXACTLY how to deal with a hangover (ty blitz)
Social anxiety (might break this down in a seperate post cuz im in a ranty mood)
Has seen the show daria (or at least the hell version) (yall better kno wut im talking about)
Tries not to spend too much / is gentle with Blitz's bank account
Octavia:
Deep down, a sanrio girl is born
Nightcore bitches u already know
Very polarized when it comes to her relationship with stolas (canon?)
Has attempted to bring Stolas into her world - definitely shares her special interests with him, he tries his best to support
Plays at least ONE classical instrument bc she wanted to make Stolas proud :,) (never said she was good at it)
Very sheltered when it comes to Stolas and Stella's actual relationship toward each other
avid collector of taxidermy and other creepy things
She definitely knows those OG goth dances
Photography!!
Dr Martens do i have to say more
Hazbin Headcanons:
TW for Angel Dust and Niffty's (of all people), S.A. mentions.
Charlie:
YA sapphic romances!!!
Webtoon freak
Pinterest whore
Listens to Katy Perry + Hayley Kiyoko
Sanrio again!! Aggretsuko or Chococat r her favs
Can genuinely help people through tough times
Autism spectrum? a little out on a limb here, but she seems to have a hard time breaking down the psychology of sinning/sinners
Paints Vaggie's nails all the time
Vaggie was so her bi awakening; Seviathan and Vaggie were her only two relationships
CATS!!
LOVES Pixy Stix yk they're just straight up sugar
has a diary lol
ADHD
Vaggie:
feels so indebted to Charlie because of how much she took care of her after Falling
girl in red kind of sapphic
Struggles with self-worth
Definitely best exorcist girl on Adam's team
Lute was searching for a reason to get rid of her
brushes Charlie's hair idk
Candles. I don't know why
OPENS/CLOSES DOORS WITH THOSE HUGE ASS HIPS IDK ITS JUST RIGHT TO ME
Doesn't have the heart to tell Charlie when she's not fully correct on something
Origami
Wakes up at ungodly hours due to nightmares and anxiety, lock checks the hotel ALL THE TIME
honestly, tumblr user, silent reblogs
Alastor (sorry, most deal with his time alive):
Genuinely beginning to care for the hotel-- it scares him.
DADDY ISSUES + MOMMY ISSUES HE'S COLLECTED THEM ALL!!!!
Follow up: traumatic childhood
Mauled by dogs (is this still canon? Was this ever canon? DOES ANYBODY REMEMBER THAT???)
Knows the basics of technology, refuses to acknowledge it
Constantly playing jazz music from his radio in his room
Has a very vivid memory of his past, will not let himself forget it
Needs fucking glasses but that monocle don't do shit
Tea > coffee
Was convinced his asexuality was a flaw after being told so
Held onto Mimzy for the sake of nostalgia and memories of time alive
Insomniac
Nerd for jazz
Spoke some French as a child, though he isn't fluent
Husk's and Angel's get a bit detailed... I'm a slut for characters with such a vast possibility of headcanons
Husk (yeah I realize this won't make as much sense if you don't know all of his lore because of my obsession with him, I'll clarify what's already canon):
BLEEDS INTO ALASTOR, ALSO STRANGELY DETAILED: While alive, Husk played the saxophone professionally (canon). In his afterlife, as an overlord, he had one and continued to play bc us musicians r weird fucks who love to torture ourselves. Alastor knew he could play, and, being a jazz lover, LOVES that aspect of Husk. Just about the only thing he likes about him. Now, at the hotel, while he no longer plays, Alastor still brought his saxophone, which rots in Husk's closet.
Niffty's in his room ALL THE FUCKING TIME, it can't possibly get dirty
Doesn't make a mess to begin with--- husk hasn't personalized his room at all since he arrived, he doesn't know when Alastor will pull him out
Is used to that kind of travel anyways, since he did so much when he was alive (canon!!)
Never was that close to his parents-- they were busy with the (canon->) casino
Is (surprisingly) educated on LGBTQIA+ terms, labels, and knows about the most important landmark events in the community's history, he just prefers not to use labels for himself
Close to Niffty, has had conversations with her in Japanese (canonically speaks it) to prevent Alastor from understanding
Always wanted kids, knew he didn't have a stable enough life to have them and didn't want them to have a repeat of his own parents' absence in his childhood
MIXED RACE!! A bit of everything, I'd like to say
Had glasses when he was alive, where the fuck did they go in the afterlife
ACE SPECTRUM (previous post)!!! Demisexual & demiromantic (can u tell I'm projecting a lil???)
Hates KeeKee
Hates large crowds + loud noises, idk it speaks to me, especially with those big ass ears
I don't fully lean towards him being neurodivergent, though I do believe that Husk likes to have something to do with his hands as a form of stimming, if that makes sense
Alone most of his life
(TW, S.A.) Angel Dust (a lot of when he was alive):
Lived with Molly while alive
Was disowned when he got the courage to come out to his dad, fell out of the mafia and had to make a living for the first time ever
Wanted to be an actor, never got casted (while alive) due to being queer
Valentino romanticized his career, making him believe that he wouldn't always be the actor that he is
Career was also romanticized by the fact that he was finally accepted as gay
Performed in drag at gay bars
Borrowed dresses, makeup, other "feminine" things/accesories from Molly, who had a similar style
Isn't as up-to-date with technology and modern things as he seems to be
Tries to cover up both (slight) italian and New York(er?) accent, fails miserably
Had fish while alive (canonically loves fish lol)
Brother + father didn't attend his funeral
Met Cherri very close to when she arrived in Hell
learns more about media and pop culture from Cherri
Originally was in something like a relationship with Val, but it was more of S.A. than consenting sex after a while. When he began to disagree, this showed more prominently.
I don't have anything for Niffty except for one thing, so trigger warning once more. I believe that Niffty came from an immigrant family from Japan—half white. In the 50s, housewives got a bit stir-crazy from all the work they did, leading to hysteria, anxiety, depression, and other issues. In some situation where leaving the house was necessary, I believe one or multiple guys, possibly older, attempted to sexually assault Niffty. Asian girls, such as myself, that look like that "stereotypical" East Asian, young, small, etc., are fetishized. Niffty must've been little, judging by her form, and she was also an immigrant, and also a WOMAN—seen as lesser. In self-defense, she killed him (or all of them? I'm leaning toward it being multiple), having had enough. She was soon diagnosed with the housewife syndrome and lobotomized, meaning they gave her SEVERE brain damage, hence her twisted mind in the afterlife.
Overall, Niffty is a character that we don't know much about yet. Of course I'll write my own story over that. Playing with fandoms is just what I do. :) While I do genuinely believe the part about her being lobotomized will become canon, the rest is, again, just something that's been brewing in my head for a while. Maybe I'll incorporate it in my own writing, who knows?
I wanna see other headcanons in the reblogs and replies :D If this does well, I always have more!
