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yourlocalghoulette · 10 months ago

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Chapter 2~ Take On Me

Series Masterlist~ Main Masterlist~Meet the horses~

Warnings- eventual smut so MDNI! pretty much just fluff, reader has trauma, language, slow burn, flirting, relationship building

w/c: 3k

A/N~ part 2 is hereee! im literally so excited to be writing this story. part 3 is already in the works! please reblog, it always helps! Lmk if you want to be on the taglist:))

It was only when you got Joel’s number and scheduled your first work day that it started feeling real. Doing this, being around horses again, the thing that hurt you more than anything.

Well, it wasn’t the horses that hurt you. It was the way you were forced to push your limits with them. The way you were yelled at if you didn’t do something right. The way your stomach sank every time you were forced to use an unneeded pair of spurs on a horse.

Sleep doesn’t come easy Thursday night, the night before the long-awaited first day. You toss and turn in your bed, palms clammy and forehead sweaty. You kick off the matcha-colored bedspread you were wrapped in and sit up in bed, trying to take deep breaths to clear your head. You glance at your phone. 2:00 AM. If you know Sōl well enough, she’s probably at a party. She definitely won’t answer until morning.

So you text the one person who also might not be awake but still understands. Joel.

You click on the chat that only a few formal messages have been exchanged in and wonder if you’re being too impulsive. What is he going to think about you texting him at two in the morning? Your mind clouded with sleepiness and delusion, you text him anyway.

You- sorry for texting so late. having second thoughts about tmrw.

To your surprise, the ‘read’ icon pops up as soon as you send it.

Joel- i understand how you feel. are you wanting to cancel tomorrow? i was looking forward to it.

Did you want to cancel? Your brain is in a frenzy. He’s looking forward to it, you think over and over.

You- idk. i think still want to come tomorrow but I’m gonna take it slow:)

Joel- that makes sense and it’s totally good with me. can’t blame ya for feeling reluctant. you can pace things as slow as you want, ok cowgirl?

The nickname jumped off of your screen at you and butterflies take off inside your stomach.

You- ok cowboy;) thanks. excited to see u and the horses tmr!

Joel- likewise. now get some sleep, cowgirl.

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding as you turn off your phone. The conversation was short but sweet and oddly comforting.

You silently pad over to the kitchen and quickly make a cup of chamomile tea with lots of honey. While you drink it, you shamelessly open the stable’s website and scroll to the picture of Joel and Sarah. You look closely at Joel’s left hand, resting over Sarah’s shoulder.

No ring.

Ok, he wasn’t married, but that didn’t mean much. He could still be dating, you tell yourself. Even with that possibility, you catch yourself smiling softly at the photo, staring into Joel’s dark brown eyes. Soft and comforting, like the tea you’re drinking. You sigh and walk slowly back to bed, rubbing your eyes which at this point are bloodshot from tiredness.

With Joel’s messages imprinted in your head, you quickly fall asleep.

“Un-fucking-believable. I gave you one. Job. ONE job! To win the goddamn gold medal. And what did you do? You knocked over FOUR jumps. You are a dissapointment to this team. To the profession of jumping.”

“Please- I-I’m sorry, the horse was acting weird! Probably because you made me whip him when he doesn’t need it!”

“Don’t use those goddamn tears on me. Maybe I should show you how a whip feels.”

You wake up three hours later in a cold sweat, your face streaked with tears. You breathe heavily, your hands shaking with each breath. You run your hands over your face.

“It’s just a memory,” you whisper over and over to yourself. You try to breathe in through your nose and out your mouth, calming yourself down.

Sometimes you wish you don’t have to wake up in an empty bed, no one by your side to comfort you. It stings when you think about the last time someone was in your bed.

You shake the memories away for right now. Taking one last deep breath to attempt to ground you, you climb out of bed. You skip breakfast, not sure if you would be able to keep any food down with the amount of nerves flitting in your stomach.

You brush your teeth and throw on some mascara quickly, your hands still shaky and making it difficult. You put on a black tank top and faded boot cut jeans, along with a loose red flannel because it can get cold in the early Texas mornings.

It’s 6:00 on the dot when you slide on your steel-toed work boots, tucking them under your jeans. You grab your keys and a granola bar just in case and head out the door.

As you struggle to start your old pickup truck, second thoughts and anxieties start to fill your mind once again. You struggle to push them out of your head, filling it instead with the thought that you get to see Joel again. Nevertheless, your hands shake around the wheel as you drive the short drive to Sarah’s Stables.

When you pull into the driveway, Joel is sitting outside the barn on the concrete bench, shaking his leg with a nervous expression on his face. You step out of your truck and stride over to Joel as he stands up, trying to put on a confident smile even though the last thing you feel is confident.

“Morning,” Joel grins, shaking your hand firmly. His hand lingers on yours a little longer than it should before he pulls away.

“G’morning, cowboy,” you tip an invisible hat, and he returns the gesture. He leads you into the barn, gesturing you to follow with his hand.

“Did’ya get any sleep last night?” He asks with a hint of concern in his voice, making your heart melt.

You shrug. “Kind of. And I’m really sorry for texting you so late- or, early? I didn’t really have anyone else to text.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Joel waves it off. “I liked it, having someone to talk to even for a bit. I’m always up past 2 doing paperwork and ordering feed and all that shit.”

“Good to know,” you grin, trying to hide the flustered expression on your face. You enter the barn, immediately walking up to the small Shetland pony’s stall. “Hey, buddy,” you coo, gently tracing the long stripe down his face. “And to whom do I owe the pleasure?”

Joel chuckles, leaning next to you on the stall door. “That’s Orion. Rescued him along with the percheron, Amadeus, from an animal hoarder.”

“So you’ve had a rough time with humans, huh, bud?” You nod understandingly. “I get it.”

“Very. I get it too,” Joel says softly. “So. Let’s get to work, huh? I’m gonna show you the different feed mixes for each horse. Not sayin’ you’ll have to feed ‘em every time you’re working here. We’ll feed the horses then I’ll introduce you. How’s that sound?”

“Sounds perfect. It feels weird, being at a barn after so long of avoiding horses, y’know?” you sigh softly. “Is it too soon to say I have a good feeling about you and this barn? Like…I don’t know how to explain it. It just feels different.”

Joel nods knowingly, toying absentmindedly with Orion’s forelock. “Not at all. I get it,” he says understandingly. His eyes soften as he watches you interact with Orion, a slight faraway look on your face. “You doin’ okay, cowgirl?”

You nod, straightening up. “Yeah. Sorry. Just…zoned out.”

“No need to apologize,” Joel smiles softly. A tall cinnamon colored Tennessee Walker down the aisle kicks his stall door in impatience. “Let’s do this.”

In less than 20 minutes, the horses are fed and happily nickering into their feed buckets. Joel had written down the feed mixes for each individual horses with care and posted it on the wall so you didn’t have to memorize them right away. You can tell how much Joel Miller cares for his horses.

“We can turn the horses out now.” Joel tosses you two halters, a purple nylon one and a teal rope one. “Think you can handle two horses at once?”

“Totally.” You sling the halters over your shoulder.

“The rope halter is for Whiskey, the Tennessee Walker and the nylon is for Dottie, the Appaloosa mare. Stalls 5 and 6.”

In no time, you worked together to get all six horses out to the pasture. It’s picturesque, a large green field with a tall white fence surrounding the perimeter. It feels like a daydream watching the horses frolic aorund with eachother, enjoying their taste of freedom after being caged in a stall for the night.

You and Joel sit on the lower bar of the fence, arms resting along the top piece with your head on top. Observing the horses’ behaviors carefully, you can see with the way the chestnut Quarter Horse gelding pins his ears and threatens any horse that gets close to his pile of hay that he’s top dog. The dominant horse, the leader. A comfortable silence falls between you and Joel, as you both let out a collective sigh of relief as the stress of morning feeding washes off.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Joel sighs, breaking off the silence.

“Gorgeous,” you agree, glancing over at Joel. His soft brown eyes are full of adoration for his horses.

He gestures towards the chestnut Quarter Horse. “That right there is Magnum. Total powerhouse. Used to be a ‘coon hunting horse.”

You giggle, staring over at Magnum’s solid build and shiny coat. “People still hunt for raccoons?”

Joel shrugs incredulously. “I guess. His owner gave him to me because he wasn’t getting enough attention. He was ridden twice a week and left to rot by himself in a field the rest of the time. He’s obviously dom, as you’ve probably noticed.”

“Mhm,” you nod. “I noticed. I can tell he has a strong personality, too.” You grin, looking over at Joel.

“Sure does,” Joel smiles back proudly. Your shared gaze lasts a little too long before you turn your head away, looking back at the horses and trying to hide the flustered expression on your face.

Joel introduces you to the rest of the horses; Amadeus, the percheron, Dottie, the petite Appaloosa mare, and Arizona, the gorgeous flaxen-colored mustang/Arabian cross.

“Say, have you eaten anything for breakfast yet?” Joel asks, holding out his hand to help you up from your perches on the fence.

You’re sure this man is going to be the death of you. You shake your head sheepishly, gently grabbing his hand as you stand up. His grip is soft and warm, hands calloused from years of hard work. “Not really,” you say as you let go of his hand. “I was too nervous.”

“What, am I that scary to ya’, cowgirl?” He grins cheekily, nudging your shoulder playfully as you both walk back into the barn.

“Pfft,” you roll your eyes as you nudge him back. “No, not scared. Terrified.” You stick your tongue out at him.

“Ha, ha, darlin’. Why don’t we go get some breakfast? Gotta fuel up before cleanin’ the stalls.”

You shrug. “Sure. Where were you thinking?”

“Home Grounds is a good coffee shop, good bakery stuff too,” Joel offers.

“No fucking way,” your eyes widen in surprise. “I work there! How have I never seen you there?”

“You must not be on the clock when I go. I’m sure I’d remember a face like yours,” Joel says softly, then catches himself, clearing his throat. “Sorry, that was-”

“It’s fine,” you wave it off. “Let’s go. We can take your truck. Mine’s a little…messy right now.”

Joel chuckles. “Sure as hell can’t be as bad as mine.”

Soon, you’re driving with Joel to the coffee shop, Take On Me by A-ha playing quietly through the speakers.

“I love this song!” You smile widely, opening the window and resting your arm outside.

“Me too,” Joel turns up the stereo. “You sing at all, cowgirl?”

You shake your head quickly, eyes wide in mock horror. “Not at all. Do you, cowboy?”

“A bit. I play a smidge of guitar, too,” he smirks.

“Oh, really? I’m gonna have to hear some of these Joel Miller guitar skills sometime,” you grin.

Joel shakes his head, a smile growing on his face as he pulls into the coffee shop driveway. “Believe me, I hype up my skills wayyy too much.” He turns off the truck and quickly runs around to your side of the truck to open your door. Butterflies take off in your stomach as he does this.

Hiding your flustered look, you deadpan him, eyes rolling. “Dude,” you grin, climbing out and he shuts the door behind you.

“What?” He opens the coffee shop door for you too. “Momma always taught me to be a gentleman.”

“And my mom always taught me to never trust men,” you grin cheekily.

“I can change that,” he side eyes you.

Trying to ignore his words, you wave at a coworker. “Hey, Jess!” You call to her, walking up to the counter.

“Hey, girlie. Who’s that?” She asks slyly, eyeing Joel. “New boyfriend?”

“Uh, no,” you say quickly before Joel can hear. “I’m working for him. He owns a horse barn.”

“You’re back to horses?” Jess inquires, cocking a brow.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, okay?” You spin around to face Joel. “What are you getting?”