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They wish they could say it, look into her face as they do- but they have always been weak, to the world, to their family, to themself- and so they leave their secrets whispered into the crook of her neck. She asks- do they remember being young? They ask- were they ever? (Oh, what they would have done to have been young…)
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cruisinfdr · 6 years ago
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#uhh this post isnt a lot#ts3#the banda#i think. either someone did theatre woohoo or went to the movies. idk which#and then paprika visited bebe and zippy#ok hi and welcome to breannas diary this ones gonna be insane and long im sorry but this is all ive been able to think abt lately#im doing this for my own sake fjkdsfhk it makes my head clearer to get it all down somewhere and then its easier to explain to my friends#so. i mentioned here b4 that i had a crush on someone. and ive also mentioned b4 that i have a favorite coworker. but i did not mention that#they r the same person. which is a mess im mad at myself for catching feelings 4 a coworker. but i did !! and here i am !!#and i was talkign with my shitty manager last week and she made a joke asking about this guy who i used to like?? cuz ive mentioned him b4#theres weird work relationships at my rink dont question it.......n then i said i found someone new who i liked so she asked who#to which. i said i couldnt tell her. and then a long series of questions ensued where she got me to narrow it down that the person#frequented our rink so she knew who they were n i didnt want her to ruin it. and she guessed peoples names too omfg shes so annoying#but i denied everyone and then she said My Persons name like 3x which i still denied but...ya.... and then wednesday she texted me#and asked me to take her thursday shift :~P so i said hell ya cuz i new i'd see My Person and so i did lmfao this was yesterday ok#they came in like normal :~P good mood n we were doing like our regular talking n then they mentioned !! tht my manager had told them#something !!! so i asked what and they said. they wouldnt tell me cuz it was ABOIUT ME !!!!#i was flipping my shit i was texting my friends when they went to do the ice like my whole life flashed b4 my eyes my manager is a SNAKE !!!#when they came back we kept talking but didnt mention it n then they said that my manager asked if they#knew who i was trying to date at the rink WHICH is a quote thats the quote she said im tryna date#and then she did the same thing where she listed names and they said they didnt kno who it was o my god am i gonna get cut off in these tags#i think i am......lets try to finish OK SO i basically asked if that was it. they said ya. i made them pinky promise they didnt kno more. n#then they started throwing at questions at me too trying to figure it out n i think they know which is scary but they kept asking QUESTIONS#i was trying to dodge them but they kept asking n then they wouldnt tell me who their guess is but i think theyre right :~?? idk idk idk#I THINK their guess is them. they kno its them they have to#then they told me i should just go for it and try to ask the person like 3x but theyre a taurus so. makes sense. and by this point i was#sitting there 40 min past my shift so it was like. i shoudlve left already lmfaoo but before i did they sent me a playlist on their spotify#just cuz theyve been trying to push me into the music they like more.......n now theyre texting me more too and this is SCARY ok#i think they kno. that i like them. and honestly im too afraid to do anything about it but i havent rlly been subtle abt it#honestly if u read any of this...thank u i lov u have a nice day...............wish me luck for when i work next i need it.......
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bunnygirlskull · 5 years ago
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dervampireprince · 3 years ago
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No need to apologize, sweet prince, really. Honestly if you find ways of taking care of yourself in this hellscape of a website that's a very good start. Don't let a bad experience like this deter you from continuing doing your thing, I'm sure you've also helped plenty of people in that same position, and that's an incredibly brave thing to do. Take lots of care and try to be gentle to yourself for the day, darling 💙
❤️
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cassthefrassreviews · 2 years ago
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Wednesday- Netflix Show Review (spoilers duh)
Alright, i watched the show. Did i like it? Eh!! Will i still participate in fandom? Yes!
Show rating: 3 stars??
Right off the bat you can tell the only good actor in this show is the main character. Jenna Ortega 100% did this role amazingly, and was my second favorite character (first being Thing ofc). Everyone elses acting ranged from mid to just straight up not good? Not to mention like jesus the cast either looks 12 or late 20s, is this highschool, middle school or college?? And dont get me started on the MAIN MALE LEADS ACTING??? Tyler played by Hunter Doohan, deadass sounds like a shitty anime dub protagonist. And by GOD did that get on my nerves. I will say either the acting is better or more tolerable by the end of the season but thats most likely due to the fact the screen time mainly shifts onto the main character Wednesday. Which im fine with.
I love Wednesday, i love her so much. She is so autistic coded, just like me for real. Jennas portrayal is amazing. Line delivery, body language, everything down to the tea for amazing it was.
The writing...... yeah the writing..... yeah no..... Its not great, it feels like they only focused on making Wednesdays lines good and give 0 shits about anyone else. Some moments are great i wont lie, but alot of the writing comes off as???? Eh??? And the actors definitely didnt help carry the writing. Maybe with a different cast, it wouldn't have been so hard to watch.
The show starts off with a very strong pallet of "how do you do, fellow kids?" and honestly has one of the worse hooks ive ever seen. Social media being shoved down are throats and a couple of ad placements throughout the first episode, i was expecting a full on "HEY BUY THE LATEST IPHONE, EAT SOME DORITOS AND SHOP AT OLD NAVY" type of ads like the Addison Rae movie. Like oooooooooooof, thankfully they tone that down, but its still very obvious in some scenes.
SPOILERS BELLOW
Shows like this always make me feel weird where they have "outcast" "normie" type stuff. And yeah it was.... ?????? Man idk lmao. This show did alot of stereotypes and ???? stuff?? throughout it, that was honestly very weird? Like for example Enid isnt able to transform into a werewolf, and her mom wants to send her to.... wait for it.... CONVERSION THERAPY??? Are we serious??? And its like this long awkward scene that felt like a coming out scene of her turning down conversion therapy, and her mom storming out and her dad saying how proud he is and he will always support her....... like deadasss???? AND THEN!!! SHE ENDS UP "WOLFING OUT" AT THE END ANYWAYS????? So like are you serious??? They dealt with it like it was a coming out thing and it was a puberty thing and alsoa disability, so that was icky!!!
A HUGE ICK IS IN THE ENDING???? We find out what a hyde is and all of a sudden Wednesday finds out that Tylers mom, oh my god, was a HYDE!!! So she confronts him and let me just quote this scene for yall"
Wednesday: "Her postpartum depression triggered her condition"
Tyler: "My mom has severe bipolar disorder."
Wednesday: "We both now thats a lie..... She was a Hyde"
LIKE DID WE REALLY???? DID WE REALY JUST COMPARE A SEVERE MOOD DISORDER TO A CREATURE???? IN THE SHOW A HYDE IS DESCRIBED AND "UNLEASHED" By this: "artists by nature, but equally vindictive in temperament.” He wrote: “Born of mutation, the Hyde lays dormant until unleashed by a traumatic event or unlocked through chemical inducement or hypnosis."
Like???? what we arent going to do is compare an already severely stigmatized disorder to a literal monster. That is so fucked up??? On so many levels????
There were a couple good moments in the show, and i did really like watching the friendship between Enid and Wednesday blossom. Any scene with Thing was good and also the scenes with Eugene were pretty adorable. I do enjoy the way she does investigate and the mystery aspect is semi solid. Her visions are also portrayed very well and i like them. The fight scenes i would say are pretty well choreographed.
Wednesday has alot of autistic / neurodivergent traits, along with alot of the other characters and that is very fun to watch. Because omg me? Very relatable! Does put the whole "outcast" "normie" thing in a weird perspective tho huh?
Anways would i watch it again? No
Will i watch the second season? Yeah probably!!
Do I recommend it? EH??? If you can get through the first two episode and look past the cringey/ unbearable acting, then yeah go ahead. Its only 8 episodes, i finished it in a day, so if you just want the show in the background or youre bored sure. Again there are some captivating scenes but honestly none that are very hooking to me.
Anyways thats my review !!!