“Just a black coffee and blueberry muffin, but don’t worry, cowgirl. I gotchu.” He starts taking out his wallet but you playfully swat his arm.

“Don’t. Please. I get employee discount anyway.”

Joel sighs in defeat, holding up his hands in mock offense. “Fine. But I’m paying next time.”

Next time, next time, next time….

After you order, the black coffee for him and a cold brew for you, you go to put your card in the reader to notice Joel’s card is already there. “Joel!” You mutter, giving him a disapproving look.

“Hey, I’m tryna be nice, okay?” He chuckles.

You roll your eyes. “Whatever. Thanks, really.”

The atmosphere felt charged with an unspoken tension as you both sat at a small table by the window, the warm sunlight filtering in. Joel's eyes seemed to hold a certain depth, a familiarity that stirred something within you.

"So, tell me about yourself, cowgirl," Joel said, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between you.

You took a sip of your cold brew, gathering your thoughts. "There’s not a whole lot to tell. Well, there is, but not a lot I want to go into right now. I fell in love with horses after riding a pony at a fair, and it kind of exploded from there. I started off riding Western and doing gymkhanas, then switched over to hunter/jumpers. That was obviously a huge change. I exelled really quickly in that, but as you probably know, being the best doesn’t mean you’re treated the best. A lot of shit happened at those barns, and I quit when when I was 18. People called me selfish and self-absorbed for quitting, which is what i believed for awhile. But my mental health imrpoved a lot after quitting and I came to accept the fact that it was a good thing.”

Joel nodded, his expression understanding. "I get that. Sometimes life throws us curveballs, and we need to take a step back to reassess things."

"Yeah, exactly," you replied, feeling a sense of relief wash over you at his understanding. "But now I'm back, and I'm hoping things will be different this time."

"I'm sure they will be," Joel said with a reassuring smile. "You've got a good head on your shoulders, cowgirl."

You felt heat creeping up your cheeks at his compliment, quickly taking another sip of your cold brew to hide your reaction. "Thanks, Joel. I appreciate that."

The conversation flowed effortlessly between you, covering everything from your favorite books to your shared love of old John Wayne western movies. With each passing moment, you found yourself becoming more and more drawn to Joel, his easygoing nature and genuine kindness pulling you in.

Before you knew it, your cups were empty, and it was time to head back to the barn. As you walked side by side with Joel, the familiar feeling of nervous excitement bubbled up inside you once again.

As soon as you walk back into the barn, he turns on a 70s playlist and tosses you a mucking fork. “Ready to muck some stalls, cowgirl?”

The music fills the barn with a nostalgic vibe as you take the mucking fork from Joel with a grin. "Born ready," you reply, matching his playful tone.

Together, you fall into a rhythm of cleaning the stalls, the repetitive motion oddly soothing as you work side by side. Joel hums along to the music, occasionally breaking out into a soft whistle that echoes through the barn.

As you work, you can't help but steal glances at Joel, admiring the way his muscles flex beneath his shirt with each movement. There's something comforting about his presence, a sense of safety and warmth that you haven't felt in a long time.

Before you know it, the stalls are clean, and the horses are happily munching on fresh hay. You wipe the sweat from your brow, feeling a sense of satisfaction at a job well done.

"Thanks for your help, cowgirl," Joel says, giving you a grateful smile as he leans against the stall door.

"No problem," you reply, returning his smile. "It was actually kind of fun."

Joel chuckles, pushing himself off the door. "Glad to hear it. You've got a talent for this, you know?"

You feel a swell of pride at his words, a sense of validation that you haven't felt in a long time. "Thanks, Joel. That means a lot coming from you."

He gives you a nod of appreciation before glancing at his watch. "Well, I hate to cut this short, but I've got some paperwork to take care of. Think you can handle things on your own for a bit?"

You nod confidently, eager to prove yourself. "Of course. I'll hold down the fort."

"Great," Joel says, giving you a pat on the shoulder. "I'll be back in a bit. And hey, if you need anything, just give me a shout."

With that, he disappears into the office, leaving you alone in the barn. You take a deep breath, feeling a surge of determination coursing through your veins.

You may have started the day with doubts and anxieties, but now, as you stand in the quiet of the barn surrounded by the gentle sounds of the horses, you feel a sense of purpose wash over you.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller #mrs ohara writes shit #pedro pascal #the last of us

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stonerskinny · 4 months ago

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brekky @ 6:30am

262.5 this morning. sigh

supposed to break my fast in 4.5 hours (11am) but think i will push it to noon bc that feels better. will end at 81 hrs which is fine. would prefer to push through until tmrw but reality is i probably would binge and i’d rather not undo the progress i have re-made.

now i am simply sitting outside smoking a cig and listening to music and fucking shivering bc it’s so goddamn cold rn. like wdym it’s 58 degrees bro it’s august. will prob go back inside at 7 and walk. or just go for a real outside walk instead before the sun totally comes up idk.

i have this terrible fear that i ate something at some point during this fast and just don’t remember it.

therapy this morning will be interesting. she’ll be happy to hear i have only been weighing myself once a day but she will not be happy to hear i have not eaten in 3 days so i will simply omit that information.

will be breaking my fast with half of a yogurt (40) and then because i am Stupid i will probably just start another one. only like 24 hrs tho probably idk it kind of depends on what my weight is tomorrow. if im in the 261s then i can do another yogurt but if not then i’ll try for 48hrs instead probably.

would be kind of slay to lose the entire 8lb i gained in four days. could be fun idk! i’m 1.5 away so it’s like theoretically doable but idk if i’ll get so lucky.

n e way. i will stop rambling now. good morning ☀️

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joocomics · 9 months ago

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screamed and jumped for joy when u followed me just now LMAOHDJD but ty for the tips!! i'll definitely keep them in mind! music is definitely a must, i think i just need to find some better music to listen to and i need to just really get in the zone and allow myself to get lost in my writing. i think i'll maybe go sit outside with my computer tomorrow and try to write bc i think im just wayy too scatter brained to actually think properly and it just makes it so so much harder 😖 so i'll definitely have to try some things out!!

now for a jooyeon thought! i saw ur post about him with face slapping and it got me thinking!! i feel like he's the type to really bounce off of his partner during sex, the type of mood or vibe that you're on is the type of mood or vibe that he's in. he gets rough sometimes, holding ur hips down as he thrusts into u sharply and i feel like he'd end up finding that he also has a thing for face slapping.. like if u and him are bickering and it ends up turning into sex i feel like if you reached up and slapped him because you're just so pissed at him, something mean sliding off your tongue through moans he'd reach right back down and slap you back, telling you that he's gonna ruin u for that, the frustration just building up in his stomach,, i feel like he also has a thing for like very in the moment sex,, like he doesn't even bother to get fully undressed like he'd be holding onto your skirt or your shirt or whatever he can to help him hold ur hips in place idk 😖😖 idk if any of that was even coherent but jooyeon isn't a want anymore,, he's a need 😞😞 (also i miss long hair white streak jooyeon so so much 💔)

OF COURSE ILY!! writing outside sounds soo nice 🤌🏼 is the weather sunny? ~ hope you have a great writing day tmrw!! sometimes getting in the zone takes some time, but when you finally get into it it’s the best feeling ever 😩

it’s no surprise jooyeon is obsessed with boxing - he likes letting out his stress and frustrations through hits, and it’s really messing up with my brain 😣 just simply imagining how strong his hand would be around your throat, on your jaw or when it’s pulling your hair makes me DIZZY. let’s not forget how a while back the members shared that none of them can beat him at arm wrestling, and NOW after he picked up boxing?? what’s his strength like now?? DON’T TELL ME

i agree SO much with everything you wrote, he can really match your energy very well and bc of that i think he’s pretty chill with trying out anything you might be interested in. OH he would be SO turned on from face slapping especially if you do it first to him, before he’s ever done that to you… he would be stunned but in the best way possible. he’d instantly pin your wrists down pounding into you even harder, even deeper so he can make you choke on your mean words; get you to shut up when the last thing you want is for him to have the last word. however, a moment later he’d release your hands and trace his lips on your neck all the way up to your ear, “do it again, i dare you”

choking and face slapping (giving + receiving) are two big turns on for him and no one can change my mind ☝️ he also loves slapping your pussy like sometimes he prefers it over smacking your ass as a punishment or even just for the funsies

(i love long hair white streak joo, but ngl my fave is his brown hair so i’m kinda thriving rn you have no idea how badly i wanted its return ❤️‍🩹)

#💌: xhdream inbox #— angeltsan #xdinary heroes hard thoughts #xdinary heroes hard hours #jooyeon hard thoughts

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gfwooyo · 5 months ago

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it's so crazy having a nephew who's very aware of what he's feeling and open abt it bc like just now before bed we were talking and the way he's thinking abt the school bus practice pickup/drop-off tmrw and then school starting the next day is EXACTLY the way i used to feel and the way he's thinking of everything and running through his morning routine and being worried abt a million things going wrong like. that used to be what i did in my head. and i feel like when i voiced any of it i was met with you'll be fine it's not a big deal blah blah blah and so tft now i'm the adult in the situation and i can sit with my nephew and talk it out and come up with solutions and ways to relax so that maybe he never gets to the point that i did....idk i'm just happy he feels safe with me

#it is scary tho seeing just how anxious he is at only 10. not to be all 'i dont want him to end up like me' bc my life isnt horrible but.#i dont want him to end up like me. in the complete mental breakdown at 15 way that is #bc it took that fucking disaster that had me homebound for months to make my parents realize how serious my issues were and get me help #i never want my baby to go through that :(#wait it's actually funny bc his birth signaled the start of my breakdown i remember skipping school to be at the hospital and then just.#never being able to walk into the school building again 😭 i'll be 26 next week and he'll be 11 next month we rlly have grown up together 🤧#i'm getting emotional that's my fucking baby!!!!#okay im done #kara can talk

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the-phantom-author · 1 year ago

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omg im new to sending anons but i just have so many ideas bc of hasan but not enough to make my own blog?? idk but i know him mostly thru Leftovers with ethan (shout out family!! but before that i knew him as the sexy political dude)

so like,, you being the next guest on the next h3 pod and ethan mentions it to hasan on leftovers before they wrap up like yeah tmrw on the friday After Dark show they are having you on and hasan goes UMMM WHAT??!! I LOVE HER ?.!! JAW DROPS AND HES KINDA UPSEt. whether ur a youtuber who has nothing to do w politics, or a streamer he’s always wanted to meet, or even someone kinda famous (ethan bags some big guests sometimes) he just wants to meet you. and him and ethan are at the end of the show chit chat where they shoot the shit and ethan is like oh i see 😏 so you wanna be on tomorrow? we can scheme something and hasan is like yeah i might conveniently leave my jacket here and have to come by tmrw while she’s here. no coincidence at all!!

and then the day comes and if you’re a youtuber/streamer you def know of him and are like all shy cuz he’s so handsome and you eventually get courage when you see him and tease him like “oh did you get your jacket?” bc you def saw the clip of him saying that and he just laughs and blushessss and then ethan ljke convinces him to come sit in the interview halfway through and participate (ethan and hila on one side, you and hasan on the other) and y’all honestly just get along and soon enough on his next stream you’re a guest

this is so shit but i just have so many ideas and nowhere to put them. this way you can daydream with me and even expand. ily thank u for your hasan service bestie

No I totally get you tho. I've had the though of Ethan introducing Hasan to his future GF since that one time Ethan was like "do you plan of having kids? Have you found someone to be the mother of your future kids"

But the next day, with your interview is so messy. Because you obviously know that it's a set up, you saw the clip, and Ethan's not shy about the fact that he planned on Hasan being there either, the whole thing plays out like some kind of blind date where Ethan and Hila are supervising y'all.