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bangtanger · 4 years ago
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CONTENT CREATOR YEAR IN REVIEW
was thinking for 84 hours where should i post it but as its my creator blog i m doing it here <3 i was tagged by @taemaknae @suhdays @ynki @honsool @jjeongukie @taeyungie @dearbangtansonyeondan @lifegoesmon @everythingoes @flipthatjacketjiminie @yoongi-bts @jiminslight @hopekidoki @cowboyjinbop @yoonqiful @jcngkooks @pjmsdior @hobeah @balenciaguks​ @jinvant @hobibestboy @vjimin @yoongikook AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR INCLUDING ME T_T ik maybe its not a big deal but its a big deal to me and im touched :(((((((((((( also gimme some time to check all ur posts 👉👈 also im in a mood to say that ive collected many pokemons here djfksfhsakjddld ok nvm 
also sorry for a long post ik tmblr fvcks things up sometimes when there is keep reading so dont fight me plz <3
❀ first creation and most recent creation of 2020 
ok this is the fist one (still very pleased with colouring here T_T the stage lighting was,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, well yeah as always lmao) and this is the most recent (TBH DKJSKDSDK I WISH MY MOST RECENT POST COULD BE A DIFFERENT ONE THE ONE I WANNA MAKE FOR A MONTH NOW THE ONE ID PUT A LOT MORE EFFORTS IN SO IM A LIL FRUSTRATED i literally just missed giffing but couldnt watch anything new so took an old vid i wanted to gif once I DIDNT EVEN USE MYCOLOURING PSD IT LITERALLY HAS ONLY COUPLE OF LAYERS uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( but whatever,,, it just kinda doesnt show the difference -_-)
❀ a creation u r really proud of 
well 👁👄👁 there r quite few,,, and the main reason is colouring most of these r comps and i a b s o l u t e l y sucked at comps and esp at making the colouring consistent there lol so lets begin lol  1 (u have no idea how muchi love this set) 2 (i fucking mastered it i wanted to remake it for two years and i finally did!! 60 fps smooth good moments iconic performance iconic hair colour his attitude bruh and ofc the fact that i could do sth with colouring,,,,,, and chose such an unusual colour scheme that i doubted jckdckfdk and it still worked out 🥺) 3 (lol i had this idea written down since 2018 as well and this year i could finally collect all moments i needed and oh boi yeah,,, AND COLOURING I COULD ALMOST yeah almost do sth decent with it there r still couple moments id changed but im pleased) 4 (im so happy whenevr i see this CUZ IT ALL WORKED OUT it was such an impulsive comp i literally only saw couple moments for past few years as well where i could see three of them in one frame and suddenly I WAS LIKE I FUCKING MUST POST THOSE MOMENTS SOMEHOW and im so proud of colouring it looks so well T_T) 5 (the colouring ofc im still :o that i could get rid of that shitty shit dkksjkj AND THE MOMENTS ITSELF?????? AND BLACK SWAN???????? EVERY PERFORMANCE???? HAIR?????? OUTFIT???????? EVRERYHTIGNM???????? HIS FUCKING STARE? FACE??? DONT MAKE ME CONTINUE AAAAAAAAAAA also if im not wrong this set in particular made me start my before/after posts 🥺) 6 (i jujst love everything about it e v e r yt h i n g also i could made ppl believe that jin fr has purple hair here when in reality its brown djhfdhskdf one of blending modes or adjustment layers worked this way lol) 7 (i wont even comment this tried a great tutorial with great beautiful resuls for the first time ever and it worked out so well and i like it so much and the whole yoongi here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, also love me some borders that add cinematic feels to some gifs or just make them pretty in a dif way just like i did with prev post i mentioned imo lol) OK LAST ONE 8 (I USED A VIDEO OF STARS AND ADDED IT TO THE GIF FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I FUCKED WITHMASKING FOR 3 HOURS GRRRRRRRR THIS IS SO HUGE FOR ME!!!!! i cant even explain whew IVE NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE SO I WAS REALLY PROUD TOO even tho i fucked masking up on some layers lmao but lets not pay too much attention to it 👀)
❀ a creation that took u forever
ohhhhhhhh i think this one cuz the moments were long i couldnt decide what do i want to include + it ts file so u kno,,, the speed,,, of processing,, + somehow decided to put them all together + fucked with colouring + had to get rid of the logo and as we know japan likes a lot of big braight text around haha and draw hair in moments where logo made it look blurry + had to adjust the order and all that stuff but getting rid of logo was the longest part 
❀ a creation from 2020 that received the most notes
whew this iconic one im still amazed tbh they looked soso incredible and im glad how everything turned out here <3 (could change some colouring on bg tho so it could look better and more hq :c)
❀ a creation u think deserved more notes 
lol this one cuz i was so hyped to make it cuz their concert in saudi arabia is one of my fav things in the world and i waited for so long to have mood and energy to go throught it to find jk moments and i couldnt choose some for this comp for so long and just,,,,,, overall,,,, the way he looks here............................................................... its a special comp to me haha ill def gif more of it i have shit ton of clips left and also there r other members and i just want to sit and enjoy yhe whole thing to so may find more stuff to gif here lol
❀  a new fandom u joined an a creation u made for it 
i didnt join anything heurheru
❀ a creation u made that breaks ur heart
OKAY LISTEN DSJAKDJHFDKJ THIS ONE IF U KNOW U KNOW AND IM SURE IT BREAKS ALMOST EVERY HEART tbh whenever i see soft smiles or soft interactions or anything like this im just :’( <3 even my serotonin boost tag does it to me cuz its too precious T_T
❀  a ‘simple’ creation that u really love
this one cuz everything about it ah and this one 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
❀ a creation that was inspired by someone else
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm idk maybe this one ? cuz i never did anything like this before and maybe i saw someones beautiful headers and decided to try one too ? i could do a lot better there is not enough depth but oh well,,, lol
❀  a favourite creatin created by someone else
oh its gonna be hard :) dear every conten creator i hope u dont mind if i wont go though the whole 2020 gif tag but choose form the most recent ones i loved? u know how much i appreciate ur content cuz i never stop screaming about it in tags but truly there r more content makers and i want u to know that i really love ur content :(
@syubb welllllllllllll i wont even comment this is iconique.....
@jinv T_T val i miss u but there should be bday comps with that BIG ASS IMAGE THAT HAS ITS PARTS ON EVERY SINGLE GIF I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN that icant even find dfjksfskj
@jung-koook i literally couldnt choose ehdskjdjksd but i decided this one cuz its sososososososososososososososososososososo well made every single detail here is chefs kiss
@kkulmoon i truly really cant get enough of ur colouring lately T_T
@minhope !!!!!!LITERALLY EVERY PANTONE COMP OR ESPECIALLY 7 YEARS WITH BTS PANTONE ONE IM AAAAAAAAAAAAA and lmao i think this is one of the most reposted things ive ever seen on internet T_T
@jjoon hng amy u know how i feel about ur content T_T decided this one cuz f l a w l e s s 
@hopekidoki stuff like this makes my jaw lie in the floor dsjkdj
@flipthatjacketjiminie idk whats up but it makes me scream like a madman every time i see it.........
@lifegoesmon i cant even explain why i chose this one but everything here is so incredible !!!!!!!!1
@hobeah one of those good fucking bye ones.....
@taeyungie this made me feel so many things and a whole ass a w e so cool T_T
@jiminfilter i will never shut up about bts core jungkook one should also be here
@seoksjin THE COLOURS I SCREAM OH MY GOD O HMY OGD I JUST WENT TO CHECK OUT AND SAW THIS AND IMMEDIATELY DJKSJD DECIDED THIS IS CRAZY THE PASTELS THE PINNKS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EVERYHTGIN but also those birthday posts ahhh T_T
@jinvant i wanna YELL but also u know how much i love ur quality and blacks  T_T and gfxs too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@yoongi-bts i love everything here with my whole heart!!!