Maybe pull a power move and plan your outfit for the show around his jacket, and immediately wear it upon showing up. When he ask if he can get it back just say "Sorry, but no. It's a part of fit now. You'll have to give number so I can get it back to you later."

Also hi! Hello! I feel like most people don't know him through leftovers, which is sad because it so content. Anyway, I gladly listen to any and all ideas you have. 🩵

#we love long time listeners first time callers #hasanabi #hasanabi x reader #hasan x reader #streamer!gf

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111tblog · 4 months ago

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NOW.

I feel like this should be my first post in terms of self-care, spirituality etc. bc I have recently all of those topics that I feel like tapping into on this blog are leading back to this one.

So basically recently I started reading this book that just feels like an affirmation for all of the things that i have learned through experiences and different ways of thinking that i have adopted. The book is called “The power of now” and is written by Eckhart Tolle. At first I thought it was one of those self-help books that is going to end up on my shelf. And the thing is it was even gifted so, I didn’t touch it for months. But I guess divine timing.

The main point is we don’t realise that there is no future or past - they are just projections aaand ik it sounds super nerdy and spiritual, but keep up w me. We are experiencing life only here and now and there is no other time. It’s our brains that produce the concepts of time that also are the sources like fear and anxiety or sadness. Because if you think about it anxiety and fear are connected with the future while sadness comes with reminiscing.

Our emotions therefore are derived from these patterns of our brains.

Am I saying that they are invalid? No they are going through us for a reason - they teach us so much.

Am I saying that one should not go through them? Absolutely NOT. I feel like holding something and not experiencing it to its fullest height (unless it’s harmful) is the healthiest way to go.

Am I saying that happiness and love are also illusions ? No! As long it’s coming from within but not from an outside source that is deciding of your state and are not connected to your brain patterns…

All I am saying is that they (emotions) are not supposed to affect your state in the sense of your highest state/higher self/best version of you(whatever you wanna call it).

Of course this is how we come to the BINGO of this lil post. Our higher self that is connected to God/Universe/Multiverse/Simulation boss(whatever you wanna call it) is actually a state. This state makes you feel whole and cannot be really described with words(obv bc they are production of our silly little minds).

What comes close to describing is that you are connected to something in yourself that makes you believe that everything is just as great and that nothing can really take away your power of you. It brings you peace.

Sooo this is where the current moment comes in handy. By focusing on now you actually connect with your energetic inner body and realise that it is actually not that deep.lol

Try practicing now by fully committing to what is happening now. What do u hear? How is your body feeling in each and every part of it. Does it feel heavier on the surface that you are sitting/standing on? idk

Just look at your surroundings and experience everything as if there is no tmrw… and at some point you kind of feel like your worries are not valid. Now think about what would happen if you start practicing now more and just using logic when you need it.

Am I saying that ppl should just become bimbos and himbos and be silly and mindless all the time? Maybe :p but kind of the opposite. Cause you are not dumbing yourself down. You kinda step it up by knowing how to be smartass and deciding when to use it and when to center your consciousness in what is really important - your life in the current moment.

p.s. I hope i didn’t bring more confusion, but I hope with future self-care related posts i will be able to tap into manifesting, negative thoughts and sm more topics that derive from this one

#self care #self help #self love #self ship #rite here rite now #practicing now #the power of now #mindfulness #mindset #angel number 1111 #111 #present #fearless

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ocean-anchored · 7 months ago

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What am I even feeling. It’s like I feel extremes on both sides. One day I’m all in & im excited and just want to marry him. The next day I’m picking things apart wondering if I’m being misled or question if I’m hearing from God. Question if I’m moving too fast. Question if I’m making the wrong choices out of emotion.

Why do I act so petty? Like I’ve just been the one sacrificing coming out there the last 3 weeks? Which is fine, but then idk. What did I expect? I should be appreciating that he’s making an effort to come out tmrw night for Sunday. But it was meaning a lot if he would come meet Melissa. & now saying that it might be calling for showers tmrw so he won’t seed which means he can work on his yard which ok makes sense I know he’s got a lot to do. But he still says he thinks he won’t leave till 6 or 7pm? Like I understand the yard work stuff but it makes me sad that maybe the priority doesn’t come through… like I get one day with you.. and I hate to say that I’m pretty darn sure he’s not waking up early to do this. He’ll probably start at like 11 or 12 maybe & even then like idk, to me it’s like why could you not think to get up early to get the main stuff done so you can leave at 4 or 5 to make a point in meeting my sister… knowing that’s important to me. & like his idea that this summer he’ll “be out around Calgary” so he can spend time out here… like great how much time are we actually getting? You leave after work to come in the night before, to golf the whole day so I might get Saturday night even though you’ll be exhausted, & then get half of Sunday with you before you go back home? So I get a day & a half? Meanwhile I’m the one that makes the point to come out for a week? Ugh. Idk. Maybe I’m just being petty & unrealistic but man that really blows. Here I’ve invested so much time into getting to know his family & yes I really appreciate that he’s coming in to spend Amanda’s birthday, but like it’s hard to see that he wants to invest in my family back. I know calgarys not your home but here I am again going to come out next weekend to spend Sunday with your family at the gender reveal & probably come back because if I go to Edmonton with Ed. Like I just really wonder & question a bit of the priorities. Lawn care vs meeting my sister, my best friend who’s important to me for you to get to know… idk. I really don’t know. Here I was again feeling pretty confident again that things are right, that I want to invest in this because of his character etc & why I feel like I’m investing more? Making more of the planning? Like he probably was going to do most of those golf tourneys around Calvary regardless of dating me. There’s what, two? Mickleson and strathmore? Jasper is a getaway & cranbrook we haven’t even talked about if I’m going with him. I’m just really scared that I want more of the intentional commitment. He feels nonchalant or leaves things till later which is what scares me. Like pre marital counselling? You said it initially but I haven’t heard talk about it since. Planning a trip this summer, we briefly talked about NFLD but then nothing. It’s almost June… like there’s no more sitting around for time anymore if these are things we want to plan… I hate last minute planning. Idk. Is this small enough stuff that we can just work through? That can just be communicated? That’s not going to impact me or us enough that leaves me questioning? I honestly don’t know. Maybe I really should wait and find a place to live for a year…

#personal #cf

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newathens · 4 years ago

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..............

#im about to enter the biggest depressive episode. i gotta go to sleep cause i have work tmrw but like #i want to stay up. for 72 hrs or more. and just somehow access an exhaustin induced mania #i........nope. no. this is gonna be terrible #i. want to cry until I shake. or rather that’s how i feel rn #IM BROKEN I AM BROKEN !!!! IM NOT LIKE OTHERS AND I KNOW THATS SO TYPICAL #BUT IDK HOW ELSE I CAN DESCRIBE IT TO ANYBODY I DONT FUCKING FIT ANYWHERE #IM A LOSER IM A FAILURE IM WORTHLESS IM STUPID IM A MORON IM PATHETIC IM A FUCK UP IM A LONER #I DONT WANT TO BE NEAR MY FRIENDS ANYMORE BC IM AN EMBARASSMENT FOR THEM #I FEEL BAD FOR MY FAMILY BC IM JUST THIS SAD THING THEY HAVE TO CARRY AROUND #IM NEVER GONNA SUCEED IM NEVER GONNA IMPROVE I JUST HAVE TO SIT THROUGH LIFE WATCHING EVERYONE BE NORMAL AND DO THE THINGS THEY HAVE TO DO #AND I JUST. IM NOTHING. NOTHING #I AM NOTHING #for anyone who reads this haha don’t worry im fine

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harginger · 2 years ago

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POOKIE BEAR — Arataki Itto

Itto streams with his friends late into the night. When you text him, sweet and loving and funny as always, what would he do except respond?

Wrong choice.

⚠️ WARNINGS — explicit fem reader, use of term girlfriend, one mention of suicide (as a joke/offhanded response), sex jokes + 1 itto milf joke. thats it i tjink?

📧 AUTHOR NOTE — i wrote this in one sitting and then came back to edit like 2 hrs later so this is not very thoroughly proofread. this is dedicated to my bff luci who is itto gf real confirmed (i cant tag them cuz idk their tumblr😭)

🖊 WORD COUNT — 1.0K WDS

On any given TITZ stream, there’s always something going wrong. Thoma’s green screen falls, Zhongli’s mic breaks so badly it sounds like a historical artifact, Childe makes too many sex jokes and falls out of his chair miming penetration… nothing is ever smooth sailing. Itto is well aware of this fact, and regularly contributes to the chaos in every way possible, whether it be screaming like a little girl when the rat gets him in Cheese Escape, conducting Pavlovian mind experiments on Childe, all the way to doing full glam makeup looks on Thoma in the dead of night.

He never thought it’d be unintentionally.

It’s 3:47 AM, and the group is in a lull, scrolling on their phones and occasionally sharing some random thing they found on their Twitter timelines. Thoma’s started playing the full Hannah Montana discography in an attempt to start a digital rave, Childe is playing chess with an online bot (subsequently raging every time he loses), and Zhongli is crocheting while trying to give him pointers.

“Rook to E4.”

“No.” He moves his queen to the other side of the board, which instantly gets trapped by the opposing bishop. A whine escapes his lips as he slams his desk in agony, groaning and rocking back and forth like he’s just experienced the greatest tragedy of his lifetime.

“I told you so.”

As Ordinary Girl comes to a close, He Could Be The One blares through Thoma’s computer, and he shoots out of his chair to dance, encouraging the others to join. They all sit and watch as he breaks into a sad excuse for a disco boogie that looks more like an eighty-nine year old man with scoliosis trying to pick apples. Itto looks down to his phone and smiles, staring at a message from none other than you.

You, his old girlfriend from college. You, who made him feel the happiest he’s ever been. You, who parted ways with him after graduation and you, who started going out with him again after you met in the heart of Inazuma by chance.

You, who makes his cheeks flush red and his smile reach his ears as he opens your contact. It’s not much, but it’s enough to make Thoma’s retirement home moves fade from his mind.

YN!!!!❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

ITTo do u wanan do something tmrw❓

SIGMA ITTO😈

YES PELASE WHER DOBU WANNA GO‼️

YN!!!!❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

OK SO theres this traveling exhibition at the museum in inazuma city abt like history of teyvat in art. and i kinda wanted to go. SO if ur interested i can send u the link for tickets❣️⁉️

SIGMA ITTO😈

OF COURSE PLZ SEND

“Itto? Itto? Itto…?”

“Huh? Oh. Hi. Hey there.”

“Why are you grinning maniacally at your phone?”

He flushes and stammers for an answer. “Umm, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and saw a photo of your mom in a bathing suit. LOL.”

Childe scratches his head. “My mom has Facebook?”

“Yup. She friended me right back as soon as I requested, little boy. I’m about to be your stepfather…” he trails off, watching as his phone buzzes to life with an audio message from you. “Oh em gee. Oh my god. Your mom just DMed me back. Hold on, I gotta look at this.” Itto’s scrambling for a way to excuse how he shoves his headphones off and clicks rapidly for the mute button, turning his back to the camera as he listens to your voice ring through the speaker, throwing out some gross cheesy pick-up line with a million kissing noises that, horrifyingly so, make his heart flutter.