@everythingoes SHOUWLD I EVEN EXPLAIN WHY
@hobibestboy THIS IS SO COOL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE COLOUR SCHEME
@joenns  I WONT EVEN EXPLAIN IM SO HURT HES SO THIS IS SO T____________________T 
@jjeongukie idk i cant get enough of skin tone!!!!!!!!!!!!
@chaylani i really love the colouring and love these posts with highlights T_T
@eklipxe COLOURING AND EVERYTHIGN
@oncupid cant get enough of every colouring ive seen <3
@jiminslight THIS WHOLE GIF RIGHT HERE
@6dis-ease COZY AND PRECIOUS T_T
@ofkimtaehyung I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS ITS SO PRETTY
@taee it was really hard to choose too T_T decided to go with this cuz,, u kno
@yoonqiful CUZ THESE COLOURS DRIVE ME INSANE
OK THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG KDSFJSAKDL I WOULD ADD A LOT MORE CUZ THERE IS A LOT MORE TO ADD BUT IVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR THREE HOURS I BETTER CHILL 
❀  some of your favourite content creators from this year
ok i may forgot someone + in no order in particular + literally every creator that i follow/whose content i reblog @taeguks @tearuntold @cyphertaehyungie @love4hobi @kimnamtaejin @taejoon @jimiyoong @namkook @taeyungie @jinvant @jinv @6dis-ease @jiminrolls @daechwitas @syubb @syuga @jjeongukie @cowboyjinbop @hope-film @minhope @hopekidoki @joonie @namgination @jung-koook @faerieth @kooksv @lifegoesyoon @yoonqiful @j-sope @chaylani @jiminfilter @jjoon @everythingoes @varietae @seoksjin @dearbangtansonyeondan @ofkimtaehyung @yoongi-bts @gaypeople @seokjinyoongis @agustdfeatrm @joenns @houseofarmanto @namjoon (will miss forever) @thebtsgenre @honsool @vjimin @seokjinite @jiminswn @taee @hobeah @lifegoesmon @taemaknae @gukgi @kkulmoon @flipthatjacketjiminie @jintae @jcngkooks @ynki @yoongikook @yoongiandthebiaswreckers @jiminslight @gwkie @oncupid @eternalbulletproof and many more <3
OK SO i wanna say a special thanks to every content creator ever and also i wanna say that im really glad to be a part of this community all of u r so cool and creative and make such beautiful things and many of u made me feel EMOTIONS with ur sets or not only sets ill be forever grateful that i discovered bts and for everything they do to me without even knowing ALSO THANK U FOR STILL BEING HERE ON TUMBRLDSDFKJ yeah this year was less active there were few issues many ppl went on twt but thank u for still being here also happy new year <3333333 i think i sounded deeper and more emotional when i was commenting ppls gifs :| but its almost 2 am so i hope u will understand dkfjkfsjk im happy there is this corner on the internet that feels cozy and so welcoming <3 i love u i wish u a better year ahead <3 ok for checking notifications purpose ill tag my blog lol @eternal-bangtan
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rotten-away · 3 years ago
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Disclaimer: ed, body dismorphia (i think?), sex, abuse
Just a little dump of my thoughts rn
-- can anyone tell me how you can hide a part of your post so u have to click on it to actually read it, please? QQ--
I wonder why "making love" is a thing
Why is it so important for Most people
Maybe it should be for me too but it just isnt
I dont like it, i dont want it
Ofc i felt "the urge" sometimes in my life but id rather distract myself from the thought than doing the actual thing
I really do love my boyfriend, hes such a caring and sweet person. After everything i experienced before hes literally the purest person ive ever known
But, he really likes doing it
I know hes trying to not pressure me into it (Most of the times) but i hate it so much how he gets horny about everything
I feel like shit after a day of school and just want to cuddle for a bit when he gets home - he instantly wants it
He told me he cant change it, he likes doing it and so his thoughts cant get away from it. I know hes still trying his best to not ask too often
But it just feels so bad..
F.e. yesterday, he went to bed earlier than me bc he had to go to work today
He said good night but seemed a bit grumpy so a few minutes later i went after him and just wanted to cuddle so he could fall asleep better
Unfortunately he was horny like immediately and touched my butt etc
I was like 'babe u need to sleep u got work tomorrow' while trying not to start crying actually. Then his mood dropped completely and he was visibly disappointed. This always Happen when i have to say no to him
I try to do it as often as i can for him but since ive been feeling so bad lately i just cant get myself to it. And when i do, it exhausts me mentally so much that i basically have enough for the next 2 months
Idk its not that i hate him touching me, i love it when we cuddle and he wraps his warm arms around me and stuff, but i just cant seem to enjoy this adult stuff...
I have to do it though bc otherwise he wont like me anymore i think. He always Drops jokes about us never having Sex or Shows me some very sus studies that having less than 1 time a week is bad for health or having more than 4 times a week is good for whatever
I think he is deeply disappointed in me and the relationship, bc i do not give him my love the way he wants to
I think hes a very good person, but i am afraid that our needs to not fit together and he will leave me soon
Idk what i can do, i want to give him what he needs but i just feel so sick in this body of mine. I wish i could rip off my skin and fat or cut open every inch of me, ripping out my guts i just want to get rid of my body. So obviously i hate undressing or having someone Touch my disgusting bare skin, i just cant stand it it makes me so anxious
Anyways ill have to take a shower now and pamper my body a little, bc i think i will have to do 'it' today
I hate showering or having to look/Touch my body longer than i have to
It makes me sad though, every relationship i had by now Fell at the point of how often we make love
Everyone left me for it
One did not but forced himself on me, and one day i left him
Everyone else just got bored and disappointed of their girlfriend who doesnt want to do it 24/7
I want to be a kid again, not having to Deal with this
I dont want to feel dirty and disgusting anymore
What we do for love right
Im so sorry for him that he has such a shitty girlfriend like me
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pale-cheezit · 3 years ago
Note
Can you answer every 5th question from your 216-question ask post? Thanks!
Girl you're killin me lol. I'm bored though so thanks for giving me something to do!! I know I'm really late posting this but oh well. Thanks for the ask :)
5) Book/series I reread?
My favorite author is Tana French and I've reread her books a few times. I've reread the book "The Shack" by William P. Young a few times as well. I'm sure there's more that I'm forgetting right now.
10) The word that I use all the time to describe something great?
Probably fuck. As in, "that's fucking great" or "this is fucking awesome" or something like that lol
15) Last song I listened to?
Some new Five Finger Death Punch song that was on the radio
20) Favorite video games?
Probably New Super Mario Bros
25) Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in?
Ooof... I can't think of any off the top of my head. I have some actors that I like that make me go "oh theyre in this movie, it might be good" but I don't think I ever really watch anything just because of a certain actor.
30) Eye color?
Blueish/greenish. Changes colors sometimes depending on what I'm wearing.
35) Am I excited about anything?
Not really.
40) What do I think about most?
I swing wildly between thinking about insignificant nonsense and everything I'm worried/anxious about (my very uncertain future and what to do with myself and mental health shit I'm going through) and I think about my loved ones a lot too!
45) Last film I watched?
The Hunchback of Notre Dame lol
50) How do I destress?
I'm pretty good at pushing things out of my mind when I want to or need to (a blessing and a curse) Also smoke weed. Idk, feels like I'm always stressed about something in the back of my mind.
55) Play any sports?
I don't anymore but I played volleyball for almost 10 years of my life. Good times. I miss those days.
60) Pet peeve?
People that put masks on their kids.
65) What fictional universe would I like to be a part of?
Friskies world from the cat food commercial of course
70) Can I sing?
I think I can sing ok. I'm not amazing but also not horrible.
75) Where do I want to live?
Away from people and traffic!!! I hate how close together the houses are in the suburbs. But I don't want to be so far in the middle of nowhere that I have to drive hours to get groceries. Idk, maybe I wouldn't mind that after awhile, I'd probably get used to it. I just want my own land and to be able to walk out the back door and have my own personal shooting range on my property.
80) Can I drive?
Yeah. Can't drive stick though. I should learn.
85) Favorite genre of music?
Rock
90) Favorite sporty activity?
Uhhh like walking or hiking I guess. Baseball definitely.
95) How tall am I?
5'7"
100) Do I have more girl friends or boy friends?
I have NO friends lol
105) Last person I texted?
My mom
110) Do I like selfies?
Eh sort of. If I'm feeling good about myself, I might take a few but that's rare for me these days. I like to take pictures of much more interesting things instead! Selfies are boring!
115) Favorite number?
8 I guess
120) Am I much of a daredevil?
Depends on the situation and the mood I'm in. I can be. We all got a little daredevil in us if we drink enough lol
125) The Beatles or Elvis?
Elvis
130) Favorite piece of advice?
Hmm....Anything Jordan Peterson says is usually great advice lol. But I guess simple things like be yourself, enjoy the small things in life, never miss a good chance to shut up, others can inspire and support you- but only you can save yourself, assume you know nothing, listen to your elders cause they know a thing or two about life (SOMETIMES)
135) Do I like gossip?
Eh not really. It depends. I know I'm guilty of it because that's all women be doin but you can definitely cross a line with that stuff and some people have issues with that and that shit can be annoying. it's definitely something I try not to do too much because I wouldn't want others to gossip about me behind my back
140) Do I believe people are capable of change?
I'd like to think so. I mean, I think its not ALWAYS the case. There's definitely people that wont or cant change but there's also plenty of people that are willing to put in the work and have changed themselves and their lives.
145) In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family?
Bitch nobody could play me or my family better than me or my family
150) What is the best decision I have made in life so far?
I honestly don't know. I thought of a few different things and realized none of them were really decisions I 100% made for myself /: I've had a life so far that's been filled with other people making decisions for me. Kind of one of my problems I gotta work on. I guess I would say choosing to finally leave the shitty relationship I was in but he kind of left me in the end so it wasn't completely my decision. There's probably a bunch of small decisions I've made in the past that turned out great for me that I'm just forgetting right now.
155) Who is the most intelligent person I know?
I used to think my brother was because he was a genius child but then I grew up and realized there's a lot of different ways to be intelligent. I was gonna say Jordan Peterson but I dont actually know him lol. It's a hard question for me because I truly believe people are intelligent in so many different ways and Ive met many people that are smart in some ways but dumb in others. I guess my Dad would make the list if I had to pick someone.
160) What color mostly dominates my wardrobe?
BLUE
165) Do I believe in fate?
I think so. I think we can change our fate though too.
170) One of my favorite quotes?
"those who would give up essential liberty, to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety."- Ben Franklin
"unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality"- Emily Dickinson
I have a TON of favorite quotes, I could take up pages lol. Those are just the ones I thought of off the top of my head.
175) Do I dream?
Yes, every single time I sleep. Even when I take a nap. I'm always dreaming.
180) Do I like shopping?
It depends on my mood and what I'm shopping for. Sometimes I'm in the mood to shop and I have fun with it but other times I'm not feeling it at all. I don't like spending money, it makes me feel guilty.
185) If I could master one skill, what would I choose?
Probably being an excellent shot. As skilled as Annie Oakley- if that's even possible haha
190) If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go?
60s or 70s. Maybe the 20s.
195) Would I ever want to encounter aliens?
Fuck no. Definitely wouldnt be like some sci-fi movie. It'd be fucking terrifying.
200) Dragons or wizards?
Neither. Never been into either of those things. I also never got what the big deal about dragons is
205) Do I like my handwriting?
Yeah I suppose. Its very inconsistent. It goes from messy to neat to somewhere in between all in one page. Just like me lol
210) What is on my bucket list?
Travel. See the world. I dont have anything super specific but I definitely wish I could see all this world has to offer.
215) What is the weirdest talent I have?
I have no idea. I have no talent that I can think of. I'm sure there's gotta be something but I have no clue right now.
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yakocchi · 5 years ago
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(Eisuke) The King’s Training – “Try to Satisfy Me” // Episode 1
A bit of context for what this is from: otona love is their mature hub for existing Voltage series and their original adult series. So it’s just essentially 100koi+ (Love 365) except you have to play it on a shitty web browser and also pay more monies per story. technology
For a while I thought I imagined seeing this story in the site, but actually voltage just got lazy and didn’t tag this story with anything. Legit, you can type “eisuke” and “suite room” in the search and it doesn’t show up. it shows up on the kbtbb store page but… whack. almost reminds me of how useless the 365 app search can be
Episode 1 is free (!!!) so if you wanna follow along with a portrait of eisuke (bc I didn’t post further screencaps) then… there you go
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this ep is… not adult-adult, but eh. It’s the later eps that do the adult content or w/e
eisuke nonsense behind the cut
At the penthouse, where it seems like I’m always being summoned to come over… Within seconds I was already thrown into bed, and I weakly pushed against him.
[MC]: “N-No, don’t…” [Eisuke]: “Stop trying to hide every single little thing.” [Eisuke]: “Do you intend to make me say that over and over again?” [MC]: “Even then, doing this all of a sudden is a bit embarrassing…” [MC]: “Can you at least turn off the lights?” [Eisuke]: “Will that be all from you?” (This is bad… his mood quickly went sour.)
When I shrink away from the icy gaze above me, the sheets are then mercilessly torn away. [MC]: “Ah-” [Eisuke]: “Are you not in the mood to entertain me?” [MC]: “ah… Please, wait-” (As it is - it’s impossible!) Tightly shutting my eyes, I brace through my shame and-
(He shut them off for me!) [MC]: “Thank y–“ [Eisuke]: “…” In that split second I sigh in relief, he suddenly grabs onto my ankles. [MC]: “!” [Eisuke]: “From here, I won’t let any more complaints come out of you.” He forces himself between my knees, a smirk on his face. (Seems like it’ll be a long night…)
The next day – (I’m dead… dead tired…) (I only had resisted him for a little bit, and yet I was punished until morning…) I groggily continue to make the bed when I stagger a step and bang into the cleaning wagon. [MC]: “Aaah-“ [Erika]: “MC, hold it. What are you doing?” [MC]: “I’m sorry for causing more unnecessary work for you!” Waking up to tidy the massive heap of fallen amenities, Erika hands me the new sheets with a thud. [Erika]: “You know, you’ve been slacking off too much lately.” [Erika]: “Even if you’re Mr. Ichinomiya’s girlfriend - let’s not get too carried away now, hm?!” [MC]: “Of course not!” [Erika]: “As punishment, please do the rest of the cleaning by yourself!” (So that I can keep up with Eisuke, I’ve been working my hardest.) (‘Getting carried away’, I haven’t done anything like that…) Erika leaves the hotel room, and I was left alone to continue cleaning.