With surprising speed, he lifts the microphone to his mouth to respond with an equally corny voice message back. “I’ll see you there shnookums, my little pookie bear, my sugarplum pumpkin cupcake princess.” A loud string of cartoon kisses follow and a slight laugh escapes him at the thought of you listening to his antics. He’s smitten. Wholly, entirely, truly consumed by this stupid little crush on you. Is it even a crush anymore, if you reciprocate? It doesn’t matter. He’s here in the middle of the night, smiling like an idiot at the sound of only your voice. Nothing else can explain why he’s acting like a lovesick teenager again, just like when he first met you at freshmen orientation for new LHU students. Your laugh, your smile, the way you looked at him like he was the only other person in the universe. Not looked — look. He’s lucky enough to have you and your loving gazes back.

After Itto clicks send, he leans his head back in his chair with his stupid smirk still on his face, the idea of you laughing at his dumb response running through his mind. The complete radio silence from his friends makes him pause, though. Before, he could hear the faint resonation of The Best of Both Worlds through his discarded headphones, but now it’s like there’s no one there. And his chat is racing at a million miles an hour.

His spine tingles like someone poured cold water on him, slowly putting his headphones back on and switching to Discord to see the shocked faces of his friends staring back at him. Minus Zhongli, who’s still knitting his blanket.

“You seemed a little enthusiastic talking to my mom, huh, Itto?” Childe teases, his jaw half open in shock.

“Who was that? Please? Itto? You can tell me. We’ve been friends since forever. Please.” Thoma’s doing a stupid pouty face at the camera, trying to force his eyes to water for dramatic effect like the dumb emoji he always sees on Twitter.

He feels like killing himself on live. Burying his face in his hands, he mutters out your name so faintly he’s sure none of them will hear. But Zhongli does, and he repeats it to the other two, whose faces light up as they make random animalistic noises. They were there for the entirety of your relationship, but still. It’s embarrassing. Totally not like he cried to them for days when you broke up after graduation, what with him going back to Inazuma and you off to your next big job offer all the way in Fontaine.

“Itto, why didn’t you tell us? We’re your BFFs. Forever and ever and ever. Five-ever. I’m hurt.” Childe whines into his mic, still elated at the idea of him getting back with his university lover.

“Because I knew you guys would do this…”

Thoma grins as he leans in close. “Can you give us more info on your date with your ‘sugarplum pumpkin cupcake princess’?”

Itto hangs up in a flurry of laughter and embarrassment.

#📧 ↣ writing #genshin impact #genshin #genshinimpact #itto x reader #arataki itto x reader #itto #arataki itto #genshin x reader #titz #genshin impact x reader

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sageworld · 3 years ago

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When we have cyber sex; JJ Maybank (& John B?)

A/N; if i make a part two john b will be more involved but i needed to add him now in case I do

Warnings; Smut, mentions of explicit photos, toxic masculinity, chubby reader, overall how most high school boys are to chubby girls

Part 2; Here

Most people on OBX had what society would call the perfect body. Flat stomachs for the girls & toned ones for the guys. It was never easy being chubby while living on the banks but you had to manage.

You were laying in your bed on a Wednesday after school, scrolling through tiktok when you get a snapchat notification.

Welcome2thegunshow has added you by quick add !

‘JJ’ Read the screen name, the bitmoji matching the Maybank boy in your head. ‘What could he possible want?’ You though before hitting the add button.

It didn’t take but 15 seconds for the next notification. ‘JJ is typing…’

JJ; Hey

Me; Hi?

JJ; wyd

JJ; whats with the ?

Me; not much just wondering what you want

JJ; oh are u alone rn?

Me; yeah why?

JJ;Just wonderin (;

& It sent from there, you & JJ had been texting for 5 hours straight. Sure there were some gaps where either one of you would stop talking but for the most part, it was more you had ever spoken to him in your whole life.

JJ; what’re you wearing rn?

Me; My pajamas? it’s almost 11:30 on a Wednesday 😭😂

JJ; Okay smartass 😂 can i see them?

You hesitate, looking down at your outfit of a hoodie & sweat pants.

Me; Yeah one second I have to let my dog out 🙄

JJ; hurry back baby

You shot off your bed & into a pair of shorts topped with a crop top

You sat up on your bed taking a picture, it mostly pointing at your cleavage. Getting frustrated as the pictures aren’t coming out how you want them you can’t help but groan as you get a new notification.

JJ; You done yet?

Me; oh yeah sorry 😭 i went on roblox for a second LOLOL

JJ; well hurry up, i wanna see those pjs😌

You pull your shirt up, put the phone of hands free & hit send after applying a filter.

*JJ took a screenshot !* read after the ping.

Me;not the screenshots 😭

JJ; 😍

JJ; I’m not gonna show anyone i promise, it’s just for me

JJ; can i see what’s under those pjs baby, please

Me; idk it’s kinda late

JJ; just real quick

JJ; it’ll be our secret, okay?

Me; i guess

JJ; good girl now let me see

You sit on your knees, reaching behind you to take a ass pic, your lilac purple panties making an appearance. Your surprised by how nicely the photo turns out & don’t hesitate to save it & hit send.

*JJ took a screenshot !*

JJ; fuck i’m so hard rn

JJ; gawd damn i knew you were thick but fuck

Me; haha thx

JJ; tits?

Even though you’re not in the mood, you sit up, pulling down the strings of your top. There’s a feeling of pride in knowing JJ Maybank is attracted to you, even if it’s now how you want it to be.

*New video from JJ !*

You click on the video to see JJ pulling himself out of his gray boxers, wiggling around his hard length.

The two of you go back & fourth like this for a little longer until JJ sends you the final video of him nutting & you send him one last video of you playing with yourself, faking it.

JJ; fuck ur so hot

JJ; i’ll see u at school tmrw but this is just between us alright ?

Me; yeah ofc

Me; gn

*Seen 8 minutes ago*

While clean yourself off, JJ is attempting to too but from John Bs spare bed.

“Dude what the fuck?” John B says, walking in oh JJ still exposed, out of breath & sweaty. “Shit sorry man, but you know how it is sometimes.” He pulls his shorts back up quickly.