That night–
(If I don’t hurry, I won’t make it on time!) Flying out of my dorm and dashing through the hotel lobby, two figures then intercept my path. [Ota]: “Oh cool, perfect timing.” [Ota]: “We’re going up to the penthouse, so come and serve us some coffee.”
the… the main lobby where they all hang out is called the penthouse too, right in jpn they use “organizers’ room” which… that aint it in engl i remember that much. right??? oh no look what you’ve done voltage, this is what happens when you make 1 kbtbb update a month
[MC]: “Uh, right now?” [Baba]: “Ota, you gotta call that off for now. If she’s in this much of a rush, you should just sympathize with the dear.” [Ota]: “Ahh, gotcha.” [Ota]: “So, you were peacefully relaxing in your room after work when you got a call?” [Baba]: “Something along the lines of ‘Get to the penthouse, you have 5 minutes’, as they say?” [MC]: “It’s just as you say! Well, I have to-“ [Ota]: “Looks like Eisuke’s ‘training’ has wrapped up with flying colors, huh?” [Baba]: “Then, how many minutes do you have left on the timer?” (Oh, no- by just talking to them for a moment, my five minutes have passed!) I cut the conversation short and jump onto the penthouse elevator.
[MC]: “-So, I’ve kept you waiting!” [Eisuke]: “You’re late.” [MC]: “?!” Opening the door - Eisuke was right there, leaning against the immediate wall. He approaches closer, apparently irritated. (Th-That scared me… It couldn’t be that he was actually sitting around waiting for me, right?)
season 1 mc u will soon realize he has no hobbies despite having billions of dollars to invest in any hobby ever
(I should apologize for now) [MC]: “Sorry,” [MC]: “Before I got on the elevator, I was occupied talking to the others…” [Eisuke]: “I didn’t permit you to give me excuses and the like.” (No matter how you look at it, he’s clearly in a bad mood.) I feel a chill run down my spine before he grabs my wrists and pins them above my head. Trapped between the door and his body, I timidly ask, [MC]: “Are you… angry?” [Eisuke]: “I’m going to retrain you.” He leans his face a breath closer before licking my lips. Instinctively opening my mouth, he slips his tongue through and caresses inside. [MC]: “…Mmn-“ [Eisuke]: “…” Every time he bites the tip of my tongue, the wet sound echoes through the silent room. (Eisuke’s kisses are always so sweet, as if to melt me-) In these kisses filled with his desire that yearns down to the core, my mind grows hazy. …thump, thump… (Footsteps?!) [MC]: “Um, isn’t there someone coming up the stairs?” [Eisuke]: “And what’s the matter with that?” With a devious smile, he had snapped off a few of the buttons on my blouse. [MC]: “Please wait, someone can come in and see us…“ [Eisuke]: “Don’t kick up a fuss.” [MC]: “Ah... S-Stop…” -Knock, knock! [Soryu]: “Eisuke. Are you in?” [Eisuke]: “Yeah.” [Soryu]: “I’m opening the door.”
MA BOI SORYU DUN DESERVE to be part of ur sic voyeuristic ways u eggplant lookin ass
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lol idk if the engl version has this yet but remember the eisuke story where he swaps bodies with soryu and then soryu was pretty much like “no TOUCHIN MY BODY IS SACRED” and that was like season 17 my season 1 boy dun need this
(Th-This is a problem…!) Rattle, rattle-
[Soryu]: “…Are you in the middle of something?” [Eisuke]: “I’m busy right now.” [Soryu]: “Then I’ll ask you from out here.” (Th-Thank goodness…At some point Eisuke had locked the door.) As I finally let out a sigh of relief – While Eisuke normally conversed with Soryu, he began to further undo my clothes. (He’s opening up my blouse, and my bra is…) (But if I make a sound here, it’s likely that Soryu will find out what’s going on.) I twist my body in a subtle attempt to resist, but with a great force I was pressed even harder against the door.
[Eisuke]: “…” [MC]: “…guh…” His teasing fingertips sneak under the hem of my skirt and stroke the inner side of my thighs. Lightly biting my lip, I desperately keep my voice from leaking out. [Soryu]: “There will be a change in the items up for the upcoming auction.” [Eisuke]: “And this item is?” [Soryu]: “A painting. Ota is currently appraising it, but it’s almost certain to be a forgery.” (What should I do, the current situation is…) I also could hear lively chatter from the penthouse lobby below. In this situation where it seems that if I get even a little careless I’ll be discovered - my heartbeat wildly beats faster. [Soryu]: “Baba is currently looking for an alternative piece, but…” [Eisuke]: “But I thought there was a sculpture in the warehouse?” [Soryu]: “Isn’t that one supposed to be the centerpiece for the following auction?” Eisuke is discussing business matters with his usual expression… as he pulls down the straps of my bra. [MC]: “….Hh…” [Eisuke]: “…” His fingertips glide along to skim against the tip of my breast. (Even though Soryu’s on the other side of the door,) (He’s purposely… on the places where I’m likely to cry out…) [Eisuke]: “I don’t care if we put that one up earlier.” [Eisuke]: “Report that to Baba.” [Soryu]: “I don’t mind that, but…” More and more, the core of my body blazes hotter and I want to lose all of myself to him. (I know that wanting something like that right now is out of line,) (But…) Even if I’m aware of how inappropriate this is, I can’t escape the comfort of the sensations Eisuke gives me. [Eisuke]: “Is there a problem?” [MC]: “…kgh-” Though his words are directed to Soryu, his irises are directly captured on me. When I slightly lean my relaxed body towards him, he strokes my hair in a toying manner. [Soryu]: “…It’s quite difficult to talk about.” [Soryu]: “I’ve had enough of this - Can I at least open the door now?”   [MC]: “!” I return to reality upon hearing Soryu’s voice laced with suspicion, and I shake my head to signal my resistance. But Eisuke, without letting go of my body, puts his arms to the back of my knees. (Huh?) (As usual, this is where it ends, right…?) [Soryu]: “Eisuke, are you listening to me?” [Eisuke]: “I do believe I told you that I’m in the middle of something.” When I look at him, my heartbeat picking up - With an amused smirk carved on his face, he presses these lips against my earlobe. [Eisuke]: “Spread your legs wider.”
(End of Episode 1)
If you’re interested in the rest, please consider buying the other episodes! or not. ( ´_ゝ`) save up ur monies for the things to come, idk. ive been holed up for weeks drinking me choccy milk i dun not got the energy to be voltage pr
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morinokunikara · 5 years ago
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ok ok ok you said to show you the oc with nf1 so HERE SHE IS.. her name is jewel-ann ruskin. her older brother thomas also has it & is also a big part of my story however i haven’t drawn him yEt so shh.
jewel-ann is 17 years old, extremely anxious and shy and therefore quite reserved. her emotions tend to come in outbursts that catch people off guard, either extreme anger or extreme affection (usually towards her gf paige). she’s a deep thinker and notices a lot of details others wouldn’t in people’s body language and such, but people tend to underestimate her because she’s got dyslexia and reading comprehension issues and tends to under perform academically, as well as just easily slipping under the radar due to being so quiet. 
she fancies herself a private detective, her older brother thomas is a professional journalist (though he usually just gets assigned shitty fluff pieces and things of little importance, he’s also chronically underestimated though for different reasons to jewel-ann) and she makes it her mission to try and get him assigned to more interesting stories. she & her gf paige have also gotten articles published that they collaborated on under the combined pseudonym of leanne reign.
her story doesn’t really revolve about nf1 it’s like… a murder mystery who dunnit crime type thing. it’s inspired by stuff like ruby redfort, murder is easy, i have no secrets, the mysterious affair at styles, and problem sleuth. it mostly revolves around jewel-ann and paige trying to solve stuff while being underestimated at every turn (+ also a sideplot about thomas being way too invested in the bowling league he and jewel-ann are in hehe)
i’m sorry i rambled in your submit box so much but i’m really passionate about my character, i’m sure you get it as a fellow writer!!!! i don’t really have an outlet for this since i impulse deleted my tungle SO it all kinda spurted out here. sorry ;w; you can delete this if you want i will totally get it 
mobile tumblr doesn’t show submissions so idk when you submitted this,,, sorry if it was forever ago. but i want you to know i am CRYING from joy right now. i relate to her so strongly!! shes so cute too!!! i never see nf1 represented in ANYTHING so seeing a character who has it as well brings me incomprehensible amounts of joy. i’d love to hear more about your story anytime and if you ever publish it i will be FIRST to buy it absolutely 100%. god with everything going on lately ive been so stressed and unhappy but this totally turned my mood around, i cant thank you enough for this. i hope your writing goes well!! <3
do you mind if i share this in the nf server? i’m sure they’d love it there
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xz017 · 6 years ago
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oof. okay so imma do the latest tea???
got out of shower to hear my mum talkin to Agnes spillin the tea abt their friend/coworker
the one with that Kid my mum wanted to have a playdate with or whatever the annoyingly studious and clearskinned halfasian lookin girl i really envied.
her mum has a live in boyfriend who is basically like...an alcoholic mental case rip god i hate alcohol and i hate people who drink it like i only do it so i hate myself more and die but like this guy basically playin with knives n guns in the house and the kid who is like 19 idk why im callin her kid is so Over it like apparently she hasn’t been coming home and like
basically me in 2016 era when my mum was too generous n Helpful lettin ppl back into our lives and our House so i spent christmas morning 5am walkin in the cold n watchin 3 films until it got dark and stuff like that
girl be actin homeless---mood
so it came to a head today so Agnes is spillin the tea n her husband in the bg(omg it weird hearin him rip he was my military hs instructor wild) n my mUM is so selfrighteous n mad like
‘blablahblah well rosalie is being dumb she should put her daughter first she being sick in the head it her Choice’
n im like eavesdroppin havin warflashbacks of the dumb hypocrisy she has DOne lmao
‘has she no thought like what if Tyler gets raped/sexually abused by that man she’d let her daughter be in that environment???’
i mean it wouldnt be fair of me to be like...eyemoji on this cos she technically doesn’t know? but 19 may 2018 never4get lmao
anyway so my mum’s like our room is for rent and it’ll be far cheaper they dont even have to pay rn!!!
cue me being like...um...Money...generosity...i dont...LIke
i was conflicted here like idk i met the girl like 3-5 times im envious of her work ethic n her better asian disposition than mine cos she obviously prettier but she has better prospects and that’d suck if her life be like that
but also??? like...life be like that it was like that to me like who saved me????????????????????? 
um...no one
like why is that on me or US TO BE NICE n helpful im so tired like damn which is relevant to the next point anyway
cos earlier had a convo with my mum i was eyemojing healthcare profs i was like ‘pls stop bein on ye phone pls tell me info on ye opinion on respiratory therapists...what abt PA’
n deadass she be eyemojing me like STICK TO YOUR COURSE
n i was like...-ugly pleadin emoji eyes- n i was tryin to explain that i didn’t want to be so focused on one thing that if i decide this medical thing is what i want to pursue i’d need 1-2 years just for the PREREQS which is like 5 classes and 1000 clinical hours or minimum 6 month healthcare paid job. like if i decide i want to go to school for that i already have the Stuff and just Apply.
n she was like...you had your chance i bothered you to be a nurse a few years ago you were stubborn if you did as i said you’d be earning good money now but you wasted time
n i was like...oof i can’t say anything to that it’s tru. it real life tea it fax i wasted time n im old n im ruunnin out of time i hate myself alot i hate hate hate
and idk we got to talkin abt money n life cos she was like you have to find something you can learn to LOve
n i was like??? WHY I GOTTA SETTLE N FOOL MYSELF TO DO SO im super annoyed abt that mindset
cos the thing about a bloody Arts degree is there’s too fuckin many broad possibilities n they all aint even that good. like deadass if i was a STEM major ugh like if i was a Bio major prospects are so clear: forensics, research, premed,labtech. Meanwhile polsci for example: uhhh teacher? prelaw? politician? uhhh government work? n there’s like 111 different subdivisions of that n it’s like??? wat the fuck
deadass what am i gonna do with international security is that even gonna pay well like...the fuck do i know is it relevant ??? Doubts
n she was all like...PEOPLE JUST GOTTA DO WHAT THEY HAVE TO TO SURVIVE YOU GOTTA FIND YOURS N STICK WITH IT
n i was lowkey panique n frustrated cos i really REALLY hate being stuck in 1 ting n im like i HAD ACTING YOU SAID NO
n she was like pFF i wanted you to have something REAL cos if you dont make it in acting you’d be on the STREETS
n i was like...lmao lil did she know imma be on the streets next year smh this year actually
n she was like talkin abt the harsh reality of the workforce and how you gotta make do at how ppl treat you (patients) n how you might not even like your coworkers but you gotta deal with it because that’s what ppl do to survive
n she was talkin abt undeserving patients with no healthcare n i was like did you just hear yourself so you want them to die cos they dont got money and she was like 
no??? why get hooked up in the ICU when you’re braindead wasting government money taxes we payed for you don’t understand cos you dont have a job and dont get your salary cut cos of taxes and these people come in acting like they got something to give when they yell at your face acting like they know what they’re talking about they act entitled when they have nothing homeless ppl getting money and illegal immigrants are selfish bringing their kids to be hurt here
n im like...theyre life is ...shitty what are you talkin about n she was like so? why dont they stay and make it better??? one of my very first patients asked me why i was in america and i said i come from a poor country and they said why didn’t you stay and try to make it better? and i couldn’t say anything cos u know what they were right why dont illegal immigrants do that??? n im like...
cos theyre literally...RUNNIN and they want ppl they care abt i.e. children to be far away from that as soon as possible bruh ye think imma wait for change deadass there a reason why we suffer duterte he actually get shit done??? we dont have to wait for change the same way ppl who speak nice n are polite do but is stuck with bureaucracy and lowkey bein corrupt deadass stay in ye lane
n she’s like well i hope you’re right im done bein an idealist im a realist now i believed in good i wanted to help the world now no more
n im like...no you’re not a realist, you’ve just been hangin out with a republican
and she gave me a sideeye 
but deadass im ...scared like i really hate the empathy because when she was being serious n talkin n being honest abt things for once i started to unwillingly see things from her point of view i really felt it n i was scared i’ll be like that im scared she’s right
im scared i’ll end up Real n selfish like...i already am ? n bitter? like i care about so very few Personally and am willin to let others suffer to keep it safe n prioritised?
im scared.
like especially with racism all these years my mum’s been telling me it’s not that im racist just wait til you work with them they act so entitles and loud and make everything about race
n i almost told Her abt it earlier i skyped w her earlier we had a tea spillin moment about our ethnic relations bein racist but then idk we talked alot i guess the text got buried or unseen
like i said i was scared n didn’t get to unpack it like im scared because ive been livin with my roomate and like...ive been excusing it as a personality thing and that if it were anyone else different skin colour id still hate them just the same which i still maintain is true but like?
my RM is loud n she makes everything abt race like deadass me n my FM be just eating dinner and she passes by us and goes on a rant about harvard asians being a Blok to black ppl from getting There n im like...im tryna have dinner so i can get energy to deal with this stressful ass school
n she always talks like she knows what she’s talking about like ‘jewish ppl control the federal bank’ n im like...it 1am in the dark quiet of our shared room deadass i dont wanna tell the binch thats antisemitism cos she gonna be like im black how can i be racist smh
im!!! scared alright like i hate my roomate for proving my mum right when i try so hard to set things right like maybe that’s why i dont tell anyone about my situation other than Her. i never told my parents about the berkeley livin situation they already warn me enough to be careful n i just keep tellin them thats racist
i have so much........THOUGHTS n........DILEMMAS...n FEARS but like i just have this blog i cant trust anyone else to talk abt it n the only person i am willing to talk to abt it will be busy and im so ashamed abt these things but she was so sweet about givin me the heads up about her schedule 
like i hated that i had to get an ugly ass haircut today cos she came back to me n we couldve talked so i guess rip she was complacent n did stuff cos she replied late from then on like that dumbass haircut was 15 minutes ugh. our talkin pattern today was like...dashed lines timereply wise? i asked her if she packed earlier (pre haircut)n she said yes but rip a few hours later she was like...I need to pack 
wat is the truth rip
the tablet bein emo like...mood but my child rip.