“Dude why the fuck are you so sweaty? Was whatever you were beating it to that good?” John B laughs, snatching up JJs phone making him jump off the bed.

“Give it back dude!” Exclaims JJ as John B runs with it, opening it easily as there’s no password. He stops when the first thing he sees is s picture of Y/n, smiling into the camera, tits out. He swipes again & sees a pussy of which he can only presume if yours.

“Dude, you’re macing Y/n?” John B let’s out a laugh. “I’m not macing her alright, she’s just got some nice body parts.” JJ snatches the phone back before swiping again, revealing a video of your ass, jiggling as you put your hands under it to shake it a bit.

“Alright I’ll admit, she’s pretty nice.” John B daps up JJ. “Are you gonna fuck her?” “Shit who knows, just hopefully she doesn’t run her mouth.” JJ & John B both now leaning over the railing of the porch. “She doesn’t, trust me.” John B smiles at him. “How do you know?” Confusion clear in JJs voice.

“I fucked her last year after a kegger.”

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un-flirt · 3 years ago

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SUNGHOON-LESS contains: simp sunghoon

previous | masterlist | next

203 words

doubt my ass. is you thought when you stepped foot into your 7th period. you hadn’t seen sunghoon at all that day. you thought you were safe before walking into your final and favorite class. why why why? art had become your passion after dropping figure skating. you’d find yourself painting for hours on end. you could create and get lost in whatever world you wanted through art. your preference? worlds that were sunghoon-less.

sunghoon was sat diagonally from your usual spot. and contrary to popular belief, sunghoon was an academic overachiever. (even in electives) meaning he was willing to save the teasing til dismissal. throughout the duration of the class he realized he’d have difficulty excelling in this class anyway. he had the perfect view of you from where he was sitting. he admired the way your updo flattered your side profile, and the way your fingers held onto the paintbrush as if it was the most delicate thing in the world; when in his reality, it was you that was the most delicate in the world. you were in your own little bubble, and sunghoon desperately wanted to join you; but he knew that all he’d ever do, was pop it.

a/n: short chapter 😓 idk if i’ll update tmrw bcus i havent finished chapter 12 yet.. hopefully i can get some motivation later tho we’ll seee

taglist (open!): @nvertheless @enhacolor @c9tnoos @jungwonize @diestheticu @certainyouthpeanut @luvrseung @love-4-keum

#enhypen #enhypen angst #enhypen smau #park sunghoon angst #park sunghoon smau #park sunghoon #sunghoon #sunghoon x female reader #sunghoon x reader #enha #enha park sunghoon #sunghoon enha #enha sunghoon #unflirt

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cursedsunoo · 3 years ago

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is it alright if i rant? idk why but i’ve been feeling really overwhelmed and just sort of sad recently,, (the only things that are a distraction from my stress are enha videos) i’ve been getting really bad migraines and i’ve missed a lot of school bc of it and i honestly just don’t enjoy school anymore, it used to be smtg that i felt gives me like a purpose but as the day goes on, i just feel worse… i’ve always tried my best to be a happy person for myself and others but sometimes i just want to be free to be myself and complain, but my parents think i’m being disrespectful when i’m not actively smiling or anything, i just don’t know how to act, i feel alone but at the same time i have friends and know a lot of people that make me happy from our interactions.. i often go through these phases of sadness and just have to hope that i’ll have a positive mentality tmrw (manifesting and positive affirmations usually help) i’m also really stressed abt my age, i have like 3 years till i graduate and i still don’t really know what i want to do, nothing stands out to me and i’m worried that i’ll force myself into smtg that i will regret for the rest of my life, all these things are really stressing me out, i really wish that i could go back to virtual school, i had such a blast last year, it was a very relaxing school experience and i miss it so much, now that school is in person, i just can’t handle things, my life literally revolves around school now and i only sleep for like 4 hours, it’s really messing me up and i just don’t know what to do

hey love, your situation sounds similar to my own, so i’ll just say what i try to remind myself —

it’s okay to not know what you want to do after high school — a lot of kids i know take a year (or even three) to figure out what’s appealing to them. instead of focusing on one single thing to go into, maybe pick a branch — something in the sciences, the arts, emergency services, etc. (it also helps to figure out your own morals and wishes!)

i’m graduating soon, and i have no idea what i want to do with my life besides that i want to help people and make a difference — i’ve thought about becoming an emt, an emergency communicator, and even getting involved in group home work. when you group together the main things you want out of your life (impacting other’s lives for an example) it can really open up your horizons — but please, don’t rush into it just because your schools pressure you (they have no control over what you decide to you with your life in the end!)

parents can be stubborn and difficult to communicate with, especially when you’re a teen — most times problems are blamed on puberty or just the fact that you’re in your teen years in general. not everything is gonna be sunshine and rainbows, so unfortunately you just have to put up with the way they see your unhappiness as (it sucks, i know, but eventually it’ll click that not everything is as black and white as they see it)

^ if you feel comfortable, you could always sit down with them and talk to them about it — i know not all family relationships are the same, but it never hurts to try and communicate with them about important stuff like that

lastly, please do focus on yourself — it sounds ignorant and selfish, but you have to put yourself before others. be it sleep, eating, or personal care in general, the key to a healthy and happy life is a happy you. so whenever you’re feeling bad, put on some enhypen videos and let yourself laugh and smile to it, and when school becomes stressful, take a step back and take a breath — teachers (for the most part) are understanding of mental health and the struggles that teens are going through with covid)

i personally had to talk to my teacher about missing assignments (a depressive episode that i had gone through had resulted in me sleeping the days away and skipping class completely) and lay it out that i wasn’t in the best mindset, and without hesitation, she had told me to take my time and breathe.

moral of the story — take your time, breathe, and focus on the things that make you happy : only then can you properly get back into the groove of things

#ɞ — curse replies

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