my love be packin n spendin time with fam before leavin for london tomorrow
n even after that she doin...Stuff. rip.
which is ye know good for her rip.
i just hope she dont go iceskatin deadass one slip n she can crack her head open or break her neck or paralyse her spine like...??? why do humans wanna do dumb activities
like omg she admitted to me today she a serial jaywalker and WORSE with music n headphones like
binch thats why i didnt wanna enable you further by gettin ye airpods deadass bye
n she was like??? tryna equate it with my risky risk like ummm
mine is for science n validity
hers is just carelessness n chosin lazy convenience over idk...the responsibility of self vigilance like...
bruh ppl shouldnt promise someone 91 years if they be continuin to do dumb stuff consciously oof rip
but other than that like...im...really proud of this resolution she be undertakin officially on the 14th?
im nervous abt it cos i really want it for her too. i want her to get the proper sleep n i always hated her givin excuses like ‘IM FINE ON 4 HOURS OF SLEEP’ ‘I NAPPED 3 HOURS 38293820 HOURS AGO IM FINE I MADE UP FOR IT’ um...blokt. get proper sleep binch i love you tf???
prioritise work cos ye gonna regret not givin it yer all??? n ye payin for this???
what fun??? we capitalists now we want that money rip.
i see that shift you know rip i saw it comin a year ago.
that dont mean we republicans rip we still care about others n the inequality? but like i foresaw us getting acquainted with the harsh reality of the world n how difficult it is to get a job--which she experienced along the way.
n rip she wants many things bookmarkin them n honestly same rip
i want a stable warm home for this family n a shiny diamond to get disassociated by extra im a simple man
meanin im selfish n im ready to prioritise meanin im ready to make the choice for others to fall apart/behind if it means puttin This first rip
god pls dont make me a republican this so ugly
# 1 she’d hate me #2 i’d hate me
now im sad
im dead.
omg rip earlier too as she said goodbye i told her i loved her and she was like ‘i love you more’
DEADASS I WAS LIKE LMAO!!! girL i dont think you understand im literally Ready to put you and our possible future First like...im not messin around what skitrips with rich ppl what friends my love is potent n extreme n COncentrated like im sorry ik you feel love for me but you cant top This rip she not ready 
like the um ‘partially wanna make my life’s work abt knowin what might hurt n kill ye so i can kill it first or blok it well’ kinda love
the ‘im already savin for at least HALF a first month deposit in an overpriced london in case you wanna settle down wit me Mayhaps n im not touching it for ANYTHING’ kinda love
the ‘im thinking of a winter home in the tropics so you suffer less n im plannin the floorplans already rip just in case’ kinda extraness
but anyways the gall of this cute lovely human rip ‘i love you more’ ummm try Again smh
bruh i love her too much i bet that’s scary for her rip it might be a Burden tbh she so young rip 
meanwhile im old n ready to rot but like...
i wanna be mortal wit ye before i do
but ye know wat lads i saw myself in the mirror today like 5 times OOF. this meatform...keepin me...Humble. 
bitter but like...humble
‘like of course sHe not ready not only is my personality like dis but also...my outward form how could she introduce me as a Spouse’
‘wow i look like that oof it good i remembered i am undeservin of full intense love like in the films n fanfiction they always between attractive ppl after all it only 1/2 it not Equal’
‘wow bruh ye really upset she spendin time n resources elsewhere when you be lookin like That? ye dont have much to offer bro take the L’
oof so that’s the personal tea i can think of?
had a meghan marke talk rip i can’t believe i was right??? i had twin vibes!!! but i was hoping for like a variety situation rip im worried a lil abt the whole birthin Late ting but she can afford the highest care rip it fine she rich.
my love was talkin abt how pretty MM was n i was like rip is she triggerin Her a lil rip worrirooni
rip speakin of babies like she was showin me this smol gummybear n im like same das me heart n she was like :( n i was like it only fits you
n she was like so no children then:(
n i was like!!! rip if it Ours of course that Counts n i was a lil shook like rip she said she didn’t want them Really so i always get guilty when i talk abt the future or realise i mentioned kids or carelessly name drop Hyaline n Benzion like...im dead rn just typin that like what if she read this big shame bro
but ye know what this is already long n she gonna be busy maybe that’s the key. TOo Much puts ppl OFF so ye mayhaps we sneaky ! ?
anyway i was tryin to get her thoughts on it rip but like she was all iDK ASK ME IN 13 Yrs n i was like...
sighemoji + sandemoji + resignedemoji
rip we talked FAaC a lil. cos she Dared!!! to liken me to her brother just cos i showed her my cheap youth boy shoes smh
At first i was super offended n disgusted but then i was like rip eyemoji if ye into that
then she was like ew nO
then i was like um ye already play the ‘daddy u like me young huh’ card
which is like idk is like technically? joking but it’s like that post ye know abt ppl bein ‘whether or not im actually jokin or flirtin depends if you into it’ but also like schrodingers racism like ‘it was a joke bro!!!’ but they actually bigots.
so it DIFFICULT for my brain to Confirm rip like...eyemoji what is the truth
but like??? im rip. willin. rip. to. rip. Try. rip.?
really i am rip. it Her. bruh. im only hopin she dont have a golden shower kink but. trust i...Will follow thru.
nO IM REMEMBERIN THE DOO DOO POST DESPAIR
rip anyway that whole thing reminded me of FAaC origins which was porn n then somehow sHe was like imagine if egggsy was a singer he’d sing like ‘age is just a number’ shit n i SPILLED THE TEA ABOUT A TING IN PT 3 im so weak sand
i miss the gays
i wanna give them justice n happiness but the 2027 excuse is rl nice for my ugly procrastination issues oof but i wish them well
add: rip had another talk with my mum i really wanted her to understand my thought process about wanting to get the prereqs for medtraining done beforehand
n she was like...I UNderstand but Normal people--
n i was like ‘IM NOT NORMAL I DONT KNOW HOW TO CHOOSE I HAVE NO IDENTITY’
n she’s just like SHOOKE n mad n clearly dont understand that im fukt up in the head ‘...IC AN’T BELIEVE YOU!!! iF YOU’RE ABNORMAL YOU WONT GET HIRED N YOU WONT HAVE A NICE JOB’
n im like...well i mean what can i say to that it’s not like it’s not tru rip
Big sand honestly.
it gonna be a long few days imma do my best to leave her alone she needs her time rip i love her so much rip sand
i feel like a dumb ugly dog god fljækadfkøad h8
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etothettoyourmum · 3 years ago
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i think something im kinda proud of myself for is the fact that instead of just sitting and doing nothing about mood drops ive been trying to remind myself of good things and tell myself these always pass and like. idk im still far from perfect but me a year or two ago wouldnt even let themself think abt reminding themself of good things. anyway i love my friends and my boyfriend and i know they care about me too even if i dont feel great right now for no Real reason. things have been genuinely so good lately. im not a shitty person for having depression and i think theyd tell me the same
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